How to Stand Strong When Life’s Not Fair (With Jade Warshaw)

What this episode is about

The discussion explores the pervasive unfairness in life and emphasizes the importance of personal accountability in overcoming challenges. It highlights the necessity of self-reflection and resilience, urging individuals to embrace their agency and support each other through difficult times rather than blaming external circumstances for their struggles.

Key takeaways

• Life balances on the scales of fairness—sometimes you weigh in heavier than expected.
• You can lead or be led, but sometimes, just being is the hardest role of all.
• Financial woes? It's a math problem, not a crisis. Solve wisely or become very familiar with roommates.
• Adaptability is our greatest superpower; we can normalize just about anything, even if it's absurd.
• In chaos, being each other's safety net can turn burdens into shared adventures—if you choose to carry together.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Dr. John Delony (Host) · 11 min speaking
• Jade Warshaw (Host) · 7 min speaking

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

Concepts & topics

• Grokipedia — Concept · 1 mention

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Here's where for me you and I've told you this privately, but you're a person that I hold what I would call anchored respect for and I reserve that for very few people. And the cultural air we breathe is whatever it is, it's not fair. That's the air we breathe. It's not fair. Shouldn't happened.

0:32 And because it's not fair. What's fair? [sighs] Anything that makes me uncomfortable or anything that shouldn't have happened that way. From I shouldn't have been abused as a kid. You're right. It's not fair. To

0:45 my dad worked long hours to put food on the table. That wasn't fair. Whatever. all the way to,

0:50 hey, we were two dumb 18, 19, 20, 21 year olds who signed up for a million different things cuz the college counselor just kept telling us to sign up and sign up and we did and we had a fun four or five years

1:01 and now we have half a million dollars. It's not fair or I took this, I did this, I did like it's not fair.

1:09 And so I'm going to war against the system. I'm going to war against these people. I'm gonna do everything but look in the mirror and say I think I can.

1:21 Or regardless of whose quoteunquote fault it is, I'm the one who has to choose what I'm going to do next.

1:30 Looking at your husband, that's my show wouldn't exist if people didn't get there and leave.

1:35 Okay. Well, what's the alternative? Like that's my that was always my problem. My show exists because people take the alternative path. Like, oh, I'm not handling that. That's your problem. or you shouldn't have or you need to go get help instead of saying

1:48 all right for the next few years like I'm going to be your oxygen tank cuz we're going to get through this together. Right.

1:54 Well, that's when I had to go back to the childhood of this is what I do. Gotcha.

2:00 This is my job. My job is to make everything okay. Okay. Yeah. And I know like listen, I know how to wear that hat and so I did.

2:08 Would you do that differently? No, it was necessary. It was necessary growing up and it was necessary then.

2:14 Okay. And one of the great things that my dad taught me is he always told us you're the you're the leader.

2:24 When you walk in the room, you're the leader. That's what he always told us. And so you should carry yourself as such.

2:29 Gotcha. And so in those moments, there's a part in my body that goes, you're the leader.

2:35 Yeah. Do you ever get to turn that off? Um, I'd like to turn it off more. Yeah.

2:43 But not because of him now, but just in life. I'm saying like be be with people instead of leading all the time, right? Or

2:51 Yeah. I wish I could listen if I'm in the place that I can. Yeah. Like what was that? What was the trend that was going that was like I don't know maybe Kelly knows when it was like women were like I want to be on my softer side or it was like they want to be in the season of like softness. I can't remember what it was called. If I can be in my season of soft, I'm going to call it season of softness. If I can be in that, yes. Hello. Like I'm a woman. I would love to just be somebody put a warm blanket on me. You know what I'm saying? Like rub my back.

3:21 You know, if I cannot be in that role, I love it. But if I have to trust and believe like

3:29 I will get into it. So together. Yeah. There's a math problem. We got to go work 500 jobs. We're y'all y'all are ex like world class musicians. Y'all hit the road and y'all perform for everybody. Y'all go do this. So, there's a there's a math problem there.

3:49 And y'all y'all go about solving that math problem. And it's literally, you and I talk about this all the time.

3:54 You can spend less, you can make more. I wish it was more complex than that, but that's really it. We're not going to sleep. We're not going to have furniture. We're not going to do all these things.

4:02 And and again, it is quote unquote not fair that we're newly wed. were this talented. Y'all are two of the most talented people I I know. Y'all are both good humans. It shouldn't be like that, right?

4:14 And um because we have this reality, this math problem, we have to live in a condo that we're buming off his mom and we got to have roommates.

4:26 Should it be that way? No. Is it? Yes. Right. There's a reality to that for a season right?

4:31 Y [sighs] you all had about this math problem. There has to be time in year six. Y'all did this for eight years, almost a decade. Because that's how big the hole you had dug was there has to be a moment in year six and you're like, "No." [snorts]

4:48 I can't stay on a workout plan for 45 days, right? Well, um I mean, don't get me wrong, like there's parts where you're

4:58 or you had to lean over sometime and just be like, "I hate you." There had to have been those moments. Yes, but at the same time it's like and this I I'm saying this but I think you'll know what I mean. Like human beings are extremely adaptive. Like we're so adaptive. So whatever you set as the new norm becomes the new norm. Whether you and that can be just as dysfunctional as you want it to be. Like you know what I'm saying? So there is part of that that was like hey um we live with roommates. This is just our new life. Honey I'm home. You know, you just like walk in and it's like

5:32 it's our life. It's our life. And then you you and then maybe you just like anything else, you get sick of that for a while, so you let the roommates go and now you're [snorts] paying your own rent and what do you do? Oh, let's sell one of the cars. We're a onec car family. First few weeks it sucks and then you get used to it and it's just this is my life.

5:46 Pick me up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, there's part of it where I will be honest. I think just like human nature kicks in and you're like this is just

5:54 this is just my life. like you know it's kind of like if I I'm trying to think of an example but yeah you just get used to stuff so I don't want to

6:04 there's some research about like baseline which is like winning a whole bunch of money

6:09 it's awesome for a bit it's it's extraordinary for a bit and then you kind of settle back into or like getting in a in a tragic accident and like losing a foot like it's a catastrophic dip and then

6:20 a normaly sets in this is my life right this is my life and I mean Yeah, like I'll be honest when I think about that time, like I said, there was a time period where the lights were off and then there was a time period where it was like, hey, let's be honest, on the other side of this, we traveled the world. Like we went to over a 100 countries. Like we got to live our dream life in entertainment. like there were uh I thank God that he allowed that balance cuz a lot of times I think that's the only thing that kept things right side up is that there was this really sucky side over here but then there was this really great side of how many people have a career that they loved.

7:00 Yeah. I loved my work. Loved it. You know like I I was doing I was living a dream on that side of my life. Um a lot of people can't say that. So there was a lot of blessings. Like I'm not going to sit up here and act like it was just like it was the worst thing ever. No. Like the stuff that sucked sucked and the stuff that was awesome was awesome. And

7:21 they're both like they're both true. That's one of the most important things my therapist ever told me was I was ranting and raving about a family member

7:31 and she stopped me and she said before we go further you have to say five things that that person gave you.

7:36 Oh. And her line was you have to blame fair. That's good. You got to blame fair. You got to you got to blame the good stuff in your life for what you got was good. And that has to go like it was both. It was

7:47 Yeah. Like my church like I could go on like my church that I was at. Best ever. Miss them to this day. Like

7:55 I had the best people in my life. I still do. Like so. Yeah. Like that that part was amazing.

8:03 Had some of the best friends I've ever had. Yeah. So, I've got a 15-year-old and a nine-year-old. You You know, like you [snorts] if I could leave them with anything, it would be um [clears throat] no matter what happens, you can. And you might have to get other people. You might have to like have seasons where you got roommates and your new like you you have to do hard stuff.

8:31 Yeah. But I want their internal compass to be a can H you've got somehow it's instilled in you whether it's genetic or whether it was dad's a coach whatever it was

8:48 how you've turned like what I would call childhood performance kids do what keeps them safe right one kid became a clown one kid makes straight A's one kid like you do what keeps you safe

9:01 um but you turn that into this is how I operate. This is how I help millions of people. How do I What lessons would you tell me like so I can pass that along to my kids?

9:14 What lesson would I tell you to pass along to your kids? No, no, no. Like give me some some some meat on the bone that I can when my kids experience X, I can say like I can teach them. No, no, no. You can.

9:26 What does that look like? I'm trying to replicate my kids in you is what I'm trying to do. H uh it's a level of endurance I just think

9:37 like when you do something I mean I go back to sports on this uh sometimes in my mind if I'm doing something tough physically I tell myself like I can do anything for a minute like I can do anything I can let it burn for a minute I can let it hurt for a minute I can

9:52 be uncomfortable be uncomfortable for a minute like and I think it's the same thing in life like knowing that it really I mean it's like stuff that grandma would say, but like this too shall pass type thing. And [snorts] you've just got to keep keep going. Like there's just I'm not trying to be trit, but there's just no excuse. Like there's no substitute for endurance. There's just not like that is part of life.

10:15 But you're like the curve buster when people call into our show and they're like, I can't. And you're like, yeah, hold my bear. Yes, you can. Right. I have

10:23 because you can because you can. And no one is going to say that you're going to feel great. Like right like that. it's going to hurt or it could be painful or it could be uncomfortable

10:32 or that it's not not fair that you're not actually a victim to you are and what am I going to do now?

10:37 Well, yeah. I think the fair thing and and this is one thing that I had to kind of adapt is if you're thinking about fairness, you're thinking about a competition. [clears throat]

10:50 Competitions are meant to they're they're they're set up to be fair. Everybody starts at the same starting line. Nobody gets performance-enhancing supplements. Everybody has the same finish line. Everybody gets the same amount of time to train whether you use it or not. Like that's fair. That ain't life.

11:04 It's not the world. Yeah. It's not life. It's not. And the moment you start like letting yourself even go into that, like that's like

11:12 it's to I never thought about that, but that's an opting out of reality. It's opting out of reality. I'm like, what is my race?

11:19 What's mine? Because the truth is like you might start and the gun goes and you have to immediately go straight uphill on a dirt road, you know, in the snow like right other people

11:31 they get to run straight out on the along the beach running downhill. Some people run downhill, right? You know what I'm saying? Like everybody's race is different. But if you're starting and you're looking over here and you're going over there, yeah, you're going to go, "Well, that's not fair."

11:44 But if you're just like, "What is my course? Okay, what's the best way for me to finish my course?" Mhm.

11:49 Cool. Would you recommend to your friends? Nope. That's not personal enough. You're You have an amazing son, amazing daughter. They're real young. They come home from college at 21 and they're like, "Mom, I've got somebody." Are you going to encourage them to go get married?

12:13 I mean, it depends. Why? Tell me more. I I'm I'm I'm I'm just fascinated by the question of why people are still getting married.

12:22 Oh, okay. Okay. We're shifting. Um I am a You've seen the high and the low. I'm a proponent of marriage 100%.

12:31 Yeah. Like I I I believe in marriage. I Someone can hear your story and be like, I don't want to be attached to that for

12:39 you. Yeah, you do. That's the question. Yeah, you do. Um Yeah, you do. Because here's the thing. It's a [sighs and gasps] Gosh, I'm trying to say this without sounding like super like

12:52 No, be super like. You are super like. So, how else are you supposed to become who you're supposed to become is my point. Like, how else you think you're just going to go out here and just be by yourself and everything's going to be simple and everything's going to be comfortable and everything's going to be the way you like it. Like, Netflix lied to you. Like, they they made they curated a perfect thing for you and you got used to that. That is not life. Like that's just that's not how it works. You need to get in there. Like nothing is more fulfilling long term than going in and getting your hands dirty with people. Life is messy. I'm going to tell you something. I just started being my mom's caretaker.

13:31 There is nothing more messy than that. But it is the biggest blessing of your life if you can get into people's life and you can get into the the the darkness and the hard stuff and the crying and the the the the the burdensome part. That's the part that is like this is life.

13:48 Yeah. Like I I had a pastor buddy once. Several of my friends are pastors. And this is going to sound like, oh yeah, well duh. But when you really stop and think about it, it's true. You're a pastor. You You're there for all the biggest moments of people's lives. You're there when a baby is born. You're there when people get married. You're there when people get divorced. And you're there when people die. If you want to not get into those dirty things, you're missing out on life. Those are the biggest moments of life.

14:17 Yeah. And I'm like, "Oh, sorry. I can't cuss on your show." I'm like, "You can cuss away."

14:23 Cuss away, dude. Yes. I'm so glad I was there when Sam was experiencing his loss with his dad. I'm so glad I was there when he was thinking about his own life. I'm so glad I was there. You know what I mean? Like, why would I change that? That's the That's the That is the beef of life. Like, that's the meaty part. Yeah. And to to to hold someone when they're crying, to hold someone when they're sick, why would you take that away? Like, why would you want to go through a life without that? It's hard in the moment, but it makes you it makes you a a a person that can I can feel this,

15:01 not just celebrating by yourself. Yeah. When you first came here, I remember like we were walked off stage one night and the event we did went awesome and you mentioned something like but Sam's not here like he's always on he's been on stage with me for the last decade and he's not he's not on stage with me

15:20 but there was like this a a you know like you cross a finish line alone and you're like

15:28 right like so it's like doing the hard stuff but also the good stuff is so much richer to celebrate with. You need pe you want people like people are not perfect and they're not easy and neither are you. Like that's just

15:41 that is life. Like I don't know why you would want to do life alone or why you would want to do life quote unquote the easy way. Whatever that means to you. I it's I think it's the bill of goods we've been sold. That is the point of life is to not be uncomfortable when we can solve for everything and finding no life the the good stuff is on through it but on the other side of discomfort.

16:07 Well, I mean I've said this before. I would argue that the person that doesn't want to go through anything tough is the person who's immature.

16:13 Huh. Like like struggles, tests, trials that like that builds maturity. Yeah. But I I don't want that. I don't want my dad to die. I don't want to like be abused as a kid. I don't want these things.

16:22 No, I mean I mean that's that's a deeper extreme, but it does recovery. It does it does build something in you. Nothing

16:28 healing is a nightmare, but we're going to go through it. And nothing's wasted. Like let's not forget that part.

16:34 Yeah. Like nothing is that's a refrain I use often like whenever something awful's happen. It's like this I won't waste this.

16:42 Yes. Nothing's wasted. M and and it gets to a point to see that like that that's probably one of the hardest things to believe before you've gotten to it, right? Like you have to like there's a

16:53 a faith that takes place of that like before you get to the point that you can I don't know say it like as as confidently as you or I is saying it right now, right? Um that's hard.

17:05 But when you get to it, it's like, oh, okay, that was really sucky. Maybe I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. However,

17:12 here's what I'm going to do next. X came out of it and here's what I'm going to do next. And

17:16 here's what I'm going to be next. That's awesome dude. Mhm. Thank you for coming hang out. Thank you for being my friend.

17:21 You're welcome. Thank you for having me. It was awesome. It was stay out of trouble. Good to see you.

17:27 I'll do my best. We're going to hit the road of spring again. I can't wait to thank you.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "How to Stand Strong When Life’s Not Fair (With Jade Warshaw)"?

Dr. John Delony (Host), Jade Warshaw (Host).

What is "How to Stand Strong When Life’s Not Fair (With Jade Warshaw)" about?

The discussion explores the pervasive unfairness in life and emphasizes the importance of personal accountability in overcoming challenges. It highlights the necessity of self-reflection and resilience, urging individuals to embrace their agency and support each other through difficult times rather than blaming external circumstances for their struggles.

What is mentioned in this The Dr. John Delony Show episode?

1 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Grokipedia. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "How to Stand Strong When Life’s Not Fair (With Jade Warshaw)"?

The episode runs 18 min; the transcript is about 3,565 words in 85 timestamped sections.

More from The Dr. John Delony Show

• All analyzed episodes
• Books mentioned on The Dr. John Delony Show
• People mentioned on The Dr. John Delony Show
• Sponsors mentioned on The Dr. John Delony Show
• Topics mentioned on The Dr. John Delony Show