Gift Card Ballers! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Eddie Money, Cheetah Club, Queen Elizabeth Theater, Tooties
2. 10:00 – 20:00: DraftKings, bluetchw.com
3. 20:00 – 30:00: DraftKings

Notable quotes from "Gift Card Ballers! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"

• Yeah. January 9th, we're going to be at the Queen Elizabeth Theater in Toronto, Ontario. Limited tickets left. Get them while they last. Then we got Austin, Tampa Chicago Indiana Nashville Pittsburgh, and Cleveland. All tickets.

  about Queen Elizabeth Theater · at 0:06

• TRASH. I'M YOUR HOST T FOLEY coming at you on a glorious day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's hitting it really hard this year.

  about Tooties · at 0:53

• We're Eddie Money. Eddie Money sold 28 million records, but you wouldn't know it. He was just a hardworking kid from We did not sell 28 million records.

  about Eddie Money · at 3:18

• Yes, we do. Kevin, let's talk about DraftKings, the kings of the draft.

  about DraftKings · at 19:25

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Eddie Money — Person · 3 mentions · first at 3:18

Companies & orgs

• DraftKings — Company · 4 mentions · first at 19:27
• bluetchw.com — Company · 1 mention · first at 19:12
  Right now. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluetchw.com.

Places & events

• Queen Elizabeth Theater — Place · 1 mention · first at 0:07
• Tooties — Place · 1 mention · first at 0:56
• Cheetah Club — Place · 1 mention · first at 1:01

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Here you hear you. All our friends to the north up there in Canada. The boys are crossing the border and we're coming over baby.

0:06 Yeah. January 9th, we're going to be at the Queen Elizabeth Theater in Toronto, Ontario. Limited tickets left. Get them while they last. Then we got Austin, Tampa Chicago Indiana Nashville Pittsburgh, and Cleveland. All tickets available at rugarbage.com. We'll see you on the road.

0:19 See youers. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

0:46 It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at their be classy.

0:51 They're just a big old PIECE OF TRASH. TRASH TRASH. I'M YOUR HOST T FOLEY coming at you on a glorious day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's hitting it really hard this year.

1:00 Okay. Down there at the Cheetah Club. Okay. It's a new ladies fitness club. It's not nefarious. It's not a script club.

1:08 Okay. It's a strip club. All right. Yeah, I picked up on dancing. Hold dancing.

1:12 Old dancing. That's good for your core strength. It's good for your core strength. She wants to put one in here.

1:17 Okay. Yeah. Hey, shake. What? You're shaking your tail feather. I don't want to come in and catch you spinning around on that thing upside down with a dollar bill in your mouth. One in your butt cheeks playing pickup stick.

1:28 Sounds like you do want to see it. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call the family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies for 2026. Give it up for KJ, Kevin, James, Ryan. Everybody,

1:40 what up gang? Shout out to you. Uh, as always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are in the middle of the road. That's what we like doing. We're not showoffs. We're not these guys that come and

1:55 and and and and climb the charts. We we we pick at We pick away at it. Pick away at.

2:01 We're selling albums. We're doing shows. We're doing all right. Yeah. Are we the biggest guys in the world?

2:06 No. No. Are we the smallest? No, we are not. No. Are we having a good time? Do we love the homies and the bozos? Of course we do. That's why you go over there. If you want more content, if you want more of this great content that we put out, patreon.com www.patreon.com garbage, you go over there, you get up to three bajillion hours. That's what I just got in. The reports came in. Three bajillion hours worth of bonus content. That's for comedic purposes and we're not legally bound to

2:31 provide three billion hours. Absolutely. Uhhuh. We're a van tour band. We're doing our thing.

2:37 Yeah, we do our thing. We got a couple of hits. Nothing that popped up in the billboard yet,

2:42 but I got to I'm working on a couple right now. Mhm. We're going to be those guys when they look when you look back in 20 years. Remember that? They were great. They had some good stuff. I loved them. We're not going to be We're not going to get introduced in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

2:57 Maybe we're not going to have the top floor f like Bon Joy had. Which by the way, if you've been there in Cleveland, we'll be in Cleveland. Get your tickets. But to that top floor,

3:05 me and Diesel were in there. [ __ ] I'm not a Bon Joy fan. That turned us into a Bon Joy fan. That guy seen a million faces and he rocked them all.

3:12 He's so Who said that? He said that that's a good quote. That's that's Thomas song.

3:18 We're Eddie Money. Eddie Money sold 28 million records, but you wouldn't know it. He was just a hardworking kid from

3:23 We did not sell 28 million records. Let's Let's clear that out. Just think if he even got a dollar and 28 million cash. That's not talking about the door.

3:32 Sure. Shout out to Easy Eddie Money. Mhm. That's easy money. Shout out to It's a good film.

3:38 Maybe that's why we're not at the top of the charts. We're giving Eddie Money shout outs. We are contractually obligated on family episodes to uh stop by and talk to the owner's son who works here.

3:48 No, I've pushed back. He's they're no longer the owner. I looked at those that paperwork was all bunk.

3:53 I was drunk when I signed it. Back of a McDonald's receipt. You know, they say that's why um

3:59 Cole, whatever his name was in No. uh in True Detective. That's why he drank because no matter anything he said would have been admissible or the learn word I'm learning recently.

4:12 Admissible. That's good. Luke Dempsey, happy to be back in Q1. Excited we tookies off the books.

4:20 Yes, we did. Q1's looking great now. Oh, you tookies off the books. I'm like Portoy. I bought it back for a dollar.

4:25 Take that, Dempsey Group. The kids back on top. Middle of the curve. Eddie Money. the add money a podcast

4:32 we can be ourselves again. You in a collared shirt really attacking Q1. Thank you.

4:38 You are a business man. Well, I guess set myself up. Now you're going to ask me for something. I know I see this coming down like

4:46 a lunch after this. Wouldn't kill me. I'll tell you what I wanted to ask before we get into the cues. Shout out to all the bozos and homies out there. Um Q1 freshen it up. Yeah, something's going on because Q1, you were sitting at the table eight minutes before we started and

5:00 Hey man, just a new me. Got a bit of a to him. That's not true. I think I've been very delightful around the office.

5:06 I made a joke and you went maybe it wasn't that funny of a joke. I get it. But Oh, yeah.

5:12 I was getting I was getting some of the fluff out. Called your secretary a [ __ ]

5:15 Uhhuh. No, I wouldn't say that. You just did. No, I wouldn't say that to anybody.

5:20 I don't have a secretary. Yeah, you do. Who's a hot kid out there? He's Shark. Mark the Shark. Listen, I'm gonna get push back on this.

5:30 Not for me. It's 2026. We need to class about that. We need to class it up a little bit. And I don't mean in here. We're going to always be trashy. I have been doing something lately in a nonanoying, nonpatronizing way [snorts] that I think it'd be cool if we kind of brought this back. I don't want to say it.

5:55 It's about me. No. Okay. What's it have to do with over the last few weeks? Especially if somebody's like, um, you know, uh, I've been calling everybody sir. lately even more than I did. A lot of times it was somebody older or somebody in the military or a cop or whatever. Thank you, sir. But I've been kind of doing it for everybody. Especially like I remember when I was Christmas shopping, there was a guy that was taking out the trash and we met. I contact. How you doing, sir? He said, "How you doing? Good to see you." Makes people feel good, sir. We should We should get back into that.

6:32 Okay. As gentlemen that you're a madman guy. I'm into it, but I feel like it's also calling a woman ma'am sometimes. I do agree with that.

6:40 It's about [ __ ] It's not about age, man. It's about respect. It's about acknowledging each other that we're all professional people. We're all out there doing our goddamn best with what we got.

6:52 You [ __ ] pieces of [ __ ] Jesus Christ. Q1 wound tight. No. Okay. You just went off on a dialogue and started screaming. Um, I

7:04 I know you don't like it. I'm also any black guys out there, I call everybody brother, just so you know. I just want that stated cuz sometimes that gets in my head.

7:13 I do the same thing. I call everybody. I do the same thing. I love it. I I got to push back though. You can't jump between brother and sir. So there's something you Something's rotten in the state of Hank over here.

7:26 No, I just think you can't say I call everybody brother and I also call people sir. I'm

7:31 So you're choosing and who gets it? I'll tell you. Okay. Ready? We just Hispanic guys.

7:36 We just walked into a place, brother. We just walked into a I just walked into a place.

7:40 What kind of place? Am I there? You work there. I worked there. Yes. You work there.

7:46 Things are going there. Q1 is bad. I'm a um I don't know. A famous entertainer.

7:52 Okay, let's go with that. All right. Let me see if I can get there. Okay. All right. Diesel, my scarf.

8:00 And what am I? Some sort of uh some sort of matra D. No, not yet. More of a back waiter.

8:09 No, I'm in a retail store. And I'm working. Okay. I'm not even a major D of a nice joint. I'm working retail. I'm back in m What's wrong with retail?

8:16 I'm nothing. But I that I'd rather be I'd rather be quarterbacking a [ __ ] Jets or something.

8:22 No, a nice [ __ ] restaurant. A nice restaurant. I think you want to play. Have I ever seen you throwing a football? Can you throw a football?

8:30 Sure. Can you shoot a basketball? I mean, do Yeah. I would beat you in basketball a h 100 times out of 100.

8:36 Whoa. Take it easy, Glory Days. No, that's not glory. You No, you just asked me like a high school bully. Can you even shoot a basketball?

8:42 No, no, no. I was hoping that you as a guy with active poop in his pants. No, hold on a second. First of all, I told you not to say nothing about that.

8:49 You need I'm still in my no underwear phase. Can I Can I bring up So this is a little more a little more hard feelings, but we're we're done hard feelings for the week.

8:56 Hold on a second. What? I need you to look Can I work in a restaurant? Can I be Can I be Can I beat the guy calling shot caller at a restaurant?

9:06 A hostess? No. Shot caller. Obviously one of I don't go to restaurants that have mater

9:13 I go to restaurants that have college broads working there during the break. Uhhuh. Yeah, we all been to Twin Peaks. All right, tough guy.

9:18 What's Twin Peaks? Okay. What's that? the famous TV show from the 80s with um the Lollipop Club.

9:26 I like the Lollipop Club. Uhhuh. Listen, I'm trying. I come in oneonone. Me verse you.

9:32 I come in first. Make it make it take it. Hi. How can I help? 11. 11. Nothing's a shut out.

9:37 Ready? 21. Win by two. Say hi. How can I help you? Oh my god. You're that guy from that podcast I love with Kippy.

9:46 What's your name again? I'm Andy Garbage. I forgot about Andy Gar. Can you play along? Can you take direction?

9:54 Can you? Yes. It's comedy podcast. You're trying to do [ __ ] serious scenes. Can you take directions by riffing in the moment?

10:02 Go ahead. What? Hey, how you doing? Hey, what's up, sir? Hey, how are you? How long you No, no, no.

10:08 You can't say sir first. You stink. [ __ ] You can't say sir first. How do you get a job like this?

10:13 How do I get a job like this? I have to work very hard. You're the matra. You're the major deed of the New York Jets. That's how you comedy podcast.

10:23 You directed defensive tackles. Swing a miss. Luke is ice him. No, go without a script.

10:29 Hey, get give me a Hey, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? How are you doing, sir? Uh, we have a reservation.

10:34 Nervous guy, huh? You don't belong here. Bounce him. Come on. This is [ __ ] Guy like you, you don't clearly you don't have a reservation. All right, let's do

10:42 you probably have any cash on you either. Let's do it again. Nice joint like this.

10:45 Let's do it again. Do it again. Uhhuh. But you can't say sir. You have to say hey, how can I help you?

10:53 Hey, how can I help you? Hey, how are you, sir? Good to see you. Yeah, the bathrooms are for customers only.

10:59 Well, [ __ ] you then. I was here last week, jerk off. All right, give me a soda or something.

11:06 How much is a water? Not that bottled [ __ ] [clears throat] Anyway, since you can't do a scene,

11:14 I'm killing. What are you talking about? Yeah, but you're killing in the wrong way. You're making your scene partner look stupid.

11:20 You're supposed to set me up. My scene partner. You're supposed to set me up. My scene partner is stupid.

11:25 You're the You're the You're the setup guy. I'm the spike man. I'm killing everything.

11:29 Yeah, cuz you're spiking it. You're not supposed to goddamn throwing up to yourself and spiking it. You got to pass it to me. You ever do improv? It's not about showing off.

11:36 I'm a goddamn entertainer. Huh? This is what gets people in the seats. This is why we cash checks, baby. Laughs. You're trying to lower the lights and do handling.

11:45 No, I'm not. I'm trying to prove a goddamn point, you piece of [ __ ] that we're supposed to be nice to each other.

11:50 Sorry, I can't turn off. I am being nice to you. You're not. You're making fun of me telling me I can't use the bathroom, which is [ __ ] up to do to a fellow human if I have to use the bathroom.

12:02 You know, I didn't tell you this. I was [ __ ] myself. I was at a store a couple of days ago getting some stuff, you know. Okay. Wow. really on the edge of my seat over here.

12:13 I go over to the one counter where they're kind of like doing inventory [ __ ] whatever.

12:18 And I go, "Hey, man. Do you mind if I set this down here for a minute?" And the guy behind the counter goes, "Yeah, of course. Go ahead."

12:24 Then this manager walks over and goes, "Bring that over to the other register." I I heard this [ __ ]

12:33 lady say this. Bring it over to the other register because you know us. We'll start ringing it up and then he'll walk out and go over to the Salvation Army. That's what she said about me.

12:45 Huh? Wait, what's that mean? That I'm a [ __ ] bozo. You don't have the cash for it?

12:50 Something. You believe that [ __ ] I don't know. I don't have a shirt on, but still.

12:56 Drinking soup from the can. Split pee. Found the chunk of bacon at the bottom. Little smoky. Um,

13:05 isn't that [ __ ] up? She was insinuating that you're broke and you're going to

13:09 I don't know what she was insinuating. I like this broad guy though. It was a nice joint.

13:13 Did you call her sir? Maybe you called her sir. She got a little upset. Hey, thanks. That's

13:17 Do it again. Hey, how are you? Welcome to G. You got to be the star, don't you? This is what it's all about.

13:25 So, you got to build a scene. You're not a team player. You got to build the scene.

13:28 Just do it so I can get to the goddamn point. Hey, sir. Welcome to Gallaghers. Do you have

13:32 You can't say sir. And you don't work at Gallaghers. That's the son that that does the front there. You wouldn't you'd maybe be one of the lackey standing behind him.

13:42 Talking about the tall guy, the good-look guy. Yeah, I'm the tall good-looking guy. Obviously.

13:46 No, you're not. Have you seen the program? No, I'm the tall good. You wouldn't be working at Gs like that. You'd be running food or something. Oh,

13:55 with that attitude. See you. Hello. Welcome to Gallagher. Happy holidays. How are you, sir? Good to see you. Uh, table for two. I have a reservation under Foley. My assistant made it. Let me see.

14:07 Okay, whatever. Fast forward coming up here. That's not the point. I have dinner. Sir,

14:13 I have a nice [ __ ] dinner. Sir, please stop yelling. I'm looking I'm looking for You said it was Foley. Can you spell that?

14:20 F O L E Y. F O L E Y. And your first name is H. Say that again. I said H. I'm [snorts] a famous entertainer. You're Oh, would you be Have I seen in anything?

14:35 Sure. Like what? Manifest Jim Gaffigan show. Gotham. Anything from this century, sir?

14:41 That was in this century. Decade. No, but I would still like to have a meal. Okay.

14:51 Forget about it. This is not what we're doing. Sir, you're causing a scene. You're Can you step aside?

14:55 I'm going to take my business elsewhere, sir. You don't We don't have any business apparently.

15:00 Okay. You do. I have a gift card. Patty want to take me out to dinner with a gift card.

15:05 That's fine. No, it's not. You don't listen. You don't have it. You can't be standing on airs. She wants to take you out with What the [ __ ]

15:15 Hey guy, it's not halftime. [ __ ] takes a 9-second sip. [ __ ] broadcasting. I was picking a choice.

15:25 Mhm. Acting choice. Uhhuh. Um, my point is on the way out I would say thank you brother. So that's the dichotomy how I bounce sir and brother brother.

15:34 Okay Jesus like the Nuremberg trials in here. Like the Jimmy Neutron trials in Did they put him on trial?

15:42 Yeah, they should have. Arson, he [ __ ] up a lot of spots. He had uncontrolled nuclear weapons in his goddamn basement.

15:49 Parents didn't know what the hell was going on. Never watched the program. I thought that was your [ __ ]

15:52 Nah, that was a big insult. Shut up, Jimmy Neutron head. You somebody with a good head of hair. Yeah, Jimmy Neutron.

15:58 They don't want Jimmy Neutron head. Little body, big head, big quaff. That's what we would know.

16:03 They could have done that as a live action show. And as I've always said, for you older older

16:08 I'd be great at it. Jimmy Neutron. For the older older folks out there, Johnny Quest would have been a great live action show, which I've said many times on this program.

16:20 Yes. Um anyway, you don't like Sir? Uh I don't I just think I think sir can I you can I explain my point of view about you kicked it over to to Luke.

16:33 I was going to see if I can get him on my side real quick. Wouldn't it be cool if Luke's generation started calling each other sorry? Sorry. Don't get good. Good to see you. Sorry to each other.

16:40 Face it up a little bit. Yes. It's not about age. It's about respect. I understand. But I think inherently built into that it's about age. And you want to take it out which is fine. But to everyone else, I think age is built into that as is ma'am. Whether or not

16:56 I don't use ma'am. I use honey a lot. That's worse. No. Thank you, dude. That's that's [ __ ] you know.

17:02 Was that bad? Four fists of you know if three fingers of bourbon in [ __ ] you're you're a [ __ ] you're a couple seconds away from asking her to [ __ ] take it. Turn around. Let me get a good look at you with honey. Honey's wild.

17:15 I had my uncle do that one time. One of my girlfriend. Really? Yeah. Now you turn around, get a good look at it.

17:20 It was a 90s. Yeah, it was different. Different time. I remember my Was that a funeral, which was weird?

17:27 He's wanted to see your dress. Yeah, you look beautiful. Give me a turn. Uhhuh. Why don't you turn Why don't you back it up and dump it for me, sweetheart? Huh? I'm grieving here.

17:36 He made me do this. He made me do the same thing. So, uh, I got a grief boner going. Sad boner. Kevin's talking about blue chew.

17:46 Knock knock. Boner down. I ate them. Holidays are over, but the candy canes are still sitting around. Yours is hooked. Yikes.

17:54 Mine's a fruity flavor. When it's leaning to the right, gang, do yourself a favor. Get a little blue juice. Straighten yourself out. Everybody needs a little help in the bedroom. We all know that. You get a little older, you put on a couple pounds. You need a little assist. You got juice a little bit.

18:08 Also, listen, if you're just also, let's say you're a stud and in great shape, but you know, want to keep her coming back. blow her brains out if you catch my drift. But I mean, have her WALKING FUNNY.

18:20 KEVIN, HOW YOU DOING? THE FAMILY SHOW. HEY, just saying for procreation only. Yes.

18:27 Uh, guys, listen. Blue True. Uh, listen, they got Blue True Gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand. This ain't your grandpa's little blue pill. This is the 4in-one beast that sets the gold standard for performance. I don't know if I'm up to this. We're talking two ingredients for blood flow that keep the rocket pumping and apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal. I'm hard right now.

18:52 I don't have what he's Listen, this stuff works cuz I'm reading about it and I'm hard. Uh, it turns up the arousal connection in your body and brain. It dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. Jesus munchy munch. I'll still be in a car. I'm still I'm on my way to pick her up if you CATCH MY DRIP.

19:08 GET IN. UH, right now. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluetchw.com.

19:14 Uh, and we've got a special deal for AY listeners. Get 10% off your first month. Uh, Bluetooth gold and use the code garbage. That's promo code garbage. Visit bluude.com for details, important safety information. We thank Blu for sponsoring the podcast debt.

19:25 Yes, we do. Kevin, let's talk about DraftKings, the kings of the draft. Let's talk about DraftKings and their new live betting.

19:32 Let's do that. Is turning up the stakes for every DraftKings customer with over $2.5 million in prizes something you'd be interested in? Yeah, I think it would. Got the playoffs coming up. I know

19:41 we got the playoffs coming up. Do yourself a favor, get on DraftKings. Start making a little bit of cash.

19:47 Yes. Uh this is you open a DraftKings sports app and opt in. Place a live bet for $1 or more on Sunday's NFL playoff games, which hey, news flash, I do. How you doing? Uh and every live bet means another chance to win. Place a live bet and stack your entries all Sunday long. Listen, I'm a DraftKings guy. Go Birds, DraftKings guy. I have my systems. I bet. I do this. I do that. I don't tell a lot of people. I don't I I like keep it to myself. It's my little my little treat. I do the I I do the live bets. I do the in game wagers. I do first touchdown. I do two touchdowns. I do all the stuff that I like doing. I got my system. My system's working.

20:26 Download the DraftKings sports book app right now and use the code AYG. Bet live for your share of $2.5 million in prizes with the code AY. In partnership with DraftKings, the crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1800 gambler New York. Call 87778NY or text hopey. In Connecticut, call 888789777 or visit ccpg.org. On behalf of Boothill Casino in Kansas, wager tech pass wager tax pass through may apply in Illinois. 21 plus in most states. Avoid in Ontario. Restrictions apply. No purchase necessary. Three sweep stakes with separate optins. Minimum odds negative 500. Prizes either bonus bets that expire in 7 days or single-use profit boost. See official rules at dkng.co/livemillions for entry period and free method of entry. Sponsored by Crown Gaming

21:22 Incorporated. Thanks. I get I listen I get I I just forget the whole thing. Okay.

21:28 I understand. I just sometimes you say it and everybody around this is a bit communication is this is a this is a a problem with you sometimes if you'll say something or we'll say something and or you'll say something we'll all everybody that hears it interprets it one way and you go I didn't mean that and I go I understand but this is how the room understood what you said

21:50 and I lost it and then that's so I think a lot of times you say that to you know you're a 50-year-old guy calling people sir that are significantly.

21:59 Nobody knows I'm 50. They think I'm 35. I understand. But I think if you've seen Manifest,

22:09 it's a high school. Now, how old am I again, by the way? Um, what? I don't know. How old are you? Well, it doesn't really matter character.

22:18 But do you have anything on is sir? Is there age built into sir or is that just all what we presume? I the assumption of it.

22:25 I was more confused of what was the point of the improv act. What were you trying to prove with the actor?

22:30 The difference between Sarah and brother, which I get. Sarah, the introduction brother is like we're already friends.

22:35 Yes. Okay. Because we've we've we've demonstrated that we have mutual respect for each other and now we're boys.

22:43 I get that. That makes sense. I got a great head nod from a dude the other day. He was he was eating breakfast and I walked by. He looked like a like a European assassin, but he was with his family.

22:54 Is it me? No. No. Whoa. Okay. You look like an American fat guy. No. Podcaster.

23:02 No. What? A little washed up. You're thin now, so you just look a little washed up.

23:07 You look sleepy, tired, burned out. Yeah. Face. Check. Checked. I felt like I came in refreshed for Q1.

23:14 Huh. Just saying how I feel. Brought that to with you through the New Year, didn't you?

23:19 Yeah. You never let yours go, have you? No. I'm chipper as it can be, sir. It's good to see you, brother. What were you asking me?

23:27 Uh, point for Foley. Sir is not age specific. Sure. Sure. Sure. You won, baby. Everything's looking up for the bug man.

23:38 Go. [ __ ] You're sir. I don't care what you call me. You still can't get a table here. Step aside for the pain.

23:46 I have a gift card. And put put those matches and mints back. Please stop going through the coats with the coat check.

23:53 I left my keys in. Yeah. The definition of sir, no one's calling a [ __ ] little kid sir. Hey sir, how you doing? Yeah, because it's age appropriate. I don't care. I don't care what [ __ ] Webster's dictionary says. I'm digging my heels in.

24:05 Is that Webster? Gary, what happened to them, by the way? They kind of tanked, didn't they?

24:10 I think dictionaries as a You ever Hey, they're introducing this to the dictionary. Shut up.

24:15 We don't care. It's not 1942 anymore. I got care less. I got porn to watch. Bet you encyclopedias have taken a bath, too.

24:25 Yeah, I don't think they exist anymore. No, I remember they put when they put them online. I remember that in college. It was like they're all online and that was big. Go to like bratannica.com. You had to have like a login. I remember I could never remember my password.

24:38 I used to love an encyclopedia. Yeah, that was fun. Like going to the going to the library, pulling it out, looking like

24:45 you catch a boob or two in them sometimes. I remember under B something for boobs. Did you catch a little titty in there? I can't remember why.

24:53 Sure. I mean, it was educational purposes. That National Geographic was always set of cans.

25:00 This it was probably early to mid 90s. There was these set of books that were black. They were white. Like the covers were white with like black. They're all about sharks or like fish or snake. Man, they were the [ __ ] cuz they were like new. So you I would be in my crusty ass library all leftover from the 70s. Walk in there and start sneezing right away. Dust dustier than a [ __ ]

25:24 Do you have a book on asbestous lawsuits? I'm doing some case study. Uh yeah, just [ __ ]

25:31 finding something in the library and but then new and like that was cool. There was a cool new book and you're like this about sharks and I was eight and sharks were cool

25:39 and there was a book about skateboarding. It was old as [ __ ] I was like both. It was they were the old skateboards were like all the way straight like

25:46 just going down a hill. Yeah. Like in and out of cones and I'm like listening to the monkeys.

25:52 I'm like this [ __ ] sucks. Give me [ __ ] give me a ripper or something. Something like that.

25:56 Thrasher magazine. Well, we had CCS. That was the big magazine man. What's that?

26:02 Was it uh skate catalog CCS? I don't know what it's in a library. No, that was like what we had. That was our only way you could really consume.

26:11 You didn't read Thrasher? I didn't know. We couldn't I didn't know where we could get our hands on Thrasher. They didn't sell at Waw Wa.

26:18 Huh. We had to go to like a specialty store or something to get that. And my mom was not subscribing to something called Thrasher.

26:26 And you couldn't really skate. So you And I couldn't skate. No, I could cruise like a son of [ __ ] But um yeah, that was uh we had the the catalog and pass that thing around. [ __ ] jerk off to what?

26:39 California cheapkate. Is that what it stood for? That's what my buddy said, but I never believed him. Look at that.

26:44 You cannot read. I always say that underneath the acronym. No, it did not. California cheapkates.

26:50 Yeah. CCP. CC what? California. Commie [ __ ] California cheap. Oh, CCS. There you go.

26:58 Yeah. CCP. It was CCCP. Who's that? The Chinese? No, the Russians. Was it called the CCP? It was CCC. It was three C's,

27:08 right? No. CCP, Chinese Communist Party. That's who's banging now. Yeah. What does CCP do?

27:15 Who got to you in Q4 Q1? I just said it. Chinese Communist Party. It's right there in the name and we let that happen.

27:23 I was cloned over the new year. These guys are commies and they're broadcasting it.

27:29 Yeah. And they're making all of our gear. Making all of our gear. We're [ __ ] You ain't lying, sister.

27:37 Good to see you, sir. Well, yeah. Let's talk a little business. Yeah, let's get into it, gang. As you know, we got a Gosh. I mean, all this uh the respectful talk, neither here nor there, scene studies, acting premises, me killing, whatever. Um,

27:51 you were not killing. We got I was killing you doing pretty good that bathroom.

27:55 Yeah, but it was all my setup and you wouldn't give it to me. No, I was all set

27:58 cuz I was trying to prove a point. You were screwing me. You were acting. I'm reacting. I don't see lines. I see colors. Blue, red, green. I connect them to emotions. You're there. I'm just in it. Huh? Hit me.

28:14 I don't like you very much. Is this a scene you're doing? Is your nail on it? Thank you.

28:20 Uh, now we got a little mutual respect, gang. As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. Um, and this is one I don't know if it's really ever come across. This one's from Kippy's mother-in-law. Hold your tongue.

28:34 Whoa. $10 bag of dicks here. That's just inappropriate. Never had one read. Is it garbage to vote for re reality TV contest like Dancing with the Stars?

28:45 We never did that. You never voted for any of the um American Idols. Come on. I'm telling you, we watched that.

28:54 You weren't a Ruben Stubbins fan. That's his name. That's the your version of him. Ruben Stubbard. Reuben stuttered.

29:00 Stuttered. Stuttered. No, we were. That was Stan's name wasn't stuttered, was it?

29:05 Yeah. Oh, that's brutal. That was season two, by the way. Reuben stuttered. No, it wasn't stuttered.

29:10 It was, dude. Stuttered. That's crazy. I would have changed that. Um, Ruben stuttered.

29:18 It's like Danny Lisp. Did he have a stutter? No. Yes. Then what's there's no And this is strange. Uh-huh.

29:29 For a showbiz name. Sure. Well, I don't think it's not cool like Kevin Ryan. Oh, my bad.

29:35 H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H F Foley

29:39 H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H My mom says H Uhhuh. Yeah, it's H E N R I spells your name wrong.

29:50 H E N R Y is how you spell my name? I thought you said I No, I'm not. Which I would be. I could be French. I would do it.

29:59 Hit it. Act. Act. This guy. This guy really really turns on when the lights come on.

30:06 Yeah. Bam. Show Bollywood and Glacie will play. Better. Hey. Hey. Once you find the punch line, just stick with it.

30:16 That's good gang. Show. Um, that's uh Well, no. I mean, we were Dude, we've in I mean, we were invested in the first season of that. Justin Gorin from Bucks County.

30:29 You didn't vote though. You had to vote. No, that's how my mom the the we come.

30:34 That was a toll-free number. I'm sorry. Tell Denise that and the height of getting [ __ ] to No, the TV and the phone don't talk. That's how we operate. That's like the That's like the microwave talking in the air conditioner. That don't happen.

30:48 What are you two chatting about? Yeah. Well, we're not You're not calling the TV with your phone. You've never called.

30:53 That's how they get you calling the number off TV. No way. For what? There plenty of people are voting. One vote ain't going to sway it. Never. We watched every episode. V a live vote every [ __ ] time. Never once.

31:08 Just leaving it up to the universe. I remember the first time I saw one of my one of my ladies, one of my uh babysitters called the radio. I was like, "You're going to get in trouble when she gets home." He finds out you called [snorts] Philadelphia.

31:22 It's a goddamn long distance call. We're in a suburb, studs. Um, yeah. No, I got caught one time during the day. Every once in a while they would have these whackadoo like coloring sets. Like it'd be like weird ink, glow-in-the-dark ink. And it would be like a set that had like a million colors and a million pieces of paper and like all this stuff with it. It was all crap.

31:48 Yeah. I got caught calling like I mean phone in hand dialing it. [ __ ] death. It was like last year. What do you mean?

31:57 I'm asking how old you were. You're telling a story. I was 11 or 12. Okay. Thanks. I was just curious.

32:02 The cops. What the [ __ ] On your phone. Uh, I got screamed at. Yeah, we were never

32:10 [ __ ] relax lady. We were don't play on the f three easy payments. I never was selling that to my mom. She'd be like, "No." I go, "It's just three nine pay easy $9.99. You got that? I got that on me.

32:23 What you trying to get?" Whatever. I Dude, I loved an infomer. I loved that Slap Chop guy. He could sell me anything. Shamwell Slap Chop. It turned on to be turned into be a bit of a deviant. They can only do one egg. They should have made that thing [ __ ] bigger.

32:38 And a slap chop. I'm not doing one egg at a time. A little handful of nuts. What the [ __ ] My aunt used My aunt Karen used to call Danny Slap Chop cuz he's a jerk off. And she thought that guy was a jerk off. Danny's like [ __ ] 11 years old. Shut up, Slap Chop. You're a jerk off just like the Slap Chop guy.

32:58 Um I would know him as the Sham Wilder. Sure. Um you know what was cool? Those dudes got their start.

33:05 I know at the at the conventions. Yeah, that was [ __ ] cool. I respect that. Coming up the hard way. I was all right.

33:12 You just weren't personable enough. I was great. You weren't big enough. You weren't big enough. You don't have a good face. You don't have an untrustworthy face.

33:21 Plus, you're a little fat ass back then. I was I was jovial. I was jovial. What did happen to your hair as far as the color? Why is it darker now? You were like bleach blonde when you were a kid. Yeah, it happens.

33:34 Does it? Uhhuh. Huh? What are you saying? What are you looking at? What? You're looking at something. Yeah, we're really going at it. Q1, aren't we?

33:43 Uh, you got it out for me today. That's not true. It's not not true. I don't I just want you to be a good scene partner.

33:51 Was I not? So I can get the laughs. Yeah, I'm dunking on your [ __ ] We're not competing against each other. We're supposed to be working together. Make fun of Luke. What the hell? Squeaky.

34:02 Um, all right. Let's see here. This one is uh Hold on real quick. Great question. That's trashy.

34:10 Yes, very much so. Um, respected. I get it now. Then I remember when way to move the text and that was we just

34:18 that's dangerous. It was that time in technology that my mom didn't trust and we were just like it doesn't it just that's not for us. We were never my mom never understood the phone and TV enough and the cell phone bills and plan. Now it all makes sense. Whatever. Whatever. But

34:34 then Simon Cow's got your number. Yeah. He's probably using that information. That was all rigged anyway, right?

34:41 I don't think so. Get the [ __ ] out of here. I mean, no, because they they wanted who they wanted to win. Stuttered would have won. He's kid got the

34:50 stutter win. Yeah. Stuttered one in season two. Huh. What the other one then? Chris Dory got robbed.

34:56 Chris Dod. He went on to be a big star, right? And Ruben Ruben did real uh more

35:01 They weren't the same season, but uh Oh, they were Dor was later. I think he was Jordan Sparks' season.

35:06 Do you remember this? Were you even alive? Jordan Sparks. Yeah, we were big in the Dempsey household.

35:10 Hot, right? Yeah. What are you talking about? This is like 2003. We were watching.

35:15 We were We were texting. I remember we had to wait a week cuz my dad was like, "I have to figure this out first. Make sure it's not a scam."

35:20 Yes. Well, you were three or four years old. Yeah. Uh Jordan Sparks, what season was she? She was season six.

35:30 Oh, yeah. 2007. So, you were seven years old. I was 10 years old, huh? Prime time. Sitting with the family watching that. Of course.

35:38 10 years old. Hot Jordan Sparks. I don't know her. I just remember being hot. That's all I remember. Um

35:44 I was doing other things at the time, pursuing my own career, entertainment. Which camera is mine? Oh, super single. Trav hit me on the wide.

35:59 Uh, hit me. You No, Tra, hit him from the side. Far side. Bad angle. Bad angle.

36:07 Don't do that, son of a [ __ ] Hit him with the gu. I'm working on it. Hit him with the Gucc cam.

36:11 No. Oh, yeah. I got one of them installed. It's underneath the tape. Goes right to the CCP. That'd be awesome if you had a little K.

36:19 Uh, all right. Let's see here. This one's from Cody. Long time $10 homie. Never had one red.

36:25 Love it. Is it garbage if my line of lineage of car ownership in the past 15 years has been one, a Mitsubishi Golant?

36:33 Wow. Two, a Dodge Caliber, which I'm not even sure really what that is. A Chrysler 300. Then a Nissan Ultima. Man.

36:42 Man, this guy's out there. I got to get eyes on Dodge Caliber. That's got to be that real little guy, right?

36:49 Some of some of those. Oh no. Oh man, this thing stinks. It was like the 300 station wagon and they were always that. They were always this red color.

37:02 Yeah, they thought that was going to be like a roadster or something. That thing stunk,

37:08 man. That's a tough lineage. Yeah. Damn, dog. Mitsubishi Galants. My boy had a My boy Delhi had a Galant and he loved it. It had a [ __ ] They're classy. A Mitsubishi's classy.

37:21 His parents had it and it was his hand like he got it like handme-down 10 years later or whatever. I remember had he was the first guy I knew with a spoiler on his car cuz they had like the sports package or had a moon roof

37:32 [ __ ] a spoiler CD player like not a head unit. It came with the CD player and cranking heaters and that

37:40 that's pretty sweet. going uh I can't do a miss Mitsubishi though. Why CCP? No.

37:49 Pearl Harbor. Oh, gotcha. What does that shirt mean? Uh didn't attack the Arizona Jeopard Mitsubishi zero.

38:02 I seen you having sushi three days ago. That shit's good. I just specifically that company made Japanese made zeros.

38:15 That war with a country you had nothing to do with. I was around back then. I'm kidding.

38:20 Uh Nissan Ultima 100% dirt bag. Not everybody Not every This is I want to I want to say this. Not everybody who drives an Ultima is a dirt bag. Every dirt bag drives an Ultima. Yes. Put it that way. Yes. It's not if and then then. Uh

38:39 and I just found out why. Oh, I just Yeah, it's a shittier version of the Maxima.

38:45 I know. But why? I think they were renting. They didn't care. They were getting their money from the financing rather than the sale of the car or something like that.

38:55 Oh, it was a big finance car. Yeah. They they would give it to any good credit, bad credit. That was like that kind of thing. So all these people, all these dirt bags would get [ __ ] Ultimas think they're race cars. There's like that old video of like every Ultima driver is like

39:09 smelled like weed, dude. Always smell like weed I've been in so many blunt cruises in an Ultima. My damn my Danny's first Danny after Danny's bounceback first car was an Ultima and he crashed it in the driveway into my mom's car. He was so mad I laughed at him. I thought he was going to punch a hole through my head. It

39:27 was Christmas Day. We were going to mass by accident. Yeah. I don't know if you think you insurance camp.

39:34 You're laid out on a driveway cuz the ultimate is kind of nice. Try to sue your mother cuz she wouldn't let you vote for Ruben stuttered.

39:43 Things are fixed anyway. It is fixed. No way. That's record contract [ __ ] You think Kelly Clarson wasn't winning? She had all them hits.

39:53 What? What are you talking about? Kelly Clarkson doesn't have hits. Yeah, but the idea is that that launched her career. They were nobody.

40:00 They wanted her to win because they had those songs written for ready to go. Gotcha.

40:03 Trust me, I know the music. Yeah, I I forgot forgot who I was talking to. Yes. My apologies.

40:08 Mhm. Luke, pull it up. Bet he's working on it right now. Pull up. Or are you cutting this?

40:15 Are we running? Uh, all right. Let's see. This is another good one. Hit me. Captain Cardboard, three words for you. Pictures of fireworks. I've caught myself trying to take pictures of them.

40:31 Oh. Oh. Oh. You mean if you're taking pictures of firework, it's the same thing as pictures of a concert. And I get that initial urge. You're experiencing something. You go, I want to. How do I remember this? I have a device in my pocket to capture this. And then you do it and you go, what the [ __ ] am I doing? But I get it.

40:47 Yeah, I get it. I thought you meant pictures of fireworks that hadn't been exploded yet. like taking a picture of like the setup like from a magazine or something.

40:55 That's cooler. Yeah, [clears throat] but pictures of I got the video got the I got the grand finale. That's I mean can't be doing that. Uh all right. This one's from Back to the Poor House. In school when I was 12, I stole someone's Rice Krispy Squares bar and I got caught. My excuse was my grandfather died yesterday. I don't get it, but I [ __ ] [screaming] respect it dude.

41:19 That's awesome. out of grief. That's like uh let's go. That's like pure panic. You just go, "What? What will get me out of this? My grandfather died."

41:27 Yeah. And if he did, I have respect for using the real excuse. I don't know. I'm so sad. His grandfather,

41:36 it's okay. But that's like he worked at Rice Krispies. He was his favorite dessert. Um, that's also that get you jammed up because if you lie about that and they call home because you got caught stealing or whatever and they go, "What the hell you talking? He died in he died in Pearl Harbor or what?" [ __ ] you. Jammed up.

41:54 Mitsubishi Zero got them. I refuse to drive a gal. Ultimas are okay. But I but I won't let my kid steal treats.

42:02 Uh, yeah. That's tough. I've never really got caught in that kind of I've never really had a I got caught in that and had to lie really. I never had like any big lie or if that's true. I've never tried to get out using some unconnected excuse like that. I don't think I've ever really got caught in that kind of sense.

42:25 I spun lies. Still do. No, of course. But now I'm part of the job. No, I'm a professional. But like even as a kid,

42:33 world's worst liar. Even as a kid, I was a liar. But not like just to keep my narrative.

42:40 You know what I mean? Not like Yeah, I know. I know exactly what you mean. You do it today. You You do it all day every day.

42:46 Things that people don't need to know. Who ate all the hot dogs? I don't know, ma. Probably the dog

42:53 if I had to guess. Yeah. Uh uh definitely you lie to not be in tr I mean like cuz my dad would lose it so it was like don't I think most scratching yourself?

43:07 Yeah I scratch myself with my glasses. Oh that's good that gets in there. I need a back scrubber.

43:14 Mhm. Person. Sure. If anybody out there is I just scratch. I love getting my back scratched

43:22 like a grizzly. Okay. Um, uh, I think there's a a healthy amount of lying that needs to be done within the siblings to the parents. Not all information should travel up the organizational chart to mom and dad.

43:43 Need to know basis. You don't need to know. Mhm. Certain things kept between me and my brother. Of course,

43:50 fight happens between us, we'll get over there. [ __ ] don't you know never all that kind of stuff. I get that line to keep homeostasis of a parent losing it. I getting someone in trouble whatever whatever. Um

44:03 we never really ratt it. I don't think we did either. No, never ratt it. Never even like when we would never throw that in each other's face. It was always done through physical violence.

44:18 Yeah. Which I usually got to shippy. I mean he's [ __ ] two years older then. Mhm.

44:22 Stuffed my head in the couch. I [ __ ] freak out. Start crying immed. I thought I was going to suffocate, but there's air down there. [ __ ] was I worried about?

44:33 I don't know. You said just panic me. Seemed to be over. You are a squirrely man. Uh yeah, we didn't uh we always kept kept everything, you know. tell my mom. My mom was a bit of a was the more of a pushover just because like the threat of physical violence wasn't really there. You know what I mean?

45:02 She'd smack you know, right? Him, Danny. Yeah. Not me so much. It's also like she don't want to get butter on her hands.

45:16 Why am I covered in butter? Cuz you're a fat little bastard. I get it. What was I doing?

45:21 You were eating rolls with butter on it and you got all over your face. Somebody DM'd me last week or two weeks ago, whatever it was. It was a bag of Amaroso rolls and a jar of peanut butter and they're like, "Kippy," cuz that's my I was my go-to. They're like, "I'll still crush that." They go, "Kippy, this is diabolical. How did you do this?" I loved it.

45:39 You need an ice cold glass of milk and that the the gallon comes out to the the coffee table with you.

45:45 Oh, for sure. And you get peanut butter all over that thing. And then your mom yells at you because there's peanut butter all over the

45:52 Wait a minute. All over what? The rim of the gallon. No, the handle and stuff. Cuz I got it on my hand. That stuff's sticky. I don't know if you've had it recently.

46:00 I thought I bet you were drinking it out of there. No. Your peanut butter backwash.

46:04 No. Oh, no. And the the glass looks like you dug it up out of the backyard cuz that's covered in peanut. That's covered in peanut butter.

46:11 I remember I do. You put a couple of [ __ ] hers thin crispy pretzels in there. Give a nice crunch to it. Oh my god. Talk about Q1. I know what some new merch we're making is. Peanut butter Sammy.

46:27 Selling them at shows. I could do that. That's my bad. The venues don't let you sell food and beverage. I try. Dicks.

46:34 Jerk. Don't let me wet my beak. Nobody wants your [ __ ] your potato skin. Some guys want a peanut butter sandwich on a long roll. Everybody's mouth's all sticky. No one's laughing. Everyone's drinking milk, getting sleepy. Here's my thing. First of all,

46:51 gay guys. Peanut butter milk might not be bad. What? What? Wait, gay guys. Peanut butter.

46:59 I was living in a scene. Yeah, peanut butter milk might not be bad. That's got to be

47:03 peanut butter milk. That's what I'm saying. I'm asking. No, that's what I'm saying.

47:06 I know. We can make it. I know. But what would it be? Peanut butter and milk. You [ __ ] [ __ ] You put it in there and shake it up with a little sugar.

47:13 Why are you yelling at me? Cuz you're not getting the idea. You're just saying peanut butter.

47:19 Is it like almond milk? No. Okay. Well, you can see how I would go that way. Peanut butter.

47:24 Peanut is a nut. Put peanut Put Is there not peanut milk? I'm not using that [ __ ] So, I don't know why I said that.

47:31 What? I'm talking about a sweet like coffee milk or like chocolate milk. Peanut butter milk. Is that a thing? There's a lot of chocolate peanut butter milks, but no straight up peanut butter milks.

47:41 Oo, I'm out. You can't do that. That's how you That's going to give you cancer or something. You can't do that.

47:48 First of all, peanut butter won't dilute in a [ __ ] in a glass of milk. Shake the [ __ ] and get one of those things that you put the paint in.

47:55 A rock tumbler. Come back in three weeks. You got yourself a glass of milk. Guys, do you want peanut butter milk in three to five weeks? Um, but what I was going to say with the with the the glass

48:10 can hear my rock tumbler. Yeah. Smelling them chemies or whatever you want in there.

48:16 The glass. I go out to a nice joint. You know what are you talking about? I'm sorry.

48:22 How dirty you get the glass from the peanut butter and amarosa sandwiches with the milk

48:25 and the pretzels in the middle. Pretzels in the middle. A couple peas in the M. Yeah. But is peanut milk a thing? You got almond milk. There's not. You know why? You know why?

48:40 I mean, no. No, neither. Okay. You're a smart guy. Putting pretzels in your sandwich.

48:46 Why is there no peanut butter milk? You don't [ __ ] know. Well, no, I don't know.

48:49 There is peanut milk. It has to be. They don't get the [ __ ] almond and pistache and then just stop at peanuts.

48:55 That would be pretty good. You put that on Reese's Puffs. Does it taste like peanuts? Cuz does almond taste like almond milk?

49:01 It just tastes like cardboard. It stinks. got all that kind of [ __ ] It's whack, man.

49:06 Dumb, sir. Hippie, oat milk ain't bad. You throw that in coffee, [ __ ] It all tastes like It tastes like like a book.

49:18 Tastes like a textbook. Peanut milk's more in the world of oat milk or almond milk.

49:23 That's what I meant. It's just like a It's not It's a milk substitute. It's not a It's not a peanut butter flavored milk.

49:28 I like Thai iced tea. Let's [gasps] get out of here with all that [ __ ] Yeah, it's evaporated.

49:34 Very good. Popular. I don't get I don't get all that stuff. You don't like Thai iced tea?

49:40 I don't think I ever had it. It's good. It's like a tea, but it's sweet and milky.

49:46 I got Snapple. What am I doing going to Thailand for tea? I'm not going to Thailand. I bring I got here.

49:51 No, that and a bubble tea. Don't trust it. Love it. I love a brown sugar boba. I don't like the black bobbas. It's like black licorice.

50:01 Feel like I'm sucking up caviar. That's for you. It's like I I like the the the um aesthetic of all those places, the Japanese like stores and all.

50:11 Yes, very much. You just feel you feel like you're in a cartoon. You know what I mean? Where superheroes exist.

50:17 You're in like Pokemon or something. Yeah. Hey, Hello Kitty, check in, will you?

50:23 Where they at? What? Uh listen. What? trying to tell you something. Well, you don't know. You don't know. You didn't know what you were.

50:32 No, I did. Going back to what you were saying, the glass would be all dirty. I go to a place.

50:36 We'll be right back. I go to a place and if I'm si If I'm doing wine and I'm eating like, you know, I'm I'm going in on like a meat and cheese board. I get that on the thing.

50:48 Mhm. And it's gross. Not not for me, but other people like you can't have like like a milk mustache on your wine glass. So, I'll take my napkin and go around and clean it every once in a while.

51:00 Then take the scraps from that, suck on it, which seems to turn people off. Yeah,

51:06 I've caught people looking at me. Man, this cleaning is glass. They're doing it in the bathroom. Um, yeah, that's a little, you know, I get it. But I would say you're not,

51:18 and not I'm not saying I'd do this. I would say I'll include myself in that. We're not eating properly. No,

51:26 we're not like taking You're not supposed to bite and sip. No, of course. But like you're also supposed to like There's not even supposed to be crumbs around your You know, you shouldn't have [ __ ] salami residue on your lips when you're taking sips of wine.

51:40 What's the point, though? I don't know. I'm just saying. What's the point? I'm covered in peanut butter right now. I don't know.

51:45 I like when it's all mixed up in there. It turns into something else. Like they said in Rat That Dwey. We've said it a million times on this program.

51:52 That's what it's all about. That's what it's all about. What? Who's that? Kelly Clarkson.

52:00 No, it's not the first. That's what it's all about. You put your left foot in. You put your right foot in. That thing.

52:06 Uhhuh. You put your salami in. You take your cracker out. You put your thumb in there.

52:11 What's that called? The Snoopy. Hold on. The hokeyp pokei. Uhhuh. Man, there's a there's a video of my uncle Pat doing the hokeyp pokey at uh

52:18 I thought that that sucked from jump at Sarah's like communion party. So like Sarah, Katherine, and Jenny all had their first holy communion at the same time as was that like a roller skate or was it was that like a

52:29 there was about a thousand people there. Elks log. Oh, so many people. They had their graduation party

52:33 girls. It's crazy. My uncle Pat I don't know. He's going to text me when he hears this or the boy's going to text him.

52:40 I think he might have had a couple in them, but he's probably if Sarah's eight, he's [ __ ] 20.

52:47 Uhhuh. You know what I mean? He's like young guy and this is the 80s. So he's got like the white tank top on tucked into the jeans.

52:57 A white tank top. Tucked into the white. That's what he wore his christristening or the uh communion.

53:02 Uh-huh. This is summertime. He wore a tank top at church. No, not a church. At the at the party.

53:09 No, I know. But you go to the party right after the I don't think he went to the I don't think he went to the church.

53:13 Man, you're skipping the church on a communion. I think most people did. The communion was probably just for close. I mean, there's probably 200 people at this the VFW or wherever we were at.

53:22 Gotcha. And they were doing a hokeie pokey and he's on like our This is why we don't have family video. I think this was the first one and this came out and everybody said, "Yo, [ __ ] this is bad. We're going to get [ __ ] jammed up."

53:34 Sure. Uh, we got a couple of tapes. He's in the high socks with like the high like you know he looks like he's in [ __ ] white man jump and he's I think he's doing the hokeie pokey and like yeah I was just like that was the last time any dude danced at any sort of family function and he's that's the last time any Sullivan hit the dance floor.

53:56 Yeah. He was having a good time with the kids but I think got razor if I remember. I remember that's I have that memory.

54:02 I do a uh Rosie what's it? Um Rosie Posie. No. Pocket full of Wait, wait. Red rover. Red rover.

54:09 I used to like them steamrolling. [ __ ] take out a bunch of [ __ ] eight-year-olds.

54:18 Send Henry over here nominating yourself. Getting snapped. Ah. Um, ring around the Rosie.

54:30 Mhm. What is all that [ __ ] Pocket full of posies. That [ __ ] that [ __ ] evil clown seduce you down to the sewers with

54:36 what? Yeah, it that's got real deery vibes. Um I keep seeing clips of that [ __ ] God, is that the same dude?

54:43 Well, you know that that song refers to like the black death plague in London. What?

54:48 Ring around the rosies, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down. It's like it's all like uh about kind of like the Victorian era. And yeah, it's u

55:00 What's a posie? I believe it was something they would put like on the dead people like a

55:06 What the [ __ ] is that? Yeah. First of all, that song's from [ __ ] the 1700s.

55:10 Something like that. Yeah. That's never getting sung at my house again. I don't care who the kid is.

55:15 Thought you and Patty were doing it. Okay. That's scary. I didn't like London Bridges either.

55:20 No. Sounds like a national tragedy. Bridge fell down. Hope it wasn't rush hour. How many people perished and were singing about this?

55:31 It didn't fall down. It's fine. I seen it. No, I never I saw it on TV. And the song it fall London Bridge is falling down. Not just once. Falling down.

55:41 That's got to be something against the matriarchy or patriarchy. See if you can get that. Why? And also sing about the GWB. This is [ __ ] America. Sing about these [ __ ] red coats.

55:50 I don't like that. Not doing nursery rhymes about [ __ ] the Twin Towers. They might be. I don't know. certain parts of the Middle East. Couple guys on monkey bars, I'm sure got a few tunes or a talking about the Greeks. Uh,

56:06 hold on. Tell please. How come every time we're going down my London London Bridge? That turns me on.

56:13 Have you seen that music video? Maybe that's why I can't recall, but maybe that's is it Fergie?

56:17 Fergie at her peak, man. Fergie at her peak. You know, there was a girl before Fergie.

56:22 Yeah. Who was all like political and stuff like that? Yeah. We've seen a Tik Tok. Yeah.

56:28 Uhhuh. Then LA Reed got his hands on it. He can play ball. LA Reed's got to have all the money in the world.

56:34 Probably does well. Mhm. Uh London Bridge is about the related repeated collapse and rebuilding of the London Bridge.

56:41 Jesus Christ. I was joking, but I was right. I know that Rosie Posie song freaks me out. Now

56:46 these Brits got to [ __ ] That's Give me a time stamp on that. Yeah. Let me uh It's I think it's I think popular culture might have like redone it and like Yeah. made it about that, but uh let me find a little more.

57:00 Little freaky [ __ ] British kids [ __ ] dancing around your body as you're laying there [ __ ] all [ __ ] up.

57:08 Mid 19th century song. So 1800s. What the [ __ ] are that when the the plague was?

57:13 No, I believe the plague was 17 something. God damn it. No old songs like that. I can't even listen to those songs like you know like from like I can't

57:24 nothing nothing nothing before the stick Russian newer I love the name sticks such a funny name you got stick tickets stick that's from something I don't know what it is I got stick

57:45 it was big daddy Sandler loves the stick Sandman, hit me up. Timothy Shalom. Call me.

57:52 None of that crap. Listen, I know it's historical, but the stuff from like the depression on that sounds like it was

58:01 talking about the worst summer ever. It was recorded in a can. None of that stuff.

58:06 Okay. Nothing with nothing where people had soot on them. Yeah, that's a good rule.

58:11 When people wore like they would wear like a wolf mask and stuff like that, like creepy pictures.

58:15 What are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about. I don't know what you're talking

58:18 any of that stuff. Um, the ring around the Rosie describes a symptom such as the red ring rashes uh or red inflammation that occurred on the skin during this time.

58:28 Who the [ __ ] wrote that? How'd that get How'd that get on the air? That's crazy. Yes. We'll sing Ring around the Rosie.

58:37 It's like that thing from [ __ ] Sinister would be singing that. Also, you ever see Sinister when they do that? Uh,

58:42 well, they got all those [ __ ] all they got the boners and stuff in the Disney movies. We're We're ain't no better.

58:49 That's all the 20s and 30s, too. [ __ ] freaks. No, I'm talking about Sinister. It's the the little Tim movie. The little Tim song. Tiny Tim.

58:58 Oh, that's playing in hell or whatever the [ __ ] that. I don't know what that is.

59:04 You never seen Sinister? No. You would never sleep again. As a tiptoe through the window from the windows to the walls till the sweat drop down MY BALLS. OH

59:16 YEAH, that's what I'm talking about. Where my dogs at? [ __ ] all that old [ __ ] Scary.

59:22 Yeah, I don't do none of that. I'm sure my wife's going to put some [ __ ] Krampus style [ __ ] She's going to be singing some [ __ ] medieval.

59:29 Yeah, you know, some German fable about the wolves eating the kids. Get out of here with that [ __ ] man.

59:35 They do something where they stick That's how you guys got all jammed up. They stick their shoes out in the hallway. I go, "No one's coming. We're not doing it."

59:43 Why? Some Krampus comes and puts candies in there or something like that. That wolf thing

59:47 or steals your shoes. I don't know. I don't listen to this broad. I said feet. This is America.

59:54 Bring your shoes inside the house. That's [ __ ] up. And if somebody wants to come and steal your shoes, that might be a sex crime.

1:00:01 Yeah. Yeah. Foot ding for their feet. See how Krampus does with a [ __ ] 12 gauge. [ __ ] shoot the fair one in the hallway with me. Who the [ __ ] buzzed you in?

1:00:15 said you were a UPS man. You lying piece of [ __ ] You came up here with your fangs out trying to have dinner in here.

1:00:23 Trying to bang this. Uh, [ __ ] that. Ah, yeah. Um, we got to wrap it up though gang.

1:00:30 What a fun one. What a what a goofy one. Gang, we hope you had a happy holiday season. We love you very much and uh we'll see you next week. Peace.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Gift Card Ballers! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"?

In order: 0:00 Eddie Money, Cheetah Club, Queen Elizabeth Theater, Tooties; 10:00 DraftKings, bluetchw.com; 20:00 DraftKings.

What is mentioned in this AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast episode?

6 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including DraftKings, Eddie Money, Queen Elizabeth Theater, Tooties, Cheetah Club, bluetchw.com. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Gift Card Ballers! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"?

The episode runs 1 h 1 min; the transcript is about 12,747 words in 413 timestamped sections.

More from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast

• All analyzed episodes
• People mentioned on AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast