Transcript

Jake Johnson Returns Again | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

From Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 2 h 3 min · 26,375 words · 814 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Jake Johnson Returns Again | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard", an episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard published December 8, 2025 (2 h 3 min, about 26,375 words). It mentions 183 people, works and ideas, including Armchair Expert, Jake Johnson, Dak Shepard, Lily Padman, Audible's best of 2025.

What this episode is about

Jake Johnson returns for a lively discussion as he shares insights from his acting career and experiences as a podcaster, highlighting the different dynamics of providing advice. The conversation touches on themes of humor, friendship, and the enjoyment of creatively exploring new roles, all while maintaining a lighthearted tone.

Key takeaways

  • Jake Johnson: Never silver, always a buzzer-beater, making 'bad guy' roles enviable.
  • Terrible advice: The 'tell them to [__] off' genre liberates armchair experts.
  • Basements: Where dreams dwell; without them, life's missing its foundation.
  • Junior high daughters: Basement beckons while parents ponder personality preservation.
  • Instagram parties: Pay-to-play chaos, where venues vanish faster than Uncle Eddie's signs.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 15:00: Jake Johnson, Audible, Audible, Armchair Expert
  2. – 30:00: Alaska, Jesse Hajes, Jesse Hajes, Joe Swanberg
  3. – 45:00: Audible, Audible, Armchair Expert, Jake Johnson
  4. – 1:00:00: kidney, kidney transplant, brain tumor, American
  5. – 1:15:00: The Mummy, Father's Day, pickle ball, The Mummy
  6. – 1:30:00: Lily Padman, Joe Swanberg, The Mummy, Apple Inc.
  7. – 1:45:00: Secret Turkey, secret turkey, Thanksgiving, Armchair Expert
  8. – 2:00:00: Anthony Kiedis, Covenant House, Covenant House, Amazon
  9. – 2:03:11: Halloween

Notable quotes from "Jake Johnson Returns Again | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard"

  • Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.
    about Dak Shepard · at
  • This year's must listens. If you want to finish the year with something you know is going to hit, check out Audible's best of 2025 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com/best of 2025.
    about Audible · at
  • What happens to you when you're alone?
    about Jake Johnson · at
  • It's not dead. It's just dead when I'm pitching them. Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for their support. So…
    about Armchair Expert · at
  • We watched every Mission Possible all.
    about Tom Cruise · at
  • Certainly off screen, but you didn't have any scenes where you Yes. Watch the first 20 minutes of the movie. You had to keep up with him. It's so hard. He runs so fast.
    about The Mummy · at
  • Which is the best day of the year. It's so beautiful.
    about Secret Turkey · at
  • They asked if we want to be involved and I very much wanted to be involved because the Covenant House which has a mission to help youth and young families throughout the…
    about Covenant House · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Jake Johnson — Person · Main guest · 4 mentions · first at
    Primary interviewee — actor and podcaster discussing career, creative choices, mental health, friendships, and projects (film & podcast).
  • Dak Shepard — Person · Host · 1 mention · first at
    Episode host who conducts the interview, prompts topics, and appears throughout the conversation.
  • Lily Padman — Person · Co-host / Co-interviewer · 2 mentions · first at
    Co-host on Armchair Expert episode; participates in conversation, asks questions and shares anecdotes.
    Jake Johnson, an actor and a podcaster.
  • Joe Swanberg — Person · Referenced collaborator (director/filmmaker) · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as the filmmaker Jake worked with on an Alaska project (with Dakota Fanning) that Jake and Swanberg helped finance/assemble; illustrates Jake's indie-production lane.
    Yes. So, Dakota and I did a movie, another Joe Swanberg movie that Joe and I financed, put together in Alaska, fell in love with it. Then I took a job in New York just as an actor.
  • Tom Cruise — Person · Referenced actor / cultural example · 2 mentions · first at
    Referenced extensively as an exemplar of movie-star craft, discipline, and the famous holiday cake tradition; Jake and hosts discuss working with him and his methods.
  • Anthony Kiedis — Person · Unexpected guest cameo (anecdote) · 5 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in a Halloween anecdote: Anthony Kiedis showed up disguised (mummy) at a party which excited Ryan; used as a funny story about celebrity encounters.
    And it was Anthony Ketus from Red Hot Chili Peppers. What was better though is he was a zombie.
  • Jesse Hajes — Person · Co-actor / collaborator · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a co-actor on a New York job where Jake filmed and argued with over scheduling/creative choices; part of Jake's recent set experiences.
    Yeah. I got in big fights with Jesse Hajes on the new show we did because I she was you and I was Dax and I don't agree with that. Now here but here's where I do agree.
  • Mary Steenburgen — Person · Co-star / collaborator reference · 31 mentions
    Referenced as an actor Jake worked with; used to illustrate 'old Hollywood' anecdotes and set experiences.
    Wrote it. He's so funny. Josh Greenbomb directed it. I wasn't pretending to be a fake AD. I was doing the scenes. I got to hang out with Mary and Ed Harris and all these funny people.
  • Billy Joel — Person · Referenced musician (humor/aside) · 2 mentions · first at
    Brought up during the fact-check segment as a singer Monica believes she can match 'note-for-note' while singing in the car.
    Captain Jack will get you high tonight.
  • Donald C. Murphy — Person · Referenced celebrity (example of 'old Hollywood') · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as part of a discussion about fading 'old Hollywood' culture and the changing entertainment business.
    Yeah. I'll tell you what I love is and Eddie Murphy's doced it too and I feel like that old Hollywood is starting to really fade and what used to be our business is fading. The thing we got into is fading.
  • Dakota Fanning — Person · N/A · 1 mention · first at
    Duplicate/misaligned extraction: the transcript refers to Dakota Fanning (person). No evidence of a fictional character usage — this entry likely a misclassification.
    Dakota Fanning and I, who by the way, I got to give a shout out to Dakota Fanning.
  • Erica — Person · 6 mentions
  • Angeline Pete — Person · 4 mentions
  • Josh Greenbaum — Person · 4 mentions
  • Jesse Hajes — Person · 3 mentions · first at
    I'm there, I couldn't care less about the coverage. My only job is to connect to Jesse Hajes, who's great, and Tatiana Mascalani, who's great.
  • Damon Wayans — Person · 3 mentions
  • MC Cher — Person · 3 mentions
  • Sean Clemens — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    I really liked on Dink. Sean Clemens wrote it. He's so funny. Josh Greenbomb directed it. I wasn't pretending to be a fake AD. I was doing the scenes. I got to hang out with Mary and Ed Harris and.
  • Tatiana — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    The coverage. My only job is to connect to Jesse Hajes, who's great, and Tatiana Mascalani, who's great.
  • Billie Eilish — Person · 2 mentions
  • Jesse — Person · 2 mentions
  • John and Jen — Person · 2 mentions
  • Kobe Bryant — Person · 2 mentions
  • Tatiana Maslany — Person · 2 mentions
  • Fast Eddie — Person · 1 mention · first at
    I don't know why you and I are just what I've told you the story what my uncle Eddie did to me when I was a kid in terms of that. My uncle Eddie had legal trouble and he came to live with us for a little bit.
  • William E. Schmidt — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Max Greenfield and I went out and got lunch. He just acts like Schmidt and pretends I'm Nick to the weight staff.
  • Ed Harris — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Directed it. I wasn't pretending to be a fake AD. I was doing the scenes. I got to hang out with Mary and Ed Harris and all these funny people.
  • Cory Michael Smith — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Oh. And then really what it was for me, so good in the scenes. Cory Michael Smith so good in the scenes. Everybody in that movie was so good. And the New York job ever, I'm Oh, I think I just want to work with people who are.
  • Jeff Bayana — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Right. The stuff we're talking about. Jeff Bayana. And it's really funny because I think our break from hikes happened right as Jeff killed himself.
  • Jeff Boehner — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Jeff Boehner was the biggest know-it-all I've ever met.
  • Chris Dave — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Dave King said something so funny. He said, When somebody kills himself, everybody says I mean anyone but him.
  • Ray Whitney — Person · 1 mention · first at
    And [clears throat] so now people email in. I check the email. So, I just forward to this woman, Whitney, which is the wife of the guy, and I said, this is real life, you vet, right?
  • Tina Desert Berg — Person · 1 mention · first at
    There can't be an emotional moment. What it has to then be it'll be a version of like the dating game. Our friend Steve Berg will be our Chuck Worly where he'll be Jesus…
  • Chuck Worly — Person · 1 mention · first at
    It has to then be it'll be a version of like the dating game. Our friend Steve Berg will be our Chuck Worly where he'll be Jesus Christ, who's the number one contend? And it'll…
  • Jonah Hill — Person · 1 mention · first at
    We did a show years ago called Alan Gregory that Jonah Hill was on that Shawn was a writer and I was doing bits on it and he and I just like partnered up.
  • Bill Bungoth — Person · 1 mention · first at
    He's so funny. And then watching him, he reminded me comedically of my buddy Bill Bungoth when my buddy Billy does bits and I was Oh, there's a time like Ben Stiller was like 14 and funny.
  • Denzel — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Cut and you go like oh my god like oh right that's why at six you GOT CAST WITH DENZEL EXACTLY like it's not by chance right okay la my last question for you because we've had you now several times.
  • Ethan Hunt — Person · 1 mention · first at
    The MIS, maybe four or five, and it's Philip Seymour Hoffman talking to Tom and he's Ethan Hunt and he's like cuffed to a chair and Philip Seymour Hoffman is counting down to 10 and at 10 he's going to kill his fiance.
  • Annabelle Wallace — Person · 1 mention · first at
    We worked out all the time together. We flew to Africa, just me, him, and Annabelle Wallace and his plane.
  • The Richardsons — Person · 1 mention · first at
    I just saw everyone came in. We did it at the Richardsons and everyone, bring brought their little gift in and put it on the table and I was just staring at that table like,.

Books & papers

  • Armchair Expert — Book · 4 mentions · first at
    Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.
  • We're Here to Help — Book · 3 mentions · first at
    We're here to help. I'm jealous of their show because they get to give terrible advice and that's really the dream.
  • The Dink — Book · 2 mentions · first at
    Okay. I do want to know about the Dink because when does it come out and how did it come about because it's you and Stiller are producing.
  • The Mummy — Book · 2 mentions · first at
    It was called The Mummy. Thank you. So, it was a really I've never seen the movie and I never read the script because they never had one for me.
  • The Hunger Games — Book · 2 mentions
  • Sunrise on the Reaping — Book · 1 mention · first at
    Curated list like this, I breathe a little easier. Two titles I'm excited about. Sunrise on the Reaping. Anything Hunger Games related is an automatic ad for me. And someday now, which everyone says is incredibly warm and reflective.
  • Someday Now — Book · 1 mention · first at
    About. Sunrise on the Reaping. Anything Hunger Games related is an automatic ad for me. And someday now, which everyone says is incredibly warm and reflective.
  • Parenthood — Book · 1 mention · first at
    It's just But I think that is you know what's really funny about this? So you go to the movie Parenthood which was awesome.
  • Alan Gregory — Book · 1 mention · first at
    We did a show years ago called Alan Gregory that Jonah Hill was on that Shawn was a writer and I was doing bits on it and he and I just like partnered up.
  • Physical 100 — Book · 1 mention · first at
    I watched Physical 100. I know Asia's now out and I haven't seen it, but I've watched the previous season.
  • Mission Possible — Book · 1 mention · first at
    We watched every Mission Possible all.
  • Dink Spring — Book · 1 mention · first at
    I want everyone to listen to We're Here to Help. And then I want everyone to keep their eyes peeled for the Dink Spring on Apple Plus.
  • The Dakota — Book · 1 mention · first at
  • Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed — Book · 1 mention · first at
    The maximum pleasure guaranteed. That's with Tatiana.
  • Something from Nothing — Book · 1 mention · first at
    It just came out. It's called Something from Nothing. It's beautiful and delicious and also go the route of finding out their favorite restaurant and often restaurants have their own.
  • Cher (biography/memoir) — Book · 1 mention
  • Cher (memoir/biography) — Book · 1 mention

Companies & orgs

  • Covenant House — Company · Nonprofit beneficiary · 3 mentions · first at
    Charity chosen by host for Amazon holiday giving campaign (recipient of donated essentials via Amazon holiday giving).
  • Amazon — Company · Platform / promotion facilitator · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in context of Amazon's holiday giving campaign and Amazon as a platform partner for Audible (owner).
    Because the Covenant House which has a mission to help youth and young families throughout the holiday season. Amazon has created a charity list where you can purchase items…
  • Apple Inc. — Company · Distributor / platform (mentioned) · 1 mention · first at
    Referenced as the streaming/network platform for projects (e.g., 'Dink' coming to Apple/Apple TV+).
    I want everyone to listen to We're Here to Help. And then I want everyone to keep their eyes peeled for the Dink Spring on Apple Plus.
  • UCB — Company · Source of writing talent/affiliation · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned referencing Sean Clemens as a UCB (comedy) guy and the comedy community (Upright Citizens Brigade).
    Yeah, so that it's coming out end of spring on Apple and that came about. Do you know Sean Clemens the writer at all?
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers — Company · Referenced band · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in the context of a Halloween party anecdote
    And it was Anthony Ketus from Red Hot Chili Peppers. What was better though is he was a zombie.
  • Artifact Uprising — Company · Referenced company · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the brand used for creating a photo album gift
    And it was clear this really had an impact on him. Anyway, I made a photo album. It's a beautiful photo album.
  • Dink — Company · 7 mentions
  • Doan's Bakery — Company · 6 mentions
  • Le Creuset — Company · 4 mentions
  • We're Here to Help — Company · 3 mentions · first at
    We're here to help. I'm jealous of their show because they get to give terrible advice and that's really the dream.
  • Covenant House — Company · 3 mentions · first at
    They asked if we want to be involved and I very much wanted to be involved because the Covenant House which has a mission to help youth and young families throughout the…
  • Cirque du Soleil — Company · 3 mentions
  • Staub — Company · 3 mentions
  • Let's Be Cops — Company · 2 mentions · first at
    But I have really tried to focus more on like Oh, no. You got to like Let's Be Cops might be the last successful comedy action.
  • Goldbelly — Company · 2 mentions
  • Starz — Company · 2 mentions
  • New Girl — Company · 1 mention · first at
    New girl, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Let's be cop self-reliance tag and his podcast, which is hysterical. Everyone should listen.
  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse — Company · 1 mention · first at
    New girl, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Let's be cop self-reliance tag and his podcast, which is hysterical. Everyone should listen.
  • Without a Paddle — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Yeah, that's right. That is I got blampers from New Zealand when Seth and I were making without a paddle there. I don't know how we had both discovered in the grocery stores all the tabloids they called boobs blampers.
  • Drunk History — Company · 1 mention · first at
    So my career started with like YouTube stuff with, drunk history. So I was part of the change, but I also was I could do a commercial back in the day and make $70,000 and quit my catering job.
  • Top Gear — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Me, too. I did two seasons of Top Gear.
  • This American Life — Company · 1 mention · first at
    They were on in a different They were on It wasn't There was a show that done in New York. There was a This American Life about it where a guy just left an anonymous number and said, Leave messages with your problems.
  • Internet company — Company · 1 mention · first at
  • The Dink Spring — Company · 1 mention · first at
    I want everyone to listen to We're Here to Help. And then I want everyone to keep their eyes peeled for the Dink Spring on Apple Plus.
  • Apple Plus — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Here to Help. And then I want everyone to keep their eyes peeled for the Dink Spring on Apple Plus.
  • The Dakota — Company · 1 mention · first at
  • The Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed — Company · 1 mention · first at
    The maximum pleasure guaranteed. That's with Tatiana.
  • Francis May — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Yeah. like a lac cruset or a stab beautiful cookware or I also like this idea. There's a company called Francis May. It's a store in Portland and they have ornaments on their…

Products & tech

  • Audible's best of 2025 — Product · Sponsored product · 2 mentions · first at
    Audible's curated collection of top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals for 2025
    Jake Johnson. Thank you to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for supporting this episode. Armcher's Audible's best of 2025 collection is here. The year's top audiobooks…
  • Dink — Product · Referenced product · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a movie project coming out on Apple
    Yeah, so that it's coming out end of spring on Apple and that came about. Do you know Sean Clemens the writer at all?
  • kidney — Product · 6 mentions · first at
    He had a brain tumor and then the last turn her was he's on diialysis and he needs a kidney transplant in March.
  • Tom Cruise Christmas cake — Product · 6 mentions
  • pickle ball — Product · 3 mentions · first at
    Well, it was different. So for Dank the pickle ball one, we were all kind of running that as a team. Yeah. Yeah.
  • Weights — Product · 2 mentions · first at
    But that's the aesthetic of it. It's throwing up weights, blasting music.
  • Photo album — Product · 2 mentions · first at
    And it was clear this really had an impact on him. Anyway, I made a photo album. It's a beautiful photo album.
  • Penis bong — Product · 2 mentions · first at
    And we had walked by this bong store, and in the window was this enormous penis bong, right? And I said to Molly, you should really think about if you're ever going to smoke weed, that might be a good starter pipe for you. So, we have.
  • Industrial fan — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Gets a little hot in the summer. I got a big industrial fan. Swamp cooler.
  • Swamp cooler — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Gets a little hot in the summer. I got a big industrial fan. Swamp cooler.
  • Fur jacket — Product · 1 mention · first at
    I'm the maddest one here. I have a fur jacket, but I'm the badest one.
  • Glasses — Product · 1 mention · first at
    I didn't even do the weird glasses.
  • fake snow — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Because this looks like a bunch of sweet people with their families looking at fake snow and smiling so and being like and then looking at a trolley and I'm like it goes nowhere. You're you.
  • trolley — Product · 1 mention · first at
    And smiling so and being like and then looking at a trolley and I'm like it goes nowhere. You're you the trolley went nowhere. But now you realize the trolley goes just about the ride.
  • ferris wheel — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Grandma and she said, Some people really like life going around in a ferris wheel and just going around and other people really like the roller coaster.
  • roller coaster — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Ferris wheel and just going around and other people really like the roller coaster.
  • bonji ball — Product · 1 mention · first at
    I was we are going to be playing bonji ball and I'm going to be arguing with this [ __ ] old man. He's so and honestly one of the most difficult guys I've ever met. the amount of people he would kick out of his house. The amount.
  • voice note — Product · 1 mention · first at
    And so then we had her go with her phone and record on a voice note talking to the builders.
  • race cars — Product · 1 mention · first at
    I worked at this place that built race cars and it was all like 35-year-old mechanics. They were disgusting when I was 15 and I was so nervous.
  • Smokers — Product · 1 mention · first at
    But they had a stack of smokers in the toilet and I'd go in there. I look forward to going to work so I could go sit in that bathroom. Look at the really terrible dirty magazine.
  • magazine — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Forward to going to work so I could go sit in that bathroom. Look at the really terrible dirty magazine.
  • volleyball — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Loved that, by the way. Loved volleyball.
  • prosthetic — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Why do I need to be there at 5:00? And they're Cuz you're getting a prosthetic. And I'd go, Why would I have a prosthetic? And they're Cuz you're dead and coming back to life. And I'd go Yeah, okay.
  • garage gym — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Go like this. And I was Oh, I hadn't thought of that. But so he's so in like my whole garage gym is based off how his is.
  • coconut cake — Product · 1 mention · first at
    It's like a coconut cake. I've heard about this coconut cake.
  • apple cider — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Living in London at the time and right where we were staying was a pub and I was going to get apple cider the cider and then I was going to get some fries.
  • dry erase board — Product · 1 mention · first at
    And there was a day where you would get to his gym and they would write he always has a dry erase board with like a message for the day, your mantra's on it, and then what the workout is. Yeah.
  • French fry — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Why would I put a French fry in my body?
  • motorcycle — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Drank so much wine. We did and I lived to go get it on the motorcycle and everyone would time me and I was constantly trying to beat my time but all the time I'm walking out of…
  • lens — Product · 1 mention
  • Pinto — Product · 1 mention
  • poker — Product · 1 mention
  • White chocolate coconut bundt cake — Product · 1 mention

Concepts & topics

  • AMRAP (As Many Rounds As Possible) — Concept · 20 mentions
  • Audible Best of 2025 — Concept · 6 mentions
  • secret turkey — Concept · 5 mentions · first at
    Do you think you can evaluate this year's secret turkey independent of your own gift you gave? Oh, I'm only asking because you happen to crush this year. Oh, you don't you don't even mean to tell you that. It.
  • HOA — Concept · 4 mentions
  • kidney transplant — Concept · 3 mentions · first at
    He had a brain tumor and then the last turn her was he's on diialysis and he needs a kidney transplant in March.
  • Americana — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    Last night I took my kids to my wife and I, we went to the Glendale Galleria Mall, the outdoor one, Americana. I wasn't recognized once.
  • No power struggles — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    Was just going over and over saying to myself, today's goals are no power struggles.
  • brain tumor — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    The turn of it became he was battling he had a brain tumor and then the last turn her was he's on diialysis and he needs a kidney transplant in March.
  • Father's Day — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    And then he's do you play pickle ball? And I'm no. Except for Father's Day 2023.
  • AA — Concept · 2 mentions
  • Carpe diem — Concept · 2 mentions
  • dialysis — Concept · 2 mentions
  • DP — Concept · 2 mentions
  • Holiday Giving Tuesday — Concept · 2 mentions
  • Tom Cruise's Cruises — Concept · 2 mentions
  • Video Village — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    And it just it was too intense. It was sickening. And I hated the business for it. And I hated Video Village for it.
  • animal kingdom — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    I see people as threats and I think everybody else does. And I think of this as the animal kingdom and we are all predators and it's scary.
  • Jewish — Concept · 1 mention · first at
  • basketball league — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    And go I'm calling to say I'm sorry to you. He literally kicked me out of a basketball league I started.
  • construction workers — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    They had frosted the top but not the bottom so she could watch the construction workers take shits.
  • voice note — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    And so then we had her go with her phone and record on a voice note talking to the builders.
  • Father's Day 2023 — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    And then he's do you play pickle ball? And I'm no. Except for Father's Day 2023.
  • Ethan Hunt — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    The MIS, maybe four or five, and it's Philip Seymour Hoffman talking to Tom and he's Ethan Hunt and he's like cuffed to a chair and Philip Seymour Hoffman is counting down to 10 and at 10 he's going to kill his fiance.
  • Theme park — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Didn't make Tom Cruz's cruises or I'll hit you with also we think he needs his own theme park Tom Cruz's cruises because he has enough mo movies yes to have a full great theme park has he not done this.
  • mantra — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    To his gym and they would write he always has a dry erase board with like a message for the day, your mantra's on it, and then what the workout is. Yeah.
  • festival circuit — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Joe Swanberg. we have a new movie coming out. We're going to do the festival circuit. That'll come out. And then there's a new show on Apple.
  • Memorial Day — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Too. He'll go he'll go, You were in such a good mood in Nashville over Memorial Day. And I'll go, Oh, thank you. And I'm as opposed to Why is this worth me?
  • Friendsgiving — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    That's the That's That's hard. He also said he said on thanks our Thanksgiving our friendsgiving pod giving he said no you should drink. You're more fun when you drink. And I was like.
  • White Elephant — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    It's kind of like the penis from White Elephant that ended up ultimately looking like a beautiful Christmas tree.

Places & events

  • Secret Turkey — Event · Referenced event · 5 mentions · first at
    A tradition among friends involving thoughtful gift-giving
  • LA — Place · Setting / reference point · 5 mentions
    Used to reference where Jake has lived (houses in LA with basements) and LA-area anecdotes/events.
    As does both houses I've owned in LA have suspiciously had basements. Do you ever?
  • Halloween — Event · Referenced event · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of discussing parties and social events
    Otherwise, they're going to go to these crazy parties. Our friend's kid went to a party on Halloween. now you like pay to go to these parties. You pay like $25.
  • Alaska — Place · Filming location / anecdotal setting · 3 mentions · first at
    Location where Jake filmed a Joe Swanberg financed movie and describes experiences working there.
    And I loved it. Then I did the movie with Joe in Alaska.
  • Glendale — Place · Setting / local reference · 2 mentions · first at
    Referenced as the Glendale Galleria/Americana area where Jake took his kids; also earlier mentions (Glendale Galleria).
    Last night I took my kids to my wife and I, we went to the Glendale Galleria Mall, the outdoor one, Americana. I wasn't recognized once.
  • Glendale Galleria Mall — Place · Referenced location · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a setting for a personal anecdote
    I don't like that mall. Tell me why you don't like it.
  • Americana — Place · Setting / anecdote · 2 mentions · first at
    Refers to Glendale Americana (outdoor mall) where Jake took his kids; used to discuss anonymity and public recognition.
    Last night I took my kids to my wife and I, we went to the Glendale Galleria Mall, the outdoor one, Americana. I wasn't recognized once.
  • Thanksgiving — Event · Referenced event · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of discussing personal stories and gifts
    That's the That's That's hard. He also said he said on thanks our Thanksgiving our friendsgiving pod giving he said no you should drink. You're more fun when you drink. And I was like.
  • Richardsons — Place · Event location · 1 mention · first at
    Location where the Secret Turkey event took place.
    I just saw everyone came in. We did it at the Richardsons and everyone, bring brought their little gift in and put it on the table and I was just staring at that table like,.
  • Super Bowl — Event · Referenced event · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in passing in the context of sports
  • Americana — Place · 2 mentions · first at
    Last night I took my kids to my wife and I, we went to the Glendale Galleria Mall, the outdoor one, Americana. I wasn't recognized once.
  • American — Place · 2 mentions · first at
    I think they are at the American and I was Oh, it's really funny.
  • Glendale Galleria — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Last night I took my kids to my wife and I, we went to the Glendale Galleria Mall, the outdoor one, Americana. I wasn't recognized once.
  • Glendale Mall — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Like last night, I was at the Glendale Mall and my wife went to the bathroom and my kids went on their own. And so I was alone looking at this goofy ass fountain and I don't like that mall.
  • Lincoln Tunnel — Place · 1 mention · first at
    You're terrible. What are you What phone are you on? Are you in the Lincoln Tunnel? It's like berating them. That's enough. Or I want to get off this call.
  • garage gym — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Go like this. And I was Oh, I hadn't thought of that. But so he's so in like my whole garage gym is based off how his is.
  • bong store — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Trilling and Jen, his wife, and we were going out to see a comedy show at Largo, and we had walked by this bong store, and in the window was this enormous penis bong, right? And I said to Molly, you should really think about if you're.
  • Woodland Hills — Place · 1 mention · first at
    A white chocolate coconut bun cake [snorts] and apparently Oh, and it's from a bakery in Woodland Hills called Dones. Dones or Dones?

Media & podcasts

  • Armchair Expert — Media · Host Podcast · 4 mentions · first at
    The podcast where the conversation takes place, hosted by Dax Shepard
  • The Mummy — Media · Referenced media · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of working with Tom Cruise and the challenges of filming.
  • Let's Be Cops — Media · Referenced movie · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as one of the last successful comedy action movies
    So, you could be bummed they're gone or you go Oh, fuck. Yeah. I got to do movies where tens of millions of people went and saw it and they quoted lines from it.
  • Mummy — Media · Referenced movie · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in the context of a story about working with Tom Cruise
    Working out one morning. There was a big scene where me and him are going through some tunnel. I never read the whole script.
  • Dakota Fanning — Character · N/A · 1 mention · first at
    Duplicate/misaligned extraction: the transcript refers to Dakota Fanning (person). No evidence of a fictional character usage — this entry likely a misclassification.
    Dakota Fanning and I, who by the way, I got to give a shout out to Dakota Fanning.

Sponsors

  • Audible — Company · Sponsor · 4 mentions · first at
    Presenting sponsor of the episode, promoting their Best of 2025 collection
  • Audible — Sponsor · Episode sponsor · 4 mentions · first at
    Presented sponsor; hosts run an ad read promoting Audible's 'best of 2025' collection with a specific CTA URL.
    Oh, Billy Isish. Yeah. Okay. Please enjoy Jake Johnson. Thank you to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for supporting this episode. Armcher's Audible's best of 2025 collection is here. The year's top audiobooks,.
  • Amazon — Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at
    So, [clears throat] Amazon has this incredible thing called forgiving Tuesday. Right.
  • amazon.com/holidaygiving — Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    Who's inclined to go participate. And if you want to help, what you can do is go to amazon.com/holidaygiving to learn more about Amazon's holiday giving campaign and how you…

Full transcript with timestamps

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

Hi. Hi. We have our friend on. Yes. Our returning always gold. Always gold, never silver.

You need a guy to come in and score the winning game point. The buzzer beater. Jake Johnson's your man.

Yes. Jake Johnson, an actor and a podcaster. New girl, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Let's be cop self-reliance tag and his podcast, which is hysterical. Everyone should listen. We're here to help. I'm jealous of their show because they get to give terrible advice and that's really the dream.

It's not really the dream. You love giving You don't You say you don't like giving advice, but you do like it. And you like giving real advice.

Well, but also I I want to be able to go like Yeah. Just tell the person to [ __ ] off. That's the kind of advice they sometimes get to, you know, they're liberated to do. Yes. Yeah. They have a different brand.

Yeah. And I just get a little jealous. I understand. Yeah. Like when I'm watching a movie with a bad guy, I'm like, "Oh, I want to play a bad guy."

Yeah. He's a bad guy. A really rough guy. Oh, Billy Isish. Yeah. Okay. Please enjoy Jake Johnson. Thank you to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for supporting this episode. Armcher's Audible's best of 2025 collection is here. The year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals across every genre. Their editors spent countless hours listening and debating to handpick this year's must listens. If you want to finish the year with something you know is going to hit, check out Audible's best of 2025 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com/best of 2025.

He's an How's it going? Look at these boys. Oh, boys. Little boy. How are you? I'm good. How are you?

Been a second, pal. It really has. I'm missing our hikes. That might be our longest break between hikes, and I don't like it.

Oh, no. We'll get back in. Have you been hiking? No, you haven't. That's comforting to me.

Yes. Like if I found out you were there three times a week, I come right here. I do the same walk

parked directly in front of my house. He replaced you. No, I've been doing an old jiu-jitsu guy. We've been doing workouts in my garage and I'm in like a really nice system. Okay. What's What's the routine? How how many times a week does he come up?

We're doing about 5 days right now. Come on. Which is the most I've ever done. That's a lot.

It's a lot. It's just the two of you. Just the two of us in your garage. In my garage.

Okay. What's the heating cooling sitch? Does it get a little hot in there? Gets a little hot in the summer. I got a big industrial fan.

Swamp cooler. [ __ ] yeah. Let's go. That's what you need. It's a Midwest basement vibe.

Oh, I love it. I love it. But that's the aesthetic of it. It's throwing up weights,

blasting music. Do you feel bad for everyone who grew up around the country without basement? cuz it was really

it's and it's a free It's like the one area your parents aren't really claiming. Like you pretty much do whatever the [ __ ] you want.

I love a basement. I love a basement. You always had one. Money. Um my first house didn't have one, but it was coveted.

Like we needed one. We did end up with one. And my new house kind of has a basement.

As does both houses I've owned in LA have suspiciously had basements. Do you ever?

Oh no. I need a basement. How bad would you like one? We're kind of looking. You are?

Yeah. We've been looking around for a new place. And one of the things, one of the things, well, honestly, cuz my daughters are 12 now. And I want them in junior high in high school to be home.

And right now when they're home, as Dax knows, got a big personality. There's a lot of me in the house.

Where are you guys going? What are you doing? What's happening? What are we getting in?

What are you doing? Yeah. They're in their room together just guys. [ __ ] triplets. And if they're having a sleepover,

I'm starting to realize they might not want me around, which is heartbreaking in its own sense, but

go in the basement. Do your thing. Have fun. I'll be upstairs. Yeah, that's perfect.

That's what I want. Otherwise, they're going to go to these crazy parties. Our friend's kid went to a party on Halloween. You know, now you like pay to go to these parties. You pay like $25.

You pay to go to a party. You pay and then like the whole city goes to these parties. organized on Instagram and Tik Tok.

Really? Yes. And then you buy a ticket and then you go to these parties and then this one was on the news.

Yeah. There were several thousand kids who showed up for presumably someone rented like an Airbnb.

So you've bought a ticket to the backyard. Okay. Nobody can get in, but everyone paid.

Crazy. I don't know why you and I are just what I've told you the story what my uncle Eddie did to me when I was a kid in terms of that. My uncle Eddie had legal trouble and he came to live with us for a little bit.

Yeah. I love your uncle Eddie. Well, yeah. And he said, uh, he's a good man. He was the man. He was a great man. One of the best best we ever had.

That you did the fantasy football. Well, that was it was the same hustle. Sold signage.

Yes. He was like a craftsman of sorts. Yeah. But that was that's the same move. You pretend you're throwing a party, you get an Airbnb, you invite everybody, and the last second you go, "The [ __ ] cop shot it."

Oh, yeah. You guys are mad. YEAH, WE'RE MAD. Jax and I were inside going We were in

FOR A HALF HOUR. OH, I I got beat up by a cop. I'm the maddest one here. I have I have a fur jacket, but I'm the badest one.

We can slug each other a little bit. We each get punched in the face once for that for 30k all day.

I do wonder how this works cuz there's got to be an adult at the top of this overseeing it.

Yeah. And then aren't they worried about liability and suing? I'm so confused. I I don't know that there's an adult.

It's Nobody's making that decision. How are they? There were kids in my school running pretty complex systems. I had a guy Well, I had a classmate that was a you know, he was a

he was a pimp. I don't know how else. Yes. In high school. What was his Where did he get the women?

He had a group of three girls. He he high school girls. Yeah. I don't know how to des I'm gonna leave out the description of them, but they were excited to have sexual activity.

Grab them a little. Well, I think you can fill in the blank. They needed a little heat.

Yeah, they wanted a little heat. What an amazing like frizzy hair or like frizzy hair ain't going to stop.

That doesn't get you into prostitution in high school. You interested in hooking up? I would, but your hair is frizzy.

You're already slamming, but your hair, no man has ever passed cuz of a little frizz.

Like, I was passed on for frizzy hair. A little frizzy. And what you're talking about might be two different animals.

Yeah. How [ __ ] frizzy was your hair? You're like, there's no way with your blers that your you know how frizzy your hair would end up. I think you had to imagine this whole thing.

People overlooked the blampers. Yes, they did. They did overlook them. You overlooked people looking

is my hunch. Interesting. What do you think, Jake? Young girl in high school. Big blampers.

What the hell is a bler? I think you know what a blers are. A breast. Oh, a breast. You had big breasts.

Yeah. See, he doesn't even know that. I guess he's proving your point. Exactly.

Yeah. You're not aware of the fact that Monica has big clampers. I can't now. There's camera. Robert told me there's cameras everywhere. All I need is that slow motion shot. It's like the guys at the Laker games that you have when like their where those women when like they'll be seeing Kobe and you see someone going don't have those eyes be that straight.

So you had a blers or boobs. You had big blers. I used to have big blampers and I had them then.

Um but I do this is a baggy sweater. So I don't I don't expect you to you hide the blers. I

there's a time for blampers and there's a time to stow the blampers for sure. But it's like a gun. It's nice to have if you need it.

Yeah, that's right. That is I got blampers from New Zealand when um Seth and I were making without a paddle there. I don't know how we had both discovered in the in the grocery stores all the tabloids they called boobs blampers.

Weird. Like they're blampers and there's I think it's cute actually. Okay, now we need to go back to the prostitution.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know of this friend, he had three gals who loved physical intimacy.

Yeah. And were down to show up anywhere and get physical. And everyone claims that they were quite happy with the arrangement.

Crazy. Yeah. In high school. Can I give you a crazy pitch? Bring them on the show. All four of them. The three of them and him.

I know. Cuz he's a, you know, he's a normal man with a family now. I'm sure they are, too.

Do the pixelate their faces. I would love Oh, I wonder how Yeah, I wonder how they think about it now.

Or they had fun. They might have had fun and still now think of it as like, huh,

that wasn't the best. That wasn't the best decision I ever made. That's a great topic because I read Sher's biography. She writes in her memoir about like, you know, being a teenager and and [ __ ] or Batty who almost hit her with a car

invited her up and she loves it, right? None of these stories are told right in the framing of any victimization or anything. It's just all it's all

really happened to her and she loved it. Yeah. And I'm like it's so interesting to read a book from somebody said in such a different time who has that

relationship with it and who who is anyone to say what what is right or wrong in some weird way.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you what I love is and Eddie Murphy's doced it too and I feel like that old Hollywood is starting to really fade and what used to be our business is fading. The thing we got into is fading.

So anytime you can touch that still where it's like that [ __ ] is still really cool. It's still really special. It's still really old school.

It's still like man that's the good stuff. That's the stuff that I Aren't they gonna say that? They're gonna say that about this gen too at some point.

Yeah. But there has been there is So I love both worlds. So my career started with like YouTube stuff with, you know, drunk history. So I was part of the change, but I also was I could do a commercial back in the day and make $70,000 and quit my catering job.

I love that. Where you're like, oh yeah, we everybody used to come out for pilot season. Every actor had the same story forever.

Yeah. Yeah. And now I'm like now there's just new ways to do it which is also cool.

But anytime you get to taste that old world you're like Mary Ste I did a movie and she was talking about when she was coming up

and I was like that reminded me of when I was coming up but that's not going to be the stories if my kids are into this.

Yeah. It's that thing is gone. It's quicksand. Yeah. It's really easy to like kind of lament it going away or it's passing. But I I have really tried to focus more on like Oh, no. You got to like like Let's Be Cops might be the last successful comedy action.

Yeah. Or at least one of the last. Yeah, you're right. So, you could be bummed they're gone or you go like, "Oh, fuck." Yeah. I got to do movies where tens of millions of people went and saw it and they quoted lines from it.

It's true. But I will tell you in terms of the new world, which I love. Yeah. I love being able to work and having it be a little bit more anonymous. So back then you did something, everybody watched everything. Yeah.

So your moves really mattered. Yeah. And you're kind of like, [ __ ] I remember being like, man, if you make a wrong move,

you could ruin the whole pyramid you've been building. And now I can go off and do a show as like the second or third lead. I could do multiple years on it and you guys could go, "What are you working on?"

And I'd be like, "I'm getting better as an actor. I'm experimenting. I'm loving it." And nobody's seeing it besides the people who are seeing it

who like it. Who like it. And I'm like I don't know. There's something real. It's not what the game used to be.

Yeah. It feels more like a version of like blackbox theater everywhere. Yeah. But I'm like I'm really like I'm loving acting again. I'm like just taking

I know we haven't talked in a little bit but like gigging out. And like I did text you though not terribly long ago that cuz I saw you in a trailer for something

and I said to you I know you've got your whole game plan with life but it is a little frustrating.

Wait, you don't remember this? Yeah, I do. Yeah. I'm like you're a phenomenal actor and you're really enjoyable to watch and people want you to be the lead of things and be a star and I know you've got your zone that you feel good in. I love the zones.

But I I do it is one of my things I wanted to get to because I do think you Jake and I take these hikes and they're so so fun.

So fun. I love them. They mean a lot to me, Dax. Me too. I really do. But we have a similar thing and I'm curious how much you think about it. Which is like I'm here to do my way.

Yeah. And I That's kind of the pride I get is like Yeah. I I actually did this exactly how I wanted to. Right.

Like this being your whole life. I'm on this rock for hopefully 90 years. What did you do while you were here? Was it interesting?

You know, going back to uh you know, the first time you see any idea of like Carpad DM and sees the day and what make your life extraordinary. What did you do while you were here?

Yeah. I don't want to play anybody else's game while I'm here. So, I want to play my game while I'm here. And that thing changes a lot.

And do you want it to be very unique? Like I don't care about that. I want it to be very personal. Okay.

And I wanted to I always need it to feel right. And it's hard because I'm not always in touch with my feelings.

Sure. That was a weird six months. That one's on me. Yeah. Okay. But it's got to feel right.

But would you say we both run the risk if we can um we can create a good sales pitch, right? We're the both the sons of car salesman specifically, which I would say is Apex salesmen

and guys who in another world were those guys. Sure. Sure. Sure. There's another world where we met each other in the Midwest, became friends,

started a furniture store, did something very different, and went like, it's a lot of fun.

Yeah. The amount of fun we could have with like those big um weekend um outdoor

sales, man. Sales like a mattress warehouse where the parking lot is full of furniture you'll take home to your house when you don't care at that point.

Throwing Taco Bell over the side of it. Did you ever go to one of those, Monica, where the the furniture store would take over the parking lot and just on the weekend you come and there's popcorn and some

You're just trying to get rid of everything. No, but it sounds cute. But it's funny to see all the furniture in the parking lot.

Anyh who, I think we're we're good enough sales people that we I latch on to this version. I I'm I'm committed to here's my story about this and it involves what I think about the business and this and

and then I share it with people and because I think I'm an enthusiastic conveyor of the story

I it looks like a lot of signoffs. YEAH. A LOT of people are agreeing but maybe they're just hearing a good story.

It could be a little bit misleading to both of us. Yes. But do you think that sometimes the story really is a a lot of self-p protection? We've bailed out of certain opportunities.

That's a whole lot of good stuff. Yes. And we have an overarching approach and explanation [clears throat] for this.

It's like this doesn't this isn't in keeping with the way I want my life to go,

but maybe it's about other things too. Fear. Yeah. But I don't I So, here's where I think it's different for me. [clears throat]

I don't know if this is the same for you. This might be a dividing thing. Yeah.

Last night I took my kids to uh my wife and I, we went to the Glendale Galleria Mall, the outdoor one, Americana. I wasn't recognized once.

I didn't even do the weird glasses. When I was in the cars at night, I was like, "We're going to do the snow and the fountain. Should I just put the glasses?" I was like, "I don't want to be the glasses guy."

I was like, "I hate being that guy." Yeah. It was so nice. Uhhuh. And I was like, "Oh my god, I love I've also been working more recently

than I've worked, you know, in a while." Cuz I we were talking a lot when we were both like, "Are we done?"

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. did Dink. Yes. And I loved it. Then I did the movie with Joe in Alaska.

What's that? Uh Dakota Fanning and I, who by the way, I got to give a shout out to Dakota Fanning.

Blampers. Giant Blampers. Huge fan of this show. Oh my gosh, you need to have her on. She

is such a killer. Listen, we want to have her on. And I think we've even reached out and asked to be.

She is the best. She is. And shocked me how cool she What is she doing at 5:00 p.m.?

Seriously, I'll give you her text her right now. Please do. We would love to talk to her.

She is in that show right now, too. That's great. That's That's great. Which show?

Um, all her fault. Yes. So, Dakota and I did a movie, another Joe Swanberg movie that Joe and I financed, put together in Alaska,

fell in love with it. Then I took a job in New York just as an actor. Yeah. Yeah. And all of a sudden, what happened to me going back to the Let's Be Cops, I would take these jobs with guys like Damon, and I'm like, I love this. This is fun. Yeah. But then there's billboards everywhere. And it's not fun when I'm alone.

If you and I go out and we get recognized, it's fun. Max Greenfield and I went out and got lunch. He just acts like Schmidt and pretends I'm Nick to the weight staff. They go like, "Hey, do you want anything?" He can't have dairy and it's funny and fun.

And they're getting such a kick out of it seeing you two together. When I'm alone, I'm not in that gag.

What happens to you when you're alone? What happens when someone comes up to you? Like, what's going on in your head?

I am taken out of my own little fantasy world, my own little jarring thing, and I have to go like,

but do you feel like, oh, they No, I appreciate without them, I don't get to live my dream. I don't get to do all this. I don't get to have the house I have. My wife and I wouldn't have had kids unless we had a little bit of money. We were together forever. We were not doing kids broke. So, thank you.

Appreciate you. But [ __ ] Uh, give me a second to catch up to this moment. Yeah,

I'm listening to a weird song. I'm somewhere else. Yes. It's like, oh, I'm being watched. Is that a little

No, it's just, oh, I have to go back to work. I have to Oh, I have to I have to be a little charming. I got to

I'm not going to be rude to you. I appreciate you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you're like, oh, but I wasn't there a second ago. I was in my own galaxy, which I like a lot.

So, what I'm liking about this era is I realize I miss the work. I still love being a in a scene.

Yes. Like doing a a great twoerson scene when it's really fun. Yeah. I'm like, it's still great. I just didn't like the other stuff.

I was on a set back to back first time in five and a half years. And yeah, the scenes are fun.

Great. I was reminded though it's my I don't know if it's Sorry. No, I know what you're going to say. It's

ADHD. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know it's triggering. I keep hearing about the list of ADHD symptoms. I seem to have them.

WE HAVE IT FOR SURE. Our entire hike is our hike should be called ADHD. This hike is brought to you by ADHD. And another thing, here's the other yell talking.

I know. 17 topics on the plate at all. In the middle of a topic, we just fully swear.

I know, but I just think that's okay. Well, we need we can't do this over. We now we've talked about this ad. But when you think ADHD is being overdiagnosed, that's fair. That's totally fair. I'll tell you what, even with the false diagn I'm not going to do anything about it,

right? Okay. So, I don't mind the diagn I'm not making changes. I'm not taking anything for

same. So, I'm like, oh, this is what it is. That seems to describe me pretty well.

Fine. Nothing's changing. There'll be NO ADJUSTMENTS. I LOVE MYSELF SO MUCH. IT IS WHAT IT is at this point.

Yes. I don't want any treatment or s or sympathy, but I am moving fast mentally. and and brushing my teeth is [ __ ] agonizing. There's nothing more painful than brushing my teeth. It's a shocker. I have teeth cuz I hate it so much.

But it's funny cuz you brought up the teeth thing and now since you've brought it up, I'm like No, I'm just hyper aware that I'm the same. Like I'm like, "Oh, I am I am doing other stuff when I'm brushing my teeth." I'm doing that, too. But I'm not

I didn't look for that. Yeah. So, I wasn't like, "Oh, I have this thing." Cuz I'm I wasn't looking for it. Now you're looking for it and you're getting so much confirmation. Did you guys have somebody on who really broke down ADHD?

Well, we had we had Gabbor Mate on who is the world's premier expert in it. And on the walk to his car, he said to me,

"So, have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD?" This is a dangerous thing with guys like you having all these people who they go like they explain it and you go like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We had like a sociopath. You ever been tested for [ __ ] pneumonia? OH, BUT I PROBABLY WASN'T my breathing weird.

Yeah. Yeah, I got it. But all to say, I was also reminded like, man, it's really a 1% of the time you're there. Are you doing the thing? That's still quite hard for me. I was remembering

I understand that the sitting for an eternity. I'll tell you what I liked in the opposite though.

So, you and I both did the thing where you start acting, then you want all the jobs.

Yes. And you do all the jobs. Yeah. I really liked on Dink. Sean Clemens wrote it. He's so funny. Josh Greenbomb directed it. I wasn't pretending to be a fake AD. I was doing the scenes. I got to hang out with Mary and Ed Harris and all these funny people.

You let everyone else worry about all the They're professionals there. When I worked with Joe,

I was like, I love you, Joe. I think you're so good. Yeah. Yeah. Why would I think about how you're shooting this scene?

Uhhuh. I've committed to these days. Yeah. Why would I think about these? Cuz I'm not on a television set where I'm there for 9 months,

right? Even the New York job, I would fly in for three days, fly home. While I'm there, I couldn't care less about the coverage. My only job is to connect to Jesse Hajes, who's great, and uh Tatiana Mascalani, who's great.

I was like, she's the new wife, she's the ex-wife, right? That's the kid. We're fighting for custody.

Yeah. Outside of that, okay, I don't have a thought in the world. So, I could go into my little fantasy world, be listening to music.

Yeah. Not hard. Let go of the control element. Let go. So what I think it is is I was trying to control everything which goes back to childhood stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And now as I'm controlling less I'm like this is the job. Oh yeah.

Oh this is it. Josh Greenbomb said something great. I was like you know cuz I directed I go like you're such a good director. You're way better than me. What do you like in an actor? And he goes I just want them to be present.

Uhhuh. And he's like my whole job is to get it so that you can be present. And I'm like

that's my only job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, man. I will tell you this, which is both jobs. Um, in my morning meditation, I was just going over and over saying to myself, today's goals are no power struggles.

Totally agree. Zero power struggles. They say 6 a.m. call time. That makes no sense. I see my I see my first team's at 11. This is insane. Okay, I'll be there.

You You did. Good for you. Well, you [ __ ] The first one I did the Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. But I don't do Dax. I'm the same as you.

I don't agree with But that's incorrect. Dax, the ads are the only old school part of our business. That make no sense anymore.

A 6 a.m. call time when you're not working till 11:00 makes zero sense. I'll be there at 9:30. I don't need to sit for 3 hours in a box. You're getting worse performance from me later.

I did say I noticed my pickup time. Don't give him that look. I think my my pickup call my pickup time was 2 and 1 half hours before crew call and I'm playing myself. So, I'm in my wardrobe. I do my hair. I show up.

You'll be just fine. I need makeup. And that takes 10 minutes. So, he's definitely going to be just fine. But the thing is just practicing. It's just practicing. Maybe I go. I know that this is kind of stupid. I know that I don't need to be there two and a half hour. I Yes. That's the control. THAT'S THE CONTROL.

YOU'RE RIGHT. And I was able to do it the week before. Yeah. I got in big fights with Jesse Hajes on the new show we did because I she was you and I was Dax and I don't agree with that.

Now here but here's where I do agree. Yeah. Don't fight the director. Don't try to rewrite it. Don't try to control it. Don't tell the DP how to shoot it. Don't blah blah blah blah blah. Whatever they want to do while you're there.

All you worry about is you. If you're calling me four hours before I'm needed, I'm not a Buddhist. I can't just sit on hill for four. I'm like

that's the goal. Is that the goal? Well, listen, here's how I framed it. At least I I wrote back and I said,

"I just want to offer the gentlest push back. It does appear that I will have two hours on set."

Yeah. And um just to remind everyone, I'm coming in my own wardrobe and I'll have my hair done, you know, blah blah.

And then the response is like, "Absolutely. How's 7:15 start?" By the way, same.

Yeah. That's what happens. But so my thing is now what I've gotten honest with when you say, "Are you protecting?" And what I'm protecting is I'm I'm trying to stay in front of the darkness.

Yes. So, what I'm saying is is I can't do it like this cuz I don't want the darkness to take

because you want to be on set being totally open to everything. And you don't want to have four hours of getting cranky before you start that big challenge.

Step into some [ __ ] in my head. Me versus you. Why are you doing this? And then I go and now the script. I'm like, "Yeah, I'll shoot the scene, too." But that [ __ ] guy Larry,

Larry doesn't matter that you're not fighting with anybody. I don't want any of that.

Yeah. So, but if I do that tone as well, I just saw if there's any reason, can you text me during the first scene if you're going fast? I'm 21 minutes away.

Right. And they go, great. We'll just let you know. That's the dream. Thank you so much. So, and I mean it. And when I get there, I'm thrilled when the dig I'm like, "Oh, more shooting."

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Um, okay. But so it's no power struggles. Great. That's the number one thing. Um,

and then number two is like, "I'm of service. I'm there to be of service to the project, the director, and the star." Cuz in this business, probably the star is as relevant as the showrunner and everything else.

And um, both times I got I I got through it. And what's interesting is because it's not ever been my approach because it's control. I want to control as much as I can because I'm fearful that I won't be great.

Yes. Totally right. So to go there with all those goals and to leave the days having no clue how I did,

right? But with an inkling that that's going to work out is a whole new approach for me too. Right. Do do you have that as well?

Well, it was different. So for Dank the pickle ball one, we were all kind of running that as a team. Yeah. Yeah.

So, that was really nice to say I work working with Mary Steam Virgin, I was like I want I was like I will not have any darkness

cuz she's so nice. Yes. So, I will not have the mood where it's like little cranky after lunch didn't like that take. Shut up.

Yes. Yeah. That was so pleasant. Then Dakota in uh Alaska was such a trip in such a good way. Tell me how

she's just old Hollywood in such a great way and she's so smart and sharp and tough

and a [ __ ] talker and then a gangster as an actor. And then once you call action, you're like, "Oh, you're so [ __ ] good."

And then in between it's like, "Well, what are we doing?" And she's like, I I said one night I was like, "Well, you know, I'm I'm not drinking tonight because I need to work." And she was like, "Oh, I'm so sick of all these guys in Hollywood who stop drinking." I was like,

"Oh, I love her. my best friend. It's like so much she did where I was like, "Oh." And then really what it was for me,

so good in the scenes. Cory Michael Smith so good in the scenes. Everybody in that movie was so good. And the New York job ever, I'm like, "Oh, I think I just want to work with people who are really good." But I don't need to be the boss of it.

I don't want to run it. I don't want to deal with other people's emotional stuff. I'm not good at that. I'm bad with boundaries, so I get caught up.

Yeah. I just want to come do the job. Dissociate. Yeah. Whoever the character is supposed to be, hey man, I'm Carl.

Yeah. Then when the day is over, thank you. And not think about it again. Not think what the reaction's going to be. Who knows anymore? Who even has the streaming sites?

I've been on shows that I don't even have the streaming site of the show. Me, too. I did two seasons of Top Gear. I don't think anyone ever saw it. Me included. And I'm on it.

I had a whole season two of M. I didn't have stars. Yeah. It came out. They were like, "What do you think of the season? It's now on Netflix. I'm like, eventually I'm going to check it out.

But it's there. Are you sure? For how long? People said good things about it. Wow. So, this is interesting. So, we're kind of um we're we're in complete parallel despite not having had our our our monthly hike involved in the same.

I'm loving hearing you're back on set. I've thought about you a lot while I'm doing these jobs.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. because I have been back to just acting on a set and I remember us talking and kind of being like maybe that thing is going in the background and I have thought oh I'm loving this and it feels like a rebirth. So Jesse Hajes said something really interesting to me that I don't know if it triggers to you.

Okay. I was talking [ __ ] about acting, right? We had like a great scene. It was like really a good morning. Good scene work.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I was doing my narrative and my narrative is is acting is easy. It's just nothing. But the good stuff is when you write it, you direct it, you do all that, and you produce it, you finance it. But acting's easy. And that was the nar. As I was talking, my mind was somewhere else cuz I've said that so many times. And I know the reaction I'm going to get. The reaction is like, you're a super SMART GUY. I'M GOING TO I'M going to

You WANT THE WARRANTY? YEAH. YOU SHOULD GET A WARRANTY. IT'S got a pretty high miles. I know he said it's great,

but you're going to love it. It's going to be great. And if you want 50 bucks, I'll give you 50 bucks off. It's literal garbage.

Let's go to the bar. Let these other people anything's a profit, dear. And she goes, "All I hear is self-hatred."

And I go, "Tell [clears throat] me more. I don't think so at all." Cuz I was literally like, "I'm selling you a [ __ ] great couch here."

And she said, "Because you're an actor. That's what you do." So the other stuff you like to do and you're good at it, right?

And she's like, "I was excited to work with you because I think you're a very good actor." So when you're [ __ ] on acting, that's just a form of self-hatred. And I played the moment as smoothly as I could. I was like, I hear you. I mean, tomato tomato kind of thing. Agree to disagree. Like, you know, that's a take.

So that's a no. But also, we're different generations and I'm going to sell the couch to somebody else.

But the more I sat on it, I go like, "Oh, I think she's right." Because the thing that you're good at is the thing you don't value, and the thing you value is the thing you're not good at.

That's textbook. thing that comes easiest, you feel like has no value. Exactly. And it has to be hard in order for you to feel good about it.

You have to know you're not quite good enough at it. And then it's valuable. Yes. Exactly.

And what I'm doing right now, like Damon Wes and I are now, uh, we're selling a TV show, but it's the first one where in a pitch,

uh, I'm not the writer or the one talking. We have writers. Uhhuh. We have producers. Damon and I are literally just there for color

to be funny. We get there, they have an 11page thing they've worked out. The writers are so good. It's so scripted.

Then there's areas if Jake and Damon want to riff. Yes. Yes. At the beginning it was insulting to me.

Uhhuh. Where I was like, "No, [ __ ] me and D. No, it's Damon and I." And then I had to admit to myself, I really enjoy the pitch.

I don't do any I get to go there. I get to listen. I get to react. Counter counter punch.

Yeah. Counter punch is exactly right. And then Damon will say something really funny. Then we'll get into something. The reaction from the buyers has been big. And for the last couple years, TV pitches for me. I'm like, TV is dead.

It's not dead. It's just dead when I'm pitching them. Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for their support. So, Audible just dropped their best of 2025 collection, and I got to say, this is one of those things that actually makes your life easier, Monica. Their editors have been doing the heavy lifting. We're talking countless hours of listening, heated debates, and the whole thing. They've handpicked the year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals across all your favorite genres. And what I love is that they're not just highlighting the giant releases, though those are in there. They've also dug up some real hidden gems. The stuff that might have flown under the radar, but totally deserves your attention. I love a good recommendation. My queue is out of control. So, anytime there's a curated list like this, I breathe a little easier. Two titles I'm excited

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Do you have a fear of being indispensable? Cuz that's kind of what it sounds like

a little bit to me. Probably. But I also think the other thing that I'm also doing is and it's more selfish because I love what you're doing that I don't want to be an [ __ ] I want to be open. I'm trying to figure out how to re-engineer it that I do this business out of uh love. Yes. Yes.

As opposed to [ __ ] you, you'll see. [ __ ] you, you see. Terrified. And all it was everything's going to get revealed. I'm going to lose my house. I'm going to lose my family. I'm going to be without parents. I'm going to if this doesn't land, I'm a dead person. I have nothing. I have nothing. My entire value is them going pretty good. All right. Should we move into coverage?

Yes. And it just it was too intense. It was sickening. And I hated the business for it. And I hated Video Village for it. And I hated the person I was performing for because [ __ ] you, man.

Because if I don't do it, you're gonna kill me. You're gonna take my wife away, my kids away.

Yeah. They're like, "No." They're like, "This is a commercial for our music. This is already going out of business

and we cast you, right? We already like you. We picked you, motherfucker." And I was like, "This is going weird." And then I would need a drink to calm down.

And so my big switch was I was like, "I know I can't do that anymore." In relationships, can you accept that people love you?

Uh, yeah. I've been with my wife since 2004. But did it take a minute? Yes. With her? You you to accept it?

Yeah. That's so sad. Yeah. How about for you? You're like, "Fuck, no. I love No one noticed her blers in four years of high school." I didn't blers. Yeah.

So, you think you're not being seen? Yeah. I'm wearing valley clothes. I'M LIKE, "NO ONE can see them."

I got these big ass blampers under this. I mean, I can't see the blers. I know. I understand.

Roll up in a Ferrari. Everyone's acting like I got out of a pinto. Can't you see these blam tips? Look at my blimp.

No, but I I used to think that uh and I'm not cured from it. Like what one thing I hate about podcasts in this era is everyone's talking about how bad they used to be and how good they are now.

Yeah. Where I'm like, well, that's not accurate, right? It's like, no, no, no. You have not fully gotten fixed.

Yes. Uh, but I'm in the transition of trying to realize that it's not a life or death performance and the stakes aren't as high as I think they are. And other people aren't in fight or flight. Like last night, I was at the Glendale Mall and my wife went to the bathroom and my kids went on their own. And so I was alone looking at this goofy ass fountain and I don't like that mall.

I don't like that mall. Tell me why you don't like it. It's Disney. I was there by myself the other day and I was like, "This place is great."

I love it. You do? I don't like the Disney. I don't like Disneyland. I don't cuz it's too happy.

Yeah. Well, it's it's manufactured happiness. Oh, it's when a place manipulated.

It's when a place tells me this is where you're safe and you're happy. I not [clears throat]

You don't trust it. Oh, watch. Not. I have the darkest day of my year today. I want you to just try to go and be like, I want to look at the Americana the way she looks at the Americana.

Well, what I had last night was I was sitting there and then I got a little paranoid. I was like, "All right, what's the game plan if I don't hear from the kids? If I get and then if I don't and I went like and I looked around and I realized most of these people might just be really sweet people.

I think they are at the American and I was like, "Oh, it's really funny. I see people as threats and I think everybody else does." And I think of this as the animal kingdom

and we are all predators and it's scary. And then I looked around and I was like, I'm seeing the world through some weird eyes

because this looks like a bunch of sweet people with their families looking at fake snow

and smiling so and being like and then looking at a trolley and I'm like it goes nowhere. You're you

the trolley went nowhere. But now you realize the trolley goes just about the ride.

It's just But I think that is you know what's really funny about this? So you go to the movie Parenthood which was awesome.

Yeah. There's a great monologue from the grandma and she said, "Some people really like life going around in a ferris wheel and just going around and around and other people really like the roller coaster.

I've always been a roller coaster." Yeah. As I'm aging, as I'm getting older, I'm like, I think I've done enough roller coaster. Like

I'm starting to feel I felt it during self-reliance, but I started feeling my life force for the first time and I was like, "Oh, this well isn't bottomless."

Yep. And that had never been I don't know if it's ADHD. I don't know if it's survival [ __ ] but I could always I could go forever.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'll be like, I'll never quit. And all of a sudden, I'm like, I could quit.

This this feels this feels dangerously opportunistic and and mildly gross. But I I do think it it could be relevant. But your your friend killed himself.

Do you think that's having any effect on this? It's huge cuz that was a dude I knew him a little bit and he was

it was really important to him all that stuff. Yes. Right. The stuff we're talking about. uh Jeff Bayana. And it's really funny because I think our break from hikes happened right as Jeff killed himself.

Yeah. We've only hiked once since that happened because he was my my other hiking buddy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, it's been a little bit I'm like coming back into it, but Jeff and I I would either go to your house

or four blocks away. I'd go to his house. Yeah. Yeah. So, anytime you come hiking here,

when I come to this neighborhood, I'm a little bit like, ah, the [ __ ] guy's dead. No, it's uh it's had a

such a big impact. Uh way more than I thought it would, which is a stupid thing to say.

Well, there's waves. You can't know until you Yeah. Yeah. Go through the waves. The first was and this is what I told you when we hiked, which is

I had was talking to someone that happened to have been at the wake or whatever it's called.

And they said, "Oh man, do you know Jake Johnson?" And I go, "Yeah, he's my hiking buddy." And uh they go he gave the like most incredible eulogy imaginable. was like so real and angry and heartfelt and a lot of stuff.

Yeah. I'm really mad at him. Yeah. Well, my eulogy was this uh and I gave it a lot of thought and I thought cuz it happened when my dad died, too. My brother was like, "You got to speak." And I was like, "I don't."

Yeah. And I was like, "Who am I [ __ ] speaking for?" Right. His AA buddies. Yeah.

80-year-old Jewish guys. Yeah. Cousins on my dad's side. I didn't grow up with.

Yeah. I don't need to cry in front of strangers, right? Yeah. Like this is not a performance.

I don't like crying in front of anybody. Yeah. Barely in front of my wife. So I'm like in front of a bunch of people pass. And then I realized for my dad,

all right, I guess I'm doing it for him. But I didn't feel my dad. So while I was doing it, I'm like this isn't for him.

This is for my brother and sister. Well, you know what it is for him? Cuz our dads were so similar. Yeah.

His big shot son came and did that. He liked that. Yeah. He liked that. He was out there going like, "Yeah, they all recognize my kid from TV."

They're a little bit excited. Yes. Yeah. But for Jeff, it was very clear. Uh Jeff Boehner was the biggest know-it-all I've ever met.

I'm a know-it-all. You're a know-it-all. I'm not putting you under that umbrella.

Now I've got to know you a little bit. You're not a know-it-all. But I do know a lot.

You do. You're opinionated, but not a know. Jeff was a true know-it-all. And we our hangs similar to you and me would be we would get on a subject and then sometimes it would turn into a slight debate even very similar. Do you not want those jobs out of fear? That's your sales pitch. My sales pitch is no. I'm out of love now. We're debating our sales pitches.

Yeah. And it's really fun. And then you always leave and you go like they had some nice valuable points. I like that. And I had some nice valuable points. And if it's polling Yeah.

I don't know who's winning. I think we're at 5050. Yes. And so Jeff and I had a ton of topics.

Mhm. And when he killed himself, all the debate stopped. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, that's not fair, man.

Because we haven't finished. When we became friends, it was instant. And he goes,

uh, I'm a big believer that the I don't know what this world means, but I do know something else is going on. And there are moments that you get connected to the invisible.

And you go, I don't know. But this [ __ ] IS DIFFERENT THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS. I'm not trying to explain it. I'm okay with the mystery of it.

I agree. When I met Jeff, we connected right away. And he said, "We're going to be old men together."

And I was like, I know that's true. Yeah. I was like, we are going to be playing bonji ball and I'm going to be arguing with this [ __ ] old man. He's so and honestly one of the most difficult guys I've ever met. the amount of people he would kick out of his house. The amount of people who contacted me after he died and he goes, "I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm a little bit mixed myself. He was really rude to me."

Truthfully, a lot of people had to call and go like, "I'm calling to say I'm sorry to you." He literally kicked me out of a basketball league I started.

Oh my god. So Jeff was not a dark guy. Okay. Which is interesting. Uh Dave King said something so funny. He said, "When somebody kills himself, everybody says I mean anyone but him." and he goes, "But this one's very true. Anybody but Jack, he he let a lot of light in. He was not an anxious guy. He was not a depressed guy. He was a routine guy.

He just did the same routine." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so my uh my the disappointment of my eulogy was so Jeff has now in my life transitioned from he's now entered my dreams. So I now talk to Jeff every night. Uh I've asked Jeff to help oversee with my kid. He's part of my nightly

Yeah. Yeah. whatever our prayers are, OCD, manifesting, whatever that [ __ ] is. Yes,

he's now entered that space, right? But at his eulogy, I really thought I'm going to challenge him and he's going to make an appearance.

He's so indignant he'll have to show up. He's such a prick. Yeah. Yeah. He would call up and go like, "Hey, hey, you mind play hoops?" And I'd like, "Sure." We'd go to a court and be straight up gangsters.

So, your vibe changes. Not with Jeff. Jeff's calling touch fouls out of it. And then in the car after when there's almost a fight, he's blaming them. [screaming]

Well, you're like, "It's [ __ ] you, dude. It's you." And so my whole speech was doing to him, "It's you. You're the weird one." Cuz what I really thought he was going to do is I thought he was going to like [ __ ] with the mics.

I thought something was going to shift so that I could say, "I'm sorry I didn't see it." You know, because the real nightmare of uh suicide is you think you got a good read on people and you missed it.

Yeah. Where you're like, "Fuck, man." We were supposed to hike. Um we were texting right up until he passed and we were going to hike and he stayed up really late and I got kids so I'm waking up early. So I go, "Yeah, man. I'd love to hike." I go, "How's noon?"

You know, cuz he wants to start at 2. I got to be home at 3:00. It's too late. What the [ __ ] At first I was saying, "How's 10, man? I was nine.

And he's like, "Impossible." I mean, the folks you're going to see on a 2 p.m. hike are

questionable. It's so hot. Night shift. Why are they open? But here was where I look back where I go like, uh, cuz he had told our other friend Miguel, he's like, when things were going dark for him, Miguel said, "Talk to Jake. Jake loves you." And he goes, "Jake's really busy with his kids and his work. I don't want to bother him." And now he's dead. So the big turn for me has been, what am I doing wrong to not let people who That's why when we started, I said, "You mean a lot to me." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I was like, "Oh, I don't think I did that to him." I don't think he knew how much we all loved him.

Yeah. I think he really thought in the end, "Yeah, he's going to go do his He's doing a movie." I'm like, "Fuck the movie. Who gives a shit?"

Right. Yeah. I'm seeing my kids, but the only reason I'm obsessive is cuz my dad wasn't there and I'm being weird. Say, "I need you. My kids don't want me around."

Yeah. I can come. My wife is not a possessive. And she'd be like, "Go live at Jeff's one or two of you around. go. And and I do think if we went on that hike that day,

in my heart of hearts, uh I know he'd be alive. God, I don't know. I don't know. But I know but I know that response. I know that response. And I don't feel a sadness or a darkness. I know Jeff.

Yeah. And Jeff and I called each other out on [ __ ] Yes. And he had been getting really skinny.

And he was starting to lose hair. And the last hike I saw, he looked really skinny and weird. Yeah.

And I did a little bit like And he's like, I've just been eating these smoothies. And I was a little bit like me. He was getting like depressed skinny.

He was graying out a little bit. And supposedly by the end it got really bad. And I do think we would have had a,

you know, if it's professional you want to make a movie, let's make one in our backyards.

Let's cast every one of our friends and let's just do it. If you're afraid of being alone, same.

Uhhuh. Let's play poker five nights a week. We can create a whole thing. Yes. But that day I didn't make that effort and you're like, "Oh, that's now 50 years."

Okay. Now, I don't question that you couldn't have executed that game plan. I question how much a fellow know-it-all could have taken it all in and and adjusted given even if he loved you and respected you.

Yeah. I mean, I I think it's very parallel to like addiction. Like there's no speech you can give one of us. You can't

when you're at the you know, you're on that run. It's like no one's going to call.

So, I hear you. I've gone pretty deep. So, I think there is a narrative about mental health and suicide that helps those who are alive.

Anybody who's listening who's lost somebody, I'm not talking about you. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Right.

I'm not saying you did anything wrong. I'm not like I don't know your story. Yeah.

I just know Jeff. Yeah. Yeah. I know if I He and I would have got even if I just said, "Fuck your 2:00 hike, weirdo. Let's get lunch."

Right. and we just talked, we would have challenged each other, talked a little [ __ ]

and we could have come up with a threemon window cuz I don't think it was inevitable. I think he got caught in a moment,

right? And I think the moment happened, the night happened, he thought this was a winning move. This is my best play right now. Uh, and part of one of his final message was, uh, you guys all get I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy, but you guys will build up better. And I have. And so that's why he's in the prayers where I'm like, oh, I'm I'm going to honor your life, man. But I think we could have done this with you here. And so I just think if we had the type of male friendship, which we did not.

Mhm. Like I would never tell him, "I'm having mental problems." Right. He would go, "Uh, what's going on? Why you talking so slow?" And I'd go, "Cuz you're talking fast." I wouldn't say, "Cuz I'm dissociating, man."

Right. Right. Cuz we were always jabbing. But what I knew is if I said to him, "Jeff, I love you and I'm not feeling great." He'd go, "I got you."

Right. But I'm like, "We don't have to say that cuz we know that." And that's [ __ ] We got to say and I'm like,

"Ah, fuck." So, I know if in that moment I said to him, "Yeah, you're having anxiety the first time. Welcome to the [ __ ] world, asshole."

Yeah. Right. Right. Oh, you're feeling dark. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it requires the person themselves saying like you said that if you went to him and said, "I'm low or whatever." Like he it requires someone saying, "I need help."

Yes. and him to have been aware of on that hike that suicide was on the table which might not even been fully him conscious of.

But there's also people you find that you sync with. I only find people if we're Legos we connect.

If it doesn't connect, I don't want to force it. Uhhuh. I'm going to wear you out.

I'm gonna say something that's gonna [ __ ] up your process. I'm gonna make a joke that didn't translate.

Uhhuh. I'm too old for it. Y I've already burned too many little things, but if I fit with a Lego, we're never not going to fit.

Right. You might go, "Oh my god, shut the [ __ ] up." But I'm not sensitive to that.

Yeah. And I could say to you, "Shut the [ __ ] up." Yeah. Yeah. But it's like that thing is But yeah, the Jeff thing was a nightmare. But it has that's been the reason for the hikes.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. The the podcast, we're here to help. You're in year four, three,

uh, end of two, but we're doing about three a week now. So, we got about 250 episodes.

Wow. Yeah. We're having a lot of fun. You're releasing three a week. Yeah. I've gotten totally ADHD addicted to it. I love it. I love the how the game shifts. I love that there's not a studio or a network, so we can keep changing it.

I like that the show's evolving. I like that there can be experiments. you know, we we're a call-in show.

And um of the many topics you guys have wandered into, have there been any that have burbled up in 250 where you're like, "Oh god, we're accidentally in a very serious

Yes. One's happening right now." It [clears throat] is. Tell me. So, and it's what I love about the show. So, the show has it's really connected audience. It's not huge. Yeah.

But it's the same people every week. And you realize like, oh, you're just performing for them.

And then you're like, you're not even performing. just talking. Yeah. Yeah. And then they all comment, they all email. You're like, it's the same.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's comforting. It's fun. Yeah. And it's with my buddies. And so a woman called in and the end result was something about her husband eats too much popcorn in bed. We like stupid premises.

Yeah. Yeah. And how many days a week was he eating popcorn in bed? Every night.

All the time. This guy's eating way too much [ __ ] popcorn. So much popcorn. I don't think it's good for your digestion.

Now kernels everywhere. The turn of it became he was battling uh he had a a brain tumor

and then the last turn her was he's on diialysis and he needs a kidney transplant in March.

Oh [ __ ] So while we were on in the moment I go well hell if anybody from the community wants to donate a kidney. We can make a whole game of it and we can do like we do a version right now that Rob and Natalie created called like a friendship game where people called in they needed friends. So, we like set people up on dates and then we follow up with it. And we've had over four people write in saying,

"I legitimately will donate my kidney." And so, now we're starting to go, "Well, if we can really bring a kidney to this guy,

maybe we could do a live show near the hospital, donate some like, let's connect to this."

Sure. And it's just zooms in our girl with like my buddy Garrett and I, but I'm like, it's entering a world where everybody knows the bits of the show. Uh-huh.

So, they're all bits, but this is the first one in a while where I'm like, this is what I'm most excited. If we can get a kidney transplant and it could work.

Yes. And somebody's happy to give it and this guy's happy to do it and it's because of our goofy little podcast.

Did you say brain cancer though? He had something. He had a brain tumor or something.

Okay. But he's beaten that. Yes. He's I guess in March when he's done with the cancer treatment, he can get the kidney transplant.

Oh my goodness. Okay. And [clears throat] so now people email in. I check the email. So, I just forward to this woman, Whitney, which is the wife of the guy, and I said, like, this is real life, you vet,

right? When you like somebody, Yeah. bring them on the show, but we're not vetting responsible for that.

You're vetting. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, for me, with the way my brain works, I can lay in bed and go like,

"Oh, that last guy seemed like a pretty good option for a kid named and it's fun as hell." Are you looking at them or just hearing them?

No, just hearing. Interesting. And I like that. We tried looking. Okay. It changes it.

Tell me what. Yeah. Uh, they were different. It was more of like, wa, this is fun.

They were on in a different They were on It wasn't There was a show that done in New York. There was a This American Life about it where a guy just left an anonymous number and said, "Leave messages with your problems."

People admitted to like killing people and stuff. Yeah. And it was anonymous, right? And I think when you see someone's face, they're not as honest.

Yeah. Boy, we're in a we're in an interesting one where we we look at all the callers

and they look at you. Yeah. Okay. But nobody else sees them. It's not like it's on video,

right? But you guys see each other see each other. And what I realize in that is the audience won't see them because it's anonymous.

Yes. But I'm realizing, God, so much of this story is about what you're seeing, how they look.

Yeah. Totally. You can't really like it it becomes really clear how much of a story has to do with the person involved in it and that has a lot to do with what they just look like.

Totally right. What thoughts do you have about that? I think um we gain a lot from seeing the person and from reading their emotions and getting a read on them.

But that's our show's different. It's not it's not that show's not me I mean it's can get wild but it's not meant to be like super jokey or anything. It is sincere.

I think the sincere thing is a really great distinction cuz ours is you need to be sincere but we are looking for laughs.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm jealous of your structure. You're interest cuz I for me I don't want to offer real advice a lot of the times.

Yeah. I'm like I don't know. But if you're okay with the premise being if you went to a bar and you had two drunk uncles,

they might give bad advice, but it might lead you there. Like if a caller is a little bit nervous and a little bit slow.

Yeah. It's our job to now steamroll a little bit. And our audience could get annoyed with us and go like

[ __ ] stop with the steamrolling. It's like I understand, but I'm also producing the show.

This is each call is 25 minutes. They we got to find some levity and some lightness. So that's why the kidney one is so fun because it was a really fun caller. She's really funny.

Yeah. It starts so a name [ __ ] popcorn and but also she's really funny cuz she'll be like enough with the popcorn and then we finally we're like it's got brain cancer.

What are you nuts? Well, I was going to say I'm shocked that people give this guy a break.

I'm happy people donated or volunteered to donate their kidney cuz if you start off by saying like if you keep this guy alive he's going to drive this woman crazy with all the popcorn eating. He's like I don't know what the ethical thing to do is here. But what I love about podcast, and I don't know if you guys love the same part of it, but the audience gets to know your podcast personality and who you are on the show, and there's parts of it they like and there's parts you don't like, and the callers get annoyed with you. So, like, I love when somebody calls in our show and we pitch and they don't like it,

or they go like, "Eh, they're like, "Don't do that right now. Don't do that thing you do." It makes it feel like we're old friends. It's like a weird cousin that like I do a thing that I'm talking to, I do kind of side with them.

So if somebody calls in and they go, I'm bringing my husband on, but you can't side with him. The premise is you're on our side, which is the premise.

I'm like, I agree with you right now. Once that other guy starts talking, I got a squirrels brain, man. I'm over there. So to have somebody then be legitimately being like, this sucks, Jake. I wouldn't have called in. I'm like, you're mad at me like we know each other. you just called in and that feels really joyful where it'll finish. It's I'll hit the little zoom and then Gareth and I will text. We'll both be like, "Jesus, that was so like it's still fun."

You're like, "It's still there." Yeah. I'm a little jealous that you have that lane you can occupy cuz like

I even think that's one part of Stern I love is just like, you know, occasionally he's got the call on. He's like, "You're [ __ ] you're sound. You're terrible. What are you What phone are you on? Are you in the Lincoln Tunnel?" It's like berating them. That's enough. Or I want to get off this call.

I know my audience is bored. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That seems it's copied from him

because I did always like where he would go like, "What are you talking about?" And you'd be like, "He's a dick, but I love his whole group, but he's too mean, but I also was bored."

Uhhuh. Yes. Dirty work. It was getting a little bit boring. Yeah. Yeah. And so I do like that element of it. But what we can't do that you guys can do is when ours gets sincere

and there is something you're like we gotta still make it light. So like if we do the kidney thing

there can't be an emotional moment. What it has to then be it'll be a version of like the dating game. Our friend Steve Berg will be our Chuck Worly where he'll be like, "Jesus Christ, who's the number one contend?" And it'll be silly and ridiculous and the sweetness will come after when we're alone where we'll go like, "Geez, this is really heavy."

But we'll never present that out. That comes later when we're alone. It's the same thing with like the Jeff stuff.

Yeah. Our show isn't saying this community means a lot. This is really fun. This is a great connection. We go like,

"Check out how funny that guy's armpits smell." But I'm like, but I love that. Yes.

I like that zone. But some of the topics are really funny. Like the um the HOA tyrant episode.

Yeah. Like someone calling about a HOA president like issuing fines and rules. Yeah.

And then just getting into You stumble into all these like grievances people have

with the world. Yeah. It's I love it. Yeah, there's one right now that made me think of that. I don't know if it's that one, but there was a woman who they were doing construction across the street on a new building and from her window she could see right into the bathroom and they had frosted the top but not the bottom so she could watch the construction workers take shits.

Oh. And she's like, I have to tell them because you people buying it think it's frosted,

but I can see them go to the bathroom. And so then we had her go with her phone and record on a voice note talking to the builders.

Oh, really? Yeah. And there you have these guys in the background being like, "No way. You can see us."

They've all jerked off, too. Right. You're taking a [ __ ] at work. You're definitely jerking off.

YES. HAVE YOU ever had a terrible job? That's your only ray of song. You take a dump and jerk off at the same time. And you take a dump and then you're there and you're nude and you start singing and you don't want to go back to school from the

What are you a fouryear-old boy? Yeah. Well, if the situation calls for it, if it's honest, sometimes I'll get I don't think so. I don't think so.

You didn't jerk off at work with shitty jobs back when you were a kid? I don't think so. Oh my god. First of all, I couldn't go through a whole day without jerking off in my late teens. I worked at this place that built race cars and it was all like 35-year-old mechanics. They were disgusting when I was 15 and I was so nervous.

Um, but they had a stack of smokers in the toilet and I'd go in there. I look forward to going to work so I could go sit in that bathroom. Look at the really terrible dirty magazine.

Magazine. Everyone's touched that different. You wait till you're done to think about that.

The internet was another world. Yeah. You just needed this is another world. You needed a nice magazine.

Yeah. Um Oh, so you weren't doing a lot of that. I don't remember if I was, but I'm sure I have,

but it was it's not one of the things that's front of mind. It's not sticking out.

It's not sticking out. Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. Okay. Um, I do want to know about uh the Dink because when does it come out and how did it come about because it's you and Stiller are producing.

Yeah, so that it's coming out uh end of spring on Apple and that came about. Do you know Sean Clemens the writer at all?

No, he's a UCB guy, right? UCB so funny. Mhm. We did uh a show years ago called Alan Gregory that Jonah Hill was on that Shawn was a writer and I was doing bits on it and he and I just like partnered up.

Okay. So, we do the occasional once every like six month lunch. Uhhuh. And it was a few years back and he said, "What are you working on?" I was like, "Nothing. I'm just doing the podcast. I don't know if I want to work. I don't work anymore."

I was like, "I kind of don't work anymore." And then he goes, you know, and then he goes, "What would you want to work on?"

And this was pre-Trump coming back into office. I go, I know things are going to get really crazy at the election and the country is going to get really ugly. I want to make something that's big and ridiculous and fun with big comedic set pieces. Uh-huh.

I was like, I just want to be on a set where it's funny again. Yeah. I was like, I don't want to do anything that's teaching anybody anything. I don't want any message. I don't want anyone to try to learn anything.

And then he's like, do you play pickle ball? And I'm like, no. Except for Father's Day 2023.

Loved that, by the way. Loved volleyball. 2024, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The volleyball one I've thought about, too.

Father's Day sports, you remember, as a wall to wall sports tournament. You ever watch physical Asia?

I watched Physical 100. I know Asia's now out and I haven't seen it, but I've watched the previous season.

When you said the volleyball and the pickle ball, I was thinking your uh Father's Day was just physical. Physical. Yeah. There should have been a hang.

It's like field day all over. It was really fun. Anna. Yes. But that movie was he said, "We got a big fun movie idea." Then sent it to Stiller. Stiller is in it, produces it. Got to do two person scenes with him where we got to improvise.

Tell me about that. Wow. One of the funniest guys I've ever done a scene with. Yeah.

It was so fun being in the scenes with him cuz you forget like, oh yeah, I got into this because I really like bits. I like laughs. I like really funny people. He was doing an improv that didn't make the movie,

right? That was he was talking about like money. And he was improvising. I was saying he went to a prostitute or something and he was trying to break down what is prostitution.

And I'm not going to try to redo the bit, but watching him find the bit Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was just in the scene with him asking him questions. I started laughing so hard

and I just was like, "Oh yeah, there's a reason he became Ben Stiller. It's cuz he's so funny." And then watching him, he reminded me comedically of my buddy Bill Bungoth when my buddy Billy does bits and I was like, "Oh, there's a time like Ben Stiller was like 14 and funny."

Yeah. And you're like, it's the same rhythm. Like his whole bit was like, "Oh, wait. I give you this paper that's green and you do a sex act and that means you're He was and I'd be like,

"Well, yeah, if you're paying for sex." And he's like, "By this, he just fully committed to this." It was so stupid. But I was like, "Holy [ __ ] he's there's a reason."

Yeah. He's him. Yeah. We take it for granted. Take it for granted. And then you watch enough stuff where you're like, you know, there's now so many options that you'll be like, "Yeah, I've seen him a bunch."

But being face to I'm sure you guys get this here. Anthony Hopkins, we just had on in the middle, you're like, "Oh, yeah. what you're doing and we're like, "Oh my god,

it's madness." And that goes back to what I still really like about it that I missed where you get to go like, "Oh, you're so good at this." And even someone like Dakota

who we just really, you know, it worked out. She had liked Joe's movies as we were putting the movie together. She was in. I didn't have a lot of thoughts,

right? I was like, "She's great. I know I'm a fan." when it's in between action and cut and you go like oh my god like oh right that's why at six you GOT CAST WITH DENZEL

EXACTLY like it's not by chance right okay la my last question for you because we've had you now several times and I'm aware of it and I had some interest in it but now I have an entirely new interest in it

because this summer we um the family we did Tom Cruz's cruises is what we called it

so the whole summer we were only allowed to watch Tom Cruz movies at night. Incredible.

And we were all in Nashville together for two months. So that's fun. We watched every Mission Possible all.

How are they? Are they They're phenomenal. I got to do it. They're impossibly good.

Yeah, I bet. You're like, "Oh my god, they're way better than I remember." And I remember they were great.

Yeah. And he they're so good. He's unbelievable. Best movie star of all time. The best. There is a sequence in one of the MIS, maybe four or five, and it's Philip Seymour Hoffman talking to Tom and he's Ethan Hunt and he's like cuffed to a chair and uh and Philip Seymour Hoffman is counting down to 10 and at 10 he's going to kill his fiance.

Okay, so it's a real time countdown in 10 seconds basically. 10, you know, Phil and uh Cruz is giving you [ __ ] explosive anger. Yeah.

Then pleading acceptance, then fawning. Then a snap. It's not going to work. Back to aggression. And then the [ __ ] solo tear coming out at the end at 10.

And I'm like, no actor has ever given us the whole range of human emotions in 10 seconds.

He's the best. He's the best. And so I I was just obsessed with him after the summer. And I'd be talking about him non-stop as I do. And um Adam Scott I thought made the best point when I was talking to him about Tom Cruz and he said I think Tom's unique gift is he's not acting for him for like what his character would do. Um he's not acting for the director. He more than anybody is acting for the audience.

He's 100% right. He knows exactly the international audience. The international Yeah. So with that theory on the table which I feel like he's right about what Yeah. What is it like being in scenes with him? And can you feel that? Is it disorienting?

It's all positive. It's all positive. So, here's my story of it. And he would not like that I was telling this even though I think I've told not for any other reason because he didn't want to do this because he thought it was disrespectful, but I begged him to cuz I didn't.

So, when you work with him, he does have it all figured out in his head. He knows exactly how it's supposed to go and how it's going to be received. Yeah.

And how we could get there. And so we would do scenes together. And for me it was like, wow. Like the like I get to connect to the invisible with you, man. Like I get to mix it up. But I could tell for him he was a little bit like it's great. It's great. And we were working out one morning. There was a big scene where me and him are going through some tunnel. I never read the whole script.

Okay. Sorry. Can I What movie? It was called The Mummy. Thank you. So, it was a really I've never seen the movie and I never read the script because they never had one for me.

Okay. So, my my job on that was I would get pages and they would go, "We need you Tuesday and Wednesday."

Wow. I would memorize those pages. And I'd be like, "Why do I need to be there at 5:00?" And they're like, "Cuz you're getting a prosthetic." And I'd go, "Why would I have a prosthetic?" And they're like, "Cuz you're dead and coming back to life." And I'd go like, "Yeah, okay.

Good to know." Okay. Okay. So, I guess the 5 a.m. call does make sense this morning.

But, so I knew we had a big scene and he loves runners. Like, we did all of our stunts. He wants everything in two shots together.

So, I knew how he wanted it. I knew he wanted it like this. We're going to have to do a big walk and talk, turn a corner, stop and go.

And I was like, I know my pace is slow. And if I'm giving my instincts, I'm looking for stuff.

I'm looking at the set. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shiny objects, man. This raccoon. Look, so if we're in a scene and we're going and I see something, I'm going to go

right. He doesn't want my head to do that because then the audience is going to go, "What's that?"

Yes. So I said to him before we started this big day, can we? And we had become friends by this point. So there was a lot of trust. We worked out all the time together. We flew to Africa, just me, him, and Annabelle Wallace and his plane.

Spent a lot of at his house working out. A lot of time we buddied up. Yeah. Uh tons of bits, tons of jokes.

He's funny. He's funny. Okay. He on his plane we said, "Uh, let's watch a movie." And Annabelle Wallace goes, "Got any good Tom Cruz movies?" He went through his library and goes like, "You like a romantic comedy?" And then we pitch he gets the jokes. Super funny. Gets the jokes.

What do you want to fall in love with me or be scared of me? Well, he would he go like, "Do you like military stuff?" And we'd be like, "Yeah." But then pitch three of them.

And then you really realize this man's done everything. Yeah. But we were in in the workout trailer and I was like, I know this scene's going to get hard because we're going to do like seven takes and then he's going to out of respect talk to the director. Then the director's going to play telephone try to explain to me and I'm not going to fully get it.

Yeah. So I said, "Hey man, can we just do something that's insane?" Cuz it was just me and him and the trainer. I go, "Can you do the scene in here as both of our characters?"

And he goes, "No." Oh. He said, "No." And I go, "Please." And he goes, "No, because that's disrespectful. I want you to trust you. And I go,

I'm working with you. It's a different thing. I'm here only because of you. Yeah.

Not one part of me feels sensitive. And he was like, I I don't feel comfortable doing it. And I was like, I'm begging to see it. I was like, even if it's terrible and it's comedic, I'm just begging to see it. And he in the trailer did both.

Okay. And what did you learn in that? The pace for me was really fast, really on it. It was movement, movement, move. And I was like, "Oh, I never would have gotten there on my own." And when the director said, "Why don't we speed it up?" Those kind of directions mean nothing to me.

So, I'd be like, "Speed what up?" But when I heard him do it, I could just have him in my head

as the tempo of like this is what he and I'd be like, "Oh my god, I'm so much slower." Okay. And then once I was doing at the rhythm of which his head then he would go like, "We're getting there." Uh-huh.

And I was like, and so what Adam said, which is right, was he would say to me at times, uh, you add extra words to jokes, which are very funny for English speakers, it won't translate.

So he's like, you can't improvise that. And he goes, you're thinking about America. We got to think international for a movie like this. And that's not going to Nobody when they dub over your voice is going to do that, but they have to add those words and it's going to screw it up.

Oh wow. Fascinating. And and then he goes and also when you get improvised sometimes you talk really fast in little moments got to slow it down people won't understand you.

Wow I went it's like cir sole I watched a segment on 60 minutes about cirto sole you know was the most successful thing in Vegas for years billions of dollars and it was all because more than half the people that come to Vegas don't speak English and it's the one show you can go to and you don't need to know anything. I was like oh yeah someone's thinking about that. The other thing about him that is kind of different than what you and I are talking about now, but in 2017 exploded my brain. He knows every single lens and how you're supposed to act for each lens and expects you to also.

Oh wow, that makes sense. So we would be there and then he would go like we're in a tight

and I was like knock it down a bit. Yes. I'm doing facial expressions for a wide shot.

We're tight. You don't have to go like this. That looks insane. It's unusable. Go like this. And I was like, "Oh, I hadn't thought of that." But so he he's so in like my whole garage gym is based off how his is.

Oh, really? He he sets a gym a certain way. He does. So the thing I guess what I would be fascinated with watching him work. Were you at all

um clocking? cuz obviously he's a control freak on a level we can't even understand

cuz all of his [ __ ] works and the directors come and go and writers come and go and

besides the mummy I think that was the only one that did that was huge we started watching it was too scary that was one of the only ones that didn't make Tom Cruz's cruises

or I'll hit you with also we think he needs his own theme park Tom Cruz's cruises because he has enough mo movies yes

to have a full great theme park has he not done this he hasn't I've been begging I mean, I can connect you with his assistant cuz she just contacted me. He does the annual birthday and uh Christmas cake.

So, what's that? Every holiday, he uh sends everybody a Christmas cake that he's ever worked with.

I don't know. Okay. It's like a coconut cake. I've heard about this coconut cake.

So, I don't know. I just got a text after the movie. Is this your address? Delicious cake. Like this [ __ ] dude doesn't eat junk food. When we were working out one day, we did one of these like marathon sessions and right we were living in London at the time and right where we were staying was a pub

and I was going to get apple cider the cider and then I was going to get some fries.

Yeah. All I was thinking working out is like when I get home I'm going to shower up, take the kids there. They'll play in that little green area

getting [ __ ] chips. I'm going to have two cers. And then I go, uh, what are you thinking about when you get home? What are you excited about?

Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, "Yeah, I'm excited about this." I was like, "Yeah, me too." But

like what's the reward? I go, "Is it?" I go, "What's your like everyone? Is it chocolate? Is it fries? What is it?" And he goes, "Never."

And I go like, "Okay, you're so disciplined." And I kind of rolled my eyes and I go, "Why?" And he goes, "Well, I just see it differently than you." He's like,

"I'm a Ferrari. Why would I ever put bad gasoline in it?" Mhm. And I went like, "That's a really cool way of looking at it. I don't see it that way."

But I was like, "But it's cool. It's cool. It's working for him. But but that guy sends cakes.

Yeah. Interesting. He's trying to sandbag his competition. Or he's going, "It'd be really nice to eat one of these."

Yeah. 1,000 of them. He also knows he's specific. I think he knows that like I'm different from other people. Other people like cake. I don't.

Yes. Should have been. And what I would believe more is it's easier to never than to sometimes.

Yeah. like he's probably a very addictive person. I'm gonna tell another story just because I don't think it's that.

Okay, great. I actually think it's the race car thing. Okay, so uh and I hope this one's not talking out of school.

Okay, so there was a CrossFit trainer who was there with us. Mhm. Um she was great.

And there was a day where you would get to his gym and they would write he always has a dry erase board with like a message for the day, your mantra's on it,

and then what the workout is. Yeah. And it was an AM wrap. As many rounds as possible.

Okay. But it was a hard AM wrap. Well, that's the acronym for it. Yes. I feel like I should know that for how often I work out.

Yeah. Am wrap. So am wrap. I think it's a CrossFit thing. Okay. But it's as many rounds as possible in a timed thing.

Which is a different type of workout. Cuz what you could also do there, we would do three rounds.

Yeah. So sometimes you would go and it'd be a whole circuit and it would be like five rounds. You'd be like, "Oh." Or it' be like three rounds, you like. But am means you sprint through it. you're dead. You're gonna die. You just literally sprint through it. But the workout was a weird am wrap. There was really heavy weights. There was like just a lot of stuff that you're like, "That's a really hard AM wrap."

Yeah. Uh and for me, because you know, when you work out with somebody in a small space, you have to be at the same pace because they can't wait for you.

You're switching off and he's number one. So if he's there, he's not waiting. It's your It's his pace.

It's his pace all the time. Everywhere you go. everywhere you go. But I was like, I hate this

because he's also so respectful. Finish your I don't want to finish my just you go, man.

I'm only here because of you. But so he goes, I don't know if this is an AM wrap. This should be uh just a circuit.

And the trainer, rather than saying okay, goes, no, it's an am wrap. And then she goes,

but she didn't not mean, but she was like, it's just going to be an AMR. She goes, "But it's a hard one, so just think about your pace a little bit. You don't have to go insane."

Mhm. I took that as like, "Great. Let's go 70%." Tom goes, "Well, it's an AM wrap.

Do you want three rounds or do you want AM wrap?" And she goes, "Well, I've scheduled an AM wrap, but don't kill yourself."

Uhoh. The thing starts, dude kills himself. Oh my god. He's going so hard. I'm going so hard. I'm looking at the trainer in the there was two guys, a physio guy, Pete and then the main trainer. But I'm looking at Pete during it while I'm going. I'm like,

"Somebody stop us. Yeah, help. This isn't working. Stop it. We're not going to be on set tomorrow because of this.

I can't do this. We're going burping." I'm like, "Oh my god." And you just have to dissociate. And then at a certain point with about 5 minutes left,

we were dead. Yeah. And he got pissed. And he was like, "IT'S TOO HARD. It's not an am."

And he let it out. Yeah. Good. Everything he was saying, I agreed with. Yeah. When the timer went off at the end of the thing, he goes,

"Sorry, I shouldn't have yelled, but that's not an amb." Then he goes, "I'm a racehorse. If you say am I, I have to go as many rounds as possible, but it's too hard." And she goes,

"I should. It was really actually three rounds." He left and I was like, But I actually think for him he's like, "I'm a racehorse. If you say sprint, I have to sprint."

Why would I put a French fry in my body? It's not It will make me eat more. He goes, "I won't run as fast."

Yeah. Did you didn't have to run with him at all in the You did. Yeah, we do. I don't know if I sprinted with him or I did the sprint.

Certainly off screen, but you didn't have any scenes where you Yes. Watch the first 20 minutes of the movie. You had to keep up with him. It's so hard. He runs so fast.

Dax, we had to run across a a full thing they built in Africa to look like the Middle East. It was a U of a town. It's a true story. I get there. The first shot he they go, we're going to we have a camera down here. And he goes, I want all this in we got to be in a two shots. You have to keep up with me. So, we have to run like this as things are exploding. I don't see any nets. So, I think cuz he also does a lot of jokes.

Okay. So, I was like, here they go. Everybody's teasing the goofball. And it was like all these South African stunt guys. Everyone's so cool. And I'm like I was the guy they would tease, but there was no nets or wires.

And so I go I said to the stunt guy, I was like, "Dude, we're going to shoot like this." And he was like, "Yeah, mate."

And then I go to Tom before and I go like, "Wait, we're really going to shoot like this?" Yeah.

And he goes, "Yeah." And I go, "Well, what happens if we fall?" And he goes, "Well, don't fall."

Yeah. Then they call action and that animal sprints. Yeah. So you sprint with him.

Did you feel like it was was his pace outrageous? Yeah. Yeah. Everything he does is out. His pace at life is outrageous at all times.

He would get there early. He would look tired. I would be like, "How'd you sleep?" He'd be like, "Oh, is that in

I was like, which one? Another one. Uh, we're writing another one." I'd be like, "You're outrageous."

He's all or nothing. And he's all and he's always all. God, I [ __ ] admire him. What a gift. Yeah. He's the best number one in the whole world. What a gift. Um well, Jake, I adore you. Thank you for coming. This is great to see you. I'm so glad.

Um I want everyone to listen to We're Here to Help. And then I want everyone to keep their eyes peeled for the Dink Spring on Apple Plus.

Yeah. And then the Dakota. Joe Swanberg. Uh we have a new movie coming out. We're going to do the festival circuit. That'll come out. And then there's a new show on Apple.

What's the new show? The maximum pleasure guaranteed. That's with Tatiana. Uh Jesse. That's the one I've been doing in New York.

Okay. And that's been really fun. Um, yeah. I just like you. I wish I could tell you in a stronger way.

I feel you know you feel right up. We should hold hands one of the hikes. NOPE.

But I'm back on Sunday and I'm here all December. If you want to get some hikes in.

Yes, I do. I do. I do. I'll reach out. All right. I love you. Love you, too. All right. See you soon.

I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong.

Okay. Something huge happened that I doubt you know happened. And I I didn't notice it had happened.

Okay. Commenters called it out and then I had to go back. Just now you walked into my house.

Yes. And you overheard me listening to our show. Yes. Which in any other circumstance is very embarrassing.

Yep. Right. Like what if a friend popped by knock knock and you're like, "Yeah, hold on." And you had it really playing loud so you could hear it in the shower. Wouldn't you be so humiliated?

You know, it's funny you bring this up because I have a post maybe forthcoming or might be out by the time that this comes out. Um for a brand.

Yeah. And I use that as a joke. Oh, you do? Me listening to my own show. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. And you used it as a joke because it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. Yeah.

Which is interesting, isn't it? Well, like in some way I could say if a musician listened to their own song, duh. Like they wrote the song they want to hear. That's their idea of what a beautiful sound to their ears is. They made it.

Why wouldn't they want to hear it just cuz they made it? Well, like it's kind of like when I've been a little embarrassed laughing at my own jokes at like a movie premiere.

Yeah. But then I go like, "Well, I made the joke I thought was funniest on that day. That's something I think is really funny, which is why I said it." Okay, look, I think that's very pure.

I'm feeling very defensive. Somebody who laughs at their own jokes and listens to their own show occasionally.

Most people have a hard time non- egoomaniacs. I'm just going to say most people, okay, most people have a hard time listening back to their own voice or also um they critic like it'd be hard for a lot of people to hear their song that they wrote and not be like, "Oh, I don't like that." Yeah.

Sure. Sure. But let's say like you're Van Gogh. You do that field of wheat. That was

I cover [snorts] my ear. You covered your ear. That's good. You're getting into charact.

Yeah. Yeah. You're getting into character, which is what I asked. Yes. So, you're Van Gogh

and you dreamt up the most beautiful image of this uh wheat field. Okay. And then you actually got that image from your head onto the canvas the exact way you imagined this fantasy.

Yeah. Of course you'd want to stare at it. You were inspired by it. It was the image that you most wanted to see and then you've created it. So like why wouldn't you look at it?

I mean I agree with you in theory for the painter. Yeah. You almost got to go artist by artist.

Well no I like if the artist did not like if the artist also was just staring and not unable to look away like I would be like

that's like getting caught in your own reflection. There's some myth about that. We're not good at um parables. I think it maybe it speaks to pure art where you're not doing it for other people. You're doing it for yourself.

So that's the nicest way to look at it. Yeah. Like how about this? You here are your two um binary options. The artist had this beautiful image in their head. They got it out and they just love looking at it because it's this thing they dreamt up and it's so pleasing and comforting.

Yeah. versus what they really love to do is stand in the gallery and watch people look at the painting and then get this inflated sense of ego that they're impressed by you. Like that's weirdly worse.

Well, I just think most and maybe this is not true at all, but in my head most people who create I might be projecting are like perfectionists.

Yeah, maybe that's not true. I think it's whatever normal layout distribution. Yeah.

Of all personalities. I've just never ever done anything where I think it's perfect

in my entire life. So if I'm listening back or looking back or reading back or something, I I only see the things that could be better.

So I see that and that's kind of my internal argument of why I do it. Cuz look, I feel guilty there. Well, there's a couple things that happen where I'll listen to the show. A is like we have a guest I'm genuinely interested in.

Yeah. But I was quite busy trying to conduct this interview and as much as I'm hearing them I I'm not experiencing them as I would as an audience member.

Yeah. And I want to It's like I love David Letterman. I'll listen to any podcast he'd ever be on.

Right. So I do want to now listen to him and just ignore that I'm there. Yeah. That's one motivation that I'll take there. Yeah.

And then my other defense is we need downloads. I've certainly gotten better because I listen to the show.

Well, that I think is great. I think it's very smart for you to listen. Yeah. Um I Let's I do listen. You have to listen. Um and

maybe that's also, you know, this is one of those things. It's like it's like did the job make you who you are or are you good at the job because of who you were to begin with?

Yes. Um I'm so critical, right? And I but I have to be I was going to say you're entering at a phase of the um process that being critical is required.

It's required. It's like so nitpicky, but you rarely will ever listen to it after you just can't get through it.

Well, who can blame? But again, no. Like sometimes I will have to for a certain reason or something or like oh [ __ ] we have to go back and I have to make another edit in here and then I am like oh no I want to make another edit here. I want I can't do it.

It's not it's not and it's look I don't have time. I'm on to the next edit. I don't I can't I keep it moving. Um anyway what happened? What did we get corrected?

That was a lot of that was a long walk for the listener. I apologize. You sang?

Yeah I I I clocked that. Yeah, I clocked it. For eight years I've been asking you to sing on here, you have refused

and the good Lord intervened for Christmas. The Lord intervened. WAIT, YOU [screaming] YES. YOU SANG I AM A SE I am a se and you sang it, Bonnie. And I that's I went back and I listened today cuz I saw so many comments. I'm like, she did sing, didn't she? Or when did she sing?

Oh, wow. And I listen and it's so pretty. You do a great job singing that song incorrectly. spelling Christian. A I N.

Listen, I I um I don't want people to think that's how I sound singing. That was

They should. It sounded beautiful. Well, that's really nice. Do you want to hear it?

No, I I do not. And I [snorts] You didn't even know that happened. Better than that.

We didn't know that happened. We didn't even know because I don't think that wasn't singing. That was me putting That was me like doing a half. Yeah,

that was just a rhythm. You could ask a seven-year-old what just happened if you played the clip and they go, "Oh, that girl sang."

Like, even a child would know you sang. Oh, yeah. This is interesting cuz now I feel like now I need people to know what my voice really sounds like.

Great. Even better. Why don't you work on a song for the next few weeks? No. And then come in and sing the hell out of it.

No. Is there a song you sing in your real life along to the radio that you think you nail? I think you know what mine is.

Um, Billy Joel, for whatever reason, I think I can match him note fornotee. I mean, I'm smart enough to know that's not happening right?

But I feel in my body I'm like, "Oh, yeah. He and I have the exact same range."

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I do. Captain Jack will get you high tonight. That wasn't I didn't pick my ideal moment.

You haven't gotta hear it. You gota Yeah. Okay. So, I do This is so egotistical. Great. Um I

Taylor this is like this is like when Kristen thinks she can play all the Olympic sports.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. This is like that [snorts] where I kind of feel Mhm. like you could be most pop stars.

No, it only when there I'm singing along. I cannot do it if I'm just on my own singing. I get way too self-conscious.

Right. But if I am a song's playing in the car. Yes. I feel I'm pretty really really good.

Really good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't say pretty good because I know you because again I objectively your voice singing voice is really truly 10x of what mine is. I'm sure like if a computer analyzed it and I'm telling you that I think I sing Billy Joel like 88% as good as him when I'm in the car.

Yeah. So, you probably feel like you might even sound better if you're being really honest with the audience.

Like, oh my god, I could be a superstar. What am I doing in this stupid car? Sometimes Sometimes I'll get I'll get a little validation.

Okay. Um from Who do you sing in front of? Well, I'm in the car with Jess a lot.

Okay, great. And every now and and I get I think I feel comforted because I don't think anyone can hear me. Yeah. because you can really only hear the radio.

Yes. Or the whatever Spotify, whatever it is, whatever's playing. And I think no one can hear me but me. But really,

even passengers in the car, right? That's a crazy thought, I guess. I think because it's matched so perfectly.

Oh, right. That's imperceptible. Yeah. You're just like, "Oh, there's a there's a fifth speaker in the car."

Yeah. And every now and then, Jess will tell you, "You did a nice job." He's just like h he's like mad that it's so good.

Oh wow. Good. That's a that's the real compliment if you make him mad. And one time I was at a a bar in Palm Springs, a gay bar

that plays musical theater. It's Erica's favorite bar. So sometimes on Fourth of July we'll go as a p as the group and um it's so loud in there. same situation. It's no one could possibly hear me singing. And I guess that's not true because Ryan was like, "Oh my god, you can sing."

Wait, you were just singing sitting at the bar or you went on stage? Playing musical theater so loud on all the TVs

and you just start singing along. Yeah, cuz it's everyone's singing. It's just like loud and that's the point of the bar.

Thank you. It's a sing along. Yes. Okay. I thought you were just at the bar. No,

this on TV some musical theater's playing and you're like, "No, Oklahoma." Whatever the theme song is,

Oklahoma, give me an okay Oklahoma. Anywh who, so I got a compliment there and I felt good about it.

Yeah. And um Yeah. But it Do you ever not trust Ryan? And I know he listens, but I I don't mind that he hears this. Do you ever not trust Ryan? Cuz he's so nice and he's so kind. You do.

Yeah. He'll say nice things to me and I'm like, "God, I want to believe that so bad, but you're so nice. I don't know if I can trust that."

Um, well, your nose is so small. Each compliment's individual. Yeah, just be aware of it, clock it.

No, I don't want to. I want to be able to take that. Okay, that's the right way to do it. I just sometimes I think he can't really think that, you know, it's just insecurity. Well,

and he's so nice. Whereas like if Eric gives you a compliment, you know he means it cuz it's terrible and he's ruined your day.

He says the meanest compliments to me, but they're truly compliments. Like he's attempting and he's putting his foot in his mouth, so it doesn't go well. And then I go, "Now that's a genuine compliment. It hurt the person's feelings."

Yeah. Sure. Um I don't want him to [snorts] ever give me folks some of the compliments he's given you. And look, before you even say it, let me tell you that I know personally from Eric, he thinks you're really pretty.

He does. He thinks you're really pretty and he's obsessed with your feet. Yeah.

So, let's just start that that's how he feels about you. He's never said he's never given me any classic Eric horrible compliments about my feet.

He They're always very positive. Uhhuh. Okay. And he get he lands those regular. Yes.

All right. So, hit us with a couple of his compliments. Um, most of his compliments are about my skin.

Oh, okay. Which we know. I It's triggering. It's very sensitive. I literally and figuratively.

Yeah. I have extremely sensitive skin and my feelings about my skin are very sensitive.

I Your skin looks great. Thank you. And that's an Eric compliment, not a Ryan compliment.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. I don't know what I want to give Ryan a complex. I love Ryan.

Ryan, listen, he's he truly is the sweetest. He's the sweetest and he is so nice, but I've heard him say mean things like I I don't think every It's not like I think he's a bunch of [ __ ]

No, he's just so nice. So, yeah. So, he often will tell me like, "My skin looks really nice. Um, can you believe it? It used to look so bad."

No, no, no, no. There was There's a couple very specific ones I'm thinking of. Like, you came over with makeup on, maybe.

Okay. This is the original one. I was in glam. It wasn't just regular makeup. I was in full glam.

To be on camera. Yeah. To be on camera. It didn't look how anyone should look just walking around. and he said, "Oh my god, you look so pretty. Why don't you wear more makeup? How will you get a boyfriend if you don't wear makeup?" That's what he said.

Okay, that was the original one. But he since has given me some like really ones that that actually haunt me.

Oh, really? Yes. Oh, no. Okay, then this isn't very fun. I thought this was more fun than it was he kill himself, so I can't really go there cuz he does love me. I know.

He loves you so much and he thinks you're very pretty. I don't know about that, but it's okay.

He does. He does. He does. He's told me independently in a less clunky way. Well, you know, he gives me compliments that are like that, too. He'll go like, um, he'll go, "You were in such a good mood in Nashville over Memorial Day." And I'll go, "Oh, thank you." And I'm like, as opposed to like, "Why is this worth me?"

And I'll go, "Was there a period that you thought I wasn't in a good mood?" go like, "Well, you seem really stressed the week in the summertime."

And so it's like you were in such a good mood. Then I just go, "Oh, so he thought I was in a bad mood. I'm like rough to be around sometimes." And so yeah, he does it to me. It's just not about my looks, which would stink deeper. That's the That's That's hard. He also said um he said on on thanks our Thanksgiving our friendsgiving pod giving um he said no you should drink. You're more fun when you drink. And I was like what? And he said no no you're just like you're less like and I know I know he wanted to say uptight and I and and I was like well do you mean like I'm less vigilant and paying attention? You helped him articulate. Yeah. And he was like, "Yeah." And I'm like, "Yeah, you would like that."

Right. Right. And then you popped in then you said, "Yeah, you're just you're just less sharp." And that was You were trying to make it nicer.

Trying to help. I guess you were. Well, I didn't help. Um, no, you did. Is there a way to say to somebody like, "What if you do think someone's more fun when they drink?"

Yeah. And so they're like, "I don't know if I should drink." And you're like, "I'd prefer you drink." How do you say that in a way that doesn't make the person feel like they're not fun when they don't drink? Because you could really just be saying you go from an A to an A+. I mean, that could be the reality.

Well, if it's an A to an A+, then you shouldn't say anything. It's only you should only say something if it's an F to an A+. If it's really like, oh [ __ ] this is like a horrible person to be around.

You're like, I'm thinking about brushing my teeth. And like you should, you're like, oh [ __ ] my breath always smells. And that and they should know that. Is that an example? I say, "Oh, [ __ ] I got to run upstairs and brush my teeth before we go."

Oh, you know what? I got to go brush my teeth before we Oh, God. Oh, great. Good. Good.

I don't think I'm mentally prepared for this. Okay, I'll do it. Okay. Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna quickly go throw some deodorant on.

Oh, go. Okay. Yeah, that's how I would do it. Oh, it was. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I what I what I what did you gather? I gathered that you don't think I need it.

Oh yeah. Tell me you're going to go put subtle in my eyes. You go tell me you're going to go put your some deodorant on.

Oh, you know what? I'm going to go put some deodorant on before I before we do this.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's that is I don't think you need it. Listen, I am hyper sensitive

Mhm. to you. Okay. I don't have to be hyper sensitive to Eric cuz he just says stuff.

Yeah. But if you said that what you just did Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would know.

Yes. I would know. I'd be like, "Oh, and vice versa." I worked with someone. Oh.

And the person I could not help but go like, "What a genius [ __ ] road they staked out for themselves."

They're like, "You never know when he's going to be here." What's that mean? like the the the the just the overall vibe is like

he doesn't take anything serious and it's it's charming, right? And it's kind of genius cuz no one's ever upset. Like if if this person shows up a day late for your party, you're like, "This [ __ ] guy rolled in a day." You think it's so funny.

Wow. There are people that are too dumb to even know they're that way. Yeah. And then there's a handful of people you're like, "This guy's a thousand times smarter than he's acting and he gets away with murder because everyone has assessed him."

Yeah. You can kind of see him jumping off on Eric. Like Eric started this this wonderful thing. That's the difference between how you would take something he says and what I say. Like I've I've kind of claimed this. Oh, I'm dependable and responsible.

Yeah. And when I act crazy, it's uncomfortable and disruptive. Sure. And Eric leads with I'm a I'm a loose cannon.

Yes. And so no ma if you looked over and saw Eric naked at Thanksgiving standing on the [ __ ] island with a putting a turkey drumstick up his ass.

Yeah. You wouldn't like wonder if he had relapsed or if he had lost his mind, right?

If Erica did that, you'd be like, "Oh, we got to take her to the hospital. She's had a mental collapse." So like you build in you build in this huge latitude of acceptance if you just lead with it and then you you just live with whatever

the downside. Okay, that this is interesting. I think Eric rides the line well.

Oh, perfectly. But he in general that type of not his personality but this one you're saying like oh cuz

this other person Eric is reliable. For sure. For sure. Ex. Yeah. I'm not attributing any of those aforementioned attributes to Eric. Only Eric's craziness.

Right. Right. Right. But like if someone is unreliable or like oh like we'll see if they come or

that to me is a defense mechanism of them. Okay. A non-committal like a refusal to commit

to people, things, anything. Cuz you don't want to be likeonsible. Exactly. So I could only be very very distant friends with someone like that. I could never really have someone like that in my life who I

like called dear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's the fallout. I don't know how many intimate relationships you could really really have.

Well, no. This these people I'm describing, they do totally fine. They do. Yes. In the same way that like but like addicts, you know, people are attracted to why why be attracted to addict? They're a [ __ ] time bomb and it's a pain in the ass and blah blah blah blah blah. So someone who might love the goofy guy who rolls in whenever could never date an addict.

Yeah, maybe. And then you would never want to date this unpredictable, you know.

Yeah, I I mean more it's not I guess what I'm saying is there's an ask for every seat. The pe the person I'm talking about has a lot of options.

Okay. But I I don't know how fulfilling those relationships are because if he if this person can't arrive on time

decide decide that this is important whatever this is whether it's the person the job the whatever like

that's really hard that's a hard life like you have to make some decisions about things you have to make some

for you and I it'd be really hard and for some people it wouldn't be hard at all

yeah I guess that's True. Speaking of Eric, yeah, let's also say we there's nobody we love more than Eric.

Everyone in America would be so lucky to have Eric as a best friend. Oh my god. I know. We're all We're so lucky. And that is what I'm getting at. So he So we had Secret Turkey.

Mhm. Which is the best day of the year. It's so beautiful. It's just the most gets better.

It gets better and better. I thought this year was the best one. And like it just really fills my heart. warms the cockals.

It really does. Everyone just taking time out of their busy busy busy lives to make something for someone

and it's all so thoughtful. Now, when I as can I ask a question that potentially is triggering.

Yeah. Do you think you can evaluate this year's secret turkey independent of your own gift you gave? Oh, I'm only asking because you happen to crush this year. Oh, you don't you don't even mean to tell you that. It was it was unanimous in the group that you had slayed this year.

Oh, that's really nice. So, do you think it's it's possible to eval like for me if I crushed

I don't even know if I'd be able to evaluate how the rest of the thing went cuz I would just be so excited I crushed.

No, I do. I I You can do both. I just saw like, you know, everyone came in. We did it at the Richardsons and everyone, you know, bring brought their little gift in and put it on the table and I was just staring at that table like, oh my god, this is

it's a physical embodiment of so much care and love and it's all everyone wrapped their thing and I don't know. I just I it's so beautiful to me and and then it was like it's time for secret turkey and everyone goes and picks up their present and w and like looks so stupid carrying their stupid present into the the room and it's just so sweet. Um

but yeah, so Eric had me Yes. and he got me the best gift. That's it was so thoughtful. So on my birthday I think we maybe talked about it on a fact check. On my birthday, Eric came wearing this like shirt. This shirt of his. It was like a family heirloom shirt.

Well, it was the his his high school business he started which was hauling junk away from people's houses.

Yeah. And it was this really cool shirt. It was yellow. It was vintage. Probably from 88. He's 5 years older than me.

I know. I think 87. Oh, possibly. Because I was like, "That's when I was born."

Yeah. And I got really excited about this shirt and I asked if I could have it.

The shirt off his back. You did the old proverbial asked for a shirt off his back.

Asked if I could have the shirt off his back and um he there it's a one it's a one of one. There's not another.

And he said no. Good for him. I know. I'm actually blown away he said no. Shocked, too.

Yeah. He said no because he has to give it to his kids right now. That hurt. Mhm.

But I had to accept it. If you say you're giving it to your kids, it's like h I guess I have to accept it.

Kryptonite. Yeah. But it hurt just like the way his compliments hurt. Sure. And for Secret Turkey, he had the shirt remade for me.

Few copies, right? Yeah. Different colors. Yeah. A couple colors, couple sizes so I can grow into it.

And it was so so sweet. You should wear it on the next Fact Show. I will. Okay. I will. Yeah. Um it's it was so so sweet. And then

you gave though our um Ryan. Yes. So on Halloween Okay. I guess we have to we have to [snorts] on Halloween

someone ended up in our house. Someone ended up in your house that was new. I mean I know how they did. It was friends of a friend.

Yeah. And um and it was Anthony Ketus from Red Hot Chili Peppers. What was better though is he was a zombie.

No, like a mummy. Yeah. So, there's just a mummy in the house. And then at some point he said, "Can to to someone he was with like, can you help me get this tape off my face?" Basically,

his entire face was obscured. Yeah. And then it was a big reveal. It was Anthony Ketus and

it was powerful. I wasn't here for this, but it rippled. It rippled. I was outside so I actually did never made contact with Anthony. No.

Okay. We ran into him early trick-or-treating and he was very nice to Vinnie and I had no idea until now.

How could you? You're just a nice mommy. Nice mummy. Um, but Ryan, I've never seen him react.

And you've seen him around a lot of celebrities. Oh, yeah. He doesn't care. He himself is an actor. So,

but he was like so starruck and could not keep it together. And he like kept offering to take out the trash so he could walk by him. And it was so cute. And he kept he came outside. He was like, "I think Anthony Ketus is here."

Yeah. He's like, "I can't." He said he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he was there. Yeah.

Yes. And then the next day we were watching the Dodgers game and he brought up Anthony Ketus like many, many times. And it was clear this really had an impact on him. Anyway, I made a photo album. It's a beautiful photo album. It's I'm going to shout it out. Artifact Uprising is the brand. Obviously, Callie told me about this cuz she has the best taste. And it's really it's like printed on the paper. The pictures are printed on the like thick card stock pages. It's beautifully it's like bound and and you can

whatever what's it called? I guess um on the front. Anyway, so I asked Amy for 20 pictures of her and Ryan.

Their most loveydovey cute pictures over the years. Mhm. And I had Anthony Ketus' face photoshopped over Amy's face on all the faces.

But I got to say, even way better than that, the book is presented to him and it says the story of RNA.

The f the front says R plus A and on the side it says a love story. A love story. So clearly [snorts] everyone in the room is like, "How cute. It's a Ryan and Amy love story." A for Amy.

Yep. And then he opens it up and discovered it's a for Anthony. That's right. It's great. You know what's great about not only it's it it's great in its concept and execution, but then you also got to factor in like Ryan, not unlike myself, has had so many bonkers looks over the years.

There's almost so there's also so much comedy and just seeing Ryan at 16 and then 21 and then imagining him with Anthony that whole time.

Yes. It's great. There's a picture of Amy and Ryan kissing and Amy's pregnant, but it's Anthony and it's it's fantastic.

Like, and if Ryan is listening, a I think you're way better looking than me. You know that. I think you're one of the cutest.

Are you going to give an Eric compliment? I'm going to say that he had a few years of his life where he looked like Guy Fury.

Oh, sure. He had a haircut. He had a very specific hairstyle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, so to see Guy Fury wrapped around Anthony Ketus is pretty funny. It was it was a fun one and but I was scary because I didn't think it was going to come in time. I had to reach out and I was like and I had to say look we have this tradition. It's this it's really meaningful. I don't know if you can rush it and they were like we're going to try.

Um and they did it for me and it was really nice. But I had to have a backup. Oh, so you have a secondary tertiary.

So now I just own a photo album of pictures. It's like not nearly as good. It's just pictures. table book in one of your rooms in your new house.

Yeah. The present I gave was just fine. There was It was fine. But the payoff ended up being really funny, which just happened, which is

Molly and Eric and I were with Larry Trilling and Jen, his wife, and we were going out to see a comedy show at Largo, and we had walked by this bong store, and in the window was this enormous penis bong,

right? And I said to Molly, you know, you should really think about if you're ever going to smoke weed, that might be a good starter pipe for you. So, we have this long joke about this pipe and it's obnoxious and blah blah blah. So, then we went

into the theater and then I said I had to go to the bathroom and then I went back to the bong shop and bought that penis. Yes. Then I was like, I never ever know of anything.

That's fantastic. That's very thoughtful. Hit it in the truck. So anyways, I then decorated this huge glass penis bong. I'm going to back up often all through co we had this thing where you guys drank so much wine. We did

and I lived to go get it on the motorcycle and everyone would time me and I was constantly trying to beat my time but all the time I'm walking out of the store with like six bottles of wine in my hand and it crosses my mind like oh would I what have a paparazzi photo?

And so of course I'm standing at the counter buying this big [ __ ] ball. And I'm like, you know, is this something that gets out or

Right. So then I decorated it around the balls. I made it like um earth and grass and I actually glued like some foliage to it. And then the the [ __ ] I made a big candy cane.

Yeah, you made it Christmy. I made it Christmy to the point where you don't even really know what you're looking at. So anyways, the the present's fine. It was I would give it a six. But Molly sent me a picture yesterday. The housekeeper put it, arranged it with all the Christmas decorations.

Of course, she came home and it was just on display with their normal Christmas decorations

as it should be. And that made me really happy. It's kind of like um the penis from from White Elephant that ended up ultimately looking like a beautiful Christmas tree.

Yes. Cockad drawers. Cockadors. It was. Yeah. Dick drawers. Yeah. Dick draws. Dad drawers. Anyway, um yeah, no, it was great. Everyone did such a beautiful job.

Erica made me an incredible that game, Guess Who? Yes. Uh if you've not played it, you like get to give clues like this person would have fallen down after lunch. You pick a nerd. I don't know.

Uh and she made it with all special people from my world. And she did a lot of work, too. She because she had to she doesn't know everyone I'm so close to.

She got like pan. Yes. all childhood. New my friend Newman from Detroit. I don't know how the hell she found out about Newman.

She asked Aaron. She must have talked [clears throat] to Aaron. Yeah, that's so sweet. Yeah. But this is what

But that's so thoughtful. Like someone took the time to find out my closest friends from my whole life.

I know. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's a lovely thing. I would encourage people to get into Secret Turkey.

I think Lily should start a business where she like um comes in and and eventizes and makes things like really memorable for your party. I agree.

I think it' be a cool business. I agree. Um, okay. Uh, real quick, I'm going to give one present idea. I think a great thing to get somebody who cooks is a cookbook. There's multiple options here, but I mean, I'm obviously going to recommend Allison Roman's new cookbook. It just came out. It's called Something from Nothing. It's beautiful and delicious and also go the route of finding out their favorite restaurant and often restaurants have their own cookbook. A lot of restaurants do or like you know their favorite restaurant in New York might have a cookbook or something.

Get that and then you pair that. I'm into pairings. Okay. So, you pair your cookbook with either, depending on your budget, a um nice like luset pan or pot or stab.

I got Kristen a wicked lac cruset. Oh, for Christmas. And I wouldn't normally be saying that out loud, but it got shipped to Nashville and she unwrapped it.

Oh, so she knows she got it early. Yeah. like a a lac cruset or a um stab beautiful cookware or I also like this idea. There's a company called Francis May. It's a store in Portland

and they have ornaments on their site that are so cute. They have like a parmesan cheese rind or a pomodoro sauce. There's like food ornaments that are very, very, very cute. So, I think you could get that and pair it with your cookbook.

Yes. And that's a great gift. Great. I love it. And on this topic, Monica, yes.

I would like to tell everyone about a wonderful thing we're participating in this year.

So, [clears throat] Amazon has this incredible thing called forgiving Tuesday. Right.

Yeah. and uh it's for the holidays and they asked if we want to be involved and I very much wanted to be involved because the Covenant House which has a mission to help youth and young families uh throughout the holiday season. Amazon has created a charity list where you can purchase items that the Covenant House has specifically requested. And the best part is everything you get gets shipped directly to them and there [clears throat] are multiple different people participating. Cynthia Revo is doing it. She has her everyone gets to pick a charity. So, um, mine is Covenant House, and I would love for everyone who's inclined to to go participate. And if you want to help, what you can do is go to amazon.com/holidaygiving to learn more about Amazon's holiday giving campaign and how you can participate. Every gift, no matter how small, can make a real difference in someone's life. So, yes, just go to

amazon.com/holidaygiving to learn more. And if you're interested in Covenant House, um they're active 247 in 34 cities across five countries and they're just a wonderful group to

I love this. I'm going to participate. Please participate and anyone who's inclined to and has a little extra, go there and send some real essentials to the Covenant House and that would be great.

All right, let's do some facts. Let's do some facts. Okay, Jake. Oh, what? JJ, wait. This is creeps. What happened?

This is definitely that my computer's listening. Okay, cuz I typed in Oh, no. Never mind.

Oh, it's not listening. It's not listening. Can't hear anything. Okay, there's a cake. This is the only fact we have for today.

Tom Cruz cake. Oh, the cake he gives out for Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. And I've heard about this before. This is like lore.

Legendary cake. A goal in life is to eat this cake. Oh, is to eat it? Yeah, that should be easy. Just ask Jake when he gets sent it this Christmas.

I don't want to eat Jake's cake. Why? Because that's his cake. No, that's his cake for him to eat with his family.

So, you're saying you have to You're only going to eat one when he sends you one. Oh, that's that's not

that's a goal. Why can't that be a goal? Well, those are two different goals. Like, that just sounds like a goal of getting a present from Tom Cruz. And then another goal should be I want to try this cakey sentence to everybody.

Both. It could be both. Yeah. But you might deny yourself half of the riddle, which would be enjoyable, which is tasting this famous cake.

Okay. If you're holding out to become friends with Tom, I don't need to be friends with him.

I think you got to be friends with him to receive a cake from him. I [clears throat] don't know. Maybe

I feel like everyone he shakes hands with, he sends this cake to. Maybe he wants to send me this cake.

Should I reach out to I just got a a contact for someone in his world to beg him to come on the show.

Yeah. Should I send a request for the cake? No. No. Only if he comes on. Well, I will say if he doesn't if he doesn't want to come on, I understand. Can I still have one of the cakes?

Sure. Okay. And then that kind of satisfies your criteria. Yeah, that's true. Yes. He has sent it

to us. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. White. It's a white chocolate coconut bun cake [snorts] and apparently Oh, and it's from a bakery in Woodland Hills called Dones. Dones or Dones?

D O A N. Yeah. Do you know it? No. I saw on the image that Rob just put up. I saw Dones.

Yeah. And he sends it to a long list of celebrity friends. I wonder how many it is at this point. I mean, I feel like it's a thousand cakes. Can you imagine Doan who owns this bakery is like okay

Tom's orders coming up like you know how you're feeling fry they like they have to deal with Tom's. So that's my question is

what are the logistics of this cuz you can't bake a thousand cakes in one morning unless they have the biggest factory in California. I know

which they don't. No. So, are they making them, you know, who gets the one they have to start making them probably five days ahead of time, right? Are they making 200 a day?

So, someone's getting one that was 5 days old and someone's getting one that's a few hours old.

Well, and I wonder if he has a flowing chart of priority. No, no. I bet he gives the list with some advance.

Yeah. And then it's like for two weeks going out. Okay. They don't all have to drop.

Yeah. 9:00 a.m. Tom. Look at you'll hear a knock at your door. Yeah. All thousand people at 9:00 a.m. And when you open it, they'll be holding a steamy cake.

It's like getting into college when you know it's like 9:00 a.m. You got to check and see if you got in.

It's like that. It's 9:00 a.m. on December 20th. If your door is knocked, you got a cake.

Should there be a whole movie about Tom Cruz's cakes? Cuz that's like um ticking time clock. It's got all the ingredients, pun intended.

Yes. For a great high stress doc. Just Oh, doc would be nice. I was thinking something fictionalized.

Can we make it so that we definitely get him? Then we definitely get the ones that fall cuz they got they have to account for like 4%

failure rate. So they're probably making 100 cuz bun cakes can collapse. Yeah. So they're making probably,50 of them.

Wow. in anticipation of dropage leakage. How many people do we think we know who's had it? Obviously Jake.

Five. Jake. I feel like Kimmel has to receive one. [sighs and gasps] Yeah, right.

Probably. I guess anyone we know who's done a movie with everyone. We should have asked Billy Crudeup if he received a cake.

Maybe not because of that qard situation. Exactly. Okay. This is a good test. Yes. Who gets the cake and who doesn't? Yeah.

My friend said they'd come the first week of December. Oh. So throughout the week they're going out.

First week of December. I'd like to see that push a little closer to Christmas.

No, but it's kind of nice. It's like December. It's starting. My cake is here. I'm in this mood. I'm in the season.

Um All right. Well, I that cake makes me hungry. And that's our Emily Blunt cake.

Oh, that's a cute for for um She gets one for sure. Yeah, but that's good for our Halloween mashup.

Oh, yeah. Emily Blunt Cake. Emily Blunt Cake. All right, that's it for Jake. That was everything. Yeah. Okay, that's the name of the cake.

You could order this cake from there. It's on Gold Belly, too, which means anyone can order it.

You can get it. That's so that's why we're saying it. But I I bet the last the last couple weeks of November, early December, you're not going to be able to get it. are quote sold out because of Tom.

Yeah, you got to get that order in in June probably. Yeah. Well, anyway, let us know if you buy it,

listeners. Tell us how it tastes. All right. Okay. Bye. Love you.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Jake Johnson Returns Again | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard"?

Dax Shepard (Host), Monica Padman (Host), Jake Johnson (Guest), Lily Padman (Guest).

What is "Jake Johnson Returns Again | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard" about?

Jake Johnson returns for a lively discussion as he shares insights from his acting career and experiences as a podcaster, highlighting the different dynamics of providing advice. The conversation touches on themes of humor, friendship, and the enjoyment of creatively exploring new roles, all while maintaining a lighthearted tone.

What is mentioned in this Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard episode?

183 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Armchair Expert, Jake Johnson, Dak Shepard, Lily Padman, Audible's best of 2025, Joe Swanberg. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Jake Johnson Returns Again | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard"?

The episode runs 2 h 3 min; the transcript is about 26,375 words in 814 timestamped sections.

More from Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated February 8, 2026.