The Secret To Having Countless Friends

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 3:00: Emotional Spiral
2. 3:00 – 6:00: BetterHelp, Emotional Spiral

Notable quotes from "The Secret To Having Countless Friends"

• Trying to hang out again and the reason I'm able to do this can be summed up with this chart of the emotional spiral that is often found online now I don't think this chart is…

  about Emotional Spiral · at 0:11

• Affordability Plus for limited time you can get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com Improvement pill thank you better help for sponsoring this video now back to…

  about BetterHelp · at 4:52

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

Concepts & topics

• Emotional Spiral — Concept · 2 mentions · first at 0:14

Sponsors

• BetterHelp — Sponsor · 1 mention · first at 4:57

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Improvement pill here I spend the majority of my time traveling the world alone and I never have an issue making friends Wherever I Go people that I meet randomly in elevators gyms and even on the street are always hitting me up trying to hang out again and the reason I'm able to do this can be summed up with this chart of the emotional spiral that is often found online now I don't think this chart is entirely accurate but overall it does a good job getting the point across the point being that certain emotions and thoughts can lead to Upward spirals more positive emotions a better Vibe a better time and certain emotions and thoughts can lead to downward spirals more negative emotions A vibe killer a bad time if you are able to bring people upwards when they interact with you they will feel many different types of positive emotions and they will want to see you again it's as simple as that now there are basically

0:47 two things you got to do in order to pull this off the first is to figure out how to bring yourself into the upper half of the Spiral you see it's not just about getting other people to feel good it's equally if not more important to be able to get yourself to feel good and this is because humans are social creatures who are heavily influenced by the emotional state of those around them if you're happy they'll feel happier now there are three ways to do this the first is by taking care of yourself and making sure that your biology is in check if your hormones and nutrition are off balance it's going to be near impossible to naturally find yourself in the upper half of the Spiral you need to be exercising you need to be avoiding processed foods chemicals including those labeled as fragrances and phades often found in skincare products and I even recommend you get your blood work done and even your hair tested to see if

1:33 your hormones and minerals are at good levels now once your health is in check the second way to make yourself feel good is by learning how to enter a state of play this is when you are focused and interacting with what's in front of you without thinking too much about what you're doing it's kind of like one of those Rhythm games where you hit arrows in sync with the beat of the song if you are focused on the game and able to hit a lot of arrows in a row you start to feel really good but the moment you slip up and start thinking about how you slipped up you start missing more and more and that good feeling quickly goes away talking to people playfully is kind of like that you want to be focused on them and what they're saying just like how you're focused on the arrows flying down from the top of the screen so that you can react quickly enough to keep yourself in the state of play now in

2:15 this case reacting when speaking with someone isn't about hitting arrows it's about commenting on what they just said asking questions Andor physically reacting with your body language if you react quickly enough you'll be essentially dancing mentally with the other person and you will both start to feel good now keep in mind reacting too quickly or too slowly can throw things off a few seconds can make a huge difference if you want to learn more you can watch popular talk show hosts interview people and see how fast they react and also how they sometimes mix things up by adding in pauses the third and final way to bring yourself into the upper half of the Spiral is to know what to do when you find yourself slipping into the lower half here's what works for me whenever I feel myself slipping downwards I start by noticing the feeling I try to identify which negative emotion it is is is it anger fear shame

3:02 and then I try to reframe it into something empathetic or positive here's an example I sometimes find myself on Long flights having not slept in over 24 hours next to a baby who is crying non-stop whenever this happens naturally I get a bit irritated as a baby's cry is designed to increase the stress of nearby humans whenever this happens I think to myself okay I'm feeling irritated because of the non-stop crying then I distance myself from the emotion I think feeling irritated is a natural response to crying it's neither bad nor good it's expected then I reframe the situation and either try to empathize or flip it into a positive I do this by basically never assuming that something or someone is inherently bad in this example I could empathize by wondering why the kid is like this is it biological or is this because of the way he was brought up by his parents if his parents raised him this way I wonder why

3:52 what type of struggles could they be facing and by the time I thought this far I no longer feel as irritated so again when you find yourself slipping identify the negative emotion distance yourself from it reframe and try to see it from their point of view assuming the best another way to help bring yourself into the upper half of the Spiral is by speaking with someone to help reframe your thinking and that's where today's sponsor better help comes in if you're looking for a professional therapist to help you with negative thinking better help has you covered they are the world's largest online therapy platform giving you the ability to connect with a licensed therapist whenever and wherever works best for you so that you always have someone to talk to you can choose between messaging or live video sessions whatever makes you feel more comfortable and if the Therapist assigned to you doesn't feel like a good fit don't worry

4:41 because switching is easy and completely free of charge better help offers the same level of professionalism you'd expect from in-person therapy but with more convenience more choices and more affordability Plus for limited time you can get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com Improvement pill thank you better help for sponsoring this video now back to the topic at hand now that we covered how to get yourself to stay in the upper half of the emotional spiral it's time to cover how to get other people into the other half there are many ways to do this I'll share my top four the first is by being non-judgmental one of the worst things you can do is judge someone especially a stranger on their beliefs let's say someone tells you that they prefer politician a over politician B if they tell you that they're a fan of a and you start thinking that they're an idiot saying things like are you dumb I

5:29 can't believe you support a racist fascist or whatever other word that ends with ist you're automatically banishing them to the lower half of the Spiral If instead you respond with genuine curiosity and say something like oh that's very interesting can you tell me why you're bringing them to the upper half of the Spiral because it shows an open mind and willingness to try to understand the second way to bring someone up is by finding similarities when someone realizes that you are like them it makes them feel accepted and good and this is pretty easy to do there's always something that you can point out it can be anything like like a type of food they like a hobby a taste in music or movies any belief or opinion about anything or anything from the past that you share as long as you find it and make a comment so that they know you share the similarity they will feel good the third way to bring someone upwards

6:15 is by being generous generous with your time resources and blessings when people see that you are willing to give them something of value without expecting anything in return it shows that you have abundance that you want the best for them that you value them and that ultimately feels good and it's not just about occasionally covering the tab when you're out with friends that does help it's also about whether or not you hand out blessings to people noticing the little things and giving them compliments saying things that show you genuinely want others to succeed and do well of course there is Nuance here you can't give away too much you need to strike a balance and be generous but not to the point where others are taking advantage of you and the fourth and final way to bring people upwards is by being silly in public one of the clearest examples of this is someone who dances like crazy at the Club every good

7:00 party needs a couple of people who are not too worried about what others are thinking and able to let loose this raises the bar for what's socially acceptable and allows other people to let loose too you need a couple of crazy friends if you want to have a fun night out so overall spend less time in the bottom half of the Spiral and spend more time helping others get to the upper half when interacting with them and you'll naturally find yourself surrounded with people who will want to see you again besides that stay tuned

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "The Secret To Having Countless Friends"?

In order: 0:00 Emotional Spiral; 3:00 BetterHelp, Emotional Spiral.

What is mentioned in this Improvement Pill episode?

2 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Emotional Spiral. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "The Secret To Having Countless Friends"?

The episode runs 8 min; the transcript is about 1,635 words in 10 timestamped sections.

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