Transcript

Hostile Takeover! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

From AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 7 min · 14,300 words · 459 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Hostile Takeover! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley", an episode of AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast published January 1, 2026 (1 h 7 min, about 14,300 words). It mentions 4 people, works and ideas, including Dempsey Group, Cheesecake Factory, Luke Dempsey, 1800 Got Junk.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Dempsey Group, Cheesecake Factory
  2. – 20:00: Dempsey Group, Cheesecake Factory, Luke Dempsey
  3. – 30:00: Dempsey Group, Cheesecake Factory
  4. – 40:00: Dempsey Group
  5. – 50:00: 1800 Got Junk, Cheesecake Factory
  6. – 1:00:00: Dempsey Group
  7. – 1:06:30: Dempsey Group

Notable quotes from "Hostile Takeover! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"

  • Trash. Trash. Trash. I'm your host Tolley coming at you on a beautiful day from the Dempsey Group headquarters here at Tooties.
    about Dempsey Group · at
  • Artist. So he took me to a beautiful corporate steakhouse, Cheesecake Factory.
    about Cheesecake Factory · at
  • House is a work in progress furniture stuff like that. So we do I love a 1800 got junk. There's no better service than that.
    about 1800 Got Junk · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Companies & orgs

Full transcript with timestamps

Here you hear you. All our friends to the north up there in Canada. The boys are crossing the border and we're coming over baby.

Yeah. January 9th, we're going to be at the Queen Elizabeth Theater in Toronto, Ontario. Limited tickets left. Get them while they last. Then we got Austin, Tampa Chicago Indiana Nashville Pittsburgh, and Cleveland. All tickets available at rugarbage.com. We'll see you on the road.

See youers. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh yeah.

It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out their group to be classy. Yeah.

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash. Trash. Trash. I'm your host Tolley coming at you on a beautiful day from the Dempsey Group headquarters here at Tooties.

She's off to her swim class web feet. She's got Did you know that? Good for her.

She moves through it like a seal. My underlink is coming at you from across the table. He was the CEO of Are You Garbage? Now he's a junior vice president on the toty account after the hostile takeover that happened over the break.

Uhhuh. Kevin James Ryan. Everybody, what up? Okay, this is all this is all. But you can refer to him as just Kevin.

Kevin from accounting. I I do not like this. Um, this is all this is all news to me. You got your fresh Dempsey gear group on. I see. I warned you.

I see they only went up to 4x. We'll have to We're going to have to talk to the big dog to see if there's any room in a wardrobe budget.

He's right over there. Um, okay. Listen, I don't know. Listen, I don't know my responsibilities anymore, but shout out to the, you know,

I'm going to need the Instagram passcode. I don't even have that. What? That's I knew he wasn't going to play along.

I don't have it. I got two words for you. Silver parachute. It's okay that you want. I got I got another word. Operation Dumbo Drop. Uh,

gang. Shout out to the shout out. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available uh I was going to say Netflix, not Netflix. We were not part of that deal.

However, DEMPSEY GROUP COULDN'T [ __ ] PULL THAT OFF, COULD THEY? WELL, WE had to wait till we get you out.

And now we're making a move. Yeah, you guys are going to be a [ __ ] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TED SARANDOS.

You guys are going to be a doobie. Tuby's making moves, by the way. But they're putting too many commercials in. They're getting greedy.

I know. Two is they one and six. That's what's happening here. You're getting too greedy. You [ __ ] You partner with the ops. That what you do. You cut your best your best friend in 15 years. You drop this [ __ ] on me now.

By the way, you got to start driving up to Connecticut to record the show. You got to cut the gray, too.

Ryan, please bring in what we have for our good friend here, Diesel. OH, DIESEL'S GOT ONE, TOO. I got the whole team against you.

You got to put it on. Okay. Thank you, Ryan. Or should I say director of operations.

Sure. Dempsey Group has officially taken over. Classic private equity comes in. [ __ ] made in Vietnam. This was an American podcast. Made in Vietnam. And the brand is Port Authority. This thing's falling apart in my hands. This is what you get. You see, you sold out. You sold out to the Far East and I don't like that. Saudi money. Yeah, right. All right. All I'm not happy about this.

Yep. What size? It's a large though. I am a little little petite guy. You're doing all right. You're going to need it. You're back out there hitting the pavement. You're out. I'm the CE doing door to door podcasting.

I'm knocking on the door. Hey everybody out there. You're unfortunately you can't be using that.

That's not bad though. It's nice, isn't it? You got it. Oh, you got one too. Obviously.

Of course he's got one. Shit's whack. I hate this. You got to embrace Wall Street. No, we're Main Street, baby. Main Street, not Wall Street. Main Street. You let you let corporate greed take over. This is why you were never allowed.

According to the papers I just signed, we're Wall Street. Might as well be written in blood.

Look it. You look great. Look really good. Couple of things. Tra hit me. Company man.

I'm a finance bro now. I don't hate that. I used to be I used to be a podcast bro.

We got to go to Raul's. I'm We got to start doing the Hamptons on the weekends. I'm going to go to Fire Island.

See you guys. Carpool out there. I'm going to go do my own thing for the weekend.

I'll see you guys on Monday. Yes, sir. Papers were signed yesterday. I listen. You don't I'm going to I mean, this this this happened at a lot of different levels. Who else did you tell about this?

Huh? What? I talked to the money guys. Schultz. I don't think you Jimmy D. Every This goes deeper than I thought. Um,

they all got a piece. You don't You're not allowed to sign anything. Yes, I am.

No, you're not. We're going to have to This is going to This is going to fold. Unfuck. This is We're going

I had you declared insane. Look at that hairline. Wouldn't that drive you crazy? That's what you're doing.

Tell me this guy's a nuts walking around with a haircut like that, huh? [ __ ] jerk off.

Yeah. Yeah. So, I'm going to give you two choices. Ryan, you start playing B. Start playing ball.

I'm the gippy now. I got some questions from the listeners. Uh-huh. I'll need to borrow your computer

and a couple of dollars. They got me leverage. It was all stock. Not a dollar change.

Now, everybody's got access to that petty cash. What did What did you get out of this deal? This is I want to know how ripped off you got. You think the Dempsey group just sees your fat dumbass and thinks, "You know what? Let's give him a fair shake. These guys are blood suckers. I've been protecting you this whole time from the from the harsh outdoor world."

I'll tell you how it all went down. Uhhuh. Okay. I was up at a cigar bar in Old Greenwich minding my own business.

Okay. Okay. Who sits down beside me? Blue senior. He says, "He's keeping you under, man. He's keeping you under." And I said, you know, a lot of comments about my weight, you know, doesn't think that I'm an artist. So he took me to a beautiful corporate steakhouse,

Cheesecake Factory. I had the chicken bar, medium rare. And what temperature would you like on that? What? Oh man, these guys are good. He got you sick as [ __ ] Sign the papers over with E. coli.

No tomato sauce, just butter noodles, please. And if not, if I see a flake of green stuff in there, I'm going to lose it.

Yeah. Bought me a Sunday. Okay. Brought out the paperwork. You don't even know what you signed.

He had some compromising photos of me at a Chick-fil-A drive-thru. All jokes aside, how much did these vests cost us?

They're way too expensive. Listen, I love a good bit and we've spent a lot of dumb money on a lot of dumb stupid bits. Give me a ball diesel. What these RUN US? HIS DAD'S paying for him. Who gives a [ __ ] We all got new corporate cards and stuff. We're chilling man.

They saw you coming for half day Fridays. We got to start playing golf. We don't even work Fridays.

Now you got us coming in. You got us. I have a straight Listen, you've been around. I have a strict no Fridays policy. That's for the Gumar. You know what I mean?

Goomears. All right. Where the guys now? We got to come in 9 to 12. We're doing half days. Like, [ __ ] You You turned us into corporate shrills.

50 hours a week. I'm sorry. What? 50 hours a week. Jesus. We're working four tens.

Little Ciparino is now his baby, by the way. Oh, god damn it. You [ __ ] screwed the pooch.

No, it's going to be good for us. No, it's not. When has corporate takeover ever been good?

It is. Should I'd rather I'd rather taken that salty money if I knew this was going to happen. Hey, we gotta talk real quick about what's going on in the Hong Kong market. We gotta do we got to do the news of the weather. Uh, well, okay. I mean, I get Listen, all jokes aside, I now get why so many of these finance bros wear these vests. A vest is cool.

They suck you in. Vest are cool and they cover for like a chubbier guy. Oh, yeah. They It's like Kevlar. It like

Oh, yeah. You know, cuz you know, you wear a hoodie or something like that. You hide your you hide your your lumps and this does it but in like a a rich guy way.

Well, you have dinner with the boys from Lehman Brothers tonight at Quality Italian.

Thought you were more of a Seaman Brothers guy. Also, this is embroidered. This ain't [ __ ] screen printed. Dude, embroidery.

I spared no expense. This looks like your money. This looks like four custom jobs, too. We didn't buy these in bulk. Or did we? I'd rather I don't know what

I got 7,000 of these things sitting in the lounge. Damn. Dempsey spelled wrong.

No, it's not. I forgot to get one for your mom and dad. They would have loved that.

They would. They got enough cash. [ __ ] these rat [ __ ] come in and steal. I have a [ __ ] small small I'm a [ __ ] American small business owner.

You got to change with the times, man. N man, you you screwed us. You got to change with the times. All right. We needed corporate money.

No, we did not. We did. We run a very nice business. It also comes with a couple Blackwater contractors. They're outside. Russ and Tony.

Yeah. Ex Seals. You said they're on your side. Team Nine. They're probably making sure we don't run.

Keep us in here. You said you were going to have Mr. Dempsey's money. That's why we're working Friday. They come collect.

Well, you pushed it. Your shares have been diluted. Mine have gone up. Undiluted.

So I'm You've been undiluted. No, I'm undiluted. Oh man. Hey [ __ ] I'm out. Regular Mark Cuban Cuban sandwich. You are

um also we're buying the Sixers. Crochi's out. I tell you I saw him in a Bentley on a way down to Atlantic City.

See, don't you want to be that guy? What? We just got to play ball. How did Pat Karochi make all his money? It's uh uh

medical gyms. Yeah. Croachies. Plus, he wrote that hit song Operator. Jim Croach. Bad Bad Leroy Brown.

A talented family. That's Pat Croach. Um who my first acting teacher, George Bain RIP was uh godfather to his son.

Wow. Yeah. He was best pals with Jim Croachi. They both lived in an apartment building in I think Villanova uh when Crochi was working construction. and he would hear him writing uh songs. He heard him write operator.

This news fest has been brought to you by the Dempsey Group. This is what happens when non- comedians take over.

I'm obligated. Mr. Dempsey enjoys classic rock. We also have to go to the sphere to see the Deaden Company.

I'll [ __ ] kill myself. I'll kill myself right WHERE I JOHN MAYER'S PRETTY GOOD, HUH? YEAH, he's all right. Shout out to John Mayer. Very talented.

Oh, is this what you're doing now? You're shouting out [ __ ] John Mayer. What have you become?

I have to. What have you become? I have to. No. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No.

Well, it's time for the Quiznos wrap-up sports report, everybody. You guys like your subs hated?

Run them through the oven. You're like ruining an Italian hogie. Quiznos. Nah, they had a chicken carbonara. That was

I know you hate it. Porky a tang that I've never tasted in my life. It got me in the got me bad mayonnaise.

It got me back in my jowls. Well, since we're here, we got to take a stop by the corner office. Mhm.

And say hello to the new CEO of Are You Garbage? The rich get richer. Nepotism is alive and well.

Luke Dempsey. Mr. Dempsey. Bill. Yes, it is, my friend. What are you doing? You is fired.

Bill, if you think I'm not [ __ ] burning this thing to the ground. That's not a good idea.

I got Well, yeah, I've been diluted. It don't matter. You see those guys at Condandy Nash trying to put up a stink roll out the door. Got to play bowl.

I don't care. Just wait for the shareholder meeting. I am deluded. We're going to take you to Veil.

Your brain's a little diluted. That's what they do. They take you on one nice trip. They gave you a [ __ ] cheesecake or something and you sign you gave him the keys to the kingdom.

It was Dolce Leche. Oh, you should have said something. I got half of it in the car for you.

That's really just a quarter. I took the front pile. Listen, I was stuck in traffic.

Listen, you got to get over it. Tooty wasn't Tooty was down. She got Whoa. She got a parachute that could choke a pig.

Now, where do why do you think there is corporate money invested in this? Cuz we're doing well.

Yes. Why not just do well on our own? Why let them It's a new year. It's a new day.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's what it's all about, man. It's not, bro. It's not.

We got to go corporate. They saw you coming from a Why do you think they took you out the Cheesecake Factory and not me?

Huh? Exactly. Why do you think they cornered you? They knew you'd play a hard ball. You're being stubborn. I see the future. They wanted to whack you.

No, I saved your life. Uh-uh. You're like that little guy in 300 who's not allowed to be on the team and then you [ __ ] tell him how to [ __ ] come in from behind and kill me. That's what you did, you rat. Find out that guy's name.

Didn't they throw him off the bridge anyway? Yeah, you're about to. Yeah. Who's throwing me off? I got the seals outside. Rough you up.

You're nuts. They're gonna just make sure you tap dance. I wish Hans walked in with a little one on. I should have got one for free.

That'd be great. Papa made him sign a marinara. Huh? See, this is these bad jokes are brought to you by the Dempsey group.

No, that was good. It's good. Live track. What are we doing? Beth Paige this weekend, huh? Playing the links.

You golf now, too? Yeah. Francis Ellis is our new golf adviser, man. something, you know.

Uh, well, listen. I'm not going to go down without a fight. And listen, it was either them or GE. I had to make a decision.

Go GE. No, you never go private equity. Those fridges always break down. I'm a Samsung man.

They're owned by Comcast. Who is GE? No way. Yeah. A cable company bought Wait, that's a plot from [ __ ] Dirty Rock.

That was based on reality, you really? Yeah. So, Jack Donnag is real? I get him to be the CEO. Hello, this is Jack Donny.

That's just a way. I don't know what to tell you. It's 2026. They shove your Baldwin in. That's also your Batman and also your movie trailer guy.

Damn. Um, this summer age fully stars as Alec Baldwin. Listen, I have to fight back a little bit for the little man. I'm a I'm I'm a [ __ ] How many small business owners we got out there?

Yeah, right. Two pieces of property. You got three cars. You got one car just sits in your driveway and don't do nothing.

I don't have three cars. Yes, you do. I own one property. I seen that power wheels you got in the backyard.

I don't even have that for I don't have a power wheels. If it was, it'd be for my son cuz they're like $200.

That's what I got them for Christmas. I would tell you my first power wheels was used.

You see, look at that. Born with a silver spoon in your mouth. You think I ever got a Power Wheels? Huh? I had to hook a car battery up to a 10speed to my nipples. I didn't want to, but after a couple of shocks, I liked it.

That's why I'm so twisted. This that keeps happening. See, that's something that shouldn't happen here under the Dempsey group.

Oh, yeah. See, that means Listen, they stripped the budget. It's on a Everything's being held up with duct tape now. And listen, I know what I'm doing wrong. Free lunches out. We got to pay for our own Chipotle.

I've been paying for everybody's lunches this whole [ __ ] time. I don't know. I don't know if you're aware this [ __ ] free scholarship. You

I got a corner office. I got two weeks paid vacation down. More than that. You were the owner of Dewey. You should have said something. Yeah, you're more of a

I got to make out for me. I got to think about Patty. What's going to happen to her?

She's old bag. Okay, that house just keeps See, the Dempsey group's policy is to steamroll jokes, but sure,

that Zillow price keeps going down in a house. I got to look out for her. She wants to move in someplace nice in her later years.

She needs a knee replacement, you know. Yeah. Or she wants to take acting lessons and singing lessons. And she wants to produce some demos. So, I got to do that for her to help her out. So, I had to make the deal, man.

Okay. You put me my back up against the wall. I didn't do anything. Plus, you're mean to me.

Look, let me join this. That's what Yeah, that guy thought he was going to get on the squad. Those guys are all good-looking hot dudes.

What? Dude, that's what they That's what they did to you. They lied to you. They gave you They gave you every They gave you everything you could ever hoard. You probably got a couple of [ __ ] You probably got some gold rings, some nondescript coins from that weird looking

something. Whatever that guy was. That guy was talking about the king Xerxes. Oh yeah. Yeah. What was that guy's deal?

That guy oddly tall. Why was he so tall? What do you mean? How the [ __ ] would I know that?

I don't know. I mean, it's also not based on reality. I don't know if you know that.

Well, you're fired. I wish we could turn the lights off. [ __ ] Some movers just came in moving.

Well, listen. You know, it's the show as usual. Everything stays the same. I have to push back. It's not Listen to the a to the army of garbage out there. I'm going to fight for you. Not these [ __ ] big man's trying to line his pockets with this corporate [ __ ] blood money. I'm not doing that. I'll [ __ ] I'll Ryan D. You know how to work cameras. We're going pirate. We're gonna Ry, get a [ __ ] master lock. We're going to lock up the [ __ ] studio. and send Luke on a [ __ ] long walk.

Ryan, can you come in here for a minute? I can buy Ryan. What are you nuts? Ryan, can you come in here for a minute?

He's wearing a Kippy's heating AND COOLING SHIRT. YOU SON OF A [ __ ] YEAH, WE'RE BACK, BABY. ARMY OF GARBAGE. TAKE THAT, LUKE.

COME ON, LUKE. RYAN, get over here. Mr. Dempsey, I mean, he's he's replaced. He's already gone.

Yeah, he's I got AI replacing him. Get in on the camera. Get Get look what he's wearing. He knows the boys. The boy the boys roll together. We ride together. We die together. Kippy for the kippies. He didn't cool me for life.

That's not even a real company. Dempsey group at Final Cut. No. No, you don't. Not anymore.

It's cut out. Just all blurred. Ryan, beat him up. I'm duct taped to the chair.

I'm not wearing this the whole goddamn episode. I'm putting my foot down, baby.

Do what you want to do. You do what you want to do. Digging your own grave. AND WE'RE BACK.

AH, WE'RE BACK, BABY. Happy New Year to everybody out there. Happy New Year, gang. We [ __ ] love you. Thanks for another great year in the books, baby.

Yes. Wish everybody a happy, healthy new year. This is dropping, I think, a couple hours before the ball drops. Some people in England or Europe might be listening to this in a new year right now. Isn't that weird?

And some people aren't freaky. Talk about the day. What is it? The date line. No, international date line.

Yeah. Just [ __ ] the date line as opposed I mean, do you think there's like a regional date line? How come they don't have international to catch a predator if they have international date line? Huh? Uh, what are you doing?

Those guys are freaks and it's encouraged over there. All [ __ ] countries are all [ __ ] up.

Said underage kids they do old broads. What are you doing? This woman is 72. Anywh who, I wanted to ask you this.

What? After you [ __ ] you sold all our hard work down the tubes for [ __ ] Cheesecake Factory, which I do respect. 30 pieces of silver. That's what Judas got.

Mhm. Didn't end well. Yeah. [ __ ] imagine Jesus showing back up. What the [ __ ] you doing here?

What are you bouncing bits? You working religious material? What have they turned you into?

I got a Christian show next week in Utah. Want to be Mormon? Huh? Christians in Utah, man. Talk about behind enemy lines.

Trying to find Hey, good luck, man. These good luck trying to find a decent piece of corn beef in Utah. Huh?

How you doing? Listen, we can't be screwing around. We're on the clock here. There's another show coming in the film.

No, listen. I'm running this ship the AY way, the small business owner way. We're not doing your corporate.

Yes, we are. Jim Kramer comes in at noon to do Mad Money. I'm not dancing for your [ __ ] corporate puppet string masters. Okay, we're old school, Janice. Old school.

That's old news, baby. You've lost touch with the common. We're ringing the bell on Wall Street next week.

Oh, see now you like that, don't you? No, I don't. Why would I like that? We're going to go with some of the guys from down there.

I got guys. I don't need I got this guy scored chicks. All right. All this [ __ ] corporate shell game, [ __ ] shell corporation, pity pat, backdoor dealings, international blood affair. All that aside, we got a goddamn family episode we have to do.

Some things will never change. You're contractually obligated. I'm obligated to the fans. That's what I'm doing.

That's who we're always working for. No, no, you've traded your You've traded in your your whatever to for something. I'm sorry. I'm very tired. It's been a long year.

We get to do an episode of Undercover Boss too. How the [ __ ] you going to go undercover guy? You think, Dude, there's not I mean, you're a good actor,

guys. This is Chewbacca. He works here now. There's not enough [ __ ] makeup in the world to make me think I ain't sitting here talking to you.

[ __ ] Then we shouldn't we should cut it. Maybe be cool if you did that. What?

If you came in as a new guy that we hired for what? You think the boys would know? Do you know Luke? If if we had him meet up.

Where's he is he going to sit back here if I Yeah. Like who am the new guy? You're a new uh editor that I hired

that you hired. Yes. Then where am I when the new guy comes? You're out of town. You're in You're in Germany. I'm out of town in Germany.

You went over there for October Fest. Okay. In January. Takes place September. Does it?

Uhhuh. Germans always lying. I keep you on your toes. They're planning plotting a lot of things.

They built the lofa undercover. They did it under under gliding. They said it was a gliding club, but they're really scouting pilots.

That's cool. I learned it at the Dempsey Retreat this weekend. Right. Fort Myers, Florida. Man, they've

we had a nice time. Did they I did Did they give you full health benefits? Cuz they've taken your funny bone. Okay. Hey, don't we're back.

What do you got for me? Nothing. I don't like that. This is This is I'm not I'm not reporting to you.

I'm your boss. No, you're not. No, you're not. Respect. No, you're not. I'm Listen, boots on the ground out there. I'm still fighting for you. Okay.

By the way, I had to pay a dollar for this. Yeah, that's what happens. We got to get you off this.

You got to spend money to make money. No. Got to cut costs. See, that's what these guys are doing to line his [ __ ] pockets. Huh? So, how so you can So you can What? How many? I have another house in [ __ ] old Greenwich.

I think so. Yeah, I want to connect them. That's what That's what these [ __ ] rats want to do.

I made a big mistake. You're renting on a [ __ ] APARTMENT. LET'S GO. BIG MAN'S BACK. TAKE THAT, DEMPSEY GROUP. Big man's back. Big man's back. Let's go. Garbage unite. Garbage unite. Trav, cut out Luke. Replace him with a hot roll with big tits.

I'm down for that. See you. We're back, baby. Oh, you're all wrapped up. This guy stinks. He can't even He can't even make quitting look cool.

Well, first expense. I broke my headphones. You can't quit. You're fired. WHY YOU DOING THAT TO ME NOW?

Kippy's back, man. Just sign right here. No, we're both the boys are back. Linked up.

Yeah, screw you. Screw you and your rich ass dad. Don't [ __ ] need that. Respect.

What'd you do? How did you get it through? You're like the world's worst fisherman. Every time I look over, you're wrapped up. That fish is holding you up. He's a keeper.

That's a big one. Everybody comes out to the docks. All jokes aside, that's why you're not in charge. I've had several business calls, people asking to for me to try to sweet talk you into a deal.

Mhm. Yeah. Not one of them brought a dollar. Each one each one I had to come out of pocket,

which I'll happily do, but that time share was a lock. Be so funny. This was all over the Instagram passwords.

Can we do it? Huh? That was the first big fight. Give me the [ __ ] passwords. I never said that to you.

You want I remember where I was. No, I was on 50. You was selective memory. You remember we made love that night?

That was in the morning. Making sex always better. Um, listen gang, all this [ __ ] corporate talks neither here nor. Like I said, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. As you know, when you join the Patreon at the greatest website in the world,

um, you'll get to answer your garbage question on the air. Um, let's see here. This one's from Ant Hoodies Loose Cigarettes. First time. Long time. Never have one. Rem. Is it garbage if your dad owned one of those cash blower booths? Every family function ends with one person getting 20 seconds to grab as many ones as you can.

Wow. That's awesome. That's sick as [ __ ] Why would he have that? I don't know. You probably get one. See what I mean? If they're online, I'm sure you can get one for like

Got to have the cash to put in there. What do we have guests do it? That'd be pretty sweet.

That's sick. You get you get you get 20 seconds in the dollar booth. Man, it sucks.

Put a hund sneak one or two hundreds in there. That was always the big thing. Just a bummer.

You really would have been Dempsey material. You got great ideas. I Yeah, ideas for us, baby.

How much are they, Luke? About two grand. What? If Unless you want an inflatable one, which obviously?

[ __ ] that. No, we don't want inflatable. I'm not spending two grand. We don't have that corporate checkbook no more.

[ __ ] that about 250. Listen, I don't think this guy was rolling around with a $2,000 thing and only let

he got it for work and only letting one person get in with $1 bill. He was letting one person get in

Mhm. for 20 seconds, right? To grab $1 bills at most. What do you think's in there? How many dollar bills?

A hundred at most. Not that much. Huh? Didn't your mom do it? Yeah. I just bought a used car. You bought the Ford Taurus. I Ford Tarsus might have been new, but I remember. And they were like, "For every dollar you grab, you get I don't know what a $100." I don't I forget the deal.

You were mortified, right? Ah, he's [ __ ] devastated. I was up there like a stripper [ __ ] dancing for dollars. Like, lady, I know, Liz, I know you're a single mom at times are tough. You were abandoned.

You ever see the mom twerking on the guy and the kid runs over and breaks it up?

Oh, yeah. [ __ ] beat his ass. I'd [ __ ] I'd be fighting everybody. Every goddamn body. Um,

you've been back there. That's sick though. That's a lot of fun. Especially if it's um

for kid, especially if it's a kids. Put a 10-year-old in there. Yeah. A little bit of compet. That's real. I mean, if you're like the uncles are getting in there to try to grab 15, 20 bucks, but that's a good time. I don't know. I don't know how to slice it. A [ __ ] If you can walk away with a couple bucks as a 10-year-old,

it's a good freaking time. That's always it. It's not even about the money. It's just you get a little something

some something. Wet your beat. I would have to push back. You should let everybody not everybody but more than one kid take a crack at.

Remember getting a five when you were a kid? A finsky. Mhm. What are you nodding at? Probably got a check.

You really turned on the [ __ ] Dempsey group. Listen, you almost had me. You can't control him. The corporate corporate America can't control this [ __ ] guy.

I got his signature. That's all I need. That's He don't think I He's But you have an X on a piece of paper. Big deal. He wrote I love dick or something like that.

[ __ ] you. Try to get me. Uh I still need to use the pool house this weekend though.

Mhm. Cooking meth. Put the tarp over the house. Um all right. Let's see here. This is from Ambulance Chaser. Great name. $10 homie. Never had one read. Are you garbage if you've been dropped off to school in a vehicle with tinted windows? That's a tough look. That is a tough tough look. Who's that? Jody dropping you off from Baby Boy.

Uh, I was dropped off in junior high in my neighbors, my neighbor lived right across from us, or not junior high, in elementary school. At one point, the two of them and me and my brother all went to the same school. So, there' be four

kids. And our moms or like whatever they they would flip-flop sometimes driving them to school or whatever. And one time she our neighbor was driving us to school,

but in the older son's car and he was probably like 21. The hell was going on there?

What do you mean? I think it was just like in the I don't know. It was just like

our cars in the shop or just maybe it was like the driveway. It was like I just pile in something. Yeah, it it wasn't they were uh pretty not cl but normal. It wasn't like out of trashy piss.

What was the car? a [ __ ] red 90 like 1991 red Mustang like the 50 and it had red tint. It had I had never seen and I remember bragging when we got to school.

Was it an autobot or a septic drive? And I remember we were like piled in the back. So you got I mean that holds four people and you got four kids.

Two of them got to be hot chicks and you got four with which we were not. And uh yeah, I remember pulling up and like getting out of the back seat with the with the chair and like falling out, you know what I mean? Thinking I think I was [ __ ] vanilla ice. You couldn't tell me [ __ ] dog.

What's up, player? It's Mr. Johnson to you. I never That's a tough look. It was always very um hit or miss to get in. First of all, going to school, that's too familiar. I don't like getting in somebody else's car that early in the morning. Like another parent.

I don't disagree. The way the mom smells in the morning. Uhhuh. You know, I I understand. Weird, but

wasn't feeling it. I was either my mom or my dad or the school bus or my brother. That was it. They're the only ones that were that that were that were taking me over there to learn my education.

You know what I mean? Sure. Yeah. Which I don't want to smell somebody else's lunch.

You did so well. Never liked it. Never liked it. I understand that. Um I was a very I was a very dropped off to school kid

cuz half the time I stayed at my dad's which kid which was out of the uh school bus. I was in the district just a different school. So he would have to drive me anyway. And then like

lucky nobody reported you for that. I would have turned you in as head of school safety.

That what you were? Oh you've been a narc [ __ ] life. Good to know, man. We're really learning a lot about H. Foley this episode. Bit of a rat.

Corporate shill. Narc [ __ ] backstabber. That's what you are to me. Wait till my second page cover of Forbes comes out next week.

Your second page cover on the second page. I don't think that's the cover then.

Ben Stiller got the first one. I'm on the ninth page cover. Ben Stiller got page one for Stillers.

What's that? Is it a soda? Ben Stiller soda. How jealous are you with that? Famous actor and a soda mogul.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. Yeah. Not a lot of sugar in it either. They're really good. I have one over the break. Loved it.

Talking about some Nick's tickets going together. Oh, very nice. Oh, you had it with him.

Huh? What? What? Luke, if we wanted Courtsides Nicks Nicks tickets, what who would your call be? Can you do that?

Yeah. I can get Nets actually. I know it's it's a step down. The Dempsey group.

Overpromising. Underd deliver. Oh yeah, no problem. It would actually be the New Mexican Rinkrats, but get the [ __ ] out of here. I had to pooch on the line in two minutes to get me tickets.

You can't. I tried. I can get a my niece's swim meet, too. Nets. The Nets. You got to perform at halftime, but you're in

that. You don't mind? No, I don't mind. What do you perform? Wait, what? What? What in your head right there? What one of your skills was performing? Cuz I don't think it was standup.

No. What was it? Music bombing. Yeah, of course. What? I do a medley of Bruno Mars songs with Bruno Mars.

Uhhuh. Bruno Mars bars. Guys, I'm tired. I'm sick. Who can get you Nets tickets?

Uh, my buddy. What does he do? He's an agent. What kind of agent? You're familiar with him?

Oh, that kid. Yeah. Good kid. Good guy. How come he can't get Nick's tickets? They're hot, dude. They're like [ __ ] They're like 15 grand a clip. Unless you're playing a garden.

I see all the boys over there. Yeah, cuz they're playing [ __ ] venues owned by MSG. It's all It's all PR,

huh? What spots do we do own by MSG? Only only MSG you do comes in [ __ ] Rabola Ramen. Okay, guy.

Dire [ __ ] I [ __ ] that up. [ __ ] I see Sammy Morel there all the time. Yeah, the Beacon and all those. A lot of the theaters are owned by MSG. So, as a promo, they put you there and then put you on the thing. Hey, yeah, it's all [ __ ] You know

who plays for the Nets? We'll do the Nets and we'll build you up to the Knicks. Don't worry.

I'm not going to a Net game. Start you small. They got that weird ass court. Stupid.

You know what's whack? When they do the other color, you're like, "What are we in Lithuania here? What the [ __ ] Watching with these whack ass [ __ ] free throw lines and [ __ ]

How are they playing with the red, white, and blue balls?" Yeah. [ __ ] out of here. Um, all right. Let's see here. Uh, this is a good one. Um, this is from King without a castle. $10 homie, jammed up winner, and allaround swell guy who has had one read. We [ __ ] love you. Happy New Year. Came without a cast, pal.

Talk about a [ __ ] just salt of the earth dude right there. Not a corporate shrill.

Um, not a question, but my old man when asked if he had an extra sie, would open the pack, look inside, and say, "Nah, this one only has 20."

Shout out to the big O, he'd usually give one after the joke landed. That's a move. That's That's an old school smoker move.

You'd run into those guys at like a wedding where there's some you have some sort of familiarity where like you're both at a thing.

He's part of her side, you're part of his side. You both end up out there and he like look he doesn't

he doesn't hit you with a hey, I'm Jim Jenkins. He just kind of looks he's got this sig in the mouth, got a mustache with the smoke stain and he hits you with you like

the wedding cake on there kind of like welcome cowboy. There was like this like old school.

Nah, I'm just teasing. Yeah, understood. We're both out here together fighting a good fight.

You know who's a real smoker? The guy that smokes with the lighter in his hand still.

Yeah. They doing that thing. And they take a long time to light it. Yeah. My stepdad was like the real the real no look guy. You know what I mean? Like, hey, can I get one of them? He'd have the sig in the mouth so like eyes were cocked over so the smoke don't get in the eyes and hand it to you.

That means he didn't really want to give it to you. No. No, he would. He was big. He was big sharing smokes

with everybody. Anybody. Everybody share heaters. Yeah. He was like, "Hey, come on in. The water's fine."

Which I had as a heater guy, too. If someone's like, "I shouldn't." I go, "All right. I don't you know, but when they did go,

you're always good with the smoke." Me, too. I always give them away. You just never have them. That's your problem.

I have them a lot. No, you don't. When a homeless guy, I always give in the history of the show, you ever admit that you were always jammed up with heaters?

No. Okay. And now with the Dempsey Group, I don't have to. I have corporate lawyers behind me.

Take that, Philip Morris. Um, homeless guy asked me, I always give him two. Talk about making a guy's night. I mean, here, take two.

Mhm. Yeah. Then they ask for the lighter. There's no way he's not breaking that thing in 10 seconds. That that second one's not lasting the first one. That's going to go in his pocket full of

Oh, yeah. They keep the lighter. I ain't got that. But I have a I have a napkin I can light on fire for you. Yeah,

that's terrible. What? Nothing. Uh, commenting on my own. What's next? See, you do the same thing with the mic. You move it around,

buddy. My mic has never fallen apart ever. We've done like See, it's these kind of comments that made me make a want to stab you in the back.

Sell the company out from under me. What do you mean? You got it. I I hate this narrative.

You better keep care of that mic. You're not getting a new one. Yeah. What the [ __ ]

We already We already [ __ ] ran you out of town. Nuh-uh. Yeah, we did. You and your Connecticut money.

Taking your Mayflower money. How was it for like I mean what a couple of days that you were

what? What do you offer me? You were the prettiest girl at the ball. They really took you out. They courted you. You liked that, didn't it?

Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Uhhuh. Coke was a little stepped on, but thought it'd be better. finance guys. Uh, all right. Let's see here. Um, real real tight with the bag.

Key bumps only. [ __ ] brutal. Keep you on a short leash. I let you run dog. Yeah, you do. Okay. All right. A little too much. All right. And we're back. Um, all right. This one's from Halft. $10 Hogy. This is great. I did this this weekend. When you get a case of water, do you take them out and place them in the fridge or do you rip a hole in the top just big enough for one bottle?

Rip the hole. Poke a hole in my top. Rip the hole. Keeps them in place. Man, that's like that's never my intention. I always I love a cold water and when I have the energy and the time and I'm moving, they're all going in there. And that's like if I if it doesn't happen right away,

if I don't if I don't come in with the energy, I'm putting all this stuff away. It

never lasts. It never let it just never gets there. But man, I was [ __ ] I was pulling out of warm ass water. I hate warm water. I was pulling warm ass waters.

Why? Like room temperature water. No, but wait, you didn't put it in the fridge?

No. And I just had the top cuz I needed one. I the baby we come in something. It's that Hey, I'll get that in a couple minutes. I don't get to it.

It's always the last thing to go in. That's what I'm saying. Two hours, three hours. If that lasts four hours, I'm already two waters in and I ain't [ __ ] that ain't going in

on a grocery store run. The two last things to get brought into the house. The case of water

and that big ass bag of dog food. Go get the dog food from the car. [ __ ] Patty busting my ass. I brought a [ __ ] 16 bags.

You quit halfway. I mean, you didn't finish the job, though. Yeah. What do you leave the bag for her?

Oh, your fat ass is going to start throwing [ __ ] I know you [ __ ] You probably left milk out there for the weekend.

It's cold. It's winter time. [ __ ] the taurus didn't have heat. Um, hair is driving me crazy.

This is This is a bit of a trashy thing that I'm in the I'm I'm currently in the midst of.

We were at the we were we we're out in the BBS and like it's hard hitting that trash

cycle of trash made versus when trash night is for us. You know what I mean? And you know, we have a good support system. If we like leave the cans, a neighbor will bring them up or whatever. Like stuff like that. You know what I mean?

Bring them up. Like if we're leaving say trash night, trash is [ __ ] Thursday morning. I put it out Thursday morning or Wednesday night.

Neighbors are big on that. They don't want your trash cans out there for aesthetic reasons and also too cuz dude a trash can and one of those open wheel trash cans if that's open the wind catches that [ __ ] I mean those but those big thick ones they're like thick plastic.

Um but this is my dirt bag logic. So, I got I got a full trash can in the garage.

Full. I mean, I'm talking diapes, diapes, food, everything. But it's so cold out. This is my logic. That kind of keeps it all your It's refrigerate like it's

not smelly. Yeah. Right. That in the summer. I was like, you can't do that in the summer. But I take that to Waw Wa and I shove it in there. Nine's like, "Can you do that?" I go, "It's [ __ ] Wawa. I spent enough [ __ ] money at this place. These [ __ ] would be sucking my bowls.

You hold up a coffee cup from the trash. Just bought it. Um, and also too, I don't know if you know the ones at Wawwa used the the trash cans used to have a small openings. Now they're big openings that fit a big I they want the trash. They don't want it, but they'd rather you do it than

throw it on the floor something. Yeah. So, we'll do that in the summer. I'm very good with keeping it one bag that I can get rid of.

Uhhuh. Uh, but I just it just got be I just got behind. And is that okay? It's refrigerated trash. It's aside from the It's not in the house. It's in It's in a can. Locked in the can in the coal. If I

It's a health violation. I'll shut you down for that. I'm not [ __ ] I'm not a commercial kitchen,

Patty. I I had a beef with her about this. Well, I'm not doing it. I had no option. What am I going to do? What What is my other option at this point?

Roll the trash can out to And just What do you mean? You can't just leave it out there

for days before pickup. What's gonna We just said You just said neighbors don't like empty trash. They definitely don't want Also, no. I don't think you're allowed to just have your trash can out three days ahead.

Who's gonna come out and and and hit you with that? Local ordinances. Really? Really?

Which I'm currently behind my real estate taxes. Really? I just Property tax. Property tax. I can't pay it online because there's like part of it because there's a smaller ordinance that I'm part of that they do it or something.

No kidding. And they they the broad keeps hitting me up. She got my cell phone number. I don't [ __ ] you got that. But I got to tell you, hey Duds,

they're not going to let you in the public pool this summer. I know. Can't drive on the street. Just cut through the neighborhood going to play hard ball. Roses look good.

Yeah. Um so like let's Yeah. No, you I'm sure there's something I would hear it.

It's a small enough town I would it would people would be upset. We had a little snow down here. Um, not much but a little whatever.

At Patties. Yes. And she goes, "Do me a favor, roll the trash cans out and leave it out there." Cuz the guy was they were coming that night and I was taking the trash out of the kitchen. This [ __ ] thing's empty. There's like two bags in there. I was like, "You don't need to roll that out. It's not full." Now you have to roll it out. It's not full. Is this because of the snow? Why didn't you want to do it? Just it wasn't full.

Is that a principle? No, I think if I had an English muffin in the toaster. Yeah. Okay. I got down to breast axe real quick. You folded under me. Folded under questioning. Um

you don't need you don't need to do unless the trash can is full. I don't dis I disagree with that 100%. One.

Okay. I know. Listen, you're going to push you're going to requirements. You don't operate in the most active way all the time. No.

Fair enough. The good offense is a good defense. I play D. Yeah. Listen, if there's trash, trash goes out on trash night. If there's not snow in, if it's not what if it's like if there's some sort of hurdle other than just walking it out.

Oh, it's cold. Yeah, it's got to go. Listen, this is coming from a guy who's got

If the trash can isn't full, I would. Do you take the trash can out of the house if it's not full?

No, but that's it's different. Why is it different? Now you're just sto What do you mean? It's 100% different.

Why? Cuz one's going from inside the house to out of the house and then out of the house away.

What do you think, Luke? Yeah, take them out. Shut up. Tell your daddy my D from behind. Okay.

Hey, take that. I'm pissed. You steal my company out from under me, you rat bastard.

And then I see him at a show, he shakes my hand. [ __ ] out of here, Lou. Better call him sir.

[ __ ] that buddy. He can have his 1,200 bucks back. Is that what it was? 1,200 bucks in Cheesecake. The Cheesecake Factory Bill came out of the 1,200. [ __ ]

You don't think I have Danny Ryan up there hanging his ass off the [ __ ] balcony like Suge Knight? You're nuts. We don't play. Listen, we don't

That's who I should have dealt with. I should have sold the company to Danny. Yeah, bring it in. Bring it. Yeah, that's who you do. Yeah, that's a great idea.

You would have been out. Listen, if you don't my my f my dirt bag family has been running construction companies for generations bad, poorly taxes, no tax broke air conditioners in here.

Yeah. Well, if you think they're they would just go, "Oh, company got stolen." Nah, forklift drives through the back. Um,

sorry for the hairs. Nuts. Would you ever go to the dump? If there was Listen, and this is how I know I'm nuts. My dad, we we were big on if

I got a couple drinks. I mean, no. What's that? I don't know. [ __ ] Oh, I didn't know what he meant.

The kid got it. Um, yeah, I would love that because I don't like the fact that I keep falling out of this trash schedule. Um, another thing I do is like we collect there's a lot of stuff we've you know as the the house is a work in progress furniture stuff like that. So we do uh I I love a 1800 got junk. There's no better service than that.

Yeah, dude. They show up. I have just a pile of [ __ ] in the garage. They don't give a [ __ ] what it's in.

Nah, that no throw it in there, dude. I had these two guys. They're super sweet. They're great franchise. It's a very good franchise to own. They say

they want that feedback though. They want the feedback and dude, they're nicest, dude. They sweep up like they sweep up messes that was like already in the garage just like garage

Mhm. leaves and cobwebs and [ __ ] They come in. I think they're cool with it because you really can't stand on airs when they roll in. There's only one thing they're doing.

They're seeing you at your worst. They're seeing you at your worst. You're jammed the [ __ ] up.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And you're throwing it out. So it's not like, well, you have to take the shelves out and do that. Shut up. They throw it in that basket and it's [ __ ] out the door.

Yeah, they don't ask like if we were doing it, right? If you were coming over and I had to I had to get a rid of a bunch of stuff in the garage. It was like on shelves.

They don't mess up. I would. No, I meant the royal you. Not you. It' be cool to have beers and hang out. I I like to smell dirty diapers.

Um he's talking [ __ ] to the guy. It's like he's hoarding trash in here. I don't know what he's doing. Um

what the 1800 junk? Yeah, I get in the van roll out with later. Later, Baldi. I'm riding bitching between the two of them.

Um, can I say that? Yeah, I think so. Okay, you've said worse. What the [ __ ] you talking? I say, [ __ ] you're crazy.

Corporate now. Just everything you say is beeped. Beep beep beep beep. Um, what was I saying? They, like you said, they don't there's no like, oh, we're going to take it off here. Go through. It's like, [ __ ] it. It's like they're ruining It's like they're destroying evidence. They don't give a [ __ ]

It's like Enron, dude. They're just shredding everything. They're lighting [ __ ] on fire as they're pulling away.

Yeah. I love that. That is a great Everybody that works there is [ __ ] so like overly nice and professional to the point where you go, "All right, I get it." But then you go, "No, this is very sweet that you're taking this much care." Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to

Have you ever been to the dump? Yeah. Uh guys, for work. Work? Wildwood. We hit the dump a lot.

Really? Yeah. Because you can't. It's the same thing if you're leaving for the weekend. If you go down on Monday,

what's the dump in Wildwood look like? Uh, and where is that? Over by Tommy Cassy's house. I'm not even [ __ ] with you. Right by Tommy C's house.

I thought you say right at the edge of the water. No. Uh, and they run it to dump trash down in a shore at a down the shore. You know they

How can it be in on the It's not a landfill. Oh, okay. It's like just a bunch of dumpsters.

Oh, all right. And they make sure you got to show a car to make sure you live. They don't really, but they, you know, they make sure you're not

they charge you. No, like if you are a res or whatever, have some sort of property or house or whatever you're allowed to taxes. I guess there's some old-timer there. He's never asked me. I always fight in my head that he's going to ask me and he just go, "How you doing today?" Can't call it. He just lets you in.

To get a cushy, sweet chore job is tough. Sure. You know, not that many. Not that many and yearlong ones. You know what I mean?

But, uh, I got a sweet gig down there in the summer. We were big on dump, big on scrapyards, too. [ __ ] calling different scrapyards, seeing what the [ __ ] copper's going for, bro. It's going for this here. It's going for that there. D. How? Okay. Well, that one's an extra 30 minutes away. You driving that all day. Having them come up. Big dumpster family too.

Is that cash they give you for the copper? Yeah. You guys whack that up in a in a truck?

Yeah. Yeah. Your dad used to give you a little piece. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.

What would What was the biggest hole you ever got from there? There was a lot. Like 500 bucks.

Oh, significantly more than that. Really? Yeah. No kidding. We did it one There was whatever. Yeah. There was one job of a client that was going not going out of business, was moving.

Uhhuh. And uh So he ain't going to see it. Nah. He's supposed to give them some too. Thank everybody everybody everybody got their their

the guy down at Double Wildwood. Everybody got their beaks wet and it was a very healthy summer for everybody.

Really? Five grand. What? It from about one hole. Oh yeah. It dep It depends. It depends on what we were scrapping that day.

Huh. So those crackheads really know what they're doing. Yeah. I mean they're playing I mean they if they got the

How much copper you think's in like one old house like on like Freeland Heisen Avenue Newark? Okay. Uh

I may or may not have started this brand again. Sure. I picked up on that. Uh probably not that much. Not that much. I mean, it's only it's only uh

200 bucks. I don't I don't know what it's going for. It's like $2. It used I remember what's it what's copper one. What's copper one going for a pound?

Two three bucks maybe. I have no idea. They're saying a rundown house you can get about 200 to 400 lb. And then

of copper. Yeah. Whoa. That I mean that seems a lot. But I don't know. to my man.

No. Yeah. I mean, I'd say it's 200 bucks. That's 400 bucks. It's about 390 to 450 per pound. Copper one right now.

450. But all that copper might not be copper one. If it's painted, if it's got solder on it, if you got So then you get really [ __ ] cut the joints off.

You [ __ ] go. You just whack out the [ __ ] Make a bowl out of that. I did. That was the first bowl I he ever made.

Was copper. Copper. That can't be good for you. N. And I remember this kid Brett was like, "That's how you get arthritis in your lungs." I'm like, "We're [ __ ] 12 years old. How do you know that?"

And you can't get arthritis in your lungs. I didn't know. That's what he told me. My dad caught me.

Get emphyma. OCPD. Uhhuh. COPD. COPD. Okay. NYPD, LAPD. Berries and Cherries. Um, yeah. But, uh, yeah, I don't know. We were Yeah, it was a It was a very cash heavy summer. This is [ __ ] 20 years ago. Very cash heavy summer.

Very nice. But then we did everything stainless. You did all the stainless steel.

Did everything did like you know whatever like whatever we going for haul. So you had like a we had a dumpster for like trash and a big dumpster for like I don't know whatever like just generic metal was. I forget. I don't remember. I was I was on a copper tame. Then the coils all the coils from the refrigeration units you cut out. There's all [ __ ]

You don't keep the refrigerators? What do you mean? The refrigeration units. You don't keep them?

No. Huh? the trash or like all the all the air conditioning units. Don't you just

cut out the coils? No, they broken. No, the building was old. Was Why wouldn't you keep the refrigerators like to keep the the air conditioning units and then you put them in another place?

I don't No, I mean it's on the roof of the place. What are you going to [ __ ] You're going to get a crane all the You're going to put a put in the back of a [ __ ] flatbed truck, drive it up to put in a 20-year-old [ __ ] air conditioning unit on a new building. Who the [ __ ] wants to do that?

You put it IN YOUR HOUSE. [ __ ] HAIR'S ALL BLOWN BACK. Cold as [ __ ] in this [ __ ] You cannot lose that room. Got a [ __ ] Got a rooftop summer.

You got a rooftop unit on a condo, man. You're s 1400 pushing that sick bowl. Getting high as [ __ ]

I'm sitting there in a jacket [ __ ] It's August. I'm getting high as [ __ ] My little [ __ ] oneie

jacket burgers in front of you. Uh, that's great. Um, yeah, that was uh that was when we we my I fell I ate hot I ate two hot dogs and red Gatorade every day for five days a week for the whole summer.

That'll give you arthritis in your eyes, dude. Talk about too much artificial flavors.

Holy [ __ ] So good, dude. We take an order every by the end of everybody knew and we just go in and uh

Your burps are packed with electrolytes. It was a It was like a bodega, like a candy store bodega, but he had boiled hot he had. And dude, we would go in. It was It was an Asian guy. And he I would walk in and he would just [ __ ] pull open a bag of buns. And he knew we were doing 10 12. It was me. It was four of us.

Dezys. Everybody did two Dezys. Great. sat around an old it was an empty warehouse. So we sat around the but the conference room table we took down and had like we'd sit around that like there like this big executive board thing

counting your copper money getting heartburn first time I left the garage door open and people started looking at what we were doing. My dad said [ __ ] close that door. You don't need everybody in your business. I said okay I don't know what we're doing here.

That kid's on his third hot dog. Holy [ __ ] That's too much red That's too much red dye. Um, all right. Uh, all that all, you know, non-ferris metals aside, got business to take care of. Um, this is a relative I we relatively touched on this. This is just a pro move. This is from big buck repair man. $10 bozo. Never had one red. Is it trash to stop by the auto parts store to clear the check engine light on the way to trade in your car? I love it.

Sick. [ __ ] them. Let them figure it out. That's the move. Yeah. I'll clear I'm sure they can hook it up to a [ __ ]

diagnostic machine. Yeah. computer now at this tell you what's wrong with it. Yeah, right away.

Oh yeah, the engine's failed. Do me a favor. You clear that. Let you reset that.

You like hot dogs. A hard reboot on this one. Take this piece of copper. All right, let's see this one. This is a big one for the big guy. Probably. Yeah, this is

That's what it says. No. Oh, okay. Man, you know, if I got one or two addressed to me, it wouldn't kill me. It's all Kippy.

They're not talking to me specifically. They know who it is. Okay. Your jealousy is what's going to is what's going to is what force you to sell the company out from under me.

I know my arrogance. You're a You're a tortured soul. I wanted to turn this into a blackbox theater.

Mhm. Do some of my work here. Dempsey group said it'd be something in for me. For me, Kippy, you do do work here.

We were not interested in that. Yes. Thank you. Was it the bottom of the contract? I wrote that in the Blackbox is going to be a handshake deal. All right. Where's wrong? Go for it.

You know what? I had the thought of what this is stupid and this is how you go broke, but I'd like to try it.

Okay, I'm in. Right. Um, what if we did a uh you know how you know how those those social clubs are big? What if we did aies?

What's a social? You mean like a like it's a Soho house? Toody's house. Oh, like a membership.

Membership. Not you're not talking like what they got out there in like Brooklyn or Queens.

What's that? You know those kind of social clubs? No. Espresso and wire taps. Guy who's obsessed with the Sopranos. No, not everything has to do with the mob. We live in reality. The mob.

We should be checking this place for bugs too. Yeah. Check your check your hair. All right, guy. Hey, try it at me. Um, yeah, we can rent out a place, make you people can come to town, they can visit, make a couple of bucks.

Okay. All right. Guy does not get I'm trying to process it. Mhm. Does it look like this?

It can look like whatever you want. It's like a bar, but a membership. Yeah, it's a It's a place. There's you could It's a place to go and hang. It's a social club.

Okay, let's do it. All right. You know what? Your your tepid response on it has

I'm just trying to understand it. I don't know. Okay. Well, who's going to pay for a membership if they're only here once a month or what? One time.

It's not [ __ ] 10 grand a month here. The Dempsey group would love to get in the Kevin Ryan business anyhow possible.

See, if you supported my ideas and didn't drag your feet and try to do Oh, social club.

OH, YEAH. THAT'S AWESOME. and try to do poetry and check the [ __ ] in from time to time. poetry.

Slam poets different. It's poetry to a beat. Remember that got popular in the 90s.

What? That kind of [ __ ] Uh, defam death jam poetry was not def jam. Okay. All right. You are clearly spiraling. You're in your head way too much. Let's Can we ask the question too? What the not not Def Jam. Def Jam was a force as a

Mrs. Def Jam is a force. You know what Def Jam No, the Def Jam poetry, but this this was uh like in San Francisco like what Mike Myers did in I Married an Axe Murderer.

It wasn't like coffee shop coffee shop culture back then was so [ __ ] lame. It was the end of the grunge. It got real weak. Lame.

Okay. Till Limp Biscuit came along. You were just things up. I love like the lamest guy in the world calling something else lame is like insane.

Yes, it's lame, dude. Oh, is it guy who lives at his parents and will again five more times?

I only have one sock on right now. I swear to God. You're sitting here [ __ ] talking [ __ ] on people trying.

I couldn't find any socks. I wear one and I switch them halfway through the day.

It's on his [ __ ] That's cool. I can't do that. It fall right off. Red Hot Chili Peppers did that. They came out to a show one time. They all had their noodles covered with socks.

Were their balls tucked in there? Yeah, he got tucked the bowl. No one's got a What are you talking about?

Couple of [ __ ] tube stakes. All right. Fle's got a big pee. Mhm. You should read that guy quarterly.

You could use a brushing on those choppers though. Um, this Go ahead. This one's uh I'm diverting this one to you. I'm saying as you're the you're the king of the you know you're the the authority on this

and I'm sure your answer is going to come in a little skewed due to certain afflictions you have. Um this is from probably gay definitely drunk.

I just picked my nose. Sorry. Um okay. But answer your answer your question. I'm always open I'm always here for you.

My door is always open for you. Kevin who's okay? That wasn't a question. Oh, you said to answer your question, my door is always open for you as you wipe the booger on your pants. That's probably going to end up on my Dempsey jacket, which I'm okay with.

Those things are going bad. I know. Return them. That was a great bit. Got to give it to you. Great bit. Too expensive. Um, this $10 home and never have one red. What's the earliest acceptable time to eat ice cream as an adult? Huh? And give your indulgent answer. and give like what you the gentleman answer that you know is true. Does that make sense?

After breakfast, right after breakfast. Is it coffee ice cream? You have that right when you wake up. I've had

I'm not Yeah, I know you you've had Mhm. We can all guess that. What do you think the acceptable time is?

It's like what if you were somewhere? Where am I? You're at a restaurant. Okay.

For brunch. 11 o'clock. Guy gets a guy gets ice cream. Is that crazy? At what time are you seeing

I'm having a meal first though, right? Hold on. This isn't you, guy. Relax. I don't know why I'm saying guy so much.

You see someone else eating ice cream. What time for you? Let's do that. Live in that world. All right. There's too many other questions.

I'm at brunch. Who am I with? You're at whatever time it is. Who am I with? The Dempsey group.

No, forget those guys. You guys are lit. He's looking at me. I'm going to be with uh

No, you're by yourself to brunch. Uhhuh. What am I, a loser? Am I eating brunch by myself?

Okay, I'll I'll just I'll do breakfast by myself, but not brunch. Okay, you're at breakfast.

Okay, there's a huge difference in when you eat flapjacks. I don't really eat pancakes.

I'm a waffle man. Everybody knows that. Um Dempsey group knows that. That's how they got me. What? You look over or let's let's put it this way. At what time do I Kevin order an ice cream and you go, "Whoa, that's early."

Yeah. My honest answer. Mhm. I don't think there is a time. I'd be cool with it.

I'm not saying you'd [ __ ] yell at me. Can you answer the question? Okay. There's some sort of numerical time.

Can I just ask you a couple questions? Have we had a meal or are you getting that? Like I go to I I sit down, I order an omelette, which now, just so everybody knows, my go-to omelette, go-to scrambled eggs, feta, scallions, and mushroom. It's a great combination. Cooked soft. I like it cooked soft, but it made me sick the other day.

It's probably had seven of them. That was the ice cream after. That's what I'm saying. Are we having a meal first or are you just ordering ice cream for breakfast?

Both scenarios. Okay. If you're getting it after breakfast, I'm going to kill myself.

If you're getting it after breakfast, I'm okay with whatever time you get it. If you get it for breakfast, it's got to be after 11. But I would push back. That's not breakfast. After 11. If your first meal of the day, you have to choose. There's lunch menus out at that time.

Regardless of what your They don't serve breakfast at 11 at an airport. So, regardless of what your cuisine is, whatever you have for the first meal of the day is considered breakfast. Whether that's a turkey club, a bowl of great

nuts. I push back on that. What answer would you like? That wasn't First of all, that's not the question. You're stated another fact that I'm I'm pushing back on that.

Okay. Ask me the question. You haven't answered the question that I've asked you to ask.

Ask me the question. So, you're saying there's no time. No, I'm not saying that.

Okay. What are you saying? You cannot have ice cream before 9:30 a.m. Okay. But I have. Sure.

But it was always leftover from the night before. Okay. My answer is I like that fudge brownie from Ben & Jerry's.

As an adult, it's got my number. It's got to be some sort of vacation and and and noon.

Very good. And that's even early vacation. You got to be somewhere and they have ice cream cone. You go, "Oh, yeah." Or the kids are getting it on the beach. You go, "You know what? I'll do a [ __ ]

But I mean, you can't I mean, anything. The fact that your number was 9:30 seems very early. Very early.

What if you get up at 600? That's still early. I might get up at 600. [ __ ] I walked right in there.

Uh, yeah. Anything else to that? As an adult seems early, but hey, I'm not here to judge. The guy who has a DC early in the morning, you're throwing a lot of shade.

I would say a I'm just kidding. I love DC's. A DC and ice cream are nowhere near each other in any sort of way.

Luke, what are your thoughts? I vacation's a key factor in this. I would say 4:00 if it's a weekday.

Holy [ __ ] Are you in the army? Well, also like 9:30 that means you're you're driving to work and there's a world where you're eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream is insane. That's wild. I'm sorry. I got to I That's insane. If you're If it could replace your coffee, it's too early.

The idea of getting to work and having that little Oh, that's ice cream. Yeah. Is crazy.

Or or you're like at your desk and someone's like, "Hey, Henry, uh you know, do you have the TPS?" And you turn around and you're [ __ ] you're you're m you're mowing out. talking on it, but I think still read the numbers.

All right, we got to wrap it up. What a fun one, gang. Happy 2026 to everybody. We hope you have a safe and happy year. We love you. We're so excited about everything we got going on this year. We're going to be doing some weekends on the tour. Big tour this year. We love you.

That's all you got on what we're doing this year. And you looked at me to confirm. Gang, we [ __ ] love you and we'll SEE YOU NEXT TIME. YEAH.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Hostile Takeover! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"?

In order: 0:00 Dempsey Group, Cheesecake Factory; 10:00 Dempsey Group, Cheesecake Factory, Luke Dempsey; 20:00 Dempsey Group, Cheesecake Factory; 30:00 Dempsey Group; 40:00 1800 Got Junk, Cheesecake Factory; 50:00 Dempsey Group; 1:00:00 Dempsey Group.

What is mentioned in this AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast episode?

4 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Dempsey Group, Cheesecake Factory, Luke Dempsey, 1800 Got Junk. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Hostile Takeover! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"?

The episode runs 1 h 7 min; the transcript is about 14,300 words in 459 timestamped sections.

More from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.