Transcript

Disney, Data, and Don'ts | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 321

From Whitney Cummings · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 11 min · 13,343 words · 156 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Disney, Data, and Don'ts | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 321", an episode of Whitney Cummings published December 15, 2025 (1 h 11 min, about 13,343 words). It mentions 32 people, works and ideas, including Whitney Cummings, OpenAI, Palantir, Royal Oak Music Theater, Comedy Mothership.

What this episode is about

The discussion revolves around the challenges faced by podcasters and influencers in presenting themselves authentically while adhering to promotional expectations, like creating thumbnail images and engaging audiences with catchphrases. Whitney Cummings humorously critiques the pressure of maintaining an entertaining facade, emphasizing the disconnect between expectation and reality in content creation.

Key takeaways

  • Influencers are the modern-day jesters, promoting joy while slowly losing their own authenticity.
  • The thumbnail pose: a snapshot of falsehood, reminding us that reality often crumbles under the weight of performance.
  • Podcasts: where soul-sucking thumbnails meet existential dread, and you're just one 'smash the like' away from oblivion.
  • Ever watch a comic exit the stage? It's the awkward finale to a show where authenticity battles theatricality.
  • Stand-up is therapy in disguise; one punchline away from enlightenment or existential crisis—no pressure!

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Eagles, Royal Oak Music Theater, Comedy Castle, Whitney Cummings
  2. – 20:00: Lollipop, BlueChew, Eagles, Whitney Cummings
  3. – 40:00: Cash App, Home Chef, OpenAI, Gordon Ramsay
  4. – 1:00:00: Bill Cosby
  5. – 1:10:00: Palantir, Comedy Store
  6. – 1:10:48: Whitney Cummings

Notable quotes from "Disney, Data, and Don'ts | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 321"

  • Burbank Center for the Arts because I'm a work of art. St. Louis, Missouri. I'll be at the factory on March 19th. Royal Oak Music Theater. I love Royal Oak Music Theater. It…
    about Royal Oak Music Theater · at
  • Just don't love the sugar crash, or the my gut hates me now aftermath. Lollipop is a new kind of soda that tastes like the stuff that you grew up with, but it's actually built…
    about Lollipop · at
  • Discover your options at bluechw.com exclamation mark. And we've got special deals here going for our listeners. Try your first month of Bluetooth free when you use promo code Whitney. Just pay $5.
    about BlueChew · at
  • Adopting implies that it's like rescuing it and taking it in. Yeah, they kind of are because OpenAI has not been able to prove a viable business strategy.
    about OpenAI · at
  • This is why I love Home Chef. Home Chef is rated number one by users of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipe ease. They make cooking simple. Fresh, pre-proportioned.
    about Home Chef · at
  • Someone whose eyeballs are a little too small. We got you. Your money is right where you left it. Gift yourself some peace of mind this holiday season.
    about Cash App · at
  • Like it's just I don't know. I can't I can't deal. Did you see that thing on the CEO of Planeteer, the data mining company? Palanteer Oh, sorry. Planeteer.
    about Palantir · at
  • Know what I can't wait. I'm also going to do a big roast in January on a very big platform and I'm excited because I'm fascinated by the fact that some people think that I'm…
    about Whitney Cummings · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Whitney Cummings — Person · Host / main speaker · 3 mentions · first at
    She drives the episode’s monologue-style discussion (tour dates, comedy culture, sports fandom, AI/media personalization, and ads).
  • Bert Kreischer — Person · Referenced comedian / collaborator (tour booking context) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the owner/face of the “Fully Loaded Cruise,” which Whitney says she’s rumored to be appearing on; used to comment on comedy friendships/feuds.
    I've been accused of planning to go on Bert Chryser's Cosm Cruise.
  • Bill Cosby — Person · Referenced person · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of a story about comedians and public perception.
    People don't wear socks with shoes anymore.
  • Jalen Hurts — Person · Referenced sports figure (example in argument about team dynamics) · 1 mention · first at
    Used as the focal point of a rant about Philadelphia Eagles fans/teammates blaming the quarterback and the psychology of winning teams self-sabotaging.
    Like what are you doing? You're mad at the quarterback. You guys are mad at him and it's affecting your life in any capacity.
  • Donald C. Murphy — Person · Referenced person · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in the context of a story about comedians and public perception.
    This podcast. This has happened before like there's that famous story of Bill Cosby calling Eddie Murphy and being You're too dirty. which private phone call.
  • Ian Brady — Person · Referenced sports celebrity (example of leadership/pep-talk culture) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as an example of NFL teams seeking motivational input/authority figures, supporting the episode’s point about team cohesion and ego.
    They're always We I think we got it.

Companies & orgs

  • OpenAI — Company · Referenced company · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in the context of Disney's investment and the use of AI to create user-generated content.
  • Palantir — Company · Referenced company · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in the context of data mining and AI, with a focus on its military contracts and intelligence capabilities.

Places & events

  • Royal Oak Music Theater — Place · Tour location · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour, with personal anecdotes about past shows.
  • Comedy Mothership — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour, noted for its no-phone policy.
    I'm excited about that. I'm excited to go to like a club with no phones. When you go to the Comedy Mothership, you do not get to bring a phone with you and record. So, get ready for what I'm going to say. Also, the Comedy Mothership.
  • Eagles — Event · Referenced event · 6 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of a football game and team dynamics, with a focus on player conflicts.
    Next year. It's, I gotta say that Eagles game was that was it was hard to watch. I was there. I'm starting to think I'm losing every game.
  • Comedy Castle — Place · Referenced venue · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of past comedy performances and personal anecdotes.
    Relationships and broken engagements because I refuse to lie. I'll be at the Royal Oak Music Theater, though. That was at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle, which hilariously, doing…
  • Comedy Store — Place · Referenced venue · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of comedy performances and industry dynamics.
    At other comedians. I mean these people see each other. I watch them see each other in the hallway every I mean this is every time I go to the comedy store now I'm like h how's this going to go?
  • Fayetteville — Place · Tour location · 2 mentions
    Mentioned as a destination for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    Fine Oklahoma City Oklahoma May 8th I'll be at the Tower Theater Fagville Arkansas I'm sorry I had to schedule last show May 9th Walton Art center. That's the Walmart people, guys. I shoplifted from Walmart when I was probably 10 or 11.
  • NFL — Event · Referenced event · 2 mentions
    Mentioned in the context of football team dynamics and player conflicts.
    It'll be like here's a picture of the Eagles or some NFL team like being talked to by Tom Brady, you'll see them in like a classroom kind of setting or it'll be Oh, they're getting a Tony Robbins is there.
  • Pablo Center at the Confluence — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    Madison. People love Madison. Okay. So, I've never been to Oaklair. Very excited. March 6th, I'll be at the Pablo Center at the Confluence. What?
  • Mayo Civic Center — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    Background is not something we can talk about without getting kicked out of the ALGO. I'll be at the Mayo Civic Center, Sacramento, California. I'll be there March 13th at…
  • Luther Burbank Center for the Arts — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    That water? I'll be in a river in some random channel. Santa Rosa, California, March 14th, the Luther Burbank Center for the Arts because I'm a work of art. St. Louis…
  • Astro Theater — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    It's just like you wonder why comedians are hanging by a thread. Omaha, Nebraska. I'll be the Astro Theater March 27th. De Mo, Iowa, March 28th. I've been here before.
  • Hoy Sherman Place — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    You wonder why comedians are hanging by a thread. Omaha, Nebraska. I'll be the Astro Theater March 27th. De Mo, Iowa, March 28th. I've been here before.
  • Super Bowl — Event · Referenced event · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in the context of the Eagles' performance and team dynamics.
    Things. You're Oh, the Eagles are so good. Like what's going to be and the chemistry is just gone. It's like what happened with the Chiefs last year when you just saw Mahomes…
  • Center Stage Theater — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    And now it's just like everyone's pouting like I don't I don't I can't anyway. I'll be at the Center Stage Theater in Atlanta after Philly, but I'll be I'll be coming to Philly and it's going to be it's going to be tough.
  • Jacksonville — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a destination for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    That's in April. Jacksonville, Florida, April 11th, I'll be at the Terry Theater, San Antonio, Texas, May 7th. I love San Antonio. Did you see the woman that fell into the San Antonio.
  • Terry Theater — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a venue for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    That's in April. Jacksonville, Florida, April 11th, I'll be at the Terry Theater, San Antonio, Texas, May 7th. I love San Antonio. Did you see the woman that fell into the San Antonio.
  • San Antonio — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a destination for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    That's in April. Jacksonville, Florida, April 11th, I'll be at the Terry Theater, San Antonio, Texas, May 7th. I love San Antonio. Did you see the woman that fell into the San…
  • Oklahoma City — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a destination for the speaker's upcoming tour.
    Mean she definitely like killed her husband but it's like the point is it's fine Oklahoma City Oklahoma May 8th I'll be at the Tower Theater Fagville Arkansas I'm sorry I had to schedule last show May 9th Walton Art center. That's the.
  • Miami — Place · Tour location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a destination for the speaker's upcoming cruise.
    N Wild and I told them I did that and they sent me some product. So, stealing pays off, guys. Never give up. Miami, Florida, November 19th to 23rd. Oh, I'm huh? I'm going to CSML with Bert Chryser's Fully Loaded Cruise.

Sponsors

  • Cash App — Product · Sponsor · 4 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a financial services platform with built-in protection features to keep money safe, especially during the holidays.
  • Lollipop — Product · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a new kind of soda that supports digestive health with low sugar and high fiber content.
  • Home Chef — Product · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a meal kit service simplifying dinner preparation with fresh ingredients and easy recipes.
  • BlueChew — Product · Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a chewable tablet service for enhancing sexual performance, with a focus on convenience and privacy.
  • Gordon Ramsay — Person · Referenced celebrity chef (ad read tie-in) · 1 mention · first at
    Named during a Home Chef ad segment to add credibility and appeal (“co-created alongside celebrity chef like Gordon Ramsay”).
    Door. Easy to follow recipes that actually taste delicious. And now with dishes that are co-created alongside celebrity chef like Gordon Ramsay, you can enjoy restaurant…

Full transcript with timestamps

Give me a a thumbnail pose right off the top so we're nice and that's the most apocalyptic. Can you leave that in? Can you leave that in? I just want everyone to know that um that I don't know how to say it. If you think that podcasters and influencers and whatever are um you know soulless, you know, just gentle suggestions of what humanity used to look like, just know that if saying smash the like button, like subscribe, like we're not even saying like I hope you like me, we're like like smash it please. But there's also a moment before every podcast where you have to um like do the thumbnail. You have to smile and like get a still. And every time I do it, like a little bit of my soul, what is left in my soul does like eek out of

It could be worse. Could it? Yeah. How so? You could have the like 5,000 piranhas. Like I could be like over a pool of piranhas. you're being attacked and you're like,

"Oh, you mean you could be like trying to get me to like do that's happened sometimes. I'll go on podcast and they'll be like, "So, just be surprised." And I'm like,

I'm I'm like, "I can be shocked and disgusted at how you are trying to wrestle my dignity away from me because that's the only expression I'm capable of right now." Like, because also this doesn't represent what happened. Sorry, I just missed the table. This should always be on my pose. I like I No, we talked about the host depression for an hour and a half. There was no

You're not at an 11. No. No. I don't want anyone tuning in thinking they're going to see something entertaining. That's false advertising. Like, do you think because false advertising is a crime, right? That's what that whole Pepsi points documentary and stuff was about. I mean, like, can we start getting influencers on their their JPEG, their title? What is it when you get a thumbnail? Like this thumbnail promised me entertainment and there was none. Anyway, I'm just rambling. I'm going on tour, guys. I'm going to be in Austin, Texas at the Comedy Mothership January 9th till 11th.

I'm excited about that. I'm excited to go to like a club with no phones. When you go to the Comedy Mothership, you do not get to bring a phone with you and record. So, get ready for what I'm going to say. Also, the Comedy Mothership where I'm the only mother there. Uh Oakair, Wisconsin on March 6. People are excited about Oaklair. Remember when I was like, where is that? And you were like, trust me, Oaklair.

You're gonna love it because I've done Green Bay. What is the other city that people love that people love?

Madison. Madison. People love Madison. Okay. So, I've never been to Oaklair. Very excited. March 6th, I'll be at the Pablo Center at the Confluence. What?

If that's not a typo, then I And good luck finding those tickets. Rochester, Minnesota. March 7th. Is that kind of near where you're from or no?

Yeah, it's about an hour and a half maybe. Pat is a real enigma and his background is not something we can talk about without getting kicked out of the ALGO. I'll be at the Mayo Civic Center, Sacramento, California. I'll be there March 13th at channel 24. I'll be on a channel out of channel UNC. Is it is that water? I'll be in a river uh in some random channel. Uh Santa Rosa, California, March 14th, the Luther Burbank Center for the Arts because I'm a work of art. St. Louis, Missouri. I'll be at the factory on March 19th. Royal Oak Music Theater. I love Royal Oak Music Theater. It was the first show I had to cancel in the pandemic. Um, but I love Royal Oak. There used to be a club there called Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. That's the first time I ever toured with the Comic. You know when I tell you the story about how I um uh how you can try to change over time and go to therapy and try to evolve and edify

yourself and do workbook exercises and pray and do all the things but sometimes something will happen that is so bone chilling in your cells in your mitochondria that you change just like in an instant. And one of the situations that changed me like that is when I first started doing standup I was just trying to appeal to everybody. I'm just like airplane food, right? Like Bibles, huh? Like you know what? I was trying to cover all the bases and I had no idea who I was. Um and I saw the comic that I was opening for whose whole act was about being married and you know his wife and this and that. And right before I went on stage, he took a wedding ring out of his pocket because he was actually divorced. And I watched him just put it on, go on stage, pretend he was married. And I was like, I'm just going to be myself. And if no one likes it, that's fine. So that's why you've all heard every detail about my failed

relationships and broken engagements because I refuse to lie. I'll be at the Royal Oak Music Theater, though. That was at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle, which hilariously, you know, doing theaters is obviously amazing. It's my dream, but and thank you guys for buying tickets so I can do this. Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle had a door on stage that opened outward so you would go on stage and the hardest part of standup honestly I can say after doing this for almost 20 years is exiting the stage for what it's just the weirdest most awkward it's the last thing everyone sees and you want to really leave on a high note when there's momentum and everyone's excited and you've sort of convinced them that you're you know they've been in this hypnosis is and you've convinced them that you are um someone that lives in the moment somehow and you've had them live in the moment and and enjoy this kind of um you know uh uh half

projection half reality of like that this person has you know because we have delusional confidence this person is confident I you know I don't have to take care of their feelings and I don't have to worry about them falling it's the opposite of watching ice skating where you're like please don't fall please don't you know you're like and then a comic would always lock the door you know it would always lock you have to just lock that I mean they lock it from the you know so you'd be like thank you good night and then you're like you got like your notes and your train you have to just stand there like

you have to knock your way yeah no one respects me even the comic I pay to open yeah no I'm just gonna can I come in like it's like because also you realize that when we work at clubs like that's our we're the boss for that night that's our company that night everyone kind of you know there's you know obviously the waitresses don't work But it's like your it's your club that night, you know. Imagine if in any other business the boss walked into an office and then someone locked the door so that they couldn't get to their next meeting.

I mean, it's just like you wonder why comedians are hanging by a thread. Omaha, Nebraska. I'll be the Astro Theater March 27th. De Mo, Iowa, March 28th. Ah, I've been here before. The Hoy Sherman place. Hoy Sherman place. It's a cool prank. Philadelphia rescheduling. Go Birds. April 3rd. Go Birds. Miller Theater. We'll get them next year. It's, you know, I gotta say that Eagles game was that was it was hard to watch. I was there. Um I'm starting to think I'm losing every game. I Oh, true. Um, no. I It's just I'm fascinated by what happens when people are on top, you know, and when winners are winning and then they just self-sabotage or um we've seen it, you know, with people all over the place.

But to see it with teams is like especially hard, you know, because um you know, it's like the devil comes for you when things are going well kind of things. You're like, "Oh, the Eagles are so good. Like what's going to be and the chemistry is just gone." It's like what happened with the Chiefs last year when you just saw Mahomes and Travis Kelce be like, "Can you guys pretend you get along because of all the millions of dollars that you make? You can't like and this is by the way when I was at the last Eagles game against the Chargers, they lost to the Chargers, which is it's always the case play basketball that when you're a a really good team and you play a mediocre team, you always play worse. So that's always the, you know, the the problem is that when you're a good team and you play like a me, they're playing with heart. This is the game of their life and they play better and then you actually start playing

worse, you know? So that's like the cruel irony of playing a team that's like kind of worse than you. So they all started like hating Jaylen Herz kind of out of nowhere. I have a little bit of gossip of what I think happened, but I can't like confirm it and I don't want to like put that out there. But the point is men are women. Like what are you doing? You're mad at the quarterback. You guys are mad at him and it's affecting your life in any capacity. Can you imagine car? Can you imagine? Can have you seen gymnasts, the girls? They don't You think they get along? They high-five each other. They they they carry each other off the mat when their ankle falls off. They have they it's just like this whole thing like women are so emotional. It's like I watched a football team lose that won the Super Bowl last year to the Chargers cuz they were mad at J.

They were mad Jalen hearts. Can imagine making that much money and having that much on the line and have destroyed every brain cell in your head in order to play this sport and win this trophy. and you can't get over your own ego of being mad at the quarterback and then just psychologically falling apart. It's like also, you know, you know, when you see like like it's like a it'll be like on Twitter or something. It'll be like here's a a picture of of the Eagles or some NFL team like being talked to by Tom Brady, you know, you'll see them in like a classroom kind of setting or it'll be like, "Oh, they're getting a Tony Robbins is there."

What you guys need? Pep talk. You need And they're always They never care. They're always like, "We I think we got it." What? Why do you even need help figuring out how to like the other millionaire that's at your job? Why do we need these team building exercises? You're a team. You're actually a team. See, corporate companies, they need team building because they're not a team. They're separate people in different cubicles that are all competing for the same job. They hate each other. You guys all have different jobs, different positions.

None of you are competing for the same job. You started competing with the people on your team. You guys need help being a team, but you're a team. Does anyone want to win anymore? I just I don't know. I don't know, man. I'm just saying. I was like I'm like They're like They're kind of emotional. No one's getting along. I'm like, "Who? The cheerleaders? Oh, the cheerleaders aren't getting along. What are they fighting over? Who gets to stand where and twerk for the rich guy? Who? Oh, no. No. The the team. Huh? You don't get to wear spandex and then be mad at another man.

Okay. You don't Do you Did you see that? That that he couldn't find his helmet. Herz couldn't find his helmet.

Is he being pranked? You tell me. Do you think the quarterback would forget where he put his helmet? I'm just saying. That is another level of when Philly fans are mad at you like Eagles play like they're mad at like the players and they were like they have like a parade for Michael Vic. He was fighting live animals and they were like that's our guy and now it's just like everyone's pouting like I don't I don't I can't anyway. I'll be at the Center Stage Theater uh in Atlanta after Philly, but I'll be I'll be coming to Philly and it's going to be it's going to be tough.

That's in April. Uh Jacksonville, Florida, April 11th, I'll be at the Terry Theater, San Antonio, Texas, May 7th. I love San Antonio. Did you see the woman that fell into the the San Antonio River trying to get her cell phone and the Darwin Award goes to I'll be at the Charlene Mcomes Empire Theater. I love these theaters that have like women's names and it's like obviously some widow of some rich guy and you find out like oh they bought a theater to like

she loved the theater but it's like to like what she had like a booth up at the theater you know I mean she definitely like killed her husband but it's like the point is it's fine Oklahoma City Oklahoma May 8th I'll be at the Tower Theater Fagville Arkansas I'm sorry I had to schedule last show May 9th Walton Art center. That's the Walmart people, guys. I shoplifted from Walmart when I was probably 10 or 11. Nah, more like nine. Some Bonnie Bell lip balm, some Wet N Wild. I did DM Wet N Wild and I told them I did that and they sent me some product. So, stealing pays off, guys. Never give up. Miami, Florida, November 19th to 23rd. Oh, I'm like, huh? I'm going to CSML with Bert Chryser's Fully Loaded Cruise.

I don't recall agreeing to that. I thought we were just hanging out. I thought this was a good invite to go on vacation.

I've been accused of planning to go on Bert Chryser's Cosm Cruise. Okay. I've heard a rumor that I will be on a boat and you know that I don't do boats and uh this is I I Who do I call? Child services. My inner child is scared. No, I literally love bird. Um, I have no You know what's weird? I The reason I feel the need to say that is because right now there's so many comedy feuds. Have you seen this? You find this odd as a not comedian.

I find it odd. I was fortunate enough to meet a lot of your friends over the last few years

and uh it's very interesting to see people pull into groups here and there and then talk about other groups depending on where they are. And it's odd. It's also funny because like you just made me realize that some people will talk about other groups implying that they're not in that. I'm like you don't even know what group you're in. You talking about your own group frankly or you're talking about this group thinking you're in this other group. They don't want you either. Like it's kind of wild to sort of watch. I mean Tik Tok right now my entire Tik Tok is comics trashing other comics like by name.

It's we used to like once a year do a roast and it was like 10 of us and we would make fun of each other like for money as a joke. Now comics are seriously without being funny just mad at other comedians. I mean these people see each other. I watch them see each other in the hallway every I mean this is every time I go to the comedy store now I'm like h how's this going to go? What was that sound? No, that was not my birth video. That was me opening a can of lollipop. Look, if you grew up obsessed with soda the way that I did, this is your moment of redemption. I love that classic fizzy soda taste. I just don't love the sugar crash, you know, or the my gut hates me now aftermath. Lollipop is a new kind of soda that tastes like the stuff that you grew up with, but it's actually built to support your digestive health. Each can only has two to five grams of sugar and up to nine grams of fiber.

fiber, guys, which by the way, a psychic once told me was like a broom that brushes through your gut. I think and it ruined it ruined my subconscious. I think about it all the time. Like it it like

a sweep. Yeah, like a sweep of all I'm like, what's in there? What of what? Thanks to a functional ingredient blend that supports your gut. And for the holidays, Lollipop is going full festive. They're lovable yetis. Is that what this is?

I like it. But is this called a yeti? Oh, that's a yeti. That's so cute. I thought that was like a polar bear. Oh, that's so cute. This is the apple crisp one. We had it at my Thanksgiving dinner. Everybody had one. Mhm. We don't drink water in my home. We only We actually, you know, that I drink this like water. The grape one is like my obsession, actually. We have vintage cola, ginger ale, and fan favorite crisp apple. By the way, that is so delicious. It's crazy. And look, they're popping out. Those bubbles are just A+ bubbles. All three. There's nothing worse than a flat soda. There's nothing better than a fizzy soda. But these sodas out there these days, you know how they long they've been on a truck.

Two to five grams of sugar per can. I said that already, but that's not because of me. That's the I'm enjoying this soda so much that I'm just actually reading this copy. I'm trying to not piss these people off because I really do like Olive Pop. So, here's the thing. Just buy these. You know them. Bring the Yeti home with you. It's in the refrigerated section. Fourpack from the soda aisle or a 15 pack from Costco for the ultimate holiday celebration. Buy two cans of lollipop in the store. We'll pay you back for one. Okay. Works for any flavor, any retailer, including the limited edition cans. Go to drinkllipop.com/witney.

Again drinkllipop.com/witney. Grab your can of free lollipop. Make and make soda season a little bit smarter. You can have that one lollipop. Just kidding. That they wrote that. That's not what I would have said. Blue chew. So, let's talk like adults here for a second. Bluetooth is the upgrade button for your sex life. Chewable tablets that deliver stronger, harder, longer lasting erections without the hoops. Does that mean a ring? No. Oh, like proverbial hoops. No waiting rooms, no pharmacy lines, just quick online visit. And once approved by a licensed medical provider, Bluetooth sends shoes straight to your door. It's made to work and your first month is free. So, if that doesn't get you, I don't know what will. blu.com. Simple as that. Look, if you've been thinking about it, now is the time to try Bluetooth with your first month free.

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That's it. Promo code Whitney. Visit bluechu.com for more details and safety information. And we think that Bluetooth we we think it's great and we thank them too. Thank you Blue Chu for sponsoring this podcast. This has happened before like there's that famous story of um uh Bill Cosby calling Eddie Murphy and being like, "You're too dirty." You know, which you know,

private phone call. Sure. Sure. Sure. as a as a a woman, you know, roly polied off of a bed, her lifeless body hitting. You're too I don't like that you curse. Here, have another

keep it down. Have thud. Look, comics publicly trashing other comics. I just find this super wild because comics, we're not the target consumer of our product. Like I feel like someone that makes shampoo has buys shampoo. You know what I mean? Comedians we don't have to see. We don't go pay money. It might be the only job where you doctors surgeons have to get surgery, right? We're I will pay you money if one comedian has paid to go watch another comedian tr like truly ever. I'm not I'm not kidding. I don't know. I this is worth bringing up because something happened where comics like became the morality police like to each other. It used to be like us against those in power, right? And we didn't have to like get along. We're not the Eagles. We're not an NFL team. We don't have to all be best friends in order to do our jobs.

Okay. But it's like the idea was like, yeah, the idea is why would we all get along? Our job is to look for is to be grumpy and complain and find flaw. And we don't want to get along because that would mean we're too similar. And we all want to be unique and like special and so different than everybody else, right? And we kind of know to be a little bit rough with each other cuz that's what respect kind of looks like. It's like, oh, you can take it. Like we're the only people that can spar with each other without hurting anyone else. So we and it's like we all know that our childhood was like, you know, it's like a warm hug to be like, hey, you know, to be rude to each other. We're like, okay, you get me. We get we see whatever. The point is there's this thing now where comics instead of all of us as a unit sort of being against those in power, now it's like comics got the very power they used

to criticize and now they're just turning on each other. You know, it used to be all of us going like these people think they're moral, but look what they're doing and look what a charity really is. But now it's like this guy who think look who he it's just like what no what are you do podcasting the same thing we treat podcast like green room conversations now look I I appreciate that we're on some say it to my face but saying it on a podcast where the comic's not there is not say it to my face giving someone the opportunity to defend themsel or say their side right because comedians like we're bad like we're lawyers right we say something that's not true and then we defend it and kind of make it True. But in this case, we're just comedians now are just u being blasphem and just saying that that saying the things you used to just gossip about and say who care everyone knows. I mean one time

Mark Maron was watching me at the and someone I know was behind him and he was like he was just trashing you the entire time you were on stage. I'm like yeah of I'm sure I'm sure of course Mark Maron does me the honor of we get fights in person face to face, right? That's your That's the way you're supposed to argue about to for these comics to go on podcast and start talking vaguely though about well these comics in Austin and the that's even more petty because you're not naming name them name them you're trying to just come for a general group of people all the comics that did this festival all the comics that live in this city all the comics that talk about politics or that align with this political party instead of naming a per it's a little bit of both right so it's like I don't know if I would because the people that are naming a person is also really cheap because you're not doing it

to their face. Like when did comics just It used to be like let's go outside and talk about this and you would see like two comics going at it in a parking lot like like adults, you know, but now it's just like everyone's like recording and posting things we used to whisper. As a society, we discovered that the things that we used to whisper, if we say them loud, we can make money and views. Whispering is for poor people. No one makes money whispering about their co-workers anymore. When's the last time you heard someone whisper, by the way? Just real. Like, really?

I'm not even joking. I'm obsessed with the things that slowly fade out in society that we don't really notice, but then one day you're just like, "What? Whoa. What was What happened to whispering? Like what? Like remember whispering? Remember shame? Remember kids remember you kids used to have casts all the time with bars and there's just things there's just things that you're like whatever happened to that slap bracelets. I what where where did those go? You know I don't I'm just I'm sneaker wedges. They just stopped making them. That was my thing. They were a very big part of my life and now I can only get them on eBay. They're so basic and so corny and so cringey. But cringe is my brand. All right. And I am a girl, not yet a woman.

And I One time I was with Andrew Schultz was a while ago. I was in New York. This is like during the pandemic, I think. And I was wearing these like wedge sneakers and he's like, "Can I see that? Can I see those shoes? Those are like I want to can I" And I was like, "Okay." And we were like sitting on a couch or something. So I was like, "Sure, I'll take my shoes off." and he took them and just threw them out the I didn't know they were so loathed, but as like a female comic, that was like our sort of like I'm not in heels, I'm wearing sneakers, but like still look cute like the wedge sneaker, but you can't find they're nowhere. They just stopped making them. Okay, pocket protectors went away. Cell phone holsters. Remember stealth just gone?

Daddy energy gone. I like those. You didn't know you had to make phones smaller and smaller so they fit into pockets. Now guys can't look like cell phone cowboys. French tips are gone. They're you when dude French tips which was like when your finger nail is pink and then like white at the end. That was it. That was it. And now they're just gone. You just never You do see them sometimes every now and then like when I fly too close to the sun in a rabbit hole about Bill Gates and there's like a pop-up ad of like a neon green adult toy. It's always held by a woman's hand with French tips.

See it every now and then. It's like kind of a Russian thing, I guess, now. Socks. Nothing goes away in Russia. When something happens in Russia, they stick with it. They don't They're not willy-nilly with their hot fashions. People don't wear socks with shoes anymore. Remember when people would wear socks with shoes?

That's a good way to ruin your shoes and everyone's day. What are you talking about? There they there's now like the tiny sock. Like this is a problem no one needed to solve. It's like if someone else's socks were bothering you and you were like and they were like we got to make tinier socks like this is who why was that bothering anyone? Like you remember oh gosh when someone has those little the little socks and you you know they're in there. By the way, I can see your ankle socks. They're not invisible. It's like the clear bra strap people.

It's the same people. Like I I see your bra strap. I just see that it's clear. And all I think all I see really is that you think I'm dumb or you want me to think I'm crazy because I'm just like, have you been taped up? Did you escape a trunk? Why do you have packing tape on your I can't The point is raw dogging sneakers is not We can't do Why is your foot touching your shoe that touches the ground? Why are we removing layers that were between the foot and the dirt? Okay, I I I'm do full socks all the time. I don't care. Even with a loafer, full sock. I'm full pippy long stocking over here. We're not I'm not succumbing to this little ankle condom that SL I know that it's and I you know what? I know that it's creeping up, too. I know it's not on your heel. I know that it's crept up. Now I have to think about it. I'm like, can you fix it? Now I'm thinking about it and you're in a bad mood and I'm like it's not I

No, you're not mad at your boss. Your thing is thing. Get the fix the fix the thing. Fix your tiny little heel hat. Fedoras went away. Remember when fedoras were everywhere? People just kind of stopped. This is This is See, sometimes mocking works. Mockery does work. It they they stopped. I haven't seen a fanny pack in a while either. The last one I saw was on my fanny. I'm feeling like I'm the only person that used fanny pack. People put carry them over their chest now like they're a a knight. Like men put the fanny pack over their chest to try like do we know what this is?

I have a theory about fedoras. This is so Pat. Every now and then I really realize on a deep cellular level why we get along so well. Like the fact that you have a theory on fedoras, it's just like so like no offense is the meanest thing I'll ever say to you. Like that's so me. Like in the 90s, all the 60s fashion was back in the 90s.

I think the fedora cycle is actually a 45 year cycle. Does every fashion do that?

The '9s was very like 60s7s like Dais and Confused and now it's it's 80s and 90s again.

Yes, exactly. 90 Jeno jeans are coming back. But here's my question. and fedoras come back. Is that repeating the cycle of

fedoras in the I think mainstream is on 30 to 35 year cycle and fedoras are on 45 to 50 year cycle.

Fedoras are only worn by only children. That's a good theory. A brother a big brother would handle that.

Yeah. So maybe the the oldest would get away with the fedora. And maybe people that are named junior like Mark what Junior because there's like some kind of because if someone's like hey I'm Mark Wdsworth Junior you're like okay I guess the fedora is fine. Also remember Dick Tracy. I feel like I don't I I have vague recollections of things like Dick Tracy and who framed Robert Roger Rabbit. Robert Rabbit, but like these were these were that was like a fedora was a thing like I'm solving crimes, you know, and now it's like I'm going to I'm going through a divorce because a fedora doesn't actually stop any sunlight. It doesn't it's it's I have a qualm with things that serve no actual purpose as I wear a bolo tie. Um but this does serve a purpose. It's to let you know I'm nuts. Um um so I don't have to carry around mace.

Everyone's like sweatshirt and bolo tie. We'll we'll wait for the next one. Um I feel like um fashion with men is a little bit like you wait for a wave and you try to take it. men like try to uh like do floaters. It's like, "Oh, can we, you know, wear fedoras?" And they like try and try and the answer is like, "No, you can't." Like, you know, like remember the the the um everyone that went to like Dave Matthews Band and Fish concerts would all wear that braided white puka shell. Like they tried it and we were like, like they just guys have to keep

seeing what they can get away with. Now it's like hair and pants, you know? And the reality is that all of you should just dress like Pat. Just dress like like just a like

dress like you haven't looked in a mirror in 30 days. But like but there's a method to it. Like if you're not wearing a 50 cent shirt once a month, are you even a man? Real men wear great men on their chest with pride. Not not team jerseys, you know. I am in the market for a Don Rickles shirt. That's the next that

you are the third person that has brought up Don Rickles to me in like two days. What is that Bader Meanhoff?

Oh, the the third confirmation. Yeah, exactly. Like it's like have do people always bring up Don Rickles to me, but I just noticed it because you did it or

I think that means that there will be some Don Rickles related event in your life.

But does that mean Okay, so Bader Meanhoff is like so um someone says the word defenistrate. I've never heard this word before. Huh. Right? It means to throw someone out a window and someone's like, "I've never heard that word. That's so crazy." And then the next day they hear it and then the next day they read it and they're like, "Hold on." That was kind of mystical before the internet and apps and stuff, but now with like social media, like Chris will say something and he'll be like, "Ah, should we go see Train?" And I'm like, "I was just thinking about Train. That's so weird." And he was like, "Someone brought up Train to me." And I'm like, "Yeah, cuz we all follow the same people. It's all there was a video. We all got the same video."

And now your phones are pushing it, reinforcing it, too. of course, you know, like someone will be like, "Remember Twister?" And I'm like, "I just saw a thing for Twister." And I think it's this magical coincidence. I'm like basing my entire like spirituality and concept of like how the world I'm like, "See, the universe is talking to me." This is my theory about how we're all slowly becoming schizoprenic and we think we're being like spoken to by patterns.

Disney adopting AI and adopting adopting implies that it's like rescuing it and taking it in. Yeah, they kind of are because OpenAI has not been able to prove a viable business strategy.

Okay. So, what does it mean in in a couple sentences that Disney has bought chat GPT?

They invested heavily in OpenAI and they're going to use it. I turned that into bought Chat GPT.

They're going to use it to create from their library of material that they own, which is a ton of things. But what they're targeting is user generated content, which is like when you have a Disney Plus subscription. It's going to be analyzing your life and it's going to be changing the movies and the shows that you're watching on the fly for you.

So, you're going to go like, "Oh, she has two dead parents. Maybe not every Disney movie should be about parents dying." Like, I'm not even kidding. Well, like the way everyone's been siloed off from each other in social media,

but will it be like this? A movie that's about um Lion King can be turned into Horse King because I love horses and they'll make a horse version.

They would add a horse to the movie or they would have a horse be the hero of the story or whatever.

How about when you watch the movie, you watch your favorite movie, Frozen, and it's you.

That that'll be part of it, too. And it's your voice. You can you can flip through your the people that you have on social media and add them to the show and put them in the movie and watch the movie of your friends playing all the characters or whatever.

Finally, I'm going to be a movie star. Now what, mom? In as much as everyone's been siloed off on their phones through algorithms and social media, there's always been sort of a common like everybody can go and watch the same movie

right now. Yeah. Or they can watch the same event, sporting event or whatever. Yeah.

And there's some common truth representation of something that happened that everyone can say, "I saw that and I like the ending and I didn't like the ending or whatever."

But by the way, this is there's no unique there's no individual work of art at that point. Everybody will have seen Frozen, but nobody saw the same Frozen.

Well, see, this is already happening. That's the other thing, which is like I think it's going to take movies like this situation for people to realize like, well, we're arguing like you saw Frozen. at the end when they got married. They didn't get married. Yes, they did. And we're like, "Oh, we're watching two different movies." The same thing's already happening with the news. Like, that's already happening, but it's going to take like movies. That takes a little bit of tension out of it. We're like the default of like, why would you lie about a movie? You must be mistaken.

Whereas, we don't do that with news and politics. We don't go maybe we just got the different different news when it comes

because there's only one of the movie. There's many reports of the story. That's a good point. That's a good point.

A lot of different angles. There's one movie or there's one. But they'll be like one news story and I'll be like, "No, this happened." And someone be like, "No, this happened." It's like, "Hold on, hold on."

If this were a Disney movie, wouldn't we kind of be like, "Wait, watch it together and look at it together."

Oh, you got a totally different movie. Yeah. Like we are already getting totally different movies

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Cash App. Nope. Cash.appleodcast applealodcast for full disclosures. Can we pull up that site?

Yeah. Okay. Can we just Can you book more this episode? We're going to read aloud.

We're just going to read the the disclosures. Thank I just pull it up. Thanks. I went to New Orleans and you know, look, I know that's what he just said felt kind of dystopian, but here's some great news. People were smoking. It's kind of like what's it's it's it I don't know if this is a testament to how people are like, "Ah, all right. We're being recorded more than ever. I'm going to just smoke." Like, no one's worried about surveillance. Nobody's worried about your purchases being trafficked because if you buy cigarettes with a credit card, your health insurance company's going to know about it. No one's worried about any of this. It was kind of a breath of fresh air to see people just being like, "God, let's not live forever, you know. It was like I it it was kind of refreshing because I feel like everyone's like, "We're going to be in ketosis and we're going to live forever." And they're like, "Couple more

years is good." Like, you know, everything feels so polarized to me. And people either smoke and vape or they only eat salmon skin and live in a bucket of ice. Like, is anyone just like in the middle anymore? Like where are my like 2% milk people at? Like is anyone just like trying the best they can but refuses to make your body your entire identity? Like I don't really identify as someone who like lives in a body. Like I'm dead serious. Like I have been so estranged from my body for so long. Like when you have a kid, it's kind of another level of disassociation from your body because you know, normally it's just like what is this thing that my like head is what's this like tripod?

This kind of janky ratchet rickety tripod that my head is like balancing on like I hope they hope I can get like a new one at some point, you know? And then you get pregnant and you're like, "Hold on. This thing that my that I lug around with my head just made a frog." Like another human is in my body breathing like schmeagma fluid. I I don't It's like like I can't I I can't even like it actually like I can't even make eye contact with my own body. Like I look in the mirror and I'm like I can't even look at you. Like that's so I I've dealt with everything, but but eating disorders, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, I think is not what you have to call it. Whatever. I didn't call it an eating disorder. I called it starving myself. So men I would never date would think I was hot. And the guys that did date me, it took me a while to realize we're gay. Straight guys are not into super skinny. That's just not

normal. So I finally reconnect with my body and I feel like I had some kind of like normal relationship with it after all that. But then you get pregnant and you're like I've got eyeballs in my body like sockets like it's such a it's it's it's just like get it away from me. It's like you're handcuffed to a monster. Did you see Saw when Carrie Elways is like handcuffed to like a like cut his arm off? I'm like, how do I like there's a monster that is being made inside my body that is going to be 8 pounds 8 inches in circumference and radius. The exit is about an inch and you're like, "Oh, wow." Like, there's just a ticking time bomb. So, I'm just in hell for nine. I just have to sit around and wait to see how this is going to exit my body with no clear tunnel. It's kind of like I did like being pregnant though. I was older so I was just grateful to have given birth to anything besides a concrete figurine.

So, you know, but it is like a sci-fi nightmare. Like women will be like, "I'm nauseous. I keep throwing up." It's like, yeah. Yeah. It's nauseating the idea of someone growing inside your body that won't be able to speak for like seven years. You don't even know this person. Like, you don't know this person. Like remember when our parents would just like tell us crazy lines that we couldn't refute before the internet? So we had to just like believe them. Like they'd be like, "If you eat a watermelon seed, a watermelon will grow in your stomach." And we were like, "No, no, that's the worst thing." Yet women do that all with but it's a watermelon that has teeth that costs so much money that has nails.

Like they come out with nails that are sharp. By the way, do you know some babies have to break their shoulders to get out of their moms?

Rough. Rough. Okay. I I haven't really talked about my birth journey, but there's really just, you know, there's truly people just standing by with like cartoon like saws, like knives, like hatchets. Like they they know that they're going to cut into you one way or another. I was cut in the underc carriage. They were standing by for a C-section, trust me. just like Edward Scissor Hands just like you know but then you're like I what? So my options are you're gonna saw me in half or you have to break my baby's shoulders.

Cool. Anyway, bodies, man. Um seeing people smoking it was just I was like okay good. Like good for you that you're like I love the idea that humans are just you know imagine like hundred years ago just being like what would humans be like if they knew everything like I wonder what what if they did know what killed them? What if they did know how to stay healthy? Cut to a hundred years later they're just like yeah I don't care. Like science like science is so corny. Like trying to be healthy is so corny. And honestly, I promise you these people are healthier than anybody. I promise you. You know what? I actually had a therapist tell me once, well, my the only one I've really worked with and um she was like, you know, smoking might actually be good for you because you would take deep breaths.

People smoking are actually relaxed and they're taking deep breaths. And the rest of us are dying of stress because we're trying to figure out how to make a blueberry smoothie on the freeway on the way to the spin class. Okay. I'm just it just this onslaught of health and wellness podcasters like just the idea that they're like, "Okay, dorks." Like I just love that there's You think you're the cool kid until you see that and you're like, "Those are the cool kids."

Every time you release a an episode of a health and wellness podcast, you should have to release a 5 to 10 minute interview with somebody who's older than 90.

That's so funny. And they're like, "I drink a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper every day. I eat spam. I don't even open the can. I don't even know, dude. I eat tuna out of a can. You a lot of people recently, speaking of bodies, good segue, are accusing me of getting a nose job. My nose look different or my whole head just changed. Oh, you know that noses as you get

people have accused you recently. Like for some reason in the last like week like you know as you get older your the tip of your nose detaches or something and it gets your nose

in your ears never stop growing Pat. Oh my god that's just ruined my day. That's worse than when I found out there's bugs in our eyelashes. Oh my god. That's the worst thing I've ever heard. Are you sure? Well, the good news about me is I get my ear bitten off every couple years by a dog. So, I'm mine is I would love for it to grow bigger. Anyway, I don't smoke. I don't drink. I do some supplements. I do I do the NAD. I do the True Nogen, you know. I do that foliated B12. I do creatine now. And they remember when creatine the whole thing was like it's so good for you. Men should take it.

It makes you like stronger and faster. So, like m men here it is. And I I was like, "Well, that's like for men." Creatine's like for men though. It makes you like think faster. What would I mean? Why would they market that to us? It's the same like it was for men. It's like how lotion is only for women. Like men have skin too. Like men get ashy. It's like a nightmare. Okay. We have the same molecules, the same cellular jelly. It's good for men's brains. Men got creatine. We got lavender, which is now apparently proven to disrupt the endocrine system and cause like hormonal disruption in children. No big deal. But creatine I'm taking now. I think it's good. I do that theanine magnesium like an oil spray and that's kind of it. But it's just wild to me that we spend all day scrolling hunched over on our phones two inches from a screen our brain thinks it's the sun to get health tips and wellness hacks.

Like I truly feel like we're better off never having seen one thing on the internet and just doing what we thought was healthy before all these wellness people were telling us to sleep eight hours in a video they posted at 2 a.m. Like it's just I don't know. I can't I can't deal. Did you see that um thing on the CEO of Planeteer, the data mining uh company? Palanteer Oh, sorry. Planeteer.

Planet. No, there's a new one. This is a new one. Yeah. No, no, no. Palanteer. Who cares? The competition is swift.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That that he was like giving a speech. Did you see this? Oh, I saw he was jumping around in his chair.

I saw this going around and I'm just like, ah, why do why would a billionaire ever speak to anyone? Like I I just the smartest people in the world cannot go I'm going to say no to this. You know, it is amazing how we put these people on pedals. You're like that is that person is the smartest person in the world. And then he's like, "Hey, how do I get to the talk that's being filmed? My Uber put I need the address for my Uber so I can come talk to a New York Times journalist about this com that." Dude, what is it's just amazing. Like look, here's what I'll say. This is when I know someone. This is when my like ears perk up about someone. When they do something that just like a talk or a podcast or something that will reveal how, you know, goofy they are. Like the people around this guy encouraged him to go talk in front of a crowd on video knowing full well he's going to blow up his entire life. Like they knew how this

would end. Do people know how many people try to stop me from doing truly everything I do? I at least have people who go, "No, don't do that." And I'm like, "Ah, I'll be fine. Reddit loves me." Like, they don't succeed in stopping me, but they try. Okay? You can only lose at speaking in public at this point. Even if what you say is fine, that's even worse. It'll get taken out of context or they'll be like, "Wait a second. She was speaking at 2 p.m.

Suspiciously coherent in her robot AI." She spoke at 2 p.m. Her kids get out of school at 3:30. Like, it's there's no way to win. All right. They'll cut it up late. They'll find out that you you you know, I don't see a land acknowledgement on the beginning of this.

I mean, that's when you know a speech went really well. Okay. They start coming for the land acknowledgement that you forgot. Like I just or you come spoken a thing five years later, you know, this thing was a money laundering scheme and the company was rude to their interns and you sanitized it by showing up. You if you don't have to be on camera, stay off camera. Okay. Did it work for anyone that ever got interviewed by Sasha Baron? No one get off camera. This is gonna be the new Darwinism. who can stay off camera, right? Trained performers. We have practiced knowing how to not talk when the microphone is on. We know how to prep the interview to not ask certain questions or we know how to like pivot if we need to or like do it. We know how to get through it without losing all of our jobs. All right. But these people that spend their whole lives off camera, you know, all and then, you know, whose employees

like, you know, aren't thrilled to be working with them. Like your personality is kind of like I think we can all agree to build something that big. It's like, I bet you're a little prickly. I bet you could be described as brusk on a good day to just go give a speech in front of journalism. When has this ever gone well? Show me. Tell me when. Have you ever This is only Silicon Valley people. Have you ever seen John Deere give a speech the CEO of Campbell Soup? Find it. The lady that founded BS Bees, she did one podcast in no video. You can't Sam Walton who started Walmart. Looked him up. He gave a speech, one one speech 13 years ago, okay, at a museum and he's like reading off a piece of paper. This is you got to understand the truly successful people know to get to go hide.

Let let the guy who started Zara, he's a recluse. That's the power move. That's the flex. He knows he knows those tops are just flimsy enough to make us all hate him. If one spaghetti strap breaks, the Mars family, they don't talk to anyone. These people don't speak. You can't find them. Imagine being the face of stealing people's data and being like, I got to go. I got to go speak at this conference. I got to go. I got to I look, we all think Howard Hughes was crazy for being agorophobic and mysterious. Now I'm just like, guys, I I think that peeing in a mason jar is so much more sane than putting on wacky socks and your John Barbados. Like there those are heels don't me to go down and answer questions from a journalist. Like I don't like imagine knowing when to fold, knowing when to walk away from the poker table. You know what I mean? Bobby Fiser, best player in the world. Beat the Russian guy or

something, right? Disappeared. He's like, "This is it. I I did my best. I showed my talking isn't my strong suit. I think I said everything I needed to say. not much of a show pony. How about I just go live the rest of my life? I'm going to pass on TEDex Pensacola. Thanks. And and getting no money to give a speech that's sponsored by Jeep. Like, what are all these sponsors? Where's all So, this guy, the CEO of of Planetar, shows up in the New York Times. All right. It's just so It's so You know, I love like a petty grudge that like all these people that have the biggest therapists in the world and access to the the psychological medicine and all this stuff to like heal and be present and move on that you're like that's just he's still the dork from high school who can't has to get his reven like what is doing all this just so the girl that rejected him is like ah he's the one that got away he shows up

at the New York Times dealbook summit what by the way all these companies just making up fake summits so that they can like get sponsors from companies like I will show up at these things and they're like yeah come speak at the women in power summit for the this magazine and and you show up and you're like, "Oh, I guess I'm going to go help some young girls that want to hear and you get there and you're like, what are all these brands? Where how I'm getting paid zero dollars for this? Wait, these people don't pay for like how wait how much you paid $1,000 for tickets to see me talk? Like why am I do not listen to my advice on business or because I am working for free at something making no money. I am in I am a moron." Okay, so this guy shows up and well it's also the thing of like everyone wants to be asked like if you just they always say if you want to meet a celebrity like just make up a

fake award and they'll come and get it. Wasn't it at Harvard they made a fake award for Bill Cosby and he like showed up and like accepted it and he like was at the airport and someone had just like go pick him up and they were just you know like I'm praying but I was like all right so this guy can't just be rich. I love it when money is not enough for somebody. Money is so enough for me it's not even funny. But like these dude they he also has to be the cool kid, right? The New York Times is like still the too cool for school. It's like the cool kids table, you know? He like wants an invite. It's even tech bros, the people who invented updating software can't update their mental software to remember that we're not in high school anymore.

You guys made the technology to show us high school people and you see that they're 20 years older, but you're still can't stop. You don't have to go be friends with the people who write critical articles about the winners and pretend to be moral. All right. But because everyone in this guy's life hates him because they know him personally, I guess. I don't know. And I he goes to this event and I actually watched it. I think a lot of people just watch the clips of him like acting nuts and he's like jumping around and I'm like that's me every day. I don't know what everyone's issue is with this. This guy seems awesome. This huge AI tech titan, he's talking and you can, you know, you can kind of see that this New York Times guy is like really trying to like give it to him, right? And I think we can all agree like you should never see this. We shouldn't see Dr.

Frankenstein. There's a reason he was in a dungeon. He knew. But this guy showed up, okay, to defend what he's doing with the company. And if you were anxious before about AI and tech, these are the people making it. So I think you know we have in our heads I think that that all these tech people are like these like asberersy like dorks that like never got laid and they're in their like whoop bands like sitting on their yoga balls with like superhero figurines and we're like oh look good like good for him. He got his braces off and now he's like a big boy. He's got a girlfriend. Like, but then you see this guy and you're like, "Oh, wait. These are This is like actually Doc from Back to the Future if he was on anesthesia." Like, so I watched it and I got to say, now that I've roasted him a little bit, he won me over because because he only did this interview for revenge. Someone was going to invent this. Here's the

with all these people that invent all this horrific stuff or they're someone was going to do it, right? Other countries are doing someone was going to do it. So there's all these all this technology that's coming like if you didn't invent it, this person was going to invent it. So yeah, you know, that's not doesn't mean it's okay. I'm just saying like I am I hate this guy if other it would be someone else. I don't know who the point is it's not he didn't need to do this. Okay, but watch it. If you watch the part where he's being buck wild, he's trying to debunk all these rumors about his company, like we don't do this, we don't do this, and then he goes, as the New York Times reported, this guy showed up just to like spit in the face of the this New York Times, which is now kind of like a blog, let's be honest. And to debunk to stand up to someone that was mean to him. And when I say this is

revenge of the nerds, I am being literal. These nerds are doing it. All this is revenge. That's why there's no point in being mean to them. We already were. Our only option was to leave them in those lockers because if you're going to bully someone smart, just know you're giving them their superhero origin story. And that's what everybody did cuz we're kind of like, well, these these they they're invincible cuz we are you did that. in high school. These are now This is their They're getting back at us, right? The girls that didn't date them in high school, I'm getting their period.

You wouldn't go to prom with me. We're making it so phones charge wirelessly. So, you never have an excuse to not call me back.

I'm going to go to prom with everybody digitally. I'm the prom king in every high school in America

at all the proms. Like they put Wi-Fi on a plane. That was the only chance we had left to be alone and to that's the only excuse we had to be like, "Sorry I didn't call you back. I was on a plane." No. He's like, "No, no, no, no, no, no. We put Wi-Fi in the clouds. You can never escape us. These dorks won't stop till they can film us peeing from inside the smart toilet. They know to just put smart in front of it. That's how dumb they think we are. It's like, I'm I'm dumb if I don't buy this. I have a dumb toilet. This machine is smart. It can give me directions. It can make my coffee. It collects particles for my pee to tell me what nutrients I'm missing. But how how do you think it's getting the pee? Okay, we've always had surveillance, though.

That's the other thing. It's it's God is like the first surveillance, right? And then like Santa, right? I don't know. Were people this mad when photo developing places came out? Bring your film and we'll print it out. We'll make as many copies as as we want for ourselves, but you will get your 5x7 very sticky for no apparent reason photos as well. Like we've always kind of it's weird where we kind of like draw the line. You know, surveillance is I think the weirdest part of surveillance is when you don't have it, that's when you want it.

But when you have it, you really don't want it. When something crazy happens, everyone's like, "Did someone get that, you know, like when you get robbed, you're like, "How is there no video of this?" A friend of mine got like kind of hit by a car. And we're like, "No one. None of these restaurants are filming 24/7." But then it's like, "Don't don't whatever you do, don't surveil me unless I'm in trouble." Or it's like whenever I'm at like the comedy store and like do like a great set or something happens, I'm like, "Did you guys get that?" And they're like, "No, I don't think we're not supposed to film you." I'm like, "But this night you should have known that I was going to need that. What do you mean you don't have cameras?" Every being anti-surveillance.

It's like, what do you go as far as to say that's procriminal? They are trying to take your day. Like I feel like burglars are the ones that are pushing this anti-surveillance. They're just like, "You're going to let someone film everything you do at your house and at your door. Amazon's going to take a picture of your package and know what happened to it." You know how like all these companies, everyone's like, "Are they evil?" And then you Google what they mean? Like what is a planeteer in like Latin or something?

What does it mean? Like Genghaskhan, like it means something. They're like, "This is the staff that Genghask Khan used. This was Napoleon's dog's name." And you're like, "Huh, I feel like we should have known."

It's from uh The Lord of the Rings, and it means far seer. Far. Oh, see, I see far.

The source of evil in the Lord of the Rings is this fire eye above a mountain that can see everywhere.

Sure. And it sends out these uh wraiths to go and slaughter people in things that might be working against it. And that's what they named this company after.

And people like other people give that person money. They've been around for decades.

Planeteer Palunteer has been around for decades. I'm not this with military contracts for intelligence.

Okay. And AI is converging with this company that's been built over decades that has already had all the information,

right? The NSA and Palunteer have basically recorded every sentence that's been

said by us or typed. But isn't the thing that they can't necessarily store it all because it's so expensive to store it.

They're I mean they're they're finding ways to to do it and they're using the heat to heat cook us. Isn't there something like I feel like the first question you should ask someone to see if they're a narcissist or not is to be like are you worried about like your data like someone who's like like do you think you're going to run for president? Like what's the what's your plan in life that you're so worried about? Also, what are you texting? What are you send What are you saying? What are you texting? What does everyone see I see? Maybe I'm just emotionally dyslexic about this because I say and post the most embarrassing things that I do. Like I share it voluntarily.

You know, my private This is why I'm like chilling, dog, because I have no secrets. I don't know what it's like to live with secrets and I feel like most people I just said be private. Okay, I'm contradicting myself

again. Whitney, you know what's interesting? Because I was thinking about this and for the first time my life, I just pronounced interesting, I think, correctly. I've been saying interesting my whole life

with a ch. And my friend Dory goes interesting. And I'm like, which one of us is wrong? I feel like it's me. Is it me? Is it literally me?

Yeah. Like you're from London going to ride. It's literally interesting. Not literally

Tuesday. Interesting. Babe, there's certain things locked. It's locked. It's not. We're not going back. It's just I Is it weird that I don't I don't know. Maybe I think my brain also I get on the winning team. If I know something's insurmountable, I'm like, I love it. I'm in. I don't I don't I ride the horse in the direction it's going. I will delude myself and be like, is that so bad? It can't be that bad because it's happening. And you know what else? Said it before, hating it implies you understand it and you don't.

For me to hate it would imply that I understood any of it and I don't, you know, so I'm just going to go great. You know that I love the question, is there a company or does our government or the FBI or the CIA all these people that were just like they're cor like is there an organization that saves our life a thousand times a day and we have no idea about it and because they can't tell us we're like uh they don't do anything. Yeah. Like is there any world where a company like this like is maybe already doing like there's a um I'm not going to say what the company is but they do something in the um intimacy space where they are able to kind of like bust pedophiles and they just do it. But they also can't say that because they're like, "Wait, what are you know?"

Is there a company like this that on some level we're like, "Oh, this is maybe it's militarily doing all these good things, but we're just like, uh, it's going to like have my emails." I always think they know something we don't. They're like, "The benefits of this will save your life every day." Yeah, it's kind of weird that we've got all your emails, but like your mom will live longer because of that. you know, like,

well, there's going to be a karma algorithm at some point where someone who says, "I don't like this,

they might just never get a job because their phone heard them say that they don't like the government, they might just never get hired."

You know what's weird about, well, if it's a man, they'll then get hired by the government. They'll be like, "Help us fix it. What don't you like?" That's like Frank Abbingdale 101, the guy that like scammed the government. They were like, "Come tell us how you did it." half a million dollars a year. You don't like us, come neither do we. We hate ourselves. Like, you know, but yeah, that's Oh, that's so

corporations are already doing like deep research on people. Certain people are like there's already those like voice disguisers and like, you know, everyone will have like a mask that's like not a co mask, but it like disguises your voice. Daft Punk got ahead of it, right? Everyone's going to be wearing a helmet or a mask or Halloween. It's going to be Halloween every day. Everything's going to be like in disguise. So, it's going to get funny. Like I do things through, but when people are like, "Oh, their cameras are like I'm just going to start wearing a Homer Simpson mask.

Start sending their robot avatar to work." Yeah, totally. Like, it's going to get fun, you guys.

Like, something's wrong with Craig. And he's like, "Old Darth Vader over here. Who is that?"

Yeah. Like, does he work here? Like, we don't even like what do you mean? like the same.

Everyone's every You're just going to go to someone's house and they're like, "Oh, I hate the government." Like, "What are you doing?" He's like, "Trust me."

No, watch. They're going to shoot me, but it's really my robot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't want them to know that I'm the one saying this.

I'm going to film them killing me as you were. Like, every have to be in accents doing impressions of other people. They're going to be like, "Stephen Seagal. We No, this was someone doing an impression of me. That wasn't me." It's just going to be like the ending of a Scooby-Doo episode all day long everywhere you look.

See you next week, you guys. I have so much more that I want to say. Uh, but we're running out of time and I have it next week and I'm going to do um CNN for some reason is has not I think I missed an email. Next episode's going to be a big juicy roast. And let's let you know what I can't wait. I'm also going to do a big roast in January on a very big platform and I'm excited because I'm fascinated by the fact that some people think that I'm like the queen of me too like the cancel culture like hardcore left and other people are like you're a Trumper like and I think the ro going on CNN and making fun of the uh election last year people like so you're a like because people cannot like can't they need a they just I can't just laugh at this. I have to be mad about something like comedy. Like, how dare you try to make me laugh? It's New Year's Eve. I'm going to I'm pissed.

I need Where's a hypocrite? I'm on the hunt. You You'll do. You'll do. Um, so I'm interested because now every now and then these days when I do roasts always like I have a new people are going to be like, "So, you're a Green Party guy now, Bernie?" Like I'll do a roast and someone will decide how I voted. It's like a roar shock test to everybody. So I'm excited to see how this goes. Making fun of everyone like equally. People just go, "Ah socialist." It always says so much more about the person accusing you than anyone else. I just went through puberty. It's pleasure to be here. Don't ride elephants.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Disney, Data, and Don'ts | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 321"?

Whitney Cummings (Host), Pat (Guest).

What is "Disney, Data, and Don'ts | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 321" about?

The discussion revolves around the challenges faced by podcasters and influencers in presenting themselves authentically while adhering to promotional expectations, like creating thumbnail images and engaging audiences with catchphrases. Whitney Cummings humorously critiques the pressure of maintaining an entertaining facade, emphasizing the disconnect between expectation and reality in content…

What is mentioned in this Whitney Cummings episode?

32 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Whitney Cummings, OpenAI, Palantir, Royal Oak Music Theater, Comedy Mothership, Bert Kreischer. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Disney, Data, and Don'ts | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 321"?

The episode runs 1 h 11 min; the transcript is about 13,343 words in 156 timestamped sections.

More from Whitney Cummings

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.