Chris D'Elia Destroys Heckler After Immediate Outburst | Standup Comedy

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 3:00: Cranberries, Cleveland, Family Matters
2. 3:00 – 6:00: Cranberries
3. 9:00 – 12:00: Ohio, Madonna County, Family Matters
4. 12:00 – 13:19: Cranberries

Notable quotes from "Chris D'Elia Destroys Heckler After Immediate Outburst | Standup Comedy"

• It's like a [ __ ] cranberry song or whatever the [ __ ] Sorry, I'm a cranberries fan. I have 90s pop music Tourette's.

  about Cranberries · at 0:13

• In like the year 3000? What did he mean way back then? What did my grandfather mean that long time ago when he said prolapsed anus in Cleveland with the [ __ ] cranberries and then made that high-pitched noise.

  about Cleveland · at 1:51

• Anytime someone says county, you know they're from the country. You know what I mean? Madonna County.

  about Ohio · at 11:29

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

Places & events

• Cleveland — Place · Setting · 3 mentions · first at 0:52
  Mentioned as a location where a story involving cranberries and a prolapsed anus took place.
• Ohio — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at 11:26
  Mentioned as the state where Madonna County is located.
• Madonna County — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at 11:28
  Mentioned as a specific location within Ohio where a couple is from.
  Anytime someone says county, you know they're from the country. You know what I mean? Madonna County.

Media & podcasts

• Cranberries — Media · Referenced media · 6 mentions · first at 0:19
  Mentioned in the context of a story and as a subject of fan interest.
• Family Matters — Media · Referenced media · 2 mentions · first at 0:04
  Mentioned in passing as a show someone might be watching.
  What the [ __ ] was that? A jackal.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 If he doesn't know it early enough, it'll [ __ ] him up later on in life. That's what he thinks. What was that? What the [ __ ] was that? A jackal. What happened? Did you turn inside out? What the [ __ ] was that noise? It's like a [ __ ] cranberry song or whatever the [ __ ] Sorry, I'm a cranberries fan. I have 90s pop music Tourette's. What could possibly happen to you right there? My anus prolapse. I have no idea the [ __ ] That's was some weird abrupt [ __ ] man. You want to clear that up or not? You're all good.

0:44 I'll [ __ ] die not knowing what that was. You know what I mean? On my deathbed. Just What was the thing? What was it? Remember I was in Cleveland? Yeah. It was [ __ ] so cold. It was December and and all of a sudden the lady the lady with the prolapsed anus or something. She just she liked the cranberries. I can't remember. But I Yeah, Grandpa was saying some crazy [ __ ] before he died. He was talking about cranberries and prolapsed anuses. It was like he was playing Mad Libs, but nobody was playing with them. And then he goes and then he [ __ ] died, dude.

1:32 Right there on the kitchen table. Cleveland. Cle. HE WAS TALKING ABOUT CLEVELAND AND cranberries and prolapsed anuses. I'LL NEVER KNOW. AND then they'll grow up and they'll die and they'll never know what I was talking about. What the [ __ ] did grandpa mean in like the year 3000? What did What did he mean way back then? What did my grandfather mean that long time ago when he said prolapsed anus in Cleveland with the [ __ ] cranberries and then made that high-pitched noise and his grandson will be like, "What the [ __ ] WAS MY GRANDPA TALKING ABOUT HIS GRANDPA FOR? What's Cleveland?

2:28 What's an anus? This is the future. We don't even eat anymore, let alone [ __ ] That's like the sound you hear when you get to the island and you're going to die. You know what I mean? Let's try to get resources. Let's try to get resources. I'm sure it'll just be a few hours. It'll probably just be a few hour. Oh, it's [ __ ] so cold though. So cold. The [ __ ] prolapsed anus tribe. OH NO, HERE THEY COME. [ __ ]

3:22 There's NOTHING ON THIS ISLAND BUT CRANBERRIES. HUH? She's so sick of [ __ ] cranberries, man. It's the year 4000. She's [ __ ] The [ __ ] am I talking about, dude?

3:45 It's like the people who like me like that and the people who don't know what I talk about, they must be like, "Man, [ __ ] this guy." You know what I mean? I wonder what that lady why she did that dude. Even still, were you who was next to that lady? What What What was it? Do you think before the lady talks, whoever was near her, what do you think happened? This is like Rashiman. I want all the [ __ ] I want everyone's side of the story before I talk to the lady. You know what I mean? We'll put her on the stand last.

4:22 I don't know. I was just sitting there and I heard this weird gargling from her anus and what was it, lady? What was it?

4:37 No. Yeah. No, don't do it. I'm traumatized. But don't don't trigger me. I don't want to hear the [ __ ] thing again. I want to know what it was, dude. You can't You're like Don't just say the same thing again. [ __ ] describe it. You're like my idiot friend when he can't describe something. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, it's like Yeah. He'll be like, "Yeah, you know, [ __ ] uh a Fortnite." You know, it's like a, you know, like a Fortnite. That's What was it that you were doing?

5:08 I was just doing me. Yeah. Yeah. What the [ __ ] did I expect? You know what I mean? At least it's words. What kind of [ __ ] [ __ ] am I to even know what I mean? How's this doing, mate? The [ __ ] Why is that you? And the show has been going for an hour. You didn't do that until then. So So what made you at that moment be like, "Gotta be me." Hey, what inspired you during my potty training joke to just [ __ ] be like all

6:05 you've been doing it all along. This is a Is that your real voice, dude? I've been doing it all along. Nine syllables in two syllables. I'VE BEEN DOING IT ALL ALONG. SHE MEANT TO JUST go but [ __ ] two syllables for that.

6:30 Wow, that's [ __ ] great, man. Are you a crazy person or what the [ __ ] You're what?

6:39 I'm kind and humble. You're kind and humble. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Okay. I'm not [ __ ] talking about that, though. You're like, you're like a politician, dude. I'm asking you about something else.

6:56 What does it mean? What is it? Have a good time. Oh, yeah. So, I was laughing. No, that's cool, though. I like that. You go to like sporting events.

7:08 In the country, we just have No, in the country we just have good bonfires. Cool.

7:20 Yeah. What do I expect? You know what I mean? It's just No, I don't go to sporting events in the country. We just have good bonfires. That's like the thing you say to make the assassin across the street shoot the person. You know what I mean? No. In the country, we just have in the country in the country we just have good bonfires. Excuse me.

7:55 In the country, we have good bonfires. In the country, we have good bonfires. Remember when when the target shows up the key action, the call to action is in the country. We have good bonfires. How the [ __ ] am I GOING TO GET TO THAT? YOU GOT THAT'S that's the code word. We're all set up. Everybody within a nine block radius is set up. When you HEAR THAT, WE CAN'T CHANGE IT NOW. OH, [ __ ] man. I'm a spy. We talk about spy [ __ ] How the [ __ ] am I going to get to in the country? How the [ __ ] am I going to get to say in the country we have good bonfires? For [ __ ] sake.

9:03 Somebody watching Family Matters. What the [ __ ] was that? Every like just [ __ ] twothirds of you just went a the [ __ ] is that? Did Reginel Johnson just lose his job?

9:19 Do you love me? Is that what he said? Yeah. A cool. That's awesome. What's your name, sir? He's just like K in the country we'll just have good bonfires.

9:57 So who's the fan then? You're the fan lady. Oh wow. All right. [ __ ] yeah. Like we're in AA or some [ __ ] Hi, I'm Gretchen. Uh, and I am a Crystal Leia fan. In the in the country, we just like good bonfires. No sporting events. Not at all. Not at all. But And so you dragged your husband along. So you're This is for you is a weird night, huh? Well, we we'll make you a fan yet, I guess. Appreciate you. All right. Cool. Well, that's cool. And you're you're from the country as well, sir. [clears throat] Just [ __ ]

10:59 just a leaf over his dick. What the [ __ ] What's that leaf for? We take it off. We make good bonfire. Where'd you guys come? What country? What? You know where where in the country?

11:24 Right here. Where right where you from? Right here from Ohio. Madonna County. Anytime someone says county,

11:31 you know they're from the country. You know what I mean? Madonna County. Well, that's cool, man. And when did you guys meet?

11:38 We met in high school and they got married. Oh, nice. Very cool. Round of applause for them. Come on, let them hear it. You have kids?

11:52 Yeah. Oh, not yet, but you will. That's [ __ ] amazing. And then when they come out, what do you think their first words will be?

12:06 All right. Well, you know, I don't know. Honestly, it's like, you know, when you go to work and and you're just like, "Oh, [ __ ] dude. I've been putting out fires all day, you know?" Uh, and then you're like, "Ah, h I can't wait to go home." That's what is happening to me right now.

12:33 I'm going to talk to my my wife's going to be like, "How was it?" I'm going to be like, "Well, uh, are you sitting down? Who knew when I woke up this morning that I was going to talk about prolapse anuses, cranberries?" Hey, wait. What's your voice like, sir?

12:53 For real? I know I've been making fun of it, but we haven't even heard it yet, have you? Can you uh just say uh in the in the country I don't know just anything like in the country we love a good bonfire. Can you say that?

13:13 Thank you guys. I appreciate you. Thank you.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Chris D'Elia Destroys Heckler After Immediate Outburst | Standup Comedy"?

In order: 0:00 Cranberries, Cleveland, Family Matters; 3:00 Cranberries; 9:00 Ohio, Madonna County, Family Matters; 12:00 Cranberries.

What is mentioned in this Chris D'Elia episode?

5 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Cleveland, Cranberries, Ohio, Madonna County, Family Matters. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Chris D'Elia Destroys Heckler After Immediate Outburst | Standup Comedy"?

The episode runs 13 min; the transcript is about 1,675 words in 28 timestamped sections.

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