Transcript

INTRODUCING: I Need You Guys with Gabe Liedman, Jenny Slate and Max Silvestri (w/ Sean Hayes)

From SmartLess · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 45 min · 8,808 words · 215 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "INTRODUCING: I Need You Guys with Gabe Liedman, Jenny Slate and Max Silvestri (w/ Sean Hayes)", an episode of SmartLess published November 6, 2025 (45 min, about 8,808 words). It mentions 46 people, works and ideas, including I Need You Guys, White House, Mr. Shawn Hayes, Jenny Slate, Philly accent.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Philly accent, Adolf Stern, Andrew Lloyd Weber, Blair Witch
  2. – 10:00: White House, Ameilia Bedilia, Dan Raisen Kaine, The Office
  3. – 15:00: I Need You Guys, ballome shampoo, Gleam toothpaste, Irish Spring
  4. – 20:00: White House, Apple Music, I Need You Guys
  5. – 25:00: Jenny Slate, Marvelous Mrs. Measles, White House
  6. – 30:00: I Need You Guys
  7. – 35:00: Jenny Slate
  8. – 40:00: I Need You Guys, Smartless Mobile
  9. – 45:00: Mr. Shawn Hayes, I Need You Guys, Dan Raisen Kaine, Danto Gardens

Notable quotes from "INTRODUCING: I Need You Guys with Gabe Liedman, Jenny Slate and Max Silvestri (w/ Sean Hayes)"

  • I watched Blair Witch last night.
    about Blair Witch · at
  • Delco accent. I'll get water. I You don't do it much. I realize I never hear like even a jokey Philly accent.
    about Philly accent · at
  • You know what accent I'd like to have is like the one that they had on the show The Nick.
    about The Nick · at
  • Should I bring my I need you guys?
    about I Need You Guys · at
  • Also to be What should I do? It's it's not Dean Kaine or something like a celebrity that I don't have the same political beliefs as is doing that and I can kind of if I want to decide to be Hey, man.
    about Dan Raisen Kaine · at
  • Not fly right now. but anyway, I like you can never do Ameilia Bedilia now.
    about Ameilia Bedilia · at
  • When we're back for the break we're going to get input from the wonderful Mr. Shawn Hayes.
    about Mr. Shawn Hayes · at
  • Also like the weird like dorky second wave of like you would get like parks and wreck star Jenny Slate tells White House you suck or whatever. It's just such a dorky next…
    about Jenny Slate · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Mr. Shawn Hayes — Person · 4 mentions · first at
  • Jenny Slate — Person · 3 mentions · first at
  • Dan Raisen Kaine — Person · 2 mentions · first at
  • Andrew Lloyd Weber — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Yeah, you owe Andrew Lloyd Weber personally £40,000 from that.
  • Adolf Stern — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Excuse me, Mr. Stern. We're over.
  • Joe Mandy — Person · 1 mention · first at
    From parts and the character that I played written by our friend Joe Mandy where Mona Lisa is saying money please and her father is like giving the money to her but it was on the White House official Instagram like this took me a second to.
  • Super Grover — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Like fell like all the way down and then got up and went Super Grover.
  • Megan Mali — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Out. I was Oh my god, the people that got to see Shawn Hayes and Megan Mali do table reads must have like been crying like they must have like known that they were like a part…
  • Dean Martin — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Was sort of this hot spot in like I think the ' 50s60s and it was like you know Dean Martin and his crew would be there and it was sort of like you know Dean Martin's hang but…
  • Max Sylvestri — Person · 1 mention · first at
    This show is called I Need You Guys, and it starred us, Gabe Leman, Jenny Slate, and Max Sylvestri. It's a production of Smartless Media. I need you guys is produced by Anne…
  • Josh Richmond — Person · 1 mention · first at
    And Max Sylvestri. It's a production of Smartless Media. I need you guys is produced by Anne Harris, Josh Richmond, and Devon Tory Bryant, and edited by Josh. Music is by…
  • Vice President Harris — Person · 1 mention · first at
    And Max Sylvestri. It's a production of Smartless Media. I need you guys is produced by Anne Harris, Josh Richmond, and Devon Tory Bryant, and edited by Josh. Music is by…
  • Jason Bateman — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Executive producers for Smartless Media are Will Arnett, Jason Baitman, Shawn Hayes, Richard Forson, and Bernie Kaminsky.
  • Will Arnett — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Executive producers for Smartless Media are Will Arnett, Jason Baitman, Shawn Hayes, Richard Forson, and Bernie Kaminsky.
  • Axel Henry — Person · 1 mention
  • Maurice Chevalier — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

  • White House — Company · 6 mentions · first at
    Saying money please and her father is like giving the money to her but it was on the White House official Instagram like this took me a second to be like but what is this? It…
  • The Nick — Company · 1 mention · first at
  • Sirius XM — Company · 1 mention · first at
    The needle full of drugs. It's inside my [ __ ] Yeah, exactly. Guys, there's other This is when Sirius XM like actually eats its own poison pill and is We're done. We're done. We can't do any more podcasts. Not even any of them.
  • The Office — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Feeling when you lock in 2% mortgage rate and then it's like a picture from the office or whatever. Like it stinks.
  • Smartless Media — Company · 1 mention · first at
    It starred us, Gabe Leman, Jenny Slate, and Max Sylvestri. It's a production of Smartless Media. I need you guys is produced by Anne Harris, Josh Richmond, and Devon Tory…
  • FDA — Company · 1 mention
  • ICE — Company · 1 mention
  • Trader Vics — Company · 1 mention
  • Zoom — Company · 1 mention

Products & tech

  • I Need You Guys — Product · 8 mentions · first at
  • Tumblr — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Nope this sucks and just screen capping it and moving it on like this just sucks. This is so 2011 someone's Tumblr account about how they're buying a condo and doing memes…
  • Q Force — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Sean, I don't know if you remember this, but we, me, you, and Gabe were working together on Q Force in March 2020.
  • Miss Merles — Product · 1 mention · first at
    I know. I know it really was u Miss Merles was just born out of the like you guys is like we've been friends for 20 25 years something like that and we're just like we can't go anywhere so let's.
  • ballome shampoo — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Hang out and then two people listen and then 10 and then it's like well a ballome shampoo anybody do you remember that do you remember those commercials I told they to told two…
  • Mr. Bubble — Product · 1 mention · first at
  • Irish Spring — Product · 1 mention · first at
  • Gleam toothpaste — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Do you remember the commercial for Gleam toothpaste?
  • Apple Music — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Actually, my 2025 most played on Apple Music.
  • Xi — Product · 1 mention

Concepts & topics

  • Philly accent — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
  • Delco accent — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Given me an opportunity to bring out back my Delo accent, which I think Delco accent. I'll get water. I You don't do it much. I realize I never hear like even a jokey Philly accent.
  • Marvelous Mrs. Measles — Concept · 1 mention · first at
  • Stegosaurus — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    He's sitting on one of the big Stegosaurus spikes.
  • SATs — Concept · 1 mention

Places & events

  • New York, New York — Place · 1 mention · first at
    But I would have to put it on. I have to put it on cuz I, I outran it when I turned 19, moved to New York, said water once, got the look, and then I became like a newscaster and you don't know where I'm from, right? Right.
  • West Hollywood — Place · 1 mention · first at
    And a month ago I was looking at my phone and I said to my wife, Oh wow, Trader Vixs is reopening in West Hollywood. And she's What?
  • Danto Gardens — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Oh, we're taking our baby to a pumpkin to like a big light show at Danto Gardens tonight. Pumpkins, Halloween.

Sponsors

  • Smartless Mobile — Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    My parents $800. Sorry, mom. By the way, before we go, if you're looking for affordable plans for anything, Smartless Mobile is $10 a month for 10 gigabytes.

Full transcript with timestamps

Start blast media. I watched Blair Witch last night. Oh my god. Why? October Fest.

Okay. I saw it when I was I've seen it a couple times obviously over the many many years. What I saw it like as a kid in the theater, thought it was straight up real and like like shat myself with fear. It's so funny to like grow up and look back at that because they're such an improv troop. Like the acting is so, you know, really threads the line between naturalistic and just totally an improv troop, you know, and like you can see it now as an adult.

I don't know if I've ever seen it. Too scary. Let's watch it, Jen. I can't. Okay,

it's not real. We can get that out of the way. Imagine watching a scary movie and thinking you might be watching

actual footage of a death in the woods. You know, remember how the girl had all the the snot?

I know. That's what everyone really latched on to. Of course, that was real cuz she was so scared.

They didn't have like a glycerin budget for sure. We all have a glycerin budget.

It's like flying boogers. I need you, girl. Gabe, I was thinking of you because I know you've only seen at this point one episode of Task

and that's okay. Correct. Yeah. But I'm obsessed with it. And it's also given me an opportunity to bring out back my Delo accent, which I think

Delco accent. Um, I'll get water. I You don't do it much. I realize I never hear like even a jokey Philly accent. I'm not saying you ever had that one, but I would have to put it on. I have I have to put it on cuz I, you know, I outran it when I turned 19, moved to New York, said water once, got the look, and then I became like a like a newscaster and you don't know where I'm from,

right? Right. Oh, yeah. No, no. My brother says water. My whole family says water. And I have slowly found other Philly and Delaware people who I can do the accent with. And

even Delaware brings it out a little bit. Like Delaware is almost a trap word. Delaware.

Delaware is huge. Delaware. Delaware. But we should do one episode of the podcast.

Beautiful accent. You and I do the whole podcast in a Philly accent. I would love that.

What accent do I do? I don't know. We have like a couple hours to figure it out cuz we're

we're getting started. You know what accent I'd like to have is like the one that they had on the show The Nick.

It's like I'm oldfashioned and it was so good. Oh, that show really like that show ruled so much. Just loved it.

Do you still do Coke injections in your penis? Right. Me? Yeah. Well, I don't. Yeah. From the It's so sleepy. Oh, just cuz the FDA says it's eye medicine, it can't be penis medicine.

Get real. I have work to do. Oh my god, that show. It was so did everything I needed something to do.

You know, the weird stuff that they used to do that they thought was medical and then they would do it in like a big auditorium that seemed like a gym but also an amphitheater and there would just be like the weirdest operation that was like really a dumb thing to do. And then they're all doing coke and they're having sex.

Getting their nose eaten up by [ __ ] infections. Some people missing a face. Oh my god. The Yeah,

that was so good. Yeah, I loved it. Phantom of the Opera [ __ ] for a second. I thought

my penis. That's where the cocaine goes. Penis. Penis, right? That's the song. Yeah.

Inside my penis. That's solid. Christine, my penis. The needle full of drugs. It's inside my [ __ ] Yeah, exactly. Guys, there's other

This is when Sirius XM like actually eats its own poison pill and is like, "We're done. We're done. We can't do any more podcasts." Not even any of any of them.

Yeah, you owe Andrew Lloyd Weber personally £40,000 from that. These three idiots get the wheel. Get them out of there.

Excuse me, Mr. Stern. We're over. We're over. And that was good. We're over. Drink some water and get the heck out of here.

Should I Should I bring my I need you guys? I would love that. Okay. Yeah. I got a text from our friend Lang and it was an like a Instagram story. What? No. No. An Instagram post. It looks like Mona Lisa Sapperstein. It was in fact um in the scene

the character from from Parks and Red. from parts and the character that I played written by our friend Joe Mandy where Mona Lisa is saying money please and her father is like giving the money to her but it was on the the White House official Instagram like this took me a second to be like but what is this? It was on the White House official Instagram and under the image of me as Mona Lisa saying money please it said illegal immigrants and under uh Henry's character Dr. Sapperstein. Um, it said, "Who's giving the money?" It said Democrats. And I was like, "Oh my god." Like,

oh my god. First of all, deeply upsetting on on so many levels to make that type of a cruel joke. And then also to be the person that somehow has included that and it's used for, you know, just absolutely evil means, but also to be like,

"What should I do?" It's it's not like, you know, Dean Kaine or something like like a celebrity that I don't have the same political beliefs as is is doing that and I can kind of if I want to decide to be like, "Hey, man."

Because it's so scary. It's the the White House. Like, it's the actual White House. That's psychotic,

you know? Like, if you were me and obviously you're not a Trump voter, you don't believe in what ICE is doing. I think we would all agree. And also, I think like it wouldn't be hard to understand that that's where I'm coming from. I'm think you know um

what would you do and what do you think I should do? Woof. It's so shitty, Jenny. I'm really sorry.

So [ __ ] shitty. That's so [ __ ] shitty. First of all, it's like it's also like just humiliating that this is like the way the government does messaging is like

in like weird corny memes. your work was taken out of context by like a completely, you know, sinister thing. Ordinary, like nice, normal, sane people cannot jump in there every second with with these cuckoo. And that was my sort of feeling to you is like, I know you don't use your social media. I know that this has like been brought to your attention. And I think there are plenty of people involved in that project who are are are are more willing to be like on social media and making statements and whatever that you don't really like need to open the door to people who are MAGA on Instagram and like to write messages.

I'm just like that's all that would come here. I I I I agree. I mean first of all like this is a podcast. I you know like Yeah. Oh [ __ ] Gabe. This is not a play. It's a podcast.

No. Oh my god. You're not wearing so much. This is you. This is your life. I'm wearing so much makeup for no reason.

I'm wearing a mask. I made pancakes this morning to put on my makeup cuz I'm not very good at it.

Yeah, I got chocolate chips all over my bed [ __ ] Max was doing. Okay, baby corn. Um,

yeah, talk about something that is uh not does not fly right now. Um, but anyway, I like

you can never do Ameilia Bedilia now. You couldn't do it in this environment. You can't even do anything anymore.

You can't even feed a corn a little bottle of milk called baby corn. You can't even They'll come for you. So, one thing I was thinking was like, wait, the the worst thing I think is this um unconscious assumption that somehow I and probably everyone has been kind of bullied into that. It's like there's only one place to respond to this and you have to do it right now. Otherwise, you don't you're not you and you don't stand for what you stand for. you need to weirdly like get into the diarrhea pit with these monsters and fight on on their turf. I I have the right to like wait a sec and think about where I want to respond to this in in a in an arena or a venue or or whatever in a discussion where it's just not immediately going to be um a corrupt space. I agree with everything you're saying, which is like it shouldn't have to be your business to do it. You shouldn't have to sing to their level,

etc. But I do think how you feel authentically at its core, which you could quickly post and move through, is just like this sucks.

It does suck. And and it sucks in a bunch of different ways. It sucks for all the reasons we're saying that you're being co-opted, your art's being co-opted into cruelty and to this agenda, but also like people that make good art and especially funny stuff, they um they do care about. They're using your work as a meme because they think it's funny and effective and it communicates an emotion well and memorably and like they can't do that. And so the person who made it being like

nope this sucks and just screen capping it and moving it on like this just sucks. This is so 2011 someone's Tumblr account about how they're buying a condo and doing memes where they're like that feeling when you lock in 2% mortgage rate and then it's like a picture from the office or whatever. Like it stinks. It's so bad.

It's so bad. Like I just I don't feel that Instagram is the um platform for me anymore. I did feel like at one time, but like for me to be like honestly saying um anything that is a an ongoing discussion or like a retort to something like I actually think that what I would like to do is what I'm doing which is like you know totally call me like a big like squirting douche but to like put it into my creative work which is this unfortunately this is the squirting douche our podcast I'm I would rather place like the some very succinct truths which is like I [ __ ] hate that. I think it sucks. I think those people aren't funny and that they're deeply cruel. And I would rather put that in a discussion where also it's like

I'm not reduced down to anything. In fact, like I'm in a three person about to become four when we have our wonderful guest come on. We talk about it and we also enjoy our lives and we place difficult things in like conversations.

This is actually a good like I need you guys to include our guest with today. So when we're back for the break um we're going to get input from the wonderful Mr. Shawn Hayes.

Sean Shan Hayes one of our dad. He's one of our dad. We're going to ask dad for help. Uh so we'll be right back uh with Sean. I need you guys.

Oh, this is you guys. This is so exciting. You're the best. Can we just say that

you are the best? Well, great. And that's all our time. That's all of your time. Our time is

Sean, I don't know if you remember this, but we, me, you, and Gabe were working together on Q Force in March 2020.

Um, I don't know if you remember this. Yeah. a powerful month. But I remember right before we had to go remote to make the show over some app called Zoom we' never heard of. You were setting up

this like mic setup I think in this room and you're like I'm about to start this podcast with friends and we're setting it up so we don't have to be in the same space. And I was like

what are you wasting time on this for? Brother, we're making an animated show for Netflix. You don't need to do this podcast, buddy. You're doing fine.

I know. I I know it really was u Miss Merles was just born out of the like you guys is like we've been friends for 20 25 years something like that and we're just like we can't go anywhere so let's just do this and hang out and then we're like oh well let's instead of zooming and hanging out let's do a podcast and hang out and then

two people listen and then 10 and then it's like well a ballome shampoo anybody do you remember that do you remember those commercials I told they to told two friends and they told and so on. And so it's this old commercial from the 1970s. It's a shampoo. It's shampoo. It's shampoo.

You know, you know what commercial from the8s literally made me want to eat the soap and still when I think about it, my

I know exactly the one. What do you think it was? Mr. Bubble. Nope. Irish Spring.

Irish Spring. Yeah. Oh my god. Wait, why? It just seems so good. Do you remember the commercial for Gleam toothpaste?

No. Do you remember Gleam? And she held it upside down. She's like, "Meagle." And it's like, "No, glean." Right. And then she and then she licked her lips and she's like, it was so gross. But I was like, "Oh, I'll try it."

That's an artistic commercial. I wish there was more stuff like that where they read it wrong and then

lip more playful with how reading upside down works, which actually doesn't reverse the letters,

right? And we shoot it in the back of an ambulance because everything's backwards and on the front of an ambulance. Well, one thing I was going to say is so one of the things that I think is one of the cutest things about Gabe when he was a little boy, actually, Gabe, I thought about you yesterday because uh my daughter was like, "Why don't I take the school bus?" And we we live like four blocks from our school. I was like, "I don't I can't even explain this to you right now. You're four." But um you don't need to. Um

you don't need to. Yeah. A bus is like a big car, Sean, that uh takes kids to school, but it can be for other

pictures. I need I need pictures. Um, so this, so the bus went by and what I remembered, which is one of my favorite stories from Gabe, is that when he was a little boy, he was on the school bus going down the center aisle of the school bus and he tripped super hard and like fell like all the way down and then got up and went

Super Grover. And that was what I consider to be my first joke. Super Grover. He had like Grover on Sesame Street had like a superp Yeah. Super Grover. And it what it was was I was sitting in my seat. The bus break super hard and every other child was totally fine, but for some reason I like

went flying like a rocket up the aisle, landed at the front of the bus. Everyone was looking at me like, "Is he okay?" I must have been like five and I had the wherewithal to be like super gross. And I I that was like a real triumph for me as a comedian.

Did people laugh? people laughed and I came home and I bragged about it and it was your first joke. And the reason why this is not just me having like an ADHD flare up ruining the entire podcast is that one of my first jokes was about a commercial that I saw on TV and I would go up to like adults for no reason and raise my hand and push my armpit out and go, "Raise your hand if you're I remember that. I remember that. I used to do [ __ ] like that all the time.

Yeah. And I was like, "Everyone [ __ ] loves me when I do that deodorant thing. I better like do this."

I used to do a bit in high school where I would I would have a backpack on and I would open it just enough so that when I reached to the top of the stairs, I would on purpose um trip on the top of the stairs and all my books would go flying everywhere and pe and people would think that was the funniest thing. So, I was voted senior most likely to trip at graduation. So, in the line of people, I had people like, "Do it, do it." I'm like, "I think I'm going to do it." So, I got up there and he goes and they're like, "Sean Hayes." And the dean hands me my diploma and I tripped and purpose. Everybody stood up and clapped.

Oh my god. I love it. Did you like take down the podium like when football players are practicing and they have to like run really hard into the thing?

You know what I mean? Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. They sideswipe it. Kind of spear it off the top of the thing is what you're thinking.

The podium out and the principal. Yeah, I was basically the podium. Have you guys ever seen those videos where like it's I think it's a thing more in the south where there's a day in like pee-wee football where the kids go up against their parents

and they're just for tackling. It's like kind of like a tradition. So mostly moms. Yeah, there are some dads, but it's the kids are in full pads. So they're like absolutely cushioned like uh sumo at a you know climbing gym style. They look like comically and then it's just parents. Exactly. And the parents just themselves just smoke their kids like so it's just their kid running and they run and it just they explode but like nobody gets hurt and you just can sense the like catharsis and relief. feels so good

in being like the mom of a 12-year-old boy just absolutely laying flat in the Wait, that is genius. You I thought where I thought you were going was that the kids were going to do it that the parents were all wrapped up and the kids get to tackle the parents.

You would think all the kids have it in their head that they're like, I'm going to be the one that can take my own dad down. Like I'm actually like I do football, he's an old man and then

every single one gets smoked by the parents cuz they're huge, you know? Jenny, I think I feel like we should get Sean's like

input on your conundrum this week. I don't know if you heard he heard some of it as you were coming in. Sean,

I just heard the tail end. Here was my conundrum. It was a It was a fresh I need you guys meaning I asked them for help with something which was that um

Did you have your period? I got It's due on Saturday. Did you say I got my period?

Oh, well I thought you needed help with tampon. Like what do you do? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What would you guys do? Cup. No, sorry. Sorry. Go ahead. Dave Cup. Um, yesterday the White House official Instagram, which I am not aware of. Uh, weirdly don't follow. Um, and I don't use my Instagram at all. It is like my Instagram still, but 3 years ago, I was like, I actually can't interact with this at all. It's bad for me. I know I need to have it for like when I have a standup toe or a podcast or a book coming out or I wear a dress. Someone was like, you can wear this, but you better post it if you wear it. Like that kind of thing. Whatever. Yesterday the White House posted um a meme that is like Mona Lisa Sapperstein from Parks and Recreation, a show that I was on. I played Mona Lisa and so it's me and Henry Winkler. He played my dad and it was like my character saying like money please and he's like giving her the money but underneath the image of me saying money please. A moving image it said illegal

immigrants being like money please. And then under Henry it said Democrats. And I was like,

I sort of felt like Maurice Shioalier singing for the Nazis or whatever, but I didn't do this.

Yeah. You know, right? Anyone Anyone know what that is if they don't know my family?

Actually, my 2025 most played on Apple Music. I love the movie Xi. That specific concert.

Well, you know what to do, which is nothing. You don't do anything. You just let it you just let it go. And and and and I know because you feel when you're the person that the thing that is being exploited for whatever for a missed message or whatever and you're the kind of face of it,

you can't help but internalize how personal it makes you feel, but know that everybody on the outside understands that this is unfortunately the norm and it has nothing to do with you. You were just a pawn in their messaging. And I think even Republicans, even Democrats, I think everybody goes, "Oh, it has nothing to do with Jenny or or um

Oh, for sure. Henry, right?" You know, um but Henry, but I know it's weird. It's

No, I'm just kidding. The nicest man in the world. Oh, God. I love him. Genuinely, I love him.

But what about what do you feel about the pressure? Like for me, I was like, "Oh, I shouldn't

I shouldn't respond to this first of all because uh the trap will work." like they have like a million traps to just like suck in anyone for attention so that we're not thinking about voting rights or whatever. But yeah, measles,

right? Yeah. Can you believe measles, you guys? Measles. Jesus Christ. The marvelous Mrs. Measles.

Marvelous. Cheryl Hines calls herself. [ __ ] Damn. Yeah, that's what Cheryl Cheryl Hines is called now. Um but

you know I isn't it kind of amazing there are people in the world and this country that have a the time to write nasty things and b the inclination to write nasty things I mean don't you have ar isn't your day busy like don't you have to work or like and then what does it do for you to just write these bad things so like yeah got them and then they go on I don't know it's just I've I've never written anything bad on instant like anything about anybody because I mean just give it take a sip from the fountain. You're going to want to

Yeah. Thirsty for a cup full. Yeah. Exactly. Anyway, it's like popcorn. You're not one. Um I always imagine they are busy but jobs that are I feel like there's a lot of jobs where you got a lot of downtime. And I feel like

damn sure your boss is mean to you, a customer sucks. go on there, get a little endorphin hit by writing something mean anonymously. Like it's just it's

I think Sean's advice is the right to just let it this is it and let it metabolize through.

And outside of social media, there's also like the weird like dorky second wave of like you would get like parks and wreck star Jenny Slate tells White House you suck or whatever. It's just such a dorky next thing. It's like grow up. They call me a star. I was a I was a

I did I How many more were there? Cuz I only checked you out. Yeah, Jenny. I know the desire to the the desire is so strong to when somebody does you wrong or somebody lies about you or whatever. There was this there was this incident in my life where this one thing happened and it got blown out of proportion and this one person completely totally just lied about me.

No. And um Yeah. And it was it kind of grew and grew and and all you want to do is show the receipts of like I have this email and I have this correspondence and I have this that would destroy this person's life in the sense that they would just be have egg on their face. They're like, "Everything you just said is completely not right." But on the advice on the great advice of my lawyer and my publicist and friends and family, they're like, "Don't do anything." I'm like, "Yeah, but what they did was wrong. That's not right. What? That's not right to just go ahead and lie." And uh they're like, "No, no, no." And I did that. And it still kind of bothers me, but it was the right thing to do.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I I really had like raw chicken on my hands while I while I got the text. Like I opened like my knuckle. I was like, "My daughter loves a drumstick." I had marinated it all day.

I'd never I would have never guessed. Oh my god. She loves a drumstick. Freaking King Arthur. She She just

Yes. I made her like these gorgeous marinated drumsticks. Did you eat them as well?

I did. And I felt great about them. So did my husband. But I had made a a bisque that while we were recording our our podcast actually yesterday. I guess it maybe it sat on the stove at room temp a little too long and then I reheated it

and I mostly had that for dinner. And like when I say how do I put this? I had diarrhea all night.

Sure. So speaking in code, so to speak. Stop speaking in code. So to speak, you know, like translate that how you will. Um, my husband was also ill to the point where this morning I was like, "Hey." And he was like, "Jenny, last night I googled apparently he googled, what is heart attack?"

No, because he had such bad like heartburn and gas from from the brisket. No, it was a bisque. It was a bisque.

It was a bis. It was a bisk. I I like let it get cold, then I reheated. I think I think that was it cuz she cuz her daughter didn't have it and she's in great health today. So anyway,

you should combine them and call it a biscuit. A biscuit. Biscuit. Okay. I love this brisket.

Do that. It gives you both diarrhea and heartburn. It's a biscuit, but it's nothing like either the British or the American biscuit.

The brisket bisque is one of our favorite um dishes. There just hasn't been a name for it yet. And if you're hosting a brisk, you could you could you could have a catering service called brisket

where it is you you do a brisk and you have the brisket and but you spell it br i s k new word it t brisk it.

Yeah. Yeah. And then we get and then you chop off the top of the baby's penis. I need you guys.

Sean, before we get to our like um the audience question we get each week, we haven't started yet, have we?

No. No. We're not recording any of this. This is right. Okay. This is a ketchup, so it feels natural.

Yes. Start now. I wanted to ask you because you're uniquely positioned to give advice on this and we need it. Do you have any tips on how to let a strong and long friendship flourish while putting it on the air and professionally entangling yourself even more even though it is just about the friendship? Like you guys are doing fantastic.

In the same vein that I had to interpret diarrhea, I'm going to interpret your question as how do we stay friends through all of this? Is that what it is?

Yeah. Uh first of all, you don't have to talk so close to the mic, Max. Second of all, uh I'm kidding. I'm totally kidding. At the At first, you're like, no. Uh that's a good question. Well, the the the thing is we all live in the same city and we all hang out even when we're not doing the podcast. But we've also we really are like brothers and just like you guys are brothers and sister. Of course, we've gotten in arguments and of course we've gotten it just makes you closer and it makes you stronger and it makes your your bond tighter, you know.

So, I wouldn't be afraid to, and I'm sure you guys aren't because you know forever, to have heated discussions about topics you feel passionate about and you know, and you get through it and on the other side is just a closer relationship. And um not that we have really. I I can think of like one or two times that we've all kind of gotten into it and that was like decades ago.

Who won? Definitely not me. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. Um, no, but it was all it was all sibling stuff, you know, and then you realize, oh god, that was so dumb.

Yeah. Our dynamic is a little more sexual tension, but not in any of the directions you'd think.

You know, Gabe and I have been staring at each other since Y2K. Yeah. Who's going to make the first move? You know, days like this when I show up in both a turtleneck and a fulllength corduroy jumpsuit, you know, both of these guys are going crazy.

But you guys are having a good time and you guys are going to do this forever, right? And it's like it's

I mean truly like when we got to record in person, whatever, last week maybe. I was like, "Oh, the more we do it, the more energized I get." Like I could talk I mean I could talk all day anyway. I kind of do walking around mumbling.

I know. Me too. I told my therapist, you know, that um she gets a break uh because I just lay it all out on Scotty.

Yeah. Like I I I don't stop talking during the day. I'm like, "What do you think?" Wow. Do you look at those mountains in Burbank? Do you think that like they ever had a snow cap on top of like just endless dumb [ __ ]

Jenny doesn't have dreams because everything gets processed uh while she's awake.

There's there's nothing left. That's funny. That's what my therapist told me. is the reason why my dreams are so boring. Like the other night I had a dream that I was taking the SATs and I was waiting for my result. The reason why it's so boring or I'm waiting for a sandwich or I'm you know just stuff like that. Um is that I

So you dreaming in black space. I just process so much during the day that when it's time for me to go to bed it's like my psyche can't even think of anything. So it's just like gh SAT.

Jenny used to fall asleep in cars pointing at herself. It was such a weird like

what does that mean? weird rigor mortise, but also just such like a weird like that's like a baby. I'm I'm unplugging but I'm still here. But yeah, it just was fully driving.

We were in a van on the way to do an improv show somewhere many times. But this that was probably when I started screaming about it. Oh my god.

Yeah. Yeah. So good. If I recline even 5°, I'm out. I No one sleeps really No one falls asleep faster than me. It's crazy. I What about you, Max?

Um, I have to be put down like a wild horse. Yeah, you got to get trained, right?

Okay. Yeah, I I'm I'm ambient and and you know, all sorts. Yeah. Yeah. For 15 years.

It's great. Wow. And and and and you think you still need it? Ambient. you know, whenever I like once a month try to take a night off and can but have like the worst night like wake up like I just, you know, crossed the Delaware by boat. Um

I have messed up. I have um ADHD um so or something self diagnosed. Yeah, same. And so if the second I watch a movie or TV show, I'm out in like two minutes

uh because I have to focus on something. But then if I take that nap, I'm up. I can watch the whole thing, but it's just like the initial or reading a book. I'm like one one paragraph, I'm out. We should take our voicemail, right?

We have an audience question. And Sean, we would love people ask us for, you know, advice cuz we're we have everything together

figured out in life. Um, and we're saving. I'm just going to call and leave one. Leave a message.

You should. Please do. I should. Yeah. Where should you point when you're sleeping now? You already know.

Yeah, that's a good one. My grandmother and Anac Connie called the Boston Globe one time and told them they should do more um more stories about that actress Jenny Slate. She really did. And then the reporter told them,

did you say my anaconda? My nana Connie, my grandmother. Oh, nana. And they were like, "Is this because they could see the call color caller ID?"

I love that. That's funny. And it says Jenny's Nana is what her caller ID said.

Um Okay. Okay. Let's listen to this uh uh question from a listener. Hi, I just saw your post on Instagram and here's my question. Um is there any amount of nose picking that is acceptable in some kind of etiquette idea? Idea of etiquette. I live in Colorado and almost everyone here picks their nose because it is so dry and you always have stuff going on. And then it's also an anxiety thing and everybody's anxious

and I would rather someone pick their nose than like do other bad things that come from anxiety.

But when I see people really going at it or like cranking up their elbow, it really bugs me and I cannot I cannot tolerate it. And there's all kinds of things around that like what do you do with what you get out of it, you know, out of your thing.

Oh yeah. What you do with what you get out of it. It's a beautiful Put that on a mug.

Um what you do with what you get out of it feels like an inspirational saying or like a pillow and

um wait, what? So this these are the highbrow questions we got here. Yeah. Well, I mean it's a pretty easy one. You probably should

herself calling in. Yeah. Um, I don't know that it's easy. I don't think it's easy.

Okay. Wait. Um, what's your answer? So, I realized as I was listening to this question, there is something weirdly I think worse about working from the outside in than working on the inside. Does that make sense?

Like a little pinch in the middle. A little pinch in the middle kind of feels like

like you're managing. But no, that's better hook. When you have the hook, can't have that.

If you're working on something in the like the lobe, I don't even know what you call the larger. I'm like, well, that's gross. That's gross.

Like if you're on like the side of the nostril picking something. Weirdly, in my head, I'm like, I wouldn't do that in public. I wouldn't want someone to see me in my car doing that.

But it is an incredible feeling once you clear that out and you can breathe. Do you ever watch videos where they pull out massive amounts of mucus from noses?

My mouth waters. Yeah, it does. My mouth waters. I'm like, "Oh god, that feel that looks like it feels so good." The satisfaction of clearing out your nose.

I I I mean, I've definitely seen people like going crazy on their noses in their own cars,

and I understand that, you know, like there people doing, you know, they're like popping pimples and stuff cuz they they they feel that they're alone. That's fine. It's your car, you know. Don't do it when someone else is in it. But when you're free, when you're out in the world, I really

Well, you know, this is interesting. I think because I think it's the car thing because people feel more confident because if if somebody sees you do it, you're like, "Fuck, I don't care. I'm going to drive away and never see this person again." But if you do it, you know, in public or like in a in a house with other people watching, you're probably more discreet about it because you're stuck with that person in a room.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Of course. I don't know. What do you think about that? I have a gym membership just to pop in and absolutely rip ones in the locker room, you know, like I pay for it and so I have a couple around the city and I'll just just park,

get the validation, go into the locker room, absolutely get screwed up up there and then and then just go.

I was such a nose picker when I was little. It like that was something I really had to like learn to like knack it off.

Did you flick flick it or wipe it? I flicked it. Flicker. I've had a flicker. And I remember having to be like, "Okay, this is unacceptable to other people." I still think it's normal and fine.

I think I knew not to let people see me doing it, but I do think it's really satisfying and that it's okay. It's it's your own body. You find a private space to do it. Like if you have like a dry booger and getting it out, that feels great.

I think the answer is you should really try to Well, this is what I would say. Try not to do it in public.

Yeah. You know, just try. Just try. The etiquette is don't do it in public. Everybody do it in public. And definitely

Yeah. I'm sorry about Colorado's anxiety epidemic. I know it's tough to pick which brew house and pizza place to go to or whatever because there's four on every block, but you'll figure it out.

I need you guys. I I saw the clip the promo clip for um I need you guys and Jenny you brought up such a funny thing about getting your own phone or something. You're like remember when you when you got your own phone it was such a big deal and and Gabe you said and then your family would listen in or something.

Jenny's dad listened in. Yes. All the time, right? My mom would do that too. I remember that as a kid like the landlines. And one time I went down to the basement and I called some gay chat

group line, you know, remember those from the 1980s? Singles are waiting to party on the landline. And you're like, "Oh, I'll try it." And I thought it was being real discreet. And then my mom got the it was like $3 a minute or something.

And then my mom got the phone bill and she and she called it before confronting me and she was like, "What is this?" And I was like, "I don't know. I I mean

we got I was like I'm trying to call I'm trying to call my friend Randy and I must dial dialed the wrong number and she's like you dialed it

five times for an hour, you know, but you could never get away with anything on a landline ever.

No. No. Well, before caller ID, you could definitely prank call. You could do that 67 or whatever. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. You could block your number right? You block your number so you could get away with anything.

Can you do that on cell phones now? I don't know. I think so. I mean, there was a time when

I ask you for a friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My friend Randy wants to know. Randy needs to know if he can block.

Yeah. Cuz he likes to party on the phone. Phone rings with an unblock with a block number.

The number we knew about that we would call it like if we were like there was a pay phone somewhere and you could only listen to like 90 seconds before it made you paid. Um 1 800 red tits. What? I don't know who like knew that, but it's like also why is that red?

Why not red nips? Why are all the full titties all red? That's they're all red.

The whole thing are red. They're bright red. They're the same. So, there's no change in tone. It's just an absolute fire engine red is red.

Oh, the I once got a $750 AOL bill because I thought I had and my parents were like, "Why do we have a $750 charge?" And it was because I would we had a second line that I quietly co-opted for AOL

and but I didn't know that the 40 free hours had run out or whatever cuz we would get those discs in the mail.

Yeah. And um truly it was because I would leave my computer on overnight to download like a GIF of like Tiffany Amber, you know, like sitting on the hood of a Porsche, but it took 15 hours for like a half a megabyte file and cost my parents $800. Sorry, mom. By the way, before we go, if you're looking for affordable plans for anything, Smartless Mobile is $10 a month for 10 gigabytes. Thank you guys. What a pleasure to be on your show.

Sean, thank you for coming on our show. It was so good to see you. I miss you. You too. I love you guys. I miss you, too.

Oh, come on. You guys are genius. I love this so much. We do, too. We're going to be doing it.

Okay. Bye. Bye. What an angel. That was so cool. I love Sean Hayes. He is one of one of the greats.

I think that's this the living room he or the room he was setting up in at the beginning of the pandemic. Like great bookshelf, great setup.

Beautiful bookshelf. We he also had a sort of a kitchen island um moment too for table reads where you could see like a living room behind him.

You're right. I don't know. I would suspect that you guys feel this, but like there are and there are moments in like I don't feel that it's normal to be able to um talk to Shawn Hayes, you know, like like to be like, "Oh, yeah." Like look into my future and be like, "Yeah, I get to talk to one of the funniest people on TV."

Yes. And he knows my name and in fact has like helped me have a podcast. That just was like kind of blowing my mind and I didn't want to say it to him cuz I felt like I would start crying. So, I'll just tag it on the end here, but it's just like,

you know, remember that like episode of Will and Grace where it was like the real share.

Of course. Oh my god. Like I I just remember being like he he's like a gold medalist of comedy.

Jenny, that is crazy. Okay. I So Daniel and I, my husband and I, we've rewatched the old Will and Grace many times over our 10ear mar. So like, and he always makes fun of me because while we're watching it, I will mumble under my breath, Olympic level.

Oh my god. Olympic level. Whenever Shawn lands a joke, it's just like it's crazy.

The writing is hard to say. That character is like hard to play and then he was doing like back flips and all this stuff.

Absolutely crazy. Like sometimes like the first time I went to like a table read for a show and was like oh you like I didn't really know what it was like get what so if you don't know like if you're on TV there used to be a time they don't really do it a lot now but it used to be especially on like a sitcom u but also animated stuff before they would film or record you would all sit around like a table and everybody would like perform the script and like for the executives and you would like really want people to laugh and like see if it works and it was kind of a lot of pressure um and it was really important and anyway way. The first time I did one, the the thing I thought on and it was a successful table read on my way out. I was like, "Oh my god,

the people that got to see Shawn Hayes and Megan Mali do table reads must have like been crying like they must have like known that they were like a part of something." One story I meant to tell earlier just to wrap it up to let you know how

where I am as we head off into our days is that you were talk you mentioned we were sadly talking about ICE. You mentioned Dean Kane Jenny. Yeah.

And a month ago I was looking at my phone and I said to my wife, "Oh wow, Trader Vixs is reopening in West Hollywood." And she's like, "What? Trader Vicks?" And I like love like tiki cocktails and love kind of like LA divy spots. And so I started explaining to her I was like well it was kind of this like now there's a lot of them but it was sort of this hot spot in like I think the ' 50s60s and it was like you know Dean Martin and his crew would be there and it was sort of like you know Dean Martin's hang but I accidentally said Dean Kaine. So she she was like I'm excited about Trader Vix. She's like what's Trader Vick? was like it's the sort of like tiki lounge like where Dean Kane used to hang out and it was kind of like Dean Kane's room

but I'm and she but she and to her credit was just like oh cool yeah as I would be like pretty excited about a restaurant where Dean Kane used to hang out reopening famously his crew of lounge lizards

the coolest. Yeah the coolest. And coming up next, Dean Kane will be batching up some tiki drinks

riding in here on a big old lounge lizard. He's sitting on one of the big Stegosaurus spikes.

This was fabulous, you guys. I love you. It really was. Gosh, I I love you guys so much. And um is there anything cool you're going to do before you see us all next?

I'm going to send the White House some memes. Oh, we're taking our baby to a pumpkin to like a big light show at Danto Gardens tonight. Pumpkins, Halloween. Yes. You might dress him up in his costume.

Yes, you should. Great. That's so nice. I'll send pics. Wow. Bye, guys. Bye. I need you girls.

This show is called I Need You Guys, and it starred us, Gabe Leman, Jenny Slate, and Max Sylvestri. It's a production of Smartless Media. I need you guys is produced by Anne Harris, Josh Richmond, and Devon Tory Bryant, and edited by Josh. Music is by Devon. Executive producers are the coolest people in the world, Gabe, Jenny, and Max.

Executive producers for Smartless Media are Will Arnett, Jason Baitman, Shawn Hayes, Richard Forson, and Bernie Kaminsky.

Email us at I need you guys show@gmail.com with all your most perplexing etiquette questions. or even better, call us at 949-4411231 and leave your questions as a voicemail so we can play your adorable voices on the show.

We'll see you next week cuz we need you guys. We need you guys. We need you guys. Start blast.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "INTRODUCING: I Need You Guys with Gabe Liedman, Jenny Slate and Max Silvestri (w/ Sean Hayes)"?

In order: 0:00 Philly accent, Adolf Stern, Andrew Lloyd Weber, Blair Witch; 5:00 White House, Ameilia Bedilia, Dan Raisen Kaine, The Office; 10:00 I Need You Guys, ballome shampoo, Gleam toothpaste, Irish Spring; 15:00 White House, Apple Music, I Need You Guys; 20:00 Jenny Slate, Marvelous Mrs. Measles, White House; 25:00 I Need You Guys; 30:00 Jenny Slate; 35:00 I Need You Guys, Smartless Mobile; 40:00 Mr. Shawn Hayes, I Need You Guys, Dan Raisen Kaine, Danto Gardens.

What is mentioned in this SmartLess episode?

46 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including I Need You Guys, White House, Mr. Shawn Hayes, Jenny Slate, Philly accent, Dan Raisen Kaine. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "INTRODUCING: I Need You Guys with Gabe Liedman, Jenny Slate and Max Silvestri (w/ Sean Hayes)"?

The episode runs 45 min; the transcript is about 8,808 words in 215 timestamped sections.

More from SmartLess

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated November 18, 2025.