Transcript

#474: Date on YOUR Terms with Thalia Ouimet, VIP Matchmaker, Dating Coach, & Author

From Heather Monahan · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 52 min · 10,730 words · 60 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "#474: Date on YOUR Terms with Thalia Ouimet, VIP Matchmaker, Dating Coach, & Author", an episode of Heather Monahan published October 29, 2024 (52 min, about 10,730 words). It mentions 24 people, works and ideas, including Talia, Feminine energy, Dating apps, Masculine energy, Red flags.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Access Hollywood, How to Attract the Right Guy
  2. – 10:00: Feminine energy, Masculine energy, Simone Biles
  3. – 15:00: Dating apps, Netsuite
  4. – 20:00: Red flags, Compatibility, Value system, Yellow flags
  5. – 25:00: Shopify, Self-audit
  6. – 30:00: Dropping the handkerchief
  7. – 35:00: Feminine energy, Masculine energy, Red flags, Soho House
  8. – 40:00: Masculine energy, The Rules
  9. – 45:00: Bill of Rights for Dating Rules, Feminine energy, The Rules
  10. – 50:00: Dating apps
  11. – 52:30: Bustle, How to Attract the Right Guy

Notable quotes from "#474: Date on YOUR Terms with Thalia Ouimet, VIP Matchmaker, Dating Coach, & Author"

  • And author you might have seen her on Bravo TV Access Hollywood she's all over the place with her new book how to attract the right guy Talia thank you so much for being here…
    about How to Attract the Right Guy · at
  • And I would say my favorite chapter that I wrote was chapter 2 because I talk about the feminine energy and how when I started my company I was all in my masculine and how…
    about Feminine energy · at
  • Your history and there's like it's not so using however what I'm seeing on dating apps is you have no idea if you're going have chemistry with somebody because you're not…
    about Dating apps · at
  • 25 1 37,000 that's the number of businesses which have upgraded to netsuite by Oracle netsuite is the number one Cloud Financial system streamlining accounting financial management inventory HR and more All For You 25 net Suite turns 25.
    about Netsuite · at
  • Having kids yes but I will tell you for the person that goes there was no red flags none of us had any idea it's like no there is always your nervous system will guide you to Mr right and there's always little weird things that will.
    about Red flags · at
  • It's funny that you mention this because my entire chapter one's about the self- audit and that's the self- audit if you go through that process in my book it will immediately…
    about Self-audit · at
  • Obvious when someone's just not done the work that's the sound of another sale on Shopify and the moment another business dream becomes a reality your reality Shopify is a…
    about Shopify · at
  • Hear it right and I said yes I actually am super open to it she said you need to read the book The Rules which is a very old book I'm sure you've heard of it before or you know…
    about The Rules · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Talia — Person · 18 mentions
  • Simone Biles — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Pink and is always in high heels and always looks pretty but then someone else is going to want to date Simone biles and someone who's showing up in workout clothes and is a…
  • Chris Iman — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

  • Access Hollywood — Company · 1 mention · first at
    A high-end Matchmaker dating Co speaker and author you might have seen her on Bravo TV Access Hollywood she's all over the place with her new book how to attract the right guy…
  • Soho House — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Housewarming party or like a barbecue or going out to dinner and then you can go up to the bar or if you know like Soho house you can go these membership clubs and all these…
  • Bustle — Company · 1 mention · first at
    It's definitely still somewhere in Google but I wrote If you type in my first and last name bustle article about the 23 texts to tell someone you're not interested and you can…

Concepts & topics

  • Feminine energy — Concept · 6 mentions · first at
  • Dating apps — Concept · 6 mentions · first at
  • Masculine energy — Concept · 4 mentions · first at
    They love a girly girl they love a feminine woman like they get all the masculine energy during their day-to-day in business that when it comes to their partner they really…
  • Red flags — Concept · 3 mentions · first at
  • Self-audit — Concept · 3 mentions · first at
  • Chemistry (in dating) — Concept · 2 mentions
  • Green flags — Concept · 2 mentions
  • Yellow flags — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Conversations you're having that is to me a major green flag I know you talk a lot about green red and yellow flags in your book talk to us about the difference and give us…
  • Compatibility — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Going to go well let's not forget that chemistry does not equal compatibility so the biggest thing I think people make a mistake on in dating this is men and women is okay we…
  • Value system — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Yourself that you look at what are their value systems and does it align with your value system it really to me sounds no different than hiring people at work than building a…
  • Dropping the handkerchief — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Book I only learned about this year and I think that it's incredible the dropping the handkerchief concept please dive into that a little bit because I it was completely…
  • Bill of Rights for Dating Rules — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    You so there's there's a couple right and in the book I give the dating it's like the Bill of Rights for Dating Rules and there's 10 of them but I want to cover the first one…
  • Alpha (masculine alpha) — Concept · 1 mention

Sponsors

Full transcript with timestamps

hi and welcome back I'm so glad you're back here with me this week okay I have received so many DMS about my dating life and every time I put up a post of me and my girlfriend Iman who are both single I get n million DMS about it I figured we might as well jump on today with someone who has created an entire business around coaching women someone who's written a book about matchmaking let me give you a little bit of background my friend Talia we met she's a high-end Matchmaker dating Co speaker and author you might have seen her on Bravo TV Access Hollywood she's all over the place with her new book how to attract the right guy Talia thank you so much for being here today thank you so much for having me all right so let's get into it um first of all how does someone because this is something I bet you could ask a lot how does someone become a Matchmaker like that can't be something that you

thought of when you were a little kid no I know it's so funny because I did not know when I was younger that this was going to be my end all be all type of career but I was always matchmaking you know in high school college you know after that and I was working in Tech and I called my mentor and I said I don't think I'm for I don't think this is my purpose I just don't think Tech is for me and she goes okay honey well what do you like to do and then what are you passionate about and I go I love to matchmake I know it sounds crazy but I love setting people up and it's really intuitive for me like I can just read people's energy and I know who to set them up with and she said well why why don't you quit your Tech job and work for an agency and just see if you like it and that's a good starting place and I said okay so then I quit my tech job joined the largest matchmaking agency in the Southeast and then after that for

two years I finally said you know what I can do this so much better and I can take it to the big league so I quit my job booked a one-way ticket to New York I was couch serving on my best friend's couch for like two weeks trying to just like figure out how to start a company you know how to make the LLC like what do I do but I knew the big vision and I also had all the tools and the resources that I had learned from my mentors of working at the agency so finally um it was Valentine's Day in 2020 and I launched the company and it went viral like everyone reposted it everyone was so excited I was living in New York and the company took off and then 20 client weddings later here we are doing matchmaking full-time it's been half a decade wow so something that you just said that I think can benefit everybody listening right now is that you called a mentor first of all question right so you turned to someone

who had expertise in business and in life and was ahead of you super super smart two you went to work for someone in that had already established himself as someone successful in the arena that you were considering so that you weren't starting from scratch from nothing and I think for everyone listening you know if you're not happy in the role that you're in the industry that you're in that's a really strong path to take jump on a call with a mentor get some advice and then go to someone who's already doing it they've taken on the risk they've taken on really the opportunity to start something from the ground up which is much harder than jumping in and seeing how that place operates so when you jumped in there you were saying at first okay I'm gonna learn this business but by the end you were saying I could do this better than what they're doing for sure and here's the thing too I think a

lot of people see all my success now and they see all the client weddings and you know all this life this amazing life I get to live and what what I think people don't see is that the come up right like I took a sixf figure pay cut working for this agency my salary was like $30,000 for two years which by the way you can't survive living in Atlanta with that kind of salary but I knew that longterm learning from the best of the best like I worked for the OG's and matchmaking so I knew that I was going to get the tools so yeah if you're going to start a business go learn from the best and then if it's still if you're passionate about it then move it forward and start your own business and when did you know the right time for you had come to JP to take that leap and actually try to do it yourself when all of their reviews on their websit that I just want to work with Talia yeah W that's yeah the feedback from

clients the feedback right it was telling you it was very clear that that was your time that you need to do it yourself it was time and also you know I kind of missed that Tech money I was like okay like I need to go back to my other life you know like I want to I I want something bigger than what I'm doing and I also I quickly real realized I could be My Own Boss and I also knew I wanted to start a company so moving to New York just made sense so yeah half a decade later here we are 20 client weddings later what was it like starting that company initially because so many people listening right now a lot of my listeners are imp pivotal their career want to leave corporate want to go to work for themselves but to actually have the courage and the confidence to make that leap can be tough I understand what you're saying you were getting the feedback from clients which is really validating saying okay this is work with

and and it was clear to you like that was a hello Momo like I can do this on my own but to actually leap and start the company and like you said sleep on your friend's couch many people make that move what allowed you to do it or or what was what are some of piece of advice you could share for other people so that they can free themselves up to do that I truly think it comes down to confidence and I know you you out of all people you're the queen of confidence and I think that working for someone else and learning the business bus model understanding how matchmaking works and doing it on a professional scale what that meant what do packages I think I gained The Confidence from working for someone first and then I was like this is there's just no plan B because I believe in myself I now have the confidence because I've learned from the best I kind of felt like I graduated you know because I kind of you know there's

not such thing as matchmaking school but if you work for the ogs so I really think it just comes down to confidence I just had that I had that confidence I needed and it took two years have you ever doubted your decision or have you ever said o I should have not left technology and or do you wake up every day and say I know this is my passion this is my purpose oh I love that question no I mean I I love my I love what I do and I've never second guessed it actually no I get that warm fuzzy feeling that like I'm right in my purpose and I just feel like the universe God has validated that for me in fact even my book that I wrote you know selling over a thousand copies and I barely did any marketing around it just tells me that there's there are people out there really struggling right now and with their love life and there's a huge need for help and so I just love what I do and I especially love helping

women tap into their feminine and like attracting what they really want you know okay tell us a little bit about your new book oh so okay so it's called how to track the right guy and well it's called how to track the right guy avoid situationships and get him to commitment and I would say my favorite chapter that I wrote was chapter 2 because I talk about the feminine energy and how when I started my company I was all in my masculine and how somewhere along the way I actually lost my feminine energy and I was showing up in New York on these dates in my masculine and it just wasn't sparking the same type of chemistry as it would in client meetings on these dates and I wrote in my book and I talk about how when you lead with your feminine energy you will get such a different outcome because these men again I've been I've been working with men for decades now and I'll tell you they love a girly girl they love a

feminine woman like they get all the masculine energy during their day-to-day in business that when it comes to their partner they really want that feminine woman and I had the hardest time for a while transitioning like okay we're not in work mode right now I can't treat this date like an interview and I can't treat him like we're you know this is a business meeting and make it an interview style or anything like that even my my energy I was bringing couldn't be the same as it was in when I was in work mode so it took a while to figure it out but then I had that like haha moment and it just changed everything for me also believe um that showing up as whoever you are is the right answer and there is you know I don't know a better way to say it but like a key for every lock like for a certain person they're only going to want a date woman that wears pink and is always in high heels and always looks pretty but then someone

else is going to want to date um Simone biles and someone who's showing up in workout clothes and and is a Powerhouse so where do people differentiate okay this is my authentic self and that's okay and this will attract the right person versus I'm showing up in feminine energy I know this is going to be very harsh but I'm after all the data I've done so I've been doing this total for 10 years with my own agency and before in everything else I was doing and what I will tell you is I have never had a guy tell me that he is looking for a masculine woman so I will say that yes everyone has their own energy and bring their own you know whatever however men biologically scientifically men want a feminine woman so you you have to figure out a way to transition out of that masculine energy or else you'll keep running into the same ious cycle of problems of not being able to attract that right guy that

you're looking for that's interesting all right tell us a little bit phenomenon of dating online because in my limited experience and the first time I've ever been on dating app has been this year my whole regular dating life is like you walk into a restaurant somebody walks up to you they ask you on a date you give them your phone number and then you already know your history and there's like it's not so using however what I'm seeing on dating apps is you have no idea if you're going have chemistry with somebody because you're not meeting in real life you have no idea if there people are even representing themselves as who they even are you have no idea if they're just like it's a marketing campaign like they're is no Clarity into who people are and there's so many people thousands of people like it's endless the opportunity to date on either side men or women it really in my opinion changes the dynamic of dating

massively and in my in my opinion not for the better however plenty of guys that have gone out will tell me they think it's so much better because it was so hard for them to walk up to women in restaurants the way that I was used to getting approach they said I would have never met you because I would be too nervous to go so give me give your feedback on what do you think of dating apps and what do you think it's done to dating in general your business gets to a certain size and the cracks start to emerge things you used to do in a day are taking a week you have too many manual processes you don't have one source of truth if this is you you should know these three numbers 37,000 25 1 37,000 that's the number of businesses which have upgraded to netsuite by Oracle netsuite is the number one Cloud Financial system streamlining accounting financial management inventory HR and more All For You 25 net Suite turns 25

this year that's 25 years of helping businesses do more with less close their books in days not weeks and drive down cost 25 years one because your business is one of a kind so you get a customized solution for all of your kpis key performance indicators in one efficient system with one source of Truth manage risk get reliable forecasts and improve your margins there is so much power in having all the information that you need in one place imagine how much more efficient you can be how much faster you can move and to do it with so much confidence it's unprecedented and the unprecedented offer that Nets is providing you today is going to make this possible right now download Net's popular kpi checklist designed to give you consistently excellent performance absolutely free at netsuite.com Monahan that's nets.com Monahan to get your kpi checklist now nets.com Monahan oh my gosh I love dating apps I think

it's amazing I think that we have technology and we decided to take technology and using it for dating and it's an opportunity for single people to congregate on an app and to meet each other so I'm a huge fan of them and I you know I do I do matchmaking full-time and I have my company but I also do one-on-one coaching and for those people that are just strictly using dating apps because they have a really heavy day-to-day work life I think my biggest advice I would say is to make sure that your profile represents you in the best way possible and that you like think of like what your partner the kind of person you're trying to attract you know if you are an athletic person but you also L to travel and you also you know like just make sure that your profile is your billboard and it represents you in the best way tell it's shocking to me how people lie and I not only happen to me but I'll be on dates with someone and

they'll say oh thank God you're who you really said you are and so I'll always say tell me more about that because I'm so curious to find out and you'll hear people don't even speak the language I guess that they say that they do I mean there's some wild they lie about their age lie about where they live I mean it goes on and on so how does misrepresentation play come into play with technology you know that's just the risk you take that's the risk you take either you hire a Matchmaker and someone's fully vetted and you bring that candidate forward and you know everything you know you have a full bio about them you know they've passed a background check that's just the risk you take with online dating what advice I can give anyone who's listening who is only wanting to do online dating always always always always have a FaceTime before before you even schedule a date and what I recommend is just say something like hey

I think a really like let's just say he ask you out right he's like hey I would love take you to dinner blah blah blah you say hey you know what actually I think a really good starting place would be let's just do a phone call you know just that way you kind of start that own vetting process for yourself and you're not getting catfish and you can kind of get a better idea and you know something else I talk about in my book is I dedicate an entire chapter this about using your gut feeling letting your nervous system speak and pick your partner and it's really important that when you get on that phone call you use your intuition you use your gut feeling do you feel like everything is's saying is off like or is he saying all the right things but your entire stomach is turning and your nervous system is trying to warn you about something so in my book I talk about what are the flags to look for with your body because your

body will always guide you to Mr Right always your nervous system always has your back and it's with you at all times that's such a great reminder someone was saying that to me about picking a business partner too and it applies to any oh yeah to everything right yeah and you feel safe and secure and calm at ease and but still energized about the conversations you're having that is to me a major green flag I know you talk a lot about green red and yellow flags in your book talk to us about the difference and give us some examples of each well hold on you didn't mention the yellow flag oh I me to the green red and yellow so the yellow flag I think doesn't get enough hype because I think everyone knows what a red flag right it's when it's when they say something and it's offputting and your guts like that's not good you know immediate no or if someone's like I'm just looking for something casual and you're looking to

get married red flag walk away not your guy um but a yellow flag is I say it's like study this more look this is an investigation flag so for example if you are Christian and the guy you're going on date with is Jewish and you're trying to figure out okay how does he want to raise his kids though is he open to raising his kids with your religion or does it have to be his you know and if he's like you know I'm kind of open to it blah blah blah and he gives you like a very vague answer that's a yellow flag it deserves further investigation because you don't want to waste time with that person and fall in love with that person to then find out that like they want you to convert to their religion and you know I've heard it all at this point so I'll tell you at this point in my life I've heard I've seen it happen with my friends too even friends who have been in relationships for 10 plus years when

it comes time down the aisle suddenly the conversation changes so I mean that it you can think you V at everyone you can think that you're in love you can think that you've got the right person and times and situations do change especially as you approach marriage and having kids yes but I will tell you for the person that goes there was no no red flags none of us had any idea it's like no there is always your nervous system will guide you to Mr right and there's always little weird things that will happen like how well do you sleep next to that person are you anxious when you go to bed next like there's there's little things that I have helped like coaching people where I've helped them realize the red flags were always there they just ignored them oh that's a and that goes back to the the same in work situations too I remember working in a tox environment it happened slowly over time so it was hard to say you were

always kind of questioning wait a minute maybe we'll just go back to how it's been maybe people are going through a tough time you would want to talk yourself into that because who wants to leave a career and start over much like a relationship right however at some point you have to say wait a minute this is the new Norm or you know this this does seem like these questions are coming up all the time this this can't be right do you see that happen oftentimes in relationships when people are first starting out that at the beginning It's amazing And slowly they're saying wait a minute maybe this isn't the way that I thought it was going to go well let's not forget that chemistry does not equal compatibility so the biggest thing I think people make a mistake on in dating this is men and women is okay we have crazy great chemistry even like when you're interviewing someone right and there's great chemistry and you're like

oh my gosh I really like that person like the warm energy is there but it's like chemistry doesn't equal compatibility someone could you know you could have a great time with them however your value systems are just different so that's why it's so important that if you are vetting for yourself that you look at what are their value systems and does it align with your value system it really to me sounds no different than hiring people at work than building a team at work right because you have this certain profile that you know will work for you you need not only ask the right questions probe enough to find out is there some valid ation behind this is there a story behind this but what's also interesting is and I noticed this more so in personal relationships based upon people's LA and and I notic this dating now at 50 versus dating you know in my 20s and 30s people have more baggage because now there's a divorce behind it

and once people start this is just been of my experience but I'm interested to hear yours once people divorce is is a tough tough life transition to go through for anyone no matter how long you married no matter if you left or you were cheated it doesn't really matter in my opinion but those wounds that people endure going through a divorce oftentimes get brought along to that next relationship I see it all the time right now in dating now so many men that have been cheated on have so much trepidation at a date and when they start dating somebody there's so many they're so afraid that I see it affect the type of person they can date or how they show up in dating do you see that often with your clients I and I don't I it's funny that you mention this because my entire chapter one's about the self- audit and that's the self- audit if you go through that process in my book it will immediately tell you if you're

ready to start dating or not because if someone is scared and jaded and has all this baggage that means that they're they they don't belong in the marketplace of dating they belong doing therapy healing breaking whatever whatever is whatever works for you but like there's a certain level feeling that needs to happen so that you can then make space in your heart for that next person to come in and for you to not come in and bring all of your projections and you're not projecting all of your stuff on your new person um and so I think the self audit is really important so that you can kind of gauge am I ready for love have I healed the wounds that were left behind from my previous marriage or from my last breakup doesn't even have to be marriage you know someone could have gone through a traumatic breakup and they those wounds are not healed and then they're just projecting and they're jaded then

who wants to date that you know and it's we we're all humans we all go through hard times it's about how do you cope with that and then cope with it in a healthy way so that you can show up in this world and be a great next partner to someone yeah I like what you said about the self- audit because I know my last relationship not my marriage but my last boyfriend I took one year off from dating I mean I would you know me people go out with my friends whatever but everything was very casual but after it took me one year to be able to say to myself honestly okay I'm Healed now I'm not projecting onto this person literally treating people like they were my ex-boyfriend you know when I gone on a date with them when I saw that I was behaving that way I'm like I'm living in trigger Central and if you can't manage your emotions and you're reacting to you are not ready to be dating however I see

it so often don't you see it with the dating pool I do and actually funny story I had this incredible client was referred to me big you know billionaire whatever real estate guy in Manhattan and after we spoke he was telling me about his divorce and everything and I said look I'll be honest with you I can't match you because I cannot put you up in front of these amazing candidates because it's not going to work out you're not healed and I said if you coach with me for 90 days and you graduate from that then I'm willing to take you on as a matchmaking client and we can look at that however I'm not taking you on otherwise because you're just not healed like you're going to get triggered in two seconds so I have seen it it's actually I think it's pretty obvious when someone's just not done the work that's the sound of another sale on Shopify and the moment another business dream becomes a reality your reality

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extensive Business course Library Shopify is there to support your success every step of the way what's incredible to me about Shopify is how no matter how big you want to grow no matter how big you currently are or how small you are Shopify is there to empower you with the confidence and control to revolutionize your business take your business to that next level constantly adding on new products services and ideas now it's your turn to get serious about selling and try Shopify now this is possibility powered by Shopify sign up for a $1 per month trial at shopify.com Monahan all lowercase m o n a an all lowercase sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com Monahan all lowercase go to shopify.com Monahan to take your business to the next level today join me shopify.com Monahan you can thank me later so glaringly obvious it's um it's pretty wild and I I I'm interested to hear your

opinion on this I wonder I only see my female girlfriends and you know my female Circle but in dating it seems that men are probably having a tougher time with this one because there's this whole Dynamic that men you know aren't typically the ones SE searching for counseling and searching for support and coaching in their personal relationships in business and Athletics yes you know all day long but they weren't applying that in the personal life do you think that they're at a disadvantage when it comes to Healing from relationships because they're not the ones necessarily asking for help around it sure yeah I mean it's unfortunate it's no I mean it's not my wheelhouse I you know I'm not yeah it's it's unfortunate but yeah I do think there might be a disadvantage but you know if you're if you're a listener and you're listening to this right now and you are struggling with a breakup or anything like that and I just there's

just so much amazing there's so many amazing tools out there and resources that can get you feeling so much better and it doesn't have to take years you know so it's just it's about just leaning in a little bit doing lean in a little bit for the greater lean in a little exactly okay so one of the concepts that you talk about in your book I only learned about this year and I think that it's incredible the dropping the handkerchief concept please dive into that a little bit because I it was completely foreign to me however after you understand it then you can start seeing when you were do it in your life but I think it's a great self-awareness practice to understand this and be taught it yes okay so I love the handkerchief the modern day handkerchief is when you are out in a public place and you're out with your girlfriends or even by yourself and your at Whole Foods whatever that looks like

and you see someone that you are attracted to and you want to get his attention and I always recommend first do like a little metal scan make sure he doesn't never ring on his finger and if you're clear you know he might be single and just give him give him the notion that you are available and open and the first thing you have to do is if you were out with a bunch of your girlfriends you cannot stick to your five girlfriends because that is too intimidating for these guys again I've worked with men for so long I will tell you they will not walk up to beautiful girls like all five of you it's just too intimidating so you need to if you see something you like separate yourself from the group go to the bar by yourself for a second just excuse yourself and then drop the handkerchief give them give them the look I talk about my book I'm not going to give it away but give him the gese um and drop that handkerchief so

that he can pick it up and you know approach you I think if you create an environment that men will feel comfortable to come up to you they will yeah it's interesting as I learned about this concept this year I started thinking oh I've never done that but the more I thought about it I learned I did it all of the time in whether to your point it's that you're glancing and locking eyes with somebody that you got up to go to the ladies room and so then they were able to approach but the reality is you sit in the center of a pack of people it is very rare that somebody would make that approach because it is intimidating and the other thing that I was made aware of is if they're cocky enough and or SLC confident enough to make that approach they're not just making that approach to you they're doing it to a lot of other people and that was really eye opening for me as well no for sure and I don't

know how many times in my early 20s even in my mid 20s my girlfriends and I would practice it just for fun just to see how if it was really working and you would be surprised how when you look at a guy and you give him that warm smile he is going to be captivated and he's going to be like wait a minute oh my gosh she is she smiling at me usually they'll like look behind them to see if you're looking at someone else and it's just so endearing and then they'll be like who me and then you're like yeah you and then he'll come up to you and say hi so you're basically making the first move in a non-aggressive non-masculine way yes did you know that 90% of communication is non-verbal so you are non-verbally telling him hi I'm interested come talk to me and you can do that with your eyes with your smile there's so many ways that you can do that from across the room and get a got to come to you I was I was out for a

walk the other year with one of my girlfriends and as you know we live in Miami so there's always good-looking people no matter where you go and a really good-looking guy was running and he ran by us and she said she 's not single and I am and she said to me Heather oh my gosh why didn't you lock eyes with him I said he was running like it wasn't as if we were in slowmo and there was all this time she's like next time fall down she's like I mean don't get hurt but just fall down it it is interesting that when you think of it strategically that's all that it takes is just getting that you know that whatever it is five seconds that you're going to have with a person to be able to say hey I am interested I want to get your attention and see if this is reciprocated not always the easiest though when you're out for a run no for sure I I definitely think that there are certain environments that you can thrive in a

lot easily like for example a housewarming party or like a barbecue or going out to dinner and then you can go up to the bar or if you know like Soho house you can go these membership clubs and all these things like what a great place because that's more of like an enclosed environment but yeah no if the guy's running that's just I mean I'm a pro and I wouldn't even do that just let him run let him go for his run I love your idea try to fall but don't get hurt okay so what are some of the bigger mistakes that you see women making on a day-to-day basis that you can help give them feedback to correct oh two things one over sharing on a first date I think that you just have to remember a first and second date you have not built rapport with that person it's just like a new hire you guys don't really know each other yet so ease into it and just keep those keep those like deep personal things to yourself even

when the nerves kick in or when that wine hits you be self-aware enough to keep some dial it in always dial it back because you might never see that person again so maybe there are things about yourself that you don't want some stranger running around telling people so consider that too but the other thing I would say is just staying in your feminine energy I don't know how many of my amazing clients that are boss that like or even my girlfriends that own companies or their CEOs and they take that masculine energy into the dating world and again I've done this myself so I know like it's hard to transition after a workday but it's so important to get back into your femininity and be back into that receiving that soft energy not that tough Powerhouse energy because men love that soft feminine energy and there is by the way there's a time and place for everything you know if your man is at home sick and he needs

you to like whip things into gear like then yes step into your mask I'm not saying that mask and energy is bad it's it's harmonious you know you use it when you need it but on a first date definitely be in your feminine energy so you remind me of something I'm super curious to hear your take on so people get and you know this people get so much advice whether it be about your dating life your professional life everybody always it's real quick to give an offer advice on everybody else right and oftentimes as an outsider it's easy to see what's wrong or you know to spot red flags outside looking in on somebody else so I understand why people do it however the advice you get is so incredibly different and I'll just give you an example I had people advising me saying you know you just really need to start showing up as who you really are PE you know because people need to know who you are right out of the gates that

way you don't have to work you're not going to attract someone who can't handle a strong woman or you know whatever it may be okay so that's show up as you and be the all authentic you write on date one and and don't differ and I had been doing that I was out for a walk with another girlfriend um a few months ago and she said tell me what's going I don't not understand how you're still single I'm like okay she I'll tell you my last three dates so I tell her and again I dated great guys there's not I've not had one date that was horrible everybody's been good people right listen not for me maybe there's no chemistry whatever but all nice people some of them lied about their age some lied about how they look but that's a whole different situation or didn't mention they wanted kids and I don't want kid like some of it's just very like okay you had to figure that out all right well um she says break down the

last couple dates for me and I tell her and it was interesting one of them was I was on a very long date with a guy and he emptied his whole I me he told me everything about his divorce I mean it he told me way too much he was asking I mean crazy I I I needed to get out of there I was like this is too much for too much for a first dat so it was like a therapy session he treated it like therapy is what did as if we were about to get married and it was like he had to let me know everything and I was like this is a date one not you know we haven't been dating for five years so it it was odd anyhow um I'm telling her this and she's like okay are you open to feedback which I thought was a great you know door opener to see because some people don't want it they don't want to hear it right and I said yes I I actually am super open to it she said you need to read the book The Rules which is a very old book I'm sure you've

heard of it before or um you know I don't know it's a long time ago very very famous book and it's all about the rules of how a woman should behave while dating and it's super clear very black and white like there's no gray area like you can never accept a band um request to go out on a date if he hasn't asked you out four days before the date you all like it's like very prescriptive right um you if they don't call you within 24 hours you don't date them again you don't stay on a date longer than three hours unless you've been dating for more than a month like it's very very prescriptive anyhow um and totally not how I had been living my life at all but based on this is you know friend of mine she's in a very happy relationship she's like Heather all of my happily married friends say they live their life off the rules and that's why their marriages are so good read the book so I went and I read the

book and and I told her I'm like listen I I'm just showing up as me being me like whatever my guts says like I just do you know someone calls me last minute and I'm free and I want to go out I go I don't play to me this is called playing games when you're you know creating lists of things you're going to do or not do and then doing them and she said just do me a favor and try it for like you know a month so I tried it for a couple of weeks and I mean does it it changes the way other people show up for sure right because you make it real clear very fast with this game that I'm not taking your phone calls I'm not going out with you you know so you can change the behavior very quickly but in my opinion felt so weird being so forced like it felt like being fake because the real me is like I'm a if I'm free and I have nothing to do I'm like yeah let's I'll run over and meet you no big deal like I'm easy going that way however if

I'm busy what I'm booked like there's no chance that you're getting on my calendar so it it was sort of I don't know it was showing up as a different person than who I really am and I don't know that maybe to her point it will get you the outcome that you want like it will get these guys chasing you if that's what you're going for but they're chasing someone who isn't the real you I felt like there was a ton of mismatch there what are your thoughts on that so here's the deal if you were looking to date someone who is on your level someone who is successful someone who's ambitious that man is very much Alpha and he is in his masculine energy which Heather I think that's what you need truly that kind of guy is used to hearing no eight times and he's still not taking no for an answer until he gets a yes so guess what you're ruin rning your shot with him when you make yourself readily available on Friday

night because you happen to be free and he's like hey do you want to go out tonight and you're like yeah hold on these Alphas these go-getters these ambitious men that are super in masculine don't actually like that because their whole thing is like winning right that's how they built their Empires it's how they built their company it's how they're so successful so if you're trying to date that really successful man and you're not trying to you you know what I'm saying it's all about you're trying to attract right but I I know you and I know that you're trying to date someone who is ambitious because you're ambitious and you kind of have to play the game because he has to feel like he won you or else it's too it's just too easy it's like closing a deal it's like you pitched and then he was like yeah demo was great sign me up I'll write the check it's like oh okay there was no fun in that it's like and

so you've got to make them work for it if that's the kind of guy you're going for well the whole thing that does that does that make sense though does that resonate yeah yeah no I completely understand what you're saying I'll just say it's a lot of work like da so much work and and this is why another when people why are you single I'm like one read some of the messages that these men send and then you'll understand because I am very picky and I would never goell with people like this ever that's one two is it takes so much time and when you work a lot and have a child like and have your friends and have you know and you work out and like there's all these parts of your life oftentimes there just isn't a lot of time to manage this unless you're going to shut down if you're saying yes to something you're saying no to a lot of other things so it's like priority standpoint yes my friends that are younger that still want

to have kids I get it like this is their number one priority in life and it is like they are crystal clear on it and they are like live or die however I also see the emotions I'm sure you see this Talia the emotions with younger women who want to have babies want to have F families it's like when they get back from a date it's talking my friends off the ledge that I literally they're crying if it didn't work out and they thought this was the right person so it's it's just interesting where you are in your life what your Ambitions are for family what your you know how important the dating is can really make or break you and how you respond in these dates no for sure no for sure I mean it's I do so much one-on-one coaching I've heard it all and it depends on your phase of life it depends on what you're going through it depends on what kind of guy you're trying to attract again if you're trying to attract a high net

worth individual who's successful who's built something incredible something that you guys can or continue to build together because you also own a business or you're a CEO you know you kind of have to play the game and that's just the honest to God truth um so it just depends on what you're trying to attract and by the way and by the way feminine energy will never fail on you there's never been the like a masculine Alpha who's been like I want a masculine woman it's like no no no that's never happened it's just never happened so give us an example of a story of um one of the marriages that you put together and like how it worked out we surprised this is so good the you know and this is the biggest lesson in this story by the way is how when you have a very specific type it can hold you back from meeting your person it can hold you back from meeting your God divine person that you were meant to reproduce With

You Were Meant to build a life with because sometimes what we think is meant for us you know God has a greater plan or the universe has a greater plan you know so my biggest craziest story of marriage was when I was setting up one of my clients with one of my closest girlfriends and you know I it it's always interesting when you're setting up your girlfriends with one of your clients because it's business and it's also personal but it's always fun um and she just refused to go on a with my client she was like no he doesn't have good sense of taste and fashion I don't like the way this guy dresses in his pictures and I said to her I said you are getting in your own way I said I know this is your husband and I'm not saying this because he's my client I got paid on this I'm telling you because I intuitively my gut feelings telling you this is the one you guys your values are in alignment everything you guys are

like the guy girl version of each other and you guys compliment each other so well so long story short I finally convince her to do it I sent him a text said just send her a text say you got a reservation at this restaurant it's her favorite restaurant she will not decline I know her so he sent her a text like I got a reservation for this Friday at 8 pm I would love to take you here can I send a car at 7:30 whatever something like that and she calls me she's like he got a reservation at the da D and I said really and so she said yes and they've now been married for three years they just had their second baby and the jokes on her you know she was so caught up in her type and how her man was supposed to look and by the way my client was like 6'2 handsome successful but she was so obsessed with like being with someone who really knew how to dress himself and all these things but what I tried to

explain to her is that at the end of the day that's not a character flaw and that's changeable if a guy doesn't know how to dress himself he can get a stylist or you can help him it's so easily fixed you know so I was you know that was the ultimate I can't I still can't believe I pulled it off and that they're still married and they're just so happy with babies that's amazing that's that's when you know that you're doing so much good when you you know people are creating lives and reproducing and having families that's amazing okay so czy break down for everyone your rules like how I was mentioning you know there are these r that rule book for women and I know that you don't subscribe to all these ideas but like what are some of the rules like you said that you cannot be available on the day that somebody wants to ask you what are some of the rules that are important to you so there's there's a couple right

and in the book I give the dating it's like the Bill of Rights for Dating Rules and there's 10 of them but I want to cover the first one and the first one is don't ever over consume alcohol on a first or second date and here's the reason why because I know everyone you know alcohol can be a crutch right it kicks the nerves out of the way it just kind of makes you a little bit funnier more confident and that's great and all however just remember that when you tend to drink you might accidentally say something that you wouldn't ever have said sober just like when you're drinking with your employees at drink happy hour and you say something and you're like I you know that was so personal I really shouldn't have said that to my employer or to my coworker reeling it in and it was the alcohol talking through you and so I think the one of the biggest mistakes people make is just overc consuming so

my one of my biggest rules is one drink Max that one drink should kill the nerves and so at that point that's all you need it for um another big one is always show up on time I know it sounds silly but being punctual in dates you'd be surprised these men are so sticklers about time and they do value their times very seriously so you want to make sure that you're putting your best foot forward and showing up on time and then actually you know what I have I I'll share one more because I don't want to share all 10 but another one is being kind to weight staff and what I mean by that is I have seen people think they're being kind to weight staff but in reality they're so in a rush and they're so focused on the date that they're shoeing off their waiter or being like yeah thanks and it just comes off crass and it might come off rude and so to make sure that you're representing your brand your personal brand that you're

representing yourself well in these dates to just take that extra second to be really kind of the weight staff because it makes you look so good you get so many rounding points from that okay great tips and totally agree now what about one of the things I see come up a lot especially with dating apps and there you could be dating so many different people at the same time is when you haven't heard from somebody in let's say a week and a half and then they message you back what are what's the direction that you give women when a guy's kind of disappeared for a while and then shows back okay so you're saying he ghosted and then he's resurfaced and it's been a week and a half I see it happen a lot that they might you might not hear from somebody for a week and then they call you or they send you a text and you're that's odd no I'm just gonna go ahead and say no because you know in these early stages of dating if

people are putting their best foot forward is that really the kind of person you want to be with someone who's unreliable wishy-washy energy at the end of the day if someone is in the state of Readiness the way you are in that state of Readiness they will be the Hunter they're going to make effort just like you are being oh wait hold on that actually brings up another point to any female out there or any guy out there listening to this if you are a horrible textor you are not timely you are not a good communicator when it comes to dating I'm not talking about your work life talking about dating specifically just know that that energy will be mirrored right back to you because people typically will mirror your energy so if you are really good about these dating apps and responding quickly and you're time with these text messages people will typically match you there and if anyone if you're being great and

they're not matching your energy and they're taking a week and a half good riddance such a waste of time okay what about when you go out with someone and they're so nice and just great people but there's no chemistry and then they start messaging you again and to your point you don't want to lead people on you don't want to be putting negative energy out there because you don't want that coming back to you how what is the right way to handle it to let somebody know like you're a great person you're just not my person so it's communication is key right you know you're not going to have chemistry with everyone and communicating I just say like do how you would want someone to do it to you right instead of being string along or being ghosted wouldn't you rather just say some wouldn't you just rather have someone text you and say hey I think you're awesome I just don't think that we have that chemistry or that romantic

click that we need um let's just call it friends or just just send them like one line one quick text and by the way it's like anything in life the first time you do it you're going to feel so uncomfortable you're going to feel like you rejected someone it's going to feel really icky but the more you do it and you practice just communicating like hey I just didn't feel that spark that I needed let's let's call it friends it will come more naturally and I think that that also puts out good karmic energy for you and it's it's going to come back tfold oh my gosh this is so funny I had gone on date with someone such like a salt of the earth great human really wanted kids I was super aggressive on the date like I am not having any more kids my kid is 17 like we hit the easy button over here a long time ago not rebooting and he's like okay well maybe I can get beyond having kids I'm like no this is ter no you should go meet

someone that wants to have kids like I'm the wrong for you and I said this to him on the date but we got along very well it really funny smart guy anyhow cut two we leave and he messes me he's like you really need to go out for a second well but I knew and it was on my mind Talia for a couple of days and I did not know how to respond so I hadn't responded I went to dinner with one of my gay guy friends and we're at dinner and I said to him I'm like we have got to resolve this tonight because I feel like a ter I would never not respond to someone I felt terrible but I didn't know how to say this in the most positive kindest I didn't know how to handle it and so he says okay so I told him he said empty your glass I did I told him everything he goes great give me your phone now I'm like okay I hand pH this was the funniest thing and he was so right he was so direct he was so no emotion because if he hadn't been on the date

and um within 30 seconds that guy responded and said thank you thank you so much Heather thank you for being honest thank you for being he so appreciated that my friend basically said something like this I had the greatest time with you you are smart kind and a wonderful person however I'm not your person and that was and he was like great with it he he thought it was the greatest thing it set him free 100% we we love when someone is when a guy is being transparent and straightforward with us it's no different for the other side and so I actually I wrote I don't it's definitely still somewhere in Google but I wrote If you type in my first and last name bustle article about the 23 texts to tell someone you're not interested and you can copy and paste any of these 23 like I wrote out 23 in this article that were just simple and easy straight to the point I'm just not interested I think you're great but

let's just you know whatever leave it there um and people love the straightforwardness so yeah it's I ghing is not it's just not kind it's not kind it allows people to think way too much about what did I do did I do something like you start putting it on you and that is I oh my gosh I've had way too many phone calls and this is so funny a guy that I was out with like oh my gosh all of my girl my girlfriends um that go on these dates and these guys are ghosting them he said and then they call me all upset he said so now thank God for AI Heather said I send all of my girlfriend to chat GPT person I with dying laughing oh my goodness that is hysterical chat GPT is now involved in dating who would have thought that is wild I'm not saying that's some good advice but I found it pretty entertaining okay before we let you go what else do we need to know how can people get a hold of you how can people

work with you what do you want to say before we wrap the show today oh well if you're interested in doing matchmaking definitely the best way to get in touch with me is through Instagram just send me a DM saying match me and I know that that that is what it's about um and if you want to do coaching let's just say that you have a really great Network and you have all the right people you just aren't quite getting your stride in that way and you just want to do coaching send me a DM and say I'd love to work with you oneon-one and so oh my Instagram it's Talia we met so it's just first name last name and people that want to find your book oh it's on Amazon how to attract the right guy and I actually have my Amazon link on my bio on my Instagram all right T well keep getting people married keep you know doing your life work and keep shining your light we all appreciate it here oh thank you so much for having me thank

you guys until next week keep creating your confidence you know I will be

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "#474: Date on YOUR Terms with Thalia Ouimet, VIP Matchmaker, Dating Coach, & Author"?

In order: 0:00 Access Hollywood, How to Attract the Right Guy; 5:00 Feminine energy, Masculine energy, Simone Biles; 10:00 Dating apps, Netsuite; 15:00 Red flags, Compatibility, Value system, Yellow flags; 20:00 Shopify, Self-audit; 25:00 Dropping the handkerchief; 30:00 Feminine energy, Masculine energy, Red flags, Soho House; 35:00 Masculine energy, The Rules; 40:00 Bill of Rights for Dating Rules, Feminine energy, The Rules; 45:00 Dating apps; 50:00 Bustle, How to Attract the Right Guy.

What is mentioned in this Heather Monahan episode?

24 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Talia, Feminine energy, Dating apps, Masculine energy, Red flags, Self-audit. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "#474: Date on YOUR Terms with Thalia Ouimet, VIP Matchmaker, Dating Coach, & Author"?

The episode runs 52 min; the transcript is about 10,730 words in 60 timestamped sections.

More from Heather Monahan

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated December 19, 2025.