Transcript

EP9 - Can You See Me Now

From BETH'S DEAD · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 43 min · 6,768 words · 141 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "EP9 - Can You See Me Now", an episode of BETH'S DEAD published December 19, 2025 (43 min, about 6,768 words). It mentions 5 people, works and ideas, including Elizabeth Laime, Narcotics Anonymous, Armchair Expert, 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, Opioid use disorder.

What this episode is about

This content discusses a significant conversation about suicidal thoughts while prioritizing mental health support, emphasizing that help is available through resources like the 988 hotline in the US. The main narrative follows Monica, Elizabeth, and Andy as they prepare for an important and emotional discussion with a professor, highlighting their apprehension and the serious circumstances surrounding their dialogue.

Key takeaways

  • Podcast deception: When fans feel like friends, creativity and missteps can blur misunderstood boundaries.
  • Addiction's truth serum: A three-year opioid bender led to misplaced admiration and troubling online antics.
  • Basement tales unfold: An innocent parent, unintended catfish victim, and a virtual obsession collide.
  • The weight of words: Fake personas mask substance abuse struggles but leave real emotional fallout.
  • Remorseful redemption: Sobriety offers clarity, but past digital actions haunt the heart and conscience.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 25:00: Narcotics Anonymous
  2. – 43:13: Armchair Expert

Notable quotes from "EP9 - Can You See Me Now"

  • Yeah, I'm in Narcotics Anonymous.
    about Narcotics Anonymous · at
  • Beststead is presented by armchair experts Monica Padman and nobody's listening right. It is produced and edited by Andy Rosen, Elizabeth Lame and Monica Padman. Additional.
    about Armchair Expert · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Companies & orgs

Concepts & topics

Full transcript with timestamps

Today's episode mentioned suicide. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please know you are not alone and help is available. In the US, dial 988 where you'll have access to free one-on-one counselors who are there to provide compassionate support.

Welcome to Beth's Dead. This is episode 9. I'm Monica Padman. [snorts] I'm here with Elizabeth and Andy. We are all on our computers right now because we are about to call the professor. We're sort of at the point where this whole season has led up to. We're nervous. Um, and you're here with us in real time. So, we're just going to jump right in.

There's no way the video is on. Let's go here. Okay. Deep breath. Deep breath. Hey, can you hear me?

We can hear you. We don't We can't see you. Okay, hang on a second. Let me see if I can get uh Can you see me now?

No, you just got to hit the the video button next to the microphone button. Okay, hang on a sec. This is not something I do a lot.

Um there. We can see you. All right, cool. Thanks for chatting with us. Yeah, we really appreciate you taking the time to do this.

Yeah, I'm sorry it's under these circumstances. Normally, I'd be really happy to see both of you.

Can you confirm who you are? Uh, what what would you like me to say? Cuz I'm I guess we we anticipated Well, also Okay. So, just so you know, we're not recording any of this video. Just so you know, none of that's recorded.

We are wondering if there's any chance If you're okay with it, if we do record audio and if we use any, we would change your voice.

Yeah, that's fine. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Appreciate that. Yeah. And so we won't use your name, FYI, but we just we we would like to know.

Yeah. My name is Okay. I guess we we're going to be honest. We were expecting to see your dad. Yeah.

Uh why would why was that? Well, you know, when when this all happened, um you know, there was a detective became involved. Um and we were under the assumption that it was your father from the investigation that was done.

Oh. Oh, no. I wish someone had told me that at the time. My dad has no idea of any of this.

Wow. Wow. Okay. I just happened to be living in his basement at the time. Are you still living there? Are you still living with him? No.

No, I'm not. I'm so sorry for for him cuz he hasn't he had nothing to do with this.

That's good for us to know. So, just to confirm and we can get into some more detailed stuff, but just off the top, are we right in assuming that you were responsible for emails from a few different characters? Y

mainly there was Beth, Anders, and Natasha. Those are like the first that pop into my mind.

Yeah, I'm going to be really upfront because this will be a big thing throughout. I don't remember a lot and the this will go to the underlying um reasons for a lot of this. I had a really severe substance abuse problem at the time. Um so if there are others, there could be. But yeah, those are those were all me. I'm Yeah, if you link them to me, they're me.

Can you speak to the what type of substance abuse was going on at that time? Yeah, I mean, I'd been kind of high functioning alcoholic for basically since I I was like 17. And by the time I intersected with you or yeah, my paths crossed, I had been doing opioids every day for three years or so. And um yeah, which eventually got me in trouble with the law as you can imagine. So yeah, there's just a lot that I don't remember and can't explain very well because of that.

Yeah. Are you How are you doing now? I would be remiss if I didn't ask. Yeah, it's been tough, but I'm about three years totally clean and sober.

Congratulations. Thanks. We obviously have questions. Andy and Elizabeth have been um sitting with some questions for for quite a while.

Well, um Oh, sorry. Let me I'm sorry to interrupt. I because I was contacted by I believe a police detective around the time this happened. And if it hadn't been for him saying, you know, that you guys would prefer no more contact, which totally makes sense to me, I would have at least apologized if not tried to explain. I mean, I couldn't have tried to I couldn't have explained myself cuz I was uh I was high out of my mind and stuff. It doesn't really make sense, but I at least would have tried to say how sorry I was. So, yeah, I'm sure you do have questions.

I guess I have a question, which is well, first of all, were you doing this, do you know, to other people as well, like other podcasts, or was it solely

them? And what was it about them? It's going to be shitty to hear this, but you know, as you get deeper into addiction, you start pushing people away. And it's not just that your podcast reminded me generally of like the banter I used to have with friends. You reminded me of actual friends I had. So, you seemed like cool, smart people. And uh you know the shitty part is that like I know I ended up causing you guys some pain or distress or whatever. I sorry I shouldn't say whatever. I'm not trying to minimize it. But I wouldn't have done that if you didn't seem like really likable levelheaded people, you know. So it was just you guys. And uh yeah, I feel really shippy about that.

I know what you mean and I can relate because I was a huge fan of their shows as well and I I get what you mean, but I guess when you started as Beth, did it get away from you? Did you know that you were going to this is how she was going to end? Did you How How did this happen?

No, I definitely didn't. Like the how it ended part is one of the things that I wish I could explain, but it doesn't make any sense to me. Like how it started was just I think I wanted more engagement and the story I gave was true of someone I went to high school with that she had done modeling and since regretted it and stuff. So um I don't know. I It's sort of like asking someone why they did something while they were drunk, you know, and you just go, "Well, if you don't understand what being drunk is like, it's really hard to explain."

So, I can't really explain how the like ending part of it happened or whatever, but I if I'm guessing it's that, you know, especially at that time, I had a lot of um self-loathing and probably verging on like suicidal ideiation. And so, um, I don't know if I were guessing, trying to make like make sense of something that doesn't make sense, I'd say maybe like, you know, cuz if I ever had taken my life, you wouldn't I wouldn't know how people felt about it. And I know that's such a [ __ ] up thing to say that like I wanted to see somebody's response to that end. Mhm.

or something like that. But like that's the most sense I can make out of it. Yeah. And before the Beth character, you you know, you had reached out in a few different ways. And I think even before Beth, there was a character named Natasha. And we were just kind of curious, was your kind of initial intention more to work more with that character in the beginning if you recall. Does that make any sense that question?

Oh, for sure. I don't think I had thought through like an endgame with any of this. I don't think I had a a plan. I don't know what I was thinking with that. I never wrote in with a question as Natasha, did I? Like for the podcast.

You emailed as Natasha for sure. Oh, yeah. And and much earlier than Beth's existence, you emailed as Natasha.

Yeah. I don't think I had a plan for that. This is where my me memory gets really fuzzy and uh

Yeah. Yeah. I I can't say what that was about really with any certainty. I I don't have access to those emails anymore. As far as I know, those accounts don't exist. There's one more major reason we we thought it was your dad who is you know notable in a community and there was an email

from it was from Anders and Natasha. I don't know if you remember this. Anders was writing it on behalf of Natasha, but it was very I would say manifesto adjacent and

Oh, really? Yeah. So, there was a to us that was a like big indicator once we, you know, knew about your family.

Yeah. No, that it definitely was me. Um, it just would have been me working through some stuff just based on the stuff I grew up hearing about, but definitely wasn't my dad in any way.

And were you I don't again I don't know if you remember this, but were you I mean cuz you know I know I know the main question when anyone hears the story is like huh what was this person getting out of it? And I know you said there's like there was a connection piece and I I do really understand that but was there like a I mean ironically like a a high from like getting the emails back or

Yeah, probably. I would say so. You know, I think I said this in my email to Andy that that was definitely the darkest period of my life. I think because I was working a job where it was I worked with other people, but it was basically just me with a pair of headphones, you know, and then I went home and got drunk or high or whatever. And and as I got worse with the drugs and whatnot, I you know, you push people away quite a bit. And so, yeah, I'm sure there was like a high of getting people that you feel like you know, even though you don't. And um yeah, and treating you like your friends. And I realize that I realize we're not. That's I know that's what a parasocial relationship is, but yeah, I guess there was sort of a high Yeah.

Do you think about this a lot? Yeah, it's one of the things I regret most. I'm not even kidding. There are a couple of things I regret most in my entire life. This is this is up there. I It's weird. It's weird. It doesn't make sense to me even cuz like you know you're shitty to the people around you when you're an addict. But you don't think you're going to hurt people you don't even know and that you think highly of because I do think highly of uh Ambient Elizabeth. Like and this bothers me enough that um I've never been able to listen to their podcasts anymore. I just feel so so weird about this and uh yeah so I I've thought about this for years. Yeah, it's really really bothered me.

I can imagine. I mean that's yeah that's there was an aspect of when um things were unraveling if you will sort of and we had stopped contact with you.

Yeah. There seemed to be some distress coming from your end. let's call it your end obviously about obviously the lack of contact that you're not getting responses but also that we had started removing some of the comments that were coming from you on the website and whatnot. Can you speak to that at all? Do you remember that and the frustration maybe you were having with that aspect of everything? But I do remember kind of freaking out because I, you know, it felt like they know what's going on or they have some inkling what's going on.

And you know, it felt like real friends were telling you to [ __ ] off. We hate you. Which is understandable, but like it's that's how it felt as wrong as that, as inaccurate as that is. And so, yeah, I was I'm sure I was freaking out and said some weird stuff. Weirder than the other stuff, let's say.

Right. Right. Gotcha. Well, you know, we all have uh Andy and Elizabeth continue podcast. I have many podcasts as well,

and it is an interesting thing to balance relationships with the audience. And it it does look like, you know, things like this obviously instill a lot of fear for for who's getting taken advantage of and like what what people think they're owed.

Yeah. Yeah. I never thought I could do this to somebody. And it didn't cross my mind how much you might have freaked people you and Andy and Elizabeth out until, you know, after the dust had settled a bit. And I I thought, "Wow, that's that could really alarm somebody, maybe even frighten them." And I it genuinely never crossed my mind that that could be true while I was doing it. And uh as you might expect with someone with severe addiction issues, you know, I had some undiagnosed mental underlying mental health problems. And uh I don't know, like this is such an obvious thing to say, but that doesn't go well with the internet, you know?

Yeah. You know, it's it's nothing I have is really uncommon. like I I don't suffer from like psychosis or anything, but you just don't think how much that'll um potentially affect how you interact with people online.

It's weird because in some ways like you they're so real to you, they're your friends, but in another way they're not real at all. Like there's no repercussions.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I I feel weird even saying this out loud. I I know there was an email where I said in as somebody that I thought um Elizabeth was attractive, right? And um I would never do that to a guy's wife in person, you know? I would never feel okay about that. It's It's weird that it that you feel okay doing that behind a keyboard or whatever.

Sure. Yeah. I I don't know. I'm just really really sorry about all this. So, you know, we wanted to hop on here obviously and talk. Would you be comfortable with Elizabeth talking to you at all?

Yeah, if she's comfortable. Yeah, cuz I feel like I owe an apology if nothing else.

Okay, give me one second. I'm going to text a link to this. Hello. You hear me?

Yeah. Yep. Okay. Um hello. Hi. I just want to start by saying I'm really, really sorry. I've tried my best to explain to Andy and Monica as well as I could whatever was going through my head all those years ago, but if there's anything you want to ask me or get off your chest, um, feel free.

Yeah. Um, Andy told me that you were struggling with addiction and I'm glad that you seem better. So, I do appreciate that. It was a scary, you know, weird experience and I think it opened my eyes to like what can happen in the internet, you know. Um,

yeah. And I do have questions at I totally thought that you were someone else and that I knew the person and like

got to know their online persona. So I'm kind of shocked. And I have a few questions. Well, one is like did you travel with your dad a lot?

No, not a lot, but I did travel. Okay. I travel independently and with my dad. Okay. And also, you made a donation as Beth, a like pretty big donation of $1,000. Do you remember that?

I actually didn't, but I I assume I did. Okay. Because it seemed I mean, I guess you don't you don't remember a lot. I totally understand. Probably you is a blur. It was a long time ago, but a lot of what was kind of played out referenced this $1,000 donation as though it seemed like maybe you donating that made it seem like I was indebted to you as Beth or as I don't know. You don't remember any of that?

I that makes sense. I don't remember that. That's a shitty thing for me to have done. I'm really really sorry.

Thank you. Yeah. I assume that would have been when you say that it I made it seem like I like you were indebted. I assume that would have been stuff that happened once you guys started taking down my posts and stuff.

I think it was a lot of it. I mean, it was like um as the brother, you were saying like things that reference that $1,000 as if I then owed the brother an explanation. And here's my main question for you that I've wondered for so long is what was your plan going to be if I had called the number that you kept telling me to call? Did I give you a phone number?

Yeah. Well, it's the number that the detective ended up calling. So, it was a working It was your phone number.

It was my phone number. I I didn't have a plan. I was a [ __ ] idiot is the short long and short of it

because I don't remember doing that. I obviously shouldn't even if I'd been trying to con you or something, I shouldn't have done that.

So, I didn't have a plan. I I don't know. I see. Yeah, if I I'm guessing at what you were talking about earlier with the $1,000, I said this to Andy and Monica that um I probably said some especially shitty stuff when you guys started deleting my posts because it felt like, you know, it felt like I was losing real friends, as dumb as that sounds,

once you guys were catching on. And so I I I'm guessing I referenced the thousand dollars once that started happening, but I genuinely don't remember.

Got it. Yeah. Um [ __ ] Well, I I really appreciate I genu I mean I sat this out because I was so sufficiently creeped out by everything that but I really appreciate you talking to us and you know that you didn't have to do that. So, thank you very much and I'm also glad to hear that you're sober.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Okay, I'm gonna get off and then let Andy and Monica, you know, if you guys have more questions or whatever, but um I just wanted to

Okay, hop on. All right, thank you. And I'm I'm sorry again. Thank you. All right.

Are you still living with any family anymore or are you on your own? Uh not. I'm on my own right now.

Gotcha. Do you have a family of your own? No, I don't. I kind of doubt I'm going to with um you know I may be um sober for as long as I have been, but I I'm stuff like this. Honestly, this and a couple other things make me think I might not uh be good for a family if I ever relapse or something like that. So, I'm I'm a little scared to have

Well, I know a lot of people who are in recovery and have families and so, you know, are you working a program?

Yeah, I'm in Narcotics Anonymous. Okay, great. Well, Andy, do you have anything else?

We may have already spoken to this though, but did you had you formed any of these types of relationships with any other people or anything online? I've never done that before since I think honestly the the format of your show kind of prompted it because I I'm trying to think how to explain this where it doesn't sound like a well I had like questions that I thought were interesting like the high school friend that was was that Beth who did the modeling I thought that was an interesting question but I'm not her so I don't know why I couldn't have asked it as myself. I don't want to say your show prompted me to do this kind of multiple identities thing, but I mean that was part of it, I guess, was writing in as a different person.

Yeah. You know, made the question more. I don't know. I I'm trying to think what I was thinking. I I don't really know.

And again, you've already kind of spoken to the foggess of this around the time where it kind of escalated, if you will. Yeah.

Do you recall at all why you chose the suicide story? Um, no. Um, I something must have been going on in my own life to make me sort of want to game that out. That's such a sick paper. I'm sorry. But, um, because I've I've lost people to suicide and stuff. And it's it's not a it's not something I take lightly or would if I'm so clean and sober, it's not something I'd used to manipulate people with. Uh I'm not sure what prompted that. I'm really not. It's because obviously if I'm going for engagement from you guys, that doesn't make sense either. You know, to to remove a character, so to speak, doesn't make sense. Since I'm trying to have as much engagement as possible, I really don't know what I was doing.

I'm sorry. I wish it I wish I could make sense of that. But but like I the best I can come up with is what I said earlier where like because I struggled with thoughts of suicide so much myself.

Yeah. Then maybe I was just looking for like a response I could perceive to, you know, especially because I'm sure at the time I thought no one would care if I killed myself, you know, but maybe this my lady would care about this woman that she'd had a friendly correspondence with,

right? You know. Yeah. Because I I had a pretty low opinion of myself at the time.

Yeah. Do you remember when the detective reached out kind of what we had heard back was almost as if they had referred to whoever they called assumed it was your father. Do you remember if you would kind of acknowledge like yes I am but then do you remember that being you because I I there isn't a world just just so you know um the detective wasn't calling like multiple people or anything like that. So it it would have been the number that you gave us. Um so I'm assuming if you remember a call with the detective that was you on the phone. Um

it definitely was. I don't remember the language he used. I don't remember how I identified myself.

Could you have given your dad's number? Is that do you think? No. No. It was my number. Yeah.

Got it. He had no idea this was happening. I never talked with him about any of it

at the time. He didn't even know I was using drugs. I've got my disagreements with my dad. You guys, I'm sure would have plenty of disagreements with him, but he's deep down a good person. He He would be horrified by this. That's one of the reasons I'm so paranoid about

Understandably. Yeah. Yeah, we understand. We totally understand. It was And it was me that talked with him. I do remember that because I it came actually a I know it won't seem like a long time to you guys but it came when I was kind of coming to my senses already like what am I doing? I've got to leave these people alone and then so it seemed like a long time to me and then that call came and I if I wasn't going to leave you alone before I was after that.

Right. Right. So yeah. And did you ever reach out after that? Because if I'm going to be completely honest, you know, our our radar went up after this whole incident, right? And you know, we were fielding tons of questions from different people and occasionally there were some times where we would get a question where we really truly felt like it was you.

No. Uh, honest to God, I've never contacted you or donated or anything like that ever again.

Yeah. Like I said, um the only reason I would have done that would be to apologize, but I figured and I think the detective told me you guys would just as soon be left alone.

Yeah. So, no, I've I've never contacted you guys in any way. And were the names connected to anyone? like people I mean I know you said that that Beth was based on someone you knew but we did piece together some you know funny in quotes coincidence that you know Elizabeth's name could be short and also Anders in some way is connected

I hadn't even thought of that I'm not even kidding that's it took us a minute too but we thought

even for Beth or no no the best thing I knew but that's just cuz I I had dated a girl named Beth.

That's it. The honor honors thing genuinely never crossed my mind that it sounds like Andy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And were there more people? We know there was Beth, Natasha, there was a Frank character.

Yeah. This should maybe tell you how [ __ ] up I was if you'll indulge me for a second. For the life of me, I can't tell you why I did this. in your um comments section, Frank would get on and spout like Trumpist [ __ ]

Yeah, I've hated Donald Trump since he came on the political scene. I mean, but I know as Frank, he was spouting this pro Trumpist [ __ ] and I don't know why I did that. Like, it was just stuff that I heard in my life. I feel like that doesn't make sense obviously, but I guess if you're high and isolated and kind of wanting to bounce ideas off people like cuz I it sounds like I was going into the comment section to troll or something which I I guess in some sense I was but like uh but not in the I don't know I wasn't doing it just to irritate people. I can't tell you why I was doing it.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? like for the life of me that yeah I it doesn't make any sense to me now. It's you know I I get it if you didn't like fully believe me on this. This was a real learning experience for me too cuz like it's I did not start out trying to like cause a lot of um stress to people or like even though like that's the funny thing. It did. It was pretty deep into it before I even realized what I was doing was catfishing somebody. Like I knew the term.

Yeah. But like it didn't even dawn on me. It's just like who what does it matter who I am? And then uh you realize what you're doing is is pretty [ __ ] up. Well, thank you for taking the time to do this and kind of taking us through all of it and um and I yeah, I appreciate you being honest and frank about all of it with us.

Yeah, I there's a part of me that wishes I could have done this years ago. Um I mean, I couldn't until I was sober, but um but I'm still just incredibly sorry about this. Um, yeah, I Oh, I think that's what I was saying earlier. I I that this was a real learning experience for me, but like I didn't set out to do this. And uh by the end of it, it took me a while to realize how much it must have upset you guys. I I don't want to um assume or presume the feelings you guys were having, but I know in my I know what it would have done to me, I think. And I I'm I I can't imagine. So, especially with kids and everything.

So, I I'm just so so sorry about that. Thank you. Yeah. Well, we really appreciate you taking the time and um really congratulations on 3 years. That's a lot. And hopefully, you know, keep it up.

Yeah. Thank you. All right. Bye. All right. Bye. Okay, so we just got off the call. Let's go ahead and stay on and, you know, let's get first reactions. How are we feeling?

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Was not expecting that. Me. When we heard his initial voice, I thought, "It's not him." Like, "Holy shit."

Yeah. And then I know. I mean, I could cry, you guys. I I have so many feelings right now. And actually, I was kind of crying at one point. I feel

um I was so prepared to call [ __ ] on everything. And I truly feel like he was so sincere.

Yeah. And Yeah. I don't know. I do feel like I have like a huge sense of closure.

Oh, that makes me so happy. I feel like a huge weight has lifted. You know, we've been pretty scared throughout this whole thing that even putting this out there would like poke the bear and some scary boogeyman was going to come after us. And I feel like the weight of that completely lifted.

I was definitely experiencing that. I felt um I mean I truly felt like some compassion for him. I felt

Oh yeah. Like how could you not? I mean Yeah. And also like we were so surprised that he was going to play ball and do this and I think

we thought we had to kind of trick him into it and he was prepared. I mean, it's almost like he's like, "Come of it what may." I I hope he feels like he has closure, too, you know?

Me, too. Me, too. It couldn't have gone better. I mean, it could not have gone better in my mind. Like, I could not in a million years have expected

that it would be him that I would walk away from this feeling. Because before this, Monica, you were saying like, "Well, I can come in with some compassion because Andy and I are just like, "Fuck this guy."

Understandably. Yes. But I'm walking away with like so much compassion. And yeah,

it feels very like full circle to me. There is something maybe poetic about all of this that what catfishing is is sort of not seeing people as human.

And in some ways we did that right throughout this process. And that conversation was like not just for him to see that a humans on the other side. It was for us to see a human on the other side.

Well, what's interesting is if we had had that same conversation with who we thought it was. Okay. But let's say they had the same demeanor, the same remorse, I don't think we'd be having the same conversation at all right now because we had all these we

I wouldn't have bought it. We wouldn't have bought it. We would have felt manipulated because we had a bunch of data suggesting that's what would have happened sort of. But this and also can I just say when he popped on the screen it also was like for one it's not who we think it is but two it's clearly the son of who we think it is cuz there was a resemblance which was I don't know was a little shocking to me too.

I could tell you were shocked cuz you were like silent for so long like oh my god. Yeah, it was well also for the audience like at first the camera was reversed so it was not pointed at him and then all of a sudden we could see his face and it it was it was a surprise and you know I hate like not to make this about the sim but I cannot believe that this is like a show that armchair you know, brought in under its wing and it's an addiction story.

I know. It's wild. And I thought of all the people to have here with us is like one of the most knowledgeable and compassionate people around addiction.

I hope it really when he said the thing about his a family that really broke my heart.

Yeah. And I really hope he like, you know, knows that that it doesn't have to be his destiny.

I thought that was nice. We all do [ __ ] up things. [snorts] Oh boy, you guys.

I'm like I have I feel so overwhelmed right now. I feel very um relieved. Also, like you said, just the total cortisol jump. dump

of leading up to it and the anxiety and then I just couldn't have imagined that that's who would show up and I couldn't have imagined also that I would immediately like

his face in the first two seconds I thought this is a sincere person and how willing he was obviously to participate and [snorts]

it was unreal To me, it also speaks to this place we're in in the world that sometimes you just got to talk to people. Like not everyone's who you think is the enemy is the enemies. I mean, when he was talking about his political stance, it was like, yeah, like we could have like had a fun conversation with him about that.

I'm still like so shook. I mean, I have said to Andy probably six times in the last 48 hours, there is no world that it is not the person that we think it is. I keep cuz I've been relisting to all of our audio and I keep getting validation, confirmation validation and it's not I was couldn't have been more wrong. I mean, yeah. Wow. How How are you two feeling? I'm feeling just like relief, compassion, but also I'm kind of in awe of how this unfolded. And it does feel rather like higher power kind of vibes.

And so I'm feeling very moved, but also just I'm sure emotionally what's it called? Afraid.

I feel a lot of relief. And I would have never expected it to go this way, but truly happy this is how it ended because it's it's like the best case version of what could have happened that we we had no idea was even a version. Honestly,

it's like a beautiful story now. Monica, how are you feeling? [snorts] I mean, I'm feeling secondhand relief. I'm happy that you guys feel a weight off and I agree with you. I really really hope he does too. And it's it's heartbreaking. I mean, it's heartbreaking. Like, the addiction is so sad. And obviously, I've seen it in my life. And I I I just I know he's right. Like, he doesn't know why.

He doesn't know why. when you're on these things and when that's the only thing driving you.

I've seen it. There's no answer. I I made me very pleased to hear that he's sober and I I really hope he can,

you know, stick with it. I feel that if he did remember, he would have told us. Like I feel like he wishes he remembered so he could kind of [snorts]

I felt like he wanted us to also feel closure and you know like his sincere remorse but as soon as it became clear he really doesn't remember like all of the little nitty-gritty questions I had about like when you sent the Natasha email and blah blah blah, it was kind of a relief that we won't have those answers and they don't really matter anymore. That's the other kind of crazy thing about all this that accountability in any relationship is like what you do flippantly might have such a massive impact on the other person and you don't even know

and it's like important I think in general to remember that whether it's people in your life or strangers.

Yeah. I feel like that was a gift and there's a I think there's something beautiful about this to me. Absolutely.

Yeah. I mean, I wanted to give the guy a hug during that, which I know. Could you [ __ ] ever imagine

having that feeling an hour ago or two hours ago? I like I know. I I feel like all of us were being kind of measured, but my instinct also was to be like I totally, you know,

fully like like I just want good things for him. Do not even gave it another thought. It's fine.

Don't even worry about it. These things happen. Wasn't a big deal. We obviously overreacted. So,

we overreacted by a 10 episode series that we're putting out. Yeah. Well, I hope that this does have an impact just on the way people see each other and think about each other and

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, that was a lot what we just experienced. And um I think maybe we should just take a beat before we do the last episode so we can really process everything and uh come back with sort of fresh eyes and ears on it.

Yeah, that sounds good. All right. So, we'll be back with the last episode of Beth's Dead soon.

Beststead is presented by armchair experts Monica Padman and nobody's listening right. It is produced and edited by Andy Rosen, Elizabeth Lame and Monica Padman. Additional engineering by Rob Hollis. Music and sound by Andy Rosen. Heat. Heat. N.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "EP9 - Can You See Me Now"?

Monica Padman (Host), Andy Rosen (Host), Elizabeth Lame (Host), Unnamed Professor (catfisher; son of a notable community figure) (Guest).

What is "EP9 - Can You See Me Now" about?

This content discusses a significant conversation about suicidal thoughts while prioritizing mental health support, emphasizing that help is available through resources like the 988 hotline in the US. The main narrative follows Monica, Elizabeth, and Andy as they prepare for an important and emotional discussion with a professor, highlighting their apprehension and the serious circumstances…

What is mentioned in this BETH'S DEAD episode?

5 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Elizabeth Laime, Narcotics Anonymous, Armchair Expert, 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, Opioid use disorder. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "EP9 - Can You See Me Now"?

The episode runs 43 min; the transcript is about 6,768 words in 141 timestamped sections.

More from BETH'S DEAD

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.