Transcript

“‘No.’” (w/ Ego Nwodim)

From Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 24 min · 16,990 words · 96 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "“‘No.’” (w/ Ego Nwodim)", an episode of Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang published June 20, 2022 (1 h 24 min, about 16,990 words). It mentions 13 people, works and ideas, including Love Life, Blue Valentine, Joe Bowen, Claudia Banks, Euphoria.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Andy DeYoung, Claudia Banks
  2. – 30:00: Euphoria, Love Life
  3. – 40:00: Love Life, Blue Valentine, Fire Island
  4. – 50:00: Claudia Banks, Pulitzer Prize
  5. – 1:00:00: Cody Rigsby
  6. – 1:23:56: Katy Perry

Notable quotes from "“‘No.’” (w/ Ego Nwodim)"

  • Director is and i'm going to shout him out because let me tell you i'm obsessed his name is andy deyoung and he's directed all your favorite shows and he's directing i love…
    about Andy DeYoung · at
  • God in someone but i'm like i think there's a truth to that who was scared i was scared i was scared that tyra banks not gift i was scared oh my god i was scared is this after…
    about Claudia Banks · at
  • The way at that time but we were not oh that's right that's right it's giving love life it's it is giving love live god you were so good thank you that was so much fun that was really fun and will is an incredible actor and just be.
    about Love Life · at
  • Yeah i'm like i grew up in the suburbs but i feel like suburbs kids are parties i look at euphoria high and i'm like not my high school can you imagine that show being reality…
    about Euphoria · at
  • Your favorite movie first and then i'll say it one of my favorite movies this is sick is blue valentine i like blue valentine's day my favorite movie it's giving reality it's…
    about Blue Valentine · at
  • Is also a thing like with i've done now wow is it a spoiler if i say i've done a love scene no so in fire island i had a scene like that and obviously you did too on love life…
    about Fire Island · at
  • By the end being like no she's a mess i'm still working for her too i think that she'll win the pulitzer prize and i also think it was so funny the way you like played it like…
    about Pulitzer Prize · at
  • Package music daytime talk show applause today on sis and [ __ ] peloton instructor cody rigsby human rights activist sima gaudry and a performance by r b trio w.e.b the girls cut two live talk shows and here they are the daytime duke and.
    about Cody Rigsby · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Joe Bowen — Person · 3 mentions
  • Claudia Banks — Person · 2 mentions · first at
  • Cody Rigsby — Person · 2 mentions · first at
  • Andy DeYoung — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Katy Perry — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Birthday he has it don't worry oh i'm i'm having a lot of fun on my birthday i'm going to see katy perry in vegas with a ballet four thousand gays okay i like days and it's gonna be like work tonight yeah.
  • JLo — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

  • Gucci — Company · 1 mention

Concepts & topics

Full transcript with timestamps

i guess it's the return of the king the lord of the rings down council of elrond fish can i say you know what's really fun to do to teach a straight man the word boots because you're setting them up for failure and misuse 100 so basically and maybe this is my misunderstanding of it but i always feel like boots is the way you end a sentence it's like a gay period yeah yeah yeah like the way that our guests came in here today it was giving regal excellence it was giving regal excellence boots and so i'm working on the show and our director is and i'm going to shout him out because let me tell you i'm obsessed his name is andy deyoung and he's directed all your favorite shows and he's directing i love that for you and i loved it he's wonderful and so he sort of caught me in like a fantasia on the side of the room and i was sort of spinning around i landed the word boots and he said what's that and so now i've

taught him boots and so sometimes he'll come over and give a note and he'll just say boots and walk away that's great and isn't that great i believe the children are our future i feel like it's always great when a director can take a note yes when you can give a director a note and say hey maybe try this next one by ending it with boots yeah and he gives me a note and i say that's cute now you do this actors on set any time a director gives you a note you have to give one back that's the rule that's how sets work yeah the way that sets work is it's a conversation you know what i mean like you as an actor are in conversation with the writers the directors the producers the showrunners the network and you're left with always have to give them feedback you have to give them feedback constantly and honest and honest you know there's no such thing as authority or a pecking order in those environments really i mean this is

honestly can we get real let's get let's get real for once i was having a conversation yeah with a friend of ours okay bernardino love industry boy has grown up in the in the business grew up in the hills of hollywood grew up in the hills of hollywood and he said something so real to me what did he say this said well he basically was like everyone's just scared everyone's just terrified that you can just barge into any office and freak them out and they will do what you tell them to i'm kind of like i will never it will never get to that point with me where i am like put the fear of god in someone but i'm like i think there's a truth to that who was scared i was scared i was scared that tyra banks not gift i was scared oh my god i was scared is this after that girl fainted i was scared i'm scared we didn't even mention that on our tyra banks like we we ran down the list of tyra bank's iconic moments

and i didn't even get to who was scared i was scared and we also didn't that was scary scared i was scared i was scared it's so true i mean listen first of all can i just say something i found out recently yes did you know that this podcast has been cited in academic work for our insight into the entertainment industry i wish i was kidding cause it sounds like the stupidest dumbest thing i've ever heard that anyone would listen to this and say we're gonna we're gonna need to cite this in academic work but it's true this podcast has been cited in academic work to knew this podcast has received critical acclaim my two favorite things on our wikipedia page are the podcast has received critical acclaim period aka boots boots and the podcast has been cited in academic work for their insight into the entertainment industry and it's also on my wikipedia rogers has been cited in academic work no no no no it is both of us no and it's

also on my wikipedia and i don't know if you've read your own wikipedia yet sick but if you did you might be in there for your academic insight mine which is the dumbest thing i've ever heard in my entire life sorry this is we're we're speaking as two people who unfortunately have wikipedia pages yeah sorry sorry but um mine has bowen is famous for his viral lip sync videos and i'm like well you are but i kind of want to just burn it all down own it then then why were you on the other two doing it because honestly that was that was a big point of contention i'm gonna get real i was like i wasn't really i didn't want to do it because you didn't want to be known as ms lip sync yeah because i feel like i closed the book on that with with my guest spot on girl's five eva and then but the girls kept clamoring well the girl being sarah schneider who had to call me and convince me it felt very hollywood the insight into the

entertainment industry well speaking of speaking of king listen phil speaking of the entertainment industry we have a real player here today so everyone that wants insight into the entertainment is going to be thrilled with this one because we have an amazing star i've learned so much about the industry through our guests soldiers back walking into any room and saying i'm king deal there's boots there has never been a moment that i have been in king's presence thought i don't know i've never i've never been around here and thought well well i want to leave this situation i've never been around king and thought i mean never i am so excited she's here we actually the noise we made when we first saw her was this one two three

wikipedia a lot of paragraphs so i thought let me go straight down to personal life openly gay did we get no no personal life is one sentence it reads yang resides in the clinton hill neighborhood of brooklyn that's not even guys no longer he does not live in the clinton hill neighborhood of brooklyn please update it cite this podcast as your source yeah that's what i was doing thank you pardon my manners no i'm sorry i don't mean to i didn't mean to shave phone shame phone shame you can't phone shame people these days no because a lot of people need to be on it for work yeah there was such a window for work people need to be done it was funny i was on my phone at dinner like like three months ago and with my parents and my mom was like can you get off your phone and my dad was like he's gotta be on it for work and i was like that's a lie for work it was like maybe six months in the culture where you could acceptably

be the person at the dinner table who goes everyone phones in the middle stack them up yeah oh yeah and honestly that is a social situation i would leave yes i would actively have been like i'm good no we're not no we're not i'm an adult i have an aversion to people telling me what to do yes yeah a big time just like why i don't know what it is but i think it's an abnormal amount like when i was a kid if i was going to clean my room and i used to keep a messy room and i was going to clean my room on this particular saturday but if anyone in my house said to me you need to clean your room i'd be like well no i'm not doing it i mean when you came in here we said sit in this chair and you said absolutely not i'm going to sit in that chair and it was a bit and you are sitting in the og chair but had you wanted to sit in that chair i would have respected it i would have respected it imagine just telling people no oh no

no and i've been doing it since i was six well it's a full sentence it's a that's a rule of culture number 17. no well it's a full sentence and that's a fact [ __ ] okay but you you okay is it an authority thing or is it just being told what to do by anybody it's being told what to do by anybody and then authority i was always the like sure i'll sure i'll consider doing that but why explain to me why we're doing this so you on a set of a television show or film yes the director comes up to you says ego can we try that where you um no you're hurt by it you're more you're more verified i like i know i no i like the version i did where i was actually okay and content with it okay i think we got that right yeah so do you think we could no okay great well we can move on all right and then you save the whole card and save the crew yes the production doesn't go into like debt trying to pay people over time

on today i'm the [ __ ] hero and you say no fratter days and then the crew all goes they do and then they bow at my feet no they don't do that i don't do that guys i don't i'm not i'm not this person on set you are not no no no i know gracious let's clear it up let's clear it up do you do you get sick of me i'll answer this honestly you get sick of me yes this is real do i get do you get sick of me constantly being like no one more graceful employees no i love it thank you so much i will do it any single time i see you because i don't know if i'm graceful and as poised as people perceive me to be but i'm here for the adulation the perception the grace is in the no the grace is in the i'm not doing that but you know what it's all so i'm laughing because i'm like i think the very my friend last night i went out to dinner with my friend and he's like yeah you're just so good at being like no

i just had the same exact conversation he's like i'm always people pleasing and i'm like yeah but also there's like a bunch of people that don't like me for it but i also don't wear name names it's funny because i don't think they'd want me to know i'd be like i know you know i know that you don't like me because i say no but it's not popular opinion to be held to not like me so you have to suffer in science

but it's also okay i don't i genuinely i don't care if people like me and i sound like this is my like i'm walking out to real world real world road rules challenge yeah i don't know it's not that it's just that i'm like what a burden to bear to be thinking about who likes you all the time yeah like that seems exhausting to me and i tried it once and i was like oh my god i can't do it i don't know what it is i i have that thing i i think it's from oh i care so much i care so much that and you know what's funny is that it is an impossibility yeah for everyone to like you that you come across yeah and then they'll you ever have like a first interaction with someone that just goes a little bit left and then and then they walk away and you're like wait no you like me yeah and you feel i fixate on that person but do you fixate on this the same way because you actually you you are more detached than the two of you well my

brain will sometimes go like that more so i'll play like a social interaction over in my head and be like oh that was oh my goodness i could be perceived this way it was like my boyfriend yelling out of the window uh you should tell him and then my brain was i was like i need to address this right now and explain i was going to the fact that i was going to tell you this thing but now my boyfriend has made it seem like i had no intention and like skirts away and i'm like i don't want you to leave this interaction now thinking eggo had this important thing she was supposed to tell me and she wasn't gonna tell me what a fake [ __ ] but that's someone i care about oh yeah yeah that's someone i care about so no i don't i will walk away from interaction be like well whatever most of the time yeah most of the time but every once in a while i will be like i will play an interaction over and over

and over in my head like oh i wasn't i didn't show up well in that one uh-huh you know i'm still human but part of me wants to just kill that instinct in my head well it's it's like i would like to kill the instinct in my head for myself because i know what damage i can do to myself when i go down the road of like uh what did i do wrong or how do i have to be malleable in every social situation so make sure that people like me but more more of it is just like what i what i hope to get rid of is this thing of like assuming that everyone will like you period yeah because if you're in the like if you're like putting yourself out there as a thing and like you know it's like the entertainment industry yeah it's like people are allowed to have their opinion on you again that's just that's just their right like we have opinions about people on this podcast for all the duda day yeah if you put yourself out there you are you know

you're you're up for you're up for debate absolutely but you you are up your existence is up for debate the way you exist is up for the way debate exist is up for debate but also i like people who are bold who are boldly themselves whatever that might be and so if you are boldly yourself surely someone in on this planet there are billions of people on this planet is going to have an opinion that is like not favorable towards you because you've taken a stance of sorts of like this is how i live and someone's not gonna like it and then some people are gonna absolutely adore it and then like a vast majority of people are just not thinking about you oh and that's actually the biggest thing is that you realize it's like that thing of when you put an outfit on and you [ __ ] with it like in in your hair the little tiny things and then you're like oh wait no one [ __ ] cares anywhere near as much as i do and that is so

freeing yeah yeah yeah you can be also crushed by that knowledge too where you're like wait people don't care yeah well like they came out with the reason i'm saying i'm not being looked at and i'm not being people aren't staring at me and being like oh what about this person is going on that level of like they don't care no one's taking me in exactly it's a mobius

you know what the you know what's the thing about me i'll always try yeah you know and is that not a rule of culture the roller coaster you have a traveled aura about you because i feel like you've been places my vibe is off first it's not off now what are you saying no my i i have been seeing stars for a week i talk about this one on a vacation of sorts of sorts we'll say less about that and and then i i got i i came back and this has happened twice now in the last six months where i go on a trip to somewhere kind of tropical on the plain home i start going something is afoot you got the revenge i got the revenge and i'm like oh no i didn't do anything to montezuma yeah no i personally don't know the [ __ ] was nowhere near the place that you were at they were exactly exactly and like she was vacationing somewhere else i was vacationing somewhere else but somehow montezuma is so obsessed with me

and i was sick for over a week and so but just like but seeing stars that's like fainting language but because i was dehydrated oh but i didn't realize it i didn't realize i was dehydrated so that i'm like a person who when i'm sick i don't want to be at all and so i'll like push through i'm like we're fine we're fine but stomach stomach stuff is it'll really have you out and so anyway i was trying to be like i'm i think we're past it we're past it that was a day but then every day this past week has been like no you're not just lay in the bed and so that [ __ ] montezuma got me but guess what i'm coming for you yeah yeah i'm coming she will get her back with montezuma that's huge it's huge that's the biggest feud since i'll say it nikki and mariah oh are they beefing they they they squashed it i'm sure they're not thinking about it anymore i mean they both moved on to bigger and better

can you name the last great because i think you and i both want luxury vacation experience oh yeah we've chased that for years and we haven't really nothing's really gone nothing's gotten us okay i will say the last one the last where i go okay we've done it we're doing it right but now i think i'm gassing it way too much in my head see fire kempton resort and grand cayman that sounds lovely jody was just there oh great i saw yeah and i thought hair got us there of snl and i was like you're in the best place on the planet it sounds like there was when i went i took my mom oh my god it was really sweet um and it was right after a labor day so the weekend after so everyone was back to school back at work you know it was like what year was this do you remember 2019. okay 2019 before the great before yeah the great before and it was i mean wonderful but i now i need to go back before i vouch for

it like that because i am like are you just big upping this for another reason is it actually luxury i think it is i think the service at the seafire captain yes oh and is it really worth it really it was like a place to like in a place where the bar was just lower but i don't think so did you feel luxurious i felt luxurious then it seems like and the service was fantastic and the water was blue oh see that's something i would really like to go somewhere where you come back and you go and the water was so blue i don't think i've ever been to because those people that is something people say when they're like oh the water was blue it's like remember the famous episode of kardashians where she loses her earring and she freaks i don't know i think one of the sisters like there's worse things happening yeah they're like oh yeah people are dying she was crying because of her earrings like zooming out the water there was really

blue yeah yeah you have to think that's the thing that's the vacation i have been chasing is that like blue water lovely hotel just lounge go to a spa if you will and i have not yet since i think see fire captain wow this is maybe i'm thinking about going to hawaii at some point because i've never been there and i feel that that could come pretty much that's a blue water place hawaii is a blue water place i found myself in hawaii did you okay i feel like a big part of your your tent poles in life are vacations and i think you and i share that yes yes and i found i truly i i'm i i maybe because i'm a pisces i don't know astrology is like i it's cool to it's like a fun little game to me yes i'm a pisces too yeah and this is king okay king mm-hmm i didn't know king was pisces i'm just having a moment we're making eye contact i'm saying march 8th okay i'm tenth what so five days later i were born but different year well that

doesn't really matter that doesn't matter can i ask you questions yes rising oh no okay which one what what does rising represent how you show up in the world and yeah how you are is your pers you're presenting capricorn okay yes and uh i'm pisces you're a pisces i'm a dripping wet soaked blue water vacation squirtle ass um usa ahi tuna deep diving [ __ ] michael phelps ass gold medalist soaked to the bone yes yes seafood fish yes boots pisces pisces that's a [ __ ] that's a face not a part of me is dry wow well and we aspire and we aspired but that's why i wanted to ask because i i'm i'm so soaking wet that when you said that i was like i want to see how deep no pun intended it goes is it those little little fish with the lights on its head i mean let me tell you i i i need i need water i need to be in it i need i'm drinking water i need to be bi i need to be buy it i need to i need i need water at all times yes yeah and so

the hydration station crap miss baltimore crab crab what do you guys call me miss crab cake miss crap heidi and bowen were committed to making my life hell um and they posed it as a bit but they were bullies you by the way i want to confront you unless confront me you she's been saying this for weeks months i've been meaning to confront you she said she said i've been meaning to confront you unless culture is please i'm so glad you asked me to be here why were you bullying me so viciously yeah vicious viciously i was a repertory player at the time i think how dare you i think eggo had the best bit around being promoted ever in the history of snl she got promoted to repertory in her third season and walked stomped these halls these hallowed halls saying you better treat me differently i'm rep now i'm rep you're featured i'm around and you were trying to sort of knock her down a peg you were bullying her what the [ __ ] matt

can you believe it yeah actually i can't i get bullied constantly but by bowen absolutely king you don't write me into your sketches oh i wanted to be in i wanted to be in you and i've never been you wouldn't be in dna i wanted to be the niece and dion warwick i couldn't do that i could not do that i think we'd have more problems than fun let me okay holy [ __ ] let me do my impression of of the niece do your impressions well i won't i really want to see you do the impression of the knees impression of the niece on dion why is it low energy it's really low energy okay i'm dion you look great thank you wait wait thank you brittany on dion it's not machine gun kelly this time i promise all right bring him out i just wait hold on real real real real talk get real right now or else the moment you know those moments i do where you were just like you don't even know that no no no no no no this is my sister you know what i'm

about to talk first of all this is pisces scorpio i know scorpio the moments when something happens to someone you care about and all it is is pure happiness and you're talking about when dion was really there thank you i did not you didn't know and knowing is more than half this is my other breath this is your other we are two breasts i would love for you to lay on my chest each of you one on the left can i one on the right one on the right eggos eggo has shown me can i say this okay show me the ted i have they're gorgeous they really are they're so beautiful they're really beautiful and i'm really proud you should be i think it's fine the thing is i wonder if i should say this publicly say it well no i'm kind of it's it's not a bad thing it's like sometimes i fancy like i fancy myself a nudist right without having any knowledge of what that really entails but i do think like who i i i don't care bodies are great i'm like

we should all be naked there's no there's no like there's no like the ethos to being nudists like you just show up and you're naked that's all it is yeah and so i'm like so a bit of a nudist in that regard and so i did not show him during work hours in case anyone's wondering yes this was awesome off the clock you know i'm i'm snl hr oh my god well i didn't know where to like locate you guys something you could just text me okay cool just text me shoot you a text um so yes i did show on my breasts but also we're married yeah yeah yeah presumably it's it was in the marital space where are we at right now yeah you you're over here talking about your boyfriend i need space okay i haven't seen you in weeks i know and it's because i need space allow me to have space you have your boyfriend shouting out of a car window at you he's always shouting at me by the way when you were last on last coast you did not have the boyfriend no

well and so things have sort of well well well when i was last well when i yes okay how do you met him no no no no no no no no no no king was one of our first guests on zoomed post post yes no i had not i'd met him i'd met him by the way at that time but we were not oh that's right that's right it's giving love life it's it is giving love live god you were so good thank you thank you thank you that was so much fun that was really fun and will is an incredible actor and just be having to like rise to the occasion of acting opposite him was like a fun a very fun challenge that was a fun one well you guys i don't know it was just because i mean that episode was like a full i loved it a full i had a text king right after i was like king did text king king i was like king i stopped king in the hallway do you remember this i go king and you said i just watched your episode and then what and then you said i remember a lot

of people are going to be praising your work in that but i want you to know that i think you're hacked you're happy you're not good at what you do yeah and i didn't believe a single moment that's what you said and then i said okay bowen thanks i he said hey mama yes stick to sketch he did i stick to the world of the surreal honey yeah it looked cute that's where you're right that's where your eye is going to be okay stick to the cue card don't try any of this other stuff no yeah no he was very sweet he was very sweet and complimentary we went hard left we went hard left so you had met you had met him i had met him are you comfortable we don't know i don't want to talk about him do you know about what we've gone through okay but can we can we i love him by the way yeah i love him he's amazing but i don't in general but king and i have can i have checked in just in general terms and uh with our growth yes

say that say more i mean since she's been on the pod we've both been on separate journeys because we both would lament and just really like commiserate with each other about how it's so crazy how neither of us have been smanged in these relationships

when you human beings need to do that some of them you're in a long-term relationship no so i was okay and so this is why i haven't i haven't seen you so that one that one uh ended but very amicably and well right um but you know sort of what happens when a relationship ends is it gives opportunity to go out and get as you guys say smeg which i love okay we love that okay yeah okay but we have grown i feel like since i i can actually chart the growth and the evolution a little bit of of the three kings listen i certainly know you've i i know about your journey but i don't know whether you're sharing the journey i are we sharing the journey we maybe shouldn't share the journey okay because because it's the journey is a big question mark and then the journey's not over and that's one thing about journeys well the journey never happens and that's a fendi fact but i just think i think that's a rule

of culture actually 55 the journey never ends and that's a fact sorry what's your label of choice what do you do you want a fendi thing you want a gucci prada i want to jimmy jew jimmy choo bonobos of course and 99 lickers did you drink 99.99 i did not i didn't even really drink in high school i was like a good kid little nun i was a little i feel like yeah i i'm like i grew up in the suburbs but i feel like suburbs kids are parties i look at euphoria high and i'm like not my high school can you imagine that show being reality like it is so psycho that they that they exist in the world in that space i'm like there's no i don't even think there was any like i can't say anyone in my high school i went to public school but i'm like i just if there were anyone in my high school like those children the greets are real it really is i'm just like even one person i think we'd all would have known and it would

have been such such a scandal such a scandal i mean that that's a lot going on there that school i watched the pilot i watched the first episode what summer of 2019 and i freaked out i had such a crazy response to it because i was like i feel fully announced i i feel like developmentally stunted because that wasn't high school for me i watched that first episode and i was like i guess that's what high school should have been like absolutely not no no because you'd be living a very different life hard fast and dead i watched that show and i thought well i guess everyone else's high school experience was like this except mine and i i'm sorry i'm making this about me but that was my response to no i mean i think in consuming anything you're gonna make it a little bit about you because you're consuming it and so when you see this insane high school with a dress designer they come in they're

absolutely biking and bleeding all over the place bleeding cruising crushing snorting shooting shooting like living dying coming back to life being held hostage in like the grossest apartment you've ever seen it's the most insane show so insane and so i'm like these are not high schoolers these are grown people living in a very specific place yes not and i also they're just not high schoolers okay but that specific place being la and like honestly between watching euphoria and [ __ ] like licorice pizza like through the decades i'm like growing up here in the city of los angeles is [ __ ] up yeah i yeah yeah it's not it you you the kids should not grow up here well i want to raise our children here so you and me yeah in l.a yeah i don't want that we we have to discuss this offline okay will you guys have a natural child will you guys have sex or will you do a petri dish well i'd be like go ahead we [ __ ] and nothing's

happened nothing came out nothing came out did you enjoy it sex together i feel like it was we had we had a choreographer in the room yeah and an intimacy coordinator but was not we weren't shooting anything either to sort of make sure that everyone was self-respected yeah yeah but it was still absurd you penetrated yeah you i i enjoyed it nothing came out but i nothing came out he kept telling me you have to take my word for it i mean i enjoyed it i enjoyed it during the act yeah and i was like i don't want to take your word your body will say that you're enjoying it yeah it can't just sex isn't about like taking my word you know love life episode four yeah exactly it's not about taking my word and i think either you or i or we both blacked out during it we were stressed yeah we got stressed and we blacked out so but we're still able to maintain a friendship and that's what matters that's not a marriage

that's not a marriage that's that i think all good cohesitation no but i think all good marriages are based in friendship no yeah but ultimately you your body has to tell you okay well all right well then i'm worried about that i'll slide offline i can't tell you something as a friend as the third king i'm worried about you guys i really am okay offline offline offline offline i can wait hold on okay both of you have dated friends yeah and i think that is that is what i want and i i can't i can't go through my other friends who do you you do no i don't i don't i can't think of a friend but i'm saying that's where it has to start i have to date a friend because i i want to meet someone new and have that be like the i think that the dating friend thing gets confusing though just to actually say this it's like when you have a friend and it becomes more then you have to like negotiate like sex with them you're like

whoa i haven't really necessarily thought of you this way and then all of a sudden here we go let's just say breaching the subject um and but it's found it's foundational i don't think it's like totally compromise i think it's like i don't know because you and you and your boyfriend started out as friends yes but like barely acquaintances we did not have any real friendship like we went to a party together platonically he invited me and then and and now we're together but we neither of us saw each other because i feel like if i'm friends with you for an extended period of time my brain just shuts down even the possibilities like i'm like no yeah yeah like it could be the most handsome person on the planet and i'm like i'm my brain is like you're my friend like you're my friend i wouldn't want to ever bump so then you think so then you think you got in there right on time with with yes yes well because i'm like

we didn't we didn't actually like establish any friendship it's like went to this party and then a year and a half later connected and it was like giving love life yeah it is and that's all i want is from my real life to reflect love life i mean don't you though like every time i watch that show and i i i i watch the first season in one day and the second season in one day it's i guess my favorite show um but i always it ends and i'm always like i kind of i want my story i want my story to hold and it really is and to live my story to live my story and to have it and happy at 29.

happily ever after yeah that's the thing about it it's like that's not real that those parts are not real where it's like and it wraps it gets all wrapped up in a bow it's all look look how good and clean and pure it is i'm like it's rom-com i understand but i we're misleading people no i think you can give them hope you know my favorite movie what is what were you about to say though i was gonna say well let's name your favorite movie first and then i'll say it one of my favorite movies this is sick is blue valentine i like blue valentine's day my favorite movie it's giving reality it's getting reality it's giving life is not all clean lines and you know and it's mess that song in blue valentine's penny and the yes that you and me you and me they're so crying they're so good michelle williams is unbelievable yes absolutely like honestly the scene where she's like okay you want to have sex okay just [ __ ] me he's like well i

don't want you like that and just negotiating like what they what he wants for sex and how she's like i just want you to shut the [ __ ] up and yeah leave me alone the shower scene the shower when he tries to start it up in the shower and she's like not into it it's like oh god like i don't know that felt very voyeuristic to me in a way that was like makes you go cross-eyed because you you recognize some of it and you're like oh god i can't believe there was a room full of people like recording this that is also a thing like with i've done now wow is it a spoiler if i say i've done a love scene no no so in fire island i had a scene like that and obviously you did too on love life um so you know like with the intimacy coordinator of it all and like what a process that is did i have a question for you when you were having the conversation with the intimacy coordinator did you feel emotional

i did well yes i mean what my emotion i felt remarkably vulnerable and that felt and then i was like taken back to i want to say quite childhood in any way but it was just sort of like oh i'm i really have to have this conversation with this person i don't know and i tell them what i feel safe with and what works and like hear what the director's vision for this is and i'm like oh i don't know and like do you have my back so i felt very i felt vulnerable just even in my conversation with her and that felt like mildly scary yeah i like to do things that make me scared anyway but yeah i i was like well this is a bizarre experience how about you well the the scene that um happens in the movie that's not out yet and so no one knows what i'm talking about because i'll be vague is it's a very specific circumstance and so i was surprised because i loved the animated coordinator i worked with right away and

she sat down like cross-legged on the ground in front of me was like okay like slapped her slap slapped a leg let's talk about it and then she asked i wonder we had the same one because she is i i loved her but basically like during the conversation like she was asking questions about what she thinks the character was feeling and i despite myself i don't know where i came from i started to get emotional emotional and upset and i said to her i was like i'm getting upset and she sat there and she said this happens all the time and i started to really cry and i was like i'm really sorry it's just it's not because i feel uncomfortable doing it it's just because i'm thinking about what it is and etc and she said i want you to know this happens all the time and i thought to myself like when now whenever i watch a love scene i'm like you know what is really vulnerable because you are being watched and

perceived also you have to embody whatever is going on in the scene and sometimes like you know sex is very complicated and emotional and it brings up a lot of different things and so i really do think like that that was like a really interesting challenge was performing that because and i didn't expect it because you think you hear about how choreographed it is and you hear about how unemotional isn't unattached but not really because you still have to perform it yeah yeah as a like as a young person watching whatever so much younger than i am now watching blue valentine i remember being like i think they're actually having sex and my sister been like there's no way they're actually having sex and i'm like it it i think they're i think they went for it because i was like derek san france is like a unique director and he had ryan live with eva mendez in the house where they did place me on the pines for a while

together so i was like maybe they got they came the two of them came to some agreement like we will [ __ ] because i was like this just looks so real like the emotion in both of them and so yeah i read the script for love life and i knew what it was going to entail and i do remember reading and being very moved by it but then also going oh that means i would have to be in that vulnerable position um and then yeah you you go and you do it and you're like i feel so well we did our we did our uh our sex scenes first first day was like what nice to meet you it was literally i that was those were the first scenes we did oh my god and i was like okay oh wow yeah yeah and i was like would i love to do this at the end of the week with you because now i know you familiarity is so important the person i do this scene with i was close to at that point because we had done a lot together and i can't imagine having just met yeah okay

and like will is so wonderful and was and is remarkably respectful and everyone on set was incredibly respectful couldn't really ask if if you have to do it for on the first day a better situation a better group of people but it still felt like oh we're starting here we're going to go for it and then we're going to was it a closed set like did people it was a close set it was a close set but it it's so crazy you're like as an actor you're these are the things you i don't say enjoy watching but you're like it's real this is like a slice of life but then when you actually have to perform it yourself on a set in front of people because even though closed set this you know the dp is still there the director's still um standing by you're and someone's watching the monitor someone's watching the monitor you're like oh my gosh this i don't really want you guys to know what i look like when i'm [ __ ] i don't want to hear the

words marking rehearsal before i pretend to come i don't know i mean i know just sort of how i feel but oh it's just it's just like it's it is a thing and so now every time i watch a sex scene having like having been involved in it and especially with something like blue valentine which like famously pretty much got an nc 17 at first and then they had to cut it there was a thing with the ratings i remember what it was was there's a scene of like him performing oral sex on her yeah yeah and there was a controversy because it was like we see blow jobs happen all the time like women performing sex acts on men and often it's like pg-13 right but a woman is being pleasured by a man and it was like threatened with an nc-17 rating it felt too much and that was a whole you know conversation about you know like feminism in terms of this whole thing but they went in on those sex scenes there's that shot of him like

like from her like perspective like him [ __ ] her and it's like you know yeah i i i truly to this day though i'm like i watch them like they're not you still don't know i'm grown as hell and i go they went for it and i i had so many things like this would be my this will be my first intimate scene and i'm at the stage i'm at in my career and i'm like you don't want to go i don't personally want to go all out for the first thing i do i don't want to unless it's i mean yeah it just didn't feel like the time yeah even and that's what's also strange as a like self-proclaimed nudist of sorts being like well not stupid but yeah my thing is my thing is around like sexualizing my body yeah so like as soon as that happens i'm like well no that's not new that's not the version i want right right can we all just walk around naked and not be like yeah i see that you're naked um but anyway i felt just i was like

this is not the time i want to do this version of it so i did have a sort of like very open conversation about like this is what i'm comfortable with this is what at this stage in my career this is what i want to do and you know yeah because it also would be weird to be like yeah give him full frontal and then go and be on snl like a couple years later and be like and i want you to think of me as goofy like yeah i was like that just feels too exposed to me um totally yeah i feel like and this might sound weird but i feel like you hold both of those things very well at the same time thank you right and like what i was going to say earlier was like i feel like you i this this isn't what i meant to say i was like you better get used to it because you're going to be doing wrong i feel like you are wrong come queen if you want to become girl right okay i mean you had you had it so that's that's why i was that's why i was like

so excited after i watched it because i was like wow i just love it i see the future if that's what you want like i love it when people that you that we know from snl like yourself like 80 like cecily likes like so many like bowen like so many people when they get an opportunity to show the dynamic nature of themselves as a performer and i was really happy that you got that and i was really also really liked when you're because i texted you before yes but when your character comes back at the end of the season and you find out you find out her playwriting is like kind of bad or not even kind of episode how did you feel when you found out she was bad i was like oh well that's in very i was like i'm glad i didn't know because i i was originally supposed to do one episode and then there's this like you might do a second one in this season and i was like great so all i have because they were still working on what that

second episode might be yeah is the context of like she's a player this playwright and she seems like she'd be it makes it i mean like it's like you are not a king you're a little ass boy also that she liked her own line that she set it up to put it in her flight like she walked by me i'm like hell yeah ola is toxic of toxic it is a person i do think people are like rooting for her and then by the end being like no she's a mess i'm still working for her too i think that she'll win the pulitzer prize and i also think it was so funny the way you like played it like when you were so smug about like yeah see gotcha i published my play and here it is and it got you dude yeah good gotcha good that's good and they're like oh there was a scene where it was like i think he calls you out on it and you're like i don't know what you're talking about gaslighting queens and then my my new boyfriend being like

i was there when she wrote it's not about you what are you doing there perched over the computer like what are you talking about just the weird this the strangest interaction but that was very fun to get to come back and i feel like plant be like a little more playful than that scene yeah then perhaps otherwise but yeah i'm you know what i do i want to be rom-com queen well okay i guess some who said it someone was like they're we're going to be oh i was whatever this is so gross i had a meeting where like this guy was like well we're about to be like flooded with rom-coms and i was like i think you're right

we're speaking right now in in the moment like we're recording this the weekend that mary comes out so and this is what i think like if anyone is going to bring it back in like a major mainstream way it will be jlo because jlo is four quadrant jlo is you know you're going to be entertained it's a throwback and also it feels now you know what i mean and so even a plot as dumb as marry me yeah and i love that it knows how dumb it is like but it's committed to we need more of that that re that that magical realism i guess like that's surreal magritte's surreal type of romantic situation that we can just go for the ride on the way we go for the ride on these like superhero movies yes here for it here absolutely here for it i want more rom-coms yeah i'm like i want king and more rom-coms put me in rom-coms industry listens to this yes oh yeah industry put me in rom-coms academia

wait can we pull up your your wikipedia real quick yeah do it dude okay and also do you ever read it i don't i don't i don't so you've never seen it i've seen it one time i've seen i have seen it one time i'm not going to lie to you i have seen it of course many moons ago but i don't read it i don't read it i don't know what's on there so i almost started to look myself to try to beat you to it to be like don't say anything about but read it i want to know what it says under personal life that's always the most fascinating thing the best mine says rogers is openly gay it says okay and it said mine says he is colorblind and they can cite it because they need the citation they cited it in 2006 modem who is of nigerian heritage graduated from eastern technical high school in essex maryland near baltimore she received a biology degree from university of southern california decided to okay and then it's

you're basically your story yeah i have a i take issue with essex maryland near baltimore so i grew up in baltimore county so it's baltimore there's baltimore city and there's baltimore county know that i'm into baltimore county public school eastern technical high school so when people say near baltimore i'm like but it is baltimore so that's i take issue with my wikipedia someone fix it someone takes it this is the thing excerpts in any city the the places that are kind of in this city kind of not they're part of the city they're part of the city no one no one has like the the local pride enough to be like no no no i'm from aurora colorado i'm never gonna say i'm from aurora colorado over denver yeah because who gives a chef well he cares yeah i mean that's that's a with long island it's like that i usually just say i'm from long island i don't stand from islip there you go what i mean

right because who cares who cares you have to give people an in okay that's all i'm saying that's all i'm saying so that's it i was thinking it might say something about our relationship and it doesn't and yeah well bowen has many rumored boyfriends you were you were rumored with uh jeremy o'hara yeah before okay so many do you want to confirm or deny i cannot confirm nor deny oh oh but do how often do i show up in mr o'hara's coronavirus mixtapes not that much you're right i mean read between the lines people read between the lines jeremy took a polaroid photo of me and my boyfriend this summer at a gq not quite gq party but no no it it no i'm trying i realized that when i said gq i was like it wasn't a gq party for gq to be like she's never been invited to one of our parties but it was a gq adjacent like invite eggo to your party no it's fine you don't have to but he took a polaroid and to this damn like

where is the polaroid what has he done with him i know now i know i'm sure nothing bad i think it was it was cool but i was like where is it where's the i was you know you take a polaroid i'm like i want to see i want to say i want to have it i don't trust the polaroid polaroids can go either way polaroids can even be classic forever or absolute garbage well they're very forgiving yeah and so that's culture-wise yeah filter-wise and then if they're bad then they're bad and there's no saving it you know yeah well because it like it's not like you can't you can't go like you can with an iphone boop taking many photos a polaroid really is a moment you get your exposures yeah honey yeah i want us to do a nudist sketch okay let's do it on nbc on nbc i think there's a way to do it okay where we're butt ass naked i'm i'm not even i'm looking at you in the eyes yeah i'm gonna write work i if you want to be on it with me i want to

do it the line okay let go king won't write with me at us now no here's i was just going to bring up i'm not and that's not snotting i'm sad nodding making [ __ ] it was a table read that a lot of things a lot of things hate [ __ ] but i think that's ours ours really did and can i just say yeah didn't deserve to because you know why why okay so i might have mentioned this before but eggo and i were at the host dinner and you know you have little side conversations and eggo and i were talking about some something and then you me and chloe maybe talked about the time when on the tyre banks show she came out one day and pretended to have rabies yes yes yes yes yes yes and i was like she's barking barking bark and i'm basically like kind of explaining all the beats to the table and to you and then do you remember this yeah yeah yeah i turn and i see lauren laughing like i've never seen him laugh true laughter at the at this at

this premise of tyra banks barking and filming at the mouth pretending like thinking that having rabies turns you into a dog yeah and lauren laughed like we've never added i've never seen it i've never seen it i've never seen it at a host dinner and so then i was like well we have to write it yeah that's right daddy loves it daddy loves it we have to do it we do it we do it and it eats absolute [ __ ] because and you know what you you know might want to know my theory of why i told you this already because we named we wrote this with will stephen king will stephen yeah remember and we were like what should what should this talk should be called it was like it could be like a regis and kathy kind of talk show with the two two people having a talk show we named the show chaotic sis and [ __ ] where my name was sis short for sisman that's c-i-s-m-a-n yes and your name was [ __ ] and i think i think the room kind of

like really tensed up because they saw the word sis and they were like oh what's this going to be about also they did i think they i think they maybe did we i can't tell if we're giving ourselves too much credit or not enough but i do think you're right i we we also have to say that like the room is now the demographic of the room favor that kind of thing well absolutely would not absolutely would not we did not take that into account i'm stopping this short of like pulling it up and reading it i mean let's read it shall we perform it let's do two pa let's do one page the sketch should be heard let's just do one page and then see and then and then we'll do okay i can pull it up you need me to read stage directions um that's ridiculous this is no okay can we we'll cut around this so that it's very clean right doug okay um are you emailing it hold on i am i need to save this as hold on hold on hold on is this worth it

i love that you you guys have pretty much decided you know why it bombed and now you're bravely gonna perform it on the podcast and the readers are gonna tell us if it bombed because of sis and [ __ ] or if the sketch was bad i think the sketch is bad okay we're gonna find out because we're gonna do it it can be both okay you know it can be both okay sis and [ __ ] show open on talk show package music daytime talk show applause today on sis and [ __ ] peloton instructor cody rigsby human rights activist sima gaudry and a performance by r b trio w.e.b the girls cut two live talk shows and here they are the daytime duke and duchess sis berman and [ __ ] do [ __ ] bone and eagle enter upstairs upset and low energy hi everyone hi there guys yeah yeah hi guys wow okay um get a big show today see gaudry is here in studio this girl built libraries for indigenous children in sudan we love that don't we give it up give it up give

it some incredible okay just a heads up we're a little out of sorts we had a crazy morning sissman and i were getting milk bobos before the show as we do and boom a poodle in the parking lot totally unhinged lunges right at us mouth full of teeth and hand to god bites me in the box he sung his teeth in that thing i was screaming kicking the dog boba everywhere it was a true nightmare oh my lord i thought poodles had manners are you two okay totally fine we went to urgent care i did test positive for a little bit of rabies but i'm all good and i got my box totally stitched up give it up for urgent care y'all good for you guys and you're sure you're okay to do the show yeah totally totally i'm i'm just a little tired kind of worn down right now is this did you need some water sweetie actually yeah that'd be great sorry just one sec long silence as eggo walks in her heels to the back of the set slowly slips from a bottle of

water milking the moment ugh what a professional what a fighter right give it up for [ __ ] dootwatch rodney how was your weekend actually sis it was great i had the kids we made pigs in a blanket and watched michael clayton it was chill [ __ ] returns to see okay i'm okay i'm back ready to do a show okay you go girl all right you know him from peloton dancing with the stars and getting covered three times it's cody rigsby music welcome on mikey enter says cody he's muscular what's up chicas hi cody so good to see you now peloton is getting into scripted content right you have your own streaming series i do it's called hit and run it's about a divorced teacher's mission to bring clean water to jackson hole i'm sorry is [ __ ] okay ego is convulsing starting i'm sorry oh my god [ __ ] it's the rabies she's barking like a dog [ __ ] no she's foaming oh dear lord hold her still bowen tries to pin her down she's fully

foaming at the mouth [ __ ] it's me your bff we host a show together oh my god sis is that you where where am i i wasn't turning into a dog was i oh you were [ __ ] the rabies took hold of you oh no i knew it i don't think that's how rabies works but you could be demon possessed and that you can't do much about now i'm pretty sure it's my rabies rodney i should know i have it okay oh my god cody rigby it's so good to see you hey that was definitely a demon cody drop it [ __ ] has rabies she's turning into a dog it's fine we have a show to do thank you our next guest is nominated for the nobel peace prize for her literacy hold on i need that water i think i caught some of sissy's foam in my mouth oh no this could be really really really bad i'm gonna be fine i just need a sip of water oh my god sis not sick i'm okay really drooling foam everywhere he didn't even get bit jesus christ my box gave sis

rabies oh my god i cannot live with that guilt i cannot wait i lost my place you're filming oh okay that's a sign that we could stop keep going now are climbing on the table and on the floor behaving like dogs can i help should i go yeah go right now i think we're answering the end game here i might have to shoot him oh my garters we went rabbit folks what is going on i think i'm having trauma flashbacks all i remember is tapioca and brown milk thank god you guys are okay i was gonna kill you both on air oh my god that's all the time we have today everyone apologies to sema goudre who flew here on her own dime but don't worry she's not leaving here empty-handed we're sending her home with the sis and [ __ ] wine opener that thing is cute you know i'm getting air just to lick my own ass i think we should cut to commercials that urgent care sucked audience booze music daytime talk out okay let's do something there's

something here there's something here okay it wasn't all bad and honestly matt i appreciate you stage momming me and being like you keep going you keep going what are we gonna do stop before that line about her going back on her own dime believe in your jokes you're so right you're so right you're so right i thought that was good honestly did not deserve the full bomb that it was at table i mean played to literal silence silence it was like we were doing a dramatic piece a moving dramatic piece silence and not only voices were our own you wouldn't you wouldn't look at it because you knew it was bombing you wouldn't look if i wanted i wouldn't i wouldn't i said i don't want to i i felt like it was his faulted bomb you kind of bailed at what point i'm kidding i'm kidding you know you didn't bail i'm kidding i'm genuinely kidding i'm hurt you didn't bail there was nothing to bail on any week i would write with you well

let's do it this this while we can as well i would assume you guys write together all the time you don't we should we should it just depends would that make the marriage weird no it wouldn't what i sometimes think is like people i'm gonna say no i i i think ever since you said i can't stop thinking i kind of think people are like okay guys cute like calm down but like not ill intend i don't think they're ill-intended and i don't genuinely don't think they think about us a ton but i do think when it's like all right we're about to do a a two-hander they're like okay king this kingdom i don't know but it's like what you said it's like it's not yeah i don't think it's no one's like rooting against us you they just feel you they're you feel that they're over it we feel like they're like we've seen it we know we know yeah yeah yeah but we the audience needs to know i i i'm in the audience and i have to say

something i don't feel like i send out caters to me yeah as an audience member i don't think they do i think whenever you guys are in pieces yeah they they're catering to me yeah yeah but but other than that i don't know yeah i mean listen let's try to write together some more if people are like i i think we just we gotta keep repeating it until it breaks through you need to do this sketch every week oh my gosh you need to bring this to the table every week and make it a thing i'm sorry i feel like we need an intimacy coordinator in this room because i do feel very vulnerable that we read that i do

we were all laughing but halfway through i was like we didn't ask will but i don't think we'll take no no no he's fine no will will it will doesn't care he's gonna love it the sketch got performed on lost culture is this the sketch it went it went it went it went as the sketch went it was the sketch it's going it went it went and tell us what you think about it and they will we'll stephen we love you yeah yeah they will we love will anyway how do you feel i think you feel a hangover of the vulnerability but i feel alive i thought i thought this and wait if we're gonna return to the topic of was it sis and [ __ ] show i think that maybe maybe there might be a moment where they said at the top sis i'm nervous but the fact is it wasn't that it wasn't that but i also feel like this is just something that like you that i think is very apparent in any kind of performance all it takes is one thing to be a little off and then

everyone gets nervous yeah yeah yeah if they're anything just it can be the smallest thing so they i don't even think they were open to enjoying the rest i think what a stupid premise like in a good way i mean i know i know like a stupid silly premise and they i don't know but also energy at table matters because they're you could literally submit the same exact sketch a year and a half from now and all of a sudden it's like the funniest fire well you know what you have to do just change the name sis and do it again next week with mullany with melanie is that who's happy and now and you the audience will know if the assistant's [ __ ] show or whatever sis his name is going to be actually got in i think that you know john delaney would make an absolutely stunning cody right absolutely what do you think went wrong with tsa oh my god this one went to dress rehearsal so aigo and i wrote a sketch with allison gates

and alex english that was around thanksgiving and it was me you don't have to tell don't tell because we might do it one day oh okay okay so we're not going to read that one no no we're not going to be that one you really are feeling vulnerable i'm scared all i will say all i will say is that it was a crush or a table yes really crushed yes i i i don't feel any sort of qualms about it no it did it did it did a great job and then something and then there was just a lot of technical there's a lot of business there was a lot of business the business will kill [ __ ] oh it's so true whenever they come to me on set and they have a lot of props i'm like we got to minimize we got him okay same with me on sets i feel like i go when they're like and you're going to start your line here and then you're going to want to land here to finish the second part of the line and then you're going to grab and i'm like okay no no

now we're dancing and it's too much is landing on a mark one of your skills they put that tape on the ground and when you i think i'm getting really good at it i think i'm getting there i just i just shot a bunch of commercials and it required a lot of like what i just described as technical technical business dancing and here's this and then you're going to do this and i that's literally someone telling you what to do yes and i go no so we were there all day before we were fighting back enough the camera can follow me yeah the camera's gonna do what i want but i i landed i i was getting really good at it by the end of it i was like landing on the market not looking down at it and just being like okay it feels like it's a rat but it's a skill i'm guessing at snl that's really important huh no not totally like because people try to like minimize that on like during the blocking process yeah

and then you're like trying to get to your mark you're also getting to your mark oftentimes i feel like when you're not on camera too so yeah that's true yeah so you have time to set yeah you're like okay yep i see it snow's like easy yeah yeah i think it is just cue cards and you get to set your marks it's easy it's easy and we work one day a week yeah for sure yeah you work one day a week they set your marks for you you have 45 minutes to get there you have big cue cards with huge legible writing yes you have amazing professional actors that come in to host exactly exactly wait on our last sketch that got cut the last show i like i feel like a lot of people were like fumbling for whatever reason on the last show like at least during dress during dress whoever was writing the cards god bless i don't know because i don't there was a word that was totally mushed together like you know when you're like running

out of lines yeah yeah yeah you go i could just write this like i can push it together it's one thing it's if it's a journal entry but it's a cue card i don't know what that says and heidi it was in heidi's sketch and i said i apologized her after she's like no i could see the thing you were trying to read and i also was like what the [ __ ] how the [ __ ] is she supposed to read this just letters mushed together and i thought dear god i was like i cannot read this but like my line is supposed to be such a throwaway we've been on me for way too long you're like like i literally i was i'm doing math in your head like that's a t that's an a and then being like this maybe that word doesn't matter hey go just read the next word and hope that that one word isn't gonna like make her break the line i was like i don't know what that says it's hard and i get nervous we've only done it once because i've only done

it yes tonight when they flip the card and it goes away so fast and also the thing was it was bone and i doing it together and so they they made it so that one one of us was red and one of us was green yeah yeah call back to me being colorblind okay i was like [ __ ] i have to tell you girlfriend i don't know the difference between those and so then it was like and then and then they were like oh well you should have said that we're gonna have to change it and i'm like i should have said that yeah how would you have known that that's what was going to happen like hey just so you know like i'm colorblind don't pick these two colors right right so just pick opposite colors yeah yeah it was tonight's show tonight jimmy fallon was ableist and it comes from the top okay and he's attacking he's attacking lauren oh i'm attacking lauren michael on the podcast it comes from the top it's an ableist atmosphere ableist atmosphere

towards vision i'd say it is i'd say it is and that's all i have to time it and say tell you what could not read those [ __ ] words [ __ ] words and the sketch because i it did but it was not because of that it was such a good sketch though but i also didn't want it was it was such a good and funny sketch they had to change their whole premise yeah literally because it was like too much penis content in this episode can you change your entire premise of this and was like well anything they say now is just not going to be as funny as like he has a weird dick that note is always really frustrating where it's like there's too much of this thing and so you are we've chosen you you're the one that's like you need to change it and i'm like i bet they could change that one joke in theirs and that other yeah do you ever think about saying as a full sentence no no i have said no at the workplace i have

we are pulling back the curtain i'm sorry we have pulled we literally read a story no that was iconic and assistant disney show was the best thing that's ever been read firstly i think the title of the show we could change it but i do think like i like the assistant [ __ ] show i like his name is sis berman so his full name is sisman berman yeah i think that's so funny yeah i think it is too i think it's funny too and i'm now i'm wondering and now i'm wondering if it should be changed i don't think it should but wait do you think it's funny i think as a social experiment if you came in and you said like it's the bevis and [ __ ] show right and then they were just like and they were like oh my god i [ __ ] loved that yeah i got it yeah and they didn't get the assistant's history show because they were like literally i've been called this before yeah yeah and they think it's bad yeah they

do they're like what's the guilt the guilt will also keep people from laughing i can say yes yes in a black female body i go oh we can laugh about this but you feel guilty and it's barring you that is a [ __ ] up stupid thing yeah right yeah it is yeah it's frustrating anyway

i think it's time i think it's time for the segment on the podcast called say with me i don't think so honey it's one of the most famous segments in pop culture podcast history the podcast has received critical acclaim and been cited in academic work matt and bowen will often perform i don't think so honey a segment from the podcast has a live show all around the country with 50 local comedians each taking to the stage to say in one minute a rant on pop culture that successfully ends in the words i don't think so honey and has therefore fully dragged the subject i do have something okay i'm very excited okay this is matt rodgers i don't think sony's time starts now i don't think so honey thirst traps in the morning oh when i wake up and i look at my phone and i see that you've tried as you've tried to put thirst traps up in the morning this keeps me in the bed because then i feel like i have

to take care of business no thirst traps in the morning post them in the afternoon i'm trying to get up get a coffee and me and start the day but when i roll over and look at my phone and i see there's traps in the morning i'm there for 45 minutes longer and yes what are you doing just jerking off baby i jerk off i'm a man and i'm 31 and i jerk off i do it i love it but i don't want to do it in the morning because then you can't do it at night and guess what not that you can't do it at night but when you get into your thirties everyone yeah it's hard to jack off again and again and again and again and then be ready to go in the evening so me some with a famous lack of self-control don't want to see your thirst traps in the morning and you might say matt put your phone away this is your problem this is not my problem sure i don't want to take responsibility for it so stop with your hot little sexy

thrift stops in the morning i don't think so honey get my dick out of my hand and get me out of the bed i'm sorry i cut you off that's okay one minute something happens when you're physiologically it's it's as if i'm having sex with ago because on the third masturbation of the day nothing's coming out well nothing's coming out and that's what it's like to sleep with me with me no we'll put that prosperous if you're sleeping with us you know the thing is like i i i am like a horny person in the morning that's just kind of my thing and when i'm not with anyone else it feels like am i gonna do this right now because i'd love to have the juice for later yeah and i often get in trouble for this because out of boredom or out of just susceptibility to thirst traps in the morning i will sort of indulge and then you know there needs to be a way around getting up in the morning looking this is a scenario you get up in

the morning next to your partner sure your horn you're both horny yeah but morning breath morning breath and also for for at least i can speak to the for the gay experience it's harder to have sex in the morning not that you have to you know take it up the butt as it were every time you have sex that's not that's not necessarily sex like your sex is your sex but if if the if the if the mood feels the same that way yeah wonderful but it's just like so many things so much baggage in the morning yeah but i'm that's when i'm so poor and i'm the horniest that's a lot of baggage and that morning breath thing is real that's real how do we how do we fix that there's got to be like a surgery surgery yeah or by doing like that like the ladies did in the old days where you creep out of bed in the morning while your man is still asleep and you sort of brush your teeth and put a full beat on and you wake and you lay

in the bed like this describe what i'm doing he's laying chin and chin is in the air eyes are closed kind of coming too slowly oh my god yes smiling winking really pointing kind of a me you me you okay [ __ ]

really well guys slide into bowen's dna um there's no one while you're here in la that you can hit up i've been too tired i've been too tired okay all right time to go but when do you have a i don't think something i do well that sounds really like a fun idea all right so this is belle yang's i don't think so honey his time starts now i don't think so honey chromecast you're gonna have me in front of some friends i have over and make me look like a damn fool trying to scrub a dub dub on the episode of the thing the film what have you and there's always the lag there's always the spinning wheel that's telling you that's laughing at you in the face saying no no no i'm not going to show you where you fast forwarded to just yet let me think for about 45 more seconds okay 30 seconds chromecast i feel like you are designed to humiliate the user and that we are past that in technology right now and the ui

and ux the experience is to feel humiliated and i don't want it anymore i want to say no no chromecast give me an apple tv and every screen i encounter give me an apple tv in every hotel i go to in my office really i need an apple tv so i can use the little gum stick remote to actually have precision control and that's one minute it really is frustration station when you are trying to oh just screen throw screen throw yeah and then you get that that because it's it's false advertising it's like this is not what's happening on my screen in fact i don't know i just think i just think we're being like someone's watching us and laughing at us god god or the people in the room or someone at google is watching us saying giggling silly [ __ ] look at these people spinning their wheels going insane going insane i have to say like like when you when you have something up there and then like it's

going doing the stop and start you miss every joke in a comedic piece you miss every intentional dramatic beat yes it's just you can't you can't be doing it now i would rather have a bunch of people over and we watch something on my computer in front of us on the table than to screen throw it up there because it's just it's just wrong it's just wrong and you're it's just it's just like clicking along that line so awful okay that's it it's time any thoughts on chromecast before we start i am a neutral party as far as chromecast is concerned however chromecast has hurt king and thus now i've got beef with chromecast we know what

that king is a singer but no am i no are you a singer no you just matched pitch oh did i that means a singer if you match the pitch that means a singer that's real culture number 104 if you match pitch that means a singer i don't think so honey i don't think she's ready i do believe i'm ready this is i don't think so honey her time starts no i don't think so honey asking me where i am you don't need to know where i am don't ask me where i am i'm where i'm supposed to be where the [ __ ] are you worry about that i mean if you have a question an invite you want to send my way just do that just go ahead and do that don't ask me where i am that's not your business you're not my parole officer i'm not on parole there you go yeah i've still got a significant amount of time to pop off about people asking me where i am don't slide in the dms with it don't send a text message don't send an email i

actually don't like any of those forms of communication as well but that's not about this right now i'm where i need to be you send the invitation i could be in bed i could be in the shower i could be at the gym i could be at your daddy's house it doesn't matter it doesn't matter what is the order of business what do you need from me i'm allowed to be where i want to be where where are you is what i'd say where are you you are out your damn mind is what it is ask me where i am i do not think so honey honestly it is no more rude question than without a hay or hello just you looking down on your phone and singing the words where are you shut the [ __ ] up are you nuts you better go [ __ ] yourself you were at my daddy's house though i was at your daddy's crib okay and listen you [ __ ] him context matters but just a cold where are you terrible no never ever ever gonna work for me so awful where are you and especially when

they do where just the letter r just the letter u i'm sorry do it right yeah are you you're out of your mind it was where you are that's that's what i have to say about that respectable space you can be wherever you want to be if i have an invitation for you bone i'm going to send you the invitation if i want you to know where i am i will give you the drop pin yeah i will drop the addy and check drop the addie share the location [ __ ] yeah where am i where am i uh you know what's a good way to go about this hey yes just okay hello hi hi and then be like was wondering what you were doing i'm here now we have some common ground now we can start a conversation don't command any information from me no it's not okay because you're gonna take where i am to mean that mean i'm available or i'm into whatever you're about to pitch me just give me the information and then i'm allowed to decide so also where are

you sort of there's something in it that that says you're not you're not where you're supposed to be like when i get a text that says where are you i'm like that am i supposed to be somewhere else yeah no no and it's it's so stressful it's like let's say it's like the equivalent of like we need to talk oh my god and i love to send we need to talk text to my friend as a joke that's a joke

what about when you actually need to talk to them i'll just say hey i i'd love to like i don't do it to my boyfriend my boyfriend would truly be like we need to try doing that with your boyfriend i did a bit with my friend my friend patrick i do this we need to talk period period i've sent him that text multiple times what about when you actually need to talk to him i'm sorry but like if i actually need to talk to patrick i'll just call i'll just call her i'll text yeah you know what i'm saying i'll say the thing what else i hate that i talk about is just when you get a random text that's just hey exclamation point and nothing else they threw their hands up at the same time but i feel them on that not hey hey hey and then you're like um hi even because it's such an easy fix because even like even just saying like hey what's up like hey like hey i was thinking of you just something hey i'm just like

god give me something there's there's there's like a bit of a sociopathy to that i would say like hey but where thank you for starting this conversation on where are you because it's thank you you know what else it is is not only do you have to give them the answer or do they expect you to give them the answer on like a location but then you kind of have to give the story behind it i'm at this place because of this reason yeah so before you get because yeah you're sort of like are you again are you trying to invite me to something am i somewhere i'm i'm not supposed to be right now but it's like you have information you want but you want to have the upper hand here by first hearing where i am and i just answer to you like you're my mother or something and i don't have to do that i'm going to text you that every week where are you where are you where are you but you guys have a reason to do it because you're at

work together like hey where are you exactly i'm like there are versions of like you wanting to give me something or i've wanted to hand something over to you and gone to your dressing room you're not there i might feel like hey where are you but i also would probably be like probably i can't say with full certainty be like i have something to give no we're like like and literally i've done this so many times where i've gone over to your dressing room knocked on your door no answer i just walk away i'll get her later yeah yeah say wait a minute you gave me a gift no i did and i opened it and i was so happy to get it what was it it was truly it was boy smells candles like from there and i freaked i was like oh my god thank you so and then you this is what you said you remember what you said what did i say you don't have to pretend to like i was like i'm not pretending i think candles are my favorite i love

it you gave me a gift timeless bowen got can i say yes i could say bowen got two thera guns um i got one there again what one wait you gave me your no no no i i did the same you get you gave the extra theragan we got to eggo i okay i'm calling you out i did the same thing to joel no no no this is what happened that's right yes but that's yes i show up to work one day and there's a theragan first of all they gave everybody a there like a mini thera gun for christmas sure i can give you mine let me have that one but eight let me have that one the 880 wouldn't mind if i said this 80 and 9 both got these special edition gold thera guns with like 24 karat like and like with a note saying there's only 500 of these that we made that is so stupid guess how much it costs matt two thousand dollars one thousand dollars yeah that's insane insane and i was like i don't i don't want this yeah but then

what do you i mean and then so it was sitting in my dressing room for like a full week and a half and then ago comes and visits me and she goes she goes what's this it's this crazy it's something a gift no no it wasn't even no i was very transparent i was like i was like i don't know like but i was guessing how much this cost king and she was like uh and i think she also said two thousand i said two thousand yeah pisces pisces that's it we got the same prices six pisces we get the same price yeah yeah it's like taylor's oldest time anyway i gave it to king but then i was doing i was doing a bit where i kept being like oh like like what's this part in the box like oh and i'm like do you want it back you wanna you don't realize what you gave me and he's like no i'm fine there's like a note in it and he's like what's the note saying i'm like do you want it do you want to think back and then

eventually the bit just escalated where i would like snatch the box and then pretend to run away like i'll never see you again well bowen didn't do gifts this year no he no he let me know he wasn't doing christmas well for me for me i did well i don't think i really did give i did i did do i mean i the candle candles i did i gave you and heidi the candles which is so nice look at me like this but i but there is a scent in there that i really really love yeah the the blue one the blue one yeah yeah i love that scent so much um but i am i go you should be able to go either way i was informed in late december from by bowen that i would not be getting a gift this year i didn't say that you did you told me i didn't get you a gift this year i'm just telling you i was like that's fine i didn't get you anything either i did okay you had gotten him something i did i didn't get it i did oh my god

but you know what though for your birthday i did send you a pair of earrings yeah and they never got to i know they never got to your apartment and they were expensive i was really annoyed by that they were they were like gucci earrings and i sent them to you and they never got that sucks very nice that's okay what do you want for your birthday um march 10th i want a leather jacket okay yeah i have i have one she can have okay just yeah give me matt's legs what do you want for your birthday i want for my birthday he has a great birthday he has it don't worry oh i'm i'm having a lot of fun on my birthday i'm going to see katy perry in vegas with a ballet four thousand gays okay i like days and it's gonna be like work tonight

yeah we talked about the biz this pocket has been cited in academic work talk about rom-com okay you

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "“‘No.’” (w/ Ego Nwodim)"?

In order: 0:00 Andy DeYoung, Claudia Banks; 20:00 Euphoria, Love Life; 30:00 Love Life, Blue Valentine, Fire Island; 40:00 Claudia Banks, Pulitzer Prize; 50:00 Cody Rigsby; 1:20:00 Katy Perry.

What is mentioned in this Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang episode?

13 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Love Life, Blue Valentine, Joe Bowen, Claudia Banks, Euphoria, Cody Rigsby. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "“‘No.’” (w/ Ego Nwodim)"?

The episode runs 1 h 24 min; the transcript is about 16,990 words in 96 timestamped sections.

More from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 9, 2026.