Transcript

Off the Record with Dusty Slay: Comedy, Marriage and Breaking Addiction

From The Dr. John Delony Show · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 5 min · 13,840 words · 274 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Off the Record with Dusty Slay: Comedy, Marriage and Breaking Addiction", an episode of The Dr. John Delony Show published January 31, 2026 (1 h 5 min, about 13,840 words). It mentions 15 people, works and ideas, including John Deloney, Dusty Sleigh, Zanies, Nashville, Denver.

What this episode is about

This content explores comedian Dusty Slay's journey of overcoming addiction and the complexities of maintaining fun and approval in sobriety. The conversation delves into his thoughts on marriage, self-acceptance, and the challenges of balancing personal struggles with public expectations while showcasing his humor and insight.

Key takeaways

  • Quitting drinking revealed the truth: fun isn’t a requirement for approval; authenticity reigns supreme.
  • Craftsmanship in comedy mirrors carpentry: both require practice, feedback, and an eye for refining your art.
  • Open mics aren't just about bombing; they forge bonds and create communities where failure is just a stepping stone.
  • Behind every great comic lies a supportive network; kindness and accountability are the unsung heroes of success.
  • Art connects generations; comedy can transcend barriers, making it the bridge between a son and his Cop dad.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Zanies, Denver, Dusty Sleigh, John Deloney
  2. – 20:00: California, Doug Stanhope
  3. – 30:00: Brian Bates, McMinnville
  4. – 1:00:00: Ecclesiastes

Notable quotes from "Off the Record with Dusty Slay: Comedy, Marriage and Breaking Addiction"

  • Hey, what's going on? It's time for a special episode of the Dr. John Deloney Show. I am your brother John and I'm glad that you are joining us on a Saturday morning special…
    about John Deloney · at
  • This week on the inaugural drop is a worldrenowned comedian. He's got two Netflix specials, a class act. His name is the great Dusty Sleigh. He's hilarious, super insightful, and this episode is just it's one I've.
    about Dusty Sleigh · at
  • You're like one of the godfathers that hover around this place. And I'm finding out now that I just happen to be down the street from one of the best places in the country for…
    about Nashville · at
  • Yeah. I mean I love that too. I mean I still got other ideas that I was just meeting with you know one of the owners of Zanies last night about a new idea that I have to kind of help make the scene better.
    about Zanies · at
  • So I knew it was me. Right. I walk off and this comic named Tina Frimml from New York. She was backstage and she put her hands on my shoulders and she said, Now you're one of us. And the whole room started laughing, not at me, but.
    about Tina Frimml · at
  • I do I did some shows, sometimes my zany shows like this, but Denver Comedy Works, the Downtown Club is like this where you go and they're almost laughing at every movement that you make on stage.
    about Denver · at
  • But it's like I had a show I did a show in California at a theater and it was like one of my lowest turnouts at a theater that I had, but the people that were there were.
    about California · at
  • Ecclesiastes verse. I think it's chapter 7 verse 6, or it could be the opposite, but it says, All man's efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied. It's…
    about Ecclesiastes · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • John Deloney — Person · Host / interviewer · 1 mention · first at
    He hosts the episode, frames the purpose of the interview series, and guides the conversation through comedy, sobriety, marriage, and parenting.
  • Dusty Sleigh — Person · Main guest (comedian) · 1 mention · first at
    Primary interview subject; discusses his comedy career, quitting drinking, faith, marriage, parenting, and life on the road.
  • Tina Frimml — Person · Referenced comedian (supportive peer) · 1 mention · first at
    Appears in a key story where Deloney bombs and she welcomes him into the community—illustrating belonging, failure, and support among comics.
  • Robin Williams — Person · Referenced comedian (influence / comparison point) · 1 mention · first at
    Named alongside other iconic comedians as part of Deloney’s father’s comedic canon, reinforcing comedy as a bridge to family connection.
    Didn't have a lot of connecting points, but he always talked with reverence about Prior and Steve Martin and Robin Williams and Cosby before, right? And it was like a these are…
  • Steve Martin — Person · Referenced comedian (influence / comparison point) · 1 mention · first at
    Cited as one of the revered comedians Deloney’s father respected, used to explain Deloney’s desire for approval and connection through comedy.
    Is, he's an old Texas cop. And so, we didn't have a lot of connecting points, but he always talked with reverence about Prior and Steve Martin and Robin Williams and Cosby…
  • John Maxwell — Person · Referenced speaker/author (shared event bill) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as an 'icon' on the same corporate event bill as Deloney, used to describe imposter syndrome and performance pressure.
    It wasn't I wasn't an accommodate at all. It was all mental health stuff. But on that bill was like me and John Maxwell. Nate showed up to do a set.
  • Doug Stanhope — Person · Referenced comedian (quoted about marriage) · 1 mention · first at
    Invoked for a cynical marriage quote to frame Dusty’s initial skepticism about legal marriage and the 'government involved' idea.
    Always quote this and I don't even know if I've ever heard him say it, but someone told me that Doug Stanh Hope said, the thing about marriage, he's Oh, this is going pretty well.
  • Brian Bates — Person · Referenced comedian (comparison / anecdote) · 1 mention · first at
    Used in a story about merch sales and generosity vs business sense, illustrating norms and economics in comedy touring.
    And they said we tried to buy shirts from Brian and he wouldn't let us pay for anything. and they've been to my shows and I charge them for the shows and I go, Well, Brian's a nice.
  • Nate Bargatze — Person · Comedian mentioned in the context of a performance · 1 mention
    Nate Bargatze is a well-known comedian who was referenced during a discussion about comedy and performance.

Books & papers

  • Ecclesiastes — Book · Referenced work · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in the context of discussing life's challenges and the pursuit of satisfaction, providing a philosophical backdrop to the conversation.

Companies & orgs

  • Zanies — Company · Business focus · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a comedy club where Dusty Slay performs and discusses the comedy community's ethos.

Places & events

  • Nashville — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the location where Dusty Slay contributes to the comedy scene and where significant personal and professional interactions take place.
  • Denver — Place · Setting · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a location where Dusty Slay performed and had a significant professional experience.
  • California — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a location where Dusty Slay performed, illustrating the variability of audience reception.
  • McMinnville — Place · Personal connection · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a location where Dusty Slay owns land, providing insight into his personal life and interests.
    Something important about that or doing my own laundry. What I like I because I have some land in McMinnville and I got a zeroturn there and I go cut that and it's nine acres…

Full transcript with timestamps

But when I quit drinking, I was like I kind of struggled with it a little bit where I was like, "Oh, I'm not not really fun now."

But I'm like, "Oh, why do I have to be fun? I got to go be this other thing so that I can get your approval, stranger. That's tougher than just not drinking. Hey, what's going on? It's time for a special episode of the Dr. John Deloney Show. I am your brother John and I'm glad that you are joining us on a Saturday morning special episode. All right. So over the last few years, I've gotten more and more people reaching out asking for more interviews, more conversations with people I find inspiring, who I learn from, who challenge me, or quite honestly, um, this is me being selfish, people I just love and I want to introduce to you all.

And I also get folks who get frustrated when we take calls off the show and insert conversations. And so what we're trying is once a month, a few times a month, maybe every week, we're going to drop conversations with Deloney. These are interviews. These are conversations I'm having with my friends, with people I look up to, people who inspire me, and I want you to get to know them, too. This week on the inaugural drop is a worldrenowned comedian. He's got two Netflix specials, a class act. His name is the great Dusty Sleigh. He's hilarious, super super insightful, and this episode is just uh it's one I've reflected on over and over and over again since we sat down and talked. So, I'm going to leave all of his contact information in the show notes. You can follow him on social media. You can go check out his latest Netflix special, Wet Heat, or you can get his tour schedule. So, buckle up. Do what you got

to do this Saturday morning and beyond and listen to a conversation with my new friend and all-around philosopher and incredible comedian, the great Dusty Slay. So, going back a about a year ago, my buddy George Camel, we just always like, "Dude, I want to do stand up. I want to do stand up. I need to stand up." And finally, out of a like active protest, I call over and say, "Hey, me and George want to book a night at the lab." And the deeper thing, and this is kind of dramatic, but it's true. My dad and I have always struggled to connect, but growing up, he was an old, like he still is, he's an old Texas cop. And so, we didn't have a lot of connecting points, but he always talked with reverence about Prior and Steve Martin and Robin Williams and Cosby before, right? And it was it was like a these are the like this is what art is, right? to a guy that had no like didn't have an art aesthetic. And so I've always had this

connection like I wonder if he would like me then. Right. My dad. Right. Yeah. And so anyway, we booked a night and then we added a second one and it it was wasn't great. It was fine. It was fine. But then I got obsessed. And so then I started going down. It's right by my house. And so I started going every week as much as I possibly can. And my day job is traveling the country and doing these big corporate events like for mental health and relationship stuff. But I got obsessed with going in these rooms. And two things I've figured out.

One is I did not understand the level of craftsmanship that goes on backstage when you ask somebody, hey, can you help make this thing better? Or when you have somebody that's like you get off set and they're like, dude, you had a space. If you'd held that space and you're like, okay. But I started to look at you professional comics as like craftsmen, like as cabinet makers who are like trying to make something amazing. And the second thing is, and this is just a compliment to you, there is an ethos that I'm now finding the more I'm around touring comics that it only exists in a few places, which is the established comics like you and who come in and say, "This is how we treat people in these green rooms, and this is how we take care of new people. this is how we're kind. This is how we hold people accountable, man. That's there's you're like one of the the godfathers that hover around this this place. And

I'm finding out now that I just happen to be down the street from one of the best places in the country for that. But I just want to say thank you for creating a world where a guy like me can walk in and there's a room of what I feel when I go there of total support and total like that wasn't great. But it's not said like to make me feel better. It's to say like, "Hey, you can do better than this or here's a thing you like." Does that make sense? And so on behalf of all people who get the courage to stand up in front of people and say who are going like this and they're like, "Make me laugh." Like, "Thank you for being a leader in that world cuz it's it's it's very impactful for me."

Well, I appreciate that. Yeah. I mean, comedy is so great, right? I I've always said this, like if you live in a town and you just go to an open mic, like you're like, I want to do comedy. You go to an open mic. Even if you're not good at comedy, if you just keep showing up and sitting there and watching the other comics, you're eventually going to make friends and you become part of this community. And it's like the open mic community is really great. I don't want to do open mics anymore. I've done plenty of them.

But it's like you you come up in this community and then you all become friends because you're like you're suffering together. bombing together and and then you you know as long as you like you know get somewhat good you'll get booked on other shows

and I love the comedy community. It's it's but you've create you've helped create a pretty special one here in Nashville which is awesome.

Yeah. I mean I love that too. I mean I still got other ideas that I I was just meeting with uh you know one of the owners of Zanies last night about a new idea that I have to kind of help make the scene better.

That's so cool. And I I love it. I love to see like it's like when you're part of these showcases and then it's like everybody's good, it makes everybody better.

That's it. That's it. Because if the person that goes before you really crushes and then you're next, you're like, well, I want to, you know, I don't want to bomb that.

That's right. That's right. I want to do good. And you think about it all day. I had this moment. You just said something powerful and this is what it's given to me. I would say equal to any good counseling I've been to, which is having shared experiences with people who are quasi on your team. Now, there is competition. You want to like like you did the best tonight. Like that feels good, right?

Yeah. But there's something powerful about trying something and it not working with people who are pretty much on your team. I had this experience. I did an event in Denver. It was a big corporate event and it wasn't I wasn't an accommodate at all. It was all mental health stuff. But on that bill was like me and John Maxwell. Nate showed up to do a set. Dave Ram, like these big icons, and then there's it's one of those you walk in the green room, you're like, "What am I doing here?" Right? I did did my hour and it it wasn't up to what I wanted. I came home and I was already texting when I got off the plane like, "I got to go up at do 10 minutes and get back on the horse right?"

Yeah. At at Zy's to say I bombed, dude. It was a It was disastrous. Your 10 minutes when you got back.

Oh gosh. It was catastrophic. Yeah. And these are things that I know work. So I knew it was me. Right. I walk off and this comic named Tina Frimml from New York. She was backstage and she put her hands on my shoulders and she said, "Now you're one of us." And the whole room started laughing, not at me, but with me. Yeah. And it was like,

"Oh." And I drove home with a huge smile on my face cuz it I I don't know how to describe this other than I failed in front of people and in front of people who were kind of on my team and it was freeing. It wasn't the opposite. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yeah. Free. I drove home. I smile like my wife's still going to like me. I still got a warm bed to sleep in. My kids like me. Like I'm I'm free now. And bombing uh watching my friends bomb that I know uh can do like are good at comedy is one of my favorite things

in the world because it's so funny to see your friend that's really good go up and bomb. You're like this is hilarious to me. I don't know why it's happening but it's funny.

We have a mutual friend us the other night was just like okay how about this for this next joke? Don't laugh just clap if you think it's funny. It was just not going well and dude that was the funniest. Anyway, there's something about trying something terrifying and scary in front of people that you know again are kind of on your team and having it not go well and how freeing that is when all of our life is built to not have ever let anybody see any scars and it's like no you got them. It's just it's it's a it's it's purifying

and you bomb together. You you know it's like and that's what I was saying like uh someone crushes before you because it's like if you're all bombing on a show then you're all just sharing in it and it's easy to go well it's the audience

of course dude. Yeah. But if someone before you crushes you go all right well they will laugh.

Yeah. You know, and it's like on my show the other night, what I was saying, it's like the audience was great, but they were one of those that they really laughed if the joke was funny, and if it wasn't, they didn't laugh.

And there and you came off and you said, "This audience is fair." Yeah. And that's like, that's cool. That's awesome.

I do I did some shows, you know, sometimes my zany shows like this, but Denver Comedy Works, the Downtown Club is like this where you go and they're almost laughing at every movement that you make on stage.

Yes. Like I did, which is intoxicating. Yeah. Yeah. I did five shows in Denver, maybe six, and it was my last show of the weekend where they were just like they were just laughing at my jokes,

right? Which is all you're really asking for. But because they had been giving it up all weekend over any little thing. Now that they're just laughing at the punchlines again, I'm like, "Well, what's happened?"

Oh, yeah. I'm no good at this. Why? You don't like me now? What is it? You like the jokes, but not me. So, how important is it to be anchored into something? And we'll get into some of the the deeper parts of your life. How important is it to be anchored not in that end result? Cuz I look across this like I did I get the bonus this year? Is my marriage top-notch? Did my kid win the little league thing? This feels like the same thing. If I'm anchored to that outcome, man, this can be a gnarly business that you're a part of.

Yeah. I think you just got to have some balance with shows, right? It's like I like to do corporate gigs. I like, you know, because corporate gigs pay well. I like that sort of thing. But they're not always the best shows for your ego.

Yeah. So, I like, you know, I feel like as long as I have enough good shows, I can handle doing those shows. Yeah.

Right. But if I did corporates every night and they were like pretty mediocre, I think it would it could get to you.

Cuz I have some great corporates. They're not all like that, but I have some I walk into and I go, "All right, I'm about to crush this." And then you get up there and you're like, "Oh,

you you tell your your new jokes and you go, "Well, maybe the new jokes are just not as good." And then I start going back to some classics that always work and then they're not getting laughs and you're like, "All right."

But as long as you have that balance where you're where you're doing enough good shows, you can say to yourself in those moments, you can go, "All right, they're not they're just they're just not going to be into anything I do." So you can relax in that where you go, all right, it doesn't matter. We're just I'm just making money. I'm going to do my best,

but I am just making money here. Yeah. And it maybe they're not laughing cuz they're sitting by their boss and they don't like who knows what the dynamics are. Yeah.

But it's like I had a show I did a show in California at a theater and it was like one of my lowest turnouts at a theater that I had had,

but the the people that were there were really into it. So I was like, "This is a blast."

And then I I was making jokes about people not being there. I go, "Oh, every time you do a show, people always go, "Oh, well, you know, it's, you know, you're in the South and it's college football." And I'm like, "Yeah, but it's a Friday." And they go, "Well, high school football." You know, I was like, "There's always something." And then they go, somebody yelled out, "High school graduation." I go, "Yeah, anything. Anything you want to pick." But turns out in that town they said that actually was the city's high school graduation. So people, you know, and I don't know if you're a superstar, people skip the graduation. That's right.

Right. But, uh, you know, but there are, it's just as long as there's a balance, right, to where you're like,

uh, cuz to me, as long as the shows are going well and I'm like paying my bills,

I'm happy. You have a good life. Yeah. Yeah. So, tell me about um, how old were you got married?

35. 35. I'm fascinated by this question. 35. you're making your way I'll call you successful in this business. Why would you choose to go get married?

Well, it's interesting for me because there's a there was a I I believe I always quote this and I don't even know if I've ever heard him say it, but someone told me that Doug Stanh Hope said,

you know, the thing about marriage, he's like, "Oh, this is going pretty well. Why don't we get the government involved?" Right?

So, I kind of felt like you could be biblically married without government married, right? Uh, and I I always like is there really a need for me to get married, you know? But my wife is Canadian, right? And so we started dating and she moved here on a work visa for entertainment. She was, you know, doing comedy with me.

Okay. So, we were traveling around doing comedy and then we got to a place where we were pretty close to her visa expiring. So, I always think this is like one of the most unromantic but also one of the most romantic things where it's like I had to ask myself um you know either I can get married or I can let my girlfriend have to go back and it's not like she's going back to a third world country. She's going back to Canada.

Uh so I'm like do you know do I love her enough to get married? And I'm like well yeah of course I do. Uh-huh.

So, so what was your picture of marriage growing up? Well, my uh my dad has been married four times. Okay. Uh my and he's, you know, his his latest marriage is, you know, 20 years.

Okay. Yeah. Um and I think, you know, his wife is great. But no, my dad's great, but of course, but and and then my mom was married twice uh and and then divorced. So, uh, you know, both of my sister, my older sisters, uh, you know, my I think my, you know, she's one of my sisters has been married pretty close to 40 years at this point, but,

uh, they're, you know, but as far as my parents go, I just did not see successful marriages growing up.

And you've talked a lot about, we don't have to go down the road, but about growing up in a trailer park. Yeah. And all the shenanigans that went along there.

Yeah. I mean, you just don't see, you know, I don't I just didn't see this whole idea of marriage and you know I don't know I think about like I never thought of my childhood as bad or unhappy but you know I would have to you know go you know summers I would spend a week with my mom then a week with my dad then a week with my mom so I missed out on a lot of like summer hangs because they my dad lived in a different town not far away but far enough away to where

kids I went to school with would be like why don't you come over to my house this weekend and I'm like no I can't I'm at my dad's Yeah.

And then even, you know, in the school year be one weekend with my mom, one weekend with my dad. So, and then like just these whole idea that you would choose between your mom and dad. So, I I'm like when I decided to have kids, I'm like, I never want my kids to have to go through that. Like they should never have to choose

who they're going to hang out with. You know, Christmas, do I do Christmas? Like even to this day as an adult, it still affects my life, of course,

where when I go holidays, I go, "Am I going to spend it with my mom or with my dad?" And I've tried to bring them together. They can get along just fine. But it's weird for me.

Yeah. How I'm fascinated by that because I can look at all of like the nerd stuff about marriage that it if you do marriage well or great, everything in your life improves. And if you do it not well or bad, every it's like reverse ROI. like everything in your life gets worse, right? And so I'm in this weird dilemma where I want to encourage I got a 15-year-old and one of my wife and I's goals is let's make being married a thing that it wouldn't occur to him not to do. Like I want to be a part of this thing that looks so fun and rad and whatever. Why wouldn't I do that thing? Right? And so that's that's well and good, but I'm looking at a whole generation of people like what is it 60? The numbers are are wild, right? What was it in your head that switched that said, I'm going to do this thing and I want this I don't have a good picture of what this look like. I don't have a good lived experience.

I'm going to I want this to look different. And again, there's no throwing shade at parents. Every every parent has a thing. But there's some point when you have to say, "Okay, you and your wife have to be intentional about this thing has to look different." And how do you go about doing that?

Well, you know, um you know, we didn't we had tal when me and my wife first started dating, I was like like not for having kids.

Yes. And I even like kind of like talked to her about it early on like I don't want to have kids. So if you're going into this with me, you have to be on board with that. Right.

But then we kind of like together decided that we did want to have kids and Yeah. So, it's like I don't know. I think it's that I think it's having kids. Like when my daughter was born, it was just like

a real life-changing thing. Like I you know, I was with my wife the whole time she was pregnant, obviously, and I knew it was real, but it wasn't really real until until the baby actually comes out and you go, "Whoa, there's a human being in there."

It's on me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that I'm like I don't want to mess up my my kids life. I don't want my kid to have a hard life. Not that I don't want them to have to deal with things, but uh you know I don't want them to have the hard thing. I don't want them to be that

you know their parents are bad or their parents have made their lives harder. How is that real? But there is still real stuff that happens like like there's dishes that got to be done and there's people who are tired and there's the flight miss. Like there's life that happens to all of us. How do you and your wife navigate that without a model, without a picture? Because that's that that is the that to me is the secret sauce, right? It's like if if we can communicate that that you don't have a good picture of this thing and it's still worth it and here's how to do that.

And I can get real nerdy and academic about it, but I'm fascinated by people who are like, "No, we're going to do this thing. We're going to do it right." But then there's like the brass tax, like somebody's got to do the laundry.

Yeah. Well, I think that you can you can um look at uh things and say, "Well, I know what I don't want it to be, right?" Rather than having a model of what what it should be, you can go, "Well, this is what I don't want it to be."

You know, and and like and that informs your next move, right? Yeah. Okay. And so, you're like, you know, I I I don't know. I went to a public school and I feel like my education was good. I had a good time, but I feel like things are different now. And if it's in my control, I don't want my daughter to have to, you know, my kids to have to go to the same kind of school I went to.

Even though, again, my school was great, but it is a different things are different, of course,

you know, so I just want uh to try to get them, you know, like the kind of education that they enjoy that that that makes them feel good. Like my dad always was like big on me getting good grades, but my dad would also kind of like make fun of me about reading. and stuff like like you know my dad would talk about you know stories about him being cool and not ever doing his homework and stuff but wanted me to do my homework

but also didn't want me to be a nerd or you know so I'm like you're not really encouraging me the way that you think you are

you know and and it's like and then like even like uh you know playing guitar I remember I wanted to take guitar lessons in in school. It was a class for guitar. And my dad was like, I remember my dad saying this to me, and I and I think he's right on on a certain level, but but way off on another. He goes, you know,

you're he said, you don't have the year for guitar. You know, it's like these people that play guitar, they pick up the guitar and they can just play. And I go and now looking back I'm like well of course there are people Dwayne Alman, Jimmyi Hendris probably picked it up and knew how to play right away. But there are other people who just learn right

to play guitar. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like my dad saying that to me implanted it in my head that I can't play guitar.

Therefore I it discouraged me in a way that I never took the time to learn. Now I can't blame my dad my whole life that I never played guitar. But I think at that young age,

so I'm like, well, I don't want to do that to my kids. Okay. If I, you know, if they want to do something, I want to encourage them to do it. Now, I don't anytime my daughter says, I want to do this, I don't want to run right out and buy everything, you know, but it's it's like

I have that temptation, though. I do. I want to be like, "Okay, cool. What like the nicest of?" And my wife's like, "No, no."

Yeah. A $30 Target guitar is fine. She doesn't need a thousand tailor. Like, we're right. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If if she that's my impulse if she learns to play. Yeah. Yeah. But that's that's my thing. Like you know I was looking at a $120 guitar. I think something like that.

Well and and I think that is things that I found myself saying that my wife will cut her eyes like

yeah we're not a math family and or we're not good at or I'm not good at which is me telling my son you're probably not good at this either. instead of saying, "I struggled at this and I didn't put the work in on this, right? This wasn't a priority for me. It can't be for you." Even that little sentence is a difference of, "Oh, guess I guess I won't touch this thing." Right?

And going back to like there's something about just showing up over time. You'll get better at a thing, right?

Yeah. Or even even the ROI of like if you want to play guitar, well, you're never going to make it as a musician. There's a big gap between like I'm never going to have a Netflix special for comedy, but showing up every night makes me have new friends. It lets me have new friends, lets me succeed and fail together, and it makes me better at my day job, which is just articulating things better in a meeting, right? I mean there's

you can play guitar and woo a girl at a campfire, and that doesn't mean you have to go be John Mayer, right? There's a gap between that,

right? And yeah, and even just challenging your mind to learn a thing, learn a new thing.

Helps you in some other level. Yeah. And that's what that's what I'm all about. Like I want I'd like to homeschool now. I know a lot of that's going to fall on my wife. So I think that's why she's kind of against it.

Uh you spoken like a great husband. Yeah. What I would like to do, but I I I want I just feel like that a lot could be you could learn all the academic things in a shorter amount of time than school. And then and but you know I'm not saying better or worse but you could learn it all

in a shorter amount of time than school but then you could also spend other time learning other things

that yeah you know that you were really lit up by right yeah dude you know and I think you could h you know if you don't you know if if you have the finances if your kids struggling in this you could hire a tutor to to teach them that you know and I think there are people out there trying to do all that

and it's just like that's what I want I just want my kids to like feel like they can do whatever they want to do and really explore things and learn things about themselves.

Yeah. And not be discouraged because their dad is like Well, yeah. I mean what when you said that that really hit me when you said we're not

of this family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where it's like maybe I wasn't but they can be.

One step removed. So my dad's a policeman. We we we didn't have any money growing up. none. And there's been some tension in my family now that my life looks different financially. We live in a different neighborhood than I did growing up. And they my parents have never said this. I know they're proud of me and all that, but they're I feel the tension of have I forgotten my raisin like oh why don't you just or when the chat comes I guess I'll you know what I mean? It's like there's this kind of automatic default. How have you handled the balance of growing up where you grew up in it in the way you grew up? Again, not bad. It just was a certain certain certain culture and community to the life you have now where you're on TV like you're selling out theaters across the country.

Well, I think that it's uh you're driving a car that starts every time you turn it right.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that it's uh it's been slow, so you kind of adjust to each level, right? But I I I also think it's just important to do still do normal things like because you know there's a tendency like we moved houses and then I I have a bigger yard and then I didn't have I only had to push more and I was like we were getting and then the people that we bought the house from go hey this was our lawn care guy. So, I call the guy and he's like, "Yeah, we can do it." And then and I go, "Well, I just want to do it for a little while."

And then and then I'm gonna start doing it. And then, you know, this guy comes every two weeks and cuts the grass. And he go, "That's pretty nice that I don't have to cut the grass."

He's like he's like a weed dealer. He's like, "I just needed it this one time." He's like, "Yeah, all right, cool. I'll see you next week."

And I'm like, "Well, I like cutting grass, but he keeps coming cutting the grass." And I go, "I don't have to cut the grass." Yeah.

And I think that if you allow enough of those things, you become completely out of touch and then you don't do anything where I'm like, I want to keep doing things.

I don't want to hire people to do everything. Now, I know there is that thing of when you're hiring people to do things, you're helping them have jobs and everybody has jobs and that's great, but

I want to do regular things. Yeah. You know, I've got a small I call it a farm, but a small little and it's it's a thing that I will go mow that place. And I'm finding that those four hours of driving that zeroturn mower and the three hours of weeding, like that's actually almost therapeutic for me. But it it re

because there's a part of this that's not real, right? And there's something real about that grass grows and the seasons change and there's something something important about that or doing my own laundry. What I like I because I have some land in McMinnville and I got a zeroturn there and I go cut that and it's nine acres but a lot of it's wood so I'm not cutting nine acres but

you know you're riding I like to do no headphones just me listening to the lawn mower driving along for hours.

Yeah it's meditative. It is so good. I love it. You think of things or or you think of nothing. Yeah.

You just watch what you're doing. Yeah. And it's so great. You let your brain off the hook a little bit. Huh. Is there is there and you don't have to get into this if you don't want to. We can cut this out. Is there tension with family and your success?

Actually, my family has been so great. Really? That's awesome. My uh we went to some family members came to visit me the other day and we went out to eat and they were talking about going to see Brian Bates show.

Uhhuh. And they said we tried to buy shirts from Brian and he wouldn't let us pay for anything. and they've been to my shows and I charge them for the shows

and and and I go, "Well, Brian's a nice guy." And I go, "That's why he's not a good businessman."

I said, "He's not a good businessman." But and I kind of made that joke. Uh and it was funny, but

you know, now I do give them free tickets when they come to shows, you know. Uh, but when it was shirts, I mean, I was like I I always felt weird about charging them for shirts, but I had my bag that was there and there was a good probability I was going to sell out the bag

and I'm like, it just feels like it's messing up my thing if I give these cuz in my mind it's like you don't have to have this shirt.

There you go. Yeah. This shirt's not food, right? You don't have to have this. And if you want it, well, you know, let's let's buy it. And I I had a guy recently I found out he had bought he's a buddy of mine. He bought my book. I went to Amazon and bought it. And I was like, "Why'd you do that?" And he's like, "This is how you know is are you the friend that will support your friend or are you the friend that when your buddy gets it then you try to milk it, right?" Yeah. And tickets is that's easy. That's all that kind of stuff's easy. But there's something about those that hard asset that's like, "Oh, you're really in my corner."

because it meant it meant you got to participate in your body's success by putting 20 bucks down and having somebody mail you that book. Like that was you get to participate in this instead of

hey man, hey man, hey man. Yeah, I get that. Yeah. And it's like my my family's great. I mean they've never um you know I've had plenty of tensions with my family, but it's never over anything like that. I used to drink a lot and I think a lot of my family uh and well friends too thought I was much more fun when I used to drink

and it is true. I was a more fun person but I don't it I don't know. I just feel like I'm like I don't have to be fun.

You know what I mean? Like I feel like there's this thing where we feel like we have to be fun and I'm like I don't know why I have to be fun all the time. People invite me out after shows and I go I go, "You just saw the most fun version of me. It gets way less fun after this." It's funny. People come stay in our house and I've had that exact like, "Oh, I'll just go to bed at 9:00." And I'm like, "Yeah, I'm exhausting to be around." Like, it's exhausting to be in my skin. I want to go to bed and read a book. And I think people think there's going to be a disco ball at my house. Like when we get home, it really gets kicked off and they're like, "No, dude. I'm not fun."

Yeah. Kind of a drag, actually. Well, yeah. And I used to when I used to drink, I mean, I was all about it. I I didn't I didn't like I I drank a ton, but I didn't drink alone. I wanted to go out. I wanted to go out to the bar and be around people and drink and party and that was fun.

But when I quit drinking, I was like I kind of struggled with it a little bit where I was like, "Oh, I'm not not really fun now."

But I'm like, "Oh, why do I have to be fun? Where is it anywhere that says we need to be fun?"

Well, it's it's less even that. Like there's the fun, there's the this whatever it is, this alcohol, this whatever drug, it makes me a tougher version of myself or a sharper version. Like there's something beneath that which is the version of myself that is real isn't enough. It's not good enough.

Yeah. I got to go be this other thing so that I can get your approval, stranger. Right. Or five people who just came to my thing and want to you know what I mean?

Yeah. That's tougher than just not drinking. Like what you just said is a really powerful shift in I'm okay with me. How do you get there?

Right. That's the nightmare because we talked to you talk people who struggle with alcohol. Alcohol is not the problem. Alcohol works. Alcohol is awesome. It works. It gets you what you want. People who cheat on their wives all the time. People who like any put any vice down. That thing helps. The real issue is I don't like being me in my skin and I need to be somebody else so that I can feel okay.

Yeah. That's the nightmare. Yeah. I mean, you know, and you know, two things for me. Uh, religion. I guess you could call it religion. I mean, I'm Christian. I mean, I don't really go to a church, so I don't know if it's religion,

you know. Uh, it's but it is relative Christianity. It is Jesus. I'm not just a spiritual person. Um, and then, um, you know, comedy. I mean, those two things when I quit drinking, it's like when I quit drinking, I was reading my Bible all the time. And I almost stopped doing comedy. I was like, I was just kind of hobbyist anyway.

And then I was like, I don't know, maybe I don't even need this. And then I but I kept doing and then I was like, I found that I really enjoyed it and actually liked it more

when I wasn't drinking. Huh. But then finding, you know, confidence in that, you know, I'm good at comedy.

It helps. And then you're like, "Oh, okay. I don't have to be these other things to people. I can just be a comic and know that I'm good at this." And then I get laughs that way. So, I don't need to get laughs everywhere I go in my life.

But where does that root grow from? That's tough. Is it all faith? Just the sense that I'm loved by something bigger than me and I'm good. Yeah, I think so. And then it's like, you know, you kind of realize that,

you know, while you do need things while you're on Earth, it's like they don't really matter.

It's like, I like that I've made money. I like that I have fun things and a car that starts every time, right?

But if I were to be back to a place where I didn't have those things, I think I would be okay and maybe in some ways even happier because you have less things to worry about. Yeah,

like when I lived in apartments and a storm was coming through, I wasn't worried because I'm like, "This is not my apartment." You know what I mean? If a tree falls on, who cares? But when I first moved into a house, I had this giant tree in my backyard and the wind would just whip this tree around and I'm like, "That tree's going to crush my house." And then every storm I was worried about this tree crushing my house.

Yeah. And then even when there's not a storm, it's always like, "I probably need to get that tree removed." It's just this little voice like, "I probably need to get that tree cut down. I'm going to cut that tree down.

I love that tree. I wonder how much that tree cost. It cost 5,000. I'm not going to cut that tree down. It never stops. Yeah. Till the next storm, right?

Huh. There's a rooting there that is so powerful. And I hate to throw it all back on religion, which I think is a that's that's a root for me, which is like none of this matters, right? And when I can open my hands to that and underneath the nothing, this doesn't matter as much as I'm loved whether I fail at my job or I don't have a good year or you're like you and I are together. We're 100% commission, right? Like we're small business people basically. Yeah. Like if I don't have a good year,

I still have intrinsic value and that's okay. And in a weird way that has freed me to repel off even further down. I don't know. I I I have found a similar thing. It makes me better. But there's something about comics too that it's a daily interaction with failure that I think our whole culture tries to insulate us from.

Yeah. And also um you know with even like going higher in comedy like you know like uh let's say like Hollywood that sort of thing like it's like yeah I go to LA and I take meetings and I'm like if things happen great you know but if they don't happen

it's okay. I have comedy. I I still like what and I'm not you know I'm not mad at anyone. I go take meetings. I'm not nervous in the meetings. I'm not like,

oh, I I really need this. I go, if this happens, great. But if it doesn't, that's okay.

My kids love me and my wife likes me most of the time. I can My kids would probably like it if I didn't get this because I'll be home more.

Yeah, that was a hard thing for me to wrap my It took me years with my oldest. Like, he doesn't want anything but me. And I think I got to the level where it took me a long time to believe that. You know what I mean? Or he's only gonna like me if almost like you're like if I'm cool or if I'm the like he doesn't care. He doesn't know any different. He just like you're my dad.

Yeah. Can we shoot each other with a water hose and play with mud? Like I just want to do whatever you're doing. I want to do that. And that's that was hard for me.

Oh yeah. Well, I feel like that I don't know. I spend too much time thinking about things. But it's like, you know, you look back at like grandfathers or even great-grandfathers, they were like around in World War I and then, you know, then you have World War II and then you have like I don't know, the Great Depression was somewhere in between there or before. So, it's like you have all these like great-grandparents and grandparents growing up in these really hard times.

Yeah. And often times probably not that nice to their kids because their lives are hard,

right? So then the next generation may be a little nicer to their kids, but their lives are still hard to where you get to like kind of the baby boomer generation that takes so much flack from everyone all the time. Uh, you know, but it's like, you know, who knows what their parents were like? Like I know

like I have relatives that have abusive parents, you know, and then and then you go

and then you find out that their parent was like more abusive than them. And then how far does it go back to where it's like each year or each generation they're like a little less abusive,

right? Yeah. So it's like it's still abusive, but to the abuser they're like, "Well, you should have see what I was getting."

Right. Right. To where we're now like, you know, we're dealing with our parents and whatever they had to deal, you know? So I feel like we're all like in a way getting a little better, like maybe softer, but like a little better.

Well, and there is that tension. And I I remember talking with a veteran and it maybe it was World War II or World War I. When they said this, it never occurred to me. They said there were no no deployments. You didn't like good deploy for 9 months. You went overseas and fought until that was over.

Oh wow. Maybe a year, maybe two years, maybe three. Like you came home if you lived when the fighting was done. And to now where I'm like, hey, I need to sit my son down. Like I'm going to miss 3 months from now. I'm going to miss this cross country meet cuz I have a thing, man. and I'm really I'm letting you down. You know what I mean? It's like he's like, "Dad, you're good, man." You know what I mean? And it's this

I don't know. I think there's a there's a The way I can get you to buy something is if I make you feel guilty. And I think that's a great it's a great marketing move to get me to need to buy everything for my kids and to do everything for my kids because I'm not enough. Whereas, yeah, if you just go back three generations or two, one generation,

they're going to be fine. Yeah. Right. They're going to be fine. And in fact, listening to my son retell the story without me telling him what I saw and what how he could have moved different. Him retelling it is awesome, too, right? It's just I don't know. I don't I don't know there's a place where I'll ever exhale and say I'm doing this great. You know what I mean? And

that's that's the nightmare of being a parent, I guess. Yeah. And who knows? I mean, it's like if you're like me, you follow a lot of Instagram channels where everybody's giving advice and then if you take all the advice and combine it all, you're like, "Oh, I can't do anything because I can't if I eat this, it kills me."

Uh, if you don't eat that, it'll kill you, right? And then if you're doing this workout or if you're on this or if you're running Wi-Fi, I talk about Wi-Fi all the time. People think I'm crazy cuz I turn off my Wi-Fi at night at home and people go, "Oh, you some kind of weirdo." And the guy who brought my Wi-Fi box from the company on the pamphlet, it was like, you know, causes reproductive harm or cancers on their own pamphlet. And now I'm crazy for saying that.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, so you just try to stay away from all these things. And I want I don't want my kids addicted to

the phone the way that I'm addicted to the phone. Totally. And I didn't even grow up with a phone and I'm addicted to it. No, it's it's the most public public cocaine offering ever ever handed to all of us.

That's why I have to go outside and do things. Yes. Yeah. Because if I don't I I'm on my phone. I'm like it's so hard to be off my phone. But if I get outside, I'm cool. I'm hanging. I'm breathing fresh air. I got a sinus thing going on right now from all the fresh air.

That's an important thing for folks who want to stop a thing. I want to stop drinking. I want to stop looking at pornography so much. I want to stop being on my phone all the time. I want to stop whatever

is stopping something is good but there's a value in what's the replacement for that

and like cool stop drinking great that was filling something so what are you going to what what positive thing and maybe it's just going to bed dude maybe it's just getting a a small gang maybe it's I need to stop being on my on my screen

are we going to just like turn it off and just sit there and like white knuckle it or what positive thing can you do

well that's a hard thing for me on the road right when I'm I can find plenty to do to not be on my phone. But when I'm on the road, I'm in a hotel

and I'm like, what am I supposed to be doing? What am I supposed to do? I, you know, I smoke cigars sometimes. I'm like, but is that good, you know? And I'm like,

I started getting tattoos in every town I went to. That was a terrible idea, right? It was like, I don't want to go to bars. I mean, that's going to be stupid. I I got to do something.

Yeah. And Yeah. That's always a a difficult challenge. What do you do? What do you know? And I I bought a I was going to start carving wood. I bought a little wood carving. That didn't go It didn't go any further than me buying the wood carving set. I'm going to be whittling in the hotel room. So, we live in a culture that has most households are dual households. People are both working. And it's not every household, but almost everyone. And this is we can extrapolate this out to every every family here, but this one's a personal question for me.

I write part of my life is writing books and I work for a place that's got its own publishing machine, right? And it can get books out everywhere in the world. My wife, who was Dr. Deloney before me, way smarter, she's an infinitely better writer, also writes. And she has a rule. I can't post about her books. I can't put it out there. She wants this to be hers. And at the end of every year when we sit down and say who sold the most books, like the metric that the world says matters, like there's tension there, right? And you used to be on the road with your wife. Y'all both did comedy. How have y'all navigated? And and again, this is I'm a writer that not everyone listening, very few people listening are writers or comics, but there is the he works in construction and she's a nurse or she works at a law firm and he does whatever. There's always that competitive tension. How have you all

navigated that in your house? Well, um you know, my wife quit comedy uh which was um uh good in a lot of ways uh because she didn't really like working the road. Uh, and so she kind of wanted to quit, but she was an actress before we met. She did stuff in Canada and she she'll she she likes that aspect.

Um, but when she quit comedy, she was off the road for a couple of years and that's when we decided to have kids.

So, it worked out well for us. But I think there is still a thing where she still have ghosts about that.

Well, she Yeah, a little bit. She'll do Instagram and and she's very good at that. Um, in a lot of ways she's more driven than me to to create. She's always thinking of ideas, but it kind of takes over for her.

Whereas I'm like, I don't know. I feel like I'm pretty good. I'm at a good place with comedy to where I can just write on stage. I just go to the club. I can write on stage and it just doesn't obsess my mind.

I've seen you do that and I will never understand. Like walking out with nothing and letting it go.

Yeah. Such a gutsy movie. Well, it's it over time it's built up that way. I was never like that. I wasn't like that for a long time.

It's amazing to watch. But um I feel like, you know, when we used to travel together, it was really hard because, you know, my wife would open for me and you know, if she didn't do well, uh you know, it be

But you did well, but I did well, it'd be hard for her. And then if she did well and then I didn't do well, she would get mad at me and she would go, "You got to do better. If I'm going to be opening for you, you got to do better." Do you have marriage advice for folks who one person's in a season of blessing and one is not?

Uh, you know, I don't really know. I'm not I'm not really one for marriage advice too much, but I just think that, you know, when it comes to marriage, it's like you got to like agree on on things, you know, and it's like if if you know, one is more successful than the other, then I just feel like you got to ride that out. You guys got to go,

hey, you know, you're making the money. Uh, I'm going to support you and and you both got to stay grounded

and not think that um, you know, it's just you. I always have to come back to if my wife is winning, we're winning.

Yeah. And if and that's easy to put like stitch into a pillow or put on a Hallmark card. The reality that's tough or I got to be able to say

I'm jealous that her book is a hundred times better than mine. Yeah. And and and my wife's very similar. She loves the act of getting up and writing. It's a nightmare for me. It's a thing I have to do. And then

I'm a part of a machine. So the thing that I hate the most a part about my job pays our bills. Yeah.

And the thing that she craves and loves, right, doesn't isn't isn't as marketly successful. But um it's that if I have a wife that's creative and is it is actively involved in a project, our whole house

that flows through our home. We're all winning, right? Even if that means on certain months I'm doing more dishes or I'm doing more laundry or I'm doing taking the kids or doing more bedtimes or whatever and vice versa, right?

But I that's one way I can make make sense of it. Well, you know, I mean there there's like

once you start competing in your house, I think that's that's a that's a bad road to go down.

Yes, for sure. Because I Yeah. I mean, it's all about like it's all about teamwork, right? I mean, and I like, you know, I like that my wife's at home. I really enjoy it. I mean, I, you know, I'm I'm all about her doing other things, but I

I think, you know, my dreams of uh raising a family and having all they don't work without my wife, you know, without everything that she does at home, it doesn't work without her. You know, I can't

I can't go make money for our family the way that I want to without her. I don't trust anybody. I don't trust anyone with my kids.

So without my wife, none of that works, you know. So it's like, yeah, I may be, you know, on the poster. I may be on Netflix. I may be uh on the marquee, but without my wife, none of it works. I'm not able to do it.

I'm like the little light bulb in the in the lighthouse, but man, she's that whole tower that thinks that's that's the way it is in my house. None of this happens without that. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, and it's like my kids get raised the way that I want them to be raised, and it's like and and the way that she wants them to be raised, and we have beautiful kids, and they're uh, you know, well-minded most of the time,

of kids. Yeah. And uh but it's like it doesn't work without my wife. And it's like that's more important to me than comedy. I mean, comedy is great. I mean, it's provided a good life for me, but it's more important that,

you know, we have a good family and our kids have a good life. What do you tell the 28-year-old man or woman who's listening to this and who has said and and and honestly it's like it's almost a math problem like A plus B plus C equals I don't want to have kids financially, relationally like sexually. I don't it's just going to I I can see the algorithm where this blows up everything that is my life. I don't want to do that on this side of it. What would you tell somebody? Well, you know, it's like people uh I feel like people that get married later in life like I did uh say, "I wish I had done this 10 years ago."

Yeah. And then people who do it 10 years almost every Yeah. I wish I'd waited. Yeah.

Yeah. they but I mean to me personally I I I wish that I had just had uh you know kind of people around me like guide that that I don't think people knew and just intentionally didn't guide me. I think I just didn't have the right people around me. But I wish that there would have been somebody that could really talk to me about drinking and and and given me some direction in life and saying, "Hey, this kind of road that you're on, it doesn't lead anywhere."

Cuz I have a few jokes about drinking that are very funny, but I could have wrote those jokes in drinking for two years. I didn't need to do it for 10,

a decade. Yeah. And and I could have got started on things a lot sooner. I could have had kids at 25 rather than, you know, 39.

Yeah. Do you build Do you beat yourself up over that decade or do you give yourself some grace over it?

I, you know, it is what it is. So, I don't really beat myself up, but I do wish that I I could have got started sooner.

Yeah. And I, that's what I would say. I mean, it's like people, so many people are like, well, I want to live my life a little bit before, you know, I get locked down or whatever.

And I would say that that is life. This isn't Yeah. the the subst and I'm the like the substitute w wasn't life

right and it's like you know pe the the men around me and I don't mean like my my dad and I just mean men that I would work with that were older men were giving me such bad advice they might have thought it was good advice but they would be talking about marriage and they're like oh you're going to get you know you get married one day and it'll just be one woman for the rest of your life so just explore the field you know I'm Well, that's the worst advice you could have given me

because, you know, it's like there's a Ecclesiastes verse. I think it's uh chapter 7 verse 6, or it could be the opposite, but it says, "All man's efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied." It's like there's there's no amount of like sinning that you're going to do that one day you go, "All right, that's good. I did it. I'm satisfied. No, let's get get into a wholesome life,

you know, and yeah, you're just going to have mental scars that that then you're like, "Ah, if I just followed the biblical way and just did the way

that that God wanted me to live my life, then I I would be on a much better trajectory."

Yeah. But I feel like this this way and I I watched a guy recently. I I wish I knew the video, but it was a YouTube video. It came out like four or five years ago, but just suddenly popped into everyone's algorithm. But he was just talking about what the '9s did to us. And then he goes through all the movies and what it was teaching us and all the music videos and what it was teaching us. And I love the '9s,

but when you look back on that stuff, you go, "Oh, you were just pre-programmed

programming me to be a degenerate." And then when I was out here just, you know, drinking and getting high and people go, "What are you doing?" And I go, "Well, this is what I've been programmed to do."

You know, and it's like it's just a waste. I'm not saying it's not fun, but it's a waste.

Yeah. I It one of the most revealing moments of my life was I had a group of guys. We got together every Monday night and we were like degenerate good guys, right? Not great, but and then his name was John. He had got he came and announced that he was pregnant. First one of my kids, one first one of my buddies to have a kid. They have the kid and within two months he's not hanging out with us anymore. And I his wife's a one of my greatest friends in the world. But I went to gosh, he's the worst man. He has one kid and he can't even go out anymore. Months months. Couple years later, I have my kid, my first kid, and we were out one night and I said, "Hey, it never occurred to me you weren't hanging out with us, not because your wife was saying, but because you would rather sit on the couch and hold this tiny little lump of a human that you'd made." And I was like, "Why didn't you tell me?" And he smiled. He goes,

"Cuz you wouldn't have you wouldn't have heard it." I there's nothing I could have said that would have made sense to you other than, "Oh, I'm done playing video games with these idiots. I'm going to be here." You know what I mean?

I know. exactly what you mean because it's hard to explain it. I had so so many friends that had kids way before me. I mean, one of my best friends, his daughter, my oldest daughter is four years old. His oldest daughter is 17, right? They had them way before me.

When I finally had a daughter, I apologized to so many I have two also. Yeah. I just go, I'm so sorry, guys. I had no idea. It was this thing of like we used to say it all the time. Oh, he's whipped. his wife. Oh, his wife just runs his house. She He can't do anything.

And then you get married and you have kids and you go, "Oh, I It's not that my wife won't let me do anything. I just respect my wife. I love my wife. I want to hang out with her."

Well, yeah. And it never occurred to me uh this is a couple years ago when I learned the single greatest predictor of a great marriage is are y'all friends?

And I remember being like, "Oh, I could work on that." And then when there's like a pile of wet towels, if my buddy Todd comes to my house, if you came over and you left five cans of I guess you're not drinking, so of Sprite on the counter, I wouldn't go into an existential tail spin about what is Dusty trying to tell me. What is he what is he trying to I would just pick the cans up.

Yeah. And the next time you're over there like, "Dude, pick your cans up and pass the nachos." Right.

But for some reason when my wife does it, I'm like, "What is she What is she trying to say? What like bro, she's my friend. Pick up the cans." you know, go on about your life. And when I realized like, oh, we could make a friendship to where I'd rather just hang out here. And I can't do the math. I can't tell my buddies like

who aren't married or whose marriages are struggling. Like, I'd rather watch Matlock next to her with my longlegg, hairylegged 15-year-old son next to me than or it's even hard for me, honestly, to tell 30-year-old me, hey, there's this event. 3,000 people want to pay money to come see you talk. I'd rather go to that soccer game at 9:00 a.m. with my girls, my daughter's soccer game. My 30-year-old me is like, "What are you talking about? We've dreamt about this." And it's like, "Yeah, but this actually is kind of more awesome."

Yeah. Well, uh yeah. I mean, I go through that all the time. Like, I'll get an offer uh to go to LA and do a thing and I go, I don't know, guys. I got a lot going I I I'm going to if I do that, then I'm gone this weekend and then I'm in LA all week and then I'm gone next weekend. Then there'd be nine days I'm not home with my kids. I don't want to do that.

And and for 30 girl me, I feel like he's just yelling in my head like, "What are you talking about? You finally get" and it's like, "Yeah, it's just a weird thing."

Yeah. But that thing about your your buddy uh that's so real for me whenever I'm married and have kids and I'd go, "Oh, what a loser."

Like it's so sad for you. What are you just home on a Friday night? Yeah. And now I'm like, well, yeah,

with the my best friend on the planet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. You didn't want to get kicked out of the bar with me.

You want to tell the same football stories again and go like recreate Chappelle clips at a over bad nachos? Yeah, you're good. And I like those things actually. And I also am not prep I wasn't prepared for there is sometimes when I'm sitting at a soccer game and I'm like I wish I was on the road right now. And that's okay too, right? There's there's sometimes I'm like I can't hear the same Wolf Dragon story again. You know what I mean? Like I think I'm going to run down and do a set down the street or I'm going to go call my buddy and go. Like there is that too.

And there's that's a also a real part of being a parent, right? It's not all I love it all but it's

I mean I tell my kids to go play. Go play. What are you doing? Exactly. I'm not a I'm not a real life uh video game for you. Go. Yeah. Go be bored. Yeah.

What um we'll wrap up with this. And if I don't mean to end on a heavy note but if you could be a fly on the wall at your funeral, what would you want your daughter when she's reading the eulogy she writes about you? What would you want her to say? cuz there's going to be comics in the room being like one time and then there's this but then she walks up. What do you want her to say about my dad Dusty?

Well, um yeah, I mean that is a heavy question. Well, but I you know I think I just want her to know that uh you know that I was there for her

uh when she needed me to be there and I I cared about her and I spent as much time with her as I could. And

um yeah, I mean I think that just being there for someone and just caring about their life.

Yeah. Uh and and uh because you know it's like I want to believe that I can just give my kids uh advice and then they just take it

and then they never have problems because they go, "Well, my dad lived through this and now he has the experience so what he told me matters. So, I'll just not make any of my own mistakes because my dad already made them all for me.

I'd like to believe that, but uh I know that's not a reality necessarily. Now, I think you can take, you know, you can take some advice, but people are still going to make their own mistakes. But,

yeah, I mean, I'd like uh for her to say that, yeah, my dad um uh made me important in his life, that I was important to him,

and that he was there for me. Having my Yeah. My son too for that matter. Yeah. Forgive him. He's fine. Boys are on their own. Yeah.

Yeah. Having that Yeah. Dang. I like that. Having this idea that like my kid knew

that's home base. Yeah. Yeah. That's a There's always a door I can walk through.

Yeah. You know, there's a John Anderson song called Wish I Could Have Been There. Uh, you know, and he's just talking about all these moments that he missed with his kids cuz he had to work and he was a truck driver. He probably didn't have any other options in this song.

But I always think about that and I'm like, well, I want to be there when I can't be there for everything. I miss

uh regardless if I'm a a comedian or if I'm, you know, I work at Lowe's Window Washer. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh there's going to be things that I miss, but you know, I want to be there for things.

But there's something that also some of the research says about being there is the intensity of the time, not the volume of the time. And so that's like when I do get off the road, when I do get off the air, do I walk home with my phone open, do I walk home and immediately whip my laptop out or put the TV on or when I'm with them, am I with them? Right. And that's a that's been a powerful shift for me, too.

Which is do I take full laser focus of the time I do have? Yeah. I mean, I for sure struggle with that.

I do, too. Yeah. But I I do try to like I don't know. I read a thing where it's like if you're on your phone and your kid comes up to you, just immediately

respond to them, you know? Yeah. Even if you end up going back to the phone, just immediately respond to them.

That's right. Make eye contact and say, "Hey, I'm finishing this." Maybe I read that from you, but pretty sure I wrote that.

Yeah. I mean, I do follow you on Instagram and I might have read that from you.

But um uh but yeah, and I've been trying. That was a failure, right? I was like, my daughter's like, "Dad, dad." I'm like, "Hold on, hold on." And I could have just put it down and been like, "I need two seconds to finish this." And then I got you. And that's a it's just a way to treat somebody with dignity, right?

Yeah. And I read that and uh Yeah. I mean, I've been I've been exercising that.

That's awesome. Where I'm like, yeah. I mean, it's like cuz it's like when I was growing up, like my dad would read the paper, my dad would watch TV, my mom would watch TV. It's like we're all It's just the technologies changed. That's right.

Right. But the, you know, so it's like there's people are still doing things the same way they always did, but now it's different. But the phone can suck you in.

Oh man. Yeah. And I didn't think about that. We're mad about this eye contact, but most of us grew up behind this.

Yeah. Right. There was I could even see your your torso. Yeah. I mean, I call my dad now and he still has the volume on 110 on the TV and I'm talking to him and he's watching something.

Yeah. What? Yeah. Well, dude, um, thank you for coming on and I want to say thank you for just I get to see you behind closed doors and thank you for being kind to me and thank you for being hospitable and welcoming

and for being a good coach, like teaching me how all stuff works. Um, and man, I think right now in the times we live in, there's a reason comedy's had such a wild resurgence. And I think it's cuz like real comics are the last truth tellers. But more importantly, what people desperately need more than anything is, can I just be in a crowded room of strangers and have a shared human experience? Can I have one hour where I can just laugh?

And it's such it's that that there is no greater pharmaceutical need right now in this country than can we put the phones down and go. You literally have to put your phone in a bag and just have a shared moment with strangers

and somebody just tell us the truth for a while. Yeah. for doing that. Well, thank you. It's a it's a it's a it's a holy and I don't say that in like the cosmically religious is a holy gift in this current world we live in right now.

It is amazing. I mean like um I don't mean what I do, but I mean this this comedy thing it's like you sometimes I you know I'll um you know meet people after the shows and it's just like I'm not going to say it's a wide variety of people but I have a variety of people and uh I have a wide variety of ages. Yes, I do have and

um it's pretty awesome to see that just people like that's why that's what I always tell people about my show. I don't necessarily recommend kids to come because I do have some adult subjects. Uh nothing dirty, but it's a

I let my kids go. You're It's good. But I I it is something that you know if you're like uh in your 20s and you want to bring your parents to the show, you can bring them and laugh together at my comedy and it's going to be fine. You're not going to be embarrassed that you brought your aunt to my show.

No. And that's what I think is fun. I've had a lot of people tell me that that they they they've been able to bond with this family member or this family member over my comedy and that's why I don't talk politics because you know first off probably no one wants to hear it from me but it it also it's just another like ESPN used to be one of my favorite things but it's I think it's

politics now it's so and I'm like sports used to be this thing where like you just watch baseball it doesn't matter what you look like who you are you just you enjoy baseball but now everything uh has some social justice angle to it

and you can just come in a comedy room and just and that's why comedy Yeah. hear me talk about how I make stupid small talk choices, you know.

All I'll say is the other night after your show, I went home. My son is an obsessive uh Gar Brooks fan and I called him and my wife in and I was like, "Have y'all listened to this song?" I won't I won't ruin it because that's a great bit.

Uh people need to see that live. And my wife was like, "Yeah, it's an awful song." And I was like, I didn't know that. And my son was like, what do you mean? And we just walked through the lyrics together and we're all like, oh gosh, that's awesome, man. It's fantastic.

Well, thank you. I mean, I I've been trying to work on that bit for a long time. Years.

It was a home run. Yeah. Thank you. Years I've been working on that bit now. I'll put it to the side and then

No, it's back. It's back. And the I don't want to get too nerdy. The way you split it could have be been this or it could have been this.

That was the entry point. And that was perfect. That's the new angle that's helped it to come alive again.

Awesome. Could be this. Awesome. Well, dude, thanks for being my friend. I'm grateful for you, brother.

Thank you.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Off the Record with Dusty Slay: Comedy, Marriage and Breaking Addiction"?

John Deloney (Host), Dusty Sleigh (Guest), John Maxwell (Referenced speaker/author (shared event bill)).

What is "Off the Record with Dusty Slay: Comedy, Marriage and Breaking Addiction" about?

This content explores comedian Dusty Slay's journey of overcoming addiction and the complexities of maintaining fun and approval in sobriety. The conversation delves into his thoughts on marriage, self-acceptance, and the challenges of balancing personal struggles with public expectations while showcasing his humor and insight.

What is mentioned in this The Dr. John Delony Show episode?

15 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including John Deloney, Dusty Sleigh, Zanies, Nashville, Denver, Tina Frimml. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Off the Record with Dusty Slay: Comedy, Marriage and Breaking Addiction"?

The episode runs 1 h 5 min; the transcript is about 13,840 words in 274 timestamped sections.

More from The Dr. John Delony Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated February 1, 2026.