i baked myself a cake so i wouldn't cry on my birthday

What this episode is about

The content explores the speaker's complex relationship with their birthday, marked by recurring feelings of depression and discomfort with being the center of attention. In an effort to shift their mindset and find joy, they plan to bake a cake to celebrate their special day, reflecting a desire for personal happiness and a break from past negative experiences.

Key takeaways

• Birthdays: a paradox of joy and existential dread, balancing festive cheer with personal reflection.
• Cake design reflects personality; mint green with red writing says vintage chic, while layers denote complexity.
• Depression on birthdays? Common phenomenon; many feel pressure to celebrate, leading to emotional conflict.
• Homemade cake: a personal triumph! Baking is an act of self-love, even amidst potential kitchen catastrophes.
• Skipping parties may be wise; honoring your boundaries can foster genuine joy instead of forced celebrations.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Emma Chamberlain (Host) · 21 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 5:00: birthday, vanilla, berries, cake frosting
2. 5:00 – 10:00: butter, eggs, lemon extract, almond extract
3. 10:00 – 15:00: sugar, cake frosting, butter, eggs
4. 15:00 – 20:00: cake, birthday, butter, cake frosting
5. 20:00 – 22:24: birthday

Notable quotes from "i baked myself a cake so i wouldn't cry on my birthday"

• Me, to make myself a cake. let's make a plan. First, we need to figure out flavor profile. Let's think. Almond, like almond extract, that type of stuff. I like lemon. I like…

  about berries · at 1:55

• I love a pop of red. I love minty green with red. It's like a cool vintagey vibe. So, it'll be mint green for This is going to be so much work. It's totally fun. I have nothing…

  about piping · at 3:39

• 5.99. I guess let's just do this thing then. Okay. The cake recipe and then the frosting. We're going to go like this and trace around. We need little circles. There we go.…

  about butter · at 4:52

• Where's my lemon extract? Where is it? One tablespoon. I know I should wash these. I have to wash these. Okay, hold on. It did not sound fun to wash them, but I'm glad I did.…

  about lemon extract · at 7:30

• Fresh. 1 and 1/2 stick of butter. Okay. Add eggs one at a time. I'm moving it closer to us. Oh my god, I spilled my lemon extract. I'm a mess. I need help. Okay, wait. I need…

  about eggs · at 8:18

• Sugar is a beautiful thing. really changed everything. I guess batter looks gorgeous and fluffy. I really want to try it, but I'm not going to cuz I don't want to get…

  about sugar · at 13:24

• This is like the best cake I've ever had. What's happening? Really, what matters is that it tastes good. And it does taste good. I think I need to make more buttercream now.…

  about cake frosting · at 16:57

• True. I am exhausted. I am so tired. You have to be very gentle as to not destroy the structural integrity of the cake. This part is anxiety relieving. This is soothing. No…

  about cake · at 17:55

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

Companies & orgs

• local bakery — Company · Alternative solution (temptation) · 1 mention · first at 11:35
  When the sugar mistake happens, the speaker considers buying a cake from a local bakery but rejects it as 'lazy' versus personal growth.
  That, that hurts. I'm sad. But you know what? We shall not give up when things get tough in this life, it must motivate us to get back up and try again. And that is what I'm…
• Google LLC — Company · Referenced tool (not used) · 1 mention · first at 17:20
  The speaker considers Googling best practices for frosting the sides but decides not to mid-process.
  Okay, now I need to do the sides. what is the best practice for that? I could Google it, but I'm kind of in the thick of it right now. I don't want to Google it. I guess just…

Products & tech

• cake — Product · Core product / central activity · 2 mentions · first at 17:29
  The entire episode centers on making a birthday cake from scratch, including flavor planning, baking, frosting, and decorating.
• cake frosting — Product · Core product / decoration medium · 3 mentions · first at 2:54
  Frosting (buttercream/icing) is central to layering, crumb coat, chilling, and final decoration; it also causes setbacks when refrigerated too long.
• sugar — Product · Critical ingredient / failure point · 3 mentions · first at 10:03
  Forgetting sugar forces a full restart; later the speaker notes how sugar transforms batter texture and quality.
• butter — Product · Key ingredient · 8 mentions · first at 2:16
  Butter is repeatedly emphasized as a major component (sticks of butter) and is central to both cake batter and buttercream frosting.
• eggs — Product · Core baking ingredient / food safety concern · 3 mentions · first at 8:18
  Eggs are used in batter and drive the speaker’s salmonella concern (refusing to taste batter).
• piping — Product · Decoration technique · 2 mentions · first at 3:50
  The speaker plans classic piping and later uses pre-made piping tools/tips for borders and writing.
• lemon extract — Product · Flavoring ingredient / mishap source · 2 mentions · first at 7:30
  Key to lemon flavor; the speaker spills it, adding to the chaotic baking process.
• berries — Product · Filling flavor component · 3 mentions · first at 2:16
  Berries are part of the planned vanilla-berry filling; the speaker prepares fruit for the filling.
• vanilla — Product · Flavor component (planned frosting flavor) · 3 mentions · first at 2:16
  Vanilla is part of the chosen flavor profile, especially for frosting (inside vanilla-berry; outside vanilla).
  Me, to make myself a cake. let's make a plan. First, we need to figure out flavor profile. Let's think. Almond, like almond extract, that type of stuff. I like lemon. I like…
• almond extract — Product · Flavoring ingredient · 2 mentions · first at 2:09
  Used to push the cake toward a lemon-almond profile; speaker increases amount beyond recipe.
  Right foot. And today, my birthday eve, I thought it would be a positive, uplifting activity for me, to make myself a cake. let's make a plan. First, we need to figure out…
• grocery list — Product · Planning artifact · 2 mentions · first at 3:57
  The speaker makes an elaborate grocery list but forgets it at home, adding stress and uncertainty about missing ingredients.
  Circles. There we go. There's like going to be like 15 sticks of butter in this cake. So, if it doesn't taste good, I don't know. I am a little bit frightened that I forgot an…
• buttermilk — Product · Batter ingredient · 1 mention · first at 7:08
  Buttermilk is measured and added as part of the cake recipe.
  Out. I'm getting over a cold. I had a horrible cold last weekend. So, no one should be eating this cake but me because I just coughed into the bowl. I haven't opened a carton…
• vegetable oil — Product · Referenced ingredient (replaced) · 1 mention · first at 7:13
  The recipe calls for vegetable oil, but it is explicitly replaced with olive oil.
  This cake but me because I just coughed into the bowl. I haven't opened a carton like this in like 15 years. So, vintage. Buttermilk. Cup and a quarter of buttermilk. It calls…
• baking powder — Product · Leavening agent · 1 mention · first at 6:28
  Mentioned alongside baking soda and salt as part of dry mix.
  Okay, that's good. The recipe calls for some chopped almonds on the bottom of the pan. Now things get real. Oh, wait. I need an apron. It's my cheese apron. What are we doing?…
• baking soda — Product · Leavening agent · 1 mention · first at 6:28
  Mentioned as part of dry ingredients; contributes to rise/texture.
  Okay, that's good. The recipe calls for some chopped almonds on the bottom of the pan. Now things get real. Oh, wait. I need an apron. It's my cheese apron. What are we doing?…
• salt — Product · Seasoning / balancing ingredient · 1 mention · first at 6:28
  Included in dry ingredients to balance sweetness and enhance flavor.
  Okay, that's good. The recipe calls for some chopped almonds on the bottom of the pan. Now things get real. Oh, wait. I need an apron. It's my cheese apron. What are we doing?…

Places & events

• birthday — Event · Motivating event / emotional frame · 7 mentions · first at 0:01
  The speaker’s upcoming birthday triggers anxiety and depressive episodes; baking the cake is framed as a positive coping activity.
  Butter. That's a little bit too much butter. That it like I don't think you know what I mean. Six sticks of butter. Eek. That's a lot. Wait, I just realized it's not my…

Full transcript with timestamps

0:01 Come here. There we go. It's my birthday tomorrow. And I've been known to cry on my birthday. I feel like every year on my birthday, I have a depressive episode. And I'm not being dramatic. I'm not just throwing around the term depressive episode. Like, I fully have a depressive episode. I I wouldn't say that that happens every single year, but it's probably happened for like 10 of my birthdays. I don't know. There's something about my birthday that just makes me depressed. It makes me depressed. It makes me uncomfortable because I shockingly don't like being the center of attention. I don't like when people go out of their way for me. Like I can't remember the last time I had a birthday party because the thought of people clearing their calendar for me. The thought of people getting an invite to my birthday party and being like, "Gh, I don't really want to go to this, but I guess I'll go cuz like I

1:19 need to be nice." The thought of that I just can't handle. And so I'd rather just not have a birthday party. I can barely even remember the last time I did anything fun on my birthday. I really don't celebrate my birthday. It's just not my thing. But to be honest, I'm sick of it. I really want to enjoy my birthday this year. And listen, I'm not throwing a party or anything. I don't even really know what I'm doing tomorrow to celebrate, but I just don't want to be depressed tomorrow. I don't want to experience the existential dread that I normally experience on my birthday. So, I'm really trying to start it off on the right foot. And today, my birthday eve, I thought it would be a positive, uplifting activity for me, to make myself a cake. Uh, let's make a plan. First, we need to figure out flavor profile. Let's think. Almond, like almond extract, that type of stuff. I like lemon. I like vanilla. Actually do like peanut butter. What else? I like berry

2:21 flavored stuff. What are like cake flavors? I guess I like chocolate. I'm not like No. Yeah, I like chocolate. I'm not like obsessed with chocolate though. Like I'd rather do something more vanilla. Okay, I'm crossing this out. I don't want that. I also don't really want to do peanut butter. I'm more in this world. Okay. Well, this is actually kind of great. These flavors all go together. Like I could do a lemon berry cake with almond vanilla frosting. I could do a lemon almond cake with vanilla berry frosting. So, okay, we're I feel good about flavor. Now, we need to discuss design. What is this cake going to look like on the inside? Okay, I think we're going to do cake frosting cake. Now, the question is, do I do a three layer cake or a two layer cake? Uh, I say it and do a three layer cake. Kind of fun, but that's a lot of cake. Three layer is so much more impressive. Actually, I'll do three layer cake. Frosting and then

3:12 cake. Now on the outside we have more frosting. I honestly think for the cake maybe maybe like lemon almond. And then I think the frosting on the inside should be vanilla berry. And then I think the frosting on the outside should be just vanilla. And what color should it be? Okay. Now we have to pick out the color because the outside like you know you want it to look cute. What comes to mind immediately is like mint green. You know what? Mint green with red writing. I love a pop of red. I love minty green with red. It's like a cool vintagey vibe. So, it'll be mint green for This is going to be so much work. It's totally fun. I have nothing better to do today. Classic piping around the top and bottom. I just like love that look. Classic piping. It's my plan. Now, let's make a grocery list.

4:31 6 99 59 999 5.99. I guess let's just do this thing then. Okay. The cake recipe and then the frosting. We're going to go like this and trace around. We need little circles. There we go. There's like going to be like 15 sticks of butter in this cake. So, if it doesn't taste good, I don't know. I am a little bit frightened that I forgot an ingredient because I made this like whole elaborate grocery list and then I forgot it at home. Also, I'm a little concerned because the recipe calls for 8 in pans and my pans are all 9 in. So, I'm hoping that doesn't become an issue. This is such a messy experience. Baking is very me. Oh, too much. I need to be more gentle. That was kind of hard. Hopefully, it gets easier from here. This flour I'll use in the cake. Can I get this into here? That's fine.

5:52 Okay. Now, I'm going to put these in the bottom. I'm like kind of tempted to skip this step cuz it's kind of high maintenance, but I think it will add flavor. How do I put this thing on? How does it work? How do I lock the bowl? Ah, voila. Sorry. Sorry. Okay, that's good. The recipe calls for some chopped almonds on the bottom of the pan. Now things get real. Oh, wait. I need an apron. It's my cheese apron. What are we doing? Come on. 342 baking soda. Baking powder. Half teaspoon salt. Boom. That was a little bit heaping. Whisk. Wait, I actually need to think about this. My butter needs to be soft and my eggs need to be room need to be room temperature. Honestly, it's so hot out right now.

6:51 It's like 85°. I'm going to put the eggs and the butter outside for a little bit cuz it's so hot out. I'm getting over a cold. I had a horrible cold last weekend. So, no one should be eating this cake but me because I just coughed into the bowl. I haven't opened a carton like this in like 15 years. So, vintage. Buttermilk. Cup and a quarter of buttermilk. It calls for vegetable oil, but I feel like if I use olive oil, it'll taste better. People love olive oil cake. I love olive oil cake. Should be fine. It should be fine. Okay, it's telling me to do half of a teaspoon of almond extract. I'm not going to lie. I might do a full teaspoon. Sorry. Whoops.

7:30 Where's my lemon extract? Where is it? One tablespoon. I know I should wash these. I have to wash these. Okay, hold on. It did not sound fun to wash them, but I'm glad I did. My conscience feels better about that. I don't know what the best way to do this is without almost grating your finger off. I keep almost grating my finger off. I feel like whenever you zest citrus for a pastry, like it has to be good cuz it's so high effort. I mean, this is going to be like a chic cake. I hope my workspace is not looking good right now. It's a mess. I'm shockingly type A in my life. Like, I'm very organized except for when I'm cooking. This is unlike me and it makes me uncomfortable, but I just can't do it in an organized fashion. I just can't. Approximately 14 cup of lemon juice.

8:18 Fresh. 1 and 1/2 stick of butter. Okay. Add eggs one at a time. I'm moving it closer to us. Oh my god, I spilled my lemon extract. I'm a mess. I need help. Okay, wait. I need to fix this situation. It's too messy in here. A little bit here. Okay, I need to keep cleaning. Looks kind of gross to be honest. You know what? I think my butter isn't melted enough because it's kind of just sitting there in a big ball. But there's kind of nothing I can do about that now. So, whatever. I just wanted to see what would happen. A little more of this. It's starting to look like cake. It looked chunky for a sec, but the chunk has subsided. So, I think you might be fine. Most people would reach their finger in there and taste the batter.

9:17 Not me. Not me. Because I don't want to get salmonella. Unlike you freaks dipping your finger in there. No. It honestly looks good. There is not enough batter for three. I barely have any left. Yeah. I mean, it's going to be like a pancake. I guess it's a two layer cake then. Sorry to who I've disappointed. We'll see. Look, it's so shallow.

9:47 Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. No. No. Oh my god. You guys, something bad happened. Something bad happened. This is crazy. Oh my god. This is a catastrophe. I forgot to add the sugar. Wait, where was that? Oh my

10:24 god. I have to start over. I have to start over. I forgot to add the sugar completely. I was supposed to whip the sugar into the butter. Oh my god, I have to start over. Oh my god, I'm so upset. How did I miss that? Oh my god, should I just quit? I'm not kidding. Should I quit? I'm thinking about it. No, I can't quit. This sucks. Okay, start over then.

11:15 You know, I mean, baking is just so high effort and to like make a mistake like that, that hurts. Like, I'm sad. But you know what? We shall not give up when things get tough in this life, it must motivate us to get back up and try again. And that is what I'm doing right now. But my goodness, it's tough. Like I kind of want to go to a local bakery right now and pick up a pick up a cake. But where's the character development in that? That is lazy. I am not lazy. I am going to do this right. Okay, I'm calming down now. Wait, now I'm in a good mood. Yay. No, I'm kidding. I am still pissed, but I'm coming back. I'm feeling better. I'm not even measuring this time. Oh, I didn't put the blade in. Okay, I need to relax. Maybe I can be, you know, even more efficient this time because I've done it once before. Now we can start this again all over again. Yay. I actually kind of remember the recipe. I'm like doing it

12:14 by heart. Okay, I should actually be looking because otherwise I'm going to it up all over again. The sugar is going in. No problem. I remember everything's fine. It's going in now. I cannot believe I forgot that. I cannot believe it. It's actually crazy. But let's move forward. Come on. Let's move on. Let's stop talking about it. Doesn't matter. Now, this is the part I was dreading. I really don't want to zest the lemon again. I don't. That was my least favorite part, and I I have to do it again. Oh, I have to add oil. I can start adding eggs to this. I'm multitasking a little bit too much to the point where it's like frightening me. Ow. I grated my thumb. I have to do some food safety real quick. Yay. Okay. It actually looks so good.

12:59 Look. Um, I'll show you later. I can't show you right now. There's a lot going on. I'm going to eat every single last bite of this cake. Not one bite of it will be wasted because of how much work I'm putting into this. It looks amazing, though, to be honest. It looks delicious. Looks good to me. Oh my god. Wow. We're back. Wow. The batter feels so nice compared to how it did before. Sugar is a beautiful thing. really changed everything. I guess batter looks gorgeous and fluffy. I really want to try it, but I'm not going to cuz I don't want to get salmonella. But I just know that I really want to try it. Wow, my counter is disgusting. Now we try this again. And it fits in three. I'm done.

13:45 Yay. We did it. We're back to where we were. Wow. One mistake really can set you back. I need a break. Yeah, I need a break. I need to go sit down. Actually, to be honest, there's no time for that. I need to start the icing, but I'm like emotionally in a fragile place, to be honest. I'm in a really fragile place. Um yeah.

14:40 I deserve this. Oh my god, I broke it. No, but not really though. Wow. cake. Okay, I left my frosting in the fridge for too long and now it is really cold. It's rock hard. Um, I'm just hitting every roadblock today. I swear. I guess I'll go put the frosting outside for a little bit so that it warms up. Oh my god. You know, I think you're not supposed to put buttercream in the fridge. I don't know why I did that. That was a mistake. Okay, you know what? In the meantime, I'll prepare my fruit for the filling. No problem. See, my attitude has improved since the incident. Everything's cool. Nice and thin. I'm going to be honest, it's still a little bit hard. Let's see. Nope, too hard. Maybe I'll warm some up. Sounds like a bad idea, I know, but let's just try it. I might have to make a new batch, to be honest. Okay, I think it's fine. If anyone has ever made you a cake from scratch, I want you to text them right now and say,

15:54 "You are the greatest person alive." Pause the video and do that. If anyone's ever made you a cake from scratch, cuz this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't know why, but it is. It's so hard. Okay? So, text them.

16:14 What? All right, we lost a little bit of cake. M. Oh my god. Yum. That's a little bit of foreshadowing for me of what the final cake will taste like. I've watched so many baking shows, like baking competition shows. I have a brand new sense of empathy for those people on those shows. I mean, they've had a lot of practice, so they probably don't forget the sugar like I did. That's kind of a rookie mistake. I don't know if that's even a rookie mistake. I think that's like just a lack of common sense altogether, which is super disturbing. Okay, so this one, the almond crust ripped off as well. But that means I get to eat it. It's sad that that didn't make it on on the cake.

16:57 This is like the best cake I've ever had. What's happening? Really, what matters is that it tastes good. And it does taste good. I think I need to make more buttercream now. I mean, maybe I have enough for what they call a crumb coat. I'm just going to go very gently. Just going to do a nice thin layer. Okay, now I need to do the sides. Like, what is the best practice for that? I could Google it, but I'm kind of in the thick of it right now. Like, I don't want to Google it. I guess just like kind of packing it on. That's good. That actually is kind of working. I mean, I don't know what other way there would be to do it, you know? Not too bad. We got a cake. No one can deny that this is a cake. Like, this is definitely a cake. I'm going to put this in the fridge so that it can get cold and then I can decorate it cuz I think that's what you're supposed to do. I'm not I actually literally just remember that

17:44 from watching baking shows. I don't even know if it's 100% true. I am exhausted. I am so tired. You have to be very gentle as to not destroy the structural integrity of the cake. This part is anxiety relieving. This is soothing. No, Dean. No. Hey, the top looks pretty fabulous. There's uh six sticks of butter in this cake. Six. How does that make you feel? Makes me feel a little concerned, but overall pretty good. But that is a lot of butter. That's a little bit too much butter. That it like I don't think you know what I mean. Six sticks of butter. Eek. That's a lot. Wait, I just realized it's not my birthday today, so I can't eat this until tomorrow. Oh, okay. Well, I'm taking my time, which is something I have a hard time doing when I'm like working on a craft of sorts. I I tend to rush things a lot. I think that's why I messed up with the sugar today. It's kind of an arm workout randomly. It's very Pilates. Subtle but challenging movements. The

19:06 cake is lopsided and it's looking more lopsided by the second. Not to the point where it's going to like fall over. So, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm not okay. That looks great. I'm super happy. Yay. I put it back in the fridge for a second. I am allowing myself one cheat. I made everything from scratch except for decorating. I allowed myself to get pre-made little decorative little squeezy things that come with tips that you can screw on. Like, listen, am I proud of it? No. I don't know what I'm going to say on it. I I might just say happy birthday. I was thinking about saying something funny like happy birthday, I guess, or something. But it's like what? I'm going to do white piping around the bottom to start. See, it's nice. It's subtle. Okay, white piping's done. Looks kind of to be honest. I need to write happy birthday.

19:57 Ooh, this is scary. Should I practice first? Yeah, I should. I'm going to get a piece of paper. Oh my god. Imagine if it fell off the table. I would I don't know what I would do. I don't think either of us want to know what I'd do. Okay, this icing is kind of hard to work with. Or I'm just bad at this. All right, I'll just take it slow. I was like, let me get a piece of paper to practice. And then I practiced for one second and did a bad job. Now I'm like, let's just hit the cake. But I can always wipe it off technically. Okay.

20:28 Happy birthday. Nothing complicated, but I am going to try to do cursive, which I can barely do when I'm writing regular. So, let's see. I'm not even getting everyone be quiet. Everyone be quiet while I do this. Oh my god. I'm not breathing. I'm not breathing while I do it. Oh my god. Stop. Oh my god. Wow, the end of that went really

21:01 well. Oh my god, it's so in the wrong place. It's okay. It's charming. Yeah, it's a little bit crooked. These do not look good. I'm trying to put little flowers on it, but they look like I have these little almond cookies.

21:46 What do you think Congratulations. Thank you. Another year to That's so good. Yum. That's like perfect. That's a great cake. I love it. Okay. Wait. Now I want to bake more cuz I I'm happy about my result. Can I have an apple cookie? Mhm. Are they actually nipples?

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "i baked myself a cake so i wouldn't cry on my birthday"?

Emma Chamberlain (Host).

What is "i baked myself a cake so i wouldn't cry on my birthday" about?

The content explores the speaker's complex relationship with their birthday, marked by recurring feelings of depression and discomfort with being the center of attention. In an effort to shift their mindset and find joy, they plan to bake a cake to celebrate their special day, reflecting a desire for personal happiness and a break from past negative experiences.

What is mentioned in this emma chamberlain episode?

19 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including cake, birthday, cake frosting, sugar, butter, eggs. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "i baked myself a cake so i wouldn't cry on my birthday"?

The episode runs 22 min; the transcript is about 3,333 words in 26 timestamped sections.

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