Transcript

A Father Went Viral For Admitting He Hates Being Around His Kids

From Matt Walsh · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 20 min · 3,703 words · 29 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "A Father Went Viral For Admitting He Hates Being Around His Kids", an episode of Matt Walsh published January 6, 2026 (20 min, about 3,703 words). It mentions 8 people, works and ideas, including Donald C. Murphy, Modern parenting norms, Doom loop, New Year's resolutions, Daily Wire (company).

What this episode is about

The discussion centers on a viral confession by father Justin Murphy, who expresses his struggles with fatherhood, admitting he dislikes spending extended time with his children despite feeling love for them. This candid revelation resonates with many parents who silently share similar sentiments, highlighting the complexities and challenges of modern parenting.

Key takeaways

  • Not enjoying parenting doesn’t make you a monster; it makes you human, albeit a flawed one.
  • Fathers, take note: your role is not to be a playmate but a patient guide through childhood's chaos.
  • Social norms may vilify honest parenting struggles, yet many dads secretly share Justin’s struggle: guilt over grievances.
  • True fulfillment in parenting comes from commitment, not joy; children value presence more than perfection.
  • In the grand game of fatherhood, it's less about catching every moment and more about tossing the ball.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Donald C. Murphy, Modern parenting norms
  2. – 10:00: Doom loop, New Year's resolutions
  3. – 20:00: Wild Alaskan Company

Notable quotes from "A Father Went Viral For Admitting He Hates Being Around His Kids"

  • Way for parents, especially fathers, as we begin the new year. I recently saw a viral post from a man named Justin Murphy who tells us in his bio that he's a writer, a PhD, and…
    about Donald C. Murphy · at
  • And it's modern parenting norms that are off. Whether it's my fault or not, I don't even care. I just want to figure this out. Something is wrong, and I no longer have the excuse of being new to.
    about Modern parenting norms · at
  • Okay? What matters is what you do. The only other option is to get stuck in a doom loop of constantly contemplating your feelings and your feelings about your feelings and your…
    about Doom loop · at
  • Fish, though, is not easy. And that's why I'm excited about our new sponsor, Wild Alaskan Company. I was skeptical about a subscription box for seafood, but I was very…
    about Wild Alaskan Company · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Companies & orgs

Concepts & topics

Sponsors

Full transcript with timestamps

anyone that you talk to about that, like they might say, "Oh, I'm so sorry you feel that way." In that in their head, they're thinking, "Dear God, man, shut up and stop. I got my own problems." Every single person you tell that to, that is what they're all thinking. It's just that none of them except me will tell you that. Finally, I want to close with this uh last thought, some words of encouragement. encouragement in my own way for parents, especially fathers, as we begin the new year. I recently saw a viral post from a man named Justin Murphy who tells us in his bio that he's a writer, a PhD, and a creative director, whatever that means, for some Silicon Valley company that I've never heard of. And uh Justin decided to ring in the new year by publicly airing his deepest parenting anxieties and personal insecurities in a tweet that has now been viewed, you know, around 3 million times. And here's what he wrote. I'll

read the whole thing. It's pretty long, but here's what he wrote. So, just bear with me. Am I just a monster? It's been four years since I became a father, and I'm beginning to fear for my soul. The truth is, I just don't like being around kids for very long. Historically, this is not uncommon among fathers, but today it feels almost illegal. It's causing me a lot of confusion and anguish. The ideal amount of time I would like to spend playing with my kids is probably around 70 to 140 minutes a week, roughly 10 minutes each day, maybe two times a day, taking breaks from work. My feelings of love toward them are perfectly strong.

But if I have to watch them or entertain them for more than about 10 minutes, my blood starts to boil. I just want to be working or accomplishing something. I try to be grateful, but it doesn't work. It's 9:00 a.m. this morning, Saturday, January 3rd. It's a sunny, warm day here in Austin, and my four-year-old son is begging me to play catch in the street. I was drinking coffee, still waking up. So, I didn't really feel like it, but at his age, uh, his desire to play is insatiable. He begged and begged, so I conceded, and with a smile. I have no problem being a kind and loving father.

The problem is only that I do not enjoy it. It's not that I'm trying to maximize my personal pleasure. It just seems wrong that I experience so little delight when my dad friends all claim to experience so much. It was beautiful. We live on a picturesque treeline block. I'm even relatively relaxed from the holiday rest. Playing catch with your son is supposed to be an iconic peak experience. Yet for every single minute on the inside, I just don't want to be there. I want to be drinking my coffee in peace. Then I feel guilty and absurdly ungrateful and ashamed when we're done. I know that when he's a teenager, I'll long to have those days back. I have all this perspective rationally and I've been very patient and steadfast trying to digest it, but nothing fixes me emotionally. Am I a terrible person? Or is my feeling within a certain range of historically normal?

And it's modern parenting norms that are off. Whether it's my fault or not, I don't even care. I just want to figure this out. Something is wrong, and I no longer have the excuse of being new to this. Okay. So, to recap, uh Justin, the PhD Silicon Valley guy, says that he feels like a monster because he doesn't enjoy spending time with his son. And in his ideal scenario, he would be around his kid for like 10 minutes a day, anything more than that. And he boils with rage at how boring and unfulfilling the experience feels to him. He doesn't feel fulfilled or enthralled by parenting. And he feels really bad that he feels that way or doesn't feel that way. Every minute he's with his son, he feels like he just wants to be someplace else. And that makes him feel guilty and he wants to know if this is normal. Now, there are a lot of comments uh responding to this confession or whatever it's supposed to be. Some of

them are critical, some of them are supportive, reassuring Justin that he's not a monster. And they're right. He's not a monster. He's just weak and selfish and he talks too much. He He has the same problem that plagues millions of people in our society. He has a He has a a lot of company, though it isn't a very isn't very good company. So, let me offer two pieces of advice to Justin and to any man who resonates with um this expost diary entry or whatever it's supposed to be. These are two of the most crucial lessons that I have learned from my experience parenting six kids.

So, number one, stop obsessing over how you feel. Spend time with your son. Stop worrying about how you feel about spending time with him because it doesn't really matter how you feel about it. You should play catch with your son not because it's the most thrilling experience in the world, but because he's your son and you're his father and that is what a father is supposed to do. Now, your primary role in your child's life is not to be his playmate, but playing with him, teaching him, being present, showing him how to throw and catch a ball, these kinds of things, that that matters. And they're not meant to be exhilarating experiences.

You know, he's four years old. Four-year-olds suck at playing catch. Like he he can't catch, he can't throw. Now, if you play with him now, then in a few years it'll be more fun, right? In a few years, he can he can go long. You can hit him on the deep fade and it's a lot more fun that way. But for now, you're tossing a ball underhanded to a toddler standing 9 ft away who drops it 80% of the time. So now you know how Lamar Jackson feels, but that's a different story. I won't get into it. The enjoyment you get from this experience is not the thrill of playing a sport against high level competition.

It's not the relaxation of lounging on the sofa and sipping a coffee and peace. It's not going to be fun in either of those senses of the term. And the problem is that prior to having kids, those are the only kinds of fun that a person can experience. like in your pre-parenting life, a fun thing, right? If you call if you call something fun and you're not a parent, what you're saying is that either the the fun thing is relaxing or it's exciting. That's what you mean by fun. Relaxing or exciting. Like the only fun things are one of those two.

But spending time with your children, especially young children, well, it's rarely going to fit either bill. It certainly isn't relaxing most of the time and it's usually not very exciting. People like Justin, they become parents and they expect or hope that it will be fun in the way that things were fun before they had kids. And because it's not fun in that way, they become miserable and angry and their blood boils, as Justin put it. Now, keep in mind that people these days are also dopamine addicts who who need constant stimulation in order to feel like they're enjoying anything. And parenting does not offer that kind of enjoyment most of the time. So that's part part of the problem here. But there is a third kind of fun that is available to you if you can manage to take your head out of your ass long enough to experience it.

It's the fun that comes from teaching, from guiding, from fulfilling your fatherly obligation and doing what you should be doing. It's the fun of watching your children learn and grow. It's the fun of seeing that they're having fun. You know, it's the fun of um glimpsing the world through their eyes, if only briefly. And another word for this kind of fun is contentment. Now, I've never had a game of catch with a four-year-old that was thrilling or relaxing. I've never felt that kind of fun in that context. But I have felt as someone who's played catch many times with uh kids of all ages, I I have felt a great deal of contentment where I knew that I was where I should be doing what I should be doing with people I love in a place where I belong.

And and and that is something better than fun. That's happiness. It's a very adult kind of happiness, which is hard for overgrown adolescence like Justin to experience. You'll never feel that contentment or any other positive emotion if you spend all of your time with your child dwelling on how you feel about spending time with your child. Now, the truth is that sometimes you'll feel annoyed. Sometimes you'll feel tired. Sometimes you'll feel bored. You'll also feel contentment. You'll feel joy. You'll feel a deep sense of love and belonging.

You'll feel all of those things, the good and the bad at the same time. Sometimes that's just called being a conscious human. You feel a lot of things all the time. The only way to respond to that as a man, if you want to be productive and stable and reliable, is to stop worrying about your feelings. Feel however you feel. It doesn't matter. Okay? What matters is what you do. The only other option is to get stuck in a doom loop of constantly contemplating your feelings and your feelings about your feelings and your feelings about how you feel about how you feel about your feelings and on and on and on down the rabbit hole of your own self-obsession. Meanwhile, all your son wants is for you to walk outside and throw a football around for a few minutes.

And you're not even present in the moment because you're just thinking in your head the whole time, I don't know how I feel about well, I feel bad that I feel this way. Well, I don't know how I should feel about how I feel. Ju just put put that to the side and just throw the damn ball. Okay. And that brings us to the second piece of advice, which is even more important, which is this. And this is something everyone can take with them as we go into the make make this one of your 2026 uh New Year's resolutions. Stop revealing your most intimate feelings and deeply personal anxieties on the internet.

Okay? The internet is not a place for you as a grown man to spill your guts and open up your heart for the world to see. None of us out here in the world can do anything about or with these personal details that you've revealed except judge you harshly for them, which we will. You can't blame us. I mean, you could tell us this stuff about yourself and say, "Don't judge me." Well, sorry. I'm judging you. I I can't help but I can't help but form a perspective on this information. Uh I I h I'm a a person with a brain. I have a perspective on anything. And so you've given this information about you. I'm going to form a perspective on it. My perspective is not flattering to you. Like most of us never heard of you before this post.

We'll never hear of you again. We now know only one thing about you and it's the only thing we'll ever know, which is that you're the guy who gets pissed off if he has to be around his own kid for more than 10 minutes. That's all you will ever be to us forever now, which is why you should not have opened up in the first place. In fact, and and here's the thing that will be really hard for most people to hear. Um there are a lot of feelings, worries, and anxieties that you shouldn't share with anyone even in your private life.

Okay, this is a good example. If you don't like being around your kid, that is the kind of inner struggle that you actually should not reveal to a single soul in the world. Again, I realize this is way outside of modern orthodoxy. The idea that there should be any feeling that you just never tell anyone. Like, I could never tell anyone. Yeah, you should just never tell anyone that. Well, what am I going to do with this feeling? I don't know. Just forget about it. You shouldn't tell strangers that for the reasons I've already described.

You shouldn't tell your wife because now all you've done is saddled her with this knowledge about you. She can't do anything with the information either except think less of you because of it, which she will. Okay? It's not cuz she doesn't love you. But if you go to your wife and say, you know, honey, I'm really struggling. I just really hate being around our kid. I can't you I can't be around our son for more than 10 minutes without my blood boiling. Don't you feel sorry for me? No. Now she thinks less of you and she always will. Like she she she can't not be able to get that out of her head.

She might pretend to be sympathetic. Or maybe she won't even pretend. What do you want? She's going to pat you on the head. She'll pat you on the head. Say, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's hard for you to just be around our child we created together." But she's going to think less of you. And same goes for anyone else that you divulge this information to. Now, you could tell a close male confidant. I mean, that's your best option if you're going to tell anyone, but that's not going to solve your problem either because your problem like if you can't be around your kid for more than 10 minutes at the age of four, which by the way isn't even like a hard age, like being four four-y olds are easy to deal with.

And um if you can't be around them for the like the the problem is that you are very selfish and very weak and nobody can fix that problem for you. Nobody can do anything about it. Nothing. You just need to get over yourself. That is the only solution. And nobody can implement that solution but you. You could go talk to a therapist. You could spend 10 years in therapy. It won't get you past square one. The problem is that you're being weak and selfish. Get the hell over yourself. That's it. I want another solution. I need to get to the bottom of these feelings. I I just got to the bottom of them for you.

You're weak and selfish. Stop being that way. I don't know what else to tell you. Now, people these days, even grown men, they walk around every day desperately looking for someone who will fix their feelings for them. Billions of dollars have been spent on drugs and therapy for this purpose. But the truth that nobody will tell these people, partly because it would cut off the cash flow is that nobody can fix your feelings. The best thing you can do about them, the only thing you can do about them really most of the time is shut the hell up about them and go live your life.

Now, I realize that this sounds harsh. I realize that it goes against everything we're programmed to believe. The world tells us that we should be honest about our feelings. We should open up. We should be vulnerable. We should talk it out. But the cold hard reality is that most of your feelings you should keep to yourself. You shouldn't make them anyone else's burden or business. They are your feelings. We can't help you with them. I'm sorry. Again, nobody, not one person on this earth can solve your feelings for you or make you feel differently than you do or do anything about your feelings at all.

Now, it's not to say that you should never divulge any of your feelings about anything. Obviously, that's not the case. And it's not to say that you shouldn't seek help if you're in a truly dire state. It's only to say what is true, which is that you should keep most of that stuff to yourself and your feelings are not a problem that anyone else can solve. Like most of the time when you complain about your feelings to someone, whether it's a stranger or your spouse or your therapist or anyone else, they'll pretend to care, but deep down they find your self-pittitying, whining to be extremely annoying and off-putting.

Yeah. When you sit there hours on end, I feel this way. This is how I feel. This is how I feel, but I feel like this when I'm doing this. I was playing catch with my son, but this is how I felt about it. It was so hard to feel this way. Anyone that you talk to about that? Like they might say, "Oh, I'm so sorry you feel that way." in the in their head, they're thinking, "Dear God, man, shut up and stop. I got my own problems." Every single person you tell that to, that is what they're all thinking. It's just that none of them except me will tell you that. If you've ever been fortunate enough to taste fresh fish directly from the source, you know that there is a massive quality difference from what you get packaged at your local grocery store. Getting fresh fish, though, is not easy. And that's why I'm excited about our new sponsor, Wild Alaskan Company. I was skeptical about a subscription box for seafood,

but I was very pleasantly surprised to see what came in my first box. They had perfectly portioned Sakai salmon and Pacific halibet, uh, individually wrapped, ready to go. I threw the salmon on the grill, just some lemon and salt, and it was uh, incredible. The fish is 100% wild caught, never farmed, so there are no antibiotics, no GMOs, just clean, real fish that supports healthy oceans and fishing communities. Plus, it's frozen right off the boat to lock in the taste, textured, all those omega-3s. It's sustainably sourced from Alaska, so you know you're getting the best while feeding your family quality seafood. Not all fish are the same. Get seafood you can trust. Go to wildalaskan.com/walls for $35 off your first box of premium wild caught seafood. That's wild.com/walls for $35 off your first order. Thanks to Wild Alaskan Company for sponsoring this episode. And if you complain about your

feelings a lot, then this annoyance will grow into contempt and eventually they'll stop hiding it. Which is why one of the worst pieces of marriage advice people get these days men get is, "Oh, open up to your wife. Tell her how you feel all the time. Constantly complain about your feelings to your wife and and she will it will not be long until she feels contempt for you." And rightly so, by the way. You're supposed to be a man and here you are just like unloading your emotional baggage constantly just whining whining whining about everything.

Whining about how you felt when you played catch with your son. Like how is your wife supposed to feel about that? I don't know how else she could feel other than resentment. All you can do with your feelings, feelings like the one you described, is put them to the side and do your duty. Okay. What What would your If your grandfather's still alive and you went to him and said, "Gr granddad, I was playing catch with my son. I just felt I I just I just don't feel I just not not I'm not into it. I just feel what would he say to you? He would look at you like you're he would look at you with disgust and say like pull yourself together.

What are you What are you crying about? Carry your emotions quietly like a man and do what you're supposed to do. And here's the good news, especially for fathers starting a new year. Okay? If you do this, if you stop living as a slave to your feelings, you will actually feel better. Not immediately, not on command, but slowly, naturally, as a byproduct of living rightly instead of this endless, pointless naval gazing. Purpose precedes pleasure. Meaning comes before happiness. Your son doesn't need you to be endlessly delighted by every second you spend in his presence. And you're not going to be, but he needs you to be present. And one day, sooner than you think, he won't ask you to play catch anymore. And when that day comes, you won't remember how bored you felt.

You'll remember whether you were there, and so will he. So, stop whining. Stop interrogating your emotions. Stop staring into the mirror trying to crack the code of your own inner experience. Just pick up the ball and go play catch with your son. It really is that simple. Hey YouTube, thanks for listening to the show. So, if you'd like access to my full show with no ads, you should go to dailywire.com and use promo code Walsh to get two months free on all annual plans.

Questions about this episode

What is "A Father Went Viral For Admitting He Hates Being Around His Kids" about?

The discussion centers on a viral confession by father Justin Murphy, who expresses his struggles with fatherhood, admitting he dislikes spending extended time with his children despite feeling love for them. This candid revelation resonates with many parents who silently share similar sentiments, highlighting the complexities and challenges of modern parenting.

What is mentioned in this Matt Walsh episode?

8 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Donald C. Murphy, Modern parenting norms, Doom loop, New Year's resolutions, Daily Wire (company), Dopamine addiction. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "A Father Went Viral For Admitting He Hates Being Around His Kids"?

The episode runs 20 min; the transcript is about 3,703 words in 29 timestamped sections.

More from Matt Walsh

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.