Stop Obsessing Over Your Crush

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 3:00: limrance, Dorothy Tennov
2. 3:00 – 6:00: limrance
3. 6:00 – 7:21: limrance

Notable quotes from "Stop Obsessing Over Your Crush"

• Limrance is an intense involuntary emotional state where you become fixated on someone, obsessing over their every action while desperately craving their validation. This often happens suddenly.

  about limrance · at 0:26

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Dorothy Tennov — Person · 1 mention · first at 1:08
  Actually is. Now, the term lirance was coined by psychologist and author Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s. After conducting extensive interviews, she found that many people…

Concepts & topics

• limrance — Concept · 11 mentions · first at 0:26

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Obsessed with your crush. You could have lirance. Ever had a crush that felt allconsuming? You feel obsessed with this person to the point where they take over your every waking thought? You analyze their every text, replay their words in your mind like a broken record, and feel an emotional high every time they give you even the slightest bit of attention. If this sounds familiar, then you might not just have a crush, you could be experiencing something called lirance.

0:26 Limrance is an intense involuntary emotional state where you become fixated on someone, obsessing over their every action while desperately craving their validation. This often happens suddenly when you don't know the person well and can be triggered by the smallest interaction. It feels like love, but it's not quite the same. In today's video, we're going to be breaking down exactly what limrance is, how it affects people, the signs that you might have it, and whether or not it can turn into real love. By the end of the video, you'll understand how limrance works, why it can feel so overwhelming, and how to navigate having it. What is limrance?

1:02 Firstly, let's dive into what limrances actually is. Now, the term lirance was coined by psychologist and author Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s. After conducting extensive interviews, she found that many people experience an intense obsessive form of infatuation that goes above and beyond the normal crush. Limrance is a mix of romantic obsession, anxiety, and euphoria that completely hijacks your mind and can rule over your life. You may think about the person constantly, idealize them, and misinterpret even the smallest social cues as signs that they might feel the same way. It can last anywhere from a few months to several years. And for some people, it can leave them feeling completely out of control. It's important to remember that lirance is not love. It's not even necessarily a genuine connection. It's more about the way the brain reacts to the idea of a person. The origins of limrance.

1:54 So where did the idea of lirance come from? Well, psychologist Dorothy Tennoff was one of the first to seriously study romantic obsession in the 1970s. Through her research, she found that many people had similar patterns of behavior, obsessive thoughts, emotional dependence, and an overwhelming need for reciprocation. She named this collection of behaviors lirance. She described lirance as something that hijacks your brain in a similar way that addiction does. In fact, modern neuroscience suggests that limrance activates the dopamine reward system in the brain. The same system that plays a role in addiction. Essentially, lirance is the result of a collection of behaviors that many of us can develop.

2:31 Meaning anyone can develop limrance. So, how do you recognize if you or someone you know has lirance? How does a limrant person act? If you're lirant, your behavior might look something like this. You constantly replay interactions with your crush in your mind, analyzing every detail. It brings you joy or excitement to think about this person, often over and over to the point of obsession. You feel a rush of euphoria when they acknowledge you, but crushing disappointment when they ignore you. Your mood is dependent on your interaction with them. You interpret vague or neutral actions as hidden signs of romantic interest, reading into what they say and do. You feel like you need their attention, and without it, you experience anxiety or depression. When you get the attention you crave, you feel relief and euphoria. It's as if your emotions are tied directly to this one person, and they have the power to

3:22 make or break your entire day. Now, you might be thinking, "At this stage in the video, that still just sounds like an intense crush to me." Well, let me explain. How is lirance different from a normal crush? Well, a normal crush is fun. It's exciting. It might last for a few weeks or months, but it doesn't consume you. Limrance, on the other hand, comes on quickly and often for people you don't necessarily know very well. Limrance isn't based on reality, but built on fantasy, an idealized version of the person rather than who they actually are. So, how do you know if you have lirance? Let's look at four major signs that you can look out for.

3:58 Four signs you have lirance. Number one, intrusive thoughts. You think about this person constantly, even when you don't want to. Interactions you've had with them or even messages you've shared pop up in your head randomly throughout the day. Number two, emotional highs and lows. Your mood is completely dependent on how they treat you. A text from them makes you euphoric while their silence feels like rejection. Number three, misinterpreting signs. You read into everything, and I mean everything. They smile at you must mean they like you. If they look at you twice, they probably are thinking about you, too.

4:31 They like your Instagram story. Well, you may as well get married. Number four, lastly, you obsess over reciprocation. Now, you don't just like them. You desperately need them to feel the same way. If they don't, it feels unbearable. There's one main thing about lirance that underpins it all and will help to better understand how a lirant mind works, and that is mental gymnastics. Social cues and lirance. Mental gymnastics. People experiencing limrance often become hyper sensitive to social cues. A simple text like, "Hey, how's it going?" can be analyzed over and over again, searching for hidden meaning. They've messaged me. It must mean they've been thinking about me. If they want to know what I'm doing, then they have to care about me. You start doing mental gymnastics to convince yourself that they like you back, even if the evidence isn't fully there. This is because lirance thrives on

5:21 uncertainty. The more ambiguous their actions are, the more your brain obsesses over them. For many, liance is a brand new concept and potentially something they can see within themselves. So naturally, this brings up a lot of questions. So let's answer a few of those now. Frequently asked questions. Can lirance turn into love? Limrance and love are not the same thing, but in some cases, lirance can transition into love. The key difference is that love is based on reality. Love sees the other person for who they truly are, flaws and all. There's acceptance and healthy levels of admiration. Meanwhile, limrance is based on fantasy. It's an obsession with an idea of a person rather than who they actually are. Is it healthy to only feel attraction through limrance? Short answer, not really. If you only experience attraction through lirance, it might mean that you're chasing emotional highs rather than forming

6:13 meaningful and genuine connections. Real lasting relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding, not obsession. Is limrance the same as codependency but only in the mind? In some ways, yes. Codependency is when your sense of selfworth is tied to another person. Limrance is similar, but it happens inside your own head. Even if the other person isn't actively involved in your life, you still feel emotionally dependent on them. How do I cure my lirance? Limrance can be treated like an addiction. And in order to cure an addiction, you have to want to heal from it. There are a whole host of things you can do to help with the signs and difficulties that having lirance can cause a person. If you'd like us to make a video dedicated to overcoming lirance, like this video and comment below so we know what you want to see. Conclusion: Limrance is powerful, overwhelming, and sometimes painful. But the key takeaway

7:05 is this. Limrance is not real love. If you recognize these signs in yourself, take a step back. Focus on real connections rather than idealized fantasies. And remember, love should feel fulfilling, not obsessive.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Stop Obsessing Over Your Crush"?

In order: 0:00 limrance, Dorothy Tennov; 3:00 limrance; 6:00 limrance.

What is mentioned in this Improvement Pill episode?

2 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including limrance, Dorothy Tennov. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Stop Obsessing Over Your Crush"?

The episode runs 7 min; the transcript is about 1,358 words in 11 timestamped sections.

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