#3138 Crappens Rewind: Ep 479 RHONY Would You Believe It? LuAnn Got Married!

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Frenchie, Mark Tinsley, Dr. Mo Hannah, Ben Mandelker
2. 10:00 – 20:00: Bethany, Ramona, Frenchie, Derinda
3. 20:00 – 30:00: Ramona, Mark Tinsley, Bethany
4. 30:00 – 40:00: Ramona, Bethany, Kelly Ben Simone
5. 40:00 – 50:00: Ramona, Bethany, Derinda, Tom Dagastino
6. 50:00 – 1:00:00: Bethany, Ramona, Frenchie, Mark Tinsley
7. 1:00:00 – 1:08:12: Frenchie

Notable quotes from "#3138 Crappens Rewind: Ep 479 RHONY Would You Believe It? LuAnn Got Married!"

• Yeah, hello there. Ronnie and I hit the town last night. we went out to the abbey with none other than Hannah from Below Deck Mediterranean. And it was beyond fun. Beyond fun.

  about Dr. Mo Hannah · at 0:50

• Her to Catch, which is where she was going to have dinner. We didn't really Katie Kazora was there at Catch. We could have had like such a big pow-wow, but we didn't.

  about Katie Kazora · at 1:57

• Yes. So, the episode opens with Edgar aka Frenchie making eggs in Sonia's kitchen in the breakfast for breakfast.

  about Frenchie · at 5:43

• Oh, is our little daughter Tinsley going to be awake for the egg? Should I make egg for Tinsley? And she's Oh, you know Tinsley getting her hair done, doing her makeup.

  about Mark Tinsley · at 6:50

• Bethy's, apartment where she is making a whole bunch of little Christmas gifts for the ladies, minus Ramona. and by Bethany making Christmas gifts, I mean Julia, her assistant, is doing them. because Bethy's going to have a Christmas party.

  about Ramona · at 11:15

• So, my only observations was Noel is super hot now that he's like 22 and Kelly Ben Simone was there. Did you see Kelly Ben Simone in the background? No, I was making an egg sandwich.

  about Kelly Ben Simone · at 38:18

• Okay, here we go. Would you believe it, girls? I'm getting married. Me, Countest Langel Seps, to Tom Dagastino.

  about Tom Dagastino · at 40:04

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Ramona — Person · 29 mentions · first at 11:18
• Bethany — Person · 18 mentions · first at 11:21
  Making a whole bunch of little Christmas gifts for the ladies, minus Ramona. and by Bethany making Christmas gifts, I mean Julia, her assistant, is doing them. because Bethy's going to have a Christmas party.
• Frenchie — Person · 13 mentions · first at 5:49
• Mark Tinsley — Person · 8 mentions · first at 6:50
• Lann — Person · 6 mentions
• Sonia — Person · 4 mentions
• Derinda — Person · 3 mentions · first at 5:31
  Well, any episode that features Derinda is sort of spiritually a successor to Amy White House, so I'm I It makes sense.
• Dinda — Person · 3 mentions
• Young Carol (Yan Carol) — Person · 3 mentions
• Dr. Mo Hannah — Person · 2 mentions · first at 0:55
• Ben Avery — Person · 2 mentions
• Ben Mandelker — Person · 1 mention · first at 0:28
  Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bside blog.com and the Banterblender. And joining me as usual is the…
• Ronnie Carum — Person · 1 mention · first at 0:40
  Lovely and perhaps slightly hung over cuz I'm just slightly hung over. Not really, Ronnie Carum from trashtv.com and the Rose Pricks Bachelor/Bachelorette podcast. What's up, Ronnie? Well, hello little be.
• Katie Kazora — Person · 1 mention · first at 1:59
• Kelly Ben Simone — Person · 1 mention · first at 38:25
• Tom Dagastino — Person · 1 mention · first at 40:09

Full transcript with timestamps

0:08 What happens when there's so much crap? Who cares what happens when there's so much that Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bside blog.com and the Banterblender. And joining me as usual is the wonderful and hilarious and lovely and perhaps slightly hung over cuz I'm just slightly hung over. Not really, Ronnie Carum from trashtv.com and the Rose Pricks Bachelor/Bachelorette podcast. What's up, Ronnie? Well, hello little be.

0:50 Yeah, hello there. Ronnie and I hit the town last night. Uh, we went out to the abbey with none other than Hannah from Below Deck Mediterranean. And it was beyond fun. Beyond fun.

1:03 She's so fun. Oh my gosh. So beautiful, too. Smaller. I know. She was like, she's like, "Well, I'm just going to throw on something. I'll probably look, you know, I look like a hussy." And she shows up looking gorgeous. And I was like, "Shut your face Hannah."

1:17 Yeah. That's an expensive Hussy. Yeah. Yeah. That is not a cheap Hussie, that's for sure.

1:21 Yeah, that was fun. And if you go on to our Instagram, which is @ watchwork crappens on Instagram, we have a picture, but we also have some in we have some stories. So, go check that out now before they expire.

1:34 Oh, yeah. Go look them over. Yeah. She's so funny. She's like, "And then I'll have a date with a really hot guy from wherever, and then I might go to Dubai to see this, and then I'll be in the South of France doing this." I was like Jesus

1:47 he lives quite the awesome life. I know. I came home like I really suck. Yeah. Well, you know what's also sucky is that, you know, we we took we walked her to Catch, which is where she was going to have dinner. We didn't really Katie Kazora was there at Catch. We could have had like such a big pow-wow, but we didn't.

2:05 Oh, well. Oh, Kazorals. We should have looked in there. Yeah. There were all these people taking pictures. Um I there's so many little tiny short people who are apparently famous and they all drive these gigantic

2:18 jeeps and like huge army cars and then these little tiny men come out, you know, like little tiny Persian men dripping with gold come out and I'm like where are where are you people? It's like there's a whole different life that those people lead, you know, and you only see them if you stand outside restaurants like that.

2:34 Exactly. And the paparazzi would take photos of all of them. Like literally a bum would walk up to the restaurant. The paparazzi were taking photos. But like me and Ronnie, no photos.

2:42 Yeah. What are you going to do? It might have something to do with us taking pictures of the paparazzi. We're like, "Wow, look at their cameras."

2:50 Yeah. On our Instagram story. And then like when we eventually got home, I was drunk and I turned on the TV and the Property Brothers were on. I took some belligerent Instagram stories of the Property Brothers. I was looking at them today. I was like, "Huh?" So, it's a fun night out.

3:06 Now, those are celebrities. Yeah, those are real stars. Yeah, I would understand them coming out of a giant Jeep. I'd be like, "Oh my god, the property bros."

3:17 Yeah, but the other guys, I'm like, "Is was this guy like a background on Shots of Sunset once?"

3:22 Yeah. I don't know. But everybody apparently knew cuz they were like click click click click click click click click.

3:28 Maybe it was like French Montana or something. Yeah. I I don't even know. But you know what are you going to do? I was like yay. Oh, our uh our Chevy our 1983 Chevy lift is here to get us.

3:42 Yes. With with an extra from Breaking Bad driving it. She really was. She was like,

3:48 "She did this to me." She was like, "You guys are the best. I want to hang out with you guys all the time."

3:56 Can't do it. Can't even do her meth meth voice. Um yeah, it was a great night. Um, but even more excitingly is that we have a real housewives of New York City recap to dive into. And by the way, if you're new to this podcast because you learned about us through the [ __ ] bible, Jackie Shiml, welcome. We hope we can live up the expectations.

4:15 Yes. And go listen to Jackie. Hilarious. Yeah. Soup's soup's funny. New pod friend for sure.

4:21 Yeah. Love her. Love her. All right. So, shall we jump into Can you believe it, girls?

4:26 It's the wedding episode. Can you believe it, girls? Ken, I've got wedding rings on both of my ring fingers.

4:35 That's how married I am. I am so ringed up. I took Beian's advice and I had a ring put on both of them. We start with the Amy Winehouse music. That's rehab, right?

4:56 Uh yeah. Uh no, he Done that you know rehab is like it's a little bit more charm you know.

5:10 Okay. Yeah. So that do we have to pay licenses to our state now? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Come after me. Join get in in line behind Capital One Amy Winehouse.

5:21 The ghost of Amy Wine House is coming to haunt our podcast now. Yeah. Do you think I can't press block this caller on your ghost? I can't.

5:31 Well, any episode that features Derinda is sort of spiritually a successor to Amy White House, so I'm I It makes sense.

5:38 Yeah. Every time that music plays, it's like, uh-oh, drunk Dinda is going to make a speech in this episode.

5:44 Um, yes. So, the episode opens with Edgar aka Frenchie making eggs in Sonia's kitchen in the breakfast for breakfast.

5:55 I don't know if I even believe this guy's French because this guy is like cartoon French. He's like, "Hoodly hoodie. Oh, Sonia from Manuela coffee. Sona, you like the egg?" And she says, "Did you bring this?" And it's a poinsettia plant. He's like, "Ah, yes, I brought Sonia. You like the egg? Something about this whole thing with Edgar Frenchie feels uh what's the word? Like completely fake.

6:22 Like this is clearly an arrangement for the TV show. Yeah. This is like a a gay she met outside the Port Authority bus station, you know?

6:31 Yeah, exactly. First of all, I mean, who wears a blazer to make eggs for Sonia in the morning? Okay, that's already suspect.

6:39 With a handkerchief in the pocket. Like a folded handkerchief. Yeah. He's like a

6:44 I'm sure really bad faux French version of Adam Scott. That's what who he is. Oh, is our little daughter Tinsley going to be awake for the egg? Should I make egg for Tinsley? And she's like, "Oh, you know Tinsley getting her hair done, doing her makeup."

7:00 Okay. Sonia waking up brushing her teeth. Yeah. You know Tinsley, she'll wake up and push the covers off. [snorts]

7:09 You know Tinsley, she just opens her eyes when she wakes up. So typical. [gasps] Oh, she's probably yawning about now wondering what kind of makeup she's going to wear. And he's like, "Oh, these women, you have this habit of the makeup and stuff, and you need every day this habit for the women."

7:28 So, sure enough, Tinsley comes down. She's like, "Uh, can I get a tissue? Anyone?" Uh, and uh, she's like, "Oh, Frenchie stays." Frenchie, would you mind opening the front door if you hear the doorbell ring? I'm waiting for some hats.

7:43 Sonia has passed out on the floor. Stay away from Frenchie. You're getting distracted. [gasps]

7:53 I'm I'm training Frenchie to stop Connor from opening the door when your hats come.

7:59 It's a process. So Sonia is, you know, admitting that this thing with Frenchie is going too far and she's like, you know, what I thought was an 11 to 7 turned into a 7-Eleven.

8:13 Yeah, I need I mean this guy is cheap, you know? I'm like, are you So you're saying there are a bunch of methheads that have accumulated around your house? Cuz that sort of makes sense.

8:21 I mean, the pizza isn't that great at 3:00 in the morning, but at 3:00 in the morning, who cares?

8:26 You know what I like about 7-Elevens? They really appreciate the past. Like for instance, that hot dog that's been on the rollers has been in there as long as I've had computer number three. [gasps]

8:36 Oh, sona. That's where Pickles is. She's just rotating on Sonia's little hot dog thing down in the basement. I got one from the 7-Eleven.

8:45 Pickles is like literally in a Pickles jar downstairs just waiting to emerge. She's like, "Please someone unscrew this stop and let me free free pickles, people."

8:56 She's in aic state. Yeah. So Frenchie uh Frenchie is playing Donna Reed, you know.

9:03 Yeah. Uhhuh. And sorry to say something. No, I'm just like laughing about Pickles in a in a jar yearning to come out and like imagining her like finally climbing out. She's like, "Is it the year 2135?" Like, "No, it's actually just 3 years later." She's like, "Oh." She's like, "Well, at least the computers are still here.

9:24 It's like a box of soap and some old paper towels carved into it. Some old Viva paper towels that were never opened.

9:34 It's actually not Viva paper towels. It's actually a roll of paper towels made from other paper towels. It's like little Viva a little charm and little up and up.

9:42 Recycled paper towels. I buy extra paper towels so I can make a new roll from the spare parts. Um, so she's Tinsley's just down there to start [ __ ] She's like, "Hey, Frenchie. So, um, what about uh what about this other dude you're dating? What happened to Rocco?" You know, and uh he's like, "Oh, I do not care." You know, this this dating these rules you have in America. You date, you be with someone, you tie them down, tie them to tree. Every time mailman comes, dog tries bite leg off. It's like Jesus Christ, Frenchie. You know, that's Frenchie's way of just saying I can [ __ ] whoever I want and I'm still getting free rent and don't try and step onto my property, [ __ ] Like, let my arrangement stand, Tinsley. I'm feeding you an egg right now.

10:29 Well, Tinsley has a right to make the little the digs because apparently Frenchie was intended for Tinsley. Uh but then Sonia took him for for herself. So, this is her little way of getting revenge.

10:40 Yeah. And she's like, "Well, so you're seeing other people too, Frenchie." And he's like, "Seeing? Yes. But no, not having sex. This is friends. Oh, I don't like words. You Americans, you have these words. You say, you have a word that means something and then it's supposed to mean something else. I don't even know what you're saying. Sy structure. Come on. And Sony's like, "Yeah, friends." Yeah, just friends. I don't like words either.

11:05 Frenchie. Frenchie. Going up to be down with words. Yeah. So, uh, so then, uh, so after this Frenchie scene, we then go over to Bethy's, uh, apartment where she is making a whole bunch of little Christmas gifts for the ladies, minus Ramona. Um, and by Bethany making Christmas gifts, I mean Julia, her assistant, is doing them. Um, because Bethy's going to have a Christmas party.

11:28 Yeah. Her assistant's just walking around going, "Bthany, you look wonderful." And of course, there's a huge skinny girl luge ice sculpture in the middle.

11:38 Yeah. Just in case anybody forgot what Bethany does for a living. Yeah. And Bethany the professional chef is having this catered by a guy, what's his name? Joe or something like that, who is actually making a lot of delicious stuff. Um, but like my I was like sort of traumatized by Bethany eating a lobster roll and then talking with her mouth open and it was just like all gooey and cream cheesy like these strings of of mayo or cream cheese or whatever all in her mouth. I was like, "It's not a good look." Bethany, she's just trying to prove that she can eat, you know? She's like, "Look, I'm eating.

12:13 Like, what's the matter? Like, what's the matter? Happy holidays. Like, what are those? Like, grandpa, I don't get it. Like, what what's going on?"

12:18 You got a closeup of this. Like, why is this an Olympic event? Like, it's illusion. Like, I don't get it. Like, like I thought you're supposed to die on this. It's supposed to be scary. Like, like, I don't know. It's not not fast. Like, I could do it. I can get Do I get a gold medal now? Like, am I going Olympics? Am I like Olympia now? Like, literally kill me now. Like, honestly, like, you know what? Like, send me down the loose thing and just kill me now. Like, run me over the bobsled then. Like, I can't. It's too cold. Oh, Bethany, you're hilarious.

12:37 All right. What's the matter? What's the matter? What's going on? Where's Alouch?

12:40 So, she has made She's made little balloon heads of all the ladies except for Ramona and she's put them in like these glass vase thing. I mean, it's weird. It's basically like a bunch of decapitated houses.

12:54 I thought they were like they were like uh I thought they were Christmas ornaments that had their faces on them.

12:59 Oh, I thought they were balloons. I guess that makes more sense. I mean, those were huge though.

13:03 No, they were nice. nice. They were nice and personalized. They had caricatures. They were they were nice. They were It was a good gift.

13:09 Um this one looks like one of Ramona's breast implants. So then we She's like, "Well, you know, last year I had a holiday party and I just loved it. So now it's annual. It's like going to be every year. Like Christmas, you know, it's going to come. It's going to come like Christmas. Every year."

13:24 My favorite is then we cut to Derinda in the cab and she just had like all this tissue paper and plastic and this is all yours. You nice. Now, this is why he backs under the couch cuz you ask me last minute rapper. Like, how could you do that when you have John sitting on that couch? It's like the, you know, Darinda just loves to sit there and be mad at John at all times. Like, she's putting wrapping paper under the couch cushions. Can you stop making noise, John? Trying to watch a good fight. All right. You're making too much. I'm going in the other room watching Lada.

14:07 So, so yeah, she's like making some like all this tissue paper is like rubbing up against her mic and I It was so obnoxious, but you know, the editors it's it's classic Darinda and that's why the editors put it in there.

14:21 I [clears throat] mean, that is so funny, Darinda. And it's like five packages of that wrapping tissue. It's like five like what are you wrapping that you need all of that?

14:31 There probably was no gift in there. She's like and you know what's funny? I forgot a gift after all that. I don't know why I think about sometimes.

14:39 Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking about. You know, so funny. Like a regular birthday gift. Is it her birthday? I don't know. I don't know. I just forget things. It's called being a blackout drunk. Darren. Okay. You know, sometimes you know you're supposed to do something and then you wake up like like later and you're like, "What was I supposed to do?" Yeah, stop drinking.

15:03 Was I supposed to go driving? Um, so then uh so everyone's across town, Ramona's putting on lipstick. She's like, "Oh, look. There's a stick. It's a stick of stuff for my lips. I'm going to put it on." And I heard Bethy's having a holiday party and I'm not invited. Am I happy about it? No. But the good news is I'm going out with Avery and her girlfriends.

15:28 Avery and her girlfriends are basically like me and my girlfriends. Basically, I'm just like one of the girls. I'm like a 22-year-old girl. We're just going to go out and get some wine. Okay. [gasps and laughter] This is Avery's girlfriends are like my girlfriends except no one in their group has had sex with Tom yet. No. Whoa. Is this what it means when it says you're going to get a 23 and me kit? you go out and hang out with a bunch of 23 year old girls. Okay. Cuz I like it.

15:56 So then over at Sonia's, she's packing a bunch of crap to make room for Frenchie.

16:01 Yeah. Uh who's coming in? Wait, is this when we find this out? Oh, no. So Tiny and So bas No, Sonia's just packing to go to Phuket for New Year's. And Tinsy and Connor are like

16:12 croquet. So Tinszy and Connor are like, "Yay!" cuz they apparently are going to have a big party. One Sonia leaves and there they put it out on paperless post and Sonia is like, [gasps] you know, like she's very distracting to my assistant. She has to stop. I'm like, what is Connor doing? What is Connor doing all day?

16:32 Where is you know how many things he could be doing for me? Paperless. I have plenty of paperless things that he could do. What math equations is he trying to solve right now? Or formulas, okay, that he cannot be distracted from.

16:47 Just numbers flying by Connor<unk>'s head like a beautiful mind. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crapp.

17:00 So, let's see. She's packing then Bethy's getting ready for her party and she's talking to the chef and she's like, "Remember last year? Remember last year when I ordered a lobster roll? That was great. Yeah, I went to all the other burrows, too. Like, lobster roll, lobster roll, lobster roll. What are you even talking about? Just please, just please leave him alone. Let him do his job.

17:17 Yeah, but but that's not going to happen for him because Darinda comes shows up. And she's like, you know what I want to do? I want to learn how to open up an oyster. So, so he like he's he he shows her. He's like, you stick it in there and you wait for the little release. Like, oh, it's like sexual and stuff. He was being sexual. He was like the next John. And I mean, Darinda, I can't believe Darinda didn't put on her flip-flops and try and climb that mountain because he is like John. He's like, "Yeah, well, here's what you do.

17:44 You get this knife and then you put it in his ass. It's the back door. Just the tip." And Bethy's like, "Yeah, just the tip."

17:51 I knew you was going to say that, Bethany. Yeah. Well, it's the tip. You know, just put the tip in there. He's like, "Yeah." Then you shove it in there and then you move it around a little bit and you try not to get stuff splirting everywhere and then boom. It is like sex. It's like eating oysters. It's like eating the sea. Wet and salty.

18:09 I will say this about Bethany. She is always good for a low hanging fruit sex joke cuz if you say something like um wow like, "Wow, the wind is really blowing." Yeah. Like a [ __ ] huh? You're like, "Okay, Bethany, you got

18:24 I hope they're making a lot of money for that blowing." Get it? The wind the wind's blowing so hard. It's like, you know, it's like a hooker. Like a hooker down on like Bourbon Street. You know what I'm saying? It's like blowing all day all night long. You know what I'm saying? [gasps]

18:32 Wet and salty. I think he's talking about vaginas, huh? He's like, I'm literally talking about vaginas.

18:38 I like how that has become part of our Bethany impersonation. That's the one Teresa.

18:43 Yeah, cuz she's never met, but like but Bethy's humor has become so catk skills. Like we just met.

18:51 Well, Bethany laughs like Kate Chastain and so you can't imitate her laugh cuz it's just this that's her entire laugh. That's

19:00 she's she has a next level laugh. um where she will just like you know but that's like that that rare laugh where you laugh so hard you're like practically crying you know but yeah mo mostly it's that

19:11 yeah when she can't help it and she sounds like Drew Barrymore being murdered in scream you know

19:17 so Darinda back with the oyster Dinda's like this is so sexy oyster I'm going to take this to the bedroom and teach John I'm like please don't shove anything inside John's back door and expect wet and salty I don't need to hear any of this.

19:33 Please, no excessive slurping around John. Can we just celebrate baby Jesus? How about that, guys?

19:40 How about that? Well, we can if we go over to Meu with Ramona and all the uh all the girls where Ramona is like, I can't believe it. I've known these girls for like 10 years. They went to Avery's Sweet 16 and now they're drinking wine. I'm learning things about wine for them now. Now, now they know their Chardonnay and their Sanjivi and their Shurac. They know everything now. That's crazy. Wo! They're burgundy's, they're pinos, they're chard. God forbid I don't have the right flavor of wine for them. Wo, that's crazy. Remember this one time I was this little girl and I was looking at my dad's wine and I said, "Can I have some of that wine?" And Geraldine Parson Smith came up to me and said, "You sure can because as we all know, you're the big wine expert, as in wh i ne. And to this day, I've never been able to tell the difference between wine and wine.

20:32 Okay, I'm sorry. I can't. [gasps] Uh, when they get out at the restaurant, it's like this sexy sex in the city.

20:43 I've got no Ramonas. Ramona was just so perfect in this entire episode. I only need to go off what Ramona actually does in this cuz she's like, "Look, sexy ladies coming out of the car. Okay, how about when we come out of the car, you put the camera down on the ground so all you see is legs, like sexy legs. Play that Amy wine music because these girls love their wines. Okay, it's like like 20-year-old legs, 20-year-old legs, 20-year-old legs. And the Ramona is like, "Thank you." Okay, thank you so much. Okay, he just one of the girls.

21:24 So, the girls start arriving over at Bethy's house, and Carol's like, "You said to wear sparkles." It is literally the the girl from the ring has crawled out the TV and is ready to have a holiday party. My hair is in my face. Is there a step coming up?

21:47 I'm sorry. I just finished decorating my Wow. Hey, speaking of wealth, we have a luge over there. You know, go try it. It's a luge. Like you uh you put liquor in the top and it comes out the bottom of the well. It's amazing. It's amazing. Ring girl, try it.

22:04 Yeah. Put Put your lips on it. Like do it right now. She's like, "Well, I like to drink when it's fun." And then Carol puts her lips around that luch. Aren't you just supposed to open your mouth and just let stuff

22:16 I think I don't need all these full contact nasty lips of this group. But she she does it. She's like I'm only going to drink again if it's from a luge or a sippy straw.

22:30 For some reason that really made me laugh cuz she smiled like so happily like cuz you could tell she really loves a sippy straw and I think that her delight was contagious for me. Yeah, I drink everything with the sippy straw.

22:44 You'll notice I even drink my martinis with a straw. Oh, I didn't. I prefer a straw.

22:48 Oh, I took it from my water. That's why I always have a water. I order three drinks. A water, a glass of ice, and a martini.

22:57 Forgot about that thing. A shot of tequila in a tall glass. Okay. And then some water in a short glass. And then some water in a mediumsized glass. Okay. and 19 limes just in case. You never know what you're going to need. So, speaking of Ramona's in heaven over at this restaurant cuz there's like 90,000 glasses on the table, you know? She's like, "This is called power girls. This is power glass." And Avery is like

23:26 what? A's like, "Pelro is like my water." Like, I literally called it water growing up. I'm like, "Cuz it it is water. It's sparkling water."

23:36 [gasps] And then this other girl goes, "That's like one of my favorite things about going over to your house. There's always called bottled water." I was like, "Girl, where which desert have you been living in?" Ramona, you girls, you guys can hang with me, okay? We'll call it like once a week. We could do it and we could call it the thing. No, the singer thing, okay? And then you guys could have your friends and then I can bring my friends and then we'll mix and it'll be just girls being girls with other girls. And her friends her friend goes, "Um, do your girlfriends have sons that maybe they could bring?" And Ramona just gives her this look like, "You're missing the point of what I'm trying to say." Okay.

24:22 Okay. Clearly does not involve penises. Yeah, who can blame him? He's grown up nicely.

24:30 Yeah, he certainly has. So then we um we learned that Ramona had actually had a charity event the night before and we see on in all these flashbacks that Tinsley lets the cat out of the bag about Bethy's holiday party cuz she's like, "Hey, so are you going to you going to Bethy's party? Do you have a tissue?" And and like what party? I didn't even know about it. Okay. So

24:54 Oh, sorry. Am I upset about it? Yeah. Uh do uh why is Word Batty here? Why is the Bubby version of Word Batty here? There's like some guy who looks like Warren Batty had all his blood sucked out and then all of his skin tied behind his head with like a rubber band and then someone put a lot of lotion on him and just set him loose in this party.

25:16 He looks sort of like a spelt penguin from like Batman Penguin, not like an actual penguin.

25:23 And I think he even was like, "Here's the key to the city or whatever." Like he was really

25:30 he definitely was a Tim Burton creature. That's for sure. Like he could have been like like Beetlejuice's brother.

25:36 Yes. It's like the guy that you know that Helena Bottom Carter [ __ ] to me mess up that whole marriage. You're like, "Oh, Helena, of course you ruined it over that guy." It's like worth it.

25:48 So Ramona is back with the girls and she's like, "Girls. So, girls, anybody want to curl my hair right now while I tell this story? Hey, can we have a comb? Could you bring a comb? We're going to comb each other's hair cuz we're girls. She's like, "Girl, let's talk slumber party." Okay, look at me. I'm Sandra D. No offense to anybody here. Okay, Sandra pushes my buttons. Okay.

26:16 Yeah. Sandra D came up to me and she was pushing my buttons and I blacked out like an animal. Okay, I went on a rampage. Like an animal blackout rampage. Okay, I was like a bear eating fish and knocking over trees. I don't even remember, but I saw it on the news. I was like a bull in a china shop. Except I would never break any china that was colored yellow because yellow reminds me of sunshine. Okay. Also, Bethy's full of so much bull I can't compete. GET IT, GIRLS? I'M LIKE A Bethany in China shop because she's just pure bull. Okay.

26:53 So, yeah. So, Ramona telling the girls, well, she's like me, you know, she grew up in crazy homes and like she's just, you know, she's like thin and goodlooking and gorgeous and

27:04 successful businesswoman who's adored by all the fans who had her own talk show were just like the same. So her friend, uh, Avery's friend's like, "Well, you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around your friends." I mean, that's not fair to you, and that's not true friendship.

27:23 Yeah. Everyone's [gasps] like, "Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Spoken from a 22year-old girl. Could you believe it? Could you believe it?" And then what I loved was that there was some other girl who like clearly wanted to piggy back and like get points with Ramona. And this other girl just goes, "Yeah, you don't want to have to walk on eggshells with your friend." Yeah. I'm like, "That's what that other [ __ ] just said. Be quiet. Just drink your pelro." Okay. You're not adding anything substantive to this to this conversation. Okay. Did I even say that word right? Could do to me.

27:54 [gasps] So, over at the party, Darinda's like, "Yeah, it was a party. We're only at a party. I went and I said my piece." And we get a flashback. Why weren't we shown this party?

28:05 I don't know. This party looks amazing. It looks so good. By the way, I just want to say that I was really amused that Ramona declared that she had a bond with the 22-year-old girls that they're now all bonded for life.

28:16 We're together forever. Yeah. So, anyway. Yes. So, Darinda ruin. We get a flashback of this party. She's like, "Hey, Ramona." It's drunk Dinda. So, she's like flying off the handle. She's like, "Don't you yell at me, Ramona. My ass is a [ __ ] hole. IT'S LIKE THE GODDAMN Playboy castle. I had to go in in there and peel Scott Bay off the floor. I mean, who what are you? What are you? Some paint chipping and eating monster. And actually, you're a disgrace. Last year, your dog shits all over. This year, you ripped down the walls. Next year, I'm just going to leave you a tiny little terrorist with a bomb vest, and you can just push him over and blow the entire place up. Ramona.

29:08 And then Sonia walks into Bethy's party and she sees Darinda talking about the paints again. She's like [sighs] this again. Do we have to always talk about this? Connor, did I tell you? Has anybody heard about what a paperless post is? Someone please explain that to me.

29:27 How do you have a post without paper? I tried to log on to my Apple 2. I can't find anything about it, but I did use Bank Street Press to get write a nice little poem.

29:36 If there's no paper, what's the postman going to post? I mean, I worry for those guys. Who's going to be ringing on the doorbell that we're not answering for Tinsley?

29:43 I mean, I've never heard of anything so ridiculous. How you going to have the New York Post without paper?

29:48 I mean, how am I going to read page six without the pages? Doesn't make sense. The New York Post list. Does that make sense to anybody else? How are they going to subscribe? How do you even send it the little subscribe thing that's in the middle of the paper?

29:59 I just wish Tinsu would make sense. I I just wish that she would say things that made sense so she could focus on her career and focus on getting a man and focus on getting out of my house.

30:10 So, uh Dire does still go about it more and more and then it cuts back to Ramona at dinner and she's like, "Oh my god, girl. So, girls, Dinda got so upset with me cuz there were these things on the wall and they were lit up and I was so upset emotionally like she starts tapping her head. She's like, "Emotionally, I wasn't thinking because of Bethany." And so I just tore it and it took some painting and she's so upset now. She's like so upset. I just I like that be because basically there were lights from production that were taped up on the walls that Ramona, she can't say that, but she's also afraid to actually say the word lights. So she makes it sound like there's some alien creatures. There were these things and they're all lit up. I couldn't find a plug and they were just bright and I just saw lights. I was like, "Gloria Stefan, I finally saw the light and I didn't like it." And I tore

31:02 down and I broke up the paint. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined your house, but there were bright things, shining objects. I can't deal. Little UFOs private in my room. Sonia was trying to get them to probe her. I said, "Get off the dresser. I'm trying to sleep."

31:18 Sonia, this is not time to play communion, okay? You are not dealing with aliens. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. close encounters of the Sonia Morgan kind.

31:28 No one wants to probe your anus. Okay, so she ripped them off the wall or whatever. Now, here's where Ramona, and you can even see that Darinda probably said, uh, Ramona, if they were production lights, they were just plugged in. It's not like they're wired to the house because she said there were these things on the wall. And I mean, I guess there was a plug, but I didn't see the plug because emotionally upset cuz Bethany cuz like 9/11, like the Vietnam War, you understand? like upset like okay so so instead of just unplugging the lights she like rips them off like the Hulk

32:02 yeah which is they must have been hot I don't even know how she did it but and then it cuts to Sonia and she goes well that's just typical Ramona I mean I told you every time we go to a hotel she trashes the bathrooms like she's a rock star

32:16 which is so disgusting you could just see Ramona like oh really trash can you think you're right side up right now You're not. You're upside down.

32:27 Whoa. I already take a [ __ ] in this toilet, but I'm not going to flush it. Okay. I'm just going to add more toilet paper and more and more and more. Wow. What a crazy life I live. I dropped a towel on the ground. Okay. My bandit's called poison.

32:42 Whoa. Making me clean up my own mess. You know what that is? That's day class. There's a reason why they have mates. It's their job. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not going to clean up my own bathroom. Okay. I'm a regular Janice Shopan. So, um

32:59 I'm a Jimmy Hydrox just like the I'm Beethoven, not the dog, the rock star. So, she's uh she uh back at dinner, she's like, "Cheers, girls, to nothing ever being my fault, you know, and cheers to not walking on eggshells." And that girl's like, "Yeah, you shouldn't ever walk on eggshells walking too.

33:24 I said it too. So then back at Bethany, Bethy's is cheering too. She's like, "All right, everybody. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers." Cuz there's like eggnog in these chocolate chip cups because they're cups, but they're made out of chocolate chip cookies. But like, you know, they didn't special. So like, "Watch out. It's strong." And Carol's like, "I'm only drinking again if it's from a chocolate chip cup or a lu or a sippy cup." Like I love that Carol's boundaries are just like totally being blown open this episode.

33:55 It was a big big episode for personal growth for her. I learned so much. [gasps]

34:02 Carol has found three things she'll drink from now. Watch out. Hey, I would drink a cookie cup any day. I was really jealous.

34:09 How far behind can AA be? Oh yeah, those cookie cups looked really good. I was starving. It occurred to me that like cuz we had dinner and it occurred to me that it was not like a very big dinner. We were because we were talking so much that like I realized afterwards I was like I only I had like five little chicken meatballs and that was it essentially.

34:27 I had three pieces of that roll and like two pieces of meat that I didn't understand that came on the skewers.

34:33 Yeah. How did those little people eat all that food? That was a lot of food, right?

34:37 It was it was a lot of food. But it's just that we were talking so much. And so um it was like when I got home and I was watching this drunk New York, which is why I'm a little patchy with some of this. I was like, "Wait a second. I'm starving. We didn't really have dinner.

34:51 I love days like that. I know. I I was like because you know, you know those people who are like, "Oh, I just forgot to eat today. I'm a little lightheaded." I'm like, "Who the [ __ ] forgets to eat?" Like my whole my body won't let It's like, "You're not eating. You're not eating. What are you doing right now? You're not eating. Why aren't you eating right now?"

35:09 But we did it. We successfully forgot to have a full dinner. Well, I came home and ate a couple of Tylenol PMs.

35:16 Oh, okay. That'll help. Delicious. So, let's see here. What's next? Chocolate. Next is the one and only wedding. This is the wedding we've been waiting for for a year. Um, as some of you probably already know, Lann did not allow rival cameras into her wedding, which is a big mistake. Huge, huge mistake. But she had all this like personal footage that I think she sold to People magazine or something like that. So essentially Bravo kind of did like a little montage of Lann's personal footage. Um which was sort of nice too because it, you know, at least it was quick. It was like a fiveminute thing of you know there's Lann getting to a dress and there's Lan posing and there's L and Dom and there's Tom and hair and makeup. You know

36:07 this was a huge surprise because you know mostly Bravo people get married so that their wedding is paid for by Bravo.

36:12 Yeah. They're like, "We got to do it in the season." Um, but she didn't. And I thought that was odd because she is a TV person and, you know, she would want the attention, etc. But then I thought, you know, she probably does not want cameras following around Tom

36:28 because I mean, this guy cannot keep his foot out of his mouth. Like everything he says is so awkward. Yes. and weird

36:35 that if they had cameras following him around, you know, she knows what production did last year with that make out thing in the [ __ ] bar lounge. She knows that was production. He took that picture.

36:46 Yeah, she I I agree with you. I think that she was like, "Listen, I just want to have fun at my wedding and I don't want to be bothered with being faced with Tom's infidelities, so let's just stick our heads in the sand and enjoy this."

37:00 Yes. But me, I was just You can't tape. There's nothing to tape under the sand. But me, meanwhile, I'm I'm thinking to myself, you know, in Vanderpump Rules, we had three episodes devoted to Katie and Tom's Wednesday wedding up in the forest. Okay. And here we only get 5 minutes of Lann. This is like the actual the first Bravo wedding I've been like genuinely excited to see ever. And that's only like

37:22 And you know, there was only one main camera because Jill Zaron was in front of it the whole time. She's like, "Hi, it's me, Jill. Jill Zamron. Remember me?" Still got it. Muscle tough.

37:32 Yeah, it was a lot of and there was just like a lot of Luan narrating like it's beautiful. It's perfect. It's wonderful. What a perfect day. I'm so ready and I'm so happy. And then um uh then they show the the ceremony and the officient is like, "Love is reckless, not reason." I'm like, "Damn, even he's against this. You're making a reckless decision, Lan. I'm here to tell you." Like is when you're making out with someone at a hotel bar. Love is when you go home to someone who's pretending nothing ever happened. Muzzles off everybody.

38:05 Love is looking the other way when your wife hooks up with a Johnny Depp pirate.

38:11 So, after he bangs Sonia anally in a greenhouse. All right, everybody. Let's crush a glass and get on with it, shall we?

38:18 So, uh uh my only observations was Noel is super hot now that he's like 22 and Kelly Ben Simone was there. Did you see Kelly Ben Simone in the background? No, I was making an egg sandwich.

38:30 Oh, well, it's pretty much the same experience, but she was there. And then was that Amanda Leapour coming out of the cage?

38:36 Brain. This is your brain on Ben Simone. Any questions? Actually, many, many questions.

38:43 Yeah, it was like home video footage and Lan just kept saying, "I'm happy. Can you believe it? Look at me. I'm so happy." Oh, and then I walked down the aisle. Oh, so happy. I'm so happy. Like, I'm making a sandwich. I can't. Was was that Amanda Leapor at one point?

39:00 Like literally I don't know. I really was truly baking sandwich. Okay. I think Amanda Leapour came out of a cake, but I could be I could be wrong.

39:07 Oh, that Marilyn Monroe chick. Yeah. Yeah, that was funny. And then uh uh Lann like, "Look, I have a sombrero. Everybody enjoy their tacos." And she like took off her sombrero and that like playmate is like kissing her. She's like, "You're gorgeous." And Lannne said, "You know, it's just you find someone in life and you have a playmate and now I have a new playmate and I love my new playmate." I'm like, "Well, do you love his new playmate?" Like, his playmate just jumped out of damn cake. Lannne, come on.

39:39 I think um my favorite part to come out of this wedding was the fact that Lann released a new single. That was my favorite part of it.

39:45 My god, I cannot wait to hear it. I heard about it. Yeah. Uh, but I couldn't stay up for Watch What Happens Live when she performed it.

39:53 Okay. Well, guess what? Of course, since we are a professional podcast, we have the single right here. So, I'm going to play it. All right. Is everyone ready to hear Lann's new single?

40:00 Oh my god. I'm sorry. By everyone, I mean Ronnie. Okay, here we go. Would you believe it, girls? I'm getting married. Me, Countest Langel Seps, to Tom Dagastino.

40:12 That's crazy. Sonia used to bang Tom all the time, and we used to play Mackin. What a crazy world. Can't you just be happy for me? Ramona yachts Hampton's West Palm Beach. Now we have them all in reach. We've got money, we've got flare, and look at Bethany with my hair. So come on, Dinda. Come on, Jill. We got the odd and Tom's got the big cuz it's Wednesday night at the Regency. Tommy Tun's going to show. Just wait and see. So what what is this? Is this like a rap? Like a rap? Like a wedding rap? Like like I don't get it. I got to make a brand. Like I don't understand what's going on now.

40:44 Hey, be happy for her. Do the tagino. Do the tagino. Do the tagino. Do the tagino. Do the tag. Dagino. Tagino. Hey. Doino right now. Do the tagino. Got my tickets. Got my room. But where's the invite? Is it coming soon? Tom's a cheater. I'm sorry he is. But you know what they say, ignorance is bliss. Why can't you [ __ ] just be happy for me? Ooh, I like the way that sound. Let's just work with this a little bit. I'm feeling a little inspired. Okay, here we go. Why can't you [ __ ] be happy for me and Tom?

41:23 Wait, like what is this? Knife. I don't get it. Do the dagino. Do the dagino. Do the dagino. Do the dagino. Do

41:34 I for like 10 years we were lovers. Santa down there. So, it's kind of funny because Lance Fred and Barbara isn't so sure that she wants to go through that. Does uh Does anyone have a tissue? Does anyone have a tissue? I mean, John John gets the tissue.

41:54 You know what they say, you get some snot on you. It happens. You know, please say it's not about Tom.

42:00 Just think I think it's a bad guy, Lan. He's a bad guy. At least he didn't have to hear about it on page six. Okay. Do the tagino. Do the tagino. Do the tagino. Do the tagino.

42:14 Like, you know what? Let's just do the tagino. Do the tagino. It is about Tom and me. Would you believe it? We're getting married.

42:30 That is [ __ ] amazing. Really? That is [ __ ] perfection. Oh man, Lanne. Sometimes it's moments like these when I realize why I have not gone ahead in Hollywood because I'm making stupid ass songs on Garage Band.

42:59 That [ __ ] is hilarious. Oh man. Well, thank you. And thank you, Lann. Thank you, Lann. Thank you Louisie. Really?

43:13 Be happy for them. Let her be happy. [gasps] That was amazing. Yeah. Good job, Lan. Good job.

43:26 Thank you, Lan. Thank you, Lan. I don't know why her biggest single. It will be. It will be. Can you believe it, girls?

43:37 Getting married. That is so good. Guys, before we go any further in this episode, there's something really, really quick and easy we want you to do. Um, we rely on advertising to keep this show free. And if you could do us a favor, could you go to podcastlister.com/crains and answer a few short questions, it would be super helpful to us.

43:59 Yeah. Again, that's podcastlister.com/crappins. podcastlister.com/crappins. Just take that little survey. Okay,

44:07 it takes like a minute and you know who doesn't love a good survey. Thanks. Okay, podcast over.

44:14 No, just kidding. Cuz guess what? Two weeks later, now we're in January and it's Bethany and Carol getting dim sum. And I love the way Bethany talks about Carol sometimes cuz Carol's like, "What? Look at all these ducks hanging from the through the windows." And Bethy's just like like I don't get Carol. Like she's like Lost in America. Like she doesn't know what she where she is. Like like we live in New York City. The guys come out with guards. I need dumplings. That's what you do. Like like I don't get I don't I don't understand why Carol's having such a hard time with this.

44:40 Girl's like, "Is this place even real?" She's like, "Of course it's real. Why would you even say it's not real?" She's like, "Cuz Trump said that global warming is a Chinese hoax. So maybe Chinatown's a hoax, too."

44:53 She's like, "Just shut up. Just just just look look. We're looking at things that aren't white right now. Okay? Just like enjoy it for a moment, okay? It's Simsum. Okay, pick a roll. Just do something. Pick something. They're going to do you do it. I don't want to. And

45:07 she's like, "You're very negative." And then the waiter comes by with the with with all the food and she goes, "She's she's being very negative today. Really negative. Super negative. What? What? You're going to frown at a rib?" You see, she's frowning at a rib. Like, seriously.

45:20 Like, who doesn't like a bow? Like, honestly, take a bow. Like, literally, take a bow. Take a bow and get out of here. Like, honestly, I can't deal with you anymore. Like, curtain call. It's time for you to go.

45:27 So, you're so American right now. So she's like, "I'm not negative. Someone needs coffee."

45:33 Like, "Well, it's not on the cart, so I'm not going to get it. It's only what's on the cart." Okay. So then she's like, "I only eat food when it's not on wheels."

45:44 Is there a sippy cup with fried rice in it? Otherwise, I'm out of here. Does this green tea come in a chocolate chip cookie cup? No. Okay. Can I have that green tea from a lu please?

45:59 Is it loose? You want rib? Your green tea destroyed our luj. I can see your ribs. Get it.

46:07 No, you're the worst. Why I'm eating the lunch with you? Honestly, like kill me right now. Like shoot me. Like shumai. Shumai. That's what I am. Like she shoot me right now.

46:18 So Bethy's like uh ah yeah what about that wedding? Like did that even happen? Because like [snorts] she's having a party to celebrate a marriage that nobody saw. Like if a marriage happens in Palm Beach that nobody saw, did it even happen? Like seriously? So this is like philosophical questions like I can't like literally I can't like push.

46:38 And uh so they so then Carol talks about how there's other rumors about Tom now, blah blah blah. And then she starts talking about how Adam's finally moving out and she's like I said, honey, do you need help moving? Here's everything. Your watermelon radishes, your skateboard, your unwashed socks, the razor you never use.

47:00 You're just for men. Yeah, you're just I was going to say your box of peroxide.

47:07 Your little foiled doilies you put in your hair when you highlight it. Get out. Get out. Get out. I lost my Carl voice. I had been working on it for a few weeks, but now it's I've like I've I've gone I've gone the other way. I've regressed. So now I'm back to croaking like, you know,

47:26 I'm basically just Marge Simpson on her dying breath. I leave everything to Lisa, including Adam stuff. So, um, meanwhile, um, Ramona goes and visits Derinda and she's like, "I want all the deets about the wedding, okay? I want all the deets." So, um,

47:51 I learned that word. Look, I'm hip. Don't give me details. Give me deets. Okay? I need

47:58 I learned it from a 22-year-old girl who I have a bond with, very special. She gave me very good advice about eggshells. I don't remember what. Something about like make sure to crush all the eggshells. I don't know. Would you like me to do the Roger Rabbit before you give me the deeds? So then Direinda Dinda's giving her giving her the deeds. And at one point she starts talking about how like, "Yeah, we all went to the leopard lounge." And Ramona goes, "Everyone went there. That's nice."

48:26 Yeah. Ramona's really laying it on thick for this. She's like, "Oh, she looks gorgeous." like she looks like she's from a magazine of like ladies who just taken rich, you know, [ __ ] into their life. Like if there was a magazine about that, she would be the cover girl. What a be. And Dinda's like, "Yeah, I almost forgot to go to the wedding. I forgot to book my tickets." And then the week before she texts me like, "You're going to come. You're going to come to the wedding. We'll meet here." And I was like, "Oh my god, it's the wedding. I forgot. Totally forgot." Good thing I got this tissue paper.

49:04 I'm there. I'm in Palm Beach after the leopard place. It's the next day and I get a check. You're supposed to be here for your hair, your makeup, etc., etc. And I thought, "Oh my god, I'll go over there tipsy at noon." And then I forgot my bridesmaid's dress. And then I found out I was in Palm Springs, not Palm Beach. Oh my god.

49:30 They said Palm Desert. That's close, right? So then next thing I know, I get off the plane, you know, 16 hours later, and I'm like, "What? Why am I at the Palm in Dubai? Oh god,

49:42 you're getting married at the Palms in Vegas, right?" She said, "No." I was like, "Oh, jeez. I wrote it down somewhere, but I don't remember."

49:50 Hey, you want a sandwich? You make a sandwich. So Ramona's like, "Oh, well, I guess now they're going to have a party for people who didn't get to go to the wedding. It's going to be called the party of the discards."

50:02 Yeah. Ramona's not into it. She's like, "I'm I'm not into it." And you know what? I'm with her. I think it's insulting.

50:08 Well, it's also obviously something Bravo was like, "Well, can we at least have an afterparty in New York?" And they're like, "Here, we got this room at the bottom of a Marriott for $5

50:18 room for you." Yeah. It has three tables with, you know, some tablecloths wrapped around them. You can you can do that, right?

50:27 Meanwhile, in Chinatown, Bethy's like, "Look at that. Look, it's like an entire octopus." Like, can you believe that? It's like a ser it's like seriously an entire octopus and a giant pig. You know, it's like it's what people eat. They just don't see it up close first. You know, it's like if there was a cow hanging there, would people still eat it? I don't know.

50:40 Have these women never gone to Chinatown in all their lives? They were I mean, there were Look at that. It's like Chinese lettering. It's like a different alphabet. It's like it's not even It's not even a different language. Different alphabet. Like you can't read it to me. It's like scrub scrabble. Like Like I don't get it. Like literally go like how do I write a skinny girl in like how do they see my brand and then do they read my brand? Do they understand my brand? Like how do you say a skinny girl in China? Like like what is this? Are we still in America? Like I don't get it.

50:58 In China they're all skinny so it's just called girl. But girls are looked at you actually call it boy.

51:06 It's called boy drink boy. So uh so she's like uh they go to an ice cream parlor. Yeah, they go Yeah, they go get ice cream.

51:18 And Carol's like, I got a Chanel purse for $10. And Beth is like, "Here, it's like everything's a little different here. Like, it's different. Little different flavor. It's like vanilla ice cream, but with sesame seeds, and it's like sesame ice cream with like vanilla beans in it." Like, it's everything's a little different here, Carol. And she's like, "I'll have chocolate, please." And at one point at one point, Carol goes, "What's blueberry lavender?" And the girl goes, "It's blueberry with a hint of lavender." And he goes, "What do you think it was?

51:47 I don't know. I thought like blueberry was like Chinese for chocolate. I don't know." When she's like, "Can I just have chocolate?"

51:57 Lady gives her chocolate and Bethany goes, "Is it good? Is it good?" She goes, "It's chocolate ice cream."

52:04 They just suddenly turn into like the most hilarious like little Jewish ladies, you know, like so wrong that I got chocolate ice cream. No, it's your life. Living your life. It's It's your world. So, yeah. So, I got chocolate. You got your thing. What's the You know what? We're alive. We have our health. That's all that matters, right? Yeah. You're right. Okay. You're right.

52:22 My grandmother I I seriously I can't go up to the counter and be like, "Can I have health?" Like, they don't do that. But, you know, we're grateful to have it. You know, it's not something that's on the menu. That's what I'm saying.

52:32 I help green tea. What's in the green tea? Ice. It's [ __ ] tea. It's It's green tea. It's frozen like ice cream.

52:39 Oh, it tastes like chocolate. Although I have to say I often think that green tea ice cream tastes like chocolate. So I was with Carol.

52:46 You have a CP cup. So Sonia is moving stuff in in her house with Connor. She's like, "Well, where should I move these dresses? Where should I move these sparkle dresses from 1983, you know?

52:59 I mean, I don't want to disrupt the spider that lives there." But sorry, I just totally talked over you.

53:05 Ah, sorry everyone. That's better. No, that's better. cuz Sonia never had a secretary job. I'm like, who am I talking about?

53:14 It doesn't matter because the listeners couldn't tell what either of us were saying because I talked at the same time as you.

53:19 Chocolate chocolate ice cream. So, she's moving stuff. And uh she's like, "Well, you know, he's gone from 11 to 7 to 7:11." She keeps saying that. She's like, "Well, now he's here all the time, you know, so I figure if he's going to make slushies all day, he might as well have his own room to do it." So, we're me and Connor are moving things and and uh I told him, you know, I said, "You're on Tinsley's list that I made Tinsley, you know, you should be with her because, you know, you're going to want to have babies." And then he said, "Well, what's wrong with adoption?" And then she falls down on the ground.

53:53 Yeah. And then Tinsley is like walks in. She's like, "Hey, can I get rid of some of the stuffed animals that are upstairs? I think they're harboring my germs. I can't get rid of this cold. It's really affecting the curls in my hair. They're iconic. You know,

54:05 I feel like I'm in Lisa Vanderpump's house." She said, "Did she say that? That's hilarious."

54:10 Yeah. She said, "I feel like it's Lisa Vanderpump's house. Every time I open my eyes, there's a [ __ ] animal staring at me." And she's like, "Your floor is already a wind tunnel. We have moved everything out of there except 5,000 stuffed animals

54:24 except for all the old Macintosh classics." She's like, "How come Frenchie gets to make changes?" Cuz she's like, "Well, Frenchie doesn't like the dining room table, so we're going to have to move it." And you know, Frenchie doesn't like the egg station. He wants a better egg station. So, we're going to make that work. She's like, "But I can't move a stuffed animal. Come on. You've known me for longer than Frenchie. Come on. Do you want me to call my dad in here? My dad is so going to lecture you. Hey, Connor, could you bring in the box? Stop telling Connor to bring in your boxes. You're distracting him from the very important work of standing here and looking at me."

55:03 Connor is thinking about egg stations and egg stations only. Young lady, egg stations. Bethany shows up to the recck room for this wedding party. She's like, "What? Seriously? Like I'm the only person here. It's like me and a waiter and like one other girl. I don't know. Like what is this a minaj? Like what is this? Y'all want to do it? Y'all want to do it? You might have to put down the wine tray. I'll do it right now." Like I'll do it. How awkward for that waiter just like be he and Bethany in a wreck room in the basement of some place like what I I wouldn't know what to do and Beth is just standing there in the corner just just standing there

55:39 and he's standing there with like 15 wine glasses like some bus is about to stop like you can put down the tray buddy. Okay, now it's time for a cigarette.

55:47 Yeah, I like I like Bethy's attitude cuz she goes to say I did call her a [ __ ] I did call her a [ __ ] a year ago. So this is the station I deserve. the aftermath party alone.

55:57 Yeah, I liked when she did that. She was like, "Yeah, you know, not that one." So then, um, Darinda shows up and, uh, like, "There's too many celebrations. It's like, you know, it's like those people who celebrate their birthdays for a month." And Beth's like, "It's like Ramadan."

56:11 And Dinda just looks at her like, "You mean Ramona? What? Ramonadan. I don't even want to say

56:21 I was going to look up Ramy Gamble. I forget. I talk about ramicans. I love ramicans. Like yellow creme brulee. Is that what you're talking about, Bethany?

56:31 So Lannne and Tom arrive and they're exhausted obviously and Lan's like, "Look, can you believe it? Girls are married. That's me. Here I am married to Tom.

56:43 Yeah, I'm married." She's like, "Wow, congratulations. Wow. How was it, Tom?" He's like, "Great." Cuz he looks away from her.

56:50 Yeah. Like just [ __ ] kill me now. Why am I here? Uh, so she Lann's telling us, "I'm just so happy. I'm so Oh, my partner in life. Oh, it's my partner. You know, I'm married, girls. There was a long line for Tom and I didn't cut in line. I just got in line."

57:08 Oh my goodness. And then Ramona shows up and she's like, "It's drab and dreary here." Okay. I don't like I don't like it at all. Sorry.

57:17 Guess they ran out of money. Okay. Yeah. They spent all their money down in Florida and now they got nothing left but this wreck room. I'm sorry. It's not fair.

57:28 She brings Avery and Avery's like, "Hello, Bethany. I love that little thing on your dress." And Beth's like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, thanks. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

57:36 What's the matter? What's going on?" She's like, "No, no, I'm Avery." Oh, sorry. I thought you were an intern.

57:41 You want something to drink? Well, actually, I'm looking for some pelro. It's like water to me. Yeah, it's water to everybody. You want some? Hey, can we get some water? Bubbles.

57:49 All right. All right. Where's the water? Where's the water? Huh? That That's what I call the waiter. Where Where's the water? Where's the water?

57:56 Where's the water? Her new assistant. Where's the water? Where's the water? Where's the water?

58:00 So, um, Bethany, you look marvelous. Thanks. What's the water? Where's the water? Here's the water. Okay, Avery, you're here's the water. The waiters. Where's the water? Okay. Where's the water? Here's the water.

58:12 So, so, so Tinsley, Tinsley shows up and she's brought her 23-year-old date, which I think is first of all, it's kind of cute because they went on their first date like six weeks ago. So, the fact that she's still bringing him around, you know, it was cute. You know, she deserves it. Get it. Get that Get that cute little ass. Yeah. That curler is working hard for you, girl. Yeah.

58:35 And Ramona's like, "Look, she followed my advice and she got a guy, you know, but it's like she got a baby." I mean, he's more appropriate for Avery.

58:44 They are literally the same age. So, he's 23, she's 22. So, you know, he probably doesn't even know his chard from his fab.

58:55 So, Tom Tom's like, "Oh, yeah. This wedding ring is so heavy. Like, my left shoulder is like literally lower. Like, it's really hard." And I told Lanne, "I don't even want to wear a ring." But she made me. So, the women are like, M yeah, everyone's just looking at him like, "You are so classless." And uh he goes, "Yeah, and Lannne, she put her heart and soul into this wedding. She just did such a great job with this wedding. Her whole heart and soul was in there." And Ramona goes, "Yeah, Lang could be amazing when she puts her mind to it."

59:32 Lann didn't even bother flinching at that. She's like, "I don't have the energy to deal with this stupidity right now. Can you believe [clears throat] it? Can you believe it, girls?

59:42 We got the yacht. [sighs] We got the yacht. So then, um, [sighs] money can't buy you, yada yada yada.

59:55 So Dinda and Ramona um, jump all over Frenchie because Sonia has brought Frenchie. She's like, "Look girls, it's Frenchie." He's like, "Oh, bonjour egg station." And they're like, "Oh yeah, look at him." Oh, that's Frenchie. We've heard of you, but we've never seen you. And we didn't know you were real. Or whatever. And he's like, "Oh, yes, I am. Here I am. I'm so just start jumping all over him." And then Sonia turns to him and right in front of them, she's like, "Oh, you just I don't even know what to do with myself when you're here because I don't even know what to tell the girls about you cuz I just said you were Frenchie. Like I keep you in a cage." Oh, what do I like orgasming all over Frenchie? And everyone's like, "Uh, that's disgusting.

1:00:40 Let's look at cute Chad instead." And then meanwhile, Steve is disgusting. So Carol's there. She has like a cute little outfit on. And then John walks by. He's like, "Hello." You know, uh, I can shrink that down a little bit more for you if you want. It's like a little [snorts] great dress. White fit. Want me to shrink it for you? M

1:01:04 yeah, he's gross. He's wearing like a baseball cap. And then there's like a weird moment where Tom starts talking about how uh Lann is a great cook and Carol's like, "Uh, really? Have you seen her cook?" He's like, "No, she's a great great cook. She can make pasteroni like no one else." Are you sure? And goes, "Yes, I made him pasta. [gasps] I got the recipe from Sonia." Whenever she starts talking like Giata, you know she's lying. Yeah. Like I made in my past.

1:01:39 And then and then Sonia comes up to Louis and Tom like, "Oh, hi." Hi. And Tom tells Sonia, "Oh, hi." Like, "Wish you could have been at the wedding." I'm like, "That's really insulting to tell someone that you disinvited."

1:01:51 I love these women though because they don't hold anything back. Yeah. Uh cuz uh who gives a speech? Well, well, before the speech, Tom kisses Lanne. And when he kisses her, he like puts his hand around her neck. I was like "Whoa Tom."

1:02:05 Oh, yeah. He's like, "Oh, that pasta." And he grabs her neck and kisses her. She's like, "Oh, it's time to catch the Thanksgiving turkey, isn't it, Tom?"

1:02:14 It's like our own White House tradition already starting. I love my new partner.

1:02:19 Well, Tom's my new playmate. Playmate of the year, Tom Dagustinino. Dumb. So, then Dinda gets up to make a speech. Um, and she's like, and she gets up there, she goes, you know, I I love this is a great great wedding. You know, I came out of it feeling so much better about everything.

1:02:37 That's good. I'm glad you felt better. [snorts] That's what matters. Yeah. What a great great vote of confidence. Personally, I was nostalgic to Direinda's speech from last year, and I have it here since I feel like we It's worth revisiting cuz it's such an amazing speech. Do you want to listen back? It was so good. to blessings. I I'm so happy that you know what that I am part of this. I knew you for a long time. You know, not a moment in time, not a moment that happens. Every every once in a while, you know, you just know when it's right and it's right

1:03:14 classic. At a moment, it kind of moment happens. No, that's right. You just, you know, I'd like make a sandwich to gas crown. Richard,

1:03:26 that is my favorite. You know, a moment in time. A moment happens. It's when a moment happens in a moment in time. Moments of time. Time moment.

1:03:37 Time moment. I have another audio clip here that says Dinda slurring. It's 4 seconds. I don't remember what it is, but I feel like playing it. I feel like it's in the spirit of the episode.

1:03:44 More she does know what she's doing better than she knows what she's doing. Yeah. Just a minda. What she doing is better than what she's doing.

1:03:56 Hey, we're from the bes. We people. We're the same people from block. We grew up in this moment times and stuff. And Bethy's like, uh, she's berserk right now. So, and she's just like waving her wine violently. She's like, I'm at the beach. I got to go put on a dress. I'm kind of kimy. It's a beast.

1:04:20 Not well, [ __ ] So Tom's like, "Thanks for that speech." And she, "Hey, Tom, in your speech, how about you say, what a good speech I gave." And he's like, "Okay, well, you gave a great speech. You always make it nice." Yes. Well, I said one time he said, "I made it nice. It's on t-shirts."

1:04:39 God bless this cast. Then Tom continues his new Nann put her heart and soul into that wedding so that we could have our true friends and family there.

1:04:49 Yes. Oh my god, what a douchebag. And she's like, I got to get out of here. Like, what does that make us? Huh?

1:04:56 And Dinda yells, "Yeah, the friends who weren't violent." It was so Yeah, the friends who [ __ ] my husband. I got to go. I got to get out of here. Oh my god, Tom. He's

1:05:11 what a show. Piece of work. So, so fun. Well, everyone, thanks for listening. Bye, everyone.

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Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "#3138 Crappens Rewind: Ep 479 RHONY Would You Believe It? LuAnn Got Married!"?

In order: 0:00 Frenchie, Mark Tinsley, Dr. Mo Hannah, Ben Mandelker; 10:00 Bethany, Ramona, Frenchie, Derinda; 20:00 Ramona, Mark Tinsley, Bethany; 30:00 Ramona, Bethany, Kelly Ben Simone; 40:00 Ramona, Bethany, Derinda, Tom Dagastino; 50:00 Bethany, Ramona, Frenchie, Mark Tinsley; 1:00:00 Frenchie.

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

16 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Ramona, Bethany, Frenchie, Mark Tinsley, Lann, Sonia. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "#3138 Crappens Rewind: Ep 479 RHONY Would You Believe It? LuAnn Got Married!"?

The episode runs 1 h 8 min; the transcript is about 13,025 words in 278 timestamped sections.

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