My Future In-Laws Want to Live With Us

What this episode is about

A potential homebuyer grapples with the decision of purchasing a standalone house or investing in an intergenerational home with his future in-laws, weighing the benefits of familial support and shared living costs against the challenges of cohabitating with extended family. Ultimately, advice is given against co-buying, emphasizing the risks of future conflicts and financial strain that could arise from entangled ownership.

Key takeaways

• Love is great, but don’t let it buy you a joint mortgage; that’s a recipe for familial chaos.
• Co-owning a house is like co-owning a pet—nurturing turns to negotiating if things go south.
• Relying on your in-laws for housing? Just remember: family dinners can become family controversies real fast.
• Married couples thrive apart—set your own roots to avoid becoming the sidekick in a family sitcom.
• If they want to support you, let them buy; renting keeps the family love intact without the legal bind.

What is discussed, and when

1. 6:00 – 9:00: Nashville

Notable quotes from "My Future In-Laws Want to Live With Us"

• Which I would then take over the remaining balance versus what I'm capable of doing right now would be move out to outside the city and kind of take my partner her away from…

  about Nashville · at 6:22

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

Places & events

• Nashville — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at 6:09
  Mentioned as the current location of the in-laws' home and a potential place for the intergenerational home.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:06 I am in the market for purchasing my first home. And my question is, do I buy my own house or do I invest into an intergenerational home with my future in-laws?

0:18 You already know the answer to this question. Why are you calling me? You know,

0:24 I'm I'm torn. I'm really really torn. Um over what? I Well, having your own home with your new wife or

0:34 having her parents be your new parents for the rest of your life? Well, the the way, you know, great question. Um, we're I can already see us potentially taking care of them in the future. They are wildly close and I came up in a family where I am wildly distant. So, this is all new for me now. It's a family full of love, great energy, and connectedness. And I'm I'm slowly learning how to receive. So, um, but this notion was brought up in order to, you know, we're we're seeing a lot of benefits in it.

1:14 Name them. Okay. The splits of the cost to live in a nicer house, community, location, um, to be close to family and be able to lean on each other. Um it it's you know we potentially may expand our family one day and having that support right at home could be nice. And I I think for context the intergenerational home would be hopefully enough for the two families to coexist pretty well with more of like a basement style apartment.

1:52 Who would live in the basement? That's a great question. So, these are kind of the things we're bouncing off of each other. And uh as of right now,

2:01 okay, take take take this from me with all of my guts. Yeah. Do not co- buy a house with your future in-laws. Please, God almighty.

2:11 Okay. Now, if your in-laws want to buy a house and you and your future wife want to rent from them with the intent of buying the house at an incredibly discounted rate one day, great.

2:28 Okay. But this is a recipe for everybody hating everybody when it's all over. Because because here's the thing. Every weekend off, if you lose a job, if you take an income cut, if you have a kid and suddenly your father-in-law thinks things are hilarious and you don't want those kind of jokes around your kid, you are stuck, man, legally with a with a contract on a house. This binds you in a way that doesn't allow your relationship to be what it actually could be. It forces you into a business arrangement, a legal business arrangement.

3:26 Is there a way? Sorry. No, go ahead. Is there a way that as opposed to going in on the contract with them to rent it from them? Abs. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. They buy this house and you and your fiance are going to rent the the basement apartment for the next two years. Sign a lease if you want to. In fact, I would a thousand% recommend you'll sign a lease.

3:52 Okay? Cuz cuz here's the thing. What you don't know yet is is this close-knit family. Somebody's running lead here on this close-knit family.

4:03 Sure. And if you geographically enter into this world, then you are subject to that too.

4:16 And what I want you to to do is establish your roots. Establish your own tent pole. Even if it's under the same tent.

4:28 Otherwise, you will always be the second man in your new wife's life. always. Well, dad says we should.

4:42 Yeah. Yeah. Dad says we've been going out too much and we need to be home with the kids more.

4:49 Sure. Mom says we're not coming to we're we're coming to dinner enough. Yeah. Dad says we need to go to his church and we need to stop going to the like I mean you're just setting yourself up for chaos upon chaos upon chaos and it's a it's a it's a path towards resentment.

5:08 Have you seen this work out before by chance? Never. Okay. 0%. I've never seen it. I'm sure it does. And the and to be honest, my bias is the nature of my job is I only get the calls when it doesn't work out. So maybe it does.

5:23 Yeah. But called in for the wisdom. I have never seen this work. Well, interesting. Okay.

5:31 What What do you think? What do you like? Paint me your picture. Um, well, it's a it's a very tight family. Um,

5:41 but what does that mean? It means we're hanging out every weekend. We're all into the same things. We love eating together as many times a week as we can. Um, we especially love the holidays and going on vacations together. Um, just I mean I'm surrounded by uh love I never really got to experience and it's uh I guess I I am soaked into a little bit of the magic. Now, for a little bit of context, they've, you know, been in they're no Nashville natives and have basically paid off their house that has, you know, quadrupled and they were planning on putting the major down payment on this house in which I would then take over the remaining balance versus what I'm capable of doing right now would be move out to outside the city um and kind of take my uh partner her away from her family, which kind of complicates the dynamic we currently have.

6:42 Well, but number one, that's a little bit dramatic. Taking her quote unquote away, I mean, what 30, 45 minutes?

6:48 Yeah, traffic can be bad sometimes, but yeah. Yeah, but it's not away. Will it be different? Yes. And should y'all establish a world where y'all aren't having every meal together all the time in your brand new marriage? Absolutely.

7:03 Yeah. Absolutely. [clears throat] And will that feel weird for her? How old is she?

7:09 She's 28. And she still lives with them and has meals with them and every No, we No. Uh we live independently.

7:20 Okay. Of them? Okay. Mhm. How far away do y'all live now? Uh four or five miles.

7:29 Okay. Yeah. So, we're we're uh she's been uh my partner's been solely independent for a while.

7:35 Okay. Um and has proven to be able to. We're both on our feet very well and don't necessarily lean on them for support other than just enjoyment.

7:44 Okay. So, and they're they're also the same way as far as uh just beyond generous and um don't really don't offer more than they need to. Uh it's more or less if you need to borrow a car, please take it kind of thing. Okay. But if y'all choose, if y'all call and say, "Hey, we're not coming out. We're just going to stay in tonight." They're all good with that.

8:07 Oh my goodness. You just It's kind of mind-blowing how cool they are with that.

8:13 Okay. And how often that actually does happen in our lives dayto-day. If we're having a bad day and we had plans to have dinner and it didn't work out, I don't I've never felt like there was any resentment. So, is that a temporary thing?

8:27 Well, it's it's amazing. It is. It happens all the time. And again, my bias is the the ones that call me are the ones where it's it's sideways. My parents are like that. They're pretty awesome. And my in-laws are like that. Like, cool. So, I I get that and that that happens. That's fantastic.

8:41 Um, when it comes down to the legal mess, I would much prefer they to make sell their home and make a humongous cash donation to you to her to their daughter.

8:54 Sure. And that their daughter choose to buy a house with her new husband. And please don't buy a house with her until y'all are married. That just makes a whole other level of complication.

9:04 Oh, absolutely. It's part of the the y'all buy a house and then give your in-laws in writing free rent forever in the basement apartment.

9:15 Incredible. Or have them buy the house and you all sign a two-year lease to rent from them and they can rent to you below market value. They can rent to you for whatever with the intent that you and your new wife are saving up to buy your own place. Or maybe one day you'll buy this place from them.

9:33 Okay? But it just puts one name on the thing. Cuz here's what I don't want to happen. I don't want your father-in-law to sign this thing.

9:41 You're covering the rest of the note and he has a stroke next week. Sure. Or you lose your job and suddenly, hey, you need to be at work. What are you doing here at the tape dinner table? Right. And it just changes every meal when somebody is over another person.

9:57 Very good point. And so this here's the line I would use. I really want to give give you the privilege of just being my father-in-law and I want the privilege of just being your son-in-law and not also your business partner and not also your roommate.

10:17 That's great. But I do want to live together. So, can I rent this place from you and just put it in your name?

10:25 I love that, man. That's uh that's really helpful and kind of answered a lot of my questions and brought some things to light that I wasn't even considering. So, incredible.

10:34 This is the best way forward for y'all to um [clears throat] keep this amazing relationship that y'all have. It's awesome. So cool, dude. And apologize for poking questions. Usually people call my show and they've got relationship challenges. the fact that y'all don't amazing. But man, I would just keep it as simple as possible so that y'all can keep your relationship as amazing as as amazing as possible.

Questions about this episode

What is "My Future In-Laws Want to Live With Us" about?

A potential homebuyer grapples with the decision of purchasing a standalone house or investing in an intergenerational home with his future in-laws, weighing the benefits of familial support and shared living costs against the challenges of cohabitating with extended family. Ultimately, advice is given against co-buying, emphasizing the risks of future conflicts and financial strain that could…

What is mentioned in this The Dr. John Delony Show episode?

1 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Nashville. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "My Future In-Laws Want to Live With Us"?

The episode runs 11 min; the transcript is about 1,757 words in 41 timestamped sections.

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