Transcript

Emergency Room Visits w/ Tommy Pope | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

From AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 3 min · 13,553 words · 487 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Emergency Room Visits w/ Tommy Pope | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley", an episode of AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast published January 8, 2026 (1 h 3 min, about 13,553 words). It mentions 8 people, works and ideas, including Flyers, Are You Garbage?, Gritty, James Ryan, McCaffries.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Are You Garbage?, James Ryan
  2. – 40:00: McCaffries
  3. – 50:00: Flyers, Gritty, Are You Garbage?, Cinnabon
  4. – 1:00:00: Flyers, Are You Garbage?

Notable quotes from "Emergency Room Visits w/ Tommy Pope | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"

  • Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your…
    about Are You Garbage? · at
  • You don't like my glasses? My mom got these for me for Christmas. Oh, yeah. Your mom got you a pair of readers. She got me six pairs of readers cuz I lose them. I lose them. I…
    about McCaffries · at
  • Keep it. Keep it. No, I steal water. Every flight I steal water from what? Any store particular anything or just the easiest [ __ ] Hudson. You go Hudson. Hudson can get it…
    about Hudson · at
  • Six Hail Mary zone right now, bro. What with you? Cut that. Kev, go ahead. Ask a question. Dabathy. that was like 10 minutes ago. And we're back. Is it garbage to be going to a…
    about Flyers · at
  • Yeah, I need nice aunt when you first walk in. You want a Cinnabon? Mhm. She's going to be a real [ __ ] in the end. Who's getting Cinnabon at their ants? That how you would do…
    about Cinnabon · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Gritty — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    Orange hoodie, it looks like you should be doing road work. That's a dough look. Well, that's why they put the that high viz colors on these people. That's not because like…
  • James Ryan — Person · 1 mention · first at
    I'm your host Hoy coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a New Edition. Just got some big news. She's doing SummerSlam this summer. Getting a ring.…

Companies & orgs

Products & tech

  • Helix — Product · 1 mention

Places & events

Full transcript with timestamps

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

Oh, yeah. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out to be classy.

Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash. Trash. Trash. I'm your host Hoy coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a New Edition. Just got some big news. She's doing SummerSlam this summer. Getting a ring. Look out. PUT A FOLDING CHAIR IN THAT broad's hands.

All right. You're pushing it. Yeah. Take the L and get out OF THERE. GOOD NIGHT, FOLKS. MY COAST IS coming at you right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? International businessman. My best pal in the whole wide world. When you're reaching for a best pal, do yourself a favor. Make it a Kippy. Give it up for James Ryan. You ever heard that one?

That's That was the original intro. What's up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are in the middle of

Yes, we are. Top 100. That's where we belong. The middle of the charts. Not showing off, not falling behind. Uh then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/allgar garbage. Go over there. You get all that bonus content. And the boys are on the road. Get your tickets. Toronto this weekend.

Oh boy. How about that? Toronto going up north. Sing them ketchup chips. Okay gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. Our brother from another mother. Yeah.

Let me ask you a question. Do you do gym class and health class? Mr. Pope. Hey, get him a whistle, will you?

You know what's [ __ ] up? You know what's [ __ ] up, Luke? Teach our old pal Tommy Pope. Everybody,

we had a We had Stuff Island tires. A great conversation for 35 [ __ ] minutes.

Lovely. He was sitting on that [ __ ] that joke. Mhm. You had that long. The bust the tits of of of me

of And that's what you came up with? Probably. Keep it up. He's going to hate you with a trespassed.

First of all, I'll be doing suicides. You want to see a pick? You don't really know why I'm wearing the

We didn't Oh, man. This is how to get out of work 101. This guy goes to the edge.

No, dude. It looks like AI. It looks like AI. Oh, yeah. Tommy's in a hospital. Yeah.

Tommy gave us a stop. He's like, "Hey, you guys want a podcast?" And sends a picture of him in the hospital.

The hair is perfect, too. Qua. Yeah. You had this done in New York? No, this was in Austin.

Went to a doctor down there. I went to a farm. It was a forearm hand. Little Mexican guy just fixed my eye.

I got bleach. I got bleach in my eye. You got bleach in your eye. Yeah, it was like a Final Destination type [ __ ] I got three three bottles of Tilelex.

That's not how they take you out. Final destination. Well, I'm telling you. He's never seen the movies. Jesus Christ. I don't like that he's sleeping this much. This kid is way too [ __ ] relaxed.

Him? Me? Let me tell the [ __ ] story. Okay. Three bottles of Tylex. I take one out and I start squirting my

You got three? That's a lot of bottle. You save a little. Got a big bachel. Yeah, you save you save a couple dimes. You get

Pillex. Yeah, on the [ __ ] with bleach. That was once a year. That's my mom. Of course. Look, we're doing well. Okay. We got He's not doing fabuloso. Okay.

Which, by the way, we had a studio cleaning. My toothbrush tastes like fabulosa.

I bet it does. Dude, your mouth is probably from that [ __ ] cleaning lady. Look, I I went to squirt the wall. The [ __ ] bottom releases from the squirt.

Wasn't screwed in. Apparently not. Okay. All I did was went from off to on. It hit the towel rack, did a spin, and spit directly in my eye. Like, I'm talking full splash.

And I started washing. I do I'm doing the dog bath. I got in the shower, opening my lids, direct shot, and my girl's like, "We're going to the ER." And I'm just yelling at her going, "I'm not going to the [ __ ] ER." Yeah.

I'm not going to the [ __ ] ER. Then she texts up my sister-in-law who's a doctor. And then a couple other friends who were doctors, they said, "Get him to the ER."

Yeah. Why were you adverse to it just because it's in you to be like Yeah. I mean, the way we were raised, it's like

he's got to [ __ ] find a social security number. He's got to get somebody's card.

And also, how many hours? I was there for six [ __ ] hours. Yeah. You got to cancel shows. I had to [ __ ] you know, bleach in your eye.

Yeah. But I got They had you hardwired with like a It looked like a nice setup to be honest with you.

It's called the uh Morgan's lens. Morgan's lens. Yeah, I guess this this [ __ ] doctor invented this lens and it's essentially a piece of plastic that drips

like an IV drip and it just runs water through your eye constantly. I figured they put more bleach

closed eye more bleach to kill that use that bleach to kill the other bleach. Yeah. And that's what I told him. I was like, "Look, I've been snorting coke for for years in the hospital.

Maybe if my eyesight's fine." Hey doctor, you party? Yeah, look, baby. I'm all good.

This doesn't pertain to anything here. I just want you to know I'm cool. Yeah, I'm not no [ __ ] who comes to the doctor. I party. This is my dumb wife. Give me the lens. But I ain't no [ __ ]

You always tell them you're going to pass out. That's how you get moved through in the line.

You always say you're going to pass. Well, they're going to believe you, not me.

Somebody get me a can of corn. UH OH. Touchy machi. Old man Logan. Look at him. You know what I WAS THINKING ABOUT? AND I'M not

You got hot tub swinger body. How you don't? Pig in the rib. I'm glad my wife's not here.

Big in the rib cage. Do you trim any of that up at all? Real thick like a like a pit bull.

You want You are winter Tommy right now. I know. I got to grow this out for tires.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Huh? Are you playing Santa Claus? Period. Beast. I'm an oil man.

You know what? Where did you get those glasses? I don't know. But his his cologne is turning me on. I got to be honest.

Nice scent, huh? Woohoo, buddy. Whatever you're doing. I'm I'm ALL TICKLISH. I GOT IT. I smelled your jacket.

Soft smell. That's a lot. It's called Lockatelli by No, no, no. It's not a lot. It's powerful. Emotional.

I have something nice on you. You don't say I wear something. Come on. Whatever you're doing, it's a tido. I've had cooler.

It's caught in his [ __ ] collar. This is an old tuito. Look it all over. Roll up like a 1980s linebacker. This is tuxedo. So his head doesn't slap back.

I know Sriracha when I smell it. I don't like hot stuff. Except for Tommy. Well, let's just [ __ ] Why do we have to do this?

You know what I was thinking before you before you before you were here? This episode's not going to get anywhere.

No, it's great. You took your headphones off. What are we listening to? This guy's a renegade.

It's over by his lipstick. What are we listening to? Over by his lipstick. You're right next to me. Why is that? That ain't chapstick.

Yeah, if you start watching some film, I'll toss watching game tape. Listen, I've been doing my face creams, everything.

You're trying to be a hot guy, too. Yeah, I'm trying to get rid of these bags under my Start with the bags under your tits.

That's where the taquitos go. Trying to get rid of the bag. Yeah. Would you like a bag, sir? No, I'm good. Just put some Tquito on.

By the way, I got to tell you something. These [ __ ] delivery guys, the way they tighten up the [ __ ] plastic bags, it's like you don't want me to eat it.

No. Trying to help. How'd you get that scratcher in there? Was it delivery guy or a hooker?

Look at the knife he's got on his [ __ ] nose. It's a cat. Give it to me. Oh, a cat. Yeah.

Yeah. I did a cat. I bet. Mountain lion. Yeah, they're called Vietnamese. Luke making note of that.

What are you talking about? That's Keep that. That's crazy. THAT'S NOT OFFENSIVE.

I DON'T play in Delco. That'll get you That'll get you an award. That's a good bit.

That's a good bit. It's my first good bit. That's a good bit in Wayne. And that's a good bit here.

Picked it up to Brew Men. They'll be carrying out of the Leaf Edge House. Media flowing.

I thought media was nice. Media is very nice. Okay. Yeah, it is nice. It's right by Rose Valley where

But once you start making money, you're like, "Holy [ __ ] Meteor stink." Okay. I don't know. I've I always I knew the the regional rail, the R3 ended in Meteor. I was a West Trenton sign. I I took it up the buck.

It's like Oz. Yeah. I never been to the Golden Road. It's never good if you're the last stop on a train.

That much I know. I don't know. Cut that. I mean, absolutely cut that. What I was going to say is that I've been thinking

Whoa. Do you when when you're down in Texas and this isn't a shot or anything like that, do you ever like throw on the boots like c like cowboy boots and a hat and like go out to like dance or anything?

This guy would be rolling over in his grave and he's still alive. I started laughing the minute he said it.

Well, you'd look good in a cowboy hat and you'd look good in the whole set. That's insane.

You go like line dancing with the misses or something. That's a costume. I feel terrible wearing glasses.

Can't imagine putting [ __ ] cowboy boots on. Yeah, it's a big swing. It's insane.

Mhm. Yeah. It's just Where did you get those glasses? Huh? That's got lens. Why you keep asking below?

Why you keep asking? There's a ladies bra. Warby Parker. Those are Warby Parker.

Yeah. You don't like them? Oh, Warby Parker. Special eds, huh? What's this problem, dude?

What are you talking? I'm supposed to make fun of you. Well, you were having a We were having a good time.

That was the air. All right, I'll [ __ ] remember this. You also said that so trashy, Rubby Parker.

Thank you. I'll bring some [ __ ] up. No. Hey, easy does it. I will ruin this whole [ __ ] podcast.

This is a nice friendly episode. You're not going to popcorn walk me into [ __ ] disaster without me fighting back.

What's the popcorn? You want to start this? What's popcorn walking? Keep that. I'm a Reese's Pieces man. Everybody knows that. Trying to get me in a van. You're going to be [ __ ] popcorn. I'll tell you that.

[ __ ] that. I don't like how much he's sleeping, dude. He's fresh. He's rejuvenating. I don't like it.

New year, new foley. I don't like it. He's coming off the worst summer ever that spilled into December and January.

I'LL START NEXT WEEK. This is our front. You talking about? Yeah. The Foley game plan.

Next week is fun. Kick a guy while he's down. Son of a [ __ ] Yeah. Tomorrow. That's a good back tattoo.

You'll be happy with this. I did go to confession. I was down. I went to confession. I went twice.

Yeah. I bet you just got back in line. I had a couple things. Yeah, sure. Have I seen you? You put a fake mustache on.

Hit the time limit. I feel like I seen you. Well, you know what happened is uh I like to do the privacy one where you do if you don't if you don't know the Catholics, we do confession. They clean slate thing. Um

you believe in that a little bit. Yeah. Anything to help him out of a jam. All right. All right. Yeah. Whatever works.

But I You sit You sit in a box with a All right. You tell them the good. I'll leave that. Maybe

you tell him the goods. He says, "Hey, how you know how?" But how do you bend down? You get on your knees.

I get on my knees. Am I going to suck his dick? You dropped your sins. No. By accident.

Okay, cut that. I've only ever done I think I've only ever conf I confessed once or twice. Remember my first one? I They made me do face to face on the altar.

That's what I'm saying. In front of everybody alter. Yeah, I was Mike talking. What do you say? I didn't I didn't help mom with the dishes. Yeah, I made stuff up. You know, use the Lord's Lord's name in vain. Jerked off a couple of times.

I was going to say, did you leave out whailing on yourself up in your room? That's not a [ __ ] not. Where's that in the Ten Commandments?

Yeah. That brings you closer to God, dude. You dropped that down. You want to see lights?

The Holy Juice. Um, yeah. Lied to, you know, fault with my brother, coveted my neighbor's wife, this that the other

Noah and what's her name? Huh? Yeah. You make STUFF UP. OF COURSE, I'M THERE TO GET THROUGH THE motions to get stuff. So, that's what he's doing, too.

I know I don't make stuff up. I You think this guy's sitting there like a [ __ ] clinical therapist?

This guy's eyebrows were curling. He was like "Jesus." You're telling me. Take it easy. Sometimes that's how we annunciate.

I I walked in too far and he was [ __ ] sitting there and I couldn't go back. Now you already see my face.

You're half a celebrity down there, too. Yeah. What are you talking about? What are you worried about him seeing your face for?

Because I've never done the confession where you're sitting there looking at him.

Yeah. Tell him dirty stuff. How in all honesty, how like how deep do we get here?

We get pretty deep. You know what I mean? Are you saying real [ __ ] dude? Yeah. What do you mean?

How'd you get the scratch on your nose? Three slices of tomato pies. Yeah. Or do you go in there? Our father

def jam poetry. I'm not [ __ ] playing at all. Do you do you remember what do you do like forgive me father for I have sin. And it has been 15 years since my last confession.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's been I give him It's been forever since my last confession.

Three Hail Marys and four our fathers. That's all I got. I got three Hail Marys and three Our Fathers.

It couldn't have been that bad. Whatever you said couldn't have been that bad. That's what they give to me.

He's trying to keep the lights on down there. Of course they are jammed up. They

Yeah, dude. Priests are the biggest [ __ ] hacks in the world. Get out of here.

Pastors worst pastor. There's no pastor that isn't a [ __ ] fraud. Are pastors not priests? You mean pastor from just like, you know?

Yeah. They can [ __ ] They can live a regular life and they and they steal they take their tithings from a bunch of [ __ ] Mongoloids like Foley.

Is that what happened to you? That's how I got my glasses. 100 110 p. Keep that.

Oh, he's got it out for the relig religious institution. Yeah, dude. I went to school for 12 years doing this dumb [ __ ]

The [ __ ] out of here. It made me feel better. I've been going to therapy and I want I wanted to get my

That's how I feel about religion, spirituality, whatever it is. Makes you feel better. It's great.

Yeah. Yeah. But you're acting different. I'm not How am I acting? Since you had a confession, you came in here hot.

Wearing a wire. This guy's a n dude. He is. [ __ ] me about my plug and [ __ ] [ __ ] that.

He's being different. How am I being different? See what happens when a guy tries to change.

I like this. No, I like change for you. Thank you. I do. Thank you. Yeah. Have you heard the good news?

Say something about my glasses. He's risen. That's from the Sopranos. Oh, do you have a relationship with God, Tommy?

No. You wear a crucifix. What's on that chain? No. Canoli. It's a It's a lion. It's a lion.

It's buddy from Cake Boss. Dude, a lion. Have you had his stuff though? First of all, no. I got all this [ __ ]

Be a great guy to have all this bronze. I got all this jewelry for for for tires.

So, I had to get a a pinky ring. Mhm. I got a little sauced up, you know, didn't see a priest. No confessions. I walked in there [ __ ] hot. And I got fleeced by this little [ __ ] Arab kid.

I knew you were going to name his nationality. You're like my brother, dude. Any guy ever, you got to eat. Nice guy. Italian guy, Jewish guy, Arab guy. It's a very silly thing. [ __ ]

No, I'm I'm agreeing with you. I'm not What? Hey, relax. Yeah. Hey, for that's crazy. Somebody goes, "Why? Why does it matter if he's Asian?" I'm telling you a story.

I'm telling you a story for your mind. You go, "Okay, there it is. He's an Asian guy." All right. There's a little [ __ ] sweet a Arab boy selling me a [ __ ]

You went in a pinky ring. That's not something you buy online. You got drunk and went inside.

I went I went in the [ __ ] jewelry. You went You face to face. That's how I got that. Uh

Uhhuh. Yeah. You know, it's the free I got a Freemason's ring from the 70s. Unbelievable.

It feels better when you got the real stuff on. Makes the character more authentic.

I only went in there for a pinky ring. Play a fat guy who wears his own clothes. What are you talking about?

It's authentic, though. Everything says Henry. And then I said, I want a pendant.

Okay. And he goes, uh, I said, anything but religious. I don't want that [ __ ]

And he goes, well, we have a custommade lion head. send it. And then he bought I bought another chain. I bought another bracelet and I walked out. Seven grand.

It's what? Seven? Gez. Wait, did you get this in Brooklyn? Did you tell me about

Queens? Great. It's a great place. Huh? Yeah. But dude, we're talking ring pendant. Custom made.

Not for you. Custom made. Necklace, a bracelet. See you. Whose anniversary does it say on the back of that thing?

To Jim with love. Yeah. For for my dearest aunt you're going to cut anyway. 25 years sober.

Love Al. That's nice. I I I I That's I didn't expect I didn't peg you for a a drag or I had

a drag queen. No, a lion guy. I had a dragon when I was a kid. It It could have been anything. A unicorn.

You wouldn't do a cross. You wouldn't do St. Michael, St. Gabriel. No, that [ __ ] No. No. It's nice.

It's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. I kind of want to go to gold. It's 18 karat. It's nice.

I believe you. Why you nothing? I'm not buying it from you. I don't know. Nothing.

Stuff island.com. Plug the website patreon.com/st island. Look at this. In case I get in a street fight.

Yeah, let's talk about Helix mattresses. Helix. Helix. Helix. Big fancy Helix mattress over here. It's the winter time.

You're going to spend a lot of time indoors. What do you want to do? Sleeping on a cot?

Yeah. Some bad mattress? No. You want to do it in a Helix? You go over there, you take the quiz, you find out how you sleep. Do you sleep light? Do you sleep heavy? Sleep on your side, on your back? Are you tall? Are you short? Are you big? Are you small? Whatever you want. They'll pair you up with the best mattress. Absolutely perfect for you.

Yeah. Uh, obviously, I mean, we've said as well, docu. I've been sleeping in a mattress. I have a Helix mattress for about 5 years now. Since the beginning of the show, they were nice enough to send us one, and it's changed my life. I'm a Helix man through and through. Whatever. If I go over to your house and you're like, "Oh, you're crashing in the other room." I go, "Okay, where's the garage?" cuz I'm bringing my Helix in for tonight. You know what's funny? That's what I'm doing

is I still think of it as a brand new mattress cuz there really is. 5 years later, brand new.

That's Helix. That's has a heavy payload on it. Uh guys, they got 120 night sleep trial. They got a limited lifetime warranty. And the happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges. offers a risk-free customer first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress. Uh right now you can head over, excuse me, go to helixleep.com/garbage for 27% off sitewide. How you doing? That's helixleep.com/garbage. 27% off sitewide. Make sure to say enter our show name after checkout so you know the boys. Yeah. Helixleep.com/garbage. Do it.

Yeah. Okay. But talking about quint gang, we're talking about a new year, colder days. This is the moment your winter wardrobe really has to deliver. And if you're not shopping at Quint, you're going to be left out in the cold. Quint brings together premium materials, thoughtful design, and enduring quality. Enduring quality. I like that. So stay warm, look sharp, and do yourself a favor. Get over to Quint and stay stay sharp all winter long. Yeah, they got down jackets, uh, wool coats, Italian leather outwear that'll keep

Italian leather that'll keep you warm when it's actually cold. How you doing? They got Mongolian cashmere sweaters, uh, wool coats, leather suede outwear, everything you need to be looking dapper,

they got you covered. And it's if you look good, you can be a bozo and still look good. That's what I do. I'm an idiot. I went over to Quint. I said, "Let me get some pants. Let me get something nice to wear around the holidays. I got a party. These are the time of year you got to look pretty good." And we're bozos. A lot of listeners are bozos. Go over there, you get an outfit, get two outfits, you look good. You go to the event, your cocktail hour, your wife's holiday party to this to that. They got you freaking covered. I love the pants. That's why I got a nice pair of slacks. Looking good.

They got good socks over there. I can tell you that. Uh, refresh your winter wardrobe with Quint. Go to quint.com/garbage for free shipping on your order and 365day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's quce.com/garbage. Free shipping. 365day returns. Quinc.com/garbage. Do it. Now, back to the show.

Back to the show. Ah. Huh. Well, very interesting, Tom. It's nice to have you back.

It's great to see you, boys. I love you. It's always a pleasure when you come to town and we get to see each other.

Yeah. Isn't that great? Coincidentally, playoff season. Coincidentally. Mhm. We should go.

I can't go this week. What? I can't go. What do you mean? I can't go down there.

What do you mean down there? I can't go down to the game. I got [ __ ] to do Sunday night. Okay.

Plus, big games like that, I got to watch it on TV. Listen, the last big game we went to, we won.

Hold on a second. Oh, we all the three of us went together if you remember. Yeah. And tell Feather Atkinson you can go Monday.

Who's Feather Atkinson? Whoever you're confessing to, [ __ ] face. It's the [ __ ] playoffs.

Feather Atkinson. Hey, listen. If he's a If he's a priest in Philadelphia, I'll understand. Okay.

First thing, father. What are you doing here, you [ __ ] [ __ ] You should be at the game. He's He's going to see feather feather Atinson.

Fatter fatter. That's fatter Atinson. Luke talking to me like this. Hey buddy. And we're back again, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm sorry. F Go in the name of Jaylen. Three Hail Marys and Gobirds. Forgive me, father. Tommy drinks.

Oh my god. Look at you. [ __ ] kids pristine for 30 days. Suck my dick. Still drinking beers.

I'll come at you, dude. You better calm down. We'll do an hour if that can't be released.

What kind of glasses? We're already halfway there. Put them up. My face is creepy.

Wait, I didn't know you look like what's his name from Jaws. I didn't know Roy Schneider

or Quint. Roy Schneider. I didn't know. Did you wear contacts? Yeah, I wear contacts.

You can't see far away. You can't see close. I can't see far away. I'm nearsighted.

You're out of your mind if you're cutting that. What are we doing here? Podcast.

[ __ ] underwear ads. Selling better help. Exactly. Anyway, which I don't need cuz I go to confession.

You go to confession. Mhm. I went twice. Yeah. I got You feel better? Yeah. I felt good that day.

Yeah. Yeah. And then what? You have to make an appointment or you just going to like office hours? I don't know how it works.

Ding, ding. They take walkins. Let's see if I can get a sheep up real quick. The bell rings in the front door. No one's there anyway.

No, you go 3:00 they have it over at St. Helens. And I haven't been there in a while. And I get in there and everyone's standing in the line waiting. I'll tell you this real quick.

Pass some more derves or something. I'm starving. Everyone shrimp. Everyone shrimp. He's still [ __ ]

Everyone was facing the uh the the altar, which I don't remember that. That's where dead Jesus is.

Yeah, I know. But I got in line and there was a guy in front of me. I go, "What? Why are you facing this way?" He's like, you know, to face the altar. And I'm like, "This is the back of the line, though." He's like, "Yeah." So, I'm waiting there.

You're all standing there like the backwards man. Yeah. Like a [ __ ] like an awkward elevator.

I was in the front, man. That's a setup. And there's a guy in there for like 20 minutes. I'm like, "What this guy do?" Huh?

That's That's how you know none of this is real. Stop it, Tommy. What this guy do? You're bombing in line.

You stay, dude. I said, "No, it's a little rain, huh?" Nothing on that. Hey, did you hear about Did you hear about the one with the priest and Sydney Sweeney in a canoe?

Four sheep, huh? The second you stepped on that. That was brilliant. No, he liked it.

I said, "No, four sheep. Really? Cuz it's two." I hit him again. He's going to [ __ ] the others. We get it.

Thank you. Yeah. Anyway, I'm waiting there. I got to be honest with you, I didn't get it. I just thought it was a bad math joke. Tommy, give him detention. I'll stay after with him. I'm waiting in line. This old lady comes over. She goes, "Is that She goes, "Is that so and so in there?" And I I think so. And then I go in and come out and I'm like, "Yeah, it's him." And she goes, "Oh, okay." And goes the other line

priest wise. Yeah. And I'm like, "What the fuck?" Yeah. Creepy. So I creep over to her and I go, "Hey, what do you got that I don't got?" I was like, "What was that all about?" Yeah, [ __ ]

I was like, "What do you know that I don't?" She's like, "No, I just wanted to see this guy." Like, "All right, cool."

You got a bad guy, huh? You got a bad guy? No, I got a great guy, but I just didn't like that.

Sure. What does she know that I don't? Yeah. Do I got to spell it out for you? Absolutely.

Yeah. I don't know if I fully get it. I was worried that he might be [snorts] a little light in the loafers.

No, I'm cool with that. I don't know what I was hoping for. Why is this table creaking like a [ __ ] 1940s Germanic, dude?

Welcome back to the Black Pearl. It's like the hole of a ship. So, you just cut that whole podcast off to tell the story?

I don't know if I cut anything off. I dead air Catholic lady wanted hot and horny.

That's what Tommy hears, right? Tommy hears bro, he figures hot and morning. First of all, you're shifting lines to get the one priest.

That's what That's what she She has a relationship with him. No, he's getting I don't know what the reason was. I was worried that she didn't go to him because he was he was he was bad in a bad apple.

And I was like, who did I just tell all that [ __ ] up [ __ ] to? I'm putting SP material in this guy's spank bank. Jesus Christ. Can we cut all that?

It's no good. Horrendous. What is that hoodie, by the way? I thought it was an Eagles hoodie. It's not.

No, it's Is that your high school? No, it's my uh my merch boys. Straford. Couple of good couple of good I believe they were St. Joe's boys.

Yes. Prep. St. Joe's. They were prep boys out of Philadelphia. My cousin taught some of them.

Straford. Uh it's Declan Finn. Oh, they're good boys. It's a sweet sweet hoodie.

It's the guys that make our merch. They're very, very good kids. They're very good kids. You got some, right? You got a couple pieces.

I support I I support all of my friends podcast. I got that from Mr. Salano who was just wearing one of our shirts on an episode. Wow. You support the boys. The boys got to support the boys.

Yes. Of course. Yeah. And they're they're also nice guys. Every time I've been in a live show, they try to give me merch. No, no, no. Support them. Support.

Yeah. I like this. Yeah. We're back. Yeah. I don't know. You You see this [ __ ]

I don't have a computer. Oh boy. If you get a little brick and mortar, I'D STOP BY on my way to church. A little bit of footstrap.

There doesn't WE DON'T NEED TO BE FIGHTING. WE CAN ALL BE TOGETHER. HEY, by the way, have you had those? Uh

that's actually Dude, brick and mortar is what I call you, too. That's pretty good.

That's not bad. The [ __ ] The boys are coming. The brick and mortar. Have you had one of those croissants down there? Tommy Buns's croissants.

Who? Tom Seagora. Never mind. You like a quasant? I like cross. Mhm. What are you two going to start kissing? Get to the questions, will you?

I [ __ ] I don't know. Not you. You asked me if I had a croissant at a place I've never heard of.

I don't know. I don't know. Hey, hey, listen. You're rested Foley is bananas. Don't [ __ ]

I've never seen Rested Foley. It's scary. Don't try to This is This is the killer whale of comedy, dude. You never know who he's going to come after song.

He's the predator. He was doing the predator. It's going to be me. He's going to bite my ankle and take me down to the bottom of the tank. Give you a roll.

The old tootsie roll. I'm going to get too comfortable and he's going to blackfish you.

He's going to give you one rib shot. You're going to lose oxygen immediately. Just press up against the side of the pool.

You're toying with me. You ever seen let me come up? Hi. Hey, Big P. Right back down.

You want a quick flop? We're going to Toronto this. You know they're doing that now. Those [ __ ] the the killer whales.

Yeah, that's the joke. They're diving on boats, not the trainers. Oh, yeah. Like off of G or something.

Yeah, diving on boats. Yeah, they're bored. Get a white claw. They're bored. Look at all this sushi. I have nothing to wash it down with.

I'm killing. What are you talking about? Horrendous. These things are so slippery.

This is horrendous. What the [ __ ] [ __ ] headphones. It's 600°. Why are you wearing headphones? We're not listening to anything.

I'm a broadcaster. We're doing a show. You don't have to listen to any. We're right here.

You're not getting the lines are coming. I can hear you. Yeah, they're piping through lines.

What do you mean we're coming up with all this in the moment? Hold on. Wait a minute. Talking about Tommy's glasses. Okay.

I just pass out. I never understood the [ __ ] headphones. It makes it feel like you're in the show. You're in it.

No. That's [ __ ] nice. Each their own. You're allowed to do it. You don't. No one's making you wear them. We're just saying we're wearing them.

All right. I like it. I can do this. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I can hear it.

No, you can't. Not like you could in the headphones. Wow. Is it that [ __ ] You better [ __ ] get killed in the headphones.

No. Hold on. Hold on. This is it. I'll do it for you. It better [ __ ] crush. Watch. I'll be honest. I'll do machine gun. I'll be honest.

I'll do machine gun. Our father in heaven. I'll be their name. Hey, Michael. I'm keeping them on. That That was That was [ __ ] dynamite, dude. You're right. It's so different. It is so Can we start over?

Is there a possibility to start over? This is Yeah. From the Hey, everybody out there.

Oh, all right. Let's get to some It's always fun when you got Tommy Pope here. Yes, sir.

Uh, let's get to some sweating on my This is a Christmas shirt. I'm sweating on it

and I cannot wash it. This is a dry clean only. There's nothing dry about that shirt.

What the [ __ ] man? It's like I'm in a time to kill over here. Just dropping off six shirts for wet clean.

You're sweating. You're like you're waiting on a [ __ ] a jury to come back. Just hang that out the window for a couple hours. We got a [ __ ] dryer.

On a fence. You looked really well put together. You're Dude, the hairs go in the shirts all over. It's

hot, man. I I know the texture. Drink, huh? I know the texture of that shirt right there.

It stinks. It's like I could squeeze it, it would stay together. Hey, don't do that.

There's like a rainforest in there. Yeah, that thing sucks. Straighten it. Straighten your arm out. Yeah, it's gonna be all rinky all rinky dink low pressure systemies.

Um, all right. Let's see. Since we were talking about maybe going to the old the old birds game, playoff football coming up this week.

Go Birds. We got a couple uh couple sporting event questions for our friend Tommy. Okay. You're you're a pretty classy guy, I got to say. I mean, you're a dirt bag in your, you know, in your heart of hearts. You are a Philadelphia scum.

Put together. Well, you're put together. You got good fashion. This is nice. Clean.

Yeah. The sound quality is crazy. Nice. Yeah, it's really nice. You look like you're teaching a broadcasting class.

See what? That's why it's why I wouldn't put it on. I'm already wearing accessories. This is too many accessories.

I had a dream the other night where he had an earring in. Here you go, Luke. No, don't. What are you talking about? WHY DOES HE GOT JEWISH?

You're arguing, dude. You're arguing like you're arguing with a refle. That's been inside the STREET ZONE ALL DAY.

I HELD HIS ARM. I HELD HIS ARM. EVERYBODY holds arms. THAT'S ABOUT FIVE YARDS. FIVE YARDS.

[ __ ] pass interference. Well, you are you're a very well put together guy. Italians are tend to be well put together guys. Do you care about this is not I'm not saying you have to knock it down.

I'm I'm on defense. I got nothing but love for more defense cuz of this [ __ ] No, Tommy, stop. Come on.

You wore weird glasses. I'm not going to make fun of him. The taquito king. Having a good time. King is on my getting all up in arms about the taquito thing.

Yeah, dude. I roll with it. I'm fat pig. That was very Henry Hill. Why you wearing [ __ ] up glasses? I got to be

No. Go down there. Go down there. Go down there. I can't, Henry. I can't. No. No. No. No. No. No. Now, what if we sat here the whole time and and we said that you I didn't say nothing about the glasses,

huh? You heard me. You didn't say anything about the glasses. What if I did? What if we just sat here and acted like you weren't wearing glasses? I think I like the glass.

I don't care. Put on your [ __ ] NASA script, you [ __ ] monkey. Yeah, look at the GL. Look at the size of this glass.

First of all, those are Look at these ant burners, dude. Give me the What are those? Dude, look at glasses. Got cocoa.

Now, give me these. Give me these readers. I bet you they look nice on you. Holy Christmas, Kev.

Dude, they are smudged arena. It's a little bit of goddess dress. You want to see Jupiter's rings?

No, I'm not doing these [ __ ] things. I'm not They're readers. Look at the difference. They're readers.

They're readers. What are you What are you reading on the moon? Look at the difference. Look at the glasses.

Let me see yours then. And try them on. No, no, no, no, no. We're not that close, dude.

Where your glasses? You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. Look at those stakes.

I see how it is. All the tiles in the world ain't going to clean that up, Tommy.

Huh? There you go. Hey, Luke, I want to apologize for all the cleanup work you have to do tonight.

It's a turn. It's a quick turnar around cuz it's coming out tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah.

That boy's doing He's doing double time. He's fine. He's going to hit me up in two hours. A the files are lost. Something up.

And we're back. And we're back. Hey, Tommy, I got a question for you. LISTENING.

You don't like my glasses? My mom got these for me for Christmas. Oh, yeah. Your mom got you a pair of readers.

She got me six pairs of readers cuz I lose them. I lose them. I can't see them.

That's how that's how heavy his prescription is. He starts sucking [ __ ] Mongaloid. [snorts]

They're readers. What are you talking about? Readers. They're You don't know what readers are?

Yeah. This is bif focals, right? No, the the whole thing. Not prescription. They're just like enhance. They're like he's got magnifying glasses.

Yes. To what? So I can close. Yes. Yeah. Scripture. Whatever I'm reading. Where'd you get them?

Huh? Where' you? Colonel Sanders 316. It was a happy meal when you ordered seven. [snorts]

Where'd you get them? At the store. Well, [ __ ] you. You asked me. Where'd you get them?

I don't know where she got them. Oh, I think she got him in Macaffry the grocery store.

That's a fine establishment. That's a good pub. It's a good pub. Great burger. They got nickel wings on Tuesday night. Tell them Tommy.

I got him at McCaffries. Is there a Macy's bar in Philly? I'm sure. Jesus Christ.

I don't know. I don't drink. I don't know. I've been to a lot. I mean, definitely not. I don't I don't know. They can't be that good of a one. That good of one. I would have been there.

I just had a stroke. This whole podcast is a stroke. Well, Tommy, that's funny you ask cuz we can cut that too, right?

Dabathy, man. What a trash name that is. Dabathy. That is That's a That's not a real name.

Dabathy. Dabathy. Like dabs. Like doing smoking doobies. Oh, you never hit a dab. You don't like the weed, do you?

Nah. Not your thing. Doesn't work with me. Doesn't work with you. More of a upper guy.

Yeah. Get up there. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm more of an uppathy. That didn't work. No, it was good.

You want to cut that, too, Kevin? I slided down his face. I love it. I hate [snorts] wearing glasses. It sucks.

Tommy's eyebrows are wearing his glasses down. You know what? What? Cut that. And we're back.

Let me ask you this. Yeah. What's the prognosis with the eye? You just can't wear contacts for a couple of days.

Yeah. Five days. Five days. I haven't gone to an opthalmologist. Oh, I got Easy does it. We're moving on.

What? I don't know. But there was going to You were going to take a hard left into his religion, I'm sure.

No. Okay. No, I got to go to an opthalmologist. I got to see into my cornnea. Make sure everything's fine. Do

you know the difference between an optometrist and an opthalmologist? Opthalmologist.

You know the difference between optometrist and an opthalmologist? Butt. It's a butt.

Is it the butt? The butt? What? Put your glasses back on. Take the headphones off. Ask me a question.

Do you know the difference between an opthalmologist and an optometrist? No, he doesn't. Is it the butt? What? Butt. Ask me again. Do you know the difference between an optomologist?

Yeah. And an optometrist. Yes. What? It's the butt. That's exactly right. That's a good bit.

Not sure get it. That was a good bet. That was a good bit. That was a good butt.

You should have smart comedy. That was a good butt. All right. My computer just You were saying one's a buck doctor.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. What is the What is the Is this a a riddle or something? I got nothing. I don't know. Oh my god. Forgive me, father, for I fully gonna be Fley's going to be in confession. Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. It's been three episodes since I told a joke. [screaming] Don't bring me up on this podcast. Father, you're all I got.

That's very funny. All right, let's ask questions. Oh, my computer just died. So, we're going to have to we're going to have to wing it.

Oh, let's take a break. We're back. Whoa, that thing charged pretty quick. That turned right on.

That Steve Jobs knows what he's doing. And we're back. Steve Jobs. Not they got me. Forgive me, father, for I have bombed, right?

With three punch line. Yeah, that's what they that they [ __ ] me on that. They [ __ ] me on that, Tommy. Don't even get me started. That's what these [ __ ] That's the code

that was. And I took me [ __ ] shedy [ __ ] It took me a weekend to figure that out.

Tell me just what happened. No, I'm dead serious. Okay, so uh they do the great balls of fire. They [ __ ]

That's what these [ __ ] [ __ ] do. And then they laugh at me cuz I don't know how to do it.

Oh my god. I was sitting HERE LIKE A [ __ ] ALL WEEKEND. Nobody was in here trying to [ __ ] SEND ONE GODDAMN EMAIL.

Pecking like a pop. Yes, dude. Show me what you just did. That was insane. It were Were Were you recording?

He knows. Yeah. Yeah. So the my password this was Luke that Luke Luke came up with this

my password the passwords just to get into the computer like not like for like Apple or anything like that

is just the letters across the bottom Z through M so you just go you're telling people your password

just to get into the computer but so you'd have to have the computer right which we do.

Yeah. Um, put this in slow motion and then that is it. That's it. So, you just go

and it pops right up and it opens up. But you got to have a touch to get Well, so so so Foley Foley complained. Foley was complaining he didn't have a computer. Meanwhile, the company owns 48 computers, right? Everybody's got six computers. We got editing computers. We got this computer. New guy's got a computer. This guy's got a computer. I got

I get it. You guys are doing well. We give him a computer. We get him a computer. 48's a stretch. Yeah. How many buttons are missing from your computer?

Dude, I've never seen anything. He handed it to me and I was chewing on the delete button.

The X button is ruined. XXNX. He had it for weeks. Pornhub, man. I open it up and I [snorts] go to YouTube to like look at something and YouTube's blank. Like he had never been on it. They had the the algorithm had no information. Maybe clear my search issue.

He had put in he had input zero information to the computer that YouTube couldn't even suggest a video. It was just black. It was a What are you into? That's a computer for like a month.

Select your language. Portuguese. Yeah, it was. Tell us who scratched your nose.

Do you guys ever do that sometimes on at the ATM? Do you select another language to see if you see how good you are? End up checking your balance 48 times.

What's that all about? Yeah. Who the [ __ ] is checking their balance like that? That That's the first thing.

Luke, find out why they do that. Cuz now they all do. I hit I hit the Mac machine the other day and it hit me. Why is it everyone now does that?

Yeah. You want to check your balance? They have to be I want to buy drugs. That's what I want to [ __ ] do. Yeah.

Give me the money. Which is It's more for the drug addicts than anything. Check your balance. No, check your balance is more drug addict than regular

because you have to find out how much you can take out. I mean, when I have no when I had no money, I had to check. You're constantly checking your I check in your balance on your phone before you go to the ATM. It used to not be

Yeah. They need you to confirm you have enough funds for your requested withdrawal.

[ __ ] them. Preventing overdraft fraud. They got it. [ __ ] that. [ __ ] out of here.

Now, do you have a thing? Uh, will you I I Cuz for the longest time, I would just use any ATM. I didn't care if it was on like a vacant lot under a street. Do you have like will you only use your banks or

No, you're anything. Anything. Anything guy. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Texico. Mhm. Give me $8 fee. I don't give a wherever I'm at. I'm getting Yeah. If I need cash, I'm not. It's not walking around.

I'm a big 7-Eleven guy. They're always in the back by the sodas. You know, the cases they got them lined up.

I see you coming. Huh? Couple of impulse buys. You can finish one before you get your cash.

Want a hot dog? No, no one said that. But yeah, sure. It sounds like that's what's happening. I know this is an already garbage like question, but you ever like walk around shopping, you know, and you you grab you grab a drink or something to eat, finish it, discard.

Did you say Did you say you don't know if that is an Are you garbage quest? You know it is. Okay.

Yeah, it has to be. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Very much so. Oh, you guys already covered this episode.

Do you do that? Cuz that doesn't episode one. That doesn't strike me as something you would do.

Huh? No. A bottle of red maybe. So, he steal from an airport. A lot of people steal from airports cuz they say that's

Now we're talking. Hold on. Get the headphones. We're Now we're talking. Tommy's got a 747 in his driveway.

That's bumped out, friend. Tommy's got the luggage cart. Yeah, it's just a worker. He's in my second bedroom. Sir, he's using the wands. I'd like to go home.

Not today. Um, say good. Keep it. Keep it. No, I steal water. Every every flight I steal water

from what? Any store particular anything or just the easiest [ __ ] Hudson. You go Hudson.

Hudson can get it, dude. Hudson all over the place. I would love to know what their uh

Hudson can get its whatever. Oh, yeah. They don't. I mean, they're charging you they're charging you seven bucks of water, so you could steal [ __ ] 80 waters a day and it don't matter.

Bingo. What? $13 for gummy bears. Suck my dick. I'm stealing water right in front of you.

Seems reasonable to me. Here's what I do. Here's what I do. Here's what he does.

Grab a couple waters. Bat my eyes at the lady. And there's security guards. They don't even watch the checkout. So, I'll pretend to beep. Hit cancel. Beep. Cancel.

I got to have the headphones on. Walk out. If I get caught a little bit, if someone's got eyes on me, I just sit around and then I walk outside and I'll pretend to talk to [snorts] whoever I'm with.

What was that? Yeah. Did you want something else? Just a What's that? And then I'll just keep walking and if nobody comes at me,

we're good. We're gold. Gucci. Still two [ __ ] 32 ounce Evian, baby. That's like [ __ ] $25.

You go Evian? Oh, I go the highest I can get. I don't like Evie. Every single flight, Kevin.

Okay. Every single flight I steal two of the highest priced waters I could possibly get.

You know what? International criminal cuz [ __ ] the man. Walks around the corner, takes the glasses off. Don't even know what's happening.

He starts. He's not limping anymore. He's stolen the glasses. This [ __ ] They look good. He's jealous.

No, they look great. Yeah, fine. You always look great. You know that. I'm having fun with you.

I'm start with that. I always start with that. It's like just got someone's always got the bad guy.

Six Hail Mary zone right now, bro. What with you? Cut that. Kev, go ahead. Ask a question. Dabathy. Uh

that was like 10 minutes ago. And we're back. Is it garbage to be going to a sporting event and supporting your team by wearing just the colors, not any official merch that they sell? for example, wearing a regular orange hoodie at a Flyers game.

No, I think that's great. I I mean, it depends on it. I think if you're in there in like a high viz orange hoodie, it looks like you should be doing road work. That's a dough look.

Well, you know, that's why they put the that high viz colors on these people. That's not because like traffic

for the flyers. No, it's not because traffic or flyers. It's because they're the dumbest people on earth and you have to avoid them. They're violent. Okay.

What? The people that do this that do the road work. Yeah. You put them in bright colors because they're the most violent people you can ever imagine.

Well, when you try to run them over, they kind of get upset. Yeah. They'll get flipped under the wheels and and fight you afterwards. Cut that.

I got two cases. Anyway, anyway, here's the answer. Say, my cans are broken. I have to come back,

guys. I'm tired. Um, have you been to a Flyers game recently? We went not that long ago. Big man had never been to one and uh we figured we'd go. Very nice. Very gave us, you know, we got to meet Gritty whole nine yards.

You guys met Gritty. Yeah. Wow. He's a bit of a [ __ ] celebrity. He's on the move.

He's sharp, too, dude. He was on the top floor. He makes you feel comfortable. And he was [ __ ]

What's your problem? I mentioned the goddamn hallway, didn't I? Gave you a big hug.

Yeah, I knew I was in for it. Hey, right this way. Yeah, I need nice aunt when you first walk in. You want a Cinnabon?

Mhm. She's going to be a real [ __ ] in the end. Who's getting Cinnabon at their ants? That how you would do it?

Oh, we're doing well this year. Whoa. I haven't had a Cinnabon. You're getting a steal at the airport.

When's the last time you had a Cinnabon? I'll check back next week, folks. Flyers are up. Do nothing. Look at him staring at him.

Keep it. Keep it, little punk. Snot nose brat. When's the last time I was at a Flyers game?

Oh, yeah. That's a great question, Tom. Ask me that. Tommy just asked himself a question.

That's a good question, Tommy. Me. Thanks for asking. Thanks for stopping by. Uh, two years ago.

Okay. Yeah, they're a good time. There's a certain level of trash at a weekn night flyers game that you don't get at any other dude. There's a there's a level of female trash.

How about those dancers? Female specific. Yeah, female specific trash in like a bootleg flyers.

The women You ever been to Montana? No. Montana. All right. Anywhere in the [ __ ] Midwest or [ __ ] Midwest? Yeah.

Yes, I know. We've been in the Midwest. I know what you mean, Tommy. Stay with me. A lot of girls that look like they have long johns on under their jeans.

They're like Russians just getting an Eminem CD, right? They're way behind the [ __ ] trends.

So the [ __ ] hot ladies, these old bats coming from [ __ ] Doylestown or some dog [ __ ]

You just named my mother. Bethlehem. Yeah. No one's coming from a Wednesday night game from Bethlehem.

Yes. They wear Yeah, they are. They wear nothing. They wear bedazzled jeans that you would see 15 years ago on a boardwalk.

It's crazy. And they they get their hair all permed out. They smell like octopio.

Trying to blow gritty. Yeah. They're trying to suck Gritty's dick. And I want to say guys, congrats on meeting Gritty. Thank you.

As a big as a big uh Yeah, it's a big He welcomes you in. He's doing his thing. Puts his arms around you. Good guy.

Would you do this to him? Forgive me, Gritty S. I just ate three hot dogs. You guys did at the same time and I like that.

How you doing? Synergy. Tell them about the dancers. Yeah. So, this is what a Okay. See,

so this is something that um you know, I never seen this. The energy level obviously the energy level at a Flyers at an NHL game is high.

They got more hots working down here. I mean, this guy's got [ __ ] on the brain.

Yeah. What are you talking about? Oh, man. It's a [ __ ] ice rink. Yeah. You're not going to have some hot

easy. Yeah. See, I held. I held you. No cut. No cut. Saved you 20 minutes. They got the girls down there skating, Tommy. Then they have girls coming.

The ice the ice ladies who come in. They they follow the Zamboni and pick up this the snow that's created.

They're beautiful. They're hot roll. Then they got cheerleaders. They that come out every time they switch lines.

They got cheerleaders the whole game just right next to you. We were ugling them. They switch every, you know,

horny boys. You get YELLOW HORNED UP. WHOA. HEY, I'M a married man. Of course you are. That's why you're a horny boy.

No. You're getting nuts with a It's working overtime. You get nuts for a 23-year-old holding a shovel.

Pick up so picking up scraps. Hey, that's the blue collar in me. There's more to shovel than a 23-y old.

Scraps from a professional hockey player. I tried to get her to hold the post hole bigger, but she wouldn't. Do you ever see a broad in a hard hat? Let me tell you.

Yeah. The taquito king is drooling all over your [ __ ] shoulder. You're staring at some 23-year-old dingbat from [ __ ] Temple University. Hey, that's a good university. And every not everybody graduates on time, honey. What? You take your time to find yourself the [ __ ] out of here.

Tell those ice [ __ ] to get the [ __ ] out of Where'd you go, Drexel? Yeah. Yeah.

That's the the Philadelphia is your proving ground. I know. That's your Los Alamos.

I'm making fun of iceos. Where they tested the atomic bomb. They had tested [snorts] the the atomic bomb. You know what I'm saying, Luke?

I just talk to you. I love it. You kidding? Nothing on that. Don't glorify ice.

I'm sorry. Tommy did well in Philly. They're ice pigs. Unlike you. I don't know why you're not.

Keep the ice pigs. Of course. Of course. These guys are getting nuts about going right now. I got you. Don't worry.

They're not even talking with each other. We can just talk to each other. Yeah, you and I and them. Ice pigs.

Ice pigs. Ice pigs and air pigs. That's what [clears throat] I call stewartises.

Ice pigs. Air pigs. What? Air pigs. Oh, air pigs. Yeah. Yeah. Horniest. Horniest bunch of the lot.

Stewart. Oh, you got that much cologne on you. Yeah. Oh, now you don't like my cologne.

Starting to give me a headache. Bartender. He's out of Gatorade, TOO. ANOTHER ROUND FOR MY MEN. Or

up. Sorry. Okay, let's do another question. Got a nightquil for him. Should we get started?

Yeah. Fired up, dude. A great question, Dabathy. Mhm. I was always big on that.

On what? We never got the We never got the uh you know, the license, the official merch. It was harder to come by back in the day.

Well, we never got it anyway. It was a green hoodie. It was a [ __ ] maroon pair of sweatpants or something like that.

Who were you rooting for in the maroon sweatpants? The redies. Oh yeah. 80s. What were the pinstripes back then?

Maroon. Maroon. [ __ ] running it down your leg. What? What do you mean maroon?

Maroon. The red. That's maroon. We're talking about the [ __ ] Eagles and Flyers.

He was saying he had maroon for the Phillies. Yeah. Also, you and a pair of maroon sweatpants trying to hide a boner at 10 years.

I wasn't even thinking about the Phillies. Yeah. Tight as [ __ ] Oh my god. I'm a real [ __ ] maroon right now. tight as [ __ ] It had the three three stripes going down. It was

all your veins. I was lifting. Uh yeah, it was bad. And it was the kind of sweatpants that didn't have um bottoms at the bottom.

That was good and bad. Just sweatpants. Like a pair of slacks. Yeah, like a pair of slacks.

They pleated. Yeah, pleated sweatpants. I go around fourman milk. I wore him one time and this fat kid sat on me at school.

There's a kid fatter than you. Yeah, there was. He's a big boy. Oh my god. Yeah, I've told you this. They poured chocolate.

Have you seen Jupiter sit on the moon? Talk about retrograde, HUH? TOMMY, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

NICE. Caught that. No. What are you crazy? That's all I got. Luke, get me a drink. Um because where's that canoli?

You you guys you guys are a little older. Those sweatpants weren't they be got they got not cool. The ones with the cinched bottom you [ __ ] They weren't cool then. I was fat guys were sitting on me. I was closing ass in these things. He's talking

to the room. I took my licks in too. I wasn't speeding away in an iRock with some hairdresser. I was getting bullied by the other fat kid in school. You know how bad it's got to be.

That sucks, dude. Yeah. We had to take turns bullying each other. Flicking each other's

eventually playing doctor in the woods. Hey, your cholesterol's high. Yeah, your cholesterol's out. Just jerk me over and shut up.

Uhoh. You're the best. A what a good man. Thanks, D. Thank you, Diesel. Thank you, Ravioli.

I like that kid. He's the best. He's a grown man. He's got a beard. A hog on him, too.

Yeah. Yeah. Italian. Yeah. Not supposed to be a little Italian in me. It ain't down there. I'll tell you.

You hang out with Tommy and you might supposed to be. What' you do with dog DNA? What do you mean supposed to be?

I got worms. I thought I thought I was a Turns out I'm a super mo with worms. Husky

twice. [cough] Uh, Jesus Christ. [snorts] So, orange sweatshirts, huh? Yeah. No, I agree. Wear colors that are close.

Thank you. Yeah, I agree. Clip that. We're good. Everybody, you don't have, you know, some people don't have beans. Of course,

to buyers logo [ __ ] Expensive, too. It's also like they got like very stylish. We haven't been in a while. That store we were looking in was like very like it was like gear to wear, not to a game. It's like gear to wear

to work kind of. Yeah. Gear to wear. That'd be a pretty good store. Gear to wear.

There was a There was gear to wear. No, gear. Wait. Wait. Gear weird. You're so frustrated. I'm sorry.

No, not at all. He's the one that said it weird. That's I thought it rhymed. But gear to wear doesn't rhyme. Look at nobody in there.

He's still going. He's still going. Hey, I'm trying to come up with ideas here.

Hence the pen in your hand. Yes. You're not writing [ __ ] Throw it down. I've been writing a lot.

That paper in front of you, huh? What? I write on my thing. It's a micro pen. The micro penis.

Hey, keep that. That's Irish. Okay, keep that bomb. I don't know why I like having it in my hands.

That would Luke hit it with laughter. What? Hulu special. Keep this. Tommy's got rabies.

Luke, I'm now on my second page of edits. That's just crazy. It's just so crazy to turn around for tomorrow.

That's a couple of snips. You'll be all right. Who gives a [ __ ] Tommy will do it with you.

Cut that. Cut it. And we're back. Oh my god. Dabathy. What a great question. It's Italian for cookie.

Um, all right. Let's see. This one's from Mr. Gambini, Alabama. Ute law uh $10 allowance funder here. I've never thought of this. This is about my family specifically. [snorts] It feels very Philly trash.

Are you garbage? You have siblings with similar names. My mom is Denise and I have an uncle Den, which would be Dennis. So there's a Dennis and Denise. That's similar to like having a D a Danielle and a Daniel.

Yes. Which I never picked up, but yeah, that's real [ __ ] trash. A lot of families do all K's or like all something like that. Mhm. You know, I have like I have

Kathy, Chris, the I love how you named Blake Chris is predominantly a C. The Kardashians are like that. They're all

nice ladies. 100%. Yes. It's garbage. I It took me It took us doing the show to I said my cousin Kevin and you were like you I have there's two Kevin at the cousin level of my family.

Six names where we're from. Yeah. There's like six or seven names. True. Both the female and male. There's like Pick something different.

Give them to me. Yeah. Give me a Joe. Bridg. Tommy. Tommy. Johnny. Johnny. Frank.

Michael. Mike. It's all saints. Chris. Peter. Pete. Paul. Gabriel. No. Jesus. The [ __ ] out of here. Gabriel. Look at this guy. You in confession again?

He said Gabriel. How many Gabriels you know? I know a couple. You know a couple Gabriels.

Gabriel and Glacius. You know Gabriel and Glacius? I do. We're talking friends in Philly.

We're boys. How many [ __ ] Gabriels do you know? St. Gabriel's the the bad. Jesus Christ. Foley. Stay focused.

We're talking about You know you're jammed up when he's telling you to stay focused.

Yikes. Get on the concert. Paul's a name everybody has. [snorts] We already said Paul.

Peter. Mary. I can't too. I'm trying. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. Are you a What do you mean? You're not being a good captain right now.

Yeah. No [ __ ] Fighting a two-front war. This one's good. Is it garbage to share one chip clip on multiple bags?

Oh yeah, that's a real derp. You I was I always thought save the show. Hold on. Hold on. I'm going to take this off. Foley's got this.

Go ahead, babe. Tell tell them the That was always classy to me. What? Sharon chip clips. Yeah, because they were all very done in order and it was like all your chips are in the same pl also.

That's trash. I like it. Yeah. Take the whole thing, bring it over to the take it up to your bedroom. You and the other fat kid can eat it up there.

You leave Paul alone. Paul, his name is Paul. I believe you. He's a good kid. Okay. Um,

doing a little time right now. Paul is. Hey, Mr. Pope's falling asleep in class.

Yeah, four scotches will do that. [ __ ] breaking my balls. This guy's drinking brown liquor during the day. [snorts] Are you going to shave that? Do you have to shave it from the thing?

I remember you having a beard like that last season. Look it up. All right. Check it out on IMBD. Mhm.

International Movie Database. Is that what it's called? That's when the satellites connect.

All right, I think we got to wrap it up. NO, WE DON'T. WHAT? NO, we don't. We're having a good time, Kevin.

Let's get to the real garbage. Come on, Tommy. It's over. It's not over. I'm not leaving you guys. I haven't seen you in a while. I'm having fun.

Tell your face. That's true, though. Luke, I feel like I feel like I look like I'm having fun. We're having a good time. What do you mean? We're just all over the drop,

dude. Keep Keep me in just a freeze frame like this. Everybody quit screwing around. We're having a good time.

We're having a great time. Yes, Kevin. Kev, what's your [ __ ] problem? Uh-huh.

What are you happy? That's your problem. Give me a goddamn drink. That's your problem.

Beautiful baby, beautiful wife, a dog. That's your [ __ ] problem. Beautiful family. Me and Foley over here trying to have a good podcast

and get [ __ ] real nuts about [ __ ] Read a question that we don't want to answer.

I've been doing that. I don't know if you've picked up on it again. I think that whiskey might be

Do it again. What' you say? I think that whiskey might be [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] This guy's all jacked up on Tylex.

Gang, we love you TO DEATH. TOMMY, WE LOVE YOU. We got to wrap it up. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. PEACE. NO.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Emergency Room Visits w/ Tommy Pope | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"?

In order: 0:00 Are You Garbage?, James Ryan; 30:00 McCaffries; 40:00 Flyers, Gritty, Are You Garbage?, Cinnabon; 50:00 Flyers, Are You Garbage?.

What is mentioned in this AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast episode?

8 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Flyers, Are You Garbage?, Gritty, James Ryan, McCaffries, Hudson. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Emergency Room Visits w/ Tommy Pope | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"?

The episode runs 1 h 3 min; the transcript is about 13,553 words in 487 timestamped sections.

More from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.