Transcript

My Secret Santa Part One With Reality Gays

From Watch What Crappens · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 1 min · 12,250 words · 298 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "My Secret Santa Part One With Reality Gays", an episode of Watch What Crappens published December 28, 2025 (1 h 1 min, about 12,250 words). It mentions 12 people, works and ideas, including My Secret Santa, Dora Lee, Ben Hugh Mander, Ronnie Kum, Howard Bronstein.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: My Secret Santa, Ben Hugh Mander, Ronnie Kum
  2. – 30:00: Carly Smiles, Howard Bronstein, My Secret Santa
  3. – 50:00: Linda Perry, Northwestern
  4. – 1:00:00: Dora Lee, Connie Stephen

Notable quotes from "My Secret Santa Part One With Reality Gays"

  • Okay and Ronnie Kum. Y'all, this is what you've been waiting for. We are talking about Netflix's My Secret Santa. And it's no secret because it's number one on Netflix.
    about My Secret Santa · at
  • We've talked about who's in it. Who's made this movie is what I want to know because I wrote down the name Howard Bronstein and Son. Okay. So, I Googled that and the first…
    about Howard Bronstein · at
  • Now we understand why this one was so good. And also someone named Carly Smiles, which again sounds like a rock name.
    about Carly Smiles · at
  • Someone drew her. You can't tell that's her just for Linda Perry is Linda Perry is 60 years old and of course from four non-b blondes. So like that's kind of like the vibe they're giving and the way when we meet this guy the way he.
    about Linda Perry · at
  • Jake. Wow. No, I'm saying I'm saying unfortunately it looks like her dreams of being a Northwestern grad have gone on. Jeez. Sorry. Can't be our cookie manager. Get more like it.
    about Northwestern · at
  • No, that wasn't it. You I think I thought that was too It was He heard Stephen King. You missed that.
    about Connie Stephen · at
  • So yes, she's trying to she walks through and she's caks. She steps on and there's a creek and then we meet Dora Lee.
    about Dora Lee · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Dora Lee — Person · 3 mentions · first at
  • Ben Hugh Mander — Person · 1 mention · first at
    This is the annual gay crapens with reality gays and watch what crapens with myself Jake Anthony Ben Hugh Mander I never say your name right there mander okay and Ronnie Kum.…
  • Ronnie Kum — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Myself Jake Anthony Ben Hugh Mander I never say your name right there mander okay and Ronnie Kum. Y'all, this is what you've been waiting for. We are talking about Netflix's My…
  • Howard Bronstein — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Carly Smiles — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Linda Perry — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Connie Stephen — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Diana Maria Riva — Person · 1 mention
  • Tamara Mowry — Person · 1 mention
  • Tia Mowry — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

Full transcript with timestamps

[bell] Y'all get your sleigh bells ready and your creepy prothetics prosthetic creepy Santa mask because this is the annual gay crapens with reality gays and watch what crapens with myself Jake Anthony Ben Hugh Mander I never say your name right there mander okay and Ronnie Kum. Y'all, this is what you've been waiting for. We are talking about Netflix's My Secret Santa. And um

it's no secret because it's number one on Netflix. It's the number [clears throat] one movie on Netflix. Although, how real are those rankings? I don't even know. But

there's no proof. There is no Neielson family. I don't believe what they say. I I think it's a shadowy company.

Um although I love them. Although I love them. I love you Netflix. just your shadowy

Netflix shadowy things. Netflix can go [ __ ] itself because a they char they charging me even more money to watch your damn channel and this is what they're gonna give me.

I just want they they sponsored us this year so I wouldn't Oh, sorry. Never mind. Well, they love you. I still hate your asses. Give us some more money. I'm still paying you.

Especially game the challenge which was very exciting this season. This is our second Netflix holiday movie in a row. Um, but uh that doesn't mean it's gotten any better. Although I do think that My Secret Santa, I think of the terrible Christmas movies we've watched over the past 5 years or so, this one may have been one of the best. I think in terms of time with that for you

storyline it's like a stupid ass movie but like there were a lot of characters and they all got like a a small arc and like it was sort of like they tied up all the loose ends in a way that like other movies have kind of failed to of course I think our low benchmark our low watermark or low whatever I think is what the very diva christeness whatever that one was

ladies of the8s ladies of the8s of the8s of the 80s. That was such a ridiculous fever dream that didn't seem to have any reason to be there besides those women getting a check,

right? That's a reason. [ __ ] I don't care. On the sidewalk, I'll give her money. I mean, four of us when we're podcasting in 20 years,

still follow Mills. You know, in four years we're going to or 40 years, we're going to make a [ __ ] podcast Christmas movie and sell on [ __ ] Patreon with us four queens just going about GPT will write the script.

But I will say I will say that like in this movie's um I guess for lack of a better word [clears throat] adepty like it's it's qu for its quality. Adeptitude for its quality. It was also one of my least favorites that we watched because it was

probably my least favorite. Yeah. because it had kind of like a bland okayess to it as opposed to the glaring plot holes of a hot Frosty or the uh the one where they the the minty village where the the pioneer woman village. Yes, Mint Village. erased people's memories when you went into it because that's not the way you would know there's not an outside world

with what was the the Food Network lady's name who worked at the Red Drummond Red Drummond and you drank the hot chocolate and then you all abandoned all all of your earthly thing delights that you wanted to do

hot frosty remember remember hey what's cancer Boy, I I sometimes still think about that him going was saying though with this movie

with cancer. I never laughed out loud at this movie. It felt honestly it felt a little joyless to me.

You know, I laughed out loud in the bad dialogue. Um there was some bad dialogue that some of the worst dialogue that I've ever heard a nonhuman person say. Most of it came from the father um who was I don't know where they found him.

There were definitely some choices in this movie. So like it definitely still was a bad movie and there were definitely choices that were made that were really bad. Um but they weren't as glaringly terrible. I wanted actually it to be so much more worse than it was. You know, I also remember in that minty it was the Food Network uh holiday movie that we're talking about. in that in that Food Network holiday movie that this woman, she's a lady from the city, she's a career woman who's coming back home to this tiny town and she goes to this this house that this new family is living in and she rings on the doorbell and she's like, "Hi, are your parents here?" And she goes, "No, unfortunately, they died in a car wreck two years ago."

Moments like that. Someone I I agree. Someone wrote that this had what you were mentioning Ben is everyone was kind of playing the middle because they had Alexandra Breenidge who's done really serious stuff. Lucille Balls she ain't. Um now what what is she?

Lucil Balls. Who's who's a newer comedic actress instead of instead of someone who's in the 70s would would

um or like someone who does physical comedy. Well, you needed you needed a female Robin Williams

and she didn't have it. Even though she does she's done a lot of series. I remember her from Dirt. Remember Remember the FX show Dirt?

I love that show. I didn't remember her from that. Courtney Cox. She was like she was like the Anenu of the show

and Courtney Cox was like the [ __ ] boss. I remember Courtney. This movie would have been way funnier with Kate McKinnon

as well. But I mean Santa comedy but it doesn't work. The problem is you know you know who should have played it Meryill Street. They should have

Chris Wig were Glen. I mean what you said Maddie makes sense but the problem is you have to have a heroine onenu play art and a budget and a budget but the other thing is you had to get so it doesn't really work. Someone like Alexander Breenidge does not play a comedic Santa. So that's why I was never really gonna be funny.

Santa's not funny either. You know what I mean? Like I'm gonna play Santa and then they have you playing Santa. It's like ho ho ho. What do you want for Christmas? Like I need you need more. You know

at one point he did you hear him go or she go ho ho ho jingle bells. Like every single time like when everyone would see her oh that's right I'm s ho ho jingle bells Rudolph.

Oh yeah. You know what? I didn't I had no idea who Alexander Breenidge was. I sort of like vaguely recognized the name, but I I really have not followed her career or anything.

She's in this movie. I [clears throat] only knew her from dirt, but she's in this like sad river or Mystic River or Spirit River.

She was Mystic River. Mystic River. You know what this show I saw Lenny and Sean Pan were in this river. We've got a movie.

Virgin River. I was I said Sad River because it's the same thing. It's like Virgin River Suicide Suicide, you know, all the shows that came out.

There was a show on Netflix that was like five seasons. No one watched it or I think people did. You people who were in hospitals watched it.

Not people. Let me tell you something. Uh first of all, one thing I noticed is that Alexander Alexandra Breenidge and the the woman who played her daughter, you did not look like she was 15. I'd like to add that.

I need to know what her real age is. Movie. Of course, she's 23. She's listed as 23, but I think we all know she's about 32. Madison McSac,

they the two of them would do a lot of they would do a lot of like w like like eyebrow lifted smirking at each other where they turn their head to the side and they go, [clears throat]

you know, like I know for people listening on the podcast, it's going to be very hard to describe, but they like had a lot of these like cutesy moments where they were almost in an herbal tea commercial like oh really

sleepy time. Yeah. Like that's what they would do every scene. They're like they're like, "Mom, I didn't know you were in a band." Me in a band? Yes, you, Mom. I was like, "Okay, you two."

We also need to talk about the fact that the mother has kept her daughter completely in the dark of her entire life

uh of what happened before the daughter was born. We still knows. I think that mothers should do that. I mean, mothers and fathers should do that. My mom doesn't tell me [ __ ] you know, and I don't blame her.

I was thinking I wish my mother would have done that when my parents got divorced instead of telling me everything.

Yeah. I think that parents deserve like silence. The kid does not need to be bagged with your, you know, bad choices from the past, you know? Like I know you got pregnant in the back of the rack, you know, where they rack the [ __ ] pins at the bowling alley. But do I need to know that? I don't. You know how you got drunk one night and just opened up? I don't need you to open up. Feed me. You're my mother. Besides, you want to have like a little bit of a twist later on. Like I um I had this aunt Ruth who was really my mom's aunt, but she you know like what do you call you don't call them grand aunts. So Aunt Ruth

she was this lovely lovely sort of baddy older lady and every time every time it was the holidays she you know see her at rashan and Passover she was always very flumx about David Dinkens. She's like did you see what Dinkens did today and she was like I only eat potatoes because of sodium. I only eat potatoes as Aunt Ruth. That was her whole thing. She was this she was I love Dan Ruth. She always sent a card. She was so lovely.

Sodium Dink. Now that's a name. She's always like Larry because my dad's Larry and she's like Larry did you see what Dinkens did today? Larry. So um she died and we're you know going through her things and it's like one photo after another of her with Sammy Davis Jr. her with Jerry Lewis. She was fully in the rap pack. I was like what? Aunt Ruth.

She was in that. She's like smoking a stogy and Sinatra is just like tweaking her boob.

Yeah. Like some some old vintage David Dinkens porn. Yeah. I haven't thought of David. It's nice to withhold things.

Sometimes it's nice to withhold things. You get like a surprise for the family later.

Yeah. You really need to write a movie where like gay nephew goes back and look through his old aunt Ruth and you find out that Sammy Davis Jr. is your grandfather. Yes, you've got like a glass eye in there.

Such a This was such a good find. Um, before we get started, I know we already have gotten started. I just want to tell people this is kind of about a Christmas movie, but not really.

We're just four friends who'd like to hang out and it gets really dirty. Uh, and we talk forever. So, if you're here just for the Christmas movie, go somewhere else.

Is anybody really here for the Christmas movie? I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes

and I guess we should do some book we should do some housekeeping, which is that this is a crossover event. Yes.

So, uh, if you know who we are, you may not know who they are. They're the reality gays. And if you know who they are, you may not know who we are. And we are Watchins. We are two podcasts coming together. Be sure to follow us uh on Instagram uh reality gays. Or is it the reality gays?

Uh uh reality gays. You guys have an Instagram? Are do you know? We are reality gays podcast on Instagram. Reality gays podcast right now.

Huge huge big one. And be sure to subscribe. You can find you where? I want to hear it.

Okay, you can find the reality gays at reality gaysodcast and you can find us at WatchWCrapins. Be sure to follow both of our podcasts if you don't do it already. And with that in mind, I think we have to dive into this. I want to say

Wait, I want to say one more thing. I No, I have one more thing before your one more thing.

No, I have one more. No, I have one more thing, Ben. Um, uh, I am [snorts] exfoliating my lips today. So, if anybody is wondering why I keep wiping my mouth and then putting on lip stuff, I'm trying to get very smooth lips while we do this. Okay, Ben, please.

And oh, wait, one more thing. I'm working on my posture. So, if you see me slumping and I'm also trying to work on my resting [ __ ] face. I pulled I looked I was so I have a teleprompter. So I when I look up I have this sort of strange angle and I notice that when I'm trying to have a pleasant look on my face but sometimes when I'm reading the notes I forget about my face and I scowl at the camera and I'm in a very good mood but the scowl betrays my emotional state.

That's why I get Botox so I don't scowl. I can't literally look at look at me mad right now.

This is this is what my face looks like. Wait wait wait here. Let me This is what my face looks like when I'm not paying attention.

Yeah. You're about to like a little bit of saliva just coming down. You're about to complain about the weather.

Yeah, it's very scary. Sorry for people on who are who are just listening who have no idea what's happening with my face and maybe you're lucky. I want to say something.

We're talked we Okay, we've talked about Alexander Breenidge. No, I have one more thing before we talk about the movie.

But I have one more thing before you're ahead. Go ahead. I do. I just want to say for our listeners cuz every once in a while listeners are come to us and if you don't know Ben and Ronnie, you say, "Why don't you cover Housewives?" because no one does it better than you two and that's so if you're a housewife or like they're historic.

Yes. So if you're into if you're a Bravo holic backed your show literally for the for for reality TV programming and podcasting.

Yeah. You were you were doing this show like Lisa Rena was like four faces ago.

Oh god. Before Coke in the bathroom girl. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. For both of our audiences, you guys are the you guys are specialize in 90day Fiance. We specialize in Bravo. So, if you know,

did y'all do Secret Lives of Mormon Wives too? I think you did one. We did the first season and um we did not do the second cuz we were really busy. And we considered doing this one. And God, I am so glad we didn't because I watched the whole thing. I just finished it. I loved it. But God, what a dark dark.

It got really, y'all, we covered every single thing. And did you guys get in trouble like just just even having the discussions I'm like I don't know that two men need to be weighing in on some of this.

Uh it was it was really tricky. Um because and we deferred a lot to when we had you know co-hosts on who were women. Um but luckily Dei made herself so ridiculously awful. It did all the work for us.

Yeah she really did. Oh and her husband Brett Brent. Old man. I love that they were calling him old man Brett. That was so funny. But what a prick that

the guy used to [ __ ] Angie from Housewives right? And also the good thing about that is Angie, his his ex-wife was on Housewives for a minute. She blew up her life, too. But she was on Housewives for a minute and she has a really messy current husband who [ __ ] up her time on Housewives by getting too involved in all of this [ __ ] And he started all of these fake accounts against the women and we're coming after the women online under fake names and stuff. And so I love that she had two messy men right in a row. Yeah,

Brett with his new work, um, he looked like Ron Pearlman from Beauty and the Beast,

you know, lived in the sewers and Linda Hamilton was like, I love know he's this figured

that kind of like cat. It's a it's a it's an everlasting romance. Okay, that was my one thing. We can start.

Thank you. Um, well, we've talked about we we've sh we've shown a light on Alexander Breenidge. We've shown a light on um mentioned she's in Walking Dead. She's in Walking Dead and I

She was in Walking Dead. Yeah, I don't remember her and I watched most of Walking Oh, cuz she had red hair. Maybe

that's blonde hair. You know what's great is The Walking Dead is also I think the note they gave everyone for their acting choices this episode

for this movie. They're like walk. Um, but what I was going to say though is that the real

I think the real I think what I've been really trying to say for the past 24 hours, ever since I saw this movie that's been on my mind, the headline here, Diana Maria Reva, what a breakout star.

Where have you been? Where has you been? Diana Maria, why is she not new? Why is she not like in every movie? She was wonderful. She

Why was she not like in Real Women Have Curves or some new like like she was dialed in. She was I mean she was giving a comedic performance that was nuanced and layered. I mean every time she came on screen I was so happy. She was so good.

I did laugh. Yes, she did. She did. She just lonely at the end of the day. Just a lonely [ __ ]

Well, but it's also of course we're going to love her. It's like we've got three lonely [ __ ] here in I mean there's like literally three of us on this show right now. We we are the landlord down the hall who's going to try and [ __ ] your dad.

It's true. Ben is the only person on this podcast that still believes in love. Not just your dad, your grand your grandfather.

[ __ ] them all. Have y'all ever been and it's okay. This is a safe space for some gay men it is. Have y'all ever had any type of like Santa or bearded man fetish?

I think Santa versus bearded man fetish is very different. Oh, white. When I worked at the gay bookstore, we had these dirty cards that was like burly Santa, but like some were like kind of like Tom of Finland Santa.

That's okay. But then there's the ones like straight up Santa with a big dick and it was always just weird.

No, I've never had that fetish. I'm I've always been taught to be very wary of older men offering me things.

They come down your chimney. But yeah, they come down the chimney. Yeah. Yeah. But I do have a fetish of somebody being attracted to me because I, you know, I'm 50 and I'm like I come in and out of Santa. I mean, if it weren't for like weight loss drugs, I'd be fully in the Santa camp.

Got it. So, you want to be the Santa in that? Okay. I mean, not in a creepy like kid way, but like, you know, I hope somebody like somebody with a Santa fetish. I mean, I could use those people. So, if you know anybody like

Yeah, it' be nice if you have a 28-year-old with a tight ass who's into Santa. Yeah, exactly. Like, so if you know anybody with that fetish, I'm not against them. But, yeah, I've never really had a Santa s cuz you know what? I really don't like beards and I don't I really hate white beards [snorts] because I feel like it's just rude to everybody around you because you get [ __ ] in them. You get every time you drink a coffee your little beard gets stained. It's like a dog, you know? It's like a dog a white dog and you can tell that they've been eating [ __ ] outside cuz it's all over their mouth. I just

I have to say when when white dogs have stains all over them, I do say, "Can't you clean your dog?" Like malteses. I'm like, "Someone clean your dog's eyes. It bothers me." Oh, the eye boogers on on dogs like the eye booger stack on the dog really is just so wrong.

They have medicine that gone off the rails. Yeah, you can take dogs. No, my dad my dad I remember when I was in Oklahoma taking care of my dad cuz he had two Malteses Emmy and well first of all Tila and then Emmy but Tila died and Tila and Emmy. No He-Man I that's just the names of the dog.

Yeah. But [clears throat] uh she didn't have much going for her. I mean we named No, we did. That's right.

Dave Stila. We were sitting in the hospital at MD Anderson. He was doing like some type of treatment and he was sitting there and I'm just like, you know, in the hospital as well and looking on my phone and my dad goes, "Matthew." I said, "Yeah, pop. Go on there and look up and see what that stuff is called that you give them all teases so they don't get tears in their eyes." And I said, "What are you talking about?" I thought my dad was crazy. And there's this thing, I think it's called like no more tears, and it's like they stop the dogs from getting eye boogers.

Oh wow. Can I I have to say that I think you may have just given a monologue that would count as character development on any one of these Christmas movies. It's like, why don't you celebrate Christmas anymore? The last time I saw my dad, we were sitting in the hospital room and he said, look up that medicine that takes the tears out of a dog's eyes. And I did.

I did. I just haven't been able to celebrate ever since. It would have it that would have helped actually when when they said, "Why don't you want to date?" Well, I don't know. I've just kind of sworn off guys.

Okay. So, you're like mid30s, maybe 40s. I have a problem with the age, all the ages, like she got pregnant high school, then there's this daughter. How old are you? What? When? When did

you There were some inconsistencies in some of these characters backtories. Uh, and the last piece of the last performance I really want to highlight because obviously Diana was the standout for me. She did excellent work, but also like let's not overlook Tia of Tia and Tamara fame. She really like somehow she like didn't really have to do much. She barely had any lines, but like some of those scenes where she's at home alone drinking a glass of wine, staring at a computer with like kind of rage in her eyes. I was like, I've met this girl before. Like I've worked with her.

I've been a girl before. I mean, I really I really related to the moments where she was trying to Google things but couldn't figure out the right terms to get the information that she wanted cuz I mean she there were so many scenes of her googling and she just couldn't figure anything out and I was like that is so me like I can't use AI you know a lot of people love it I can't I don't even know what to ask it I just get flummixed you know

but talk about a character who had no want at all just blind ambition that's what they gave her and she's actually She

the characters who had no wants at all were the the characters who had no wants at all were were the 30 people who showed up for this like strange Christmas concert that the hotel was throwing. Uh

don't don't forget they heckled uh they heckled everyone as well. Yeah. Yeah. There was a heckler. There was like a Joe Rogan heckler over there. And then also just a town that is so into Santa. I just thought that was so funny. Like Santa's a celebrity. They're like, "Oh my god, Santa is going viral. The hotel Santa's going viral and she

Oh my god. Really good Santa experience. Everyone go to that see that Santa. Five stars on yellow.

They get a review the the the local paper review Santa at the hotel. Did you think Ben is grow someone grow that you you know you're Jewish and so growing up did you think it was weird that children went and sat on a stranger's lap?

I don't think you really No. No. It's just sort of like part of like the Christmas lore. Just something Christians do, you know.

I hated it. I screamed and fought. I did not want to sit on an old lap. Yeah. And now I would do it for for for a good $5,000.

I did it. I just demanded a 20 on the spot. I was like, you're not you're not going to promise me some presents later. Money first, [ __ ]

I want it now. Well, should we dive into this movie? Sorry. Let's talk about who is in this. We've talked about who's in it. Who's made this movie is what I want to know because I I wrote down the name Howard Bronstein and Son. Okay. So, I Googled that and the first thing that came up is a man and his son were found guilty on multiple charges.

Um it looks like wire fraud uh for a signature signing a forgiveness application on a second PPP loan. So, do you think that was them?

This whole movie was just a tax shelter so they could get out of the news. I think that's what it was.

So then I looked up his real IMDb and um I see some stuff here. 2023 The girl who escaped. The Carol Robbins thing. Something called the informant. The Brooke Ellison.

The girl who escaped. Oh my god. Sinners. Oh no. That's just an aside. That's just

not not actual. This person did not make sinners. Ben, I've got a present for you. His previous movie last year was called Hanukkah on the Rocks.

I think my friend wrote that actually. Hanukkah on the Rocks. My friend, she writes like she writes Christmas. She writes these movies and I think she wrote a Hanukkah. Hanukkah. Oh, no. She wrote one about the Kansas City Chiefs. Julie Sherman.

That's 100% her. She wrote it. Yeah, she did. She wrote because she's Jewish. So, she like she gets some of the like the the Jewish holidays in there. little Yetish in there and it was all

Julie is wonderful. She's like she's so great. Um, you know, she's one of the one of the first people I met out here in LA. She lives in Connecticut now. She's very she she just she found her lane and she just does these movies. She used to write on Everybody Loves Raymond. I mean, she's a real blessing and that's why I'm like we'll never do any one of her movies cuz I I don't want to ever have to tear apart one of her movies because I know her. But, um, you know, I'm happy that she's doing well with this.

I think there's a formula though. I think you can do the you can do the formulas really smartly. Like I still say that Lindsay Lohan movie, the first one we ever did was probably the most successful because at least it kind of knew what it was and it wasn't and it was really digging into that.

Um, speaking of, I just wanted to say that movie was written by Ron Oliver, who also co-wrote this movie.

Okay. Well, there now we understand why this one was so good. And also someone named Carly Smiles, which again sounds like a rock name.

Uh, sounds like a someone of Norwegian descent. Smiles. That's a fail of a parent because that name never is going to sound adult.

Carly Smiles at your service. Yeah. No, you're never going to sound like a 40-year-old woman with that name.

Well, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, Pooky, Snooky Tinker Town. Now,

Esquire, actually my my my favorite credit that I saw in the opening credits of this TV of this movie was in the middle of all these names. And I have to say the line producer really stood out to me. I remember when when when their name showed up, I was like, "Excuse me." Their name was Gil Jil G I L L E S. Jill La plant doing the land.

You know why? I ask one thing of you please. Don't forget to water me. This whole thing is very Canadian. It stinks of Canada. Like the whole the whole movie does.

Canada like maple syrup. Yeah. It's like all over it. Canada now. We're all going to be asking for citizenship scenes.

Don't get don't have Caitlyn stop doing our social media. It was filmed in it like it was filmed in like Kil Kilmap or something like that or one of our listeners who's from there.

They just they love getting lost there. They're like [ __ ] cold. This was British Columbia and Sun Peak. I think there is a place called Sun Peak that they filmed this in.

Yeah. So, I have two observations. First of all, yes, they were clearly filming on location because that was not CGI breath. And this movie, the entire movie, anytime they went outside, there were full on cumulus clouds coming.

This was this was freezing. Didn't it make you think, oh my god, like if ever I have breath that is questionable that I know like I've just had coffee or whatever. I'm like, well, just not, you know, talk right in someone's face. Like to see how breath travels that far out of you and into this whole space. It was just I don't want to talk anymore around. I don't want to ever speak in public again after seeing everything coming out of these people's mouth.

They should have just called us my secret co. Yeah, it was it was Arctic. By by the way, before I one more thing before we have to get into this. when the the title is called my secret Santa and every time I see the phrase my secret something I think of when I was looking in my mother's drawers when in her room and there was a book called my secret garden

and it was this book of erotica and I of course erotica for women by Nancy Friday and I obsessively w read it when I was a child.

I'll bet you did. That is the creepiest story I've ever heard. I can only imagine you standing there touching yourself at your mother's

reading reading a book out of my mother's probably sock drawer. My secret garden.

My secret. Wait a minute. Why are these socks laid out differently? Wow. Well, she touched his throbbing member. It was It's all like story. It's all

I want to read it. It was It's peak 1980s ladies erotica and it's like stories.

Nancy Friday Nancy Friday. Yeah. It's the sexiest name you can have. Friday. Now that's a lot better than Carly Schnails.

Did Now Jake has a connection to Well, Tia or Tamara. We're not sure, but Jake does have a connection to one of I I had my birthday party once at boardwalk 11. This karaoke bar in in kind of Palms West LA Motor National.

Yeah. You know the motor which goes like every direction of the of the compass.

It's like west then you're north then you're like how is this Boulevard? West LA is weird.

Well, Culver City specifically is just a disaster. Yeah. So, I had my birthday and of course, as you do, you drink some and you may drink to excess. And Tia or Tamara, I'm really not sure. I think it was Tamara Moy. Is she's the one who's Looney these days?

You don't know. You have no idea. Don't even act like you know. I don't think that she has. I don't think so. I don't think she doesn't.

I thought one of them went Looney. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. One of them was on the

Maybe thinking of the girl from Save by the Bell. Oh, maybe. Um Bines. No. No. I don't know.

Lisa Vorhees. Lark Vorhees. Lark Vorhees. Yes. Sorry. We got Cameron Mannheim. When in doubt, the answer is Cameron Mannheim or Park overall.

Colin Taylor. We have dropped Park Overall. Our listeners have been telling us we made a park overall reference. You guys made it literally the next day.

Wow. She's always on our mind. She's like, wait, so what happened? So, one of the sister sisters, was that your birthday party?

We were. No, kind of. Okay, I'm gonna finish telling this story. No, no, no. I This is kind of She was there like with like a competing birthday party, I think, and

twin birthday party, if you will. I Exactly. I saw her and I was like, "Oh my god, that's one of the Mauies." That's This is when Jake just moved to LA, so he was

I've been here maybe two months. No, I've been here like six months. He was still a big star [ __ ] like and got really enamored by any celebrity.

But it's that level of stars like it's like Tia and Tamara like it all the big ones I would see I wouldn't I would I wouldn't even talk to them but I would get really excited by like

like by like a Diana Maria Reva. Yes. Or like the whole time in this karaoke bar he's getting drunker and he can't stop obsessing watching what Tamara is doing.

And I say and [clears throat] I say I do you remember do you remember Twitches? their movie where they were teen witches, but it was called Twitches.

And everybody was like, "No, cuz we're not gay. We didn't watch that." And and so finally, it was by the end of the night and I just I was staggering out of the the bar and so was she and I finally was in a crosswalk.

No, she was not drunk because I was not drunk and I remember walking right beside you. I'm going to continue this story.

I don't remember it that way cuz uh and I screamed twitch twitch. You did scream drunkenly twitch at her and she turned around with fear in her eyes while Jake ran up to me in the middle of the crosswalk, held her by her shoulders and said, "I love your work."

I told her I loved her work. What she said? I screamed twitch at her. She's like, "Thank you so much.

Thank you." And her hot boyfriend, whatever, immediately grabbed her arm and drug her away.

A wow. It's a good thing her her brother Taj Mori wasn't there. He's hot now. Anyway, now we can start.

Now we can start. It's only 35 minutes in. Wow. Well, that's great context. That's great context to power us into this into this feature film. You know, one thing about this Kelly Clarkson.

Well, I was going to say this is how you can tell it's a Netflix Christmas movie because the opening music is actually a licensed, you know, Kelly Clarkson Ariana Grande duet. And like Hallmark's not paying for that. And definitely Food Network is not Food Network just is going to have like, you know, Pauline grunting into a wooden spoon on Yeah.

voice memo under it and dress up in those suits. I'm not paying her because she's had controversy. They're like, "You took a pay cut, remember? Just do it, Paula. Just do it." The sleigh rides, blah blah.

How many times I got to say sorry. Uh, so um who who is singing the duet in this?

It's Kelly Clarkson and Ariana Grande. But this is actually It's Ariana Grande. I think it is cuz I shazammed it. I shazed it. I was like, "This is sort of good." And I was like,

"It sounds great Christmas song, but it's actually it's the the problem is there was like after with with Mariah Care's ubiquitous song, everyone tries to make that song again. Never heard of it. Um,

it's the same exact I'm going to get music for you really quickly. It's the same exact harmonic progression as All I Want for Christmas.

They all are. They all of them in the HomeGoods. They're all the exact same. This one, this one is called Santa, can't you hear me? Which is a bit needy, I think, of these two ladies.

Can't you hear me? I definitely Santa is in heaven and you don't belt. But um I do like that. I do love that song, Santa Baby. That's a great Ariana Grande song.

It's also kind of sexual. You know something I also like, but yeah, I wish I had that one.

You know which one I like that's very similar instead of not the not Santa Baby. I'm also into Baby, you know, Amy Grant. This is never a bad time for [singing]

see. Okay, look. It is so weird. He was raised Catholic, but he knows all these contemporary Christian songs because all his friends were like big evangelicals.

No, all my girlfriends. I thought you were a Christian. I didn't know you were a Catholic Christian.

Oh, I was raised Catholic. I thought about becoming a priest and then two months later I [ __ ] my RA.

Wow. That had that had a rough ending. It you know it did literally. Yeah. I didn't know what lube was then. It was rough.

Yikes. Oh god bless it. Um meanwhile uh can Where do we go from there? She's not so her job uh class. We we we we

I can't even get to her job yet. I'm sorry. I need to talk for something else. Okay. Go ahead.

So we have this uh song that's playing. It's definitely Netflix signaling and we're seeing, you know, sort of generic small town winter everything. And as the credits roll, there's this like shimmering Tinkerbell effect that swirls around everywhere that's like before like Harold Bronstein's name shows up. It's like tinkle tinkle tinkle. So, there's sort of like an the suggestion that there is going to be some sort of magic in this movie. And I just want to say right now, [snorts and clears throat]

there's no magic. There's no magic. Nothing magical happens. How can there not be you guys? This was directed by somebody named Mike Roll and he is directed when the when Calls the Heart falling together.

Lots of lots of huge ones. My favorite title on here is from 2023 and it's called Married by Mistake.

Oh, been there. I I um I loved You know what? And actually, you know what's also funny? He also directed Tar. So, this is a real great show of versatility and range.

Um, there was less lesbian intensity in this film. Yeah, I'll tell you that was a good movie. I was kind of on her side until I was like, I just couldn't be anymore. I was like, surely she's innocent. She wasn't. Spoiler alert. Okay. So, then we go to a cookie company called the Clots Cookie Company. Who's buying something from somebody named Clots? I'm not buying food products from you. I'm trying to keep my heart going. But the Clots Cookie Company, these are the most basic ass Christmas cookies I've ever seen.

They're terrible. I know. I So, a couple of questions about the business model here. Um, do they do cookies all year round or is this some type of seasonal business? Um,

I think it was a seasonal and regional business. Yes. So, we're talking this place operates maybe three to four months a year. What do they make

like balis? What do they make the rest of the time? Clots. I mean, it's it's seasonal and regional. It's a popup basically. And um

clots, you know, it's like sound like a Jewish bakery. I know. It's like, you know, well, there are there is that like San Francisco ice cream sandwich. What's it called? Us. No. Us. It's

But there is also it's UTS is the one who makes it. It's it. Yeah. Wait. Us is the potato chip, right?

Us is the potato chip. You're right. The the point is there is a story tradition of of delicious snacks that end with like TZ. And that's why [clears throat] we have Clots Cookie Company. Clots.

But yeah, I agree. They have to work on their branding because clots just does not sound good. And by the way, I would also like to say I was pretty invested in this Clots's Cookie Company from the beginning and we never see it again. Like this is the beginning and the end of Clots's Cookie Company right here.

I would have preferred the story of Clots's Cookie Company because and I also really liked her cuz she was really killing the game. So we meet our lead actress who listen. We're talking about how much budget you guys have. You could afford Ariana Grande. You could not afford somebody to do this poor girl's roots. I mean the girls in a Christmas movie on Netflix. So TVs are bigger than your roots. No, it was not.

It made her look poor. I think it was I think it was cuz she used to be in a band and so there's like sort of like a grungy 90s look like a heart cuz they were still like kind of blonde like they weren't like hair.

If they said they wanted to look poor and have roots that would have been one thing cuz they would have been it would have been visible in a way that you got it for the character. This was just like they didn't send her in, you know? [clears throat] I felt for her. Just

I definitely noticed that as well. I was like, "This hair is doing something, but I just sort of assumed it was part of her post grunge, you know, persona."

Yeah. But she doesn't The [clears throat] thing is she doesn't have it seems like she was a punk singer, but there's nothing about her that feels punk [snorts] at all.

Nothing. Nothing. And like if she like Well, she Okay, her kid is also What's funny is that like

Okay, I have a lot of questions about age here. Yeah, her kid is 15. The child is 15. We find out the child

housewives watch her. I've learned not to ask. Just roll with whatever you tell. I believe you, girl.

She gave up her pop punk career when she when her her child was 15 years ago. So that means that she was in a band around 2010. So I'm like I'm trying to like figure out what kind of was she in the Veronas? Like where where what kind of band was was she in in 2010? The illustration that they had, it looked like something from earlier. It looked like

it looked like it was from 1999. The art which would actually make her closer to being like 55 years old.

That's what I'm saying. Something was and and when he said that's you on the court, I'm like it's an illustration. Someone drew her. You can't tell that's her just for

Linda Perry is Linda Perry is 60 years old and you know, of course from four non-b blondes. So like that's kind of like the vibe they're giving and the way when we when we meet this guy the way he talks about her he's like whoop on you like this was like it changed my life. I was like sir

you made me want to play guitar 36 years old when her band was out that that was a thing like he was like a predator or something like going because she was only like a local band and he was just like following around this high school band or something. It was weird. I mean, he's no Aaron Oonnell,

but I I think he's a better actor than all cuz he's been in tons of stuff, y'all.

This guy was I thought he was the best actor of the thing. Besides Besides Thank you, Diana. You know what I didn't believe? I've never loved this actor.

I didn't believe his rug. That rug was disturbing. It was a disturbing rug. He's It's been It's been a It's been on and off. He's been around. He was on like

um the black the blacklist. Is that the show? The blacklist. New Amsterdam. He's been He had a lot of bronzer on at first.

I think he I used [clears throat] to think he was so hot. And I will say when he was in that towel, I enjoyed it.

He's hot, but he's very actory, you know? He's very He's like smmy. But he he's very cute.

A lot of character things we should talk about with him, but let's keep going. We'll get there.

We'll get there. Right now, we're concentrating on this. There's a lady, she was in a punk band in 1992 and now she's 30 something and it's 50 years later and somehow she's in the cookie company.

By the way, she's quality control in a small cookie company. People listening, by the way, I'm we're only on the fourth sentence that I wrote.

Oh, love that. So, just buckle up, [ __ ] I've already got 10 pages into this. So, um we are um we're with her. She was a punk girl, but now she's like a cookie Karen and she's the manager who walks around. She's like, um, that cookie is not good enough. Everyone hates like [ __ ] Yeah. I was like,

supposed to root for cookie Karen. No. Also like she's like she has standards and she's like, we're not putting out a shitty looking Santa Claus.

That Santa was fine. That Santa was fine. That's the problem, Ronnie. It was fine. It wasn't spectacular.

Yeah. and they're wondering we we're telegraphing this Santa thing like this Santa should be good. We're telegraphing the fact that she knows about Santa's.

Yeah. Well, what happens is So, so right now what we are establishing is that this character is ornery

and is pnikity difficult and has and is has is very detail oriented to a fault and has no joy and doesn't understand life. And that's why we will see her acting this way for the rest of the movie. Just kidding. That's the only thing where she acts again.

None of that. They were like, "Okay, here's our lead character. She just called the police on a minority in the neighborhood for no reason." You're like, "Okay, I guess we're going to watch a Karen Christmas." And then after she's like totally nice. I didn't get it. It

I thought they were going to change her character like Christmas. It was like Mrs. Scrooged or something like Vanessa Williams when she learns the Yeah, that's a good Yeah, I think that they tried to later on jumping ahead. Like I think they try to show that like she's a joyless person and she can't even enjoy like whimsical things, whatever. But like what I got from it, it was like this is someone who's actually like scrutinizes things very carefully and she's like a difficult manager. But I'm like also she doesn't seem to be able to hold a job and also since she can't hold a job and she's taking all these odd jobs, how did she wind up in a management position at this cook? Isn't she the one? You don't just you have to be an experienced baker [clears throat] to be a manager of a bakery. So I thought so we're just abandoning probably the years of baking school and like working at bakeries for years and

just going [ __ ] it. Yeah. I also she dropped out of college so there's no degree.

Um and okay not everyone has to go to college Jake. Wow. No, I'm saying I'm saying

unfortunately it looks like her dreams of being a Northwestern grad have gone on.

Jeez. Sorry. Can't be our cookie manager. Get more like it. Can't recognize a lazy eye on a Santa. You didn't go to college. [clears throat]

Well, I guess agree. You know, last time I checked, all those other Stanford graduates were doing pretty well with their cookies. It's but the the issue here is she's [clears throat] she's like lecturing her employees or or they're not really her employees. It seems like she's somehow above them.

Yes. And um and her job is to go behind every other baker and check their work.

That's okay. I mean I think that like you're like you need quality if you're doing at the clots company. You need to have quality control. And like the implication is that this is something that she has expertise in that she's worked her way to this position and she's very demanding and she's had to make a lot of sacrifices along the way which is what has you know usually in the way in the world of these movies that's why she has a cold hard heart that she can't find joy at Christmas time because she had to work so hard to get to this position. But it turns out what the implication is later on is that she just somehow got this position and like she got it and was like, I'm gonna take it very seriously and I'm gonna be a [ __ ] to everyone who's frosting cookies right now, but it has nothing to do with how I am at home.

Yeah. She's also like I get and and they did play this off in the movie that she's just severely depressed and stuff, but she's like projecting a lot of her own [ __ ] onto the cookies because she's like this Santa's not good enough. I mean, he's clearly depressed. It's like, okay, you know, like don't don't put this on the Santa. Like, I don't need to eat your failure, you know? Just

ice the cookie and send it out. Can we talk about the fact that there are multiple Christmas trees in this kitchen?

Um, there's like a K a Christmas tree over here. Uh, there's like one over here and there's like decorations everywhere. Just there's something about

the code. It seems to be a sanitation issue. I would think so, but I feel like they're trying in the first 10 minutes of a movie of a Christmas movie, they try to show there's so much decoration, there's so much reminder. It's [ __ ] Christmas everybody to make sure we know that

you forget. Yeah. Yeah. They're also Christmas and they're also So, so this the supervisor comes over and he's like,

"Excuse me, um, Miss Jacobson, can I can I speak with you, please?" is okay. So, he pulls her he pulls her over and he's basically like look unfortunately like you know cookie demand is at an all-time low because too many people are making favorite sentences of dialogue is

yeah too many people are cooking are making cookies at home I'm like no your cookies are [ __ ] actually that's what this means

there's no such thing as low demand you know what I mean tariffs do you think do you think the fact that people would people would stop like buying Portos if if people started making cookies at home because because Porto is [ __ ] good.

So I think we all know this was just an excuse. This is an excuse for the supervisor to fire Taylor cuz they're like she's miserable. No one likes her.

She's seeing things in these cookies that do not exist. She project her own issues from her failed crappy band and we don't like her around anymore. So they just

I think he was trying to have sex with her and she said no. And then this was like the retaliation.

I did not believe that. I didn't like it. That's life right there. It is. And I didn't like him at all. And I She got like zero justice. Like she didn't do anything wrong. He's like, "Hey, guess what? The cookie economy has changed now. Take it. Okay. And if you don't like it, thanks Obama. Okay. Say it on the way out, you dumb slut." Like this guy. I didn't believe him. This guy was a harasser if I've ever seen that.

So you picked Christmas. If If this is so seasonal, there's no other time, honey. you had to go.

And yeah, I I I Yeah, that was that was that seemed like a not a smart time to fire someone is like

a manager like and and now they have a bunch of lumpy ass like lopsided sad Santaas going out.

Yeah. Fire the Frosters, by the way. Like you're trying to you're making cuts. Fire the Frosters because you need like you don't fire management first and then just have the frosters there just

little people. This is America. If you want to ruin someone's Christmas, go for the lowest level position. Um just a quick question there was this is more about like how the stakes um are just the flimsiest stakes in the world for a movie because she loses her job just something to remember later and this whole thing is going to be about snowboarding later and

yes well and she also can't find a job which is funny because you know this the original name of this movie is the town with no door dash so she she wasn't able to find in a position unfortunately in town

Door Dash forgot um in town the dreaded Door Dash. So I I assumed that this initially I assumed okay it's going to be about like this cookie company is like a family cookie company and they got to save the cookie company and not it has nothing to do with this cookie company. This is the one thing that never really they come back to just clats cookies. They don't even reference them. They're not like we just got some clots cookies. is not like she doesn't go and make a delivery of cookies back to them to help them out to save the company. Like it's nothing like that's just she it's just she needed to have a job and she needed to lose her job. She needs to be in financial straits.

Yeah. I will say that this guy um walks like he has a butt plug in. Did you guys notice how he was walking

on trend? What did they do? There was a lot of gay stuff in this movie. Like they had the boss with the butt plug. They had the guys like [ __ ] in the stall in the end. The gay brother, etc.

Yeah, there were more assuming he was gay. There were more. Oh, he's definitely gay.

No, that was his partner. Although his partner was about to cheat on him when he followed those two hot snowboarders, but

No, that wasn't it. You I think I I thought that was too It was He heard Stephen King. You missed that.

He's a big Stephen King fan. Remember, he loves He's a horror person. Oh. Oh, I didn't get that either.

How How could I have missed that? I I honestly No, here's the thing. Here's the thing. I I thought what you did because I said, "Is he going after those two snowblers?" But it was that he heard Stephen King's name.

I thought, "Wow, Netflix is supporting open relationships. Good for them." No, I I immediately I had to correct that, too. Yeah.

So, she gets fired, which means she has to crawl into her old blue van. Oh, boy.

That like Why does she have one of the least believable things? How did she get this van, y'all? How did she needs to be explained where? Why the van?

It's like an anthropology. Her house is in anthropology. Everything she wears is a soft, you know, sweater. And yet, she's driving a van.

Well, the van actually was really cute. I mean, I know it looked junky, but it was actually super cute for like # van life cuz it like had a full interior of like like a living room. Like she I mean, this and this is the problem with this character. Like, she's ready to be homeless from the very beginning. She's driving around in a in a van life van and it's like you need to aim higher. You know what I mean?

Was this the van and they should have Was this the van from when they were the screaming kittens and this was their band van?

I think that's the implication. That would have been really nice to hear. Holding on to their past. Yeah, that would have been

like if we had like screamy kittens kind of like on the side but it like Oh, that could have telegraphed so much. Yes, that's what I I assume was her old van, her old band's van. But the thing is, again, her band is from like 2010 and like bands in like like teenage girl bands in 2010 are not driving this van.

No. Yeah. Well, you just need something to get your amps, etc. to the thing. So, I mean, I think they would drive a junky van. So, maybe that is what it is. But what about I mean, we don't have kids obviously, but pe you know, people with kids. Do they keep pictures of them and their kid in their sun visor in their car? Who does that? Gross. It was I feel like that was just a moment for her to for us to say I'm doing everything for my daughter. I'm living for my daughter.

But it's just not good to your daughter because you use the sun visor when the sun is burning out your retinas and then you pull down the sun visor and you're like this [ __ ]

It's all inconvenient. Then this is very late 90s cuz I remember or even mid like in middle school and high school like everyone if you were dating someone like in high school and you had a car you would put a picture of you and that person in your little um this was very big in my hometown of Long Grove. Everybody would have a picture of their loved one.

Yeah. Not in their visor but in dashboard on the dashboard in front of the steering wheel. It's always like on

side. Oh, is that like dashboard where it comes from where people like I need to know about your kids, but nobody does this anymore where I need to go.

Well, honestly though, this was the visor was about the reveal. This was about the here's me and my kid. And it does seem [clears throat] like this person that wrote this movie

was in a a Kimmy Schmidt bunker for about 15 years and then came out and thought life hadn't changed

because they probably wrote the script in 1999 and it's been sitting around for 25 years and they finally just like threw it at Netflix.

So they arrive at I was actually very impressed by this. She arrives at her home and it's like a multi-family like sort of apartment building kind of thing. And like it's funny cuz normally in the in these movies there's always someone who is poor and broke like oh my god the the family business is about to fall. We don't have any money and then they like go back to their like 1905 Victorian mansion house.

Yes. This this actually did feel like it did feel like it's not government housing but

but it felt like she would live there. It did feel like she would live there. It was flop house uh adjacent with nice with with nice like with nice Christmas like condoy is like sort of condoes. But it was like it was like actually almost too realistic for these types of movies cuz normally they just make it seem like these beautiful towns where everyone lives in a lovely house with like a with an angled roof and like shingles and a and a chimney and like a front porch. And I was like no this is the she lives in an apartment building. Yeah. And so, um, she's walking in and she's walking into this like very gloomy hallway, scary hallway. She's basically left like the set of Nomad Land and now is like entering into like The Shining.

That would have been good if she just lived in her van and like Francis McDorman was her neighbor and she like had to pretend to be she had to pretend to be Santa so that Francis McDorman didn't freak out every Christmas cuz her son died.

Yeah, there you go. where she like she's like, "I know what I'm going to do to raise the money for my daughter's snowboard camp. I'm going to sell these precious family dishes." And then David Shrether comes by and breaks all the dishes by accident.

Spoiler alert. Spoiler nomad. Nomad land cut. Um, so yes, she's trying to she walks through and she's caks. She steps on and there's a creek and then we meet Dora Lee.

Dora. When she said her name was Dora Lee, I immediately resisted her because that is the name of Dolly Parton's character in 9 to5. And so my first thought was, "How dare you?

How dare you? How dare you? How is this not Dolly Parton?" Like, you can't just call somebody Dora Lee in a movie, have a gay be okay with that.

So, it took me a minute for to be one over. Even though it was that actress and I love that actress,

I feel like if you call someone Dora Lee, um, you are immediately telling them I I think this was a a misnomer. I think you're immediately telling us that this person is stupid or this person is well cuz that was Dolly Parton's she was backwoods and they think they considered her dumb and she wasn't.

Yeah, they considered her dumb. She had to go above her name and there are so they're already saddling Dora Lee as this and she's so much more.

I don't think they were thinking about that but she they were though cuz this was gays wasn't it? I mean this was like gay in it.

Your character [clears throat] name is a huge deal. Your character names are really important.

They are there were too many like references to beards in this movie that I was like this has to be written by gay gay people especially

a gay one. There's like a there's a lot of room in this gay. Yeah. Yeah. So, she comes out and she's basically like, "You're late with rent again." And she's annoyed and she's like, "This [ __ ] twit here thinks I don't know about her stupid band. I know she's got money. I know she's getting residuals." Okay.

Her band. Her teenage band. Her teenage local band from 97 years ago. She says, "No, they released an album. They have they have a vinyl, you know,

one album." She's I can put a new carburetor in my van and Zoe wants a new snowboard for Christmas. Like that's an excuse.

But I really felt for the I really felt for Kaye or whatever the girl's name is because

Zoe. Zoe is the mom. Oh, Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. I felt for Taylor cuz I used to live in when I lived in West Hollywood, my landlord lived right upstairs from me. And that is so [ __ ] annoying. And she had a window that she could see me come out of my apartment. It was like an outdoor building.

Yeah. And so she would always be like, "Um, honey, could you maybe be a little quieter down there during it's like you always had to hear her shit." And so I felt for her for having her landlord be right there up in her business. I don't need that.

Yeah. Could I also say that maybe that that we we this is a real trope of the landlord being a bad person of the landlord saying, you know, you're you're late on the rent again. This is 4 months. Maybe the first time she was like, "Hey, [screaming] Taylor. Good to see you. Um,

it's the second or it's actually the fifth and I just didn't get the check yet." It's great. You know, I Zoe's looking really really fun.

But that is one of those that's one of those things you say as you age because you start siding with the people that are supposed to be the villains. Like you watch Rent and when I went to see the movie version of Rent, I was like, "But they're not paying the rent." Like how are they just trying to abide by the rules of business?

It's not like Dora Leah Scrooge McDuck here like swimming around in pools of gold. She's living the same place. She also needs to pay for

She could have evicted your ass a long time ago. This is in California. You don't have squatting rights. Yeah.

And like and by the second by the second time she's like Dory's like Taylor, you know, I I know money's tight, but um just maybe by the sixth or seventh the check. The third month she's like, "Taylor, I know you've been avoiding me. Just give me the money." And now this time it's like, "I need the money." Which makes sense by the fourth time.

Yeah, it does. Yeah. I love a villain that makes sense, you know, cuz I'm kind of rooting against the girl. I'm like, "Where's your cookie money?"

She's the most well-drown character in the entire piece. She should have had an eviction notice on the door that said two weeks. That would have also raised the stakes of this movie.

Reality gays and watch what crap size with landlords. Put it out there. Yes. We love landlords. All right, everybody. That was the first part of our marathon. So, buckle up. We've got more coming to you. So, be sure to check out the next episode and we will talk to you later. [bell]

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "My Secret Santa Part One With Reality Gays"?

In order: 0:00 My Secret Santa, Ben Hugh Mander, Ronnie Kum; 20:00 Carly Smiles, Howard Bronstein, My Secret Santa; 40:00 Linda Perry, Northwestern; 50:00 Dora Lee, Connie Stephen.

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

12 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including My Secret Santa, Dora Lee, Ben Hugh Mander, Ronnie Kum, Howard Bronstein, Carly Smiles. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "My Secret Santa Part One With Reality Gays"?

The episode runs 1 h 1 min; the transcript is about 12,250 words in 298 timestamped sections.

More from Watch What Crappens

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 10, 2026.