The Best Black Moments | Open Tabs #3

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 5:00: Jim Jeff, Tekashi69, The Breakfast Club
2. 5:00 – 10:00: Jim Jeff, Trick Daddy
3. 10:00 – 15:00: The Breakfast Club, Trick Daddy
4. 15:00 – 20:00: Trick Daddy
5. 20:00 – 25:00: Trick Daddy, The Breakfast Club
6. 30:00 – 35:00: Chappelle (Dave Chappelle)
7. 35:00 – 40:00: Chappelle (Dave Chappelle)
8. 40:00 – 45:00: Chappelle (Dave Chappelle), Tom Sigura

Notable quotes from "The Best Black Moments | Open Tabs #3"

• Probably one of the best radio shows in the world is The Breakfast Club. Charlemagne is so unfiltered. DJ Envy runs a fantastic show. And Angela Yei, I think is how you say her name. she really does a legit.

  about The Breakfast Club · at 4:06

• Trick Daddy Dollars. Trick, Of course. I go whatever I go to. It goes black porn black. Dude, Trick Daddy Dollars, one of my favorite rappers in the entire world.

  about Trick Daddy · at 9:53

• Introspective person. I have thought about racism from every angle. I never once thought, and this is a Dave Chappelle sketch about a black guy who hates black people, but he's black, but he didn't know he's black, so he's blind.

  about Chappelle (Dave Chappelle) · at 32:25

• Haven't seen it. I'm going to show it to you. So, we're in Atlanta. Let me see if I can find it. Tom Sigura, baby sheep.

  about Tom Sigura · at 44:55

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Trick Daddy — Person · 9 mentions · first at 9:53
• Chappelle (Dave Chappelle) — Person · 3 mentions · first at 32:29
• Jim Jeff — Person · 2 mentions · first at 4:47
  Which takes us to our first subject [ __ ] Birdman of the Jim Jeff. I like Jim Jeff. I Google anything he does. I think he's really talented. That's just real talk right there. I was watching a Jim Jeff interview. It's a really [ __ ].
• Tekashi69 — Person · 1 mention · first at 3:48
  Every one of my spirals starts with Tekashi69.
• Tom Sigura — Person · 1 mention · first at 44:58
• Michael Rapaport — Person · 1 mention

Companies & orgs

• The Breakfast Club — Company · 4 mentions · first at 4:10

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Permission to party kicks up again in 2026. Huntsville, Alabama, January 15th. January 16th, Columbia, South Carolina. The 17th, Charlotte, North Carolina, and Augusta, Georgia. January 18th. Avoid scalpers. And go to berber.com to get your lowest ticket price. Let's take a stereotype right? Black people are allowed at movie theaters. If you're blind, well, if you're blind, I guess you're not going to a movie theater.

0:34 I'm a [ __ ] idiot. I'm an idiot. This is what the calling sick to work show was always meant to be in my opinion. Me a little drunk talking [ __ ] This is what I had always envisioned it to be, but you know, things change and I realize I can't drink the way I did when I was younger. But this is uh Oh, I was about to say this is something's burning. How many projects do I have going on right now? Do I sound drunk? I almost want to light a cigar. I'm going to light a scar tonight. My body's back. The marathon body's gone. I feel good.

1:13 I've got I went for two five mile walks this weekend just to like loosen up and make sure I wasn't too bad. Man, I got into some spiral threads on the internet this weekend.

1:24 Oh, I'm excited. I can't tell you it one it ultimately it's it's always going to go to black people.

1:33 Good. I need you to Oh, Chris Pot, are you coming in? Will you open the door for her so she can sit? Oh, she's going to sit on the [ __ ] couch where the light is, I'm sure. Um, get in here, Chris. Chris has gone through surgery yet again. Oh, baby girl. Uh, her maybe her 10th surgery. Yeah, this has been the most expensive dog in the world who I'm just started talking about on stage. It's so funny. You know, you think about working doing standup is such an interesting thing. You think you've mined all the parts of your life and then all of a sudden one day you're like, "Oh, wait. What about my dog that had five knee surgeries?"

2:12 Oh, good girl, Prrispot. What a [ __ ] great dog. a beast. She'd give her life for my children. That's all that matters when it comes to a dog. By the way, I haven't picked my guns up yet. I bought them, but they're still sitting at the gun shop and they're going to be there for another week because I'm gone to Hawaii with the family. Um, I need you to do something, okay? I need you to pull up This is going to We'll get to this later. Just pull up videos of white people and black people talking. We'll get there in a second.

2:41 Okay? Not now, but we'll get there. This might be the best video I've ever seen in my entire life that comes out on the internet. And I found it and I don't worry, we'll get there. I don't I don't remember exactly everything I Googled, so we're going to come up to it, but when we get there, you'll know what we're talking about. Oh, [ __ ] I really want to smoke a cigar. I haven't smoked a cigar in like 3 months.

3:02 Go get a cigar. No. All right. If I smoke it here, I won't be able to jog this week. And I'm jogging in Hawaii. I'm leaving before the fam. I'm letting them meet me there. George is in New York. Tommy Buns is in New York. And I told Georgia that Tommy's following her cuz I track her on my phone. And I go, "Ellis Island, huh?" She's like, "How do you know where I am?" And I wrote back, "Tom's in New York. He's following you." And she was like, "Are you serious? I'm a bad dad." All right, let's see if I can find this.

3:34 Ah, here we go. Here we go. I wish I could work this backwards. Let's see. All right. Every one of my spirals starts with Tekashi69. Every one of my I understand that you're not supposed to talk about him because then people hate you for talking about him, but he is the most Googled thing on the internet. He's [ __ ] all over the place. And he did an interview with the Breakers Club. Probably one of the best radio shows in the world is The Breakfast Club. Charlemagne is so unfiltered. DJ Envy runs a fantastic show. And Angela Yei, I think is how you say her name. Uh she really does a legit across the board great interview. They had little 6ix9ine on or Tekashi 6ix9ine and he said some [ __ ] that was like I'm not even going to I'm not I'm not going to play his interview cuz obviously I don't want to support him but it was it was a really great interview and he did say I'm going to be the biggest

4:41 interview you've ever had since Birdman which takes us to our first subject [ __ ] Birdman of the Jim Jeff. Uh I like Jim Jeff. I Google anything he does. I think he's really talented. That's just uh real talk right there. I I was watching a Jim Jeff interview. It's a really [ __ ] great comic. He really is. He's a nice guy. He's not a dick. He parties. He's not judgmental. There's nothing wrong with Jim Jeff. I understand that people that don't uh like gun control people don't like Jim Jeff. You're wrong. He's [ __ ] great. He really is great. God, I love Jim Jeff. I don't hate that guy.

5:15 Did you watch his Fallon interview where he talks about being high on mushrooms?

5:21 Yeah, I might have. Axel Rose. Oh, no. I read that. I read that. Um, by the way, we can't I think we could probably we can't air this on the video, but I just want to share with you something I jacked off to this weekend, and it is uh women [ __ ] tables.

5:41 You jacked off to that? Yep. Why? You're probably wondering why. I'll tell you why. Uh, it's different. I've never seen it before, so it threw me for a loop. So that registers in the endorphins where you're like, "What the [ __ ] is this?" It is a woman. I wish I could show you this. It is a woman masturbating [ __ ] a table. That's the first one I found. Then I found a woman [ __ ] a counter. I bet I can show a part of this. Hang on here. Watch this. That not this part. Not this part. That's by the woman. By the way, the woman's hot as [ __ ] She really is legit hot.

6:19 Let's see if I can find this. Find something that I can like blur or edit a little bit.

6:25 You can't blur what I'm showing right now. She's She's got great abs. She's a [ __ ] hot chick. And apparently her backstory is she was doing dishes and she got turned on and started [ __ ] the counter and then got naked and [ __ ] the counter. And then in this video, she [ __ ] the counter three times. She [ __ ] the counter three times. All I could think was what would have to happen to my wife's life for her to get to the place where she [ __ ] a counter? Like it's not happening now. It's not happening in the near future.

6:57 Like what? Like a divorce obviously, right? A lot of loneliness. A lot of like frustration. Father at the school kind of sexy, flirting with her. She's flirting back, but he's married and she she wouldn't do that. Then one day she's back home. She's doing dishes. Smell of the father hits her. Oh, Musk, whatever. Oh, god. I wouldn't mind. Like, I could not get to the place where I could figure out why this woman would [ __ ] a counter. Like, I And it this is the [ __ ] Don't you can't show this here. Let's see. Okay. She looks like a mom too.

7:34 Hang on. Oh, yeah. Cuz you go right up against the counter. It's right here. if [snorts] you know what I mean.

7:47 So, and like I was telling you in the interview, it doesn't take much to make me come.

7:55 All right, I'm going to stop right there. It takes a [ __ ] great deal to make Lean come. Like, a great deal. I just listened to her podcast, Wife of the Party, where she talks about sex with me. I had to Google videos, and none of those videos were about her [ __ ] a table. This woman was like, "Okay, we got to definitely not show this guy with a small dick on this. That's going to be blurred."

8:18 Oh, in fact, I think I'm going to come right now. She's just leaning forward on a on a counter. That's it. like someone put something out of her reach and she's just Where were these women my entire [ __ ] life when I've never been able to give someone an orgasm? I struggled. I struggled. I researched. I cared. I got drunk so I didn't last so I could last longer. And this woman is simply leaning on a counter. Pornhub's so [ __ ] interesting. I want to say that they should make a Pornhub YouTube where like cuz nudity I don't like I I hate that two of my vehicles that I'm into are in two different platforms. Like I'm into porn. I'm also into YouTube.

9:22 This makes me so angry. You know what this is going to turn into is I watch [ __ ] sober try it drunk. It's going to be me pushing up on Leanne in a counter and like hurting her pelvis and she's like [ __ ] stop. Seriously, you're hurting me. I was like, "Doesn't this turn you on?" That hard edge of the counter. First step of beer on a calling sick to work show. This is a shame. One of the best beers. Very high al high altitude, high alcohol content, which you know who would like that? Trick Daddy Dollars. Trick, Of course. I go whatever I go to. It goes black porn black. Dude, Trick Daddy Dollars, one of my favorite rappers in the entire world.

10:02 He's from Miami. His name is Trick Daddy Dollars because his mom is a prostitute and his dad was a John. So that, by the way, I learned this on this interview with the Breakfast Club. Maybe the best radio station in the entire [ __ ] world. I wish they had more white people on, but I I don't think I don't think that fits into the narrative of the country right now. right now it's stay in your lane and uh and so it makes it like white people on Breakfast Club. It doesn't work. It really doesn't work. You got to love black people to enjoy the Breakfast Club. And boy, I love black people. And and the blacker the better. By the way, I think we talked about this. Something I learned from the Breakfast Club. Light-kinned black people are more sensitive than dark-kinned black people. Did you know that?

10:41 Yep. It's a real thing. It's real. It's real. You heard me say it. It's real. Jesus said it was true. It's real. Um, Trick Daddy goes on, it's a great interview. It's a great interview. It's, once again, this is back in 2015, so uh, TWWD is not entirely uh, woke, if you know what I mean. Uh, he's not 100% cool with gay people. I I don't think I'm not sure that's what the message he was trying to give out. I think it slipped out a couple times. I think he's cool with gay people, but he doesn't want to be around them. I'm not really certain.

11:16 You know what? I should let if you want to know the interview, go to this interview and watch it. That's the least interesting part of this interview. TD says uh in this interview that he's got lupus. Lupus is I think it's cancer and I think it's predominantly a woman's disease if I'm not mistaken. Will you Google that?

11:36 Yeah. I think women get lupus more. I think it's a a derivation of breast cancer if I'm not certain. my dad's uh secretary for his entire career, Jan, who's almost like a family member to me. I've known her I've I've known her my almost my entire grown I've known her as long as I've known his work phone number. Uh and which is I remember I've known her a very long time. Has lupus. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Bleep her name out. Oh, just don't whatever. No one's going to [ __ ]

12:09 Looks like a really bad rash or tissue damage. Yeah, but it's it's cancerous. It's not it's not it's not not it's not fixable. You got to you got to take medicine to to fix it. So [snorts] TWD starts taking medicine. He notices some discoloration on his shoulder. He goes to the doctor. Doctor says he has lupus. He takes medicine and his kidneys and liver start failing. So he goes back to what Dave Vatel calls frontier medicine and starts uh drinking not Kgnac cuz that's bad for his liver because it's too much sugar. [snorts] starts drinking tequila uh and uh smoking bonk. Bonk is weed and uh cocaine.

12:50 His By the way, I am not [ __ ] I hope you understand. I'm not [ __ ] on Trick Daddy. I love Trick Daddy. Trick loves the kids. I love Trick Daddy. Trick Daddy is says in this interview, "Do not call me after five o'clock. That's when I'm smoking bonk." And that's cocaine and weed. And he's he swears by it. He's by the way he's younger than me. Trick Daddy's younger than me and he's and I was like, "Dude, I love this guy."

13:19 Man, you So that's how Oh, hold on. And my thing and I I used the best drugs that money could buy

13:29 from the doctor. Oh, you mean smoking? I know. For my homies, from the hood. From the trap.

13:35 I smoke lace. I smoke dirt. You still do, boo? Boop. Boop. God damn, man. I'm the boop under.

13:40 Boop. That's it. Boom. That's where I really learned about it from. Is weed and co I mean cocaine.

13:47 I told you about that time I was in the club in Miami. I tell you the the loud pack

13:54 that's going to kill people. You know why? Because it's so popular now. They're trying to make it here. They don't make loud

14:02 in in in in the South, but [clears throat] they're starting to make it. got like the uh what happened to Ecstasy.

14:09 It's not from the earth no more, right? When they start making Ecstasy, it wasn't the same thing. People reacted [clears throat] now. They got this thing down there called flocka.

14:17 Oh, I seen that. I told my friends the police or whatever. If I find out y'all using or selling flocker, I'm telling

14:24 what's flocker. You don't want it. By the way, a guy who smokes weed and coke every night at 5, if there's a drug that he's not cool with, man, you really shouldn't do it. Flocka. By the way, you know, Waka Flocka Flame has to be like, "What did I do? How did I get?" You know who Walker Flocka Flame is? Okay.

14:40 Sometimes I feel like you're not black enough. I'm in the rock world. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

14:45 If I catch one of my friends selling a using flocka, I'm I'm dropping a dime. AREN'T YOU CONCERNED? AREN'T YOU CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR OWN HEALTH, THOUGH?

14:53 I'm not concerned about my health. I'm I'm I'm 40 something. Trick, you just say you want to be in your grandkid now.

14:58 Yeah. You got to take real medicine. I ain't take no medicine in 8 years. I like the drugs that I use. They work better. But really, cocaine ain't better than lupus medication.

15:08 You won't bet no money. Try smoke with me. Oh, I did one. Try smoke weed. Let me let me let me let me explain this. Here's the difference. Here's the difference. When I smoke weed and coke, the worst thing going to happen, worst thing that's going to happen to me is I'mma go to sleep or I'mma eat. When I take the lupus medicine, I got to take a pill for this pill. I got to take a pill for that pill, a pill for my liver, a pill for my kidney. Then I got to go back to the doctor every 30 days and get in my money.

15:32 So lupus is probably worse than the weed and coke. But yes, I went I went It's not, by the way, it's not.

15:37 Like it definitely I like I mean I just have to say this in case you have lupus. A healthy lifestyle couldn't hurt you. It like weed and coke is probably not the best way to deal with this. By the way, I do identify with drink daddy cuz I go I part of me would be like, "Man, I feel good when I smoke weed and coke. Two things happen. Either I eat or I go to sleep." The doctor not knowing what I had came out with lupus. Within 3 months, there was a chance of me having liver and kidney failure. Just I'll take the lupus.

16:11 I hope so. This gets back to Trick Daddy. God, I love that [ __ ] guy. I hope he gets healthy cuz I don't ever want him to disappear. By the way, one of the most underrated rappers in the game. He is such a great [ __ ] rapper. He is such a great rapper. He really is. And he he talks about this a little bit. People tried to say they wrote for him and he's like, "No, I write for myself." And if I wrote for someone, I don't talk [ __ ] I don't say a word. And he wrote for people. I won't say this. Listen to the whole interview. But god damn it, I love Trick Daddy.

16:37 I can't decide which everybody everybody has everybody's going to have some type of some sort of health problem. A lot of women more women are having uh

16:48 are having cervanc and I know young cats in Miami now. I don't know if there's the water or the sun but

16:56 by the way, don't ever go to Trick Daddy for your science cuz like that's how he don't You know what? Let's get out of this interview. I think he's just [ __ ] I LOVE THAT GUY. OH, OF COURSE IT'S Michael Rapore. That's who's on the podcast or who was on something burning. He's going to be on the podcast. I love Man, I really love that guy. He's talking [ __ ] about Jay-Z's record 444 where he's saying that it's not the best cuz it doesn't have bangers, which I agree with. I liked I love Jay-Z obviously and I listened to the album and I I just was like, "Yeah, it's I learned something. It's really great rapping. You're a beautiful lyricist, but none of the beats really hit it."

17:32 And so, agree or don't agree in the comments. Is Jay-Z [ __ ] off. I don't really give a [ __ ] All right, that's Michael Raport. There's Trick Daddy. Apparently, he's on Love and Hip Hop in Miami. He's filed bankruptcy a couple times. I would love to get Trick Daddy on my podcast. I would love to get Trick Daddy on my podcast. Trick Daddy, it's Bertr Chryser from the Birdcast. I'd love to have you on my podcast. Here we go. Now you can tell I'm drunk. Oh, this is the song. This is going to get us pulled off, but I don't really care. I don't care about advertising on these things. This is the song that Michael Rapore says is the best Jay-Z song ever. I found it funny because uh I've floated in helicopters a lot and in the beginning of this song they're clearly trying to look like they have a ton of money. Hey, wait. Is will you Google this? Is Dame Dash related to Stacy Dash? Someone said that today and

18:28 I was like no [ __ ] way. Dame Dash Dame Dash was a head of Rockefeller Records. Is he related to Stacy Dash? There's no way. Stacy Dash was such is is such a [ __ ] progressive alt-right person.

18:45 Looks like Stacy Stacy Dash threatens to sue cousin Dame Dash. [ __ ] They're cousins.

18:53 That's [ __ ] fascinating. All right. Uh this is Rockefeller Times. This is a song called Dead Des. But what I found funny was what constituted as rich back then. what constituted for like, oh, we're doing really well. Is basically a bigbodied Lexus and a rental helicopter. It's clearly a rental. Like, you can tell the ones that are like nice, high-end that you go, "Oh, we paid money for this one." And then you these are the ones that you're like, "We need a helicopter." And it's just there's no branding. There's no uniform coat of paint. It's just like, "Oh, yeah, it's blues. Three different type of colors of blue." Uh, this is

19:44 It's got a red pin striped down it. You're like, "Huh?" And they're like, "Get out. Nice leather coat." Those leather coats were hot back in the days in uh in New York when I lived in New York in the '90s. That was the the leather coat. They I got mine from I still have it from Banana Republic's Braps. [snorts] But look at this. This Lexus is just like mediocre. is maybe at the time a $50,000 car. Like now money is so [ __ ] up in hip-hop. You couldn't have a car unless it's like a $200,000 car, but this is like a $50,000 car. But what the message are saying is like we're doing good. We're doing really good. You know, we rented a helicopter. God, man, he [clears throat] looks like a child. He really does. He looks like a babe. Like a babe. Baby, not a babe. All right, let's get next video. Um, that's why I got on a little bit of a DJ Khaled. Oh, here we go.

20:37 We're going to the Birdman. This is all leading up to the Birdman. So, apparently Trick Daddy called the Birdman. Birdman is uh in a I I don't know if it's still happening in a lawsuit with uh with Lil Wayne because he owes Lil Wayne royalties. Birdman, by the way, is worth $150 million. covered in tattoos, spends direct loot on his kids, like spends money on his kids. As does Travis Barker. I hope we get to that. Travis Barker had [ __ ] uh little little P little Yen. Little Yeti little little wacky. Little something.

21:15 No, Lil Little Pump. Lil Pump perform at his son's birthday party. By the way, Travis Barker is a badass [ __ ] He [snorts] really is. He uh I hopefully we get to him in this in this podcast. Uh how much time are we at right now?

21:29 25. Okay, we're good. We're good. So, Trick Daddy said that Birdman was gay. Uh this is why this is all leading up to this interview that Birdman does with The Breakfast Club. Hey Bird, do you just watch The Breakfast Club when you're on at home on the road? Yeah, that's all I watch is the [ __ ] Breakfast Club. That's all I [ __ ] watch is the goddamn bre I [ __ ] hate that show. I watch it so much. DJ Khaled says Birdman and him are straight, but apparently Rick Ross uh uh agreed Birdman's gay. Birdman, there's a notorious video Birdman kissed Lil Wayne on the lips. That's the word on the street. The whole point is uh 50 Cent said someone's gay. 50 Cent is not woke.

22:15 So, let's get out of 50 Cent. Let's get to Birdman. Uh Riff Raff is crazy. This is a video that someone chopped up online to make it look like Riffraff's losing his mind, but I saw the whole video originally. That's how [ __ ] weird of a person I am. I actually saw the video they chopped up right here. I saw the whole thing in its original edit and it was just him being funny. River's an interesting guy. I'd like to have him on the podcast and be would get out of character. Um, I don't have a video of Birdman, but what I do have is one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I hope you enjoy this as much as I'm about to enjoy this. Have you seen this? It's Isa rolling in dog [ __ ] Oh, this is I'm gonna

23:07 Here we go. We're in the backyard. This is before the addition. Isa's trying to do a move with Georgia and she rolls in dog [ __ ] right there. No, you need to take a lot.

23:27 Did you just roll in dog [ __ ] She didn't. Smell it. Smell it. Smell it. Smell it. Smell it. Georgia.

23:36 Georgia. Smell it and tell me if it's dog [ __ ] Smell it. It's dog [ __ ] [groaning]

23:43 Daddy, I want to see if I CAN DO HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON. It's the hardest I've ever laughed.

23:51 Like it's dog [ __ ] Don't go get YOUR MOM. [screaming] MOM, I'LL GO get her. Mom, I roll in dog [ __ ]

24:05 [ __ ] Oh. Oh, this is [ __ ] Isa Grace. He's still living. By the way, I was sitting in the garage in a lawn chair that was like leaned back and I was drinking red wine and I had heartburn and I couldn't get out of the [ __ ] thing cuz I was laughing so hard I thought I was afraid I was going to throw up. I was laughing so [ __ ] hard. I [snorts] watched this the other day and it just made me [ __ ] giggle. [sighs] Oh, I remember that so vividly. That was like yesterday. I don't know. I guess I pulled it up just to make myself laugh.

24:49 Uh, don't know what this is. Oh, this is Jay-Z talking to Birdman. It was not worth the listen. Uh, this is the entertainment news. We'll get out of that. This was Superfly, new movie. Probably going to pass. It's not as good. Like, here's the thing I learned this week. Like, you know, when when uh so funny, I'm such an idiot. When um when Black Panther came out, I was like, I wish they made one of those for white people. And Liam was like, that it's called Superman. It's called every [ __ ] movie ever. And I was like, no, but I want it to be cool like Black Panther was. Like, I want to I want it to be supported the way like like I want to be a part of a movement. And she was like, "You're a [ __ ] idiot." I was like, "I want a black guy." Like I Anyway, my point is I love But my problem is is that I love black movies.

25:44 I love some of my favorite movies are are with all black actors. Baby Boy, one of one of the best movies ever. You ever seen Baby Boy?

25:51 Mhm. [sighs] Jody when he when Ving Rams grabs Jod in a headlock. Does Ving Rams dead? No. No. You know that's Michael Michael Clark Duncan. Michael Duncan Clark. Michael Clark Duncan. Michael Dunkin Donuts. Michael Clark. What? Anyway, I might do I might do a conic to work show where we just do the 20 best scenes in black movies. You know, one of my favorite scenes ever is uh from uh from uh it's where Tommy Buns got his name. You know where Tommy Buns got his name?

26:24 You don't know. You don't know about Belly. Belly is the best black movie ever. Dude, that was shot so great. Belly is one of the best movies ever. Let's I'm I know that I shouldn't be doing this this way. I know I should just go through the stuff that I've already googled, but we're

26:45 Nas DMX, dude. Nas DMX. DMX is Tommy Buns. That's Tommy Buns. That's where Tommy got his nickname, Tommy Buns. Spy who dumped me trailer is good. I'm not going to talk about it. Travis Barker's Health Crisis on Doctors. I really It's like the thing I go back to the thing I said last week about uh Sean Evans who I absolutely love being on Rachel Ray's show who I absolutely love. But the the commercialization of [ __ ] I don't like. I don't like like I love Travis Parker. I think he's badass dude. I loved his show he did with his first wife, The Playmate. You know that one?

27:19 Never watched it. Dude was great. It [snorts] was great. It was on MTV. It was great. He was [ __ ] cool as [ __ ] I'm so happy he's sober because he's so much more clear-headed. But [cough and laughter] I will say I don't like to see him on the doctors. And basically his sobriety wasn't born out of like a health crisis, which they advertised this as. It was basically he got in a plane a plane wreck, had a bunch of pain, took pills, didn't want to be on pills, and got sober. Just got sober like a regular [ __ ] guy. So [ __ ] this. And then I went on a Travis Barker spiral, of course. I found Ryan Sheckler. Ryan Sheckler should be making more money than he's already making. Oh, bird, I make [ __ ] $4 million a year. Okay, that's cool. But Ryan Sheckler should be the Tony Hawk. He really should.

28:07 He's so good. I mean, I used to big into skateboarding. He's a great skateboarder. He's beautiful. He's a great looking kid.

28:14 He had a show on MTV called Life of Orion for a while. Yeah, but it it branded him shitty.

28:19 He was so young. He was too young. It was just He was a kid. They branded him like uh like the way they did other shows. and it just made him look like like someone you didn't want to like.

28:28 And I didn't like him then. I didn't I was older. I was much older than he was, but I didn't like him. He was like 14.

28:33 I was like, "Fuck that kid." And then I I did a a Red Bull event with him and he was just really game for anything. He was really fun guy. And I watched him. He was, by the way, he's probably 18 at this time.

28:43 And I was like, uh I was like, "Oh, what a cool kid." You know, that's pretty badass. And then I and then I' I've gone on [ __ ] hardcore deep dives on uh Ryan Sheckler, like hardcore. Yeah, I think his middle brother or his older brother got addicted to drugs uh dealing with sobriety issues, I think. So, allegedly, I'm not certain. Uh skateboarder, pretty good skateboarder, but not Ryan Sheckler. And then you say to yourself, what makes Ryan Sheckler him and his brother not him? You know, like what makes a great skateboarder?

29:16 like what is it? I I started getting obsessed with that. But his tattoos are cool as [ __ ] I got on this cuz I got into a tattoo tattoo tattoo deep dive cuz I was like look I was like maybe I really want to get a tattoo.

29:26 What do you want to get? Um I don't know. I I really don't know. Then don't get one.

29:32 Really? Do you have a tattoo? I have lots. Uh really? Mhm. What do you have? I got like a jukebox on my arm. I got some theater masks on my back with some lyrics and cross on my ribs. Oh, I have a funny story. I have Hollywood tattooed on my stomach. Look at this [ __ ]

29:50 Wait, you have Hollywood tattooed on your stomach? Really? So, I was like 19 years old, like running down Hollywood Boulevard drunk as hell.

30:01 Really? I lived off of Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah. At 19. Yeah. I went to music school down there on Hollywood Boulevard. So, I I was partying a lot and um we were very drunk and we went into a tattoo shop and like I had no money. I was like, what can I get for $40, which is [snorts] not how you should do

30:19 that's not how you go into a tattoo. And I was like, I want the Hollywood sign. And he's like, well, that'll be 90. I can do like some cursive for 40. And I was like, you got yourself a deal. So, there's video of me just

30:32 like b He should not You should not tattoo drunk people, by the way. Especially underage drunk people.

30:38 Yeah, probably not. Well, it was 40 bucks for him. Yeah. Now I have this dumb tattoo for my the rest of my life. You can't even tell what it says.

30:45 I Yeah. Why is that said your belt's on it? No, because it's done so shitty. Oh, really?

30:50 Yeah. It's done really poorly. Well, I have money. I'll probably get a really nice one. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'd want. Uh

30:56 you have more than 40 bucks. I just I would I would part of me I think Oh, I've seen that one.

31:03 Yeah. And these Oh, those are really nice. Yeah. Are those new? They're the newest ones. Yeah.

31:09 Swastas I never thought would really like play. Doesn't the red pop though? Yeah. Anyway,

31:15 um so I got onto a tattoo run of like what would I want? So I started googling tattoos and then hence got into Ryan Sheckler and then uh tattoo tours by Chris Nunees and Oliver Peek. And this brought me into a little spiral that I if you told me one day I would never watch 4 hours of dudes getting their beard trimmed, I'd be like, "You're right. You're totally right." But man, you were wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, the best internet video you'll ever see in your entire life. And if you can't see it, I apologize, but that's part of the gag.

31:57 Blind people describing racism. That's the end of the video. Let's start at the beginning.

32:04 Um, you're blind. You must not be racist right? I am racist. A blind woman says she's racist. That's the first 7 seconds of the video. You don't think I'm going to watch all 4 minutes and 30 seconds? It is fascinating. I, by the way, I I say this from as an introspective person. I have thought about racism from every angle. I never once thought, and this is a Dave Chappelle sketch about a black guy who hates black people, but he's black, but he didn't know he's black, so he's blind.

32:36 He's in the KKK. Yeah. But what is brilliant about that is that that's a joke, right? That's great. This is real blind people talking about racism. And you I wondered I said, "Yeah, could you be racist if you didn't see the skin color?" Like, is there a behavior that people of a skin color exhibit that would annoy you to not like that skin color if you didn't know the skin color? Right? Does that make sense?

33:03 Yeah. So, like everyone says, so let's take a stereotype right? Black people are allowed at movie theaters. If you're blind, well, if you're blind, I guess you're not going to a movie theater. I'm a [ __ ] idiot. I'm an idiot. I was about to say, did you know what my next one was?

33:29 Asian drivers. Asian drivers. I knew it. Asian. So, say you're driving and you're blind right?

33:37 I guess all the I guess all stereotypes have to do with vision. Like any v it's got to be vision.

33:44 You don't know color. You can't go to a movie theater. You can't I'm going to smoke a cigar night. Um, but what's fascinating about this is that I never explored this perspective of like if you can't see the skin color, would those people bother you? Like like would like that's racism is basing judging someone based on their skin color. But if you can't see the skin color, would their activities they do bother you? Say you're at the mall, you slip and fall, bunch of black kids lose their [ __ ] minds cuz you're white and you fell, right? like, would you know they're black? And they start doing that. They start asking people, there's a black guy on here. Here's the one that kills me. Is this woman

34:31 gives them the the upper hand. Are you racist? No. Why? Because I can't see. Blindness does some.

34:41 By the way, she's a [ __ ] idiot. I hate her. I really hate her. Hold on. take those racial cues out of society because if I can't tell by someone's voice or accent or whatever, like I have no idea.

34:55 I've noticed with a lot of people I meet, I don't really find out what their race is until a while after we meet.

35:02 You know, we don't I didn't realize blind people are [ __ ] idiots. You're telling me you couldn't tell that I'm white by listening to me? Like, that's why I said pull up some names. pull up some people of color

35:16 cuz I want to see if I can guess what a person is based on their accent. So, so this is what kills me is she says that sometimes it takes a while before I realize, oh, you're black and then I went hang out with Donald Rollins for 2 minutes for [ __ ] 30 seconds. You're not going to tell me you know Donell's black or Dave Chappelle or Tony Woods or Mike Apps like the these are all people I partied with in New York. There are natural stereotypes out there in the world.

35:42 Can you tell someone's race by their voice? No. What do you think my race is? I don't know.

35:51 Now, maybe I'm a piece of [ __ ] but I could tell she was Indian without her without looking at the screen, right? She's Indian.

35:59 I couldn't I didn't know. Oh. Oh, maybe I'm Maybe I'm [ __ ] gaslighting these [ __ ]

36:06 I don't think I know what that word means. Gaslight. I got one for you. Okay, here we go. Play it. I'll tell you what color.

36:13 Dog, you know, you're like a They're like a lot of white guys out there, you know.

36:17 This guy's white. They think they think you're black, yo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

36:21 Ding ding ding. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Keep going. Find pull another one up. Just type in Just type in [ __ ] news. Uh let's find out like from the news. Like they got a black guy, a white guy, and an Asian chick on there. I can tell them. Hey guys, once again I am looking for a girlfriend.

36:42 Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. That's That's over the top Asian. Yeah. Well, yeah, but that that's over the top. Everyone knows that's Asian. Just do a regular person, like someone that's not over the top. I want to find one that I can't get. And by the way, you guys can play along with us at home. Are you screen saving yours?

37:09 No. This woman's Indian, but you can tell in the earlier interview uh that she's Indian.

37:23 Um well, I look for more videos that might throw you off. You were tweeting a bunch about the Conor McGregor documentary today.

37:31 Oh, dude, that's such a great documentary. I watched it. It's great, right? I loved it.

37:36 Can I tell you like I'm going to take two seconds. I don't I'm not a big MMA guy. I mean, I am. I follow it probably probably more than the average person and I know more about it than the average person only cuz I listen to Joe's podcast. I'm I'm a I'm a fan of uh mixed martial arts. I always have been. Uh but I'm not like a I'm not like, you know, I'm not the guy that would ever go on a podcast to talk about MMA. So, I'm not going to pretend to do that. What I'm going to talk about is that podcast or that uh documentary he did on Netflix. I think it's called Notorious.

38:05 Here's why I liked it. So, when I did my special for Netflix, um the first show did not go great. It's really interesting. Um they we had some technical difficulties and we made everyone stay outside for an hour and a half in the rain. And so, by the time they got inside, they were sober. They were a little agitated there. Oddly enough, there were some hecklers in the first show that we shot. And I had been waiting for an hour and a half and it just didn't come out great. It wasn't was fine. Uh had that been my special, I would have been let down. But I had to sit in the green room after doing a like not the perfect show for my first show, which normally when you do a special, you bang it out first show and they're like, "The next show is supposed to be fun." But I had to try to regroup and shoot my second show and make sure it was perfect. And uh you know when you shoot a show, just so you know, they

39:02 always pick one show and then they take excerpts from the other show, like things I like better, angles I like better. So coverage wise, we're fine for the first show. By the way, I could have done done the exact same I did the first show and it would have been a great special, but in my head, I wanted to be the perfect show and I I was dealing with defeat in my head. It's so funny because in that documentary I wa you watch Conor McGregor deal with defeat, him getting beat by Nate Diaz and you see how he deals with defeat. And I thought to myself, I was like, you know, I've dealt with defeat more than I have success way more in this business. And it's how you deal with defeat is defines the man. the success part. We can all deal with success, but how you deal with defeat, how you bounce back, how you come back.

39:53 My buddy Tony came in, and this speaks probably more about Tony than me. My buddy Tony came in with a cup of coffee, and we just kind of bullshitted, had a cup of coffee in between shows, and he was like, "Go out and get you know, like it's it's this like it was this real kind of like pivotal defining moment in my life and in my career where I went, "This is the show I want to have and this is the show I I'm having." And I had the best set of my life that second show. But watching that documentary, I really connected with what Conor McGregor went through. I was fascinated by Fight Day. Like [cough] I would watch just these fighters building up for their fight day because fight day for them is a lot like the day you shoot a special. And when you shoot a special, man, I'm in my head. I'm definitely in my head. I don't know.

40:46 Maybe if it was physical I'd be maybe if I had trained and physically I could knew it. But in in a in a special it's all up in your head. Like I've done the work. I know the jokes work. I know everything works. I just got to perform them. I've done it a million times. Here we go. But like the littlest thing can [ __ ] you up. And I watch I was so connected with that that [ __ ] documentary. And I ended up googling a ton of stuff on Conor McGregor cuz I was like I I don't know enough about him. Like I'm a big fan of his, but I'm also a fan of Nate Diaz's. Like I love the Diaz brothers. I think they're [ __ ] I think they're awesome, man. They're what makes they're my throwback to MMA. I wish there was more guys like that. Real outspoken.

41:29 do what you want to do kind of guys. Um but uh but yeah, I love that documentary. I watched that whole documentary. I've watched it maybe five times in the last two days.

41:38 Oh wow. Yeah. I just can't stop watching it cuz to watch him deal with defeat, you're just like you're like, "Oh, this is how that works." Huh.

41:47 I'm going to get a little bit of [ __ ] for this. But his girlfriend's loyalty like kind of made me tear up.

41:56 Hardcore. Yeah, dude. She's an awesome chick. She's a ride or die [ __ ] Right by his side no matter [snorts] what.

42:03 I poor as [ __ ] Yeah. Loved him the same. He was not a good He's He's not a good-looking guy without the beard.

42:11 He looks Well, he's also like 21 or whatever. Yeah, he looks a little freaky without the beard.

42:16 Shout out to Conor McGregor. Shout out to this Indian chick who doesn't can't tell race. [snorts] [ __ ] idiot. Oh [ __ ] what dark skinned people will never tell you. Let's just see where this was

42:29 has ever told me. And your skin color is a gift. It's never been a black. This is what it was. Hold on. And I almost felt like a

42:38 So like I'm obsessed with the light-skinned people have feelings. And so apparently that's a big thing in all races is uh the darker your skin, the less they appreciate you, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. It's not, by the way, this is not my conversation to have. I'm just sharing this with people listening. Um although this guy inadvertently made me laugh. I'm going to play it. And if you don't laugh, then I didn't laugh either either. But if you laughed, then I definitely laughed. Also,

43:08 if you're lighter, you're bettering the race and you're bettering the island versus if you're just being you.

43:14 I would get called the blackness. One joke that really stuck with me that's from Chappelle. All your friends are hacks. you should walk away from them. Except for the guy that said this joke, which kind of made me giggle.

43:26 Like, oh, Edgar's so black that when he leaves a car, the check engine light turns on. That was a reference to my skin being as dark as oil.

43:35 By the way, you know, those are black people making that joke. It's not white people. It's definitely not white people. It's black people making it. And it makes me giggle. And then I go, "Oh, that kind of sucks that like I've always wanted to be darker than I am." Like I've always wanted darkness in my life. Like I've always tried to be dark. I'm I'm pretty tan. You can see a tan line. I I performed my shirt off. Before my special I laid in the sun, but yeah, I knew this about uh darkness with Asian people. They do not want to be darker cuz it means you work in the fields. It doesn't mean you work inside.

44:06 Mhm. So yeah. Oh, this is some ginger dyed his hair blonde pass. And then here, I must have watched four hours of dudes getting their beards trimmed. I know everything there is about a beard trimming. I even watched I watched a guy that looks identical to Sigura get his beard trimmed.

44:29 I fell for that. Here he is. Tell me that doesn't look like Sigura right there.

44:37 That looks like Tom so [snorts] much. This is going to be a little bit of an easier beard for him to maintain at home now cuz quite a lot of hair coming off.

44:49 Have you ever seen the video of Tom when you met that goat or the baby sheep? Mhm.

44:53 Dude, this is for those of you who haven't seen it. I'm going to show it to you. So, we're in Atlanta. Let me see if I can find it. Tom Sigura, baby sheep. So, we're in Atlanta and we meet this guy who's like, "I got a farm. If you guys want to come back, we can get high, have some beers." And I Ari and I were like, "Uh, yeah." And Skur lights up. He's like, "You got a farm?" And we're like, "Easy, bro." He was like, "No, I just I'm a big fan of animals." Part of us are like, Push is a big animal activist. She's a big like rescue dog. Like, they're big with their dogs. And I don't think Ari and I understood what we were getting into. So, we go back to this guy's place in Atlanta. We smoke weed and he's got a baby sheep. And I I swear to God, let me see if I can find it. I've never seen Tom lose his mind over a baby sheep more in my entire life. Here we go. You ready?

45:51 Mhm. This is one of the like I've never had a feeling like this in my life. So, to recap, if anyone's listening, we're in Atlanta. We meet these people. They have a farm. Tom lights up. up. He's like, "I want to go to their farm." Ari and I are like, "They have weed, so we're going to go." We go, we smoke. And [clears throat] Tom is just the whole time like, "Do you have any baby animals? Do you have any baby animals?" And we're like, "No, we don't." Like, and me and Ari were just like blown away. Like he's so excited. And then guys like, I got a baby sheep. And Tom's like, "Please, please, please, can I see the baby sheep?" So Tom gives the guy his phone and was like, "Shoot me meeting your sheep." Cuz he really loves sheep. This is Tom Skuro meeting a baby sheep for the first time.

47:00 This just creeps me out. Just so weird how into it he gets. He really loves goats.

47:14 Is it a goat? Little baby goat. Is it a Was it a goat? I thought it was a sheep. He just is so into it. Like it's like and he man he talked about this goat for [ __ ] days like nonstop. He would be like remember the time that we were all I think the goat got creeped out at one point. Oh well, you know what? Whatever makes you happy. All right, guys. Uh, that's the show. Uh, and if you didn't like this cuz I was drunk, then go [ __ ] yourself. Don't tell anybody. [snorts] Uh, just keep it to yourself. Be like, nah, when he's drunk, it's not as good or it's better.

48:00 Tell me what you like.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "The Best Black Moments | Open Tabs #3"?

In order: 0:00 Jim Jeff, Tekashi69, The Breakfast Club; 5:00 Jim Jeff, Trick Daddy; 10:00 The Breakfast Club, Trick Daddy; 15:00 Trick Daddy; 20:00 Trick Daddy, The Breakfast Club; 30:00 Chappelle (Dave Chappelle); 35:00 Chappelle (Dave Chappelle); 40:00 Chappelle (Dave Chappelle), Tom Sigura.

What is mentioned in this Bert Kreischer episode?

7 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Trick Daddy, The Breakfast Club, Chappelle (Dave Chappelle), Jim Jeff, Tekashi69, Tom Sigura. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "The Best Black Moments | Open Tabs #3"?

The episode runs 48 min; the transcript is about 9,060 words in 139 timestamped sections.

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