Transcript

Episode 739: Listener Tales 105: Krampus Edition!

From Morbid | Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 57 min · 12,041 words · 300 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Episode 739: Listener Tales 105: Krampus Edition!", an episode of Morbid | Podcast published December 18, 2025 (57 min, about 12,041 words). It mentions 5 people, works and ideas, including Jenna Payton, Colorado Trail, Nola, Ted Lasso, Interview with a Vampire.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Ted Lasso
  2. – 35:00: Colorado Trail
  3. – 45:00: Jenna Payton
  4. – 50:00: Nola, Interview with a Vampire

Notable quotes from "Episode 739: Listener Tales 105: Krampus Edition!"

  • Jeremy, my real life Ted Lasso husband.
    about Ted Lasso · at
  • It now. Congratulations. To celebrate, my then boyfriend, now husband and I, decided to do a six- week backpacking trip on the Colorado Trail. It's a 485 mile trail from Denver…
    about Colorado Trail · at
  • Don't want that. Hey weirdos, I'd be ecstatic if you used my name. It's Payton. Oh, that's such a cute name.
    about Jenna Payton · at
  • For a little background, my husband and I are currently live in the Pacific Northwest with our German Shepherd Nola. A tribute to New Orleans, Louisiana, cuz that's where your…
    about Nola · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Jenna Payton — Person · Listener / story author (emailer) · 1 mention · first at
    Submits the holiday-lights story about a blood-covered man appearing at their door; provides details about safety measures and their dog Nola.
  • Nola — Person · Misclassified entity (dog, not a person) · 1 mention · first at
    Payton’s German Shepherd who barks at the late-night visitor; named as a tribute to New Orleans ('NOLA').

Places & events

  • Colorado Trail — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Backdrop for a listener's eerie encounter with a possible ghost.

Media & podcasts

  • Ted Lasso — Media · Reference · 2 mentions · first at
    Referenced as a metaphor for a kind-hearted husband.
  • Interview with a Vampire — Media · Reference · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in relation to New Orleans and the hosts' viewing preferences.
    I love that. That's another reason you need to watch Interview with a Vampire.

Full transcript with timestamps

Hey weirdos. I'm Krampus one. And I'm Krampus actually number one. Wow. I was like two. And this is Morbid.

This is Morbid listener tales holiday edition. What Krampus kind of one said? What does she think this is?

I'm in my Krampus vibe. I'm in my vibe. Careful. I'll bite your arm off. Does you

You do have the acrylics. I know. I have to acrylics and hand acrylics. I was very concerned that these be in the shot.

Yeah. Yeah. Feet pics. Feet pics. Free feet pics. Well, anyways, this is brought to you by you, for you, from you, and all about you. And it's holiday themed obvious, obviously.

It's smelly as [ __ ] It's so bright. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. You want to go first or you want me to?

Yes. Um, why don't you go first? Okay. I'll let you be Krampus one for this. Thanks. Um, can you scroll for me?

Um, do you want the name of the tale? This is called Listener Tale. Our neighbor was a Dollar Tree, Florida man, but make it Alabama. I'm so glad I got to read this. always make

Oh my god. At first I thought he said succeed, but he actually said succeed. Oh, he said succeed.

Yeah, I don't know why. I like that. Is he telling me to succeed cuz he likes you better?

What did he just say? Drip. Drip. Told you a drip. Well, drip nowadays is pretty cool. Like I got drip.

I don't know if Nicholas is up on the on the swag. Are you doubting your man? No, I just know he's an elder.

I don't know. I think he likes my drip. Anyway, Florida man. You said a drip. I've never even heard somebody be called a drip.

Really? No. Oh, damn. Well, I'm old. I'm old. I mean, today we're both ancient.

It's true. So, my name is Andrea, and yes, you can use my name. I changed all of other names in the tale for you. I'm a longtime creeper first time emailer here. I had to send in this true crime/weirdass encounter that unfolded over several years ago while my family lived in Mobile, Alabama.

Mobile Alabama. Mobile Alabama. just makes me think you have a baby in a bar. It involves a sketchy neighbor, a literal water heist, a surprise home intruder, and a toddler conducting inflatable inspections during a SWAT standoff.

That's so much. That's a wild ass sentence. This is a tale. Well, buckle up and hold on to your butts. So, let's hold them. So, let's rewind. Around 2019 to 2022, my husband and I moved to Mobile, Alabama. Alabama.

Mobile Alabama. Mobile, Alabama from Witchah Kansas. Oh, is it Mobile? Mobile. Mobile.

Oh, [ __ ] Deb. Deb just helped us out here because shout out to Deb. Holy [ __ ]

Oh, people. We've already got We've already gotten 18 years. Mobile, Alabama. Mobile.

Mobile. So, we moved from Mobile to W from We moved to Mobile from Witchah. That's what we did.

My face is itchy. Okay. I was already in culture shock. It's going to be hard to get out of that mobile. cuz of the mobile.

Yeah. And I was soon to be in a neighbor shock as well. Oh. We bought our first house in a beautiful neighborhood. 1acre lots and custom home builds. Go

stone. Maybe made of stone. It was stone. Yeah, definitely stone. He said stone walls even.

He said, "Watch out for the radon. Call a mason." I felt so grown up and I was living in my dream house. We live next door to a man we'll lovingly call Steve.

Steve. Steve was a vibe. And by that I mean, can you scroll for me? Oh, I was I was like

I was trying to tell you to I was literally like it's like Nancy in the Christmas Bake Off, which

What do you mean? Oh, you can scroll. Mikey can scroll. Mikey can scroll. I love that.

Do you watch the Christmas Bake Off where Nancy will give you these fingers if if you do a good job?

No, I see that part. Sometimes like if you move Nancy to tears or like she your food just tastes so good, she does this and you got the fingers.

Damn. All right. All right. Anyway, Steve Steve was a vibe. And by that I mean chaotic energy with a side of felony.

Oh, awesome. That is a vibe. And he had people coming and going from his house at all hours of the day and night. And he always seemed to be working on his fence, but only after dark. Oh, and he liked to randomly rev up his motorcycle in the middle of the night, not to go anywhere, just to make noise.

That would annoy me. That would annoy the [ __ ] out of me. It was giving ritual sacrifice to the gas gods. At this time, we had an infant, and I dared Steve to wake that baby up. This mama was running on caffeine and rage. Yep.

And I wasn't scared of prison. There were whispers that he'd been in and out of jail, but things got truly unhinged around CO. That's when they got real unhinged for everybody.

Why can't I come? I'm going to pass. I was so excited to get another disgusting and then it was so short-lived by why can't I come that could be seen in so many lights. How does one recover from a question like that? Also, something made a ticking noise. Did something shut off? Just making sure. We're good. Okay. No.

Oh my god. Wow. I'm literally crying. Tears in my mouth. I didn't know how to respond to that.

We all responded the same. What's happening? Like disgusting. Why can't I come?

I was like, I don't know, Steve. It was It's not Steve, it's Nicholas. Steve, Nicholas, I'm so stressed.

I'm thinking about Steve. All right, let's get back to Let's get back to Steve.

Nicholas, I'm sorry. So, there were whispers that he had been in and out of jail, but things got truly unhinged around CO. Like most people, I started going on daily sanity walks. And that's when I noticed Steve's trash was never getting picked up. Turns out our boy was stuffing his garbage into other people's cans like a raccoon with poor impulse control.

Steve, there was trash everywhere on the sidewalk in his yard. Overflowing was an understatement. It got worse. The lights stopped turning on in his house, but someone was clearly still living there. One day the gas and water companies came and padlocked his utilities off. Like physically chained them shut.

Damn. Jeremy, my real life Ted Lasso husband. I don't know what that means. Do you watch Ted Lasso?

I didn't watch Ted Lasso. Debbie. Yes. What does that mean? Like a sweet lovely man.

A sweet lovely man, says Deb. So, uh, Jeremy and you were nosy as hell, so we kept tabs through our new security cameras. One night we watched.

I'm from here. You're from here, Nicholas? then you can come. Nicholas does have Boston energy.

He really does. You really do. Um, so one night we watched Steve lift the water mane lid and cut off the padlock to work to turn his water back on.

I mean, he's strong. He He's He's He's a DIYer, I suppose. Yeah, he's he's going for it.

That's crazy. So, there's that. He said, "It's fine. I'll do it myself." I guess

it's fine. Yeah. just casually committing felonies like he was brushing his teeth. He ended up rigging a rain barrel on the side of his house to run into his kitchen. It was an eyesore, but do what you have to do, I guess.

Industrious. And then the pist resistance. I was really going for that. I like that.

I left for a gym run and saw a hose running from the fire hydrant to wait for it, his pool. Sir, that's not a legal plumbing choice. That's a felony. So, I called up my Ted Lasso husband and I was like, "This is illegal, right?"

This can't be good, right? No. He reported it to the fire department and the police, and spoiler alert, it was very illegal.

Yeah. Now, listen, Steve's dating life was its own soap opera. Women came and women went like Door Dash deliveries. Live your truth, bro. Things got wild right before Christmas 2020. Things always get wild around Christmas.

They do. We had just put our toddler, we'll call him G, to bed, and we're de Gun. It's your baby.

That's your baby. That's your baby. Gunit was in bed and you guys were decompressing on the couch when suddenly bang bang bang. Oh, more more like bang bang bang.

Oh, she she went like straight to the felonious. Well, we're talking about a felon.

You were you were like bang bang bang. Someone started yelling and banging on our front door. Jeremy flipped to the security cam and there was Steve and his newest girlfriend who's trying to come into our house barefoot.

What did he say? magic that they needed to use magic if they wanted to get in. He was asking for magic.

Oh, you want magic? Have some. Have some. You know what, Nicholas? Every little thing you do is magic. A

anyway, uh so his girlfriend and him were trying to get into your house and his girlfriend was wearing no shoes in shorts in winter. She's yelling and he's trying to drag her home. Jeremy opens the door. Steve runs away and she says, "Can I come in?" And you all should have said, say it with me now, no. But I'm not judging. Jeremy, saint, protector, golden retriever energy, told her no. Good job.

But offered to help. We're here, Nicholas. We're here. We're never leaving you, Nicholas.

He grabbed his phone and an old hoodie for her, but when he came back outside, she was gone. She had vanished.

Turns out she wandered around the side of the house in total darkness. Jere like why?

I'm scared. I don't know why. My immediate thought when you said she wandered around the house in total I thought you said in total our car.

I thought that's what you were going to say. I don't know why. And she she walked around and she just totaled our car. Why would she do that? I mean why would she do anything really?

I don't know. So I have like a slight uh migraine approaching. So I think I'm in like weird migraine land right now. I was sitting like to the side too long and it started to hurt.

It happens. Pilates your feet. Thank go. Thank Thank you. Thank goodness. Thank gosh.

Thank crimp cramp. So she wandered to the side of the house to totally gone. Jeremy called the police who arrived and asked her why she tried to come in. Her answer, "You have a baby. I knew you'd be nice and be home." That's very strangerscoded.

I was just going to say, I knew you would be nice and be home. Lots of mean people have babies. Ask my mom.

And I'll be very nice to my baby and be very mean to you. But I'm like, not everybody with a baby is a nice person. Like, hello.

So, ma'am, you could have just asked like a normal human. You did not have to break down our door.

No. She ended up staying with her parents that night and was back with Steve 2 days later because of course.

But wait, hold on. Did you say scream since Scream girl? Hold on. My face is so itch. So itch.

As soon as I finished saying that, I knew you were going to go. I just knew it. I just knew it about you.

I'm so predictable. You're so predictable. So you're so Capricorn. So she stayed with Steve. But wait, hold on to your butts. It's now Christmas 2021, one year later. Oh, that's math. Steve is still up to his nonsense. arguing with girlfriends, being hunted by the repo man, building what can only be described as janky murder trailers in his driveway. People are still coming in and out of his house at all hours of the day and night. We all probably know what he was up to, right?

Yeah. Yeah. He has a book club. Yeah. Our toddler G is now fully obsessed with inflatable yard decorations.

Gunit. Gunit. So, of course, our front yard looks like the Alabama Griswalds. That's phenomenal.

I love that we've got like a 100 inflatable Santa, snowmen, and elves. It's a whole situation.

Incredible. One evening, G and I are driving home, blasting Christmas music, and notice two cop cars behind me. I'm going the speed limit. I used my blinker. I'm wearing my seatelt, but I'm sweating bullets. Anyway, we've all been there.

I I am almost 40 years old, and every time I go to inside a liquor store, I'm like, do I have my I'm like I'm

Am I supposed to be here? What if they call get in trouble? Like, it's what? No, I hate that. Whenever anybody asks me to go, I'm like, no. Yeah, I feel bad.

I do. I feel bad. Bad. I feel disgusting. So, h the They drive past me when I pull over. Phew. We get home and surprise, those same two cruisers are now parked in front of Steve's house. I go inside and I fill in Jeremy. We pull up the cameras and see two more police cars arrive. That's four total, all at Steve's. They're knocking on his door, circling the house. G asks if we can go outside to look at his flatables.

His flatables? Absolutely, buddy. Let's go look at those flatables. He will vacuum the lawn while we're outside.

While we're out there, one officer even walks over to us and asks if Steve is home. I'd be like, I don't know.

I don't know Steve. I don't know Steve's life. Jeremy, who's still working from home, tells him, "Yeah, his truck is just hidden behind the fence to dodge to the repo guy." Because of course it is. And that Steve,

what? I'm moving. You're moving? Congratulations. Steve is a tough neighbor. He's like, I'm moving.

He's like, I'm out of this neighborhood. That's me. I'm moving. Yeah, that's what Nicholas said.

I would too, Nicholas. Good for you, Nicholas. You're really getting into these stories and I appreciate that.

You really are. He's like, me, the third host, I would move. I would move. So, LA,

I love you, Nick. Why can't I come? Why can't I come? Goes crazy. That's wild. So, Steve had been home for at least 15 to 20 minutes. The officer thanked us, radioed for and then radios for backup.

2 minutes later, sirens. We watch them fly down the road to behind our house. When they stop, we realize there are now two cop two cop cars at the front of the neighborhood. Two more blocking the end of our street and at least 10 in our culde-sac.

Huh. That's upsetting. Huh. I hate that. 10. 10 for Steve. Uh-oh. At this point, officers started pulling on tactical vests like fullon SWAT gear.

Uh-oh. Jeremy and I decided it was now time to get the tiny boy in the house. Gunit is understandably upset that he had to pause his nightly inflatable inspection, but we distracted him with macaroni and cheese, as one does during a neighborhood SWAT standoff.

That's all you really can do. We're in the middle of dinner and are glued to the camera channel on the TV. After 15 minutes uh after a 15-minute tent standoff and us low-key watching the entire thing like a true crime reality show, the police arrested Steve. Turns out earlier that week he had been towing a friend's car with rope. The rope snapped, the car veered into oncoming traffic and a family of five was seriously injured.

Oh my gosh. And of course, our boy Steve fled the scene. Steve, you got to get it the [ __ ] together.

You can't just injure a family of five like that and steal from the fire hydrants.

You can't. Felonius. Felonious. Yeah. See, I knew you were going to let that go either. Can't let that one go.

You're so Krampus. I can't do it. I'm Krampus, but I'm also a Capricorn. I can't let that go.

You said Felonius. Yeah, that goes crazy. So that's why the SWAT team came. Not because of the fire hydrant, not because of the trash crimes, not even the illegal pool pool water, because he literally caused a crash and then ran. We moved not long after. I think about Steve every Christmas when I see inflatable Santaas. And every time I hear a motorcycle rev after 9:00 p.m., a small part of my soul leaves my body. Thanks for reading this truly unhinged tale. Stay weird, but not cutting your water padlock and filling your pool with fire hydrant before getting arrested by Spot on Christmas. Weird. Love y'all like Steve loves breaking every single law from Andrea.

I'm going to use that now. I love you like Steve. Steve loves breaking laws. Every single law.

That was too good. Steve is wild. Nicholas is right. Andrea, I hope you better move neighbor now.

Yeah, you were correct to move like Nicholas said. Yeah. Um, but Steve sounds like a hoot and a half

until he injured a family of five. Yeah, it sounded like he was just very like um

handy. What? Cursed. He was very cursed. It does sound like he was very cursed. Cursed energy.

Nicholas is literally on point here. I just want to point that out. He really is.

He's really He's here. He's doing the damn thing. He's like, he's really We were struggling. We were like, he's really and he says cursed. Cursed.

He said [ __ ] Is that the word you're looking for? Sounds like he's cursed. And it was.

It was. All right. I liked that. Andrea, love you long time. Andrea. Andrea. That would have worked so well last tales.

It would have. Um, this next one is Listener Tales, my so-called out-of body experience.

Oo. Hello ladies. My name is Nicole and I am no longer a new listener. I almost said Lou.

A listener. A luner. as I started following your podcast February 2023 and it is now September 2024.

Actually, Nicole, now it's December 2025, so you're the oldest listener. So old. So old. I've been sitting on this.

Mikey's like Mikey says, "You're not." He's like, "That's not how time works." I've been sitting on this email for a while now. I love the show. I can't imagine how much time and effort goes into researching the stories. Thank you so much. Uh, thank you for doing all the hard work so I do not have to. Although, I feel like I have a pretty solid working knowledge of most things morbid. You provide so much content and context. I'm ashamed to admit I was at first put off by the sideline banter

and laughter of the show. However, I quickly realized that all those giggles are the perfect palette cleanser since the subject matter can be so harrowing.

We're glad you came to the right side, Nicole. A million apologies for not immediately recognizing the artistry. Okay, I love the art.

Half a million accepted. I forgive you um for not I shall never doubt either of you again. And I will never doubt you, Nicole. Okay, we're friends now.

I won't either. We're friends now. It's okay. Why are you here? Nicholas actually wants to know why you're here.

So Nicholas isn't as quick to forget. Um we'll work on him. Okay. Uh but one more thing before getting into my tail. The chemistry you two have is off the charts.

She's all right. Wow. Uh, how well you know and love each other really shines through. You can tell Ash is Elena's biggest cheerleader and that Elena is Ash's biggest cheerleader. It's true.

It's refreshing to hear two women who are so encouraging and proud of each other.

I almost hit you right in the face. Hold on. It's the wrong place. Hold on. Wait. Wait. I'm sitting on everything. There it is. There it is. Okay, that first one was okay, enough of the ass kissing. That wasn't ass kissing. That was great.

That was just kind. I came here to tell a story. So, here we go. Tell it. My tale begins in the long ago year of 20 Oh, 2001. Damn.

2000 and one. Isn't that 10 years ago? What? I was 19. I won't leave you. I'll never leave you. He was like, was I too cold?

You're cold. It is sometimes cold in this room. It can be tough. We'll light some candles.

I'll get you a sweatshirt. I was 19 years old and it was New Year's Eve. My boyfriend Alec, my sister Diana, and her boyfriend Pete along with our friend Tina decided to be responsible teenagers by staying at our dad's house instead of running all over town drinking and smoking weed like the rest of our friends.

Good job. However, it was New Year's Eve and we decided we would take some magic mushrooms and watch some sort of WWE special while ringing in the new year.

That's pretty iconic. Yes. Hallucinogens mixed with wrestling. Don't tell me we didn't know how to get down back in those early yachts. I'd love to be able to tell you that the girls and I were wearing velour tracksuits and trucker hats to really help paint the picture. Alas, I cannot. A man. I remember distinctly I was wearing a pair of jeans, low cut flares of course, and a loud horizontally striped shirt. You may think, who cares what this chick was wearing? But trust me when I say it'll I'll bring it back before the end of the story.

It was the stripes, wasn't it? It was. I had taken mushrooms twice before. Each time was fun, but I may have had some sort of allergic reaction the second time because the morning after I had a rash all over my chest and upper arms.

Oh [ __ ] The rash wasn't raised up, but my skin blanched when I pressed on it. So, honestly, I didn't think much of it. I just wore a long sleeve shirt and the next day the rash was gone. At the time, I didn't correlate the rash with the to the shrooms. Later, I would wish I had.

Oh, no. A few months after the second diance with the magic fun guy, my dad tells my sister and me he's going out of town for New Year's Eve or for New Year's, but that we can stay at his place and party or whatever. He doesn't want to worry about us being on the roads going from party to party. It was actually pretty nice. It was a nice offer. My dad had a large screen TV in his basement and plenty of places for us all to crash. So, we took him up on it. I'm not sure if we told him ahead of time what substances we were planning to indulge in, but I don't think it would have mattered as my dad was a partyier himself. We were all just happy to have a safe place to trip out at. Finally, the big night is here and all five of us eat peanut butter sandwiches topped with a few mushroom caps and off we go.

I feel like that's a frequent thing for people that do shrooms. They put them on peanut butter sandwiches. I think because shroom I've never done them, but I think they taste really bad. Everything. I I've never heard of that, but

um remember that show Love? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's how they do shrooms on there, remember?

Oh, okay. Everything starts off fine. About a half hour after eating our shroom sandwiches, I feel slightly a slight body buzz, and the colors of the room seem to be different than I remember. The TV also looks like it's getting further away from me. I would die.

I want to be clear about that. I would die on shrooms. Just that. Yeah, I've never done shrooms, but I did once. Um, how do you can you say on YouTube? I have no idea.

Nicholas [ __ ] can't stand that. What did he say? Revolting. Wow. Okay, Nicholas. Oh, people say gardened. One time I gardened and I think my gardening substance was laced because I found myself inside of a VCR box. I'm for real. So, while I haven't done Trooms, maybe I have

a box. What does that mean? Not a VCR box. You remember those old Comcast like um like it was the It came with your TV cable box and it had the orange writing.

Oh, yeah. I was inside of it looking out in my head. Really? I was sitting on a couch.

Yeah. You weren't actually in the cable. I also fell down the stairs at a house, the house that I was at before that and they shut the lights off and I thought that I was blind.

So, like I can relate to this. Yeah, even though I didn't do shroomies. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't do substances. Yeah. Don't garden unless it's the real gardening. Damn. Yeah.

Um, so the TV looks like it's getting further away from me. I would die. The whole as if the whole room is being extended out. Seems like the trip is starting and I wait for some additional visuals to hit me before anything else psychedelic happens. There's some sort of sisterly drama which happened between Diana and me.

Oh, not during shrooms. I do not remember what caused it, but I remember thinking she got she got really sh really attitudy with me for no reason, and it really pissed me off.

Oh, no. Now, for anyone who has done hallucinogens, you know that something like this can totally play with your mind.

Hot. Did he say blood? He said hot. Hot. I guess when you do drugs, it's not revolting. To Nicholas, it's hot. Nicholas said revolting. Whoa. Nicholas,

I'm just going to let you talk to him from now on. I feel like he like actually talks to you.

He does. We just had a moment. I can do the S days and you can talk to Wait, Nicholas, do you not like me? Nicholas, am I your favorite?

He's not going to get down with this trivia. You just don't want to cause a fight. I understand. But

that was weird though. I know that I'm your favorite. Well, he did say correct.

He said correct. I said we had a moment and he said correct. But yeah, that was weird.

I felt it, Nicholas. I felt it. Okay. Whoa, that was crazy. Um, okay. So, where am I? This can totally play with your mind and you can go from nice, happy trip to strange, scary trip super quickly. I start to internalize things and get in my own head. And that's when things go wrong. The room now seems to be shrinking in on me. I can literally feel it getting smaller and there's blackness clouding my peripheral peripheral vision. It starts slowly but picks up speed and then wham,

nothing but complete darkness surrounding me. I didn't even read this before you went blind, too.

I sense this darkness, but I can't see or hear anything at this point. I'm not sure how long this lasted, but I don't think it was more than a minute or two. My senses slowly start to come back. At first, I can hear. My sister and Tina are crying. I can hear Alec. He's saying my name and asking if I can hear him. Then, I can start to see, and I'm looking right at the drop ceiling of my dad's basement. My face is only inches from it. I know this is weird because I'm not tall and I should not be this close to any ceiling anywhere. So now I can hear and see, but I can't feel anything. In fact, I do not even feel like I have a body. I have this sensation of just like floating in the air. I reach my arm out, touch the ceiling tile, but I can't feel it. I try to turn away from the ceiling and it's difficult because I cannot feel my body.

So, I'm not really sure how to move. I liken this feeling to having dental work done. You know, when your mouth is numb

and you try to eat or put chapstick on, but you can't really do it because you feel you can't feel your lips. This was very similar.

I hate that feeling. I hate that, too. Somehow, I got myself turned around and to my surprise, I can see everyone. They're all standing below me. The girls are holding each other and crying. Pete is standing nervously next to Diana and not sure what's going on, but or or what he can do to help her, Tina or me. The strangest thing of all is that I can see myself as if it's from someone else's perspective. I'm looking down at Alec. He's holding my me in his arms as if we were newlyweds, and he is ushering me across the threshold of the bridal suite

romance. I see myself with my head thrown back, legs dangling, and I'm confused. That can't be me, can it? But it is, and I know it is because I'm looking down at the loud, horizontally striped shirt I wore for the magic mushroom trip. That shirt was ugly, even for 2001. This is wild. And I realize I must be having an out-of- body experience. I can hear and see everything going on in the room, but not from my own eyes. In my own body, I'm seeing this all happen as I'm floating/hovering above everyone and everything in that room. This all happened pretty quickly. So, not long after my realization, something even more strange happens. I can feel myself being sucked back to earth, back into my own body. Like the ceiling retreats from my view. I can feel the rush of air around me. And I feel my spirit and my physical body becoming one again. It happens fast and I go from seeing everything from a

bird's eye perspective to being transported back into my body with a slightly jarring slam. Boom. My eyes fly open. I can feel Alec holding me. Diana rushes to my side and yells, "Her eyes are open." And she's grabbing me and crying all over again. All over me, hugging me.

I bet she regretted giving you attitude. I bet she did. As I start to come too, I can tell my friends are relieved. They settle me on the couch and tell me their version of what happened. Diana knew she acted like a [ __ ] So, she looked at me to make amends, but she said she could tell something was wrong right away. I didn't look good. My eyes weren't focused and I wasn't responding as she tried to talk to me. Then apparently my eyes rolled to the back of my head as I passed out and slumped over onto Alec. Holy [ __ ]

That's when they all started freaking out. Alex slapped my cheeks a couple of times and then when I didn't react, he lifted me off the couch.

I think the next move was to get me upstairs to a car or to call an ambulance, but then I woke up. I mentioned earlier that I may have had an allergic reaction to mushrooms. Well, I didn't get a rash this time, but for the next 4 to 5 hours, I was in the bathroom puking my guts out. I've never ever vomited that much in my life. I mean, all I could do was lie on the floor in the bathroom in my dad's basement and heave all night long. Oh,

every time I thought I was done, I wasn't. It just kept coming. But hey, at least I was on the ground not getting sick from 8 ft in the air.

That would have been so exorcist coded of you. So, maybe I do have an allergy to natural psychedelics. And after my body ether uh ethereal after my ethereal body rejoined my physical one that puke was my body's way of ridding itself of the allergens. I don't know. But I do I never did shrooms again. Good job. I'm known in my circle of friends for being a bit of a bullshitter. I embellish and exaggerate to prove a point or tell a good story. Iconic. But the next morning when I recounted this one to Alec, Diana, Pete, and Tina, they 100% believed me. I don't know why. It's not like anything specific happened while I was unconscious that I could point to and prove I was there on some level. It all just happened so quickly. There honestly isn't all that much to tell, but I'm convinced of what happened. And I guess they knew me well enough to know it was it wasn't a tall tale. Sometimes the truth just rings clear and people

know when they hear it. Now, here's the part which prompted me to write into you guys. Last year, my dad was over and we were reminiscing about our younger years. Well, this story came up again. He'd probably already heard it at least twice before. Anyhow, after I'd wrapped it up, my dad looks at me and says, "What if it wasn't an out-of- body experience? What if you were

sensible? Sensible. Sensible. Sensible. What if you were checking out but then turned around and came back?"

That's kind of what I was thinking. Like, were you dying? Yeah. I was stunned for a minute. My own dad was alluding to the fact that I may have been dying and then for whatever reason didn't head towards the bright white light, but instead plummeted back to Earth. You guys,

crazy decision. I had never thought about it like that before. And I got to tell you, it scared the living [ __ ] out of me. Those two sentences changed my whole perspective on that experience. I told that story 20 times over the over the years and always in a self-depreciatingly jokey type fashion. Oh, look at me. The girl so allergic to magic mushrooms, I pass out and have an out-of- body experience. Now I can hardly stand the thought because it isn't even very very fun to think that, as my dad so lovingly put, I was checking out. Uh, maybe it was both. I mean, I suppose it's possible that I could have had an out-of- body experience and then die. Or

most people have like out of body experiences before they die, probably. Or that you have an out-of- body experience on your way to dying and then come back to life. I'm no expert on the matter. It was a strange experience and I wanted to share with you guys and the listeners. Thank you for the time. Love you both and the show. Two things before I go. One, I love when Ash says, "Oh, absolutely. Anytime I hear anyone else say that, it reminds me of Morgan.

I love that. Especially the Long Island Lolita show with Bailey Sarion. Ash said, "Oh, absolutely." So many times at the end of that episode. Go back and check it out. She probably says it like eight times.

I was admittedly so starruck the first time we honestly the first and second time that we recorded with Bailey Syrian. I probably said some crazy [ __ ] during that.

She is one of the sweetest people. One of the nicest people we've ever met. Do you And two, do you have any plans to cover the Asha Degree case? Maybe you already have and I missed it. It's just totally mind-boggling. I'm haunted by it. I think you guys would do a really great job covering it. Thanks, Ash and Elena. Have a good one and hope you keep it weird, but not so weird you take illegal drugs in your dad's basement man cave and pass out and have an auto body experience and maybe almost die.

We won't keep it that weird. The Asha um case, I don't think we've covered it. I don't think we have.

But I do want to cover that case for sure. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. That one was scary. I think you might have almost died.

I think you did almost. I wonder if Are you allergic to just like actual mushrooms?

Maybe. I don't know what's like in magic mushroom. It's just like chemicals, isn't it?

I have no idea. Well, it's natural. Oh, it is. Yeah. Aren't they natural? They're

I think it depends like what ones you I don't know. No, I think mushrooms are like natural psychedelics.

Natural. Oh, yeah. Yellow jackets. Yeah. See? Huh. Wow. So, I don't know. Damn. Maybe you're allergic to mushrooms and psychedelics.

Maybe. I don't know. Who knows? Next one is listener story. Anya the ghost a Christmas tale.

I love Ana. Should be a Krampus tail. Krampus. Hey Ash and Alolina. Hey. I just Hey, I just want to say how much I love your show. Thank you.

Oh my god. You're the first podcast I ever listen to and I just can't get enough. My bff and I are obsessed and get together when new episodes come out to listen and discuss. You guys have kept me going through tough days at work and in quarantine. Oh god, no.

I'll keep the fangirling to a minimum because this is sorry not sorry going to be a long one. So get comfy and hold on to your butts. Hold them. To preface, this story really has nothing to do with Christmas, but my neighbor has our small neighborhood over for a Christmas. Nicholas said that that's idiotic. Damn. Do you think he's talking about me or the fact that this tale was called a Christmas tale, but it doesn't have anything to do with Christmas?

I don't know. Nicholas, who are you talking about? I thought we made up. Can you restart from the

to preface to preface this story really has nothing to do with Christmas, but my neighbor has our small neighborhood over for a Christmas dinner every year. And for the last couple of years, her sister, who is also addicted to Morbid now, has requested this story. So, for the last couple of years, we've gathered around the the Christmas tree and I tell the tale of Anna the ghost. First, I'd like to make that it clear that I'm pretty skeptical when it comes to ghosts and paranormal stuff. This is the incident that made me change my mind.

And now, I'm very much of the opinion that the dead can leave an imprint on this world. Here it goes.

Let's go. After nine years of [ __ ] around being in and out of school, I finally graduated college with my four-year degree. Don't worry, I'm actually using it now. Congratulations. To celebrate, my then boyfriend, now husband and I, decided to do a six- week backpacking trip on the Colorado Trail. It's a 485 mile trail from Denver to Durango. Uh, I know fresh air is for dead people, but we were but we really like the outdoors and sun and exercise works better for me than Prozac. Anyway, after several weeks on the trail, we were about four or five days out from reaching our dest destination of Durango, Colorado. After a long day's hiking, we found a nice campsite by a creek just off the trail and settled in for the evening. We had just finished up dinner and Josh, my husband, and dog Sunshine. RIP sunny girl sorry.

Uh, we were in the tent chilling for a second while sitting by the fire. Keep in mind that Sunshine was the kind of dog that would bark at people for approaching her house, quote unquote. In this case, the tent. It was about 8:30 in the evening in July. So, the days were long, but the sun was starting to set, and it was the sort of gray dusk hour. So, there were all So, we were all minding our own business, enjoying the solitude and distinct lack of people. Suddenly, and quietly, a woman comes around the corner past our campsite. Not super weird until I see she's not wearing shoes, has no pack, no water bottle, no jacket, nothing except the clothes on her back. Just a black cotton t-shirt and black cotton capri. It's a cute outfit.

It is. I think this is super [ __ ] weird. But hey, it's Colorado and there's plenty of people that go in the woods and get weird and talk to trees and [ __ ] like that. I've been one of those people. I don't judge. No.

So, I think, huh, weird, but whatever. She's probably just tripping her face off and is camping down the trail a little way.

More mushrooms, streamies. As she's walking past the campsite, she stops abruptly and looks at me and says, "Are you not Caitlyn?" I say, "Uh, no." But internally,

I also love like, are you not Caitlyn? It's like, imagine if you were Caitlyn. I'm not a lot of things.

Weird that you chose Caitlyn. I'm not that. I'm not this. Yeah. Uh, I say, uh, no. But internally, I'm super weirded out because that's my sister-in-law's name.

Oh. She says, "Never mind." And then continues down the trail. I'm just left thinking, "Huh, okay, that was weird." And maybe the name thing was just a coincidence. At this point, Josh comes out of the tent and asks who I was talking to. I explained what happened and he said, "Weird? I wonder why Sunshine didn't bark."

We chalk it up to just some weirdness and we're having a night by the fire, having a night cap by the fire. In case you don't know, they make juice boxized wine and it's delicious and great for backpacking.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. So, we're hanging by the fire drinking our juice box wine when who comes back, walking back around the corner.

Anya, the barefoot woman. It is Anna. I bet. I bet. She comes around the corner and says, "May I share the warmth of your fire for a moment?"

I hate that. I'd say, "You can make the warmth of your own fire, babe." It's the way she asks.

Yeah, it's a little freaky. I would have been like, "No, no, this is my warmth."

Nope. I got all the warmth. This is my warmth. Can't have any of it. Josh and I look at each other and say, "Uh, sure." So, this random lady comes over to the fire and sits across from us and doesn't say a word and just stares into the fire. No. Nope. Uh-uh.

As soon as she sat down, we both got uneasy and had a bad feeling about her. We noticed she's pretty clean for wandering around the woods with no shoes. She had no dirt on her feet or her hands, and her t-shirt and her capri were both clean.

This whole time, Sunshine is in the tent a few feet away, not making a peep when normally she would have demanded to come out and meet this person. Josh and I were sort of just looking at one another like, "What the [ __ ] is this barefoot [ __ ] doing at dusk with no form of supplies? Who is this barefoot [ __ ]

I like barefoot. Barefoot [ __ ] TM. I like that. So, we were asking questions and the following is my recollection of possibly the strangest conversation I've ever been I've ever been a part of. Nicholas says, "Neat." Me. So, what's your name? Her Anya. You're right.

Uh Josh, where are you from? Anya. I lived in Rico for quite some time now. Me.

Struggle. It is a struggle. It feels like a struggling conversation. conversating is struggling in general. Mei, where are you going? Anya looks up from the fire and directly at me. Her eyes were the blackest black I have ever seen. Like there was no definition between iris and pupil. It's like the blackeyed children. Oh no,

the blackeyed onions. They're worse. The black eyed peas. Even worse without Fergie, forget it. She says, "If I told you, it wouldn't make any sense." Okay,

I'm already annoyed that she wants to share the warmth of my fire. Now she's lacking your intelligence.

You're like, "You know what? If I told you it would make sense." Don't assume. Yeah.

Don't assume I won't understand your other worldly travels. I'll get it, Anna. Don't assume. It makes the ass out of you and definitely not me.

Anya. Anya. The hair on the back of my neck stood uh was on end. And inside my head, all I could think was, "What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] Who is this chick?" And then Josh says, "Well, the sun's setting." And she turns to him and says, "I'm deathly afraid of the dark." I'd be like, "Then what the [ __ ] are you doing wandering in the woods?" Anna,

you got to go. You got to go. Be careful. Honestly, he's on a level this beeful.

He's so like on like spot. He's on it. Uh Josh and I look at each other like, "What the [ __ ] What the fuck?" I mean, we really had nothing to say. So, we were just like, "Uh." Then just as suddenly as she came, Anna stands up and says, "Thank you for sharing your fire." And then walks down the trail like, "You're wel fuck."

Again, Josh and I look at each other like, "What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] What the fuck?"

And then Anya was gone. Nicholas just goes, "I'm haunted." Honestly, they're haunted as well.

Yeah. That night, we didn't sleep. We just laid in the tent holding our knives, listening to every sound, hoping it wasn't Anya

and listening to every sound hoping it wasn't Anya, honestly. The next morning, we're looking at our map to see where she could have come from or gone to. Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from? Blackeyed Anya.

Anya the ghost. Uh especially since she wasn't even wearing shoes. Yeah, the town of Rico was 13 mi away by trail and in the direction she left, the closest jeep road was like 5 miles. So to even get to a remote road, she would have had to walk 5 miles in the dark with no shoes. So this

she's deathly afraid of the dark. Yeah. And barefoot in case she forgot. So this chick walked a minimum of 18 miles with no shoes in the remote mountains of Colorado.

Yeah. Even if she made it to the jeep road, it would have been another 11 miles down that road to a paved road. We thought maybe she had a campsite down the way, but the next morning we saw no signs of any other human. Not a footprint, not an ember in a fire ring, not a single sign Anya had ever actually existed. It was like she just vanished. To this day, we believe she was a malicious spirit because we honestly sad

and bad. Yeah, because we honestly have no other explanations. There was nowhere she could have gone. And to this day, her words echo in my head. If I told you it wouldn't make any sense.

Yeah, maybe she couldn't tell us because she was on drugs. But I personally maybe But I person my abs hurt so bad.

What a valid what a valid little like left turn. Maybe she couldn't tell us cuz she was on drugs. I don't know.

But I personally believe she was trapped in this area between the realms of the living and the dead.

I think that is what happened. Yeah, probably. That's okay. So, that's my story. Hope you weirdos enjoyed it. And hopefully me and my BFF will see you at your Denver show as soon as CO stops being a huge bummer. Love you ladies. Keep it weird, but not so weird that you wander aimlessly into a super into super remote mountains with no shoes and freak out poor unsuspecting backpackers. Lots of weirdness. Kelsey.

Kelsey. Kelsey, that was a crazy one. And you're funny. And you will not see us at the Denver show. Yeah.

It's going to take a long time. Yeah. In fact, it's still here. From the future, I can tell you it's going to be a while.

Alina like just had co It's going to be a while. Yeah. We're just still up in here getting it.

Yeah. It's never going to go away. Uh but I think Anya was a ghost. I think so, too. But I don't know if she was malicious. Maybe.

Yeah. Maybe she was just like, I don't know if you would get it because I'm from like planet Zorg.

I think that's probably it. And I think maybe she was an alien. I would have been a little put off by like you don't understand. I feel like

maybe she said like you you couldn't understand like but you're not even giving me a chance.

I know you should ask follow-up questions. Yeah, you should. You should. But that's okay.

I forgive you. I forgive you as well. Uh so the next one is listener tale. The time a crazy possibly abusive [ __ ] found my holiday light warm and inviting. That's the last person you want to find your light.

Don't want that. Hey weirdos, I'd be ecstatic if you used my name. It's Payton. Oh, that's such a cute name. It's my favorite Celtic.

Pton. Payton. Payton. Below I have included a 14-point double space pifa about the time a crazy possibly abusive [ __ ] found our holiday lights were warm and inviting. But before we start, I have to get my fanirling out by telling you guys that you're the coolest friends I've ever had. You're the coolest friend I've ever had. Uh, even though you haven't known of my existence until now, I pretty much exclusively listen to you guys because something about the pitch of your voices mixed with the true crime stories and the totally relatable, slightly explicit banter is the only thing that can hold the focus of my anxietyridden ADD mind.

See, Nicole, people like the banter. Hell yeah. Just kidding, Nicole. I love you.

We love you, Nicole. Also, Elena, you've survived more flights than you're aware of because I've never traveled without at least 20 episode discountloaded to my indecisive. So, my indecisive ass has all of the options while cruising at 35,000 feet. That actually really helps me. Thank you.

Yeah. And Ash, I cannot wait to drool over you and Drew's wedding photos. I know whatever dress you choose is going to slay and I can't wait to see it.

Thank you. You did slay. You slayed. Here is the obligatory forewarning that while my analytical brain has helped me complete two bachelor's degrees in in the sciences, hell yeah. It hasn't left an ounce of room for creative writing unless it involves human anatomy or spores, mold, and fungi. So bear with me.

I would call that pretty creative. Yeah, I would say so. Lastly, this is a long one, but I promise it's worth it. For a little background, my husband and I are currently currently live in the Pacific Northwest with our German Shepherd Nola. A tribute to New Orleans, Louisiana, cuz that's where your girl is originally from. Elena, every time you talk about your love for New Orleans, I get all 14-year-old girl in the 90s at a Hillary Duff concert excited because I can totally relate.

I love that. That's another reason you need to watch Interview with a Vampire. That's true. It's literally Nola. That's right. Uh because I love that book. That's it's a new it's a new thing in this room. Everybody's watching Interview with a Vampire.

So good. Now I got to watch it because I loved the book. Oh, so good. My husband, we'll call him C for the privacy of his job, is a green beret in the army.

Damn. Now, for those unfamiliar with military life, green berets can be compared to the Navy Seals of the Army, except on land. In other words, he's a total badass, but I may be a little biased and proud. Now, you have a right to be proud.

And he gets to wear a fashion statement. That's true. Let me take you back. Back.

Come and go. I come and go. He said, "You know what? Maybe I I'll be back." He was in a place of like the 80s. Karma Chameleon.

There you go. I come and go. Nicholas comes and goes. He comes and goes. I like that.

That was really quick. Thank you. It took me a second and then it really hit. He was in a place of like raspberry beret over there instead of green beret.

Yeah, he's a Prince fan. Uh, but that's honestly you can tell that I'm like um I'm pre Oh, what's that? I have like um you can tell I'm in a place of pre- migraine because I'm starting to get extraordinarily loopy.

Oh no, cuz you just said that and I was like that was a good one. It was literally like 10 minutes later.

Oh no, I'm scared. We got new lights and they're very bright and I woke up with a headache so it was really just a perfect storm. Uh, so we're going to take you back in time to a week night about 5 days before Christmas. And we were just lounging on our couch at 9:00 p.m., you know, watching murder documentaries to wind down so we can have a long peaceful sleep, feeling totally safe and dreaming of sunny days in Flowerfields.

And to be like that, uh, there's a knock at the door and we both look at each other like, "What did you order that requires me to talk to someone in person at 9:00 at night?" Because honestly, the best thing that came out of 2020 was contactless delivery.

Oh my god. Preach. Honestly, Nola starts with alert barking as if she wasn't as if she wouldn't immediately roll on her back for belly rubs for whoever is on the other side of the door.

That's like Dolores. It's important to note that because C leaves for work for months at a time, and I'm a true crime lover, I have this house locked up like Fort Knox. Sensors on every door and window, motion detectors inside and outside the house, curtains on all windows, and a panic button next to the bed. But we don't have outdoor cameras.

What? So, because the curtains are pulled, there's no way to see who's at the door. Unless we were going to creepily peek through the curtains.

Got to get you a ring camera, which would be the sensible thing to do, but I don't want the person that showed up to my house at night uninvited to think I'm rude. I wait for C to get up and see who's there because hello, it's 9:00 p.m. So, I definitely don't have a bra on.

And when he opens the door, I saw his face change to pure terror as he screamed, "The [ __ ] Jeez." Not a full sentence, but hey, words are hard. On the other side of our front door is a middle-aged male, shirtless with one shoe on, covered in blood from head to belly button. The first words he said were, "The cops are on their way. I swear I love my wife." Was your first shot thought, "Oh [ __ ] he murders his wife." Yes, ours too.

What the [ __ ] C now has his full body behind the door with his just with his eyes peeking out as the man continues. Help. Please help. The cops are on their way. I just need somewhere to wait. No,

no, no. You need to go somewhere else. I run and lock myself in the bathroom because C has trained his whole life for this and has the situation under control, right? I proceed to call the cops to ensure that they're on their way and listen to the remainder of the conversation through the door. The stranger proceeds to give us his full name and address. Apparently, he lives just down the road. He says that he and his wife got in a fight and the cops are coming.

Like, why'd you choose our door? Eek. He continues by saying that he does not want to run. He just wants to wait in our front yard before they arrive. Se then asked the man, "Why our house?

That is exactly your question." To which the stranger replies, "The Christmas lights just looked warm and inviting." Are you [ __ ] [ __ ] I got to turn my lights off.

At this point, C shoots me a look that says, "We'll never we're never putting Christmas lights up again."

Oh, I would be so [ __ ] angry at this man. I'd be like, "Fuck you." Cuz that's that would be Drew's exact response. C assures the stranger that everything will be okay and tells the stranger that they will wait for the cops together. C steps outside with the stranger and locks the door behind him so that I'm safely secured inside the home. I married a literal saint.

You did. The cops arrive shortly after and C tells them everything he knows as the man continues to sit on our [ __ ] lawn. I said [ __ ] she didn't.

Yeah, get him off your lawn. The police takes over the situ take over the situation and C comes back inside where we sit for another hour watching through our window as firet trucks, ambulances, and three more police cars around.

I would be so pissed off if somebody created a stir in my neighborhood like this at my [ __ ] house.

It's 9:00 p.m. Just about to sit down and watch TV. Not home all the time is home.

Yep. We're about I have no bra on. We're about to sit down and watch TV. I'm with my dog.

I probably have a snack. Yeah, just made some tea. I probably am under blankets. probably had like all my caps on me.

What did he say? They hide. They hide. And this [ __ ] is out here. Yeah. Yeah.

This [ __ ] is interrupting me and now I have an entire cops episode happening on my front lawn.

And I can't not watch that. That's the thing. That's the other thing. But then the next day if you take a walk in your neighborhood, everybody's going like, "What the [ __ ] happened? What happened?" That's the thing. And you're like, "It wasn't even me. I

didn't even do it. It wasn't even me." Good story though. But I'd be so mad cuz it's like you sit down, you want to watch the new episode of Stranger Things, and then this is happening outside on your front lawn and you're like, "Well, I have to watch this."

Yeah. And nothing's happening probably. It's just cop cars showing up and ambulances, but you're like, "It's bright lights. I got to watch it. I'm a human." That's kind of what

I mean, at least it's some form of entertainment. Recently, me and Drew watched down. Hello. sat down to watch a TV show and somebody flushed our toilet upstairs and the entire thing started raining through the kitchen ceiling and we were like, "Well, I guess we're not watching Righteous Gemstones cuz we had to turn the electricity off."

And there was nothing to watch. So, I would prefer this man sitting on my lawn.

Yeah, that that is different. I will say that. I just know that usually when like shenanigans happen on your front lawn or like outside of your house and it's just cop cars showing up in the end, you're like, "Why did I sit and watch that?" Nothing really happened. Nothing ever really happens, but you got to watch in case it's the one time that something does happen.

That's true. That's very true. So, uh, we're watching as all those things arrive. Things begin to wrap up and the ambulance takes the man away and the other police officers begin to leave. We barely catch the last officer before he gets in his patrol car like, "Hey, is everything okay? Are we safe? Is the wife alive?" To which he replies, "Everything is okay. Have a good night." I'd be like, "Uh, you're leaving my place of residence. I'm going to need a little more information."

And I'd also be like, "Do you want to talk to me? Are we safe? We good? You got one of the bad ones."

To which he So, he said, "Yeah, it's fine. Have a good night." I'd be like, "Go [ __ ] yourself."

Yeah, exactly. And drives away. C and I are left in the doorway like, "What the [ __ ] just happened? Are we safe to go to bed? Is this man going to come back tonight and go full psycho on our ass? Do we know too much? Is he a threat? We didn't get any sleep that night and not much in the days to follow. I wouldn't either. to

Thankfully, our backyard neighbor is an officer in the jurisdiction and he was able to fill us in a few days later.

Yeah, have those connects. It's convenient. The stranger had come home from work earlier that evening and his wife was on the phone with her father. The stranger didn't get along with his father-in-law, so he got drunk and started a fight with his wife as one does.

Like he she can't talk to her dad as one does. He became so frustrated that he banged his own face into a wall, breaking his nose and then called the cops himself and said that his wife hit him. Oh, you [ __ ] This [ __ ] proceeded to run down the street shirtless with one shoe in 25°ree Pacific Northwest weather and picked our house assuming that he looked like a victim and we would corroborate his story. But he was sorely disappointed when he knocked on the door of a Green Beret whose entire life is training to differentiate threats from sincerity and could see that he was a lying piece of [ __ ] that was not a victim. Hell yeah.

See, so there's a story. So there is the story of how my holiday lights invited a crazy [ __ ] over at 9:00 p.m. on a week night. Don't worry, I have since added five outdoor cameras. Yay. To complete my Fort Knox system, and I'm working on a plan on how to convince C to let me decorate again this year.

Oh, he better. Thanks for listening and I hope you keep it weird, but not so weird that you get mad at your spouse for talking to the man that gave them life and become belligerently drunk, breaking your own nose on a wall and calling the cops to frame your spouse and run to your neighbors shirtless and shoeless in 25°ree weather to have them corroborate your story but come off as a terrifying threat and keep them up an hour past their bedtime on a work night while you sit on their lawn covered in blood and make them question their holiday decorating choices.

Don't keep it that [ __ ] weird. Don't do it. Oh, you guys are so cute. Look how adorable you are.

And Nola, you guys are adorable. And Nola, a Nola, I'm obsessed. Nola is Nola's a star.

What a beautiful family. And um and this is Nola, who thinks she's terrifying, but she's really just a sound alarm and most cuddly companion of all.

A I love that. I love her. Oh my god, you guys are beautiful. Oh, more pictures of how adorable you are.

I love it. You know what? One thing I can say about my doies is that they're the cutest little smooshy bofins in the entire world. They'll [ __ ] your [ __ ] up.

Yeah, they're And they and they can like jump like crazy. Blanch has springs in her back feet.

She did it to me excitedly today, but I was like, if she was mad at me and did this, she would kill me.

Yeah. Truly. Like John will pretend to tickle me or the girls and Blanch forgets all love she has for him and will dive from the other room and bite him.

Yeah. Yeah, I get it. But only she it's like she know they're two giries so they like they keep an eye out for the men.

Yeah, it's true. No, I think Dooo senses the paranormal because lately she's just barking into our kitchen randomly when there's nothing there.

I like that. And like I check the outside cameras, no one's there. Good for her.

Yeah, you know, she's in touch. That's a real good for her moment. It is. I love it.

I like that about her. So, weirdos, merry Christmas, happy Chrysler and all that stuff. Um, next week we're going to be off, but you won't know it because we're going to be releasing Elena's favorites like we did the week of Thanksgiving with my favorites. December it's Elena's birthday month.

It's the holidays, you know. It's your [ __ ] birthday. It's the high holidays. Yeah, that's a high holiday.

Oh, high holiday. Um, so it's her favorites and those are going to be good. And then when we get back, listener I think listener tales have been like on a couple different days lately, but they'll be back to the last Thursday of every month.

Yes. Starting in January. So be there or be square. Krampus for life. And we hope you keep listening.

And we hope you keep it weird, but not so weird that you don't have the happiest holiday season. Woo!

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Episode 739: Listener Tales 105: Krampus Edition!"?

In order: 5:00 Ted Lasso; 30:00 Colorado Trail; 40:00 Jenna Payton; 45:00 Nola, Interview with a Vampire.

What is mentioned in this Morbid | Podcast episode?

5 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Jenna Payton, Colorado Trail, Nola, Ted Lasso, Interview with a Vampire. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Episode 739: Listener Tales 105: Krampus Edition!"?

The episode runs 57 min; the transcript is about 12,041 words in 300 timestamped sections.

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About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.