Transcript

Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)

From We Can Do Hard Things · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 57 min · 9,348 words · 177 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)", an episode of We Can Do Hard Things published October 28, 2025 (57 min, about 9,348 words). It mentions 9 people, works and ideas, including menopause, pmenopause, Abby Wambach, The Menopause Society, Colonial Williamsburg.

What this episode is about

The discussion dives into the chaotic experiences of menopause, highlighting the emotional, physical, and relational turmoil that often goes unaddressed. It emphasizes the need for open dialogue, both among women and their male counterparts, about the complexities of this life stage, while acknowledging the lack of straightforward solutions or remedies.

Key takeaways

  • Parameopause: where your body turns into a chaotic symphony of bees and fire ants—welcome to the club!
  • Menopause support: it’s not just about hot flashes; it’s a circus of mind, body, and irritable sheets!
  • Nighttime during menopause: a gritty boxing match with your mind and body—who knew sleep could be so combative?
  • When supplements aren't enough, you know it's time for a full-on emotional fire drill—bring the hoses!
  • Menopause isn't just a woman’s issue; men should tune in too—let's spread the wildfire of awareness!

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: menopause, MIDI Health
  2. – 10:00: menopause
  3. – 15:00: menopause, Colonial Williamsburg, Abby Wambach
  4. – 20:00: menopause, pmenopause, Abby Wambach, MIDI Health
  5. – 25:00: menopause
  6. – 30:00: menopause, Abby Wambach
  7. – 40:00: menopause, pmenopause
  8. – 45:00: menopause
  9. – 50:00: menopause, MIDI Health, The Menopause Society
  10. – 57:05: menopause, MIDI Health, pmenopause

Notable quotes from "Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)"

  • And I looked in the mirror and I realized I know exactly what I remind myself of. This is who I am now. When I was in elementary school, we lived in Virginia and so we used to go our big field trip each year was to Colonial Williamsburg.
    about Colonial Williamsburg · at
  • You might feel that way. That's She does, Abby. She does feel that way.
    about Abby Wambach · at
  • I my when I want to make myself feel better, I read. And I was reading Virginia Wolf the other day, and I said to Abby, Oh my god, all these women, Virginia Wolf, Mhm.
    about Virginia Woolf · at
  • Suck it up, or worse yet, saying that it's all in our head. It's outrageous that 75% of women never get any treatment at all for their pmenopause or menopause symptoms.
    about pmenopause · at
  • And they send prescriptions to your local pharmacy. Also, Midi is the only women's teleaalth brand covered by major insurance companies, making it highquality, expert care, accessible, and affordable. Midi's mission is to.
    about MIDI Health · at
  • Work to deal with this [ __ ] There would be old boys clubs with all of this information. this is it's just that we as a culture do not care about women. And all of my friends…
    about menopause · at
  • We commend you. You and your low so many noises. the Menopause Society is actually a good if people are looking for doctors who actually know what they're talking about. The Menopause Society is menopause.org and that.
    about The Menopause Society · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Abby Wambach — Person · Co-host / spouse in conversation · 3 mentions · first at
    Co-narrates and responds as Glennon’s partner, adding perspective on symptoms, relationship strain, and the need for better menopause care.
  • Virginia Woolf — Person · Referenced author (illustrative example) · 1 mention · first at
    Cited as part of a reflection on famous women’s mental health crises and a speculative link to hormones/menopause timing.
  • Sylvia Plath — Person · Referenced poet/novelist (illustrative example) · 2 mentions
    Included in the same cluster of references to women writers, used to underscore the speaker’s frustration and curiosity about hormonal factors.
  • Anne Sexton — Person · Referenced poet (illustrative example) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned alongside other writers as an example in a discussion about women having breakdowns later in life and the (speculative) role of hormones.
    Anne Sexton, Sylvia Pla, like what did we check their [ __ ] hormone levels?

Companies & orgs

  • The Menopause Society — Company · Referenced resource · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a resource for finding doctors knowledgeable about menopause.

Concepts & topics

  • menopause — Concept · Core topic · 23 mentions · first at
    Central theme of the episode, discussing the physical and emotional challenges of menopause.
  • pmenopause — Concept · Core topic · 4 mentions · first at
    Discussed as a precursor to menopause, with similar symptoms and challenges.

Places & events

  • Colonial Williamsburg — Place · Setting · 2 mentions · first at
    Referenced in a personal anecdote about aging and self-perception during menopause.

Sponsors

  • MIDI Health — Company · Sponsor · 5 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a solution for women experiencing menopause and pmenopause symptoms, offering telehealth services.

Full transcript with timestamps

This episode is brought to you with the support of our sponsor MIDI Health. We are gathered here today to [ __ ] about this thing called parameopause. Yeah,

I have been very looking forward to this hour maybe for months because I don't hear anyone discussing this the way I am experiencing this which is I feel as if my mind and my heart and my body and my life and my relationships and my planet are all on fire. And when I try to express that, someone says, "Have you tried some hematoglobin?"

What? Like some word that is some sort of supplement? And I need like a fire hose and and we are beyond supplements people.

And that is how I feel like and and then so I just need I just ask for a little bit of time

to try to express what the hell is going on. And it's a service to the people, Glennon. It's a service to the people. If you're able to put in words this god-forsaken thing that everyone's going through, it it would be I I I thank you for your service.

Yeah. And I also think if you're listening, maybe maybe include your your male friends in on this podcast just so that they could learn a little bit about either what to expect or what might be going on in their households. Yeah,

this is this we have no answers, but this is a public public service announcement.

But boy, do I have what is is it like what to expect when you're expecting menopause?

Yeah, maybe. I mean, I'm I'd like to start with a self-portrait that my team has Allison and Audrey have created. It's a self-portrait of me right now. And so, I want you to look at this. It's just it's it's a ven diagram

is what it is. And and this is menopause and this is this is menopause and this is fascism and this is me. This flaming hot

fire is my self-portrait right now. So if any of you are also living at this intersection, welcome. What's at the bottom? What's the picture at the bottom?

Oh, we'll get there. Okay, we're not there yet, people. No. Now, do you want me to keep this up? I don't care

like let's see about it. How did you do that? Okay. So, I want to tell you when this journey began. I think it began at night. Okay. Night for me has become a slice of solitary lonesome hell. which honestly is not that much different than the slice of lonesome ragy hell that is the day but the night is darker. Okay. Now what [snorts] started happening to me in the night is that I would lay my head down

and then some things would start happening. Okay. One of the things that would start happening is that my mind, you know, it's not it's not a calm, quiet, relaxing, ordered place to be ever.

I lay my head down and it's like, okay, well, I imagine it, you know, have you ever seen a beehive? And then you see them on the I've never seen one in real life. Who has? but on the the nature channels and like maybe someone brings some poison and then or or smoke and then the whole beehive goes crazy and and comes alive and there's buzzing everywhere and it's just chaos. That is what night started happening in my brain. Okay.

So there was no there's no order to the thoughts. There's no escape from the thoughts. There's no logic to the thoughts. It's just a million B's activate the second I lay my head down and I try all the tricks. I count to a million. I do letters and think of words. I do No, the bees keep going. Now if somehow the bee's calm enough, don't worry because then another thing happens which is that I started getting these unbelievable skin itches. Do you remember this time?

Mhm. Now when I call it an itch, it's more like a fire a a a a colony of fire ants.

Mhm. Okay. I don't know what fire ants are. I don't even know if they're real, but this is It feels like I'm being stung and bitten or stabbed. Nope. It's a It's a colony of fire ants with tiny daggers.

Tiny dagger wielding fire ants descending upon the hive of bees. Yes. Yes. Bees. And now I've got the bees and the ants. I've got the fire ants on the skin.

Armed armed ants. The smoking bees in the head. Okay. Okay. Armed ants. Smoking bees.

Okay. And so I wake up name. Yeah. And the fire ants are happening and the skin is on fire. And the only relief that could possibly be brought for one second is the scratching. But then if you scratch, the fire ants come back. Double double double stabby stabby stabby. Okay.

All night. Now I'm only laughing because this is exactly what's happening. Yes. [snorts] Then nature provides I don't know liquid maybe to help with the bees, maybe to help with the fire ants. But what happens next is I wake up in pools of sweat.

Yeah, I sweat through my clothes. I take off my clothes. I sweat into the sheets. I wake up in like just puddle puddle puddle. I for the first month think this is gross. for the next month. I don't give a [ __ ] I just try to think of it as a water bed.

Yeah. This is how we live now. This is how we live now. We just sleep in liquid.

Okay. She's in a water bed. Yeah. You're going back to your roots. Remember when that was your nickname, puddles? [snorts]

Yeah, I do. Then I want to say I wake up, but no, I just stand up. Okay. I don't wake up because I never [ __ ] fell asleep. [clears throat]

I've been at war with nature all night. nature. It's like the closest I've ever been to camping.

Okay. And I stand up. I don't wake up. I stand up. And then more things happen. Okay. So, first it was just a night experience. And then I started noticing the situation where airplanes, airplanes, if I get in a car, first it was just airplanes and cars that suddenly made me motion sick. Sick. Okay. Then it became walking.

Any motion whatsoever, including with your feet. Then it became other people walking. Then I kid you not,

can I I There are many TV shows I can't watch anymore. Mhm. I get sick to my stomach watching TV and my life.

Yeah. Like you know the ones like um The Office where they do like they do a lot of like TV like camera movement, right? And it's like to to they they like pan really quickly to and she's like can't do it. Can't do it.

I've noticed that with Google Docs. Like if we're in a meeting looking at Google Docs, you're like I can't watch that screen while it moves. Nope.

Okay. So then that was fun last year when we were on the road uh for Tisha's tour. It was fun.

Mhm. Remember I couldn't even rewatch Friday Night Lights? Yep. Okay. Um then some interesting things started happening which is that I well my hair it turned a completely different category. I don't think it's I don't think it's it's the texture of hair. I don't know what it is. It's wire sticking out. This will last about tw you know it'll last this this this show and then it will just start spiraling out like do you know Miss Frile from the Magic School Bus. Okay. So that's the vibe. It's a book. Yeah. It's a kids book.

Is that a book? Nobody read to me. Is it a book then? No. And then my fa one of my favorite parts of this is that I started getting this like little weird red situation on my cheeks and I was like what? This is new. The the cool thing about this parameopause thing is is for the first several months you don't connect any of these things.

You just think all of these different weird things are happening to me, right? I started getting this red mask of what I now know is some sort of rosacea that comes with parameopause, but I didn't know that for 6 months. So, I just look like Santa Claus. That's what I look like now. I have like 16 pounds of shellac

over my cheeks. Actually, I should have just not done that for this. I'll do I'll show you guys.

I love your cheeks. Thank you, baby. For real. The redness. Yes. I think it's so cute.

Thank you. It is. It looks like she's been like sun-kissed. Sunkissed by Satan kissed

by the devil. Yeah. Been Satan kissed. That's what menopause feels like. So it's like the opposite of a fairy godmother. It's like ding. It's like ding. It's like you've been Satan has touched you. [clears throat]

So I And then we're moving, you know, we moved Tish to school the other day and we I was carrying all this [ __ ] and I passed a mirror, a big mirror in the hallway and I looked into it and I realized I've been trying to figure out what I remind myself of

during this six-month period. [snorts] And I looked in the mirror and I realized I know exactly what I remind myself of. This is who I am now. When I was in elementary school, we lived in Virginia and so we used to go our big field trip each year was to Colonial Williamsburg. Okay. You know, they'd like churn butter. It's like one of those places [snorts] they pretend it's in olden days and it's like a village,

a colony. Like we we really used to celebrate colonialism in big ways. We would send kids to celebrate it.

Um anyway, they would have us they would have a craft table. Mhm. [clears throat]

And at the craft table there would be these apples and the apples had been shrunken. Okay. They had been laid out for a very long time. And so the apple all the moisture from the apple it had gone away. So it just become this little shrunken thing like kind of like a grape becomes a raisin. apple became this other like

shrunken, shriveled thing. And then we would have to take the apple and there would be all these scraps around like that you'd make a dress out of and you put little eyeballs on the apple and you would make uh a doll.

Uh a dried apple doll. A dried colonial apple doll. Yeah. I am dried apple colonial shrunken head. Barbie. That's what I Oh, yes. And my team found this is the shrunken. This is who I am now. Okay. I am a shrunken. This is menopause. This is all of us. We are a group of shrunken apple. All the moisture has been taken. All the And what I want you to know is the physical aspect. I am not just a shrunken. This is not just my appearance. This is my soul.

Right. Right. This is not ne necessarily what I look like on the outside. This is what I look like on the inside. If you're just listening to this, you have to go watch it on YouTube because because you can see the portraits of Glennon as shrunken apple.

That's right. Right. Yeah. Oh, right. Right. Because people are listening. Okay. Right. Right.

So, what what you need to know is it's not just the actual moisture. It is actual moisture. It is I think

that that is a side effect of menopause is decrease in in moisture. human cactus. My skin, my hair, my body, my I is it is it all the sweat that gets taken at night?

Could be. I mean, maybe it is. I mean, guess what? We don't know. We don't [ __ ] know.

We don't know anything because nobody tells us [ __ ] I'm so furious. Okay, so the physical situation that I just described is the least of it. Doesn't matter. That's true.

Does not matter. It is not just that I am an apple shrunken doll physically. It is that I am like the reverse Grinch. Like the parameopause has shrunk my heart three sizes.

I don't think that that's the right cl. You might feel that way. That's She does, Abby. She does feel that way.

I'm not experiencing you that way. Really? Yeah. I'm not experienc I'm experiencing lots of confusion and frustration. But you're not the Grinch. You're sad. It's a sad time. It's confusing because we don't have any answers. And you know, everybody's different, right? So like you go, you talk to this one doctor and they say one thing and you talk to another doctor because there's no real like steady solid information for you cuz like your body is different. and how your estrogen and progesterone are dropping is different than let's say somebody else because you might be in a different phase of your menopause

cycle. Well, yeah. It's just emotionally what I would describe it as is like if the

if this menopause thing has taken the moisture from my body, it's like also like d taken out like the joy and the will to love and live like you know things will happen that I know

a few months ago would have brought made me feel a certain way. Mhm. It would have brought me peace and brought me joy. I can look at the exact same thing and be like,

I can see objectively that that is a happy thing. Oh, look, a joyful occurrence.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. That was far too much life. Oh, look, a joyful occurrence. Yeah. I think I think also what we should talk about too is like not just I think that the symptoms that you're experiencing physically are also playing a a big role psychologically and emotionally for you. And what would be like the actual emotions that you're experiencing rather than like classifying as Grinch-like? Like what are you feeling? Well, I think I actually am a person who feels like my my emotions are very I'm a very sensitive person. I my challenge in life is usually like high high low. Oh my god, I feel that pain. I feel that joy.

I feel that anger. I feel your feelings. I feel all the things. And right now what I when I experience depression in my life or what's happening right now I feel it more as like an absence of any of that

like it is less for me of like although I do feel my main feeling is irritation

that is that is as close as I can get to a feeling right okay every every other feel or like well the kids are different thing I mean I the world the universe brings parmenopause to women at a time where you're like empty nesting and you're taking care of your you're watching your parents get older. It's just every fascism and but it's just it's not ideal times. I mean, I I my when I want to make myself feel better, I read. And I was reading Virginia Wolf the other day, and I said to Abby, "Oh my god, all these women,

Virginia Wolf, Mhm. Anne Sexton, um, Sylvia Sylvia Pla, like what did we check their [ __ ] hormone levels?"

Mhm. All these women who had their main break breaks in their 50s. Holy [ __ ] And now it's time to thank the companies who allow you to listen to We Can Do Hard Things for free. This show is a lot about giving voice to the problems we think are our personal failings, but are actually structural and cultural crises that are impacting all of us. And if we can give voice to those and connect with each other, we can find solidarity and solutions. And I think this is true for pmenopause and menopause, which is why I'm grateful that we are talking so openly about it today. And I'm happy to share about the important work that our partner Midi Health is doing. Too many of us are struggling out here on our own with pmenopause and menopause without access to informed healthcare, languishing on waiting lists, meeting with doctors who dismiss our symptoms, telling us just to suck it up, or worse yet, saying that

it's all in our head. It's outrageous that 75% of women never get any treatment at all for their pmenopause or menopause symptoms.

Well, you both and the pod squad knows that I am in parmenopause right now. But I didn't know that for a long while. I just thought that I was losing my mind. Um, I don't know that anyone had ever really said the word parameopause to me before and I had no idea that it was coming and no idea what to expect once it was there. And I was struggling mentally emotionally physically all of that. I went from doctor to doctor saying something feels off and they just kept telling me I was fine. I was not fine.

Abby knows that. None of us. The narrator reports she was not fine. For so many of us, it's when we're doing everything. It's when we're parenting. It's when we're working. It's when we're caring for everyone. Many of us in that sandwich place where we're caring for parents, caring for children, and we cannot find a way to care for ourselves. Even though our bodies are begging for support. So, I tried everything. I kept trying to optimize my health, but the truth was my body didn't need hacks. It needed care, attention, real information, and someone who understood what was actually happening to me.

Yeah, the health care system is failing women in midlife and doctors are uneducated and the guidelines are outdated and that's why MIDI founders resolved to build a company to step into this care gap and provide. I mean, honestly, this has been missing. MIDI is providing it and it isn't just like hormones. They offer holistic care plans tailored to each patients needs that may include hormonal medication, non hormonal medication, supplements, and recommendations for alternative therapies. Treatments work and quickly.

More than 90% of MIDI patients report symptom improvement within 60 days of their first visit.

I use MIDI and I tell all my friends about the ease of my experience and to try it, too. No more waiting months to get an appointment. You just go to Midi, get an online teleahalth appointment right away from the comfort of your own home. You meet one-on-one with a health care professional who takes the time to tailor a plan for your specific needs. And they send prescriptions to your local pharmacy. Also, Midi is the only women's teleaalth brand covered by major insurance companies, making it highquality, expert care, accessible, and affordable. Midi's mission is to help all women thrive in midlife, giving them access to the health care they deserve. You deserve to keep your quality of life as high as possible, and not to break your back and soul getting the care you deserve. If you're not getting what you need, it's not you, it's them.

So, give Midi a try today at joinmidi.com. That's joinmidi.com. Okay. So, the feeling is irritation. I'm irritated all the time. I think that one of the things that's happening with me, which maybe other people can relate to, is that I want to fix the problem. I want to stop being so feeling so awful. I want to

So, I what I do is I identify something that's irritating me. and then I go full boore to try to fix that thing. Okay. So,

fascism Abby um things such as these. I mean, the other day I I decided and Abby are my first two priorities. Once I get those locked down, I'm coming for the rest of you.

Yeah. Beware. I mean, I I'll tell you this story even though I think Pod Squad might get mad at me and I'm just asking for some grace because I know you love Abby and I promise you I love Abby more than you. Okay. But [sighs] relationships can be a challenge during this time.

Mhm. And I decided recently that the real problem was not menopause or fascism or the fall of democracy or the empty nesting or the whatever. It was that Abby makes too many noises. Okay, this is a true story. Two things can be true at once. So I had like a ser I sat her down with my apple shrunken head and said

explained why all the noises were the real problem and how I mean my sensitivity to noises just is

you have a real that's a real thing that's happening and that's something I'm really trying to honor because I hear you.

Can we just dig into when you say noises? Um let's just put a little color on that. Is this the sneezing thing? No. Well, there's a thing that happens in the morning. I call it the elephant sanctuary. It's like Right. It's just a lot of like honking and

she really clears the decks in the morning and it's like a It's just It's unfucking believable is what it is. It's also her body, her choice. All right. I understand. Please don't. Team Abby, team Glennon, just have some grace.

Yeah. Because here's the thing. This is the thing that I've come to accept. Oh jeez. that some of the things about living with somebody are harder than others. And and when we all go through this time, some of those irritations that you might be able to manage on on in a normal way, like, oh, that's silly, you know, whatever. That's just her, you know, just woke up. She wants to clear her throat, whatever. [snorts] But like times such as these are a little bit more sensitive. you're feeling I really know that you're feeling more sensitive and so you sat me down the other day and you said so can we just do some negotiations on the sounds

I listed all the sounds and I said can you tell me which ones are most important to you

this is for real no joke can you tell me elephant sanctuary feels important to you when we are doing a lot a lot of sneezing

how do we feel about like 20% of the time muffling to sneeze instead of scream sneezing, right? Like how do we feel about there's a lot of throat clearing during the day. Anyway, we just had a long list and we talked about which ones are most important. The I understand that this is not my best self.

But we are not in a time such as that. No, we are not in best self time. No, I just don't think that that's a thing. So like why would I hold you to the to be to that account? Like I it is my job to roll with these times. And I think that of course my feelings do h I do have feelings.

You do have feelings. I do have feelings. Are they important to you though? You are your feelings.

But I do think and you did mention and I think it's really important that like I need and we need to be considering each other. Right. Right. And you are going through a tougher time than I'm going through right this moment. I am I am on menopause's doorstep.

I know. So, I want to try to give you as much [ __ ] grace as I possibly can and I'm not always perfect. And that's the thing that I struggle with is because when we have these conversations and we negotiate it, this is where we go move on from here.

Yeah. I like to have we've decided something and then we're going to move on from the conflict with a new plan. And Abby worries that if the plan doesn't go perfectly, I will say, "But we we started from a new place."

Yeah. Whoopsies. We had a plan, right? Can I say something about the unreasonleness, too? Because I feel like what is

so interesting is that of course that's not reasonable to monitor her sounds. No.

And also unreasonable times call for unreasonable measures. Exactly. And this is like in when you're pregnant and your hormones are insane, people understand that they're like, "That chicken can't be in this house."

Yes. Because that smell is making me absolutely insane. But we don't have the physical representation besides the apple smoosh face and the everything. we don't really have a thing that we can point to and be like that person needs special accommodation during this time because it's oh I'm sorry 15 years of your life. So but it is the same kind of like aversions and sensitivities that we will excuse in some cases or even expect in some cases where your hormones are clearly going insane but this is so invisible

that everything looks like you're crazy. And I think it's also because culture values that pregnancy in a woman because we think of women as just baby makers. And so they're they're doing their, you know, holy duty during that time. So we honor the chicken, but we don't give a [ __ ] about women who going through menopause because

they are becoming useless to culture in in in terms of our culture. So why would we care about making this part this transition easier for them? And I think it's a test to for me being the partner who's not technically going through menopause in like the active physical symptoms phase, but I'm getting there. It is a test for all of all of people in my position. So for anybody out there who who [clears throat] has a wife that is going through this, for me, I like to think about this like this is this is like the ultimate love that I can give you. And and one of the things that I have to work on not doing is locking myself in a room somewhere else because I think that that would actually make you happier.

No, seriously. Because being alone. Yeah. like to just take myself like the irritate the thing that I think is probably irritating her the most out of the actual equation. Like I have to I have to force myself like

okay no like even if you are making noises and if even if you are irritating her we still need to figure out how to connect during this time.

Yeah. So it's like it's like getting in there and like taking some hits, right? Well, the sweetest thing is the next Okay, so the next morning we have this conversation where I bring the list of noises and I say, "Can we just negotiate which noises are most important to you?" And then I realize in that moment I am devoid of human emotion. I am a robot right now. That made perfect sense to me.

I didn't understand why that would hurt anyone's feelings. I have the list. It's a negotiation.

Okay, Aby's feelings are hurt, obviously. Mhm. So, I put my head down at night. The bees start. I'm like, I'm an awful person. I've hurt her feelings. The next morning, I call my doctor. I go to the doctor's office. I say, "You have to see me today. I have to get in there. I don't care." I say, "You have to do something. I am I am now hurting my wife's feelings. I am doing I am mean. I am a Grinch." So, he Anyway, that's a whole another story. When I get home, Aby's not home for like hours. I'm like, "Where are you?" So, I finally I say, "Where are you? You're being weird.

where are you? I text her and she said, I'm at the doctor's office. I made an emergency appointment so that I could get some medicine so I could stop annoying you. It was a gift of the magi medical situation. Like we each went in so that we could try to have some sort of medical intervention to stop hurting the other person's soul.

To the same doctor. To the same doctor. Did the doctor mention like No, he can't. Hippa or something?

Right. Right. Oh god, that's so good. I went I got I got my blood tested. I was like, "Prescribe me whatever the most

biggest allergy medicine in the whole wide world is." And I said, "Give me something. Give me soul medicine."

Yeah. Morphine. Do you have anything? Yeah. Yes. So, the other thing is I know that there are things to explore. I've never been so baffled by I have lost access to the part of me who can can do that. And by the way, I went to my gynecologist and I thought about not telling the story, but I'm going to because I think it's really important. And I did I'll tell it kindly and I did talk to them directly about it, so I feel okay. But I can't go there anymore because I go to the gynecologist and I'm going there for my health and to be for a safe place to talk about my body and my health and my experience in the world as a human being. And in the gynecologist office, it's covered with posters, advertisements for weight loss drugs, for Botox, for fillers, for 7 million different things that are not h that don't have anything to do with my experience of the world. It it feel I feel, you know what, I feel like I'm I'm

in there. I'm I have my parameopause fire and I feel like I want to be [ __ ] Jesus and I want to start flipping tables and be like this is a den of thieves and I talk to them about it. I

I Oh, also there's like one bathroom in this gynecologist and and in the bathroom there's a one poster, one picture and it's like six feet tall. It's huge. And it's a woman who has just been on a bender and she's like sitting on the toilet with her underwear pulled down and her legs crossed over and she's holding a bottle of vodka and a cigarette.

What? I swear to God to you. I say, "What is the point of the poster? What does it say?"

I don't know. I say to the doctor months ago, I say, "Do you think that that is the message that you want to send women who like one of the number one leading causes of women's death is is addiction and you know, alcoholism and smoking and what what are you doing? Like what?" Anyway, what did they say to that? Okay, I hear you. No one's she Well, the first thing she said is no one's ever said that before. Mhm.

Like that's because people [ __ ] trust you when they come in here and they don't know. They they feel bad. They feel confused about that. I promise you, but they don't know what to say. So, but

I don't think it's because they trust them. I think it's because that we've been taught to think of doctors as unquestioned authorities and we are supposed to listen and not ask and not push back on anything that they say. So there's and also it's a deep vulnerability. If you're if you're relying on doctors to get what you need and you start questioning them, then it's your fault for not getting what you need. Like it's a very deeply problematic I left my OB for the same reason. I walked in six weeks postpartum where where people are experiencing depression, body dysmorphia, everything, adjusting to all of the things in the world. And there were giant blowup body sculpt images offering body sculpt services

at my OB who had delivered my baby 6 weeks before. And I was like, what is this doing here? Like these services should be available to people who seek them out. These services do not belong in a place where people are coming trying to adjust to their brand new bodies for the first time and you're offering them, hey, are you having some body confusion? How about we go back and instead of determining whether you might have postpartum depression, which a large portion of your people in the waiting room will have, we are going to tell you you're probably depressed because your body is fat and we have body sculpting for that. Like it is such [ __ ] And I was like, give me my file. I'm out of here in front of the whole place cuz I was like, "This is absolute horseshit.

You're not doing your job. First, do no harm." And this is first do no harm. That's what I kept thinking. This is a violation of your oath. First, do no harm. That is It is predatory.

Yeah. I I love that you just walked out. I kept going back and being like, "Why does this feel so bad?" I I the idea of like finding a new doctor to me feels so daunting. Anyway, I'm not going back. It's overwhelming. Yeah, it's overwhelming.

I'll tell you what, that is one when I think spiritually about menopause, I just feel that there is something there's it's a culling like I will not go back to that doctor and I'm speaking of it now

and I will never set foot in there again. I'm done. It is like the things that shouldn't that never we never should have had to tolerate are now officially intolerable.

Like I am unable to enter anymore into situations that aren't right for my soul that with I'm unable to be in rooms with people who I never should have been in rooms with. I am unable to engage in parts of the culture that I never should have had to anyway. So I do understand that there's something good spiritually going on with you know like a deep culling

of of [ __ ] but it is really and and and I I am very amazed by I mean I am a person who has a lot of extra time who has extra money who has so many more resources than so many people do and I will still tell tell you that I don't have a single friend who knows what the hell to do.

Yeah. And that makes me so furious. Mhm. Because there's just sure all of our hormone levels are different, but if this were if if if men went through this, if every 45 to 55year-old men man went through this, there would be [ __ ] national holidays to take off work to deal with this [ __ ] There would be old boys clubs with all of this information. Like, this is it's just that we we as a culture do not care about women. And all of my friends who know the best mechanic, the best dentist, the best whatever are baffled about what to do about this. Well, they don't teach it. They don't like this is something. So, one more than a billion people, B billion are menopausal women by 2030. Okay, that's 1 billion people.

half. So half of the population, this is what blows my freaking mind. Half of the population will spend onethird of their lives. This is not a this is not a brief period. Like pmenopause and menopause and the entire period of time that you're adjusting to that is a third of the average lifespan. And we are just like they'll accommodate it, they'll swallow it. Oh, 40% of you are gonna experience depression. 40% of you 40% of onethird of half of the onethird of the lives of half the population are going to experience depression. 75% hot flashes.

60% of women brain fog. And so that like this is not unusual is what I'm trying to say. 85% of people who go through menopause have very lifeimpacting symptoms. So that is just true.

And in only onethird of the residency programs in OBGYn, I'm not talking about regular doctors.

So I'm training to be a doctor. I am training to be an OBGYn in these United States of America. and one half 100% of my population will spend a third of their lives in menopause. And only onethird of residency programs have a standardized menopause training program.

That's [ __ ] insanity. And it's deliberate. There's nothing there's nothing point to one other thing that's going to affect that many people that people who are working as OBGYNS will need to be able to address.

I know just not being taught. So it's it's like you that there we're not getting information from our doctors because it's not being treated. And that's why it is um it is like 60% 60% of all women don't get their information about menopause from their doctor. They get it from each other. So it's all of us trying to figure out from and the reason that is the case is because 75% of women never get treatment from their doctor. You go to your doctor and you say here are my symptoms and they say that's normal. We have conflated normal with acceptable.

We have said that's typical as if that's the end of the story. That's typical should mean what are we going to do about it?

Exactly. And that is it's it's it's absolute insanity and it should make everyone crazy. Mhm.

I mean, I just truly this was my intention for this hour and I I don't have I I am open to I don't know what I'm open to. I I know there has to be a way to figure this out. Like I when I went to the doctor that day, he prescribed me I love my doctor. I love my general what's it called? General. Oh, that's I can't I don't know anything.

General practitioner GP. Right. Right. Um, this is not the one with the signs, right? No, no, he has no signs. Um,

it's a doctor's office at his office, which is what it should be. Yeah, it's a he has a crazy oldfangled idea to be a doctor.

Exactly. On Den of Thieves. Anyway, he um gave me a patch, like an estrogen patch.

Oh, hormone replacement therapy. Yep. And then also a pill to take each night. I haven't started this yet cuz I'm so nervous about all of it. I just Anyway, something called like progesterone that I'm supposed to take

I think each night. So I put the patch on and change it every two weeks and then

progesterone every night. Yeah. So I guess maybe I'll start that soon. But, you know, it's just it's weird to the way it feels in in a moment is like, you know, a few days ago I was trying to put some things in the foyer and I dropped broke this vase and I just was like screamed. I was just like, "God damn it." Like,

[ __ ] [ __ ] Like, I don't give a [ __ ] This is a $7 like Yeah. And then and then I'm standing there in the foyer and I'm suddenly like so embarrassed. Mhm.

It's like a flash of rage and then I'm so embarrassed. So then I go into the bathroom by myself. I'm just standing there and I'm like the best way I can describe it is I can't figure out like how to exist. Like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I'm like try to get in the bathtub, try to get out. I've changed my clothes 17 times. I'm just trying to feel okay in my own body and in my own skin and there's nowhere to go to get comfortable because the place that feels like suddenly it's not home is my own body.

Yeah. [snorts] I think one of the things that I think is really fascinating about this is so many of us women didn't hear about this from our mothers like their experience with menopause. Um, one of my friends Katie from from Naples, she's very very much down like the menopause which actually we should call her. she knows a lot about this stuff. And she said one of the most important things you can do is ask your mother about what her uh process was when she started to go into parmenopause. What were her symptoms? Because a lot of it is genetics. Um but because we because they had the the memo they got was like this is a thing we don't talk about, we just deal with. I think it is really important that everybody listening to this um who may have gone through it or may be going through it or know somebody who's going through it to normalize the talking about it because I think you just having the this conversation with

us where we're just kind of like venting about it I think is a very important thing. becoming aware of some of the changes that are going on because so much of of of it gets conflated with aging, right? Like when

it's not typical. Exactly. You're like, "Oh, I feel like [ __ ] and oh, I guess this is what aging feels like." And it is not, right? Like these are all these symptoms are very separate and it makes it can make somebody feel like they're crazy. And I just want you to know that I I think it is very important what you're doing right now just by really having a good solid [ __ ] session

because I think what you're going to notice is a lot of people are going to come around and talk and want to keep talking about this so that we can find the right answers for you so the suffering is less. It feels like you know what is always said in collective liberation moments where it's like we take care of us.

Like that's how I feel about this because who protects us? We protect us. Who gets information to each other? We get information from like the the the institutions and are not going to do it for us. And it

it makes me feel so connected to every other woman going through this and in such solidarity because we have spent our lives caring for people like for our children, for our parents, for communities, for our businesses, and then when we go through this, it's crickets.

And that is like deeply hurtful. Yeah. Like it and and I think that's mixed up in it.

It's like, wait, what about us? It's like what about we have motherthered you, we have sistered you, we have held up your sky like and now you're just annoyed that we're annoyed.

There's just something it's it's a it's a moral wound to me. It is a wound because it's also

okay world I hear you loud and clear and what you are saying unequivocally is we are absolutely okay with women having one-third and let's just put aside the other third of like menration and pregnancy and child birth which are not given the things that they need. Okay, but let's just pretend that that twothirds of life is just a real pleasure cruise.

We are okay with women having a poor quality of life. Yeah. for onethird of their lives.

We are okay. We cosign on that. And if you want to make a big deal out of what's quote unquote natural, you are having an out- of portion out of proportion response to what's natural. When there is nothing natural about accepting people not being able to sleep, being depressed, not having the medications and the treatment that they need. Like there can be a natural process and then we have humans have decided what is okay and what requires intervention in a natural process if we're not okay with the status quo. But the saddest most crazym part of this is we are in fact okay with the status quo.

We are okay with women living shitty quality of lives when it only affects them.

Exactly. Yeah. It's like you know what else is natural? getting a limp dick when you're old right?

But guess what? No, no, no. Stop the presses. There's more funding put into [ __ ] Viagra and those those than there's for all of menopause. There's a lot of things that happen that are natural that are unacceptable if you're a male.

Exactly. Exactly right. There is nothing more natural than being 90 and not getting an erection. But the DoD is going to make damn sure that you can get that by mail and it's covered by your insurance. Like the DoD spends more money on getting erectile dysfunction drugs to their people than we spend on menopause because that is natural and unacceptable.

Why is the word menopause? We can't even have womenopause. Like even the word is men. Like

it's it's menration. It has to do I stand by. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. I'm saying we could get into mmology, but but I'm willing to get on this rage train.

I don't want to interrupt you. I mean, it it is nice when you think of it as a sentence like men uh pause

pause. It is the answer to the ven diagram. All I want to say to the pod squad, anyone who's going through this is I as I stumble and rage my way through this, I promise to tell you whatever the hell I find out that is helpful. I will just tell you anything

that works that has worked. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to find anything that's helpful, but I promise to share it with you. And I love you and we we take care of us and I'm grateful to you and thank you but both. I know you guys have ridden this roller coaster with me and I'm grateful for your grace and your and and you have been h Thanks. [snorts] You have you have done such a good job with your noises, Abby. Such a good job. We commend you. You and your low so many noises. Um the Menopause Society is actually a good if people are looking for doctors who actually know what they're talking about. The Menopause Society is menopause.org and that that they have like a listing of providers that are actually credentialed in having some kind of training. So that's that could be a place to start for people.

Okay. And then after that, there's only one other person that I think might be able to help us honestly on this [ __ ] planet. We're about to meet her in a minute. Stay tuned. We can do hard things. And now it's time to thank the companies who allow you to listen to We Can Do Hard Things for free. This episode is brought to you by Midi Health. If anything in this episode is resonating with you, then you might want to check out Midi Health. Midi Health built their company to close the care gap because every woman's menopause journey is unique and her care should be too. There are dozens of symptoms linked to oh my god there are doz is this one of them.

There are dozens of symptoms linked to hormonal changes and most of us don't even realize they're connected. Many clinicians specialize in this stage of life. They listen, personalize your plan and stay on top of the latest research. And it's not just about hormones. Midi takes a holistic approach that can include supplements, lifestyle support, and non hormonal options, too. Over 90% of MIDI patients report symptom improvement within 60 days. And Midi is the only women's teleaalth brand covered by major insurance, which is huge. And this makes expert care accessible and affordable. Visit joinmidi.com today.

That's joinmidi.com. Midi, the care women deserve. Madame President, hello. How are you?

Well, Madame President, I've been better. Honestly, I've been better. But I'm really, really grateful that you are here today as the president of the Do Not Care Club, which everyone I know is a member of. Can you explain to me, Madame President, why you were moved to create this club?

As I sat in my car one day, I looked at myself in my rearview mirror and I I just realized I was putting so much pressure on myself to be so much, to do so much, to accept so much. And it was time for me to just stop caring anymore. And I just hit that record button and asked women did they want to join me in a club and overwhelmingly absolutely

we're 4 million plus strong right now. 4 million of us. Okay, [sighs and gasps] Madame President, what can you give us? I have made a list of some things that I am not going to care about anymore and um I'm wondering if I could read it to you and then you could let me know if I could be officially accepted into the club based on what I am suggesting.

Yeah, let's let's do it. Okay. Well, why don't you go first? Tell us your favorites. I would love to hear a list of things that we are not going to care about anymore as menopausal women.

Okay, that's good. We do not care if we forget what we are talking about. Just start a new conversation and if we remember, we'll come back to it. We do not care if we need to turn down the music to bag out of our parking spot.

[snorts] We do not care if we hurt your feelings. We said what we said. [snorts] And we do not care if we have cellulite on our legs. Legs is legs. That's it. So, those are a few of my favorites.

We don't care. Excellent. We just don't care. We don't care. Okay, here are a few of mine.

Okay, we don't care if we are not going to wear stilts on our shoes anymore. In retrospect, that was dumb.

You're right. Thank you. Thank you, Madam President. We don't care if we're not going to wear makeup anymore. We are not contouring or concealing or highlighting. And we're not concealing anything anymore. Not our rage, not our under eyes. If Chad can walk around with his face hanging out, so can we.

We are not going to wear hard pants anymore. If the kids can wear pajamas to school, so can we. Absolutely.

It's soft pants or maybe no pants. We don't care. We can do soft pants. My last one is this. We don't care if we're not going to laugh anymore at the thing you said that's not funny. We are out of lie laughs. Expect this face from us. We hope you don't care. But if you do care, we don't care.

I love him. Love him. Love him. You are absolutely a member of this club. Approved.

Madame President, thank you for your service to the people of this planet going through this phase. You are the one we've been waiting for.

Please rest. protect your spirit because we need you. Thank you, Madam President.

Thank you. The only thing I care about is you. This episode is brought to you by Midi Health. You know what blows my mind? 75% of women who go to the doctor for menopause or pmenopause get no treatment at all. None. It's not because we're not asking for help. It's because the system wasn't built for us. For decades, women in midlife have been told to just deal with it. The hot flashes, the brain fog, the sleepless nights, like it's all just some sort of right of passage that we're supposed to endure. But it's not. These are real medical issues that deserve real medical care. Midi Health makes it easy to meet one-on-one with a menopause trained clinician from home. someone who actually understands what's going on with your body and knows how to help.

They'll personalize your plan, send prescriptions straight to your pharmacy, and best of all, Midi is the only women's teleaalth brand for midlife care covered by major insurance. Visit joinmidi.com today. That's joinmidi.com. Midi, the care women deserve. We Can Do Hard Things is an independent production brought to you by Treat Media. We make art for humans who want to stay human. And you can follow us at we can do hard things on Instagram and we can do hard things show on Tik Tok.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)"?

Glennon Doyle (Host), Abby Wambach (Host), Madame President (Guest).

What is "Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)" about?

The discussion dives into the chaotic experiences of menopause, highlighting the emotional, physical, and relational turmoil that often goes unaddressed. It emphasizes the need for open dialogue, both among women and their male counterparts, about the complexities of this life stage, while acknowledging the lack of straightforward solutions or remedies.

What is mentioned in this We Can Do Hard Things episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including menopause, pmenopause, Abby Wambach, The Menopause Society, Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia Woolf. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)"?

The episode runs 57 min; the transcript is about 9,348 words in 177 timestamped sections.

More from We Can Do Hard Things

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated February 15, 2026.