Transcript

Strict Dress Code! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

From AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 14 min · 15,363 words · 470 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Strict Dress Code! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley", an episode of AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast published January 12, 2026 (1 h 14 min, about 15,363 words). It mentions 9 people, works and ideas, including H. Foley, Angelos's, Zpack, Neil Kipperino, Kevin Ryan.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: H. Foley, Kevin Ryan, Neil Kipperino, Ruxton Steakhouse
  2. – 20:00: Brunt Workware
  3. – 40:00: H. Foley
  4. – 50:00: Angelos's, Bucks County

Notable quotes from "Strict Dress Code! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"

  • Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
    about H. Foley · at
  • It's called the Ruxton Steakhouse.
    about Ruxton Steakhouse · at
  • Yeah. Kevin, let's talk about Brunt Workware. Shout out to Brunt Workware gang.
    about Brunt Workware · at
  • If the we would have made it home from Angelos's and the pet the cheese would have been [ __ ] up. Hell would have been to pay, dude. You would have ruined You would have think I remember holding this pizza box with like a laser level.
    about Angelos's · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • H. Foley — Person · 2 mentions · first at
  • Neil Kipperino — Person · 1 mention · first at
    And see us. Standup comedy and then you get to ask your garbage questions to me and Neil Kipperino.
  • Kevin Ryan — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

Companies & orgs

Products & tech

  • Zpack — Product · 2 mentions

Concepts & topics

Places & events

  • Bucks County — Place · 1 mention · first at
    I was holding that pizza man I walk into the I better hope it wasn't an icy night in Bucks County and slip and ruin the [ __ ] you're going in BACK FIRST HOLD THE DOOR yeah that was bit that was Yeah.

Full transcript with timestamps

gang. It's a brand new year and the boys are heading back out on the ROAD FOR THAT BACK on the Block tour. Come on out and see us. Standup comedy and then you get to ask your garbage questions to me and Neil Kipperino.

Yeah, baby. It's a good time. We got Austin Texas Tampa Florida Chicago Illinois Bloomington Indiana Nashville Tennessee Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, and Cleveland, Ohio. These shows are going to sell out. Get your tickets. Don't snooze, you're going to lose. We'll see you there. Love.

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy.

Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash. Trash. Trash. I'm your host, Holy Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a New Edition. She's off to the theater tonight.

Okay. Shen Yune. Shen. Shen Yun. Shen Yunan. I think it's Shen. I don't know what it is.

I can get my eyes on this. Uh-huh. They say it's a spectacle. Is that right? China before communism.

Really? That's what it's all about. Whoa. Uh-huh. What are they doing? I don't know. You tell me. Offensive coordinator. Got the real X's and O's on this, HUH? BLUE 42. MIKE Co is coming at you across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys to bozos and their insults apparently.

He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world unfortunately. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan.

What up gang? Shout out to you as always. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Uh full video available over there on Spotify. Boys are climbing the frigin charts. Listen, we're the little pod that could, baby. We're a bootstrapped operation. Now look at us. Number what? What were we last week?

27. 87. We were number 87 in all podcast on spot. All podcast. Crazy. You know why?

Why? We were dropping episodes during the break when nobody else was. That's when we [ __ ] moved out of yo. We get in there like bed bugs. Everybody else is off in the [ __ ] Caribbean. Not the boys.

Well, you know they say a good defense is a good offense. That's what I tell my guys. and I hit the showers. Um, and uh, The Boys on the Road, New Year, same same Back on the Block tour. We got new cities coming. Tickets are [ __ ] moving, gang. We got Chicago, we got Austin, all I mean, these shows are more than halfway sold out and we're months away. You got Austin, you got Chicago, you got Tampa, which we're going to be doing a little filming down there. Tampa sidesplitter, so get them. Tiggy wiki.

Porn's legal down there, too. It's some weird. It is. No, not in Florida. I don't.

Yeah, it is. No, you shut the [ __ ] up. It could be. No, cuz I got a VPN and I switched it to Miami and that still denied me.

No, but that's uh that's when you're consuming. Talking about production. Oh, yeah. Luke,

I think it's legal everywhere. Is it? This ain't [ __ ] This is ShenYun, baby. This is pre-communis.

Why is Patty giving me such a hard time? Hey, you didn't pull the right permit.

Um, goddamn teamster staring at me. I'm trying to chub one up. Guy with a boom mic. I can't do this. You're the new Bonnie Blue. There's a bunch of dudes waiting in ski mask. Hello.

Good lord. Hello, Wellington. Cup of tea for the big fella, huh? Um I uh I got some man. I'm a bozo, right?

Oh, what? Okay, guys. We got to take a walk by and say hi to Luke at the corner office.

I don't like uh Can the OC stop showering with the team? You're getting in the showers. You got to keep calling for showers.

I blew it. I'm out. Good thing you went over to the non- comedian. Thanks for doing that.

Two weeks off of vacation, too. This guy's still a London time. I'm all mush mushy peas.

Don't get me started. Well doc you [ __ ] up. I'm a bozo. Yeah, I'm a bozo, right? Yeah, I

Well, what? I don't know. You do. Yeah, I'm not as I mean, I'm better than you in most

most socials. Yeah. Yeah. Well, as you know, um me and my broad and uh and the baby did a nice little my family did a road trip from Florida back home.

Muing. Muin. Yeah. Uh-huh. He put all in their diapers. That's the way Henry Hill did it.

Listen, that ain't that [ __ ] That ain't Similac. Um, Simma smack Luke. God damn it. What' I tell you?

Hey, good one, boss. So, uh, one of our stops was the wonderful Baltimore. Baltimore City.

Btown. Btown. Right now, we're there. So, um, we had we had drove, uh, we were down in Orlando, so I didn't really I was expected to be by your pool and hanging out.

So, I didn't really have any like nice formal wear. Okay. Right. And the nice clothes.

You didn't bring dinner clothes. No. Well, t-shirt. I thought you were supposed to go to uh the STX, the steak.

Yeah, you can wear a t-shirt to that. Like a nice t-shirt. You know what I mean? What are we doing?

You can. Sure. I got a chain on the outside. Flashing some ice. I was going to get you a chain.

I got one. No, a real one. I have a real one. No, you do not. That's fake gold.

No, it's not. Moody gold, as the gypsies call it. What? I don't know. Was this snatch?

Okay. Truck full of moody gold. Make sure that's not racist. Chat GPT says that is. Um, so we get So, it's a long arduous journey, right? We're staying in hotels, jumping [ __ ] shitty motel, decent motel, shitty motel. We get to Baltimore and I go, you know what? We we've been kind of wearing the same clothes because we didn't have cold weather clothes.

Right. Right. So, I had one pair of pants and one hoodie and same with my wife. So, we've been like

just kind of we just needed a change. So, we went to a polo outlet. You did? Stopped at a polo outlet. Whole family got [ __ ] fleeced out in a polo out. You couldn't tell me [ __ ]

You were in the Ralph Lauren line instead. All of us, dude. All of us got a [ __ ] pull out

those cardboard shoes they sell at Penn Station. Those things stink. I picked them up a couple of times.

Got it to NY fashions. Yeah. Um, so I did I bought a hoodie. I bought like a I bought a hoodie and then whatever. So we

Hey, you bought a nice hoodie to go out to dinner. No, we weren't going out to dinner at this time.

I need like I need a hoodie. What are you guys on the run? Kind of like that. Well, I mean, what what are we doing? I I We were

What color did she dye her hair? She cut it like I cut her hair and like born born identity.

Put a mustache on the baby. He's 32. Talk to a veteran like that. You're drunk. Um, so we decide we, you know, we we get to Baltimore. Go, you know what? There's a nice steakhouse that I get my eyes on.

Capital? No. Okay. It's called the Ruxton Steakhouse. Oh, I know it. How do you know it?

I know it. you. How do you know it? I know the Ruxton. How? Huh? What exactly? Okay.

I know the family. The Ruxton family. Yes. Okay. So, we go to Maryland Ruxton. Got the Rxons from Maryland.

Yes. The steak family. Yes. Big steak money. It's a lot of steak money. So, we go uh 4.4 stars.

Nice. I got a pair of jeans on. I bought Wait, you bring Junior? Yeah. Well, I call I make sure they make sure they accommodate kids. They say, "Yeah, kids of all ages are welcome."

So, you got him parked next to the table like he's a Caesar salad. They make it at the table.

No, he's in a high chair. They say we welcome kids from all kids of all ages and we'll provide high.

Give him a little something. He did. He did the wagoo tasting and munch on that little [ __ ]

So, he probably looks cute in a little high chair. We get in there. Uh, right. You know, I know how to operate in these situations pretty, you know, decent. You've been out to eat with me at a nice joint.

Yeah. I got I got a pair of jeans on. Right. I got a pair of jeans on. Uhhuh. Uh

your Ralph Roll Ralph Rolo hoodie. No, no hoodie. I got a nice brand new uh t-shirt.

Okay. Right. Nice t-shirt. Black t or like navy blue t-shirt. Nice. And I bought a a it was 50% off a polo puffer like you know like one of those like uh not like a big puff but like a one of the things that those rich guys wear. You know

you know who's wearing them a lot these days? Who? Matt Dylan and [ __ ] Ben Stiller going into the Knicks games.

Sure. Something like that. That Knicks lineup. Everybody going in. Shut up. You're a little jelly.

Ah. Get out of here. Oh jelly [ __ ] So everybody Nick I'm a little I'm a little upset. Shout out to the next.

I'm a little uh you know I'm like I'm taking a baby to a nice restaurant Sunday. It's like early. It's like

he crying. It's like 6 something. No, he was he was great. It's like six something.

I'll lose it. So it's not that late, right? Also, I'm not like, you know, so it's like 6 something.

You're not there at 10 when it when the popping when the dealers are, you know what I mean? Yeah. Uh so I'm like I'm going to go in. We're going to It says all kids are welcome. There was no like age. So I go, "Okay." Um, we get there, they're super accommodating. Now I'm I'm in my jean. I got jeans on, like dark jeans. I look like I could go into I've worn worse to restaurants in New York,

you know what I mean? I want a bathing suit. Sure. So, I'm like I got I got a brand new nice t-shirt on,

dark pair of jeans, pair of clean Nike, clean Jordans. I look all right. Okay. And I got my I got my polo puffer on. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So, I roll in. They go jacket. Jacket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Winter coat, but like light.

Don't that set you back? It's 50% off. Not bad. I forget what it was, but 50. Is it one of the like the quilted ones or whatever?

Yeah. Like the thin not quilted. The thin lines kind. Yeah. Pretty, you know, something like his dad would wear. You know what I mean? That's I I felt like a I felt like a businessman like on stand on watching his kids T-ball game.

His dad probably don't buy it at an outlet. Hey, you don't know it. You don't you know.

Yeah. He doesn't strike me as a Dempseies love a deal, do they? They do. I bet they do. Um, so

that was harsh. I go in and uh they're super accommodating. They're like, "Hey, do you want to park your stroller behind the hostess desk?" You know, I go, "Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

Put it up front with the good ones." Making sure it's facing out, too. And get the [ __ ] out of here.

You roll into a steakhouse with a stroller. Mhm. Listen, they said they accommodate kids, right? It's okay. So, I So, they're super nice. Hey, right.

He ain't mine. He's my nephew. They're super nice. They go, "Hey, we have this four top here like on the edge or we can put you like one of the bigger tables with like the booth."

Yeah, they got to they got to kiss your ass. Why? Because they're probably going to write a bad review.

I went in there with my oversized baby. He's in a barber chair. So, couldn't have been more nice, sweet. We go sit down. They get him the high chair. I I plop him in the high chair. The broad sits down. I you know I [ __ ] I got my puffer on. I take my puffer off. I I put it on the chair. No code. No coch. It was okay. But I go it's all right. We got our stuff.

Was there a coch? No, not that I saw. And they didn't offer there was there wasn't. They might have

not where a normal coch was. There was no coch. So I take my puffer off. I put it on the big nice like corporate steakhouse chairs. You know you're [ __ ] in. You got the armrest. Yeah. You're great. It's great.

So you put yours on the other chair. I put mine in the other chair with his It wouldn't fit behind cuz I think like the armrest or something like that.

So, I'm not a big boy no more. Uh, hang mine on two of them. I put everything Let that dry. You got it on the bar.

It's covering the espresso machine. Now, I'm like, you know, we're uh we're people of like we know we don't belong in nice places.

Us. Yes. Yes. Right. So, I walk in there and I'm a little hesitant. I'm like, am I bringing a baby? And then I look over, there's a woman at the bar.

Mhm. At the bar section of the restaurant. Nice bar. Great night. Beautiful bar.

She's sitting there in a Ravens jersey. It's a Sunday night. She's in a Ravens jersey. Fair enough. Right. So I go, "Oh, this is

this is casy wy. We're hanging out." Mhm. I sit down. Take your shoes off. Take my puffer off. Hostess comes over, says, "Sir, all gentlemen are required to wear a shirt with a collar. I said, "What?

What the fuck?" You You couldn't have called me at the host day. You embarrassed me in front of my son.

That's what I [ __ ] Hey, what about [ __ ] Lamar Jackson over there? Sucking down a [ __ ] wedge salad. You didn't say [ __ ] to her.

I go I go, "Hey guys, this girl's tailgating at THE [ __ ] I KNOW what Ray Lewis looks like and that ain't Ray Lewis, bitch."

So I go I go she goes, "You can put your jacket back on." And I go I am [ __ ] for those. have a nice sweaty meal.

Sweating, dude. I can look like I'm on a ski lift. This is cricket lift tickets.

Can't be eating steak like that. I mean, so she goes, "We do have jackets for for for We have jackets."

That's a nice joint. She goes, "We have jackets for situations, please." And I went, "I don't know what I go I was embarrassed. Thoroughly embarrassed." But I go, you know what?

You got something in a members only. You got something from a polo outlet? I go, I'll take the jacket.

Uhhuh. Now it's a bit of a se people clock this around me. Table full of [ __ ]

They have a little one for the baby. That'd be cute. Yeah. Go this [ __ ] guy. I think he might have had a collar or something as Scott or something like that.

There's a table of four cool ass well-dressed rich black dudes behind me that see this go down. And I heard just ah like they felt it and dude I because they I felt I heard them I it just it sucked.

Forgot your coat, huh? Officer bunking you out. So they So then she comes back over and I got to put it on.

Yeah. Try it on in the show. Now I'm a bigger guy. I've been they one of those they one of those three-sided mirrors. Put your fat ass up there.

I hate those. An Italian guy checking my inseam. Now I gota I gotta roll the dice on this blazer.

You got Bernay sauce on it. Stain on it. Stain on it for sure. I go. But then I'm going this [ __ ] ladies.

You have to walk around it like a rental car. Say stain was here. Getting charged for this.

I got my own insurance. Thank you very much. That's how they get you. Now I'm paying an amic.

Um. Wow. So they couldn't have said something. I but I got to Yeah, but so I got to try it on in the [ __ ] dining room after this [ __ ] hoopla. And then one of the black dudes said, "It look pretty." He go, "It looks pretty good." Did he? Yeah. Now hit me with

baby first or baby first. All right. Hey, there I am. There he is. Right. That's your jacket.

That's my jacket. That's a nice joint. Not nice joint. So then, but hit the one from the It looks pretty good. And I got to be honest with you, a blazer and t-shirt. I might

look like you're lost. It's like someone just handed you that baby. He's a heavy baby.

Look at that though. That looks pretty good. That looks like you work there. I know. Hey, punch in.

Wow. That looks pretty good. I got I got a sideways one. I did a profile. That's very nice.

The only thing that I looked then I looked like I really belong. Let's start doing blazers.

Blazers and t-shirts. Like we could like the 80s. Bring that back. All right. I'm in.

You're in? Yeah. Let's go. I got to tell you, I sat there and went I feel pretty good. I feel nice. I feel like I belong. Is embarrassing.

Can we do stand up in those? Like if we got spots in the city? Sure. You think look like an idiot though if you're up there bombing with a blazer.

And the problem with Yeah. been so bad you ain't got a [ __ ] blazer. Whatever. The problem with that is you don't

you don't get it dry cleaned every time. So like by the 20th wear it you you need like one for every day and you got to cuz they they don't fat guys don't wear blazers. Well the other guys in the [ __ ] bathroom. Nobody was in there. That was a that was a ladies room. You look like an alien. I'm here to meet your president. The sleeves are a little short though.

Little short. Functionality sleeves are a little short. Yeah. Kevin, let's talk about Brunt Workware. Shout out to Brunt Workware gang.

We're talking about Brunt Workware. The best in the business founder Eric Gurard grew up a blueco collar. Started Brunt Workware after his friends and tradesman kept telling him that the big brands had stopped listening and didn't change for over a hundred years.

They didn't care about the little man. They didn't care about the little man. They cared about corporate profits.

Cuz we know how things go. If you got comfort, you sacrifice style. Okay? If you got style, you sacrifice durability. but not when you're wearing Brunt. They're the best work boots you're ever going to wear. Do yourself a favor and check them out.

Yes, these are no doubt the most comfortable boots you're ever going to wear. Uh they The good thing is if you've ever worked blue collar job, a construction job, trucking, whatever, you're wearing a pair of boots

that we've done. You know, you put them on, they're stiffer than a three-year-old whatever the stain is.

Got to break them in. You got to break them in. Not with Brunt. They come, they're comfy right from Jump Street. And Brunt stands behind what they make. You can wear them to work and if they're not the right fit, send them back. I don't know any other brand doing that. I'm telling you that right now.

That's a company that stands behind their product. And right now, for a limited time, our listeners get $10 off at brunt when you use the code garbage at checkout. Just head to bruntwork.com. Use the code garbage and you'll be good to go. Brunt was tired of the workware brands out there cutting corners. Uh you work too hard to be stuck in uncomfortable boots that don't hold up. So they built something better. boots that are insanely comfortable and built for any job site for a limited time. Like I said, our listeners will get $10 off at brunt when they use a code garbage at checkout. Just head to bruntwork.com. Use a code garbage and you're good to go. And after you order, they're going to ask you how you heard about Brunt. Do us a favor. Tell them the boy sent you.

Tell the boy sent you. Do it. Yeah. Can't tell them about Shopify. Shopify. Shopify. Shopify.

Calling all our small business owners out there and the side hustlers. And the side hustlers, of course. Do yourself a favor. Use Shopify. Shop Shopify's point of sales system is a unified command center for your retail business. It brings together instore and online operations across up to a thousand locations. That's a big operation right there. We use Shopify.

You buy You buy the merch on the road at the meet and greets. That's Shopify. Online Shopify.

Online Shopify. Didn't always use that. It was kind of a nightmare bozos until we got Shopify. Now we're cooking, baby.

Yeah. Yeah, for a lot of people that are like, you know, we we have a lot of people who make or craftsmen or whatever make stuff and sell it at at a uh you know, whether you're at a flea market, at a trade fair, at a whatever, you can do it there. You can do it online. Everything talks and keeps it. Sympotico, baby. Uh acquiring new customers is very expensive. And the Shopify POS, you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experience and first-party data that gives you marketing teams a competitive edge. You get all the info so you know who your customers are and how you can talk to them. That's important. If you're out there, you know that. Get all the big stuff for your small business right with Shopify. That's a great slogan. Sign up for the $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/garbage.

Go to shopify.com/garbage. One more time. Garbage. Now back to the show. Back to the show.

But now what would you have what would you have taken the jacket knowingly one was going to fit? Say that. So like there's you know

Yeah, of course. Just for the fun of it. I mean, yeah, absolutely. Would have walked out with that [ __ ] too.

I know. I was thinking about it if it would had a cool crest on it. They got you, though.

Yeah, they got the probably bang you out. 500 bucks for that thing. But I didn't think that happened anymore. That was like 1980 [ __ ]

Going to a nice place, man. I mean, nice place. The girls got the [ __ ] jersey on. And I get that it

at the bar. Come on, though. You could have went to the bar. Come on. Come on. The bar, dude.

Yeah. Listen, you're in Baltimore. She's got a Ravens uh jersey on. You're allowing a football jersey in your establishment and then tell me I have to wear a collar.

Football town. Go birds. I'm with them on that. What? Yeah. Listen, that's crazy, dude.

You show up with your on the run family with your [ __ ] rented minivan parked outside. They knew you were [ __ ] skitching out of Florida.

Sure, but you got to give me probably hitchhike there, dude. A jersey. I get that it's game day on

a lady. That's worse. No, it's not sexy. It was not. She looks Maybe that is right, Louis. She looks like a nose tackle. She was She was sucking back schlitz at the bar out of a can. Okay.

Out of what? Out of a can. They said out of her hand. No. Um, but the guys, the cool guys next to you gave you the thumbs up.

I think they were just realized I was in a bad spot and needed this. They over they they were also like your son's very the guy's like cuz he at one point the baby threw his pacifier at their table. Uh hey like that not it just went under one of their chairs and they got it and the guy's like I bring my two kids here all the time. They're screamers. This kid's actually really good. You know he's he's very well behaved or he's doing he's doing well. Cuz I was like I'm

getting the thumbs up from cool black dudes. Yeah. But I felt like I felt like their son as well. I felt like here's four distinguished gentlemen all here on a Sunday night talking business. What portfolios?

Now what if they would have picked up I'm here in a borrowed jacket with stains on it.

What if they would have picked up your check? They wouldn't have wanted to. It was expensive.

It was expensive. You got the jacket, but you [ __ ] Well, that's then I overcompensated.

Lucas Patukus pulling up the menu. All right. You want housemade tater tots and caviar? What the hell is that about? You want a rundown of what we did?

I think I could guess. Okay, go for it. Um, appetizers wise, you could have done the sliders. Um, sometimes you'll go in for that steak tartar, but you get a little squirrely with it.

I don't. She does. I don't. We didn't do an app. You didn't do an app. You just went entre Luke. Next page.

Oh, wait. I apologize. Go up. We did something. No, we did crab cocktail. We did a soup. I don't know where the soup is. You

shared a soup. Lobster bisque. You're a dirt bag. What do you mean? Butternut lobster bisque. That's too much.

Yeah. If I'm telling you, if I didn't over 22 bucks. If I didn't overmpensate getting a jacket before you got to a joint like that.

If I didn't overcompensate on the order cuz I was embarrassed about the jacket. You're dead wrong, guy. I went [ __ ]

I'd like to purchase your chandelier, please, dude. I went Are you taking investors at any It was It was embarrassing. My wife was embarrassed. My wife goes, "Uh, do you prefer the soup or the salad or whatever?" And the guy's like, "I like the salad." I go, "We're doing both. We're getting I was so obtuse. I It was It was like my card got declined and I I doubled.

First time having a balsamic vinegrett." Hey sir. Don't skimp me on it on Don't skip me on a croutons either,

man. And I've asked for extra croutons on a salad. You got to look. Yeah, they knew I did. I just don't belong in those joints.

You don't. I just don't. I mean, how many cards you put that on? What? How many cards did you put that?

Well, earlier in the day, my debit card got declined, I think, cuz I was traveling. I was moving through so many states.

Yeah. No [ __ ] They [ __ ] shut me down. Oh, so that's what happens when the We got shut down at the Polo outlet.

You did? Mhm. That's I mean that's I guess what people once once they steal a credit card you end up at the polo outlet getting [ __ ]

man when you really think about it. Two people in a baby look real suspicious. Mhm.

You really do. Yeah. You're up to something. You're moving quick. Yeah. You're on a You're on a

no jacket. Yeah. Yeah. Can you say that we were here since 5:00? I make some calls behind the desk calling people. You remember? You don't remember me, right? I got a facial, remember? Nice guy. Came in, didn't have a jacket.

I need a landline and a laminate machine. You guys have a Xerox machine here. Can you put this with your outgoing mail please?

Um, yeah, it was uh But the Jordans were okay. Listen, there was a guy in a hoodie behind me. Balenciaga hoodie might have been knocked off. I don't know. But that's like you're in a hoodie. Listen, I'm I'm aware I didn't roll up in a [ __ ] shorts and a and a tank top. I looked nice. I had her fooled at the hostess stand until the shirt came off. Then all of a sudden there's these formalities of a collar. No collar.

Was the lady at the host stand? Yeah, she's the hostess was the one that grabbed me. So, she saw you,

sat you, and then hit you with that. Yeah. Now, I wonder if you would have if you would have been like, "I'm not wearing my jacket while I eat. I'll get soup on it."

I just said, "And I'm that I'm going to order cuz I have the money. I'm financially sound." Um, well, if you want to lose a customer that's going to order soup and salad, go right ahead. We were going to split a dessert.

We didn't. You didn't. No. How many Manhattan did you have? I had one, Kevin. And an IPA.

And an IPA. An India pale ale. It pairs well with the Wagu tasting we did. Is that what you did?

Uh-huh. Jesus. 3 ounces of all four of our exceptional Wagu cuts. They did not like it when I asked it for well done.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. What? Mhm. When I I would blur that out when I when I tell you I was embarrassed.

I had to over orderer. I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. Holy [ __ ] Uhhuh.

That Wagoo [ __ ] is It's a [ __ ] scam, people. It's not that good. It was good. Nine had never had it.

3 ounces of steak. That's [ __ ] criminal, man. No, it's 12 ounces. Whatever. I mean, that's significant. That's four times the difference. It's 12 ounces.

But giving somebody a 3 steak, that's not a steak. That's a tidbit. It's a burn end.

It's sure, which I do love. Give me Give me the end of anything. You know who's doing them now? Uh, Arby's. They're just doing cups of meat,

man. We are devolved. You don't need a jacket in there. You going with no shoes on. probably hire you. Um, yeah, it was

Wow, look at you, man. Talk about that dichotomy of trash and class. Mhm. Huh. Which like

How confident were you? Sorry to cut you off. How confident were you that the card was going to go through?

I was a little rattled. I mean, I put it on the credit card. That wasn't I wasn't rolling the dice with the with the But a guy a guy across from me got denied on a [ __ ] on a date. It was embarrassing. So, this place stinks. People are getting denied left and right. You got Roxton is a good

You got [ __ ] Ray Lewis when the [ __ ] at the bar. Like listen, you can be hoy toy, but you don't you don't get [ __ ] Also, a bunch of people are in there celebrating birthdays

with that Kevin cake on the t. You're bring you're bringing outside cake in on the table and [ __ ]

This guy's reaching. What do you mean you're reaching? You can't tell me you showed up without a college shirt, sir.

Sure. Is there anywhere find the does it is there anywhere on the website that says a college shirt? Probably a popup right away that I missed. I denied the cookies.

Yeah, I don't belong in nice places. I get embarrassed. I don't have good clothes.

Thank god it fit you. But like this would this would be okay. But this would be significantly worse than how I look. I had a nice fitted t-shirt on. Polo fitted polo t-shirt on.

Do it all out at the outlet, didn't you? To get while the getting's good. It's got a sticker on the back. return. It is

we aim house rules the Rston dining policy. We aim to create a memorable and unparalleled dining experience at the Ruxton with our refined and elevated dining atmosphere. And we ask that you keep in mind our business casual dress code when dining with us. Please refrain from the following. Short or sleeveless t-shirts and tank tops for gentlemen. I didn't have that hooded sweatshirt.

A short sleeve t-shirt. It's the first one. I thought it was shorts. Yeah. Uh sorry. Hooded sweatshirts. Guy behind me had a hoodie on it. Clothing that is offensive, including but not limited to explicit language, graphics, exposed undergarments, or overly revealing clothing, sweatpants, and joggers. Jackets are not required. However, for gentlemen with t-shirts, we are able to provide one if needed.

Children under 16 are are not subject to dress policy. Guests are required to be 21 years of age unless company by a supervis

Let me ask you this. How was the griffin? Nothing on that. You got to be kidding me [ __ ]

Fully get it if I'm being hon. That's a Griffin. I get that. What? Did I eat him? What's the

Yeah, dumbass. I mean, why would on the menu? Luke got it. Yeah. Harry Potter, huh?

Harry Potter. That's what it's from. Hey, Dumbledore. Yeah, Dumbledore. First of all, Harry Potter doesn't have a claim to the Griffin. It's been around years before that.

Popularized. What? What? What? Gryffindor. No, there's a Griffin in Harry Potter.

Huh? I didn't see it. I read the book. Mhm. And that's it from the door corner.

Nerd alert. I got a new Star Wars ship, by the way. We're doing an unboxing. Oh, yeah. You're a [ __ ] scumbag.

What the [ __ ] I have to tell you. I can't believe you're on their side on this as a guy who doesn't own a shirt with a

I'm not on the side of you [ __ ] spending that money on that wagoo tasting. Get a flight of beers or something, will you?

We we uh we positioned it as you share that. Yeah. Along with a fillet. What the [ __ ]

Uhhuh. Like a Gary Breco over here. Take it easy on the protein, buddy. We spun it as our Christmas present to each other because we didn't do presents. So, this was our Also, I was real embarrassed. I came up with that idea at the table.

We got to buy this joint. Yeah. I [ __ ] I had to I had to think anybody heard the guys behind me did. And dude, I'm the only guy. I sit down and I stand she brings over a jacket. I stand up and I have to try the jacket on.

No, but I'm saying not like anybody heard what you ordered. No, the staff. I wanted that to rumble through.

Oh, he got the tasting menu. Yeah, he's got cash. [ __ ] idiot's out there spending his rent money.

Yeah, I'm dumb. I don't He's feeding the baby. I don't belong in those situations.

Did you give the baby anything that you were eating? No. No. [ __ ] wasting wagoo on his stupid ass. He nuts. A college shirt on.

Yeah, if I can eat a hot dog, he don't know. I'm excited for when he starts eating.

I bet you are. You can take up all pick up whatever. Yeah, whatever he drops. You and Hans.

Uh, all that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands.

Business at 24. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, uh, you can ask your garbage question. Uh, and let's get into it. Uh, this one's from Sam. $10 homie. Never had one read. Have you ever had a friend with a glass eye? My brother and I had one growing up. One time at a local wrestling match in Albertville, Alabama, we had some kids trying to pick a fight with us. Our boy took his eye out and said, "You think you're tough?" He took it he took his eye out with his fingers and scared the kid shitless. That's a pro move. That is like That's the end all beall move if you're a kid.

They really nailed those. The glass eyes. Yeah. Until they I mean Yeah. They're like not I always thought are they're not full. They're just like fronts.

Nuh-uh. Yeah. It's not a whole eye. My mom had a friend worked with a woman who became her friend and she had one. She lost it I think while we knew her.

She passed away but she lost it. Who gets the eye? I don't know. But it's just like a little piece of like

Really? Uhhuh. Huh. That's what I remember. Yeah. I don't I'd want a full one. I don't think it can like pop in there though.

Why not? I I think like the the physics of it. I don't know. I mean, it have to be squishy. I don't know how I don't know how it works. What do you got?

Uh yeah, they're usually fronts or shells made of acrylic, not full spheres. Uh they're custom fitted to like fit over the orbital implant. So, I guess like that there's like a ball there to

place over. God love you, man. I would tell you the time they were kids, my uncle got in a fight down at the playground down at McVey. We all fight at the playground. And uh he got rocked. I guess his [ __ ] eye was swollen. He went home and sneezed and his eye fell out and my mom saw it. It was just hanging. Man, she is scarred for life. Shout out Uncle Den. He sneezed in the pre I guess he like held his nose or something. The pressure popped it right out. Yikes. Could have clams for a while, huh? Yikes.

Uh all right. Let's see here. Um, this is going to be real sad, but I saw that I was like,

"Okay, cat got ran over by a car and his eyeball was popped out." It was so sad.

Mhm. I had to shoveled into a [ __ ] uh deep fryer. A trash bag. It was the saddest thing ever.

Why'd you have to do it? Cuz I was I was there. My uncle's like, "Get the shovel."

Whose cat was it? Just a neighborhood cat. You had You're picking up neighborhood cats like that.

It was laying in the street dead. What am I going to do? Leave it there. What? No. threw it in the trash. A gentleman.

Okay. Leave a poor little dead kitty sitting there. It's very sad. Okay. Well, [ __ ] sad corner by H. Foley. Anything else? Anybody? Anybody have anybody have leukemia or something you want to talk about? Jesus Christ.

My best friend growing up. Okay. Um, this one's for meatball 150. Are you garbage if you use metal utensils but paper plates? Man, that is I remember trying to cut Ego waffles one time and the syrup was going right through the plate onto the table. [ __ ]

Paper plates suck, man. I remember being like, "This just doesn't Something feels so wrong to me."

Yeah, cuz you got to like heavy. It's heavy. It flips the plate up. Yeah, that's brutal.

We're real big on those uh that fake China stuff. The plastic stuff. Yes. Does that re how what's I mean I know I know people do but like what is the what is I wonder like what the how they're in what the intended uses.

I think it's single use but my mom washes them in the uh in the sink. She doesn't put them in the dishwasher. You have a mess on your hands. Melt those things down like a [ __ ] GI Joe in the microwave.

Sure. At that point I think just go I love a decent like a Dixie paper plate. I love it. only for a slice.

You're what? I mean, that was 99% of what we used growing up. I was getting a slice the other day. I said, "Don't give me a plate." And he's like, "What?" I'm like, "Yeah, just give it to me."

That's [ __ ] insane. Why? That's why Wait, throw the plate out. How's he going to give it to you off the spatula?

He just handed it to me with his hands. Yeah. Yeah. That's not how it should be done.

He's touching it anyway. He's putting it out of the oven. I don't give a [ __ ] I'm not going to waste a plate. Waste a plate. Hate when they give you a box for two slices.

I love that. What? I'm standing there. I got this whole thing. I got a big laptop or something.

Yeah. What do I mean? What do you broadcasting my business? What else? You're putting it in your

Nobody doesn't know how many slices I'm eating or your hand. Well, now they do because you're they're just in your hand.

You just have loose slices. I don't do two. Oh, I'm sorry. How do I drink my soda?

Excuse me. The box is awesome. It gives you so much more surface area. Hey, you got to put that away.

What? Dude, what? The way you operate is bonkos. Oh, yeah. I'd have a nice jacket if I went to Ruxton's. Ordered the Griffin,

the medium rare. Leave the beak on there. Um Uh yeah. No, I mean that's wild. I I guarantee you that pizza guy has never [ __ ] has never raw dogged a slice to a fat guy. That's wild.

I disagree with that. I'll take that bet. Easy money. Isn't it super hot? Yeah. I mean, what's going on here, dude? Those cards got to go.

Hey, they're not going back up there. We have a deck up there. Once you start slamming the table, stop freaking out. It's probably what you were doing at the rux and embarrassing everybody.

Waiting on my salad and soup. We're splitting it. You split a soup? Yeah, you split a soup.

Same spoon. No, double spoon. That's not worth you joint. The Rux thing gives you two spoons. The Teddy R. Love a soup spoon for cereal. Used to steal them all the time from the

also little one got one. He chewed on that. What? Chew on the spoon. He had the teeth.

He gave him a metal spoon. I love it. I eat it up. That and a clean napkin. He's easy peasy.

Wait. Yeah. Throw it. Wave it in his face. He likes the air. That's got chemicals and [ __ ] in it.

What? Those napkins? Those those uh cloth napkins? Yeah. They got chemicals on them.

Mhm. What are we living in the 14? You don't think there's chem There's chemicals everywhere.

It's in the air, man. Hey, can you give me my steak with no plate, please? I'll just raw dog it.

Not steak. Yeah, it's crazy. He just handed you a slice. Like he was handing me a newspaper.

I don't get them too hot. My favorite thing to hear is they're warm. You good with that? Yes, I am.

Yes, I am, sir. I always have them pull. Hey, you can pull you can pull. Oh, they hate that. New York, they keep them. There's this one. There's this one guy in my joint. He keeps them in there till they're nuclear. It's [ __ ] wild, dude. Yo, and then the crust dries out. I ain't got good crust then. It's all like, you know, it's like charred.

I'm with buddy. It's the same guy. Yo, hold them. John, I do have a theory that I've been working on. I don't want to say it publicly yet because I don't have all the kinks ironed out. However,

I think moving forward, the move is you get a pizza. This is so going to not be the move. I don't know what it is.

No plates, but it's so not the move. You order a pizza. Uh-huh. No box. Roll it up. Put it in your backpack.

Looks like a yoga mat. Need the telescope. You order a pizza. for pickup. Delivery. What do we do?

Delivery. I don't get delivery in I don't get pizza delivered in New York. Oh, aren't you a fancy pants?

Uh-huh. I put my blazer on and my Cumber bun and go get a slice without a plate.

Mhm. Anyway, you order a pizza, you throw the oven on. Throw the oven on. Pizza gets there right in there. Not in the box. Okay,

put it in the oven. All delivery pizza needs that second crisp. Doesn't matter before you eat it.

What the [ __ ] No, I'm going to [ __ ] eat it, throw it up, and put it back in the oven.

What are you, an idiot? Okay. The hell's the matter with you? I do this every time.

You You put it in your own oven before you eat it or after you're done? Delivery pizza.

Hold on. Hey, guy. [ __ ] your problem. Whose side are you on? Not mine. Not Justice.

The Bxton's. The Rxton got to you, didn't they? They got to me. Called me up. Um, nice joint. You'd like it.

I would I love a place like that. We should go back. I'm off the booze, though.

Full suits. I haven't eaten out. Um, yeah. Just ordering pizza. I've been eating out. I just I just

a sit down restaurant without having a cocktail. It's like, what the [ __ ] What are we doing here?

Mhm. What are we doing? You know, what are we doing? Um, start drinking coffee with my dinner like an old schooler cuz I was watching It's a Wonderful Life over the break. That meal that he has.

I got to be honest with you, it is not a Wonderful Life. Uh, um listen what I love how regardless of whatever one says listen, the other one says what?

Annoyed. Uhhuh. Um, him again. I'm saying I I I don't care what the temperature of the pizza is. If it it's coming into the house, I'm eating it right away. And I get that for the secondary wave of Zah, you can put it in there to keep it warm. But I'm eating it. That's wild to me that you're going to then finish it and then eat it. Yeah, that's crazy.

It's like when they hit it with the with the thing and they they brulee it. I need I need my pizza bruided. Get a crisp on there. You know what I'm talking about. Now, listen.

I'll meet you halfway. Don't forget guess you're standing on your air so you need your pizza brlet. You had a guy palm you a [ __ ] slice of pizza

slice though. Not too hot. Get a hand to hand like you're buying a dime bag. It's not in Baltimore. All right.

Looking around. It's not that. It's when it gets in the B. God these [ __ ] goddamn headphones. You stink. God. Everybody says I'm It's not easy looking this guy. that the winner boogie. It's not about

that sweatshirt has fat 8-year-old written all over it. You need the matching sweatpants for that and a half a boner and you would you would fit in the autistic kids class. It's crazy.

This thing's like a sticker. I don't know where I got it. That color green is wild.

This is eagles green. There's a I mean, I got toothpaste on my shirt. That's why I got it on.

Uhhuh. Yeah. True classics, though. It's fitting into the 3X's. Yeah. Four X's.

Hey, can can I [ __ ] finish my point here? Sure. It's not about that. It's about what happens to the pizza in the box. It gets steamed up. I like a crisp crust. Okay. So, listen. And I'm not going to meet you halfway. I'm not I'm I'm gonna have a slice when it gets

You're a [ __ ] lion sack. No, I'm not. I'm gonna have a slice. But I'm saying to sit down.

So the second wave. So you do eat a slice. That's not a That's not Listen, one slice ain't a wave.

One slice ain't a wave. What? Listen, you're on my side here. You yelled at me. That's a look. That ain't a wave.

You yelled at me. Of course, before I eat it. What am I going to spit it back out? You just yelled at me. Yeah.

Have you seen the show? That a one slice isn't a wave. A wave is when you sit down in your pizza.

You're eating the pizza and then you're reheating your second. I get that. I get that. But you meet me halfway and say you're eating the pizza.

I said I was eating the pizza. That's as far as I'm going. So when do you turn it on? After you place the order.

Yeah. You get the oven hot and then right when it gets there, you take it out. You

got to sit for 15 minutes and let it crisp. Five. It's five. You get it hot. Five. I said I have a slice while it's cooking. I got screamed at on my sister-in-law because we brought pizza over brought pizza over to the house and I brought it in and I threw it in the

You got a full complete pie. It was four of them. Four pies. You didn't dip into them at all.

No, not in the car. Oh yeah, that'd be crazy. I had Patty with me. She was all over me. I wanted one.

I'm going sit in the back. I'm in a drunk. I'm gonna I'm gonna She just sees me closing the seat in the back coat into the trunk.

I'm gonna watch I'm gonna make sure these pizzas don't slide. That one's ruined.

Oh, lost another one. Flew out the window. I remember discovering that the first time you saw a pizza that got [ __ ] up in the car, you didn't know what to make of it.

I couldn't figure out. I WAS LIKE, "HOW' THIS HAPPEN, DUDE?" We used to What the [ __ ] How did cheese get over there? Which I don't mind that sometimes. My dad used to yell out. I think that's where my anxiety comes in. If the we would have made it home from Angelos's and the pet the cheese would have been [ __ ] up. Hell would have been to pay, dude. You would have ruined You would have think I remember holding this pizza box with like a laser level sweat coming down.

Oh, dude. Burning my thighs, too. burn in my thigh and I you know that you know what the the precision that Nicholas Cage takes the [ __ ] the things out in the rock the the green beads that's how I was holding that pizza man I walk into the I better hope it wasn't an icy night in Bucks County and slip and ruin the [ __ ] you're going in BACK FIRST

HOLD THE DOOR THE door yeah that was that was bit that was Yeah they [ __ ] make that pizza so goddamn hot,

but it gets steamy and crisp. I understand that. I understand. Um 99, I would argue 100% of the pizza I consume in New York is by the slice at the place right downstairs. So, it's like we're not ordering a pie. If she goes gets pizza, I'll go I'll do a vodka, I'll do Sicilian, you'll do, you know, we'll get four different whatever.

And there's the perfect example. Nine times out of 10, that's a second heat pizza.

I'm not against second heat pizza. I'm against, which I was right, that you're coming home just immediately throwing the pizza and in and not eating it. That's what I was against. I'm all about a second heat.

Well, I was supposed to put the pizza in the oven to keep it warm cuz they weren't ready for dinner. They're very formal.

Oh, right. And I very formal. You're bringing four [ __ ] pizzas. Not that formal.

I just grabbed a slice and walked into the living room. And man, you would have thought You would have thought I was holding the cat by its throat.

And you want to go to the Ruxton? Yeah. had a jacket on. Wow. I brought the piece. I was starving,

man. Blood. When did you know you were taking that slice? In the car. What? The week before. What are you talking about?

I would have had it in the car. I was getting screamed at. Plus, we had two Strombololis and the pizzas were on the bottom. [ __ ] me.

Yeah. I can't piece Stromboli. I got yelled at for pizza last night, too. Got home, I go, "What are you doing for dinner?" I was working, right? I work. I paid I pay the bills. Okay, take that, Ruxton. She goes, "There's some bread and soup." And I'm like, "That's not

No, seriously." Yeah. I go, "Okay, so do you want me to call Angelos's or do you want to call?"

Right. Hello, police. There's a crazy woman in my house. that is. And here's the thing. This is I think this is the difference between fat guys and Luke, I'll weigh in on your opinion here.

Calorically, it's enough for a meal, right? Yeah. It's just mentally and emotionally soup.

She goes, I'll put some cheese on the bread. I go, cheese, we're going to eat that while we're making the other food. Like,

that's not enough for me. And she goes, oh, there's some leftover pizza, too. I go "Great."

Mhm. So, I get home and there's there's small it was a small pizza. So, like smaller slices, not like full slices like the little guy.

I know what you mean. That artisan [ __ ] No, not really. Just a small pizza. Regular zon.

Yeah, those are like the night like a brick fire. No, not personal. Those those brick oven pizzas, those those are small slices. Those are little baby slices.

Okay. They're not. It is. is, but it wasn't it was just a regular small pizza. It wasn't artisal.

Okay. It was a small pizza. Regular. What were you doing with that? What do you mean?

Why'd you have a small pizza in the house? I'm generally You didn't know they made them that size?

No, I just don't understand it. Cuz the night What were you Well, okay, let me rephrase that. What were you doing with the small pizza? Cuz let me tell you this. If something had happened and there was like a crime done, the cops you'd be you you'd be staying overnight.

Do you want You want a small pizza in the house. Do you want to know? Uh-huh. You want to You want to You sure about that? You small pizza. You've never had a small pizza in your life.

The wife likes them. This is what happened. We got home. No food in a house. Uh-huh.

This is in the BBS. Uh-huh. Uh, I got to go pick up the dog from the shel. Not shelter. What are they called? That bar. Penitentiary. Uh, the whatever. Boarding.

Yes. So, I know at that point I'm getting a a cheese steak and French fries from my local place.

Why? Under the radar. Or you're you're saying, "Hey, I'm going to I'll grab some."

Well, this is what happened. She We got home. She took the car food shopping. So, and she got uh she went to Whole Foods and she got something from the Hot Bar for her.

But why? She was food shopping. Yeah, but for dinner. That's too long. For what?

My mom would hit me with that. We get back from somewhere and she'd be like, "I'm going to go to the store." Go to the store. You're not going to be back for like 45 minutes.

That's crazy. WHAT THE FOOL? BE DEAD. I'm not going to have the strength to unload the bags from the car, lady. I got to eat,

dude. Unloading groceries at night. What the What are we [ __ ] ISIS? Uh-huh. I remember unpacking my mom's Ford Taurus at night home coming home from the shore, which being just like this [ __ ] sucks,

dude. Taking out groceries at night. Jesus. Who's looking for us? So, I knew she had that and her phone was dead.

Awesome. So, I left to go get the car and I went I I knew plus I let out some air in her tires. She'll be gone for a little while.

So, I knew she had the I saw the hot bar, so I knew she had food for them. So, I was like, "All right, I'm going to order from my local pizza establishment a cheese steak and French fries like I do."

And then a lot of times if I'm doing that, she'll be like, "Oh, just get me She likes to go get me a slice. And I go, "You can't do slices and prepared food. It don't it don't jive."

That they put it in a bag on a plate. It's It's a nightmare. I go, "Just get a small pizza. It's the equivalent of like two probably two and a half slice." Just get

works out for you. You know what I mean? Just get a pie. JUST GET A PIE. Small pie. It's not for me. I got my cheese steak. small pie for her and maybe the kid wants to slice it.

Listen, having a couple of slices in the fridge. So, listen. Hold on. So, I go to text her, "Hey, I'm ordering and then I go, oh yeah, her phone's dead." So, I nice husband I am, I just get a small pie preemptively. So, I get mine. So, that's what the slices were from cuz she didn't really eat it. Okay.

I had one with my cheese steak. I was hungry. So, then there was four left over. smart man.

So, I got home last night. She's got this soup and bread idea that I don't know and I just rolled with it. I wanted to fight against it, but and then she goes, "We also have the pizza." I went, "Okay great."

Oh, you voting for Tam soup and bread? I know the [ __ ] are you homeless all of a sudden?

Goddamn shelter. Hey, let me fill out my paperwork at Ellis Island real quick and then on that. Well, she's real big on like repurposing multiple leftovers for like, you know, oh, I made something out of nothing and I ain't that guy. I need something to turn into something.

I've done that [ __ ] over my my mom, God lover, never did that. I've I've got caught up in that [ __ ] over at friends houses. She's staying for dinner. I stay for dinner and then there's [ __ ] nine different things on the table.

Yeah, he pancakes and meatballs. Hey honey, call my mom and Dominoes. We got a goddamn emergency on our [ __ ] that.

There's a little Chinese food and some cereals. [ __ ] eating [ __ ] frosted flakes with chopsticks. The [ __ ] out of here. What am I, a [ __ ] jerk off?

And your dad work? I know we're in a recession, but godamn guy, you got company coming over.

Um, confused my stomach. I don't know if I'm go back to work or take a nap. Um, get ready for school. Um, here. So, she goes, I got we also So, I she's telling me this idea and I'm like not all about it cuz I'm I need the full overeating of the meal. I need the French fries and the steak. Cheese steak.

Right. But this is the next night. But I didn't know there's pizza. I forgot. She goes, "We also have the pizza." I went, "Oh, cool. Then I'm good. I'll eat I'll have hers will be the appetizer."

Uhhuh. And the pizza soup. Yeah. A bowl of soup and [ __ ] some bread and cheese.

Uhhuh. So I get home and she's I There's two slices in the fridge that I pull out right as long. She's like, "How was your day?" I'm like, "Yeah, Foley was an asshole." You know what I mean? I'm [ __ ] I got the box open.

Thank god you guys are okay. And she goes, "I already got two slices in the oven." I don't want to wait for that. I got the box in my hand. Yeah.

But then she goes, "That's my lunch for tomorrow." Ah, what the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] I SAID THE PLACE. I SAID, "ANGELOS, IT'S right down the street. They deliver."

So I had to wait until I just said pull it now. I got all eyes real. You know when you're [ __ ]

Yeah. What? Yes. Yeah. Yes. I'll do that thing where I'll if I'll order something, I'll get I'll like, you know, I'm juiced up. Like I'll order something and then go right to the refrigerator.

That was Flip's uh Flip's theory on why so many fights happen at McDonald's. Oh,

cuz Yeah. Oh, cuz you're like you're addicted to that shitty food and it's like right there. And then

have you told me this before or did I see this in a documentary? I This is This is This is flips like from like 15 years ago

because this is like I probably told you because you're it's all that sugar and sodium and you're you're [ __ ] charged up and then like your card gets declined and they don't they take the bag back like the soup Nazi and you go it's [ __ ]

You don't see that at Kruxton's. You almost did till you get there. Um yeah, I was like that's a great theory. That's Flip's theory. By the way, I wanted to tell you this uh about the when I thought of it with the air and the tires. So, you know, in the winter time the tires the air leaks out a little bit.

Doesn't leak out. It contracts. What? Okay. Thank you, Mr. Wizard. Why did you get mad at that?

I don't know. You face me an [ __ ] in front of everybody. You know how it leaks out? Well, one, it doesn't leak out. The molecules get smaller because when you start driving again, they warm up.

Can you let me slide on one or two? Does it always got to be something? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I know how everybody's tires universally leaked during the Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I should have rephrased it. You know how the tires go lower in the winter

for whatever reason. Uh-huh. Right. You know what I'm talking about. You just trash me for not having a jacket this whole time and then you're scientifically wrong and I call you out. I'm breaking your balls.

Yeah. Okay. All right. You really You really call balls and strikes. I took it personally and I apologize.

You call balls and strikes when it's beneficial for you. And you know why I got mad? because I know that I'm stupid and I know that's what it is. That's why I got

I didn't call you stupid. I I'm saying I'm stupid. I I will agree with that. Anyway,

I'll agree with you on that that I'm stupid. I Anywh who happened to me. The leaks.

Yeah, the contractions. Wikileaks over here. Ain't tell nobody nothing. You know what that was? Somebody rat it.

I don't know that and the Snowden thing. I missed completely and everybody was talking about it. I don't know nothing. Is Snowden the same guy as Wikileaks?

I don't know. That's And who's Julian Assange? That's Wikileaks. Yeah. Listen, you're [ __ ] nerds.

He was in like the Ecuadorian embassy or something like that peeing in jars or some [ __ ]

Should have been running your [ __ ] mouth, guy. I don't know what to tell you.

Zip it. Hey, get You want to look at the files? Take a peek. Yeah. Go along to get along, Daddy. No, thank you. I don't know nothing about all that.

Anyway, um so my [ __ ] went low. I was home. Patty's car was in the thing cuz she was getting ready for like an inch of snow. So she takes my car. She comes back. She's like, "Your tires were low. I put air in it." I get in the car the next time. 40 [ __ ] PSI.

High and tight. I'm like, "What the I got out of the car. I was going to blow up."

40. What do you I'll go over a [ __ ] pebble and the [ __ ] car will explode. 40

drag racing. 36, you dumb broad. 36. That's the limit. Uhhuh. Jesus Christ. It's wild. Your mom's filling up her tires. I don't think Denise would know what to do. Denise would have to probably buy a new car. This one's ruined. He don't know nothing about

Daddy knows her [ __ ] man. Uh-huh. Oil change. The whole nine yards. Changes are oil. She's under there smoking a heater. Pulls out. Hey, I need about three quarts of 10 W. God lover. Um, all right. Let's see here. Um, this one, you'll probably miss this one. This is from Toody's Tight Leather Pants. Great name. $10 homie. Um, what is definitively trashier? Flavor of Love or Rock of Love? Now, do you know those? Flavor of Love was Flavor Flave. Rock of Love, I believe, was Brett Michaels.

Talk about missing all the the basketball. I when when Kevin Hart was on that show, Basketball Husbands, I

house husband, the real house husbands. I didn't understand if that was real or if that was parody because I didn't understand basketball wives. I didn't understand flavor of love. What was Flavor of Love? What was Flavor Flave on before that that everybody knew him from?

He was on a reality TV show with Bridget Nielsen. I forget that. Was it like House Rules or

Yeah, it was kind of like like the Surreal Life or as something like maybe it wasn't the Surreal Life. Find out what that was, Luke.

Strange Love. Strange. That was Strange Love with him and Bridget. That makes sense. She's real tall.

No, but they I thought they were on a show and they Oh, dude. I used to tug my little wrist at her. She'd walk around in that leopard dress like all she'd be [ __ ] [ __ ] up.

Beverly Hills Cop 2 and [ __ ] Rocky 4. Man, I loved her. Loved girls with short blonde hair like that.

Strange Love the spin-off was The Surreal Life. Okay. Yeah, I was really dipping.

So, no, they were on the surreal life, but Strange Love first. Really? Was that them two, though? Because they fell they fell in love on the show.

I just remember them being in Italy and the Italian guys making fun of Flavor Flave, which I didn't like.

They were talking [ __ ] They were talking [ __ ] in Italian to him. The guy's a goddamn icon.

But then it spun off and then he had one and then it was flavor. That was flavor of

where he sat in a chair. That girl. Yeah, that girl New York was on it. He was in love with a girl named New York. Then New York had

Yes. her own spin-off. I was really dipping in and out of life at that time. I really was.

Yeah. I was You were doing my own thing. Yeah. What? Surreal life then? Strange Love.

Yeah. Flavor was invited to participate VH1 reality show, The Surreal Life. During the show, he developed a relationship with singer, an actress, singer, Bridget Neielsen. That's a [ __ ] stretch.

I never heard of your after the conclusion of the surreal life VH1 flavor. Yeah, they had they then had Strange Love which detailed their globe trotting adventures in love. At the end of Strange Love, Nelson decided to return to her fianceé Matia Desessie.

Flavor Love then aired after that cuz then it was like let's fly let's find Flavor Flave love.

Kind of the precursor to the Bachelor. Sure. This all that all might have been happening around the same I mean I don't know. Uh, everybody, my parents were watching that [ __ ] Everybody was watching reality shows back then.

That was big, dude. And he was like perfect cuz so many people knew who he was already. It was so insane, too. He was crazy.

Yeah. And then it's like Osborne's don't get enough credit, too. Everybody that show that that took that that took I think we were in junior high maybe or high school by storm.

Ain't it crazy? MTVs done 44 years. Is that nuts? How do you [ __ ] that up? How do you [ __ ] that up? You could still have it. Just put a bunch. Just have it constant videos. Go old school. Just run it. Just [ __ ] run it.

I love that. Runs Run's House. Oh, Run's House was great. He was pretty funny. Yeah,

they were [ __ ] with TRL. He started [ __ ] showing half the [ __ ] videos. I knew it was over then.

How do you [ __ ] up MTV? It's crazy, man. I knew it was over. I respected when they did it the whatever the hip-hop version of TRL was was like what we kind of like we didn't like the pop that was more like Britney Spears and whatever the hip-hop version

it wasn't Yo MTV Raps was after that it was like uh they it was uh whatever it was more the hip-hop so it was like Eminem Jay-Z the chronic all that kind of [ __ ]

Total Request Live No TRL Bozo look at Time Square shut up he's on good Morning America or something now.

Carson Dailyaly. He does well. Does very well. The popcorn pop star. We Me and Nadine watch it.

Very well. Um nice. I like him. He was like kind of a bit of a whatever. Um but once they What

106 in Park? No. No. Scared straight. Which when that hit I remember the one guy told him, "You don't know [ __ ] about smoking weed. I'll smoke your ass." Man,

what are you in here for? Sign me up. Um, all right. Let's see. Let's rip through a couple more like cues here. Um,

all right. This one's from uh Brandino Brown. $10 Foley's bastard child here. Is it garbage if you're able to keep a hot tub through multiple divorces? My father-in-law has been rocking the same hot tub for 20 plus years and refuses to give it up. It's currently on the balcony of his girlfriend's condo.

Nice. That ain't lasting. Bringing it with you. If you got to think about it, that's like the only constant for 20 years. That's probably like his [ __ ] He's like, "If all else fails, I got this [ __ ] hot tub. I can set it up and get some new trim." You know what?

Can you imagine [ __ ] moving in to your girlfriend's place? Oh, yeah. I forgot the hot tub out in the truck. The hot tub.

Well, obviously, babe, I'm bringing a hot tub. Get it wherever I go. Who's going to say no to that?

I've never I mean, those things do not age well. Hot tubs. The wood goes, the [ __ ] they, you know, one bad season and that there ain't no coming back from that.

Those new ones though with the lid, they're nice as long as you got some steps to get in them. You know what I'm talking about?

With the fold the [ __ ] lid that you can flip off. Yes. I remember getting the My stepdad had one when he was a bachelor. I mean, getting that lid on and off with he they expressed it like it was this the weight of a train. Like if you got stuck under that, you know what I mean? He got pinned under that thing. We weren't allowed to go NEAR IT. WATCH THE ye

that and the pool cover. They scared the [ __ ] out of us with the pool cover. That thing it's like it would come in your room and stab you.

I know. Then we They were dangerous though. We finally got the one where in the pictures they'd put a car or an elephant on.

That was Remember cuz they at one point they were just like the tarp and you'd put the weights around them

like of an ingground pool. It was just a tarp and you'd fill up these tubes with hose water.

No, I mean Yeah, I know. For the winter. For the winter. And that would be that's what would kept it. So if you stepped on it, you're you're coming in.

I was referring to the solar cover. Oh, cuz you had an above ground pool. You had to put a cover on it when you weren't using it to heat. It would heat it up. It was just bubbles.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just bubble wrap. Yeah. And I from the lethal weapon when the guy fell in that you're dead.

No way to get you out. the idea of like the fear that our parents instilled in us in like such

I appreciate it to be honest. Dirt back. I mean, yeah, I get it. But like just such there was so many things to them that like you could never and you're like what the [ __ ] Just relax. You know what I mean?

But I appre that kept me alive a lot. To be honest with you, I remember my friends jumping off my uh my cousin's roof into the uh ingground pool. I was like, I ain't [ __ ] doing that [ __ ] Well, that I I get if your parents are like that, but like we were like

there was just such an adverse thing to like you can't have a hot tub. It's like you can have a hot tub. You know what I mean?

There were certain things that that were just like you got to be care you can't do like you know I'm having the lid to the hot tub was like a thing of like we were

it'll kill you. And then like I'm telling my friends like you got to be careful about the lid when a hot tub

getting into a getting into a clo a refrigerator and it closing behind you too.

A walk-in. Yeah. No, not a walk-in like a regular refrigerator. Yeah. Like if they like cuz they you had to start you had to take the door off when you threw out a refrigerator back in the day cuz kids would go into them and and suffocate and close on her clothes on you. The racks were all taken out.

Okay. Oh, that makes sense. I guess there you hide in there. [ __ ] that old refrigerator smells the last thing you smell suck.

We found one baking soda. We were skate we took the doors off and we're skateboarding on it and we took the I remember we took the doors to Pat's house

to skateboard on them and like set you know like these are going to we're going to keep these refrigerator doors at Pat's house and we're going to skateboard on them. And

how do you skateboard on a refrigerator door? Not well. It was a bad I What were you doing? You like olly up on it or you can like you know like slide like grind or whatever board slide on it.

And we were like 10 or tw you know like in elementary we're children and we showed up with these doors and his dad was like get these the [ __ ] out of my house. What the [ __ ] You are not keeping someone else's [ __ ] trash in the garage.

You know I want to ask you about the hot tub. You ever see your old man making moves in there? Not like

it was my stepdad's. Oh, it was your step would be now. Do you ever see those two hopping in there while you were going off to bed?

No, it was at his It was at his town house, which I wanted to I'm like that when he moved in, I'm like, "Yo, who bring that?" He goes, "I'm staying with the house,

[ __ ] rat." So, you never saw like It wasn't like him and your mom hopping in that at like 9:00 at night when you were off to bed.

No. Okay. I assume I assume they used it when I was turn the TV up real loud that

at my dad's for the weekend. We only ever used it like three times in 10 years, which it was like, "What the [ __ ] Turn that thing on. What the [ __ ] are you What are you bringing to the table here, guy?

I got I got to soothe these muscles." Skateboarding on refrigerators all day. Been

carrying his refrigerator door around with me all all over the goddamn neighborhood. [ __ ] soak my bones. I mean, it was [ __ ] um All right, this one's from NYC. Tony, is it garbage to hoard antibiotics and prescription for when you see the flu season coming up so you can take them and take them before the doctor calls anything in? I did this now. I got a moxicillin sitting. I go, I'm holding that.

Yeah, I'm holding it to get on top of it. It's garbage. But they give you such [ __ ] None. Okay, first of all, none of that [ __ ] you're getting over the counter works. None of it [ __ ] works. I got to push back. I think Dayquil can get you through the day. It can numb. It can get your head on your shoulders. It'll stop the [ __ ] the nasal. There's a little bit of methamphetamine in it to go,

but it's not killing it. I know, but nothing really. I mean, the amoxicil only kills [ __ ]

bacterial. So it's, you know, you at any point you're really just managing the symptoms so you can recover.

Mhm. You ever [ __ ] with the ZQI? Yeah. What? Yeah. All right. Tough guy. I wasn't saying like a tough guy.

You didn't say it. You didn't say it like an Yeah, obviously. Yeah. South end of an eightball. Time to go night night.

Mhm. Yeah. Get the sledgehammer. The Zquill. Yeah. Can't be that much. Mhm. I remember the best the the best hangover cure I ever heard was a guy a kid woke up at like 6:00 a.m. had a splitting headache, took Tylenol PM, didn't realize, knocked out for three more hours, woke up, he's like completely fine, chugged the Gatorade, hit Tylenol PM, woke up, [ __ ] bounced right out of bed. Woo doggy, that's how you doing.

Yeah. The first time taking Tylenol PM, it was like a miracle. Yeah. He shut it down. We shut it. Close forbidden. Shut it the [ __ ] down. I love when just stuff like that works.

That was a hard reset and I forget about it for every couple years. Yeah. I forget about it for a while and then you you're like, "Oh yeah, [ __ ] shut

cheat code." My do a little time traveling. My brother rolls with a [ __ ] not narcotics, but I mean you need a Zpack. You need every it just [ __ ] he's got a guy on call like a doctor who's like will call in

kind of anything for them. I haven't had an antibiotic in forever. I feel like I don't like taking them.

I'm saving them for when I need them. Take them to I'm going to I'm going to need them.

[ __ ] The doctors say that. What? It's going to mess up your stomach. I give a [ __ ]

I don't think it First of all, it's not [ __ ] You just don't give a [ __ ] which is fair.

Thank you. Um, but uh I think uh I think the more you take them, the more you become resist, like the less effect they have.

And I don't need them much now. So I'm like, I'm going to I'm sure when I'm 60 or 70, I'm going to be needing everything I can get, you know? So I'm saving it. That's probably flawed logic as well.

I took them so much when I was that was my mom's answer to everything. I'll get you a Zpack. I felt like Zpacks came around 10 years ago to me. I remember the when they I I remember

those things hit. Yeah. Hit. Don't [ __ ] with them. Fly straight and narrow dog.

My gastro guy gave them to me one time years and years and you go cuz when you have gird,

you're a hot guy, ladies. When you have gird, sometimes you're uh you get bacteria in your stomach. So he gave me a Zpack with uh Omar Razer Pearl

to kick things off. You got a real [ __ ] party animal over here. Some something of pizza's eating up.

All right, we got to wrap it up. Gang, we love you to death. Uhhuh. Grab them tickets and come see the boys this uh spring and summer.

Yes. Right. Yeah. Why you looking at me? You don't know what the [ __ ] guy taking me with you, right?

Our deal still stands, right, Kip? We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Strict Dress Code! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"?

In order: 0:00 H. Foley, Kevin Ryan, Neil Kipperino, Ruxton Steakhouse; 10:00 Brunt Workware; 30:00 H. Foley; 40:00 Angelos's, Bucks County.

What is mentioned in this AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including H. Foley, Angelos's, Zpack, Neil Kipperino, Kevin Ryan, Shen Yun. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Strict Dress Code! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"?

The episode runs 1 h 14 min; the transcript is about 15,363 words in 470 timestamped sections.

More from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.