Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)

What this episode is about

The conversation centers around the hosts' humorous and candid reflections on their sleep habits, nighttime routines, and the challenges of waking up early as they get older. The dialogue touches on personal anecdotes, including dealing with hangovers, the comfort of favorite shoes, and playful banter about everyday life and famous personalities like Jack Black.

Key takeaways

• Early risers win the morning; ignore the kids, and you'll wake up with chaos!
• Kids today sound like politicians—lost my recess to a PowerPoint presentation.
• Jack Black proves age is just a number; can we all kick it like he does?
• Super senior year: where wisdom meets procrastination; calendar says one thing, but so do Netflix binges.
• The secret to adulting? Getting out of bed before your kids do; it's survival of the fittest!

Who speaks in this episode?

• Matt McCusker (Host) · 38 min speaking
• Shane Gillis (Host) · 38 min speaking
• Nate Marshall (Guest) · 15 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Drexel, Westchester, Jack Black, Reading High School
2. 10:00 – 20:00: Kanye West, 50 Cent
3. 20:00 – 30:00: BetterHelp
4. 30:00 – 40:00: BetterHelp, Jim Jones, Sabrina Carpenter
5. 1:00:00 – 1:10:00: Drexel

Notable quotes from "Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)"

• I'll be honest. I would have bet a million dollars. You couldn't have done that many kicks in a row. That was a lot. Kung fu. That was a kung fu panda. Yeah, he is. Jack Black.

  about Jack Black · at 0:20

• Whole squad. Is this Reading Central Catholic or where'd you go? Reading High School. And it was Well, I bet that's pretty [ __ ] standard at Reading High School. That or you just.

  about Reading High School · at 4:38

• Here's dumb as fuck. And then it was All right, it's time to stop getting failing. Yeah. I was at Drexel. I was Westchester. I got to get my grades up to get into Westchester.

  about Drexel · at 6:12

• There's like a video of him just getting knocked out just in the middle of the street. Ruined his whole future. Really?

  about 50 Cent · at 11:41

• He never when he tweeted that he wasn't a Nazi no more, that did that lasted for a day, right? When he was Well, then he was No, I'm back. Oh, wait. Did he do that? Then he just went back.

  about Kanye West · at 17:00

• Can even switch therapists at any time for any reason. Your well-being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com/mssp to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelphp.commmssp.

  about BetterHelp · at 32:20

• Oh, bro. We're flying. Macchiato's hitting. Dang. I'm a big espresso guy now. Yeah. Sabrina shots of what you Sabrina Carpenter. Who's Sabrina Carpenter? It's me. Espresso.

  about Sabrina Carpenter · at 34:18

• That was Dude, Jim Jones had the best take on the whole whatchamacallit, Drake suing UMG. Yeah. They're like the only thing is bad for hiphop and Jim Jones is on someone's podcast and he was.

  about Jim Jones · at 36:02

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Kanye West — Person · Referenced celebrity (discussion subject) · 3 mentions · first at 14:19
  A long segment debates Kanye's public behavior, controversies, and whether it’s performance art vs. mental health issues.
• 50 Cent — Person · Referenced celebrity (industry anecdote + social media behavior) · 3 mentions · first at 11:36
  Mentioned in a story about a Philly rapper nearly being signed, and later as an example of blunt celebrity advice and ongoing beefs.
• Jim Jones — Person · Referenced musician (commentator via quoted take) · 1 mention · first at 36:02
  Cited for a 'best take' on Drake suing UMG, framed as prioritizing 'getting the bag.'
• Jack Black — Person · Referenced celebrity (comedic comparison) · 1 mention · first at 0:15
  Used as a humorous point of reference for high kicks and 'Kung Fu Panda' energy during early banter.
• Sabrina Carpenter — Person · Referenced musician (pop culture aside) · 1 mention · first at 34:24
  Referenced during a coffee/espresso bit as a joke about 'Sabrina shots' and her song 'Espresso.'

Companies & orgs

• Drexel — Company · Referenced institution · 2 mentions · first at 6:16
  Mentioned in the context of the speaker's educational background and experiences.
• Westchester — Company · Referenced institution · 1 mention · first at 6:19
  Mentioned in the context of the speaker's educational background and experiences.
  All right, it's time to stop getting failing. Yeah. I was at Drexel. I was Westchester. I got to get my grades up to get into Westchester.
• Reading High School — Company · Referenced institution · 1 mention · first at 4:38
  Mentioned as the speaker's high school, discussing personal history and experiences.

Sponsors

• BetterHelp — Product · Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at 29:54
  Mentioned as the sponsor of the podcast episode, promoting online therapy services.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Wow. Wow. Wes. The shoes are they're my most comfortable pair of shoes. These shoes are sick. Hey, let me prance around those underarms. Yeah, model those things. Show these people your under armor skills. He did get the best choice. Jack kick that high. Little Jack Black actually. Little Jack actually black. I'll be honest. I would have bet a million dollars. You couldn't have done that many kicks in a row. That was That was a lot. Kung fu. That was a kung fu panda. Yeah, he is. Jack Black. I wish I wasn't so goddamn sleepy. Yeah, I [ __ ] workout this morning. I was yesterday, man. I woke up. Oh, yesterday I Yesterday I played video games. Yeah, I was a pathetic day. Did that thing where I opened my eyes and try to gauge the hangover before I woke up and I felt all right. I was just hot. I like woke up was a thousand degree. I thought it was 7:00 a.m. I reached over to like seeing what time it is. I like see if

0:55 Britney's in bed. I'm like, "All right, it's probably like seven." didn't feel her and I patted and it was just a pillow and I'm like there she is. And I laid there and I checked my phone like 10 minutes later. [ __ ] 10:30. I was like, "Holy sle." Yeah, we were up late though. We're up super late. We got home late. Yeah, we're up super late. Yeah, I was I was dragging. That's an early day. 10:30. That was crazy. Decking, dude. Usually it's 6:37. H for me. I try to get up before my kids. It's 11. It's 11 is like I'm I did it. I got up at a decent hour. Really?

1:25 Yeah. I feel like the older I'm getting, the I'm just waking up earlier. Even if Even if you're out late. Even if it's a late night. Yeah. You think it's about time? Like you're like, I'm not sure. No. No. It's not like it's a conscious decision. It's just your body. Just keep waking up early. Yeah. That's the opposite for me. I'm waking up later. I have to set I have to set 11 a.m. alarms really to be up. Like if not, I'll just sleep. Yeah. That's nice. [ __ ] [ __ ] sleep, dude. That is nice. No, I'm I just get my kids wake up at like 7 a.m. So, it's either I get up before them or I get woken up to just like a kid through a monitor like it's like for real the worst [ __ ] way to wake up cuz you have to get you have to get out of bed and like and go to action right away.

2:08 So, if you get up before them, you like chill, relax. Yeah. Drink my coffee and then it's like you'll hear them wake up. You're like sweet. Is dad energy a thing? like you like dead energed like you hear it and you're like all right it kind of kicks you into gear or is it just Yeah, you pop Yeah, you pop up because the only alternative is like they're fine and then you wait and wait and wait and that could turn into just like rest of their life really if you want to [ __ ] date them. Yeah, you can just leave. You go, you know what? They're [ __ ] fine. A lot of people don't have dads.

2:38 They'll they'll be all right. Anything it'll help them. Give them a little boy named Sue. I made you stronger. I've been looking at schools. We finally found one. Dude, it's such a [ __ ] insane process now to find like schools for kids. Yeah. Since we went we like looked at insane. We looked at a bunch of schools and then what a lot of them do I noticed they like card out their eighth graders as like give you a look say this is what we do. Check these kids out. But then they come out and they're like [ __ ] robots dude. These kids come out and they're like, "Uh, my passion is." And it's like, "What? Who the f who's back there hitting you with [ __ ] bamboo sticks?"

3:19 When I was in eighth grade, if they pull me out in front of parents like, "What do you like about school?" I'd been like, "I don't know." Zero eye contact. Yeah. Like recess. Recess. I don't know if math shocks. These kids are coming out like they're running for [ __ ] president. They're like, "Well, I'm actually going to a very It's like, what the fuck?" Now, this is speaking as not a dad at all. But I kind of like that because that's I felt like wasn't that always that like kind of the thing is like America was falling off because we were our kids weren't as disciplined as other countries. These kids are so smart. They come out and they're like little mini adults. They're like mature. It's really weird. I kind of would like to have had that for myself. I feel like a dumbass a lot. And to just not have that as part of my life would be beautiful. Just to come out and be like I'm very deeply um

4:02 actually working with my community right now. I never really thought if you were dumb or not. You don't seem very dumb. I'm not completely dumb, but I'm not. C student energy for sure. You said student I think the whole crew holds that down. CD. Yeah, true. I was the smartest of my my childhood crew. Everybody got left back senior year except me. Your all your boys got left. All my boys were super seniors and I held out. I came back from prom, too, though. You came back from prom? Came back for a second prom. I was like, I'm back, fellas. Hell yeah. That's swag.

4:33 Damn, that is nice. But yeah, they all the whole squad got held back, huh? Whole squad. Is this Reading Central Catholic or where'd you go? Uh, Reading High School. And uh, it was Well, I bet that's pretty [ __ ] standard at Reading High School. That or you just give up and just don't even graduate. A lot of people get that senior left back and just go, "Ah, I did my four years." Yeah, true. I'm done. Give a [ __ ] what they said. I'm done. Everybody did. I feel like the same grade again must be nuts. See, getting held back senior year is insane.

5:03 Great. [ __ ] Changes your whole life. I mean that's super senioritis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Although it would be senior year of knowing what I know now, I would be a super senior. Senior year is [ __ ] sick. I was just going to be racist. I just want you guys to know. Good on you. Good on you. I'm just I caught myself. Good on you. That's important. You acknowledge it. You go, it'd be funny to just say black people have senioritis. I'm not going to do that. Or just excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. I was just being racist. itis. They They made that second year look like the most fun. I for real. I thought they were having fun. It was way better than [ __ ] real life. Yeah. I was I was I went to community college after that. I went to Retire Community College and it was just boring. You went to rack? I went to rack. I went to rack and they were just having I paid my dues at hack. At hack.

5:52 I was a hack hawk. Paid my dues. I did my semester at hack. I'm still do hack. That was that was actually kind of where I turned my life around as a a student community college. Yeah. After I had failed out at Elon. Yeah. Also, you'll feel like a superstar going to community college. If you go to college, I was like, "Oh [ __ ] everybody here's dumb as fuck." And then it was like, "All right, it's time to stop getting failing." Yeah. I I was at Drexel. I was Westchester. I got to get my grades up to get into Westchester.

6:24 Dude, I I was at Drexel like school's so dumb. What's the point of this? this and I went I worked uh I was with like the labor union with my like working for my dad so I had to sign up to the labors union to work for him so like the union didn't say anything and I was like college is so pointless and I was like chilling with like laborers and I would talk to them and I'm like I think college worked on me a little bit here they would read the paper and I'd be like yeah but like who you got to think like who wrote that paper they all have an agenda and they would just look at me and be like dude it's in the paper like all right man [ __ ] this is before Donald Trump busted the fake news People would read the paper and be like, "Well, that's what happened." Yeah, that's that.

7:02 It's pretty crazy. I worked in that factory and I I realized, yeah, it was time. Yeah. Well, did that Yeah, definitely. College helps. There's a bunch of guys that were illiterate. Yeah. That were like fully illiterate. They'd be like, I can't read that. Turns out grade school kind of helped me a little. Dude, the uh Dude, some of the schools though are still [ __ ] wilding out. We went to this one school. we really wanted uh I really wanted my daughter to go there and uh dude we had a meeting like a a parent interview or whatever and they were like well we do a reenactment in the I think third or fourth grade where we reenact the taking of the land from Mexico we use a third graders to reenact this and it was just like and I'm sitting there the whole time I told Britney going into it I'm like they're going to probably say a bunch of dumb [ __ ] just just go along with it I just like this thank god

7:45 we we didn't get in but we we're in the thing and he was Like the lady was talking about people of color and Britney's like like I didn't see any. She's like she mentioned Asians and Britney goes son of people of color like held her leg under the table and shut up. Oh yes, dude. It's so It was kind of a beast. It was beast. So nice. It was beast. The lady claimed it too. Black wife card is so funny, dude. I was dying and the lady tried to claim it herself, bro. I mean, same as me, bro. And I'm like sitting there like, my god, it's crazy. They're going to do the reenactment of America taking Mexico.

8:20 Yeah, dude. With with [ __ ] fourth graders, dude. Yeah, that's [ __ ] nuts. It's also like if you're going to re like why that one? Why not? Like that's kind of weird. Are they celebrating it? Cuz then I could see Yeah. [ __ ] yeah. The Almo ruled, dude. What a bunch of [ __ ] [ __ ] Well, then it's like, why not go even further back in time? Why stop there? Yeah. Let's see how Mexico got that land. Yeah. How did they how did they uh Spanish came and cut everyone's [ __ ] heads off. But that's cuz they were cutting everybody's heads off already.

8:55 Yeah, they weren't. I thought it was distasteful. It's like don't do that with [ __ ] Yeah. Mexico they were not very chill. Yeah. So yeah, it was just a play of the Comanche. They what? You should do a play where the kids are the Comanche. True. And they abduct white settlers and gang rape them and disembowel them in front of their families. That'd be pretty cool. Fake scalpins. Yeah, that would be nice. Pulling up fake little kids. Like real Hollywood blood packets. That might be I can see that stepping up like kids productions.

9:25 We're doing Reservoir Dogs. Yeah, we dodged a bullet. I was I was happy that uh Britney was yapping cuz that was looking back on it I was like that was such a sick move. Did y'all ever do any of those things when you were kids? Like kids plays? No, I I held it down. I was like plays. I was part of the tableau in the Christmas play. What's a tableau? Tableau was for all the kids who sucked that weren't part of the real play that just went up and did a nativity scene. Oh, that's sick. My job was to hold a banner behind them and go just shook a banner. I did. I had to do uh I went to Catholic school for a little bit and I had we did sister act and you guys did sister act. We did sister act and I had to do the rapping part. You come in like joyful joyful and oh man you I still kind of remember but let me hear it. I just remember the it's a joyful joyful Lord I adore thee and in my life I put up before thee and I don't

10:21 remember that's pretty good kind of art. Yeah I kind of kind of have felt good doing it. Do you ever think about being a rapper? Obviously. Yeah. Obviously obviously I gave I had a feeling at such a young age. You never thought about Did I ever think about it? Uh not one day. I thought about it earlier today. I was like, "What if I could spit?" True. It's like, you never know. It's like, "What if I You never know." I've never even tried. What if maybe I could spit? We in high school, we'd all get high and people would freestyle and stuff. It was sick. It's the best. Yeah. It's pretty fun, actually. It is. I knew I knew it didn't happen in me. Yeah. My one friend would My one friend would just do Eminem like, "That's an Eminem song." And he'd be like, "No, it's freestyle. It's just an Eminem song." You came up with that right now. Two trailer park girls go around the outside. I don't know. Is

11:14 that a song? I didn't know that. That's crazy. My boy did he had he played a smart You guys must have all been rapping the whole time. Always. But my one boy and I guys who got held back in senior year. I got a feeling they thought they had rap careers lined up. My Dante did uh he used to There was this rapper at Joey Jiad, a Philly dude. He was like underground. He was big. Like he was about to actually blow and like 50 was about to sign him and then somebody just sucker punched him on the street. There's like a video of him just getting knocked out just in the middle of the street. Ruined his whole future. Really?

11:46 Yeah. Joey Jiad was nice too, but not a lot of people knew him and we were in Reton so but he knew him so he would just battle rap people for money but he would just use Joey Jiad raps for like a good year was nice. I remember I'll never forget I was I remember I was with this one dude. I was like just going to my house to like sell weed or whatever was a black guy and my neighbors in West Philly. I actually like knew them. I like worked with the one guy and they were out in their car blasting like someone they knew was like their family members demo tape. They're like come listen to this like the black guy I was with and he leaned in the car and he was like yeah that shit's [ __ ] trash. And then just walked into my house and I was like what the [ __ ] I didn't know you could do that. Yeah. He's like yo that shit's [ __ ] trash. And then just came in. I was like dude it's my [ __ ] neighbors man. Why you doing that? It's

12:29 the funniest thing. And just like didn't even like we came in I would have like if I had done that to someone like did you see me do that? He just was like anyway so what do we what's going on here? And I was like did you just [ __ ] do that to my neighbors? Yo that's just [ __ ] trash. That's very such a beast move. Did you ever get to do that to somebody with the demo tape? You go this shit's trash. No I never I never had the heart. I always feel bad like cuz somebody's trying their best. Yeah. somebody's giving even when they're not trying their best like that that thing where they used to do in time square just handing you CDs. I used to hate that [ __ ] but it would be like I can't be I can't be rude to you. Yeah. I would take the CDs. Yeah. I would take them throw them away. Yeah.

13:17 Pay like two bucks for it. You're like pissed I did that. Yeah. That's when they get you. You go oh thanks. They give it to you and you're like thanks. You're like you're not going to give me any money. It's like I didn't ask for this. I I don't want this. I'm helping you. You ever see this? I could get this to the right people. You ever see the video of 50? He's like just walking with some lady and some dude just like just starts harassing him just like listen to my Instagram. He's just like, "You're never going to make it." That's like what he says to him. He was like, "If this is how you're going about it, you're done." But it's like, oh man's beefing with like Big Meech right now, isn't he? Or Larry. He always be someone just is it who? One of those guys got out of jail and he's like calling the dude a rat. He's like, "He's a [ __ ] rat." He's like beefing with I I I can't think of the network. It's

14:02 like I want to say Showtime or something, but it's he's like suing somebody over a documentary. He's just like, "I want my money by Monday." He's probably my favorite Instagram. Yeah. Man, you turned on Yay. Did I turn on? No. I mean, yeah. I mean, I I've been kind of like I don't know, man. It's hard to say anything about Yay cuz I love him so much, but he's gone so crazy. And but then you see like I was watching the academic interview just like at the beginning of it he seemed locked in to he's like all right we're gonna do this it's gonna look like this and he got even more locked in and then yeah he put the outfit on and was like just [ __ ] outfit's so funny. At least he's not really doing anything bad. He's just saying crazy [ __ ] He's just Yeah.

14:45 Yeah. Has he done anything bad other than I mean he's like no I don't think so right now but he's also come out and he's like I've beat women before. I've done this. The one the beast thing that I will give him I sucked my cousin's dick obviously my cous suck my cousin's wiener but the one thing that was I I will give him is when uh Iggy Aelia kind came out being like Kanye used to tell he would take me aside and tell me he like jerks off in my pictures and he retweeted it and just said true like all right that's kind of sick.

15:18 Yeah. I wonder I wonder if he'll like I feel like he's got another era of like a different thing in him. I think he's going to drop this stuff. I kind of think so. I don't think this is going to be the last thing we know about. We're definitely not going to This is There's no way he's going away. Yeah, he's just never going away. Part of our lives. Part of our We're going to be I don't think he's going to slow down on the tweets. We're going to get these daily updates every day for the next 30 years. You think it's going to get darker than I suck my cousin when I was I don't think it can. That's as dark as it I don't think it can. That's as low as it goes. I wonder I was like is this some I've said this before. Or is this like a is he on just another level of like performance art where it's like he's expanding just the boundaries of all this weird stuff of like KKK sucking your cousin's dick gay incest. He hit a

16:00 he a little black lotus. He did it. He hit the true black lotus. You think he was just loved so much he was like he just wants to feel hated? Well, no. After the Taylor I guess Taylor Swift stuff, he was hated a little bit. He's been felt for a while. Yeah. Yeah. I dude I don't know. I don't I I can't even wrap my head around like why you would do that or what, but I again could just be [ __ ] nuts, man. Like Yeah. Yeah. He could be having a [ __ ] some type of mental break. But dude, if I was or he could just be the man. Who knows? We'll never know. Time will tell, dude. You got to talk. You got to give him a hundred years. See what's up. He could go into like a Luke Skywalker phase if he goes on a Misty Mountain and goes dark for a while. I mean, that's kind of what he should have done like five years ago, but you know, he should just go Misty Mountain, but just tweet every day about how he's on

16:56 the Misty Mountain in exile. He never when he tweeted that he wasn't a Nazi no more, that did that lasted for a day, right? When he was Well, then he was like, "No, I'm back." Oh, wait. Did he do that? Then he just went back. Yeah. Yeah. Hill. Yeah, it is interesting. Like what the [ __ ] Like Jonah Hill was just like the [ __ ] bro. We talked about this. Yeah. I mean, he I mean, I don't want to I don't want to could, would have, should have, but he could have just fell back and just been the greatest producer loved around the world. Yeah.

17:27 But he's a bill isn't he is he is he a billionaire? That's the one thing I can't wrap my head around. I'm like, you're a billionaire? They said he was, then he somehow lost. Yeah. But then he said he is again now. Wait, he's like, I'm back. He's like, I'm a billionaire again. Uh, kind of awesome. So, he's a billionaire. Wow. Sick. Crazy. After seeing Zuckerberg, Kanye seems normal for a billionaire. God damn. What was that? Why is he dressing like that? You know, I like the outfit. Cle gold chain. If you're a billionaire, you shouldn't be wearing a gold chain. Yeah, but it wasn't a goddy gold chain. was little.

18:10 He used to be such a humble artist. He's doing jiu-jitsu and [ __ ] now. I'm telling you those I think that's like brand you you get guys to like manage your brand for you. Yeah. So that's like a full stylist PR brand management like your total self-reinvention. He should let Kanye be his stylist. He should have. He should have worn the [ __ ] black KKK uniform. That would have been awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it is it is it it does suck to have cuz Zuckerberg's got to be what like a couple hundred billion or hundred billion maybe.

18:46 Yeah5 billion have 185 billion and then being like I have to be able to figure out cool like I've got to be an algorithm. There's got to be it's an algorithm. A cool algorithm. There's an algo and he's kind of hitting he is he's like I'll dress like a black guy like bro I figured that out in seventh grade. Yeah, I figured that out in seventh grade. And then and then in eighth grade you go, "It's not cool when I do it." True. Yeah. You kind of do figure out. An older brother goes, "You look like a [ __ ] idiot." All right. Me and my cousin and my bro Phil would just get crushed. We go show up at family parties and everyone would be like, "What the fuck?" My cousin Pat had a Wuang charm.

19:30 So tight, dude. So icy. I just had the Jesus piece. Do you know a Jesus piece in seventh grade? It was It was It was small. Or maybe I just did a uh Did I have the J? I I We all had charms at one point. I'm pretty charms. Char that was the big one. You You would go to Yeah, you would go to [ __ ] Sterling Silver or wherever in the mall and you would cop we would cop our silver chain. I was three small loops, one long loop. My cousin was Cuban Lynx. Cuban Lynx is Cuban Lynx is [ __ ] Cuban Lynx with the Wu Tang charm was nasty. I got to remember what my charm was. I'm pretty sure it's just a cross if I know myself.

20:03 Damn. Had the JP and my bro got like Spongebob holding a pistol. I should have I had I had a gay one. Would you I just remember today I was a little dragon. I had a little dragon like Cisco in like sixth grade. You went with Cisco? I didn't know it was Cisco. I just thought it was a cool little dragon. And then I got to the school and they were like, "You got the Cisco Cisco chain?" And I couldn't stop wearing it. Damn. The Cisco chain sucked. And that was that was thong song. That was like right that was Yeah. You enter the dragon. You drew hill.

20:38 That blows, dude. I forgot. I forgot. I never got a chain. Never had the chain. I I couldn't I never did it. Oh, dude. I was My friend got caught stealing one from the mall. Was the funniest [ __ ] thing I've ever seen. He switched his, took a bigger one. It was like It was in like seventh grade. There was those silver chains that were like $132. Might as well have been a r like a 6 in ruby. Yeah, that's crazy. I was like, "Dude, you're [ __ ] going for it." And he put it on, walked out. As soon as we stepped out, a guy came out and went on his shoulder. Me and my cousin were just like, "Later."

21:10 I would have cried immediately. Oh, dude. He was He had to sit in the mall security booth until his dad came into the mall. Did he have to do sexual favors to get out? He probably see that porn? I've seen that. I would have done anything to get out. I would have done anything to get out. I would have been full casting couch. I would have cast it out. I would have got onto the mall security. I would have been in dog. I would have initiated. Yeah. I would have got on the table. Just get it over with, dude. True. I would have nasty little power bottom.

21:38 Getting caught stealing out the mall would have been the apocalypse. Yeah. I would have got in so much [ __ ] trouble. Lemise, you never had a chain. Uh, no. I never really had chains. That chain. Damn. You could have. Guard dog. You get that like Italian horn or whatever that thing is. No, I was a crucifix guy for a little while, but as a youth, I was like a shark tooth puka shell kid. Whoa. I had alligator tooth, too. I had an alligator. An alligator tooth, man. Maybe La Mer was right. Maybe you are an outdoor white.

22:08 True. You were in a tough area for white kids to act black like North Jersey. Yeah, that feels like sopranos. I managed to do it, but I was like uh I went more Rasta when I was coming into my form formative years. I could see you hitting a rasta phase. I had the puka shells at the beach. I'd hit the boardwalk trying to get numbers. So sick though. Puka shells, sunburnt beyond recognition. Yeah, the puka shells were sick. I never got the pukas. I was jealous, bro. I never got the pukas. But I was dark. I was purple. I was sick every night. Every night at the beach, I was so sunburned.

22:45 I was Yeah, I you would just we would get the uh we would try to go get numbers from the babes at the beach that would fall apart. Then we would just do horrendous horrible Yeah. pranks. The poop dollar was the worst. Poop dollar was diabolical. I will say sticking the dollar up between the boardwalk cracks people to grab it and pulling it down. Nothing better. Yeah, that's great. So funny. Wait to be a poop dollar. No, you leave the poop dollar. You want them to pick that up. They go sweet and they go That's fun. But you can also put you can also put a dollar between the cracks of the boardwalk. Technically the prominade I guess you can stick it through and people were like [ __ ] yeah. They go to they put their foot down on it and then they lift it up and it's gone. It's so funny. There's a bunch of 12-year-olds laughing at you from under the but you you have every you have you take turns you want to watch cuz

23:36 Boardwalk Guy you couldn't see underneath. So you get to watch your boy do it and just it was the funniest [ __ ] So funny. Yeah. That's nice. My favorite memories of the beach was just once we started drinking. Yeah. Just getting some [ __ ] bum to buy you and your boys 30ks of [ __ ] Natty Light. It's the best. It was the best. It the best nights of my life. Yeah, dude. For real. I I literally I'll second that. That's like my It's why I love the beach so much. Yeah. My aunts and uncles would just go get after it all day. They'd be done by 9:00. They're just just destroyed. They'd be in a room and we would have a cooler that had beer sitting in it from noon at like 8:00 p.m. and we would just devastate the and they'd all wake up and be like, "You were you guys drinking beer last night?"

24:22 Like, "Well, you guys were you [ __ ] they would try to do like the math and there was like there's no way." The one time we got caught cuz we were like hiding the beer cans under our bed for some reason and they uh my aunt just like set them out and just wrote a note that said, "Who drank me?" We just saw them out here. My sister did not take the fall from me and my bro one time. I tried. Me and my bro drank like a lot of beers and then my parents were like, "What the [ __ ] is this?" And we were like, "Yeah, Sarah came down here and got [ __ ] shitfaced in front." It's like, "Yeah, Sarah just sat here and drank like 25 beers." And my mom was like, "What the [ __ ] Sarah?" She was like, "It was them." What' you tell me? They run to the bus, scream, cry, run away. Yeah, we used I used to get so [ __ ] up at the be. It was so fun. That was like honestly one of my fondest memories of like when you're drinking

25:12 beer and you're like you're you've been inside the house and you step out and it's like you smell that salt air and you're like kind of hammered. You get me going, bro. It was the best. Still is. Yeah, true. Nothing beats it. But as dude, as like a [ __ ] 14, 15year-old, it is truly back when getting drunk was no hangover. So sick. Zero hangover. You just go out and it'd be 2 in the morning. The bars would let out and we would just walk past like drunk adults and be like [ __ ] [ __ ] you. That is the worst thing that could happen to you walking out of a bar. Just kids going [ __ ] like a and I can't do nothing. I just I was like blazing weed out of a corn cob pipe just be like [ __ ] [ __ ] Did you guys get any nice reading beach trips? No. No. I was You guys were talking about the reading squad never got to the beach, huh? We just would drink hurricanes at the park at 3:00 a.m. It was That's probably fun. It was

26:01 actually the best. Yeah. Had a hurricane face once. Three for five Hurricanes was an unbeatable deal. You couldn't beat it. I would go I would I had a guitar case I would keep outside. I'd walk from the bar back to my dorms. They would just sell in West Philly. They would sell Hurricanes to anybody and I mean whatever else probably too. And then like I would come back, load up a guitar case with as many Hurricanes as I could fit and just walk into my dorm like so tight. I could never drink the third hurricane. Ah, I had people I knew people that could drink all three and I was like, "Dude, I got two and I got that half of that third one done." I was just like, "I'm at capacity." We were kind of doing puss We were [ __ ] [ __ ] It was just everybody had one. Everybody had one. One in a blunt. The night. Four locals were a bad time. Four locos. I kind of missed four. I didn't I didn't really get hit by the four locos. I got

26:51 hit. Yeah. Yeah. That took That was That was a bad time for the Bros. Yeah. Four loco run was crazy. I had Sparks. Sparks were sick. Yeah, sparks were nice, but I never got the four locos. I had Nelly I had Was it Juice? Nelly threw his hat. Yeah, Nelly threw his hat in the ring of energy drink uh alcohol and I think it was J O S E. Drank some juice one night. Blacked out. I was down in like North Carolina somewhere. Completely blacked out. It was bad. I have a This is I hope this isn't a what does it give you? I just have a four local me like it's not even a memory. I blacked out but it was on my phone. I uh my girl was staying with me. My parents were away and I went out drinking with my boys and had four locals and came home I guess trying to get some [ __ ] but also trying to film it and I just have a I just had she was telling me I was being annoying trying to [ __ ] her last night and I had this I

27:41 just had a video on my phone of me be me being like come on let's filming. She's like no we're not doing anything. It's just the phone going down like, "All right, just that's your sex tape. You got to release a bright light in her face and then just Oh, no. This sleepy girlfriend going, "No, we're not doing anything." All right. [ __ ] Dang, bro. You were on before you even knew it. I really I've been gone. You might be the new. Oh, it 100 million's yours. Dude, the root turned on on big time. Yeah, I wrote a vicious article about and it was like mean. It was like not even about his case. They were like, "Let's all talk about what everyone's thinking. He's just dumb." It's like, "Damn, it was mean." Like he's like, "Let's all face it. He's just a [ __ ] dumbass." And it was like, "Fuck." I know that wasn't a honky that wrote that one. I don't think so. Better not be. It better not be, man. I don't think the

28:41 root would have allowed the honky to [ __ ] rip it like that. No. I mean, it it was it was funny like, "Yeah, dude. He's a [ __ ] What a honky rip it like that. I'm just going to say it. This guy's dumb as hell. [ __ ] tired of it. Yeah, they were like, they were just saying like he should have signed NDAs. Like, why does he not have control of his sex tape? They're bringing up fair points, honestly. They're like, "Dude, he just got busted for this. What the f?" But also, he's probably got crazy sex. A ton of them. Yeah, there are dudes. There's a strain of dude that has to film Yeah.

29:15 every encounter. I that was me when I was a kid. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, I was ordered. Which is kind of crazy when you think about it as adult. I got like a camera from MySpace days and uh Yeah, I was a big I mean they always knew. It was never like you're you're a Yeah, I've been You're a devil, dude. Yeah, I was a bro. Come on, Lemise. You can get in there. What happened to your leg, bud? I think that was just a spaz. What was wrong with his leg? What was that? Why were you lifting your leg like that? Uh, are my shoes untied?

29:49 Your shoes untied? My shoes untied. And I was going to tie it, but I just ran out of the way. Yeah, of course. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're going to make a big purchase, you got to make it count. Something What's something you bought, dude? I I just uh invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic. So, they got a little magnifying glass on them. I got not one but two. What type of bugs are you gonna put in there? Uh, right now we've only gotten some roly polies.

30:21 So, you can throw them in there, create their natural habitat, and you can kind of like I'd like to see what roly polies are up to, bro. I got I I catch them. I catch like me and my daughters catch like four roly polies a day and put them in my garden. It's really nice. It's awesome. I have so many roly polies. So, yeah. I gota The bug tank's nice, man, because otherwise you got to carry them in your You ever try to carry a roly poly in your hand for like they [ __ ] they get they're they're escape artists. So yeah, I got some bug tanks. It's been, you know, 30 years. Yeah, I'm telling since I've tried, but it's just as hard. They So I bought a bug light.

30:52 You got a bug light? I got a bug zapper out there. That's, you know, kind of the opposite of what you're doing. But hey, just as fun. You're battling. You sit by the You sit in the hot tub and all, god damn, that guy. You Some of these big the bugs out here are so big. My dad's big on they die. They go. You hear them hit the [ __ ] bug light and they go Jesus [ __ ] god damn. Another great investment taking care of yourself. You know you're talking about these bugs. Matt, why don't you think about yourself? Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive though, like between $100 to $250 a month or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it though. And you do have options like Better Help, the help with the better on it. It could help you save up to 50% per session while getting you the help you need.

31:40 I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself and take care of myself. I like therapy because I've benefited from therapy. Yeah. I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do. Everyone could learn something from therapy. Yeah. You just because it teaches you positive coping skills like how dumb your family is and set boundaries. Doomed. Yeah. Basically, you get on a Zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is. hate to break. Your family are idiots and you're doomed. With Better Help, you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money. And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your schedule. I love getting online sessions. Love that.

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32:50 Get in front of the camera. You know the rules. Yeah. Get in getting in front of the camera. Hey everybody, it's Samir. May 9th and May 10th, I'm gonna be at Coastal Creative in Florida. You guys got to come to that, please. And then also Optimum Coastal Creative in Florida. Uh St. St. Pete, Florida. St. Petersburg, Florida, I think. Yes. Yeah, that'll be a hoot. And then Optimum Knock at the Creek in the Cave May 6. We have a great lineup. Oh, who's on it? Nate Marshall. Okay. And if you're in Philadelphia on May 6, instead of Austin, Texas, please come to my show at Helium Philadelphia on May 6th, please. Thank you. Um, May 31st, go to [ __ ] de mo, Iowa. May 31st, I'll be at Wells Fargo Arena in De Mo, Iowa. Go to that. May 31st, Iowa.

33:41 This weekend, this very weekend, Cobbs Comedy Club, San Francisco, California. Uh, 51 to 53. Crest Theater, Sacramento, California. Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington, and the Hollywood Improv. Neptune's awesome. Neptune should be sick. You got some really good shows. I know. Final egg for the taping. Those are all great venues. I'm I'm pumped, man. And also, I'll be doing a live taping at the Ontario, California improv coming up. I didn't list it yet, but it'll be It's going to be great, man. I'm excited to see your new hour on tape because Thank you. I can't wait. It's a really good hour. Thank you, bro. And I like it. Appreciate it, bro. Goodbye, everybody. Bye.

34:18 Oh, bro. We're flying. Macchiato's hitting. Dang. I'm a big espresso guy now. Yeah. Sabrina shots of what you Sabrina Carpenter. Who's Sabrina Carpenter? It's me. Espresso. Dude, I uh you know what I've been thinking about? You see the whole thing now about I I think it's kind of already out the news cycle, but white rappers getting crushed for going country. What? Getting crushed for like people who were white rappers that now are doing country. Oh, like post. Yeah. Well, there's a couple others. It's not just him. Well, it's like there's Machine Gun Kelly, not country specifically, but him going to pop music, blah blah blah. They tried to get uh post. They're saying stuff about post. They always try to trash post. But it's also like Beyonce's doing the man.

35:02 He's [ __ ] beast. Beyonce Beyonce is doing country. Yeah. Which is fine. I don't care. But it's like why you why you attacking my [ __ ] But people invented country. True. She can do facts. FX facts. They definitely she coming. She's coming. They invented the cowboy hat, too. And being a cowboy and they invented all of it. I think I think nobody should care about any of it. Yeah. Hey, agreed. That's what I'm saying. Wait, is that the point everybody's been trying to make? Yeah, that's definitely god dang music. It's goddang music. And it's also like, dude, I'm all about the bag, dude. Harlo for that. See, but what he do? Harlo sang a song at the in like with an orchestra or something like that. Yeah. And he's still rapping. Yeah, but he's fully rapping. He's not even changing genres.

35:45 He's still rapping. You just did it at an event. Somebody filmed it and they were like, "Hate to see white people use our culture to advance themselves and then abandon us." It's like my thing is like, "Okay, what about the bag, dude? It's the bag. You got to respect somebody getting the bag." The bag. That's what I'm saying. I'm all the bag. That was Dude, Jim Jones had the best take on the whole um whatchamacallit, Drake suing UMG. Yeah. They're like the only thing is bad for hiphop and Jim Jones is on someone's podcast and he was like, "Bro, he's getting the bag. I was like, "Yeah, I'm I'm kind of with that."

36:17 Kevin Iso hit me with that because I I've always complained about tweets and yeah, opinions. He's like, "You're on black Twitter." He's like He also loves that I'm on Black Twitter. Funny. I'm on Black Twitter and it works. You might have wrote that article. The route. Maybe I did. Uh, but it works getting you fired up. No, it works. And then I realized, you know, it's not the it's not a unique thought. we've talked about before, but everybody's algorithm like it's like if I was a black person and saw white Twitter, I'd be like, "God damn, these honkies are [ __ ] racist, bro. I'm on white Twitter, bro. I think I got white Twitter because of like everybody I know." And that's what it'll do to you.

36:59 It'll be like, "Oh, yeah. This it'll just show you the worst things." I think my algorithm doesn't know though. It shows me black like the [ __ ] that it would show white people to get y'all fired up, but it also shows me the [ __ ] that gets us fired up so I can kind of exist. Nice middle ground. I got both. I get both. It's that kind of keeps you sane. I think I get it helps. My ex is for real like I open it and it's like holy [ __ ] Yeah. It's like can we all agree that they're just not good? And I'm like yo fine I'll say it. They they do it. It's all those guys like I'm just going to say this. Nobody's said it in the last 5 seconds. I'll say it. It's got to be a business model thing. It's just a business model thing though. It's like Yeah. You get It's the algorithm.

37:42 Yeah. It's designed to make you angry. It's [ __ ] wild, man. Adam Curtis hit that. [ __ ] me up. Yeah. And he's got We got to get a new Adam Curtis doc. We do, man. It's been a while. I keep looking for him. Well, that [ __ ] about how they they claim that they can literally watch your like micro expressions as you read stuff and they'll go, "Yep." And they'll keep feeding you [ __ ] like that. Go just is that what they say of the things watching your like your camera is watching. I read a thing years ago and they said they're watching your face through your camera and engaging like your how long you're staying on a thing.

38:16 All that stuff. Got it. If you got the wearables, they can literally track your biometrics and be like, "It's working on them." Yeah. It's not working on me, dude. Why do they keep sending it to me? How the [ __ ] do they keep sending me these? I'm just clutching my pearls and going, "Yeah, true. Every time I see the hot laser, get the [ __ ] off my page." And they know Yeah. They notice too cuz it go it's like scroll. Yep. Back up for a second. Down. Oh, down. Yep. Back up. I hate how well it knows exactly the kind of lady you want to see, too. It's not just It's like generic hot lady.

38:44 It's like he likes hot ladies. It's like I could have got your algorithm without ever even knowing you. It's just ladies about to be fick. It's my whole I and I can't stop. I wonder if I could have got messes. Yeah. Mezys is just like a lady going Yeah. Hot hot Asian. Yeah. Oh, wait. Like for babe of the week or uh your album? No. I mean just guessing a guy's what his Yeah. lady. His lady's hot is yours is cosplay. Yeah. It's white ladies pretend to be Japanese. Yeah. So a black lady dressed as a anime character kind of did it for I wouldn't have guessed yours.

39:26 Just so you know. I'd never would have knocked out yours. I I cast a wide net. Yeah. Yeah. I I have rule of thumb. I feel like if you're with I feel like if you're with a babe and she gets she can gain weight, but the freak has to increase with the weight. So the bigger they get, the bigger of a freak they have to become. That's my rule of thumb. That's totally fair. You can get as big as you want, but like you're talking about you're talking about big wife. Yeah. Yeah. The bigger you get. True pig wife. Exactly. Yes. For every pound for every 10, let's say every 10 pounds got to be a new thing you unlock that you do. Pig wife sounds kind of nice. I'm not going to Who would deny it? A pretty pig wife.

40:11 Like a BBW. It doesn't matter. Whatever you get, bro. Whatever you get. There were guys. Yeah, there were some pig moms. Yeah. That you would see growing up and you go, "God damn, that guy's got pig mom. I bet she's a You got to dial up the freak." I p I'm not trying to be a dick. That is just my rule of thumb. People can do whatever they want. You are free to gain as much as you please every 10 20 pounds. There better be like a like an RPG. You got to unlock a new thing. Oh yeah. Every just like Well, you better get to the gym otherwise something real bad happens.

40:44 Something I don't even want to do happens. I'm doing it for us. But that would be I mean imagine that if for every 20 lbs it's just like a new act where you're like whoa damn I'd be a how I got to get to the gym right now I'm a freak boy. True man. You just be at the at one point be like I just got to hit a Diddy party bro. I have not been going to the gym. I just got to go deep now. I'd be willing to see what my There's got to be like a like, you know, like the X and Y axis. Yeah. I wonder what like where my where you would tap out at as far as the size the size of the big weight goes up the X you go further out the X axis. I mean, you might get to the point where you got like a lady you got to, you know, put in a flat brat. I mean, it might get to the point where you got to take out a wall to get her out of the house. If you have a giant blob pig wife. Yeah. And you can just anything you want. You go in there.

41:50 Yeah. That's the crane. The crane comes in. You're just like, "No, they rip your seal off." No. No. You can't take my blob. Hold on. Let me get her back in his rabbit hutch. Blob wife. Pure blob. Pure job of the hut. Job of the se job of the [ __ ] dude. Job of the [ __ ] You'd be in a metal bikini standing next to her going, "She just kept eating. Now I'm a [ __ ] freak." You'd be You'd be like Han Solo on the edge of that [ __ ] ring. You get sucked into the ring like, "No, you get a blob wife." There are dudes obviously with blob wives. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I love the the thousand lb sisters or whatever that [ __ ] is. TLC keeps trottting out blobs. So tight. So sick.

42:38 It would be I mean again it's like you just have to use your imagination but you could probably go pretty it'd be pretty wild. Yeah. You could [ __ ] every part of her. Yeah. Like you [ __ ] her arm. Yeah. And then you would start with you I've talked about feeders and gainers. You know what feeders and gainers are Nate? No. A feeder and a gainer. It's a gain. Feeders and gators. It's a fetish. I I like talked about this to someone recently like assuming he knew what I was talking about. He's like, "What the [ __ ] What dude?" Like a bit of a feeder, aren't you? So a feeder is when you So the thing So if you're a gainer, you're just someone who's your significant other. Yeah. You're just going to feed them. Your fetish is getting people fat. Yeah. And their fetish is becoming your little fat blob.

43:15 And you can just get into that whole thing where it's like you want to be like, "Yeah, eat up, babe." I wish I could dabble in over there. Lemise, are you sleepy? Yeah, I'm a little sleepy. He's groggy, bro. Why are you so groggy? Turns out I was Yeah, I was having a hoot last night. Oh, the live show was last night. Yeah. So, you're with the babes? Yeah, I was with every I was with the bros and the babes. Bitm babe crew. Yeah, had a long one, you know, tied it on. You got What do you think about getting a um something of a mascot for PITM? Maybe a blob. You guys could get a blob. I would love to have a fat lady just hang around the pod, chime in with her opinions. Yeah, man. I think it has to be fair Abraham, honestly. But you got a blob. Is she willing to gain for you guys for the right price? I bet she would gain I think said the funniest thing with the pop. She said she said she said I was

44:10 playing Bitcoin and I think about it like every day. What do you mean? Yeah. She's talking about buying and selling Bitcoin. She thought she said I was playing Bitcoin. What's I don't understand. And like she's saying like he was just that's how she was. I think what the joke is that she has such a lack of understanding of what Bitcoin is that she thinks it's a online game. She was like I was playing like it's Minecraft or something. That's what I thought. But I wanted to make sure it's made me laugh every day since.

44:42 Did you guys confront her on the poop video? No. People are pretty upset about it. I didn't Yeah, I didn't get to that part. Can't bring up the poop vid. Not even a conf confrontation. It's like exploration. We we were we were beating around the I heard you beating around the bush a little. How did you beat cake farts get brought up? What? They were bringing up like Have you ever done cake farts? That's so It is funny when you get someone on you're like I'm bringing it up and the whole time you're like we we only stood stood 10 toes I think one time. It was the non import p import import p import p import p import p importantorn thing. No she was cuz she was trying to say she doesn't we are big on if you charge for your only fans but don't show tits. Yeah. Not okay. and she was, you know, talking about she doesn't show tits on her main thing and we didn't we didn't let it slide. Was pretty proud of that. What's what's the

45:28 beyond the main thing? Uh like your main Pretty tough of you for three men in a room to confront. You don't know how that's pretty awesome you guys did that. It wasn't as it sounded. She laughed. So it's like there's another level you you can unlock for that. Uh for what? For tits. Uh you said the main thing. Yeah. She was saying hers was like giving all this free plugs. She was saying hers was free and she charges for extra stuff which is fine. I think if but if you charge at all because of the gatekeepers, you know what? I like it. Somebody's going to keep the law around there.

46:07 See some titties. Wouldn't this be a great gift? We were saying this on the podcast. Wouldn't this be a great gift if your lady just was like, I put a $100 on your Only Fans account. Have a blast. No. No. No. I'm not in a poly relationship. That's not poly. You think porn is circling the drain. That's Well, I think it's keeping you locked in the non to not stepping out. You think it is? I think it's slightly freak [ __ ] I think I'd be very happy if my lady Now, if my blob were to approach it, you know, how much does my wife weigh at this point?

46:40 If she's a blob, then by all means, yes. I I would love to dabble in multiple types of like love like like blob love. Uh, what Kanye's got going on, love? Uh, just like pure exhibitionism. Yeah, pure exhibitionism. Like super like What about if you What about if you exhibit the blob? Wait, what if what? Exhibit the blob. I would charge charge people to come out. I'm saying no, I'm saying you're the blob. Just get a P get a PR company just to take pictures of your scanny clad blob and publish. You would probably make $100,000 a year.

47:14 Just have the fattest lady on only fans. People are going to for sure you're going to get Yeah. You know 100,000 was shooting low. Yeah. Now we're talking Now we're talking pamping. Yeah. Now we're talking we're pimping the blob. You going to get that [ __ ] pimping the blob. You're going to get that dragon chain back out. You going to be back the dragon chain. You can be pimping a blob. We once we start pimping the blob. We all hit piercings pagod and get like the $132 silver chains. That would be so sick. We could get our hands on a blob around here.

47:47 They're out there. You can find a blob. We got to get a Dumbo drop though, bro. I don't feel like growing my blob. Yeah, you don't. Yeah, I I don't have the patience to grow. We have the patience or I mean that Yeah, we should we could air drop a blob in here. Have a blob dropped off by We get a blob out in the La Mer room. True. Yeah. And that's got a good glass. We could charge people to go look at it. Yeah, but then you need the ranch hand back. You need the ranch hand. The ranch hand would be tending to the blob.

48:21 But I know what you would do, you little devil. True. You would take I'd catch you snacking on the blob. This whole operation would fall apart. It' be nothing but infighting. Like, dude, I saw you with the blob. What the [ __ ] A lot of infighting. People would be sneaking out to the blob. A lot of trips to the blob. I had a guy hit me up recently. He was like, "You can buy apparently gorilla food and it's like the same macros for people, but it's like $2 a day." So, oh, you mean for the blobs? No. No. I'm saying I I would never feed I would feed the blob. The blob is [ __ ] queen, dude. That'd be Uber Eats.

48:54 Feeding the blob gorilla food would be [ __ ] If you fell on hard times, we'd have no other choice than to feed our We'd have to feed Keeper Sati. Yeah, you can buy apparently like primate food and it's like the same macros and it's like human grade. It's like $3. Some guy was like, "You think I should do this?" I was like, "I don't know, dude." Yes. I was like, "If you want." He's like, "It's so cheap." This is true. It'd be pretty [ __ ] sick just crushing gorilla feed. It's probably terrible. Oh, it's got to be so bad. And they're Yeah. But there's not even any good tasty trees in there. They're vegetarian. Yeah. You might as well do the McDonald's omnivore. Did you ever see those guys? Yeah, true. Omniv No, they're Aren't they Oh, yeah. They're No, I think gorillas are herbivores.

49:34 Yeah. What the [ __ ] Those macros must be [ __ ] I think with animals though, you toss [ __ ] anything in there. Yeah, true. Beef them up. Yeah, that'd be nice to Yeah, you could feed any Has anyone put a gorilla on steroids before? [ __ ] That would be sick. That's We need another pool house for our juiced up juiced up silver gorilla. And now we get to the darker corners of the internet. Push comes to shove. Now we take Only Fans by storm. Brother, I'm I'm right there with you. Somebody forgets to lock the You know, you teach it sign language. It's just going, "Take me to the blob. Take me to the blob." It would need the blob. It'd be like Pete the dolphin. It would The blob would fly away. He would kill himself.

50:25 One day they would come take your blob. Once a lady 600 lb, the government would find out. Once a lady's 600 pounds, the government comes and she just goes the claw and it comes down. Did you ever see Toy Story? The claw. It would be if the government got wind that we were collecting blobs. It would be It'd be like Waco. They drive a tank through the [ __ ] wall. They come for our blobs. They'd be a big machine like a pizza planet. We would have to start arming ourselves. We'd have to defend the blob at all costs. Oh, you would have for sure have to cuz you know the government can't stand No, we need some grazing land too.

51:05 Just get like little astroturf just lay little Debbies out. I mean, yeah, once we start once once we make money off the first blob. I think we get a couple that be our bottom blob. Yeah, it's our bottom blob. Bottom blob. Get a bottom blob. Get all the other blobs and [ __ ] We got to just take the first blob, flip that into three, four blobs, some fixer uppers. This blob's a little old, but Yeah, Bobs do. They don't last long. No. Unfortunately, our sweet bobs would depart this realm quickly. True. You truck them out.

51:47 You get them. Is what it is. Take them away. Do surgery. Fix the blobs. Clone them. Clone the blobs. You got to be careful. Do you get black YouTubers like that blob's a clone? That bob. The last thing we would want though is black YouTubers finding out that we have a blob, too. It'd be swarm in the house. The bug light. That'd be the bug light for black YouTubers. It turns it turns out your pool house is just like an ancient [ __ ] pyramid thing. Like we need to investigate this. The secrets of the pyramids. Damn it. Just a energy vortex. You hear them coming too, dude. Fetty [ __ ] You got to try to get our blob again.

52:38 Lock down. Lock down. This is not a roof. You just hear that chill like it's not a drill. You see the episode two of Last of Us where they get through the fence there too. They're going to breach. This is one big guy. We'd have to definitely secure that fence. Get some dogs, some spotlights. They just all have miniature [ __ ] Would you help defend the blob or would you side with your black YouTube cohort cohorts? Would you be in cahoots with the black YouTubers just for a taste of the blob yourself? No. You don't want to run a train on the blob with the defend the blob. No, I would. You would defend the blob. Yeah, I know you would. Trains are gross.

53:23 Trains are gross. You're exactly right. True. Unless it's a blob. It's kind of He'd be a railroad. Be real far apart. He'd be a hard-headed railroad bull, dude. You be down there. What the hell? All right. Breaking up the sto. All right. Yeah, we stop talking. Blob talk. No, blob talk's good. I think it's a good rule of thumb. That's all I'm saying. And then if you could take it anywhere you want if you're businessminded obviously like we are. Yeah. Take it anywhere you want. Remember the video I sent you? This this lady just she just had gig like Yeah, dude. I I found this video online and it's a lady with I mean, dude, beyond FS. The most giant boobs. Yeah. Yeah.

54:06 and she it just her husband tapes her going down a uh water slide in one of those little things like the raft and like it's just every turn they're just and it has like a million views and he wrote a disclaimer being like guys this is a family video my wife please don't poke fun of the way she's built it's like dude you knew you knew what you're doing you knew what you were doing statues of her in India those guys got a hold of [ __ ] those videos holy [ __ ] that is the Bob the Shiva This is a village that's like their exclusive deity. They build the water park like she will come.

54:47 She will ride the slide. That'd be that that's that would be pretty tough. I always I always forget about it's nice thinking about how horny you guys are in India. Anywhere where there's a billion again the census could be wrong. By the way, I was on war mode recently. Turns out the census is they like totally botched it. They're saying they overestimated and there's a lot less people. I think so. But I the the the black conspiracy is that there's way more black people than they say. Yeah, that one I kind of believe. I did until I got to [ __ ] Austin. True. Yeah, that's that's just coming from black people that live around black people.

55:20 They go, "What the [ __ ] Everyone's black. Why are they saying this?" Yeah, I guess you're right. You fly across the country and you go, it's been white the entire time. Yeah, this is true. The America is a giant double stuffed Oreo. It is. But what the what the what the coasts don't understand is the blobs are in the middle. Yeah. True. They got up the New Organ Trail. Yeah. You got to find blobs. You got to find the blobs. Minnesota trail. In there. They're in Minnesota. They're everywhere. Yeah. True, man. Yeah. If you get down to Missouri, Iowa, then you head down to the deep south. There's Bobs. There's Bobs chilling. the best honey boo boos.

56:03 Talking Arkansas away. That'd be nice. Here's the thing. It's all funny games till the blob turns on you. Then you got to go. She could turn on you, man. And it's that would be ugly. The no country for old men. Uh you got a cattle. This is all fictitious. This is all fictitious. We would never We would never fatten a woman up. We would never fatten her up for our own pleasure. For our Women will fatten you up, though. They're trying to get the male blob, dude. That's all they do. They love trying to fatten you up. Just so they can shame you. I think it's the biggest fat shamers on the planet. They will fatten you and then shame you. My theory was so that you wouldn't cheat on them.

56:46 They want you fat so no one else wants you, they think. Yeah, that's what I always thought. Well, I I Dude, every for every five I gain though, I got I get freaked out. Why are you making that face? My [ __ ] blob's walking around. My blob just walked behind the camera and we're all sitting here going, "Fucking women, nasty bitches." I'm I'm saying they will feed you. They will blob you up. But you're right, though. Just of course to shame you later. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You need You need to work. It's like you gave me all these [ __ ] treats. You gave me this.

57:16 You gave me the creamy. I would have never bought I' I'd never buy creamy. All of a sudden there's creamy in the house. Yes. So, I'm going to take a [ __ ] scoop and I go, "Oh [ __ ] this is better than I thought it was going to be. I forgot how [ __ ] good creamy is. I'll go stand by the [ __ ] refrigerator to eat a lot more creamy than I thought." Peanut butter ripple, bro. Don't even talk about that, man. Give me some peanut butter. You could block me out, dude. I might be a gainer. You could be a feeder. You might be This might be Gator Feder.

57:49 You got to dial up the freak for me or I will walk, bro. I will [ __ ] walk. I will walk. What do you want? What more do you want, dude? You know about my dream I had, bro. Some Patreon. We'll get podiums, but I'm going to bring in an expert and you debate them. And you have to genuinely debate them. What is it about? Uh, what do you think you're an expert on other than wrestling? Quantum entanglement. Okay, here we go. I'll find I'll find a professor from the University of Texas. Oh, yes. There's a close second WWE in the quantum tangle. Uh, once I've mastered the SummerSlam, I've headed straight into quantum.

58:39 We can find a professor from Texas to come debate you. That would be nice, dude. Ooh, we should get a [ __ ] women's studies be laair debate me about women women's studies verse panties in the mouth debate. That would be nice. But dude, they're not ready for blob theory. They're not ready for the blob theory. They're going to go quantum quantum blob theory. Have you studied blob theory? I mean, if you hit a gender studies major with for every 20 you got to get freakier, they would leave. They would [ __ ] leave. They'd be out, dude. Uh, they do not like that kind of stuff. I would like to find a white race professor.

59:17 That'd be fun. Yeah, that'd be Oh, that'd be good. A white African studies to come in here and teach you guys some things. Do you have Is there Is there any white African studies? There's got to be a couple. Got to be It's got to be so many white ladies. Yeah, true. With hyphenated last names. I got one. Rachel Doaz. Do Yeah. Well, those all we can't have her debate. Yeah. Also, you guys would be That'd be pretty exciting. You would I'm a big fan. You guys would ask hard-hitting questions. You guys be like, "I think you're pretty good at the NAACP."

59:56 You have an only fans. I know that. Uh the icing on the cake. I was a supporter of hers before before that. Yeah. She was just a white lady that love black people too much. Texas racial studies. Yeah. She was getting nasty on the only fans for a while there. Was she getting nasty? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, in like in the nicest way possible. Like she was getting nasty, but it was like beautiful. Yeah. She had been in the gym. She had been a bad girl. Yeah. Dan, that's so nice to just doggy your way out of a like the department of the department of race, ethnicity, gender, and sexual sexuality studies. I like that. It's all one thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Being gay and being black is the same thing. It is weird. Why do you guys get looped in with that all the time?

1:00:40 You guys I need them to stop. It's not that it's a problem. It's just It's just weird. If it was like Irish studies and gay people, I'd be like, "Why are you doing that?" Hold on. It feels like somebody's doing it going, "Got them." Like afterwards, like I don't call them gay. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to hate this. It's going to make them so mad. True. It's kind of BS, man. Yo, come on now. Give me the find. There's no honks. I can't I can't find the directory for the uh Oh, we could bring in Italian studies. That would be nice. Oh, that's definitely just language. God damn it.

1:01:18 Yeah, true. Yeah, I was thinking it's right above Jewish studies in the listing here. Is Jewish studies is that the same thing as Jewish studies, Italian studies, gay guys, and probably it's just Yeah, black studies. That's kind of Did do uh remember when like universities started doing Ebonics? Do we They don't do that anymore, do they? Was that a thing for real? I swear to God, I think that was like maybe one or two places did that. Ah, I like it. I might go back and major in it. Yeah, like that's fat. That class would be so funny to sit in.

1:01:55 Cap. Yeah, call him Cap would be so nice. Yo, teach. Just trying to figure out when to say type [ __ ] Like I don't exactly know how to put it into a conversation. Type [ __ ] is so nice. They should study Bonics. That'd be sick. That would be tight, man. I I think that was like a thing. The origin. It's still a thing. I guess if you do linguistics, maybe it's just like a because I remember just back in the day you'd hear about it. I didn't know anything about like I didn't know the specifics, but I remember they like busted that out on colleges. We're like we got to it could have just been like just linguistics like let's dive into this [ __ ] But I don't know. I don't know a [ __ ] thing. Faculty is the word I was looking for. There you go. I'm an idiot. Like, what the [ __ ] is professors?

1:02:44 Guys nerds. Direct me to your talking nerds. Damn. Everybody here is a madeup name. For real. The faculty directory. What kind? What are we working with? I don't feel like naming these. You don't name. Oh, who's that guy? Are they caucasoids? Some Some are Oh, they call each other. Yeah, there's one for you. What? Caucasoids. That's what I call them. I like that. What is this for? What thing is this? This What's a department? I hate to be a jerk, but it looks like engineering. Oh, that's why everyone has made up That's why everyone has made up names.

1:03:26 There's not one There we go. There he is. There he is. There's one guy. Yeah, if it's engineering is going to be Dude, I had I I didn't do engineering school. Every name is [ __ ] gibberish. That guy guy's last name is kind of funny though. Yeah, it is. What the [ __ ] Yeah, engineering, dude. Drexel was in engineering school and like I had teachers I like couldn't understand just for like math classes. That's coming over here to battle us. Yo, that's a final boss. Laamese, can you handle You're done for. Get an engineering professor to come debate like critical race theory.

1:04:03 It's like um uh I don't I don't this isn't my area of expertise, but shut up nerd talk. Do big words. I know about making bridges. Hook it up, Sean. We can get our hands on one of these. I looked up the African American studies faculty and it's a it's there's not really any caucasoids. There's no caucasoids. No, there's one. Uh, looks like a man. I feel you on that. They knocked that off. Like they were like, "Sorry, guys. We'll get you a new job, but you can't do this anymore." Never mind. I got one. Who we got? He looks like Mark Zuckerberg. Oh, bring him in. Let me see that fell. Let me take a good look at that fell. He would probably make me so angry. Wow. Wow.

1:04:49 Excuse me. I swear to God, I thought it was Gardinia. That's why I was like, "Guard dog, you're out of your [ __ ] mind today." Uh, no. is yeah we can't whatever we can't do that we can't release this man's no hide hide shelter that man from hide whatever we have to out of that shield that man or or we could have lame moderate a debate between two professors and then have him summarize everything in between that'd be kind of nice it'd be like gender studies versus astrophysicist and be like go go that's a good debate though that'd be kind of sick astrophysicist verse yeah be like madeup [ __ ] verse madeup [ __ ] Totally unprovable gibberish versus totally unprovable gibberish. Go ahead.

1:05:33 Stuff that stuff that doesn't [ __ ] matter. Go ahead. Uh going back to school for gender studies would be nasty. I did social work. I might as well go all the way back. It's Dude, it's being in a hostile classroom. I kind of genuinely miss it. It's so fun. Yeah. It's good that you were old enough to be able to handle that. I was ba dude before 25 versus Charlie Kirk. I lived it for two years. Yeah. I just didn't know it was like a cool thing on the internet. Should have live streamed the class. I could 25. What is that? When like those like conservative YouTubers will like debate 25 college students at a time. Oh. Oh.

1:06:07 Oh yeah. At the table 25 woke students versus Charlie Cook. Yeah. Yeah. They'll be like I don't like being gay. They're like what? No. Yeah. Right. You just talk fast as [ __ ] dumbass. Be real calm and condescending the entire time. Yeah. Destroy the libs, dude. You get a bunch of nervous college students. All I want to do is destroy libs. Yeah, dude. I'm just going to go. You guys triggered yet? I'd have tape over my mouth the whole time. Like, all right, I guess I'll take this off for this. I think Trump Jr. has a podcast called Triggered. Does he?

1:06:50 Yeah. Hey, are you are you able to listen to it or you ever get I didn't listen to it yet, but I saw an image for it and Yeah. Damn, that's gay. I say that stinks. Yeah, it does. That's uh it's a huge money maker. Huge money maker to deal. I mean, again, respect the bag. You always got to respect somebody getting the bag, but it's tough. Somebody should help. Is the font fire? Whoa. Breaking the blob. Yo, Trump, there's an episode of Triggered uh called Breaking the Blob. Dude, we I thought we were Trump Jr. on Triggered already sat down with Mike Benz and what we need to do to shatter the blob.

1:07:39 They're trying to take our blob. What the [ __ ] They're trying to break the blob. They know it's too powerful. I'm voting Dem this next election. If they're going if they're going to take away my right to blob. It's a blue wave. The bear blob. It's a total blue wave. It's a total blue wave. The Republicans are trying to get your hands off my [ __ ] blob. Bro, the government's coming for your blobs over my dead body. I feel like the blobs have been staunch Republicans for a while. That's another thing that happens. You blob out so hard you do become a fascist.

1:08:08 I Well, I think the soda ban got them pretty hard. Oh, yeah. But also RFK has got to be a real He's a menace to the blobs. Blockbuster. He's a blobbuster. I'm secretly rooting for him so hard, dude. I can't wait till he bans all that [ __ ] in our food. Yeah. Didn't he b like dyes and [ __ ] Did he ban like Yeah. There's just like 70 things illegal to put in foods in Europe that we eat. Yeah. No, I'm all for getting that getting rid of that [ __ ] That that [ __ ] confuses me sometimes that we're not spazzing about it, you know? Yeah.

1:08:42 But it's very funny when a guy in Trump's cabinet does it. So then everyone's like, "No." Yeah. We need those dyes. I know. Yeah. It was like, "Do you want your gummy worms to be gray?" Kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Who cares? Root beer barrels. Those things are good. The root beer bottle gummies. Those [ __ ] rule. They better not be [ __ ] dyes. They are. It's all dyes. But you can do it. You can you could easily remove those things. It' be a little more expensive. You could remove that [ __ ] pretty easily. still keep the color and remove it. Yeah, dude. You can use like beet juice powder and all that [ __ ] And I mean, you would you might not be able to have like certain hu you could probably honestly get certain. I used to make gummies and I would use I use natural dyes in my gummies. I had some of those gummies. They were good. They were good. A little too good. RFK would have told you to [ __ ] regulate those

1:09:29 things. RFK would have definitely taken away my my kefi crawlers. Kefi crawlers. Kefi crawlers were Dude, million dollar idea. Kefi crawlers. Kefi crawlers are so nice. I had these bug gummy molds and I would I would toast keef with sugar. So I decarb the keef and then once I got the gummies when they were still sticky I'd roll them in kef. That was you could actually eat cuz it was activated. Those used to [ __ ] crush me, dude. Kefi. I would drive around. Bro, I got destroyed off those [ __ ] things. That I couldn't those. Don't even bring those up. That was I think that was just heroin.

1:10:05 I think that was just fentanyl. They might have had fent. That was pure fentanyl, dude. I was getting BL and it was they were an alcohol tincture, so you were also eating like Everclear. I was just trying to play FIFA and then I'd be What'd you give me, dude? I'm blind. Yeah, those things were sick. Matt was Yeah, I was a [ __ ] You were a feeder back then, dude. I was a feeder. I was just sitting in the living room trying to game and you would come in and go, "Here, eat this." That was also the [ __ ] out of me. You MK' be bad there. Just in the kitchen making [ __ ] I was like I remember I boiled off. I like took grain alcohol, made an extraction, put it in a rice cooker in their backyard and it was just the smell of just like burning alcohol. It's a really harsh smell. And then I thought it was done. So I was like, "All right, I guess all the alcohol is out." I put my face in it to like and I just I don't know

1:10:59 why. I took a big whiff and it like I just inhaled a bunch of alcohol fumes and it [ __ ] felt weird. I bet. Yeah. It was not a good feeling. I kind of panicked for a while. It definitely took me a back. I had like this that [ __ ] had to [ __ ] up. I had this device that I forget the name of it, but it was like a we the Nova decarboxillator. Uh I That thing was sick. I can't remember. I still got it. Or the magic butter machine. It's like a magic butter machine, but it was called something else. But I tried to make uh like tinctures with it and it broke like it broke just making it. I think the fume just broke a hinge on it and then the paint under it was all Yeah. What were you doing making tinctures? Uh it was during this is like 2020. Everything was done and I'm lucky I know about that would have had a slide on you, dude.

1:11:42 Yeah, I was all the way in Jersey. I wasn't even you I wasn't in your territory. I wasn't bringing it down there. You trying to [ __ ] with Mount Vernon? Mount Vernon mafia, bro. I would I would had to snatch the dragon chain, bro. We would have snatched your chain. No problem. No, the dragon chain version would be menace. We would have sent that was that was We would have sent our top hitters, dude. We would have sent wood and bees. Yeah, true. You would have been dead, dude. Our top hitters. Our [ __ ] our capas.

1:12:16 I would we would we would have sexually blackmailed you with barn dog. The barn dog. Barnard dog's legend. Barn would have got you. No dog would have never got me. That the one hitter I took out for sure. Definitely. You could have got the barn dog, but then got the bar. I have saw three of them. Never got to the bees. No. No. You could compromise the bees though. True. He can join your side pretty easily. Like bees. Bees is down. Wild card. Woodman's a wild card. He could have got it. Yeah. We just sent him to your house. He would have killed you.

1:12:59 Nah, he wouldn't have made it. That would have been Game of Thrones. It would have killed the wrong guy. He would have like smashed the baby. What did you do? Well, that was House of Dragons, I think. dude, dude. I used to eat the It was like I had the bug mold, the butterfly was like the smallest. Then there was the spiders. Then I had these centipedes that I I did the math. They had to have been at least like 120 milligrams. Yeah. And like dude, I I could only I did a spider once and was rocked. And I remember I would eat those like a butterfly and spider in the morning just forget be driving around and just they would hit me and I would be blasting LS Dream. The music I used for the intro for the first special just like trying to cross Lancaster A like I'm never getting across the street. It was crazy. I was like I'll never get across the street. Lancaster AB is a tough place to be high as [ __ ] driving,

1:13:58 bro. It's that sucks, man. I clocked a lot of hours driving up that just like Lancaster AB is [ __ ] chaos, dude. It is absolute [ __ ] chaos. That street is nuts, dude. It's It's also If you ever like walk up and down there, what? Open air. It's open air sex. The hoes are on Lancaster A. That's nice. Lots of hoes. That's nice stuff. Now we're talking. We are talking. Lancaster A. Yeah, you could you could go get the blob, bro. You can secure the blob on like for sure. For sure. God damn, my shorts are so [ __ ] short.

1:14:41 Yeah, my Yeah, we should end the podcast anyway. Where are we at an hour? God damn. I'm about to I'm about to whiz. Yeah, I got to pee big time. That [ __ ] flew, dude. That was That was good stuff. Got the juice flying. Thank you.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)"?

Matt McCusker (Host), Shane Gillis (Host), Nate Marshall (Guest).

What is "Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)" about?

The conversation centers around the hosts' humorous and candid reflections on their sleep habits, nighttime routines, and the challenges of waking up early as they get older. The dialogue touches on personal anecdotes, including dealing with hangovers, the comfort of favorite shoes, and playful banter about everyday life and famous personalities like Jack Black.

What is mentioned in this Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Kanye West, 50 Cent, Drexel, Westchester, Jim Jones, Jack Black. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)"?

The episode runs 1 h 15 min; the transcript is about 15,290 words in 111 timestamped sections.

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