Transcript

Ep 585 - Son of a Governor

From Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 7 min · 14,886 words · 517 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Ep 585 - Son of a Governor", an episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast published November 13, 2025 (1 h 7 min, about 14,886 words). It mentions 10 people, works and ideas, including Positive Sean, Pey Blinders, Prize Pick, Better Help, Aura Frames.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Tony Soprano, Zip Recruiter
  2. – 20:00: Aura Frames
  3. – 40:00: Better Help, Prize Pick, Pey Blinders
  4. – 50:00: Pey Blinders
  5. – 1:06:58: Kate Scott

Notable quotes from "Ep 585 - Son of a Governor"

  • I, could, get, a, Tony, Soprano., I, could, go slick back.
    about Tony Soprano · at
  • I, think, he, went, to, zip, recruiter.
    about Zip Recruiter · at
  • This, episode, is, brought, to, you, by, Aura Frames.
    about Aura Frames · at
  • This, episode, is, brought, to, you, by, Prize Picks.
    about Prize Pick · at
  • It's, good, to, be, right., This, is, an, ad, by BetterHelp. Things always seem to get frantic and overwhelming as the end of the year approaches, and the shorter colder…
    about Better Help · at
  • I tried to watch Pey Blinders again.
    about Pey Blinders · at
  • Oh,, no., Mary, don't, don't, talk, about, Kate, Scott, like that.
    about Kate Scott · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

Products & tech

Concepts & topics

Full transcript with timestamps

Wow. Wow. Wes. Yes. Hello. Hey., What's, up,, dude? Nothing, dude., Can, we, all, make, an, agreement, just to like grow all of our hair together?

Damn., I, look, [ __ ], crazy. You, look, so, sick,, dude., If, you, went, full If you want like Val Kilmer

it, wouldn't, be, valid., I'm, bald, up, front, dude. I, could, get, a, Tony, Soprano., I, could, go slick back.

I, go, bald, slick, back. That, would, be, nice. When, I, get, out, of, the, shower,, I, do, it.

Yeah,, you, slick, it, up. I, go,, whoa,, this, doesn't, look, so, bad. Yeah, I'm telling you a slick back is

Rosetti., It, looks, good. People, would, like, it. Yeah,, like, a, one, of, those, dressy, kind, of

But, then, I'm, naked, and, I, see, my, penis and I go I'll never be Tony. I'm always going to be AJ with this [ __ ] god, damn, it., I'm, always, going to, be, a tiny penis man. I think I guess Tony definitely had to be

Tony, had, a, hog,, dude. Yeah,, true. That'd, be, funny, if, that, was, like, the real thing the the real finale of the whole season for the whole thing. He goes in the back

got, passed, at, the, diner. Oh,, Tony,, what, the, hell? Tony,, you, had, a, penis, this, whole, time.

You, got, a, dick, like, an, Irish, man. You're, not, the, boss, anymore. He, just, goes, takes, a, pee, and, looks, at his pants and just shows.

And, the, screen, goes, black. Don't, stop. Yeah. No, way., Tony's, got, a, fat, [ __ ], dick.

Yeah,, Tony, had, a, fat, hog., You, could tell. Yeah,, for, sure. You, can, tell.

He's, the, boss. He's, the, boss., Obviously,, you, have a, fat dong. He's obviously the boss. Tall guys naturally the boss. I was researching that this week. That's

sick, dude., Tall, guys, make, more, than, short guys. Like $150,000 more over a 30-year period average. They just get paid more money.

Sick. You, just, see, a, tall, guy,, you, go,, "Yeah, you're the boss." There's something inside of all of us that go, "Tall guys get paid the most."

Yeah., That's, why, they, got, George Washington. Yeah. He, couldn't, He, didn't, even, speak., And they were like "Dude, you're the president."

Yeah,, man. He, didn't, talk, at, the, [ __ ], first Continental Congress. No,, he's, just, tall, as, hell., They, were just like, "Dude, you got to be." He did wear his military uniform, so everyone was like

"Yeah,, that's, kind, of, boss." Everyone, else, is, dressed, like, Quaker Oats guy.

Oh, kind, of, gay. High socks and [ __ ] He, rolled, up., What's, up,, man? Full, military.

What?, What?, He, just, been, involved, in before that. He, was, in, the, French, ind.

French., I, thought, I, thought, it, was, some French stuff. And, then, he, was, trying, to, become, uh, a British officer. He just kept getting passed up cuz he was an American.

What? And, he, like, slowly, started Oh,, he, was, like, an, OG, American. Yeah., and, he, slowly, started, to, resent, to them going like damn dude

who, why, we, never, hear, about discriminating why, you, never, hear, about, his, parents, you never hear about George Washington's daddy or mommy

that's, true you, know, what, I'm, saying, here, I, know Martha I, think, they, g, I, think, he, was, the, heir to Mount Vernon I could be wrong

I, had, never, heard, about, his, parents, man so they must have been British and, he, was, one, of, yeah, he, was, like, the original American the ultimate patriot

I, think, he, was, born, in, Virginia what Augustine, Washington, Yeah,, because, I know his family.

Wait,, his, dad, might, have, been, born, in Virginia. What? Damn., His, dad, got

Wow. His, dad, was, born, in, 1694, in, Virginia. Whoa. Damn. That's, crazy. Washington, rules.

Cuz, I, feel, like, the, like, that's, getting close to the point where they just like in the very beginning they just threw a bunch of criminals here.

Yeah. We're, like,, "Yo,, we'll, [ __ ], figure, it out." So, his, daddy, was, either, the, governor,

the, son, of, the, governor., He's, he, he might have been the son of a governor.

Son, of, a, governor., Cuz, it'd, be, like, one governor. You would come here in like the 1600s and you you'd be the governor and your all your whole town would be shitty criminals.

Yeah., It'd, be, a, bunch, of, wooden, pikes. Like you had the one house and everyone was in mud dying. Yeah. We need more [ __ ] poor guys from England.

Yeah., Really?, They, sent, them prostitutes. Just, a, planter, and, merchant. Whoa. Okay.

Planter, is, a, nice, way, to, say, it. A, planter., Yeah, that was just a lowly planter.

Well,, that's, good, stuff. I, wonder, if, he, had, any, help, cuz, I, know the Washington help.

I, think, he, went, to, zip, recruiter. The powerful, technology, made, them, excellent.

I, think, he, went, to, ziprecruiter.com and found some matches across the pond.

Damn., Well,, again,, aside, from, that, shout out George Washington for leading, this, country, to, independence. Shame on him for what he did elsewise you know, having his slaves. I [ __ ]

whatever. I, would, have, went, back, in, time., But, if you had gone back in time

honestly, whatever dude. I, guess, no, one's, ever, asked, the question, you guys don't have to answer this, but no one's ever asked anyone, if you had a time machine, would you go back in time and stop slavery or would you stop Hitler? It's a tough choice.

You, would, do, both. How so? A, one, time, use, time, machine, is, crazy. What, the, hell?, What, do, you

have, a, one, time?, The, technology, doesn't even use, dude. It's, one, time, use., You, got, to, have, throw throwway.

Throw, away, time, machine., Find, another one. Multiple, time, machine. No,, there's, just, no, way, back, out., You got to stay back at whatever time it is.

What, am, I, doing? I, How, the, [ __ ], do, you, stop, slavery? I, guess, you, have, to, go, to, the, dawn, of time.

Yeah,, it, started, at, like Yeah. Okay., The, beginning. You, can, stop, it, in, America, or, stop Hitler. I don't know.

I, know, it's, tough., No, one, wants, to answer that question on record. It's kind of, you know, no one, you're not going to make any friends.

The, worst, part, I'm, think, Yeah., I, think we know the, the, worst, part, to, answer, though, is like say you say slavery, right? And then uh but then you think about like well, will America exist?

Oh, god., Yes., Obviously., Yes. Is, it, Is, it Yes., Obviously, yes. No,, you're, saying, it, like, it's, just, you think it's that simple.

Would, we, exist? We, would, exist. Hey, Matt. This place we'd have we'd we'd have more time machines. This place we this place we'd be we'd have flying cars,

guys., Forget, to, ask, this, question., It's a, bad, question., All right. We'd, be, living, on, Mars, by, now,, dude.

That's, a, great, question., Free, that, was free labor. It was helping us grow economywise.

Economywise. I'm, putting, the, mic, down. No,, no,, no,, no,, no., I, need You'll, never, know., Nate, will, never, know me wise. I need your know

I, feel, like, an, idiot, for, asking., All right. A, great, question. We'll, never, know,, guys., We'll, never, ever know.

Yeah. You, know,, it, happened., All right. It, happened. A, lot, of, bad, stuff, happened., All, right. Let's just look, let's just have fun. Let's Let's go on to more light-hearted topics.

Let's, forget, about, Oh,, no., We, never don't forget about Never, forget, about, Let's conversationally, let's move past this subject.

Yeah. You're right. Yeah., The, classic, which, one's, worse. Yeah, that's good. Good start to the day.

Not, which, one's, worse,, which, is, your personal preference. Everyone has personal preference.

Oh,, you're, saying, which, one, do, you prefer? So, you're saying you have to stop one. You don't want to stop either. You have to stop.

What, would, you, be, better, suited, to, stop? You might be like, you might put me in a time machine to stop the Nazis and I might be like, I don't I don't speak this language. I don't know what they're talking about. I can't tell who's who. You know, I was I would like to make myself the most useful as well.

I, think, Yeah. Now, if you're putting it that way, yes I think I could go back to the the beginning of America.

Yeah. And, just, run, [ __ ] Exactly. But, if, I, went, to, Nazi, Germany,, they'd, be like,

"Get, them, out, of, here." Yeah., I'm, going, to, I'm, telling, the difference between German Jews and Germans. I'm going, I don't know who the hell

like, this, Phillies, jersey., If, I, was wearing this way back, they'd be like "Wow, holy [ __ ] How'd he get blue?"

True., If, I, wore, this, in, Nazi, Germany, they'd go, "Get him out of here." Yeah,

I, might., Yeah, I'd, be, I, might, be, one, of the, bros. Well,, you'd, have, to, put, on, that, suit, you showed me before we did the podcast.

What? You, have, to, put, on, all, your My, memorabilia. I, don't, have, any, memorabilia.

Remember, that, military, shirt, dude?, People, will, believe, that., 100% people will believe that. Did I tell you after the show in Florida someone handed me, a, penny, and, they, I, didn't, know what they said. They said it has the and they like heart or something. I'm going what? I He leaves and I flip it around a [ __ ] swastik.

Oh, [ __ ], You, gave, you, a, swastika, penny? Swastik, a, penny., I, gave, it, to, my, wife., I said here babe here's a swast stick a penny.

What, the, [ __ ] I, just, did, Florida., Here's, a, swast, stick a penny now., Ah,, never, mind., I, was

so, I'm, projecting, cuz, I, have I, was, going, to, be, real, anti-semitic. That's, a, nasty, prank., I, would, like, to, ap No, I

All right., This, is I, would, like, to, apologize. You, did, this., You, did, this.

We, can, start, over., I, can't, stop. We, can, start, over., I, like, to, apologize cuz I was projecting on you cuz I have You have memorabilia.

People, got, really, upset, when, I, said, I wanted to buy a Hitler autograph. I don't [ __ ] see. I really don't see the problem.

When, did, you, say, that? I, said, it, like, 10, times., I, said, it, on here. I said it on Rogan.

Hitler, autograph., That's, a, [ __ ] Historically,, it's, a, sick, That's, what, I mean. Yeah, dude. Don't That's crazy. People are just jealous of your Hitler autograph.

I'd, get, a, autograph., I'd, get, a Yeah,, that's, that's, actually, pretty cool.

Yeah, that, and, that's, crazy, to, conflate, the two things being like I, have, OJ, Simpson, [ __ ], No, one, gives, a [ __ ] I know that was just one lady allegedly.

Yeah. I, don't, know., You, can, get, a, bad, guy's autograph. I, think, so., I, think

you, don't, [ __ ], say, I, like, this. Exactly. You, go,, but, look, at, this., This, is, crazy.

You, put, in, your, basement., Yeah. Nothing, else, in, your, basement. It's, just, a, spotlight, on, a, [ __ ]

anytime, I, have, a, first, date,, I, go,, I want to show you something. Take her down to the basement. Go, what do you think that autograph reads? The lasered grid of security. Try to read that.

Oh, boy., Well,, look,, that's, all, my, fault. I apologize for this topic. It was It was a terrible way to start.

This, episode, is, brought, to, you, by, Aura Frames. Mhm. The, part, the, best, part, of, the, holidays, aside from the great fooding, the gifts because be honest, we all love a good gift.

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I, love I, love, spending, time, with, you. And, I, want, this, our, time, together, to, be so special.

True,, dude., Holiday, season., I, make, you feel special dude., Around, the, holidays,, I

frame. I, sent, Matt, an, aura, frame, stocked, with photos of he and I. That's, awesome.

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I'd, like, to, come, alive. I, would, love, that. You, can, add, as, many, photos, or, short videos as you want. All you need is the R app and a Wi-Fi connection. Dang.

So,, as, you, keep, making, memories,, you, can add to the frame. You, know, what, I'd, add?

What's, that? This, memory, right, now. A, picture, of, this. Yeah., Of, us, doing, an, ad, read., Take, a picture and put it up there.

Go., Yeah. It'll, just, be, just, a, drop, in, the, sea, of many memories that we have.

Yes., The, high, resolution, photos., You know what makes me the most hard is the high resolution photos look like real prints

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Terms, and, conditions, apply., I, don't think you got out of that. Yeah,, that, happens.

How, was, the, How, was, SNL? Oh,, it, was, sick., We, haven't, done, Yeah. [ __ ]

Yeah, I, was, going, around,, dude., I, had, to travel a lot. Kind of sucked. Mhm., I'd, go, New, York, to, LA

to, San, Francisco, to, Sacramento. Yeah. Dang,, that's, [ __ ], coast, to, coast.

There's, no, [ __ ], rule., Especially, cuz all I had to do was the opening. Yeah,, it

was, great. All, the, fun. Yeah, that's, pretty, cool. Also,, they, write, all, the, jokes.

Yeah, I, was, delighted, to, see, the, Rob, Zombie reference. I, got, a, Rob, Zombie, in, there., Did, you really? Yeah, it was nice.

Which, one? Called, him, Zaltan, Rob, Zombie. Yes,, I, saw., Okay., Uh, I, don't, know, why, I, was, singing, Dragula for some reason

but, no,, it, was, uh, it, was, sick., I, just had the game seven of the World Series on in my green room.

I, did, so, stress, free, when, all, you, have to do is one. Well, actually, hold on. I take that back cuz the rehearsal my hands are on this podium and it anytime I let go, I just did Trump. My hands every single time I let go, I was

talking, like, I, couldn't, stop., So, then, I had to just hold the podium like as hard as I could and it I don't know why but my hands were the sweatiest.

That, makes, sense. They've, ever, like, drip., My, hands, were dripping sweat. No, dude.

I've, never, experienced, anything, like that. I, I, had, it, when, I, was, flying, home., I, was carrying a single coin in my hand through

But, no,, that, would, [ __ ], you, up., Yeah, that coin was uh right clutching something on your hand.

I, was, clutching, a, coin, tightly. But, no,, that, if, you, hold, Yeah., If, you're like

It, was, a, plastic., It, was, plastic., So,, it was just like forget it. So, sweaty.

And, uh yeah,, it, was, it's, it, is, still, extremely nerve-wracking. Oh,, man.

Doing, SNL, is, And, it's, over., Like, I, was next to Ramy and and Miles Teller and they were just

chilling. This, is, cool., And, I, was, like,, "Yeah, man. I'm fine. Oh, [ __ ]

At, least, you, didn't, have, to, do, it, the whole time. You did the one then it was over. You had to do that one thing." That's that was like

But, we, did, have, I, was, going, to, be, in, a sketch at the end and it got cut last second and I was

very, happy. Yeah. Yeah. Like, all, right,, I'm, done. And, then, I, got, to, Yeah., just, watch, game seven of the World Series. It was a good time.

Yeah. I, had, uh, Ron, and, Sass, with, me. Nice. Fance., F, dance, lingered. Impressive lingering from fight dance. He asked me to go and I was like "Yeah." Which I didn't want to ask for tickets

for, sure. So, I, I, had, to, ask, for, tickets, just, for fights and then he went to the rehearsal and then just sat in my green room for the real show and then for the afterparty.

Classic., It, was, a, good, linger. That's, good, actually., Yeah., He, dug, down.

I, said,, "Do, you, have, to?" Man,, then, I, feel, bad., I'd, be, like, "Finance, get the [ __ ] out of here." Cuz the it's a real small green room. Like five people in there. It was like 85 degrees in there. I'm like sweating like get the [ __ ] out of here. And he'd be like "Do you really want me to leave?" I like "Well, no." Now I feel bad. No.

Yeah., This, is, admirable, to, dig, in, that long. Dig in. He, can, He, can, [ __ ], dig, in.

Yeah,, man., That's, awesome. Yeah., He's, just, like, "I, want, to, be here." Yeah.

There's, nothing, you, can, do. As, soon, as, somebody, even, looks, at, me, I'm like, I'm out, man. I'm [ __ ] gone. I can't handle it.

Uh,, but, yeah,, SNL, ruled. Then,, uh,, San, Francisco, was, sick. Really?, I, like, San, Francisco.

Got, to, goof, off, on, the, By, the, way, they're not kidding. That place is [ __ ]

Yeah,, that, one, area, is That, one, area,, which, is, where, my, hotel was, was [ __ ] up.

You, got, to, stay, at, the, top, of, the, hill. We, did, not., My, assistant, booked, it, cuz she thought it was a funny hotel name.

What, was, it, called? Uh,, it, was, the, Zeppelin., It, was, a, Le Zeppelin themed hotel. It's [ __ ] awesome.

Yeah., I, was, a, little, like,, "What, are, we doing?" Yeah. She, was, like, "I, thought, this, was, a funny name." I was like "You're fired."

No., Uh,, we, had, a, nice, night, at, uh, the the Zeppelin Hotel cuz uh me and me and Tommy and uh James went out and got some drinks after the show and then Tommy

said, he, was, sleepwalking. I, don't, think, so., He, I, think, he, was blacked out.

Caught, some, of, Roseanne's, ambient., He thought it was the bathroom and just walked out his front door of the hotel in his tidy whies. So, he's just in the hallway in his tidy whies, no card. He has to go down to the lobby in his tighties and ask for another key. And I was like, "Dude, you're lucky it was San Francisco. They're probably like, "Yeah this happens."

Yeah,, this, is, pretty, normal. [ __ ], clearly, a, gay, guy. Were, they, blasting, Zep, on, like, in, the, in any of the concert?

No,, they, did, have, records, in, the, room. It was pretty cool. That's, cool., But, uh, I, was, we, we, talked about it after he was like it was so embarrassing. I was like dude at least you're like in shape. Yeah.

If, I, had, to, go, down, to, the, lobby, in, just tidy whiteies. They, would, like, call, the, police.

You, would, had, to, gone, out, to, like, the mission district and just stayed outside already.

Sprint, down, the, street, and, everyone would be like, "All right, he's fine." Indoors in just hides. People would be terrified.

No,, that, sucks., I, would, be, I'd, be mortified. Yeah,, he, handled, it, well., I, think, he, was he was probably hammered when it was happening.

True., So, yeah., [ __ ], That's, crazy. Sacramento, ruled sack, down. Yeah. Yeah., I, Sacramento, is, uh, it's, tough. It's very It looks very much like a GTA video game.

Yeah., Yeah. It's, crazy. Oh,, I, got, to, say, this., It, uh, the Warriors We went down to the Warriors facility and shot around.

Mhm. I, got, you, beat,, Nate., I, think, I, missed, I think I airballed 30 straight threes.

Dang. Do, you, have, the, footage? No,, but, they, do. And, I, was, begging, them., I, was, like,, "You can't." And they were like "Right above the rim there, there's an AI camera that captures everything. It captures your shooting motion

does, all, that.", And, I, was, like,, and, he was like "Yeah, we might show this to the team." And I was like "You can't show anyone."

This, is, the, most, embarrassing. I, missed, air, ball, 30, straight. Dang. It, was, crazy.

Yeah., I, mean, people, were, filming, and, [ __ ], I, was like "Please don't film."

Oh,, that, would, that's, Yeah., No, way. It, took, me, forever, to, work, up, the courage to go shoot cuz there were cameras around

for, sure., Yeah. Finally,, I, had, enough, beers, to, go,, "All right, I'll take a free throw."

Oh,, dude., terrible, bullet, a, free, throw. It was all and I was like, "Please don't put that out. I swear to God. Please please. I'll do anything."

Oh,, yeah., It's, devastating. Yeah. I, mean,, three, with, the, cameras, on, you. That makes sense, man. That would really That would throw me off.

Especially, when, like, James, started making threes. Yeah. Doesn't, even, know, she's, shooting, [ __ ] underhand.

My, assistant, hit, a, three. He, was, shooting, underhand, at, the Warriors. He, doesn't, know, how, to, shoot.

But, underhand, is, Well,, I, can't, talk., I'm gonna shut up. Yeah. Yeah., It, was, all, It, was, very embarrassing.

Dang. Yeah., So,, that, was, a, good, trip. Tommy, was, just, naked, doing, L. Tommy, was, naked.

That's, awesome. Hello,, Laare. Nice, of, you, to, join, us. Why, were, you, late?

I, got, poop, locked., Just you, got, poop., You're stuck, on, the, seat. Sat, down, to, take, a, dump, and, it, didn't

like, didn't, take. Yeah,, it, took, but, it, I, had, to, took another one. just took another one.

See, what, you, had, like, a, bad, messy, ass and you couldn't leave. You knew it was unfinished business.

No,, it, was, I, drank, too, much, whiskey yesterday and had 7-Eleven wings and that's a that's a travesty. Jesus Christ my guts. Yeah

the, mayor, went, nuts, on, a, bottle, of whiskey yesterday. Like why? I'm, We, were, just, hanging, out, drinking, but

he, had, like, a, chalice, cup, and, I, swear cup chalice, cup, will, get, you.

Yeah,, chalice, cup, was, like chalice, cup's, fun. Yeah,, goblet, during, D, and, D., Yeah., did, a goblin of whiskey.

Bring, forth, your, wizard, whiskey. You, guys, still, doing, [ __ ], gay, D, and D?

We, did, it, yesterday., It, was, a, It, was No,, no,, no., I, mean, like, literally

like, gay actually, homosexual. Jabri, was, here, telling, me, all, about, the way these guys play.

They, have, to, like, roll, the, dice, to, see how like what part you finish on the other guys.

This, is, that, happened, one., Andy, did, it one time as a fun bit. It was a fun bit. Bad guy walked in. Andy rolled to to

him, to, death., to, call, him, to, death., That was a long time ago. He didn't know the rules. We take it seriously now. We were on an adventure.

So,, you, black, out., You, blacked, out, on whiskey playing D and D. It, was, kind, of, the, best.

Eat, 7-Eleven, wings, and, then, you're, late to this cuz you taking a bunch of [ __ ]

My, car, got, towed, last, night,, too., It, was a terrible day. Well,, probably, for, the, best.

Yeah. From, the, report,, it, sounds, like, that, was like the best possible outcome.

Where, were, you, at, the, creek?, No,, I, was uh parked at my friend's house in the

Paduc. Yeah,, Patad, Duca's, place, in, the, uh complex and they took it. Dang.

Did, you, get, it, back? Yeah., Yeah. All right., So,, what's, what's, your, party score on right now out of 10? Are you like out a nine out of 10 of the party or like

What, do, you, mean, if, you, had, to, like score your personal party right now? Like how hard your party?

Oh,, I, didn't, party, that, hard., Oh, it's, probably, like, a, three., Four. Was, it a, three?, I, thought, you, drank, a ton of whiskey. Yeah, that was that was that was a nine at least. Bro, we crushed like a case of beer and a bottle of whiskey in like four hours.

Well,, man,, what, would, your, 10, be, if that's your three? What's a 10? There has to be a fire somewhere. Like a fire, an active fire going on. That's a 10.

10. Yeah., Yeah. All, right. [ __ ] whatever. Anyway gives a [ __ ] huh? Well,, that's, good, stuff., All, right,, what else is going on?

Not, much,, man., I, uh, What, the, hell, is going on with me right now? Oh, dude I'm trying to get in the thousand pound club right now.

That's, nice. Thousand,, you, know,, I, never, heard, of the,000 pound. I, had, a, Thousand, Pound, Club, t-shirt, bro.

High, school,, dude., Deadlift, squat, bench. High, school., That, probably, was,000, lb club in high school, too. But I'm trying to do that.

We, We, cheated., We, had, the, [ __ ] I, wasn't We, had, the, uh, We, had, the, hex, bar, for deadlift.

Did, Yeah., Look,, I'm, not, against, the, hex bar. I, It's, You, can, get, way, more.

You, can., Yeah,, that's, true., You, can, get a lot more. But, yeah,, I'm, sure, that's, my, goal, by, my 40th birthday. Th000 lb club.

So,, I'm, at, 750., I'll, I'll, get, it, for sure. I'll get it for sure. Squat's, tough.

Squat. Squat, kind, of, [ __ ], sucks. I, kind, of, like,, dude,, I'll, be, honest with you.

You, do, have, thick, [ __ ], cheeks. You're, probably, good. Thick, cheeks, and, thick, legs., So,, I, I kind of like it, but it my back, man. Like,

yeah. Kind, of, hurts., I, did, like, 265, and, that was like I'll be able to get three plates I think.

That's, nice trip, if, I, do, three, plates., Three, pl three plates. I don't know. I have to do a lot more. Bench is not bench is my weakness. So it's just I'm like a centaur dude. Puny human.

Good, though. Yeah,, it'll, be, fun. It's, exciting, stuff. It, has, been,, man., It's, been, really, uh I'm eating now like I'm in the NFL. I'm eating so much.

Welcome, to, the, club,, dude. Yeah., Welcome., You've, joined, the, boys. I, was, already, eating, pretty, hardily, dude. Now

instead, of, powerlifting,, we're, playing DND and drinking a goblet of whiskey and then going, I need more calories.

I, need, to, bulk, up. I'm, just, worried, my, bulk, doesn't, turn into the Hulk, man.

I, hear, you. I'm, telling, you,, bro., I, might, turn, into the Hulk right now.

You, might, turn, into, the, bulk,, dude. I'd, give, anything, for, you, to, just, just get thick as [ __ ] dude. Pause. Pause. I want you thick.

I, might., I've, never, lift, it, this, heavy, so I I might [ __ ] balloon out. It' be nice.

You're, taking, creatine. Oh,, yeah. Yeah., You're, gonna balloon, out., I'm, taking, I'm, taking creatine. I'm taking my uh

natural, tea, booster., So, I'm, all, indogenous,, dude. [ __ ], yeah. I'm, all, end, all, endo., So,

it's, not, really, doing, anything., I'm, just getting I just wake up [ __ ] crazy hard.

It's, like, tong, ali, and, all, that, stuff. Yeah. To, wake, up, just, rocked.

That's, nice, to, be bricked. Bricked, up. That's, good, to, hear. Sore, legs., Sore, legs., Stiff.

That's, good. Wake, up, and, go,, [ __ ], yeah. Can't, wait, to, get, to, the,000, lb, club.

No, one, can, stop, me., I'm, jacked., It's time to read politics on the internet.

I'm, so, strong. But, no,, it, has, been, nice., That's, been, a that's been a fun one. Goes in my head. If I lift for like two weeks, I'm just like, dude, have I people notice how jacked I am, right? I think I hit the backwards hat wall

immediately., You, lifted, for, two, weeks. I, know. I, can, lift, once, and, be, like,, dude,, for real. I think people might be able to tell right now

dude., I, was, watching, uh, I, had, some, Fox News on TV and, uh, there's, a, Wahberg, commercial, for the what's the prayer app called?

He, has, a, prayer, app. Does, he, have, a, prayer, app? Yeah., And, he, just, goes,, "Hi,, I'm, Mark Wahberg. pray with me. And then he just says a prayer.

It's, kind, of It's, a, television, commercial. That's, crazy. What's, it, called?

Yeah. Like, H, A, L. How, would, be, that, name? Dang., How, do, How, does, it, work?, I'd, be curious to see how it works.

I, think, it, starts, asking, for, some tithes. Tithes. Tithes. Tithes. Yeah., Ti., I, think, tithes.

I, think, eventually, that's, a, a, little, pay to pray. Really? Just, like, Christ, intended., I'd, be, I might do indulgences. I like those.

Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. Yeah., Get, yourself, out, of, hell., You, can pay the church to get you out of there.

Well,, it's, good, he's, trying, to, get people to pray. That's good. It's, nice., It, is, weird, to, try, to, get, is Are you sure there's tithes?

I, think, there, might, be, tithes. I, don't, know., That'd, be, nuts., I, feel like they would steal your information. I'd like to know what people are confessing. I'd start an app for that.

Oo,, confession, app. Yeah,, you, can, confess. That's, nice. And, I'll, sell, that, third, party information to somewhere else.

That's, nice. As soon as they confess one thing, you go, "All right, Venmo me. Vmo me $300."

Yeah., I, I, started, uh, listening, to, the Bible on audiobook. Me,, too. Did, you, really?

Fell, fell, asleep, pretty, quick. Yeah., Genesis, is, a, slow. Genesis, gets, you., Starting, with, all those [ __ ] names. He bequeathed him and [ __ ] he had him.

Dude,, I, finally, made, it, through, the names to Abraham and yeah,, a, lot, of, a, lot, of, debauchery, going on, dude. I didn't realize. I thought they I thought uh you know who was it? Lot when Lot's uh wife turned to salt. Yeah.

And, then, his, daughters, trick, him, and have sex with him and get pregnant. I was just like, "All right, here comes God's wrath." They're like, "Nah, man. They're actually doing really well." And you're like, "All right, what the hell's that all about?"

Yeah., That's, where, Lot's, like,, "Fuck, my daughters instead of this angel."

Yes., Lot, offers, up, his, daughters, to, the angels. So, sick. God's, like,, "That's, actually, pretty

[ __ ], hot, ass, angel, came, down., The whole town was like, "Ah, outside the last door like, "Let us [ __ ] that guy.

We're, going, to, [ __ ], that, guy.", That, was crazy. Yeah,, they, had, that, coming,, dude., They deserved it. They They need to be sold.

There's, a, new, guy, in, town., I, need, some booty relief. Booty, relief, is, such, a, nice, term., Do, you ever see an old black guy who was in prison for a long time who's on Instagram now?

Somebody's, talking, about, booty, relief. Booty, relief. The, [ __ ], is, that?

You, guys, know, what, I'm, talking, about? He's Huh? Fleece, Johnson. Yeah,, Fel, Johnson., I'm, talking, about booty relief.

What's, going, on?, What, is, that? Oh,, this, guy, has, a, 12-in, penis., He's been in jail for a long time and he

Oh,, no., He, just, says, America. You, ever, watch, the, Boondocks?, There's that one episode, the booty warrior where the guy was like, I see you. I like you. He's a real guy and he's out of jail and he's a menace.

Yeah,, he's, out, now. Yeah,, he's, out, hitting, people, with, booty relief outside of the

I'm, conf, he's, like, he, also, holds, it down. He's like, "I'm not gay." He's like, "I was just in jail." And then he'll be like

"I, swear, to, God,, some, booties, some booties better. They the best I ever had."

He, needs, to, be, turned, into, a, pillar, of salt. Someone, Someone, needs, to, raise, his wherever he lives really bad.

Oh, yeah., He's raise, his, land. Someone, needs, to, raise, his 12, in, leaf., God, damn.

Yeah., He, would, just, say, he, was, just, like you would tap Dude, him explaining it is the funniest [ __ ] in the world. Like I just tap him. I said, "Hey, man. I'm going to need some booty relief." Like

the, guy, goes,, "God." And, that's, all, it, is. Damn, it., Okay. Just, don't, [ __ ], hit, me, again., Please.

Please, stop, hitting, me. That's, all, he, said, he, did., He, said, he fought, gambled, and booty. Those three things.

Sounds, like, he, didn't, rehabilitate, at all. He, just, committed grievous sins the entire time.

He, truly, didn't, rehabilitate, whatsoever. But he is very funny. It's very funny watching like missing his front teeth.

Just, like,, man,, some, booties, I, had better than any other girl I ever had. The booty.

I, had, some, good, booty, in, that, jail. But, he, said, ever, since, he's, out, of, jail, no more booty relief.

That's, good. Strictly, for, the, ladies, right, now. That's, good. Yeah,, he's, he, was, in, jail, for, what,, like 15 years? He's in jail for a long time. It's not funny, but I I've talked about it before, but I always think it me and Blizz were just dying laughing cuz this guy got It's not funny.

He, got, some, booty, relief,, but, they packed his ass with peanut butter for like lube, I guess.

What? And, we, were, just, He, got, like, knocked, out and he woke up with peanut butter in his ass in. But then it's just like just somebody knocking somebody out and somebody else be like, "Get the peanut butter." Like

it's, not, funny., Never, mind., I'll, take, it back. But you know what I mean. It's funny just

peanut, butter., Having, your, pack., Having your butthole filled with peanut butter is objectively funny. Lube I'm questioning is like peanut butter for lube. I don't know. It's It's like doesn't even go down your throat. You know what, I, mean?, Choke, on, peanut butter.

So, I, wonder maybe, it, was, just, a, mean, thing, to, do afterwards. True. It's, a, little, prank.

Yeah., Maybe, it, was, natural, peanut butter. It was just the oil. Get that get that organic peanut butter.

Quick, get, the, peanut, butter., The motherfucker's knocked out. Go. Not, the, [ __ ], with, the, palm, ass., Getting packed up with peanut butter, man. That's tough. Take forever to get that out of your butt.

You, know what, I'm, saying? Yeah, that'd, be, tough. Some chunky. Yeah. May, God, smite, whoever, packs, me, with, a chunky peanut butter, bro.

Please. Oh,, I, would, cry, unto, him,, dude. Pray, for pray, for, a, peanut, allergy, and, go, jokes on bags on you.

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Yes., Oh, yeah., Uh, I, think, this, weekend, at Madison, Wisconsin, I believe there's an early show for sale. Everything else is all sold out, but let me see here. Let's Let's check it out, guys. Yep. Comedy on State. Madison, Wisconsin. I believe there's an early show. Springfield Comedy Club. Back on the map.

Back, on, the, map., They're, going, to, honor the tickets that people bought before the whole place imploded. I

Springfield, Comedy, Club., The, righteous people of Springfield Comedy Club have come and they've brought me back to Springfield, Missouri, honoring all tickets. Yeah, it's going to be awesome.

Funny, Bone, Comedy, Club,, Syracuse,, New York. I'll be there also. Please come out, guys. makusker.com. Thank you.

December, 12th,, I'll, be, in, Boise,, Idaho. December 13th I'll be in Portland Oregon. And then the next then I'm on a little break until uh the January Madison Square Garden. So yeah, hopefully those hopefully I don't uh choke and ruin it and blow it.

[ __ ] No,, if, you, can, handle, if, you, can, handle gaming on the screen. [ __ ], score., [ __ ]

Well,, you, guys, got, anything, you, want, to say? You got any shows? What do you got brother?

I'm, going. We got Optimum Noctis coming up next week and it's the first and third Tuesday of every month at the creek in the cave in Austin, Texas.

First, and, third., Now, you, guys, doubled the Optimum Noctis. Yes,, sir., We, got, Noctis., Thank, you, very much.

Optimum, Knocktie. Yeah., Now, it's, Optimum, Nocttie. Yeah., I, didn't, think, about, that.

And, then, I'm, going, to, Chicago, and Atlanta in December. Uh, I forget when they are, but they're the tickets will be up soon, so if you want to come to that, please come. Thank you very much.

All, right., Good, job,, Sean. Thank, you. All right., Thank, you,, everybody. That's, a, wrap, on, the, set.

That's, a, wrap, on, Sean. Hul, hit, me, up., He's, all, mad, there., He's He's claiming there is a company that is selling medicine for peanut allergies. Guess what the medicine is? Peanuts. He said it's 100%. They're 100% selling peanuts.

So, it's, like, a, vaccine kind, of., Yeah. That's, how, vaccines., Yeah. Yeah., Pretty, much.

Give, him, a, small, dose, of, peanuts. Yeah., Give, him, peanuts, breath. All right.

He, was, fired, up., He, texted, me., He, goes, "Can you [ __ ] believe this shit?" It's like, "Yeah, for sure."

Yeah,, that's, how, that, works. Yeah,, I, could, definitely, see, them, doing that.

But, yeah,, that, that, was, really, the, kind of solution to the whole peanut allergy. He was like "Let them eat peanuts. Give them peanuts."

Yes., So,, we, got Are, you, worried, about, that, with, your children? No. I, didn't, have, a, peanut, allergy,, so, I, was like, they'll be fine. And I gave it to him super early where I was just like

see, what, happens. Yeah,, we'll, see, what's, good., That, [ __ ] is annoying, dude. Like, trying to pack lunches for them. You can't have any peanut products. It's like, yeah

cuz, then, it's, like, tree, nuts, or, coconut. It's like the point where like, bro like they got to they got to do this.

Yeah,, it, sucks. You, got, to, eat, this, [ __ ] But, if, if, my, kid, had, a, peanut, allergy,, I would I would give them like a prophylactic tongue cover. Like a dental dam.

Dental, dam. Like, a, dental, dam,, but, for, peanuts. For, peanuts. For, peanuts., Yeah,

of, course. You, know,, it's, like, that., That, would, be the safest safest. That's, the, only, thing, you, can, do.

I, would, do, a, mask, and, a, dental, dam. Yeah. On, my, toddler. And I would just kind of grease their whole body so that like they would, you know, that way if they slipped it would fall. They'd be totally safe.

You, know, what, I, mean? Yeah., full. I'm, saying, if, someone, tried, to, abduct your kid, if you had them covered in baby oil

cuz, if, they, see, that if, they, see, that, dental, dam,, they're going to go

they're, [ __ ], they're, they're, ready. And, then, you, lube, them, up, and, you, go, "Good luck catching them."

Yeah., They, can, bar, pop, right, out, of their heads. Watch, out., That, might, get, them, going, too. All right. Yeah. Anyway, I'm telling you, man, the caffeine had me [ __ ] up. I've been subdued under the heel of [ __ ] evil caffeine. Yeah, caffeine is Dude

that, [ __ ], is, not, where, it's, at., For, me personally, I can't speak for everybody. For me

it, was, like, stealing, my, energy,, man. I, would It, does., Yeah,, you, do, crash,

dude., I, crash, so, hard., Then, it's, like you either drink another coffee and then you get bad sleep. For me, again personally, I would get bad sleep and then wake up and chase the dragon again.

And, it, was, like, I, got, to, the, point, where I was like, "Dude, I this [ __ ] isn't for me."

Yeah. And, I, feel, so, much, better. Well,, that's, good. Yeah,, cuz, I, knew, you, were, struggling with that. I was. And

it's, good. Yeah,, I'm, free., I'm, free, from, the clutches. Although the demon nicotine still has its hooks. I was off that as well.

Nicotine, rules. But, I, was, crying, to, Sean, the, whole, time this weekend. I was like, man, I'd really like my nicotine tablets before the show. It's really nice having those. It just makes my mind a lot sharper. And I kept being like, you know

he, was, just, like,, I, think, I, have, one, of those things you gave me before. And then he didn't he didn't have them.

He, built, me, up., [ __ ], slam, me, down. [ __ ] Yeah., You, [ __ ] Oh,, good, call. He was clearly done talking.

Says, hands, him, a, mic. Yeah,, I, might, start, taking, 70., Did, you ever take that before?

Never, even, heard, of, it, dude., Apparently, there's, this, [ __ ], It's cratom, but they turn it into like a super concentrated [ __ ] I'm obviously not. This is No, they a bit, dude.

This, is, a, bit., Yeah,, that's, the, thing about me, man. don't know when I'm being serious.

That's, what, it's, like. It, gets, me, in, a, lot, of, trouble. I, hear, you. Sometimes, I'm, just, I, there's, a, there's like a term for that when like, you know, you don't really know the person's serious and it's like a dramatic term. Something from, you know

being, a, [ __ ] This, guy, sucks., It's, tough, to, talk, to him. I don't know if he's [ __ ] with me.

No., If, that, doesn't, work,, then, I, slip into a British accent and usually the party goes crazy.

Party, goes, nuts. Let, me, hear, that,, dude., Let, me, hear, that British accent.

Hello. I tried to watch Pey Blinders again. Oh,, dude,, that's, all, you, need.

I, used, to, love, it. Well,, knowing, what, it, turned, dudes, into is kind of tough as well. It's like Sex in the City. That Sex in the City ruined a generation of women. Pey Blinders

one, gener continued. True. Still going. Yeah,, true. Uh, Pey, Blinders, is, probably, still, going.

Yeah., Still, people, are, still, on, the, Pi Blinder [ __ ] The, one, episode, I, cuz, I, remember, season two being awesome. Isn't that the one with Tom Hardy?

Yes., So, I, I, started, that, the, first, they go into like a party in London and like beat the [ __ ] out of everyone in there course on the way out the the young one kisses, one, of the, babes, and, they're, just like let's have a [ __ ] night on the town Pey Blinder style. I was like damn this is crazy. They're leaving Birmingham and they're in a car and the brother stands up and he's like by order of the peaky blinders we're going on holiday.

It's, that's, so, Arthur., That's, definitely Arthur. That's so Arthur, dude. Yeah that uh

Yeah,, I, I, don't, like, the, like, constant slow cool walks in that show. Lot, of, them.

They, walk, through, industrial, London, their sparks flying, they're just like

"Yeah, all, right,, we, get, it., These, guys, are, the coolest guys in [ __ ] Yeah,, they're, the, coolest, guys.

Industrial, London." I'll, give, it, another, shot, cuz, it, it, did rule. Yeah,, it, was, fun, to, watch.

It, did, rule. But, I'm, saying, now, that, I, just, know Yeah. There's, dudes, dressing, like, him., I, can't watch the shower's wedding. I can't lie. I know.

Damn., They, got, to, regret, that, so, much. Like a cool show. You go. That's what we're going to do. The groomsmen are going to dress like the current cool show.

[ __ ], This, show, stinks. We're, going, to, dress, up, all, these, uh these fat tree guys.

Pey, Blinders. These, Damn,, it, sucks, to, be, the, one groomsman that has like half a brain that's like, "This is so embarrassing. But everyone else is doing it. So I got to wear a trench coat and a [ __ ] Jeff cap and a vest with a [ __ ] watch. A pocket watch.

You, got, to, try, to, talk, to, the, women after the wedding. Yeah. Some, of, the, bridesmaids, are, probably hot.

I, wonder, if, any, of, the, guys, ever, like went to their head. Definitely., I'm, sure, some, of, them, got stuck.

They, just, get, completely You, put, that, [ __ ], You, put, that, outfit on. There's no way you're not doing You're drinking a [ __ ] gobble of whiskey going. You're at a wedding with your girlfriend got to

You're, with, your, girlfriend, at, a wedding. She's You known her for six months., The, end, of the, night,, you're like,

"Yeah, there's, got, to, be, some, black, Pey Blinders." Oh,, for, sure. I'd, like, to, take, a, look, at, that.

Sinners. Sinners was just an excuse for black dudes to do peaky blinders. Yeah,

I, never, thought, about, that,, La, Mer., Good point. You're on fire. Black, Pey, Blinders.

Yeah., [ __ ], yeah., Just, show, me, pictures of the black guy in Pey Blinders.

You're, gonna, come, across, La, Mer, on, him. Yeah,, let's, let's, actually Man,, these, Piners, outfits, suck, ass.

They, [ __ ], suck, ass,, dude., I'm actually an accountant bro. Oh, my,, dude., In, the, full, Airbnb apartment.

Rocking, the, pegy, blonde., Imagine, popping off the Piggy Blinders guard, but then you just can't get hard.

Oh, yeah,, trust, me,, I, can, imagine, that. That's, why, I'm, not, allowed, to, wear, the Piggy Blinders, dude.

I, would, just, lean, I, would, just, lean, into it like, "Oh, I've seen a lot of things."

Yeah,, I, was, in, World, War, I. Actually,, I, breathe, in, must. Also,, they're, chugging, whiskey, the, whole time. There's no way any of these dudes had boners.

Biggy, blinders, are, soft., I, know. You, can't, get, a, boner, and, drink, that much whiskey. You really can't.

I'm, with, my, brothers., I, mean,, all, my brothers are soft right now. We, drank, too, much, duos.

It, happens., But, I, guess, the, Waps, did, the [ __ ] Sopranos, too. Yeah. Sopranos, suits, and, [ __ ], for, your wedding.

Oh,, yeah., Yeah,, that's, fair., I, didn't think about that. I think they just Don't they just dress like that anyway?

I, think, they, kind, of, do,, but, I, bet, they I bet they [ __ ] it up with their like

Sopranos, gave, him, license., Yeah, he, did, some, things. Yeah,, that, that's, their, I've, said, it, 100 times. That's her favorite thing.

I, would, love, to, just, really, investigate every Italian's connections to the mafia.

Mhm. Start, a, documentary., Turns, out, they're all lying. Do, you, watch, that, uh, Philly, versus, the mob at all?

No. It, was, pretty, great., The, guy,, the, one, of the investigators at the start of it one of the detectives, he's just like all they talk about is how loyal and all that they are. Every single one of them is a [ __ ] rat.

Yeah. Devastating., They, did, all, tell, on, each other for sure. Yeah. Where, who, do, they, talk, about?, Like, Nikki the Hat and all those guys.

Uh, I, forget, the, guy's, name., He's, still alive. Uh yeah, I, think, he, owns, a, steak, thing., He's, He's kind of the main.

So, I, remember, there, was, um, who's, the Yeah, there was like the main guy who got Joey Joey Joey Merino got busted.

That's, him. Yeah,, Marino, got, busted, and, then, there was all these other guys.

He's, out., He's, kind, of, the, cool, that it's about like the young guys going up against the

Yeah. Sicilians, like, the, the, OG, Waps, and, then the Philly Waps are kind of

I, remember, hearing, rumors, in, like, 20 Yeah. around like 2014 2017 like the mob was coming back. Everyone kept trying to say that like yo the mob's coming back

is, the, mob, like, whenever, they, bust, these guys they let them they have to get so much

on, them, before, they, arrest, them. Yeah. And, I, never, understood, that, they, sit there and watch them do like

they, like, let, them, do, pretty, serious crimes and then finally they're like we got you.

You, murdered, 12, people. We, got, you, on, the, 12th, [ __ ], guy. I, know. Get, him, on, the, first, thing., I, guess they're trying to go for the Godfather.

True. Trying, to, get, the, Godfather, because there was a big one when I was in college. They got a bunch of bookies and they were all there was like they were saying like that's the last of the mob. They all got B and they got like crushed on. They got caught with like hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash and they just I think like they were like they were I remember the pictures from the paper and like they were just like laughing getting walked out. They're like I don't give a [ __ ]

They're, awesome. Yeah,, like, we're, fine., I, know., They, kind of did rule. I could be wrong, but aren't they saying that NBA gambling scandal has stealed the mob and and maybe the UFC fixing fights and things like that? Really? There's a lot.

Yeah,, there's, a, lot, of, gambling, scandals that are pitch there's, a, pitcher, that, just, got, busted.

Oh,, no. And, it, was, he, was, just, uh, throwing, the first p. You can bet on the first pitch being a ball or a strike.

Yeah. They, offered, this, guy, like, [ __ ], 500 bucks. He, got, no, money, for, this.

Really?, Somebody, was, probably, like,, "Yo, I'll give you a grand if you just throw a ball." He was like, "All right." He got busted. Now he's facing like 60 years in prison.

How, do, they, bust, him? Uh,, I'm, sure, whoever, was, doing, it, was probably It was like a bigger

Oh,, man. scheme,, but, he, I, think, he, probably,, you know, Yeah,, you're, [ __ ] Sorry, I burped so loud.

I'm, trying, not, to, cough,, so, I'm, like, "Sorry,, it's, funny., while, you're, doing that. I'm like

"Yeah,, we're, officially, an, old, man podcast." Yeah. I guess this is obviously how this is going to go. By the end, we're go "What the hell are you talking about? I don't have any [ __ ] memorabilia. Shut up. Don't [ __ ] say that

dude.", My, parents,, speaking, of, geysers, my parents surprised me in Florida.

That's, nice. Surprised, me, at, the, show., It, was, sweet. Although it was my least favorite show of the weekend.

That, sucks. It, popped, up, and, I, was, just, like,, "Guys, surprise.", The, show, they, think, is, very nice. It's just

That, was, nice., We, chilled., Sean,, we, all hung out. We went on a boat. It was nice.

Oh,, I, heard, the, boat, was, sick. Yeah,, it, was, pretty, tight., My, dad, was showing off for Sean. He was driving very fast. Yeah, he was going very fast on the boat.

Sean,, you, seem, scared. Yeah, he, seems, scared., Sean,, you're, smoking that cigarette like it's your last one.

And, he, gave, me, some, new, lingo., He, call he calls cigarettes hot snacks, which I love.

Hot, snacks. Hot, snacks., Nice. That, is, good, lingo. Step, outside, for, hot, snack.

Yeah,, it, was, nice., We, got, to, hang, out. It was uh it's very sweet. It was chilling.

It, is, nice. Yeah., My, dad, was, trying, to, extend, the chill too long, though. And I was like "Bro, I must go back and take my little

How, did, your, uh, How, did, your, mother, feel about your your material?" She, told, me, to, stop, being, fresh.

Yeah. She, said,, "Matt,, stop, being, fresh." There was some stuff in there, man. Oh boy. I did not know that. I'm very glad they surprised me because I would have pulled back cuz some of that stuff is a little blue.

Yeah. Trying, to, clean, it, up., But, right, now it's just Yeah., Sometimes, you, got, to, go, a, little blue.

It's, a, little, blue., Just, why, I'm, clean, you know, I'm figuring out it's going to be squeaky clean by the time it's done. But right now it's just a teeny bit blue.

Ain't, nothing, funnier, than, some, blue. I, I, kind, of, like, it,, too., It's, fun.

Yeah. Especially, Yeah., When, you, make, people deeply uncomfortable about something they don't want to think about. But yeah, we were doing some battle. There were some geyzers there. I battled, you know, drunk lady. I don't know if, I, even, b, uh, No,, I, battled, a, big titted drunk lady a little bit.

She, was, so, far, away., It, was, like, strike from afar. She just started yelling stuff out.

Yeah. Yeah., I'm, trying, to, make, my, new, hour. I'm trying to make it more for, everybody,, but, I, just, I'm, pissing girls off. I'm trying to talk about girl stuff and they're getting [ __ ] mad at me. I'm trying to include them. Talk about stuff they're interested in, too.

Well,, when, it's, a, room, full, of like, their, periods, when, it's, a, Yeah., When, it's, a, room, full of mostly dudes and you're like, "Women are dumb as fuck." And every dude in there's like, "Yeah, no, I've done that. I'm not saying you

Yeah., Yeah,, I, don't, do, that., I, don't, do that. But I do I do talk about stuff. I think they they don't they get uncomfortable. You talk about, you know their [ __ ] and stuff.

So,, talk, about, their, [ __ ], a, little." Yeah., You, got, to, talk, about, everybody's [ __ ]

Yeah., It's, excuse, me,, man. I'm, just, trying, to, I, tell, everyone, I'm making it very, you know, I'm trying to keep everyone engaged and talk about guy stuff. Now we're doing girl stuff and we'll go back to guy stuff.

Yeah. So,, he, had, the, large, adoring, female crowd. still eludes me. So, some, it's, it's, my, quest, to, get

it., Be, nice. Have, an, arena, of, white, men, which, don't, get, me, wrong,, I, love, my white brothers.

Yeah,, for, sure. Some, babes, would, be, nice for, sure,, man., Yeah, I've, seen, there's, been, some, babes, at shows that are just from SNL.

Yeah. And, I've, seen, them, and, I've, seen, them, be extremely uncomfortable. You go, this is not that guy. This is not He was so charming.

Hold, on. What, is, this?, You're, basing, that, off, of just seeing them. They'll, wear, like, shirts.

Oh, like, designed, like, couple, of, beers shirts or like a sketch from SNL. You, go,, you, guys, are, here, from, SNL

and, you, watch, them, hit, the, wall. I, last, show, I, think, it, was, Sacramento, there was just four.

They, weren't, old., They, were, like, older women and, they, were, furious, in, the, front, row. So I kept like looking over at them and going they were like, "Nope." But then they started laughing at some inappropriate stuff and I'd turn around and go, "You like that? You like pedophile stuff? That's crazy. Yeah. There was a lady I thought I could have sworn hated me the like through this whole show and then I finally went to talk to her and she was like, "Oh you're [ __ ] hammered."

Yeah., Yeah., Yeah. I, was, like,, "The, whole, time, I, was, over here [ __ ] worried. I thought you were pissed off. You're just so drunk."

I'll, never, forget, uh, at, Bananas., I, had the meanest woman and she had like a she had like a buzzcut almost. She was like an older She had that like old lady like short hair and she was big. She was like,

and, her, friends, were, a, little, unhappy, but she was furious. And I was like "Oh, you're the one who arranged this huh?" Cuz you feel terrible about how bad this is. And she was like "Yeah." And I was like, I just remember calling her Mike Dicka. You look like I said, "If you're here who's coaching the 1985 Chicago Bears?" And obviously, she didn't get it, but I was like, "Trust me, when the lights come on, you're going to see how much this lady looks like Mike Dicka." And we're all going to have a laugh.

This, is, like, 5, minutes, into, my, set., the rest of the show. It was so bad

dude., That's, [ __ ], devastating. Yeah. Yeah., I, Did, the, audience, support, the Mike Dicka joke?

When, the, lights, came, on, at, the, end, of the show, everyone honestly laughed. It was It was uh Nate, I think you were at that.

Yeah., And, that, was, Okconor., Okconor., Was that the one Okconor just did my jokes twice? It was really funny.

I, forget, what, he, was, doing,, but, he, kept he, was, going,, "Yo,, you, guys, like, Trump? Hell yeah." Like he said something like that during the first show, and I was like,

"What, the, fuck?", All, right,, that's, a little that's a little close. And then he gets off stage. He's like, "Dude, my bad. I want that." I was just I was just talking. I didn't even think about it. And I was like "No, it's fine. I don't give a shit." Second show. Yo, what up? Hell yeah, dude. You guys [ __ ] love chucking beers. Blah blah blah. I was like "Damn, dude. It's my old [ __ ] shit." Yeah, it was a bad show. Then got up there, called a lady, Mike Dicka.

That's, awesome. I, think, I, fought, with, the, manager., I, was looking at the wall and there was like a good comedian. I forget who it was. I was like "Damn, you guys had him here?" She's like "Yeah, I wish he was here tonight." And I was like, "I wish I was somewhere else."

Yeah. What, the, [ __ ] Dang., In, the, middle. Wish, I, was, at, a, different, club., No,, no, it was right before the show.

Oh,, even, still., That's, even, worse. Yeah., I, was, in, the, hall, and, they, had like pictures of comedians.

I, was, like,, "Oh,, you, guys, had, him?", She was like "Yeah, I wish he was here."

Yeah., I'm, actually, remember, you, telling me that. That's [ __ ] What the hell's wrong with that lady, man?

Yeah. I, remember, back, in, the, day, I, made, fun, of an older lady. It was like I was doing like a bar show in New Jersey. I made fun of an older lady's shirt and it was like a crazy like shiny shirt this lady had on. And just I it was I thought it was pretty funny, but like she got really sad and the whole crowd turned on me. Yeah.

And, I, was, like,, "All, right,, note, to self." No you, can't, make, fun, of, older, ladies.

Can't, slam, their, And, her, gear, her, gear. I like kind She I think she started it to be fair. I just kind of like crushed her gear and she got really sad.

Yeah,, they, always, start, it. Yeah. You're, never, just, out, of, nowhere, being like, "Look at this ugly bitch." No

no,, I, wouldn't, do, that., And, she, was, I was just making fun of her shirt. But yeah, I've been I've been getting attacked here and there. I've been getting I've been getting kind of There's been some uprisings against me here these weekends, but we've been having fun. We've been holding it down.

I'm, on, a, new, frontier. Hold, it, down., Just, go, [ __ ], it., [ __ ], this show. [ __ ] you.

No,, I've, been, having, a, I've, been, having a good time. I honestly have. But yeah a couple I have a couple mutinies on my hands. Couple l I have a ladies spazzing on me right now.

I'm, I'm, glad, I, missed, it, in, Sacramento. Nate Diaz was just like circling the stage. He was like He's like, "You didn't see me out there?" I was like, "No, I didn't see you." And he was like "Dude, I was right there." I was like "What do you mean?" He was like "I walked around the stage." And then he walked around the upper ring and just took pictures with people the whole time. I was like "Dude, you're a dickhead."

That's, so, [ __ ], funny. Yeah., If, I, would, have, seen, him,, I'd, be like, "Oh, that's hilarious."

Yeah., He's, very, funny. His, squad, was, rowdy., They, were, very funny. Squad's, nice., I've, action, before.

They, were, so, funny., One, of, them, showed up the drunkest I've ever seen. Really?

Yeah. And, he, he, stayed, alive, the, entire, time. Dang. He, showed, up, like and I was like, "Holy [ __ ] dude. I've never seen him like this." And then he

he, was, like,, "What, are, you, doing, right now?" And I was like "I'm about to go on stage." He's like, "Oh [ __ ] I forgot." I was like, "Yeah, dude. This is the show."

I, like, I, like, when, that, kid, projectile vomited the one time. Last time I was with you.

Oh,, in, the, green, room, after, the, show. Projectile, vomited. I, think, that, was, my, cousin's like nephew or some [ __ ]

And, then, stayed. Yeah., just, hung, the, whole, time. Yeah,, that, was, that, was, one, where, people like, "Is it cool if he comes?" And I was like, "Yeah, that's fine." [ __ ] threw up everywhere in the green room came back.

I, mean,, it, was, it, was, literally, it, was, a trail that was like 20 something feet long.

Yeah., No, one, cleaned, it., Everyone, just put paper plates. I, know., Like,, be, careful.

Just, put, paper, plates, over, the, vomit. Dude,, it, was, like, 15t, trail, that, he, then I think just threw up into his hands. He projectiled while he was walking and then just like tried to hold it in his hand so it dripped all the way to the bathroom. just long.

I, think, he, stayed., Yeah. Yeah., He, just, chilled. Just, walked, right, back, in.

I, couldn't, believe, it., I, was, like, "Well, where is the kid now?" Like, "Oh he's right out there." And I was like "He didn't leave? You think someone would either make him leave or he would want to leave?"

That, was, such, a, wild, move. Yeah. Just, sit, there, like,, "Oh,, man.", [ __ ] threw up all over the party. I'm just going to sit here.

That, sucks,, dude., The, moment, cuz, I, I would be in denial. If I was about to throw up, I'd be like, "Nah, me. Never. Not at the after show. Not at the green room. Not happening. No way. I'm going for like seven feet in front of me now.

Trying, to, run, to, the, toilet. Oh,, I, can, still, get trying, to, get, to, the, toilet., Throwing up. Yeah, that's that's awful.

You, should, have, brought, him, before, you. Yeah,, bring, that, boy. Bring, me, that, boy., Yeah,

I, would, have, paused, the, Xbox, and, said, "Where is he? Bring, me, this, boy."

Neil,, Rise, of, Night. Yeah,, dude., Dude,, me, me, and, Gardini's goooom sesh in the um in in fore go m we in the airport with the switch.

So, nice. Yeah,, you, can't, get, I, you, got, you, got, a hold of a Switch on the way to or Australia and played

Yes. 15, straight, hours, of, Mario, tennis. I, mean, sharing I, didn't, want, to, say, anything., I, was like this.

Yeah,, I'm, all right. I, kept, asking, him, like,, "Yeah,, you, can I, could, see, how, much, you, enjoy."

Oh, my, god., I, was, having, a, blast, playing that. I, know, how, you, get, on, a, Switch,

dude., True., I, get, that, little, switchy. Mhm., But, yeah,, we, had, the, uh, we, were sitting there playing and it like I would be like, "All right, dude. Chill." And as soon as I get knocked out of like third place, I like just packed airport.

[ __ ], How, many, red, shells, are, you going to [ __ ] get, dude? I'm only getting green.

I, thought, it, was, funny, cuz, we, saw, the guy with the Oculus in Austin airport and we were both like, "Look at this [ __ ] piece of shit." He's

literally, wearing, an, Oculus, and, he, was going like this. He, was, scrolling, with, his, fingers literally. It was, dude, I got a picture of him but it was La Mer would have no problem hitting the Oculus.

No,, in, public. I, was, thinking, about, it, last, time, I, was on the airplane. I was like, I should pull my

an, Oculus, on, the, flight. Yeah,, in, my, seat. You, should, do, it, this, next, time., Go, like this. Anytime you hit bumps, go

put, the, Oculus, on, and, then, just, be, like, this, a, little, 911, simulator. I was laughing though because then we were in Florida flying home and I was like, "These old people are looking us at us the same way for playing the Switch that we were looking at that guy for."

That, old, man, was, loving, it,, dude. How, Who, are, you, playing, with?, You, strike me as a Toadman.

I, do, like, Toad, a, lot., And, I, got, the hamburger head and the new Mario Kart. So, I really like that costume. But I like Litu, too.

Who's, that? He's, just, a, little, turtle, guy,, but, I have a fisherman costume for him. So, I play a lot, too.

Nice,, dude. Oh my god. He was got a ball tap. He was he was going like he was going like I think there was like a function where you go like this with your fingers. He was going like bro

take, it, off. Yeah., Playing, a, little, playing, a, little Mario Kart in the airport is nothing. That was crazy.

Plugged, into, a, char, dude., He's, from, the future. He's got AirPods. Yeah. He's, plugged, into

a, portable, charger, in, his, suitcase., It looks like he, was, literally, going

Yeah,, he, was, elsewhere. Yeah,, this, is, a, future, man. Yeah,, it, was, pretty, crazy,, man.

A, cool, vest. Yeah,, it, was, it's, pretty, nice. It, pissed, me, off., So, I, think, he, was, a, military, guy,, though. So, I was like, maybe he's like could have been like drone striking.

Yeah,, palunteer. Yeah,, he, could, have, been, killed. Getting, ready. Good, for, him.

That, one, was, wild,, man. Yeah,, that's And, he, held, it, for, a, while. I, wouldn't, I, didn't, put, an, Oculus, on unless I locked my door and was in my room.

Yeah,, you, would., That's If, anyone, saw, that, that'd, be, tough. So,, Wearing, a, [ __ ], virtual, mask, is

especially, if, I, had, one, on, cuz, what, I'd be doing with it, I'd have to definitely lock the door.

Yeah,, Chris, and, Tommy, had, no, problem playing it. That's, so, funny., I, mean,, that, is, it, does sound kind of fun. Oh, no. He was on these were Apple Pro Vision, so he was he was doing Apple Pro augmented reality, so he could see you

but, it, was, just, like, his, apps. He, was, just He Yeah, if somebody's wearing an Oculus in public, you can ball tap.

Yeah, you, have, to. No,, he, was, These, are, vision, pros., But yeah, Oculus would be crazy. He being totally blind, but he would just go

Jesus, Christ. He, was, just, bringing, his, text, closer, to enhance. Yeah,, it, was, tough., It, was, a, tough, look. I, don't know., Maybe, maybe, there's,, you know, I think there's might be babes that are into that kind of [ __ ] if you're just [ __ ] completely futuristic. Maybe, you know, we'll see someone. There's someone for everybody.

Yeah,, there, is. Just, another, babe, with, Vision, Pro., You see each other's bit emoji screens at each other. It' be nice.

Yeah. I, didn't, realize, he, was, plugged, in, the whole time. Yeah,, he's, plugged, in.

Dang,, dude. Connected, to, the, grid. That's, [ __ ], crazy. Yeah., The, or, the, uh, Yeah., Apple, Pro, or even Oculus in public. I I would definitely steer away.

That's, crazy. No. Switch., two-player, switch, with, the, the screen on a suitcase. Totally fine.

It, was, really, fun. It, was, fine., There's, an, old, man,, he, was 80 years old

just, watching, us, play,, just, completely blown away, but be like, "What is that thing?" We're like trying to explain it to him. He's like, "That is so cool."

That's, nice. It, was, really, nice. And, I, we, ended, up, sitting, next, to, him, on the plane. He was a man. He was like a almond farmer in in Sack Town, actually. From Sack Town.

Remember, when, he, was, like,, "You, guys, got to join the Space Force because I think you're going to be able to get to the moon pretty soon." Yeah. Yeah

he, was, telling, us, to, go, to, the, moon. Oh, man, it, was, pretty, sweet. I, was, like,, "Broce."

Yeah., Half, as, old, as, you., The, [ __ ], out of you. He's, very, optimistic., I, liked, it., He, The future is bright. I'm so sad I'm not young for this.

That's, why. Yeah. Yeah. So,, he's, about, to, die. Yeah., He's, going,, "Damn,, the, future's going to be so sick."

I, mean,, so, much, FOMO. FOMO. He, did, massive, FOMO. He, was, playing, Mario, Kart, at, the, [ __ ] airport.

Yeah,, dude., [ __ ] He, saw, me, and, show, me, like, blue, shell. Yo, it's a blue shell.

He'd, be, going,, "What, the, [ __ ], is, a, blue shell?" He go hits the guy in first. He's like "How do I come up with this [ __ ]

We're, going to, be, in, Mars, in, no, time." Yeah,, cuz, I'd, be, sitting, there, like, "Dude, I hit a shortcut." And he's probably like "What the [ __ ] This guy's a [ __ ] freak."

It, was, so, [ __ ] This, guy, must, be, Top, Gun. That, was, so, fun., That, was, Man,, I, was, sad to be able to put that thing away. for the airport.

Yeah,, it's, unbelievable., Got, to, get, the Switchy. Especially to the stranger. Be like, "Yo, take the controller."

Sean, was, nice,, too., He, was, I'm, sure kind, of, killing, it,, man. You're, what?

I'm, sweaty, gamer. You're, a, sweaty, gamer. Sweaty, gamer, when, it, comes You, get, You, get, Yeah,, you, get, serious.

It's, just, a, game. The, UFC, losses, send, you, home, every, time. No. Anytime, we, play, UFC, is, a, good, He, loses like three and he goes, "I have to go." Actually,

it's, just, a, game. Rips, a, hot, snack, and screams. We, do, got, to, reestablish, rank., We haven't reestablish the ranks are settled, dude. I just put on a power vacuum. Did you? No, there's no power vacuum. It's It's a blood bath, dude.

Someone, at, the, Naples, shows, was, asking us to pod pod tournament UFC again.

Oh,, well,, there, could, be, granted., We could we could do that right now. Yeah., No,, Nate, Nate, and, I, stayed, up., had a couple cocktails on Sunday and I might have beat him 20

straight, games. It, was, bad., It, was, a, bad, one. It, was, a, bad, one. But, I, was, I, was, hammered., I, showed, up drunk at like 600. That was like 2:30.

I, showed, up, I, was, drunk. True. I, was, drinking, on, the, plane. True., [ __ ]

Yeah., No, handicap. Yeah., Nice, try. Damn. I, got, This, is, my, favorite, though., When you get drunk and someone's beating you in a video game, you go, "Yeah, you [ __ ] like you feel good about this."

I, did, that., I, got, soda, with, that, in, like a real way. Soda, couldn't, beat, me, in, NCAA., And, then we came home from the bar and I I was hammered and he's sobered.

Yeah. He, just, beat, the, [ __ ], out, of, me., It, was like 3:00 a.m. I'm just sitting there. I was like, "You feel real good about this?" Oh, you're [ __ ] going. Yeah. Oh, run up the score. You feel cool? And he was like, "Honestly, no." He's like "I don't like this." And I was like "All right, let's go to bed, dude. You won.

I, don't, like, this." Yeah., He, was, like, "Dude,, this, sucks. You're being like really mean. Just losing and being so nasty.

It's, such, a, [ __ ] You, think, you're, [ __ ], tough,, dude. You [ __ ] beat me when I'm drunk dude. Meanwhile, I was like, "Yo, let's play NCAA." He did run the score up. It was [ __ ] brutal.

It's, just, so, funny, to, have, like, your remaining faculties and just be like "You're a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]

You, can, barely, see.", just, a, soda., It's so nice and like you [ __ ] [ __ ] dude.

You, think, you're, really, [ __ ], cool. Your brain is just like fizzing out. It's just like, you know, you're a real piece of [ __ ] It's like the last four centers are lit up.

Yeah, that's, so, [ __ ], funny. That is Yeah, that'll get you. Yeah, if you're uh you're trying to if you're drunk and gaming, it's not at your best.

Yeah,, that, must, have, He, you, handled, it well. He had he was like he was like Rudy Rutder. He kept being like, "Dude one more play. Run it back. Same match up." I was like "Dude, these are first round knockouts with like insane knockout." He would try to go to the ground. I just

I, had, moments, where, I, was, locking, in., I was I, had, moments, and, I, kept, thinking, I, was like the next

There, was, obviously, there's, 20, games you're going to get like you're going to get close.

I, agree, though., If, you, get, knocked, out fast, I have the same thing where I'm like I know where I'm like I know what I did. I know what I did. I got your game mapped out. Let's fire it up. And then you get knocked out again. You go

[ __ ] What, am, I, not, thinking, of, right, now? That's, That's, what, I, Maybe, I'm, not focused enough. Then I like look hard scrunch up my

and, do, more, get, knocked, out. You, just, see, yourself, You, see, your, guy get knocked out in more clarity.

That's, all, it, is. [ __ ] I, know. I, was, real, focused, on, getting, my, ass whooped.

Yeah., And, then, he, wouldn't, leave., He, was He, dug, in., He, lingered., I, went, to, bed while he was still in my house.

Were, you, practicing? I, was, having, a, good, time., I, was, watching He, put, on, Sixers, highlights, and, then, he was like, "Oh [ __ ] my Uber's 18 minutes away." I was like, "I'm I'm going to bed, bro." And then I laid in there and the [ __ ] it was so loud.

I'm, just, listening, to, the, lady, announcer from the 76ers screaming. She's, the, best.

She, is, actually, really, great. Kate's, the, best. I'm, usually, I'm, usually, very, opposed, to to that

but, she's, actually, she's, a, she's, a, man. She's like one of the top. Yeah, she's good.

Talk, to, man. Yeah,, Kate. Shut, up. Oh,, no., Mary, don't, don't, talk, about, Kate, Scott, like that.

Don't, talk, about, my, sweet, angel, Kate Scott. Yeah., No,, she, rules. She's, the, best.

I', I've, yet, to, see, her. Well,, it's, probably, an, hour,, huh? Yeah,, it's, got, to, be.

Yeah., Don't, worry, about, it,, Nate., What you going to say? No. Where, are, we, at?

Why, the, [ __ ], would, you, do, that?, And, you say, "Why, the, [ __ ], would, you, do, that?"

Well,, actually,, no. Not, an, hour. You, did, it. Well, now, you, think, little, UFC.

Now, the, the, listeners, are, going, to, go, "Oh, that's an hour." Now, I, finished.

They're, going, to, bust, at, the, end. Everybody, finished., Go, fast, right, now. We need you to go fast. Don't go. You're about to do it. Yes. Well goodbye.

Nice. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane Secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Ep 585 - Son of a Governor"?

In order: 0:00 Tony Soprano, Zip Recruiter; 10:00 Aura Frames; 30:00 Better Help, Prize Pick, Pey Blinders; 40:00 Pey Blinders; 1:00:00 Kate Scott.

What is mentioned in this Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast episode?

10 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Positive Sean, Pey Blinders, Prize Pick, Better Help, Aura Frames, Tony Soprano. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Ep 585 - Son of a Governor"?

The episode runs 1 h 7 min; the transcript is about 14,886 words in 517 timestamped sections.

More from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.