Transcript

TACS #127 (feat. Roger Lederer, Patton Oswalt, David Alan Grier and Nicky Hayden)

From The Adam Carolla Show · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 2 h 33 min · 28,109 words · 740 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "TACS #127 (feat. Roger Lederer, Patton Oswalt, David Alan Grier and Nicky Hayden)", an episode of The Adam Carolla Show published November 22, 2025 (2 h 33 min, about 28,109 words). It mentions 27 people, works and ideas, including Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show, David Allen Greer, Perez Hilton.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 15:00: Adam Corolla, David Allen Greer, Pat Oswalt, Perez Hilton
  2. – 30:00: Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show, Baja Fresh
  3. – 45:00: Joan Cusack, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show
  4. – 1:00:00: Jack Silver, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show
  5. – 1:15:00: Christy Brinkley, Jack Silver
  6. – 1:30:00: Jack Silver, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show
  7. – 1:45:00: Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show, David Allen Greer
  8. – 2:00:00: David Allen Greer, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show
  9. – 2:15:00: Nikki Hayden, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show
  10. – 2:30:00: Star Jones, Perez Hilton, Adam Corolla, Christy Brinkley
  11. – 2:33:14: Perez Hilton, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show

Notable quotes from "TACS #127 (feat. Roger Lederer, Patton Oswalt, David Alan Grier and Nicky Hayden)"

  • David Allen Greer. Dag, my main man.
    about David Allen Greer · at
  • As a celebrity made a video of you masturbating, I bet you could fetch a pretty penny for that. Adam Corolla's masturbation time.
    about Adam Corolla · at
  • All right, we need to take ourselves a break. I want to thank Baja Fresh for dropping off some beautiful food.
    about Baja Fresh · at
  • The idea that she laughed at the end just like Peter Griffin. I can give you 10 good reasons to listen to the Adam Corolla Show, but I just ran out of time.
    about Adam Corolla Show · at
  • What you think. John Cusack's in the news and a completely creepy new development in the Christy Brinkley divorce case.
    about Christy Brinkley · at
  • What's coming up this morning on the Adam Corolla Show with program director Jack Silver. What up peeps? We got a [ __ ] lock ready to rock show for you. We got Dag. Mr. Bright…
    about Jack Silver · at
  • A break. David Allen Greer on the way to be here. Also, professional motorcycle racer Nikki Hayden is here.
    about Nikki Hayden · at
  • Dag you riding. You're going to Are you going to Laguna Seca this weekend?
    about Laguna Seca · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Adam Corolla — Person · 24 mentions · first at
  • David Allen Greer — Person · 20 mentions · first at
  • Perez Hilton — Person · 12 mentions · first at
    Perez Hilton, the queen of the gossip scene will be in as well. Also, Pat Oswalt, as Dave said, loaded for bear the jerk report. So is this show. We have a bird expert calling in a.
  • Jack Silver — Person · 11 mentions · first at
  • Nikki Hayden — Person · 11 mentions · first at
  • Star Jones — Person · 8 mentions · first at
    Seth McFarland is in studio and we were talking about him reading a passage from the Star Jones book. Why don't we start as Stewie?
  • Christy Brinkley — Person · 8 mentions · first at
  • Pat Oswalt — Person · 3 mentions · first at
    Perez Hilton, the queen of the gossip scene will be in as well. Also, Pat Oswalt, as Dave said, loaded for bear the jerk report. So is this show. We have a bird expert calling in a couple of few. The reason the bird I.
  • Joan Cusack — Person · 3 mentions · first at
    Scandal last night on Rockstar Supernova. I'll play it for you and see what you think. John Cusack's in the news and a completely creepy new development in the Christy Brinkley divorce case.
  • Dave Damashek — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    It's time for Dave Damashek's number one sports.
  • Maya Angelou — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    People get into it. So, we're talking Maya Angelou, one of my favorites. I also I know I try to get you to do this every time you come on, but I What's going on?
  • Peter Cook — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Okay, let me make with the sexy. Christy Brinkley divorce scandal getting oh so much worse. Her aranged husband, Peter Cook, first the one 19-year-old came out and said that…
  • Samantha Cole — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Assistant and they were cheating. Now it happens that another young woman, Samantha Cole, she's actually a minor pop star. She said that she and Peter Cook had been together…
  • Al Michaels — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Babe Ruth — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Bick — Person · 1 mention
  • Oric — Person · 1 mention
  • Seth MacFarlane — Person · 1 mention

Companies & orgs

  • Adam Corolla Show — Company · 21 mentions · first at
  • Baja Fresh — Company · 2 mentions · first at
  • Red Bull — Company · 1 mention · first at
    He won last year. We wish him luck this year riding for the Red Bull team. Red Bull got all over motorsports in like the last few years in a crazy big way.
  • FEMA — Company · 1 mention

Concepts & topics

  • Adam Corolla Show — Concept · 21 mentions · first at
    The idea that she laughed at the end just like Peter Griffin. I can give you 10 good reasons to listen to the Adam Corolla Show, but I just ran out of time.

Places & events

  • Laguna Seca — Place · 3 mentions · first at
  • Lebanon — Place · 2 mentions · first at
    There are 25,000 approximately Americans in Lebanon. About 8,000 of those would like to leave. Now, today they're supposed to be evacuated from Lebanon on a cruise ship. They'll be taken to Cypress. Yesterday, the big talk was.
  • Cypress — Place · 2 mentions · first at
    Supposed to be evacuated from Lebanon on a cruise ship. They'll be taken to Cypress. Yesterday, the big talk was that the State Department was going to charge Americans for the cost of being evacuated between $150 and $200. Good.
  • Oklahoma City — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Now, Howard Schultz, Starbucks tycoon, has sold the team to an Oklahoma City investment group.

Full transcript with timestamps

Good morning and welcome to another exciting broadcast day. Yeah. Woo. Get it on. Got to get IT ON. NO CHOICE but to get it on. 86691 Adam. That's the phone number. I'd be willing to talk to you today. So, let's call in. Yes.

What we could get on is a uh is a best of a bar. Tie one on. Best of Get that on. Get on a good drunk.

Woo. Get it on. Yeah. Woo. Get it on. Yeah. What's going on today? Let's see. Dave has his jerk list.

Formerly jerk report. That jerk thingy. That jerk thingy is coming up. I look forward to that.

As do I. I think all of America does. Loaded for bear. Are you ready to go? That's right.

Okay. Now, do you have you have five and then the creep of the week? That's right.

Okay. So, is that six all together or is the number one creep of the week? I you know, I don't I don't decide how many people are on it.

The people decide how many people are on it. Oh, I see. They choose to be jerks or not. People ask me, "Do you feel bad that so and so's on the list?" I didn't make that decision. They did when they acted like a jerk.

David Allen Greer. Dag, my main man. He's coming in today. You want to talk about uh just Mr. Automatic on the radio? David Allen Greer. We're all just going to slide our chairs back, push our mics away, and let him weave his magic.

Oh my god. Wait. Never gets old. Nope. He's done that bit. I not not only on the air, I forced him to do it off the air for me and there's nothing better. Perez Hilton, the queen of the gossip scene will be in as well. Also, Pat Oswalt, as Dave said, loaded for bear the jerk report. So is this show. We have a bird expert calling in in a couple of few. The reason the bird I feel like I need to say uh say it a few times, but part of the reason I got into this was to sort of get a few Yes. For the money. For the number one, for the money. Number two, why won't anyone ever admit that?

I of course I made I made a decision. I'll I'll get to the bird expert thing in in a in a in a minute, but I made a decision when I was like 22. I thought, well, there's two things you're good at. Actually, three, but you know, masturbation, at least at this point, you're just not going to make, you know, you you can make a meager living, but you're you're really not going to be living high in the hog, swatting your own hog all day. But I I said, and everyone should do this, you have to be realistic. I I said, there's two things you're good at, Ace Man, as I posed oiled up in front of the mirror and pointed at the mirror, I said, look, you're good with your hands. you're you're good carpenter and you and you have a good sense of humor. I didn't know what that uh was going to be used for, but I assessed myself very honestly. You're not going to be good at computer data entry. You certainly can't

spell. You You're never going to be a stenographer or an interpreter. There's just many things you're not going to be, you know, no more. You're not going to be professional baseball player, basketball player. You have a good sense of humor and and you're good with your hands. You can uh put two pieces of wood together. one you're currently doing and it pays $11 an hour. The other, well, potentially there could be some serious bucks here. So, I said at age 22, I'm going to pursue the one that has the serious bucks. Now, didn't matter to me which one it was. It was just one paid $9 to $14 an hour and the other the pay scale is infinite. I just went with the money. Just just as simple as if you said, "Well, you you're good at welding and you're good at at being an attorney." and you just followed the one where there was some money.

Can I say this, by the way? Yes. That it's all come full circle if you wanted to. Is that the third thing you're good at, masturbation, if you now as a celebrity made a video of you masturbating, I bet you could fetch fetch uh a pretty penny for that. Adam Corolla's masturbation time.

I was going to ask, is there a sex tape anywhere that might come up? No, but uh you know if you're a neighbor and you peek out your window between uh 6:00 p.m. and 11 p.m. on any given week night and you can see past my foil.

So uh I just want just went that direction. Now I'm a little sleepd deprived today. Oh

what you were saying was the reason you got into this line of work. Yeah. Then once I got in I thought well why not get paid to sort of satisfy curiosities. I have a bird expert calling in in uh the next break because I've I've always thought to myself I' I've always studied birds and I thought, man, are they mean. Birds are mean sons of [ __ ] No friendly birds and no jovial birds. There's just mean birds. People have cockatils. They've had them for 10 years. They reach into the cage. The thing gives them the beak right on the knuckle. And they always, you know, it's always that thing, too. When you reach for a bird, its first move is to reach at you with its beak and try to crush your watch.

And that that's what birds do. They're just mean and pardon me, they fly. And I thought to myself, and they're smart.

I remember once my Thank you. once uh well, there's a handful that don't. Penguins perhaps. Uh once once my old cat Norman knocked over like a sparrow's nest or something and they would dive bomb my poor cat Norman for the rest of its miserable existence. Every time it went out on the porch, the blue jays or the sparrows, whichever one it was, they just divebomb the stupid cat and torture it. So I realized they're sort of vindictive. They fly and they're angry and they have the talons and they have the beaks. And I thought crows. I grew up in the valley, San Franando Valley out here. It's loaded with crows and they're all mean and they make a ton of noise. And I thought, well, if you could train a dog for protection, you attack dog, look after your family, protect the yard, why not have an attack crow?

Are they smart? Crows evidently are very smart. Some suggest some studies, and I I've not looked at the data, but we did Lindsay did show me some of the stuff she pulled off the internet. Most crows are smarter than big Tad. as average. Average average. Now, they're big Tad crows. Obviously, not smarter than Big Tad,

but the average crow is smarter than Big T. Lose weight, get out of mom's house.

He's been eating them one at a time, but I don't think he can keep up. I don't think he can even he could eat them all.

They're they're angry. They're black and they come from above. It is It is hell raining down on you.

You called for your birds and they swooped in to do your bidding. That'd be cool.

Now, they would work for food. Any animal just works for food. They don't have anything better to do. They like effing with people anyway. And they would just sit there perched up on your roof. When you got in your car, they would follow you. How? As the crow flies. They could get, by the way, they could get from your house to LAX 20 minutes before you did. They fly 40 m an hour. And again, they're just beline. No traffic, no zigzagging, no serpentine. Pow. Right. Wherever you're going. Then once you get out of your car and you're walking around just buzzing around above you, that's all.

And you'd send them after your enemies. I would have them more in a sort of holding pattern above me. Sure, I'd let them do my bidding.

Would you call every I'm concerned though because what about the dove? The bird of peace. Is that an evil bird?

I I I I think that all birds are mean. The dove may be the nicest, but that's just a push. Nobody birds are nobody's friends and yet they get a pretty decent ramp. Some people they they look at them as being noble. They look at them as being symbols for this and that. They're put on lots of flags. The reality is is they're they're evil creatures.

They're jerks. Yeah. So, here's the deal. You're walking down the street, you're walking your dog, some guy comes out, pulls a shiv on you. You just stand there. Five, four, three, boom on the guy's head. And when a crow comes at your head, there's no you have no choice but to flail your hands, drop whatever's in your hands. It's not like a crow is attacking your head and you're still standing there rock solid holding a gun. I'm sorry. I'm going to ignore this crow. No way. You run screaming and flailing looking for a body of water. I'd like for you I'd like for you and as a matter of fact, when the mugger comes up and points the gun at you and says, "Give me your money."

You say to him before the crows arrive, "Look, Buster, do yourself a favor. Walk away,

right? You don't even want to know what's going to happen. Yeah. Just turn and walk.

Hell from the skies will come raining upon you. You get three or four crows to hang out at the house. They follow your, you know, maybe maybe the old ladies going out and pushing the stroller. Couple couple crows dispatch. Also, police hostage situations." Now, here's the thing. You see it on the news every other day. some weirdo. He's beaked up on meth. He's out there in the middle of the street. He's just standing there. He's in a standoff situation. Maybe he has a hostage or maybe he's just a weirdo with the pellet gun who's holding the cops at bay. Oh, they let the dog They don't let the dogs go all the time because they're worried about the dogs.

They won't get the dog shot and all that stuff. So, what they do? They try to shoot the guy with the bean bag or the hill that they try to shoot the dog with shoot the See, look. Now you got me all scattered. They try to shoot the guy WITH SOME SORT OF

non-lethal whatever. Let the crows go. The guy's running. He's dropping the knife. He's letting the hostage free and he's running. And give me a worst case scenario. So, a crow or two gets shot by the madman in the hostage situation.

People have millions of crows. No one cares cuz you don't have a pet crow. You don't They're not furry and cute. And that Hitchcock thing made you hate birds.

Yeah. They're big. They're scary. They're black. They make a ton of great noise. They poop on your car.

They poop on your car. That would be the perfect And that whole process like you know when the dog is coming after you, the dog's coming after you. Jump on the other side of the fence and slam the gate, you hop into the car, you slam the door. This raining from above.

Yeah. This coming down from above business. So you have certain uh you know, instead of the K9, you got the big C9 or something on there. Whatever it is, the patrol car pulls up, opens the back door, crows. wave of crows.

I I'll tell you, why wouldn't it? The sky is blackened with your minions. Awesome.

You don't know which crows are the police crows and which ones are just the wild indigenous crows. You think twice before whatever nefarious activity you're up to just in the neighborhood.

So, it's a deterrent. Oh, yes. Shauna. Hello, Shauna. How say you? How are you?

Good. What's up? I'm putting cones in the back of my truck right now. You say cones?

Yeah. You know those big orange construction cones? Yeah. I I was thinking about the orange construction cone last night

when we uh closed the Pasadena Freeway about 1:00 a.m. to film some movie I was working on. And I thought it's a great device. They're indestructible. They're bright orange. They work perfectly except for the part where once you run over them with your car, they're never released from the bottom of your car. I have ones I've driven over in high school still in the bottom of my car. Dragged them dragged them over here. There's the the shape, the material, the flexibility, whatever it is, the exact size when you when you go over and the cone tips over the exact clearance of your car made up with the little fringe edge on the thing made up with the thing getting melted to the oil pan. I've seen people drive for thousands of miles with the cone underneath the car. It's humiliating. It'd be nice if it not only marked traffic, but once you ran over it, it just popped out the other side.

But no, it just gets dragged all over the place. Well, not only that, but they get you very, very messy cuz I have to take the rubber things off the bottom of them.

Mhm. And they get you quite dirty. Sh. Absolutely. Janna, remember I remember I was giving my inspirational story about eight minutes ago how the ace man took a long look in the mirror and decided there are two things he was good at.

Yeah. One would was carpentry, the other was comedy for you. One is stacking cones.

What would be the other my work? But what would be the other one? What would be your comedy? Um, probably talking on the phone at work when I'm not supposed to be cuz there's homeowners out.

Oh, tell you. Lady could make a pretty penny. We're singing in the shower. Yeah.

I'm asking what what would your other calling be? Not what do you get in trouble for, but what could you make a living at besides stacking cones?

My mom always said I could be a used car salesman. All right, that's a direction. That's not a complimenting. Yeah.

Yeah. You're good. You're good at that. You'd be a good used car salesman flattering.

Saying, "Honey, you're kind of sleazy." And yeah, thanks, Mom. Right. What are you're a security worker?

Yes. Okay. And uh how long are you going to do that for? I have no clue. Have we?

Two more hours today. Well, you really got it mapped out, don't you, sweetie? Yeah.

Master plan. Yeah. She's on the 500year plan. Yeah. Are you a big gal? Um, a little bit. A

little bit. What is up with you and just pointing that out? Well, when I You can hear it actually.

First off, talking to any woman who's up before 6:30 in the morning, I immediately put on 25 lbs. Hot chicks get up around noon.

Except unless they do news on this program. I say that right now. Am I Dave? Please. Am I right? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So, uh, how much you how much you coming in at?

What do you mean? Should we put should we put cones around your ass so nobody runs into it?

No. No. Although my boyfriend does say I you have a big butt, but it proportions. Well,

he's a class act, right? You're you're surrounded by some very supportive uh loved ones. You should be a used car salesman, you shyer. If you can get your BIG ASS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR OF THE CAR DEALERSHIP.

YEAH. Don't sell any compact cars. There's no way you're going on a test drive with that huge ass.

Yeah. Well, what can I say? Cones, you put some flares around that ass. All right, baby doll. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Did you call to say anything?

Um, thank you for keeping me awake during my graveyard shift. Well, you're quite welcome. What are you What are you securing? What are you guarding?

Um, the springs in Rancho Mirage. The Springs. Mhm. Oh, okay. It's a gated community. Oh, I see.

Very high class. I see. It's It's like you're out toward Palm Springs there, and it's one of those high-end condo places, right?

Well, yeah, it's homes, but basically. Okay. People use golf carts to get around there.

Oh, yes. Very much so. Palm Springs, the fire department uses a golf cart. There's no You cannot get around Palm Springs. You get in a golf cart. The president goes motorcade goes through. It's all golf carts.

Not for long. Not when they hear the crow. Not when my t crows are on leave. That's how they get around.

All right, we need to uh take ourselves a break. I want to thank Baja Fresh for dropping off some beautiful food.

The best salsa in the business. The Ba the Baja salsa. The brown. Yes. I have to say when they make something enchilada style, always order enchilada style.

Yes. Jeez. Baked. And the chips get soggy. I Okay. Is there anything better than this? when you when you order it enchilada style. It's called of uh I can't think of the name of it. There's there's a name of for it, but anyway. Yeah, you order burrito instead of just getting the burrito. Enchilada style. I know we call it enchilada style, but there is a name for the burrito that has the red sauce on it and then they put the cheese on it.

Yeah, they Baja fresh. They the Mexicans. No, the Baja Fresh. I I know. But I still I still say that's a that's a generic term for for gringoes. There's a name for when you take something and you put the enchilada sauce on it and you put the cheese on it and you hit it, throw it in the broaster for about 10 seconds before it comes out. But when that stuff, when that gooey confection drips off of said burrito and starts to be wicked up by the chips that are in the vicinity, that is it. When it gets a little soft, but the part you're holding still a little crunchy, the tip, nothing. All right, that's it. I'm hungry.

Delicious. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be back with our bird expert. talk about my crow feasibility idea after this.

Seth McFarland is in studio and we were talking about uh him reading a passage from the Star Jones book. Why don't we start as Stewie?

Okay. There came a time when I became fit and a light bulb went off in my head.

I don't know if it's physical or emotional. There are a whole lot of reasons. The idea that she laughed at the end just like Peter Griffin. I can give you 10 good reasons to listen to the Adam Corolla Show, but I just ran out of time.

This is the Adam Corolla Show. This is the Adam Corolla Show. Give Adam a call at 86691 Adam.

How's it going, Adam? My name is Sergeant Pier Harrison, United States Marine Corps. I've been out here in B Indiana for two months and I'm going through serious cheat withdrawal. Give me a choo from you and Dave.

Adam, we love you. You make every orus in our body just scream from little Adam. My name is Chloe and I'm just calling because I have a little problem. I'm a tripper and I'm just talking to porn and um my fiance has a hard time with it. He doesn't want to have sex with you when I come home anymore. And I just I just want to figure out a way for you guys to make it good because I have sex a lot and I dance a lot and I'm, you know, I'm I'm naked all the time and then when I come home it, it just feels like this doesn't come sexy for him anymore. So, I'm just wondering if you guys can make it. Okay.

Here's Adam on the Adam Corolla Show. I'm uh looking at my crowfax list because we have our crow expert on something that Teresa reminded me of when she was heaping praise on my dog Molly a few moments ago. I brought Molly in so the psychic could uh read her mind. The uh I think it was last week at some point we had a dog psychic in that was horrible. But point is is I was I was laughing and saying, you know, when Molly is such a sweet dog, my dog, she's a a golden I don't know, she's a lab, a blonde lab. When when she wags her tail, her whole body bends in the middle. It's not just a tail that wags. The whole dog's ass wags. The whole dog wags. It it it has two hinges. One where the tail meets the ass and the other the midway point between the hind legs and the front legs. And then the dog takes its ears and puts them down like canards in the front of a super sonic aircraft. The ears don't flap down. They go down at a

weird angle like the head's going to get some lift and then the whole body shakes and that's my dog. Uh I was laughing because I was saying it is funny how people go, "Oh, you have a dog. Uh-oh. Is she friendly?" Really? You can't read the dog. You can't tell what dogs are friendly and what dogs aren't. Um, my wife told me the following day, not listening to the show, of course, she's a Mark and Brian fan, but she just mentioned uh you just apppropo of nothing, that the exterminator, we finally got the exterminator over the house to try to kill some of those god-awful spiders. And the exterminator was scared to death of Molly and needed Molly put away before she then went about her business. And I it's it befuddles me. I've had people do that.

They come over to the house. They're like, "You have a dog?" "Yes." "Well, I I need the dog put away." And you say, "Oh, believe me, she's a cream puff. She's harmless. Look at her. Look, no, please put the dog away." Yeah, but you can see her. She's wagging her tail. She wants to come up and give you a nice lick. I No, no. I'm I'm frightened of dogs. I'm frightened of dogs, too. Dogs that might bite me, not friendly dogs. It's like saying you're frightened of people. I'm I'm frightened of Hezbollah. I'm I'm not

Not Molly. No, it's not going to hurt you. She might smile at you too much. I'm I'm frightened of of Billy the web master and Hezbollah. Not

in that order. Not frightened of uh Big Kyle out there read reading the USA today.

He doesn't know what's going on at this moment. Yeah, he's a big fan of the show. Point is, wait, how how do you go through life that way? And then people always offer that excuse. Well, I I was bit by I was bit by a dog. Yeah, fine. Get over it. Or focus on the dogs that might bite you. Again, it's like saying, "I got beat up in junior high. I can no longer have contact with people. I can't can't work with them. I can't marry one. I'll have none as friends. I was hit by a human being. Any humans around here? As a matter of fact, what film ARE YOU FROM? WHAT IS THAT? How close-minded can you be? And as a society, shouldn't shouldn't we start really chastising these people for their own?" And and we always snap into that. What's a Oh, scared of the dog. We go into apology mode. Oh, no. She's friendly. Oh, no.

Oh, no. No. And then they go, "I was bit by a dog." And you go, "Oh, oh, I I understand. I I'll euthanize the dog. I'm sorry. I'll just I'll hit it with a dart with dip currari and we'll drag it into the hall closet because you're a weirdo." Now, somebody needs to stand up and go, "Look, this dog is fine. I I have I have some sobering news for you. There's millions of dogs. You better get over this. This is This one's friendly. You can often tell by the way they wag their tail. This one showing its teeth and foaming at the mouth. This is one you'd want to say. How about that?

Instead of everyone just rushing and putting the dog away. Well, it did remind me when when you brought in Molly, you know, they say that all of the American presidents have had dogs because when you see a man with his dog, suddenly he seems lovable and warm. When Molly came in and she just sat by your feet and then when you left, she just waited by the door for you. I thought that's a good man because his dog loves him.

Yeah. Got you that much hotter. I don't burn. If that's mathematically possible, you became even hotter for the Ace Man. I don't know. You may have already hit the ceiling on the scale, but somehow you got extra hot hot credit for that. All right. Roger. And I guess his last name is Letterer or That's a

No, that's his last name. That's his last name. Okay. Not Roger Federer. Roger Letterer.

Pre-minent tennis. He's a bird expert. I want to talk to him about crows. Let me just give you some uh big broad strokes. They're very good problem solvers. They can be taught to speak. Crows can. They also I wonder if they pronounce ask axe.

You think they might? That would be the first experiment I would conduct with crows once I taught them to speak. The uh other thing is there's a new study that suggests that they have abilities to match primates such as chimpanzees and gorillas in the intelligence department. That they're that's smart. There's a breed that uh uses people as tools like if they have nuts they want to crack open and stuff to drop it in an intersection, wait for people to walk on it or cars to drive over, break it open, and then go down and get it. They're diabolically smart.

I I re I see no reason why this plan wouldn't work. My tacros that is Roger. Yes sir.

Welcome to the show. Thank you very much. Glad to be here. So you have a degree in zoology?

Yes. Ornanthology is your specialty? Yes. And you uh study birds? Yes. What about my idea for these attack crows? Have you heard what I've said about it? And is that possible?

Oh, I haven't heard what you said about it. Mean to use them to uh in war or something like that? Well, use them for security. Like, basically how police force uses a canine unit.

Well, I don't know what they'd be able to do unless they carried little bombs on their back or something like that.

They peck you to death. No, they wouldn't do that. Why not? Well, they just they might pull your hair, but that's about it. You know

what if what if you could train one? What what what would a crow do if it was trying to ward off an enemy?

Oh, it would pick at him. But, you know, crows can't even open them. They if they get across it like a dead body, something like that, that are going to eat a dead rabbit on the road. They can't even pull the skin off of it. That what they try to do is they'll try to attract a coyote or a dog or something like that to the skin to rip it open. So then they can eat the soft parts of the rabbit.

But what if one flew at your head with its talons and its wings and making a lot of noise?

Well, well, yeah, it might scare you. I mean, people are scared of the movie Birds. I mean they they have this fear because they've seen the movie birds and I regularly get calls or emails from people say oh there's this big bird and I'm it's going to take away my picise or it's going to take away my kid or something like that and it you know they never happens.

You regularly get those feel those calls. People are scared of them. Oh yes I do. I mean people you know great the eagle in the area or an owl and somebody's going to take away my picking. There's a story about an eagle taking away somebody's picking from outside their trailer park.

I love those stories by the way. I'm not, but I think it's the same apocryphal story as a woman who put her picking in a a microwave to to dry them out. I don't think it happened.

Well, I we can dream cuz I love the idea of the birds of praise swooping down and stealing like Paris Hilton's dog. I I really love that. But my point is is could I train crows to Could you train a crow as a pet?

Sure. And it would it would recognize you? Sure. And could you train a crow as a pet that lived outside? It wasn't in a cage. Just lived lived outside your home.

Oh yes. I mean they they trained a lot of birds for the the movie the birds you know years ago when was that late 50s early 60s.

Mhm. And Hollywood still trains a lots of a lot of birds like that in these bird oriented films. So yeah they can be trained quite well. Would you would you think it would be possible for me to train a crow that would spend time outside of my house on my house on a branch or something like that and then when I walked outside for instance to get my mail it recognized me?

Oh, absolutely. And then if I was attacked at my mailbox could swoop down and intervene in some way.

Yes, I'm sure you could. See, that's all I need. It's the deterrent part. It's the guy comes up and he acost me. The homeless junkie accost me at the mailbox. It happens on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays where I live. And the thing doesn't need to pull off any flesh or peck out any eyeballs. It just needs to swoop down, make noise, go sick on the guy's head and watch him just run off into a shrub.

But what if what if you affix a bayonet to the uh to the head of the crow? You probably couldn't carry it,

but they are be a very small one. How would be how well what would their temperament be? The crows.

Well, the crows tend to have a temperament that's a little aggressive. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, they're mean. All right, so let's break this down. They're aggressive, right?

They're smart, right? They're trainable, right? They have claws. They have beaks. They make noise. They're black. And they come from the sky.

That's right. This and and they could be considered loyal. Sure. This is all I need.

That's all you need. We have a dog. Yeah. My my dog would not do any My dog might would, you know, if I was being attacked in the driveway, my my dog would immediately snap into action by humping the sofa pillow.

My dog will do nothing unless I was being attacked by a jerky treat. She would not be interested at all. She only likes food.

Yeah. No, I I think it would work. Yeah. And you're not your dog's not with you all the time. Now, what about this? I'm going to keep going with it. What if you got into your automobile and then drove down the street? Could the crow follow you?

Sure. I could follow it could recognize your car or per perhaps you put a nice big piece of rainbow tape on the roof of your car that was a signal to the crow and then the crow could follow you down to the liquor store or to the market or wherever you went.

Yeah, I'm sure it could. and then wait for you outside of the market, perched up on the parapit of the liquor store, the market, the filling station, whatever it is, waiting for you to step back out to your car again.

Absolutely. I'll tell you, I would walk around feeling just just just whistling a happy song if I knew this.

Right. And are crows endangered? Uh, not officially, but yes, they're endangered. Let's put it this way because crows, you know, like all birds can catch Westnile virus, but crows for some reason that no one knows yet are will die within a week. 100% mortality.

Most most other birds will get through it but it's their sickle cell. Yeah, exactly. What? So, crows, jays, and magpies are very susceptible to it. And crows 100%.

Hm. I may be interested in in training the Jay's and the magpies, too. Who's the smartest of all the birds?

No. Well, they say that the whole crow family. Jay's and magpies and nutcrackers and and birds like that. About 100 different species of them. And their brains are larger proportionally than any other bird.

Now, the these things I heard the reason I asked about the endangered species thing is because I was checking into it once. I wanted to have a crow brought on the show I was doing and they wouldn't do it. They couldn't do it. They said that it's an endangered species. And I said, "But there's there's crows everywhere. I see them all over the neighborhood all the time."

Well, who was it that told you that? Some a-hole? Belonging to what organization?

I don't know. He didn't want Obviously, he didn't have a crow, so he made that one up.

You could you could probably get permission to do that cuz they're not officially endangered.

They're not officially endangered. All birds are protected by federal law, right? So, so let's just uh let's let's go over the big bullet points here once again. There's plenty of them. They're dime a dozen, these crows, right?

They're all over the place. They seem to be every neighborhood I've ever lived in has had plenty of crows. I'm I'm assuming it's that way throughout the country. They're mean. They're smart,

razor sharp talents. They're loyal. They can be trained. They can wait outside your house or follow your automobile to the to the store. I love this idea. Is anyone looking into this? Well, you know, I have to I have to uh want to discourage people from just going out and catching wild birds because it is illegal.

No, you got to get them young. But still, you don't want any old crows, right? Well, yeah, but you know, you need to get permission from the federal government before you can do that.

I'm just I'm just wondering what about I think a police force could utilize these crows in a hostage situation, something like that.

Yes, I think it's very possible. All right. You know, they would been the Navy's been training porpuses to carry torpedo like things and you know. Yeah. So they could do it with birds.

All right, Roger. I'm going to need you to get to work on this almost immediately.

Okay. Oh, that sounds like a crow. Brasa wants to know if a crow could screen calls.

I don't know about that. All right, Roger. Roger Letterer, by the way, is a bird expert. He was uh I think a little hesitant to go along with me on my my crow training idea, but people capturing the the wild.

He's protecting the crows. Um he's scared of them cuz they're mean. I don't I don't need the experts to editorialize on the show though. I just want the I want the facts.

To your credit though, you stuck with it and it seemed like he, you know, tacitly at least turned the corner.

They're smart. They're loyal. They can be trained to use tools and language. They're mean. They're naturally mean. All birds are mean. Somehow they get a pass.

Mhm. Let's go after the roaches. All they do is try to hide. But let's go after the roaches. But birds somehow we've decided are noble and friendly. They're horrible creatures.

Swoop my pretty swoop. Occasionally shout out. A hummingbird is cute. Occasionally by the feeder.

Yeah. No, they're nice looking. Birds are uh it it's sort of it looking at birds is sort of what you get when you look at the ocean. There's something sort of therapeutic about it. It's it's good for your head. All right, baby doll. What do we got coming up in the news? Well, there was a big judging scandal last night on Rockstar Supernova. I'll play it for you and see what you think. John Cusack's in the news and a completely creepy new development in the Christy Brinkley divorce case.

All that. Wow. Yes. Even creepier than yesterday's new development. That was his assistant he was hanging out with.

And now there's something else made the cover of the New York Post. I mean, she is piping hot too, right?

Yep. Piping hot. H. That's another thing I would train my crows to do. Early warnings. You know what I mean? I'm making time with the assistant. Yes.

You know what I mean? Wife's car pulls up the driveway. Squawk my pretty scratching against the window.

And they would know the sound of your car versus Aussy's car cuz it's a smart crow.

Yeah. No, they saw the old ladies saw the old lady's car come pulling up and they just start banging against the window in the nursery where we're doing it, you know, just banging away. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back with the news after this.

I just need to blame somebody. And for me, it's going to be Adam Corolla. The Adam Corolla show. Here's what's coming up this morning on the Adam Corolla Show with program director Jack Silver. What up peeps? We got a [ __ ] lock ready to rock show for you. We got Dag. Mr. Bright Side, get your phone calls ready. Dave's going to report on his listing of the jerk rankings for the week. Whatever the hell that's called. And uh what else we got? No porn stars. Ruska, get in my office. Pat Oswalt, he's got boobs. That's all right, I guess. All right, stick around. WE GOT A ROCKET SHOW FOR YOU LATE.

THANKS, JACK. Here's Adam on the Adam Corolla Show. Yeah, my favorite program director. All right, news coming up in just uh one second.

Hey, I also have to say quickly uh that I'm unveiling a brand new game uh during the sports. So, people who want to win uh Hooters gift certificates, call it in now. Yes.

Well, many listeners would argue that any game that was entertaining would be brand new. No, no. Listen, look at that. Teresa laughed. Brian laughed. You got a laugh out of it. Congratulations. Good for you.

Bill, preop board up. Bill is laughing behind you, too. Oh, wonderful. I'm so happy for you, Adam.

For those who uh I kid because uh I'm not sure why. I think it's my job. Um the uh

it was that or masturbation you said earlier. That's right. We got bored out. Bill looks like the elf that wants to be a dentist in that Christmas thing. If anyone wants to know what he looks like, that's that's basically what he looks like. If that elf was I was going to say gay, but he's clearly at least by

Yeah, everyone knows that. Gayer, then he would be preo board up Bill after a meth habit.

Anna, hi. You have a request? Yes, I do. Do you mind doing the Oh, wait. Hold on. I just want to say I love you guys.

Thank you. and I wake up every morning just listening to you guys. Thank you, baby doll.

Um because I have nothing to do all summer. But could you please do um this the the three miho spit?

Yeah, I I uh I I I I'll give it short shrift though because we have to get on with the news. It's basically uh my three levels of miho. The first miho is the mother coming home. She's looking for her Mexican son. She's also she's uh just expects him to be home. She's come home from the market. The second one is she's a little suspicious. And the third miho, she finds his body hanging in the bedroom. And then the fourth and final miho is the last one. She says o over the open casket before before it is then closed up and dirt is thrown upon it.

It's put into the earth. Okay. So here it is. Miho number one. Miho. Then number two. a little bit worried now. But no, nothing confirmed. Mhm. And number three, when she finds the body. Oh, that's that's where we see the legs swinging in and out of the frame in front of my face that it's it's from it's, you know, we put the camera behind the wall and we swing the body. That's when I see them swing. By the way, teenagers, how tall are the ceilings in the bedroom? 14 16 feet. You know what I mean? Where the feet gets called. really you're 6' tall and the ceilings on a a house are 8t. So if you hung yourself your feet be four or 5 in above you know once you use the rope and everything but ANYWAY that's that one and then the very last one just by the casket.

Yeah that's by the casket that whistle was it all you'd hoped? No, because um well also I love Dag and I know he's coming in today. So um there's a new Michael Marin cartoon app um and it's featuring you Drew and Dag.

Oh, really? And it's the one where um Dag pretends like you tell him how how to court his um daughter and about prolapsing anuses.

What I say? What I say? I got news for you. Can I prolap your anus? Like that. We're both class acts.

Oh, very much. Uh so yeah. But where do we find that? This guy Narin is the guy who used to listen to Love Line or he probably still does and he would take audio portions of the show and he would animate it. We did the Grand Theft submarine. He did a He did a Chief THUNDER BEAR IT OPEN.

He did uh Drew going through Medical College or the early Drew. They're they're they're very entertaining. I have no idea why. He takes the conversations, he shortens them up, he cleans them up, he he makes them funnier somehow, and then he animates around them. And they're very entertaining. I'm not I don't know why some art seems to be appealing and other art doesn't, but everyone who sees these it appeals to

and they can find them on YouTube, I think. Is that where we find the new one? Um, you can go to michaelar.com, too.

Oh, okay. And it's straight going there. Yeah, we'll check that out. Thanks, baby doll.

Bye. Bye-bye. Now it is time for Terresa Strawer and the news. Well, violence continues in the Middle East. Now, here's the trouble.

There are 25,000 approximately Americans in Lebanon. About 8,000 of those would like to leave. Now, today they're supposed to be evacuated from Lebanon on a cruise ship. They'll be taken to Cypress. Yesterday, the big talk was that the State Department was going to charge Americans for the cost of being evacuated between $150 and $200. Good. They were you really

Well, there's a travel alert to that part of the world. So, people go there, they shouldn't be going there and then when all hell breaks loose, hence the travel alert, then they get all they get all short about, hey, what are what are they doing? I I again, it's the same. It's like FEMA and stuff. You don't clear out of your house. You don't have any flashlights. You don't have any canned goods. You don't have any first aid kit. You have no money in the bank and a car that doesn't run. And you're up on your roof and you're poed.

Listen, get it together, everybody. Go ahead and get yourself a flashlight. Go get a radio that works on a hand crank. And don't go to goddamn Lebanon.

Well, it was surprising because you asked me the other day, why are there 25,000 Americans in Lebanon? And there actually a lot of them were tourists either visiting family or just vacationing. Turned out to be a bad place.

That's not the people. That's all I know. It's never the people. It can't be the people. It couldn't Couldn't possibly be the people. It's mathematically impossible for it to be the people of that region of the world. Impossible. Can't be. They're all good. The leaders are horrible. They're good. The leaders, not sure what planet they come from. Perhaps we import them from another nation. Well, you'll be happy to know the US government is now picking up the cost of the trip out to Cypress and then wherever you need to fly after that. Let me

ask you guys a hypothetical. All these horrible countries where the people are great and the leaders are horrible. Any of them have leaders that aren't the nationality of the people. Is it does it ever exist? No. What's the nationality of the leader? Same as the people.

Yes. California. Not all Well, that's true. He's Austria. That is true. Not all the people are horrible. Just a just a a higher percentage that than would allow the country to be decent. That's all it takes. Doesn't I'm sure yes 90% 95% that's the way it works. But if 5% are think it's a good idea to strap on explosive vests, then you have chaos. That's how it works. Well, speaking of chaos, in a survey of law enforcement officials released yesterday, they tried to figure out what is the worst drug, the drug that causes the most crimes, including robbery and assault. And that drug, methamphetamine.

Yes, of course. Half of the law enforcement officials pled say that meth causes more problems than, this was surprising, more problems than cocaine, marijuana, and heroin combined. Oh, but when you do combine them with a shot of stole magic,

that's a weekend, of course. But yet, we we spend more on eradicating weed than we do meth.

I I just I I don't understand it. I I Somebody needs to give Especially Republicans. Here's where I'll turn on these stupid Republicans. Someone needs to give them a little sampling of all the drugs so they can tell the goddamn difference cuz I'm anti-drug. I'm anti illegal drugs. Ille drugs. Like there's no difference between weed and meth for the love of Christ, you [ __ ]

So the kind of drug test you think they should have is that they test every drug personally.

Yes. See how it feels. Sure. Like the ace man. I can tell you there's huge differences in in meth speed kills. Remember that adage?

Yes. Most of the people a lot of crimes it really you get violent, you get paranoid. That's what happens. You smoke weed, you hang out, you eat. That's all. Yet we spend more annually, I think, at least as of about a year ago, spend more on eradicating weed than meth.

Well, one out of five inmates in jail methreated. I It's It's I I I don't I I hate That's why I hate both sides.

I hate those ACLU [ __ ] on the left and I hate these the stupid Republicans on the right that don't understand the difference between meth and weed.

You're very fair now. Yes, I hate everyone. In entertainment news, remember when John Cusack raised his boom box and blared the Peter Gabriel in the movie Say Anything?

Yeah. Well, now the actor himself has a suitor. She's a little bit of a stalker, actually, and he finds it threatening.

Mhm. Cusack was granted a three-year restraining order yesterday. And according to court filings, a 31-year-old woman has been stalking him for a year and a half, throwing love letters over his fence in bags containing rocks and screwdriver screwdrivers, and she's been having her mail sent directly to the home of John Cusack because in her mind, that's where she now lives.

Yeah. Well, as I've learned from all these stalking stories, there's nothing anyone can do until they actually attempt to stab you with a sprinkler key on your doorstep. There's really nothing we can do.

Well, a year and a half of the woman throwing screwdrivers and love letters over the man's fence.

He needs a restraining order from Crispy Cream. He is looking a tad. It's all right. He's a good actor.

Must love Crispy Cream. I love that movie. Okay. Rockstar Supernova last night. You You remember Zyra? She's very hot. She's Puerto Rican. She's got the bangs.

Mhm. Last night she sang a rendition of Everybody Hurts. And I'm not going to prejudice the jury. I want to know what you guys think. And then I'll tell you what their judges said.

All right. I can't I can't take it. I can't take it. Jack Silver sounded better singing karaoke at Dimples the other night.

Well, peeps, how the hell did you hear that? Ah, Jack, we have our sources. This is uncomfortable. I know you're pretty lit, but still there's just no excuse for that kind of saying.

Well, Dave Navaro might have been lit when he responded thusly. Mhm. You know, last week when the supernova guys sent Chris home, I thought that they should have sent you home.

And you know what I got to say? I stand corrected. Nice job. Takes a takes a big weirdo to admit when he's wrong. I got

his head's not right though cuz he's divorced and car and he has so much uh tattoo ink circulating in his vascular system that there's just no chance he can think straight. I I got to say this though, I feel bad for these guys cuz everyone sounds like hell when you play their clip, just the audio clip as as opposed to looking at the hot chick and seeing the lights and the energy and everything. I could see myself going and judging, getting caught up in the whole thing and making the same horrible decision.

Well, the latest news on the Christy We have we have this in. We do have Jack Silver sing karaoke.

Oh, breaking news. What the hell? Just a Jack Silver. Okay. Yeah, it's him at Dimple.

All right, let's rock out. Thanks, Eddie. I can promise me heaven. You put me through hell.

Come on, Jack. Chains of love. Sell it. Put a hold on me. EVERYBODY'S A PRINC. Everybody [ __ ]

What? I don't know why. All skate all skate on your lips. The red nails on your school boys dream. And so your very first kiss was your first kiss. Goodbye.

Sources tell me went through three pair of doctors birthday. All right. I can't take it anymore.

What's the PROBLEM WITH THAT? THAT WAS DOPE. THAT WAS a hot song, isn't it, Jack?

I tell you what, I'm not to be honest with you, ACE MAN. I'M NOT MUCH OF A SINGER. MIKE,

COME ON. I'M ROCK SOLID, BABY. JACK, I I I've got a story about a hot chick. You like that, right?

Thank Christ. Make with the sexy. Okay, let me make with the sexy. Christy Brinkley divorce scandal getting oh so much worse. Her aranged husband, Peter Cook, uh first the one 19-year-old came out and said that she had been his assistant and they were cheating. Now it happens that another young woman, Samantha Cole, she's actually a minor pop star. She said that she and Peter Cook had been together before Christy Brinkley. And in fact, he had asked her, he had proposed to her a month before he was engaged to Christy Brinkley. So now he was been has been with two 19-year-old hot women. And by the way, both want to be pop stars. This new woman that's coming out with the allegations, the 19-year-old, she would like a career in music as well.

Uh real estate guy. I This guy's a real estate guy. Always scumbags. Are they? Yes. Yes. Yes. Hold on.

Jack Silver Jack Silver's on the phone. Jack, how the hell did you get that tape?

Don't worry about it. Jesus, Adam. Oh, we got we got ones. We got your honeymoon tape. We're going to play in the 8:00 hour. Both marriages.

Yeah, that was much quieter than that one. Um, no, no, we had a ball. Jimmy Kimmel was there. Sarah Silverman, Jack Silver rocking out the Bonjovi. That's how that's how I roll. Aceman.

Hold on. Did you Did you end up at Dimples accidentally with those people or did you go with them?

No. No. Teresa, we we first of all, we love Dimples. I'm a big karaoke guy and you wouldn't notice it when I walk around the office cuz I'm kind of a dork.

You wouldn't know it by listening to you sing karaoke, by the way. But no, it was a birthday party for a friend. And I think it was also uh Jimmy's aunt Crystal or something. Somebody's uh cousin Ann's mom's birthday. Jimmy has several thousand relatives and each time one of them breaks wind, they have to have a party.

GET THE IMPOSTER OFF THE PHONE. Kick him to the curb. Hey, this Hey, you back down. Fake Jack Silver. This is a real one.

[ __ ] FAKE CALLERS ARE RATING. OH, they beat us, Jack. Jack, I tell you what, Jack Silver here says that's all right. Let it go next time.

Hey, listen. I got to go. I'm working on another bunch. I'm working on It's my life.

All right, bud. Just do your favorite. Keep driving to KO, would you? Yeah, maybe I can work on that show a little bit.

All right, GTG. All right. Wait, what does that mean? Oh, got to go. GTG. I just learned something. That's hot. The kids are saying that. GTG.

This guy's all right. We can have him on anytime. You know what I got to say? BFD.

What do you have to say? TMI. It's time for Dave Damashek's number one sports. Number one sports.

Do it Dave. Blowh hard blowout last night on HBO. Real sports. Bryant Gumble the king of the blowh hard interviewers sitting down with Terrell Owens. He

I don't think I can really think of is maybe it was the way I grew up. You know, I got picked on so much and it's like I feel like I'm still constantly being picked on.

Self-important pause. I I really do. Brian Gumble sounds a little like Kermit the Frog when he when you just hear the audio part.

Gumble's best move is though that he does all the time. He always takes the pregnant pause for out of self-importance and then he looks down his nose literally at the person he's interviewing.

Yeah. Do you really believe that? Yeah. Blow hard. Tilts his head back and everything.

Can I ask you I don't want to throw you off topic, but isn't isn't Bob Kostas in grave danger of turning down the blowhard road?

Bob I'll tell you what Bob Kus does. He does what Billy Crystal and a hand handful of other sports/ceelebrity guys do is they just wax poetic about going to the field with their father at age nine. No one gives a rat's hiny about you going to a ball game when you were nine. Now shut your fat holes.

Great. Now we've let into the national pastile. Well does that bitter fruit. Bunch of fat guys from the Dominican Republic getting paid to do nothing. And Bob Costa says to turn them into American heroes. Just shut up.

I was in love with him and then he just suddenly hit the blowh hard wall. Yeah, he's blow hardy, but he'll not approach Brian Gumble.

All right, I got a dynamite new bit we got to get to. Lit up, by the way. National pastime. Dodgers back to 500 after a win in the Valley of the Sun last night. Bums over snakes 4-1. Good name for a porn, by the way.

Bums. Bums over snakes. What are the Dodgers? Just indulge me. I said 500 also.

What is that? Is that all you do? You actually need 500 and 500 because the season's so goddamn long.

Gigantics dumped the Milwaukee genuine drafts in first place San Diego. Padres's whip Philly. Junior circuit. Halo stay redot 13 to 14 after last night's win over the Tribe. Athletics stay a half game up with a win in Baltimore. Mariners got the Trident from the umpires in the game against the Yankees. Bad call at first. Cost Seattle the win. Yankees won it in extre. Let me say this that uh Seattle's going through some tough times this year. First of all, they lose the Super Bowl if you recall.

Now, uh Howard Schultz, Starbucks tycoon, has sold the team to an Oklahoma City investment group. Now, people think they're going to end up moving to Oklahoma City. This is their favorite son, Starbucks man, and he sold the Sonics out from under him. And the worst part is they're also going to lose if they move the WNBA team. Also heartbreaking. Here's the only thing I try to find the silver lining as do you Ace. I know you have Mr. Bright Side bit.

At least you have the best collection of names in Major League Baseball. Seattle fans. You have the Mariners. Not only do you have Ichirochiro,

you have JJ Puts, but also now Shin. It's a hard name to say, Shinsu. CHIN CHEN.

WHAT a name that is. All right. Now, let's play the game. Now, you know that I'm a master impressionist.

Sure. So, I thought, you know, let's put that to good use. We really don't have any use for my my dynamite range with the voices.

No, he does both a vacuum cleaner and a vacuum cleaner with a sock stuck in it. Those are

play Dave's Sports Impressions with your host, Dave Damashak. All right, hold on. I got instant message for from Kimmel who doesn't like the title. Change it

to what? Sports impressions rundown list. All right. Are these in any order or are you just going to randomly do them?

Each each one I'm going to We have gift certificates to Hooters on the line. I'm going to do an impression of a famous sports personality saying a catchphrase that you definitely associate with them. Famous quote. If you identify it correctly, you win the Hooters gift certificate.

So, should I punch up our first contestant? Go ahead. Yoaz. Yeah, that's your name. What kind of name is that?

Israeli. All right. This couldn't be easier cuz once you hear the voice, it's a dead giveaway. All right. Ready? Here we go. The first one.

Do you believe in miracles? Yes. Um, I know it's the announcer from uh from the hockey game, but uh

you know this. Come on. $50. You're from You're from Israel. The cradle of hockey. That's where it was born. Do you believe in miracles?

SEE, I WASN'T I WASN'T even born by then, though. That's a problem. No. Yeah, right. That's why I've never heard of World War II.

Monday Night Football announcer in many years. Sorry. No good. Shall I yell at him?

Al Michaels, of course. All right, let's move on to the next one. This one, this one couldn't be easier. They made a movie and everything about this one. This one's easy. And of course, The Voice. Here we go. Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

Rick. Uh, that would be Babe Ruth. Oh, no. Rejected. No one wants $50 gift certific.

All right, one more and then that's it. Here we go. One last. We're not nicknaming my vagina anymore cuz that would be a good one.

All right, here we go. The iron horse. Very nice. But thank you. Ready? Here we go. Last one. Practice. What we talking about here? Practice. We're talking about practice. Not the game that I go out there and die for. We talking about practice.

Dave. Yes. Yeah. Go ahead, Dan. I will say that is Alan Iverson. WOW. YES. OH, what a move.

Thank goodness. $50 $50 gift certificate to Hooters. That's it. Well, that didn't work out.

Dave Tamashek's number one sports. I didn't I didn't know. It was funny because I knew the first two and I didn't know the third.

Yeah. Is that a very famous one? The Iverson one. Oh, yeah. I haven't heard it anywhere. Do you?

No, I knew the first two. We know the first two. By the way, the answer another good nickname for my vagina if we were still doing so.

All right, we will take ourselves a break. David Allen Greer. Dag my main man coming in right on. Dave has the jerk list report thing he's got to do. But next, Mr. Bright Side, you call in, you tell us your problems. I'll uh I'll shine a little sunshine up you. Don't worry, you'll feel better when we're done. 86691 Adam with your problems. I'll put things into perspective after this. This is the Adam Corolla Show. Billy Moses, 17, web master. We have questions for uh young Billy. Have you masturbated while thinking of any female on our staff?

Yes. Angie, you may want to take a rape shower right now. Stick around cuz it's about to get a lot weirder. It's the Adam Corolla Show. Welcome back to the Adam Corolla Show where it's time for Mr. Bright Side to cheer you up. You call in with a problem at 86691 Adam and Adam will put a happy spin on it. How can I cheer you up?

I had to put my cat to sleep. You put the cat to sleep? Yes. Well, you got to look at it this way. All cats do is sleep anyway. This is the ultimate nap. Here's Adam on the Adam Corolla Show.

Mhm. Dr. Feelgood. All right, let's uh get cracking as uh David Allen Greer would say. Who is going to be in here? Also, Perez Hilton coming up. Hollywood gossip queen getting some juice by the way.

What? What do you mean champagne? Speaking of juice. Yeah. Sounds like Marge Simpson. Mr. Bright Side. We're going to play. Pat Oswalt is also coming in. King of Queens and our nerd reigning nerd champion. All right. Do we have an intro to this one? I can never remember.

Got problems? Need cheering up? Talk to Mr. Bright Side, Adam Corola. Just put on a happy face.

It's all relative. Tell me your wos. I'll spin them around. You'll feel better when we're done. David.

Yeah. What's the problem? How you doing, buddy? Doing well. Great. Great. Great. No, you know, I just calling in at him because, you know, sometimes when you're a when you're a young 22-y old guy, you break up with the girlfriend.

Mhm. You're trying to hold down the job, you know, everything starts to turn around on you and then you're like, whoa, what's going on here? You know, like where's my ground here?

Mhm. Then you might start hitting the food, you know. Hitting the food. The booze.

Oh, the booze. The booze. So, that's right. Right. You know what I'm right? Is that what happened to you or is this just a hypothetical that may happen to young men?

No, no, no. That's what happened to me. I understand you. Look, it's tough. It's tough when you're It relationships are tough, but they're definitely one of these things that only can be experienced. There's just no way to explain it to anybody. I, you know, it's like I have a young son. I have a young daughter. I don't know that I would want them to get hooked up with their high school sweetheart, get married at 20, and live together happily ever ever after. I'm not sure if I'd want that. I would look at that as an incomplete life in a weird way. I think you need to get dumped once in a while. I think you need to do a little dumping once in a while.

I think you need to get cheated on every once in a while. You need to take your lumps. You need some highs and some lows. You need something to use as a contrast to figure out where you're at when you're in a real relationship. Hopefully in your late 70s, maybe early 80s. I But dating a 19-year-old, that's that's what I'm a a budding pop star. I I just feel horrible. I remember getting dumped on when I was 22, 23. I remember being like almost suicidal about it. But looking back on it, I think it was it was necessary. It was a It was a necessary patch in Ace's AIDS quilt

as far as as far as the job concerned. Ace's AIDS quilt. The worst name for a mall store ever.

Yes. I'm sorry, David. That's enough. He's 22. What's he know? Scott. Yes. What's up?

Well, Monday, my girlfriend goes totally psycho. Just makes a mess of the whole thing. Tuesday, I tell her I don't want to see her anymore. And today's her birthday,

I don't I don't know if I should take her back or if I should just cut my losses.

Well, another piece of advice. You're 21. 29. 29. Okay. How old is she? Same age.

Same age. Have you guys broken up before? Multiple times? Oh, yeah. That's the other lesson I I learned the hard way. Once you break up a couple of times, that that's it. You're you know what you know what it's like? It's like this when you have uh maybe you uh you remember the uh the movie, but once a uh once once a joint pops out a few times, once your shoulder gets dislocated, once something dislocates a few times, it happens so much easier the next time. You can go through your whole life without dislocating your shoulder. Once it pops out a couple times, you'll do it scratching your back or popping a zit on the back of your neck. So, relationship same way. Once you break up, it's easier and easier and it's done. How many times you done that? You yo-yo back and forth.

You try to make it work again. It's a waste of her time. It's a waste of your time.

Pull off the band-aid. That's right. Just rip it off fast. Don't Don't pull it off slowly with tweezers.

Mr. Bright side, what's the good news about this? The good news is he didn't get the warts virus from her yet. Did you? Did you, Scott?

No. No. There you go. I don't know yet. You've You've learned a valuable lesson and you can move on. Headh held high. Is she hotter than you or you hotter than her?

Oh, no. She's banging. She's banging. and and her guys, right? The pool man warts.

Scott, it's her it's her birthday. She's banging it's her birthday. Should I go?

No, no, that's it. That'll send a message to her. And by the way, birthdays, at some point you're not interested in them. And I don't know what that point is, but there's a weird sort of in between zone. You're not a kid, but you're not so old that it doesn't matter anymore or that you actually don't want to celebrate your birthday because it's that much closer to meeting the Grim Reaper. There's that mid20s thing where you're supposed to skip work and the world's supposed to stop spinning because it's your goddamn birthday. Just go to Denny's and eat for free and quiet down with the birthdays.

And you move on, my young friend. Let's talk to Chris. Chris. Yes, sir. I'm going to try to put a positive spin on whatever your predicament is.

I hope so. Well, uh the p pasture my uh my dad has um he got prostate cancer and my uh sister has a brain tumor and she had to operate it on um recently but they can only get about a third out and uh they can't do anymore.

Mhm. They got a third of the tumor out. Yep. Bad surgeons or just lazy? No, actually it's one of the best uh hospitals in Oregon.

Mhm. All right. Oregon known for their surgical facilities. So, is she going to die?

Uh, well, that's that's what they're saying. Oh, she's about two two years left,

right? Okay. Two years. That's uh first off, in in cat years, like 70 years. And number two, she's going to die.

That is right. You You understand? You don't have to throw yourself into the grave with her.

I understand. But I feel bad for her. No, I I I understand. But life is for the living, my friend. And and number number two, though, written by a guy who was alive, by the way, ironically. Um, number number two, going to be a lot of sympathy tale thrown your way,

when you explain that your sister passed away, possibly at the funeral itself, maybe even on top of the casket. I don't know.

I feel horrible. Are you single? Uh, yes, I am. All right. You got it. You got you got to carve out that tumor known as your old lady because you're going to be getting tail thrown at you left and right any year now as soon as the sister kicks off.

Yeah, that that is a positive spin actually. I didn't think about that one. Right. So, she uh and and how about how about dad with the prostate stuff?

Well, he's uh he's not doing so u wonderful. You know, the doctors kind of screwed up the first time that they uh the operation.

Mhm. And um and also he doesn't have any um use of you know Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yahoo.

Right. He has to go into a Shriner's hat. You got it. I understand. Yeah. Well, m might he go about the same time sis might go so you can get a little twofer over at the funeral?

You know. Oh, bring a friend. I've seen the signs. Friends die free. Sign up a friend. like he he might actually la last longer than my sister. So, you never know.

Wow. That is That is sad. That is sad. I'm so depressed, Mr. White. Listen, I I'm telling you, it it is sad, but it is not you. And as selfish as that sounds, and as sad as it is, it could be you with the the uh anal whatever or the or or the thing in the brain or or worse, the prostate in the brain, the little known brain prostate cancer. It's not you. What else can I say?

Well, Mr. Bright Side, also is the tumor 2/3 there or one/3 gone? That's a good That's a good point. I say the tumor is half full,

not half empty. Well, let's go. Let's do one more. Let's see. That was so depressing.

I know. So, I got to say, so results. I mean, you're a superstar in the world of complaints. Yeah. This year, this is you're like a utility infielder at this sport. You can make it. You can make a paycheck, but it's not your wheelhouse.

Yeah, you're right. You're not going to the Hall of Fame. You're right. Putting a positive spin on things.

Yeah, Michael. Michelle. Oh, Michelle. There you go, Michelle. Sorry, baby doll. What's up?

Hey, no judgment. Okay. All right. The good news is you sound hot. I I am. I know.

I hate saying that, but like if I don't, then you won't know. So, I have to say it.

Where are you from? Where are you from? Okay. Well, uh I have San Jose. San Jose.

Yeah. 11 seconds to answer where she is from. Uh I know that's that's a funny answer and I I I have more important stuff to talk about.

I know that's a you know, if I was single, that's what I'd do. I would just randomly dial phone numbers. And if I got a chick who picked up the other line and was like I'd be like, "Yeah, you're hot. I'm coming over, baby." I mean, she'd be like, "Oo, what are you wearing? Keep going." Oo, the thong bag.

I don't think you're helping, Michelle. Mr. Bright Sides, come on. String together a sentence. Hottie, what's up?

Okay, so I've been like dating all kinds of guys. Like guys, a lot of times most guys I've been dating have been younger than me. But now I'm dating this guy that's a lot older than me.

How old? Um he's 47. Christy Brinkley or something. I'm 27. You're 27 and he's he's 46 or 47.

Yeah. Okay. I said no judgment. Remember? Yeah. Fbombs. And I couldn't say the thing I said earlier.

You are a smelly pirate hooker. All right, I'm growing weary. Let's just mop up with Michelle.

Stop it. Listen to me. No judgment. Okay. So So I'm over that fight. Okay. But now the problem is his daughter's only a few years younger than me.

Yeah. And uh she can't stand me. Shocker. Right. Like it doesn't And he he keeps telling me that it doesn't matter because that doesn't determine the price of tea in China.

Mhm. But there's a lot of references to the price of tea in China. I'm confused now even what that metaphor means.

I I don't know either. That means that no it doesn't matter what she thinks. All right. Let me let me let me dispatch a little advice for all the old guys who are out there trying to bang the young ladies. Jack Silver, if you're still listening on the way.

Can I just tell you something? Yes. It's more than banging. It really is. No, I know there's oral involved as well. There's Yeah, there's there's a handful of 69ers.

Is he judging you? Huh? Do you feel judged? He's just trying to be funny, but Adam,

listen more than banging. Trust me, I understand. I said he threw you a digit every once in a while.

Shocker. That's right. No, I think I Anyways, move on. Okay. But address my problem, please. I will, but let me just first say this to all the guys. And again, I don't I don't hold anything against the older guys. They're in their 40s. They're in their 50s. They're dating a hot 20some year old. Do not bring your daughters that are the same age as the 20some year old uh sex pot dour you've brought by. Do not have them coingle. That is a horrible idea. Your daughter gets resentful. The chick gets resentful. They hate each other. No, but he can't avoid that forever. Like, we're getting serious.

I What's he do? Does he live with his adult daughter? Well, she just she's moving out soon cuz she graduated from college. But right now, she lives in his house. Yeah.

How old is she? I don't know. 24, 23, something like that. Okay. So, the question

How old I was when I graduated from college? Yeah. Junior college. So, what's the question?

My question is question number one. Well, right now it's totally fine cuz he's in his 40s, so everything's like perfectly functional, like better than many 20, 30 year olds that I've been with.

But is that just going to be like a horrifying problem 10 years? Like, am I going to be completely

You're asking if he's going to be bad and bad later? I do mean sexually. You do mean sexually.

Yes. This thing is not going to make it the weekend. So, don't worry about his prostate exploding 20 years from now.

To do with Mr. Bright Side, I have no idea. I've abandoned that a long time ago.

He's better than like 20 and 30 year olds. Like at least 80 or 90% of us. So, fantastic. So, that's good. What do you want advice for? What do you need a cup half full answer from? Corolla for put a positive perspective on daughter hating my God. Uh,

no. Positive perspective though in 10 years. Perhaps if you guys I think you don't like each other because there's some sexual tension.

I think I'm between the two of you. You think you're hotter than she is? Yeah. And she's

Well, prove it. She knows it. Everybody knows that. What do you No, no, I know. I was just just cruising the web and saw a story on it. What uh what what do you do for a living Michelle?

Um I do have an estate, but I'm I'm like an executive in a company, right? I'd rather not

CEO. No, no, no, no. Like a assistant vice president. The vice president. Assistant vice president.

Assistant vice president. Right. O over at Bob's classy lady in Van Eyes. Um believe it or not, no. a lot better than that. But I really don't want to go there.

All right. Well, you sound like a classic, but trust me, I went to Ivy League school.

Which one? Wait a minute. Your junior college was covered with Ivy. That's not the same. That's just

No. Okay. Your stripper name is Ivy. Did we not talk about judgment? What Ivy League school did you go to? I'm not going to say the name of myself because if someone's listening that knows me like already with my voice and accent and everything, it's all over the place.

Well, nobody's probably listening, so just tell us. What? What? I I'm dying now. I must know your score.

No, we shall never speak again. My problem and I'll tell you. Name the first three presidents of the United States, smarty.

What's that? If you went to an Ivy League school, this should This is an easy one. Just name the first.

All right, with the swearing again. All right, let me say this. Is it possible that she went to an Ivy League school?

Wait a second. She might have gone to pen, but that's the only chance. Well, now is that a highbrow dig?

Yes. All right, hold on. Let me try something. Jack Silver's going to be angry.

All right, everyone. Everyone be quiet. Michelle, what? I'm off the air now. Oh, yeah. Right.

I am. Adam, you're not helping me. I told I called Dr. Drew a few weeks ago. Listen, hurry.

Hurry. I got I got to do a live Amco spot in 2 minutes. Now, what Ivy League school did you go to?

The radio is on. You're going to play it later. I'm not stupid. Well, I would I would

Come on, please help me, Adam. I've never had you on the phone with me before. Tell me the name of your Ivy League school.

I've been listening to love lines since I came to the United where did you come from?

I will not tell you. I called Dr. Drew one time and he called it who fought who fought in this country civil war. I know. Kennedy started the Vietnam War and then he like kind of backed up and then got

what I Please tell me what Ivy League school you went to. Oh my god, you're killing me. I'm not off the air.

Okay, that's it. We're going off the air and I'm going to find out. Okay, but All right, hang on. Hang on.

You didn't help me at all. Do you realize that? I only help people off the air. That Ivy League diploma is going to open every door you need anyway, baby doll. You don't need any advice from anybody.

Can you put a positive perspective for the daughter head in my desk? Um, yes. You're both you're both hateful people and you deserve each other. Here's $10. Never call the show again. I'll see you both in hell. And again, not because I'm in hell. Through a port hole, an insulated port hole in a very comfortable setting. Now, hang on, Michelle. We're going to talk off the air. Okay.

All right. Is it Now, now I'm just just I'm playing devil's advocate here. She could come from another country. Maybe the high school transcripts got screwed up somehow. You know, maybe maybe she got a 400 on her SAT, but but but it turned into 1,400 somehow. Or maybe it's one of these affirmative action things or something where they needed to get in some broads from another part of the land that spoke that were bilingual or something. Is that possible? What about the scenario?

No. Highly unlikely. Highly unlikely. Why didn't she tell us, Michelle? She's going to tell me. Hang on, Michelle. We're going to speak off the air. Also, uh, Patton Oswald is in. David Allen Greer coming in. Dave's jerk report coming up. Bliss Bliss

and Perez Hilton as well. All that coming up after this. Chichu and Tamu. Will I know your names? The dream may have died

if they're not Chichu or Tamu, but now you can relive all the great party memories with Chichu and Tamu. The golden years. Chichu choo choo. Too moo moo is all I want to say to you. You say choo.

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This is great music. Thanks. Want to dance? Act now and we'll throw in the neverbefore released Chi-Ch duet with fish tank. Jonathan Chiu

Chichu and Timu the golden years. Get it now on Hobo Power Records. Chu the Adam Corolla Show. A short time ago on the Adam Corolla show, three nerds entered the studio. But only one would win the title.

Faster than a speeding bullet. Beast, Iceman, and Cyclops. More powerful than a locomotive.

Neutral, lawful, and chaotic. Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound. C is the uh speed of light

up in the sky. IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A TRAIN. It's Super And now, like Superman, Patton returns. The celebrity nerdoff champion Patton Oswald on the Adam Corolla show. Mike MacArthur returning to the Philippines. Look at him.

But doing it without leaving his Spark Lounger. Roses landing at his feet. What a hero.

Yeah. Patton is here to talk about his little D&D conquest last night. Did you play last night, Patton?

We played last night till about 12:30. Wow. Yeah. You know, we go we go far into the '90s campaigns. You know,

there's a lot of bugles in Sunny D, by the way. It's Yeah. A lot of yummy cupcakes, a lot of uh uh no calorie root beer,

a lot of pizza. Is there a beer crack amongst the nerds there, or is it all just grape soda?

Oh, no. You know what? Last night we had beer. And in the past, um although it's hard for me to do it on week nights when I'm working on King of Queens, uh you know, I will pour a few shots of scotch during the game.

Wow. cuz my old character was an alcoholic dwarf, so it would help me, you know, get in the character.

You find I find it affects my decision making though when I'm playing D and I've had a few

pots. You lose your edge. I am going to be filming a PSA about don't play D and D drunk because, you know, and we'll use some examples like, you know, a guy that was stuck in a prismatic sphere because of a drunken decision he made or a wizard that walked into an obvious sphere of annihilation, but the guy that was playing him was so hammered, you know,

the more you know. Yeah. Well, Batten is uh going to do a little recap of his Dungeons and Dragons, Trials and Tribulations. spanning fantasy worlds to bring you the constant variety of pretend battles, the thrill of painted figurines, and the agony of defeat, the human drama of utterly nonathletic competition. This is Patton Oswald's Dungeons and Dragons report.

Thank you. That last caller, by the way, is on the edge of her seat. Yeah, I spoke to her during the break.

As it turns out, she didn't go to a Ivy League college. No, shocker. She did say she went to Berkeley, but by way of junior college. I smelled junior college on that broad 10 minutes before I picked up the phone, but she went to Berkeley or so. She says

an excellent school, not an Ivy League school. All right, hold on. Uh, program director Jack Silver, how do how say you about this D and D bit we're about to do? What the hell is this? Well, look, it can't all be strippers. PAT BETTER TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF PRETTY QUICK.

NO, you don't want that. Even on the radio, that's bad. LESS D AND D, MORE TNA.

Just let him get to it. It could be entertaining. Make it speedy. Let's go. It could be.

It could hit our target dead. Yeah. Uh well, as uh as all our listeners know, the country of Aoro has been going under uh some uh pretty uh radical uh changes in tensions in these uh past few moons, as we like to say. Um, I know that there's some stuff going on in Israel right now, but I don't think Israel is facing uh an army of elven zombies who are under the thr of a dark sorcerer, which is what we are facing, which is why our party of adventurers is heading north as quickly as we can because we need to find the last uh three artifacts which we can use against the coming crisis. And as you guys know, we already have uh the helm of dragons, which lets us control dragons. Um, and of course, we have a uh a bobble and control stick uh that was found in what we surmise is a craft crashed alien spacecraft that we found um down near the uh island of Tus Cra.

We are now of course heading north uh past Tus Ree and up into the uh uh the island of Curve which is way way way north. Although here's the weird part. Uh Curve which is on a um series of little islands, it's now a peninsula because volcanoes rose out of the sea and made it all one big land mass. So right there

that was all over the news. What now? You're you're married, Patton. Yes. What does your wife say? I imagine it's something like this on D and D night just so she can save a little face. Where's Patton tonight? Oh, he's out murdering a hookup. She has actually said, "I would be happier if you were at strip clubs getting lap dances than if you were out with a 10-sided dice going, I've got to make my saving throw against petrification." Well, it's an interesting if I if if I had the patience, I would do the setup and ruse with my wife. if I would get involved with D and D at a certain point she would intervene and say I'd rather you be on top of some stripper than and then then I would yell done and done and that'd be the last

Well, you know, that's weird that you bring that up because that is an ongoing risk in our D and D game. Not only do we have to risk, you know, zombies and wizard attacks, we have to risk the actual players going, "Oh my god, I just realized I'm 43 years old and leaving." So, there's always that risk. But last night

Mhm. um my character Where do you play, by the way? at our dungeon master's apartment in the valley.

Well, he's a renter shock. Yeah, he's a renter. Shocker. Dungeon master in his empty uh his empty apartment. Um

now filled with empty diet root beer cans and and sorrow. Well, there was a lot of tension last night because we were man we if we managed to um our priest uh whose name is Oric who is a priest of death um he has a psionic power called dream walking. So he went to sleep and sent his astral dream walking form through these catacombs. And we realize that in the middle of this volcano is the dragon sword or the eagle sword we need to find. But because he was traveling astrally, we don't know exactly how to get through the maze to get to it cuz he just went straight through all these walls. So right there, that is so frustrating. You know what that's like when you send a guy through Astrally.

So uh so our wizard, uh, our elven wizard, Bick, who his legs are smashed, but he's wearing boots of fly, so he can fly around,

uh, made friends with these intelligent eagles who gave, uh, us directions into the volcano.

Uh, so my gnome illusionist, uh, whose name is, well, I can't really say it is just, it's like, uh, brain intercourse, if you want to say it that way. Mine. Uh, yeah. Mine F. Uh he went into uh wraith form, went into uh through a crack in this blocked hallway. Uh and then he unwraith because he found a magic amulet. But now, of course, right there, he's got to relearn the wraith form spell. It takes half an hour to do that. And as he did that, this weird hulking monstrous beast with um like bone protrusions and horns growing out of it came sniffing around. So, the other wizard went through in wraith form. Uh, was about to cast a lightning bolt on it. I luckily learned the spell in time. Went back into the wraith form.

Got back to the wall. It was It was a really tense moment. Touch and go for a minute there.

It was really Yeah, it was pretty rough. Jack Silver, what do you What do you think? I I I think it's going pretty well.

Got to be honest with you, ace. I kind of like the bit. Not just drop the LITTLE GUY LIKE A BAD HABIT. LET'S GO AHEAD IN THE DEMO. AS A as a news girl, I feel I should tell you that Jack Silver just tried to hang himself with his dockers.

Wow. Well, they are pleaded. Well, Pat, I I think it's worked out marvelously. I really enjoyed that and hope you'll come back every Wednesday morning and give us a little D&D update.

Yeah, cuz I I I think what you've done first off, you're an ambassador for the sport.

Thank you. And you will draw a lot of, you know, new generation petitioning the Olympics for Olympic uh level D and D. It is a sport.

Look, if curling's a sport, I say D and D is a sport. I think it's kind of sexy hearing it. I would listen to more of it.

Patton can be found at the Trouador Tuesday, August 15th. And of course, new season of King of Queens coming up on CBS Mondays at 8:00. Panton, always a good time. God bless.

Yeah. Great. You glad you got up for this, by the way? What's so what's wrong, Pat? Really? Seriously, what is so wrong with reality?

What is so wrong about this world that you can't live in it for 10 minutes because you can't control it with a set of dice?

You really can't. Fair enough. We will have uh David Allen Greer Dag, my main man coming in. Also, Dave's jerk list.

That's next. Next. Oh, I got I got to be honest with you, ace. This whole call it the list thing. I'm I don't like it. I don't like it.

You don't like the list. You like I I prefer the old way. I don't like the list.

It was Jimmy Kimmel's idea. It's Kimmel's idea to call it the list. Like I said, I DON'T LIKE IT. I LOVE IT. THERE'S NO LIMIT IN THE LIST. MR. BRIGHT LIST. WHAT CAN'T ADAM LIST ABOUT? LIST ALL AROUND.

All right. Well, thank you for that, Jack Silver. Thank you, Patel. We'll be right back with Dave's list after this. The restraining order said you couldn't call that chick anymore. So call us instead. 86691 Adam. The Adam Corolla Show.

Welcome back to the Adam Corolla Show. Coming up, Dave Damage's jerk list. Jack.

Who made the list this week? We'll find out on the Adam Corolla Show. Well, it's coming. So is David Allen Greer, my main man. All right, we ready there? Uh Dave,

I'm ready to go. You're primed. If everybody, all the jerks in the world want to get a running start, you're free. Go. Ready, set, go. You can run all day, you can run all night. Can't outrun the laser beam. I am like Sauron at top the hill. Looking down, the eye misses nothing. And before I venture out into the world at large, we start here at home. That's right. Last week, Perez Hilton was in here and we had a little discussion about feet and it led to this. Adam doesn't learn a lot.

I have a lovely foot. Would you like to see it again? Look at that. I mentioned that I do appreciate a man with a nicel looking foot and Adams is very nice. Arch not too.

Large. I like large. All right. All right. Is right. Let me tell you something, Teresa. I hold you culpable. Perez Hilton. But number six on the list this week, ADAM COROLLA IS A JERK. LISTEN, KEEP your stinking feet away. You know what you did? You emboldened him. He show He shown up not once but twice since that day

in his slippers. He shows up here in his slippers. He's a grown man. You're not some woman. You don't have pretty feet. You're They're hairy and they stink and keep them under wraps. And and by the way, all you men out there who think it's appropriate to wear your sandals out into the general public, you are wrong and YOU TOO ARE JERKS.

I first off, hold on. I believe would beg to differ. He does have nice feet and very few men have nice feet. But if you do, I think you should wear the flip-flops.

Terresa Straer, YOU TWO ARE A JERK. NO. NO. There's no defending yourself. All right. Last night we talked about it. Terrell Owens on Real Sports with Brian Gumble. blow hard battle for the ages.

Only thing I can really think of is maybe it was the way I grew up. You know, I got picked on so much and it's like I feel like I'm still constantly being picked on.

You really think you are? Mhm. Kermit. All right. You know what? I don't know which one I like less. Let's just I I don't think the laser is going to do it this time around, Brian. Just carpet bomb the whole joint. There we go. And we got anyone who was an eyewitness to it is culpable. I just just get rid of the whole thing. Let's make like it never happened.

You know when Brian Gumble goes down to his clipboard in between pieces. I happen to know people always like what is on that clipboard? It's his head shot.

That's He's just staring at a picture of himself from four years earlier signing autographs to himself. Stay classy, Brian. Stay classy. Brian G.

Why do we hate him so much? Because he's a pompous ass who literally looks down his no down his nose at people. Literally tilts his head back. Tio, now listen, I don't want to get into that sort of acidic crap. Let's make uh let's make some uh with some nice stuff here. Get out of jerk free cards.

You remember last week the Lord above God got it because he didn't make it rain on Pittsburgh during the All-Star game, which would have represented my hometown badly. So, I appreciated that. He got the get out of jerk free card. This time it of course it allows you to buy your way out of any future jerkiness. This week it goes to beef jerky.

Yes. First of all, because it's delicious. But what's really amazing is it's so delicious you're willing to overlook the fact that it's got the WORD JERK RIGHT IN IT.

WOW. DELICIOUS. You beef jerky. Get out of jerk free cards. There you go. Back to the jerk.

And there's there's And I've never had jerky. It has to be the worst cut of meat, right? I mean, it's got to be the leather, the cow. I've never had jerky that I didn't finish. I've never opened a packet of jerky, had two bites, and went, "Well, I topped off on jerky. You finish whatever it is." Wonderful stuff. Yes. Back to the jerks, though. Uh-oh. Just one week after the get out of jerk free card.

God's back. God. Number four. God is a jerk. Listen, I'm not just talking about the fact that it's horribly hot and there's spiders everywhere all over Southern California. Personally, closer to home, I'm losing my hair. This this head of hair has been the money maker for as long as I can remember. It's what's drawn in the ladies forever. Now, I'm getting a just a hint of some thinning over the over the back of the head. Plus, look at this fat gut he's giving me.

I noticed that earlier for the first time. The t-shirt's GETTING IT'S ALMOST GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO START to see flesh hanging out from underneath the t-shirt and over the belt line. And for that reason, GOD, YOU ARE A JERK. GOD, you are a jerk.

He won't do his thing. Brian, I got to be honest with you. I laser blasting. God, you got to understand the reservation.

Comfortable position. Enough with enough with smacking the lips. Make with the laser effect.

The going ball thing isn't that bad. God is a jerk. No. Brian, this is a very important moment for you.

You must make a choice now between God and me. This is going to resonate not just now, not tomorrow, but for all of time. Now make with the laser effect.

God help us all. Thank you. Can you really blame God though for the eating too much?

Uhoh. You're lucky you're already on the host. All right. Now, next, number three, Julenne style. As in, you know, julenne vegetables, thinly sliced,

how they cut the the things, you know. I'm not sure who this Julianne lady is, but I don't like how he got fat, by the way.

Yeah. Eating the Julian fries, you know, beef jerky. I don't like this lady. This Julianne, she named a kind of cutting food after herself. Who does she THINK SHE IS? HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS ARE THERE TO CUT STUFF? It's the height of hubris. I'll tell you what, from now on, when you eat corn on the cob and you do it from right to left, you're doing it Dave style. How about that? How about we just start doing this arbitrarily?

And remember that when you eat the corn on the cob, too. So, right to left is is Dave style.

Yeah, Dave style eating a corn on the cob. In the meantime, Miss Julianne, you felt like you were allowed to to name cutting stuff after yourself. How about I give you a new name? Jerk. I knew the julenne style of prepping vegetables would get on this list one day. No matter time, a sweet vindication for number two, I love the iPod. I really enjoy the iPod, but it's mischievous little friends, the headphones, the the earbuds, but more importantly, the the uh the cords that lead to it. They're so they're naughty. You take them off for for 90 seconds. You put it in your pocket. They get all tangled up.

They come back looking like a goddamn lanyard. I don't know how THAT WORKS. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. It is a malicious deed. It's a willful act of defiance. And for that reason, iPod headphone cords are a jerk.

I agree on that one. Thank you. And now that leads us to number one, the creep of the week. Creep forget about this part of the week. He or she is the creep of the week. This week's creep of the week, old people playing in baseball games. What gives? We talked to the 83year-old man last week who got to play in a minor league game. As if that wasn't enough, now last night in an Allstar game, no less a minor league all-star game. 94year-old Buck O'Neal, you know, the the old the the great Negro League player. He tells those great stories about it. I have no beef with that, but he got two at bats in an actual ball game and they walked him twice. It's nice and all, but it's not going to be so funny when one of these old-timers takes a pass at the ball and his arms come off. Then who's then who's going to laugh? Well, me, I guess I'll laugh about it, but I don't like it. And worse yet, what if one of

them gets A HIT? WHAT'S THAT GOING TO DO TO MY SELF-ESTEEM WHEN A 90-YEAR-OLD man can get a hit? And I can't hit 65 mph uh pitching machine.

True. You ever think of that, Buck O'Neal? That's why you, sir, and the and the rest of your like are creep of the week.

So, it's not only Buck O'Neal, it's all the 92year-old ex negro big leaguers who play in minor league Allstar games.

And they know who they are. They know who they are. Right. And I hope you're alienating a pretty big portion of our audience. I also hope, Adam, that you'll take a moment to reflect on your deeds that resulted in your inclusion in the jerk list.

I have beautiful feet and I'm not going to apologize to you or anyone else. Brian, give him one more.

Nathan, yeah. You don't like that Damashk put the Almighty on the jerk report? Yes, because I'm a Catholic. You're an atheist. Dave, I don't know what religion he is.

Super Jew. What? Oh, Jew. You're talking your own god right there. What is with the Jew?

Nathan, how old are you? I'm 13. 13. It's funny because you sound young, but you also sound like a [ __ ]

It's weird. Are you a young [ __ ] No, I'm not a [ __ ] What year were you born?

93. Do you have pubic hairs? Yep. Will you send Teresa one? She needs something for her wallet now that her boyfriend's picture has has been exumed. Well, I guess here's the good news for you is that uh I'm I'm going to send you to meet your maker right now, Brian, if you would.

All right, Nathan. Oh, yeah. One more thing. Yes. I'm calling you the ultimate jerk of the year. Creep of the year or something.

Well done, sir. Well played. Damn. Exciting. You know, I think one day Nathan could grow up to be

Billy like either a Billy or maybe even a Dave or possibly a Patton. Most likely

dynamite. All right. The overunder on you losing your virginity is 39. What base has he gotten to? Is he gone?

Uh, I would say that he owes a base. He's actually in the whole bases. If he got to second base, they'd move him back to first.

Nathan, have you kissed a girl? No. Makes Nathan see it makes uh Billy seem like Stanley Kowalsski at Street Car Named Desire.

Magnetic Pierce Broman COMPARED TO THIS GUY. HE'S THE BAR clay man. All right, Nathan.

You keep keep going. Are you okay, Nathan? Yeah, I'm okay. Anything we need to know about?

Nope. No thyroid conditions or learning disabilities? You're that nerd? Nah. Nope.

Okay. What grade? What grade are you in? I'm going to be in eighth. Huh? You're what?

I'm be eighth. Eighth grade? Yeah. But not homeschooled. Not homeschooled. Okay.

Consider myself a nerd. All right, son. Keep listening to the program. Okay. All right. Did you have one last thing you wanted to say?

Uh, no. That's about it. Okay. Please volunteer that early. He was explosive. Certainly was. We need to take ourselves a break. David Allen Greer on the way to be here. Also, uh, professional motorcycle racer Nikki Hayden is here. Essentially, the Formula 1 bikes. This guy is, uh, feeding the world at this sport. David Allen Greer, believe it or not, you wouldn't know it to look at him or listen to him, is a huge superbike fanatic. goes to all the events, goes riding, does the whole thing. So, uh, he's gone through a pair of panties already that Nikki Hayden's here. Also, Nikki, easy on the eyes, as Teresa suggested, and the rest of the female staff. We'll bring him in. Also, David Allen Greer, Perez Hilton, Hollywood happenings, all still coming up on the Adam Corolla Show.

Recently on the Adam Corolla Show, Dag takes on Aussie in the first ever flap steak showdown. May the best meat win. 1 A and 1B. Walter, you will be the tiebreaker for me.

Mhm. Number eight. A the A platter was Oswaldo Castillo. Everybody, uh, it's obviously a racist plot. Oh no.

Well, you know there's trickery involved. Now hold on. No. You know a white man was uh messing with my meat before I cooked it. I turned around. I was held up. I was frisk. I know.

No. I wasn't allowed my tools. Edo coming over there pinching me. I dispute that.

Thank you very much. You cheater. Cheater. Cheater. You're the biggest. David Allen Greer returns to the Adam Corolla show. What's happening Dag? I AM SO EXCITED TODAY, ADAM. I TELL YOU WHAT, you know, a lot of times, like my doctor was telling me, get back on the meds, you know, calm down the highs and lows, but I walked to the studio TODAY CUZ I LEFT MY HOUSE AT 5:15 a.m. Uh, it's very important. I saw the greatest movie of all time, ever, ever. Everyone, Teresa, uh, Clarissa, whatever your name is, you should come to this movie. It's faithful. It's about motorcycles.

Dave is beside himself cuz Nikki Hayden is in the green room. Yeah. And I called the studio three times cuz you guys didn't announce him. I was like, "What's going on?"

I'm getting What's going on? IT'S THE DOCTOR, THE TORNADO, AND THE KENTUCKY KID.

YEAH. OH, and uh he's uh made uh People's Magazine 50 hottest bachelors last year. My uh headphones went out. But

it is a it's a half about his time time lap times. What? It's a half Well, he set a track record, I guess, at Laguna Sega. Is going to be up there this weekend. For those who don't know the Moto GP stuff, it is uh it's the Grand Prix of motorcycle racing. Huge in Europe, not as big here. And it's just a happy coincidence that David Allen Greer was booked for today and happens to be the only black man in the world who follows this sport. How dare you?

Jordan owns a team. He does. Very tall, bald Africanamean men. They can't really fit on the bikes, but they try.

Michael Jordan does own a motorcycle racing team, doesn't he? And he rides. He's a big huge fan. Big supporter.

And Brad Pitt is too, right? Michael Jordan. What's up with Brad Pitt movie star? Yeah. Like even in the movie, you know, his hair is all dyed blonde. He's like, "Hey, stay upright, huh?"

No, these guys are going to die. You don't need somebody. Hey, Corola. You know what I mean?

Hey, save me uh save me uh some of that meat on that bone. Dag you riding. You're going to Are you going to Laguna Seca this weekend?

I'M GOING TO LAGUNA SEGA. AM I NOT CHOCOLATE BROWN? HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU?

I was going to use as brown, but yeah. Oh, sometimes you just get overwhelmed whenever you ask ME. OH MY GOD.

WHAT WOULD happen if you missed it? Oh no, he's she's vomiting now. Theresa, I love you so much.

I noticed you talking to Teresa out in the hall. You seem pretty concerned about her.

I do single. You are so I tell you right now I'm hitting a rough patch and I know I talk about I can't talk about this publicly but the

rough patch also named for Teresa's vagina by the way. Well, it would be if I was there.

No. Ow. No means no. Wait a minute. You're sweeping me off my feet. And this is the sound of you.

He's very oldfashioned. He believes in courting a woman. This is like a Merchant Ivory film, only a little less so.

Scoot down. Scoot down, man. Get them penny draws off. Merchant Avenue. Bring me my Don't look. What about Have you ever dated a celebrity Teresa?

Well, you know the highest Dunkelman is the highest ranking celebrity you've been out with.

Do you realize what a jump I would make if I went from Dunlman to dad? Wait a minute. What about a black guy?

You dated Dunleman? Yes. That's not the last. Start crying again. That's not the last.

No. No. That was many years ago before he was on American Idol. And what would he say when you butt naked in bed? You know, it's uh someday I'm going to be a co-host on a on a show about amateur singers. You often said that.

Wow. I Well, that didn't work, did it? Have you ever dated a man of color? Well, you know, my stepfather was a man of color.

Oh. Who raised me? Date him. You guys just had sex. You said raised, not raped.

Yeah. Raised. That's a close call there. She was raised by man. And you loved him very much.

Yeah. He was like a father. Was he Did he have a job and all? Oh, what did I do?

Nothing. Um, yeah, he had a job. Did he? Really? Yeah, he played the trumpet. He uhoh.

YOUR MAMA'S OUT OF SIGHT. BABY, BRING ME MY SPAT. You're never in town long, but you're awfully fun.

They were spats. I didn't know what they were called then. Teach me how to SHOOT DICE, JAY. BABY, I WROTE YOU A SONG. It's called Gumdrop,

man. That is really uh What kind of music did he play? He played with the four tops and the Temptations and all the Mottown.

That's great. That's great. And he made a good living. And he's still he's still alive. He died.

Well, you still haven't answered if you would be with a man of color. Not How did he die? Let me heart attack.

Kidneys. Kidneys. Right. What would it sound like if uh that 12 had a heart attack? I'm trying to combine it with sex.

You could combine those two way. Hold on, sweet. Let me put my trumpet down. You know how we do it. Don't you time for a solo.

OH MY HEART. A TOUR TO force level difficulty at his highest. No, he died of a he had the kidneys. He had well he had one uh the transplant and that lasted about 10 years then he

was it the living the the way he lived what was going on there. Yeah, he lived rough the musician's life is

but not your mom. Not my mom just JBO mom's still around. So would you date David Allen Greer?

I don't think he's asking me out. I think he has a girl. I do. I do. I'm currently in a uh relationship.

Mhm. But it's maybe hitting a rough. It's tough. I can't I can't talk about But what I'm offering really what I'm offering is I would like you to have dinner with me as a friend

because I think you need to get yourself out there. And uh hold on. Let me ask my boss.

I didn't know. I didn't know I was butt negative. Can I trust this as a friend thing to dinner? Tell me if I can trust this.

Well, since my draws on, can I get a hood? He'll take you out and then he'll offer offer up his pepper mill.

Say you ain't done kissing yet, baby. Got one more spot. All right. Oh, yeah. Comes. It's all platon. I can tell he has a couple Hennessies and then it's game on.

You're a woman. Come on. You know, you have a brain. You have a mind. We can be friends and and that's what I would provide cuz I was very upset. I don't know what this guy did. You still haven't said what did he do? Did he pull a knife on you? What?

I'm just kidding. He was a good man. And you know, it just didn't work out. You know how it is.

Okay. Can you just tell me this? I don't want to get too personal. What was that moment? We all have that point where it's like, you know,

you're a jerk. What? Wait, what did you say? Where you realize we realize you're not into him,

right? I had that with myself about 9 years ago. What? What happened? I just realized I wasn't that into myself.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it. We stay together for the kids. I mean, my testicles. I had them, man. Every time I come over, you're hiding the babies. What's going on?

Where are those? Are they like Siri? No one's seen them. I uh No, David, you're uh you're more than welcome to hang out with them.

Hey, why don't you bring him to the motorcycle races this weekend up in Monterey? Bring your wifey, too.

I'm going I'm actually going on a going on a bachelor party this weekend with Kimmel this weekend.

Bachelor party with Kimmel. Really? With your wife and your kids? Would you pick your babies out of a lineup of other babies?

Yes, there were. Not if there was more than three. They're too I could definitely get

I Dave, you knew Dave Dave has Well, Dave is in a arrested state of development.

How dare you? He sits up upon his hill with his motorcycles and his humidor and his fine wine

and his hot tub bringing the ladies over. Smells of pachuli oil when you go into his beautiful abode.

That might be a good name. He has a house full of toys. I mean that you're never settling down, are you Dave?

Um, no kids for you. Well, what happened to you? That's not true. No parents. That's not true. That's not true. If with the right person. I do. And And am I right, Teresa? Every woman wants to hear about the future, don't you?

I do. Yeah. Can we have some kids? We'll be right back. Some nice kids. Where we going? Well, can we have them right now?

By the way, I'm sorry to It only takes a minute, girl, to impregnate you. Is that it? I think that was it. Cuz dude didn't want to knock you up.

All right, we need to we need to we need to wrap it up for a sec. I know. No, I know you guys are getting along. Well,

you're not going anywhere. You're going to lose all interest in me when the great Nikki comes in. Kentucky.

That's true. You got to know. David Allen Greer in studio. Nikki Hayden, motorcycle rider extraordinaire.

And I can love. Okay. I can father kids. I can be an MN. Yeah. Okay. Get it through your thick noggin, Coroli. You don't know me. Cracky cracky tool.

Oh, look. You're like a mad scientist, David. You're you're you're a genius, but you're a mess.

Oh, I know. You take great umbrage to that every time I say socks today. I DIDN'T WEAR SOCKS TODAY.

You're Don't you You must know you're nuts right? No, that's not true. It is so down to earth. You know what? A lot of the women in my life, they say, "Where's the cookie guy,

right? They want more of that." Exactly. When I'm all hugged up with them and stuff and we're

But the current relationship's on the rocks. No, no, no, no, no. Everything's fine.

Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Let's take a break, shall we? We'll take a quick break.

Get away. You said we're off the air. David, you compose yourself now. I need you to be strong for me. I need you to be strong for me.

Teresa, call me. I want to give you something. I love advice. We'll take a quick break. We'll be back with David Allen Greer and possibly my Angelou.

Adam, you have before you a man, a black man, a chocolate prince, a king, a pharaoh, a black freedom.

Nikki Hayden as well. All that coming up after this. People of the earth, this is Van Stone telling you 1 2 3 4. You got a question and you want an answer. You are a stripper or a topist dancer. Call 8 66 91 ADAM. WHAT'S THE number 66? That's right. 911. Yeah. [ __ ] [ __ ] Get off the

Shut the hell up, dude. You're not in a band. The Adam Corolla Show. Here's another Crank call from the Crank Yankers Vault with David Allen Greer. I'm um I'm about to get married and uh my fiance is Jewish, right?

I uh promised her that I would convert. Uh first of all, are you circumcised? Let's

uh No, I'm not. Now, how do they do it? Do they you or you knocked out? You go into the hospital, they give you a local, I guess, and they cut the foreskin.

You know what? You know what? It It's not so terrible. Can you tell me like step number two? You do your studying with Rabbi Ed. Once you finish studying, he gets a bed in together.

Uh, a what? A bed in is a three rabbis. Oh, wait a minute. How many? Three. David Allen Greer's in the studio on the Adam Corolla Show.

A lot of the blacks don't like Jews, but David Allen Greer is actually allergic to Jews.

That's not true. Are you a part of the fallen religion? I am. The Jewish people are wonderful people as are all of God's creation. You Adam, what is your said religion belief? You're devil worship.

Not really. I I don't I don't have anything that I'm aware of. See what I'm saying? You open other people's wounds, but no opening up your own.

Well, I I would have I I probably just go with Italian, but my religion I I don't know.

I don't know what the hell's going on. Everyone in my family's an atheist. Yeah, but that's a belief in nonbelief. Yeah. I don't I don't That's too strenuous. I can't believe in not believing. I'm like, you know, whatever.

Yeah. Well, whatever. What is that? Agnostic. Is that what you are? Uh sometimes I mean I'm like I'm a human being. Meaning like if you and I are heading for a brick wall, I'm like, "Please God please

please, I'll do anything." You know, and if I have an incredibly good day, I'll be like, "Wow, thank you."

It will. Yeah. But it's because I grew up in a house where we went to church. I mean, it just kind of happens, you know.

I thought your dad was a shrink or a teacher and my parents divorced, but my mother was all, you know, like, "Yeah." Oh, yeah.

Where' you Where'd you grow up? Detroit, Michigan, baby. Praise God. And this is this what it was like.

We would like to bring Adam Crackoli up in people's one more again church. He comes to us with Christian experience. Adam, come on down. Let me bless you. Oh, look at you, boy. Look at you.

I don't know, Dave. Huh? Your mama said I praise God. Heal this young man. I like when like Christians when they pray a lot of times they pray like, "Dicrophone. Uh, send my voice over the airways. Pray my sickness holes my ass. GOD, PRAY. I PRAY THE DOOR OPEN WHEN I GET in and when I get to the studio, Lord, please have lights light so I could say my words. And God with my with my breakfast MY BREAKFAST MUFFIN. GOD, PLEASE MAKE IT HOT. PLEASE. PRAISE GOD. Have a good, you know, it's

weird when you're nickel and dime and God. Oh yeah. Yeah. Go go go go go for the big stuff, but stay, you know, they get into this stuff where the the the dome light turns on in the car when they open the door and they're thanking the Almighty for that one. Save them for the big stuff.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for my arms and legs. You know what I'm saying? I didn't get struck by lightning. Thank you, God.

You don't pray for a clean car, you know, but people people get into it. People get into it. So, we're talking uh Maya Angelou,

one of my favorites. I also uh I know I try to get you to do this every time you come on, but I

What's going on? You just remember that time a long time ago we uh went ahead and took the contents of the birth control pill, the hormones in the birth control pill, and you converted them into black children's names.

I I've heard it a hundred times, but it's funnier every time I hear it. You know was the worst the worst atrocity that you've ever perpetrated on me. It was on your TV show when you a wig.

Of course you get a wig and a mixing ball. I know. But this was a long meeting. It was like there was a lunch break. Adam was there with all of his writers.

Yeah. Me do it. Do it. You got I was like I don't really I think that the voice television man.

All right. Well, now you can do the voice. I'm going to throw a voice out. I'm going to throw a name out. This is These are ingredients in birth control pills and you turn them into black children's names. Please delight me. Oh, I have a birthday coming up.

Leave a gesteral. Leave an astero. Leave a jesteral. Did you take my money out my purse? You come here, boy. Come here, boy. Come here. Hold still. Don't you run from me. Don't you come here now. Bring me my change back.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks a lot. All right. Are you ready for the next one?

Yeah, let's keep it coming. Oh man, this one's too long. Let's see. You know what, Adam?

Norah Gestro. Norah Jester. Norah Jester. No. Can I speak to you please in the Dan just for a minute, please? Say goodbye to your little friends. No, just sit sit your ass down. Sit your ass. Don't you ever talk to me in that tone of voice again. I will I know you bleeding. I WILL KNOCK YOU OUT. NOW, THIS AIN'T EVEN MY KNOCKOUT PUNCH. NOW GET OUT THERE AND HAVE FUN. I love my kids. Last one. Estradile. Estradile. Estradile. And a POLICEMAN AND HE BEEN AT THIS HOUSE FOR 10 MINUTES. WE ALL LOOKING FOR YOU. I KNOW YOU HEAR ME. COME HOME AND THE BEATING WON'T BE THAT BAD.

Thank you. David Allen Greer in the birth control bills. Nikki Hayden, the greatest greatest motorcycle racer out today.

He is one of the greatest. He is America's brightest hope. He's a fabulous racer. You know, in this movie that uh we all went to the screening of last night, they're talking about, as you well know, people who compete, people who have that competitive edge, they're different than other people. And they profiled like he and Valentino Rossy and Colin Edwards. A lot of these guys came from families where their fathers Nikki Hayden's mother raced.

Really? Yes. His mother and his father motorcycles. Yes. You got to see the movie. I raced a 125.

I mean everybody. So they had him on like Yeah. kind of they deep, you know, they down with it. But I mean everybody, all these guys gush when he comes in. You probably live on him, Dave.

Hi, Lindsay. She's all over him. He's gay. Nikki Hayden will be in. Dave's uh David Allen Greer's hanging out.

Don't embarrass me. We'll be right back after this. Hey, this is the Adam Corolla Show, but this is

Stanley Bing. You uh are the author of 100 BS jobs. Stanley, give us give us a suggestion or two.

Entry level computer game tester. You get to play you get to play, you know, frag zombies and drink beer and then frag notes on the game.

Cuz that'd be the world's worst death. The [ __ ] zombie. Not that he kills you, it's what he does with your corpse.

Stay here cuz there's a lot more coming up. The Adam Corolla Show. Here's what's coming up tomorrow morning on the Adam Corolla Show with program director Jack Silver. Hey, what up peeps? Coming up tomorrow, we got Sugar Ray. Uh, fantastic band. The kids love him.

That's Sugar Ray Leonard. Jack, fantastic boxer. The kids love him. Also, Ivan Wrightman, the genius behind such Hollywood hits as Animal House, Ghostbusters. Finally, something the kids are into. And also, De Brat Guy. Thank Christ I love that guy. He's hot, pot, and ready to rock. And uh, what else? That's it. Presca August, get in my office set. Thanks, Jack. Let's get back to the Adam Corolla show.

We're back. Nikki Hayden is in studio. Greatest American rider. And Theresa Strasser has turned into Yesterday news in the DAG newspaper.

Hold on just for a minute. Get away from me. Dag is in love with Nikki Hay. All you have is breasts and a vagina. This man cried.

Grand Prix motorcycles. The the the greatest. I I I mean it's the coolest motorsport there is. It's not uh

it is it Well, it's essentially it is Formula 1 on uh two wheels. Would that be the best way to describe it, Nikki?

Yeah, for sure. We do a lot of the same tracks as Formula 1. Same sort of calendar. So, yeah, similar.

What is the speed? Do you guys get around? What about lap times? Uh Laguna Sec is probably our shortest track on the whole year. It's only about a minute 24, but some of the longer ones, Malaysia's over 2 minutes. Those are

How does it compare to the cars on a track like that? Uh, Formula 1's faster for sure. I don't know about Lagona what they do up there, but I mean, they got uh four wheels. They got seat belt, too. So, they got a little advantage going.

You could put a seat belt on your bike. It just wouldn't be It would suck if you crash, but no one's stopping you. What uh like what's one of the fastest tracks you guys are on?

Uh Barcelona I think is in Spain is the biggest speed there. Like 215 mph top speed. So that's

wide open. And when these guys This is This is the sport, by the way. When they go into the corners, they're just dragging their knees. Everyone is just down at a 45° angle, if not more.

Now, how do you think that knee puck was invented? Do you think a lot of guys like ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. We need something for the knee. Is is his sport?

Maybe he got it from his girlfriend. Say what? He may be borrowing it from his girlfriend.

Get on your knee. God dang. The sport is definitely bigger in Europe than it is here. Is it would it be comparable to soccer? What soccer is in Europe compared to what soccer is here? Well, I was in um Rome during the season two years ago and Rome and Venice, every corner, every street corner, not only Valentino Rossy, every rider, like we have football jerseys, baseball caps, it was all about Moto GP. It was on every day, all day in Spain when I was there. It was It's really big, wouldn't you say?

Yeah. In Europe, especially Spain and uh Spain and Italy are probably the two biggest. But also this year we've uh went to China for the first time, Turkey, and some of those places. They pretty well into it pretty good, too.

What is wrong with this country that we're fanatics for NASCAR, but we won't embrace this sport, which is so much more dynamic and takes so much more skill to do. I mean, look, here's the deal. Anyone in this room could get behind the wheel of a NASCAR and within 6 months, you could figure it out so you can get around the track, no problem. There's no way. There's no way you could do the Moto GP. It's it's it's impossible.

NASCAR that that upsets me. Like, okay, a guy say you get injured, Nikki. We're on the team.

Mhm. You can't race. They put me in Davy G. I race for you. Yeah. You get the points, he heals up, he gets back on the race, and they keep going.

Really? So, they put Willie T. Ribs in. Yes. He turns a few hot. Let him know that's a real rider. Yeah,

I met him. I met him. I was like, "Dude, change your name." He's like, "Why, man? I like my name. Willy T Re. Trying to get some sponsorship. Bill Coffee put me on, you know. Hopefully."

No, it's funny you say. We were just talking about it the other day. And NASCAR, they love that caution flag. It gets spread out a little bit, guys.

They're just in fats like fat races and cages, you know? Let's bunch them back. fat guys dragging their fat asses around around a course and going in a circle by the way, not carving it up. Chicanees left and right like you guys. It is the one of the greatest or one of the most beautiful shots in sports is when they put the camera down on the end of the straightaway and everyone just falls into the first corner. It looks like they're going to hit the camera and then everyone just falls. It's just that 90° or 45° turn and just everyone just starts. It's like a ballet. A ballet on wheels.

Speaking of beautiful, you're regarded as one of the hottest bachelors there is. Dave, but I'm married.

Not you. No, Nikki hat. Nikki is a Mac ballerin now. I mean, People magazine's 50 hot

bachelors. You do a cool sport. Every woman in this office as well as Dag is drooling over you. You cannot take three steps anywhere in the world without falling into a vagina. Yes.

Well, I mean, uh, strictly business. I I mean I definitely uh try to stay hungry and stay focused, but it's not it's not about life.

Distract you. A woman might just hot the girls are going to be in Laguna Seca this weekend. Oh my god.

You going DL RADIO? D, you're you're not gay, but you have done your fair share of musical theater

and you're a huge fan of Nikki Hayden. Would you in the sport? No. No. Would you? No.

Even if you put a sock on your hand. No. Would No. Really? I mean, you're pretty big fan.

No. I'm not I'm I'm a You could use your throttle hand. Well, hey, it's the end of the world. Let's go for it.

All of a sudden, the lights come up. Bingo. We got you. I'm a I'm I'm a fan of this sport. Come on.

All right. Come on. Would you Would you uh you and your See what you did, man. Now Nikki, move away, man. Come on, man. Can I get a hug, Nikki? Come on. I'm nervous now.

You shouldn't be You should You should be nervous with him. Adam. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Now you big Mo.

What is your bike? What is uh By the way, I heard your bike was a million half dollars. How the hell could someone with two wheels cost that much?

It's the technology pay for. I mean it's uh the research and development. Yeah, exactly. It's all I mean the latest and greatest. A lot of it's computer now. So much fuel injection, electronics, traction control. And

what what what is your bike? Are those bikes 0 to 60? Do you know what that that time is?

Fast in the ones and change. Yeah, I'd say faster than that. Faster than 1 second.

In the ones. Yeah. Yeah. Like the super cars, the super crazy exotic Ferraris are in the high 3s. And that's the exotic ones. That's not the ones you see driving around Beverly Hills. The super exotic ones.

That's the one that got crashed. The one that got crashed. Yeah, those are probably in the 38s or something. These are in the 17s, 18s in the 0 to 60 department.

Dude, last year, do you remember? I'm sure you were getting ready for the race, but they have a fan lap, you know, every year where they let these guys, you know, on their street bikes, they ride the course. There was one dude last year who built his own Moto GP bike in his garage. Now, I don't know how much it cost, but apparently this is like he did it on his own dime and he raced the thing around like some engineer insurance salesman or something like that

that it worked. Yeah, it sounded you didn't you didn't take any lamps, did you? Because I know you do do that stuff. I rode in the back

with the N not with that guy with this uh former racer that he rode a few few of us around. It was really

It was amazing scary. Shut up. Hey, how you guys doing? What's up? Hey, uh Nikki, I've got a couple of questions.

All right. Brilliant. Hey, uh well, first of all, congratulations on winning a Laguna Seca last season. That was fantastic, dude.

All right. Thanks. I mean, that was that was it. Uh how do you think the bikes are going to compare next season when the uh CC's are reduced? you know, when the with the motor changes.

Yeah. You know, they say now they're testing and it really hadn't changed lap times that much, but should make the bikes harder to ride, a lot more torque, and uh they're going to be a bit lighter, but uh

So, what are you on a 500? No, 1000cc 5cylinder. Wow. What's prompting the uh chain down in power?

The speeds, you know, they they want to put a limit on it, you know, the last few years just for safety. You know, the bikes are kind of outgrowing some of these tracks. So, uh, they actually cut our fuel back 2 years ago, so we only have 22 L instead of 24.

But isn't it really safe, though? I mean, well, they're still going to have the backboard limiting clutches on them, right?

All right. Listen, I'm I'm a gear head and I'm bored by you guys. No, but wait a minute. I'm I'm saying Nikki, like, how many people have died like in the last two seasons with you guys?

In our particular sport, nobody. It's pretty safe. Yeah, that's pretty safe. Yeah. This year, Nikki was almost killed by some chicks when he was in Brazil. It was a what we call a pea avalanche. PE land

and just barely I held on to tell the story. All right. So you will be there this weekend. Lagona Secika. Yes.

Absolutely. Go Nikki Hayden. Go. Of course. You have your flag out. Uh no. I'm not that good, but I will be cheering you on, dude. Good luck.

Nikki Hayden will be there. Of course. He won last year. We wish him luck this year riding for the Red Bull team. Red Bull got all over motorsports in like the last few years in a crazy big way.

They own it, man. They got the Red Bull suite at the uh at the over this weekend is the place to be, dude. Last year on the hill, you know what was great last year that you guys these guys all race against each other at the end of the race. You and Valentina Rossy, all you guys partied together and hung out uh for hours. I mean, it wasn't like for 10 15 minutes. It really seemed like everybody kind of got along and really uh it was really fun. It was different than any other sport. It wasn't like you guys were all in your uh locker room.

Thank you. Head out. See if you can grab some sloppy seconds this year. Okay. Always.

You know, I know Nikki honey. All right. I'll be right here in the paddock. We're going to take a quick break. Dag. Nice work as per usual.

Dag is going to be where the hell are you going? Cobs comedy is where he's going to be. That's right.

And he'll be on top of Teresa's stresser. That's later on today. But Cobbs Comedy Club, San Francisco, August 31st through September 3rd. Nikki, thank you. Good seeing you as usual. And we'll be right back with news.

What do we have to Yes. Well, there was a moment in time when rocker Tommy Lee officially lost his last shred of coolness. And I have that moment caught on tape. Also, a little more on the Christy Brinkley story and a horrible side effect of gastric bypass surgery. All right, Nikki, thanks again. Good luck. And uh we'll be right back after this. Thank you.

If you add up the digits in our phone number, you get 43. I have way too much time on my hands. If you do too, call us at 86691 Adam, the Adam Corolla Show. Yesterday on the Adam Corola Show, Alien Ant Farm debuted their brand new song about Teresa. When she came to work for our show, she had a boyfriend that we didn't know. But then she dumped a loser. And ever since then, she's been a boozer. So every night she's drinking. She's so fragile that we're thinking. When Dave told her to f off was a blunder, but still we wonder, Teresa, are you okay? You okay? You okay, Teresa? Teresa, are you okay? You okay?

You okay, Teresa? Teresa, are you okay? You okay? You okay, Teresa? And that's all we really have so far. We got to come back next week and do the next verse.

I was into that. That was really good. I wanted to hear this about her killing Dave and then committing suicide.

David Allen Greer, he left. He came back. He went out to never say goodbye. Went out to the parking glasses. Daddy never say goodbye.

Dad told me he was going to head out. He's going to head out of the parking lot and smell Mickey Hayden's motorcycle seat and then he was going to run right back right.

All right, T, you ready to do some news, baby? In the most awkward transition of all time, a Hezbollah rocket hit Nazareth today. Unfortunately, killed three people.

I hated that band. No, that Oh, forget it. You jokester. Meanwhile, in the first in the first mass evacuation of Americans from Beirut, a thousand Americans headed out on a luxury liner today towards Cyprus. They will not be charged for the trip as originally indicated by the government.

Thank God. All the people that were clinging to the skid of the Huey as it pulled out over Saigon in 1974 have to be poed. Like Crimea River, you're on a luxury ship. Oh, you had to wait 3 hours in the sun and only got a cold lunch. That must have been rough. I was hanging from the skid of a helicopter as it took off.

What about that family meeting? Baby, I GOT GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. The good news is we got 400 acres right outside Saigon. Bad news is a human.

All right, in entertainment news on Rockstar Supernova last night, the Icelandic Magny sang the song Flush from the Stone Temple Pilots. In case you missed it, here's just a little sampling of Magny.

Now, here was the moment where I don't know, you guys have to tell me. This is Tommy Lee commenting on Magny's performance.

Oh, check this dude. I got one word. You ready? Magnificent. Oh, I'm going to go.

He's jumped the shark. Dad, see you later. His penis jumped the shark. You think Tommy Tom Tommy Lee's went as big as his penis?

He was thinking and rolling too. It took a while. That means he was searching the hard drive. He goes, "One word, dude." Searching. Searching. Nothing. Nothing. Uh, complete new search. Nothing. Nothing. Mag. Nothing. Still zero. Still zero. Still zero. Check this last file.

Neos. He just pulled that out. I'm I'm guessing also that he had writers. You're right. You're right.

Okay. Now that gastric bypass surgery has become so popular, there's a side effect no one considered. And it's now being reported this from the Wall Street Journal. As many as 30% of people who have had the surgery end up alcoholics, drug addicts, gambling addicts, or shopping addicts. H

according to one expert at the University of Virginia, quote, "Addiction is like a thirst. If you're thirsty and there's no water, YOU'LL DRINK LEMONADE."

You know what else? Mhm. Yes. Those things only last like 2 years. I I I know a club owner who got his like stomach liked or whatever, but he said you have about a 2year window because you're supposed to be terminally fat. So they're saying you should lose 300 lb or whatever, but your stomach starts to stretch cuz you cuz he's you eat in small amounts, but you eat 800 times a day.

So you going to be fat and alcoholic, drug addict, gambling dude. I'm wondering I I don't want to show any disrespect, but uh my Angelou seems like she could probably lose a few pounds.

How dare you? My weight is my armor, my strength, my sword against oppression. Adam Corolla, I kne you wrong. Thank you, David. Soldier, soldier in my army of good doingness. Freedom.

What about Teresa? She's, you know, venturing out into the single world again. Take me up.

As you walk through this minefield of the heart, look to the sky. Think of all the names of your coutter named by people who love you. Stankhole. Um, devil's play pot. Um guys, so many names that empower you, that strengthen you, that buttress your receiver of all man's evil. Teresa, you're a goddess of peace, freedom. Listen, I I may be a lightweight, but I really do believe that David Allen Greer could compose spontaneously better stuff than MyAngelou does when she sits down and burns the midnight oil. I I really do. That's how much respect I have for her work.

Well, I was going to get to Christy Brinkley, but Perez Hilton's here and he's really the queen of gossip. So, I'm going to leave that to him.

Well, before he breaks a pump heel, we should bring him in. So, that's it. I'm Theresa Straer. That's the news.

It's time. No, that's enough sports. Dave Damashek's number one sports. We get it. Couple teams won, some lost. Somebody so it goes.

Dads and the St. Louis this. Right. RIGHT. PEREZ. Good morning. Good to see you. Hollywood gossip queen Perez Hilton here. We need uh say hello to David Allen Greer. We'll take a quick break. Give us a tease of what we might hear in the upcoming moments.

You know, last time I was here, I got a lot of feedback as I was um outing people.

You added six people in under 20 seconds. I think I'll continue that today. Out, please. Out some. Do you have some Lindsay Lohan dudes?

Oh, I added Queen Latifah last week, I think. All right, there we go. Who else you got?

I'll save it. I'll save more outings and David Allen's career after this. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? Let's find out. Listen to the Adam Corolla Show. There's Perez Hilton. Whitney would get high. She would have all these lesbian sex romps. Visit Perezhilton.com.

Just play with her sex toys for days. Let's see what the Hollywood gossip queen has for us today. Perez Hilton. Coming up on the Adam Corolla Show.

Well, here she is in the flesh. Perez Hilton. I will give you $100 if you out David Allen rear right now. Just try.

Come at me, big boy. You want a tango? Let's do it. No, but I do have a question for you. What?

Um, you know, I heard that back in the day, I don't know if they still do it, but the weigh-ins brothers used to have these parties up in the hills,

swingers parties. Not not like with like not with like guys, but they invite like all these chicks over to these parties.

So, you're saying the Wayne's brothers, like big orgies? They hold orgies? You're saying the Wes Brothers? Cuz when you say Wayne's brothers, you're usually talking about Shawn and Marlin.

I don't know specifically which ones. I'm going to say that. I'm going to refute that.

You will. Not true. Nothing. Oh, actually heard Marlin. No, Damon. But listen, no, that's not true.

Pres, these are these are single young I was going to say brothers who have a ton of money or in Hollywood. Doesn't everyone do this? Uh, have you you

And when you say swingers, that's just people who want to have sex with other people with lots of girls. No, no, no. Like they'd invite lots of girls. What's wrong with that? I mean,

dag. You were at those parties. By the way, consider this rumor confirmed. Yes.

What's next? Can I go stay? Why did I stay? I WAS ALMOST OUT. THEY DRAGGED ME BACK.

ALL RIGHT, let's cut the foreplay. Oh, you're not going to be in the White Chicks, too. Big deal.

You got me. You know, uh, Teresa mentioned Christy Brinkley. I don't see what the big deal is. Every guy cheats, you know, he he was banging his assistant. She's like a teenager when they started. Now this second girl is on the cover of the New York Post saying, "Yeah, I banged him, too." But, you know,

but that was before the relationship. It doesn't count. She's a sing. She's just trying to promote herself.

But was is the second girl was he married to Christy Brinkley when they were hooking up?

It doesn't. Then who cares? That's right. Doesn't count. Aren't there some nude pictures of you, Teresa?

Say yes, please. As a baby. Yeah, but I mean, if they weren't in a relationship, it doesn't count.

But somebody this this this excites me so much. I never saw this one coming. I thought these two were going to last forever.

Christy and and her man that are coming up. According to reports, Al Reynolds, Star Jones husband was seen visiting a divorce lawyer.

Wow. Were they making out? By the way, you haven't outed anybody in at least 30 seconds. Al Reynolds.

Uh Teresa, he's already out. And she's waiting. He's already out. More out than him. One outing.

What do you mean? Why spotted with fellas? Well, you mean his he had like a a Roman what's it called? like a Roman toga party orgy themed bachelor party. I'm not even kidding. It was like at a spa and guys came in like Greek dresses like in Greek towels and little songs or whatever.

It's been reported. I'm not joking. Can you confirm that? Did Star Jones make a public statement

paraphrasing I know of my husband's past. She didn't mention the word gay though.

No, but I'm saying I know his lifestyle. We've discussed everything. Yeah. Yeah. We've discussed everything. You can't get more out than that.

What would that statement sound like, Dag, if it was to come from Star Jones's mouth?

We have discussed my husband's past that hot dog and all his proclivities. I would just like to tell Barbara that we are together. bypass stuff coming up on you, huh?

We're together now. I I just almost forgot. I I'll give you an exclusive that I um

now on his like phone. I'll give you an exclusive that haven't even posted on the site. Star Jones is in Los Angeles. So, I'm going to try to hunt her down.

Last night, a source of mine going to hunt her down. Yeah, hunt her down. I'm I'm shooting a reality TV show, as you know. So,

I may just bring my camera crew with me and hunt her down. Just try You better You better hope she doesn't charge the Land Rover.

Um just to be a hypothetical, you know, we have dog years and human years. What is married to Star Jones years for Al Reynolds? You know, I mean, 2 years to star Jones. How many years?

It's like gay years, you know, a gay relationship. If it makes it one year, it's like seven years in a heterosexual relationship. So, they've been together, God, almost two decades now.

Yeah. Yeah. I just feel I just feel like uh What the hell's Goldie Hans little cute little daughter? Kate Hudson.

Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson. You know, it can't be the same two years married to Kate Hudson as it would be to Star Jones. Is it?

You know what I'm saying? Can't be counted the same. I would argue that we've been married for 17 years when I get the divorce. That's what I'm saying. Star Jones.

Time continuum. There's not a judge in America who would dispute you. Why would that guy get married to Star Jones? I mean, cuz he always wanted to be famous.

I guess so. Cash register sound effect, please. All right, Perez, carry on. bad PMS.

Well, it seems like uh stars moved on though and last night she was spotted at the Four Seasons Hotel having uh her own version of the view with her gal pals. It was her, Vivica Fox, Jack, Natalie Cole. They were all wearing white. Oh my god,

they were all wearing white. They were having dinner at the Four Seasons. And this is the best part though. This is the best part. This is This is so Star Jones. I love this. At the Four Seasons, it's kind of like the Chateau Marmmont here in LA. They don't let you take pictures inside because it's all about privacy and respecting the space of the celebrities. Well, Star and her gal pals brought their own photographer like a professional photographer to document the whole evening, the gals night out. I just I wonder why they were all wearing white. What's the point of matching?

Dad can ask Jack A when he sees her Laguna Secika this weekend. It's a huge motor.

How do you think that sounded? Yo, all those black women. No, you didn't. I told Barbara Walters, "Baby, I'm leaving.

Give my girlfriend a REALLY GO." DAD, you have to be with one of those four women. Which one?

Viva. Viva. What What would What would it sound like if Big Gay Al and his friends were together? It was three.

Let's go down. I thought she was going blood. Oh lord. Oh lord. You about to rip my go.

That sounds very likely. Well, one before. It's a teaser because we'll come back. We'll come back.

Give us a hint. We got to get to that other outing. You know, I want another outing. That was spontaneous. That was spontaneous.

Spontaneous. I like that. That's That's gay spontaneity. Spontaneous. It was spontaneous.

True snap. Spontaneous.com. Hello. Spontaneous. That's when you out it and you very little.

We'll take a quick break back with Dag and Perez after this. I can give you 10 good reasons to listen to the Adam Corolla show, but I just ran out of time. This is the Adam Corolla Show.

This is Jerry Ferrara aka Turtle. You're listening to the Adam Corolla Show. Mhm. Well, just a few seconds left. Perez Hilton, queen of the gossip scene. Out your last person.

I'll make I'll add a few. All right. We were talking during commercial and David didn't know Anderson Cooper is a big gay.

I just found out, but I was in New York. You know, they know different things there.

Yeah. Michelle Rodriguez, drunk chick that was fired from Lost. Sure. Lesbbo. And this one, uh, you know, Sienna Miller, she's had that on andoff relationship with Jude Law.

Well, there have been reports that she's dating her co-star now, James Franco, but her publicist denies that. Say that she and him are just friends. Now, let me ask you the question. What kind of straight guy can be friends with Sienna Miller?

That's a good point. James Franco gay. Interesting. He almost crossed over into the jerk report area. I think you're wielding that sword with animosity, sir.

Yeah, but I am. I don't know. That was anger. Well, okay. Yeah, I withdraw. There's nothing wrong with being absolutely Let's go out on a positive note. David Allen career. Such a talent. Thank you, Maya Angelou. Thank you, Adam.

Thank you. If that is your name, I rename you Akapatunde. That is warrior of the microphone. David, soldier, fighter for freedom with your swarhead.

Sugar Ray Leonard. Sugar Ray Leonard in tomorrow. Also, Ivan Wrightman. Same guy. Really, if you think about it, Sugar Ray Leonard and Ivan Wrightman. Mickey Hayden and Perez Hilton. Same thing.

Same guy. Want to thank Perez. DTM. Can I thank DTM for hosting me this weekend?

Okay. Photograph. David Alex. Go to the uh Fanny's Chuckle Salad in Monrovia. Where the hell are you?

MySpace/Davidorld. You can talk to me e world. Go there. And I'll go to San Francisco.com. Of course. Until next time, this is Adam Cora saying mahalo.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "TACS #127 (feat. Roger Lederer, Patton Oswalt, David Alan Grier and Nicky Hayden)"?

In order: 0:00 Adam Corolla, David Allen Greer, Pat Oswalt, Perez Hilton; 15:00 Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show, Baja Fresh; 30:00 Joan Cusack, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show; 45:00 Jack Silver, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show; 1:00:00 Christy Brinkley, Jack Silver; 1:15:00 Jack Silver, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show; 1:30:00 Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show, David Allen Greer; 1:45:00 David Allen Greer, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show; 2:00:00 Nikki Hayden, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show; 2:15:00 Star Jones, Perez Hilton, Adam Corolla, Christy Brinkley; 2:30:00 Perez Hilton, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show.

What is mentioned in this The Adam Carolla Show episode?

27 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Adam Corolla Show, David Allen Greer, Perez Hilton, Jack Silver. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "TACS #127 (feat. Roger Lederer, Patton Oswalt, David Alan Grier and Nicky Hayden)"?

The episode runs 2 h 33 min; the transcript is about 28,109 words in 740 timestamped sections.

More from The Adam Carolla Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.