Transcript

Episode 728: November Bonus Episode: Twilight is Weird

From Morbid | Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 44 min · 21,629 words · 622 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Episode 728: November Bonus Episode: Twilight is Weird", an episode of Morbid | Podcast published November 20, 2025 (1 h 44 min, about 21,629 words). It mentions 20 people, works and ideas, including Twilight, Stephanie Meyer, New Moon, True Blood, Charlie Swan.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Twilight, Sarah Elizabeth Gallagher, Stephanie Meyer, Twilight Saga
  2. – 20:00: Stephanie Meyer, New Moon, Twilight
  3. – 30:00: Stephanie Meyer, True Blood
  4. – 40:00: Forks, Washington, Stephanie Meyer
  5. – 50:00: New Moon
  6. – 1:00:00: Charlie Swan, Billy Burke, Stephanie Meyer, Twilight
  7. – 1:10:00: La Push, Stephanie Meyer, True Blood
  8. – 1:20:00: True Blood, New Moon, Stephanie Meyer
  9. – 1:30:00: New Moon, Stephanie Meyer, Twilight
  10. – 1:40:00: Twilight
  11. – 1:43:43: New Moon, Twilight

Notable quotes from "Episode 728: November Bonus Episode: Twilight is Weird"

  • Yeah, this is our bonus episode, guys. We're going to be talking about Twilight today. Oh my god, re-watching this. Okay, first of all, the I feel like this all started like…
    about Twilight · at
  • Something. I think the first thing I saw was her talking about how like it's real weird that like Stephanie Meyer has like an illustrated guide to Twilight and wrote in that illustrated guide.
    about Stephanie Meyer · at
  • Like and hopefully we can get into it next time more, but like when you get into New Moon and you start to learn like Jacob's tribe, like all those Yeah. that starts being…
    about New Moon · at
  • Because there's more humanity. what's also like touched upon in the last episode of True Blood that we covered.
    about True Blood · at
  • Yeah, that's hilarious. I understand that Forks like Forks Washington.
    about Forks, Washington · at
  • Yeah. Watching Twilight as an adult is realizing that you're not team Edward or Jacob. You are team Charlie Swan or Boss. Oh my god. Totally. And I need to be clear with who Stephanie Meyer wanted to cast as Charlie.
    about Charlie Swan · at
  • During like during this part when she talks to her friends where they're Oh, you going to come to La Push with us? Yeah. Yeah.
    about La Push · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

Concepts & topics

Places & events

Full transcript with timestamps

Oh, when the full moon turns, that's when I'll come home. That's such a [ __ ] banger. It is a banger.

Should we just start the episode like that? I feel like we should. Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. And this is Twilight Morbid. Yeah, this is our bonus episode, guys. We're going to be talking about Twilight today. Oh my god, re-watching this. Okay, first of all, the I feel like this all started like around Halloween. I came over to record something late night and I was like, "Yeah, thanks a lot for making me come over here late night because I was just watching Twilight." And Elena stopped dead in her tracks and she goes, "Why were you watching Twilight?" And I was like, "I I just wanted to watch it." And she goes, "No, earlier I was watching Twilight for no [ __ ] reason either."

For no reason. It just hit me. I was like, "I want to watch Twilight and just I want to watch that camp classic again." Like, why on the same day did the book Like, it wasn't in a movie lineup. I was just like searching through movies or you know what I was probably searching for like Halloween movies and it was in there and I was like a Halloween movie Twilight.

But I was like you know what I'm gonna [ __ ] watch it. Let's put on some Twilight.

And then we were talking about it and on the you guys were there and you guys said do it.

You guys came through in a big way. Yes. A big way. I have We've been kneede in Twilight. I'm really hoping that you guys dig this episode because I'm really hoping that you will allow us to do the rest of the movies and the rest of the books because

that's the thing. It's it's going to be fun. Even if you guys don't like this, I'm just going to pretend that you did and we're still going to do the rest.

Damn it. I think you're going to be down for it. I think you're going to love it. Uh we've been kneede in it. I mean, there's so many things to watch on TikTok about it, so many interviews with the cast. And then there's this book. I had followed this person on Tik Tok. Her name's uh Sarah Elizabeth Gallagher.

That book is it's amazing. It's a gold mine. The book is Why We Love and Hate Twilight: The Highs and Lows of the Twilight Saga. I had followed her on TikTok cuz she organically came up on my feed and was just talking about something. I think the first thing I saw was her talking about how like uh it's real weird that like Stephanie Meyer has like an illustrated guide to Twilight and wrote in that illustrated guide. It's not weird that she has a guide, but it's weird that she wrote that like and we'll get into it that all the pigment get le gets leashed out of your skin when you become a vampire and was very clear on the fact that you are white no matter what ethnicity you are.

Yeah, I would classify that as big [ __ ] weird. And when that popped up on my feed, I said, "I'm interested." and I immediately started following

Tell Me Everything, sister. Right off the right off the bat, she's a great follow. She's very interesting. She's really deep in it. And this book, Why We Love and Hate Twilight, we'll link it in the show notes cuz it's a really fun it's a quick read. It's a fun read. She goes into the books. She goes into and all the books, the whole series, all the movies. Like, she has some really funny takes in here. Uh, highly recommend it. But also a gold mine for anything you really if you start wanted to just go down the rabbit hole cuz let me tell you

we're not I don't even think we got to go all the way down. We went so far. It's been like a few days that we've spent just in the Twilight

the trenches rabbit hole and I could go for like eons and if we get we'll do the other movies and we'll go even deeper. But

I can't wait. If you're really interested definitely check out cast interviews because holy [ __ ] Robert Patson in particular. I was just going to say his interview.

Robert Patson [ __ ] hates these movies. His interviews are wild and he hates the book. He He literally was like when I first read it, I felt like I was reading like Stephanie's diary and I was like, "This is really [ __ ] weird."

Yeah. He was like, "I shouldn't be reading this. I don't think anybody should read this.

It's wild." And so that's interesting. And then Stephanie Meyers has had and maintained a website throughout the process even before the books were published where it's it's a treasure trove of interesting things. I mean updates. Yeah. It's all archived. There's like

uh fan casting that she wanted for the movie for the movies which is very interesting. It's still up there.

Um she wanted Henry Cavl to play Edward really bad. Not for me. Um she wanted that so bad.

I said he was just born 40. He can't play a 17-year-old even in 2008. I feel like the picture of him as 17, he looks younger. He just isn't what I pictured.

He's not what I picture at all. But like, but also we were just like transparently,

it's embedded in our heads that it's Robert Patson. Well, and not even because transparently for me,

I love Robert Patson. I think he's wildly handsome and I really like him. I remember watching the movie and when he first came on, I was like disappointed. That's not what I pictured. And I wasn't disappointed because he's ugly or something or like unattractive.

Yeah. He just wasn't what I pictured in my head. Yeah. And so I was like I was like, damn, that sucks. Like that's not what I thought. He became more Edward to me as it went on.

Yeah. But like I remember being like pretty and actually John, shout out to John, he went to the first Twilight movie with me cuz he's a real one. Yeah.

And I remember just looking at him and being like that's not who I thought Edward was. And he was like what? He's like, "I'm sorry."

Like, why are you upset about I feel like we must have had such a different experience reading these for the first time because you read these at 22, which must have been like quite the adventure. I

Well, no, the books came out at in 2005. 2005. So, so I was just out of high school.

Well, I I think I read them like when the movie started to come out because I read them ahead of time.

Okay. It started to be like a craze. I read them when I was like 12. So, even just like the age that you were when you read them, I mean, like it must have been so different for us because

Cuz I was like 18 or something. I was or like 19. I think I was like prime [ __ ] age for these books because I thought they were

just next level. Next level. And I mean like props to her. These books, they hooked everybody.

Yeah. So that like I'm not I'm not out here saying like these are they're I want to reread them because I think it will be a very interesting total reread.

I know. I wish I still had mine. I still have mine. Do you really? Yeah. They're floating around. So like I'm definitely going to be rereading them and like props to her for she told a story that everybody that and that's what you that's what everybody wants to do who wants to like be an author, be a storyteller. You want to tell a good story.

Then she did. She told one told a good ass story. where I think she might have dipped into some issues is where she went a little too far into explaining

the lore and the backstories. Sometimes I think you just you know you don't need it. Sometimes sometimes I don't need it.

It's like when you overeaga pudding. That's the thing. Sometimes it's like I think just letting the the readers and the fans come up with their own head cannons and kind of take things from little bits and pieces you give them is the best way to do it

because then it becomes their story and it's like they can kind of be but when you're giving them too much you're putting a little too much

of your own personal likes and dislikes into the story and that can get hairy as it does here. I mean, we just told you the the hairiest it could possibly get.

Gets pretty hairy. Uh, so this the movie came out in 2008, the first movie. Like I said, the books the first book was published in 2005. According to her website, I'm pretty sure she like wrote

like, first of all, she had a dream. That's where this all came from. The dream is very interesting to me. I'm not I'm not like sitting here questioning her reality, but she said what happened was she had a dream and this dream was she was watching two people in a meadow. like she just the dream was two people that weren't her in this meadow and they were talking you know they were an impossibly beautiful boy and a very averagel looking girl

which like damn what which I was like okay and sure and they were talking about how in love they were but how it was going to be hard because he was a vampire and all this [ __ ] and she just was like I got to know what's up with these two that's interesting and I'm not I'm not here to maybe other people dream this way I never dream where I'm watching a in my dream part of the dream.

I'm not like watching two people have a conversation ever. Like I'm always part of I'm I'm in the mix in my dreams.

Like I'm always part of what's going on. Like even uh like cuz The Butcher and the Ren, my first book, I I had a dream when I was pregnant and I was being chased in the dream. Yeah. By somebody like I was being chased and I was like, "Who the [ __ ] is that guy?"

Right. I was actively in the dream. I And again, that's just how I dream. I don't know if other people dream and I would be curious to hear you guys. Do you guys ever dream where you're watching other people exist and you're just no part of the dream?

Yeah, cuz if you I'm very interested in it. I'm sure people probably do because dreams are so [ __ ] weird. Even people like that write in their stories to us about their dreams in general. They're always [ __ ] crazy.

They're crazy. But I always I'm always involved in mine. But maybe it's different. But she this is that's how this started. She wanted to know these two people. She wanted to like flesh out this story, which is cool. Very cool. Especially when you get a part of the story in the dream and you're like, "Well, now I want to know more. Like, why can't you be together? What's that about?"

So, she I think she said that she did all of this, dreamt it, wrote it, edited it, published it in like 6 months.

That which is crazy. Beyond my wildest imagination cuz it's a pretty solid length. It's a thick ass book and it's How many pages is it? How many pages is this?

Holy [ __ ] Uh, it varies by edition, but the original hard cover had 544 pages and the paperback had 498.

Yeah, that's a big old book. That's a big beefy book. So, it's like that's really that's wild.

I just remember walking around like sixth and seventh grade and everyone in the hallway had one [ __ ] part of that series in their hands. I was always reading that [ __ ]

Yeah. I remember I vividly remember tearing through these books. Yeah. Which is funny because I've been trying to get back in I've been on a like such a horror and thriller kick which I love. I will stay horror thriller forever.

Are you about to say something that I was thinking about the other day? I'm interested. I was so involved in these books that I'm like I should give some of these kind of books a chance more like so that like you know

fantasy kind of thing. Yeah. Like more fantasy stuff cuz I love that stuff. It's so funny. I started a thriller the other day and it's not bad by any means, but I was just like, I can't get into this. And it's not the book cuz it's been like a couple times lately that I've picked up some thrillers and I'm like, I think I need a genre switch.

Yeah. Sometimes you get trapped in a genre for sure. Like I love I'll never get sick of horror. No.

Like I will say I can read a horror book every day for the rest of my life and I'll be happy.

But in like thriller, I love to. And like I love those, but I I do think sometimes you need to like switch it around. Well, and this going back to this made me remember how obsessed I was with this series and wanting to know what happened next and like being very involved in it

and the rules of like vampire world. Yeah. And just liking the lore and liking like this whole like fantasy world that was going on.

And then even when you get into like like and hopefully we can get into it next time more, but like when you get into New Moon and you start to learn like Jacob's tribe, like all those

Yeah. that starts being brought in, which also is like a wild thing that she kind of like found this Quillute tribe and it's like a little bit of like taking their legends and turning it into what she wanted to.

But, you know, here we are. Uh, but there's a lot there's a lot to this that one of the things that she like Stephanie Meyer like readily admits is that she was like fully in love with Edward.

Like fulliction also picked up on that character. Yeah, we got to link some of the interviews.

We do cuz he did an interview with E where the interviewer looked like he wanted his chair to swallow him.

Oh, he because it was for the Twilight film. Like Twilight is like right behind him. It's like a press junket

and he's actually a [ __ ] And Robert Patson is like, "Yeah, it felt when I read the book I was kind of like I feel like I'm reading Stephanie's journal and she like and he literally says like sexual fantasies about this this Edward character, this fictional character

and he's like and he's like and I thought this woman's mad like she's in love with her fictional character and I was like oh my god.

Yeah, he really he called them out 2020 if you remember. It was and this he's he's Edward like he's Edward

long term babe. Like that is switcheroo. Wild. It's wild. And he says he was like, "This just felt like and he even says it felt like she is Bella and she saw herself as Bella."

Well, and I think she has kind of admitted to that like she that like pieces of her are Bella,

which like makes that you assume insert is a very normal thing for an author to do. It's just you

you do that naturally sometimes. I was going to say you probably do it without even thinking cuz I know like even when you wrote Butcher in the Run, you didn't set out to make yourself Ren, but like you're pretty much

Ren. But like pieces of me are there. And then I always say like pieces of what I I aspire to be are red.

Yeah, that makes sense. And but like with Bella, I think she said like that it's not her, but Bella's physical description is literally her.

And then I think that we read something on her own website actually that said um cuz one of the frequently asked questions is why is everybody so obsessed with Bella?

Which is a very valid question because it's like the way she describes her like she's a very average looking girl. like she's pretty, but you know, not like remarkable in any big way. And she moves to Forks and men are falling at her feet. Literally, every single man and boy in that place is falling over themselves for her.

It's cr a boy crashes his car for her. Like literally crashes his car. Not really for her. Almost at her, but still he's losing it, you know, like

and they all are. But she said that that was basically modeled after an experience that she had in her life where I think she said she went to high school in Scottsdale, Arizona. Yeah. And then I think it was Utah that she moved to for college. Like I think she said I think it's Utah.

And uh in college she had this experience where like all these boys became obsessed with her and like it was a great experience. And she was saying like I think it's like relative to where you're at. Yeah. Yeah. Like you know who falls at your feet?

Yeah. Like she was like, "Oh, I just became like a 10." She said she was humble. She said she became an eight.

She became an eight. Excuse me. I said Stephanie. I was like, "Damn, be a 10 girl.

Be a 10. Be a 10 that you feel you are. She's a dime. She's a demon." It was It was a wild It was a very like shocking answer to the question cuz it's just like, "Why is every boy falling all over themselves for Bella?" And she's like,

"Because they do it for me." Then it's like, "Whoa, all right. Damn, girl. Here we are again. Damn.

Go to the website, please. Please go to the website. Um, we're just going to go through and kind of talk about all the things that we noticed while watching it. Talk about a a little bit about the books.

Um, one of the first things I thought of and I remembered it when I saw it somewhere when I was like looking around. I was like, "Oh my god, I forgot about this." Was that in the book, it doesn't happen in the movie, but in the book, Bella straight up passes out during their first kiss. Yeah, I also forgot that she just chaos during their first kiss.

She's peace out. She said that was so sick. Bye bye. And can you imagine how [ __ ] embarrassing that would be? Well, and also it's interesting because as like Sarah G Elizabeth Gallagher points out in her book and on like Tik Tok and stuff in the illustrated guide, which you can get on Amazon,

it's like Stephanie Meyer's like official illustrated guide. It's her look at this whole thing. In the illustrated guide, it says that like there's this whole section that says like what are the what are the vampires like bodily fluids essentially?

She says venom, right? Venom based fluids. Facts. She doesn't go deeply into what these venom based fluids are, but they are every fluid in the in the vampire's body. In their stomach, in their mouth, their saliva is venom based. Their eyes are lubricated with venom based fluid, but they don't cry tears.

What? They cry, but it's just to allow their eyes to like move around. Okay. And then like between their cells is venom based fluids. It's everything.

Just venom everywhere. Not even blood. They when they drink blood, they just absorb it into their body. Everything else is venom.

Okay. So their saliva is venom. So they also don't have fangs like ch like regular fangs. Their teeth are just sharp. Like the edges are just really sharp. Wait, why don't I remember that? They don't have fangs.

They don't have fangs. I did see one like a few people say like when we were looking at Tik Toks that she didn't write vampire, she wrote fay.

Honestly, valid cuz these aren't like traditional cuz she created created her own like monster.

Yeah. Quote unquote, right? Because their teeth are indestructible and just really sharp.

What I would [ __ ] give all of us what I would give for indestructible teeth. But the thing is when Bella and Edward kiss for the first time and when they kiss in the future after that, it has to be closed mouths.

Yeah. Because if she opens her mouth, saliva comes in that's venom based. That would turn her into a vampire,

right? Cuz that's how like you give the venom like they have to like take it. She So when she passes out after that first kiss, it's from a tight-lipped closed mouth kiss. So, is she just really [ __ ] excited? I girlfriend, was she just super?

It's just wild. Yeah, that cuz you really have to think about that. They're just furiously mashing their mouths together.

That's deeply upsetting. It's like a seventh grade. Like, that is something to really think about.

It's actually not something to like super super think about. I want you to think about it so hard.

I don't I I don't subscribe to that. Another thing off of that is that they're supposedly like made like they're like stone.

Yeah, like porcelain. Yeah. Yeah, I know where you're going. You know where I'm going.

I got to hide for this one. I'm going in my sweatshirt. Edward does all the things, if you will.

He has so many hobbies. He has so many hobbies. Like he can play the piano. He knows languages. He can paint. He can read. He can all of this [ __ ] Like he just he's really

boy. And the way he got so good at that because at one point and it's later it's in one of the later books and one of the later movies after they [ __ ]

Uh after they [ __ ] after. So it's got to be breaking down then. Yeah. When they break the bed.

Bella. Exactly. Bella is like hey how are we ever going to stop [ __ ] though? Like and then she was like you know your family seems so normal. Like how do they do it?

I think aren't they having that conversation like while they're still [ __ ] technically? While they're still connected. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's how Sarah put it. He basically is like they you haven't seen them at night and he's like why do you think I'm so good at so many things?

Yeah. And when you really like Sarah pointed this out. She was like just to be clear that means that they're just [ __ ] all the time.

Mhm. And remember they're made of like stone porcelain. She literally literally porcelain bowls and just like them together.

I'm so upset. and then points out that remember he can read everyone's thoughts

so he can hear what they're thinking during this. Why wouldn't you just leave? I would like go fly abouts the trees.

Go fly about the trees. Cuz one thing about Edward is he is the tree minder. Truly he is sitting in trees. He is one with the trees. He is trees. Fly about the trees. Get out of there.

My child don't learn them. I mean it's cool that you learned skills while everybody was [ __ ] but like go to the library and learn them. just do something else.

Like what the [ __ ] Get out of there. And it's like your weird siblings, but they're like not your siblings.

No. Okay. Can we talk about that a little bit because it is [ __ ] weird. And that's pretty much like

like the very beginning of the movie. Like Jessica is explaining to uh I almost just said Kristen Stewart to Bella that Dr. Carile like adopted all of these kids and then they all paired up. I'm like,

if someone told me in high school that all these foster brother and sisters just [ __ ] each other in their foster dad's house, I'd be like, I feel like somebody should get called about this.

Somebody should call someone. Like that's they're all just coupled up. He's running a brothel essentially.

He essentially is. Hello. And what's crazier is he like when you go into that illustrated guide.

Yeah. There's So I'm begging you. I need to go into it. I will go into it cuz she she describes that like um first of all Esme met Carile Esme the mom. Yeah. Quote unquote.

Met Carile when she was a child. Oh. And was like really sick or something and he was the doctor that was called to take care of her and she became infatuated with him.

And so later when he comes and like turns her they get together romantically. That's [ __ ] up.

He knew her as a child. Yeah, that's [ __ ] And she was obsessed with him as a child. Remember, this is not me making this up. This is in Stephanie Meyer's illustrated guide in which she willingly handed us the backstories of these.

That is beyond fizzy fizzy [ __ ] So, there's that. There is always that. There's that.

What the hell? And then there is uh Rosalie. Oh, so there's Edward. So he changed Edward. Edward was like 17.

Okay. Wait, can I interrupt you there? Big [ __ ] problem already with that because they say I I don't remember if they say it in the books. They probably do, but they say in the movie that Jasper is like the youngest member of the family and that's why he's so bloodthirsty. That's just simply incorrect because um for everybody who forgot, Jasper is a [ __ ] Confederate soldier. We're going to get into that, don't worry.

And Edward got turned during the Spanish influenza, which was after the Confederate like war. So, she that is explained a little bit.

Is it? She's not the youngest. He's the most He's having trouble still with the whole vegetarian thing. He has been a vegetarian technician. Like they only have uh animal blood. He's been doing that with this family for 50 plus years by the time we see him.

Yeah. And he still just like is having trouble dealing with it because his whole backstory which

let's get you know what [ __ ] up. Before I get to Jasper's backstory, let me get to Edward. So, sorry I interrupted you.

Edward is turned and he's you know kind of Carile sees himself in Edward essentially. Carile is only supposed to be 23 by the way. He's 23 when he was turned.

That's not true. 23. shut up. Uh, so he kind of sees this like Edward, he sees like he kind of they they bond really like a lot. Also, I'm sorry, this [ __ ] 23-year-old foster dad with a bunch of 17-year-old kids [ __ ] paired off and [ __ ] in his house.

What's going on? Like so many authorities would there would be an FBI raid at this foster home.

Like, but go continue, please. He wants to find him like a partner cuz he's like I want you to have someone you love because I guess the whole idea is that um do they like mate for eternity?

They mate like they have a mate and also if you're like a vegetarian vampire essentially you are more likely to form bonds because you are not like tainted by killing someone.

That's kind of funny because there's more humanity. what's also like touched upon in the last uh episode of True Blood that we covered.

Yeah. Which we'll get to. That's just kind of like vampire lore. And so he wants him to find somebody. So he turns Rosalie initially

for Edward. Because he's like, "Oh, she's for Edward." But they end up like digging each other. They just like each other as like brother and sister.

Oh my god, you're like unlocking my memories. I hyperfixated on this. So we're I love your hyperfixations. And he changed like Rosalie's story is that whole like you know she was the prettiest girl in all of New York City or whatever.

Rosley's backtory [ __ ] wins. It's pretty great. It's the best. It's horrifying.

Her her vengeance. She gets like paired off with like this wealthy banker's son. Is it

Roy? And he and his friends one night when she's coming home from her friend's house literally assault and rape her and leave her for dead on the street.

Yeah. And so she comes back and is like so Carile saves her and then she comes back and literally kills them all like tortures them all and then shows up to Royce wearing a wedding dress

last and it's in the movie which we don't see it in the first movie so I won't go too far into it cuz I'm trying to stay with

it's an eclipse. Uh it's iconic if we'll get to that. But so there's that and then there's Alice and Jasper. Alice was in like um an institution because she had seen visions already and they thought she was crazy. Yeah.

Um so she ends up becoming a vampire because one of the people in the institution changed her.

And then Jasper, let's get let's get into Jasper, honey. So also Rosal's name was originally going to be Carol. Listen, there's nothing wrong with the name Carol. Like that's a beautiful name. But Carol Cullen. I'm Carol. I'm Carol Colin. And then Jasper was originally Ronald's. I don't even hate that. Ronald and Alice is kind of cute,

but he's Jasper now. And uh I'm not past Carol yet. You didn't give me enough time with that.

Rosaly's name was going to just be Carol. Okay. Went from Carol to Rosalie. Like Rosal. They both beautiful names. They are very different names. Vastly different. Carol. Like imagine this. I just don't get it. I don't get it. I don't know why that's so [ __ ] what it is.

But let's get into [ __ ] Jasper for a moment. Everybody's waiting with baited breath.

Everybody take a [ __ ] seat. Everyone's on the edge of their seat. Jasper's defining quality is that he's a very proud Confederate soldier. Like, and that's not funny. No, it's just that she did this with her whole chest.

And isn't one of the things too that you I don't where did you read it? So much.

Okay. Go. Oh, that. Yes. I know exactly what you're talking about. But they can't change.

So for Jack, so she is Stephanie Meyers Meyer is very open about the fact that she does not like research. that becomes abundantly clear because also Carile's backstory is that he was just chilling around in the sewers of London in 16 something.

Yeah. Sewers were not invented or created in London. So like there wasn't even which like mistakes can be made. Okay.

Would that be found to like copy? That's the thing. I'm like that's a pretty big one. That's the only egregious like, okay, [ __ ] happens. Like, you missed one thing.

People would let it go. That's fine. But there's a lot of things but she's very open. She says, "I don't like research. I don't like to do a lot of research for it because she's creating a fantasy world and this is her world and she's going to make it." Which, like, more power to you.

Yeah. Uh, but she and she says, and this is a quote, "The only time I really did any research on vampires was when the character Bella did research on vampires. Because I was creating my own world, I didn't want to find out just how many rules I was breaking." Get that. Totally get that. Yeah.

But one thing she did do research for is Jasper's name. And for Jasper's name, when he when she was like, "Ronald isn't working for me." She said she searched roll calls for the Confederate army in Texas

and found Jasper. So that's the one she she rooted in reality was was that Confederate soldiers name.

Uh which which is not great. And before everybody comes to us and like gets really angry at us and says, you know, like not all Confederate soldiers are racist.

Oh, I have an answer for you for that. Don't worry. Go ahead. Cuz yeah, totally. Absolutely. Sure. Why not live in that? Um, but uh, Jasper really [ __ ] wanted to be a Confederate soldier.

Jasper sought this experience. Here's what he did. He very much sought this experience.

Jasper worked with a travel adviser through the Confederate War. So, you're talking about the people that are fighting for the Confederacy that were forced into it. Like forced into it at a young age, like didn't want to be part of it,

like just happened to live there and had to fight for that side, which like what the [ __ ] Uh, but Jasper literally lied about his age to become a fed confederate soldier and said he was so [ __ ] excited about it. He talks about he is the youngest captain in the Texas cavalry all the time. He was rising the rank. Like he was confederate soldiering to the highest order. And like I think in Eclipse he really starts cuz they have to like fight the army and we'll get there when we cover it. He gets so into it and he like heads part of the training and it's like

you have a Confederate soldier training you that's an issue and what makes here's more added on to it. So there's that. He talks about it all the time like he that's his thing. He's very not in the first movie. You don't hear about it in the first movie and the first like it's it comes later

but just to know his character going forward. Um, again, he's been drinking animal blood for like 50 plus years, but he's still feral as [ __ ] And it's because he was like a [ __ ] monster when he was a and he like killed a lot of people. And then when he got turned into a vampire, he whoever turned him, I think it's like somebody Maria maybe

turned Oh, yeah. She used him to like hunt newborn vampires and after they couldn't use them anymore, he had to kill them. Mhm.

So he was just killing like killing killing killing killing killing for like almost the entire time he was alive.

Essentially he's a psychopath. So 50 plus years of drinking v animal blood. He's still not it hasn't busted out that killer instinct of him which makes sense.

But she did this thing where she gives some of the vampires special abilities. Only some of them.

So some of them don't have them. Alice, she had a special ability when she was a human. She was like kind of psychic. She could see things happen.

So it like translated. Edward, he can read minds, but like Rosalie doesn't have one. Like a few of the other ones don't have one.

Yeah. Jasper has one. And it's that he is wildly empathetic. He can literally feel what other people are feeling. And not once does she have him say, "And you know what? I think I was on the wrong side."

Yeah. Not one. He can literally feel what someone else is feeling. He's he's and he still has not come to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't that sick that he was a Confederate soldier.

Yeah, that's just crazy. They're really just like lowkey trying to conform him to like good vampire side, but he was born to be

a terrible murderer vampire. And it's just weird to like cuz all like you could have had him fight for the Union. It's the same time period. Like if you really wanted to do that or you didn't even have to involve that. He didn't have to be a soldier. Yeah.

And also it's like or have if you want to make him a redeemable character then have him come say with verbalize

I cuz also in the illustrated guide again go look at it in the illustrated guide she says that he has like because they all have like a million degrees because they've been around for like a hundred years. Yeah. He has degrees in philosophy and history. And not once has he said out loud, "I think I [ __ ] up."

Imagine having on the wrong side. Imagine having to take a course learning about that time period and still knowing that you were on the wrong side.

But he doesn't. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, and you didn't Why didn't you make him a redeemable character of him being like, "Wow, I was educated and I learned that like I have a lot of making up to do because I was on the wrong side of history." Wouldn't that like kind of poke a hole in her own lore though? Because you were saying when we were talking about it the other day that part of it is that they don't change. That's see and that's that's where her lore kind of like [ __ ] itself. That's where why revealing too much of the lore kind of backed her into a corner a few times because it's like the whole thing is they get frozen when they get turned.

Frozen in their likes and their dislikes, all that. But they can still be educated.

Yeah. And you can still I think like form a different opinion from being educated

but frozen in their likes and dislikes. Well, that's [ __ ] hits here. And it really [ __ ] this whole thing because it's like he can't be educated.

Yeah, technically he should be able to be educated. Yeah, it's, you know, it just doesn't make a lot of sense.

A lot of sense. Um, but yeah, it's really Jasper is is a real [ __ ] a real [ __ ] problem.

He really is. And then like Alice is just like took you too like took you long enough

for me to like I've been waiting for you and it's like you you were just waiting around for your Confederate soldier Alice.

You're supposed to be our our pixie girl. It doesn't really jive a lot. The illustrated guide will really uh open eyes to a lot of things.

I'm so excited to get it. Um and that's where we come into the whole like pigment being leeched out of your skin when you turn into a vampire. Uh because that's in the illustrated guide. It's part of the whole like it's under like por I think is the section like the por.

Why would you need that to be a thing? Yeah, that's the thing. And it says despite your ethnicity, you will become white.

That's really really really bad. And it's like part of the whole thing too is become you you become the most beautiful creature. I'm going to go ahead and need you to leave that silence in.

Leave it in. Uh, also freckles, tattoos, beauty marks, they all disappear. I would be so [ __ ] pissed.

Which as soon as I saw freckles disappear, I was like, "Oh, is it not beautiful?"

Freckles disappear. Rude. [ __ ] And also, all my [ __ ] tattoos, do you know how much money I've spent curating this?

I would be so I would go out and get them again. Well, also like come on, vampires have to have tattoos. Are you kidding me?

Sexy as hell. Like, let's go, girl. And vampires do have tattoos because James has one.

Yeah. Honestly, so lore ruined. Lore ruined. Cuz I think they I think they spent so much of their CGI budget on Edward flying.

Absolutely. And like I I think that's actual fact that they couldn't then remove the tattoo because it was like going to take too much.

Yeah. Well, you might be sitting here saying, "Well, in the movies, Laurent, yeah,

the best [ __ ] vampires played by Eddie um Gathagy, and he's [ __ ] phenomenal in that coin."

And he is stunning. He's I mean stunning. Like truly that man when he shows up on the scene you just go

like he's one of those. So like that's a French ass name. I said that's a French ass name right there. And that's the thing. So missed opportunity first of all cuz it's like look at that man.

Yeah. You could have done that many times. You could have had a few vampire diversity.

Yeah it would have been. And Katherine Hardwick, the director, actually wanted a lot more diversity in the cast, but got push back from Stephanie Meyer because she said, "I created this world. This is how I see my vampires. This is how I've created the lore.

This is how I whitewashed them." and finally agreed that Lorent could be darker skinned, but only because he's described because she also says that if you have like olive skin, then it will you'll still go white, but you you'll be maybe a little darker.

I think we just didn't really need to touch on that. So, I think Lorent is described as having like a little more olive skin, so she agreed to let him be a black man.

And of course, yeah. Yeah. It's a There's too many implications with that. It's a lot.

There's too many implications. But all I have to say is that Eddie Gaffige is one of the best parts of that movie. Yep.

I think he's phenomenal. And I think he is gorgeous. And the second movie, too, he's like a huge part of and he's so good. He's so likable. I just think missed opportunities abound there.

But um yeah, so that's all in the illustrated guide. But like just going back to like the actual movie because we sat down and watched it and went through

Yeah. Should we go through like all of our thoughts on this book? We'll just go through our thoughts. Um the Oh, the book was originally named Forks.

Yeah, that's hilarious. I understand that Forks like Forks Washington. But like Hold on, I said Washington. So dumb. Forks Washington.

Oh, Forks Washington. But to name it Forks would have been diabolical. What's the What's the sequel stuff? Spoons.

Spoon. Sporks. Just one third. Once they get Reneesme, it's sporks cuz it's like a combo of the two.

Yikes. Um, yeah, it's it's a wild one. One thing about the movie that uh was a real moment for me and I still get it, but when it was happening, it used to happen all the time is the vampires. The the eye color.

Yeah. Used to happen all the time that people would be like, "Oh, you have, you know, eyes." Or like, "Are you wearing cullen contacts?" And I was like, "No, that's just my eyes. Apparently, I'm just a vampire." I think you are.

I'm Stephanie Myers vampire, apparently. Um, but contact lenses would actually dissolve in their eyes

because venom. Because venom. So they just their eyes get gold. So even if cuz like apparently it's like if if a vampire drinks animal blood, then they get golden eyes.

Oh, okay. If they've just recently fed and had animal blood, they have golden eyes. If they've just recently fed off human blood and are satiated, they have bright red eyes. which is why when they meet Laurentas and all the other vampires, they have super red eyes.

And so they said like if they were trying to hide the red eyes, they could do so with contacts, but they would dissolve in their eyes eventually, like after a few hours.

So they can't. You could get a few hours out of it, but it would dissolve. Okay,

so that's interesting. That's in the illustrated guide. That's in the illustrated guide.

How did I know? How did you know? But the vibe of the movies are the best. They're just good vibes.

It's like honestly the color palette. You got you've really you've really taken me to a place of color palette. It there it's so cozy with like the greens and the rain

and it's got a blue tint to things. And one thing about these all of these movies I'm pretty sure the soundtrack is especially for the first one and the second one such banger banger after banger that when it first starts when the full moon turns white that's when I'll come home. And then um a when she's like when they're driving into Forks. There's so many movie sploops that we have to talk about.

Oh yeah. When that big logging truck passes by. Oh my god. And there's no one driving.

No one's driving it. No one's driving the How did that even happen? How did that even occur?

They're pulling into four wheeling. I'm like, what? It's an 18wheeler that no one is driving.

Like did you guys like CGI him out of there at somehow? Like who's like, "Please tell me what happened. What's going on?" Also, this is the movie where we get the I think that's like right before Bella gets hit by the car, right? Or almost

perfect when it goes. I'm like, "Ah, like it just gets you." Oh, I love it so much.

There is something with that. I also super massive black hole on my hatch alarm every morning and then it starts the and it great way to wake up.

I got to get one. I'll tell you it's really great way to wake up. But yeah, I soundtracks like you said super massive black hole.

I mean the spotlight song when they finally we're about to get sued by like 15 different bands.

No, we love you. Okay, we're singing to your praises literally. Uh, but it's so good and there's I think she did a good job of stylizing it.

Yeah, cuz the books are very um like the books have that like have way more repression. It feels like weaved within.

Yeah. And the movie kind of makes it a little more like like they're dressed better.

Yeah. and like for the most part and it just all feels a little more like I can I can go along with this.

It's so funny watching it now though because I remember like when I watched it when I was like 12 or 13, I was like I need to start dressing like Bella and wear headbands in my hair like Bella does and I need to be Bella because boys will love me.

Yeah, Bella dresses like [ __ ] Bella dresses like [ __ ] I I I watched it when we watched it recently. I was like, "What the [ __ ] is she wearing in every scene?"

What? She's wearing like bowling shirts over It's There's a lot. It's horrible.

Um, a couple of her shirts I was like, "Okay, I would have probably worn that."

There wasn't one shirt that I was okay with. There's a couple that I was like, I feel like I would wear that.

She says she has great hair. Great hair. Great hair. I remember being like, that's how I pictured Bella's hair.

Not in the I can't remember if it's I think it's the third movie. Kristen Stewart had just done um [ __ ] um the the rocking.

Oh um the rocking the the jet Joan Joet Jones. Yeah, she had just done that. So she had to cut her hair like obviously in Joan Jet's hairstyle. So she has

one of the worst wigs of all time in that movie. There's some egregious wigs. There are some egregious wigs.

Yeah. Like there's some Rosalie's wigs. Rosley's wig she had to wear because they [ __ ] her hair up so bad after the first movie, which if you look at her hair in the first movie, she has beautiful hair, but it's fried.

Yeah, you can tell. And we'll get to that when we do the other movie. Yeah, we will.

Um, but yeah, it's I thought the outfits, they're very of the time. Yeah. Um, I remember Edward, I loved his outfits.

His peac coats. Loved his peac coats, honey. Loved it. I especially love I think we were when we were watching it there's this scene when Mike is like

trying to ask Bella to prom and Edward is just standing in the back. One thing I loved is what an absolute dick Edward was.

Yeah, we set us all up. We've been here before. We we you know like this is this is who I am. Okay. And so I love that he's literally laughing in the background like this guy

cuz he could also hear Mike and Bella's answers too. thinks and her thoughts. So, he's sitting or not her thoughts, he can't hear her thoughts,

but he can hear like her answer Mike's thoughts. Yeah. And he's sitting there laughing in the background and you know he's sitting there being like, "I got a [ __ ] peacacoat. You're going to lose

what you think you're going to prom with her. Get a peacacoat." Like, get a gray peacacoat, my friend.

Poor Mike. Let's go into We got to talk about Mike and Jessica. They make Jessica They do make Jessica the ultimate villain. Especially

justice for Jessica. Like in this movie, she definitely gets villainized. In New Moon,

oh yeah, they turn her into like a [ __ ] And it's not fair because Bella is a [ __ ] Like she's a [ __ ] when she goes into everyone is being nice to her. People are trying to be like Jessica is one of the first people to talk to her and welcome her here and like talk and it's like she's like villain and Bella gives no one the time of day and acts like she's annoyed that anyone's being nice to her. I don't know why they all keep trying. And then the thing with Jessica is it's like Jessica's a teenage girl. She immediately befriended Bella, tried to integrate her in, and then she gets jealous that the guy she likes is obsessed with Bella the second she met meets her. That's just normal [ __ ]

Yeah, that's normal. People would be pretty pissed if the guy I was like crushing on was obsessed with the new girl. And I think that she said something like she's they've all known each other since like kindergarten.

Yeah. So it's like that sucks. Yeah. And it's like and they make her such a villain.

They do. And it's like she's not. She's like And she even she even asks Bella at one point if it's okay that she goes to the dance with Mike.

Yeah. And she What the [ __ ] does she have to do that for? You've been around forever. You don't have to ask her. But she does. Just to make sure there's no like weirdness. I'm like, they villainized her. It's not

Well, and they also try to make Bella like more likable by her being like, "Oh, you should ask Jessica." Yeah. But it's like it it makes Jessica look like

Well, they make and I mean it's how Bella is also written. She's like that girl.

Yeah. I'm not like other girls, you know, like that girl. And it's like I'm going to wear leggings under my dress. Oh my god. When we get to that,

we're going to get to that. But I think Anna Kendrick is the perfect Jessica. She really is.

She killed it. As soon as you see her, you say Jessica. Yeah. Jessica in the movie.

Yep. And I think uh Mike is a great cast and I think Mike is super endearing and just kind of like he's a teenage boy.

You can honestly the whole friend group I feel like is very like believable like Angela Mike.

They're all really well done. I think like they're likable. They are. They're super liable and they're like I don't know. They're just sweet. They're like throwing twizzlers at her and [ __ ] They eat so many twizzlers in this movie.

They eat so many twizzlers. It's just brought to you by Twizzlers. I will say it really was. I will say I don't like that they have everyone like falling all over themselves about Bella. Like that's very unrealistic and also like kind of weird and gross because

at one point like while she's sitting at the table, Tyler runs up behind her and is like my girl and kisses her on the cheek.

Yeah. Is that Tyler or is that Eric? That's Tyler. And Eric is sitting next to her cuz he had said something like

like Bella is my girl like basically. And I was like what's happening? Like what is And you can tell Jessica Jessica literally is like oh my god the way she said I forget what she says. She's like you're the new shiny toy. Like but she's like oh my god.

Yeah. She's like this is disgusting. You can tell she's like what the [ __ ] is going on?

Also the way he kisses her at lunch. I said inappropriate. Inappropriate. And also they're so mean to like the boys are so mean to Jessica and Angela.

Oh my god. Eric like shits all over Angela. Yeah. And I'm like the feature is dead. Don't bring it up again. and then just leaves and she's like, "Damn, do you guys just uh not want what's going on here?" Like, "What the fuck?"

But this is also where we get the Colin entrance. They are 32year-olds walking into this cafeteria.

They're all wearing white. And most importantly, EMTT is carrying a bag a bag full of at least a dozen hardboiled eggs. and I have never noticed it, but we all got into a discussion the other day when we were talking about like the weird spoofs in this movie and Elena was like, "The eggs?" I was like, "The eggs?"

The eggs. I never saw that before. You'll never unsee it. You'll never unsee it.

And fun fact, that was just Kellen Lutz's uh lunch. Who's that? Who is who plays EMTT?

Yeah, you know, you just got to eat some eggs. I love a hard-boiled egg, so I'm not one to

I love a hardboiled egg hardboiled egg. I could not eat 12, but he's he's like a he's a big guy.

I can eat one and then I'm like, damn. Yeah, honestly. But that and I like that my one with some soy sauce or some hot sauce, you know? I can't just I just can't do that to the face.

I can't raw dog a hard-boiled egg like that. As you should not. But um and we their entrances are just wild cuz it's like

Alice gets like Jasper the Confederate soldier just twirls Alice. Yeah. They just run way into this cafeteria like it's nothing.

Like what? And uh and that's when we see Edward for the first time, of course. And this is where I had my initial disappointment.

I can't believe you disappointment in this moment. I think this was my sexual awakening.

And that's I again I say it was not because I thought Robert Patson was not attractive or ugly or

What did you picture? Do you remember? I think I just pictured like I'm trying to think of exactly what I pictured in my head. I probably pictured more of I'm trying to think of I don't know. I think he was like not

I don't know what I I'm trying to think in my head. I'm trying to like picture it.

Sometimes it's hard to describe the picture that you have in your head. I'm trying to think of anybody who fits that picture. I think what I think um Hayden Christensen was one of the ones that was going to be cast or was in talks I think or like fans wanted him to

Yeah. Yeah. And I was very much a Hayden Christensen girly when I was younger. I loved him.

Very very good-looking man. And I think he's more along the lines of what I pictured, but I don't even think he is the thing I pictured. I think he's just a little closer to what I pictured.

Okay. Um, I think he I think I pictured him like very ethereal looking and I think it's hard for a human being to to look so ethereal. I I see what you're saying.

Like it's a difficult one to cast. I think Yeah, I think he looks I think he is like the perfect Robert.

Well, and I think the perfect Edward. I mean, he was the perfect Robert as well. Like he really was. He's like, "Don't say that." I

But he totally started fitting it for me. And I think I saw like his interviews and [ __ ] I just ended up loving him. like I thought he was awesome so I was very into it then.

Um but we get that weird like staring thing that he when he walks by he laughs because he can hear Jessica being like

oh yeah I think she says like you know like he just I guess none of us are good enough for him. Like every girl in school wants to date him but we're not good enough for him. And he laughs when she when he's he can hear that. Yeah.

And then we go into the biology class where we get one of the cringiest scenes that I have ever seen committed to film.

I literally wrote down I would not survive this interaction with Edward. I would jump out of the science lab window and I would board the next flight to Arizona. I literally said this would send me packing. She walks into science class or biology class

in front of a fan. In front of the fan. It wafts on over to Edward and he acts like she smells like hot garbage liquefied. He does this body roll of erection. He has a full wretch.

He wretches and then and he literally like like slides something over to her with his knuckle. Like he won't even touch it with his f. He's just like, "Get the [ __ ] away."

And he's literally like holding his face away from her, but also staring at her as she's looking straight ahead and she's like, "Oh my god." He's just like like staring at her

like she's like the most putrid thing. I did not survive this. And also, what the [ __ ] Bella? Cuz halfway through that class, I would have been like, "Can I [ __ ] help you?" Like, how are you not turning to that boy and being like, "What the [ __ ] your problem?" Like, I confront him.

Yeah. Cuz it's not like he's like actively trying to get away from her. He is, but he's also staring at her.

He's He's diabolic studying her like like a monkey. And he's just staring like I would literally turn around and just like stick my finger in my nose and be like "What?"

Like what? Like Bella needed to get a little more assertive with that [ __ ] Yeah. Well, she's

Bella's so baby girl coded. She is so baby girl coded. Baby girl, but at the same time he's not safe with her at some point. At some point she gets so aggressive that I was like you should leave.

It took me a minute to like process what you were saying. Yeah. Like she gets really aggressive at one point.

At the end of the movie we'll get Yeah. But that interaction just [ __ ] me up. And then when they she like they go into like the administrative office after and he's like, "Okay, fine. I guess I'll just endure it. I guess I'll have to endure it."

Like cuz he wants to switch class. He just like flies by her and she had come into the office and then just leaves.

Yeah. Why were you there? And she does that like lip sucking thing that she does.

She do be here's the thing. She do be making some Kristen Stewart is a great actress. She's a great actress. What the [ __ ] was she doing in this movie?

Lots of faces. She doesn't do that face all the time. Like it's a her doing the like

I wish like suck sucking in her lip. I said I wish you could see that and in fact you must see that so I will video it for you right now. Live videoing.

All right. Am I doing it? Yeah. Go go go girl. And we'll be and we'll be posting that.

That's She literally like does this that weird like I'm just going to eat my lip. I'm going to eat my lip. I'm going to eat my lip. I'm not going to eat my lip. And then she just leaves and you're like, I'm not going to eat my final decision. I am not going to eat my lunch.

Okay. Wait. So like that happens. Edward doesn't come to school for a few days. In the interim, uh she goes to the diner with her dad. Um pause.

Charlie. Oh yeah. Everybody paused for Zaddy. Charlie. Charlie. Worst worst father.

Not of the year, but like one of the worst dad. Not in the book. In the book, he's far worse than he is in the movie. In the movie, you at least get the sense that he cares. He's just awkward.

Yeah, he cares that he's awkward, but like later on, he also just lets her leave his home.

He sure does. And like he's a police officer. He's like the police officer. In fact, like

he's the chief. We'll get there. But he's hot. So, we'll take it. He is so hot.

Yeah. Watching Twilight as an adult is realizing that you're not team Edward or Jacob. You are team Charlie Swan or Boss. Oh my god. Totally. And I need to be clear with who Stephanie Meyer wanted to cast as Charlie.

You better be John C. Riley. And here's the thing. I love John C. Riley. Who doesn't?

I think he's hilarious. Imagine if he if he was Chief. We get Billy Burke. And I am for Billy Burke. Yeah. In this movie. Billy Burke is A+ behavior in this movie.

A I don't even care what he does. And he look there's like a familial resemblance between him and Bella for sure.

He looks like the age fits the familial. John C. Riley would have been a wild choice.

It would have been. Honestly, I I would like him to like Can they remake the movie? John some of the lines and like dress as Chief Swan and just like give us that. I'm going to need one of the late night hosts to have him on and make him read those lines.

I'm going to need that. Like I'm going to need that. Although his lines are pretty basic.

They are. That's true. But in this scene, like aside from Charlie Swan just being super hot, uh there's a ketchup bottle and Kristen Sewart, Bella takes the ketchup bottle.

Limprisk just blops it on her plate, but nothing comes out. And then the scene is shot from a different angle and it's just ketchup on the plate. And she just does this like shaky shaky and then puts it down. Nothing comes out. Nothing ever comes out of that bottle. And it's not even one of those bottles where like you have to hit the 57 for it to come out or like the 52, whatever it is.

It's a squeeze bottle. And she's not squeezing it. She's simply limpressing, flicking it. It's the weirdest. She does this with a few other things cuz later she gets a glass of water. She pours a glass of water. No, the water might be I think the water might take the ketchup right away.

Pours a full glass of water out of the fridge, puts it back, puts the jug back.

Yeah. Stands in front of the sink, takes one sip of water, and then just flips the water over and dumps it all out.

The way she flicks it is so just like just And it's one sip, whole glass of water, one sip, blip, right into

I was like, what the [ __ ] was the point of that? Also, and we'll get into it a little bit more, but just because we're talking about weird mannerisms, when Edward sits down at the table the first time we see him, he just places like two fingers on the table.

He does this weird like finger thing that he's always like just delicately touching, but like pageant hands.

They're like praying mantis hands. Like he's just like de like he barely touches surfaces or like things in front of him. It's very creepy.

I think they were all just like really uncomfortable filming this. Yes. Everybody seems very uncomfortable.

Anna Kendrick likened it to a hostage situation. She said they were all trauma bonded because it was like a hostage situation.

Kind of makes sense. And EMTT uh we're better for it. It's Kellen Lutz almost didn't come back for the last two movies. He said because he was just standing around on set so often cuz he doesn't have a lot to do.

That's the thing. He said he was like falling out of love with acting. Oh man. Yeah. So I can't imagine the vibe on the set was like super immaculate.

Awesome. Yeah. Well, and we get like another scene like you were just pointing out the scene at the table. He has the fingers

and Rosaliss just takes a little carrot and she's just staring at Bella and she's dead in her white outfit and her white hat

and she just takes that carrot. She places it within her lips and then it's almost like a kazoo that she's just like she just on a carrot cuz she looks like she's treating it like a kazoo and she just places it there but doesn't ever take a bite.

And it's because in the illustrated guide, no, they don't eat food. If they have to eat food like to blend in

to blend in, they don't digest food. So what happens is they eat that food. It sits in a ball somewhere inside of them and then they hack it up like a cat packs up in a hairball later. They will literally regurgitate it later.

That's not good. That's not hot. That's not hot at all. If my man is having a hairball and like I'm sorry, you're you're making my vampires so that they're just like regurgitating food later.

I don't like that. I don't like that at all. I don't like it either. Another thing I don't like is when she walks back into biology class and I think it's Mike goes, "How you liking Drain, girl?" Oh my god. When he It's the most egregious. It's such a weird line. The most egregious greeting. He not only does he scream, "How you liking the rain girl?" at her, but he also shakes his [ __ ] umbrella on her.

I'd kill him with that umbrella. There's so many. And there's lines in future movies like uh Bella where the hell you been loc that just send me into orbit. I think honestly Bella where the hell you been Loca is such a good line but like it's so good that people forget how good is how good how good how you likened the rain girl. Like that's such a weird [ __ ] line but I and I hate it but I love it. There's so many lines like that here though. Like we're going to get to them and I will yell them loud and proud when they come. So many. I will yell them loud and proud. Wait. So then after how you liking the rain, girl sits down at the table after Edward just left for days cuz she smelled super [ __ ] putrid. He's sitting there and he acts like everything is a-ok. Okay.

And he says, "HELLO." He goes, "Why is he Swedish when he says hello?" She sits down and he goes, "Hello." He sounds almost like the wandering oak in Frozen where he's like summer sale.

Big summer blows. Like what? And obviously like um Robert Patson is like British, right?

He sure is. So obviously like his accent comes out sometimes, but this isn't even his accent. It's a Swedish episode. Hello.

Hello. It's the way he says it. But there's another part I'm trying to find exactly how he says it. Oh my god. Cuz there's another uh moment where Robert Patson slips into like a weird Scottish

Oh, I wrote it down. Hold on. Oh, wait. Here it is. Oh, he says, "So you're worried."

So you're worried. So you're worried. And then he just goes right into his regular accent, but full Scottish.

So you're worried. Hello. Hello. Say you're worried. I love the Swedish accent.

[ __ ] crazy. Very Swedish, very Norwegian. I like it. And then they just like have this cute interaction about like science.

But this is Bella's first moment of He's like, "So are you liking the rain?" Cuz they've never met. They don't [ __ ] know each other. you're going to [ __ ] talk to me about the goddamn weather.

And she does, she literally he says that he's like, "So, are you how are you liking the rain?" And she literally goes like lets out this like shaky like and then she goes, "You're going to ask me about the weather." Like, it's just like, "What the fuck?" My my watch just told me this is a loud environment. Your watch is like calm the [ __ ] down, [ __ ]

We hit 90 dB. 30 minutes of this could we're giving you guys temporary hearing.

I'm sorry for that, but it's worth it. Okay, cuz she says she's like she literally she's on the she's on the edge in that moment. She's on the edge. And then it's like you want you're going to talk to me about the weather. I'm like what do you want him by that? She's she wants him to talk dirty to her. Like it's like you she's like why are you talking to me about the weather? I'm literally on the edge of glory here. She says, "I want to [ __ ] on this your lap table."

It's so weird the like response. I know she was trying to do her like cuz it's supposed to be that she's like enamored with him right away, but it's like

you don't need to. I don't know. It was just the way it came out. I was like that's a lot. It's wild. So, um I think there is um a moment when she's talking during like during this part when she talks to her friends where they're like, "Oh, you going to come to La Push with us?" Yeah. Yeah.

And she's like, "Am I supposed to know what that means?" And it's like, "Maybe you are because that's where like your best friend growing up, Jacob,

lives." He La Push is like kind of his beach. So it's like I don't Why wouldn't you know that? And it's like also like she's just so [ __ ] rude to

It's the way she says things. Should I know what that means? Yeah. I Yeah, you should probably cuz like you're friends with Jacob.

But we get also around this part the apple the book cover moment. Apple. And then before that, he had saved her from the crash.

Yep. And she meets Carile. Yep. She meets the whole thing. The palest doctor that has ever lived.

I loved Carile. I was I was not a Carile girl, but I was 12 when this came out, so I was not meant to be a Carile.

I just love He's I love a you know, light-haired. You do deadlook man. Yeah, we'll be talking about that in True Blood later.

We will be. Uh that's the cover of the book. And Stephanie Meyer said that it's supposed to be the illusion of like the forbidden fruit.

The forbidden fruit and like it is tied to the Bible with like you have a choice. Are you going to take the apple and ruin everything or are you going to not take the apple?

Take the apple. Interesting. Um he does when he does the little like presenting like the I was like wow.

Also I would be like you just kicked that up. So not only did you get my apple but you also bruised it.

Yeah. You [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm sorry she didn't say like, "I can't believe you just [ __ ] kicked my apple."

God, not going to hand me that. Anyone else? She would. Yeah. But when they go to La Push and they see Jacob and his friends

and they mentioned that like u Bella had asked Edward if he wanted to come, but he was like, "No." This is where Jessica's a little bit of a [ __ ] because she's like, "Bella asked Edward, but he didn't come."

But he is not here. But I think she's also trying to be like, "Hey, Mike, she invited Edward. like she doesn't like you. So, please stop like lusting after her because I like you. I think it's teenage girl [ __ ]

It is. It is. But when then that kid goes, "The Colins don't come here." Yes. Cuz like Jacob and his friends come and that's when he's like, "The Colins don't come here."

Period. And Belle's like, "Whoa." And then they go on a walk on the beach and J's like, "So, what did your friend mean when he said the Collins don't come here?" And Jacob goes, "You caught that, huh?"

It's like the [ __ ] do you mean? The kid locked eyes with her and screamed it in her face. Of course. Of course I caught that. I was in that.

You launched it directly at me. I had no choice but to c catch that. Like damn.

Yeah. I love that. I love that. And she's also trying to like flirt with Jacob to get information out of him. And Bellis Swan flirting is the funniest [ __ ] [ __ ] you'll ever see in your life cuz she kind of just like leans her head a little bit closer

and like looks up at him, but it's medicine. She does this weird like head shake thing where she's like I

I want to know. I'd love shakes her head a lot. It's almost like she thinks that the like eyelash fluttering is actually like head shaking. So she does that.

It's a lot. It's something later. Well, cuz she finds out like there's a you know the legend the Quillute tribe has of like the the wolves and there's these like the cold ones,

the treaty, all that stuff. So she later she goes on and googs and she googs about, you know, legends of that tribe. And one of the books that comes up is called Legends of the Slapping Beaver.

I just need to point that out. It's not a real book. I looked it up. We tried we tried to find it,

but my god, I love that they put that in. Um and then she ends up going dress shopping at one point with um Angela and Jessica. They invite her like you're new and we're inviting you into our shopping trip to have a girls night. That's some like not that doesn't happen to everyone. No. Like you've been a new kid.

I was a new kid. I was lucky enough. You were welcome. I'm pretty lucky. I got to say on my first day at my new high school, I made friends like the first day and they were they were like, "You want to come hang out tonight?" And I was like, "Fuck yeah, I did."

But it's like that doesn't happen for everyone. I came home and Elena was like, "Are you I literally I was like, "Do you think mom would let me go out tonight?" Like I made friends and Elena goes, "What? Are you [ __ ] kidding me?

What do you mean you made friends already, you bitch?" But yeah, that doesn't happen.

I had a better experience at my second high school than I did at my first. Well, and Bella is being integrated into this group very nicely. Are you [ __ ] kidding me?

Are you [ __ ] kidding me, Bella? Like, god. And she treats them like [ __ ] She ba they are trying on dresses. She's not even looking at them. She's like in her own thing and then she just gets up and bails. Like doesn't even pay attention to them. I was like, "Why are you trying to be friends with her?" I'd be like, "Fuck this girl."

Yeah. She's like, "I have to go to like a bookstore. I have to go to a bookstore." And she goes to the bookstore to get the the Legends book.

And it's also like, could you not have just been like, "Hey, when we're done trying on when you guys are done, will you come to this bookstore with me?" That's how friendship works.

No, she just decided to bail on them. Rude. And that's She's just going to obsess over Edward for the rest of her life. She doesn't need friends.

Yeah. It really is so toxic when you get intoxic. And this is really where it becomes like

so bad. Ridiculously insane because she ends up getting like running to into these like drunk guys.

She has to walk down a [ __ ] alley. What are you doing walking down an alley? And these drunk guys are gross and disgusting and they like are going to assault her essentially. And Edward shows up in his Volvo.

He is and like growls at them when I'm sorry when this I would have been the most toxic woman. when he growls at them and then he's like get in the car and he's like you didn't know what they and then he's like you didn't know what they were thinking and she's like you did

I'd be like save me every night and they like they end up going to dinner and like but Jessica and Angela are like hey where you been we had no [ __ ] clue where you were we've been calling you like what the [ __ ] like lost you they're all like what the [ __ ] and then even in that moment they're still rooting for her like they're like oh yeah go to dinner like have bail on us like it's cool.

I was like, "Damn, you really lucked into these girls and you should hang on to them and treat them better."

But she So she goes to um dinner with with Edward Edward and his song is playing in the background.

His song is playing that like Exactly. That's it. That was And then he's a clip.

That's I mean, can you tell the difference? You can't. Thank you. Uh, but she they talk about like, you know what? Like that basically what's going on like that he's been stalking her essentially.

She's literally like, "How did you know I was going to be here?" And he's like, "I was following." And he says like, "I was following in case anything happened to you." Which is sweet in theory,

but you like think about it as an adult and you're like, stalking her. Uh, like I don't want to be followed by you. take care of myself. But that's the thing about Bella. That's where she's like baby girl coded cuz she doesn't want to have to take care of herself.

No. And there's a reason for that though that makes sense cuz when you look at her parents, her mom, we didn't even touch on her mom. Her mom's a [ __ ] wreck.

Sucks. Her mom sucks. [ __ ] you, Rene. Her mom, the reason she went to Forks is cuz her mom is together with a minor league baseball player named Phil. And she's unhappy that she can't travel around with him and that she has to stay with her child.

And Bella picked up. Bella is like, "Do you want me to leave so you can do that?" And she's like, "That be it."

Yes, you could. That's it. She's an [ __ ] Yeah, she sucks. Her mom's like a total like hot mess [ __ ] She's not like a cute fun like, "Oh, I'm just like a Lauraai Gilmore kind of like, you know, messy mom. She just sucks."

Yeah. And then also like in the book, Charlie is very Yeah. And in the book, she had to take care of her mom essentially, like parentified child. And then she had to take care of her dad in the book, too.

Yeah. like she cooks him all his meals and [ __ ] like he's just always like working or fishing.

Yeah. And so like she really did I think she looks at this as like someone can just take care of me now.

So I think she was this was like learned toxic behavior fortunately that she was like searching for something.

Um which is also like weird because then like her boyfriend becomes her dad. Yeah. It's very weird. And then also like when Jacob or when like we'll get into it in New Moon, but like uh Edward leaves and then like Jacob steps in and like there's also like so much imagery of her being carried around all the time.

Yes. And it's like she's always really weird. Yeah, it is. Yeah. And in this conversation he's saying how like he can read mines but he can't read hers.

And I was like, "Oh, so you read the Suki Stacos books?" Yeah. That's cuz that's literally true blood.

Like that's just true blood. And the Suki Sack House books were out at a time. So like maybe that just interested her that they could read minds and maybe one person can block it.

Yeah. It's definitely reminiscent of it. There was a few things too and I can't think of them now, but like if you go back and listen to our rewatcher episodes for Buffy, I was like, "Oh, that's where she got that."

She was definitely I think Stephanie Meyer was definitely like um inspired. She was she was absorbing a lot of this kind of material. So, I'm sure like bits and pieces of it just came into her lore. Yeah. But this is one that I was just we're watching True Blood right now. So, it just like stuck out to me. It's like, oh, the one person whose mind you can't read, it's like flipped around.

Yep. Yep. now. And then we get the [ __ ] scene where he pulls her into the cuz she figures out he's a vampire. Yeah. And he pulls her into the [ __ ] woods at school.

This is No other movie has touched me in a moment quite like this. This He's so aggressive in this moment.

Say it. Say it out loud. Out loud. I know you are. and she's standing with her arms in front of her, which is a very awkward stance.

She's essentially doing like the Wednesday Adams when the sun goes down and the moon comes up.

But she turns into a teenage goo. She does turn into a teenage goo. In these woods, Bella is a teenage goo muck. She's a teenage goooo buck. That is for sure. Candid.

That is for sure. And he's just standing behind her like say it. It's like oh my god.

She goes vampire vampier vampier. It's Tom Lake in the episode. Tom like come on the show. Oh wait you did. Oh, that's a Rewatcher reference. Go listen to the rewatcher from the beginning. Do it. Um, but yeah, he's so aggressive though. He grabs her arm and literally drags her through the forest and up a mountain.

This screams as if YOU COULD OUTRUN ME. WE'RE NOT THERE YET, BABY. We're not there yet. Cuz first, one thing about me, one thing about me is that I'm always there.

I am always in a place of run me. But first, we have to get to a place of I'm sad and sparkly. So, first he has to go up there, rip open his shirt, and show that he just looks a little sweaty.

I love it. He just looks a little sweaty. I love it. And then he says, "This is the skin of a killer Bella."

The best. There's so many good lines. So many good skin of a killer, Bella. And then he starts zooming around.

He's the zooies. He crouch. He literally huffs and puffs and like hunches over and says, "Alive, you could outrun me. I told you he's the tree miser. He's crouching

and then he just starts crouching in trees which goes crazy and she's just looking up at him and he's like, "Aren't I a hot vampire?" And I'm like, "No, I don't even think he's trying to all nimly bibly from tree to tree and I need you to get down." But then she becomes very aggressive cuz she's like, "No, I want it. I love it. I think I want to marry you. I love you and he's like, "I've killed people though and I've wanted to kill you from the second I laid eyes on you." And she was like, "But I love you. I'm fine with it." And even Edward or no, Robert Patson later was like, "Something's wrong with her."

Cuz he was like he was like Edward literally says to her, "I wanted to kill you since the moment I met you." And she's like, "But I love you. I'd still hit it." She says to him, I don't know if it's in the woods or if it's when they're at dinner. She says, "I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."

Like what the [ __ ] Or did wait, does he say that? Actually, now that I think about it,

he probably says that. He says that. But either way, they've been they've met each other 4.5 seconds ago.

Yeah, it's not. We need to be real about that. It's not okay. Um, but he's so upfront about how much he wants to kill her. And she's like, "It's cool."

Yeah. You've let me know. So, thank you. And that's it. And it's like, "All right, I guess we put that on paper." So, there's that.

She's a temptress. She is. And this is when they decide that they're going to be together cuz they lay in the meadow and he's sparkling and it's real weird. I think her foot's gone in this scene.

Her foot is gone. In the CGI, they take her foot out by accident. It happens. You know, sloppy.

Yeah. Uh but then they end up going to school the next day and they show up together. And this is when Spotlight plays.

And this is when he says, this is when he says, "I'm going to hell anyways." This is what bothers me cuz he's like, "Since I'm going to hell." And he puts his arm around her and like pulls her in. And he says this a couple of times like the hell comment. And I'm like,

say that. Well, it's also like you're dead. And that's Well, and it's also like that's not part of the like it's just a weird I don't know. It like since I'm going to hell.

I think he has like a he has like a self-hatred quality about him because he like hates that he's a monster.

Yeah. In his own I'm just like says who who says you're going to hell? I think him. Like what?

Yeah. But it it's weird. But when and then like he explains his origin story to her and he does so while it's pouring rain and he is staying out like out of the cover of the rain just getting [ __ ] soaked and she's just sitting there dry and then a minute later he's bone dry.

Yeah. And weird things with his hands again fingers walking in front of him. So strange.

It's very salad fingersesque of him. It is. It's a lot. Um, and then she goes to This is when she goes to meet his uh family, too. And when he's like, "Uh, you worried?" Like, that's when he gets really Scottish. Yep. Yep.

Uh, but this is when Rosalie breaks the bowl cuz she's just pissed. Oh my god. Wait, before that is that when um, uh, Billy Black, Jacob's dad, and Edward pass.

They have a stare off. They have a stare off. You can see the crew and Edward. Yeah.

Well, I think Rosalie also gets kind of a bad rap. I think she does. She's pissed because if you think about think about it logist I'm thinking of it bare bones.

Okay, hit me. You are a family for all intents and purposes. For hundreds of years you've been a family. You've had this pl like plan. You have a thing together. There is a literal law among your species that says you cannot let humans know who you are or what you are. And if you do, then your whole family is going to be in jeopardy.

Yeah. And then he meets this girl and five seconds later tells her everything about your species and way of life,

breaking every law, endangering your entire family, and then brings her over and is like, "Treat her nice.

Treat her nice." I would have broken a [ __ ] bowl, too. I would have been like, "You dumb [ __ ] Are you kid?" She's right.

Yeah. So, when you guys stop making googly eyes at each other, we're all going to have our heads ripped off and be burned. That's fair.

Like really fair. Is it worth it, [ __ ] Like, and she she already ate. What the [ __ ] I was just going to say that's what really does Rosalian is they're preparing this beautiful meal for Bella and and Edward cuz it's not even Bella. Bella's like, "Oh my god, like you didn't have to do that. Thank you." And he's like, "She already ate.

She already ate." I'm like, "You dick." And also, uh, when Rosalie like smashes the bowl, that's why the actress is wearing gloves in that scene. She cut her hand when she was when she had originally smashed it.

I do love I thought the the gloves were just fashion. Yeah, she I mean, she's very fashionable.

She is. But I get everyone's like, "Calm down, Rosalie." No, I get it. Can you talk mad? The khaki skirt. Oh my god. So, she is apparently described as wearing a long khaki skirt in this scene

and like a blue blouse, which Edward ends up becoming obsessed with. Um, also, if you want us to cover Midnight Sun, which is Edward's point of view of Twilight, I've never read that.

We'll happily do that for you. We will do that. So, because there's a lot in that,

is there? Um, oh yeah, the whole thing is I'm actually going to buy it right now as you talk.

So maybe we should do that. But, uh, he's obsessed with the blue blouse. But the long khaki skirt and Stephanie Meyer later said that during her time of writing this and growing up, oh, khaki skirt was like a staple wardrobe piece,

which is diabolical. I don't remember that time period, but I don't know how old Stephanie Myers is. Let me look. She's 51, so she's older than I am. So, I don't know. Maybe it was, but I thought thinking of Bella standing there wearing a long khaki skirt is really throwing me. Especially with Rosalie standing there looking like a [ __ ] snack.

Yeah. In her gloves and everything. And you know she's looking at her being like,

"You khaki skirt [ __ ] Are you [ __ ] kidding me? You're going to endanger our entire family for this khaki skirt wearing [ __ ] This khaki skirt blue blouse [ __ ]

This with a ponytail. A ponytail. A ponytail." Uh-uh. Yeah. It's very she's all that.

Yeah. Um but yeah, I thought I thought she I was like, you know what, justice for Rosalie. She's been through a lot.

Yeah, we skipped over to um that Edward watches Bella when she sleeps. He does. He He does that a lot.

We glossed over that. I mean, there's not a lot to say about that. I just wanted to make sure it was in here.

Yeah, she he watches her while she He's been doing it. We thought that was like top romance when it came out. I mean, at least I did. I was like, "Oh my god."

Oh my god. I hope that happens to me someday. I hope some guy watches you sleep. That's my worst [ __ ] nightmare.

Yeah, that's we talk about that [ __ ] all the time. It's not good. It's bad. Never good.

It's the worst. And when they go up to his room, um, and he's like, "Yeah." She's like, "Where's your bed?" And I was like, "All right, Bella, calm down. Like, you're not going to [ __ ] here."

One thing about Bella is she stays [ __ ] she stays horny, Bella. Um, she's horned up all the time. and she's always trying to [ __ ] him which repressed with the way he's described when you're like a teenager. I'm sure I would be like all over that too.

Um but I love it because like he go you know he's got all these books and you know Claire DeLoon is playing or um uh and he's like you know like that's I'm just listening to Deusy you know like no big deal and she's like Claire Deon is great

and it's supposed to be that like see she's so different. I know that too. And I couldn't help it. I was like, my kids have several books that Claire DeLoon is in.

If I played Claire DeLoon right now, I'm pretty sure my youngest would be like, Claire DeLoon, like she would know.

Great stuff. Like, it's But they make it like this this highly browish highbrow thing that is not like other girls.

I'm not like other girls. I'm like, well, you're like my six-year-old, so you're you're not that you're not that like quirky.

Like, sounds like you had the same lullabi book, Bel. Sounds like you had that book. So, but yeah. Um, this is when I literally was like, "Edward is not safe."

Yeah. Because she's like, "Can we fuck?" Like, you can tell she's just like, "So, where do we [ __ ] in here?" And he was like, "How about I just take you outside?" He's like, "How about we go flying? Let's go fly.

Hold on tight, spider monkey." And this is the spider monkey. Hold on tight spider monkey is diabolical.

And the visual of when he jumps from tree to tree all nimly bibly. It's like he he's in this weird position and also is just like oh like looking forward as he like flies through the air. It's the least hot thing I can imagine.

Yeah. And then he's climbing up the tree but barely touching it and he just looks like how a bear would climb up a tree.

Okay. That I'm not mad at the flying. I'm with you. I'll sign off on that. You're not mad at the climbing up the tree.

I'm not. Damn. I want to climb up the tree. I It's the way he look. He's like, I mean, how do you climb up a tree?

I don't climb up trees, so this would not do it for me to begin with. I'd be like, I'm not climbing up a tree.

I would want to climb up the tree. Uh, but yeah, it's it's a lot. Yeah. Um, and at one point, Mike tells Bella that he doesn't like this Edward thing.

Yeah. And I'd be like, I don't give a [ __ ] Mike. When he goes, he just looks at you like you're something to eat. And I was like, that is quite possibly the worst writing I've ever heard.

So heavy-handed. It's such a clunky line. Yeah, it's so clunky. Like somebody should have heard that and been like too much too much.

Yeah, like too much subtleties. Look it up. And that's when they go they go and play baseball and we get we get Charlie. So Belle is like hey um so Edward's outside and he's taking me to play baseball and he's like what the [ __ ] And she

This is honestly so Yeah. And she's like he wants you to meet him and he's cleaning his shotgun as he does and he just flicks it closed. cinnamon.

And he's like, "Cinnamon." And I said, "Holy shit." Yeah. I don't know why, but I was like, "Charlie,

Charlie, it's being like, it's that dad thing, too, cuz I was like, woo, okay."

Uh, but I'm into it. Um, but they go to play baseball and this is the super massive black hole, the very classic baseball scene where they play during a thunderstorm so no one can hear it cuz they hit the ball so hard.

I wonder, is it in the illustrated guide? What happens if a vampire gets struck by lightning? I don't think it's in the illustrator. I didn't see it in the illustrated guide. Update it.

Update it. Uh, at one point, Rosalie, when EMTT climbs up a tree to get a ball, he says, "My monkey man." And I said "Oh

family's got a big thing for monkey. What's going on here?" Spider holding tight. Spider monkey, my monkey man.

The way Nikki Reed delivers her lines as Rosalie, I think she's pretty, she's really good in the first movie cuz when she says that, that is the gnarliest line to have to deliver.

But I believed it coming out of her mouth. Yeah. When she said it, I was like, "Yeah, Rosalie did say that."

Her and EMTT have a very cute relationship. They are like obsessed with each other.

Yeah. But then she does say at one point, I don't know if it's in the movies or if it's in the books, uh that she would give every that she would give him up to like um be human again, I think. Oh, yeah. Cuz so now to Rosalie, back to the illustrated guide when they go back to her backstory. Rosal's one dream in life was to get married and have a child, right?

That's all she wanted to do. and like grow old with this person and have a normal life. And so like she was robbed of all that because she can't have a child and

which also doesn't make any sense when you think about how Bella gets pregnant.

Holes poke in the lore all over the place. Um but I guess when EMTT was turned it was cuz he was mauled by a bear.

Oh [ __ ] I didn't even know that. Uh yeah. and and uh Rosalie finds him and thinks he's like so beautiful and loves him. And but it's said in the illustrated guide that when Rosalie was human, she was jealous of only one person and it was her best friend, uh Vera, I believe her name was. And it's because Vera was married, had a husband who loved her, and a little boy named Henry.

Okay. And that was what she wanted. Um I feel like things are about to get so weird.

They're going to get so weird because they always do. Yeah. Uh, she said that her fa his his face reminded her of like Henry.

I [ __ ] knew you were going to say that. Of like a child. I [ __ ] knew you were going to say that.

And so she was in love with him. I hate it. And then Carlile was like, "Seems like a good enough reason."

No, I'm telling you, you take a peek through that illustrated guide and it will change your life.

My I think you just changed my life in that moment. Not for the better. Your godamn life. have been forever changed.

For bad. For bad. I've not been changed for good. But they do love each other. Yeah, they do.

So, there's that. I also love in uh the baseball scene when uh EMTT and uh Edward like collide and they like roll around and giggle. And if you look closely, he uh Edward flips off. Oh, does

he? He also does that like snap thing like "Oh man." Yeah. Uh but yeah, that's when we meet like Lorent and Victoria. Uh, what a [ __ ] disservice.

Yeah, we got to talk about humanity. Victoria, played by, excuse me, uh, Relle Levra, I believe it's pronounced. I have my French guy on unpronounced names. Tell me.

Um, Relle, listen, nothing against Bryce Dallas Howard. No, I love Bryce Dallas Howard. She's great.

She's not Victoria. She's not Victoria. Uh, Relle killed it as Victoria. first two movies, especially in New Moon cuz she like and you know we're going to cover that with a vengeance.

She is that scene in New Moon where she's jumping through the trees as they're like doing the search party or like the investigation.

I think that was another sexual awakening for me. Like she's amazing. She's so good. And then

Bryce Dallas Howard is such a great actress. Like I'm not saying anything against her in that way. She doesn't have the energy that the first Victoria had. That like villainess like something about lionesses. That's what it is. It's like a predator. Yeah. Like she had that predatory like

and I don't it just she killed it. Like I thought she was so [ __ ] good. Mhm. And this is when we kind of meet them all. And this is after they've killed Whan.

Yeah. And she's wearing Whan's shirt. Oh, [ __ ] I didn't even catch that. Good call. Whan's wearing like some like it had a shamrock on it and she's wearing it

in that scene. I'm obsessed. Which makes it even cooler. And she's got that big [ __ ] bird jacket. I love it.

She just looks so [ __ ] cool. And her hair is awesome. They all look cool and she's really good at that like anim animalistic look that she gives. Like she just

like you said like predator. She's really predatory. Um but they of course James ends up smelling Bella because also

they put her hair down and he Edward makes her put her hair down. It was up in a ponytail and she could have just like stuffed it into her jacket.

I don't know if it was masking like her neck and stuff like masking her arteries and it was just because the wind blew that it kind of like wafted over to him.

Yeah, it just seemed like a bad plan all around. But now he's tracking her and he's not going to stop until he gets her.

He's like obsessed with it. He's obsessed. This is just what he does. He's a tracker.

So they have to get her out of there really fast and like you have to tell Charlie something cuz you have to leave your house cuz he's not safe. says, "I can't hurt him."

Yeah. Literally says, "I can't hurt him." And she looks at everyone and says, "What do I tell him? I can't hurt him." And Edward's like shrugs and walks away. I was like, "Thank you for the help."

He like jumps out the window. And so she basically goes with, "I hate him. I'm breaking up with him. I'm leaving the state." And Charlie's like, "No, you're not leaving the state cuz you broke up with your boyfriend." And he says, he's like, "Did he hurt you?" Yeah. And he's like, "No." And she's like, "I hate him. He sucks." And he's like, "Okay, let's just like just sleep on." He's like, "Fuck." Like this is teenage girl [ __ ]

Yeah. And he even says, "Sleep on it." And if you still feel the same way, I'll bring you to the airport. Like that's let's just talk about it tomorrow. And then she ends up use like she's literally like what? So we can just sit around at the diner every day and like do this and like watch baseball on the flat screen.

Yeah. And I'll just be stuck here like mom was and then like leaves. She is so nasty to him. After saying I can't hurt him.

You weren't going to hurt that man. She eviscerates him. She slits his standing at the doorway completely dejected. It's like the worst.

Yeah. And she and she ends up saying that she said to him what her mom said when she left him.

Yeah. Which I was like, that's so [ __ ] up, Bella. Yeah. It's like you're not a good person. It's really bad. On a on a much smaller scale, she's also like I'll pull over and like stop at a motel if I'm tired. I'm like, you can't stop at a motel. You're a minor years old.

Like you can't just travel this hotel room. Like hello. What are you talking about?

It doesn't make any. And the fact that Charlie just like lets her go eventually because obviously he's like,

you know, frozen because she hurt him so bad, but I'm like, you got to get in your car, Charlie, and like you got to do something.

I mean, I guess we don't know what he did after she left. It's true cuz like they kind of speed off. But

also, when she's going in her room during this scene to like pack her [ __ ] Edward is just creeping by the door like just right there. You

like not even behind the door, like next to the hinge. But while they're driving away, there's this big bang on the car and they're like, "What was that?" And he's like, "It's just EMTT." For some reason, that made me laugh so hard cuz he's like, "It's just EMTT." I would be so [ __ ] angry at that moment.

I would [ __ ] kill him. I'm being hunted by a like deviant vampire who wants to rip open my arteries and you allow your buffoon brother to just brother

onto the back of this truck. any minor inconvenience that happens to me or anything like that, I'm just going to say it's just EMTT. It's just EMTT.T.

It's just EMTT. Don't worry about it. Anytime my kids are like, I think I there's a monster out there. I'm like, it's just they're like, don't worry. I'm like, don't worry, it's just EMTT.

They end up going to therapy later being like, and then she told me about this man named EMTT outside my room. We still don't know who he is.

We don't know who Emmett is. We watch Twilight. We're not sure if it's Kell. Forget it. Why is it Kellen L? Why was Kellen Lutz outside my bedroom? to this day I can't drive an open bed truck.

So it ends up that they have to get away. Um and you know James lures her to her old ballet studio

with like an old phone uh or like an old home video of her mom being like, "Bella, Bella, where are you?"

Like couldn't find her. Um cuz he tells her he's going to kill her mom if she doesn't show up. So of course she shows up. He she gets the [ __ ] kicked out of her.

And um she should have died cuz when he throws her, he cracks her she cracks her head on that corner.

Yeah. He literally yeets her into the corner of like a banister and there's blood. I'm like, you just your skull is sticking into your brain right now. And I know

Edward can't handle it. Alice can't handle it. Carile cuz like she gets bit by James

before she gets bit. And when they show up, EMTT, Alice, and Jasper show up as like a trio and they just slowly they slowly fall down and it's like the Spy Kids movie. The way they descend to the floor.

They're just like woo. like they just end up but they can't none of them can handle the blood especially like you know confederate he's all upset

like I want to eat her alive but James has bit her so now the venom is going to start turning her if he if Carile doesn't

if Edward doesn't do something drink suck out the venom yeah suck out the venom I think that's what it is and when she when he does

Bella's eyes go crosseyed like several times and it is one of the funniest things I have. She's just like so she's dying. She's dying in the funniest way.

Hold on. We got I got to film that. I'm filming it for you guys. That's perfect. And go.

That was perfect. That's what she does. Perfect presentation. And oh, and he broke her leg, too. So like he like crunches her leg.

Oh, you were also very angry. Rightfully so. Oh, yeah. Cuz um Carile also Carile's like her femoral artery is severed. She's only got a few minutes and that was after she's been lying there for a couple minutes. One not enough blood.

She would have been dead. Femmeral artery you have like two to five five minutes is like you have a guardian.

You might be a superhero. Like that's just like part you're bleeding out. Like it's gone. And this takes a long time. When he says it's severed that would have been like like that would be blood everywhere. It would have been like should have happened in the ketchup bottle. earlier like I was like we didn't have to go there.

They also take so [ __ ] long discussing this and I'm like hey while her femoral arteries

she's dying right now but they do save her and she wakes up in the hospital and you know like Edward's been there

and her oxygen mask is literally upon her eyebrows in her eyebrows like it's just crazy. And when her mom leaves and Edward just walks up to her and is like, "Bella, you need to go to Jacksonville, Florida and you need to go with your mom." And like before that even because we talked about how shitty her mom is.

Oh yeah. She wakes up in the hospital, Bella. And she says, "What happened?" And her mom is like, "Oh my god,

oh my god, you were at the Collins house and you're so clumsy, you crazy [ __ ] You tripped and you fell down two flights of stairs and through a [ __ ] window.

Through a window." And we don't know what the bite on your wrist is all about. No, but I'm sure it wasn't your boyfriend who you were trying to leave the state about.

None of us are questioning domestic violence. You're just a clumsy gal. None of us.

Like, no one's Charlie. You're a [ __ ] police officer. Excuse me again. The police officer.

She has a bite scar on her [ __ ] wrist. Like, and she was literally in this massive fight about to leave the state. And you just believe that she tripped and fell through a [ __ ] window.

Fell through a window. I don't know, guys. I don't know about that. I think you shouldn't have had a child. I think you're really big bad at this.

I don't think they're great at it. But now Jacksonville. But yeah, that that's when Edward's like, "You should just go to Jacksonville." Like, "We shouldn't do this anymore." Like breaking up with her while she's on oxygen.

Cuz he's like, "I can't endanger you anymore." And she flips the [ __ ] out. Yeah. She codes. And she's like, "We can't be apart. We can't be You can't leave me. You can't leave me. We can't be apart. You can't ever be away from me." And I was like, "This is the most toxic [ __ ] I have ever seen in my life." She literally says, "You can't stay. You can't say stuff like that to me ever."

And then he said, and she's like, "So you're not gonna go." Like, "You're not gonna leave me." He says, "Where else am I gonna go?"

Woof. And I said, "Stephanie, I don't think that was the line that you thought it was because if somebody said that to me, I'd be like, so it's lack of options." That's

You know how people say there's like peaks of romance? This is like the doldrums of romance.

Quite a valley. I would say this is that's hell. That is hell. That hell is your beautiful man looking at you and saying, "Where else am I going to go?

Lack of other options, so I'm here." [ __ ] Damn. That'd be a humbling moment. But it's not for Bella cuz they go to prom together and she wears leggings and in a cardigan over her dress.

Not even just like a cute cardigan either. Like I grandma cardigan. It's Yeah. It's just awful.

But what's fun is you It's like Monte Carlo themed. Yeah. And when you get there, there's like a big roulette wheel or like a big wheel and standing next to the wheel, if you look back on it, is Victoria in a prom dress with an updo.

She's like, "Hey." And you can just just see her in the background. You don't notice it until later. Y

um but it's This is when they dance in the gazebo. But before that, Jacob shows up at prom.

Oh, I forgot that he shows up. Jacob shows up at prom and most diabolical outfit

and he's just wearing like his best his Sunday's best. his like untucked white shirt and like two shorts.

Just a floppy tie. Tie. Exactly. And he is essentially there because he's like, "Hey, my dad really wants you to break up with your boyfriend."

And he paid me 20 bucks to come and tell you that. Here I am. And she's like, "At your prom?"

Yeah. And he's like, "All right, bye. See you later." Like that was it. Like, "All right." And so they dance in a gazebo and she's like, "I really want you to turn me because you know, like you're going to stay this way forever and I'm going to get old and die." And he's like, "I don't know about that." And then he's like, "You want me to do it? you want me to do it right now? And he start she like leans back her neck and it looks like he's about to do it, but you're like, he's not going to do it at your prom, dude.

That's the thing. This got me when I was about them not showing people who they are.

You can't drink at prom and you also can't turn into a vampire after what happens when venom enters your body. You're going to convulse on the floor for 3 days. Like, it's not going to be

pretty. She was ready. So, he doesn't. And he's like, "Maybe we'll talk about it later." And she's like, "Fine." And then the last thing we see is somebody watching out the window and she turns around and it's [ __ ] Victoria

and she takes the pin that's holding her and she's got tears rolling down her face because remember her mate was James.

Yeah. And to back up for life. I forgot to tell you that when when James bit Bella, they rip James to pieces.

Oh, they literally ripped it off and burned his body cuz that's the only way you can kill a vampire.

Yeah. And you see it like it's actually awesome because Alice literally hops up on him and just twists his head off like pop.

Yeah. Like a Barbie doll. Pretty amazing. While like Jasper and EMTT are holding his arms like it's gnarly.

That poor dance studio. But that's I know you're not going to really come back from that.

No. Uh but that's her mate. So like she's and she has the tears running down her face and her face looks like you I remember seeing this and being like, "Oh [ __ ] we're getting a sequel." and she just walks away. It's a great ending.

It's so good. I think it's such a fun, campy, [ __ ] weirdass movie. It's the randomst movie of all time.

So weird. And I love How you liking the rain, girl? How you liking the rain, girl?

Next time it rains, I'm going to come in here and scream that at every I love it.

As if you could outrun me. This is the skin of a killer, Bella. Like, you can't. And then this is not even talking about New Moon.

I can't. We touched on it a couple times. Just barely. I can't wait. New Moon. Let us talk about New Moon, everybody.

New Moon is reckless. Please allow us. It is. It's so reckless. You loved this. And if you didn't,

you loved it. And if you didn't, you did. You loved this. I said it. Uh, it's so much fun, though. I love it. I think it's so much fun. I hope you guys enjoyed this really big deep dive that we thought was going to be like 30 minutes and ended up being like 4 days.

It's great. How long is it, Mikey? like two hours. Two hours. I'm gonna die. Oh my god, I'm obsessed.

All right. Well, we have to end this here because Mikey has to edit it. So, we love you guys. We hope you keep listening

and we hope you keep it. Twilight. Bye. The skin of a killer. Weirdos. Hello. Hello.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Episode 728: November Bonus Episode: Twilight is Weird"?

In order: 0:00 Twilight, Sarah Elizabeth Gallagher, Stephanie Meyer, Twilight Saga; 10:00 Stephanie Meyer, New Moon, Twilight; 20:00 Stephanie Meyer, True Blood; 30:00 Forks, Washington, Stephanie Meyer; 40:00 New Moon; 50:00 Charlie Swan, Billy Burke, Stephanie Meyer, Twilight; 1:00:00 La Push, Stephanie Meyer, True Blood; 1:10:00 True Blood, New Moon, Stephanie Meyer; 1:20:00 New Moon, Stephanie Meyer, Twilight; 1:30:00 Twilight; 1:40:00 New Moon, Twilight.

What is mentioned in this Morbid | Podcast episode?

20 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Twilight, Stephanie Meyer, New Moon, True Blood, Charlie Swan, La Push. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Episode 728: November Bonus Episode: Twilight is Weird"?

The episode runs 1 h 44 min; the transcript is about 21,629 words in 622 timestamped sections.

More from Morbid | Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated November 24, 2025.