Transcript

Limericks with Louie | Ep 295 | Bad Friends

From Bad Friends · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 13 min · 16,793 words · 532 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Limericks with Louie | Ep 295 | Bad Friends", an episode of Bad Friends published November 10, 2025 (1 h 13 min, about 16,793 words). It mentions 17 people, works and ideas, including Robert E. Lee, Louis CK, Louis Anderson, Island – Sanchez, Carlos, Zach Galifianakis.

What this episode is about

The conversation revolves around two friends humorously discussing their friendship, therapy experiences, personal anecdotes, and dating mishaps. They touch on subjects like unconventional therapy options, recent trips, and dating dynamics, blending humor and banter to explore the quirks of their relationship.

Key takeaways

  • Car therapy or fantasy therapy: one offers healing, the other can make you question your financial choices.
  • Ghosting is a numbers game; statistical probability might just lead you to a solid relationship someday.
  • Want to impress your in-laws? A little cultural representation goes a long way—just don’t be the only minority.
  • 80% white, 20% Asian: the perfect blend? Likely the closest thing to a dating 'secret sauce' in the game.
  • Moving to the Midwest for dating? Turns out, less creativity might mean more compatibility—who knew?

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Robert E. Lee, Island – Sanchez, Carlos, Marissa Toé, Kalila
  2. – 20:00: Factor, Robert E. Lee
  3. – 30:00: Bluetooth, Factor, Quint, Kalila
  4. – 40:00: Shopify, Island – Sanchez, Carlos
  5. – 1:00:00: Zach Galifianakis, Louis CK, Ingram, Chris Rock
  6. – 1:10:00: Louis Anderson, Louis CK, Zach Galifianakis
  7. – 1:12:50: Ingram

Notable quotes from "Limericks with Louie | Ep 295 | Bad Friends"

  • How, about, you?, Do, you, go, to, car, therapy, Carlos?
    about Robert E. Lee · at
  • Carlos, for, years, thought, it, was, the wound.
    about Island – Sanchez, Carlos · at
  • Factor., Fall, always, feels, a, reset between back to school, busier routines and shorter days. Finding time to cook can be tough. That's why I love Factor.
    about Factor · at
  • That's, right., Quint, has, the, kind, of, fall staples you'll actually want to wear on repeat. They sent us a bunch. And thank you to Quint for doing that. 100% Mongolian cashmere. And I've never had.
    about Quint · at
  • I'm, telling, you., Blue, is, the, original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. Guys, if you are looking to have some of the best sex of your life Bobby calls me every time he's done.
    about Bluetooth · at
  • I, just, went, away., And, that's, how, I, feel about most people. He's as though I think I said to you, you're as good as anybody while you're talking about your family. Yeah.
    about Louis CK · at
  • Shopify., We, have, an, online, business, here at Bad Friends and we use Shopify.
    about Shopify · at
  • Health, you know it, was, really, sad, when, he, when, he, passed away, but yeah, I was it was one of the happiest moments of my career was him winning an Emmy.
    about Louis Anderson · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Robert E. Lee — Person · Host / main speaker · 4 mentions · first at
    Co-host driving multiple threads: dating stories, comedy craft discussion with the guest, and riffing with Carlos.
  • Louis CK — Person · Main guest / primary advisor voice · 2 mentions · first at
    Guest provides extended advice on comedy writing, bombing vs. killing, and discusses his work (FX, Baskets) and career decisions.
  • Louis Anderson — Person · Referenced comedian/actor (discussed by guest) · 4 mentions · first at
    Central to a story about casting him as Zach Galifianakis’s mother on 'Baskets' and his Emmy win; used as an example of great performance and career moment.
  • Island – Sanchez, Carlos — Person · Producer / on-mic side participant · 4 mentions · first at
    On-mic participant used for banter (therapy bit, dating apps), and referenced as part of the show’s production team.
  • Zach Galifianakis — Person · Referenced actor/comedian (project context) · 3 mentions · first at
    Appears in the guest’s story about developing an FX show for Zach and casting Louis Anderson as his mother on 'Baskets'.
    I don't remember who else was there, but I started asking him about, we were just trying to decide what the show's about and like it was just Zach, a show for Zach. And I was working at FX and I had a show that was successful and I said, I.
  • Kalila — Person · Referenced ex-girlfriend of host · 2 mentions · first at
    Used as an example in a discussion about Bobby’s dating preferences and an anecdote about airport pickups.
    It's, I, love, it., Yeah., Because, Kalila, was mixed. Yeah.
  • Marissa Toé — Person · Referenced dating interest / social media contact · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a woman Bobby matched with and previously brought on stage; used in the dating/ghosting segment.
    She ghosted me and then Exactly.
  • Eric Cton — Person · Referenced skateboarder (wedding / skate scene) · 1 mention · first at
    Discussed as a skater present in the wedding story; Bobby recounts a negative first impression, while the other speaker says they know him.
    Eric, Cton's, one, of, his, closest, friends.
  • Sarah Highland — Person · Referenced past dating partner (anecdote) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in a story about Bobby dating someone from Louisville, Kentucky and feeling like the only Asian at a family dinner.
    Also,, there's, bullying, going, on, because like I remember when I was dating Sarah Highland, she, she, she, lived, she, was, from Louisville Kentucky our, favorite., And, we, went, one, dinner.
  • Bradley Cooper — Person · Referenced celebrity (dating app comparison) · 1 mention · first at
    Used as a humorous comparison point in a discussion about Raya and competition with celebrities.
    And, a, girl's, on, Rya., Bradley, Cooper.
  • Chris Rock — Person · Referenced comedian (name used in a joke/aside) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned briefly in a riff about a book title/idea (“Ingram… from Chris Rock”), functioning as a cultural reference point.
    That's about Rick Ingram from Chris Rock.
  • Rick Ingram — Person · Referenced comedian (book riff / character naming) · 1 mention · first at
    Name appears during a comedic bit about a book/story concept; used as a referent for a character/title gag.
    Ingram., That's, my, new, I, just, wrote, that.

Products & tech

  • Ingram — Product · Secondary mention · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in passing as a new book by the guest, with some discussion about its content.
    It's, about, a, little, boy, who's, kicked out of his house when he was like nine and he's just walking around Texas and, he's, alone, and, he's, and, he's, and life gets really hard for him.

Sponsors

  • Factor — Product · Sponsor · 4 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a meal delivery service that helps with staying on track during busy seasons.
  • Shopify — Product · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a platform for online businesses, highlighting its ease of use for managing sales.
  • Quint — Product · Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    Promoted as a brand offering premium quality wardrobe staples at reasonable prices.
  • Bluetooth — Product · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Promoted as chewable tablets for better sex, with a humorous twist.

Full transcript with timestamps

You two are bad friends. Who, are, these, two, idiots? A, white, dude, and, an, Asian, dude., You, two are disgusting.

You, two, are, something. We're, bad, friends. How, about, you?, Do, you, go, to, car, therapy, Carlos?

Weekly. You, do? Yeah. Yeah., For, seven, years. Oh,, wow. Yeah. What, do, your, therapist, say?

Uh, you, must, have, had, like, notepad, over, not I mean, you know, one of those scient You know those Yeah. Like FBI, CIA, you know what I mean? Boards.

Yeah., Yeah., No,, it's, a, hot, girl, and, she gives me Molly. That's, not, a, therapist.

It's, a, stripper, you're, seeing. This, is, a, stick., This, is, a, sticker, for my where I go. It's a large M.

Fantasy, therapy. What, is, it, called?, California, what? Center, for, Psychedelic, Therapy.

Oh, my, god. Yeah., It's, great. I, love, it. That's, so, embarrassing., So,, what, you, did Austin, then you did Vegas.

Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., I, went, to, a, game, in Austin, hung my family, then Vegas for a wedding in Austin. Uh, what else did you do there?

You're, not, giving, us, the, details. I, know, there's, something, else., There's things going on in your life and we want to know.

Well,, I, did, I, did, match, with, a, girl recently. Yeah. And, it, was, the, girl, that, we, brought, on stage in Houston.

Ooh. I, don't, remember, her. I, don't, remember, her. She's, kind, of, Asian-y.

And, like Yeah., But, like, it's, like, 80%, white,, 20% Asian. So Oh,, that's, a, good, That's, a, good, mix. That's a good mix.

80, white, 20., So, a, little, Asian. Yeah. Yeah. What, does, it, show?, I, just, the, eyes, are not completely

there,, you, know,, there's, an, angle, to them. Like, sharp, like, a, sharp. Yeah.

Like, when, the, eyes, were, being, developed in the wound, the Asian you, say, in, the, wound.

Womb. It's, womb. Carlos, for, years, thought, it, was, the wound. It's, inside, your, wound.

Yeah, that's, a, vagina., Carlos,, it's, a, wound. I've heard it goes inside your wound.

But, you, she, you, follow, her,, Bobby. I, do? Yeah., It's, Marissa., Toé. Oh,, no., I, No,, no., I, know, who, you're talking about.

Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. Yeah. And, did, you, Did, you, link, up?

Bring, her, up, on, the, thing, so, I, can, see what she looks like. We're not pull, up, her, name,, her, last, name., Uh,, no. She ghosted me and then Exactly.

Yeah. No,, but, she, followed, me, on, Instagram,, so we're doing okay. Okay. You, getting, ghosted, a, lot, lately?, What's going on?

Yeah,, it's, all, a, numbers, game. Yeah,, I, remember, at, the, show., I, now remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad became She's cute.

Yeah,, she's, cute. So, you, She, ghosted, you. She, ghosted, me,, but, then, I, think, she responded cuz it was easy cuz I was already back in LA.

Ah, like Oh,, she, waited, to, knew, you, till, she, knew you were gone. Yeah. Smart., Smart, girl.

It, is, smart. Yeah. So,, I'm, going, to, try, and, trap, her, into, a date in Austin.

Yeah., I, I, think, we, should, move, to, the Midwest. Where, do, you, want, to, go?

It's, a, It's, a, better, dating, pool. Oh,, it, is, for, sure., Yeah. Every, date, I, go, on, here, is, just, like, "You want to listen to my EP?" No, it's not good. It's not good. It's never good.

They, don't, say, EP, anymore. Oh,, whatever., Yeah., But, Oh,, do, you, want You want to see my paintings? It's never good.

What, do, they, say, if, they, don't, say, EP? What do you mean? They say Yeah,, EP., Be, like,, uh,, go, to, my, like Soundcloud or whatever.

Okay. They, wouldn't, be, like,, "Here's, like, a record." Uh,, well,, I, bet, you, some, of, the, East Side girls probably are like, "Yeah, the East."

They, press, it,, dude. I, didn't, know, they, were, pressing. Yeah., Yeah., Sorry.

Eagle, Rock, girls., Come, on,, dude. They'd, be, pressing. They, They'd, be, pressing., They, absolutely be pressing Michael.

Yeah., I, mean, that's, okay., So, that's, the prototype of I think who what I want to marry.

Oh,, you, mean, really, hot? Yeah., Yeah., Hot., Really, hot., Notice nothing about your past.

This, has, always, been, your, the, mix, Asian thing is your key. That's your key demo.

I've, dated., You've, seen, You've, met. I, know., That's, what, you, love, the, most.

It's, I, love, it., Yeah., Because, Kalila, was mixed. Yeah. Yeah., Yeah., Um other, girls, were, mixed, that

other, girls, mixed., You, know,, I, dated some mixies. Yeah. Yeah. Because full is a lot. It's too much.

Well,, it's, heavy. Yeah., Yeah. What, do, you, mean? It's, heavy. Well,, because, if, you, go, meet, parents, and they're both whites.

Yeah. That's, a, lot, of, defense, you, got, to, play. I, know. But, if, one, of, them, is, part, of, your lineage in anyway, if you got like the Asian dad, you're like, "How you doing?"

Yeah. You, know,, like, at least, you, got, a, little in. But if it's two whites, that's a lot of danger.

Also,, there's, bullying, going, on, because like I remember when I was dating Sarah Highland,

she, she, she, lived, she, was, from Louisville Kentucky our, favorite., And, we, went, one, dinner. One dinner I came to the dinner, family dinner.

Everyone, was, wearing, kimonos. Well,, that's, respectful. They, were. That's, respectful.

And, then, they, had, a, tight, Hello, Kitty shirt for me, so I put it on. It was really Everyone laughed.

That's, cute. It, is, cute,, right?, But, it's, like, it would have been nice if there was another Asian there.

Yeah. Oh,, you're, the, only, one. I, was, the, only, one., Yeah. They, should, have, brought, another, one, in. Just hire one just to be there. And when the grandma her grandmother didn't really like me that much.

Yeah. But, you, I, did, a, little, Asian, thing. I, have, Asian, technique, for, them, to, like me. I went to the grand piano and I started playing

cuz, I, knew, she, was, in, the, living, room and then I can see her trying starting to like me.

Right. You, got, to, bring, it., You, either, do, that or do your taekwondo something. You have to tell them you have Asian skills. I think

get, your, abacus, out, of, your, car, and Yeah., Yeah. Wait, till, you, see., Dude,, I, was, at, the wedding last night. My good buddy. What a fun little beautiful wedding.

Can, I, ask, you, Can, I, ask, you, what, skaters were there? Yes., No,, it, was, of, course, there, skaters cuz Sean is a phenomenal skater.

Mhm. Eric, Cton's, one, of, his, closest, friends. Frosty. He's always around. He's a good dude.

Are, you, nice?, Cuz, I, have, a, Eric, Cen story. We, know, each, other., I, know., I, play, golf with him a few times.

Oh,, you, have?, Okay. Yeah., Why, you, don't, like, Eric? Long, long, time, ago,, I, went, to, a, skate party.

Rut wrong. What, did, you, do? Nothing., And, I, met, I, someone, tried, to introduce me to him and he was really cold

to, you. To, me, and, I, remember, walking, away, from that going I hate that guy.

It's, one, of, the, best. But, back, then, I, I, don't, know, maybe, it was because I'm I was I'm a weird guy.

Yeah., You, are, very, weird. Yeah., Yeah. Yeah., And, you, know, I, you, know, I, come, I come to a party you know

shifty, you, know. Yeah., A, little, shifty. I'm, a, shifty, little, guy., You, know what, I mean? But I remember coming out of what

it's, very, urban, like, crackheady. Yeah., I, was, like, what's, that, man? Right., Very, skate, style., That, is, crack. That's crack.

Nollie,, huh? Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Switch., Switch. Switch. Which one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Laser flips, dude. You love them.

Hard, flip,, dog. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., So,, like, I, think, maybe was my shifty vibe. Yeah.

But,, you, know,, sometimes, you, meet somebody and you know, you don't know what people are going through.

You're, right., You, don't, know, what, he's You, don't, know., But, I, always, take, it personally

and, I, walk, away, from, them, going,, "I, need revenge." Yeah., May, I, write, down, what, I'm, going, to do?

Cuz, you, want, to, be, woripped. That's, right., Praise., Worship., That's what the boy needs. And that's

No., No., I, want, to, be, treated, like, a human being, dude. Not, true. I, want, to, be, acknowledged, as, a, human being.

Like, a, normal, celebrity. No,, no,, no., What, I'm, saying, is, is, that Oh,, that, hurt.

Gearing, him, up. Yeah,, you, got, me, geared, up,, Dad. You're, gearing, him, up,, dude.

Well,, I, know., That's, why, you, want, to, go to the Midwest, too. Less competition with celebrities.

Oo,, he's, getting, geared, up. That's, what, I, I, think, that,, too,, though. I I know what you're thinking.

Gearing, up, the, Bobo. I'm, on, Rya,, right? Yep. And, a, girl's, on, Rya., Bradley, Cooper.

Bobby, Lee., Which, one? Carlos. Are, you, Oh,, yeah., You're, on, there,, too.

Exactly. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. I, I, got, to, say, I, think, Bradley. Just, honest.

Yeah., I, I, think, Bradley. Honest, guess. Yeah. Honest, guess. No., Yeah., There, was, a, bunch, of, cool skaters there.

Yeah. Just, guys, that, like, I, grew, up, like loving from when I was It's just such a weird It's awesome. It's a weird thing to be friends with. Guys that you're like

Yeah. You, know,, and, we, It, was, awesome, wedding. It was [ __ ] beautiful. Everyone was so rad and nice cuz you know, like we don't I don't know I don't know his family that well.

Yeah., So,, it, was, really What's, the, mix, of, the, family? What, do, you, mean?

What, is, he? Oh,, interesting. Filipino. I, don't, know., I'm, not, going, to, tell, you.

Oh, yeah. There's, some, mix, though. There, is, a, mix. Yeah., A, brown. He's, not, a, fully.

Yeah,, there's, a, brownie., There's, some brownie in there. No. Mhm. What, What, are, What, are, you, being, so mysterious about?

I, don't, know. Okay. Yeah,, there's, a, mix. There's, a, mix. There's, mixed, family., Yeah., It, was, rad though. And everyone was super [ __ ] cool to us

and, very, nice, and, it, was, a, beautiful wedding venue. It's one of those moments where you're like, and you know what's so funny about skater weddings is that you, know,, no matter, what, you, wear, you're good.

Ah, because, everyone's, wearing, cool, [ __ ] Like there there isn't this weird expectation for like anybody to to like go out of their way to be like I got to make sure. It's like no, they just want you to look cool, be casual, and have a little bit of have a little bit of

Let, me, say, something., If, I, have, a wedding, dress up. No,, no,, they, did., You, know,, I'm, saying this incorrectly. Let me guess. What I'm trying to say is like the vibe was very like

no, tuxedos., It, was, like, cool, clothes. It, was, like, how, Ron, Howard, dresses,

right? Like, when, he's, drinking, like, a, suit, but a t-shirt and a ball cap. Ron Howard style.

Yeah., It, was, like, skaters., They, all, have great style. So it was just like cool. Like this one dude had a [ __ ] super wild green suit on. It looked so sick.

And, like, some, dudes, had, just, the, dopest gear. I was like And also wearing Vans. Like rocking Vans.

Yeah., They, dress, so, good. They, just, have, good, skaters, have, the best [ __ ] style, dude. They do.

They, just, have, like, this, vibe, of, like they pull it off. It's It looks wellto-do and then still casual as [ __ ] but it's still dressy.

Yeah. Like, this, dude, uh, um, this, dude, Cole, from Metalwood, he had this just dope ass purple suit on and I was like this [ __ ] it was so fly.

Like, Dumb, and, Dumber. Exactly. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. Just, looked, so, fly., I, wore, a, traditional black suit. So I just That's all I wear to weddings. Yeah.

I, only, wear, black. You, look, good. Just, black., Well,, cuz, look, at, this., I can't What color are you going to

maltto?, was, like,, "Colors, are, option. What color do you want to do, dude? You like a bright color?" And I was like "It's going to be black, bud. I can't wear Look at this.

I, have, to, go, to, Jimmy, out., You, know, that that this is suits for 5'4" or less

on, Ventura., I, have, to, go, there, now., And whenever I'm there, they're like, "Yeah Seth Seth Green just came in." Like all the smaller actors

you, know,, I, mean,, Brad, Williams, just picked up three suits. Tom, Cruz. Yeah., Yeah.

You, see, what, it's, called?, It's Joe, Peshy,, Patino,, Elijah, Wood,, Tom Cruz, Kevin Hart. Dude, brother, you're Michael J. Fox. You are in good. You're in good company.

They, all, go, to, that, Jimmy, Ow's, place. Jimmy's, short., What's, it, called?

See,, see, what, what, that, place, is, called? Cuz I love the guy cuz he's always there.

What, is, it?, Big, and, tall., Is, it, small and short? Jimmy, small and shorts. Dave Franco. A lot of guys that are under 5'8.

No., Um, how, about, suits, 5'4, or, less?, Um,, Sherman Oaks. So, funny., No, tailoring, needed.

Yeah. Hello., Hello. Hello. Hello., Hello., Uncle, Lou. I, brought, you, five, cheeseburgers.

Are, you, being, real? I, brought, you, five. Thank, you. Wow. Did, you, really, go, to, Bob's?, Wow.

Let, him, sit, in, that, blue, chair., Lou. Lou. Wow., Lou., This, is, This, is

extravagance. Yeah., So,, it's, kind, of, a, [ __ ], up, story because I wanted, a, cheeseburger.

Yeah., So,, you, brought, five, of, them. That's, it., Yeah., No,, I, was, I, I, was looking for I don't know like an In-N-Out or something. I was kind of in a hurry and I needed I cuz I need to eat before a certain hour. I wake up in a

in, a, cold, sweat, if, I, eat, too, late. So,, did, you, eat? So,, so, I, went, into, Bob's., I, was, like, "Oh, this is like a family burger." Like, cool. Right. So I go in and I said and I pictured coming here with a bag a paper bag

full, of, burgers. Yeah. And, just, going,, "Here, everybody,, have some burgers."

And, I, sat, down, and, I, ate, uh, Bob's, Big Burger. Yeah. And, it, was, really, disgusting.

And, I, got, a, vanilla, shake,, but, I, had, a paper straw, so I couldn't drink it.

Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. And, then, they, gave, me, the, burgers, in this [ __ ] horrible I thought I wanted it to be like an oldfashioned like cops uh you know. Is it as bad as I

Mine, was?, Yeah,, they're, bad. Lou,, can, I, eat, it, later? Once, you, leave,, can, I, eat, it, once, you leave?

The, whole, thing, was, a, mistake. He, has, three, over, there. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Here.

No,, no,, he, will, eat, those. No,, I'm, on, Oympic. Oh,, that's, right., Yeah., Yeah.

I, like, that, being, OMIC, on, Ozmpic, is, like being kosher or something. Yeah,

it, is., I, mean,, he, did, throw, up, for, the first like two weeks he was on it.

It, was, tough., No,, I, had, to, switch, from Ozic to Wiggoi. We're, on, WGO. I'm, on, WGO, now.

You, don't, do, that, [ __ ], You, would, never never. [ __ ], that. I, don't, know., I, would, if, it, was, a, good idea, but I don't think it's terrible. I think it's uh that you're going to die from that.

You, think, you, really, do? No,, I, don't., Of, course, not., Being, an [ __ ] No, I I uh don't I don't like I get nervous about things like that going and you know that change how you feel or that change you neurologically.

Oh,, neurologically. And, also, I, like, the, fight, I'm, in, with weight and stuff.

Yeah. Like, it., It's, something, to, lean, against, you know. I, think, you, lost, weight., No.

Oh., Oh,, thank Dude., He, was, doing,, you, know,, he, was setting us up. That's all he wanted to say.

You, look, so, slender., Me? Well,, I've, been, working, out, and, eating more.

Oh,, that's, good. Good. Yeah., Yeah., When, you, do, when, you separate and you start working out more and eating less, you're really hurting yourself.

Uh,, so, I'm, just, going, like, I'm, more exercise. Yeah. So,, let's, lay, it, on.

What's, What's, the, one, exercise, that, you actually enjoy? because none of them are that enjoyable.

I, kind, of, like, the, way, it, all, feels. You, do? Yeah. [ __ ], I, don't, know., I, can't, get, through it lately. I guess maybe it's also the if the depression exercise is like I'm doing it because I know I need to do it.

Oh,, yeah., No., Yeah. Cuz, I, want, to, do, it. How, old, are, you? 42. Yeah., I, mean,, it, sure, starts, changing. I'm 58. It starts changing.

Yeah. Yeah. What, happens? Start, feeling, different., I, mean,, you just sort of like get philosophical about it and you go like, I like the way it feels when my body heats up because I'm going on like uphill treadmill or whatever. I'm stairmaster

and, if, I, don't, want, to, do, it,, I, just don't do I never do it if I don't want to.

See,, I, do, that, all, the, time. And, I'm, starting, to, eat, whatever, I, want.

Like, what, do, we, What, do, you mean? Doesn't, matter. Just, eat, it., Because, somebody, is explaining this to me that if you prohibit, you're in this constant tension that you then have to binge to release. But if you just go like whatever, I, want,, I'm, going to, eat, it when I want it. What happens is your body goes like that [ __ ] hurt. That actually hurt. That was not a good idea. And then that memory makes you go, "Oh yeah, I don't want that this time. I want less things than I used to." You know what, I, mean?

Oh, yeah. You, get, hunger, pains, at, night? No. You, don't?, You, wait. He's, still, thinking, about, the, old, world.

No,, what, I'm, saying, is, is, that, late, at night sometimes I'm like, "Should I get a sandwich?"

No., Well,, here's, the, difference., You're not explaining. He stays up all night. So, he'll be up at four or five and he It's now been seven hours.

It's, important, to, me, to, go, to, sleep, and stay asleep. So, if I if I eat too close to bedtime

Yeah. I, wake, up, in, the, at, like, 3:00, in, the morning and it sweat cuz my body's trying to digest and it doesn't.

You, think, it's, a, white, thing?, Excuse, me for saying Well,, you, mean, white, versus, you?

You, mean, white, in, a, way, that, you're, not? I, I, think, our, bodies, are, different. That's all.

They, are., That's, true. Yeah., Yeah., Well,, but, you, stay, up, all night. Yeah,, I, do., But, because, I, you, know, I, am uh

an, Asian, thing, or I, think, it's, an, Asian, thing. Are, you, Korean? I, don't, know, anything, about

Yeah,, that's, a, good, guess. Thank, you. Yeah,, because, when, white, people, guess, they never get it right.

You, could, be, Chinese. Could, I, be? I, almost, said, you, could, have, Chinese.

Yeah, you, could, have, Chinese. But, that, was, a, really, good, guess. Korean., Yeah,

there's, like, four., I, mean,, what's No,, there's, a, bunch., So, there's, Thai Cambodia.

I, know., I, know., Yeah., Hear it, on, purpose. Yeah., That, was, really, good.

You, have, a, gong,, so, it's, fair, to, talk about this. Yeah., Yeah. Right., You, have, a, gong, with, a, fortune cat.

A, fortune, cat., Yeah., Yeah. His, father, made, this, before, he, died. That's why we This is an homage to his father.

Really? Yeah., No., But did, he, make, it, as, a, weapon, or Yeah. We, think, about, it, every, time, we, when, we This is when we remind

Yeah. He, feels, his, father. Stop, doing, that,, dude., Okay., It's [ __ ] weird.

If, you, wanted, a, good, burger,, you, should have texted us. We would have told you where to go. That's not That's not where to go.

I, really, regret, it. Yeah,, that, sucks., There's, so, many, good burgers too.

Are, you, single, right, now,, Louis? Um,, no. Oh,, you're, seeing, somebody? Um,, yeah., I'm, with, somebody, very, much.

Oh,, very, good. Very, in, love, with, somebody. Oh,, that's, great. Yeah,, somebody, I, want, to, be, with.

Wow. He's, looking, for, love. No,, what, I'm, saying, is, that, cuz, I, was curious. Does has do does Louie ever date Asians? Have you ever dated an age in your life?

Yes. Oh,, good. Yeah. Very, good., Very, good. I, dated, a, Korean, woman, for, um, a, little while. Yeah.

And, what, did, you, what, what, was, that experience like? Cuz I've been dating a Korean woman for 6 years now.

Yeah. Yeah., Oh,, yeah., Okay. So,, you, are, Korean? Yeah. Yeah,, I, am., That's, why, I, said, you, got, it right.

Yeah. Yeah. I, thought, Yeah. Yeah., Very, good., Yeah., Yeah. What?, Well,, one, thing, cuz, she, told, me, the woman I I dated told me she I I I asked her, "What's your last name?" And she was like, "I mean, guess. You're going to get it in two guesses."

All, right. Cuz, it's, like, Lee, or, Park. It's, true., Like, it's, only, one, of, them.

Yeah., There's, some, chos. Chose. There's, some, CHOs., Yeah., Yeah. He's, envious, of, a, couple, chos., That's why.

But, what, was, it, like?, So,, she, was, I really liked her very much. She was cool and she was she had an interesting she was a different she talked about being Korean without my asking her you know it was part of her uh she said that it was um um there wasn't many in my also she was Korean of my generation there was nobody she was like in a desert of Koreans in her raised in New Jersey

and, she, said, that, she, had, like, two friends and they are still very close because they felt very isolated just wasn't many people from their culture. But she told me interesting things like that when Korean people say hello, they say uh when have you eaten or like say have you eaten? Yeah.

That's, that's, their, how, you, doing? What, is, that?, What's, it, when, your, mom says that when we see her?

Peekopa. Peekopa. Peopa. Peopa. Yeah., Are, you, hungry? Are, you, hungry?, Yeah., Yeah.

His, mom, does. And, then, Pebbulo, is, I'm, hungry., I'm, I'm I'm full. I'm, full.

Yeah., Yeah., And, I, know, which, is, penis. Okay. Donk, which, is, butthole., Jut, which, is tit. Boji [ __ ] Is there

That's, I, think, that's, all, I, know. Plural, for, tit., You, can, only, say bogies, maybe., Yeah.

Boji. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. That's, like, titty, titty., Yeah., Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And, then, here's, another, thing, I, I learned. Um juke juke. No. Yeah., No., Let, me, finish.

What? Go., Go., Go. You, know, what, jukejuk, is? Yeah., Isn't, that, jizz? No., No., Jukjuk, isn't, jizz.

Trying, to, start, a, Korean, car., Juke. Yeah. Yeah. Jukjuk is slang for sex. So, I, asked, a, Korean, guy., I, go,, "What? I've never like what? Why juke juke?" He goes, "That's what sex sound like." Juke.

Lots, of, [ __ ], farts, in, Korea. Yeah., I, guess, they're, queefing, a, lot over, there., You, know what, I, mean?, But yeah, they are.

Yeah., I've, never, heard, juke, juke, when I'm having sex. No. Well,, I I, always, hear, a, Korean, guy, in, the, room going juke juke.

Yeah., Sitting, in, the, cuff, chair. Factor., Fall, always, feels, like, a, reset between back to school, busier routines and shorter days. Finding time to cook can be tough. That's why I love Factor.

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Sometimes, your, little, Toki, is, going, to bed and he got to the, dum, dum, and, I, need, Bluetooth., What? I take a blue chew, I chew it.

Yang,, right?, And, then, like, 45, minutes later it's party time. I'm, telling, you., Blue, is, the, original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. Guys, if you are looking to have some of the best sex of your life Bobby calls me every time he's done having sex and goes, "I blue chewed it and I blew her away." It's not just about performance. This is about legacy or third legacy. Get it, Bob?

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So, you're, in, love, for, that., Yes. That's, great. Yeah., She's, great., She's, awesome.

Yeah. Is, there, lirance, involved? Uh, no,, I, don't, think, so. Oh., Oh,, really?, Okay.

I, mean, both, of, us, are, single. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., But, is, there, is, there one, person, more, like,, you, know what, I mean, obsessed with the other person?

No,, I, think, we, feel, we, feel, pretty equal. Wow. And, it's, nice,, you, know,, like, uh, I, I heard somebody talking once about like you know, I don't want to be the kind of guy who picks girls up at the airport like that. I heard that said as a bad thing,

picking, them, up, at, the, airport, right? And, I've, picked, her, up, at, the, airport.

You, like, her? Well,, how, did, that, one, time, I, was, coming home and she goes, "Hey, I could pick you up at the airport." And I'm like "You don't have to." and she said, "Can I please pick you up at the airport?" And I was like "Good. We're we're equal. We're match."

It, depends, on, what, airport, to, be, honest. I mean, that is a big piece of it.

What you, It, depends, on, the, airport., I, mean, like Oh,, for, sure. My, wife, has, never

never, I, mean,, but, I, don't, I, would, It's such an annoyance. I like I don't even want her to because I'm pissed off when I get to the airport.

She's, going, to, show, up, annoyed., It's like I'd rather you just be chill at home.

Yeah. Yeah., Cuz, I, Yeah. I, don't, like, it, when, they, don't, do, the full thing.

What, do, you, mean?, What? Let, me, finish. All right,, let, me, finish. He, speaks, in, limicks., So,, yeah.

Let, me, finish., Okay., All right., Kalila, my ex-girlfriend, she goes, "I'll pick you up from the airport." Right. But when I would land, she wouldn't be there.

And, she's, like,, "I'm, stuck, in, traffic." No. Go. You're, right., Right. Be, at, the, when, the, escalators, go, down where the baggage claim is. Be there with a sign.

All, right., And, then, sometimes, it's, like, "Come to the parking lot because I'm not going to go in. You just have to find my car." No. [ __ ] you.

No. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., You, come, to, me. You, come, to, me. Yeah. I, think, that's, fair.

Thank, you. Yeah., I, mean,, well, it's, not, a, full, endorsement. Yeah. I'm, just, being, polite.

Yeah., Um I, just, don't, I, just, It, just, I'm, doing, my best to travel better now to have a better attitude cuz it's such a nightmare when you get That's horrible.

But, that's, why, whenever, she, used, to, do it when we were younger and broke, she was like, you know, you can get a [ __ ] cab.

Yeah. Like, you, make, money, out, when, you Yeah., But, you're, married. Yeah., Yeah., But, no,, I'm, saying, before, we were married, when we were dating, she was like, "Get a [ __ ] cap." I'm saying,

"How, long, you, been, married, for?" Almost, 10. Fantastic. It's, fantastic. Yeah.

You, have, kids? No, kids., Can't, have, kids. No. She's, got, a, penis. No. Okay., I, don't, know.

No,, she, doesn't. I, just, Yeah. No., No,, she, doesn't. Is, it, worth, it? What?

Having, children., You, have, some. I, have, two. Yeah,, that's, two., That's, some., That, is, I think sum is I think sum is three or more.

Do, you, really? A, couple, is, two,, sum, is, three. Is, some, three? I, think, some, it's, like, a, series, is, three or more.

It's, crazy, to, teach, an, Asian, math. That's like the wildest [ __ ] A, couple, is, two,, sum, is, three.

It's, more, cultural, social, math, though. Yeah., Okay. He's, bad, at, all, of, them.

Sure. Yeah., Okay., So, that, you, have, um, a, couple I, have, two. What? It's, worth, it., I, think, I, think, anybody who's on the fence about it should just do it.

Really?, It's, never, a, mistake., It's impossible for it to be a mistake. Okay.

A, person. Yeah. Yeah. For, whatever, happens. Wow. Well,, your, kids, are, grown, like, grown grown, right? Like

20, and, 23. Wow. Wow. Out, of, college., The, or, at, college?, Any of them? College., Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's, [ __ ], great. Cuz, I, remember, your, first, HBO, special, the half hour. I think that was your first, right? On HBO or No

I, did, one, uh, back, in, the, '9s, that, was just goofy jokes. But the one I did that was a half hour was all

You, talked, about, your, kids, and, stuff. Yeah, that was a great special. Thanks. Amazing.

Thank, you. You, know,, I, met, you., I, I, don't, You, don't remember when I met you? I I think I brought it up the last time I saw you. Yes. And Matt TV with Lauren. Yeah

I, remember. You, don't, remember, meeting, me? I, do, because, uh, my, friend, Dino, wrote, for you guys.

Oh, yeah,, Dino. And, I, was, on, the, lot, doing, something else. I don't remember. Maybe Cedric the Entertainer show.

Yeah,, that's, right., That's, right. And, so, yeah,, I, do, I, used, to, see, you around. But I didn't really We didn't like hang out.

Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. Did, you, write, for, Cedric's, show? I, did. You, did?

Cedric, the, Entertainer, Presents., It's pretty, great,, huh? You, wrote, on, that, show.

I, was, a, writer, and, co-executive producer. Yeah. Wow. Give, us, some, Give, us, some, good, said bits.

Cedric., Yeah. I, mean,, Cedric, was, like, Jackie, Gleason. He was like a great performer.

He's, fascinating. He's, so, fascinating., Yeah., He, really like the And now because now he's on like a uh like a traditional uh sitcom and it's massively popular, right?

Yes. Neighbor., The, neighbor. Something, like, that., Yeah., I, never, seen that.

That's, still, there., That's, still, going on. Oh,, it's, got, to, be., It's, those, network shows. They'll just they keep riding.

He, was, one, of, the, most, natural performers I ever worked with. That guy could make anything funny.

[ __ ], eight, seasons., That, thing. Wow., We, had, this, bit, that, I, wrote, called um Texas versus Maine and it was some like local access cable show in Texas that he's and he's a Texan and it's about how much better Texas is than Maine and he hates Maine and he does this kind of like kind of like uh what's his name? The uh cartoon character with cowboy hat.

I, know., I, can't, think, of, his, [ __ ] name. Yeah., Yeah. Samuse, Sam. Yuseity, Sam., He, did, sort, of, an impression of him and

and, I, used, to, love, watching, him, do, it. He was he was really something. A, good, guy,, too., Like, really, good, guy.

Yeah. You, You, haven't, talked, to, him, in, years. Oh,, I, haven't? No. It, was, like, an, You, haven't, talked.

I, I, can, tell., I, can, tell. It's, been, a, few, years. Well,, cuz, you're, talking, about, him, in the past tense. Like he died.

Like, he, died. Yeah., Yeah. Yeah., No,, we, just, still, we, didn't, we didn't stay friends. I mean, not not actively, but I'm always happy when I do see him. I said

"Yeah.", Hey, do, you, hug, them, or, no? Cuz, that, that, that, tells, me, a, lot.

I, don't, think, you're, a, hugger. We, hug. You, do? Yeah., I, like, Okay,, good.

I, mean,, when, I, saw, you, the, other, day, you gave me a side hug. That was very fruitful.

Yeah. I'll, tell, you, I'll, tell, you, the, best thing that uh the thing that warmed my heart. You said to me, "This was great. This is probably the best piece of advice I've gotten from someone. We were at the seller and we were in um

we, were, in, the, Fat, Black, Lounge and, you, were, in, the, hallway, and, you, were like, "That was that was really good. When I got off stage, I said, "Oh, thank you, man." And you go, "That's family stuff. That's great." And I go, "Yeah." "Oh, thank you." And you go, "That other stuff, get rid of that." And I was like "Okay." And you go, "The family said that was good." And I go, "Right right." And you go, "But the other stuff."

No,, he, didn't. Yes,, he, did., Yes,, he, did., Yeah,, he, did. You, did, in, a, jokey, way.

I, No,, I, meant It, was, [ __ ], great. Oh,, you, did?, I, saw, him, at, the, Fat, Black. I had never seen him. I've I've I've seen clips of you guys together and stuff.

Yeah. And, uh, so, I, was, just, watching, him, and, uh he was doing this stuff about his family and he was doing a really smart bit about if you about how you can um about resentment towards his parents and that later when they become weaker and you start controlling their lives, you can get revenge on them. And it sounded really like the feelings felt real.

Yeah. And, that, was, really, engaging., And, then he talked about if you really want to get back at people that age, give them Bluetooth for presents, like Bluetooth items.

Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. And, uh, and, it, was, a, great, bit., And, then he started doing some about Trump and the those issues that you know and I was like I just felt

I, just, went, away., And, that's, how, I, feel about most people. He's as though I think I said to you, you're as good as anybody while you're talking about your family. Yeah.

You're, as, good, as, anyone., Like, really great. And then the other thing is you sound like everyone, right? You sound just like everyone else.

Wow. Because, uh, this, thing, my, take, on, the, you know everyone's trapped in like four issues

for, like, since, 2016. Yeah. Trump, trans, blah, d., It's, just, the, same [ __ ] stuff. And here's my take on the woke this. It's just so boring.

And, uh, and, everyone, takes, a, shot, on, on Twitter and on the podcasts. We all do it. So on stage it's like why why you can fashion a great you know no one has your family no one has your voice you know it's totally interesting to watch somebody you can tell where they're you know

and, where, they're, coming, from, uh, e ethnically where they're coming from in where they are and the kind of family they had. That's I'll listen to that all day.

Yeah. Can, I, ask, you It, was, awesome., I, loved, it. Can, I, ask, you, a, question?

Yeah., You, don't, have, to, ask. I'm, on, your, show. I, know., But, can, I, ask, you, one?, Yeah.

Okay., Um, let me Okay. So, um, I want No, this is the way cuz I want to be real for a second.

Sure., I'm Okay., So,, um,, I've, always, been, obsessed about killing. Uh-huh.

So,, I'm, not, as, prolific. Okay. Right. Yeah,, I, understand, that. Yeah., And, I, haven't, changed, my, act., I mean, right now I'm doing a special for Hulu, so I'm trying to come up with new stuff. But my point is is that

I'm, so, afraid, of, not, killing, that., I, I I've been I'm in a [ __ ] rut. I, totally

because, of, that, fear,, you, know, what I mean? And it's like I know that there's more that I can do. I know there's more that I can say and I just don't do it because I hate bombing. You know what I mean? And it's like I just know that I'm not growing. And I know that, you know I mean, you're so you're very prolific

if, I, can, say, that. Yes,, I, am. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., I, mean,, you're, one, of those comics that like if you're performing, like all the comics will run into the room to watch you. When I perform, they [ __ ] leave. They're [ __ ] fire.

They, don't, leave. They, do., They, do., The, whole, background doesn't, matter., None, of, that, matters.

Okay. [ __ ], the, other, comedians., That's, not your audience. Okay. You're, not, doing, this, for, them.

Yeah., Who, am, I, doing, it, for? They're, just, their, competition, and, their colleagues. They're just people that also do what you do.

Okay. Has, nothing, to, do, with, them. Yeah. How, do, I, get, over, this, rut, though?

Yeah., What, you're, describing, is, a, very important thing and it's a very vulnerable place to be. You know exactly what you have to do. Your problem is your solution is right in front of you.

What, is, it? It's, just, you, got, to, you, got, to, get, over it. No., In, other, words,, you, you're, you're, I mean what I'm saying is you're way ahead of the game because a lot of people don't understand what their problem is.

Yeah., I, totally, understand, it., That, is the basic problem for most comedians. Um because they're afraid of that feeling. I'm not killing. I was raised to kill as a comic. I started in Boston and in Boston it was like you might get hurt if you don't kill cuz the room might get really nasty

right? And, someone, might, throw, [ __ ], at, you. They might wait for you outside. Like there's a feeling in Boston of like

there's, the, bad, version, of, this, is [ __ ] bad. And also there was this kind of like this biting spirit there. So I I liked it. I I was 18 when I started. So I was killing killing killing. It took me a long time to realize that this is I still try to untrain myself. There's bits where I'm like that crushes but it's not making me better. I got to stop doing it.

So, it's, not, only, not, wanting, to, bomb. It's also like backing away from the obvious sometimes and just going like "Yeah, that bit annihilates." But

yeah, what, are, we, doing? You, know, better., Yeah. Yeah., It's, not, there's, no, quality, to, it. There's nothing that's not taking me anywhere new. I mean, all the thing is uh the problem with comedians is they take everything very personally and it's a it's a scientific thing kind of comedy and it's an art. So you should think of the, like, pro, p privilege, the, work, what's what matters is this bit right um like I was watching this kid in uh New York and he was doing bits about the election the last one and it had been over for a while

and, uh, and, the, bits, were, strong but, people, weren't, really, into, it. Yeah.

And, he, made, some, comment, on, stage, like oh I guess you guys don't like my politics or something. And I pulled him aside afterwards and I said, "It's because it's an old topic. No one wants to hear about it. Old elections." And he said "I know, but this bits were killing and I don't want to let him go." Yeah. And he what I said to him was cuz he was very young guy. So I said

"If, you, took, the, two, minutes, of political material and instead you stood there and did nothing, uh, you'd grow more as a comic."

It'd, be, better, for, you, as, a, comedian. Yeah., I, think, every, comedian, should, try to put especially in these workout sets in the clubs.

Yeah. At, some, point, have, like, an, alarm, go, off or some way that you go, I'm going to do 90 seconds. I got no act. Just 90 seconds of just of just try to see what happens. If you don't keep coming and coming and coming with it

it's, that, panic, moment, of, like, I, got, to kill right now. If you can just get past it, it's like the sound barrier, you know, with that big explosion.

Yeah., On, the, other, side, of, the, sound barrier is like there's a calm. You go like, "Oh, I'm I got power now. I'm not killing. They're looking at me. This is weird. I'm still here. I'm alive.

I, can, do, a, bunch, of, things, I, couldn't, do on the other side of this." Yeah.

You, could, only, do, one, thing, when, you need it to be kill. But if you get past that, you have like this bunch of other options that you're like, "Wow, I could do this." They're looking at the room comes alive when you stop getting laughs.

It, does. People, Yeah., People, start, going,, "What is going on?" There's no Cuz this puts you to sleep.

Yeah. They're, not, even, listening, after, a while. You, know,, if, you're, doing, jokes, you could one always do one joke where you go and then I flap the jab black laps. it like where you literally make no sense and you'll get that's why a lot of comics have like 15 tags and they're getting jokes just because the the motor's in motion. They're not funny.

Yeah. But, you, just, get, You, know what, I, mean? I, mean, it's you, just, have, to, You're, 54., What, are, you waiting for?

It's, time., It's, Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. It's, never, too, late. Okay. You, need, to, start, going, on, stage, and having bad sex.

Yeah. You, have, to. You, have, to., Yeah, you, have, to., That's, it., You, won't, grow.

You, have, to. But, no,, you, you, have, to. No,, no,, no., I'm, saying, you, have, to.

I, do, it, all, the, time., Every, time, I, go out to start writing a show, I I struggle mightily for months.

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Go to shopify.com/badfriends. That's shopify.com/badfriends. And in nowhere in time on set, you're like, I'm I'm I've lost the room and I I have to do a joke that I know it's proven or no, you stay in the

try, not, to, do, that., I, do, I'm, weak, when, I do that, but I try to stay in it and just go like this is like when I'm developing a new hour, I go to the seller, I I go in, I haven't been in for a while, I do five minutes, maybe just a few jokes I have, and then I get off. And the next time I do 10, when I get to about 20

yeah, then, it, starts, filling, in, and, it, starts getting strong. When, I, have, a, strong, 20,, I, put, it, away. I'm like, you can't do these jokes anymore. And I go back in with nothing.

And, I, start, with, another, zero, hard., And what's, so, funny? And, then, you, get

that, brave, hard, joke. Well,, I'm, going, to, do, it. Okay. 1996. So I don't do it on the special.

He's, got, a, Braveheart, joke. Yeah,, it's, funny. It's, fresh. Listen,, my, last, special, or, one, of, the last ones I did a special a joke about Goodwill Hunting and it was 201 Well, you did a whole thing about the Bible. That's [ __ ] old.

The, Bible's Bible's been out for a while. Yeah., Yeah., So,, Lou,, I'm, going, to, make, a deal with everyone in this room. Okay.

Yeah. For, my, special,, I'm, going, to, Cuz, I've never done a special. Right., Right., So,, I, have, to, do, the things that I've amassed.

No,, you, don't. For, my, special,, it's, in, two, months. Okay., Well, I, know., But, for, the, next,, you, know what I mean? Thing.

Yes., Look,, do, the, special, and, clean house. I'm, cleaning, house and, then, start, over.

I'm, never, going, to, do, those, jokes, again. That's, great., That's, right., Yeah., I, love that.

He's, going, to, clean, house, the, way, a hoarder does where they're like, "Don't really don't get rid of that.

Put, that, right, there.", Yeah, I'll, throw, out, one, of, the, four, Kermits.

I'm, keeping, the, other, three, Kermits., The un unboxed. I'm, going, to, tell, you, what., I'm, going, to tell you why I'm doing it.

Sure. Because, when, I, perform,, I, don't, feel good. I feel pain. Yeah,, man.

Every, [ __ ], I've, been, there. Yeah., I, feel, pain., I, feel, disgusted. When I drive home, I don't feel good.

You, got, You, totally, get, what's, going, on. I, know., There's, something, going, on., Yes. And it's like when I was younger and I was like bombing and I was like trying new things and going what's my voice and all that kind of stuff. It was in retrospect I mean back then you were struggling there was no money and getting stage time and all the [ __ ] [ __ ] that you have to go through but still in terms of performing it felt new. It felt fresh kill are traps. They're they are prisons.

Yeah. And, they, keep, you, from, I, mean, you're stuck in these bits. It's horrible. Yeah,

I, had, the, same, opening, joke, for, like, 10 years or more. Uh, and I every time I said it, it felt like I was pissing out of my my own mouth. I hated it. I hated it so much.

Can, you, tell, me, what, is, the, joke? Yeah., And, it's, actually, about, piss., I hate I hate I hate saying it.

Please, do, it. Yeah., Yeah. It's, Oh, god,, it's, so, horrible., I, mean, it is what it is. It's a joke, but it's about I live in New York. It was like uh, New York is the only city where you actually have to say things like, "Hey that's mine. Don't

don't, piss, on, it.", Yeah,, I, know., I, love that. That's, a, great, joke. I, like, I, like, Yeah,, I've, heard, you, do.

It's, a, fine, joke,, but, do, it, for, 10, years every night. Like, it's not You, felt, he, That's, um, He's, autistic. Sorry about that.

He, He'll, move, furniture, the, whole, show. It's just kind of what he does. When, When, you, try, new, stuff,, do, you, have a button or is it sometimes like just a premise? Yeah, usually it's a premise like I come up with I'll be you know walking around and I'll I'll have a thought or in a conversation where I'm like that's I know that area is a bit

right and, I'll, write, down, the, premise, just, the word like two words of what it is and then I wait I try not to think about it too much till I get on stage and then I go on stage the next time and I explain it to the first audience and that's how I write it usually.

Wow., And, then, it, gets, refined, over, time. Once in a while bits come to me full like well I don't know where that came from but just like a joke like I'll come up with a I'll think of a sentence and then I'll think of a joke cuz I do still like jokes you know.

Yeah. So, I, jokes, I, just, they, come, they, pop, in. Uh but bits where you're talking about something that's that's the way I do those. You just you know there's an area there's something there and you wait cuz they're listening. They're there no better. They're the instrument.

So, when, you're, working, in, the, dark, it's like being a composer. They like to have a piano. They like to hear it, you know not just sit there and go this and have it all in their head.

Yeah. When, you, have, an, audience,, that's, your instrument. So you they're sitting there waiting and that makes you that brings it out of you like and it makes you come up with it funny cuz that's what you that's what you do.

Pitch, Louis, some, bits., You, got, some, He's got some new [ __ ] Pitch him some.

No. Pitch, him, some, bits. I'm, not, doing, it, now. Yeah., Do, it. No., No., No., I'm, not, doing, that, right now.

He's, got, a, couple, in, the, chamber., Come on. Tell him. Tell, me, one. Tell, him, one, of, the, new, bits.

One, idea, for, new, bit., Come, on. Well,, I, have, a, bit, that, um, I'm, trying, to get to work.

Look, at, Louis, when, you, do, it., Don't, look at me. Yeah., I, want, to, look, at, you,, too., I, want to look at you. I want to look at you right now.

Exercise, for, you. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Good, for, you. Yeah. So,, I, have, a, bit, about, like, um, my, dad used to tell wild stories. I don't know if they were true or not, right?

Mhm. Like, when, I, was, 14,, my, dad, goes,, "When, I was your age, okay, in Korea, I used to kill wolf, right?" I go, "There are wolves in Korea. So many wolf." You mean everywhere wolf, you know? One time wolf attack, I break a leg, right? I take a stick, pop in the face, right? Then a couple of days later, my friend um um John brought his core giver to my house

and, my, dad, goes,, "How, does, your, wolf used to kill dogs?" But, it, you, know, it's, a, great, bit.

Yeah. What's, wrong, with, you? It, doesn't, get, a, huge, laugh, though, on stage. It gets kind of a giggle.

It's, a, great, bit. Ke,, you, got, to, do, that, bit., Yeah., Yeah. Yeah. It's a great bit.

Yeah. Just, give, him, another, one., No,, I, want, to give up. You, got, to, keep, You, got, to, keep, doing it.

All, of, every, bit, I, have. I, give, up, that, destroys. Yeah. Started, either, weak

or, like, pissing, people, off,, but, I, just keep doing it and and it's like it's like walking to a firing squad and saying, "Shoot me." It's hard.

Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., and, you, go, and, they go, "Uhhuh." But these all these bits are really there's still a few in in my set now. Even though I'm doing theaters that I'm like, I still know I'm not getting what I should be getting with that one. It still feels weak, but I still believe in it. So, I'm still And it keeps changing and changing.

So,, I, got, to, cuz, sometimes you, got, to, keep, doing, it., You, got, to, do that bit over and over again.

Okay., That's, what, it, is. Yeah., Over, and, over. Over, and, over, again. Are, you, doing, the, bit, Are, you, doing, the bit about the uh how we can mount and dismount an entire race in one

I, don't, remember., I, remember, those words, but I don't remember what the, way, you, said, that., That, stuck., I

mountain. Now, you're, saying, the, way, that, we, say like when you have someone on the [ __ ] news says like

Oh,, that, Yeah., No,, I, don't, do, it anymore. Why,, dude? Yeah., I, had, a, whole, bunch, of, stuff, about people the way people talk in the news and I had some about Trump and all this stuff and and that stuff I just decided I didn't want there. Here and I'll This may help you.

Okay., Okay. I, was, doing it's, in, that, bit., It's You, can, have, it., You, can, have, it. So, I was doing um when I went back on the road, I took a year and a half off of comedy. I wasn't I was going to quit. Like, I decided I didn't want to do it anymore. And I So, it was a really great break because I wasn't like just taking time off. I was like, I'm done. But then I started coming up with ideas, jokes. So, you know, I just got full. I wanted to do them. And then I was like, I just let's just get back to it. But when I first started going out with this new set, they had these weird bits that are kind of strange and then this killer chunk about the news and all that stuff.

And I was like, where do I put that that it where does it hurts these other bits? How do they, you know? And then I was in Omaha doing a bunch of shows at the Funny Funny Bone.

And, uh, one, night, I, was, like,, what, if tonight you don't do you don't do those bits at all? just take them out. And I took them out and the everything else in the show kind of rose up a lot

and, the, show, just, got, because, it, had, a cohesion to it and it just got better. Like your your bit is competing with these other bits like it it can't follow Braveheart or whatever you're killing.

Oh,, I, see. Yeah., So, once, you're, done, with, this special Yeah. that, bit, should, be, like, your

No,, I'm, doing, that, bit, on, the, in, the special. It's a new bit. But, I, mean, these, bits, will, do, better, the new ideas.

Oh,, I, see, what, you're, saying., and, they have a little feeling. But that those also the bit about the news. Brian Rean did a bit kind of like it.

No,, not, like, that., Your, your, his, spin was the way people talk in the news then versus now. And you were saying the way that you'll have an anchor.

No,, but, he, did, he, did, a, thing, about people saying uh there's a uh there was a fire today in Nicaragua.

Oh,, Nicaragua., Oh,, that's, right. Right,, right,, right,, right,, right. That's right. So, I was doing I was doing that. It was kind of near it. The phrase the phrasing was great. I The phrase stuck out of my brain when you go, "How did you mount and dismount an entire race in one word?"

And, with, one, word, of, your, life. I, love, that. Yeah,, it, was, fun, to, do.

I, like, that, bit. Uh, and, then, I, did, a, thing, about, homeless versus unhoused.

The, unhoused. But, I, just, don't, want, to., I, don't, I'm I'm tired of having clever takes on what's going on in the world.

Oh,, [ __ ] I'm, tired. [ __ ], My, whole, act, is, [ __ ] I, have a, whole, homeless, bit.

That's, just, 5, minutes, of, homeless. That's, just, me. Oh, my, god. His, special, is, literally, called, Clever Take on what's going on in the world.

[ __ ], We, got, to, change. I'm, just, going, to, put, the, greatest, hits out and then the next time I'm going to grow, and, it's, going to, be, the, greatest.

What, about, you?, Where, are, you, at, with I, just, put, out, a, [ __ ], special, on, you on Hulu. Uh, which you know, which was it was a good time for me to put out a special cuz it was um Charlie Kirk got shot anniversary of 911 and then they took Jimmy Kimmel off the air and I was like, "Put out a special baby. Drop it right there.

Drop, it, right, there." It's, [ __ ], insane., And, and, Hulu,, he's doing it with Hulu, too.

Is, that, your, first, one? That's, my, Hulu., That's, number, one., I, did one before um I did one previous Well no, I did technically that's

You, done, two, show?, No,, Showtime., Then Netflix. Netflix was the first like real real special. But

does, Hulu, have, uh, it, forever, or, do, you get it back? No,, you, get, them, back., Like, Netflix, too, they took mine down after it was like a licensed. So yeah, I might just put it up on YouTube. We were talking about

Yeah., Don't, worry, about, it., It's, all this it's a body of work you're compiling over time.

Yeah., So So, it's, got, a, life, on, Hulu, right, now. But the I did a special called um hilarious and it was on Epics.

Yeah. Great, company., Great, company. Who, cares? Who, gives, a, [ __ ] Yeah., Doesn't, matter.

No,, I, know, it, does., It's, all all, of, the, back, when, I, used, to, before, I started selling them myself, I used to just find who wants this one and it would be like Showtime or one was Epics one was this. It just doesn't matter. No, they're all they're you're compiling a library.

But, now, you'll, sell, them, yourself forever. You're never going to go to a thing again. You'll just do just you now right?

I, don't, know. Yeah, I, don't, know., I, mean,, I, I'd, kind, of, like to be on a platform just to get more new eyeballs on the work, maybe, but I don't know. We'll see.

Also,, plug, the, book., Oh, yeah. Do, you, have, a, copy, of, the, book? Uh,, no.

Dude,, this, is, so, funny., You, would, never read it. I, have, a, library. Oh,, you, want, it, just, in, the

Yeah,, I, have, everyone's, in, the, thing. You, guys, have, a, copy?, They, should, have sent you one.

Yeah,, Bobby, has, a, copy. Well,, no,, honestly,, where's, my, copy?, I don't I literally don't have a cop.

I, handed, it, to, you. Yeah,, he, did, hand, it, to, you. Where, is, it?, It's, over, here, somewhere.

It's, got, to, be, over, here, somewhere. Pile, of, books. I, have, a, pile, of, books, over.

I'm, going, to, read, it., I, want, to, read, it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No,, but, I, mean,, you, should, show, it, to people, right? Or something. I mean, I don't whatever, man.

I, have, it. Where, is, the, book? I, have, Star, Trek, the, Next, Generation X-Men.

I, didn't, write, that. The, Catholic, Bible. Um,, yeah., I, don't, know, where, it, is, dude.

Bring, it, up, on, the, [ __ ], Bring, it, up there. Bring, it, up, on, the, [ __ ], thing., You know,

that's, probably Wait,, my, favorite, thing, is, him, getting mad. It's, your, book., He, gave, it, to, you.

I, [ __ ], don't, remember, it. There, it, is., There, it, is,, baby. Ingram. Ingram., That's, my, new, I, just, wrote, that. That's about Rick Ingram from Chris Rock.

What, is, it, about, Ingram? It's, about, a, little, boy, who's, uh, kicked out of his house when he was like nine and he's just walking around Texas

and, he's, alone, and, he's, uh, and, he's, and life gets really hard for him. Like, Chanty, Gardner, from, being, there.

Yeah., But, he's, like, much, younger. Okay. Yeah. But, Chanty, Gardner,, the, character, was, a young because he had had no influence except for television. So he was kind of a child.

Sure. Yeah. Well,, that's, not, what, this, book's, about. I, know., One, thing, it's, not, it's, not that's you going to be different.

Sure., If, you, want., Yeah. Yeah. It's, about, a, guy, named, Chan, Garden. Yeah.

If, that's, what, you, want., Fine. It's, a, little, boy, like, kind, of, like Paris, Texas. He's kind of wandering.

Yeah. Yeah., Yeah., But I, don't, know., Paris., Oh,, yeah. Why, are, you, doing, that?

I, don't, know. Just, let, him, have, the, book. Yeah. You're, trying, to, shoehorn, some, other [ __ ] story into it.

I, mean,, it's, fine. It, drives, me, nuts. I, was, trying, to, sound, intelligent.

It's, not, working. It's a Stop, it. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah., If, I, Now, audio, book. Why? Is there an audio book?

Yeah. And, are, you, doing, the, narration? I, read, it., Yeah. Oh,, that's, great., That's, I'll, listen.

I, find, it, very, odd, when, people, don't read it. Yeah. That, wrote, it., You, wrote, You, wrote, it. You read it.

Well,, I'm, a, performer., I, perform,, so, I can do that. Some authors probably would have a hard time doing It's hard. It's like really hard. It takes a couple weeks.

Yeah., But, I, mean, I, think, a, lot, of, times we find right that like like look at Stephen King like you know how bad Stephen King got off doing his reading. Do, you, know what, I, mean?, Like

I, think, some, of, these, guys, they, love, to write but they're also like it's, weird.

You, want, to, hear, me, talk, about, it? Well, it's, weird, when, you, read, it, because you're faced with what you wrote.

Yeah. So, and, you, have, to, read, it, with, all, the you can't go like Yeah., I, kind, of, wanted, to, do, a, version like a whole version where I read it like or like or read it in like like this or something like a whole the whole book in falsetto or something.

Yeah, he's, walking, around, the, [ __ ], farm. Yeah,, he's, walking, around, the, farm., But anyway yeah

but, do, you, read, it, in, paragraphs, like and then you go cut you cut it there and

you, go, as, far, as, you, can, go, in, one, piece and then you keep and also somebody's there to keep stopping you cuz you [ __ ] up a lot. All right.

So,, you, have, somebody, going,, "You, got that wrong." Or tedious thing. Like, when, we, do, the, movie., It's, when, we did the animated movie.

Oh,, yeah., Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. We, did, an, animated, movie where, you, where, you, give, me, notes, where where you give me notes.

I, give, him, notes., I, do, give, him, notes live. Every, line, he, goes,, "That's, not, how, you say it."

Well, and, I'm, like,, "What?", He's, like,, "Well," and then you give me scenarios. Imagine this and this and they go, "Okay, I get it."

Well,, try, to, have, him, say,, "Fakasha. It's [ __ ] fasha." Yeah. Well, he got it there.

We, worked, on, your, face, in, your, [ __ ] face dude. Now,, we, play, these, two, little, creatures, but we're bouncing a lot like we do on the show. But we're bouncing, you know it's like bouncing conversation and

and, sometimes, he'll, be, "Am, I, the, worst?" No,, no,, no., Be, honest., Am, I, the, worst?

Shut, up., No,, but, he's, so, good., But sometimes he'll be not in our conversation reading the characters if it's existing in another space. I'm like,

we're, doing, it., It's, you, and, me., It's you and me. But when I do say that, you do come back and you kill it. Am I wrong?

No,, thank, you., Then, we, had, to, go, do, we had to go do extra and I left cuz I went separate. And he goes, "How long did it take?" And I go, "Dude, it's 40 minutes. You're in and out." Yeah.

He, called, me., And, he's, like, "Took, me two [ __ ] hours." I, was, like,, "Cuz, I, was, gone."

But, do, you, read, it, before?, Because, I, I haven't read it. So I'm showing up and I'm like

"I, do, not, read, it, before." Oh,, so, you're, good. No,, it's, just, I, just, No,, we, just, work differently.

Yeah,, that's, like, a, neurological difference. Yeah,, it, is., I, just, We, just, I, just, Yes. Yes, it is. I just see things like that. Okay. With lines. With lines, do you have like a memory photo like Can you memorize lines real fast?

No., It, takes, me, days, right?, I, can, see, it, and, do, it, right., I have this weird trick. I don't know why I'm so lucky. But I've been someone that can just what your brain does.

Eat, it, and, th, I, can, throw, it, right, back out. Wow. You, know, who, they, said, used, to, do, that? That was that Charlie Sheen. I don't know if, you, saw, that, documentary., We've talked about it because we love it. They used to say John Crier would go, "This [ __ ] guy would never rehearse, would would be be on time on the nose, be unprepared, and then look at it and go I'm, going to, I'm, going, to, Okay., Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And get an entire two-page scene. Incredible.

And, not, even, it's, just, his, brain, had that digestion and regurgitation. I, used, to, just, need, like, two, two rehearsals to know it.

Two, and, then Yeah., Cuz, I, need, to, reading, it., I'm, just not It's not getting in

right? But, if, I, wreck, through, it, and, kind, of, do this two takes. Yeah. Then, I, then, I, know, it, cuz, I, lived, the scene,

right? So, you, don't, memorize, it, in, the, night before. That, never, did, me, any, good., Me, neither.

It, only, stressed, me, out, and, it, didn't, do me any good. I, was, always, bad, at, that., If, I, could, do it in the morning, if I read it right before I went there and then I got one run through, I would be like, "Okay, I I understand what I was I understand what I didn't see." Because

Well,, and, you, do, it, in, pieces., So,, it's like when you're filming stuff, you just you you only have to worry about this one scene and you do it a bunch of times from all these different angles. Yeah.

And, then, you, throw, it, away,, it's, gone. So, you only have to worry about one thing at a time when you're filming stuff.

Can, I, tell, you, my, favorite, scene, from your show that to this day I watch all the time, like over and over?

Okay., Is, it, the, art, room?, That's, my favorite scene. It's my favorite scene in the whole world

with, you, and, Pam, Adlon, and, the, press, the button. It, says, press. It's, my, favorite, scene,, dude.

I, love, that. Just, be, here's, and, let, me dude, and, let, me, ask, you, let, me, ask, you something because I get nerded out on those scenes. I'll rewind a scene like

it's, J, it's, J, big, J, Oerson's, voice, if that's what you're gonna It, is. It, is

J, Big, J, Oerson., Yeah., Hope, I'm, not getting him in trouble. I mean I asked him to do it. I said I I wrote him and I said, "Can you please say this word like for, you know, to choose one like five times

into, your, phone, and, text, it, to, me, and I'll send you a, you know, check for SAG check."

That's, so, he, said,, "Sure." And, he, did, it, and, it's, in, there on, the, first, on, the, first, take.

Yeah. Pam, turns, her, shoulder, and, walks, away. Yeah., She, just, like, Yeah., But, is, it, did she It's an organic laugh that you can hear in the audio. I don't think like she laughs.

Yeah. As, she, walked, away,, but, I, don't, think she meant to laugh. She, doesn't, really, laugh., She, kind, of goes like like

I, hear, she, goes, okay., I, hear, her, say okay. She Did you surprise? Was it a surprise when she first heard it or you guys had already

No,, we, knew, what Oh, god., It, would, have, been, so, [ __ ] funny if it was surprise. I wanted it so bad to be like cuz we cuz I like there's a scene

there's, a, scene, that, I've, nerded, out like this about that I'll loop is in baskets.

Yeah. Um, and, I, know, you, could, tell, he, knows that scene cuz I've watched it a 100 [ __ ] times. But Louis is drinking a Gatorade.

Yes. Your, scene, that, scene, it's, the, exact same comedy feeling in my soul where I go this is so fun and they knew it was fun. Oh dude.

So, I, remember, that, day, really, well because so when when we set up Zach's show

Yeah. Um, we had this meeting, me and him, and I don't remember who else was there, but um, I started asking him about, we were just trying to decide what the show's about and like it was just Zach, a show for Zach. And I was working at FX and I had a show that was successful and I said, I want to make a different, another show. So, they're like, all right. And and I went to Zach first because nobody ever made me laugh that hard as Zach did. So anyway, when we sat and talked about what his show would be about, this is we had already made a deal. he's going to have a show. Um I was like, "Well, what if your what if you have family in it?"

You know, and I and um he So, we're talking about I said, "What's your mother? What about your mother if you had a mother?" And he goes, "Yeah maybe." And I go, "What's your mother really like

in, real, life?", And, he, goes,, "She's always like, "Sack," and I and I just said, "Your mother's Louis Anderson." And uh we all laughed and then there was this pause

and, I, said,, "What, if, we, get, Louis Anderson to play your mother?" And, he, was, like,, "Why, does, that, sound like such a good idea?" Like it just was immediate like what a crazy idea. And that's how it came about cuz I was making a flip joke.

And, then, I, was, like,, "This, is, I, I enjoyed this part of the work. I was like I just got on the phone and said "Get Louis Anderson on the phone." I don't know him that way. We've met in person a bunch of times. I always liked him, but I didn't have a relationship with him. But I just said, "Get me Louis Anderson on the phone." A few minutes later, I get this call from Louis in his car and he goes, "Hi." I go, "Hi, Louis. It's Louis CK." Yeah. So, I'm making a show for FX and Zach Alfanakis is the star of the show. We're doing a pilot.

Okay. And I go, "Oh, we have a part and it's a substantial part for you. The thing is, we want you to play Zach's mother." And I just hear the sound inside the car. And he goes, "I love it."

Wow., And, it, felt, like, this., We, didn't know what he would do. We gave him the job. There was no nothing written and there was no it was just that day we gave him the job. We made a deal, right? It was like, "No, we're doing that." So I didn't know how it was going to work out. And I didn't know how what Zach. So, Zach hired John uh

Chrysler., Chrysler. Yeah., Chrysler., Uh, uh, uh, what's, wrong with me? Please, look, it, up., Direct

Jonathan, Jonathan, Chrysler., Chrysler. Yeah. Chrysler. Chrysler., Jonath, Chrysler., I, don't, know say it.

Jonathan, Chrysle, had, done, this, show Portlandia which is one of my favorite things ever.

It's, awesome. And, uh, he, just, had, this, way, of, setting up improv, setting up setting this a scene for two characters. He knew how to shoot it, how to get how to shoot it well and how to just make it happen. So these guys just I went after this one meeting where we talked about everything. I kind of went away and let them make the show. And then I showed up that day and there's Louis Anderson in a dress and I'm like, we're really doing this, huh? Wow. And I'm like, I don't know what what is the character? What are you guys doing? And I sat and watched them shoot that scene which just happened. There was nothing to it.

Yeah. They, had, something, to, argue, about, that he doesn't respect his being a clown

right?, And, Martha,, that, was, like, an introduction from And, then, there, was, this, obsession, with this Gatorade. When that moment happened, I remembered I had just arrived a few minutes before with the Gatorade and that hits the spot. I was like I was like, "What are we do? This is incredible. This is incredible."

And, Louis, and, I, got, to, really, love Louis. We got to know each other much better.

Yeah. And, then, he, won, a, [ __ ], Emmy., And, it was such a glorious thing that Louis cuz I loved him when I was a young comic and he's such a sweet and good guy. I used to open for him. struggled with his health, you know

it, was, really, sad, when, he, when, he, passed away, but uh but yeah, I was it was one of the happiest moments of my career was him winning an Emmy.

Wow. That, was, such, a, beautiful, thing, cuz, the way he did he that character was fantastic throughout the season.

Two, seasons., Great., [ __ ], great., I, was I did a show on FX called Dave with Little Dicky and when I was on the show I was like in love with Basket so much and I was like hey

I'll, I'll, I, don't, want, to, get, paid, like can I just do a anything, in, the, thing?, I, just, was, like I'll do an anything any and they were and they were like dude they got to stop asking like cuz I kept asking my agent I was like just tell them I'll [ __ ] it. They were like they don't want

Does, that, work, if, people, if, if, talent asks? No, but, they, said, they, don't, they, were like usually Yeah. cuz I've asked so many times. They're like, "Nah, it's not going to happen."

I, was, like, "I, don't, even, want, lines., I just want to be in like a background the Burger King. I want I really wanted to be at the Burger King."

And, I, was, like,, "Just, let, me, be, in, the thing." And they're like "They don't want like an actor comic." They were like "They're not looking for that. You're not You're in the wrong." I was like "I just want to be in the back."

Yeah., No,, you, wouldn't, have, been, right for it. I, know., See,, that's, right., There, you, go. That's right. He was like, "No, you can't do it, dude."

So,, when, people, go, like, my, agents, try, to track projects. Yeah. Yeah., Like, when, Crazy, Rich, Asians, were happening like we're tracking this for you. We're putting your your name in the past, you know, and it's like it never I couldn't even get an audition at the end of the day.

No., Yeah., It, doesn't none, of, that, works. No., Yeah. Yeah. I, mean,, I, think, it's, good, if, you're trying to be an actor, you go in for a lot of stuff because they remember you. You go you just do the best version of you.

Yeah. At, the, audition, and, then, you, just, are memorable. It doesn't matter getting that part

you, know?, Like, if, you, read, something, and you're like, "That's not my kind of guy." And you try to be it, you're going to suck. So you just do a weird your version of it, right?

And, they'll, go,, "Uh,, that, guy, was, good. He's not he can't do this, but that guy." And they'll remember. I mean, I've cast a lot of things in my past with people that I've seen in other stuff that or that I've seen in in stuff that I had them cast, you know, come in for.

So, go, in, for, everything. Go, in, for, everything, and, do, any, part, you get.

I, say, no., Cuz, that's, where, you, know agents don't get you work. No. No., They're, terrible, people.

Terrible., I'm, They, just, They, are They're, terrible, people. They're, terrible, people.

Absolutely, worthless, people., Some, of, the worst ever. They give some of the worst advice. They're snakes. They've set you up for something and then when it goes bad, they're not there to back you up. They're the worst.

I, think, they, I, think, they're, just they're just uh terrible pigs. They're, they're, out, of, they're, pigs.

They're, out, of, their, depth, a, little, or they're not in the they're in the wrong business or something.

I, hate, them., They're, on, the, backs, of, us. They stink. Yeah I, can't, wait, to, fire, mine., I'm, done, with the business forever anyway.

Whoa,, dude. Why, would, you, be, done, with, the, business? Yeah,, me, too., We're, out,, dude.

We're, the, last, show, in, Hollywood., This is it. I think we're the last. Yeah., Over.

It's, dying., It's, dying. That's, a, shame. You, do, a, movie. And, the, And, the, book,, by, the, way,, is available literally everywhere. Please go.

Yeah., You, can, pre-order, it, now, on, all the things. All the things. all the things.

And, it'll, be, out, November, 11th. November, 11th., My, first, novel. It's, the, first, one.

Yeah., I, wrote, another, one, after, that., I still working on. I mean, I finished a draft of it. I'm

Did, you, get, like, a, book, deal, where, they give you a two book deal? You know, they do this thing. It's a weird like give them a deal and then they then they make people write another book even if they didn't want.

No,, no,, I, didn't, get, any, kind, of, deal like that. I just I just uh wrote this one good to see what would happen. And I sent it out and this company Ben Bella in Texas is publishing it. It's just a little company.

Ben, Bella. Ben, Bella. Did, you, find, them?, They, found, you. I, got, a, book, agent, and, he's, a, really smart guy and he found uh found them. He he'd worked with them on other stuff. They don't do much fiction.

Ah. Wow. Uh, but, it's, PR, it's, it's, distributed, by Simon and Schustster. So that's that's who sells it.

Oo. But, I, didn't, get, a, book, deal, from, them. It's like I just I didn't I haven't been paid anything. I I just wrote it and they're putting it out. We'll see what we make together. But I don't have an advance or anything.

That's, a, good, deal., We'll, see, what, we make together. I, liked, it, that, way., I, don't, like, the thing of like like when you when I book on the road and stuff.

Agents, like, to, get, advances, cuz, they found, you know hey,, we, got, you, the, money.

Yeah., Yeah., But, all, you're, doing, is betting against yourself and like the last thing you want to do is like take a bunch of money from somebody and then you didn't do well and then you're like haha. You know, you want people to sort of have a good experience of you. So

yeah,, cuz, you're, a, big, crowdwork, guy. Clips. You're big. You started Crowdwork Cliff. Can you imagine? Yeah, that was my innovation.

That, was, that, was, Lou., Big, crowdwork clip guy. You were the first on TikTok to do it as far as concerned. Yeah that's right. I saw most of your

I, just, saw, it., I, saw, it, as, a, new, way and, here, I, am., Thank, God. I, would, love, to, see

Does, that, annoy, you?, Like, these, crowd work guys on doing clips on TikTok?

I, mean,, it's, the, they, got, what, they, got from it. Yeah,, it's, fine., It's

It's, fine., It, works, for, them. Good, for, them., I, don't, care., I, don't, as a I love standup. I don't enjoy watching that.

Yeah. Also,, when, I, see, friends, of, mine, do, it, I It's like you're killing in the moment, but no one's going to remember it.

Yeah. And, you're, not, building, anything., That's But I have a different goal than them. They just want to run their numbers up and they want to get whatever.

Yeah. And, also, a, lot, of, people, it, pleases, them a lot. People really People, like, it.

Yeah., So, if, an, audience, if, someone's enjoying it, they're right. Yes. And, the, person, who, doesn't, like, it, is just it's none of their business. If you don't like something, it's none of your business as long as somebody likes it. If nobody likes it forever, someone needs to someone needs to talk to the

But, you, know, what?, If, literally, no, one ever liked a comic ever doing anything that'd be pretty [ __ ] incredible.

I, want, to, see, this. That, is, cool. Like, David, Tell, had, this, I, don't, think he ever did it more than once that I saw. He said, "If you tell somebody you have uh a small penis, if you tell a woman you have a small penis, she won't be interested. But if you tell her you have the smallest penis in the whole world,

she's, going, to, want, it." Yeah. He's, he's, one, of, my, favorites, of unbelievable that guy.

Yep., Who's, the, guy, who's, the, guy, that you that you really have like a comedy crush on that you're like, "Oh, I love the [ __ ] way that that person works."

Uh, these, days? Yeah. I, mean,, that, used, to, be, Zach, for, me., I used to put my head on the table and cry.

Yeah. Uh, Todd, Glass, has, always, made, me, laugh like that. So, funny. Just, [ __ ], destroys, me.

Yeah. Uh, Jim, Norton,, who, I've, been, working with lately, just also really kills me.

Yeah. There's, a, lot, of, guys, I, really, love., Um, but that kind of like I can't believe it.

Yeah. Todd, Glass., I, mean,, I, I, don't, know if it's okay to do other people's bits, but I'm

You, say, it's, Todd, naming, him. Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. He, did. Should, we, call, them?, We'll, get, approval.

Yeah., He, did, this, thing, about, uh, um, the lady a lady next to him on an airplane has Reese's cups and she's taking one out and she looks at him looking at him and she goes, "Do you want one?" And he goes, "I want both." and he did some clip. I don't know if you can find it, but it was during the pandemic. He did some fake commercial, I think, on maybe Instagram or something where he's showing you how you can pee outside. Uh, but he's uh he's he puts a just a bag like a shopping like a plastic bag over his head and he just stands near a bush and he just starts pissing his pants. It's completely [ __ ] nuts.

So, he and I haven't seen him for a long time, but he's always been he's always been a guy that destroys me.

We, love, him. Yeah. He, was, doing, a, bunch, of, fake, cop, bits that were very funny. Do you remember that little run he had for a while of like getting fake pulled over?

He, used, to, do, a, bit, with, breakaway, glass bottles. Uh like fantasy of like breaking. So he'd be it's him walking down the street with like a beer bottle and there's some teenage girls and one of them gives him like a typical teenage girl like e and he goes over and he

Yeah,, he, was, he, was, pretty, great. He's, the, one, right, now., All, right., Look, the the advice was good.

I, learned, so, much, today., Lou,, did, you have fun here? Of, course, I, did., It, was, really, fun., I wanted to do the show cuz you guys have a great energy. It

was, fun and, I, had, a, great, time., Well,, we, we listen, we love you. It's, not, going, to, sell, a, single, one, of my books. No, no, no, no. Our fan. No no, that's not true. Sell one.

No,, no,, no., Ingram, Louis, C. No,, no,, no., He's, right., It's, not, that's not, going to, But, it, doesn't, matter.

Five people. No. Yeah. Guys,, please,, please, uh, go, uh, purchase Ingram right now. Louis first book. It would mean a lot to him. He asked us for a loan before the show. We were a little concerned.

I'm, being, real., I, mean,, I, um I Dude, I'm Thanks, for, being, on, the, show,, man., I appreciate it. No, no, that's it. Thank you so much. No

go, ahead., Do, your, gay, bit., Do, your little forget. I forget. Do your sense.

No,, I, just, think, I'm, just, a, huge, fan, dude. I really am. I just think you're so great. And

thank, you., Well,, you, make, me, laugh, a lot. Thank, you., Thank, you, for, But, um, but, um just having you on here was just a [ __ ] great thing

dude., Why, Why, can't, I Yeah,, dude., He's, the, best, living, comics ever. Shut, the, [ __ ], up., Shut, up.

All, right., No., No. Thank, you, for, being, a, bad, friend.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Limericks with Louie | Ep 295 | Bad Friends"?

Bobby Lee (Host), Carlos Mencia (Guest), Louie (Guest).

What is "Limericks with Louie | Ep 295 | Bad Friends" about?

The conversation revolves around two friends humorously discussing their friendship, therapy experiences, personal anecdotes, and dating mishaps. They touch on subjects like unconventional therapy options, recent trips, and dating dynamics, blending humor and banter to explore the quirks of their relationship.

What is mentioned in this Bad Friends episode?

17 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Robert E. Lee, Louis CK, Louis Anderson, Island – Sanchez, Carlos, Zach Galifianakis, Kalila. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Limericks with Louie | Ep 295 | Bad Friends"?

The episode runs 1 h 13 min; the transcript is about 16,793 words in 532 timestamped sections.

More from Bad Friends

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.