SAUDI ARABIA GETS THESE JOKES | Andrew Schulz | Riyadh Comedy Festival

What this episode is about

Andrew Schulz humorously explores his experiences and observations while visiting Saudi Arabia, highlighting the cultural similarities to London and poking fun at local behaviors, including driving and social interactions. His comedic commentary provides a light-hearted take on the nuances of Saudi life, traffic challenges, and traditional practices.

Key takeaways

• Saudi friends flying to London for romance? That's like driving to the corner store for a loaf of bread.
• More women driving means more traffic—and apparently, also more traffic accidents. Coincidence? I think not.
• Camel beauty pageants involve Botox and fake eyelashes. Welcome to the world where even camels can afford a makeover!
• Turkey's ambition for sports is inspiring. Just keep those aspirations away from Hollywood-style plots, please.
• In Saudi, 'he's from Kuwait' is the ultimate excuse for questionable behavior. That’s some regional solidarity right there.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Andrew Schulz (Host) · 7 min speaking
• Alex Media (Guest) · 1 min speaking
• Akash (Guest) · 1 min speaking
• Mark (Guest) · 1 min speaking
• Pix Media (Guest) · 1 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 3:00: Rahill Sadik, Land Rover Defender, Mamura
2. 3:00 – 6:00: Camel Beauty Pageant, Neymar, Pakistan
3. 6:00 – 9:00: Alex Media, Pix Media

Notable quotes from "SAUDI ARABIA GETS THESE JOKES | Andrew Schulz | Riyadh Comedy Festival"

• Sadi more goals on the shran. Sadi sadik guys. You can't tell Sadi what to do in London. He's the mayor.

  about Rahill Sadik · at 0:30

• The [ __ ] do you need this [ __ ] I just use toilet paper. Who gives a fuck? And then I had that garlic sauce from Mamura.

  about Mamura · at 2:29

• I'm bummed. I'm going to miss the camel beauty pageant.

  about Camel Beauty Pageant · at 3:54

• Thought you only did that for Neymar.

  about Neymar · at 4:55

• There's one more person on flagrant, by the way. Okay. His name is Alex Media.

  about Alex Media · at 6:36

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Alex Media — Person · On-stage participant / Flagrant crew member · 2 mentions · first at 6:43
  Introduced as part of the Flagrant team and brought on stage to attempt a first standup joke during the live show.
• Akash — Person · On-stage participant / Flagrant crew member · 1 mention
  Named as part of the 'flavor/Flagrant crew' brought on stage during the live segment.
• Rahill Sadik — Person · Referenced person in a joke / anecdote · 1 mention · first at 0:27
  Used as a comedic character to contrast Saudi vs London social dynamics, framed as powerful in London ('the mayor').
• Neymar — Person · Celebrity reference · 1 mention · first at 4:55
  Used as a punchline about security guards being paid to do nothing, implying celebrity-level protection.

Companies & orgs

• Pix Media — Company · Production/crew entity referenced on stage · 1 mention · first at 7:37
  Introduced alongside Akash and Mark as part of the crew, suggesting a media/production partner or team member brand.
• Mamura — Company · Referenced food brand/restaurant in anecdote · 1 mention · first at 2:32
  Mentioned as the source of 'garlic sauce' in a bathroom-related joke, anchoring the bit in a specific brand.

Products & tech

• Land Rover Defender — Product · Comedic prop / status symbol reference · 1 mention · first at 1:14
  Used in a joke about flirting and driving behavior, implying a recognizable car/status marker in the local context.
  You don't need to go all the way to London. You can stay right here and buy a Land Rover Defender, look for a Chinese car on the road, and just follow it until a stop sign.

Places & events

• Camel Beauty Pageant — Event · Referenced cultural event / comedic set piece · 1 mention · first at 3:54
  A major comedic segment describes the pageant, including alleged cheating (Botox, fake eyelashes) and competitiveness.
• Pakistan — Place · Referenced location in Camel Beauty Pageant joke · 1 mention · first at 4:16
  Appears in a punchline about someone entering 'a woman from Pakistan' into the camel pageant, emphasizing absurdity.
  Do you know they cheat? They put Botox in the camel. They put fake eyelashes in the camel. One guy entered a woman from Pakistan. I didn't even know you could do that.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Man, ever since I arrived, everybody keeps asking me like, "But brother, do you do do you are you excited to see Saudi? Are you are you surprised by Saudi culture?" And it's like, I've seen it before, guys. I've been to London. It's not It's not anything new. Same [ __ ] Okay. Drink coffee, smoke the shisha, tell the Indians what to do. It's the same thing. Sadik. Sadik. More goals on the sadik. Sadi more goals on the shran. Sadi sadik guys. You can't tell Sadi what to do in London. He's the mayor. Bro, so funny. Like my Saudi friends do the [ __ ] dumbest [ __ ] They will go to London to hook up with girls who are from Saudi Arabia.

1:09 You're just wasting money on flights, fellas. You don't need to go all the way to London. You can stay right here and buy a Land Rover Defender, look for a Chinese car on the road, and just follow it until a stop sign. And then ask her for a Snapchat. And if she says no, just follow it until a stop sign. And ask her for a Snapchat. And if she says no, just follow it to a stop sign until she calls the police. That's when you stop. That's when you stop. That's flirting. I was just joking about following the girls. I know that's that's not something you do here because traffic.

1:53 Uh I've never seen so much traffic. Do you regret letting the women drive? It's just more people on the road. It's 100% more people and 100% more accidents. I hate to say it. Feeling good. I used that [ __ ] or whatever that thing is called. I got my shutoff on. I was shiting it. I didn't get it at first. I'm not going to lie. I saw it. I thought it was drinking water. I had no clue what that was for two days. And my boy told me and I'm like, "What the [ __ ] do you need this [ __ ] Like, I just use toilet paper. Who gives a fuck?" And then I had that garlic sauce from Mamura.

2:39 I used that shat like you never seen before. It was a wet t-shirt contest in that bathroom. Bro, I'm not saying the Lebanese are gay. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying it. I'm not going to say it. But even the food hurts your [ __ ] What is it? All the Lebanese dudes in here right now. He's like, "Brother, that's the best part."

3:22 Honestly, I am surprised by how much [ __ ] you guys got here that we got back home. It's very similar in that regard. Like, you got a haunted house. Do you guys know that? Have you guys been to the haunted house? Zilla house. It's [ __ ] terrifying. I went in there and it's just women reading abyss love. No, I'm joking, guys. Women can't read. I'm bummed. I'm going to miss the uh the camel beauty pageant. The Camel Beauty pageant is like unbelievable. I watched online so I know and I was hoping that it would time up.

4:05 It doesn't time up. Like people want to win bad. They cheat. Do you know they cheat? They put Botox in the camel. They put fake eyelashes in the camel. One guy entered a woman from Pakistan. I didn't even know you could do that. She doesn't want to be camel. She want to be pilot. She just wants to be pilot. That's to India. I want to be pilot, not camel pilot. She came in third. It was pretty good. It was pretty good. It's pretty good. So, you guys got some security guards here. It's a good idea. Safest place in the planet. Got security guards just sitting around getting paid to do nothing.

4:55 Thought you only did that for Neymar. Uh, I like that Turkey guy. I like Turkey. He puts his mind to something is happening. He's like, I'm going to get WWE. It's happening. I'm going to get UFC. It's happening. I'm going to get boxing. It's happening. Okay. It's powerful. He can literally make the impossible happen. Last Saudi that could do that was Bin Laden. So, we just got to make sure Turkey, please stick to sports. Stick to sports, Turkey. Please. Yes. I don't even know what he said. What the [ __ ] is I need subtitles for this guy.

5:54 Where you from, buddy? I know he's from Kuwait. That's what Saudis do, right? Anybody sometimes someone's acting a little [ __ ] they're like, "Oh, he's just from Kuwait. Don't bother him, please. Please, it's not his fault. He's from Kuwait please. Oh, he's really retarded." Oman, send him back to Oman. Send him back to Oman, please. I don't want to worry, brother. Please. No. No. Where you from? Saudi, bro? Yes. What part? Oh, you're from Riad. I don't believe you. I think you're from Jedha, bro. You feel seems a little Tash B. You know what I mean?

6:41 There's one more person on flagrant, by the way. Okay. His name is Alex Media. Okay. Alex is here. Alex does not Yes, the black guy. Thank you very much for noticing that you have eyeballs. We call him Al. I think you call him Khal. Uh guys, I'm cooking here. All right. Uh Al does not do standup, but he is part of Flagrant and this is Flagrant live. So, we are forced him to do a joke. So, he's going to do one joke. Are you guys cool with that? Okay, I I need to bring out all the guys then. Let me bring out all the guys.

7:31 Give it up for the whole flavor crew. Akash, Mark, and Pix Media. Okay, guys. Okay, get up on stage. This is the moment we've all been waiting for. Okay. All right. All right, guys. Be polite. It's his first time doing it and he's doing standup. You can't buy him. Just need to make sure everyone knows this is not a bidding. I saw some people in the back throwing out number 300, 400, 500. No, no, we cannot do that. Okay, Alex, take it away. But how much though? This is the real Dubai chocolate. All right, guys. All right.

8:40 So, I'm blanking completely. This is awesome, dude. Guys, listen. Listen. Just we need a little support. Al dressed he dressed as a Lebanese train conductor. So I need you to I need you to give a little support. You remember the topic? Yeah. Okay, now we got it. Now we got it. So I do love being out here because the fits go hard. Like I love that fit. I love that fit right here. It's really the only place that I can be surrounded by a bunch of dudes in white sheets and not be afraid for my life.

9:27 Saudi man, thank y'all so much. Uh, I mean it sincerely. Thank you. I mean this sincerely. There's been a lot of talk about this festival and doing this festival. I will always come perform for my fans wherever they live in the world. People do not decide where they're going. Thank you for the part that you played and allowing me to live my dreams. You watched the video, you shared a clip, you did anything. It is a great honor to perform for anybody who has helped me live my dreams. So, thank you guys very much. As long as you guys do this, we will be back. God bless. Thank you so much.

10:08 [ __ ] in the door. I felt that [ __ ] in the door. [ __ ] in the door. [ __ ] in the wall. [ __ ] [ __ ] in the [ __ ] [ __ ] pictures in no.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "SAUDI ARABIA GETS THESE JOKES | Andrew Schulz | Riyadh Comedy Festival"?

Andrew Schulz (Host), Alex Media (Guest), Akash (Guest), Mark (Guest), Pix Media (Guest).

What is "SAUDI ARABIA GETS THESE JOKES | Andrew Schulz | Riyadh Comedy Festival" about?

Andrew Schulz humorously explores his experiences and observations while visiting Saudi Arabia, highlighting the cultural similarities to London and poking fun at local behaviors, including driving and social interactions. His comedic commentary provides a light-hearted take on the nuances of Saudi life, traffic challenges, and traditional practices.

What is mentioned in this The Andrew Schulz episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Alex Media, Camel Beauty Pageant, Akash, Pix Media, Rahill Sadik, Land Rover Defender. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "SAUDI ARABIA GETS THESE JOKES | Andrew Schulz | Riyadh Comedy Festival"?

The episode runs 10 min; the transcript is about 1,343 words in 13 timestamped sections.

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