Transcript

Pretty Little Episode #69 | Handsome

From Handsome Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 24 min · 4,374 words · 117 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Pretty Little Episode #69 | Handsome", an episode of Handsome Podcast published December 12, 2025 (24 min, about 4,374 words). It mentions 10 people, works and ideas, including Mae Martin, Justin Trudeau, World Cup, Katy Perry, North Korea.

What this episode is about

The content discusses the importance of checking for unusual items, like creepy dolls, when visiting accommodations, alongside a promotional announcement for a holiday live show. It features hosts May Martin and Fortune Famster sharing their experiences, particularly focusing on May's recent driving lessons with a new instructor and the humorous challenges that arise from it.

Key takeaways

  • Dolls in bed and breakfasts: the real-life horror we never knew we needed to discuss.
  • Driving lessons in a convertible? Only in LA can panic come with a side of style.
  • Highways stress out new drivers, but at least there's reliable traffic for practice!
  • Learning to drive is like dating: it takes patience, and sometimes you just need Grace.
  • World Cup tickets: proof that demand can outstrip supply, even in a sea of enthusiastic fans.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Mae Martin, All State
  2. – 10:00: World Cup, Mae Martin, North Korea, Dodgers
  3. – 15:00: All State, Justin Trudeau, Katy Perry
  4. – 20:00: Katy Perry, Justin Trudeau, Mae Martin
  5. – 24:25: All State, Katy Perry, Norfolk Virginia, Seattle Washington

Notable quotes from "Pretty Little Episode #69 | Handsome"

  • You know what's smart? Check in All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking for creepy dolls when you visit a bed and.
    about All State · at
  • Well, I gotta get I'm excited for the World Cup of soccer. I want to be go to some games.
    about World Cup · at
  • Hello, Tig and Fortune. My name is Naomi and I'm coming to you from South Korea and I love you guys so much. I love listening to your podcast every week. I actually had tickets to see TIG right.
    about North Korea · at
  • Oh man, of course I remember. It was a really impactful moment. if you don't know, I met Trudeau when he was prime minister and I had all my friends were You got to challenge him on his environmental policies and all this stuff. And.
    about Mae Martin · at
  • Have a blast. They were on a boat recently and she was in a bikini and he was shirtless in jeans. everyone's living their best life over there on that boat. Whenever I see.
    about Katy Perry · at
  • Spend some time with my mom for the holidays and then I'll end the year in Norfolk Virginia Seattle Washington on New Year's Eve and then Vancouver.
    about Norfolk Virginia · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Mae Martin — Person · Host · 4 mentions · first at
    Introduces themself as a host and drives several segments (driving lessons, listener questions, Trudeau anecdote).
  • Justin Trudeau — Person · Referenced public figure · 3 mentions · first at
    Discussed via a listener question and May's anecdote about meeting him as Prime Minister; framed around his legacy and celebrity dating rumor.
    I think what I meant was he legalized marijuana in Canada. and he just at the time that he was elected, he seemed like a really a breath of fresh air.
  • Katy Perry — Person · Referenced celebrity · 5 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in a listener question and follow-up discussion as part of a rumor/claim about Justin Trudeau dating her; used to riff on “legacy” and paparazzi/yacht photos.

Concepts & topics

  • Dodgers — Concept · Referenced topic · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in passing during a conversation about sports
    Go Dodgers. Sorry. I know they that I know they beat your team stinks.

Places & events

  • World Cup — Event · Core topic · 2 mentions · first at
    Discussed as an upcoming event with excitement, particularly about attending games
  • North Korea — Place · Listener location · 1 mention · first at
    Listener Naomi is from South Korea, adding international context to the podcast
  • Norfolk Virginia — Place · Upcoming show location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a location for upcoming shows
  • Seattle Washington — Place · Upcoming show location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a location for upcoming shows
    Spend some time with my mom for the holidays and then I'll end the year in Norfolk Virginia Seattle Washington on New Year's Eve and then Vancouver.
  • Vancouver — Place · Upcoming show location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a location for upcoming shows
    Holidays and then I'll end the year in Norfolk Virginia Seattle Washington on New Year's Eve and then Vancouver.

Sponsors

  • All State — Company · Sponsor · 6 mentions · first at
    Primary sponsor of the podcast, mentioned multiple times in ad reads

Full transcript with timestamps

This is a Headgum podcast. You know what's smart? Check in All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking for creepy dolls when you visit a bed and breakfast. This is a really charming old house, but nobody needs to wake up in the middle of the night with a doll staring you down. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

Hey, handsome. We have a very special live show coming up for the holidays on Monday, December 22nd. Join in the fun and festivities from anywhere in the world by getting your tickets at the link in our social media bio or at dynastywriter.com. Your ticket will allow you to stream the show anytime for a full week. It's the perfect gift for you and all the handsome folks in your life.

It's going to be so fun. So go to dynasty typewriter.com or follow the link in our bio and get your ticket for our December 22nd show today.

Ho ho ho. chatting with friends on the handsome pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the handsome pod. It's a pretty little episode and I'm a pretty little host called May Martin. I'm joined by

a pretty little host named Fortune Famster. Hey bud. What's up bud? Not much. Well, my nervous system's fried cuz I just got out of my third driving lesson.

Yeah. As you know, I've had lessons in the past, but this was um I have a new guy called Robert. And uh

today we I drove out to the hills. I'm driving around and he has a convertible and I'm in my shades in my convertible. You're taking driver's lessons in a convertible. That's so And then he goes, "Oh, we're not going to make it back in time for you to podcast." And I was like, "Oh, but we have to." And he goes, "Well, I guess we better go on the highway." I've never been on a highway, but I drove

on the 405 and the big one and then the 101. Another big one. I said, "Robert, if we're going to do this, like you can't distract me like cuz he he chats. He'll show me stuff on his phone like

Oh, no. And I said, you do on on the freeways." Well, like once you're on, it's easier than

Yeah. But I don't know. When I look over my shoulder before I change lanes, like the minute my eyes leave the road, the car starts to drift.

Right. Right. Yeah. You ever have that? Oh, yeah. I mean, well, the newer cars, I don't know about his convertible, but a lot of cars now have the like lights in the mirrors that they light up when if there's a car to the to your right. So, that's helpful.

I want all of that. I'm going to need all that. Yeah. I mean, it is, but you know, the freeways here are stressful. The probably the good thing is that traffic was traffic moving or no?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I was driving 65 miles an hour. Well, there's so much traffic here that rarely are you able to go past like say, you know, 70.

Yeah. Um so that makes it a little less uh stressful, but it LA would be a stressful place to learn to drive for sure.

It was crazy. And then he goes, "Well, I just got a text. Um one of my students just passed his test and he only made one mistake." And then he shows me the picture and it's a child with braces like like with grinning like full braces like I did it. I'm like I should have done this so long ago.

When are you going to take take the steps to do the actual driving test of Okay. Oh, you got a date. Oh, so it's already happened.

Yeah, but I feel like I shouldn't. Yeah, right. It should have already. We're filming this a few days before that.

So, so people know. God. So, we'll see. May's going to leave us on the edge of our seats.

Yeah. Yeah. Because you're just ready to I mean, it is time for you to have a little more autonomy having your own car and

having to depend on Ubers. Oh, it's ridiculous. Yeah. But I think I've got to get a car so I can regularly practice and just going to the store and stuff. Like, if I get the license and don't have a car, I'm still going to stay rusty forever. Right.

Right. Yeah. At least that way you could just be driving around your neighborhood and stuff. you could, you know, still Uber to some of the bigger things if you weren't feeling it.

Would you feel safe with me and driving? I want you to practice for a little bit longer.

Okay. My friend is cautious. My friend had I'm at the age where I have friends with teenagers and some of them are learning to drive and that is funny to hear about.

Yeah, I'm going to be good. I just won't ever be able to have like music playing in the car or anyone speaking.

It you'll you'll get more comfortable in time, but it just it does take time, you know? So, give yourself some grace, my friend.

Thank you, my friend. Well, I'm glad you made it back in time. I see your Dodgers hat.

Go Dodgers. Sorry. I know they that I know they beat your team stinks. The Blue Jays, but that was an amazing World Series in general. It really was. Well, I gotta get I'm excited for the World Cup of soccer. I want to be go to some games.

I'm super excited for that, too. The You got I don't I don't But like the I was looking at tickets. They are crazy expensive.

Really? Oh my god. Yeah. We got to find a way. Maybe we can like Can they Can the World Cup be a sponsor on Handsome or something? So we can be like

they're like we don't need you guys. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I I want to see some of those games. I'll be rooting for England.

You were talking about people from all over the world wanting tickets. So that's what is um makes them so valuable and expensive is that it's not just like your favorite team here. It's like everyone all over the world wants to go to these things.

Yeah. Glad I'm going to have my license for then. That's right. because driving in LA will be great.

It sure will. Uh, should we hear some questions from our angelic listeners? Let's do it.

Hello, Tig and Fortune. My name is Naomi and I'm coming to you from South Korea and I love you guys so much. I love listening to your podcast every week. I actually had tickets to see TIG right before CO hit and it got cancelled and I haven't been back in the States since then. But I'm looking forward to seeing you all in the future. But I wanted to ask you, if we lived in a world where instead of cars, we all rode on mounts. And whichever mount you have, no one else could have that mount, what would you choose? And it can be full size. So if you choose a fish or a turtle, it can be big enough for you to write on it.

Which one would you choose? To clarify, this is which animal would you mount? Yeah, I I missed that, too. I was I just heard to mount.

Yeah. Okay. So, we're mounting an animal. We're mounting something. Yeah. If we didn't have cars and such.

Okay. Well, I mean, the I feel like the obvious answer is a large cat, like a cheetah.

Well, I guess there wasn't it wasn't specifically Naomi didn't specifically say animals, but gave animals as an example. Right. Oh, so it could be people.

It says, "What would you have as a mount if there were no cars?" I've never really heard the term, and I'm like kind of delighted. Yeah, I want

I haven't heard that either. I want fast but safe, basically. So, I want Oh, and maybe a little sexy like a like a I'm still I'm going to go leopard. Um, you know, like Beiraa in Jungle Book. And imagine the rippling muscles underneath your your bear gams. Well, it does make me think of the Zootopia 2 movie that we're all in.

Um, having it all I just watched it. So, I'm thinking about all those animals from that world.

Yeah. Um, and one of the boats, the fairies was a walrus. And so, they get on um the the walrus's belly has like a seats on it. and they got on the belly of the walrus and it and it swam them across the lake.

Yeah, that's good. I mean I mean you'd struggle on land. Well, yeah. I I don't think I'm going to go with a walrus, but it just made me think how funny having just seen

Yeah, I being used in that way. Walruses are pretty majestic and silly creatures.

Wait, yours was a what again? leopard. A leopard. That's good cuz they're fast.

Yeah. And sexy and and um you're they're not going to make any mistakes. And they're a little they might be a little too autonom like a little too rebellious.

Right. Right. I did ride I did ride on a camel once. Oh, you did? Yeah. In the when I was in Dubai.

What was that like? It's kind of cra It's not the most comfortable. Um I mean and um you like get on it. They're so tall.

Yeah. And you get on it like you really have to stre like stretch your legs, get on it. And then they say like re hold on when it gets up. Like really hold on. And they ain't lying

really because it it goes forward and then back. Oh. When it stands up. So you it's almost like a riding like you see the bulls at the bars that people ride. It looks like that.

So you you get on it and it whooshes you forward. So I almost like chipped a tooth

banging into Jax's head. Oh my god. Um when it went forward and then it flings you back.

And are you like between two humps? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And then you're up and so tall. Um and then and then it's like, you know, a steady walk,

but it's um they're giant. They're big. So um the it is not comfortable. Um but they ride them, you know, like people here ride horses. So

Yeah. Yeah. But if you're if I'm going down the highway on my leopard and then you're clumping along on your camel, you know, I'm zooming. I'm zooming. going past me for sure. I don't The leopard would have to be really strong for me to get on that one.

They're so strong. Nobody would [ __ ] with you if you were on a rhino. That would be too big though.

In a way, the rhino's kind of like What's that really ugly Tesla that's like armored? That's kind of

the rhino is the armored Tesla of the animal kingdom. I would probably do like a like a cheetah or something. Yeah. Yeah.

So, in the same world as you, cougar, I want to I want to be fast. Yeah. I just hope they don't want to eat me.

No, they know their role in this world. You know what's smart? Checking All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking the weather report before heading up the mountain. You were hoping for a day of skiing, but it really helps to have snow on the ground first. Yeah, checking first is smart, so check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. I want to hear Naomi's answer.

Yeah, let's see what Naomi said. I would choose a moose because they're very strong and fast and they're also very comfortable, I imagine, and beautiful. And for day-to-day transport, they would be great. And also, if I ever got into some sort of battle, I think a moose would be really strong and fast. Thank you all so much. I look forward to hearing your answer.

This feels like apocalyptic, like the grid is down. The grid's down and you've got

you're trying to Yeah. You got to lasso a moose. Yeah. To be able to ride them. Well, let's hope we That's not the case. It was a bit of a leap to say that moose are comfortable. I don't know about that, but who knows? Actually, wasn't there a guy? There was Oh, this is going to be a really garbled fact. But there was

fact. Yeah, there was a guy who had a pet moose that was an alcoholic. The moose was

and uh Okay. Yeah. I can't remember the details, but is it ringing a bell, Thomas? Guy with guy with a drunk moose.

Moose alcoholic. It is. I could Google it. To be fair, the moose was supplied this alcohol. So, the guy was an enabler for sure.

Here we go. I found it. Okay. The the phrase drunk pet moose, that's what I googled, refers to,

the historical anecdote of Taiko Brahe, a 16th century Danish astronomer who kept a pet moose that became so inebriated on beer at a banquet that it fell down a flight of stairs and died. Oh, this is sad. I'm so sorry. No, that's really dark.

Oh, no. Oh, man. Poor moose. Yeah, that sucks. So, I don't think the moose is an alcoholic. It just got into a batch of something.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was just Its trough was filled. Oh, no. All right. Well, we're going to treat our

Thank you for that tidbit. I'm sorry. It was a different time. A different time.

You had your moose at your banquet. That's right. I bet even at that time he was eccentric though. Even I bet even in the 1600s they were like this is [ __ ]

probably. Yeah. They're like don't invite Tao to the banquet. It's going to bring that loose

loose cannon. Yeah. Uh should we hear another one? Mhm. Hey handsome. My name is Mallerie. I'm from Knoxville, Tennessee. And here is my question.

May I'm not sure if you remember this or not, but you told Justin Trudeau that his legacy would be great. And now he is dating Katy Perry. Is that the great legacy that you envisioned for him?

That's hilarious. And if not, what did y'all think his legacy would be? Oh man, of course I remember. It was a really impactful moment. Um, if you if you don't know, I met uh Trudeau when he was prime minister and um I had all all my friends were like, "You got to challenge him on his environmental policies and all this stuff." And and then something I was bewitched by his charisma and I heard myself say, "Your legacy will be great." And he just looked confused and was like, "Thanks." I think what I meant was he legalized marijuana in Canada. Uh, and he just at the time that he was elected, he seemed like a really a breath of fresh air.

It was hopeful. It was like Obama, there was like a Yeah, it was like a surge of optimism.

And then like Obama, like there's only so much you can do in power uh to live up to all your promises. and he you know he made by the end of his term basic or his reign would you say people were like really disappointed in him but um I don't know

but now he's dating Katie Perry so how do we feel about that we feel I mean it makes sense somehow I I wasn't

yeah they're both good-looking they're both good-looking and they're like Zoolander two very goodlook I can't do the accent

ridiculously ridiculously good-looking people. He's I I was about to I've never called anyone a Hmbo. Um that's

Oh, was he a Hmbo? I don't know. But he's sort of he's like so like a Kendall. He's so classically good-looking Trudeau. That I don't know.

I truth be told until the Katy Perry stuff did not know he was divorced. Wasn't he married or

Yes, he was. Sophie Trudeau, who is the star of my favorite YouTube video of all time, which is her on Martin Luther King Day getting up to make a speech after these deeply moving speeches have been made and there was a gospel choir and then she gets up and no one's asked her to do this and she goes, "Okay, I'm going to step up. This is not planned. Trust me,

I'm going to sing an original song that I have written." And she sings an original tune. You just got to watch the video. And it is I know it off my heart. But

is she French Canadian? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She sounds like Selene Dion, but not in the singing realm, probably.

Totally. Yeah. Wow. I did not know about that. I will have to look it up. Yeah.

Um, when did they get divorced? Was that a recent thing? Yeah, I think a couple years ago. Pretty recent.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think they're going to have a have a blast together, those two. have a blast. They were on a boat recently and she was in a bikini and he was shirtless in jeans. I mean, everyone's living their best life over there on that boat. Whenever I see pictures of a celebrity couple standing on the stern of a yacht,

making out and getting photographed. I'm like, they must have known cuz would do you go and stand on the roof of your boat and make like remember JLo and Ben Affleck, their famous yacht.

Well, no. I've heard various versions of this. Oh, okay. Not with this particular couple, but there are some celebrities who 1,000% call the paparazzi.

Yeah. And those pictures are there because they wanted those pictures to be there.

Yeah. Now, who how did to decipher who does that and who does not, I'm not sure.

Yeah. But I do know there are other celebrities that genuinely are just like doing their thing. And they're these camera lenses are crazy. I remember filming in Toronto actually with Arnold.

Yeah. We were on a boat in a harbor um just filming and I looked up and saw like pretty far distance uh a guy taking pictures of Arnold in particular. Um and then those pictures were in the Daily Mail like two days later. Imagine if you saw a walrus with a camera attached to its head. Oh,

and I know that Arnold doesn't care about that, so he's not calling. If you were going to call the paparazzi because you wanted a photo to get out to project a certain image of yourself.

Okay. What situation would you like to be fake, snapped, and like where you go, "Oh, damn. The the pop the paps are here." I mean, all I can think about is how many horrendous photos there are of me online. My my favorite thing to do back in the day was a Google like just my name and me walking and I have the craziest faces cuz

Really? Yeah. Like I walked out of a thing. I didn't know that there was like a camera person there and I'm like my face is like distorted. My belly is like hanging out. I have some of the worst photos. Um, and obviously that's not a a common occurrence. It's just once in once in a blue moon there's the camera. If I were to try to do a more pleasant one, um, I wouldn't mind staging a whole kind of hero situation for myself where I get actors to do a fake they they start brawling on the street and I go up, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, come on.

Oh, that's a good one. Cuz didn't Ryan Gosling have that? There was he broke up a fight and there was a photo of it and it was real.

Oh, really? I would like that. Yeah. I would just I mean I would I I would do just the bare minimum of like I've actually like brushed my hair.

Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Have a little makeup on. You just want to circulate like a good

just that I can take a decent photo. my guts like, you know, they they a nice jacket's hiding the the the rolls a little bit like I'll take that.

Nice jacket. All right. Yeah. Well, I we can arrange that. Oh, please. Did Mallerie send an answer to that question?

The answer to that question for me is yeah, that's pretty much what I thought. All right. Thanks.

That that you did intend for that to be his legacy. dating Katy Perry or that Mallerie is saying that's what she expected Trudeau's legacy to be, dating a celebrity.

Oh, I see. I see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's kind of fair. Yeah. I mean, I could see him kind of like living out the rest of his life, like doing speeches and stuff and going to like gallas and dinners and just dating good-looking women.

Yeah, for sure. He'll probably have a podcast. Oh, yeah. could he he'll he might send us a question and then then we'll be sorry for ever ridiculing him.

Well, what a lovely couple of questions. I I always enjoy these because I never know what we're going to be asked and these neither of these things are things I have thought about. So,

you never think about what your mount would be. I know. Well, now that uh now that this apocalyptic um question's been presented, maybe I'll think about it more cuz there could be other animals that we're just not even considering.

Oh, I mean, we didn't even touch on polar bear. Uh I'd love to see a little mouse mount Biggie and and to for Biggie to be the

the vehicle for a mouse. That would be really cute. Yeah. Well, it's December 12th. What do you got going on?

Um, I'm about to do some holiday shows in Florida in Orlando and St. Petersburg. Um, and then I'm going to go uh spend some time with my mom for the um

holidays and then I'll end the year in Norfolk Virginia Seattle Washington on New Year's Eve and then uh Vancouver. So any Canadians out there who want something to do at the end of the year, come on out.

Yeah, big time. I think I'm I'm I have a Largo show coming up. But if you check out my my Instagram or mayartin.net for for stuff uh and then I'll probably be trying to chill over the over the holidays. But keep sending your questions please and advice requests or whatever you want to say to us to speakpipe.com/handsomepod.

And I guess in the meantime, keep it keep it pretty handsome. You know what's smart? Checking All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that your plants are watered before heading out of town for the holidays. Nothing's more sad than arriving back home to wilting house plants. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook Illinois.

That was a Headgum podcast.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Pretty Little Episode #69 | Handsome"?

May Martin (Host), Fortune Feimster (Host), Naomi (Guest), Mallerie (Guest).

What is "Pretty Little Episode #69 | Handsome" about?

The content discusses the importance of checking for unusual items, like creepy dolls, when visiting accommodations, alongside a promotional announcement for a holiday live show. It features hosts May Martin and Fortune Famster sharing their experiences, particularly focusing on May's recent driving lessons with a new instructor and the humorous challenges that arise from it.

What is mentioned in this Handsome Podcast episode?

10 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Mae Martin, Justin Trudeau, World Cup, Katy Perry, North Korea, Norfolk Virginia. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Pretty Little Episode #69 | Handsome"?

The episode runs 24 min; the transcript is about 4,374 words in 117 timestamped sections.

More from Handsome Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.