Transcript

EP8 - Deep Breath, Deep Breath

From BETH'S DEAD · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 29 min · 4,833 words · 135 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "EP8 - Deep Breath, Deep Breath", an episode of BETH'S DEAD published December 14, 2025 (29 min, about 4,833 words). It mentions 22 people, works and ideas, including America – Taylor, The, Armchair Expert, Parasocial Relationship, Bethstead, Google account.

What this episode is about

In this episode, the hosts discuss their recent email exchange with a professor they wish to interview for their catfishing podcast. The professor expresses reluctance to revisit a painful period in his life while also indicating a willingness to participate under certain conditions, prompting a mix of nervousness and curiosity among the hosts about how to proceed.

Key takeaways

  • Emails are fragile tapestries; professors weave caution, fearing the catfish net's humiliation loom.
  • Zoom may be virtual, but the stakes are as real as the catfished emotions in play.
  • Doubt whispers manipulations; the witty see a professor's plea as a master class in reluctance.
  • Negotiating with catfish: balancing anonymity with the alluring glow of Armchair's spotlight.
  • In this game of digital diplomacy, compassion isn't just currency—it's the rulebook.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: America – Taylor, The, anonymity, Armchair Expert, Bethstead
  2. – 15:00: Parasocial Relationship, donation, remorse
  3. – 25:00: America – Taylor, The, Google Doc
  4. – 28:47: Armchair Expert, Bestad, Nobody's Listening, Right?, patreon.com

Notable quotes from "EP8 - Deep Breath, Deep Breath"

  • Following along with us, at the end of the last episode, episode 7, we sent an email to the professor hoping to make contact. And we just hopped on to record because the three…
    about America – Taylor, The · at
  • Yeah. Opening up the Google account.
    about Google account · at
  • Producers from Armchair or however you want to say, like it would be me and Monica from Armchair Expert. we are definitely open to keeping your identity.
    about Armchair Expert · at
  • Would be our intention is to tell our story and speak to parasocial relationships. Like maybe make it something that seems a little intellectual so he doesn't think this is just about him. It's kind of like we're doing like a thing on.
    about Parasocial Relationship · at
  • High on my list is some way of asking him about the thousand donation.
    about donation · at
  • Guilt. does he think about this ever? it I think he does. If he thinks about it and if he has remorse, what part, what specific part like lingers? What part gives him?
    about remorse · at
  • Did you guys both get the Google Doc?
    about Google Doc · at
  • Available adfree right now. Best is presented by armchair experts Monica Padman and nobody's listening, right? It is produced and edited by Andy Rosen, Elizabeth Lame, and…
    about Nobody's Listening, Right? · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Companies & orgs

Products & tech

Concepts & topics

  • Parasocial Relationship — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
  • Bethstead — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Welcome back to Bethstead episode 8. I'm Monica Padman and if you've been following along with us, at the end of the last episode, episode 7, we sent an email to the professor hoping to make.
  • anonymity — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    We're definitely working open to working with you to on anonymity or maybe we're I don't know how nice you want to be, but like making this easiest for you. Like I think we really have to fawn a little.
  • donation — Concept · 1 mention · first at
  • remorse — Concept · 1 mention · first at
  • Guilt — Concept · 1 mention
  • kink — Concept · 1 mention
  • New Year's ball drop — Concept · 1 mention
  • reciprocity / indebtedness — Concept · 1 mention
  • voice changing — Concept · 1 mention
  • Y2K — Concept · 1 mention

Places & events

  • 1999 — Place · 1 mention
  • 2016 — Place · 1 mention
  • PST — Place · 1 mention

Sponsors

Full transcript with timestamps

Welcome back to Bethstead episode 8. I'm Monica Padman and if you've been following along with us, at the end of the last episode, episode 7, we sent an email to the professor hoping to make contact. And we just hopped on to record because the three of us were just on a just standard uh logistical meeting about the show. And we got an email back. It says, "What is this regarding Um, we sent one back to that and we did say, "This is regarding a catfishing podcast. We'd really like to speak with you. Let us know." And so, we just got a response to that email uh literally while we were all meeting on Zoom about everything else. And it's just sitting there in our inbox.

Ready? What do we all think? I think he's gonna say, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I I'm fine. Thank you."

I Yeah, I think he's gonna say, "I'm I'm not interested in participating." I disagree.

I think it will be weird, but I think it will be a slightly door a jar for us to explore more with this person. That's my guess. All right, you guys ready?

Yeah. Opening up the Google account. Oh my god. Here we go. Who wants to read it?

Oh my god. El Elizabeth. Okay. It says, "Okay, that's what I thought. I'm really reluctant to relive the darkest period of my life. So, I'm begging you to to not use any information that might lead to me being identified and my family being publicly humiliated. I can be available when you want. Oh my god.

Door a jar. You nailed it. Door a jar. Door blasted wide open. Oh my god. I am I don't know that I've ever been so nervous in my life.

Yeah, I feel [sighs and gasps] I feel you guys. I feel I'm st This is I'm stressed out. I'm stressed out. I'm stressed out. I'm Look, I have to be I have to be me here.

This email makes me very sad. Oh, it feels so manipulative to me. Yeah, I'm not buying this.

Okay, wait. A thought. Can we not Can we stop sharing this screen? cuz I I want to see Monica as we like discuss moves.

Yes. I think our our response has to be kind and calculated. Totally agreed. And also kind of forthright. I think it would be like

we understand. We understand. We understand. and we address his concerns and we say, um, you know, in an in an ideal world, we would love to set up a Zoom with myself and one of the producers from Armchair or however you want to say, like it would be me and Monica from Armchair Expert. Um, we are definitely open to keeping your identity.

We're definitely working open to working with you to on anonymity or maybe we're I mean, I don't know how nice you want to be, but like making this easiest for you. Like I I think we really have to fawn a little bit here.

Um I think it's like our intention is not to humiliate anyone. That is not my intention. No,

actually at all. So we're not naming him, but it will be humiliating to him hearing the show, but we're not publicly humiliating.

That's not our intention. Our intention is to tell I think we could say this. Our intention is to tell our story how we experienced it. It's not to humiliate anyone. We would really love to hear from you about how you experienced this.

You guys, you guys, you're going to get answers, like real answers. This person is not pretending he didn't do anything. And

well, I I don't think he can. I I do I love He's not He's coping to it. I just I want I mean I love that you're here with us for this Monica because I do think that my radar is up so high of like he's this is so manipulative where you're like it's not. So I think it's good that we're going to have like both perspectives, but I'm already worried I'm not going to believe a word that comes out of this man's mouth. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. But you can't show that while you're talking to him. You have to play the role of the like understanding.

You Well, you do and you don't. Look, that is why we're both there. This happened to you two. It did not happen to me. So, I do have the ability to be removed and

potentially offer some compassion in a way that you maybe you like just can't. And also

that's fine if you can't like you know victims get to handle what happened to them however they want. So,

I think the response is we understand we appreciate your willingness. Here's what I I think it should be. Um, let me just jot this down. I won't even do it in the reply yet because that scares me. Um, I'm just composing new thing. Okay.

Well, there's another message. Oh. Oh, wait. No, that's just from that's the original thing that came in.

Okay. I mean, it wouldn't be out of character. That's why the little jolt. So, say we understand our intention is only to tell our experience of this story. It's not to humiliate anyone. We appreciate you talking to us. It will be myself, Andy, and our producer from Armchair. We would like to set up a Zoom. And a Zoom is just a lot to add. Like I think I would even be like, "No,

we really need the Zoom so we can visually confirm is who we think it is." Like, "I'm not trusting a phone call."

Well, maybe we could say, "Can we set up a Zoom? We won't use any video. We just would like to see you

or we'd like to have a face to face interaction." Oh, you mean you like we won't use the video of him later?

Exactly. Gotcha. Gotcha. We won't use any video and any audio would remain anonymous. That's a tricky.

He's going to be weirded out about a recording. I mean, it seems like he wants to make his piece right now, which is

No, it doesn't. I don't think so. I think we have the upper hand here, too, though. I actually think we say ideally we would like to zoom with you. We will be recording the audio with your permission.

I don't think we say record. We just say we'd like and we'd like to zoom so we can have so we can be face to face.

And then are we then we have to decide from there what we feel is ethical cuz I don't know what that's going to happen in that conversation and I don't know if it's just a retelling for us or if we do want to use the audio. That's why I'm saying we say what we want. Like we would like to record the audio for the show and then if he pushes back then we might have to pivot.

I think it gives him too much of a reason to shut the door. But if I kind of do too cuz he's already asking in this email. He's already saying like begging us. Yes. I'm h is he's like I'm I will chat with you basically like to end this

and the thing I'm asking is please don't don't do what we're about to ask him to do. I mean, unless we changed morphed his voice,

that's super easy to do. That's not a problem. Okay. All right. So, maybe what we do here is don't mention the recording. See if he'll get on Zoom. You guys are going to get on Zoom with him and see in the first second who it is. And then you can say, "We really appreciate you doing this. We completely understand your concerns." By that point, I think it's fair to say we want to ask you if you're okay with us just recording this audio and we are happy to change your voice to keep it anonymous. So, I think that's the move.

Yeah. Like once we see him and then and then n and then navigate that in real time.

Yeah. Yeah. And if he's like, "No, no way." It's like, "Okay, we tried." But at the most important thing I do think out of all of this is verifying who this is.

Exactly. I agree. And asking them the questions. This is like I can't believe that there's going to be real answers. Like that's

I was not really expecting that. I wasn't either. I thought it was going to be no way. You guys, we need to do this quickly and I think we need to say to him, do any of these times work? Like we need to

Yeah. Yeah. Let's be like very pro. I mean, should we offer tomorrow when we were supposed to record?

We can do that. I almost feel like, can we do today? I think we need more time to

I think we might need to sit with this for for a day and we need to decide we need to have a list of questions that we're going to ask.

I know, but I'm like, can you do 2 p.m. our time today? Because you don't want to give them time to think.

That's true. Is there one window that we could do today? Um, I I could I have an appointment at 1:30, but I could do 2:30 or

3 3 Do it. Guys, it feels crazy to do it today. It's not. We're in it. It's not crazy. And I have I have the questions like I can jot them down in the next five minutes to have a jumping off point.

Okay. Are you available to Zoom today at 3 p.m. PST? Thank you. Andy, how do we feel?

Okay. I feel good. The the only other thing I would throw in that maybe we could say to get him off his defenses would be our intention is to tell our story and speak to parasocial relationships. Like maybe make it something that seems a little intellectual so he doesn't think this is just about him. It's kind of like we're doing like a thing on

Oh, that's sort of interesting. Parasocial relationships and Yeah. So it's a little less about like

tell our story and the dynamic of parasocial largely to parasocial relationship

speak largely to parasocial relationships. Okay guys we completely understand our intention is only to tell our story and speak largely to parasocial relationships is not to humiliate anyone and we appreciate you talking to us. It will be myself and our producer Monica from Armchair. Are you a veil? This is good. Are you available to video Zoom today at 3 PM PST? Thank you, Andy.

Yeah. Great. Oh my gosh. Okay, I'm sending it, guys. Okay, I think we need to go over questions right now then if that's good with you guys.

Yeah, absolutely. High on my list is some way of asking him about the thousand donation.

And so I would love to craft a question that we figure out the best way to ask him about that.

And what what do you want to know about it? just kind of like, you know, one thing that we've been scratching our heads about revisiting this is the large donation that you made to us. And I I mean, maybe it is as simple as that. Was wondering if you could speak to that at all. Was that calculated in any way? We've just never really been able to understand that aspect of this whole

Yeah. I want to know, was it a way for him to indebt me to him or the character of Beth, which I'm assuming it was, or like what where did that come from?

Maybe like what kind of hobbies is he into? Favorite colors? That's hilarious. What's like top of your list, Monica,

being more on the outside? Yeah, for me it's what were you getting out of this? Like that's my I need to know that. like what was happening that made you keep coming back and engaging and was it like you felt connect you know there's a I want to know what he got

I think that's a great question yesterday I listening to our web designer conversation she goes I think that this was his way of forcing you and Andy and all of your listeners to participate in his kink He's like whoa.

I don't know if he'd ever say that exactly, but that's such a good theory. I probably wouldn't know it's his king. I mean, that

Well, no, I don't think he's going to say that, but I do think it's an interesting angle. Um,

yeah, like psychologically. My main question is, what was he going to say to me if I called that number?

That's a great one. Yes. And also I think it's like and what do you wish you could say to her?

Yeah. Now. Yeah. That's I think a great way to wrap it up. Yeah. Yeah. I want to know from the get-go, was it supposed to go this way or did it evolve

over time? Did it get away from you? Was the suicide always in the plan? Yeah. Yeah. I also want to know about guilt. Like, does he think about this ever? I mean, it I think he does. If he thinks about it and if he has remorse, what part, what specific part like lingers? What part gives him?

He wrote back. Oh boy. Okay. [sighs] I can almost see it. Do you want me to share screen, Monica?

God, he's so fast. Yeah. I don't have reliable Wi-Fi, so I don't know how well Zoom will work. We can try it or something else.

Okay. Okay. Um Okay, great. Let's give it a try. I think it's just we sent him a link.

But is he going to use the Wi-Fi as like a I can't get on video? Probably. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. He is. Yeah. Oh, [ __ ] If he's not on video, [ __ ] I think we push back a little bit and say that this needs to be face to face.

It's important to us that this is face to face to face like we want to talk like human beings. Yeah.

And then should we just share the link? Um, yeah. Okay, I think that's good. Oh my god, this is wild. I mean, we've gotten farther than I even thought we would.

This is nuts. This is Oh my god, it's also happening so fast. I know. Well, it's good though. I mean,

we got to jump strike while the iron's hot. I really Yeah. think this is the way to do it.

So, Elizabeth, you're going to be like, you're going to not hear any of it. Or are you?

I want to not hear any of it, which might be cool. You guys like reporting back to me.

I mean, I wonder if you're on the Zoom as a camera off. Yeah, because Elizabeth, what if you get so compelled and you're like,

"Hi." Something. Yeah. You know what? I do want to be a fly on the wall. I'll just

I think you should be close by or on off camera. Yeah. And also that way I can text you things if I have questions that come up as it get goes. Not that you need to be beholden to that, but

you'll text. But I think you need to experience this. Like you were the largest victim in this whole thing. And so

and you know what? Maybe I will pop on. I'll text you guys if I'm like going to. I'm not just going to like, hey. But

I don't I think we need to decide. I think that because we didn't give him a heads up either.

I don't know why that feels weird to me. Okay. In some ways, it's like you want him to see the face of the person he's been doing this to.

Yeah. And he was so so specifically like manipulative of me and my feelings during such a tender time in my life.

Yeah. You know, like the mother the mother dying, all the sexual stuff, all the flattery, the

dancing, the weight stuff. Like it's all Yeah. custom tailor made. Personally, I think it will be a game time decision. Like I don't think you can right now make it decide actually. And I

um you'll know. By the way, another thing, I mean, this is more for the conversation afterwards, but just because he says it, doesn't mean that's what it is. For example, him being like, "It's the hardest, darkest time of my life." I just also I do know a lot of people who've done really bad [ __ ] in the darkest moments of their life. And it that is whether it's manipulative or not, maybe we'll find out, maybe we won't. But

that is also an option like it is I mean I don't know I know he's obviously he's not a well person. The way he behaves in life is not normal.

Um even still. Yeah. [snorts] None of us thought this was how today was going to go.

No we did not. Okay. So um what am I saying? Okay. He said I don't have reliable Wi-Fi so I don't know how well Zoom will work. we can try it or something else. We'll say okay it's important to us that this is a face is face to face. Let's give it a try. We won't record the Zoom video.

Here's the link. Here's the link. Great. And then see you at 300 PST. Thank you.

What if you said love you? Thank you. Exclamation point. Are you okay with that?

Oh, no. Thank you. Yeah, we don't need the exclamation point for him. Okay. Um,

am I doing it? [ __ ] yeah. Yes. Barf. And then Monica, I'll record. Um, I'm so glad you're in this with us, Monica. I don't think we would

this. Yeah. You're like, you're like our rock emotionally through this. We'll get on at like 2:30, Monica.

Okay. Cuz I want to make sure my system's set up to record his audio coming in. Um, but this

but then should I still record here? He wrote back. Okay, let's try it. See you at 3 PST. Hopefully.

Hopefully. Of course. Hopefully. Oh boy. I think this needs to feel as like not intimidating as possible.

And honestly, this is our one shot. I know it's our one shot, but like let's really go through all the questions and it is what it is. The main thing is to find out who is this, why they did this, and what they were getting out of it. You know, like, and if all of all of the questions I have ever had aren't answered, that's okay.

Okay, so let's walk through our prep. Okay, number one, we get on Monica, how are we addressing like, thank you so much for doing this.

Um, right off the gate, we know this might be a little uncomfortable. We are working on a show that chronicles [snorts] what happened to us in our show involving you back in 2016.

But would you be okay with us recording audio and if we were to use it, we will change your voice

and that kind of implies we're not using his name. Yeah, I think that that what if he asks like, "Are you going to name me in this?"

If he says, "I'm getting off unless you tell me that you're not using my name." I think

yeah, we should say we're not going to use your name. Cuz look, the truth is we're not gonna use his name. I don't think if giving him that assurance is what gets you to be able to record or keep talking to him, then you can say, "Yes, we will agree not to use your name if you allow us to record this."

Yeah, I think it's smart to do that. Yeah, I agree. I I think we need to see who it is. Like that is first and foremost that's the big question. So we do need to find that out and I am worried if we say we need to find another time where you have Wi-Fi. I think that we might be closing the door. I guess that's why we decided to do it today as opposed to waiting.

I do think big advantage the sooner we do it better, right? So part of me thinks we do play the card of

if he can't get his camera on we need to see you so we can confirm your identity

and if he's like I can't do that I think we can be like then to be honest we can't promise we're not going to use your name in this piece then I think we can say something like that we do have the upper hand for him to I don't think he would risk us using his name in the piece. I think that you guys will figure it out. Like

I kind of do too. And I think I don't want to get too heady. I know. I'm just wor I'm just worried that I'm gonna get too aggro and

and then you then you guys will be upset with me after the fact like you blew it. Cuz my instinct is not just to be an [ __ ] It's more like I feel like we do have the upper hand that I feel like it's within our grasp to get what we want. That's why my instincts like well if you don't do this then sorry the jig is up. Sort of.

Yeah. Holding his feet to the flame. He might just be like, "Actually, let's just do this."

Exactly. We'll see how it goes. Okay. Do we have all of our questions? I'm so nervous.

Did you guys both get the Google Doc? Where did you send it to? I put the link in our text.

I don't see anything in our text. Shoot. I sent it to him. You sent the questions to him. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh my god. I mean, look, I think this we're going to get what we can get and and

yeah, take the pressure off yourself so you're prepared. Yeah, I think it's it's going to be fine. Okay, so we are back from our little lunch break. Um, and we are all on our computers. We are about to call the professor. [snorts] Um, how's everyone feeling?

I'm so nervous. I said to Andy, I was like, if we're nervous, think about how he must be feeling. Like,

I know. I'm sure you're right. Were you curious to ask him if there were more characters than Beth Natasha?

You have that question. Oh. Oh, I I want to ask were there more people? Has he done this to more people?

Yeah. Oh, I definitely am curious about that. Yeah. And how do we navigate bringing you on, Elizabeth? How are you going to let us know if you want to come on or not? I think I'll text you guys and um I think you should just say to him like, "Hey, I know we told you it's just going to be us, but Elizabeth actually has a few questions she feels comfortable asking. Like, would you be okay with that?" I guess

do we need to even ask him? Like there's a part of me that's like Elizabeth is wasn't going to be a part of this cuz felt like it was a lot for her. But she's here and does have some questions.

Yeah. Okay. I don't think we need to ask him for permission for me to Yeah. Yeah. That's But it is later in if Elizabeth wants to chat right?

It's not like we don't have to say that at the top of the thing like just right. So he is under the assumption that he's not real bad feelings. I think I will do this. So I'll just let you know when it seems like things are kind of in a place where it would make sense. I'll um I'm going to take Andy's iPad outside.

Okay. Log in from his account. So it's like a new person coming in and I'll just do audio.

Okay. We got this team. This has been a long time coming. Yeah. How crazy. Everyone get your po your faces ready.

I do a spit take when the camera comes on. You know, I just like when I was in our little break, I was like, "What if it's the wife?"

Oh my god. If it's the [ __ ] wife, we got to be cool. Can you imagine? It's my buddy Josh

after all. Oh god, Elizabeth, you look like you're in witness protection. I look what?

You look like you're in witness protection. Your background. I did it on purpose because like the way it was set up, there are pictures of our kids there and it's just like on the off chance that there's an earthquake and I press the video button.

No, it is smart. Okay. I feel like maybe I should get off 10 feet. I feel like we're like waiting for the New Year's ball to drop.

Yeah. Well, I don't know if that's the analogy for me. I'm I don't feel this nervous for that.

Okay, fine. The New Year's ball to drop in in 1999. There you go. Y 2K. Yeah, Y2K situation. Make sure your camera's off, Elizabeth, when you pop in like that again next time.

What if I have a heart attack cuz my cholesterol? That'd be a twist, too. All right, we're almost at showtime if he shows up on time. Make sure to text us, Elizabeth. We'll see him.

Okay. Deep breath. Deep breath. Hey, can you see me now? We're going to be honest. We weren't expecting to see you. If you don't want to wait for more Be Bestad, you can binge the entire series today at patreon.com/bestdeed where all 10 episodes are available adfree right now. Best is presented by armchair experts Monica Padman and nobody's listening, right? It is produced and edited by Andy Rosen, Elizabeth Lame, and Monica Padman. Additional engineering by Rob Hollis. Music and sound by Andy Rosen. Heat. Heat.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "EP8 - Deep Breath, Deep Breath"?

Monica Padman (Host), Andy Rosen (Host), Elizabeth Lame (Host), Rob Hollis (Guest), Unidentified 'Professor' (email respondent / Zoom interviewee) (Guest).

What is "EP8 - Deep Breath, Deep Breath" about?

In this episode, the hosts discuss their recent email exchange with a professor they wish to interview for their catfishing podcast. The professor expresses reluctance to revisit a painful period in his life while also indicating a willingness to participate under certain conditions, prompting a mix of nervousness and curiosity among the hosts about how to proceed.

What is mentioned in this BETH'S DEAD episode?

22 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including America – Taylor, The, Armchair Expert, Parasocial Relationship, Bethstead, Google account, anonymity. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "EP8 - Deep Breath, Deep Breath"?

The episode runs 29 min; the transcript is about 4,833 words in 135 timestamped sections.

More from BETH'S DEAD

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated December 16, 2025.