Transcript

Halston Ray Quits | Bertcast # 709

From Bert Kreischer · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 53 min · 21,088 words · 410 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Halston Ray Quits | Bertcast # 709", an episode of Bert Kreischer published December 31, 2025 (1 h 53 min, about 21,088 words). It mentions 3 people, works and ideas, including Holston, Ari, AJ's Tacos.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Holston
  2. – 30:00: Holston
  3. – 40:00: Holston
  4. – 1:00:00: Holston
  5. – 1:10:00: Holston
  6. – 1:30:00: Holston, AJ's Tacos

Notable quotes from "Halston Ray Quits | Bertcast # 709"

  • It on my pace. I've already got something burning. I got two bears. If we slow down Bass cuz Halton Holston gave up on me, then that's fine.
    about Holston · at
  • Have you ever heard the AJ's Tacos chorizo story?
    about AJ's Tacos · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Holston — Person · 8 mentions · first at
  • Ari — Person · 6 mentions

Companies & orgs

Full transcript with timestamps

That was the wildest [ __ ] that ever happened because Ari kept going, "This isn't your show. This isn't what you do. This isn't You guys don't do this normally."

I was going through a crazy year. I was like, "I could use the extra $1,000 and I saw my opportunity and I took it."

So, let's talk about the year that got you to drink Har's piss. Called open. Hey guys, big news. We are finally launching a YouTube channel just for the stuff you guys have been asking for. January 1st, I need you to check out the new BBP clips channel. I'll have my old podcast moments from all my podcasts and leann. It's going to have never-before-seen footage of me on tour. It's going to feature comics, entertainers, friends that I've talked to, toured with, drank with over the last decade. Click the link in the description to subscribe. Permission to party kicks up again in 2026.

Huntsville, Alabama, January 15th. January 16th, Columbia, South Carolina. the 17th, Charlotte, North Carolina and Augusta, Georgia, January 18th. Avoid scalpers and go to berber.com to get your lowest ticket price. All right. Say start the podcast with the Say it.

Hey guys. Nope. You say I quit. Bert, I quit. You know, I I you know, I I barely like you, Holl.

I've been with you for so long and I don't think about how much uh time we spend together. You know, you're almost like you're almost like uh you know, people don't think about their pinky toe and then you lose it and you lose balance and then you're like, "Why can't I dance anymore?" And they're like, "You don't have a [ __ ] pinky toe." And you're like, "God damn it, I look weird in sandals." I've been with you how long? A

little over eight years. Eight years. Yeah. and you're gone. You're done. Tell everyone what you're doing because I think this is very important.

I uh I am leaving my podcast producing job and I am going to go to Nashville to be a songwriter and singer, which is what I have been doing this whole time here as well. But um you know, LA doesn't feel like the place for me anymore.

Is that focus, Christian? I might have I might I'm Yeah, just so we're clear. Uh I should probably say this. This podcast is changing drastically. We're not going to do as many episodes as we've done. We've done them weekly.

Uh [snorts] and I'm by the way, I'm can't I'm I'm won't be able to do ads. It's just too much on my plate. And by the way, we're looking for a new podcast producer. Hit me up at I think birdcaster.com if you're into that kind of stuff. But it, you know, it's going to be hard to replace Austin. Um, so wait, you you came out here down here from Washington State?

Oregon. Yeah. Oregon. Same. Same. You're thinking about my wife who came here from Washington State. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, and uh to be a singer songwriter. Yeah. And music producer and just production in general.

Um, and I was not in that business at all. I was delivering pizzas. That's where I started listening to your podcast. Um, probably nine years ago, I want to say.

Yeah. Um, maybe a little bit before that. Can you see when the first broadcast was dropped?

I didn't I wasn't there for the first one when it was dropped. That was 13 years ago.

Jesus. I've been doing this 13 years. Yeah, man. In a row. I know. Every week. Every week for 13 years. I mean,

that's really commitment. It really is like technically I'm better than Seinfeld.

It's impressive. It really is impressive. And like the just the volume of podcast that you've done has been absolutely insane.

Yeah. I can't I can't believe how much you've done really. Like So wait so wait, when did you come down to LA? Like 12 years ago.

10 years ago. 10 years ago. Yeah. So I was delivering pizzas for two years. Um the best thing that came out of that place was my wife. That's where we u met.

Wait, you work you worked at Domino's too? Yeah, you're way too pretty to work at Domino's.

I know. I saw her getting interviewed and like I came in from a delivery and I was like, "Who was that blonde chick with the red lipstick?" And um she didn't come around for like a few weeks. And then I asked the manager, I was like, "Did you ever hire that one like blonde chick with the red lipstick? Like she was beautiful." And he was like, "Yeah, yeah, she's uh she's up in Seattle visiting family and then she's going to come back down." And I was like, "She's from the Pacific Northwest." Hson's like, "I'm in. I'm in." What kind of [clears throat] music does she like,

dude? And immediately we were just like hitting it off and um she twisted her ankle when we were supposed to go on a hiking date and I thought that that I thought she was trying to blow me off. Um but it was actually turned out to be real. Um and then we ended up going on our first date. We went to a volcano. Do you know where a volcano is?

Yes, I do. Volcano fusion. Yeah, I know. Burbank. and we went to a movie and we had our first date there. Yeah. And that was um 10 years ago or nine nine years ago.

Wow. And so then one day you're walking down the street with your wife, your girlfriend at the time,

and you hear me yelling at Isla about a baseball. Well, I was delivering pizzas and I heard you like complaining about needing a podcast producer, needing help with a podcast. Um,

which you guys will hear a lot of in 2026. Yeah, it's going to be like one episode every 3 months. It takes It'll take you a while to

It'll take me a while. But you know what? Listen, not going to stop the podcast. I'm just going to say I'm doing it on my pace. I've already got something burning. I got two bears. If we slow down Bass cuz Halton Holston gave up on me, then that's fine.

Yeah. just go to his live shows in Nashville and just and just come up and go, "Hey, it's because of you. We lost per." I'm kidding. So, wait for ruining my favorite podcast, man.

Just put it all on me. Like, yeah, for real. No, this is the best thing that's ever happened to you.

This I think I might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Second to my wife. Yes.

Yes. I'm really close. You're very close. You might be the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm second to my wife. Like, you look at like managers and agents and they're all great. And then but I had something that I believed in that I loved that was really difficult for me.

And I remember and you're my first employee ever. Yeah. Well, I was your only one for like 5 years.

Yeah. 5 years. It was me and you. And it was like I would call you. You'd call and be like, "Yo, we got to do ad reads today." And I'd be [ __ ] sitting around my house and I'd be like, "It's 8:30 at night. I'm going to call Holston." And you'd walk over, set up the man cave, come in, get me, and bang out ad reads.

And then you'd be like, "Great, we're good." And I I was like, "God, this is this is what I'm talking about."

Easy. Yeah. Back when you only had a few ad reads every week. Do you remember that? We got three ad reads. You're like,

"Yeah, three quickly." Okay, cool. Easy. Yeah. By the way, didn't even need to be on video.

Yeah. It was just audio only. And then one day we added to the YouTube video. Um, dude, those man cave days were so fun. We I spent three years in the man cave with you. Right behind your back.

I know. those those manc days were like, you know, the the podcast has gotten fun and it's gotten big and I think podcasting has changed in general, you know, and I think you've probably seen that firsthand.

Yeah. In just in just in your knowledge of being at the forefront of being at the forefront of podcasting.

I mean, really, honestly, when you started, there was there was young Jamie. No, no, he wasn't there yet.

He was there yet. He was there. It was still Was it still Red Band? Mm-m. [clears throat] No, not when I started with you.

Really? Jamie had been there for a couple years. No. Well, yeah. I I started after you guys did the weight loss challenge.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shortly after cuz that's where I discovered you guys.

That God, that [clears throat] is a crazy year in my Wait, that's when you started with me as 200 Wait, when was that?

2015 or 16? 15. I started with you in 2016, but I think the weight loss challenge was 2015.

I remember what a crazy 10 years it's been for you. Yeah, it's been pretty wild.

I've just been trying to keep up with you for the last 8 years. Insane. So, um, in that group of podcasters, like only a few of us had producers.

Joe had Jamie. Uh, Tom had, uh, Nadav. Just Nadav. Yeah. All he had was Nadav. Yeah.

Nadav used to go to their house and do it. Yeah. Yeah. And and then I remember I was like he's like the podcast is gonna be down or he goes we got a backlog podcast. I was like why? He goes my [ __ ] producer is going to Israel and I was like what? He's calling Blueb.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I' I I hadn't even had to go to Israel either. Never. Like never. Never in these last eight years.

Not once. Yeah. And so wait, you started Niu and the podcast. And out of those podcasts, those early podcasts, I remember there was a period where I was really good. And you you would go, "That was a good interview."

I'm still doing that to this day, man. For real. I really am. The Snow the Product interview the other day.

Yeah. Was [ __ ] amazing. I'm always like blown away because if you look at Snow the Product, she's a Latina female rapper.

Yes. And I'm like, how is Bert going to get along with her? They are nothing alike in any way. And still you manage to like come together with this person and you like you ask so many questions. You learn so much and like your curiosity is the thing that like makes this podcast successful. For real. It's just been so cool to be behind the scenes of all of these. I've learned so much. I mean, yeah, you're you're still very good at podcasting.

I don't know if I'm I don't know if I'm that good. I feel like I've talked too much.

You're a little overexposed maybe. Yes. But not like I think that's good that that we'll take this podcast slower cuz I think that'll be better for me.

Yeah. Is like you know they you know and just it it all kind everything works everything happens for a reason and I think this is happening for a reason for you because I want to know I'm curious like what did you see the what did you see we'll talk about the podcast a little bit cuz I'm curious of like what are your favorite episodes? what episodes you hated, what episodes you were like, I wish we had never [ __ ] filmed that. Or um or like what episodes you were like, that was like the funnest [ __ ] moment we've ever had. But like I'm curious the uh like what what was the what was the decision like for you to to decide to to leave and to quit cuz this is a secure job.

Yeah. Yeah. Job job security. It's like, you know, you as long as you you were here, I was going to keep doing it.

Yeah. It was the biggest decision that I've ever had to make. And I did not do it lightly. I've been thinking about it for like a year and a half.

You've had a [ __ ] rough year and a half. And we'll talk about the this how this year has been for me, but that was like kind of the catalyst of it. But it started with like me being very unhappy like 3 years ago in like my mental health was good but I was still like there was something there that I wasn't reaching my full potential. I was just like feeling unhappy. Um and so I thought that maybe had to do with like oh I haven't been on stage in in like 6 years. I took six years off from being on stage and I had never taken that much time off ever in my whole life since I was 10 years old all the way to 27 years old or something. So 17 years I was constantly on stage. I was a big- time theater kid all through high school and then like that led into bands. I was playing in church bands. I've been I've been singing my ass off for a long time. I've been in metal bands. I've been I've been

doing like so much music and um I got very comfortable and complacent in this job and I was very happy. This job is so [ __ ] fun. You're so fun. You're the best person I'll probably ever work for and hopefully the last. And

hopefully like call me up two weeks later. Will Compton and Taylor Lewan are [ __ ] I [ __ ] just started working for them. are [ __ ]

Jelly Roll is not who you think he is, man. Seriously. Um, and so I also was like getting a little lower than I should be with how great my life was. Like my I had like gotten engaged. I had this long relationship that we were we had been happily together. I had this amazing job, but there was just this missing piece of like not playing shows and not being up on stage.

And if I'm not mistaken, 3 years ago, were you drinking? Yes. So, that was that was the other thing.

That's why I can't get him drunk today. That was the other thing is like first thing was first, I needed to get sober. Um, the weed was holding me back.

You used to smoke a lot of weed and you would you would never talk about it ever anywhere because you were afraid your dad would find out. [clears throat]

Yeah, I was a closet weed smoker. Um, but you weren't doing it. I remember you talking about it and I was like, it doesn't sound like he's doing it to like go play frisbee. Like you were doing it to like medicate. It was I was definitely self-medicating and I didn't know much about my own mental health at the time. Um I had figured out a lot um by the time I got sober, but um I was coming home every night and editing away and then when I was like all done with my work, then it was time to rip it up. And it calmed my brain. It was the perfect I mean, you know all the benefits of weed and how [ __ ] amazing it I'm about to order a drink from downstairs.

I still love it to this day. I I miss that very, very much. I do not miss drinking, but I miss weed a lot. We had a great relationship until we didn't. And it was because I was smoking every night for 6 years in a row. Um, my anxiety started to get triggered by the dumbest, most simple, easy things like every day throughout the day. And when I wasn't smoking or anything like that, I was just starting to get so anxious all the time. And that wasn't really me growing up. Um, and so I started getting into therapy and just talking to a therapist. I just knew right away. I'm like, I got to quit smoking weed. This is like it's a it's making me anxious. And what it did is it lowered my anxiety threshold. And um I couldn't I just couldn't do it anymore.

And I tried cutting back. I couldn't cut back. I had a hard time because it was connected to my sleep. And then I'm getting anxious about sleep. And then I'm like melatonin is not working. I need weed and melatonin. D.

Yeah. And um what's it like what's it like going through all this and then coming into work with a boss who's so self-centered he never asks about you?

Because as you say this I go I didn't know you were going through that. I but it's not I think here's the question. I'm obviously I'm self-deprecating because that's comedy. But the truth is so many people are going through this. So many people listening right now can probably identify with having a dream, working a job, working a job and hoping that they can do both and not achieving, medicating because they feel like they're not doing enough. And they walk into a job where no one gives a [ __ ] You walk into a job where you walk in and everyone's like, "Hey, you're late."

And you're like, "I'm going through shit." I never said, "Hey, you were late." Ever. But but I'm saying like you were dealing with all this and you'd walk into work and then I'd just be like I'd be like, "Hey, what's up?"

I mean, I had I had a job to do. I was It was It was the best thing for me to keep me focused and not worrying about like anything. I I I never really had anxiety with you at all. I never had like I I never had really issues at work at all. It was all just like having to do with sleep or at home or family dynamics or like whatever. And then all of a sudden I started feeling anxious about the most innocuous things and like just that like that feeling that visceral feeling. Um

I live with it over like like what am I going to make for dinner? like, "Oh, [ __ ] I I have like I don't even think I the chicken out and then it's just spiraling like that and that doesn't happen anymore now that I'm sober."

So, we talk about like what was that what was what was like getting sober like? Cuz I I very flippantly almost in an HR meeting was like, "You have to drink with me tomorrow." And you're like, "No, I don't." I was like, "Holy, you're not really sober. Like, you just quit drinking." But like, but I'm curious because I knew you stopped drinking. I knew you stopped partying. I knew you stopped smoking weed, but I didn't know like I didn't know it was how much it was tethered to your mental health.

Yeah, that's and and and also not like living up to my full potential. Like I wasn't

That's the thing that motivated and I recognized that and I [ __ ] will never let anything hold me back from my full potential. Um, and that was like directly impacting my whole life, my relationship with my fiance at the time. And um, like I was isolating like crazy and like the pandemic did not help with that. And

I stayed in that isolation for a really long time. Um, way longer than the the pandemic lasted. And my anxiety was at an all-time high. because of the pandemic too because I started adding like fear of germs and fear of like public and then all of a sudden I'm getting anxious about going to the grocery store because I'm because being around people and then I kind of wrote it off to like I'm an introvert. I'm an introvert. I'm not an introvert at all. Like I'm definitely somebody who can charge their batteries by being alone and also somebody who can charge their batteries by being around groups of people and friends and like having wonderful conversations and like

I needed that in my life so badly and it took me like a year and a half to like straighten myself out in that way. For real. Yeah. You guys were the only people I saw for a while at one point.

Yeah. like the pandemic. We were doing Zoom podcasts for a year, maybe a year and a half or something.

Jesus. And it was like a lot of recording, a lot of editing. I was by myself. What was our first was our first live one with Casey Neistat?

No, the first live ones were outside. It could have been like Todd Glass or um Ron and Dave Williamson was around that time and Rick Glassman we did outside um during those back in person ones.

Yeah. Yeah. And then um and then it was like Yeah. Casey Neistat and Taylor Tomlinson and when before we had the set in that spot

it was just white walls and echoey and god that was a [ __ ] So wait uh really difficult.

Is this when you is this when you decided to go vegan too? Um, no. I went vegan partly because I was a stoner and I was eating too much cookies and like a full plate of cookies every night with my roommate and like we were eating terrible junk food and I got up to 208 lbs.

Holy cow. What's that feel like? Jesus Christ, Austin. Dude, that's my dream weight.

That's 38 lbs more than what I am now. Well, yeah. I think you could use 38 pounds.

I absolutely could use more weight. It's been this year is why I dropped down to like 170. Yeah. Not good.

So, wait, let's talk about this year. What happened to you this year? Um, you're not allowed to talk about any of this on Leanne's podcast. Keep going.

Okay. Cuz you know, she really like she's Leanne's much better boss than I am. She's a much more involved. She wants to know about you. She wants to know like I'm I'm pretty much like plugandplay. Like I come in, I go, "What's up everybody?" I tell you everything going on with me. I'm I'm output only. I'm AC, not DC. Was that right? Something.

Yeah. I'm I I come in, I dump on everyone, I do my job, and they're like, "All right, I'm out, guys. Take care." And so,

that's how it should be, though. That's how it should be. I mean, I think so, too.

Yeah. For real, though. Like, we're here to like work and work on your stuff, and like you have a life, and like you just need you need to get this work done. We should be absolutely like boom, boom, boom. Like, but yeah. Um, this

I only say this cuz like you had a [ __ ] up year and a half. Yeah. Like a year and a half.

A little about a year and a half. Yeah. Um, at one point Leanne was telling me about it and I was like,

are you kidding? Yeah, dude. I go I would have tapped out. I would have tapped out, gotten a motorcycle and been like, bro, good luck. [snorts]

I was sober. My pills were in the cabinet. I was sober for like two years or no, I was sober for

Speaking of sober, someone get me a [ __ ] drink. I was sober for a year before all this started happening.

I am a good boss. I should really take edit that. I guess I got to edit it out now. All right, keep it in. I'm going to keep a lot of [ __ ] in this podcast. You know that. I'm going to be like, I'm going to get back in trouble of like when I used to to put stuff in and they'll be like, "You said that." I'm like, "I don't remember saying that."

Your address. Your Yeah, my address. Yeah, you were there when we got doxed. Hey, uh Kyle, for real, I wouldn't mind a drink and I would like a fun drink. I would like something enjoyable. Maybe a compari spritz. Okay. And if I don't see you up here in eight minutes, Kyle, we're gonna have [ __ ] issues. All right, you were saying.

Oh, by the way, set a timer for 8 minutes. I never set the timer. I have no idea how long we've been going, so we'll just keep going until

Oh, okay. How long have we been going? 24. That it feels like four. Keep going.

It really does. Yeah, we have We're so good at talking to each other. We should have You know what I should have done early on? I should have had you just be a third mic on the podcast.

I have I early Yeah. When you were in the video with me, you when you were in the when you were not in the booth, you were more interactive. Do you remember when meu and Paul and his girlfriend saw them take that stone out of that dude's mouth?

Oh yeah. Yeah. Those were my favorite. Yeah. The open tab. Open tab. So [ __ ] fun.

Yeah, dude. That was so fun. That was so [ __ ] fun. Yeah. You're going to like do more of those, aren't you?

I'm I'm Well, now that I'm now that I'm back into just Bert, I think Open Tabs will come back. I think I'll do those on the road with comics.

Yeah. And um and I because there's just easy. And then uh and then this will be, you know, like I have a big guest coming out in in what so I just plan around that.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, it's I just think that I the problem is I didn't and I hope this sounds like a compliment, not like a a backhanded compliment, but I didn't plan on having you in my life. And I didn't realize how good you were. I didn't realize how seamless you were, and I didn't realize how how needed you were until we started to grow this company. And I was like, I could use like two HOL. Creatine isn't just for muscle building. It has become a daily essential for strength focus recovery aging and cognitive performance. And now, Momentous is making your daily creatine routine routine even easier with new creatine chews. These bite-size lemon lime chews make consistently consistently. I think a rat's gotten into ours. Consistent See? Effortless.

You just chew and go. They're so good. Everyone at the office has been sneaking them. That's why we're almost out of them. Each chew delivers exactly 1 gram of Creapure creatine monohydrate. The gold standard. Single sourced from Germany. And NSF certified for sports, which means it's independently tested for purity, safety, and label accuracy. Trusted by Olympic athletes, pro sports teams, and elite military operators, Momentus spent years testing until they created the first chewable that actually meets the Momentous standard. Uncompromising science, meticulous sourcing, and real transparency. No artificial sweeteners, no fillers, just sciencebacked and clinically proven performance in a portable, cravable format. Whether you're training, working, traveling, this is performance without pause. Made to support your body and your brain every single day. Get a pack for your parents. Your parents are not Your

parents know nothing about creatine. Listen, all of us that are into the podcast world, we've heard about creatine. We know how great this stuff is. Everyone's using it. Get some for your parents this Christmas. Right now, Momentus is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code Bert. Go to livemus.com and use promo code bird for up to 35% off your first order. That's live momentous.com. Promo code B. Hair loss is not just about hair. It's about the feeling you have when you look in a mirror. God, man, that is so true. I remember the first time I realized I was losing my hair. It was a panic that said it's in.

[cough] If you identify with that, then you're like me and a lot of the guys out there, and you need to check out HIMS. Hims helps you take back the confidence with access to simple personalized care that fits your life. Hims offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments that work with ingredients that work, including chews, oral medications, serums, and sprays. Doctor trusted clinically proven ingredients like finestide and minoxidil can stop hair loss and regrow hair in as little as 3 to 6 months. No hidden fees, no surprise costs, just real personalized care on your schedule. I do this every time.

It's not a ton of hair, but I'm 53. I started losing my hair 30 years ago. 30 years ago and I still have hair. [cough] [clears throat] So, if you're in your 20s and you're panicking that you're going to lose your hair and not fall in love, that's what the the fear is. I know I'm going to tell you personally. I was like, "What chick's going to want me if I'm bald? I got a hot chick. She's been with me for 21 years, 24 years. She's been with me 24 years. I had more hair when we met, but I still got some. For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss, and more. I hit the trifecta on that one. Visit hymns.com/bcast.

That's hymns.com/bcast for your free online visit. hymns.com/bcast. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidal and finestride. Featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve of or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescriptions required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Kyle Kyle, do you remember the first time you met Holston?

Yeah, I think it was a holiday. For real? Yeah. And what did you say? God damn it, that's what 67 looks like.

I was staring up. 5'8. Anyway, um K's 5'8. But but then and now you're at a place where you're like, I couldn't begin to figure out your job.

I couldn't begin to understand this. When I first started with you there, I couldn't have imagined this. Like first of all, podcasts were not television shows like they are now.

I had no television experience or video editing like experience. I think I had iMovie

when you when you hired me. I had iMovie. I was doing it in iMovie. Yeah. And like I had audio engineering experience and I had um uh I had done I had edited a few music things for myself, but I was that's kind of about it. Um and podcasts were just audio and then you put a camera in the corner and like you just sync the audio with the video. And I was like I can do that. Easy peasy. Um, and then over time, luckily, it slowly grew bigger and bigger and bigger, and you let me learn all those things on the job. Like, that's amazing.

Like, I'm always going to be grateful for you. You hired a pizza delivery guy. I thought, you know, how many times I've said that

to produce your podcast. I go, I kept, someone's like, "Hollson's amazing." I go, "Just so we're clear, he's only had one other job." And they're like, "What?" And I go, "Pizza delivery guy." And they and someone's I want to say it was Rogan was like, "Wait, he went from pizza delivery guy to your podcast." And I was like, "Yeah." And he's like, "Where did you find him?" I said, "Walking down the street literally." He saw me an island. He goes, "Wait, Isa Burch." I go, "Yeah, I listen to my podcast." I go, "Oh, cool." And you're like, "Just so you know, I know I I'd love to help if you ever need help." And I was like,

"Where do you live?" And you're like, "Right across the street." I go, "That would be cool." And then I think I hired you the next day

out of pure convenience. Out of pure convenience. And then we drove to [ __ ] Guitar Center and I was like, "What do we need to buy?" And you're like, "I have no [ __ ] idea." And you're like, "Mic stands, arms." Like, and we just literally figured it out at Guitar Center with Isla. We went with Isa. I think we bought Isla guitar or something.

Isa was 11. Like, we went We went over there. I knew what mics to get. You didn't have these mics.

I have these mics. I knew immediately. I had handheld mics which were terrible. Um, obnoxious. So, sorry. They were only terrible because if Joey Diaz was telling a story, his story always started to sound like this. Let me tell you about going to prison, okay? I come to prison and the first day I'm there and then this start like he would for a guy who uses a mic professionally. I wish you had been there when Joey and Ralphie did the podcast and Ralphie fell asleep.

That was my favorite. I mean, I have I am so grateful for this podcast because of all the great experiences I have, all the some of the hardest laughs I've ever had. Yeah.

One of the hardest laughs I've ever ever had is when we had that guy Jordan. Oh my. Should we play that?

Should we play the clip? Do we have it? Yeah. Um YouTube. Oh, Bert, you're going to have to YouTube this for us. Um

but we're done with YouTube on this podcast. YouTube. Um Bert Crusher. the hardest I've ever laughed.

Bro, you forgot to sign into YouTube, man. [ __ ] What are you doing? Oh, is this ads?

Yeah, dude. I don't even have the top one. And then we have another clip called The Hardest I've Ever Laugh to

Wait, let me put headsets on. Yeah, this is Hang on. Hit pause. Jordan Harbinger. Let me put these underneath. So, wait. I got to tell you. So, this Jordan I had met one time. I had met with um Zayn lamprey and I and I think I was a little contentious with him because he had like a I can fix your life book or something and I was busting his balls and then I listened to his podcast. His podcast is really good and so I said dude I'd love to have you on the podcast. He's really about like uh kind of optimizing life and and really in business and relationships and networking and he can really help you.

He really is brilliant. I I think he's brilliant, but he had no frame of reference for what he was stepping into.

I know. And Holston and I have been together long enough where Holston knew me pretty well.

And then and this and I said to Jordan, and you'll see this. I said, um, "Hey man, I'm just I I like give me a tip thing a thing I can do to tip. I'm bad with communication

and texting." Yeah. And texting. So, hit play. Sick video intro. I remember making that pouring beer into the logo. That's voice. Give me some lessons. Give me some tips. Give me Jordan 101.

So, one thing that I do every day, like around 10:00 a.m. your time, go into your phone, go to the text app, go all the way to the bottom. This is your worst nightmare, Bert, by the way. But you go all the way to the bottom of your text app. And that's where

text is that this? Yeah. Like messages. Yeah. That's where you've got like all those dead conversations that you haven't talked to people you haven't talked to in like two years.

Send them a message and be like, "Hey, I haven't talked to you for a minute. What's going on?" And then sign your name. And you'll get updates from people that you never would normally re-engage. Let's see.

10 a.m. every day. I like that. Uh this one's from uh James. Who's James? Hey, Bert. It's James from Hey, this guy sold me my gun. There you go. Hey, man. Just thinking about you. I see you TEXT. WHAT DO I SAY?

LITERALLY, it's so funny. I literally the script should be Hey, Jame. Use their name. Otherwise, they think it's a group text. So, hey, James.

Hey, James. Been a long time. Dash. Been a long time. What's the latest with you?

What's the latest with you? That's [ __ ] so I can't do It sounds a little too So what I do is if somebody let's say they have a baby, they get married, they go on a trip, or something else just that's interesting for me. Like if you have a show and I see it on social media, I'm not just going to click like. I'm not just going to like type a comment. I'll send you a text or I'll send you an email. Maybe not you cuz I know you'll never answer.

I'm still thinking of me going, "Hey man, my guy will be my gun. I've been thinking about

that. That did that did come. thinking about you. The poor guy. He's a [ __ ] arms dealer. Hey buddy. Please don't reply TO THIS. Hey man, I'VE BEEN THINKING about having some [ __ ] THIS IS WHY I DON'T REPLY TO EMAILS. Let's get together. I would love to sit and talk. I'M GOING THROUGH SOME [ __ ] I NEED YOUR HELP. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? I'M imagining

some guy like in a mobile home cooking cooking meth and getting this text when he wrote back I don't sell guns anymore.

I have crystal meth though your job I can't help you but I've been thinking about you too. I missed you.

What are you doing Friday night? [snorts] I added deep to this THINKING ABOUT YOU TOO. I'M [ __ ] SWEATING. I'm sweating. All right, that's that's good. That's good,

dude. Like moments like that just happen so organically and it's just dude so much fun. I mean that was my work. That was my job.

That was my job that I went to and like I got to do that. That was when I think I was at my best at podcasting. Like that was when I was like when I was at my best at podcasting. And I'm not saying like I I think I've gotten I've gotten better in places and I think I've gotten better at connecting. I have not gotten better at listening. I interrupt a lot. But you know I don't know what people want out of a podcast. This isn't [ __ ] traditional media.

Incredible. This is supposed to be fun and loose. It's like I never did Rogan and was like I don't feel like I got my say in. I definitely did. I definitely talked over him a lot.

He's a great listener. Yeah. No [ __ ] He might be one of the best listeners. Uh he listens so good it makes me uncomfortable.

Yeah. Like that's how good he is at listening. He just makes you keep talking. He just goes like this. Really? Why would you say that?

Maybe you should start doing that. Just Why would you say that? Can you imagine?

You got to be cool. You got to be confident in who you are and confident with what you want to say. I'm not I

You also don't like confrontation. I I hate confrontation and and silence is pretty deafening in [clears throat] that flash flood brain of yours.

I cannot stand silence. It's crazy. But there's people who really can't stand silence. Like I'm not that bad.

I'm not great. I still have to listen to headphones when I go to sleep. I watch Homestead Rescue and pass out with headphones on listening to construction work.

Yeah. I don't know. Um, let's before we get into your year, let's talk about probably the podcast most people have asked about, but I'm going to have to ask you, how do I get a hold of it?

Uh-huh. The Ari Shafir Drugging Me podcast. Yeah. Like I don't know where that is.

It's in a vault locked away. Is it really? Yeah. I don't. So, like when you leave, I'm going to have to call you and be like, "Dude, Ari died. I'm putting this podcast out." I Oh, that's the day I'm going to put it out is the day he dies. He might be dead right now. I haven't heard from him in [ __ ] eight months, 3 months.

That would be a that would be a drop. Yeah, we thought about like do we release it as the last broadcast episode and then shut it down episode 700? I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah, we talked about it for that. We I've talked about releasing it. The only the the only reason I never wanted to release it was two reasons. Number one, I it was it was not a great look for Ari. No,

it's and it's and I know he's like just put it out cuz Ari doesn't mind the the the negativity, but it it was it was really negative and it was like and I I know I think Ari thinks it's not that bad cuz he was on drugs and he doesn't remember it.

Yeah. He was on Molly. Yeah. He doesn't remember the look on my face and I've seen it. I've watched it with you. And the look when I realize I've been drugged, there's a panic that sets in and a helplessness where you where you realize friends aren't supposed to do that to friends. And that's the moment that I don't think he quantifies in his head. I think he thinks it'll be funny. It'll get clicks. It'll get views. Where I look at it and I go, it it may it may really it may really [ __ ] up the way even like people like the best. I mean, you know what's crazy? He's like Ari drugged uh Big Jay.

Mhm. And I watched it and it's, you know, it's not that bad to watch, but it's not uh it's it because there's a lot of people around and Shane kind of jumps on top of the grenade and Shane takes acid, too. And he's like, "Buddy, I'm here with you. I'm not going to let you go down." Like, and it kind of make it communal. They all take acid. But um but I talked to I talked to Big Jay the day after it happened. I talked to Tommy [clears throat] the day after he was drugged by Joey. We all have a very common response and it's you know it's not it's not like it's it takes a while for you to find it funny. You know,

I personally it took a beat for me to realize how [ __ ] up it was. I I realized it when I told my wife about it. Yeah.

I was like, "Oh my god, Ari dossed Bert's shot with Molly and he was on Ecstasy for like four hours."

We did this podcast. It was pretty funny. And then she was like, "That's [ __ ] up." And I was like, "You don't get it. You're a girl."

Yeah. Women Women really responded negatively to it. That I mean, but context does matter. You were in your own backyard with your small children at the time in the house. Your wife was there. You're on medication that he didn't talk to you about first. He didn't say, "Hey, is this going to counteract with blood pressure medicine? Is this going to do you have a flight tonight?" Cuz you did.

Um, and like yeah, that it was not as cool as I initially thought that it was. as a producer, I was like, "This episode is gonna be huge."

Yeah. Yeah. Um I edited it right away. I was up like all night. It was like a four and a half hour, five hour podcast or something like that.

And um it was a beautiful full episode. I mean, it had all the beats of like this big thing happening. You're like,

first of all, we were doing before he drugged me for like 45 minutes, we were doing a a hysterical podcast. Like it was so funny the two of us and and honestly I don't you know I I I know that our fans have polarized somewhat meaning like the dieh hard Ari fans I think if I'm not mistaken from what Ari shared with me hate me. They hate my guts. They like the from what like he just told me that one night and he's like dude [ __ ] people hate you. And I was like what? He was like my fans [ __ ] hate you. I had you on. He goes, "I thought you were great on my uh on my um on my uh my travel show, but god damn it, the comments are horrible." I was like, "Cool, Ari." I go, "I didn't need to know any of that." And he was like, "Oh, does that bother you still?" And I was like, "Yeah, it still bothers me."

He goes, "Oh, I'm past it. I don't care." He's like, "They're [ __ ] idiots. They're [ __ ] idiots. That's a great goddamn episode." And I was like, "Yeah, I thought it was a great episode." But so so I think and I think that I think his like the his fans just look at me as like a a weak person for not loving getting drugged or or or appreciating the comedy in it.

They just want to see the episode and they're just angry about not being able to see the episode and

I'd rather lose them 100%. Yeah. I'm just like I don't need I don't need [clears throat] that in my life. And I and by the way and you know Ari and I are still close and so what I'm looking at is like nothing really matters. I don't care what the outside looking in thinks about my life. What matters to me is my actual life. And Ari and I get along. Like, you know, it's like we we, you know, I think sometimes people misunderstand it because he does do this like, you know, [clears throat] his him on a podcast is not him.

That's the truth. Yeah. And I hope Ari doesn't get upset that I say that. I hope he appreciates that.

The I mean, the shocker is that he is such a great guy. He is. He's so nice. shocker is he is the sweetest, most caring, most loving, thoughtful. I mean, he is like

very loving, one of my favorite [ __ ] human beings. And then you put a mic in front of him or if you get an audience in front of him, he does do wild [ __ ] He does wild [ __ ]

Mhm. And and uh and and and he's but he is like you you know him the way I not the totally the way I know him, but you know him enough where you go, he's the [ __ ] best. Some part of him has been inside of me.

Yeah, that's an episode I bet we wish I bet broke wishes we never filmed. Huh? Another phone call where I was like, "Guess what? This is awesome. I got $1,000." And she's like, "My parents are going to see this. Your future children are going to see this."

Yeah. Uh, what the [ __ ] And I'm like, "Okay, well, okay. I'll just I'll blur I'll blur my face."

Oh, that was the [ __ ] that was the wildest [ __ ] that ever happened cuz Ari kept going, "This isn't your show. This isn't what you do. This isn't You guys don't do this normally."

I was going through a crazy year. I was like, I could use the extra thousand and I saw my opportunity and I took it.

So, let's talk about the year that got you to drink Ar's Piss. [gasps] Called Open. Oh [ __ ] So, I'll do the broad strokes. Your mom moves in with you.

My mom moves in with me uh two and a half years ago. Um we are freshly married. We just got married four weeks.

You married your mom? No kidding. I'm kidding. Um, my wife and I got married in Mexico and um, had the best honeymoon, had the best wedding ever. It was absolutely incredible. Perfect weather, perfect day. Everything went perfect. Everybody behaved. It was It was like picturesque. It was the best [ __ ] day of my life. Um, and then, um, like a month later, by the way, we had had a roommate this whole time. like our whole relationship, we had had a roommate, so we had never lived on our own before. So, we had like 4 weeks and then my mom moved in with us. Um, she didn't have a place anymore and we needed to take her in and then

How did that happen? Huh? How did that happen? She um just couldn't like afford her own place. um at a certain point she had a roommate that um had to go into a nursing home and then she kind of lost that apartment and then she was like living in a trailer in front of her dad's in a in cold Oregon with like barely any heat and she was like really really struggling and then um another like housing [clears throat] situation fell through in Wisconsin and she was just like bouncing around so much she was really really struggling and just like not in a good place and so we were like you can come live with us and um we got you know a nice secure place for you and um she was able to like get better like mentally also over the last 2 and a half years.

Did your mom struggle with mental stuff? Yeah, big time. Yeah, big time. Yeah, that's where I get it from. Yeah,

that's where I get it from for sure. Really? We have close to the same brain. Um [clears throat] I've done a probably a lot more like professional work than she has, but um she has done quite a bit of work over this last few years luckily and um it's really really helped. Um but yeah, about a year a year and a half into her living with us, um she got diagnosed with breast cancer. And so that started a year and a half long process of doctor's appointments non-stop. And I'm taking her to every single one. um a lot of emotional support and um just the pure volume of doctor's appointments and like figuring out insurance and all these [ __ ] phone calls and I'm like

you're you're the only one doing this. Yeah. I'm editing thumbnails and like on hold with insurance companies or like oncologists and I had to try to figure out I didn't know what an oncologist was. I didn't know what cancer doctors were. I didn't know that there was a difference between the cancer doctor, the surgeon, the reconstruction surgeon, the all this stuff and like kind of learning on the fly and like um and I'm very proud of myself for how I handled all that pressure and stress.

You killed it. I [ __ ] killed it. Yeah, cuz she's still alive. She's still alive. Yeah.

And she wasn't supposed to be. Let's just be very clear. She hadn't gone to a doctor. [ __ ] Like I remember hearing I hear stories third hand and they're like it was clear she had cancer and she was like I'm good. And H's like no I think we need to go in and take care of this. No, it was like she hadn't gotten any sort of mammograms or anything like that in over a decade and she was 59 at the time and like I had set up her health insurance and um they were kind of like bugging me about a checkup with her and I was like, "All right, [snorts] I'm going to schedule this thing." She hates doctors so this is She doesn't trust them. She hates them.

I have a friend who's the same way but with black people. Keep going. Yeah. Kyle. Um, and so it's not easy to get her to go to the doctor.

Yeah. And, um, she knew that she had a lump, but she didn't tell anybody. That, by the way, that I I got to be honest with you, that's kind of relatable

for I I have for me. Yeah. Like I had this thing on top of my head for a very long time and it was a lump and it was on top of my head and I was like, "It's fine. It'll it'll go away. It'll go away. I'm going to pop it. Don't pop it too hard. And then one day I was like, I got to go to the doctor. And I showed the doctor and they were like, oh yeah, it's a cyst. I was like, am I dying? And they're like, no, no. They just pulled it out. And I was like, can't believe all the [ __ ] months I took stressing about this.

Yeah. And then they just take it off. You're like, fine. But your mom wasn't and she knew about it.

She avoids the doctor like you do. Um, I go to the doctor every [ __ ] [ __ ] 6 months, but I just throw temper tantrums about it.

I know. And you reschedule a lot. Yes, I do. I do. I do. Listen, we don't need everyone to know my truths, okay? I'm about to reschedule his January doctor appointment. I just figure if I text with him enough, he'll be like, "He's fine."

He's being kind of annoying. I don't even want to see him. I got to see if I can do oral minoxidil. Keep going.

Oh, nice. Um, are you going to get a hair transplant? Uh, I've been thinking about it. Here's the thing. I think if I lose my hair, I might work more in Hollywood because now that everyone I think I'm gonna get offro and lose my hair and get ugly in facts. I think that's going to be a real castable role in the future. Everyone's attractive these days. By the way, you can't lose weight regularly. People just assume you're on Majaro anyway. So, what the [ __ ] is anyone not doing for?

But I I want I want I I want the hair I have right now a little thicker here and fuller in the back. I want, but I don't, you know, I I don't I've seen dudes I've seen a lot of very famous dudes with hair transplants. You can always tell.

Yeah. Like it's like the only person I can't tell the best hair transplants I've ever seen is Joel Male. His hair transplants [ __ ] flawless.

Dan Soder is pretty good. Dan, but Dan Soder wasn't really losing his [ __ ] hair. He just was obsessive about it cuz he smokes too much weed. His hair looks great. Steve Burns looks [ __ ] incredible, too. Steve Burns just got it done.

Matteo Lane, I think he's going back in again. He go Yeah, but I think it's addictive. And it's like tattoos. The second you get it once you're like I can keep going thicker, thicker, thicker, and you you keep losing your hair.

My hair when I first started 8 years ago was so thick and I had a perfect hairline

and it is so thin. It is like the top is it's going. I'm 34 now. I'm like I don't know. I was on ro gain for a while because

it's I feel like when you told me you gained 30 lbs. I was like you're 208. That's crazy.

It's going dude. It I My hair was so thick and luscious. You had Yeah, you did have [ __ ] pretty great hair.

I had I It was part of my identity. Was it really? Yeah, dude. Great hair was nice to have. And I have good hair now, but now I'm just a good hair guy.

Yeah. Um, so you just have a guy with a hotter wife than him. I know. The more bald I get, the more hot she gets.

It's [ __ ] sucks for her to watch you age like this. I know. She's 5 years younger than me. She's just going to stay young.

So, wait, let's go back to your mom. So, so, so what was Brooklyn like during Brooklyn? Brooklyn is right over there, by the way. The whole time she's been sitting right there. But what was how was how are you, how was she dealing with your mom? Your mom's mental mel health must have been sideways.

Yeah. You're newly sober. Not newly, but you're you're trying you're holding on by a thread. You got mental health issues.

Oh, you're sober. Yeah. Well, I was I was I actually just stopped drinking when she moved in. And that was kind of part of it. I was like I had a moment where I was like, "Oh, I don't want my mom to know how much I've been drinking lately cuz I was drinking a lot for the for the year before I stopped drinking."

Drinking a lot. Um a lot a lot and having a really good time. And it was very very fun. And it was uh it was it was like a a party time. It wasn't like a dark thing. I wasn't doing it alone. I wasn't doing it to cope.

I was genuinely celebrating. Like each year kept getting better and better for me. Um, [snorts] and I was genuinely celebrating and and then we had all these like engagement things and wedding stuff and like I really wanted to have a good alcohol tolerance by the time I got to my wedding and so I could drink my head off and just drink the entire honeymoon and like that was like the dream and I achieved that dream.

Nice. Yeah, it was it was awesome. Um, but after that I was like not I was not slowing down. And then I was like I remember my mom moved in and I had a thought that I didn't want her to know how much I had been drinking.

That's crazy, Holston. And then I was like I think I need to stop drinking cuz I just had that thought of like I need to hide this from my mom.

Even though she wouldn't care like she like but still ballsy move for her to move in with you and be like you got to slow down your drinking. like why don't you go back to the cabin in front of paw paws. Uh yeah, man. And so I I stopped drinking and it it wasn't that big of a deal. I drinking wasn't really an an issue for me. Um, but I had never been sober before fully cuz when I stopped drinking I when I stopped weed I picked up drinking [clears throat] like first it started every once in a while

and then it picked up to every weekend and then it picked up to almost every night again. Um, and then so I just I think I got that in me. I got that like addict [ __ ] that

you don't have the addict [ __ ] I actually I do. I feel like I just want you to know like I you're not like I know addict addicts you're not one of them but I think what you have is bad habits. I think you lean into your bad habits and it's but because you're you you are very strict with a lot of things.

Yeah. Your diet number one you eat pretty much the same thing every single [ __ ] day.

Yeah. You don't smoke weed. You don't drink. You did smoke weed. You did drink. But but even still you always showed up on time. You never seemed unpleasant. You never had a bad attitude. You never showed up high or drunk or never even when I think I tried to get you to drink, you'd always be like, "I'm working." You I mean, I only say that because as you move out to Nashville and I and I and we should have said this earlier, but you are moving to Nashville and I I'm only saying that so that everyone knows in Nashville when you see Holl give him love and when you see him doing a live show when he posts it and you're in Nashville, stop by and support him. Well, we're going to talk more about Nashville in a second, but but uh

but and I only say that because I don't want you to set yourself up for failure. And I and I say that to the both of you is you're about to start a brand new life. This is the best [ __ ] thing that's ever happened to you. I said this to Kyle today. I was explaining to Kyle about the salad days. Salad days are right now. I'm in the main I'm in the the main course of life, right? My meal just got here. Actually, I'm halfway through my meal, you know, and uh and and I love it. I look back at what I ordered and all the stuff I had, the entree, the the the first course, the second course, the now I'm on the third course. But I look back and I go, the salad days were the best. It's when I decided to meet Leanne. I decided I was going to find Leanne. I lost weight. I went to spin class twice a day, if not twice a day. I went once and then hiked.

I ate clean. And I remember things smelled different and they felt different. And that change that you get in life is an awakening. And it's and and I'm jealous that you guys are going to go to Nashville at a beautiful time in Nashville in the winter and then experience the spring and then experience a a fall where the the leaves change. Nashville is [ __ ] gorgeous and it's filled with cool like-minded people and you're going down there with a a wild skill set of if anyone needs help doing their podcast, you can plug in and play. I'm not saying that you should go in and and start doing this there only because I don't I don't think I think it would pause you on your dream, but you're about to enter into a big group of people that are going to be wild and fun and and and all I'm saying is remember who you are, but also remember as someone who's worked with you for 8 years, you're you're a

dialedin [ __ ] You're not going to lose the house to a couple beers with with uh with [ __ ] I don't think anyone drinks down there now that I know, but like [ __ ]

No. And I but that's because I I recognize and I stop it before it gets to that point.

Yeah. So So but I'm saying as you as your life changes and you go down there, be open know that you got your [ __ ] in. Stay who you are, but be open to a couple [ __ ] slips and a couple things that may because it may open a door and it may it's part of that business is wow. I'm not saying doing coke off a [ __ ] bathroom urinal, but I'm saying, you know, if if a joint gets passed around in a writer's session and you feel like maybe this would help in the moment, I I would allow yourself those liberties because having seen knowing you, you're not an addict. You're not I think you've got your [ __ ] together and I think you're going down there with purpose and drive which are so important

and and a skill set. And now I mean I've been working on like my music producing for 10 years now. Um, ever since I got to LA, that's what I was been really, really focusing on. And I just got to the point two years ago where I can release my own music now. Yeah. And it's been [ __ ] awesome.

I mean, it just seems like that's what's happening anyway now. Anyway, like I think Ernest just released his created his own studio and started releasing his own artists.

Yeah, dude. And it's like so cool. And you look at like you look at like Snow the Product who was in here the other day.

She is all independent. I've been watching her career for a long time. Yeah. And you you think to yourself like I mean I think and I'm curious to know what I'm curious to know exactly how the thought process went into like yo it's Nashville. Like did you guys sit down? Did was she saying like what are we doing? What? Like I want to know how that went down because it's tough to leave a job that's not going anywhere to pursue a dream

and LA in general because I mean the weather's amazing. Like we're com we're comfortable here. We know everything about it's like

I love LA. LA [ __ ] rocks. It really does rock. Everyone shits on LA and I and I [ __ ] on LA at times too, you know, just cuz it's easy to do. But like LA [ __ ] rocks.

It rocks. So, I mean, it's not super easy to live here, especially if you're struggling, but like it's amazing. I've had I've never lived anywhere for 10 years in my entire life. I had no like home base growing up at all. We were a military family and so LA has been the longest home that I've ever had. And like I'm really really going to miss LA a lot. But like we need something different. We need a different change of pace. We need like more nature, like that's easier to access. Um, we need like quieter places and like a place where I can really write and like a place where I can really rest. I don't feel like I can rest here.

Well, yeah, you're I mean, yeah, you're I mean, first of all, you're working like [ __ ] 60 hours, 70 hours a week.

I work like 40 hours, a little maybe a little more, but okay, whatever. I would have I would have just taken the compliment. I used to work that much more and then when we hired more people I I can just be a regular full-timer.

But but um but no it I mean my wife how did Nashville I'm curious if I've always been curious

kind of your fault. What? It's kind of your fault. Why? We had a live wife of the party there and I visited it for the first time ever.

Oh. And I was not even thinking about moving at the time at all. Um, and we did a live wife of the party there at Zies. And we stayed a night or two there. And I was looking around like, "This is clean. This the people are so [ __ ] nice. The traffic isn't that bad at all. It's like the downtown like where we were staying. It was really cool. There's recording studios in the hotels. There's like everywhere is a recording studio. everywhere is music centered and there's musicians everywhere and I was like this feels better to me than LA and it feels like maybe I could I want to come back here again [snorts] and then like one of my best friend Bryson he moved there. Um, our other friend group, Dawson, who was your graphic designer for a while, he moved there and I'm like, "My closest friends are moving to Nashville."

Dude, I met that guy. Yeah. And he was like, I think I saw him in Nashville. And he's like, I was your graphic designer. And I was like, cool. I had no idea.

Yeah. I was like, he goes, I know Holston. I was like, okay, that makes sense. Yeah, dude. And it and so like we had just gotten to talking about it and eventually when our friends moved there we were like it started become a thing and at the same time I was getting back on stage for the first time in 6 years and I was really rusty

really and I had this new thing called stage fright that I had never dealt with in my whole life. I was always very confident on stage. Um, and

now you're overweight, bald, and sober. [snorts] I I hadn't gone on stage in six years, but I was singing my ass off still and like writing my ass off and like I was getting better at that and I was learning how to produce and I was learning how to record myself and I was learning all this stuff. And um, I kind of had this new voice. I had this new vocal range that I had been working on a lot and I was writing songs that were hard to sing and that's what I want to do. I want to sing songs like Shine Down sing songs and like um just big belty powerful rock songs that are like acoustic or more chill instrumentals with this just beautiful powerful big range voice. And I've always wanted to be that and I never was until a few years ago and I started to really have the voice that I wanted. And um I was very nervous because my voice would crack when it would get high. My voice would I just I needed a lot of more

training to to get to the place where I am now. And um it took like two years. And

really? Yeah. Um, when I when we had Shine Down on a couple years ago, maybe it was a year and a half at this point. I had just released my first song uh called Let Me Be Lonely and we talked about it then. Brent actually shared it because we talked about it.

Those guys are pretty legit, dude. [clears throat] They're the nicest people. I knew them a little bit before. Um, but I wouldn't consider myself friends with them and now I'm feel like I'm legit friends with them. I went to their forum show and they gave so much love and I told Brent that I was heading to Nashville and he he was like, "Dude, please text me when you get there. Like I know so many people there and like you're a great songwriter and he was like I can connect you with so many different people so like let me know when you get there." And for me, my favorite songwriter to tell me

that I'm a great songwriter. I've been riding that high for months. I was wondering how much events like that affected you. It's cuz I was like at one point I I realized I was like I'm bringing in guys that are doing what HOL wants to do and he's watching them do what he wants to do. At a certain point this is going to break him. I I I literally said that. So I was like at a certain point he's going to be like

I can't do this anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's really like watching people [ __ ] your wife,

dude. Not that came out weird in the room. 100%. It it it gave me this drive though, like to just continue what I was doing. And it was very difficult to record my own songs and like release them myself and figure out all of that. There's a lot of like the graphic stuff, the promo stuff, the recordings. It's there's a lot to do and like

it's very similar to what I'm doing here at work all day and to go home and continue doing that for like four or five more hours after work is like really hard to do.

Yeah. Um but it's hard I mean in all honesty it's hard for me not to but make this about me but that's kind of what I do.

It's hard for me to do this and then try to write a joke. Yeah. And I have to be gone on the road to write jokes and I have to live on the road. I wrote the best [ __ ] joke yesterday. I wrote the best [ __ ] joke. I can't tell yet because it's pretty racist

because you're not going to edit this podcast. I'm not going to edit this out and I want to put in my special.

Yeah. Yeah, man. That was actually Yeah, it was it was a part of it. And I don't have like crazy desires to be like a rock star or whatever. I I just want to be a working musician and I want to tour and I want to sing for a living. I want to songwrite for a living and producing is going to be wrapped up into that, too. Um, and I know how to do that. I know how to attain it. And it's just a matter of like going to [ __ ] go get it. I know enough people now, I'm not talking about people like on Shinown's level. I'm talking about just

songwriters in general. I I I've made my way through that world, started from the absolute bottom, and now I'm like, I'm ready to take it to the next level now. But I can't do that if I'm working here and if I'm like I I'm I'm stuck in golden handcuffs here a little bit because I love it so much. I'm very passionate about podcasts. I'm very passionate about your podcast. I'm I feel very very connected to all of these shows and everything we've done over the last eight years. And it's really hard to leave. And it's really like like I'll definitely be leaving a a piece of me behind because I've poured my heart and soul into these shows into like making these shows as good as they can possibly be and like getting my skills to like as as strong and as sharp as they possibly can be.

But I need to go play shows and I and I just I I can't do that if I have this job. Um I'm deeply deeply tired because we are week to week every single week and it's it's like it's like a neverending sort of thing which I am totally cool with. I've I've loved to be working that way. I don't mind it at all. I've been able to maintain it for over eight years now. Um, sometimes I like dipped and went up and with like my burnout level, but like I figured it out. I figured out how to do week to week. And like I love it. I'd rather be doing this over delivering pizzas any day. And that's what I think about every single week.

Um, but yeah, I got to I got to pursue this thing. I'm I'm I'm 34 now. I'm like ready. I feel very ready to to start from the bottom in the songwriting world and like become successful at that. I know that I can.

Do you think Do [clears throat] you think you'll have a hard time cuz you're always been a little bit of like a rock guy. Do you think you'll have a hard time transitioning or trying to write more country or more cuz that's what sells so hot in Nashville right now.

I don't know what I'm going to be doing exactly. Um, but I think there's also this weird thing like when you look at like Hardy who really is like genre splitting.

Yeah, dude. He's in my opinion that I look at him and Stephen Wilson Jr. and like their voices are very like Allison Chainsy, very like Chris Cornelli and um I think it's really cool. And um it's like listen when bread was out people stopped eating sandwiches and started eating wraps. So like that's I think what happened with music is like rock was out and that was bread. No one had these big chia sandwiches anymore. They started going with raps or lettuce rap. And I think that's what country is is skinned down just and you know it's like I kept thinking I'm having so many country music artists on because it's just in my wheelhouse. It's what I'm it's what I'm finding to that is good right now. I mean, I haven't listened to any new hip-hop other than Snow. I haven't listened to any new hip-hop really. I mean, it's it's like even like someone like Teddy Swims who's so talented, he still has a little bit of

like he's a little bit like Jelly and like, you know, and and I think, you know, Jelly was like Jelly was my real introduction to that group set.

Mhm. But yeah, do you like uh if you need help writing country songs? I you know I got a few titles.

I know. Meow Mima. Yeah. About a hot If you heard about that one? It's popular. I came up with it. Uh it's called Meow Mima. It's about a hot grandmother.

Yeah. Meow Mimo and Meow Mimo. That's the And it goes and like Meow Mimo. And then I've got uh Mississippi licking. It's about eating ass, but it's really about It's really about eating ass, but you think it's about getting spanked as a kid, but then you realize they're eating ass.

I got a lot of these real hot titles. Yeah. Well, the one of the main things that I'm told is to come into writing sessions with titles.

So, okay. You've come into a lot of sessions with titles. Yeah. Where are my sunglasses?

Titos and Speedos. Titos and Speedos. Uh-huh. Uh uh. What? Leanne. Leanne. the uh but no I I think I think this is the best thing that could ever happen for you. What's what's your what's so are are you

putting a time like you hear Ashley Cooer goes I gave myself three months. Luckily I booked something on the first week.

Yeah. And it was that 70s show. How crazy is that? Well now my hair is thinning. I'm no Ashton Koocher. But

I'm not giving myself a timeline at all. Of course not. I don't give a [ __ ] how long it takes. I've learned so much from you. I'm going to build my [ __ ] the way I want to do it and it's going to take me maybe 10 years, maybe less.

Yeah. But like I don't care. I think that I'm ready to just start it at least and put my everything into it. And um it doesn't matter how long it takes because that's what I want to do and I'm going to do whatever it takes to figure out how to make a living at it. And like that community over there really wants to help people.

Yeah. The amount of love and support that I've gotten since I've been talking about moving there. So many people have hooked me up with songwriters over there already. I have like 10 sessions lined up by the time I get there because people are eager to help over there and it's a collaborating environment and um and I I can't wait. I really can't wait. Yeah,

this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. The holidays are a time of tradition. Some people have many in their family and some have none or just starting to begin their own. Now is a time to reflect on what they mean to you or to rewrite those traditions and make them your own. Like perfecting a new hot chocolate recipe and then putting it jars with your kids or continuing to make your aunt's sweet potato pie. Incorporating therapy into your new and existing traditions can help ensure that you take time for yourself during what can be a very joyful yet stressful and hectic and sometimes lonely part of the year for some of us. Listen, right now you're probably thinking to yourself, "Wait, Christmas is lonely?"

Absolutely. If you don't have someone to go to or if you're working on the holidays like the big guy, I'm working Christmas day. Christmas can be rough. Christmas, even a hotel room can uh can feel pretty uh isolating. It's why Leanne and I are in couples therapy and we talked about this and I've talked about tools I can use when I'm alone and my family's in LA all having a great Christmas. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHel is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works. With an average rating of 4.9 out of five for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews, BetterHelps therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US this December. Start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% off at betterhelp.com/burt.

That's betterhp.com/bert. Are you going to buy a pickup truck? No. You going to buy a cowboy hat?

No. Should we get Kyle to costume you? No. To like have him dress you for Nashville? Are you going to stay the same person you are right now?

Yeah. Can I tell you what? Can I tell you why I think that's the best thing? Um, I understand I I do understand people wanting to put on an outfit to signify that they are a thing. I get that. And then I understand people wearing s people certain things because they are a thing. I understand all of it. But one of the most one of the coolest things I ever saw was um Sturggil Simpson and he was at Red Rocks and everyone was cosplaying cowboy. I mean, everyone was like it was like it looked like a bachelor party in Nashville. Everyone had cowboy boots on and a duster and I mean it was like crazy. Uh, I wore uh I think I just wore sneakers and and I I I do the same thing every time I go to a show. And by the way, I'd like to put this out there. It's one of my favorite things about going to a show. This is my favorite thing. I want to I want you to footnote this and realize this is how you go. You should go to every show.

Underdress and buy a hoodie there. My favorite thing. I bought a historical Simpson hoodie there. I [clears throat] This is another bad bird behavior. But I I cut the line because I was because I I I

Cuz you're famous. No. No. Well, yes. That was why. But I told I told I said, "I'll buy whoever lets me stand. But whoever buys me a sweatshirt, I'll pay for your whole thing."

And they went, "Okay, come on in." I said, "Just get me an extra large sweatshirt." And the guy goes, "Extra large?" I go, "XXL, double XXL." And then I paid for him and his whole group just so I get a sweatshirt. I didn't realize what a dick move it is. Guy in the back like I guess no I don't get a [ __ ] sweatshirt cuz you got [ __ ] skipped the line. I was like sorry. I was like I'm playing here in two weeks. [clears throat] That is that's awesome.

Yeah. I love what you do with your money. It's been really fun to watch you like make more money.

I I think I'm probably one of the funner rich guys, dude. The most fun I've ever seen.

It is the best. There's nobody else in the world that should have made money other than you.

How's your mom doing now? She's doing great. She just moved into my sisters last week.

Yeah, that's [ __ ] great. Yeah. So, you go [clears throat] back to her first appointment um a year and a half ago. She went in to get a mamogram for the first time after like 10 years. She's been avoiding these things. She doesn't believe in them.

Every time I hear the word mamogram, I think of a male stripper business called mamograms. And I go, I bet that would be confused so many times. They're like, "Hey, oh, sorry, your breasts are out. Uh, that you called the wrong one. Keep going." [clears throat]

So, she got her manog and they found uh a spot and they're like, "We're going to have to biopsy this." And um that was the beginning of just the the the craziness. And um I was hoping that it was going to be nothing. And I was like, "Did you know you had a lump?" And she was like, [snorts] "Yeah, I had found it, you know, a few months before and I just I don't know. I just Yeah. And so they biopsied, it came back positive, um stage one, and um then it was doctor's appointments after doctor's appointments and then like she didn't want to do chemo or radiation um or anything like that. And so it was a long process of like getting to just a surgeon to do a mastctomy. Um and then when they were doing the first mastctomy then they found cancer in the other breast too. Um

they call it that a twofer. A twofer. Yeah. She had definitely had a twofer. So the first surgery sorry let me go back. It had taken like six months to get like the surgery scheduled and happening and like

seems long. It was a really long time and we had insurance issues. We had we had like there was a lot of issue. I did things out of order cuz I didn't know what order to do things in.

Um You never had a mom with breast cancer before? No. Um I wonder how many people get cancer and just to go I Yeah. How do I How does this work? cuz you're dealing with the stress, the anxiety that I don't want to deal with it. I'm going to go out have a drink tonight. [ __ ] this. This sucks. And then you're like,

she has anxiety about doctor's appointments, phone calls, scheduling things. So, I I took that over. I didn't want her to worry about logistics.

Oh my god. For one second because I wanted her to just focus on resting and relaxing and not stressing out because the stress would make it grow faster.

Oh, for real? Yeah, for sure. Stress is like a terrible thing for your body. And when you have cancer already, it grows very fast.

Kyle, get me another drink. When you have cancer, it grows very fast the more stressed and unhealthy you are. [snorts] Um, so we're dealing with all of that. We're like a month or two away from her surgery. Um, it's now gone to stage two in this um,

time period. And then my dad calls me and he said, "Oh [ __ ] I forgot about this."

And then he said, "Um, I got diagnosed with lung cancer." Yeah. And I fell apart. That was like my max.

I was like, I was I was here and then I just like I remember that stood up and I was kind of white and I looked at Christian and I was like and he was like, "Are you okay?" I was like I I couldn't say the words. I could I like I was like I need a hug and um I was like my my dad got diagnosed with cancer and I like I got that out that time and then I was like I need to leave. I need to like I need to I can't be here anymore.

Was I here? Um no. Okay. No, but Leanne was here. And I remember one time you like you were dealing with your mom's cancer. Where the [ __ ] is he going? And they're like his mom's got a dig in a double sex. I was like oh yeah yeah [ __ ] My bad. My bad. My bad. My bad.

Where the [ __ ] is he going? I was like, you would leave. You would leave to talk to doctors.

You'd be in the middle of a podcast and you'd walk out and go, where the [ __ ] he going? They're like, I mean, it's not I don't think I'm selfcentered. I think I'm I'm just not tapped in.

You didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want to bother you with this either. Like, you have you have this is a comedy podcast. You have to be in a good fun mood. If I'm like, "Hey buddy, before we start this podcast with my mom's cancer, you know?"

Yeah. that's that this very sad thing that I'm going through. I'm gonna have to leave. Is that okay with you? No, I'm just gonna go. I'm not going to bother you with it.

I appreciate you. Um, of course. And um and so I go downstairs and I I I couldn't like tell Leanne. I was just like so choked up and I my dad [ __ ] me up worse than my mom's diagnosis for some reason because lung cancer scared me way worse than um breast cancer.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, because breast cancer you you can take care of that. Um, as long as it's not too late. Um,

lung cancer is tough. Lung cancer was very scary. Um, but Leanne had a grandfather that went through that and she was like, "He's going to be fine." Like, my grandpa had um,

who the [ __ ] is walking around in goddamn clogs in this house, Leanne? Oh, sorry.

Hey, Leanne. She's got the boniest heels in the world. And when she walks in our house, you hear little [ __ ] stone heels just slam slam slam slam slam.

Oh my god. And then she puts clogs on and you're like, she been wearing clogs. And this morning she was upstairs cleaning George's room in clogs. And I go, why why don't you get why don't you get water skis? Wear water skis around. Yeah.

Wear water skis and a [ __ ] bell around your neck. Be quieter. So you're talking about breast cancer. And so, um, my dad was diagnosed with stage 1A lung cancer. Um, and then they had their

But is it stage 1 A or stage 1 A? Stage one A. It was an Italian doctor. A um, and was a Canadian doctor would have been like, stage one A.

Stage one A. Um, and there the comedy doesn't stop here, guys. The bird casts keep going, hol. Um, and then their their surgeries got scheduled like a week apart. So, I had like my mom's first major surgery and then my dad's was the next week. And it was just like

I don't think you could go through more stress than that. Yeah. And uh and we we we have to take care of my mom. Like she's here. We had um my sister and my grandma fly down also. They helped. So many people helped. I mean, we put up a GoFundMe and like she was taken care of with her food and like any other like care bills that we had that popped up and like it was it was incredible. Um, everybody here dropped off food or like got us Door Dash gift cards and it was like

everyone here. Yeah. Um, and I remember I did something right for sure. Yeah. So much

I was probably on the road I'm guessing. Yeah. Okay. But uh, can I do something? I feel like I did something one time.

Make a lasagna. Whatever Leanne does. Lean made lasagna. You know, [clears throat] I actually made that [ __ ] lasagna.

You made a lasagna? No, I made that. I made that [ __ ] lasagna and she took credit for it. But keep going.

It was her recipe. Did you hear old [ __ ] clog foot down there? But yeah. And then my dad's surgery took a really long time to recover. He's still recovering from the surgery that

Did your dad smoke? No, it was from the military being overseas, Middle East. um airplane hangers and oil gas places.

I saw Sigur's dad died. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I think his was I want to I don't know. I don't know. But it was I think it was lung cancer. I think it was like through the military.

Yeah, that's pretty common thing. And it was very scary to me because that's all I had kind of known was that like if it's really intense and then your lungs like the surgery on your lung like my dad went under, you're just holding your breath for that whole [ __ ] day.

Literally. Literally. So was he um via a machine and it was very very very scary to just have your parent have like 25% of their lung taken out and then they biopsied that and it came back negative. So um that was like incredible. So he's totally in remission as well.

Good. And um both your parents are good. Both my parents are currently in remission. Yeah,

you're definitely getting cancer. I'm definitely getting You're 100%. No, good thing you're vegan and you don't drink or do drugs.

I haven't been vegan in years. The [ __ ] Has Have you ever heard and I'm right now I'm talking to Holston's beautiful wife. Have you ever heard the AJ's Tacos uh chorizo story?

Holston, we go to we go with the are you garbage guys. Yeah. Who know? who know food wildly. I think my cousin Andrew went.

I think Pete went. I think so. And we all go I go I tell them I go, "Guys, you got to have the best breakfast tacos in in all of uh Los Angeles." And they're like, "Well, I trust you." And Hollson goes, "Are you taking them to AJ's?" I go, "Yeah." He goes, "It's [ __ ] the best." So, we get there and they're like, "All right, what are you going to get?" I go, "Well, Hollson's boring. He's vegan." And he goes, "Uh, but they're still good. You should try them." And he goes, "I'm going to get the chorizo uh breakfast taco." And [ __ ] Foley goes, "Chorrizo?" And Hulu goes, "It's vegan."

And he goes, "No." And he goes, "No, it is." And he goes, "I think you're thinking of soy rizo." And Hulu goes, "Fuck." And they go, "Guess you're not vegan. How about he?" He goes, "God, I guess I'm not." Ah, [ __ ] I've been eating these for a while. I DIDN'T KNOW what chorizo was. It It made us laugh. He's like, "It tastes so good. You can taste the blood in the pig almost."

There's there's been a [ __ ] few Holston moments that that uh like the funniest was and I can't remember what we were making fun of you about, but we were making fun of you about something

and Holston had enough of it and HE WENT, "HAHA, YEAH, real funny. It's over now, guys." Okay. And we were like, "Oh [ __ ] it's uh this house is a bully house."

Yeah. I love it. This is a bully house. And the and the best is that the women bully harder than the men.

Yeah. Like when we found out that Kyle grew up in Pennsylvania. That moment in this house was my favorite moment. I've never seen seven women's jump on a men a WNBA when the ref doesn't do call a good foul that they [ __ ] attacked him and it was my favorite.

He had had it coming. He's been saying he's from Baltimore for years. Like it's his identity.

It's his identity. He's a Ravens fan. He grew up on the mean street, quote unquote,

the mean streets of Baltimore. Yeah. And then we find out he grew up in Pennsylvania.

Like not even close. Yeah. Baltimore. It was But the women in this house are relentless [ __ ] bullies.

Yeah. And it's my favorite thing. And it's like when it was just me and you working, no one bullied anyone. The second these women show up. [ __ ]

Yeah. It's intense. I mean, you started hiring people like two and a half years ago or something.

Who's the first person I hired after you? It's all a blur. That Let's bring Let's bring the ladies of the podcast up cuz we're really close to having you play music. I think I have a flight to go catch in 30 minutes. Um, we're going to I would love for you to play some of your music so people can hear it so they can come see you in uh in um Nashville.

Mhm. I I'm just And I'm This is a soft offer. Soft offer. You can play with your old guitar or you can play with your new guitar.

What are you talking about? I want you to have that tailor. Are you [ __ ] serious?

I'm dead serious. Did you know that that was my dream guitar? Yeah. Thank you very much. Wow, buddy. That's a really expensive guitar.

The tailor here. Thank you very much. Of course. Listen, I bought these guitars with these guys. They picked out their favorite guitars and we just bought them to have in the studio. And uh

thank you so much. Thank Christian. Christian was like, "Well, they were thinking about, did they know they were going to get you?" This made me laugh so hard. The women in this house were going to get you a guitar case. Christian goes Christian goes, "It's a great present." But a lot of times you get a guitar case, there's a guitar in it, so it may be a little antilimactic. And he opens it up, goes, "Just in case."

So, So amazing. So, uh, so Christian said to me, I I said to Le, I was like, I want to do something special for him. Um, you know, you've been such an literally a [ __ ] integral part of my life for the past 9 years that I was like, I can't just, you know, be like, here's a good here's a [ __ ] keychain, you know? And so, uh, Christian's like, I was like, "Why don't we buy him the guitar?" And Chris goes, "I wouldn't." He was like, "He loves that tailor. Just give him that tailor." And I was like, "Fucking done."

Yeah. I play it all the time. Yeah. And so, and I think it's a great guitar for you to bring to Nashville and and Inspire. Every time you look at it, go like,

"Yeah, dude. I I played I think I played this guitar with Shineown. I think uh I played this with Teddy Swims. That was a [ __ ] awesome moment playing the number one song in the country with the guy.

Yeah. At the time. That was [ __ ] Thank you so much. Of course. Tell him what you were gonna do to the back of it. And Christian said,

I was gonna I was gonna I was going to have it engraved and and like and just with my face. And Kristen's like, "This how about you guys just sign the guitar case?" And he can always remember that. So Kyle, we get the guitar case. We've everyone in the office signed it.

Oh my god. And so we've all written on it. Uh sending you with, you know, some positive thoughts to Nashville.

That's so sweet. Thank you so much. Of course. I don't know if the editors did, but no one really knows those guys anyway.

What are the What are their names? Jace, Trace, and and Slappy. Mhm. I don't know. What's the guy with what's the guy with the cool hair? We got two guys with cool hair and then their brother. They're like Shmp,

Curly, and Mo. What are their names? So, oh my goodness. So, I don't know if Leanne signed it or not. Okay.

Thank you. Thank you so so much. Wow. This is incredible. Yeah. Christian really has my back, doesn't he?

He does. He does. Sign it yet. Yeah. Wow. Thank you guys so much. Yeah. No, thank me. I paid for that guitar and I want you to have it. They don't look at them. You're welcome.

Thank you everyone for signing this. Thank you Bert and Leanne for buying. I think Sarah bought the silver Sharpie. So, thanks Sarah for the Sharpie.

But yes, and the bow. But yeah, man. I I You should have something special that inspires you to play. And

you play that guitar all the time here. You'll think about us. And then maybe write a song called uh called

the Majaro Blues. [clears throat] Are we clabbing on this one? I like this. Okay. I'm on my way to the airport [singing] at G higher than I thought and I'm throwing up in my mouth. That's okay. Maybe we shouldn't work together.

I got the Mjaro blues. Sandra, can you And I just threw up on Kyle's shoes. Um, turn this off.

No. [clears throat] Hit that power button on that. You going to take the kid out on that?

Look at this. So, he is [ __ ] getting his reel together. This one's called Let Me Be Lonely.

Do you want Do you want me to dim the lights? We can dim the lights and put lightning on.

No. No, thank you. That was a post nightmare. I [ __ ] loved that episode. No one liked that episode.

I loved it. I loved it. I thought it was so It was so fun. It was really fun. All right, this one's called Let Me Be Lonely. I write a lot of songs about deep dark depression and um the difficult times and I don't know how to write happy songs. So if you like happy songs, don't stream my music.

It's a beautiful day. So they say [singing] and I suppose that I should find my light, but I don't feel all right. Am I a part of the world or just another open [singing] soul that's trying not to bleed on these empty streets? On these empty streets. If this day is mine, just let me be lonely. Let me be. And when my [singing] mind is right, I won't be lonely. I won't be [singing] lost.

I had another bad day [singing] for no reason in my feelings. It's the dark I crave where no one else can stay. I know I never been good. The sin is seeping through my skin. [singing] So something's got to change. I'm not myself today. I'm not myself today. [singing]

If this is mine, [singing] just let me be lonely. Let me [singing] be. And when my mind is right, [singing] I'll be lonely. I'll be [screaming] I can't let go cuz there's chemical cause in my [singing] way. And I can't recall in my way.

If this day is mine, just let me be lonely. Let me be. And when my mind is right, I won't be lonely. I won't be love. [screaming] If this day is mine, [singing] let me be lonely. Just let me be. And when my mind is right, [singing] I won't be lonely. I won't be. [screaming] That's great, brother. That's great. First question, Brooklyn, do you feel like you're going to lose him when he goes down there and gets rich and famous and starts dating a bunch of [ __ ] supermodels the way Leanne feels about me?

I look forward to seeing Pull that mic right up to you, baby. Um, I just look forward to the journey together and I just can't wait. I've seen him grow so much and I just feel so proud of him. So,

all right, let me ask you another question. I'll let both of you answer. Okay, I'm going to start with you and then go to you. Do you think singers Do you think Hollson's a better singer, a bigger better songwriter, a better guitarist, or a better podcast producer? I'll go first. Podcast. No, I'm kidding. I Your your songwriting is uh is always kind of stood out to me. like your songwriting seems very uh it's it's it's always very beautiful, but you are really t I don't think I've ever really played you see watch you play the guitar.

I've never performed for you before. No, no, that would be weird if you did. I was like just me and him and I was drunk. I was passing out and he was like just stay there.

Can I show you a song? Yeah. No, but what do you think? Better singer, songwriter, or guitarist?

That's a great question. Um I would have to go with singer. He writes incredibly, but his voice has just like the power, his ability to belt. It's It still gives me shivers when I like listen to some of it. Um, and so I would say singer first, songwriter, and then you know, podcast producer that um

he's, you know, he's going to get to Nashville and he's going to get offers from everyone to be like, "Can you do my podcast?"

If you think she's seen a single podcast that I've produced, you are out of your mind. The uh well wait uh hold on this begs another question. How soon between meeting you at Domino's and

careful did he what pull out the guitar? Oh what did you think I Oh hey not all Hey

wait what did you you've been with me for [ __ ] eight years nine years. What did you think I was going to ask? How how soon did he pull out the guitar? Um, I'm trying to think the first time I heard him play.

Uh, I don't know. Was it before or after your first kiss? After. It was after. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. But I used to call him my rockstar cuz And I used to write that. We used to write letters to each other and we'd stick them on our cars uh when we were at Domino's cuz we were trying to hide our like relationship. We didn't want our hours to get shifted weird. So, we would just like hide notes on each other's car.

We were flirting, dude. We were flirting hard. That's crazy. Yeah, it was awesome.

So, can we hear another song, Austin? Um, yeah. I This song I wrote this year after going through this like crazy like low time with my family, my wife and my mom. Um, it's it's about the depression of going through cancer and cancer treatment and and all that stuff. Um, it's called With the Sun because I would like I would go into my mom's room and her curtain would be shut and um I was like, "Come on, mama. You can you can open up the curtains and and let the light in and just being trying to be encouraging to her and like you can do this. Like, come on." And she would be like, "Um, I don't want the sun to wake me up." um [clears throat] so that she could sleep through the day, so like she could have one less day of like pain and suffering and stress and anxiety. And so when she said that, I was like, "That's a [ __ ] lyric." And so I wrote this song. It's called With the Sun. And I just released it last week on Spotify

actually. Um so please stream that now. [clears throat] You want me to start crying?

No. If you want to, you can. But I've already [ __ ] stopped crying three times on this podcast. I woke up today against my will. [singing] took the easy way. A lukewarm glass handful of pills. A bitter thought began [singing] cuz you never saw this happening. [singing] I know I don't mind that I not fighting. I don't want to wake up with the sun. So I'll just keep my curtains drawn to keep [singing] the light away. But it's all okay cuz I got the [singing] day to sleep away. Oh [singing]

no one [singing] understands the weight that tries to keep me laying [singing] down. I never want to talk about how I [singing] don't like that. I [singing] not fighting out. I don't want to wake up with the [singing] sun. So, I'll just keep my curtains strong to keep [singing] the light away. But it's all okay cuz I got the day to sleep [singing and music] away.

Did you [singing] ever feel that you were wrong? No. [singing] Oh, did you ever feel that [singing and music] you could live without me? No, I can wake up with the sun. So I can pull these curtains off [singing] and let the light shine through. [singing] The feeling never stays. If I got a day to sleep away. [singing] Oh.

Beautiful. Thank you very much. So, what did you what was your answer? Do you think you're a better singer, songwriter, or guitarist?

Um, I work really hard on singing. I really want to be a really really really really good singer. And um I I don't know. I I don't know. I' I've never like I'm really impressed with guitar playing and I know you can play guitar and I know I always say to you I always come in sometimes and I'm like how do I play this and then you pick you guys listen to it and play it

but uh but yeah you're really [ __ ] you're really talented man. Thank you very much.

The uh I really believe in myself and I I believe that I can be a professional songwriter and I am writing songs for myself. Um but I'm just now confident in my abilities. The truth is, I mean, it that you're you're you're extremely talented and and the and when you go into Nashville, I think a high tide rises all boats.

And when you get around other songwriters, I think it'll, you know, it's like I when I got to New York to start standup, I knew I could be funny, but I didn't know how. And then as I got funny, I started hanging out with other comics and then I started learning things and I was like, "Oh, that's that that's a that's a tool." And then it's I mean the hardest work is the work you do by yourself. But but I think I think this move is going to be the best [ __ ] thing for you. I said to I've said to every time I meet a band and they're young and I'm always like I can't wait till you're so much bigger than me that you don't return my calls because that's the key. And uh and I called Goose the other day and I haven't heard back. So the uh I'm kidding. They texted back immediately. [ __ ] immediately. If you could if you could write songs for one person I've had play on this podcast that you and don't say

shine down because I know you have two [ __ ] stamps. The um not keep it in not a lie. Now if you could write songs for one band that I've had play on here or if there was one band that really impressed the [ __ ] out of you who was who would it be that you were like I never I never knew them and that's [ __ ] crazy.

I have been obsessed with Stephen Wilson Jr. since he was here. out like absolutely obsessed the dude, the songwriting, the unique guitar playing,

the storytelling, the emotions. Like I consider myself to be an emotional performer. I I my goal is to like make people feel and and connect with it and like Let Me Be Lonely was the first time that I released a song and I got such a positive feedback of like people connecting to it like crazy, dude. the Shine Down fans that were like all over that song because Brent shared it like were absolutely incredible and it gave me so much confidence like

I can do this. I can connect with people. I can write songs that resonate with people and Steven Wilson Jr. is like

[ __ ] dude. He's I'm I'm totally obsessed with him and I I don't want to get into a room with him yet. I'm not ready for that sort of stuff. Like I No,

that's the funnest person to get into a room with. Steen Wilson Jr. We want to talk about perspective. Hey everyone, put your hands in the air, please, if you could. Thanks. [ __ ] doing a live podcast. Everyone's texting the uh uh

they listen to the two of us more than anybody. They're like nothing. Oh, they could keep listening to us. Steven Wilson Jr. Steven Wilson Jr. one year ago, almost to this date on New Year's Eve, texted me and said, "Hey man, I'm trying to get into your New Year's Eve party with Jelly Roll. Can you get me on the list?" And he said, "They don't know who I am." And I went, "Of course." And he said, "It's me and my wife." And I said, "Oh, great. I'll have Leanne meet you guys." And he goes, "My wife's name's Leanne." And I was like, "Oh, okay." And so I said, "Hey," to the producers, I said, "Can we get there's my friend, he's a musician in Nashville.

His name's Steven Wilson Jr." And they're like, "We can't have anyone else on the list." I said, "He is so [ __ ] talented. Trust me, he's a good friend of mine. Can we please get him on the list?" And they're like, [sighs] "Yeah." And I think Jelly was there. And I think Jelly was like, "He's a he's a really good musician." And the guys were like, "Okay." We brought him in and Steven was like, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." this year. Those same producers said, "You know Stephen Wilson Jr., right?" And I said, "Yeah." And they said, "Do you think we you get him to do our show?" And I was like, "Yeah, yeah, I think so." So, a year things change. Just hear those stories and know that in one year your life can change forever. Red Clay Strays got on stage of me in Nashville and sang acoustic when no one in that room knew who they were.

Yeah. One year later, they're at [ __ ] Red Rocks selling out two nights. It's incredible.

So, I want you to just always remember one year. One year. I'm so excited for your journey.

Thank you, buddy. I love you so much. I don't know you do. I'm going to miss you so [ __ ] much.

I think I'll miss you more. Um I just love you guys so so [ __ ] much. And you guys have absolutely already changed my life. And um I would not be where I am in my life, in my marriage, in anything um if it wasn't for you guys. And

buddy, that is that statement is hit right back at you. I owe you more than a guitar. So anytime you ever need me, anytime you promote anything, you got anything to promote, always call. You know how ads get read. And I mean, listen, if I'm doing the podcast by myself, it's just going to be in the middle of the podcast. It won't be an ad read. I'll be like, "Go, heads up, guys. Hollson's got a show in Nashville. Make sure to go support him." But, um,

you've always been so supportive of me. And like, you're so so supportive of everybody, too. Like, I learned so much about being a good person from you, being a supportive friend. Like I said, this is an open forum. If you ever need anything, if you ever want to promote anything, obviously, 100%. And uh and you know, I already said this, but please milk all my contacts in Nashville and get whatever you can out of them because it's no [ __ ] use to make friends if you don't [ __ ] I always say it's no reason to give me your [ __ ] phone number if I can't call you whenever the [ __ ] I want. Aaron Rogers.

Amen. [ __ ] guy gives me his phone number, never answers his [ __ ] phone. It's like, okay, then just don't just say no or give me a fake. Maybe gave me a fake number. That's probably what it is. Hey, I love you, brother.

I love you, too, BUDDY. This episode was brought to you by The team.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Halston Ray Quits | Bertcast # 709"?

In order: 0:00 Holston; 20:00 Holston; 30:00 Holston; 50:00 Holston; 1:00:00 Holston; 1:20:00 Holston, AJ's Tacos.

What is mentioned in this Bert Kreischer episode?

3 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Holston, Ari, AJ's Tacos. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Halston Ray Quits | Bertcast # 709"?

The episode runs 1 h 53 min; the transcript is about 21,088 words in 410 timestamped sections.

More from Bert Kreischer

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.