Ep 593 - Nollywood (feat. Ben Avery & Kevin Iso)

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Somalian, Ben Avery
2. 10:00 – 20:00: Somalian, Nigerian, Tim Waltz
3. 20:00 – 30:00: Nigerian, Hush Puppy, Somalian
4. 30:00 – 40:00: Only Fans, Nigerian, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Helium Atlanta
5. 40:00 – 50:00: Cybertruck, Nigerian, Somalian
6. 50:00 – 1:00:00: Matthew Perry
7. 1:10:00 – 1:13:57: Ben Avery, Kevin Isopropanol, Lemon Party, Susan Dea Costa

Notable quotes from "Ep 593 - Nollywood (feat. Ben Avery & Kevin Iso)"

• No, Somalian. My bad, dude. I No, I did.

  about Somalian · at 4:21

• I'm Nigerian by marriage, so I totally get it. Don't My wife's her family is Nigerian. Really? I've been to a Nigerian wedding. They're [ __ ] sick.

  about Nigerian · at 12:10

• Tim Waltz quit. Tim Walt Oh yeah, I saw that. I saw that. It was a head shot.

  about Tim Waltz · at 16:13

• Just some foreigner, but he sold in the airport, a Nigerian dude. And then obviously Hush Puppy is like one of the most notorious What was Hush Puppy?

  about Hush Puppy · at 29:05

• Sharp thing is like an intricate scam where you get lawyers who hook up with Only Fans ladies and they start just [ __ ] like go film the sexual encounter, threaten the tape.

  about Only Fans · at 32:39

• Hey, hello everyone. January 15th, I'm going to be at Helium Atlanta. And then the week after that, Sean's going to be there.

  about Helium Atlanta · at 34:43

• Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. The visas that they like reserve for like Arnold Schwarzenegger type people.

  about Arnold Schwarzenegger · at 35:31

• Is that? Have you see this with the Cyber Trucks? They So, the Cybertruck has a mode where it turns into a microwave and then it locks and then everybody dies. Oh, so in like…

  about Cybertruck · at 44:55

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Ben Avery — Person · 2 mentions · first at 4:10
  Dudes, thanks for doing it, man. Ben Avery, Kevin iso.
• Hush Puppy — Person · 2 mentions · first at 29:11
• Tim Waltz — Person · 1 mention · first at 16:13
• Arnold Schwarzenegger — Person · 1 mention · first at 35:34
• Sophie Rain — Person · 1 mention · first at 35:59
  That's like onetenth of what Sophie Rain makes a month.
• Matthew Perry — Person · 1 mention · first at 57:40
  When you're young for real, at least for me. And then you start hearing all these stories about like the Matthew Perry situation and all that stuff and it's like he was doing like oxy. He was I thought he was on kidding me.
• Kevin Isopropanol — Person · 1 mention · first at 1:13:19
  And then, follow me on Instagram, Kevin Isopropanol.
• Susan Dea Costa — Person · 1 mention · first at 1:13:28
  Got a podcast with my brother Jayce Avery and Devin Costa called Lemon Party.
• Kevin — Person · 1 mention
• Wes — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

• Lemon Party — Book · 1 mention · first at 1:13:28
  Got a podcast with my brother Jayce Avery and Devin Costa called Lemon Party.

Companies & orgs

• Only Fans — Company · 4 mentions · first at 32:42

Products & tech

• Cybertruck — Product · 1 mention · first at 44:59

Concepts & topics

• Nigerian — Concept · 10 mentions · first at 12:03
• Somalian — Concept · 7 mentions · first at 4:21

Places & events

• Helium Atlanta — Place · 1 mention · first at 34:46
• Optimum Noctis — Place · 1 mention · first at 34:55
  Please come if you can and come to Optimum Noctis as well.
• Hyena Fort Worth — Place · 1 mention · first at 34:58
  January 20th. Oh yeah. And I'm going to be at Hyena Fort Worth January 23rd.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Wow. Wow. Wow. Wes. Chinese girlfriend. Just lead with it. Just lead with it. A Chinese girlfriend.

0:12 [ __ ] This guy's a genius. I heard it for three seconds and now I can't forget it.

0:16 I know. Chinese girlfriend. How sad would you be though, dude? You're like a maybe 55year-old black dude and you lose your Chinese girlfriend. That would kill me. I just feel like more so, and again, you correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like, you know, if I had a Chinese girlfriend, I mean, I'm married, my family would probably disapprove, but if I had a Chinese girlfriend, my family would be like kind of sick. I might get a couple like Chinese girlfriend, but I feel like in a black family to have a Chinese girlfriend, you'd get a mega high five. Correct me if I'm wrong.

0:46 From the from the Oh, from the men. Oh, yeah. The men would. They'd be like, "You did it right." Yeah,

0:53 the men would definitely the women they don't like that, do they? I think all women don't like seeing their man of race date a other race. Women are quietly racist against. They don't like interracial stuff.

1:10 I don't You think white women mind? Oh, they do. I know they do. Yeah, they do. I didn't think they cared.

1:15 They're No, they get mad. They'll tease. They'll get like three glasses of wine and be like, "So, is she dating a black girl? Are you afraid she's going to like beat you up?" They get like a couple glasses of white white wine

1:29 and all the dad's information just trickles out. [clears throat and laughter] You afraid he's going to beat you up.

1:36 He's trying to hit you. I've I've been, you know, I'm in an age gap in a racial relationship, so I know.

1:41 Mhm. Is it you think it's you think it's harder you think it's harder to lose your girlfriend when you older or younger?

1:50 You mean lose? Yeah, cuz you just said it's pretty rough on a 55 year old dude to lose [clears throat] your Asian girlfriend. Ah, man.

1:56 I think it's rougher when you're young. Younger. Yeah, you lose them easier when you're younger. Yeah.

2:00 Five. You lose. Yeah. Yeah. Be I mean pre30 every girl's a kind of a free agent.

2:05 Once they kind of hit 30, then they start going like, "All right, let me nestle into this sitch,

2:10 right?" Because you know, but then but then when you young and you lose them, you didn't really ever really have them even though you thought you did.

2:17 True. When you old and you lose them, you had that. Yeah. And it's gone. And and that's your final form. She was like, I've seen the flower has fully bloomed

2:27 and no thank you for me. It was all you got. I'm going to take my chances dating as a 50-year-old woman,

2:33 which probably is no picnic if I had to imagine. Yeah. Yeah. People say like uh you know before you date a woman just like look at her mother.

2:40 Yeah. I'm like I'm not going to do that. I thought the saying was fap to her mother.

2:45 Oh yeah. I thought it was before you date a woman try to fap to her mother and if prank one off

2:51 the night before the wedding pull up a big photo of her on an iPad. Youard on your Facebook.

2:57 That's what I thought the saying was. I never heard that. I thought Yeah, that's a bachelor. That's the last harrah of your bachelor party. You and all your boys. But does that mean you like truly love your wife that you'd [ __ ] your mom?

3:10 You baby, I love you so much. I would I would eat your mom's [ __ ] I mean, I don't I I mean, that is one form, I guess, but that is the saying like, yo, if you think her mom's hot,

3:23 that's what her daughters that's what her daughter's going to look like. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it don't pan out.

3:28 I would like the opposite. I like to have a very attractive woman with an absolutely busted mom and just sit on the edge of my seat for like 15 years waiting for you

3:36 just to watch the just to see the transformation. That's Italians. Yeah, true. As Italians, you just wait for that meatball to cook in the oven, you know.

3:46 True. She looks like Oh, is it all? Sorry, it's all [ __ ] up. It's okay. We got a little technical difficulty.

3:51 Can we have phone books maybe to Or I can do this or I can We can't have that. You got a cowboy mic. Hey yo. Small.

4:01 Oh, you got it. I'm not have Am I having problems cuz I'm tall as hell either or? No.

4:06 Now my mic's fine. I think I have a different mic. Catches. Dudes, thanks for doing it, man. Ben Avery, Kevin iso.

4:12 Thank you, Matt. Thank you. Hell yeah, man. Thank you guys for coming. Uh Sean was telling me that you had some hot takes on the Ethiopian scandal.

4:20 You don't even got the right. No, Somalian. My bad, dude. I No, I did. I'm more Ethiopian, I think. Somalian.

4:27 Yeah, they all see. Sorry. I just Dude, I get a little nervous sometimes doing it for 10 years. It's a hot button issue.

4:32 Yeah, the Somalian. That's what [clears throat] Gardini pitched me. He goes, "The isotope has some takes on the

4:39 I feel I feel like they've all been said at this point." No. No. But my my thing with it is all right. It's twofold, right? One is like they definitely scamming,

4:51 but it's a matter of fact, I think. Yeah. I mean it's it's it's happening but at the same time that doesn't exclude dude from being racist about going about the way he did it

5:01 talking about the dude Shirley. Yeah. Well dude that was so I watched the video so I didn't know anything about it so I'm like all right let's see what we have here and I read up on it first and I was like yeah for sure there's there's like matter of record scams going on for sure. Uh-huh.

5:14 But that dude was pulling on daycare doors, right, and being like, "Where are the children?" And they're like, "Bro, get out of here." And he's like, "I [ __ ] told you this was a like you're legally they're supposed to be locked,

5:26 right?" It's You have a kid in daycare, it's locked doors, and you're like, "Please don't let them see into this building."

5:32 For sure. I don't want weirdos staring in. I've never been allowed in a daycare.

5:36 You have kids? I You know what I mean? You got to come with that right energy and be like, "Where the [ __ ] are the kids or their taxpayer money?" Exactly. Or and filming the kids, too, which is

5:46 No, it's illegal. Which is like you can't do that. I don't think I really don't think you're allowed. I mean, you could I guess you could technically film them, but you can't do anything with the footage.

5:54 Like, even a daycare has to as a parent ask you if it's okay if they take pictures of your kids, right?

6:00 So, if I roll in with the metas and I'm like, "Show me the [ __ ] children. Let me in now." With like a 60-year-old guy next to me

6:09 just waving documents. The video was insane. I I watched it being like, "Oh man, they're going to blow my socks off of the scandal." And I was like, "This guy's out of his [ __ ] mind. You're not He's wrong. You're not allowed." I mean, again, it's like, "Yes, there's clearly massive fraud in Minnesota."

6:22 Yeah. He's acting like he blew the lid off it. It's like, "Bro, you're like a year and a half late,

6:27 right?" Cuz they they already caught the lady that was originally doing it. Well, dude, there was that. There was also there was the autism centers that got busted. And then there was that.

6:35 What would happen in the autism centers? It's just it' be a building like this. Imagine if we all down here like, "Yeah, we're working on Autism Kids." It like came down. We're just doing a podcast and making like a million dollars.

6:44 Somebody got to start counting [ __ ] fast. Oh, [ __ ] They hear three four. The big the biggest the biggest scam, and again, these are just the ones who get caught.

6:54 There was one for $250 million recently where during the during COVID, they were getting government funds. It was called like Feed the Future or something.

7:02 And dude, these it was like I think like 60 people got arrested. They were just taking money and it was unfortunately it was mostly Somalian dudes but they were taking the money and they took like 250 mil

7:13 in just like food bank money and they like you know they tracked everything. It was they they were saying they bought they uh gave money to the whatever that terrorist organization is.

7:23 They but they they did a deep dive. It was just sick whips. It went to warlords and stuff.

7:27 They No, it didn't. They said it was but it they like did a deep dive and it was apparently just like sick ass Lamborghinis and [ __ ]

7:33 But see so Okay. So that's kind of tight. Yeah, that's and that's that's that's that's where one of the dudes like messed up at cuz they like he got in front of the the learning center and he was like, "Yeah, this is uh this is an est this is a legit business." And then they went on his Instagram. He was in pictures with like Lambos and stuff. It's like damn, I don't know daycare. I don't know what he did.

7:52 I think he pulled up on the Uber Eats Twitter like scared and dude's like, "Yo, where the [ __ ] is that?

7:58 Yo, where'd you get that with?" But that that's my thing with Okay, so you said the the feeding center or whatever and they took

8:04 Oh, dude, there is massive, right? There's massive fraud and they busted it. They like they got them.

8:11 I don't care. I mean, it's fair where where I personally I just don't care about people stealing my taxpayer dollars.

8:19 That's a fair point. I don't know where them shits is going anyway. That's a fair point.

8:22 So what the [ __ ] They stealing the money that we took from you that you don't know what we doing with it. To be fair, somebody's going to steal your taxpayer dollars.

8:31 Like that's I think people need to wake up to that reality. If it's not that blatant, it's going to be a bazillion nonprofits who are going like we just need 100,000 more and they just [ __ ] pocket it,

8:41 right? And it's already or it's going to the war [ __ ] and it's like I don't know where this [ __ ] is going at all, bro. Y'all don't send me no kind of update after I pay this money about, yo, this is what this is doing.

8:51 Dude, the Venezuela shit's I don't know. The Venezuelan shit's been like pretty open as far as wars go. They're like, "Yeah, we just took their oil." They're not even hiding it. Before like Iraq was like, "We're going there just for the oil." Like, "No, we're not." And they're like, "Yeah, we went there for the oil and we [ __ ] got it."

9:03 Oh, they saying that now? Yeah. They just said like, "We took we seized their oil." They went in there. They had the Venice. What? Maduro, I guess his name was was the

9:10 They were like he was a tyrant and, you know, they were like, "We just couldn't stand, you know, stand with that guy being a tyrant and like smuggling drugs into our country. So, we just stole all of their we stole a lot of their oil and we're just going to take over their oil industry."

9:23 Okay. I'm glad they being honest. That's what I'm saying. I thought I thought he was lying for a little bit cuz they were talking about the drug situation.

9:30 I mean, what do they need oil for? Venezuela. Yeah, [ __ ] the traffic drugs. We need it.

9:34 They need to put it They need mix gas into a boat and traffic drugs. [ __ ] work. This Grand Theft Auto ass country.

9:41 No, that's a fair take. You don't So, you were seeing a lot of the stuff about like, "Fuck this, this is bullshit." And you're like, "Yeah, I don't I don't care that they're scam. Let them scam."

9:49 I don't I don't know. Okay. Yeah, I don't care that they're scamming, but also I don't care where my taxpayer dollars go. If they're scamming that kind of money, I rather them scam that money than my money that I'm investing. Like, whenever these white dudes is doing their fraud, it's money that you actually gave to Enron.

10:08 It's like my real money. I rather you take the money that was already about to be taken that they you know what I mean? I don't know where it's going. So, you know, but uh they definitely they definitely I'm not

10:23 there's some six-year-old white kids in [clears throat] Minnesota right now who are furious with that take.

10:29 I don't care. You don't know where his taxpayer dollar is going. He don't even know where his [ __ ] going. Oh, they taking the money my money. No, it's not. Your money is You don't know where the [ __ ] your money at. But my other thing, so with the with the with the racism [ __ ] it's just like it's like it's like uh when I would used to like walk in the stores and like they would follow me around like, "Oh, this black guy stealing." And it's like, "Oh, you following me around is racism." And I was stealing, too. But that's what the that's what the Minnesota shirt remind me of. It's like, "Yeah, it's racist."

11:02 But yeah, I think they went the other way. I think the Minnesota government was like, "How dare you say that?" And then

11:09 it came out where it was like, "Fuck." Yeah, we got out. Because they could have totally That's not a hard thing to check with like the autism centers and stuff. You send out a couple people with clipboards being like, "How many people we got in here? All right, we're good." But I think they were kind of like,

11:22 "We trust you." And they got [ __ ] leveled. Yeah. The problem [snorts] I mean, the problem with that [ __ ] too is that they they just put in all Somalians now. And it's like across the country cuz this is a couple Smallian homies I got out here really that people are like yo they just looking at their foreheads they just looking at their foreheads like you you smiling it's rough out here for y'all right now. It's like damn which which I mean that's just that's the that's the part about it that just that stings the most. That's stuff. But I mean I Here's the thing though, like as a like a black American, do you ever think about just like totally just ostracizing them and coming up off like dunking on them racially?

12:03 No, I'm Nigerian. Yeah, you mother Well, that's what I'm saying. What you mean?

12:06 Oh, so you're Niger you're you're from Nigeria. Yeah. Yeah, my parents are. I'm Nigerian by marriage, so I totally get it. Don't My wife's her family is Nigerian. Really? I've been to a Nigerian wedding. They're [ __ ] sick.

12:17 Yeah. Lay on the ground. I was just at one a couple months ago. Beg the father of the the bride.

12:22 Oh, you did? Oh, I I wanted to I asked to do it, too. They're like, "No, you got to chill." But

12:26 Oh, you didn't have a Nigerian wedding? No. No. She's like, you know, she's not like her like grandmother supposedly is, but you know.

12:33 Okay. They're not from where, you know, we're from. But this is the map of the daycarees. It was 4,000 in a 20 mile radius.

12:41 Are these the ones that are fraud? That's not That's That's a lot of guys. So, here's the thing. When I hear when people go,

12:50 why are some red and why are some green? I'm not sure, but somewhere in the middle of the water, too.

12:55 Well, they are pirates, right? Makes sense. I personally when everybody went up to the day when people went up to the daycarees, they're like, "There's no kids in the Somalian daycarees." I was like, I was relieved. I was like, "Thank God there's no ch." That's like worst case scenario when Thank Like Thank God they're in.

13:15 Were you Were you worried? Were you worried they like chisled out? I thought you were worried.

13:20 I thought you were worried they chiseled out the cement floors and were mining lithium.

13:26 Guys, let's get real for a second here. I've found that comedy is a great way to discover more about yourself. Dude, I've learned Speak on how comedy has helped you discover something about yourself or helped you grow as a person. examples. It's helped you be more honest about your faults. Yeah, I'd say it helped me be more honest about my faults and uh more vulnerable vulnerable, excuse me. It's also helped me gain a new perspective from doing stand-up comedy in my art form. Uh when I first started my career, I quickly learned that there were obstacles that I wanted to overcome. Uh I did have a terrible uh case of stage fright, but I put my faith fully in God and that helped me overcome it.

14:06 I want to talk about any obstacles or things about yourself that you want to work on in the new year. Example, learn how to stop stressing about what you can't control. Guys, if there's one goal you should have going into the new year, it should be to feel better about yourself, to feel lighter. Plus, getting started is a straight getting started is straightforward and simple. All you need is BetterHelp. Therapy can help you discover what obstacles you're facing and how to overcome them. BetterHelp has over 12 years of experience connecting people with the right therapist. They've served over 5 million people globally and judging by all the glowing reviews, it works. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/mssp.

14:49 That's betterhp.com/msssp. When did they when did they run into these daycarees, too? That's the That's my other thing because I saw this [ __ ] on Christmas.

15:01 I mean, he was like, "It ain't nobody in the day." I'm like, "It's the holiday."

15:06 Supposedly, there's supposedly this video is debunking it. I didn't go looking for them.

15:10 Well, the So, here's the thing, too. And I'm pro pirate. I've always loved pirates. I'm a big fan.

15:16 Who doesn't love pirates? True. That's fair. my so the video itself apparently [snorts] and this I was curious too because they looked into it and it was like no these were all legit daycarees because I guess whatever the Minnesota state came through Minnesota Vikings came through and just like no these are all check out and then you go okay well is this like a government cover up like the Democrats being like dude we can't take another political hit it's going to be an election year

15:41 but then it's like apparently it's it's I think they were legitly running because dude like Republican like lawyers and they were the moment that video came out, there was probably a bazillion lawyers like digging in and all that stuff. So, if it wasn't above board, they would have I think they would have cracked it.

15:56 You know what I mean? Yeah. Because they were like the, you know, if you get like the Republican guys, they're super motivated to like prove that they're a scam. It just looks scary.

16:05 It's a big slam dunk. Huge slam dunk. 360 slam dunk. But they already got the slam dunk. [snorts]

16:09 The young YouTuber went in for like a weird victory lap and it happened. Tim Waltz quit. Tim Walt

16:15 Oh yeah, I saw that. I saw that. It was a head shot. It was a head shot. And he Walt is and that guy went on like I ended Wallace.

16:22 Well, and reality is kind of me'd into existence anyway. So, it doesn't really matter what's true. So, he had he had to take the L. I don't even know if it's it's real or not. Have you actually found out like the real like definitive

16:35 I looked it up. There's there was a definitive scam. People were prosecuted for $250 million. You have to think like say you're selling drugs. When that finally gets busted, you don't bust them right away.

16:48 So, it was They were probably rocking. They were running it for a while, right?

16:51 They were rocking. They rob us at sea and they rob us at land. Did you see the late uh you go ahead? No. No. No. Get it out. Get it out. Get it out.

17:01 Keep an eye. Please have the floor. Get it out. Get it out. Look, he wanted someone on to defend the the Pirates and um

17:08 No, it wasn't it. I thought it was just a funny take cuz I didn't know anything about it. And Gardini was like, "Yeah, ISIS wants to talk about this."

17:15 I'm definitely I'm definitely passionate about it. I'm all for scams. I mean, we live in a bureaucracy, right? And like that's scams are supposed to be hidden within the bureaucratic state. That's why it exists so they can do all their scams. Yeah.

17:26 So, uh when other people are scam, I mean, everybody's scamming. Nancy Pelosi is scamming. You know, [snorts] we're paying for health insurance for Israelis for some reason. Apparently,

17:35 tax dollars. Yeah. It's going everywhere. It's going everywhere but us. to our roads, to our children, to our So, you know,

17:42 go Pirates. Did you Did you see which is which is a fair point, by the way. Everybody's scamming. It's just that when you when it's so obvious

17:50 what the scam is. That's when everybody get a little tight. We're like, "Yo, you dude, there ain't no kids in the daycare." It's like versus versus the bank fraud scam where it's hard to see. You walk into the bank, it look like it's real [ __ ] Yep.

18:02 And then you pull the thing down and I don't know. Pull it off a little better. Yeah. And also too, like you have to think if you're I mean I don't know. I don't know really much about Minnesota, but you can never underestimate just like an older kind of angry like white old white guy.

18:15 Mhm. Yeah. There were eyes on those [ __ ] guys. [clears throat] Yeah. There they had eyes on the Somali from day one. This guy's going

18:24 he was on to them immediately. What the [ __ ] is it? And they just they just got stared at for 10 years until a guy was like, "Hold on a second. I noticed something here.

18:31 Come on, man. [snorts] You know how many times I've seen Fargo? I ain't seen one Somalian inside that [ __ ]

18:37 What in the movie? You're saying in the show? All of it. Is Fargo with Minnesota?

18:41 I think it's a Dakota. Yeah, I think I think I think uh Minnesota's like maybe. I don't know.

18:48 Minnesota might have like the biggest Somalian population. Yeah, because they uh they they they let the men sanctuary, right? Because they're scamming.

18:59 No, they did. Sanctuary city. Did you see the Did you see the um the kid on CNN?

19:05 What? You're the kid who did the video. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see the CNN interview? Can y'all Y'all can't play that [ __ ] on here. Nick,

19:11 he looks so dumb on there. Who? Shirley. How old is Nick Shirley? Like 21. Yeah. He That's the thing. He's a youngster.

19:18 Yeah, he's a kid. He's a youngster. He He kind of in over his head a little bit.

19:22 Yeah, he's drunk on your new old guy. His next old guy, Dude, the old guy waving papers. Dude, the old guy has a thousand pages of loose leaf or he's been tracking smiles.

19:34 He is That guy's not [ __ ] He's been thinking about preschools way before this scam ever happened.

19:40 Well, no. The thing that the thing that they [clears throat] didn't mention though, they brought up in the video, which again to the the video's point, like yes, they had a they have a major problem with Somalian scamming in Minnesota, but then there was like these just vehicles that were like, "Hey, we can we just drive people around for medical appointments." But then they were like, they're not checking. Again, I don't know if this guy's that's true or not. He's like, but that's that's in every city, dude. Home the home care hustle is like the oldest thing in the world. Just chill with your aunt and get 30 bucks an hour.

20:08 Absolutely. Everywhere. That's everywhere. Absolutely. Which again kind of chill. I honestly think the home care thing is kind of That's kind of nice.

20:15 It's a good scam. It's a really good scam. It's a really good scam. And it's like a low stakes scam for real. Like even the daycare thing, it's a low stakes thing for real. Like if you say that you got 50 kids in a daycare, but you really got 25. Who you hurting?

20:31 Yeah. Well, there's another 25 kids who should be in there. Yeah. Like they're they're printing so much money every month anyway now. It's money's not real anymore. I'm kid all right.

20:40 Yeah. I mean, hey, look, LS2 [ __ ] uh what's the guy's name again? Shirley. Shirley's going to be on your [ __ ] ass, dude. He's going to end you. You're next. You're on the Shirley hit list.

20:50 That guy I'm skeptical of that guy's video. There's clearly like fraud of some kind, but the He had a video with Joe Biden where he was holding up immigration signs and [ __ ]

21:00 Who's this one? He was paying immigrants to hold up signs that said like we're for Joe Biden because he's going to have open borders and like Nick Shirley cop to that. That he was paying people in the video to look like

21:09 what? So he stages stuff in his videos, but that doesn't mean it's not un that it's untrue. It just means he embellishes things.

21:16 Yeah. See, he's scamming the scammers. True. I mean, he definitely came up. And again, the video I I watched it. I gave it an honest look and I was like, "Dude, this is

21:24 it's weird." Like I was like I was trying to look at the comments to see if there would be one person being like, "Yeah, you're not allowed to just barge into it." Everyone's like, "Get him, brother."

21:35 I'd be if that was my kids daycare. Someone was kicking in the door and they were like, "I'm so sorry, sir. Please tour the facilities." I'd be like, "Dude, I'm taking my kids out of here."

21:44 Objectively funny leing daycare center. Objectively funny them learing they're learing

21:50 them missing that in objectively hilarious. Well there's still to be fair they're still just learing so there's obviously there's there's improvement there's there's improvements to be made.

22:01 We're all lifelong students on that comment thing like why aren't there like the parents of the kids coming out like if there was kids there like Matt said he'd be like you like oh

22:11 cuz the kids aren't going to be in the daycare with them. Yeah. And also they're probably scamming too a little bit. So they're probably like, "Dude, get the [ __ ] out of here."

22:20 And also, how we know it wasn't a overnight daycare? How we know it's not a daycare?

22:26 How we know? Yeah, cuz some people are in night school. How we know it's not a daycare for strippers?

22:31 You got kids. That's always sad when I see you see that in Philly sometimes. You're driving through a neighborhood and you see the daycare hours and it's like 2:00 a.m. pickup and you're like, "God damn, dude. God,

22:44 they legit have like midnight pick up on day. How we know they don't get paid in ones?

22:52 True. You got to drop. You're not looking at this the right way. Just got to drop the Crown Royal sack full of ones every month.

22:59 No, I work at a daycare. I swear. I swear. I swear I watch kids. You watch kids with this? Hold on.

23:05 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I mean, look, maybe we should have a live cam in a Somalian daycare 24/7. It would be nice as a pedophile watching that being like,

23:17 "There we go. Things are about to change. I don't think pedophiles like Somalian kids."

23:21 I I don't know. You don't think so? I'm just I don't I don't like I think Kevin's right on this one.

23:28 Children. I've looked into Michael Guino and Countryw Walker, Prescidio, McMartin, and there's no Somalians mentioned in any of Tim Tate's books or anything. You think it's never mind that's a bad comparison

23:39 when it comes to satanic ritual abuse you know usually there's not a small kind too gy

23:52 maybe pedophile say I don't know we want Kevin we want Kevin it's funny to be mad about dayc carees now though like the satanic panic and everything in the 80s and the 90s you know

24:03 sorry I shouldn't get that to myself oh no it's fine It's we're podcasting. Wait, so as here's the thing though from like okay Nigerian, right?

24:11 Mhm. So excellent scammers. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And they're also like Nigerians. I'm I'm a big proponent of Nigerian excellence

24:20 in terms of mathematics, all that stuff. As a Nigerian, wouldn't you like just see a Somali and be like

24:25 or is it like more unity than that? Because as like I know Ethiopians and Somalians, Ethiopians, they don't like each other. Uh, I think there's a bit of a

24:32 everybody everybody beefs, but then like on when when you outside when you off the off the continent, I think there's a little bit more unity.

24:42 Yeah. You know, but on it it is a little bit of, you know, everybody people beef with they Nigerians that hate other Nigerians.

24:49 Yeah, that's fair. I mean, it's like Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Right. Right. Right. Right. The closer you are, the worse it feel like. It really is. But Nigerian scamming, I hope they don't start looking at into that [ __ ] What?

25:03 Nick, stay away. They will [ __ ] us up, dude. I actually looked into um I was I was I went to a Nigerian restaurant one time and I was watching there was like the Nollywood movies. I didn't know what it was. I was watching like what the [ __ ] Yeah. You know about Nigerian Nigerian Hollywood. And dude, I like looked into it. You can film a movie in Nigeria for like 15 grand.

25:24 That's awesome. Thinking about it. Yeah. You know, here it's like a million bucks.

25:28 That would be hilarious. You have to if I did a Hollywood epic it would be nice. Just put myself in it like Clint Eastwood style, right? Directed stuff

25:34 for 15 grand. You could shoot like Mission Impossible. No. An indie movie. An indie movie.

25:40 Oh, an indie. You do like a nice a really sick indie movie. That would actually be hilarious.

25:45 That would be a sick move. Yeah. I would have a brutal schedule though cuz I try to be like maybe a month. I'm like, you know, I can bring my whole family.

25:52 I'd watch it. I' I'd definitely watch you not understand anything they're saying.

25:56 No, dude. They're speaking English a whole lot. Oh, they're speaking English, but it's also pigeon

26:00 little something. Yeah. Yeah. Throwing some French in the mix. No, check it out. Nollywood movies are sick. They're on YouTube for free.

26:06 Um Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Full feature, dude. There I I I watched it in the restaurant. I'm like, "Bro, what the [ __ ] is this? This movie is crazy."

26:13 A lot of the movies have the same plot, though. A lot of them is like a guy who like cheats on his wife and then and then she like he he like he like gets in an accident and comes crawling back to her

26:27 accident or like I don't know like a car accident or she like puts a spell on him and then he can't [ __ ] walk anymore and then he's like take me back I'm sorry and she's like

26:36 don't they believe in witches and stuff? Uh believe in witches is crazy. [clears throat]

26:41 No they don't. No, I've seen like newspapers from over there. Believe in witches

26:46 and they say like a witch can touch your penis and it shrinks into nothing. No, that's that's like witchcraft, but it's not like a belief. It's more so like

26:57 you're talking like voodoo type [ __ ] It's like it's like I I won't say it's like a belief thing, but it's more so like it's more prevalent and it's actually

27:07 it's actually real for real. Like voodoo. I'm not wrong. It's real. He goes, "No, but yes." And

27:14 this shit's real. It is real. For real. You go You go. Yeah. If somebody If somebody for real that could do that [ __ ] to you and take your [ __ ] hair and wrap it around some [ __ ] or put some blood on you and then like I I think that [ __ ] is real.

27:29 You can read about witchcraft in the newspapers there if you subscribe to any of the newspapers.

27:35 All right. You can read about it. Yeah. I'm about to scam your ass. Huh? There we go.

27:48 That's not Is that real? It probably is. I saw I was watching one earlier and uh I was like skipping through and there was one it was it was the exact plot you're describing where it was like a guy had been cheating on her friend

28:00 and she like there's I was like trying to just like I wanted to watch just the climax of the movie. I went to like the end and this lady put like a handkerchief on her head, gigantic sunglasses, and just confronted a guy being like, "I know what you did." He's like, "You cannot prove it."

28:14 So, it's literally And I only watched for like 10 seconds. It was the exact plot.

28:19 Yo, they all the same. But that women love that [ __ ] Like comedies. Yeah. And the comedies were, you know, I watched the comedy in the restaurant. It was actually I was like kind of crack. It was like pure slapstick. It was kind of cracking me up.

28:29 Yeah. Like falling and [ __ ] like Aki and papa is like oh right never mind I thought you were like going to type it in and think you were like speak English but uh no Nigerian scammers best best scammers is a dude that like scammed like like he sold an airport to somebody I swear to God

28:50 that rules he sold an airport to somebody I don't I don't remember the full story I remember

28:55 basically a really big parking lot he sold an airport that didn't exist that's awesome to who?

29:01 And I feel like it was like a a government or something or some like just some foreigner, but he sold in the airport, a Nigerian dude. And then obviously Hush Puppy is like one of the most notorious

29:14 What was Hush Puppy? Nigerian scammers. He he was just he he's in jail right now, I think, for like 11 years, but he he was just stealing money. I don't even remember how for real.

29:23 Really? Yeah. But couple hundred million. Yeah. I like the I like the romance. was trying to make a documentary about it.

29:30 Hush Puppy sounds like a hiccop rapper. Like he'd be featured on a Jelly Roll album.

29:35 Jelly [snorts] Roll featuring Hush Hop. Hiccop. You know what hiccop is? Now I can now

29:41 Hiccop is like it's red dirt. We're from the red dirt road. Okay. Like that. And they're wave Confederate flags.

29:48 My bad. Real estate mogul. Nice. Hush puppy was a real estate mogul. Yeah. Sick.

29:54 That's a great name. 124 million from an English Premier League club. [snorts] You know what?

30:02 True. I mean, that's tough. Go big or go home, man. Yeah, you can [ __ ] around the fake daycare or you can just go big. Get 124 million from an English guy.

30:11 I think they only got him for like 11 years or something like that. That's not bad. Not bad. Not bad. I like that trade.

30:16 Yeah. I feel like if you steal 100 million bucks, you can hide for sure probably 50 million and then give the rest up and like, "Oh, dude, I don't know how to spend it all. Sorry. Yeah,

30:24 you guys didn't bring up the prince. What prince? The Nigerian prince. The email scams.

30:29 Yeah, that's an elite scam right there, dude. [snorts] So, apparently, so I looked into that a long time ago. Those like that was like the Yeah. Apparently Well, apparently that wasn't even Some of those weren't even from Africa. Some of those are just like a dude from Ohio.

30:44 See, figning the Nigerian prince, which is like 40 chess for sure. See, that's the that's the that's the scam right now cuz everybody still think that's the scam the Nigerians is doing. We left y'all in the 90s thinking that and now we doing new stuff. Keep thinking it. Keep the stereotype alive. Yeah, it's a Nigerian prince. We are white women now.

31:10 The new [ __ ] is scamming the elderly. That's the new Oh, that's that's meat potatoes,

31:14 dude. Just catfishing. You're you you ever some people go home for Thanksgiving to see their grandma and they go, "I'm dating Matt Ry." You're like, "Oh god,

31:22 [ __ ] I'm dating Vladimir Putin and I send them Apple gift cards every Tuesday and we're married and oh god."

31:31 And if you track it, it's always goes to Kuwait. They're killing the game right now. Really killing it.

31:36 Yeah. I Yeah. There's a great catfishing YouTube channel and they always track these people down.

31:40 I like a classic Indian robocall. Yes. Yes. Just 40 dudes sweating in a [ __ ] call center just banging the phone. That's what I love.

31:48 In a warehouse that's flooded. I like when they're playing video games and the water's like up to here. You have you seen that?

31:55 Where they're all playing They're all playing like video poker and they have to swim to the next machine.

32:00 What is that real? It could be AI. It doesn't matter. I made it up. Maybe. Yo, Sora is good though, dude. You never know. Nah, it's getting scary, man.

32:13 Yeah, it's getting scary. I'm I don't even want to They got They got a a dude They got uh Matt Barnes recently. They got him like he some AI girl scammed him out like 60 grand or something like something crazy.

32:26 Yeah, bro. Who's Who's Matt Barnes again? His uh uh former basketball player. Oh no, he fell for that.

32:32 Yeah, bro. Sad dog. Scam for how much? I feel like it was like 60. Jeez. I think I still think the Shannon Sharp thing is like an intricate scam where you get lawyers who hook up with Only Fans ladies and they start just [ __ ] like go go go film the sexual encounter,

32:47 threaten the tape. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. We're in the second week of January and you've probably already given up on your resolutions. But there's good news. Some of the best football games of the season are around the corner. We've got great games on the schedule this weekend, and there's no better place to get a piece of the action than prize picks. With team picks, there's even more to choose from. Hm. I'd like to discuss a new feature. Want to pick winners in the race to the big game, you can now on prize picks.

33:18 H, that's pretty hype. So, people you think will be in the race. You I think you can just pick teams now. It looks like it's saying like I I think you can just go the birds and if I can, that's what I'm doing every single time. There you go.

33:30 I'm picking the birds. I'm picking the birds to win, which is big since we live in Texas. You couldn't do that before and now we can.

33:37 Yeah. Now it's it's definitely wide open this year. So many different teams could win at all.

33:42 That's very nice. Guys, team picks are now available on prize picks in Texas, California, Florida, and more. And for the prize picks OGs, you can still make all the player pick lineups you want. Just pick more or less on at least two player stats. If you get your picks right, you could cash in. Download the Prize Pix app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize Pick. It's good to be right. Oh, hell yeah.

34:13 Next weekend, January 16th and 17th, I will be in Houston and then I'll be at Dallas. Uh the 23rd, I'll be in Hartford, Connecticut, and then the 24th I'll be in Albby, New York. And then we have Las Vegas coming up. uh 213. That's February 13th. Uh that's a big one. Tickets are going slow cuz that's just how it works in Las Vegas. It's a week of town [ __ ] whatever. And then I'll be in Denver, Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, and a bunch of other places. Go to mattcuser.com for tickets. The There's actually a little thing in the uh underneath the episode. Click it, please.

34:43 Hey, hello everyone. January 15th, I'm going to be at Helium Atlanta. And then the week after that, Sean's going to be there.

34:50 Yep. January 22nd through the 24th. Please come if you can and come to Optimum Noctis as well.

34:56 January 20th. Oh yeah. And I'm going to be at Hyena Fort Worth January 23rd. That's it.

35:02 Thank you. Nobody cares, bro. The only fans [ __ ] is getting better. I saw something recently. It said it's easier for Only Fans models in other countries to get a visa to this country than it is for like like movies. Like they said the only fans models is eating up the visas.

35:23 Really? Yeah. So I thought they were sex slaves. What the hell? They said they could get in with the if they make a certain amount of money.

35:31 Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. The visas that they like reserve for like Arnold Schwarzenegger type people.

35:36 Yeah. They giving it to That makes sense. I see what you're saying. Yeah, dude. I looked it up one time cuz I wanted to see like, you know, how much Only Fans actually makes like versus Patreon. like Patreon. I think all the Patreons globally put everyone's Patreon money together and I think it's like

35:52 I don't even know. I think it maybe is like $80 million if that. Yeah. Do you know how much Only Fans is collectively?

35:59 That's like onetenth of what Sophie Rain makes a month. Dude, it's it's like 13 billion a year.

36:05 Only Fans is 13 billion. I think porn and gaming like and gambling are the big three and comedy is like way under here.

36:11 I know. When it comes to we should all start [ __ ] each other on the show at least

36:14 and and playing poker. Just we'll AI it. We'll just AI. We'll wear mo cap suits. We're not actually [ __ ] but it just looks like we are.

36:26 We're just like we're just like dry homing. What? It's real. Oh [ __ ] No, bro.

36:38 Dude's a typhoon. What are they going to do? That's true. That's true. Gaming in the typhoon is actually kind of legendary.

36:43 That shows you how addictive gambling is, right? Hold on. I almost won. A snake on you.

36:53 There's It's like Anaconda. There's gators and [ __ ] Dude, that's [ __ ] up. Where was that again?

37:03 They said Philippines. That was the Philippines. So that was a some a cafe. That was an internet cafe.

37:07 Okay, that's how you know. Yeah, that's how you know uh the country is not doing well when they're like, "Yo, we uh we have the internet here. I'll pay five bucks an hour."

37:17 Okay, so that's gaming. I do get that, dude. Being 12 years old and playing Xbox Live. The house could be on fire.

37:22 You could have flooded my cousin's basement. We weren't going anywhere. Not going anywhere, dude. I'm playing.

37:26 Especially if I just got to a level I even got to before. Come on now. The game's not safe.

37:31 I mean, that would be chill, too. You never even think of Imagine just like chilling in water and gaming.

37:35 If you rage quit, though, you electrocute yourself. If you slam the controller down, it kills everybody.

37:40 Everybody dies. Damn, [snorts] that's [ __ ] crazy. When I I remember when I would go to the beach when I was little, the beach would flood all the time. So we me and my cousins would go out in the streets and like swim in like the street flood water.

37:51 Yeah. I just realized not too long ago it was sewage. It was all sewage. Oh yeah.

37:55 Yeah. Nasty. Poop and pee. Poop and pee. I was just in there dunking my head fully under.

38:00 My mom would be like, "Don't go in there." And I'm like, "Whatever." And I'd be under there just like fully under full breath stroke and poop and pee. like, "Mommy, look at me." A

38:10 piece of [ __ ] on your head, a huge shirt. Why didn't I was like when I first when I had my first kid, we were in Philly and we're at this playground

38:19 and like there was a they like a sprinkler kind of thing, but that had kept going and it like it flooded one of the little drains, like the storm drains, and then that water was kicking up from the sewage and it created this other little pond.

38:30 So I don't like kids would go to play in there. They'd be with another kid and that kid would jump in like the [ __ ] water and I'd be like, "Hold up, you can't play in there." like they're playing in there. And I was like, they have bad lives, dude. You don't like they don't have the parents here, dude. They're going to swim in the [ __ ] water and you're going to stay out of that. And you know, this is where your guys' friendship ends. So god damn.

38:49 Sorry. I was drunk on a couch. You could swim in the [ __ ] water. Unfortunately, I'm here. So, no [ __ ] water for you.

38:56 Would you let them do the trampoline on the mattress that's been outside uh for like 6 months clean?

39:02 Hell no. You wouldn't. No [snorts] way. Like it's just sitting out. If I saw a mattress, first of all, if there's a mattress outside my house, I would call the city. Mick, remove this right now. I'm not having that. Like, guys, this is a this is infested. Take this out immediately.

39:15 No, I'm I'm uh Yeah, I don't know. I I try to even in Philly, like I remember like if if someone would be like nodded out on our street corner, I wouldn't be mean to them, but I'd go up and be like, "Bro, you got to move."

39:25 But you used to do it though. Oh, yeah. I would have done I used to walk along the side of the highway when I was a kid.

39:29 Yeah. So, yeah. I used to like throw golf balls at cars and like run away and Yeah. That was really bad. But the but no, my kids live like a completely I mean I'm letting them kind of roam a little bit now.

39:39 But no, they're they're like completely sheltered. You got a a girl and two girls.

39:44 Two girls. Oh, all right. Never mind. I thought I thought you had a boy. No. Yeah.

39:48 Be totally different. I I got hit in the nuts recently. I was like I think my my daughter was trying to like wash a baby or like little doll out in the sink, but it was bedtime. So I'm like, "Come on, it's bedtime." No, no, no. So I went to grab her and she did that [ __ ] where she gripped the edge of the sink. So I had to like [ __ ] like come on. I pulled her off. As I pull her off, she just she's three years old. She just swung back and kicked me in the nuts and I had her like this like cuz I have to hold her away from me so she doesn't hit me.

40:13 Held her up and I like it went through my head to just do full like onto the bed. And if it were if she were a son, I would have spiked my son onto the bed [clears throat] and I just gently lowered her like you little [ __ ] I'll be back. I was about to bounce her off the mattress. Dude was like I just got hit. It's like a reaction. You hit the nuts. You're like, "Fuck you."

40:33 But I like gently laid her down. I was like, "I'll be back." The smashing machine.

40:37 I would have choke slammed a three-year-old boy right through that [ __ ] Yeah. Instantly. I for real had to stop myself. I was like,

40:49 and I knew it was coming, but I tried to move and she's like groan. So, she was like, "Wack." [ __ ]

40:54 Even if you did that, somebody would be like, "We understand." Oh, dude. Yeah. No, man. That was that was close. I almost [ __ ] I mean it was a bed. She would have got my she would have rattled her for sure. But

41:05 for sure she if I spiked her actually she could have broke her arm, but I didn't. So

41:11 what's your parenting style? Are you are you um are you copying what your parents have done to you? Are you spreading the tra the generational traumas that you uh experienced as a child?

41:20 I hope not. I mean you like to think you're not your parents, but then you know every now and then you go, "Fuck, I'm the exact same guy."

41:27 Yeah. Like I'm my dad, you know? But you like you like to think you're completely different, right? And they might have thought they were different, but I don't know. I feel like I was generally just [ __ ] ignored. No one paid attention to me. And I would just wander around in the woods.

41:38 Really? Yeah. And like find like knives and stuff. No, I I would just get lost all day.

41:43 I don't My brother told me this. I don't remember it at all, but like I used my like bedtime, they would put me in a room and just latch a thing on the outside and be like, "Bro, see you in the morning."

41:53 Damn. So they would just lock they would lock cuz I knew they did it to my sister and I was always like, "That's so [ __ ] up. They did that to Kathleen." My brother was like, "Dude, they did it to you, too." And I was like, "Oh, fuck."

42:00 Wow. They would just go full like, "You're done. You're goodbye for the day." Darkness.

42:05 I was just the creature, dude. I was in a room like that. And you're in a Somalian daycare.

42:10 And the windows are boarded up and the lights are off. Where the [ __ ] was that kid? I needed him to be like, "WHERE THE [ __ ] ARE THE KIDS IN HERE?

42:18 Let me see this child." Yeah. Yeah. That's that was her [ __ ] My mom too, she would be like like if she like my like my older brothers and like my cousins there, they weren't taking a nap. She would just trap them under her legs and until they fell asleep and then be like, "All right, good."

42:33 Damn. [ __ ] put the put the quads on them. That's crazy. The thing So I do way different stuff.

42:38 I didn't So I didn't have any fun growing up. Like my my parents were no fun. There was no fun. Everybody was miserable. We were all strangers in the house. So I'm just trying to make it where if I can teach them to have fun

42:49 Yeah. Then that's a skill that they can take throughout the rest of their life and attract goodness and great things and good people. That's the plan.

42:56 That feels like the ultimate if you can have fun in any situation. True. Then you're unstoppable. Right. So that's what I'm trying to do. That's true.

43:02 So we like, you know, we [ __ ] drive around really fast in the car, listen to really loud music, dance a lot.

43:09 We do Coke. She's drinking and driving. She's three. That is that is the one thing once you have kids and it really dawns on you like [ __ ] dude I'm in charge of your mental well-being

43:26 like I'm pulling from a poisoned well I know man I'm just dipping this bucket into your brain you're like god help me please.

43:32 You feel like your parents are like a lighthouse for like you go that's good that that's there cuz I can avoid that that rocky

43:38 shore. My parents did a I think a lot of things really good. They were just like like there like you know now we have like the internet we have like a thing like when you yell at your child for 7 seconds they make new old path like there was none of that [ __ ] They were just like whoop their [ __ ] ass.

43:50 Yeah. We would all go out to dinner as a family and every by like towards the end of it it would just be me and my brothers in the car by ourselves just like chilling until everyone ate cuz you if you acted up you had to sit in the car.

43:59 You just sit in a suburban by yourself just like damn this is [ __ ] [ __ ] dude I didn't get dessert.

44:03 That's so funny. They took y'all out to eat. Yeah, we would go to this place. True. Like [snorts] I said, there was good stuff.

44:11 It's so funny that your punishment is, "Son, go sit in a hot car." It was nothing.

44:16 Go do what Casey Anthony does to her children. That's your punishment. I I Dude, I never even thought a kid could die from a hot car.

44:24 Yeah, that's like a Who's to say if they can? This is new kids. These are weak kids. Maybe.

44:30 These are those peanut allergy kids. I do dry saunas every day. I'm fine. 20 25 minutes, I'm fine. 24 hours. If

44:36 anything, the baby just activated his heat shock protein. So, that is so sad, dude. Just to forget cuz it's like I get it. Like, you're just like, "A [ __ ] I didn't even think about it." And you come out and it's like, "Damn,

44:48 kid's dead." Nowadays, the car will car beeps. The or the car will lock you inside of it and catch on fire.

44:54 What is that? Have you see this with the Cyber Trucks? They they So, the Cybertruck has a mode where it turns it turns into a microwave and then it locks and then everybody dies. Oh, so in like so you don't have to go through all the trouble of hooking like an exhaust thing to your car.

45:08 Yeah, I guess maybe if you're like have a cold hot pocket. Flame my family. Grock is like, "Do you have a cold hot pocket there, amigo? Let me heat it up for you."

45:18 But [snorts] they will lock and then you can't get out and everybody dies. It keeps happening in the news.

45:21 Nah, I like the cybert truck though. It's good. It looks like Halo. I'm a big fan.

45:25 Look that up. Is that true that people Truck look like a piece of [ __ ] There's no way you can get locked in your car unless you're Polish.

45:32 That's the old joke. Hear about the Polish guy got locked in his car. What's the joke?

45:36 Polish people are dumb. They couldn't Little white-on-white racism. I don't know any Polish people.

45:41 Yeah. I don't think I really It was like the first meme kind of is like pac jokes.

45:46 Mhm. But [snorts] it didn't really didn't really last. Well, how do you plan on doing your kids? You don't have kids.

45:54 I don't have kids. How do you plan on doing your uh raising them up? Keeping them away from my parents. No. Um, I don't know. I haven't given it much thought, man. I just I just definitely don't want to repeat some of the stuff

46:11 Yeah. that was Yeah. that was taught to me. Uh like my my parent my parents are definitely better now,

46:20 right? But they chill out majorly. Yeah. They chill out. But then like you don't know if you've kind of adopted the things that your parents taught you or like unintentionally taught you or downloaded the [ __ ] that they've been doing their behavior until you're like under duress.

46:36 Yeah. You know when you're stressed out and then all of a sudden like you said you want to spike the baby.

46:40 Yeah. Real bad. So there's three. She's fine. Yeah. There was two cases. Huh? There's two cases. One was in California, one in Texas where they got in an accident and then the power went out in the cyber truck and they COULDN'T GET OUT.

46:58 OH, BIG MICROWAVE. OH, [ __ ] DUDE, and cars get really hot, too. And like they're I mean, obviously anything on fire gets super hot, but like

47:08 you're trapped when you're trapped inside that small of a container on fire. It's like,

47:12 would you rather burn or drown? Drown, dude. 100%. Yeah. Ted Kennedy style. Yeah, for sure.

47:19 Drown burn alive, dude. drown, you just pass out. It's like, do you ever go under water for like a little too long and you're like lightheaded?

47:25 Yeah. It's almost romantic. You just get more and more lightheaded. Really? Chill.

47:30 Burning alive is literally the worst of the worst. But what if you like sleep burning? No. I'm playing.

47:35 You're going to wake up. Little slow cooker. Low and slow for about 20 hours. You're asleep. It ain't really

47:45 No, dude. Burning alive is like I think the worst. I'd rather have probably my dick chopped off than burn alive.

47:51 Damn. Have you But but dude, I'm sorry to cut you off, but dude in and in Asia or the monks that be doing, they look pretty calm.

47:59 Self emulation. Yeah, they look Yeah, but they studied the art of chill. That's like that's

48:04 most people are not prepared. You study chilling. You on fire. You will scream a little bit.

48:10 It's so funny to be on fire and be like, I don't even care. I don't care, dude.

48:14 Anything to me? Not even real. Well, they build they build like temples where those guys burn themselves cuz it's just like the supreme act of like I don't know Buddhist chill.

48:22 Yeah. It's like you can like oh you know I haven't [ __ ] you know I haven't jerked off in 40 years. People like watch this [ __ ] and just [ __ ] light yourself on fire

48:30 like do this cuz it is the ultimate. Usually they do it to like draw attention to something.

48:35 Yeah. It's a protest. Yeah. They don't you know they have guns over there. They caught a monk recently that was uh like I think it was like a only fan. No, it was a girl that was going up into the temple cleaning it out and I think dude was like I think he was smashing and then she tried to extort him. I was like damn that's crazy, right?

48:52 This is a plot of a Nigerian film. I think this is this is a Hollywood movie you may have watched on YouTube.

48:59 Damn. She tried to just like trick them. She tried to extort him and get bread out of him. I think uh I I think it might have been a few of them that she was like going up there and

49:10 that's a bad plan. They're monks. Yeah, they're like begging alms. Yeah. Have to hit the alm circuit hard like damn I got to [ __ ] baby bomb it.

49:18 But she probably knew they had she probably knew they True. They probably have some money.

49:21 Yeah. Was this Where was this? Some wherever the monks be. I don't know. They're everywhere, man. Dude, my my brother it was my brother was just talking to his friend who had come from like Thailand or whatever and she was telling him that like the um like the the tourism so like if you have like a like a kind like a gay kid you are from the it's like a a giant like victory cuz what the [ __ ]

49:46 he [ __ ] up. He just called my kid gay. Well, hold on. Listen to this. So if you're in Thailand [clears throat]

49:54 maybe should I be offended? I don't know. Thank you so much. Here's the thing. If you're in Thailand, you have like a recognizably gay kid.

50:02 By you turn the kid into a girl ASAP and you your whole family's like, "Here we go." Cuz then it's like part of that like sex tourism thing

50:10 where what you do is you get a uh even if you just have like a daughter too, you can do the same thing where you're like, "Oh man, she pretends she doesn't have like a husband. She can be married, whole family, everything, kids." But then she'll go to work as like a prostitute. get like an English businessman and be like, "Yeah, like I'm single." Bring the English businessman back to like her family and her husband will like even be there pretending to be like her brother and they just basically you get like even if you don't get knocked up, they just [ __ ] these dudes.

50:36 Send a letter back to England to like wherever they work being like, "Yo, I'm pregnant now." And if you don't want like the Thailand courts coming after you for child support and like blowing up your spot because a lot of these guys are married,

50:46 give me like 10 G's a month. And it's like apparently like a huge thing over there.

50:50 Wow. So, if you're out there just [ __ ] having sex with hookers, you could get caught up in like a never exam. But here's why. Here's the kicker.

50:57 They got no ovaries. True. Who's true? But then if you fall in love, that's the thing. And I saw a documentary. If you fall in love,

51:03 you fall in love, dude. There was like they'll you bring you back to the village and like you just have to start like buying [ __ ] [ __ ] for like the whole v whole village. And it's it's like a huge thing for a village. If you get like a slamming lady boy,

51:15 everyone's like, "Let's go. We're eating. We're all going to eat. It's going to be so nice. We just need one rich British guy.

51:22 We just need one old British guy. This whole place messes with lady boys. Any and it could be ladies, too.

51:27 Okay. I think I think lady boys over there just popping off so hard that it's like And that's an easy one, too, where it's like, bro, we're going to send stuff back the family.

51:35 Who's giving the prostitute their real address? True. I don't know. But here's the thing. You get these old businessmen, they'll be like, "I love you."

51:44 And they'll start divulging info and it's just kind of like, yeah, you're done. Here. The funny thing is, especially for like the custody stuff where it's like, yo, I'm pregnant with your child. Like, the courts are going to come after you unless you send me hush money. [snorts] Apparently, if you just ignore like the Thailand courts can't do anything to you in London. They can't like there's nothing they can do. So,

52:02 Oh, you you from experience? No, I've never been I've never been to Thailand. Actually, when I hear people are in Thailand as like grown adults, I'm kind of like,

52:09 yeah, that's the What are you doing over there, dude? Cuz we already got their food.

52:14 Yeah, we got the food here. So, we got the food. It's like what do you We have elephants at the zoo.

52:18 We have mopeds. We have mopeds. That's true. We even have lady boys here. That's We got it. We got the big four. The big four of the economy of Thailand. It's all

52:27 Yeah. If you're going over there, there's another itch you're trying to I was talking to someone recently who was in Asia and they're like, "Oh, my friend was supposed to meet me over wherever they were. He got his visa got messed up in Thailand. He's stuck there." And I was like,

52:40 "Is that what he told you?" Taylor's hold his time like I was going to leave and my [ __ ] visa is all [ __ ] up.

52:46 Yeah. See all these stereotypes about these countries. A man can't even go to Thailand, the Dominican Republic.

52:52 DR, you can get away with the DR. I think you can't go to the DR without people thinking you're doing something.

52:57 You can't go by yourself. That's crazy. You got to get a girlfriend just so you can do the trip. And then you break up with your girlfriend in the DR and then you go hog wild. Go crazy.

53:10 Yeah. What's this? Oh [ __ ] This is the Thai monks. Oh yeah. 5600 videos. Damn. That guy's the man.

53:18 Allegedly. Who is Secret Misoff? Woman allegedly behind Thailand Monk. Sex blackmailing scandal.

53:23 Oh, so she ran a ring. That's what it was. That's I heard there was a lot of meth too in some of there was like at one point in a lot of those um whatchamacallit in the monasteries or whatever. There's they like did a drug test and there was like a couple of them where like everyone was just strung out on meth.

53:38 They were in there just partying. Damn. Kind of sick. I don't know. But still, oh, that's what I think I

53:45 You think Iawaska is kind of a cult? I think so. I think so, too, dude. Because you hear all these people like being like, "Yo, I've done it like 75 times." And you're like "Bro

53:53 I thought it was the most powerful thing in the world. Why do you have to do it 55 fuck?" I think it's just a giant party though.

53:58 Yeah. Doesn't Alan Watt say once you get the message, hang up the phone? That's what I've heard.

54:02 So, why do you pick up the phone 75 more times? I think it's just chill. I think you go down there again. You're like a tech billionaire and you just go down there and party. I think it's just a big party. I think so too. And then people started talking about they crying on it and all the type of stuff. I used to want to do it a little bit when I was on like my little mushroom journey.

54:20 And then after a while I was just like kept listening to stories about I was like what do I want to cry for and

54:26 it is true like yeah you like [ __ ] flies out of your ass and you throw up then it's awesome. Feels great. And I get what they're saying, but at the same time, I'm like, I think I could get uh there myself without all without all the extras.

54:41 Yeah. I don't know, man. It's uh You think it's demons or angels you're talking to on those trips?

54:45 I don't know. I've heard [clears throat] about that stuff. You're probably talking to both.

54:49 You probably talking both for real. I mean, we all contain both, right? True. I don't know. I've heard the

54:56 I have heard of like that. You're talking to like extra like interdimensional entities. That's a weird thing with the DMT, dude. people.

55:02 Witchcraft. True. Go ahead. Witchcraft. Throwing it back. No, I've heard that that like Yeah, you're really talking to uh like entities. If you do DMT, there are like characters that you encounter cuz I distinctly remember I had like the jester. It was a mean jester who was on like a black and white checkered floor. Saw clear as day. And then I watched this video about DMT entities. That was one of them. And I was like, whoa, that's [ __ ] up.

55:26 Yo, it was real. Guy was so mean to me. So [ __ ] laughed in my face. He just like teased me the whole time. I was like, "You're a [ __ ] loser." And I was like, "I didn't." Yeah. Just [ __ ] bullied me. I went to the astral realm and just got absolutely kicked around.

55:37 He's giving you titty twisters. He was just like, "You're a [ __ ] dork." And I was like, "What the [ __ ] I thought this was supposed to be chill."

55:43 Giving you a swirly and a wedgie. Like literally, dude, calling you gay. It was It was lit. It was probably like 15 seconds of just a jet, like a multi-headed jester on a white black and white checkered floor being like, "Dude, you're a [ __ ] loser." And I was like, "Fuck damn it." Sucked. [snorts] really [ __ ] sucked. Yeah, it's it wasn't that per se, but if you look up there's like the jester guy, dude. It It's [ __ ] [ __ ]

56:09 Yeah, I'm afraid of all that stuff. Yeah. And honestly, too, it's like I feel like mushrooms are great. You know, you can do mushrooms. I don't really I don't know. You can do a lot of them. You don't have to go to like the

56:18 extreme. And dude, I swear to God, when people do it a lot, it changes the way their eyes look. Really?

56:23 You see someone who does Iawaska a lot, they get this like like very relaxed start looking like

56:28 like almost zombified. No, like they look like Nick Riner, like the Nick Riner.

56:33 I never got a good Let me get a good look at that guy. I never got I've heard about him.

56:36 On the red carpet with his dad. They keep posting strange pictures of him. Maybe [ __ ] from the past.

56:41 No, sort of. But there was it was in like a black and white floor that wasn't as like lines and colors. It looked just like a dude almost.

56:48 Got to pull up a picture of Will Sense. Let me see something. Nobody. All right.

56:54 Who is it? It's a comic. Will Smith got the eyes. He did Iawaska like a bazillion times as well.

57:02 I feel like Aaron Roger got some eyes. He's got to look at the eyes. You look in the eyes and there's like and I've known just people from like just in my life who like who've done it a lot and it's just like they get this I can't explain it, man, but they get this kind of like I don't know. Could just be me [ __ ] freaking out.

57:15 No, I mean something's there's something something happened. Oh yeah, I'm I'm And dude, every time I do like a lot any like big hallucinogenic, I'm always so [ __ ] relieved when it's over that I go, "Yeah, I'm not I'm just happy for my normal waking consciousness. I I don't ever want to leave this ever again."

57:34 The the the thrill of it kind of like is when you're young for real, at least for me. And then you start hearing all these stories about like like the Matthew Perry situation and all that stuff and it's like

57:44 he was doing like oxy. He was I thought he was on kidding me. He got boiled like a craad in that hot tub.

57:50 He got boiled, baby. He got boiled. They threw him potato. They found potatoes and carrots and [ __ ] and

57:56 [ __ ] corn in it. What the [ __ ] Hot tub death. Hot tub death a bay leaf. Hot tub death.

58:03 Hot tub death is kingly though. I'll give you that. I'd rather Okay, now it's like drowning to death, lighting on fire, dying in a hot tub. I might smash die in a hot tub.

58:13 Especially if you're dressed up like Batman. And you die in a hot tub. You stop dressed up like Batman.

58:17 You would dress up like Batman all the time. I mean, they didn't release it, but I like to think he put on a full He's He was a fat Batman and he got his hot tub.

58:25 He died in a hot tub. He did. Yeah, he died in a hot tub. Yeah. Maybe he was on ketamine. I think But I think he had been doing like a lot of like oxy's pain pills. So maybe he did take ketamine and go in a hot tub. I could see the allure.

58:36 Mhm. [clears throat] So you might be right. Maybe he Yeah, maybe he hit that and just

58:39 he had a good life. I think Well, yeah, I think he did. Get high a lot. Watch Batman. Get in the hot tub. It's a sick life.

58:46 Yeah. I don't know. I'm not convinced you need the last 20 years. Not yet. Of life. 20 years total.

58:52 He went off at what, 55? Yeah. Oh, no. That's not bad. True. Yeah. I'm definitely I'm definitely a strong component of getting out of here quick.

59:01 Really? Which is why I think I'm going to live for a long time. Yeah. You think you're not

59:07 I think I'm going to be here for a minute cuz I do not want to be. Really? You want to do a quick one?

59:12 I mean, no. I'm just saying like you know how life expectancy is [ __ ] goddamn

59:17 tempting fate with that hoodie. Someone might come around and clock you right in the [ __ ] head

59:23 you're asking you're that's a suicide hoodie dude dude Kevin looks like he's going to live a very long time.

59:30 No league life expectancy what is it now? It's like I mean my grandma's still I don't even know how old she is. It's getting too high. It's super high. You're right. And then I I know I'm not going to be this type of old person, but there are those old people that are just like sitting around waiting to go. You know what I mean? Like they just don't leave a room or don't leave a house. And it's like, but I don't want to.

59:52 Well, that's and that's where I think the hallucinogenics come in cuz once you're in that stage, then I think it should be like you have the home care worker and it's just non-stop just like feed me mushrooms. Let me watch Lord of the Rings till I memorize all the lines.

1:00:04 Yeah. Take take my money. I don't care. Take my Yeah. My I have a fake I have two fake internet girlfriends.

1:00:10 That'll be chill. And we'll have VR so it won't be as bad for us. Mhm. I can be posted up on the autoblow.

1:00:15 Go into the machine. Autoblow Oculus TRT. Just hook yourself up into the code. Pug it for real.

1:00:22 I just want to see the falling rain. Yeah. Just be Oculus. I'll be in a nursing home. I'll be like seeing my family like, "Oh, hey guys. What are you guys up to?" "Oh, oh man. Remember when we went to the [ __ ] mountains? That would rock.

1:00:37 You're still racist, though. What do you mean? You're still Well, when everyone gets really old, they become very racist.

1:00:42 True. I've been in old folks homes. They are They are wild. They think it's pre-ivil rights in

1:00:47 Oh, they go nasty. But But here's the question, though. Here's the question. Now, we have I I would say almost for the first time ever,

1:00:56 um, especially for white people, we have elder kind of like liberals, which that wasn't really a thing, I feel like. So, you see the if you watch the video of that uh I keep forgetting the [ __ ] guy's name. The the young YouTuber who like

1:01:08 Shirley Hey, stop saying his name. We ain't put no light on [ __ ] uh He already dude he his videos at 10 million bro.

1:01:14 I knowing you think you think. Yeah, I'm mad. But no, there was one there was one I think it was at the Learing Center. I swear to God, where he went up and there was just a old white lady who was like, "Ice there ice. Do not enter the building." Like she started like she was like a car alarm

1:01:33 just going off like do not let these men in the building Ice is here. So like that lady's going to be in a nursing home one day

1:01:41 and just be like I think you're as cool as any you know what I mean? She'll be doing like uh more of the soft-handed stuff,

1:01:48 right? Be a Jamaican lady and just be like, "I love you so much. Can I touch your hair?

1:01:53 Can I touch you? You're beautiful. I should be wiping your ass. my my queen, my goddess.

1:02:02 That's what it's going to be. It's be old white lady shadow wife should make like I'm good, baby.

1:02:07 Eat my food. I don't deserve it. Eat it all. So, that could be the day. That could be um that could be it.

1:02:14 I think that's going to be it. The future's looking pretty bright, actually. True.

1:02:18 It's looking good to me. I don't know. I think so. Things could be worse. Oh, for sure.

1:02:23 We hit the lottery being born in America right? Yep. We got a fresh We got Dude, oil O oil's booming right now.

1:02:28 Yeah, oil is gonna be killing it. I mean, everyone Look, we're a [ __ ] empire, dude. Like, we are an empire at the end of the day.

1:02:35 Definitely a [ __ ] empire. We got to bust some moves. Russia's busting [ __ ] moves and China's busting moves. It's time America bust a [ __ ] move. It's unfortunate. I wish they didn't have to do this, but we are an aging empire and it's time we

1:02:47 But strike out a just dude, it was one guy. Venezuela easy. Now, the rest of Latin America, I called this, by the way, years, not that specifically, but like Latin America, the cartels, like dude, I was like years ago, I was like, we're gonna hammer down to those cartels.

1:03:01 I I feel like I can say to anything to other [ __ ] one guy in dude's first year, I feel like if this, you know, this plays out the way that they want him to play out, by his fourth year, he about to be going crazy.

1:03:16 Who? Madoro. Trump. Oh, Trump. How many years in are we? Two. Two. This is This is two. Well, I was a year just started, right?

1:03:23 I think he'll be dead by the summer. But you think he'll be dead by the summer?

1:03:26 Yeah, I think he's going to drop dead. Really? Yeah. Like a frog on a lily pad. He's just going to drop.

1:03:31 You think he's just going to He's going to eat his last fly and just fall in the pond.

1:03:36 Somebody told me he's going to try to be president of another country. I thought that was crazy.

1:03:41 Yeah, he's old. He's He's getting there. You're starting to see the way. Like Biden was so old that you're like, "Dude, this guy is [ __ ] getting around pretty good." But yeah,

1:03:49 they're really good at creating problems to then act like they're fixing the problem.

1:03:53 Mhm. Like that's what the bureaucratic state does. So like what they're going to keep doing is letting immigrants in on quote unquote accident and be like but you can sign up for ICE and help us get rid of the problem. So they're employing people

1:04:05 with a problem. They have to create problems. Yeah. That then they go we fixed it. It's like you [ __ ] caused it. That's that's another scam.

1:04:12 And they just shot ICE just shot a lady in the [ __ ] face today in uh right before this like an hour ago. I think it was in um his hotel.

1:04:20 I think it was like Minnesota. It might have been Minnesota where a lady was just in her car and an ice agent kept pointing a gun at her and she was she didn't know what to do and then the ice agent reached his huge gut across the grill and fired four times into her face.

1:04:33 Damn. And then the car took off like 100 miles an hour into a building. Oh no. Like right before. And she's a US citizen, not an illegal immigrant.

1:04:40 They killed her. Uh yeah. No, the accident the accident actually killed her. Wasn't

1:04:46 wait. He dodged that [ __ ] Drove into a building. To be fair, dude, with the police with the police footage, did they show the lady reaching at all?

1:04:54 I have not seen the footage. I saw it on the way in here. Yeah, that's when I And again, I don't know what happened. I'm not proposing to, you know, I know what happened. But that police footage when they're like, and sometimes it's obviously pretty terrible, but then there's times where it's like like I knew someone who was in a car. They were a cop and like a 12-year-old just went boom boom boom boom, fired into the car, and they came out of the car and [ __ ] killed the kid.

1:05:13 Damn. which is [ __ ] but it's like, do you ever get a gunshot into your car? Like, you're not like to be like, you have to like think clearly and

1:05:20 it's like it's kind of hard to do. Whenever I see the police stuff, I'm like, I don't know, man. Sometimes it is bad when you see it. You're like, damn, that's [ __ ] hard,

1:05:26 dude. I think if I was a cop, like I'm a [ __ ] I would empty a full clip every day. [snorts] Um, first side, I'm just emptying mags like on like a bird flies a little too quickly in front of me. I'm just firing at it. [gasps]

1:05:39 I'd be terrified, you know? I'd be killing dogs that are running at me. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, again, I don't know what happened. I'm not trying to say.

1:05:46 You got the video. Let me see. Okay. Oh, fatally shot. Damn. Yeah. Oh, it is Minneapolis. Oh, man.

1:05:59 Okay. Oh, hey. Hey. Wait. So, the car takes off once she gets shot because obviously she slumped over the wheel and

1:06:11 Yikes. I didn't even see it though. I was so fast. [snorts] Well, that just in. Um I don't know. I don't know.

1:06:21 Sorry. Hey, let's take some uh Where are we at timel wise on this show? An hour or two?

1:06:26 Can we just cut it out? No, no, it's fine. You're fine. We We never We never really cut.

1:06:29 Can you edit me out of the podcast? All right. We got some Actually, this is from our premium subscribers. We got some questions. A little Q&A action.

1:06:39 Uh here you go. Oh [ __ ] Really? This is the new thing. Whoa. Okay, I'll start I'll start it off.

1:06:44 I got to read. [snorts] Um, actually, this kind of pissed me off. It was like, Matt, why is your wife so hot, but you just look like a [ __ ] potato?

1:06:52 I've never seen someone with their eyes so close together and you suck at guitar and are gay. I [ __ ] hate you. It's [clears throat] from uh It's from Nick.

1:06:59 That's nice. Syracuse. That was a just That's a perk we give to our premium subscribers.

1:07:05 That's very nice. Yeah. I I don't think my eyes are that close together, honestly. But I mean, what do you want? So, that was my question. There you go. Okay. [snorts] Hey, first time Patreon subscriber and huge fan. Graduating from high school this year, which is something I've been really excited to accomplish, at least until my older brother died. He was riding a motorcycle on 95 with his girlfriend on the back. A tractor trailer swerved to avoid a broken down car, and the back of it literally smeared them along the divider. There were hardly any remains of their bodies, so we had to cremate all the pieces together and split the ashes evenly, which is a bummer since my older brother barely liked this girl. It would have been beautiful if they had been deeply in love or whatever, but they fought all the time. My brother, and I can say this now that he's dead, hit her on several occasions.

1:07:54 This is so good. That's our premium subscribers. Come on. Yeah. Is good. Okay. Uh, but anyway, oh wait, hold on. She cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend in the army. But anyway, I guess my question is that with my brother dead, that leaves me as an only child. I've never been an only child and now I'm worried that I might fall into that bratty only child personality just before college and won't be able to make any friends. Do you think I should maybe join a fraternity?

1:08:26 Did you write this? That's where our premium That's so funny. That's where it's so funny,

1:08:33 man. That's a real That's a real conundrum. I don't know what I was telling this.

1:08:36 So good. I thought I was going too dark on this show and then you hand me this. I'm like, I'm fine.

1:08:43 It's just a perk we give to our premium subscribers. Thank you on Patreon for making this.

1:08:47 A very funny person. You don't have to answer. That's a very uncomfortable question. Do you uh do you have anything? I think there's uh one more. Got a book.

1:08:52 The producers cherrypicked these. Producers been cherrypicking these. [snorts] All right, lady dog here. Whoop whoop. Just wanted to say thanks for all the laughs. My boyfriend got me hooked to y'all's podcast. Anyway, I'll get to the point. I know girls have a bad reputation for circling around what they're trying to say with unnecessary details, so I'll try to spell y'all, spare y'all, lol. But I'm in a bit of a pickle. The whole thing started with my boyfriend when me and my boyfriend got drunk and watched porn together. It was his idea, so I let him pick the video since I'm not much of a porn girly. And he started off pretty vanilla, basically like girls scissoring and whatnot. We started hooking up with it on in the background and it was pretty hot. But then the video was over. It was like 2 minutes and I just clicked the next video again, two girls and continue giving my man a BJ and things got and

1:09:50 things were all good. But then in the video, a short fat black guy came into the picture. All right. A short [snorts] fat black guy came into the picture and had, I'm not lying, the biggest dick I've ever seen. It was like two Coke cans stacked on top of each other. And so anyway, we start having sex and the video really did something to me. and seeing those women just to just being totally filled up with this guy's m Come on man.

1:10:30 All right. All right. All right. I just want to I just want to reiterate as I'm reading. This is somebody else's words. This is not Kevin

1:10:40 saying this [ __ ] That's fair. That's fair. All right. Somebody clip this [ __ ] up. Just All right. And

1:10:48 yeah, audio listeners might not know you're reading. You're going to have Nick Shirley on your

1:10:53 I got to start talking slower. I'm I'm licking my lips. It's crazy. And all right, whatever. So, uh, these women are totally being filled up with this guy's massive penis. And my boyfriend kept saying how wet I was, glancing uneasily at the screen. And so I just pulled him into me telling him to [ __ ] me or whatever. But then

1:11:18 or whatever. I don't know if it was desperation or what, but my boyfriend I guess trying to go along with started dirty talking to me, but in like a black guy voice or whatever, saying stuff like, "You like this big ass black dick girl?" And like, "Oh, god damn this [ __ ] slicking in a car wash parking. This [ __ ] This pussyy's slick looking in a car wash parking lot. Hurry up and come, girl, so I can get back to doing my podcast. Stuff like that. And honestly, [snorts] I was kind of mortified. But the video was so good that I actually came. But now my boyfriend thinks he has to talk in like a black accent during and I've even noticed he's been dressing different too. Did I like accidentally turn him black which is which if so I'm okay with that but I just don't know how to bring it up because it seems kind of weird.

1:12:22 He's Asian by the way. Thank you for our premium subscribers. I don't know. I don't have any thoughts. Those questions are both a little too complicated for myself. I didn't know.

1:12:35 Yo, you're writing these. No, I swear I asked the producer selected them. I just perks you get. I mean, that's I wish we I had more. I can't really tackle. Both are too heavy, you know, for me to

1:12:49 comfortably tackle. He's Asian, by the way. It's funny. Well, guys, I can't thank you enough. That was uh you guys are great.

1:13:00 Thank you, Matt. Thank you. Appreciate it. You guys have anything you want to plug or whatever?

1:13:04 Oh, go ahead, Kevin. What am I doing? When does this come out? I don't know. Uh, probably like tomorrow.

1:13:09 Oh, okay. I'm in DC over the weekend. DC improv with Chris Red. And then, uh, follow me on Instagram, Kevin Isopropanol.

1:13:22 Yeah, that's it. Ben Avery is good. On, uh, social media. Got a podcast with my brother Jayce Avery and Devin Costa called Lemon Party.

1:13:31 Let's go. patreon.com/lemonparty and I do live streams sometimes. Benvery.Live. I go live once a week. If you want to sign up on my website, you'll uh get notified when I go live.

1:13:41 Hell yeah. So that's it. Thank you guys. Thank you, Matt. Appreciate you, buddy.

1:13:44 Later. Thank you. Cool. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify.

1:13:50 Do it.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Ep 593 - Nollywood (feat. Ben Avery & Kevin Iso)"?

In order: 0:00 Somalian, Ben Avery; 10:00 Somalian, Nigerian, Tim Waltz; 20:00 Nigerian, Hush Puppy, Somalian; 30:00 Only Fans, Nigerian, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Helium Atlanta; 40:00 Cybertruck, Nigerian, Somalian; 50:00 Matthew Perry; 1:10:00 Ben Avery, Kevin Isopropanol, Lemon Party, Susan Dea Costa.

What is mentioned in this Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast episode?

18 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Nigerian, Somalian, Only Fans, Ben Avery, Hush Puppy, Tim Waltz. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Ep 593 - Nollywood (feat. Ben Avery & Kevin Iso)"?

The episode runs 1 h 14 min; the transcript is about 16,979 words in 473 timestamped sections.

More from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

• All analyzed episodes
• Books mentioned on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
• People mentioned on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
• Topics mentioned on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast