Transcript

MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX

From The McElroy Family · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 57 min · 10,334 words · 235 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX", an episode of The McElroy Family published December 22, 2025 (57 min, about 10,334 words). It mentions 17 people, works and ideas, including Justin Maroy, Candle Nights, Griffin Macroy, Travis Mackoy, Ebenezer Scrooge.

What this episode is about

The episode centers around the Maroy brothers as they share humorous and unconventional advice while celebrating the holiday season with a lighthearted, playful tone. Through banter about Christmas mischief and reflections on festive traditions, they create an entertaining atmosphere that emphasizes their lack of expertise and the importance of joy in friendships.

Key takeaways

  • The Mroy brothers: masters of mischief, but maybe not the best advice conduit.
  • Who needs a degree? Travis's self-proclaimed 'sexert' title is enough for modern romance.
  • Is it really Christmas without some chaos? Candy canes aren’t built for the faint-hearted!
  • Scrooge's transformation isn't as easy as ghostly guidance; society's grudges linger longer than Christmas cheer.
  • Ebenezer might change, but will anyone forget his past? Forgiveness isn't automatic at the holiday table.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: A Christmas Carol, Tiny Tim, Justin Maroy, Griffin Macroy
  2. – 10:00: Jacob Marley, Ebenezer Scrooge, Factor, Huntington Steel
  3. – 15:00: Candle Nights, Fortnite, The Wizard of Oz, West Virginia
  4. – 25:00: Grumpy Cat, Griffin Macroy
  5. – 30:00: Zach Doc, Factor, Justin Maroy
  6. – 35:00: Factor, Travis Mackoy
  7. – 55:00: Candle Nights
  8. – 57:15: Candle Nights

Notable quotes from "MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX"

  • A Christmas elf here to cause Christmas mischief. Griffin Macroy.
    about Griffin Macroy · at
  • Yeah, this is a great this is a great topic of conversation. How long does it how long does he stay good? Do you think he makes it to next Christmas?
    about Ebenezer Scrooge · at
  • The first time. I'm 14 years old. I've watched so many Christmas carols that the implication of Jacob Marley telling Ebenezer Scrooge that your chain is even bigger and heavier…
    about Jacob Marley · at
  • Their families celebrate. What types of things should I put in a gift bag for candle nights? I am in second grade.
    about Candle Nights · at
  • Grump Grumpy Cat is a descriptive term, right? But it's also my name's Middlest Brother. You know that, right?
    about Grumpy Cat · at
  • Got to find the best doctor. Hi everybody. I'm Justin Maroy, a paid endorser for Zach Dock. it can be a real pain.
    about Justin Maroy · at
  • Brother. when I'm looking for ready to eat meals in under two minutes, there's only one factor I consider and that's factor.
    about Factor · at
  • I like to add stuff into the ad and then see if they update ad copy later for like things not to mention. It's a fun game. Yeah, in hindsight. Well, there's no rule that.
    about Travis Mackoy · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Justin Maroy — Person · Host · 2 mentions · first at
    Introduces the show, drives multiple bits (A Christmas Carol, Hallmark game), and reads ad copy. Also discusses performing as Scrooge and promoting Candle Nights.
  • Griffin Macroy — Person · Host · 2 mentions · first at
    Co-host who contributes major riffs (Candle Nights props, Grumpy Cat naming/legal trivia, time travel jokes) and participates in the Hallmark game and advice segments.
  • Travis Mackoy — Person · Host · 1 mention · first at
    Co-host who frames the episode’s tone (disclaimer, holiday banter), brings Candle Nights questions, and participates in the Hallmark-plot guessing game and ads.

Books & papers

  • A Christmas Carol — Book · Referenced story / comedic framework · 2 mentions · first at
    Used as a recurring comedic lens: how long Scrooge stays “good,” consequences of generosity, and Jacob Marley’s chain logic; also tied to Justin’s stage performance as Scrooge.
    Hey, I want to talk about Christmas Carol for a second.

Companies & orgs

  • Huntington Steel — Company · Referenced local business (prop supplier) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the place that made heavy chains for the Jacob Marley costume, framed as an inadvertent “commercial” for the company.
    Make you some chains. and they're so they made his chains and it's like such a great commercial for Huntington's own Huntington Steel. In the words of Lawrence Olivia, I believe try acting.

Products & tech

  • Fortnite — Product · Referenced product (joke tie-in) · 1 mention · first at
    Used as a gag suggestion for a Candle Nights gift bag and as a joke about a supposed Candle Nights/Fortnite tie-in that may be stuck in development.
    No. whatever a Fortnite is, just bring them one of those. That's very Candle Knights related. We did do a Candle Knights Fortnite tie-in this year. I think that went through, right?
  • Quantum Computing — Product · Referenced concept (joke reference) · 1 mention
    Appears only as a joke in a promo for another show (“Have we learned about quantum physics?”), not as an episode topic.
    Have we learned about quantum physics? Yes. Episode 59.

Places & events

  • Candle Nights — Event · Core topic / referenced live event · 6 mentions · first at
    The episode centers on holiday-season content and listener questions explicitly framed as “Candle Nights questions,” plus promotion of the on-demand recording and merch/ticket charity tie-ins.
  • West Virginia — Place · Referenced location (regional color) · 1 mention · first at
    Appears in a joke about buying candy (Lik-M-Aid/Fun Dip) at a local store in Hurricane, West Virginia, grounding the hosts’ regional references.
    You could also go to any sit goat in Hurricane, West Virginia, and there are rows and rows of them just of Kid Shaw.

Media & podcasts

  • Ebenezer Scrooge — Character · Referenced character / comedic subject · 3 mentions · first at
    Central to the A Christmas Carol riff: his redemption durability, social backlash, and Justin’s claim of playing Scrooge in a local production.
  • Grumpy Cat — Character · Referenced character / comedic tangent · 4 mentions · first at
    A tangent about animal Santa logic leads into Grumpy Cat, its real name, and a detailed legal/branding anecdote read aloud for humor.
  • Jacob Marley — Character · Referenced character / stage role · 3 mentions · first at
    Discussed for the “chain heavier than mine” implication and as a role in Justin’s local production where an anchor (Tim) plays Marley with heavy chains.
  • Tiny Tim — Character · Referenced character (A Christmas Carol riff) · 2 mentions · first at
    Used to heighten the joke about Scrooge’s post-redemption finances and promises to help the Cratchits; also referenced in a pun (“tidy Tim”).
    I spent your son's legs medicine money on big turkey money. And now I don't I can't do it anymore.
  • The Wizard of Oz — Media · Referenced media (prop example) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a set piece (“big green door... Emerald City”) while discussing scavenging props and deciding what counts as Candle Nights-related.
    Here's a big green door from the Wizard of Oz when you go in the Emerald City.
  • The Simpsons — Media · Referenced media (industry joke) · 1 mention · first at
    Used as a throwaway joke explaining why a Candle Nights/Fortnite tie-in might be delayed (“too busy with the Simpsons stuff”).
    No, Vizdev. Hell, maybe they were too busy with the Simpsons stuff and they said, Sorry, boys. Maybe next year. But they've been kicking this can down the road for four, five years or something. It's.

Sponsors

  • Factor — Company · Sponsor / advertised product · 5 mentions · first at
    Second major ad read: ready-to-eat meals pitched as convenient holiday eating; hosts riff around the copy (“don’t eat farts”).
  • Zach Doc — Company · Sponsor / advertised service · 3 mentions · first at
    Featured in the “Money Zone” ad read as a doctor-finding and appointment-booking platform; Justin states he is a paid endorser and user.
    Got to find the best doctor. Hi everybody. I'm Justin Maroy, a paid endorser for Zach Dock. it can be a real pain.

Full transcript with timestamps

The Mroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

1 2 3 4. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed. It's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life it feels like it's better. It's better with you. My life, it's better. It's better with you. This is true. Oh, it's better. It's better with my life. It's better with you.

Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and Me. It's an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Maroy.

I'm your middle brother, Travis, Big Dog, Wolf Wolf Mackoy. What's up, Trav Nation?

What's up, Trav Nation? And happy Honda Days. This me, your sweet baby elf, little stinker elf, here to create some Christmas mischief. Griffin Maroy.

What? Okay. What kind of one? Yeah. Hey everybody, it's me. It's Hey, happy holidays. It's me, your sweet baby elf. A Christmas elf here to cause Christmas mischief. Griffin Macroy.

What kind of Christmas mischief do you have planned? I did all the candy canes.

Oh, that's going to hurt your tummy. It did. It hurted it so bad. Burning too much peppermint, burning it up. But how else am I going to do Christmas mischief? Smash all the gingerbread houses.

Hey, I want to talk about Christmas Carol for a second. Yeah, which one? No, it's just like the general concept.

All right, cool. The show or the carol? Like the singing? The idea of singing. No, no, the book. The story.

Okay. The story. The book. How long do you think Scrooge tonight? You see? Oh, this will be great.

Tonight I will be the Scrooge. Nice. This is great then, Justin. ington city hall tonight. I'll be the Scrooge.

The thing I've always wondered about, how long do you think it sticks? Yeah, this is um this is a great this is a great topic of conversation. How long does it how long does he stay good? Do you think he makes it to next Christmas? Do you think he makes it to New Year? Do you think there's a scene if that movie or play or book or whatever that keeps on going December 31st and his nephew's like, "Hey, I it's been so fun partying you with you for six straight days. Do you want to come over for New Year's tonight and stay up past midnight?" And Scrooge is going to be like, "I I that sounds actually I'm burnt out, man. I have to take a break." I think it will probably I think it there's a reason that every single version of Christmas Carol you see the one thing that they won't do is make it to Fred's party later that Christmas day.

Yes. You don't you don't see cuz I think Scrooge makes it to dinner before he's like

[ __ ] hell, man. These people are all there's so many there's so many people. I just I also just gave away a lot of money

and like forgave a lot of debt. I promised Scratchet a RA like my business is ruined. Um

I'm ruined. I'm ruined for Also, I think the second cat is Go ahead, Uncle Scrooge. I'm ruined.

I can't I'm ruined. I have nothing. I have nothing. I think they have storehouses and workhouses and stuff because I need to go I need to go to one. Yes, that's funny. I never thought for me.

He shows up. He shows up the next day at the crash. He's like, "Listen, Bob, I know. I talked to Big Game about helping get Tiny Tim well. I would love to hit you back on that, but I am berefted, my man. I gave it all away. I got nothing.

I spent your son's legs medicine money on big turkey money. And now I don't I can't do it anymore.

You guys like that turkey? That turkey was great though, right? Great turkey though, right? Fill his belly up. got left cuz I am feeling a might peckish.

I'll drink a hard time. I'll drink a broth of the bones, Bob. I have nothing you got, man.

These ghosts have taken everything from me. I can be your son. I'm better. I will tidy Tim. I'll arm wrestle that new son.

I know how to change myself. Ebie Cratchet. They'll call me sweet Abby. The 85year-old son of Bob Kratchet.

What's that? You don't want someone that communes with ghosts? I understand. This is a very superstitious era. Yeah. And uh Yeah.

Oh, you're burning me. I'm being burned. I'm being burned. And I am being Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair.

There's also no scene in the show where Ebenezer Scrooge like comes up to someone is like, "What's up? Take this little ham. I'm good now." And the person's like, "Actually, still [ __ ] you, though. Like, you really have been a monster for a long time." I think someone puts up a little bit of resistance to Scroo's kind of transformation and he's going to be like, "Wait a minute. What? This isn't some what? You didn't You didn't hear the thing about where the ghost me good."

Here's a doll that I bought for you. I'm 42 years old. You ruined my business. Forgive. You have to forgive me. This is a doll. That's child logic, Scrooge. That may be completely fair because the other unifying factor of every Christmas Carol story is that they cannot let you know what Scrooge is spending at the end. They have to invent all kinds of currencies. You know what I mean? It's always like and there's three talents for the duck and here's 10 crowns and for for this 60 p. How much? Nobody knows, dude. He's just chucking coins.

15 million zeni for the biggest fattest Christmas goose. Do you accept those cocoa?

A fat chocoo is my zenican pettous. I It also occurred to me this year for the first time. I'm 14 years old. I've watched so many Christmas carols that the implication of uh of Jacob Marley telling Ebenezer Scrooge that your chain is even bigger and heavier than mine. is that there is another end of that where there is somebody who has committed very minor sins against humanity who has like a chain of like paper loops or something and it's like yeah man you got to carry this around and it's like

okay yeah cool man I got to tell you guys I swap roles with Tim Ear this year the WSAZ's own anchor Timear uh and this year he's Jacob Marley and I'm Scrooge last year it was reversed

um and so it's like a really like played out true west kind of thing where it's like once a year we switch. Yeah,

we barely know our own lines and we kind of barely know each other's lines. Um, no, but he said he came and he's like, Justin, check these out. And he holds up his chains and he is very clearly being brought down by the weight of them. I'm like, Tim, what are I went to Huntington Steel and I told him, I'm going to play Jacob Marley. I need I need chains. They're like, yeah, we can make you some chains. and they're so they they made his chains and it's like such a great commercial for Huntington's own Huntington Steel. In the words of Lawrence Olivia, I believe try acting.

You don't Yeah, you don't have to, Tim. But then again, then Tim gets swole because by the end of the run, he takes the chainsaw and he's dunking over everyone. Last night last night, here's here's here's Tim Ear's dedication to Method. Last night is our final rehearsal before the show. Timir is wearing gym shorts, a t-shirt, chains, and a mouthful of green blood that he barfs on me for no reason that I can discern with no warning. This is what it's like working with No Fear Tim ear.

Yeah. And is it fake green blood or I It's still on staining the stage of the city hall auditorium, so hopefully you can check it out for yourself. Did you have to switch roles with him? Because most of Scrooge's role in the show is to be scared of ghosts and that is simply not an emotion that Timmy is capable of even how much time if you're playing Scrooge, you're basically just sad about your girlfriend and like listening to ghosts. That's pretty much it. And you got to be scared a lot and then being in pretty strict denial when Ghost of Christmas Future shows up and you're like, whose grave is that? That could be anybody's grave, right, man? I know that this whole evening has kind of centered around this guy. So that's just some stranger's grave, right?

I I know I'm 75 years old and it's the dark ages, but that can't possibly be my grave.

Oh, absor all over it or whatever. I do this one different. I distract the ghost of Christmas future and then I flee into the audience and then I become one of them

and then it becomes kind of an interactive game where you have to find Scrooge and one of the audience has to die

and one of the audience has to die. Hey, this is an advice show and uh I Travis has gathered some of your your candlelights questions because it is our holiday still.

We're gonna cuss on this. We did very we did our best not during the show the live show which you can now watch on demand whenever the hell you want to.

This is xxx that URL is bit.ly/canonites2025. You can watch it anytime from now until January 4th uh on demand at your leisure and uh ringing ringing the holidays right with us and some of our our buddies and family members. Friends at my school bring in treats and gift bags that represent the special holidays their families celebrate. What types of things should I put in a gift bag for candle nights? I am in second grade. That's from candle night celebrant Killian. Hell yeah. This is There's not The problem is there's not a lot of props from Candle Knights that can fit in a school bag. A lot of the stuff we deal with is big stuff. Big bush. Big bushes. Um, very very very long candles. That's sort of like

a Buick. A Buick is part of it. Yeah. Um, maybe just bring him a Fortnite. Fortnite is Fortnite.

No. I mean, whatever a Fortnite is, just bring them one of those. That's very Candle Knights related. We did do a Candle Knights Fortnite tie-in this year. I think that went through, right?

Did that go through? I think that might have got held up in development hell. No,

Vizdev. Hell, maybe they were too busy with the Simpsons stuff and they said, "Sorry, boys. Maybe next year." But they've been kicking this can down the road for four, five years or something. It's

um I don't think I got to be honest, Killian, you just got to bring in a bunch of liquorade, you know? It's like it doesn't I'd love for you to represent our fake holiday, but you're in second grade and you got a lot of life to live. What you should do is just bring in enough liquorade uh fun dip for everybody. And if you give everybody liquorade fun dip, maybe it's got Christmas tree on it, maybe it doesn't. I don't care. They don't either.

They're just going to be so stoked that Killian brought liquor made fun dip. And maybe a $5 bill in each bag.

Yeah. Well, Killian's not going to bring in a bunch of cash, I don't think. And I'm not sure. Are they still doing liquor made fun dip?

Oh, yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Just cuz you won't buy your kids cool [ __ ] doesn't mean that the rest of us aren't enjoying liquor made fun dip and candy cigarettes.

And Griffin, if you don't have any, I could go around my living room and just kind of shake out my couch cushions to get

probably at least two packages worth that my children have just left all over the place.

You could also go to any sit goat in Hurricane, West Virginia, and there are rows and rows of them just of Kid Shaw.

No, Kidshaw. Sorry. Kid Char uh is Major League Chew. So I I guess Lick is teaching you to chop it up into lines, I guess.

Yeah. Do you think the first guy that had big Do you think the first guy that tried Big Le chew? He brings it into the dugout, puts a huge wad in, right? He's chew it and the other guy's like, "Cool. That guy's cool." And then he's like still chewing it. They're like, "Greg, you have to stop. That's disgusting, dude. you're doing it wrong. And he's like actively trumping it.

HE'S LIKE, "GREG, STOP, DUDE. YOU'RE GOING TO GET SICK." And he blows a big bubble and they're LIKE, "WIZARD, YOU made it pink, dude. You screwed up. You're sick.

Your gums, your tongue's expanding rapidly. Gums are falling out." I had a airplane neighbor tuck a zen in while they were sitting next to me on the flight. I realized that I don't really know what happens to those in the m in the mouth. I've never done one. I know everyone's pretty wild about these things. Does it just kind of loose leaf tea in there or does it

park them park them? Park them and let them steep. So take your second grade classmates a bunch of zen. I guess

I wouldn't do any of that. Here's the thing, Killian. You can candle nights is a is a pan religious pan. I don't want to say that part cuz you're in second grade. Personal pan holiday. It can be whatever you want it to be. Put whatever you want to in this bag. Maybe it's liquor made fun. Maybe stickers, kids,

stickers, if that's your thing. And guess what? That's part of the cannon now. It's a big big umbrella over here.

Do you guys know how many times in the week leading up to Candle Nights, longtime friends and family would come up to have came up to me and said, "Is this something in Candle Nights?" And I would have to like really think like, I actually have to go check a Wikipedia page. Would you excuse me for a second? Because it is there's a lot in there and I have to go look.

We had a night also. It can be PS if you want. Sure. It can anything. We had a night where we were picking up uh some of like the set stuff from the storage facility for uh is it heart in the park or Yeah. Uh so the outdoor theater. So all these like play props, uh backgrounds, set dressing, just walking through there with a group of like 20 people and kids and just being like, "Is this a candle? Here's some boxing gloves. Is this a candle knights?

Here's a big green door from the Wizard of Oz when you go in the Emerald City. Is this anything?

Is this something? Here's a whole ass TARDIS. Could this be a candle nights? Oh, the TARDIS was I felt very This is a good story. So, I built a TARDIS two years ago and it went to a fantasy maze thing and then it got stored at that building and and it got buried with sets and I didn't I couldn't get it. But then there was there was 20 people there at that building. And then I looked at everybody there. I was like, you know what would be so cool in the lobby? If you came to if you came to Candlelights and you're wondering why the TARDIS was in the lobby, it is because it was a way station between there and my house cuz I wanted Justin. Yes, I have smuggled um Oh god.

Which reminds me, the clown box is at the building I have to go get. It's at the Keith Albby still. No, sir. It's at the storage building. I have to go get it and put it in my home.

Maybe leave it there. It's You don't have to put it in your home, Justin. You would love it, right? Imagine, guys, if it was like right here.

I don't Here's what you do, Justin. You're going to get the clown box. You're going to put it just out of frame and then you're going to move it like half an inch a year slowly into frame. The long

That's awesome. That's so Well, we're going to be doing this for a hundred years.

I'm just wondering how drunk I can get at my work holiday party. They specifically picked Friday so we could start the party at 12:00 and not have to work after, meaning drinking is allowed at the party. It's a bar/cade thing. The thing is, I don't really know the people that well at the party. I only work one day a week in person, meaning I do not see these people that much. I would consider us acquaintances. Is that better or worse if I get absolutely excuse me, if I get absolutely tabled in front of them?

I have not heard that before. In my defense, absolutely tabled is a lot. Yeah. In front of them. Partying hard in Pittsburgh is who that's from.

Um boy, I mean, obviously this answer is going to be different for everybody. You have to know thyself. Uh are you cool to are you a cool hang?

Yeah, that is that's a huge one. That's the real question, right? Cuz you're not the question isn't how much alcohol can you put into your body?

Yeah. It's what level of behavior can you hit? Yeah. And still be cool. God, that's such a fine line though because you have to be

You need those inhibitions, don't you? I mean, the inhibition don't go to get rained on all the time.

Yeah, you're wet now. Cool. You're wet now. Great. Uh oh. What are you going to do about that? Stay inside. I I remember very very very distinctly a Halloween party I went to probably 10 years ago in Austin at a friend's house. I was dressed up as Sonic the Hedgehog and um I got I drank too much. I drank I drank way too much. This is before, you know, we had kids and um and my friends were uh leaving the party and I pretend to do a spin attack like Sonic does and jumped in their back seat of their car and was like, "Hey, can you take me home?" And then after that after that, I got out of the car the next morning. I had a thought which was maybe I'm not a cool hang at a certain degree. And I don't think I ever ever got that drunk again for the rest of my whole life. That was my Christmas carol, that event. So yeah,

if you know the boundaries for yourself, I think go nuts. Um, but I'm also uncomfortable telling anyone to get get [ __ ] up or tabled as you uh said on this podcast that's being recorded.

Yeah. I mean, [gasps] you know, I think the answer here is to just not be the drunkest person there. Always.

I'm thinking about it. If if there's one person that's like going sure real hard, you can feel pretty comfortable not be. In fact, you may be sort of a median that that person needs. You know what I mean? You may need something in the middle that like, you know, I wasn't so terrible. Jerry kind of got a little bit messed up if memory serves all that. I wasn't all that.

All that. We were all We were all having a lot of fun. Now there another thing that impacts the answer to this question is like how good are you at arcade games? Because if you get you can get really really [ __ ] up, but if you're hitting switches on that connect four basketball game like putting them up no problem knocking them down Larry Bird then I think people are going to sort of talk about you in like a cool way from then on.

Yeah. As long as you're sinking them. I mean, I think if anything in the past 20 years, we've learned that like if you are good at athletics, you can basically get away with whatever you want. So, like,

especially if you get better with every drink, it's like, well, their average is going up.

Yeah, they just connected five. Holy [ __ ] My wife is the equin manager for a university stable. Each year, we help Santa by putting horse treats in each horse's stocking. The student borders love walking to horse treats from Santa and sharing in the equin holidays. However, sometimes the horses see us helping Santa with the treats. Our question is, how do we make sure the horses continue to believe in Santa and fully understand that we are mere helpers of holiday bliss. That's from your friendly neighborhood Santa helpers.

Can I say one of my favorite thing? My children uh watch children's shows because they're children and I always enjoy when there's an animalbased universe but still a human Santa. Peppa Pig does this

and Mickey Mouse does this. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Yeah. No, you can't have you can't have like a fox Santa Cl

that sounds I'm dog Santa. That's [ __ ] crazy, dude. that if a horse sees Santa, they're not like, "Why isn't he also a horse?" They're like, "No, I get it. That's Santa." Do you think it's just cuz they don't like parents don't want to reckon with cat Santa? Like they don't want to have to deal with like the questions like the questions around Santa are already pretty complex. Like you don't want to have to get into cat Santa. And well, with cat Santa, that's easy to explain because like you're not going to see Santa Claus. He's pretty sneaky dude by as a rule. So, if that's true, cat Santa.

Oh my god. No one's ever let This is a This is a uh a creature that is going to be impossible for you to spot.

It would also be really useful if your Christmas tree ever falls over like during the night and you're like, "What happened?" Like, "Cat Santa."

Cat Santa. Cat Santa. In Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever. Yeah. Okay. Tardar sauce, which is

the name of the Grumpy Cat. Uh, it's not called It's not named Grumpy Cat. No, the same way.

Grumpy Cat. Why does he have two names? That's crazy. Grump Grumpy Cat is a descriptive term,

right? But it's also my name's Middlest Brother. You know that, right? No, but you're not a cat. You're not an online cat. You can have as many names as you want. You've You've earned it. But the cat has a bunch of different names.

You don't think Grumpy Cats earned it? I've just never heard tartar sauce before. And the thing is not called the grumpy cat tartar sauce. It's just called grumpy cat. Tartar sauce is the name of a cat. It performed as grumpy cat. It was a character. It

can't be a character or perform as anything. It's a cat with a cat brain that you can train to do little tricks. But he's not Daniel. Lewis. He gets one name and that name is Grumpy Cat. You [ __ ] tell that to Morris the cat, to Benji, to Lassie. What are you even talking about, Griff?

To Lassie. Lassie, the dog Lassie was played by a different dog. I think they should just call it Lassie.

In May 2013, Grumpy Cat Limited partnered with Grenade Beverage LLC to market the Grumpcino iced coffee beverages.

Awesome. Then in December 2015, Grumpy Cat Limited filed a lawsuit against Grenade Beverages LLC, citing trademark infringement with the beverage company Expands line of Grumpy Cat coffee offerings beyond what was originally agreed upon, producing and marketing a Grumpy Cat roasted coffee ground coffee even after being told by email that they were not approved to do so. So, if you picked up that ground that ground grumpy cat coffee, good news, you got a counterfeit unlicensed. I take it back. I take it back. Grumpy Cat can have as many as you want. I don't want Grumpy Cat coming after me in a sort of legal illegal arena.

That's right. That's right. Besides, Tartar Sauce died in 2019, so you don't have to worry about it.

Oh, man. So, horses see you delivering presents, right? Okay. Are you in costume? Are you yourself? Yeah, there's there's a question of investment because like you could also just have someone else put these presents in and have them look like elves or whatever if you're worried the horses are going to see you and be like, "Wait a minute, you live here. You're not one of Santa's helpers."

Cuz you probably don't have a fireplace and a chimney in the stables, right? Probably not. That seems like wildly unsafe. There's a lot of hay in there.

So, they would have to be delivered inside. Yeah. If you'd sold your horses on horse sand, then you could have done this with very little worry because they would never assume that a human would help horse Santa.

But if they think human Santa and they see you doing, they're going to put two and two together. You know what I mean? Like they're going to draw their own conclusions. Like I know it's kind of shitty to assume all humans know each other, but like that's how horses are sometimes. Yeah. I mean, I feel terrible because my first impulse was to think surely the reindeer are responsible for the horses. But then it's like why would I assume that

also who pulls horse Santa's sleigh? Do you think he's been working on that for a while trying to like testing out some other

just nude humans? Dang, dude. Nude humans is on [snorts] if you're truly naughty. So it goes naughty list. Cole, really naughty, Santa takes presents away. Super naughty, you have to pull horse Santa's sleigh nude in the winter weather. Nude Christmas beast of bird.

The antlers grow out of your head. Grow out of you. You become incredibly wellendowed.

Wow. And you have bat wings. Huge leathery bat wings. Hell yeah. Actually, hold on. I'm coming around.

Meet the one the one fa alchemist that can set your heart free this winter. Hearts ablaze from Big Giant Head LLC. The romanty book you've been waiting for.

Won't you guide my heart tonight? Ho ho ho ho ho. Oh my god. Yes, we do them five times.

Yeah, only a few of them were the Santa kind. Get in, sack. We don't need it anymore, but let's go to the money zone. Beats and heartbeats. Okay, go on. DAMN IT.

THAT'S GOOD. WE'RE RICH. UM, Daniel done it again. And you got to be Zach Do, don't you? Got to find the best doctor. Hi everybody. I'm Justin Maroy, a paid endorser for Zach Dock. You know, uh, it can be a real pain.

I can't say that enough. Sometimes people must think we're just big fans of these companies, but we're paid to talk about them.

Yeah. No, I'm I'm a paid endorser, but also a client for Zach Dock because uh I needed somebody to work on my butt. And when I needed the best butt specialist in town, you know, where I turned Zachdoc because they can help you find doctors that take your insurance, are located nearby, and are a good fit for any medical needs you might have.

And it's a free app. You're not having if I could interrupt real quick. I never interrupt the ad to say something. Yeah, please go ahead.

The speed at which you went from when I needed someone to work on my butt, do you know where I turned to Zach? There was no air in there. Did you maybe on some level know that Griffin and I might inject some kind of funny punchline there. Only only on this show could professionalism be mistaken for Mchavellian tactics. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, no. Travis pro. And once it starts flowing, it's not stopped. Unless, I don't know, my younger brother wants to get his fingers all over. Not me, man. I don't want to get my fingers in your butt at all, Justin.

When I see you in flow state, dude, I just step back and I What else can you do?

What else can you light up a stogy? Watch He's on fire again. Okay, listen. Zakdock. Yeah, I forgot he's like I sucks now.

Damn it, dude. You know when Justin needed someone to work on his butt. Do you know where he turned a mechanic? And I said, Justin, don't do that. Go to Zachdoc. And he did it.

And he did. He went to Zachdoc. It's a free app and website where you can search and compare highquality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. Gosh, I've done this so many freaking times here in DC. Gosh, it's been a real lifesaver here trying to just a little guy trying to make it in the big city. Yeah. Find somebody find somebody to look at his uh you know his polyps and whatever. Um thank thank you Zachdoc for helping.

So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zoddock.com/mybro to find and instantly book a toprated doctor today. That's zooccdoc.commyrozdock.commy brother. You know, when I'm looking for ready to eat meals in under two minutes, there's only one factor I consider and that's factor.

That was awesome. Thank you. Took a lot out of me. Um, do chef prepped dietitian approved meals are designed to make it easy to stay balanced and energized through the most indulgent time of the year, which is I assume now.

Yes. Can't you tell? No. I mean, maybe April. I' I go pretty ham in April. I'm soaking a foot bath of clarified butter right now. That's how I do a decadent holiday. Unlike meal kits that require prep and cooking, Factor delivers fully prepared, ready to eat meals in just 2 minutes. And they've got all kinds of different options in there. Uh seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. And you can savor global flavors. What? That rhymes. I'm looking at the menu right now. We got cremeni mushrooms and meatballs with cream cheese, potato mashed, broccoli, and carrots.

That [ __ ] looks so very good. I'm looking at Tuskcen pesto baked salmon with white beans, spinach, potatoes, and broccoli. These look so delish, guys. Scrummy. So, don't eat farts.

Yeah, don't eat farts. Eat smart at factormeals.com/bro50 off and use code brother50 off uh to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's code brother50 off at factormeals.com for 50% off your first box, plus free breakfast for one year. This exclusive holiday offer won't last. Lock in your savings before the new year rush. Offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying autorenewing subscription purchase. I realized that there's stuff we have to read verbatim, but they don't have rules about the two words you can say before you read

before. You can say anything before or after the stuff. So, you can say stuff like I'll tell you guys right now listening at home cuz you can't see the ad copy. It didn't say don't eat farts.

Yeah, Travis said that and just like it let it sit, but it's fine because then he said all the stuff he's supposed to say after that.

I like to add stuff into the ad and then see if they update ad copy later for like things not to mention. It's a fun game. Yeah,

in hindsight. Well, there's no rule that said he couldn't say don't eat farts. So, we're going to add that on, but we can't grandfather it in. So,

if you like too many podcasts, you'll love Sound Teep with John Luke Roberts. It's got clips from all your favorite podcasts, such as Diary of a Tiny CEO, Leonard Sprag. Tell me how you make your money.

I go to the beach and I steal people's towels. Remember Armor? Do you remember the trend of everyone whacking themselves on the head with hammers and mallets when they wanted to lose weight? and Eltie John's Lobbly songs. I'm here today with Kiki D. Hello, Kiki D.

Hello, Elton. There's dozens of episodes to catch up on and brand new episodes going out right now. So, if you want far far too many podcasts, then look for Sound Teep on Maximum Fun. Boop boop.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show. Let's learn everything. So, let's do a quick progress check. Have we learned about quantum physics? Yes. Episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we? Yes, we have. Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters? Episode 64. So, how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news. We still haven't learned everything yet. We're ruined. [screaming] No, no, no. It's good news as well. There is still a lot to learn. Woo!

I'm Dr. Ella Hubba. I'm regular Tom Lum. I'm Caroline Roer. And on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too. And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode. Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Throw your clothes into the fire. Oh [ __ ] What? What? Throw your wine into the tree. Why? Put the dog in the closet for a while. [screaming] That's a Christmas to me. That's a Christmas to me. That's a Christmas to me. [singing] You and me and Greg and Rebecca and a tree.

What? He's flowing, dude. That's a Christmas to me. Hi. This is a Christmas chopping.

Yeah, man. That was wonderful. Everybody that chat I realized that I was this incredible game where I have invented some Hallmark movies but also uh have included some real plots from Hallmark movies. I realized that I was compromising it by reading them because by reading these plots, I am going to with my inflection or my, you know, my micro expressions now that we have video,

you're going to be able to tell. So, I'm going to have to go on. So, I'm going to send you guys

the descriptions. Oh, I see. And then you're going to read them. Okay. And then you two can figure out cuz you're not going to have me putting any

uh you know and then you're going to guess which one's real. No, I'm I'm just I'm I can't participate. That would be wild.

Oh, so then people are going to call in and do like phone polls and stuff to guess.

Uh Travis, you're up. This is Oi to the World premieres Sunday, December 14th. stars Brooke Deorsce and Jake Epstein. After a waterline at a temple breaks, the members celebrate Hanukkah at an Episcopal church. But since Christmas Eve falls on the same day, each choir director must set aside their old rivalry and collaborate. There's so much story that comes in there at the end.

Yeah, they sneak a lot of the story in at the end with this one. Travis, what do you think?

Oh, water breaks. Okay. They have to go to an Okay, that's a movie. But then there's an old rivalry between choir directors. That's a Hallmark movie. You know what I mean? Like

Yeah. I Do you have a guess, Travis? I don't think it's real. I know it is actually real. We talked about it on Wonderful uh last week.

Yeah. Okay. Comp I' I've been compromised by your Yes, it is real. Oi to the World is a real Hallmark film with Brooke Orsay and Jake Epstein who's had to be having a rough couple years but I hope he's hanging in there.

Yeah. Um I I realize that I think I was giving Hallmark too much credit where I was like oi to the world. I don't know. It seems reductive. It seems to be making fun of Yeah. So that couldn't be real.

It is. No, they did. It is real. It's real. All right, Griffin. Next up, let's see. We got a limitless Christmas.

I I don't want to give it Griffin. Sorry, I'm trying to keep my I'm going to turn off my camera. No, I'll

I'll keep my face. A Limitless Christmas. This And remember Trav we got to guess. We got to guess.

Okay. So this is a limitless Christmas starring Brad Lee Le E Cooper you would notice that they were hoping you would notice von Winsberg president Eddie Mora may have weaned himself off of NZT48 following the events of Limitless but when the big man in the north can't say Santa legal thing in brackets finds Blitzen dead and Mrs. Claus. Von Winssburg kidnapped. He turns to the only man smart enough to be both naughty and nice.

Oh, he figured out a way. Production note. Per ongoing litigation with CBS, the events of the Limitless TV series will not be referenced in Christmas.

Okay. I was going to ask. Yeah. H. This is tough because there have been a lot. We've seen Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special. We've seen,

you know, Buddy the Elf's beautiful Christmas. So, it's not out of the realm of possibility that a big Hollywood film would be adapted into a

No, for sure. And of all of them to get the adaptation, I do think Limitless is the is it can't be like a silver linings playbook Christmas because they did actually kind of wrap that one up with a nice little bow. Limitless

silver and gold linings playbook and it's just more about Well, the names are great. I'm saying that they completed the arc. I don't want to touch that world. Leave it. It's perfect.

But Limitless, there's NCT 49, 50, 51. Yeah. Meat on the bone. Uh Travis, you're up.

You know, Justin, I do have a singing suspicion. It's not real. First though, I need you two to vote. I choose to live in which I think it's real.

Oh, I choose to live in a world in which I think it's real. No, I want to live in Travis's world, too. It's not. But I want it to be.

It's Sorry, I made up a limitless Christmas. God damn it. Sorry. Is there another one for me here?

Yes, it's in Slack. I said it's you directly this time. Okay. Christmas at the Catnip Cafe. After a marketing executive discovers she's inherited a cat cafe from her aunt, she wants to sell the property so she can afford the down payment on her dream condo. Conflict arises when a veterinarian who owns the other half of the cafe is on intent on keeping it afloat. Now, Justin. Yeah, we did all watch this movie together in your home [sighs] when we came together to record.

Is an interesting verb to use there, Travis. It was maybe more than any other film I've ever watched just kind of

happening. Yeah. Around. Yeah. It was It was Didn't we? Yeah. It was like watching a movie uh from someone sitting two rows in front of you caddy corner on the aisle of an airplane. It was like watching a movie that someone else is watching in the movie that you're watching.

Yeah. Uh, so what do you think? So I do think it's real, Jan. It It is real. It's also it's so obvious that some maker of these fine holiday films ran out of things that to do holiday films about and then like their their nephew told them about cat cafes and they're like I can Christmas that I can cat cafe veterinarian hot veterinarian. Good to go. Yeah, that's not

Well, it's three hopper set up. Small town something. Yeah. Meets big town something at a blank,

right? Um, so what did you think? That Yeah, that we watched it together. All right, Griffin, you're up.

This is a Grand Old Opry Christmas. It premieres Saturday, November 29th. And I'm going to A lot of these names I'm not going to do goodbye, but here we go. It stars Nikki Delo, Christopher Palaha, Rob Mays, Eliza Mayor, Luke Benward, Sharon Lawrence, and James Denton. That's a huge C. Why did Why are there that many names above the

Great question. I I just kept kept writing them or I a grand old question plot. With plenty of appearances from famous country artists like Brad Paisley, Megan [ __ ] Rhett Atkins, and more. This Hallmark holiday movie tells the tale of a songwriter who abandons her passion after her late father, a country music icon, dies in a tragic accident. But when the Grand Old Opry asks her to honor her father's legacy, she time travels back in time when her father was still alive. I had it locked in until those last two little bits there. She time travels back in time when her What is that? The Granola Opry says, "Will you please honor your father's legacy in a holiday concert and she travels back in time to when her father was still alive?"

That's not a lot of SFX, I think, budget. A big special effects budget. Damn, man. I didn't expect a real one to slip a real hard one to slip in here because I don't know.

I want to say it's fake because I think they would have called it like brand new Opri or had some play on time travel in the title.

Um, I'm going to say it's real just because the fact that it came out November 29th feels really out of pocket to me.

It's real. That's a real grand old opera Christmas is a real how does what is the vehicle through which she travels back in time. I'm curious.

It's a a Cadillac Seville 1967 Cadillac Seville that has the gigawatt stuff from Back to the Future as well.

Whoa. It just has the Back to the Future stuff. It just has the back. It says the doctor Doc Brown his name is in it. He's like it's got the stuff from Back to the Future.

Yeah, we put all the giggle. I love that. I love I think they did that in looper too when they like we don't want to explain all the time travel stuff. It's Back to the Future stuff where we're doing

I watched one that was another time travel one that was a '90s Christmas cuz I was hoping it would have lots of fun '90s gags but and I realized you have to pay for those. So it's really just kind of like ugly. You know what it's like? It just looks old and bad. But uh the film takes place in 1999.

Huh. and she is sent back to try to save a relationship that she didn't nail back then and make everything good with her life. She sent back in time to 1999. Then why not call it like why 2k?

Yeah, but here's the thing tra that the thing that she doesn't do, you know, the thing that I would

any movie where you time travel back before let's say the turn of the millennium.

Yeah. Before September 10th, 2001. Yeah. Anywhere from there before 99. I feel like you have to ask the question. At least someone has to [clears throat] be like, you can't change history. Like, you got to do something, right? I need someone to reboot Quantum Leap specifically for every time Sam Quantum Leaps before September 10th, 2001. The first thing he says is like, "So, I've got to be here for this reason, right, Al?" And Al's like, "No, not this time." He's like, "No, Al,

you want me to got to be this, right? You need me to help this lounge singer become super famous? That's

that's cool and all. Al, can I write a letter or something to the president now?"

Uh, last one, Travis. Okay. [ __ ] My husband is a ghost. It stars Jennifer Stanton and Everly Westlane. As the Christian Bible teaches, Jennifer name thing is coincidence has waited until man marriage to experience physical pleasure with her new husband. But when she smooshes through his ectoplasm on their wedding night, she realizes that Bogard T. Wayne Scotting. The second is in fact not an extremely dedicated Civil War reenactor, but indeed the ghost of an actual Civil War general. Bad news, ladies. He fought on the wrong side.

P.S. The events of the film take place on December 21st through 27th, but are not substant uh sub subsidantly festive.

Okay. It just happens to be set around the holiday. I think that's what I understood while I was reading it that it just happens to be set. So, it's not It seems like they kind of made the whole movie then forgot to make it about Christmas.

Yeah. And maybe they just kind of were like tying in a Christmas thing at the end.

It sounds like they have their work cut out for them to turn this guy into a heart throb.

Yes. Now, I do like that the title would imply that the biggest problem to overcome is that he's a ghost. And don't get me wrong, that is definitely a hurdle that's in there.

But but but there's some ideological stumbling blocks that I think would also get get in the way.

Now he has had like 160 years. Yeah, that's crazy. That's what surprised me about watching it that that there is a lot more going on. Darn it. Shouldn't have let that slip that I watched it. Well, Justin, since you watched it, can you tell me does Bo regard T Wayne Scotting the second have a moment where he's like, and also I feel really bad about having that stuff.

He leads with that. Okay, that is the first thing he's like, listen, there's a lot of cards I got to lay on the table right now. It'd be awesome. I'm going to I'm going to say something to you first that out of context is going to seem strange, but you have to understand something right up front and then we'll get to the ghost stuff. I actually was visited by three ghosts last night and but it was just kind of like a chill hang cuz that's sort of my whole vibe.

My thing. So, what do you guys think? I don't actually think this is real. I think you didn't watch it and I think you're fibbing to try and trick us into a trap.

I'm going to have to side with Griffin here. Griffin makes a really convincing argument. I don't think it's real.

Yeah, it's fake. I made it up. It's not real. Yeah, it's not real. I had fun doing it, but

I'm glad. I have fun to do. Hearing it. Hearing I like saying smooshes through his ectoplasm. That

Travis, when I wrote that, I really felt like I had done something for the day, you know? I felt really myself. Yeah, man.

Is that describing a sex act with a ghost? Yeah, that's how I imagine the first time. I thought about it was a Black Mirror thing where it was like, "What if you did wait till marriage, but then when you smooshed into your partner, you found out that they're a ghost for the first time, right?" Then

was he also waiting till marriage that he didn't know that would happen? He knew 100% it would happen.

So, she through his ectoplasm, then he handed her a book that said like, "Let me explain the fact that I am both a ghost and

man, I've wanted to talk to you about this." He was a long time. He was oathbound. So he couldn't tell her his true nature because he had sworn an oath to the Avelian gods that he

and to Roberty Lee and to Roberty. True love weights who he keeps throughout the whole movie is like but I will say

Lee was a lot of apologetics. Those statues of him were are really good art. They're good statues. It's history. It's history. But I understand but I want to say I get it. What are they going to do with those statues, though? Now that they're down,

no one wants to see art go to waste, never I'm just saying. I got a big uh big kind of gazebo thing in the back of uh my I believe I'm supposed to call it now an estate. I'm not allowed to say the plant. No, I almost said it. Deborah, do you not wish to provide a place for the pigeons to roost? Shouldn't the sparrows be able to rest their wings somewhere? Deborah, why [clears throat] not our backyard and our huge commemorative statue of my good friend who I do not like.

I have He has some positions that I do not share. We can put a sign up that says ironic if that makes you feel better. A small sign of course in case the general

Yeah. his ghost comes around. Sometimes he may come by. Listen, IF ROBERTY LEE GHOST COMES BY, you have to promise to be cool, Deborah. And you're probably wondering what other ghosts there are. Just us two. JUST ME AND ROBERTY LEE.

IT'S WILD. You would think not a bad setup for you. Only he only speaks in riddles, Barbara. And he come around to maybe issues the way I have.

Yeah. Yeah. We found this weird old cave on a full moon, Barbara. There was a coin and we each touched it and now here we are. Basic science. I wrote Pirates of the Caribbean. The true story based on my [screaming] life. But do I get any credit? Do I get a single thin dime? No. That's why I'm selling my life story. [ __ ] My husband's a ghost. Thank you. Based on a true story. My story. my personal story. Could you also type it out for me because I am unable to interact with your typewriters and computers and whatnot?

Shall we smoosh again, my love? My neighbors have added a new feature to their exterior holiday decor this year. A 12ft tall bright white wooden reindeer. I have to drive by it to get to and from work and it scares the heck out of me. Wow. Sorry, I scrolled down. It's really big. Any suggestions for ways to make myself braver so I don't get jump scared twice a day when I go buy it? That's from concerned about comment in Cleveland. I mean, it's a big

This reindeer is bigger than one story of a house. It is bigger than a style home.

It's dramatically lit. It's I mean, it is also lit, fam. But if I saw this thing and I want to start circle strafing with a plasma rifle, this thing this thing means trouble. They have also placed it as though it is considering breaching containment. Yeah, it has its chest stuck out proudly as if to say, I'm going to jump this [ __ ] candy cane.

It is It's also away from the home. It's not welcoming to the home. It's It's standing as a proud treating.

Yes. You know, there's a community, I think it's Norway, maybe where every year they build a giant wicker Christmas goat and they try to guard it every year and yet every year someone manages to set fire to it and burn it to the ground. It's a game. It's a fun game for kids. Um, guard the goat.

I'm just saying I don't think you should burn this 12 foot tall bright white reindeer. Um,

not with all those lights on despite the fact that it would go up so nice and it would go up. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. They're just d This thing. Look at this thing. It's like a l It looks like one of those paper lanterns. It's just dying to go up.

It's just die. It wants to I'm not even a pyromaniac and I'm blah blah blah over here.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Obviously, but it will make it easier for Santa Claus find their house to land and make presents.

It is wild that that we didn't get a question like this in Halloween. This person must have a really tough time then, right? If they're getting scared by big reindeer, that's got to be tough to see like big big scarecrows with skull heads all the time. But

at least then Justin, you're able to know and read in the intention of the thing, right? I see a big scary scarecrow. I know exactly why it's there. It's there to scare me. I see this thing. This thing don't have no eyes or mouth or nothing. There is no emotion conveyed. So, I'm able to read like place upon this thing any emotion

that I feel when looking at it. And that thing looks like it's been oriented this way because lay lines pass through it. It's like a scary It's a scary Yeah, it's scary. I would push it over three times because with my decorations, that's all it takes for me to decide they're never going up again.

Okay. Uh if the wind So one time, one time they could wind. Yeah. Second time, that's just life. Third time, [ __ ] this thing.

Yeah, that's the Too tall. Too tall. Too stupid. [ __ ] it. You could also I'm looking at the height of this thing relative to the house that it's decorating. Sneak undercover of night. Lift it up. reorient it so it's staring into the second floor window.

Cool. Of their own house. That's cool. And I think they'll make the decision to take it down.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that no one wants that. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We call it my brother my brother cuz that's the name of it and anything else would seem kind of silly. Uh thank you to everybody that came to candle nights. You have the beautiful Keith Albby Theater. It was a wonderful event. You were all so kind to come. If you didn't see it, you can go to bit.y/canalytes205, you can still watch it till January 4th. And I think that you're really going to like it. I know you're really going to like it. I know you're really going to like it. Also wanted to let everybody know because of the holiday season, uh, us and our staff, uh, we're going to be, you know, taking a break for the holidays like we do. Uh, so,

thank God, dude. I'm exhausted. I mean, can lights really takes it does take you out.

Yeah. And so, we had to take a break. You had to move a whole TARDIS. I'm I'm still bushed.

I don't know how the doctor does it. Um, but we'll be back January 5th. Um, back tickling your funny bones.

Gosh, that was a gross way to say. Yeah, I know. I felt bad about it. Um, there's some merch up in the merch store over at macroymerch.com. Got a dice tray and dice tray bundle with uh some beautiful Taz balance dice. Uh there's also Canelites poster and uh Canal lights ornament designed by Scott Hawk that is up there. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to Harmony House as will 100% of the proceeds from the uh ticket sales for candle nights uh both the live version and the the streaming on demand version. Um so help help support Harmony House.

Sure. Um how about this fear? And I think this will probably be our last is this our last fear of the year? Last fear of 20 Thunder Drive and it's a real it's this one's a real one. Start your engines this year. I want to be faster than my fear of cracking an egg and a baby bird falling out. God.

Oh god. That hits that hits deep. I've had that happen to me. Never happened to me still.

It's never happened. But like I think about it think about when I got a double yoker. Oh god.

Oh dude. Oh. My name's Justin Mroy. I'm Travis Mroy. Double yoker was the name in France uh for Joker Faldu. Um which is weird because you would think they [screaming] would just use that.

Yeah, but they use double yoker instead. And it's like there's NOT TWO OR DOUBLE YOKER.

Why not just call it folly? Like why did you zeroy? I'm Travis Mroy. Did I say that? Yeah. Square on the lips.

Double yoker. My life. It's better. It's better with you. It's better. My life. It's better. It's better with you. Cuz it's true. Oh. Oh, it's better. It's better with two. It's better with you.

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Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX"?

Justin McElroy (Guest), Travis McElroy (Guest), Griffin McElroy (Host).

What is "MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX" about?

The episode centers around the Maroy brothers as they share humorous and unconventional advice while celebrating the holiday season with a lighthearted, playful tone. Through banter about Christmas mischief and reflections on festive traditions, they create an entertaining atmosphere that emphasizes their lack of expertise and the importance of joy in friendships.

What is mentioned in this The McElroy Family episode?

17 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Justin Maroy, Candle Nights, Griffin Macroy, Travis Mackoy, Ebenezer Scrooge, A Christmas Carol. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX"?

The episode runs 57 min; the transcript is about 10,334 words in 235 timestamped sections.

More from The McElroy Family

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.