Transcript

Self tanning, Hibachi, and How to Beat the Winter Scaries

From Always Here · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 13 min · 16,287 words · 379 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Self tanning, Hibachi, and How to Beat the Winter Scaries", an episode of Always Here published January 30, 2026 (1 h 13 min, about 16,287 words). It mentions 11 people, works and ideas, including Abby Howard, My Husband's Wife, TikTok, Trader Joe's, Hailey Bieber.

What this episode is about

The discussion explores the emotional complexities of pregnancy loss and motherhood while emphasizing the importance of thoughtful partnership in marriage. It also touches on the personal coping mechanisms, like self-tanning, that help navigate the challenges of postpartum life and social judgment in parenting.

Key takeaways

  • Pregnancy loss births two realities: one of hope and one of painful acceptance, both deserving acknowledgement.
  • Tanning-induced hives: a whimsical reminder that 'feeling alive' often comes with unexpected side effects.
  • The journey from gym sweat to perfect curls: a battle of priorities that defines modern motherhood.
  • Parenting judgments can feel suffocating; find comfort in community rather than comparisons—strangers rarely see the full picture.
  • Book clubs: where personal growth meets social bonding, proving we can navigate life’s complexity one page at a time.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Abby Howard, My Husband's Wife, Alice Feny, Hobby Lobby
  2. – 30:00: Miracle Made, Hailey Bieber, Justin Bieber, TikTok
  3. – 1:00:00: Trader Joe's, TikTok
  4. – 1:13:07: Half Baked Harvest

Notable quotes from "Self tanning, Hibachi, and How to Beat the Winter Scaries"

  • A problem that I'm willing to put up with for the rest of my life in marriage. Tanning my face single-handedly got me through my first 3 months of postpartum. Now listen, I did have allergic reactions. Everything comes with a cost.
    about Abby Howard · at
  • Author and like everyone has their like watch list for 2026 new releases. This is a new release. We read Alice Feny for our personal like in person book club last year in the month of January.
    about My Husband's Wife · at
  • Feel the same way. Seriously, like it's just I actually was at Hobby Lobby yesterday and I ran into someone who's so sweet and her sweet little baby girl shopping at Hobby…
    about Hobby Lobby · at
  • Miracle Made did that, but it is because of their antibacterial silver technology. Miracle Made sheets are cleaner and fresher up to three times longer than regular sheets.
    about Miracle Made · at
  • Yeah. So, the girl Jules Thieves is her name, she has her masters in psychology, I believe. And so, she has a platform where she talks a lot about she points out abusive toxic characteristics that she sees in dating.
    about TikTok · at
  • Kaylee was I never reposted the video. I never posted the video, but there's a there is so people are maybe seeing that as like a plea for help.
    about Hailey Bieber · at
  • Okay. My last one. This is I'm going to go to Trader Joe's and I'm going to buy all the fun snacks. Yeah, I'm getting all the fun new things. I'm getting a bunch of desserts and I'm.
    about Trader Joe's · at
  • I have specifically this halfbaked harvest soup recipe. It's the noki. Let me look at the looked on that too. It's a creamy chicken yokki soup.
    about Half Baked Harvest · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Abby Howard — Person · Host / main speaker · 2 mentions · first at
    She introduces the show, co-leads the conversation, shares personal postpartum and pregnancy-loss reflections, and drives multiple segments (book club, advice, news discussion).
  • Hailey Bieber — Person · Referenced public figure (case study in segment) · 2 mentions · first at
    Discussed alongside Justin Bieber in the same defamation/cease-and-desist story; her alleged repost is a key plot point in the segment.
  • Justin Bieber — Person · Referenced public figure (case study in segment) · 2 mentions · first at
    Used as part of a pop-culture/legal discussion about alleged defamation and online commentary about relationships and addiction claims.
    Domestic and emotional labor in exchange for being in a relationship. And then she said there's no better example than Haley Bieber and Justin Bieber who she claimed because he is an addict.
  • Alice Feny — Person · Referenced author (book club context) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as an author previously read in their in-person book club; used to contextualize the new book club and thriller/mystery preferences.
    Author and like everyone has their like watch list for 2026 new releases. This is a new release. We read Alice Feny for our personal like in person book club last year in the month of January.

Books & papers

  • My Husband's Wife — Book · Primary recommendation · 2 mentions · first at
    The book chosen for the podcast's book club starting in February, described as a suspenseful thriller.

Companies & orgs

  • TikTok — Company · Referenced platform · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of a controversy involving Haley Bieber and Justin Bieber suing a TikToker.
  • Trader Joe's — Company · Recommendation · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a place to buy fun snacks to get out of a funk during winter.
  • Half Baked Harvest — Company · Recommendation · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the source of a favorite soup recipe.
  • Hobby Lobby — Company · Incidental mention · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in passing as a place where a podcast listener was encountered.

Places & events

  • COVID-19 pandemic — Event · Incidental mention · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in passing without significant context.
    Yes. And it's that reminder that this is just this is not your only reality, right?

Sponsors

  • Miracle Made — Product · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Sponsor of the podcast, promoting their sheets with NASA inspired silver infused fabric.

Full transcript with timestamps

I feel like a part of me split at that point. Like a part of me went on to continue like this pregnancy and I met our daughter alive and healthy and then this other part of me is like living in reality where I'm not pregnant and I'm not going to meet our baby. When we're dating, we need to be extremely picky about who we choose to marry. Is this an a problem that I'm willing to put up with for the rest of my life in marriage. Tanning my face single-handedly got me through my first 3 months of postpartum. Now listen, I did have allergic reactions. Everything comes with a cost.

I'm willing to have hives on my neck to feel alive. It's going TO BE MY NEW HOBBY. HONESTLY, it's perfect for me.

Like a little onion tree. I was wondering what your advice is on feeling like you're being judged on your parenting.

Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host, Abby Howard. And I'm Abby Howard. Hey.

How you doing? Good. How you doing? I'm good. I feel like someone just sent me through a washing machine and rung me out and blow dried me like a dog.

Cuz you went to the gym. I went to the gym and showered, blowd dry my hair, curled it so fast. I'm like,

you came down with perfect ringlets. I'm like, how in the heck did she have time for that?

I needed to shake it out. You're beautiful. Thank you. But you're stressed. You're coming down.

I just feel like a poodle that just went through something crazy. No, I feel good. a little sore, but I'm happy. It's a good kind of sore.

Oh, good. I have this like random meniscus issue. I don't know if it's that. I'm diagnosing myself with that. So, can't go to the gym this week.

Talk to Matt. You know, he tore his meniscus. Yeah. I think Caleb's got issues, too. So, they'll be our doctors.

That's all I need. That's all I need. What's wrong here, right? We are here to share the hope in the heart with heart and humor.

That's right. Yes. And we have actually an exciting announcement to start with. So, something really fun and hopeful.

Yes. We are doing a book club, baby. Yes. I mean, you know me. This is really exciting for me. I'm thrilled about it. Um, so we're just going to kind of figure this out as a community together, navigate what this is going to look like, but we'll put a link to it down in the description. Um, okay. So, it's starting in February. February's book is My Husband's Wife,

right? None of y'all have read it. Well, maybe you have by the time this episode comes out.

That'd be a really quick read. Yeah, some people are on top of it. Really? Yeah. I mean,

how do how do you find books? H is that is that like a long answer? I find books from Abby Howard.

Really? I really always read the books that you That's so nice. No, you recommended me a book recently and that was like

I would not recommend the book I'm reading. I think it's too sad. I don't want that. Well, I just read a really sad book, too, and it was okay. Uh, but what I'm saying is the book is My Husband's Wife. I heard about this one because she's a very already popular author and like everyone has their like watch list for 2026 new releases. This is a new release. We read Alice Feny for our personal like in person book club last year in the month of January.

Oh, really? That was rock paper scissors. Rock paper scissors. Oh, yeah. That was a fun.

So, it's just I think it's just going to be like a fun I'm anticipating suspenseful thriller vibe mystery. And so if you're in for that, read that book and we'll have some fun prompts in good readads and just discuss it together. Should be kind of fun and it might be motivating if one of your goals for 2026 is to read more books, then we got your first one picked out for you and it should be a fun ride. So check out that link. This is fun. Always here's very own book club.

Okay. The hope and the hard. You go first cuz mine's kind of heavy. Why do I keep dropping in the heavy ones?

Well, I think that's what hard means. Okay. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, "I'm sore." And I was like, "I'm depressed.

I'm not. I'm not." Oh, that's great. I'm not depressed. I swear. Hey, interrupting the podcast really quick to just ask you guys a little small favor. We put this podcast out here for free. So, um, we're just asking for the small payment of a like, a review, five star, subscribe, download the podcast, whatever platform you're on. Basically, just tell them that you enjoy it and intend to come back. It really, really means so, so much to us. We were really grateful. And here is your five seconds to do that really quick. We'll give you the time. One, two three four five.

You did it. And it wasn't that hard. It wasn't that painful. So, thank you so so much. Okay, now we'll get back to the episode. My hope and my heart are similar but different. They are both that I'm overwhelmed, but I'm overwhelmed about different things. My hope is that I have been reading my DMs on Instagram and I've been reading the comments for this podcast and I have been so overwhelmed by the kindness

that you guys are all so kind and to one give us your time on Fridays and lend us your ear. I'm like, what do we have to say that I don't know, just the people are giving their time is so such a crazy thought to me and I don't take that lightly. And so I just feel so grateful and it's been so fun and I'm excited to like do the book club and do these things to just dive deeper with you guys cuz I feel like we have like a, you know, we're broadening and getting to know each other and I'm excited to go deep.

Yeah. So I just feel like overwhelmed with like joy and kindness from you guys. So, thank you for all your comments and calling in and doing everything because we literally wouldn't have a podcast without you guys, right? So, so good. I feel the same way. Seriously, like it's just I actually was at Hobby Lobby yesterday and I ran into someone who's so sweet and her sweet little baby girl shopping at Hobby Lobby and she was like, "This this is great. This right here is great." She's like, "I love listening to Always Here and your podcast." I've met the first always here listener go

or at leisa introduced herself in that way to me and she was like I'm just so excited. I love it. And it was it's just so sweet being able to put faces behind this because it's like

you know sometimes this feels like okay like this is really fun and like honestly if anything comes this it's fun that we just get this time together every week and like just to hang out and chat but then beyond that the fact that there is like a very real community behind it that like means so much to me and I have like online communities I'm a part of too that just if you that that's a really special thing and it's really cool that we get to like actually experience that in this day and age where it feels like there's a lot online chatter, but we can, like you said, go deeper like that, too. So,

anyway, it's it's just like it's a responsibility that we neither of us take lightly and we just are so grateful for. So, totally

just shouting back what you said, but feel the same way. Caleb had a a really good suggestion. He said we come up come up with a name for our listeners and he suggested always homies and maybe love Caleb's thought process. Maybe we you guys can leave suggestions in the comments and we all think on what we can call our community. I honestly like always homies, but

I love it. I don't know if it's on brand. No, I think that's really cute. I like it.

Okay, so maybe we'll we'll reconvene to this conversation at another time, but think about it.

I don't know if I could ever say it with a straight face, right? No, you have to do the hand motion.

Yeah, homie. Did you do that, too? Um, my heart or do you want to do your hope and then we can go?

Mine are connected, too. So, you do both yours. Okay. My hard is that I'm also feeling very overwhelmed. And I don't know if this is just a hormone thing or I'm still trying to navigate getting used to being a mother of two just with all the responsibilities that come with that. But I feel like it comes in waves. Some days I feel everything goes really smooth and then other days I'm literally like last week I locked myself out of the house twice. Just a chicken with my head cut off and I don't feel like I can catch up. And then it's I like externally I feel like a lot of people come up to me and they say it looks like you're doing great in postpartum and there are things that I am doing really well in that I would say but then other times it's like I feel like outwardly I can show that I'm fine because I don't always express how I'm feeling inside but I literally feel like I'm drowning sometimes and I can't it's like I need

to take my shoulders and just drop them. Um, so I've been feeling that a lot this week, maybe the last two weeks. And I don't even know if it's I wouldn't say it's anxiety because it's not an anxious feeling. And it I don't even think I'm handling my stress poorly. It's just that I'm feeling a lot of stress. And I don't always feel stress all the time like that.

So, I don't know if it's just a hormone shift or just outward circumstances or just like still adjusting. But I sometimes get frustrated with myself because I would think, "Oh, I'm four months postpartum. I should be past this.

And yeah, I'm still not. Mhm. Yeah. So that I feel like that's in my heart lately.

Yeah. Well, like you said, I wouldn't have even known cuz you handle it so well. But

thanks. I think I think every mom's probably felt that like and I think it's very honest too the way you're like sometimes it feels like I don't feel it at all and everything's great and the next day is like like it's like how are we even here? I think Yeah. Did you want advice on that or no? Yeah.

Okay. Just think a little further with kids. I think the thing that made that overwhelm happen to me the most is when I was trying to combine

um like my work with my kids. Having like those firm boundaries really helped me like drop my shoulders, lock in on my work hours, lock in on my kid time. And obviously that's not always able to happen like dates happen. But I felt that way significantly less once. And another thing is that a lot of this is just going to be time. I know you said you're like, I'm four months postpartum. I should feel

like I feel like I should have been past it. It's like no, four months is like a unique difficult stage too. So it could be a combination of things, but having those boundaries with it really really helped.

Yeah. And so as much help and also we don't need to feel ashamed for asking for help with people. And I I have been telling myself this too because sometimes I'm like sitting here in my guilt like why can't I just do everything right? Then if I was a really good mom I could do every single thing. It's like actually that's a lie. That's a lie. We're not we can't do that. I think that is part of why I feel frustrated with myself too. It's because I do have help. Like Kale helps so much when he's home from work and then my parents literally have my mom's been coming over every morning and helping and I'm like why do I have help and I still can't get on top of things?

And I think that's where I'm feeling like I'm like wait what am I supposed to do if I do have help and I'm still behind.

But maybe it is maybe we should talk after just like what you did for your schedule to help

break up the two and you can give me some more practicals of that because it probably is just like a managing my time thing and I'm not I've never been good at that and so then it's just heightened.

Too many tabs. Your brain is not can't have that many tabs. I think Yeah. My brain just feels like mush.

Yeah. You're like I can't keep it straight. No, that's very honest. Thanks for sharing that.

Yeah. Thanks for advice. I always want advice. I was like, well, sometimes, you know, there's a time and place for it.

Well, can't tell you be like, I just want to get this off my chest. No, which happens sometimes.

No, no, no. I want advice. Um, my hope and my heart are also the same thing. Um, but I didn't realize. Okay so my due date was at the end of February and like now that we're at the end of January, everyone that I was pregnant with, like that whole journey is like now getting to meet their babies

and it's like my hope and my heart too because I'm watching them and I genuinely feel so excited. Like I just feel giddy for them. like the fact that they get to take a fresh baby home and like introduce the baby to their older siblings and like I am just like that is so exciting and that just makes it makes me feel so much joy for them. But then also like I do have like so much joy and faith for my future too. Like this is going to this is going to be our reality at some point. But at the same time it's really hard because like I think it just like it hit me really hard the other night. And I just was like

sobbing to Matt because it's like, you know, I I think that ever since, okay, context, I had a second trimester loss last September, the end of September, and the image that I had in my head that I've kind of shared online and other facets before is so I was like running a marathon with all like I had so many friends that were pregnant at the same time and it's like we were all running a marathon and then I just like dropped out like I wasn't there anymore. And I think that's the hard thing I've been grappling with since the loss is like I feel like a part of me split at that point. Like a part of me went on to continue like this pregnancy and I met our daughter alive and healthy and like she's growing up and like and so I think this this part of my life is like a a small part of me still is using those time markers. And then this other part of me is like living in reality or it's like I'm not pregnant and I'm not going

to meet our baby. having that like dissonance is like it's also really hard and complicated

and heavy too and I and I anticipated like approaching the due date to be really hard and so I'm like I'm not shocked by this but I still have to live through it and like get through it but I hope that at some point these time markers will stop because it's not serving me. Like I always want to remember her and like honor her life, but I don't want to keep like being like, "Okay, at this point I would have been this far along in my pregnancy." And I just hope that at some point I can be like, "Okay, at this point she she'd be 2 years old or this would be like I don't I don't want to continue that."

Um because I don't think that's necessary to like honor her life cuz it also is like holding me back in a way too.

But gosh, got so heavy in that. But like as we're getting there, like more and more of those friends are now meeting their babies and it's like

it's it's 100% both like hopeful and hard. So that's just life and that's like where I'm at. And so

yeah, also I think a lot of moms also probably know the same feeling like it's not uncommon

and like I have the capacity to hold both. And so I feel like people like I've said this before, like want to protect me from those things. And I think that's very sensitive and like kind and thoughtful, but also I'm like I I'm fully I'm fully strong enough to carry both and hold both and it's okay.

And so and I can cry about it and I can still like it's it's like I'm okay. So there's that. That's just kind of like I think that it just is starting to just get to that really difficult season like where it felt like it got a little bit easier for a little bit there and then now it's like getting difficult again. But

there's hope. So yeah. Yeah. I feel like there are going to be a lot of waves. Yeah. As it continues.

Yeah. And as time goes on. Yeah. I never get tired of hearing you talk about it.

Thanks. I never get tired of hearing you talk about her. That's sweet. Yeah. I like I'm grateful when you talk about her cuz sometimes I want to talk about

Yeah. her and the loss and Yeah. like want to see how you're doing, but just hard.

Yeah. I was like talking to the kids about her in the car, too, because I'm like I feel like the trying to like do that the right amount is so confusing and like today I was like able to talk about her in the car with the kids and I wasn't crying so I wasn't like emotional dumping on them but um it felt really good to like talk about her and stuff. But yeah, and also with Matt when I was like freaking out,

you like talked about her too and I was like that was sweet. But you know, it's just not something that it's not something that should be easy to get over. So like the fact that

it hurts is because it's it was a hard thing. It was a big loss. Yeah. And so, yeah, I just also want to feel like other moms that are like experiencing like second trimester miscarriage in general.

Yeah, it is a big loss and like if you're grieving hard, it's because it's it's a really hard thing and it's not supposed to be easy.

And so, in another way, I'm like thankful that it's hard, you know? Yes. So, yeah, that was the heavy dug about something light again.

That was really good. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you. Yeah, I know. Addy and I both like we love you guys so much.

Thanks. Yeah. And we love baby girl and Yeah. We're with you in like the sadness.

Yeah. Mhm. Sorry. You're left with a hard part to transition now. No. No. I like that. Yeah. I'm trying. I'm like I just want to see if there anything else came to mind that I wanted to like ask or talk about with that.

Oh, yeah. Go for it. Not everyone is willing to talk about a loss like that cuz it's so heavy and it's so hard. and you being able to talk about it and wanting to talk about it is selfless in a way because then it allows us to step into it and not be a little nervous to bring up that topic. I feel like you've opened it with open arms to be able to talk about her and remember her and coming into this month knowing that it's going to be a hard one and

um allowing us into that because we're grieving with you because we loved her so much too. And so knowing that you're opening us to come in and help you and walk with you through that during this hard season is I appreciate that.

It's an honor kind. It is an honor. Thank you. That's well said Addy. Do you feel like there are things that you're doing that have helped you process those emotions or like when you do see our friends having babies and like I don't know. Is there anything that you've done you're like this was really helpful? Honestly, I I feel like the thing about like my friends having babies is not I don't have that personal attachment that I maybe would have even anticipated myself, but certainly like what other people anticipate. For me,

for me it's just like our my journey just feels so separate and it just feels like

does that make sense? Like but um what really helps is honestly seeing like healthy pregnancies. Like I told Matt, I was like, I literally cannot ever imagine getting a big belly like and having a baby. I can't I can't picture having a newborn. Like I like I like that picture just got ripped out of my head. I've done it twice like and I just but I it just feel felt so impossible. So I imagine if I had had a miscarriage before having my boys like really losing like a a picture for what this could look like. And so having really close like honestly sisters of mine like walk through that and have such positive experience that is in itself is really healing and it's really positive for me.

Now, I don't I'm not speaking for everyone that's experienced like miscarriage or loss because I can also see like because it is also hard. But that in itself is really like that I find so much hope in like so much redemption. And so

I don't know. And also it's just like when I was sad and wanted to cry about it, I just did. So, like I don't think that and I think that's the other thing, not judging my own feelings about it because there's a lot of really like there's some really ugly emotions that come up and I'm like I just like I feel like it's just like mad or in therapy I like bring it up. I'm like this thing I know. And also acknowledging like that's not a thought that I want to have.

Sure. And like we can that was something that I'm like I don't think we talk about a lot like you can

take your thoughts captive like you can change your thoughts. you can acknowledge a thought that you have and be like, "Yeah, I thought this. I don't want to think like this. This isn't healthy. This isn't this isn't good. This isn't pleasing." And so, like, whenever I had those, like first of all, being honest with myself that like, okay, you had this like dark dark negative just honestly evil thought like

Mhm. turning that around actively like that has been helpful. And I think that can take like journaling is helpful like to slow it down and to like rewrite that. But also, yeah, like I'm in therapy and that is like honestly a topic that a lot of the time that like I want to talk about

honestly just trying to picture a different a different outcome like while still on like thinking of ways to like honor this life like hold both. I'm kind of rambling at this point.

No, those are really good. It really feels good to see my friends like have their babies and like that

the last thing I want is for anyone else close to me to walk through this. Like I that is the last thing I want. And so seeing in real life in real time this happening and having such a positive outcome in itself is just

I gain so much hope from that. Totally. Yeah. It's a visual representation of it can it does. This is not the the always certainty. This will not happen every time. Like there's a possibility that there's great possibility that like we will have healthy babies.

Yes. Yes. And it's that reminder that this is just this is not your only reality,

right? Yeah. Right. There's there's future hope. And yeah, I think that's good. Taking every thought captive, it's a hard practice, but yeah, when you do it, you voice those those crazy thoughts and you work through them, process through them.

Yeah. I felt like I was just like a a more or less a victim of my thoughts. like I was like, "Oh, they're going to come and like I can't do anything about it." But it's like that's not the case.

It's really good advice. Thank you. Yeah, because it's so easy. I think too when we think things that are hard or evil, it's easy to sit on them and think, "Oh, I can't tell anyone this cuz it's kind of embarrassing that that's I thought that." But sitting on those thoughts doesn't help yourself or anybody.

It's best to to share them. Yeah. And move through them. That's really good AB.

Thanks. Thanks for sharing that. I think a lot of people are going to be really blessed by that.

Thank you. Thank you to Miracle Made for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Abby, do you ever wake up sweaty?

Sure do. Freezing? Yep. Oh, same. I honestly wake up hot a lot. I wake up just drenched in sweat a lot of the times. I'm next to a mammal that is making me warm.

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That's super cool. I've actually never heard of sheets that have silver in them. And I didn't quite understand why Miracle Made did that, but it is because of their antibacterial silver technology. Miracle Made sheets are cleaner and fresher up to three times longer than regular sheets.

That's amazing. You think about the oils on your skin, the lotions, the sweat. It's really cool that Miracle Made has a solution.

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Wow, that's amazing. I also think they would make an amazing gift with a 30-day money back guarantee. There's no risk at all. That's trymiracle.com/aby code abby at checkout. Thanks to MiracleMade for sponsoring this episode. Um, should we transition to Wo That's crazy.

Let's do it. Okay. Wow, that's crazy. Wow, that's crazy. That's crazy. Haley and Justin Bieber, have you heard about this?

I know who they are. Perfect. You have zero context. Have you heard about this?

I've heard about the Beavers. They are suing a Tik Tocker. They sent her a cease and desist for defamation. Whoa.

Yes, it's gotten pretty nasty. It's very hot topic online these days. Whoa. Yeah. So, the girl Jules Thieves is her name, she has her masters in psychology, I believe. And so, she has a platform where she talks a lot about uh she points out abusive toxic characteristics that she sees in dating and relationships. and she talks a lot about the tolerant codependent and she made a video saying that a tolerant codependent. Now, I have a lot of thoughts about about her content. I don't agree with a lot of it, but she

Okay. Okay. I'm not going to get into that yet. I'm glad that we're getting the context cuz right now I want to say some things. I'm like,

"Yes, we need to get the context. We have a lot of context." and she has videos where she says that she believes most women in long-term marriages are tolerant codependents and get the short end of the stick. She said in her video,

"Most," she says, "Most," this was in a different video I watched. Well, she said, "Most long-term relationships that we romanticize and congratulate only work because the woman is tolerant and codependent."

And what she means by that is tolerates mediocrity, abuse, doing the majority of domestic and emotional labor in exchange for being in a relationship. And then she said there's no better example than Haley Bieber and Justin Bieber who she claimed because he is an addict. He an addict means you're an abuser. So she said a lot of things in that video that were pretty bold claims. And this is where it gets a little sticky is Haley Bieber accidentally reposted the video. Yeah. Yeah. That's a shocker one. That's a shock. And so then she went online.

Kaylee was like, I never reposted the video. I never posted the video, but there's a there is so people are maybe seeing that as like a plea for help.

I don't I think people are just like she kind of then was saying that she didn't and people have a lot of proof that she did. There are a lot of screenshots of saying like Kayie reposted which I will say on Tik Tok it's so easy to accidentally repost things.

It's so easy. Yeah. But now she's she's standing firm in that she didn't repost it and then it's kind of like well there's a lot of pictures of that you did. So, I think it's just interesting that she saw it and then she sent the the cease and desist letter to this girl for defamation. Her mission and she says this a lot on her page cuz I went through her videos is that she wants to educate women and have them get help them get out of toxic and abusive relationships. And this is her viewpoint. She she does say a lot that she kind of built herself up from the ground up. She had a very hard past.

She's been in abusive relationships in the past. this is her that's her viewpoint is that this is really common is like toxic and abusive hard marriages and relationships. So knowing that that's her viewpoint, it's like, okay, you've been in these situations. You obviously want to help him and get out. But I am like, girl, absolutely. Well, you said it's defamation.

And so I'll have you watch the video so then you can kind of have a little more context.

Okay. Let me start by saying I would be amazed if the beers won this case just because I know that the standard if you are considered a public figure the standard for defamation cuz you know we have

we have free speech you're allowed to talk about people but if you're a public figure you're allowed to talk about them in a different way than say like someone that hasn't chosen to be public facing interesting

like you can talk that you can actually pretty much say just about anything even if you can prove that what they said was completely false I'm saying this from a little bit of personal experience potentially. Even if you can literally prove that that is false, say for in I got an example for you. Say someone was like this video they made this amount of money on. Like well that's pretty clearly a black and white fact. We can prove that in court. We did not we that's not true.

Doesn't matter. It actually doesn't matter at all. If you can like literally go and even show receipts of like this is actually an downright lie. It does not matter. So, I I doubt that they win this, but honestly, I think that it's I think that they're winning in a way by trying to fight it. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I I was going to ask about that because when is the line of when do you feel like you stand up to someone that is maybe bullying or like being mean and when do you not like what is the line? Because I feel like I always take the angle of just don't acknowledge the hate, but because she did accidentally repost it, I feel like she did have to acknowledge it. So, I don't know. What is your thoughts on like addressing some of this stuff? You think that's a win?

I think them choosing to do that is very like I admire that. Yeah, I think it's brave.

I think it's brave and I think it's I mean, I'm not speaking on their I don't actually know anything about their marriage, but also I would say that that Tik Tocker also does not know.

Yeah, I don't know anything about their marriage either. And everyone that she's all the couples that she is mentioning, she does not actually know. Even if someone has like shared so much about their marriage, you still have to know like we have to have this grounding like feet on the ground. We actually don't know their marriage. Me and you, we spend a lot of time talking about our marriage intimately. We live very close. We spend a lot of time together. I'm around you and your husband a lot. I still have to acknowledge there's I don't know what it's like in your household.

Totally. Same. I do think it poses an interesting topic and this is something that I feel pretty passionately about is that when as women and as men we have free will and when we're dating we need to be extremely picky about who we choose to marry.

Yeah. You are yoking your life with somebody and nobody is a perfect person. I think also like a lot of her commentary lacks grace and like her saying that only the husband is flawed and like not the wife. Like we're both Caleb and I are both extremely flawed people and we choose to be forgiving. We choose to be encouraging and of course there's going to be compromise in a marriage. Now there's not compromise of values, boundaries, respect, but they're obviously like Caleb hates when I'm late and it makes him really upset. And so every week when I'm late for church, he says, "Hey, I'm that hurt. Like I'm upset that we're late." And he brings it forward and we talk about it. But like I just I feel like when we're dating and we're choosing to marry, we have to be very picky because the things that you see in marriage or in dating and the red flags that you see or even like the little things that you see are just

going to amplify in marriage. So you have to decide, is this an a problem that I'm willing to put up with for the rest of my life in marriage. Caleb knew when we were dating that I was extremely unorganized, that I was bad at time management. It's gotten way worse as we've gotten married. Was he okay with picking that problem? Yes.

Mhm. and you know vice versa, he has things. So it's like I that's always my like cry to young women and young adult women when you're in the dating phase. It's like I do believe that like there are very unhealthy marriages. There are bad people in all these things, you know. Um and so my warning is like when we have the chance, don't ignore the red flags.

Mhm. I don't know. That's always my like cry. I think that's a really good that's that's a really good call out

when she just kind of throws these words around and I'm like there is an aspect of marriage that's beautiful and it's called commitment and it's really important. I choose to love Kale every day. He chooses to love me every day and he is choosing to commit to me despite my flaws and that's really important and that's that gives a lot of safety and it's like I can be myself. I can express the hard parts of my life to him and he knows the darkest parts of me and he still chooses to love me. that is marriage.

That is beautiful. That's grace. And so I'm not going to like hold those things above him. He doesn't hold those things over my head and vice versa.

And I think sometimes when we hear these things online, um people are really quick to be like, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. And it's like, well, there's an aspect of when you're married, you're committed.

And you can't just run at the first sign of like one hard thing. I don't know. That's my viewpoint.

Yeah. I do think that the call to be careful about what you consume is also a really good call out because like even just like seeing a couple of those videos it's like oh that just makes me like I feel like a part of me is like angry angry like is that like what's wrong like let me find out what's wrong with what we're doing like in what ways is she right about like this and it's like that

plants seeds yeah and that's not actually something that is based in truth and also just not even it's not it's not serving any part like I don't know I I would just say yeah what's gonna make you like fall more in love with your husband? Would it make you love your life more and your circumstances more? I don't know. I'm sure there are people

I don't know also about his drug situation that does kind of like change it for me as well. But she did say as a fact that he is an addict.

She said it as a fact that he is an addict and that all addicts are abusive partners. She said an addictive partner is always an abusive partner.

I could see how maybe No, I don't necessarily disagree, but calling him an addict without proof that he is an addict is unfair. Yeah, you I mean an addiction is very serious and it affects everyone in your house. So that's not even like I agree, Eddie. Yeah, but it's um he has admitted to being an addict in the past, but to say now that he currently is is a bold claim.

What I think is interesting from that video and then we can we can move forward is she really only touched on them at the very beginning to kind of get the clicks and then she actually spoke more on the Aussie Osborne and Sher Osborne and Dak Shepard and Kristen Bell. Like he she talked about them. That's really got me. I really like that.

Let me just say there is a culture that is just go going to always despise marriage and they're always going to despise

a couple that is thriving and loves each other and like is normal like have normal marriage problems. Like they're just going to they're just going to despise that and

it's just not going to be me. Yeah. Let's be careful to make assumptions about other people.

Yes. And also, I think it would be very honorable if you built a platform where you were the main character.

I think that would just be a really honorable thing to do. Yeah. What did Jordan and Danny Awesome? They call them the talking heads on Tik Tok.

Talking heads. Talking heads. Um, well, we're talking about healthy marriages, obviously. Yes.

So, let's move on to um I'm trying to segue our healthiest year yet. Healthy/healthy habits/h how we beat the winter scaries.

Okay. Yes. You guys were telling me about the winter scaries. I've experienced them every year of my life. I never really quite had

I had the vocabulary for this. They're called Yeah, I love that. This is something I love about Jenzie. They have the catchiest names for things. The winter scaries. Yes, that's a good term. You know, it's when the holidays die down. It's late into deep winter. You're feeling maybe ugly. You're feeling bored. You're stir crazy in the house. You just need to feel refreshed.

Yeah. So, we thought it'd be fun to write down our tips or things that we do to try to remove ourselves from the winter scaries.

Or maybe I need to put some of these in. I as well. I was like thinking through this. I'm like, "This is a great idea. Have I actually done this?" The answer is I have but not all in the same day.

Inspo. It's inspo time. It's inspo. Okay. Do you want to start with your first one?

My first one is hobbies. Cool girls have hobbies. Wow. That's what I'm saying. And I I really want to have some more hobbies going on. I really admire people that have niche hobbies, but I also think that this is like a really fun thing to do cuz a lot of hobbies just you can do inside your house if you're stuck inside. But like I mean, heck, I've been seeing people crocheting and embroidering. That's a crafty hobby.

So cute. We could I'm myself. I'm making sourdough. I'm considering that a hobby.

I love eating your sourdough. That's my hobby. It's so fun. Bring some pretzel bites back.

Bring the pretzel bites. I made them last weekend, but you guys weren't here actually.

Um I will make some more. But yeah, sourdough hobby. I'm talking like Okay, I actually thought about this one.

Maong. Oh my brother's mang. My instinct is that we're not I'm not I'm going to talk about myself. My instinct is I'm not classy enough to play maong.

I watch ma jang lives on Tik Tok. What is it? Like it's like a it's a game you play with tile pieces.

Yeah. To be honest, I don't know because I actually have ma jang apps on my phone that I play. And I feel like ma jong is the tiles and then there are different games that you can play within the tiles.

Oh, okay. But I think there might be like a maong gang game. a major is a game.

Yeah, probably a g like an actual game itself, but then you can use those tiles to do other things.

Okay. So, I don't actually know is what I'm saying. Well, I was like maybe one day when I'm classy I will do that one,

but other games we can call that a hobby. Yeah. Like I just think that I don't know something fun to do that's like it's kind of silly. It's not necessary.

We're just doing it because we enjoy it and we can do it inside. We can look forward to that. I don't know. I need more hobbies.

Does reading count as a hobby? Yes, I was actually gonna say that was one of my hobbies. That for sure counts. Heck, coloring, painting. I was gonna make an at home date where they have like how to draw like Disney characters on YouTube. And I was like, I think that would be fun if Matt and I pulled up a YouTube video. We both like had to draw it and show each other. I just know that is Matt's personal

like he's so down to do anything, but I just know that and he would do it. Yes.

I just know that he wouldn't really It would be fun for him. Yeah, cuz I took him to a painting date one time and he like always talks about it. He's like,

"That was for you." I love that. Caleb's lowkey good at art and when he was in art class in high school, he did a self a portrait of Carrie Underwood and we had that portrait for a couple years and I was like, can we leave Carrie Underwood in the desk?

Why are we bringing her from apartment to apartment? You're so proud of that. What do you think?

Puzzles. Puzzles. Hobby. I've never seen you do a puzzle. I haven't done that many because I think I would lose like one piece and I'd be so mad.

Yeah, you need a dedicated piece. But I really do want to do puzzles when I don't have toddlers running around and like a dog that would eat it.

Um I think that's a great example of a good You could do that. You have a baby. You could

I have two big dogs that knock it over. Yeah it's hard. True. Um comment down below hobby ideas and if I should get into embroidery because I've been thinking about it and I honestly think I'd have a lot of fun, but I also think my nails would pose an issue.

No, you have a machine. Unless you're talking about like needle point embroidery.

Yeah, needle point. Oh, you want to do needle point? I don't know because I do want to keep my hands busy. Like I want to do something

I mean paint by number. I'll do that. But maybe that's our next instead of book club we started needle point cloth.

I like I Matt always tells me he's like what when you're older you're going to knit. I'm like you're so right. I'm going to

I used to be obsessed with finger weaving as a kid. Oh my gosh. I made a scarf one time for

I was on an airplane and the steartist was finger weaving and I was that just brought me back. You're like, "Yes,

yes." So, comment down niche hobbies we can do. Not even niche. Those are niche.

I would say I was gonna say I don't ever want to get into sewing or doing anything in that area.

Needle knitting. Yeah. Doesn't peique my interest, but it could. You'll find other good ones. You'll find other good hobbies. I want to get into it.

Um I would have to do it and watch something. Oh, yeah. Like I want to do something where I don't have to watch like reading because then I'm not watching something. Oh,

my brain doesn't needs needs additional things. Your guys's house always has the TV on.

Always. It's And what is it always on? Sports. Yeah, that's how my house was growing up. Okay, my first one is an everything shower often.

Oh, yeah. Everything. Shower often. Because when you're inside, the last thing you want to be is inside and have bad hair.

You know what I mean? When I feel ugly, it's usually because my hair is bad. And shave your legs.

Shaving my legs. You're going to wear pants. shaving my mustache, shaving my armpits, and painting my toenails. Just doing all the like the grooming things that it's so easy to put off

when I'm inside and in the winter. Yeah. And it's like, okay, if I feel bad about myself, if I wash my hair more often and I can style it, I'll feel a little bit better.

Mhm. That's a good one. Yeah. The hair does make a difference and I always neglect it.

Same. Today is the first day I blue my hair in maybe two months. Oh, wow. Yes, it looks amazing.

Thank you. I was going to say your hair looks really good. Thank you. I think it's because I blow-d dry it. Is that what it is? Blow dry it. Um,

no. No. Blow dried. I blew it. That's That's something with You're not going to get away with saying something wrong.

Or with Blake. What did I say yesterday? Capacity. I say capacity. It's capacity.

Yeah. I say capacity every time. And Blake calls me out and I get mad every time.

My mom always says documentary. And honestly, I don't blame her for it. It's like

Okay, what's your second one? Okay. Well, I think we can share in this one. This is also piggybacking off the every time.

Tan tan. Tan tan. Tan your face. I'm telling you, when I am feeling like there's just a certain feeling that'll arise in the depths of my stomach and and I'm like, what's wrong? Everything feels wrong. And then I'm like, wait, I'm just so pale. And then I tan. And here's my thing about self tan. I don't care if it looks good.

No, I don't care if it looks natural. I don't care if my hands are orange. I don't care if that

I don't even do my back. Actually, I was tanning the other day and Matt goes Matt goes, "Do you want me to do the back?" And I was like, "No, I don't see it. It's none of my business."

The back of my head is none of my business. The back of my my whole back side. Hold back. Ain't none of my business. It's not for me. And it doesn't matter. That's the thing. This is such bad advice, but I mean

it doesn't. I think it's good advice. Doesn't matter if it looks good. No, you will feel so much better

because you know what? You go I'm alive. I just feel like so And also when I'm self tanner, I feel like I already just have like a jump start in my day cuz it already looks like I have a little bit of makeup on.

Totally. Like I just I feel like I want to show my legs. I want those to be seen. I'm going to wear shorts. I'm going to Even if it's cold like

it's just something about it. It's it's it's one of those external things that just like seeps into your skin, into your psyche,

for sure. It gets in my head and I'm like, I'm amazing. Today is great. Tanning my face single-handedly got me through my first three months of postpartum. Now, listen, I did have allergic reactions every time I used it, and I still used it.

Everything comes with a cost. Everything comes at a cost. And I was like, that's a cost I'm willing to have. I'm willing to have hives on my neck to feel alive.

I respect that. Thank you. I respect that. Beauty is pain. You just have to know. I mean, here's the thing. It's not for everybody, but if you haven't tried it and you just start feeling like everything is just a little bit bad,

better. Oh, then tan and everything will be better. Oh, it's a quick turnaround.

It's a quick turn around. It's It's an instant boost. Instant. Honestly, it doesn't I don't even have to rinse it off before I'm already like

No, I use those Isisle of Paradise drops in the face lotion. Mhm. You don't even have to rinse anything. It just like in your moisturizer, put it on, you're good to go.

Okay, my second one. This is an activity. Um, purging my closet. That's a great

That is a really It makes me feel light. It makes me feel fresh, and it gives me a little piece of excitement because now I get to fill it with things I actually need and are fun and serve me better. So, when I am like, "Okay, I'm bored in the house. What am I going to do? I'm feeling in a slump." I start purging.

That's a good one. Mhm. Thank you. Get rid of the stuff that you're like, if I didn't wear it in the past year, it's gone.

I have a rule. I give myself two two consecutive seasons. So, if I don't wear something for two consecutive winters, then I donate it. If I don't wear something two consecutive summers because sometimes there's just maybe there wasn't an occasion or maybe you were pregnant.

Yeah. Maybe I've been pregnant postpartum so it just didn't fit. So, there are different I give myself two seasons and if I didn't touch it, I donate it. And it just feels really like you're clearing your mental space. It just is very healing.

I need to do that. I know. It's such a good feeling. And it's honestly fun once you get in there and you can start trying things on and then you start having fun in your closet. And that is such a a hobby of mine. I love going in and making new outfits with the clothes that I already have. And it just is honestly a dream day.

That's good. That's good. That'll feel make you feel refreshed. Yes. I don't really actually have anything to add on to that. I love that one. I need to do it personally.

I'm getting to the point where I'm ready for my next purge. Needs to happen for me. want me to come help you?

Yeah, we'll do each other. That'd be fun. I need to go because I like literally just grab what's on the top every time and I'm like, well, I like it and I wear it a lot, but I'm like I'm not really making use of,

right? Because I'm like, I don't fit in that right now or I don't fit in that. And I'm like, let's just get rid of it then.

I know. Let's just It's gone. Totally. Um, okay. This one is really applicable to me personally when I lived in a colder climate. Now, I have to say we are coming from a place of privilege right now.

We actually live in Arizona. having glorious time right now. It's very sunny here every day. It's actually still pretty warm when you like if you are in the direct sunlight.

Yeah, it's like 75. You could get warm. It's warm. It's amazing. It's great. Um but this really applied to me when I was living in Missouri.

Go to a heated workout and because you probably haven't sweat in a minute. Like sweat a lot. And something about sweating a lot. If you go to like a heated yoga, you will It's like a lizard shedding their outer skin.

Oh, you're so right. Like it is just like, oh, I just need to just sweat a ton and you're just kind of like jog back into place a little bit.

You need to be really hot. And also, you're you need to be really hot. Uhhuh. And so we could still do it here. I feel like it could still work, but it's really really hits a spot if you're in like a cold climate.

There was And then when you walk out and you're soaking wet and you hit that cold, it just Oh, the electricity that goes through your bones, it's like I just had really hot. I'm soaking wet and now I'm frigid. Oh, that's like a cold plunge sauna combo.

Exactly. That will get your circulation moving. That will send a shark. That will send a shock through your brain waves.

It will actually restart your heart. You will die and it'll come back to life. No, but I do think that it is a good thing to kind of, you know, kick you out of some type of funk. And also in general, this could also just work if you go do like a really hard workout.

Totally. Just get a lot of sweat out. Release some endorphins. Release all the I don't know. I'm thinking about all the things from the holidays. Just get it out.

Get it out. You'll feel great. Um, okay. I feel like my number three kind of piggybacks off of my number two of

purging the closet. Pick a day and I'm going to go to the mall by myself. I'm either going to go to the mall or I'm going to go thrifting alone and I'm just going to meander and I'm going to look at all the beautiful things and maybe I won't buy anything but that alone time slowly carousing the aisles looking at things getting in feeling inspired getting out of the house but still inside

oh it rejuvenates me I love going to the mall by myself with no time limit just perusing you don't agree you don't like going alone

I don't like going alone I actually really I don't like going to the mall that much.

Oh, it's it's honestly it's been revived in me in the last two years. That's the fashion in you. You like that?

I just remember as a kid you get creativity from that. I do. Yeah. When I was a kid, I remember I would have I would wake up and I'd be like, I have to go to the mall today. Like I would just have this feeling in my bones. I just am dying. And the only thing that would make me feel good is if I go to the mall and I wouldn't buy anything. I would just walk around. I had like $12 to my name. I'd be in eighth grade and I would beg my mom to take me to the mall and I would just look at all the pretty things

and it was just so inspiring and fun and it just get out of the house. You're walking, you're moving.

That's where you got it. You just got to get out of your house. You got to get out of the house

in the mall or go thrifting is such a fun That's a good idea. Yeah, I think thrifting is a hobby of mine.

Yeah, that's fun. That's a good one. Yes, I do like to go shopping, but sometimes I'm like I don't know if that would

Yeah, sometimes I'm shopping drains me. It does not give me life. My mom knows this, too. She's like, "Okay, how many minutes do you have until you're like, I'm done." I'm like, "Okay, I have two stores

and a snack break and you have to get lunch." Yeah, you have to get lunch. It'd be really fun if I went shopping like with you guys. Like, that would be really fun.

Oh, you guys would be great because I don't have fashion at all. Not. It's nowhere in my bones.

Really? You guys look cute? Not a single ounce. We'll go. So fun. I love shopping with you guys. Um, that's a good one. Okay, this is a big t title for it, but I'm I promise there's like a purpose for it. I called it this one service.

Okay, so I think sometimes when I'm in a little bit of a funk, I'm like, Abby, all you done is sat here and thought about yourself.

You're just sitting here thinking about everything, everything about yourself. And it's pretty incredible

how just, you know, shifting that mindset to, okay, let me think about other people in my life. Now, this can be like your friend, your mom, your sister, or you could even do bigger and think of like, you know, if you want to go and like do service at a like nonprofit organization, like charity, something like that. I think both have a place here. But like even if you're just like, you know, my friend is in the hospital and they're like, I can't go visit them right now, but it'd be really fun if I just like sent them a care package. and like spending that time to do something like a little creative and a little thoughtful for someone else.

It's kind of just like you you kind of get out of your own little pity party. Totally.

Like this pity party is not doing anything for me. It's just getting me deeper in this hole. But like thinking about someone else and like what you can do and also you can have fun with it

and you're not doing it for yourself cuz you're you're genuinely doing this as a gift for somebody else. Your time whatever you're giving them like it is for the other person

but in turn it's like a little cycle here. you're also reminded, okay, this world, there's more people in it than me. I can think bigger than myself and my own like small problems or this like little funk I'm in. I feel like that's also a really good thing to just kind of like

Yes. redirect those thoughts. Yes, that's a good one, Abby. Thanks. Really good one.

Well, I think it's really fun, too. Like we were like, oh, like I'm putting together a care package for someone and I'm like that is so fun. Like I'm like genuinely looking forward to like thinking about the things that I'm going to put in there and like Yeah. And so I'm like that's actually just like a really fun thing to do. And also, you don't even feel like spending money on something like that. You're kind of just like

it's for someone else. It's so It's so much easier to do. Like, totally. I probably wouldn't buy like these fun things and like go ham on a random day for myself, but it's really fun to do it for someone else.

Totally. I like making cookies and bringing them to the neighbors. Yeah, you're good about that.

It's just it's so easy and it's fun and yeah, it just helps you get out and then you go talk to your neighbors and you see how they're doing and you check in and it's just like an easy way to get past your yourself.

Yeah, I love that one. Thank you. Great one, Abs. I Okay, I feel like now mine are kind of dumb. I feel like I was thinking through what are my winter scaries? My personal self, so like the shower, and then I'm like, okay, I want my body to feel good. I want my home to feel good. And then I want to like my environment to feel good. So, I'm deep cleaning my house.

Yeah. I am washing the sheets. I'm washing the pillows. I'm washing the blankets on the couch. I'm scrubbing the baseboards. I am, you know, anything that needs to be deep cleaned.

Getting the grout, too. No, not that one. Okay. I was going to ask. Oh, first of all, I don't clean my baseboards.

I actually never Someone was telling me they were like this talking about baseboards. I was like, did you look at I'm like, don't look at mine. Ever look at my baseboards?

Well, I've actually looked at yours and yours are clean. Oh, yeah. Good. Yes. The house is new enough that it hasn't collected. No. Um, but here's my other question. What we were just talking about this I was talking about this with an group of people. How often do you wash your sheets?

A weekly. Okay. Yeah. Me, too. Yes. Well, it didn't used to be that way. When I was in college, I was a little nasty little piggy. I maybe wash my teeth twice a semester.

Mhm. But I also didn't know that. I was like, "Oh, I'm supposed to clean those."

Me, too. I actually never cleaned I maybe cleaned my apartment once a semester.

Okay. You're really clean now. I know. You know why? I wasn't really that clean when we lived in our apartments, even when we were married. Caleb likes things tidy because he's type A. So, I learned how to like pick up my stuff and not be such a slob. But when we bought our house was when I actually learned how to clean because I felt ownership for the first time over my space and I wanted it to feel clean.

And now I enjoy it. I used to hate it. Also, getting the right tools to clean your house makes a big difference. Like getting a good vacuum actually doesn't make vacuuming.

Steam things. Have you seen those? Um like the spin brushes or like the steam things that goes across the like

the corners of your house and stuff. Yeah. You just put water in it but it's hot so it sanitizes.

I want to get one of those too. And I want to get the spin brush. That's cool. Isn't that fun?

Yeah. What do you even use that for? Like your shower. The corners. That's Let me be honest. I have a very clean house. Don't go in my shower.

I don't like that type of You're going in there to get clean. Yeah, I don't clean like that. I do the tidying. Blake does the cleaning.

Yeah, he just has I don't Doesn't bother me. It should. It didn't bother me until I had a house that I owned because I feel like when it's like, "Oh, this is my own money. I want this to be nice." It feels different than when I was renting. I was like "Whatever."

Yeah. That's great advice, though, cuz like in the winter, you're spending a lot of time inside. It's like, "Let's make this

peaceful environment, a place of peace." Yeah, that's a good one. Thank you. I I need to do that. Okay, this is my last one, which also I'm like, Abby, you say this all the time. We're sick of hearing it. Make plans. I'm sorry. This is the only way I knew how to cope as a child. So, I would get really in a slump. Um, I shouldn't say this is the only one. My parents, they're amazing. They gave me a lot of skills, but this was like the main go-to. And it's in it's like so ingrained in me. So like I would get so down after I like I was a theater kid.

So if a show ended I was used to every day for hours going after straight after school for rehearsals and then spending time with those same people every single day. And like I loved everything about it. And so when it would end I was just like shocked to just like go home after school. And I was in such a slump. So my mom's like we got to just think of like we have to get a plan. Like so before the show would even end, she would make sure we like had a plan for like something to look forward to in the future. So this is a great opportunity.

Let's make some plans. Let's look ahead. Okay, maybe we can't do this right now, but let's get something on the calendar for like when springtime comes. Like let's do this. Let's peruse travel destinations. Maybe we're not going to go there, but like let's consider it. Let's, you know, like we said,

look at Airbnb. Look at look at Well, wouldn't it be fun if we went to X, Y, and Z? Let's just get some stuff on the calendar. Even if it's small, but just like let's let's just keep moving forward. Let's look to the future.

Let's just get get something to be excited about down the line. And I feel like it makes those like seasons that feel a little slower. It's like it's not forever. You got all these things coming up to look forward to. That's exciting.

So true. It's like that excitement. You got to you got to reignite the buzz. Yeah. And I want to be excited. Like I want the anticipation.

Uhhuh. It's so good. And planning something too like that is fun. Like planning a trip is so exciting.

Mhm. That's what I like about you, Abby. It's like we should make this plan. You're like, "Okay, it let's do it right now." We talked about taking a trip to Flagstaff. She's like, "Okay, here's the Airbnb. Everyone down. Let's book it."

No one wanted to get it. They're like, "I don't even know what you're talking about." I'm like, "We just talked about it."

We booked it. We did book it. Can we talk about your habachi, Abby? You can talk about it, Abby. I came in the other day and she goes, "I'm planning a habachi night." And I go, "That's so fun. Do you want me to bring our Blackstone?" And Abby Abby goes, "What?" And in my head, I pictured you behind a Blackstone grill cooking up for everybody

with the hat going like doing the thing. And honestly, I told her I was like, "Threw our mouth."

First of all, she said I started wheezing when you said, "We can bring I can bring my black." So I was like, I really thought it. That's That's like the confusion I had when Abby asked if we wanted to have if you didn't care if we had to shower together. And I'm like, I don't I like to shower by myself.

This is what Abby sent me. I made it on Chad TV. THIS COULD BE MY NEW HOBBY. AND HONESTLY, IT'S perfect for me. A little entertainment aspect,

a little onion train. Get the little boy peeing to take it off. It's so fun. You go like catch it in your mouth.

Just shoot a little soy sauce into the mouth. The thing is, is it offensive if I do it?

I don't know. We'll ask the people, but we'll ask the people behind the black stone at the moment.

I think if you acknowledge it's cultural appropriation, that's all we need. Just acknowledgement. But it'd be so fun. I think that would be a blast.

I really thought you were planning a themed night where you were going to do that.

I I love that you thought that. Like Aby's just going to do that. Well, that'll be fun. Um,

that alone, I'm so excited that I have plans for that. Me, too. I'm I'm really looking forward to it now.

I'm very looking forward to it. I've had so many people be like, "I'm so excited for the habachi night." Well, also, I had a couple friends that were really confused. They're like, "What's like, is it someone's birthday? What's the occasion?" I was like,

"Fun. Bring your spouse." Like, yeah. We should have a talent show. We should actually have a talent.

We can harmonize. Wait, we should have a family night that it's just everyone. It's a talent show family night.

That'd be fun. I think Satie Robinson's family does that and I think that for like at Christmas time I think they do a talent show or something like that.

That's fun. Wait, we should save these ideas for um our girls night episode. Okay. Okay. Okay. Little teaser. Teaser.

Okay. My last one. This is This is I'm going to go to Trader Joe's and I'm going to buy all the fun snacks. Yeah,

I'm getting all the fun new things. I'm getting a bunch of desserts and I'm going to fill my kitchen with just new and exciting culinary treats.

Yeah. Yeah. That gives me a zest for life. That gives me a zest. That gets me out of a funk. I'm going to make a new dinner. I'm going to look up recipes on TikTok and we're going to go to Trader Joe's and just have ourselves a time.

That's fun. I've done it as a date night before. We go. Yeah. You go, you get an appetizer, you get the meal, you get the dessert.

Mhm. Perfect. So fun. So fun. Oh yeah, that's awesome. That's a good one. That inspires.

And then they ask you, they're like, "You have any plans for tonight?" You're like, "This was our date.

Our plan." And they're like, "The grocery store." I'm like, "Yeah, I'm so excited about it."

I agree. Trader Joe's. I always have a chatty time at Trader Joe's. Do you like that? I like when my cashier chats with me. Some people hate that.

Oh, I hear people like, "That's my worst nightmare." When the cashier talks to me, I'm like, "Please,

please break the silence." Maybe they're in a social job. Maybe they're not like home with toddlers a lot. baby. You're like da da like you're like I want English and like adult.

Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Walmart? I was really pregnant and the cashier was like 7:00 at night. I was buying a carton of ice cream. That's all I bought. And the guy looked at me and he goes, "You got any fun plans tonight?" And I go, "I'm just going to go home and eat my ice cream with my husband." He goes, "And make a baby." And I go, "Maybe have a baby." What?

I remember you telling that story. I honestly was like so taken him back. I think he had word vomit. I don't think that's what he meant to say, but that that one was awkward.

That's an awkward one. And he started telling about his investments and I said, "Sir, that actually sounds like a bad one."

Did you say that? No. That is so funny. Yeah. I've had good I have had really good conversations with people in the line at Walmart. In fact, actually, one time I had a really great conversation with this like 80-year-old woman who was buying a lot of yarn. So, she was in her hobby era.

We love her and I feel inspired by her. She bought so much yarn, but none of her credit cards were working. We had already like had such a good conversation. So,

Oh, dang. I bought her yarn. I was going to You have to at that point. But I She was literally like trying to find a way. I'm like, "Ma'am, this makes me so happy that you got yarn now."

Forward. Yarn ain't cheap, by the way. No, it's not. It's not. Every time Grandma Sharon, um, Caleb and Matt's grandma, so our kids, great grandma, she makes quilts for all the kids and all.

Yeah, she makes all these fun things. I love it. And I love that she's in a quilting club and I'm like, that is honestly goals.

Cute. I know. One day. It's so sweet. One day. I honestly thought about I was like, should we start a scrapbooking club? But then I'm like, even the thought of printing pictures is already just like a hard stop for me.

Why does printing getting pictures printed at Walgreens like such a like a high hard mental task? It's so simple. They print within an hour. You go pick it up, but it just feels like a lot.

I just feel like it's impossible. I know. The thought of scrapbooking just like makes me

My mom used to do it with her friends. And so it's like that sounds cute and fun but

yeah, printing pictures is a hard stop for me. That was our last one. That's great. Hopefully you guys are finding yourself not too deep in the winter scaries, but if you got inspired from this episode,

tell us tell us what you do to get out of the winter scaries. Honestly, I could still use some suggestions.

Yeah, maybe these weren't even applicable cuz we live in the summer. We live in the desert now.

Yeah. I'm like, is this out of touch? But I think it's good. I thought you had some good ideas.

January still is January. It's January. February still February. Totally. All right. Should we get into some voicemails?

Let's do it. Ask, ask Abby. Hi Aby's I was wondering what your advice is on feeling like you're being judged on your parenting. Thanks. Bye.

I guess my I would wonder by who? Like your friends, your parents. Oh, it's so hard because it does feel very vulnerable to be it's like as a parent, we're just we're really just trying to figure things out as we go and none of us know and no one is an expert. So then to feel judged on your decisions does probably feel really hard.

Mhm. Um and it's hard to feel confident in our decisions too because I it's like we don't always know.

Yeah. Yeah. Say it with your chest and question yourself in private. I like that.

Do you know what I mean? Like if someone you're with someone and they're questioning, just be like, "That's what we do. That's how we're doing it. We're going to try it this way." And then when you're at home with your husband, be like, "Should we be doing it like this?"

Yeah. I No, I think that's really great advice. But yeah, I don't think Don't question it in front of other people. Just be like, "Oh, yeah, that's what we do." You don't always have to open the door for opinions when you're also trying to figure it out yourself,

right? I think that's great advice. Okay. Yeah. I think that I think opening the door for opinions is really important because I think that sometimes it's like maybe you unintentionally I'm not trying to blame you because I don't even know what the situation happens but I just speaking from personal experience there's been times where I'm like

I'm a little bit frustrated at the feedback I got but I also asked for it. Maybe I didn't think I was asking for in the moment but me bringing this up in that context was kind of just like hey come on in. Like it was inviting it. So just be careful too. I think that's a great advice like just say with your chest. I love the I love the phrase that's what we do.

That's how we do it. Yeah. And also I think Yeah, I think you're I think confidence is contagious. I also think calm is contagious. Like if you're just like

not super reactive and just not just like I don't know, let it roll off. And I think that most of the things aren't as big of a deal. But um yeah, also consider who the feedback is from. If you're like someone that's like do I admire them as a parent? If the answer is no, then it's obvious

you just ignore it. Yeah, it's just like you just let it go. Ah, thanks. Yeah, but it it is hard if it's coming from someone like someone you really respect, like maybe your own parent. I could see that being like a much more difficult thing, but obviously ultimately comes down to you and your spouse like

for sure you're the ones who made this baby. You got to you got to make those decisions and raising it together. So,

agreed. Um yeah, I think that's really good advice. I feel like there's something that I I feel like when I'm online, this is just this is kind of a little bit of a different, but I um I was going to talk to you about this. I feel like when I'm online, I don't I try to avoid like parenting and stuff because in my head I'm like if I haven't seen the results of these people's kids, I really want to take their advice sometimes. I don't know. Not that I want to talk to you about this, but just like

No, that's this conversation. We're on this like parenting pod. We're not we're parenting podcast. Yeah, that's a little

according to Apple. But sometimes I see things online, I'm like, "Oh, that's a good tip." It's like I want to take things with grains of salt, but then I'm like, "Wait, these people online, I have no idea if their kids are even

if they even have a relationship with their kids." Also, I fully believe every kid is so different, even between like my own two kids. I feel like I parent them a little bit differently, each of them. And so, it's like, okay, yeah, maybe someone is like thinking that's not the best decision that you can make. Also, they have a totally different kid than your kid. And so, um, I think you can have so much confidence in knowing like you are the person that was chosen to raise your specific kid. And I think that should empower you. You can give you like a unique confidence cuz it's like, yeah, I mean, I'm constantly re-evaluating like was do I think like that's a good that's a good check to have in yourself like is this should we continue this way? Should we kind of redirect in this way? Make these adjustments here and there. Um, that's a good thing to have like that those like check-ins, but also like I just

personally feel so much confidence and like I was given Griffin, I was given Auggie because I am meant to be like their mom and therefore like no one else is really like as equipped to be Griffin and Auggie's mom as I am. So, I just feel like that is that also makes it easier to just like kind of sift through the feedback.

Totally. That's good. Hi guys, my name is Mera and I was wondering what is something that really matters to you when you're a teenager that doesn't really matter to you to this day. Thanks guys. Bye.

I got a bad advice one. My grades. Oh yeah. Oh, that's a bad advice one though. Okay, it's bad advice, but I got to just say it because I also know that a teenager could be listening to this that was in my position where you would literally do anything to just make sure that you got an A in everything. And I got to say, I don't feel particularly like that was worth the cost.

Sure. Like stressing yourself to the point of exhaustion to get an A. Yeah. When a B is just as great.

I got one B my entire life and it was in high school. That's amazing. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. I'm not No one cares now. um as an adult l you that was the most praise I've gotten for it.

No, surely not. No, no one knows. No one cares. But like I was like so and I like tried to be casual about it. Like I don't care about

I straight A. I never got a B. I got one B and it was my sophomore year of high school in one quarter. Like I'm talking through college. Like I was very

studious, I guess. And and I here's the thing. I don't know how much I retained of all that. I was just very very concerned about getting like that grade. And you know what? I don't even need a degree for what I'm doing right now. This is bad advice.

I will say your discipline that you practiced throughout those years has benefited you greatly in your life.

Thank you. Thank you. So, I don't know. Yeah, maybe it's like the grade isn't great, but the discipline that you learned was very important.

That is that is a good Yes, I do think that discipline has served me well. It has served you really well.

There were certain times where I'm like though that was not worth the stress. Sure.

But here we are. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like when it came to grades, I was I always naturally without studying would get a B. So, I was fine with just getting a B and I would get the occasional C and I would get the occasional A and I was like, I'm crushing it. I just I was I honestly regret not taking school more seriously at times. Like, I kind of just coasted off of my natural abilities when if I actually had applied myself, I probably would have gotten more A's

and I maybe would have remembered it more. Okay. Mhm. My what is something that I thought about that I cared a lot about in high school that I don't think matters. I honestly just think like the social scene of high school and I think I really I've talked about this before. I really want to be a part of the party and then you get out of high school and you're like wait there's so many amazing people in the world that I get to be friends with that I get to meet at different opportunities. I feel like when you're in school and you're with the same people every day, your world feels so small and the drama and the thing like the gossip, it feels so big because it is. It is all-consuming of your life in that season. But then you graduate and you never see those people again.

And I'm not even saying that as like a good or bad thing. It's just a fact. Like you just never see those people again. And then your your your world is opened up so much after you graduate. And I think that was perspective that I needed.

I want to give a disclaimer on what you just said actually because I was given that advice was that you're never going to see the people from high school again. Th those things don't really matter. Things like that. So I took that very literally and was like, we're not going to be friends after high school, so why invest in this? I

feel really bad about that. And like I want to apologize to those friends cuz I I'm not friends with them. Guess what?

They're all still friends. Oh, because I because people were telling me that and I really took it to heart. I was like, I guess if I'm not going to be friends with these people anymore, why invest my time into that? So, disclaimer, you don't have to just like cut people off when you graduate.

Oh my gosh, I love that you took that so black and white. I really did. That's a good That's a good disclaimer. And that's really sweet that you apologize.

Love you guys. Yeah, that's sweet. Thanks for watching. There is that aspect. I mean, yeah, I guess just more so like the drama and things is maybe a better clarification.

Hi. First of all, I just wanted to say I love y'all's podcast. Y'all are so sweet and super down to earth, and it's just exciting to see you guys stepping into this new role. So, anyway, I just wanted to ask, what is y'all's favorite meal to make this time of year? I'm in Tennessee, so it's really cold right now for the time being. And just give me like your favorite recipes, like warm comfort food, but also healthy. Thank you. Bye, guys.

So cute. Oh my gosh, I wish I had a southern accent. I know. That was a really sweet message.

Honestly, when I hear a southern accent, I just feel like I'm getting a hug. Yes, that was such And thank you for your encouragement. Um, everyone say with me on three. One, two, three. Soup soup.

We were together. Pot roast two. Those are both are stellar. I have specifically this halfbaked harvest soup recipe. It's the noki. Let me look at the looked on that too. It's a creamy chicken yokki soup.

Creamy chicken soup. It's not even that creamy. So, don't be don't be deterred by that.

It's unbelievably good. So, flavor. So warm, cozy. It's link to be. We will link it.

Um, pot roast is honestly it's just a hearty one that sticks to your bones, but you feel good when you eat it.

Totally. Also, I thought of I made this like healthier hamburger helper that I've kind of like addicted to. It's definitely something you really want to only eat in the warmer months is what I'm saying. It's just a comfort meal and um you can sneak some veggies in there. It's actually pretty tasty.

I like your chicken wild rice soup recipe is good. Chili of course. Chili is great. Oh, I've been making a lot of beef and broccoli lately. It's very cozy actually because it kind of gets thick with the corn starch and you know you're getting your veggies, your carb, and your protein. There you go. And it's really easy to make and it's flavorful and I love that right now.

Chicken pot pie right now is a go-to. Val taught me her easy recipe. Oh, lasagna soup. We've had a few friends make that. Oh, add it to your list.

I can't cuz Matt doesn't like ricotta. I bet there ricotta in it. I don't think you would know.

Okay, I'll sneak it in. Yeah, I don't think you would know. You can actually just put on top as a topping so you don't have to. He doesn't have to add it.

Homeboy has no idea how much cheese he eats. I know. I love it. He hates cheese. Matt says he hates cheese, but he eats quite a bit of it unknowingly.

Um, okay. Well, thank you for adding some recipes in. Just seriously, from the bottom of my heart, just hearing your voice is it just is so rewarding and it's so cool. And just thank you for those of you calling. Can you shout out the phone number? So, if anyone wants to call in Yes.

with any fun goofy question or a serious one. Yes. 602456-9690. That's the phone number to give us a call. I'll say it one more time. 602456-9690. I think it'd be fun too if we read a review. Close out the podcast with a review. Okay, this is from Bri. She rated us five stars. Thank you, Bri. I love this podcast so much. I look forward to listening every week. You leave feeling inspired and ready to take on life. Love how genuine y'all are with some emojis.

Thank you, Bri. That's so nice. What a for the review. Thanks, guys. Okay, make sure you comment, like, subscribe, all the things. Join the book club.

Join the book club. Make some pot roast. I don't know. Okay. Well, thank you and remember, we're always here.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Self tanning, Hibachi, and How to Beat the Winter Scaries"?

Abby Howard (Host).

What is "Self tanning, Hibachi, and How to Beat the Winter Scaries" about?

The discussion explores the emotional complexities of pregnancy loss and motherhood while emphasizing the importance of thoughtful partnership in marriage. It also touches on the personal coping mechanisms, like self-tanning, that help navigate the challenges of postpartum life and social judgment in parenting.

What is mentioned in this Always Here episode?

11 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Abby Howard, My Husband's Wife, TikTok, Trader Joe's, Hailey Bieber, Justin Bieber. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Self tanning, Hibachi, and How to Beat the Winter Scaries"?

The episode runs 1 h 13 min; the transcript is about 16,287 words in 379 timestamped sections.

More from Always Here

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 31, 2026.