Transcript

Jenna Fischer shares her weirdest fear

From Handsome Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 2 min · 10,808 words · 311 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Jenna Fischer shares her weirdest fear", an episode of Handsome Podcast published December 30, 2025 (1 h 2 min, about 10,808 words). It mentions 22 people, works and ideas, including All State, Shipped, Cash App, Anna Kle Martin, Tomboy X.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Shipped, All State, Albertsons, Anna Kle Martin
  2. – 20:00: Cash App, All State
  3. – 40:00: Tomboy X, Jenna Fischer, O Positive
  4. – 1:00:00: Anna Kle Martin, Apple TV, Fort Lauderdale, Midland
  5. – 1:01:39: All State

Notable quotes from "Jenna Fischer shares her weirdest fear"

  • You know what's smart? Checking All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that you put detergent in the laundry before.
    about All State · at
  • Who is it? Martin Short. He would fit in this little basket.
    about Anna Kle Martin · at
  • Fake. Scammers know the holidays are busy for everyone, which can make us all targets for scams. That's why Cash App builds in protection to help keep your money safe while…
    about Cash App · at
  • Our question asker today is today's episode of Handsome is supported by O Positive. O Positive is a women's health company that offers a range of best-selling symptom targeting…
    about O Positive · at
  • I've been loving my Tomboy X underwear.
    about Tomboy X · at
  • Jenna Fischer is asking today's question.
    about Jenna Fischer · at
  • What I'm up to, but if you do, grab a pen and a paper and write down that I'll be in Fort Lauderdale on January 14th.
    about Fort Lauderdale · at
  • Okay. I'm in Vancouver actually right now tonight. I'll be in Vancouver if you want to check that show out.
    about Vancouver · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Companies & orgs

  • All State — Company · 6 mentions · first at
  • Shipped — Company · 3 mentions · first at
    Shipped makes the holiday season more joyful by helping you save time with sameday delivery on everything you need.
  • Cash App — Company · 3 mentions · first at
  • Tomboy X — Company · 2 mentions · first at
  • Albertsons — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Groceries, decor, gifts, and so much more from your favorite local and national stores like Albertson's, Michaels, Target, and Pets Smart. If you're hosting a party, you need…
  • Michaels — Company · 1 mention · first at
    More from your favorite local and national stores like Albertson's, Michaels, Target, and Pets Smart. If you're hosting a party, you need groceries and you need ingredients.…
  • Pets Smart — Company · 1 mention · first at
    More from your favorite local and national stores like Albertson's, Michaels, Target, and Pets Smart. If you're hosting a party, you need groceries and you need ingredients.…
  • O Positive — Company · 1 mention · first at
  • Apple TV — Company · 1 mention · first at
    21st. Also, do check out Come See Me in the Good Light, the incredible, beautiful documentary on Apple TV that maybe I produced and maybe it made the short list of Oscar…

Places & events

  • Fort Lauderdale — Place · 1 mention · first at
  • Oklahoma City — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Both of my parents' birthday. And then Fagatville, Arkansas, February 19th, Oklahoma City, February 20th, and the list goes on. Midland, Texas, February 21st. Also, do check…
  • Midland — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Fagatville, Arkansas, February 19th, Oklahoma City, February 20th, and the list goes on. Midland, Texas, February 21st. Also, do check out Come See Me in the Good Light, the…
  • Vancouver — Place · 1 mention · first at
  • New Orleans — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Seattle, Washington, for New Year's Eve tomorrow. And then I got New Orleans Mobile Alabama Atlanta Cincinnati Indianapolis Milwaukee De Moine, a bunch of places. New York City at the Beacon, Philly, and all.
  • Mobile — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Seattle, Washington, for New Year's Eve tomorrow. And then I got New Orleans Mobile Alabama Atlanta Cincinnati Indianapolis Milwaukee De Moine, a bunch of places. New York City…
  • Des Moines — Place · 1 mention
  • Fayetteville — Place · 1 mention
  • Tampa — Place · 1 mention

Full transcript with timestamps

This is a Headgum podcast. You know what's smart? Checking All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that you put detergent in the laundry before running a wash. These clothes don't seem any cleaner than before.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook Illinois.

Shipped makes the holiday season more joyful by helping you save time with sameday delivery on everything you need. Groceries, decor, gifts, and so much more from your favorite local and national stores like Albertson's, Michaels, Target, and Pets Smart. If you're hosting a party, you need groceries and you need ingredients. So, why not get them delivered straight to your door with shipped and throw in some decor and gifts while you're at it, too? Whether you're wanting to eat at home more, get into cooking, looking to entertain, or all of the above, Shipped lets you add more time into your day with same day delivery. That's more time looking up recipes, spending time with loved ones, or just relaxing. Plus, nationwide coverage makes Shipped perfect for shopping for friends and family all across the country.

It's the end of the year, and I want to look back on 2025 and enjoy some peace and quiet. Shipped makes that easy. I can always find what I'm looking for, even that really specific snack combination that I'm currently craving. It's cold. It's dark. Shipped the groceries and regroup for the new year. Download the app or order now at ships.com. That's

ship.com. Pot. Cheers. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm Fortune Famster and I'm Technotaro. What's up you guys? It's me May.

We're coming to you guys the night before New Year's effing eve and we are buzzing.

We are buzzing. It's the end of a freaking year. Oh my god. Girl. Girl, we have just gone straight into a girl. Girl,

listen. What a insane year it's been. You guys legit crazy. It's been so effing insane. We're going to just like talk. We're just going to unload and talk about it just like this in this voice.

Oh my god. But like, why are you putting so many eins in there? Cuz it's how I effing talk. G. My gosh. Ask girl.

All right, I won't do that. I won't do that. Yeah, I can't do it anymore. Why not, bro?

No, I can't do it anymore. It hurts my head. It's putting way too much effort into talking. And you know, I like minimal effort. Do you guys want to see who's joined us for our last pod of this year?

Five guesses. Yeah, five guesses. Okay. Is it? Wait, five is a lot of guesses. Well, we don't know for sure who could be sleeping in a little basket next to you. Feels like you only need one guess.

Is it Reese Witherspoon all curled up? [gasps] Oh my god. Oh my god. Fortune. Is it Reese? It's It If Ree just popped out and did the bend and snap. No, it's not Ree, but that would be delightful.

Is it um is it Thomas? Thomas is in here, but not laying on my Well, I don't know. I didn't know if you guys were like playing some sort of trick, you know?

That would be fun. Okay, so it's not Reese Witherspoon and it's not Thomas. That's sort of the only two.

Who could it be? Yeah, that's the only those are the only possible options are definitely Reese Witherspoon or Thomas.

Is it um Sher? If I could turn back, if I could find the way. Okay. I don't think it is because I don't think Fortune would go in with such confidence with Sher if she was in the room.

I would love for Sher to be here counting down the new You should have Sher counting down a New Year's clock.

Is it Chaz Bono? It is not. Is it Chaz? Oh my god, it's not Chaz. Okay. Go. How many guesses is this? I think that's four. You got one more guess.

Oh [ __ ] Okay, Tig, we got to get serious. Oh, I know who it is. I know who it is. Who

is it? Martin Short. He would fit in this little basket. Is it Fortune? Is it Martin Short? May, do you feel like it's Martin Short?

I feel like it's Martin Short in character as Ed Grimley. And you were right. It's Martin Short is Ed Grimley. Oh my god. It's Biggie.

It's Biggie. He wanted to come say hi uh at the end of this year. Look at his eyes.

Look at his eyes. Look at his eyes. Look at all that he's saying with his eyes.

Baby bear. He looks sleepy today. Well, he's not. He actually, you guys, what? He has been staying with me for a couple weeks cuz he um is from a broken home.

Uhhuh. And um Why is that the dumbest thing? Every time you say it, it's so dumb. He's been staying with me and he has been horny af.

I don't know how else to tell you that he has I he has a pep in his step because when I got him I was like oh this he was like wheezing a little bit in the beginning and I was like oh he's like getting old and then this guy has I don't know if he just missed LA or or what was happening. He turned a corner where he was full of spunk and just humping.

Full of spunk. Full Well, that doesn't sound right. Yeah. Just full of energy. And he has been bouncing off the walls, playing with his toys. He's just been like so full of life and humping my elbow and humping my What?

Your elbow. So, you're involved in this? I don't want to be, but he's just and he's humping my my leg. And

has this never happened? He's done it in the past, but and and then uh and then some friends came over and then he was humping their legs.

Oh my god. He [clears throat] is Hugh Hefner cuz he's like in his 80s and human years, right? He's

Do you feel like you need to put him up for adoption? No, never. Tig, how dare he didn't mean that?

Can you imagine? There would be an outcry and there would be a lineup around the block of people wanting

I'd take him right away. He's not going anywhere, but he is horny AF. But listen, I miss.

Are you projecting through your dog? Cuz I my my old girlfriend, her grandmother used to talk through her dog. Oh,

I love when people do that passive aggressively. Not even passive aggress. What does that mean?

Well, like her, we would go visit her grandmother and her dog, whose name was Lil okay

would be just was like five million years old and would be lying in front of the TV

and her grandmother would be like, "Wow, Lil sure has not been enjoying all this construction in the neighborhood."

Oh, I see. I see. or she'd be like, you know, Liil sure wishes the construction would end before 5 every day.

Yeah. You know, and it's like, really, Grandma? Is that what Lil thinks? Li I like when it's a little passive aggressive like Lil says it's Why is the radiator turned up so high in here?

Yes, that Well, that's exactly what it it it was. Um, but I was just wondering, is that what you're doing for

I mean, no, it's all it's all him. It's he's takes two to tango. Well, I used to date someone who had a little bishon freeze and

Bon Bon free. A bishon. What? Isn't that how you how you say it? Bishon. Did I say it like?

No, I I just put a little something extra on it. A little extra sauce. Bishon. She used to, but this was a female dog that used to hump my ex a lot. And then

and then she would like let her do it to completion. And I she was like she was like, "You got to let her do it or she won't stop." And I was like, "I don't think that's good. I think you got to stop put a stop to it."

Oh, yeah. We put a stop to it around around this house. He And also, he's not completing anything. He is still old. So,

he's blank. It's just an incomplete hump. It's a couple humps and then he's done. Um,

so but yeah, and but when he started humping my friends as well, I was like, "Oh man, this this guy is Hugh Hefner. He has gotten old and gotten horny."

Yeah. In a way, it's like there's vitality in that that I like. Like I'm I'm happy that he's, you know,

takes face doing extreme disappointment. Ah, okay. Fine. We won't talk about Biggiey's um situation anymore. But the good news is he is even though he's getting older, he's still very spry. This is all good.

Yeah. Yeah. This is great. This is really good news. This is what's going on with y'all.

[sighs and gasps] Well, I mean, the new year is upon us. Get me out of this year.

You ready to get out of this year? Oh, yeah. We're done. We're done here. It's been a

The year of the snake. A lot of shedding. And uh I'm ready. I'm ready for the year of the horse.

Oh, okay. What does the year of the horse do? It's like I guess big dick like a horse.

And uh what is happening to our podcast? We're not going to get a May Marie in here. May Marie,

we're going to lose all of our like four-year-old listeners. Our Christian listeners.

Our Christian listeners and our preschool listeners. Yeah. No, I think it's like forward motion, galloping into the future, powerful solid earthy.

Uhhuh. I like that. I agree that this year should should we should leave it behind.

I feel like that happens at the end of every year. People are like goodbye 2020 2021 2020 2022.

I don't always feel like that. I'm I'm always I'm usually fair fairly hopeful, but this one was my last year didn't start off my last year started off terribly.

Yeah. Yeah. And then half of LA caught on fire, right? It's been [ __ ] We don't We don't need a recap of hell.

Okay. You don't want me to go through the bullet points. But you're right. It's rare though that people are like, "Oh, I don't want this year to end."

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's very excited for the new year. It seems always. Yeah. I am pumped for 2026.

I wonder who Biggie is going to hump at midnight. Yeah. I won't be with him. So, it will who who knows? Okay,

he'll be humping. I'm gonna be in Seattle doing a a comedy show, but the little baby bear won't be there.

Oh, well, I um I'll tell you what. I'm excited for uh January because as I was talking to Fortune before the show, our documentary got on the short list for the Oscars.

Stop it. Of course. Did we not? Fortune and I were like, it's going to happen. Well, we haven't gotten the nomination. It's just the short list where they whittle it down to who will absolutely, you know, five movies out of this 12 or whatever get nominated.

Oh my god. Exciting. It's a hard hard nomination to get. Um I want it of course. I think it would be like the craziest thing as I was saying to Fortune like

to hand to Meg and Andrea uh on a silver platter. Um, but you're going to get it.

There's a lot of nuance to the to the nominations and I can see a way to get it and I see many ways of not getting it.

What's the way to get it? To like woo the jurors. You got to send some [ __ ] Flowers and cakes and [ __ ]

It's all about flowers and cakes at this point. What about them? What about them? Blowj.

Yeah. Fortune Marie. Wait, I have a joke. I have a joke. Let's hear it. Oh, yeah.

Okay. So, guy walks into a bar. There's a beautiful bartender there. Like really sort of classy, beautiful, sort of old school. Anyway, there's a sign above the bar that says um

grilled cheese sandwiches $5 [ __ ] No, sorry, I got it wrong. Grilled cheese sandwich everyone.

Grilled cheese sandwich. Leave it to the professional comedian. Go on. Grilled cheese sandwich is $5. Hand jobs $10.

So this guy says, "Uh, excuse me. Can I just ask you? Um, is it you personally who gives the hand jobs?" And she says, "Well, yes, actually it is." He says, "Then wash your hands cuz I want a grilled cheese." Anyway, okay. Someone told me that on Sunday. Wow. Not really. I don't think I told

because because he wants a sandwich and a hand job. No, he wants her to wash her hands cuz he she's been given all these hand jobs.

He wants a sandwich. He just wants a sandwich. Oh, I thought he wanted both cuz I was like 5 + 10

equals I think you were doing math. I think the $15 grilled cheese threw me out in the beginning.

I didn't put any math in it. I just thought this guy wants a grilled cheese. Even when you messed up there was a $15 grilled cheese fortune. I said

$5. You need to focus. Okay, you're starting to sound like me. You know what's smart? Checking All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking the shoreline for any good skipping stones. Nothing enhances a moody walk along the lake like skipping some stones across the water.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So, check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook Illinois.

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Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank. Member FDIC promotions provided by Cash App, a block incororated brand. Visit cash.app/legal/mpodcast for full disclosures. So, wash your hands cuz I'm going to need a grilled cheese.

Yeah. So, he was only asking if she gave the hand jobs cuz he wanted I get it. I get it. Now, can we go back to fortune? Can you deliver us the punch line one more time?

Me? Yeah. Why me? I don't know. I just want to hear it again. Okay. Um, are you the one, ma'am? Because you want to be polite, ma'am.

Yes. Are you the one giving the hand jobs? Why, yes, actually, I am. Why are we doing an act out now? But

then you better get out that Dial soap cuz this is an ad. Uh, are we sponsored by Dial

for this bit? We are. You better get out that dial soap and scrub those dirty ass hands that has all that stuff on it from all those hand jobs. And I because I'm going to want to grilled cheese.

Wow. Why did I ask fortune to do that? I don't know. But I liked it. I'm glad you did. I'm really glad you did.

I didn't like it as much as Wait, how and how much was that sandwich? The price

$15. Listen, I How much was the sandwich? Five. It was cheaper than the hand job, right?

The hand job was $10. The grill five. Oh my lord. And And I'm going to throw in on top of that five two extra dollars for an e for you to clean extra.

And I'm going to throw in a pickle and two Cheetos or Doritos. Is that what you put on the side?

Yeah. Two Doritos. Um, should I tell should I tell jokes for a living? Yeah, I think you could I think you could do pretty well.

Okay, let's hear one. Cuz you add a lot of words and a lot of backtory. What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Oh, you've told this many times but not burping in the middle of it. Yeah, that was crazy. That was crazy.

What's the difference between [clears throat] beer nuts? One's a $1.50 and the other one's under a buck.

Yes. That one. That's You love that one. I love that one. Oh, you love it. Biggie just perked up. He loved it, too.

Oh, Biggie. So, these three guys. Oh, boy. And they get captured. Wow. This sounds intense.

By the Spanish Inquisition, let's say, I don't know. And they say, "We're going to kill you and we're going to skin you and we're going to turn you into canoes." And they're like, "Oh, no."

I think it's an I got told this on Sunday as well. It's I think it's an Irish man, a British man, and a Scottish man. Anyway, the Scottish man says, and they said, "But guess what? You get to choose how you want to die."

Okay, so the Scottish man says, "Bring me some poison." And so they bring him poison. He eats the poison. And uh the British man says, "Bring me my pistol." And they bring him a pistol and he shoots himself. Then the Irish man says, "Bring me a fork." And they say, "Oh, okay." And they bring him a fork and he just starts stabbing himself. He says, "You'll not make a canoe out of me."

Oh, I get it. Because of putting holes in himself. Listen, I did this charity. It was um a fundraiser on Sunday and uh

it it's a really chaotic atmosphere because and and full of love and joy, but it's like the charity helps musicians who struggle with mental health and addiction problems to to have their music produced and performed. So all the performers there are these very vibrant and eccentric people and uh

they all had jokes for me. So these are the jokes that they told me and I'm telling them much worse than they told me but

and some of them cannot be repeated the jokes but it was such a nice evening in memory of my friend and it was good. Yeah,

I enjoyed these. And you're in Toronto TIG just for a couple days. Yes, I got in last night. Um had my fitting. I have rehearsal. I film tomorrow and then I fly away.

Fly away. But don't you Aren't you always wearing this like a Star Trek uniform?

Yes, I know. It's a real mystery, but the material that my space suit is made out of

gets uh stretched and they have to make new ones all the time because of the weird um

uh material. Oh, and then sometimes there's like, you know, an explosion and then there's, you know, the suits

ablaze. Um, but it's it's way better than the amount of wardrobe fittings that happen on other TV shows or movies, you know.

I think it's the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's smart. Actually, I know. I have a I have a three-hour costume fitting tomorrow.

Oh, boy. for this new movie I'm going to be filming. That's like wardrobe is I mean

like three hours of trying on clothes. Yeah. But are you guys like me? Like you it's kind of almost emotional wardrobe fittings like I get like a lump in my throat sometimes cuz I if it's really feminine clothes that they want to put me in or like stuff.

Why would they put you in real feminine clo? What show would do that? And you can tell them that you don't wear that. I do every time. And then I get there every time and they go, "Yeah, we got a bunch of just plain t-shirts, but they're like V-neck or like deep V like women's t-shirts." And I'm like, "I know to you these seem like just neutral t-shirts, but to me it I'm in hell."

Oh, interesting. But do you get like that? Like kind of depressed during wardrobe fittings? Because putting on clothes that don't look good, even if you know you're not going to be forced to wear them, you're gonna just trying on a bunch of stuff is really

I don't I mean I just don't I find it so like exhausting trying on new outfit and then like oh I like that green shirt. Let's pull that and put that with pair that with the black pants and then oo let's put that you know it just all of that kind of stuff. I it doesn't I'm not some I don't like to shop and so it kind of [clears throat] feels like shopping to me.

Um but yeah, I think more than anything like if I go through the racks of clothes I I'll just be like, "Oh my god, I'd never wear that. I would never wear that." And I just zip past it. Um but I see why like if if there's more deeper if there's deeper gender stuff attached to it. Um,

also you're just like you're putting stuff on and then two or three people are just standing there looking at you going like that looks terrible. Yeah okay.

Sounds like you need a new wardrobe person on your production. I I only know if I don't like something, but uh so I'll I'll have like a strong no if I don't like it, but other than that, they're like, "What do you think?" I'm like, "I don't care. What do you like it? If you like it, we're good." Yeah. So,

yeah. Yeah. I It's more of a hassle than anything. Yeah. I think I think to avoid putting things on that I'm not comfortable with or that don't speak to me. I mean, I'm sure you do this, too, but I just flip through the rack and I'm like, never, never, never, never, never. Yes. Yes. Yes. Never, never, yes, yes. Do you do that?

Never going to hit it. I need to be better at being like I'm I know I'm not gonna wear that so I'm not going to try it on. I often are you're probably good at photo shoots too. You know when they go yeah we're not going to use this one but just do something wacky for hold this rubber chicken and jump in the air and we won't even use it. Just give it a go. Like you just don't do it right. Yeah. See I'll be like okay I guess. And then that's the one they use.

No. No. Take with a rubber chicken. Oh my gosh. No. I want to see that. I cannot do those things.

We just want to do handsome portraits. Yeah. Yeah. We just want to throw a mustache on my face,

get someone in a suit. We haven't taken pictures of ourselves in suits in a long time.

Yeah. Well, I think we we will maybe have to do that coming up. We will. We had that we had that Holly Bob show which was so fun.

That was a grand old time. Can people still get tickets? Can they still watch that? Or

you know what? Maybe we'll tell them. Maybe we'll tell Dynasty Typewriter to um leave the link up through what January 2nd.

I think so. Yeah, let's do that. So, yeah, let's do that. So, if people want to watch it over tonight in the next couple days, they can still watch our Holly Bob show.

Yeah, I had the good idea to do that. Our third our third that was our third annual.

I know. Oh god, I love a tradition. It makes it makes life make sense. A little tradition.

And we're not going to tell anybody what happened cuz we want them to be surprised when they

That's right. Cuz you are not going to believe what happened. Do you think there's going to be a fourth Holly Bob?

Hopefully. I don't think we pulled this one. We pulled this one out last minute. It was uh our schedules like weirdly aligned at the last minute cuz I was originally supposed to be out of town.

Yeah. And then at the last minute I was like actually I flew back to LA just to do that show.

Yeah. So I'm always I thought the podcast wasn't go wasn't going to go past the first April, remember? So

yeah, I'm always delighted. Yeah, it's a real surprise each April that comes around. It's like well here we are again. So, what are we two? We're a little over two years. Two,

isn't it more than that? Two and a half. Two and a half. Two and a half. Jesus. Feels so much longer.

I know. I lived a thousand lives in that time. I was a father that I wasn't. I know.

Oh my lord. I used to be married. Yeah. It's crazy. We've made shows and movies. Biggie comes from a broken home.

He's from a broken home. I will to I will toot our horn for uh for just a minute. We're uh go uh about to cross 50 million downloads on this podcast.

That's a lot. In two and a half years, I'd say that's pretty incredible. I still can't believe how many people listen.

I know. I'm like, what? You too? I know. So nice. This is like one of the most successful long-term relationships I've had. And it's a it's a thrpple with a what's a quadruple

and we all get along. We've never come to blows. Mhm. And remarkable. It always um surprises me the different type of people that come up to me. Like it's not one

no type of listener and it's and from all different age groups and background at the charity show in Toronto on Sunday. Actually, it was in my backpack, so I have it. This woman came with her husband and gave me this this letter that's all about handsome. And then in it, she gave me she has organized all of the Toronto escape rooms onto a chart.

Oh my gosh. Gosh, she made a really detailed chart and it's like and she put um the difficulty and the So, I'm going to do some escape rooms with my parents while I'm here.

Your parents do that? They've done two with me in Ireland once and it was really tense because they couldn't understand that they were on the same team and that we're all just trying to get out of the room and they were so competitive and sort of keeping their clues to themselves, but they're into it so we're going to do it. Well, that's cool. That's a B. Would your brother join you?

He would, but he's like he's like too smart for it almost like he he he's a bit like sometimes you take with a would you rather where you're like but why are we doing that? Like he I think he would be like but I can just press the exit button and get out of the room. I'll just press the emergency exit button. Like

are you saying I'm a big bummer? No, not at all. You're No, it's fine if you're if you're saying that. I can I you know if you if you're ready to ask the question you're ready to hear the truth. So

am I a big bummer? No, you're the you're a light in our lives. That's right. Fortune. Am I a big

light [singing] up? I don't know. What is that? You light up my life. You light up my life.

I don't know that one. Really? It was a biggie from the 70s. Biggie, Biggie Biggie

hello. Should we get to our question? Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. Can I just say really quickly that because we we said it before and then it and then we had a tech problem, but that today I got told that I look like Brian Adams.

And when I walked into a diner, the chef behind the counter said, "Look who it is. It's Brian Adams." And I was racking my brain for like, "Is this a reference to something I've done or something?" And I said, "You think I look like him?" He said, "Yeah, you look exactly like Brian Adams,

and I'm really reeling from it." Did you start singing? I got my first real fingers

of a fortune. [snorts] Ria, that's the song. May, is that offensive to you? Well, Brian Adams actually, when you look at him, is he I mean, he's, you know, he's talented, which makes him handsome, but he's got kind of a No, I mean, he's a handsome man, but no, I

I'd do him. I'm sure he's dying for that. Hey y'all, I'd hit that. The guy said, "Are you hungry?" I said I would do anything for food,

but I won't. Wait, that's me, love. That's me, love. Oh [ __ ] Wait, you're thinking of anything I do. I do it for you. [singing] Do

you do you guys remember how huge that movie was? The um Robin Hood. Robin Hood. Kevin Cosner and that song.

Uh talk about a horny moment. Jeez. Yeah. And he's so American in such a British. Wait, Fortune. Tig's not looking at you.

Why can't you make eye contact with me anymore? Cuz you Why do you think Fortune? Why do you think

it was so sexy? It was Brian Adams is cute and I and I really enjoy his um like I saw him live. I don't know why I was there and I don't know why I was sidestage but I I was there and I was loving every minute

of his concert. Hell yeah. I bet he puts on a good show. Oh yes, he did. And it's just like the greatest hits of your life. And I was like look at me side stage and Brian Adams. [screaming] Anyway,

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Today's question Oscar is an Emmy nominated actress best known for playing Pam Beasley on The Office. She's also starred in movies like The Giant Mechanical Man and 2024's Mean Girls. She co-hosts the hit podcast Office Ladies with her friend Angela Kinsey. Jenna Fischer is asking today's question.

Man, people freaking love The Office still. Oh man, my kids are two of them. Hello, handsome podcast. Here's my question. Do you have an irrational fear? [clears throat] A fear that that you know intellectually doesn't make any sense. I it's false. This this thing will never happen.

But do you have an irrational fear? And if so, how do you deal with it? Yes, I do.

Oh, you do? Oh, yes, I do. Man, that was quick. Well, because it is an irrational fear I deal with.

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure I have many, but one that is so irrational and to the it's so irrational that I'm going to reveal myself is nuts right now.

Okay. I'm scared to reveal this because I'm scared somebody's going to do this.

Don't do this to y'all. Don't wait till you hear what how much this will never happen. [sighs] I'm scared to like when I check into a hotel room and there's a balcony. I am scared. I can't just stand on the balcony and look around. I am scared there is somebody under the bed or in the closet who is going to jump out and then throw me off the balcony.

Oh my god. My god. Yeah. Whoa. Yes. I wonder where that started. Wouldn't that I don't know. And it's even now transferred to if I'm like in a pl like say I'm in a mall which is all the time. Let's say I'm in a mall that's like five levels.

Yeah. Like a galleria type place. I'm I can't go stand by the edge because I'm like sure enough somebody's going to come run over and toss me over.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. I wonder if you like saw a movie as a kid or something where that I know a lot of people like have the fear that they're going their body is just going to jump. You know what I mean?

But to to be like as soon as I step on that balcony, someone from under the bed is going to come and just

Well, I'll check in and I look under the bed. I look in the closet. Especially if there's a balcony.

I'm no fool. Uhuh. I'm You're not tossing me over. So, man, that is I guess that is very irrational. It's very irrational.

Wow. But that's been something you've had since you were young. No, it started as an adult probably in the past uh 20, 30 years. I don't know.

Oh, interesting. Are you Does this allow you to even enjoy any balcony? Yeah. Can you even I can't be standing near the edge,

but you can sit on a balcony and Yeah. Yeah. I just need to make sure nobody is gonna come up behind me and throw me off

and pick up the whole chair that you're sitting in and thought it. I will say that when I filmed in Toronto last summer, whenever that was,

y I had a balcony on in the apartment that I was staying in and I loved it. It was so nice cuz it had a beautiful view of the water.

But if I got too close to the edge, like I would almost like feel like a panic attack coming on. Yeah. And I had never had that before.

Yeah. And I would And I couldn't even look down long because I would start to feel my heart racing.

Yeah. Have you guys ever gone up the can tower? Yeah. My And you know, it has the glass floor.

Yeah. Yeah. That makes my palms I go green. Yeah. That's tough. But I did it. Okay. So, a stranger or a loved one throwing you off a balcony. That's a good one.

I don't think a loved one is going to do it. I think there is a psychopath hiding in my hotel room

and they are ready to toss me over. Well, see, I'm now I'm scared. I've No one do that.

Yeah, I'm scared. You've Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't Don't do it, you guys. You guys don't. That's so not cool. It's not cool to throw me off balconies.

No. Fortune. What about you? I was trying to think if there's anything I'm like afraid of. I will. I mean, this is not like a fear per se, but I do find myself picking the side of the bed to sleep in that's closest to the door.

I don't know what that is. Well, two extra steps to safety is what that is. That's right. Um I do and I often times uh when I'm staying by myself um will lock my bedroom door when I sleep.

Yeah, that's that that makes sense though. I mean I get I think I want to like know I think there's some fear there of being startled in my sleep clearly.

Yeah, but that's evolutionary. You know, you're asleep, you want to be protected. Tig is imagining a psychopath when she's wide awake.

Well, let's not like drag me down like I'm some lunatic and make fortune seem normal.

Listen, no. Mine are irrational. Mine are uh my teeth crumbling out. Like I I have um a lot of dreams where my teeth are just crumbling in my mouth.

Thomas, will you look up what that mean? I think that does mean something really. So that's because I know

I think so people have that dream. Yeah. Means you need calcium. Yeah. Is helpful.

That's all it means. Also my mom being mad at me and doing bad on my report card.

That's still a fear still. Yeah. Like that feels irrational, right? Cuz I I don't know. It's like this nagging feeling like I haven't done my homework.

You're not in school still, are you though? Absolutely not. Okay. I will have nightmares sometimes about um forgetting lines on stage like a theater show

and it and I'll wake up in a sweat like [gasps] I do have a teeth fear. Uh I'm not I know you're not finished May, but just to um talk on tag on to your teeth thing, I um get a little jumpy drinking out of a water fountain.

Oh, because I have a fear that someone's going to come up behind me. There we go.

Because when I was a kid, I was drinking out a water fountain and my friend thought it'd be funny to like kind of bang me into the the um thing and luckily it like just missed my teeth.

Um but my I got like a concussion like banged into the water fountain, but I've always had this fear of like drinking out of water fountain and my teeth just like smashing into it.

Did the friend feel bad? See, you're crazy, too. Oh, we're all nuts. We're all I think we were so young. I think they didn't realize how much that hurt. Like, it physically hurt.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. That also I wonder if they've had that feeling of like their stomach dropping when they realized what they like, oh, I [ __ ] up.

Like thinking back all those years ago. Okay. Thomas says, "The most common interpretations for dreaming about your teeth falling out include recent loss or grief, jealousy, increased stress or anxiety, lack of control, big life changes, depression, insecurity or shame, health related is fears, or real life dental issues.

The only thing you don't have on there is real life dental issues." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The rest all rings pretty true. It's like here's a bazillion whatifs, but it could also just be your teeth need to be be fixed.

I'm scared of um uh deep water and aquatic dinosaurs like the things that live in the depths and they're they've been there for thousands of years. Species we don't even know about. Big like [groaning] and they're just grown

like the Loch Neess monster. Yeah. I don't want anything to do with that guy. You don't?

No. I I'm I got enough friends, you know. Doesn't it seem like the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot probably know each other?

Yeah. It feels like they probably have seen each other before. Like you know how you imagine like people of a certain level of fame. Like if you're if you're Tom Cruz and you're at a party and you see Brad Pitt, you're like, "Hey man, like I think Loch Ness, Monster and and Big like that." That's like when I went up to Tom Cruz at the party. I was like, "Hey, man." Me, too.

I know what it's like to be this handsome. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know what it's like to look like this. By the way, yeah.

Quick question for you, Tig. Are you going to let um Max and Finn stay up to midnight for the countdown or are they or do you do like a fake countdown?

Yeah. I mean, when when it's not a school night, we let them uh stay up as late as they want. So, even if it's a weekend night, we let them stay up as late as they want. And what's so Well, yeah. And they're like, "Yeah, we can stay up as late as we want." And usually they're falling asleep on the couch by like 9:30, you know. So,

yeah. Um, and then we watch the East Coast ball drop, so they get to see it. Um, but you know, it's only been weird travel time change nights that they've actually made it to some really late hour cuz they

I think they're also like the other day they had three tournament games of baseball in one day.

Wow. Yeah. So, they pretty much they crash out pretty hard. Yeah. Yeah. Can I tell you guys some common irrational fears?

Yeah. That you have? No. That just the world experiences together. Okay. Spiders.

Um, fear of being watched. Huh. Okay. Then that's called scop scop phobia. So scop phobia.

Scope. Just just letter just letter. This one's a fun. was a fun one. Letter fear of holes.

Oh, I've heard of this. Like even I ain't afraid of no whole fortune. What? May.

Um I don't know that like sponges or honeycombs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a thing people are scared of.

Oh yeah. My friend Steph um the one who got thumbmed in the documentary. Yeah. Yeah,

she's she's scared of things in close clusters like like that. Like she is very disturbed by this.

But I guess it's com more common than you think. By the way, I stand by what's wrong with a thumb. Anyway,

yeah, me too, actually. Watch the documentary and let us know your feelings. Fear of mirrors. Have you guys heard of that?

No. All these have words to them, but I can't pronounce any of them. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, are they that common that they need a name?

Fear of clowns. That's a big one. That's huge, right? But I get that cuz it's like it's the fakeness of it. It's like you don't they they have a smile painted on and you don't know how what they're feeling underneath. There's like

to pretend that May is explaining what clowns are to us. So there's a smile painted on. They got crazy hair.

It says is often rooted in childhood experiences or unsettling portrayals in media. We blame the movie it for that.

Yeah. Seriously. Yeah. Fear of mannequins. Are we still on topic or have we? Yeah. Irrational fears.

Oh, right, right, right. I won't name all these. Fear of balloons. Some people are very afraid of them popping unexpectedly.

My friend always says playing with the balloon is like hanging out with a friend that could yell at you at any moment.

Um, some people have a fear of rain. That would be tough, especially in Seattle. That'd be really hard.

I'm gonna be there tomorrow night. The wicked witch of the west. That's true. I'm melting.

That's what my uh secret name for fortune is. The wicked witch of the west. Yeah.

How dare you? Really? Elmyra Gulch. And then there's a fear of talking on the phone. Teleophobia.

That's a great thing to remember if somebody is contacting you too much. Yeah. I'm so sorry. I have telephobia.

Well, good time. Should we hear Jenna's answer? I think we should. Yes, please.

My irrational fear, or maybe it's more of an irrational thought. I don't know, but it does um make me feel scared, so I'm calling it a fear, is that there is a um I don't even want to say it because I think if I say it out loud, it's more likely to be true. But I know that's not true. See? So, um I think that there's a ghost in my closet,

in my office closet. So silly. And that um because I have a tiny window in there and it opens on its own all the time.

Oh, and it's not windy. Mhm. I latch it and it unlatches. Oh, that's definitely a ghost. And I deal with it by telling myself that even if it's true, even if a ghost is unlatching the window,

um I've lived here for 10 years and they they must be a nice ghost. I think so. Definitely a ghost. That's the only explanation.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Also, as we were listening to Jenna's answer, someone like is knocking.

I think they're locked out somewhere in the in this Airbnb, but the door is over here and the knock came from over there. So, I don't know. I am spooked right now.

I'm spooked, too, girl. I goosebumps. I saw you go like look like you had seen a ghost.

You just saw my real fear face. What is Is that the back door that they're knocking on?

Yeah, it could be weird. I don't know. It's stopped. It's gone now though. Don't answer it. When Jenna was talking about the ghost in her closet,

it reminded me, maybe I've talked about this before, it reminded me of an ex of mine when we lived together. There was a gigantic, like the size of a hand.

Yeah. Spider. Maybe that's a little much. Maybe half the size of a hand. Palm size

in a spiderweb in the closet. And she didn't want to disturb it. Oh, no. Yeah. So, we

No. Yes. So, we had to live with that spider in there. I don't think I could have done that.

Yeah. It was It was a struggle, but I guess I worry I worry about retaliation from spiders. Like, I would maybe try to transport it out

safely, but Oh, she did not want to disturb it. The retaliation being that they like talk to their friends and a bunch of them come get you.

Yeah. Plus, if you talk to your friends and you're a spider and you go, "Come on." That's eight legs saying, "Come on."

This sounds like this sounds like an irrational fear. Come on. This sounds irrational.

What is irrational? That all these spiders are coming to get y'all after one of

I don't think any spiders come to get me. No. May. Yeah. Well, it happens with whales and things and

what crows like some there are some animals that will hold a grudge and bring back their friends. Yeah.

But um do you think Jenna has a if you had a ghost a ghostly occurrence that kept happening that was kind of mundane like and and not threatening but it kept happening and there was no explanation. Would you want to move house or would you be like I'll just live with it?

Oh yeah. Move house. Remember that fortune. Move house. Move house. Move house. I forgot about that. Yeah.

What's What's move house? It's just not what we say. We don't say move house. We don't say move.

We say move house. And we've already talked about this. We say move into another house or Yeah.

Or we move. Okay. I would legit find someone who um like a ghostbuster. Oh, like an exorcist almost. I would try that first. No, like somebody that helps get like a I would sage the house first. um see if that works. If it's still happening, then bring someone that like, you know, clears ghost.

But there isn't doing anything wrong. I know, but you can also have a com my so my house growing up was like wildly haunted and I talked about it in one of my specials. Uh it's every it people move out of this house every five years or so because it's super haunted. And uh my mom used to hear stuff all the time. I didn't hear things or see things, but

Did she hear um No, she just heard footsteps all the time. She and she said it was um and she said it was not a friendly ghost.

Oh. And um and it would make a lot of ruckus and noises. And she it was she said it got so bad that at one point she like uh told she yelled out to the ghost when she was alone one night that if it did not leave us alone she was going to call the Duke University paranormal department and she said after that it calmed down.

Oh yeah you don't want to include them. She threatened it. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. again. I'd be worried it would go get its friends,

but it clearly hasn't left because I have heard from people who I got stopped by a guy who said, "My best friend lived in your childhood home." No.

With his f uh he was a grown man. And I said, "Can I ask did he tell you if that house was haunted?"

And he said it was the most haunted house the guy had ever lived in. Really? Mhm.

But you felt you didn't feel a malevolent presence there. Like you felt I felt inner bad energy for sure. Whoa.

I'm I I don't see ghost or like I don't you know I think some people are susceptible to it. I don't have that thing but I feel energy very strongly and I always felt very unsettled in that house.

I wish you were here right now to protect me from whatever's not I mean there's nothing I can do. Just um

just you'd get scared. I just lived I lived with it but I slept with a knife under my bed my whole childhood. I thought you were going to say you slept with a ghost, but

no may. I'm not a [ __ ] Not a ghost [ __ ] Work trip. I didn't really want to contribute to this conversation.

Wait, but you would sleep with a knife under your bed. Can you Can you kill a ghost?

Because Because when I was a when I was a kid, I didn't know if my house was haunted.

My mom told me years later. But you just thought that I just was scared all the time in this house and I didn't know why.

What kind of knife? What are we talking about? Like a little like a kitchen. Like a kitchen knife. Butcher. Okay.

Yeah. So, but I was always scared and my mom left me alone a lot in my teenage years cuz she had a boyfriend that lived um heard about him.

So, I would be by myself. So, my entire high school I was so scared in this house and I never knew why. And then years later, I'm having a conversation with my mom and my mom was like, "Well, you know, because the house we grew up in was insanely haunted." And I was like, "What are you talking about?"

Yeah. But you were also probably scared because you were a child left alone at home.

Well, I was a teenage. Yes, but I was also a teenager at that point, wasn't I get scared as a 54year-old.

Yeah, true. TC look alike. Well, anyway, I'm glad we got our fears out. I I am too. Um it was wonderful to connect once again with both of you. It's it's I feel I feel much closer to both of you.

Yes, you guys. As a special treat to our listeners, I looked at our calendar cuz we were going to we were going to leave up that link till January 2nd

to our Holly Bob's ex Christmas extravaganza. That's a very fun watch. Yeah. Uh why don't we leave it up through that weekend that people could have that entire weekend? So, January 4th, that link will be available.

Oh my gosh, we're just giving it away at this point. You can still have a Holly Bob's party this weekend with your friends.

Tag us in your pics. If you're uh if you get people together and you're watching it, we want to see you.

It was even if you don't get anyone together. Yeah. If it's just you and your ghost,

just watch it. It was super fun. We always go off the rails and uh you know, it's it's a good a good fun time. So, we hope you guys enjoy it. So, uh you can check out that link. We'll have it posted. Um but it's at dynastytypewriter.com uh for that link.

It's true. Well, should we share what we're up to? I mean, uh if anybody cares anymore what we're up to. I mean, I have tour dates if I if anyone cares.

Well, let's hear it. They're coming up. I mean, grab a piece of paper. What' you say, mate? I love that type of person that Well, I'm doing fine if anyone cares.

I mean, I don't know if you care at all what I'm up to, but if you do, grab a pen and a paper and write down that I'll be in Fort Lauderdale on January 14th. I'll be in Orlando January 15th. I'll be in Tampa January 16th, which is yes, both of my parents' birthday. And then uh Fagatville, Arkansas, February 19th, Oklahoma City, February 20th, and the list goes on. Midland, Texas, February 21st. Also, do check out Come See Me in the Good Light, the incredible, beautiful documentary on Apple TV that maybe I produced and maybe it made the short list of Oscar nomination possibilities. Yeah, I am at Largo in LA on January 13th with Lisa Gilroy doing a show called May and Lisa Surprise Party that we're going to surprise each other with stuff. It's going to be fun. And then I'm about to go on tour. If you go to martin.net, I'm doing 47 shows. I'm coming to all these cities I never been to. And also check out my album. I'm a

TV on Spotify or wherever you get your music and listen to some emo tunes. Also, if you want extra dates of my tour, go to tignotaro.com because there's a lot more tour dates there. Okay. Um, I'm in Vancouver actually right now tonight. I'll be in Vancouver uh if you want to check that show out. Um, Seattle, Washington, uh, for New Year's Eve tomorrow. And then I got New Orleans Mobile Alabama Atlanta Cincinnati Indianapolis Milwaukee De Moine, a bunch of places. New York City at the Beacon, uh Philly, and um all these a lot lots of places. Yeah, fortunefster.com.

Nice. Nice, my friends. We're busy little bees. What a fun pod to end our year out on. Um, I appreciate you guys and another uh I'm looking forward to another awesome year ahead.

I know. I hope we make it to April 2026. My resolution is to keep it handsome as always.

Well, let's do it. Let's do it. Oh, also, please rate and review us and subscribe to the podcast. You have no idea how helpful that is with keeping this podcast going. Subscribe, rate, review. Also, YouTube. Check it out. Lot of silliness going on on YouTube. And until next time. Oh, what? Go ahead.

Well, just thank you guys. Thank you to everyone who's listened this year and and continues to support us. We really appreciate it. This is such a fun uh treat for us to do the pod and the fact that you guys listen and enjoy it means so much to us. So, thank you guys for that.

Yes. And please feel free to um share your favorite episodes and build this uh wonderful, handsome, pretty little community.

Yeah. And until next time, keep it handsome. You know what's smart? Checking All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that you brought your reusable mug to the coffee shop. Nothing's better than sipping barista brewed coffee out of my own personal mug.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. That was a Headgum podcast.

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