Transcript

Pretty Little Episode #72 | Handsome

From Handsome Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 26 min · 4,503 words · 114 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Pretty Little Episode #72 | Handsome", an episode of Handsome Podcast published January 2, 2026 (26 min, about 4,503 words). It mentions 6 people, works and ideas, including Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, Honey Crisp, Allstate, Mussolini's Last Act.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Honey Crisp, Allstate, Mae Martin, Mussolini's Last Act
  2. – 10:00: Mae Martin
  3. – 25:00: Andrea Gibson

Notable quotes from "Pretty Little Episode #72 | Handsome"

  • Welcome to a very pretty little episode of the very handsome pod. I'm May Martin. I'm with you are May. You're with Tig. No, Taro. Yeah, I am.
    about Mae Martin · at
  • It's going all right, thanks. I guess this is coming out start of the new year. I'm I'm eating a Honey Crisp apple or I've paused for the pod, but I about halfway.
    about Honey Crisp · at
  • That he was in as an actor in 1975 called Mussolini's Last Act.
    about Mussolini's Last Act · at
  • Also, if you still haven't seen Come see me in the good light. It is the documentary about Andrea Gibson and Meg on Apple TV.
    about Andrea Gibson · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

  • Allstate — Company · 1 mention · first at
    For a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Products & tech

Full transcript with timestamps

This is a Headgum podcast. Checking All State first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking which hot sauce I'm using on my breakfast burrito. Big mistake. There's a big difference between medium spicy and spicy spicy. And I just learned it the hard way. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[singing] Pretty Little. [bell] Welcome to a very pretty little episode of the very handsome handsome pod. I'm May Martin. I'm with

Ah, you are May. You're with Tig. No, Taro. Yeah, I am. That's who I am. You know, I I I want to make sure to not forget this, but I was uh with Stephanie and a friend of ours having coffee recently and this woman who must have been 9,000 years old walking with a cane walked past us, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I know who you are, little girl."

Little girl. Yes. Oh my god. And I thought, but I at first I thought it was little lady and I thought, does she listen to the podcast? And I was like, she doesn't. There's no world. There's no world.

Oh my god. I mean, truly barely moving with her cane and she had somebody assisting her. Maybe she didn't even Maybe I was the wrong person. Yeah.

But uh it was it was quite amusing. Going up to a man and going, "I know who you are, little boy." It just wouldn't happen.

Well, I'm going to do it now. Yeah, please do. Yeah. Yeah. How's it going, May?

It's going all right, thanks. I guess this is coming out start of start of the new year. I'm I'm eating a Honey Crisp apple or I've paused for the pod, but I about halfway.

Remind me. Have you Have you always enjoyed a apple crisp? Well, I Oh, is it honey crisp? Honey crisp.

Honey Honey Crisp. Then when I I was getting groceries and I usually go Fuji and then I had your voice in my ear going May

Honey Crisp your classic when you really want me to absorb a piece of like and you go May let me tell you

honey crisp and I was like I'm doing it and they're delicious. They're so sweet.

They're unreal and so crisp. Yeah. So crisp. Well good. We just got uh we got five new honey crisps here at the Notaro Allen

home. Yeah, an abundance of riches. Well, you would think except Max and Finn eat apples all the time, so that'll last us about

until tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, they'll be gone. I I've been I mean, maybe I would talk about this on a full episode as well, but you know, I failed my driving test.

You did? I did, Tig. And I know and I am so annoyed at myself for telling everyone in the world on the podcast the date of the test, telling everyone in my life and everyone was saying to me, there is no way you're going to fail. This is and it's [clears throat] the easiest DMV in LA. It's like I don't even have to parallel park. And I failed.

What did you fail? Well, so the problem started with my my driving instructor who's 75 and he we're we're at the DMV and he likes to chat and I'm lined up waiting like I'm about 20 minutes away from taking the test and he's showing me on his phone this movie that he was in

as an actor in 1975 called Mussolini's Last Act. And so I'm I'm kind of trying to focus. I'm like, "Okay, so what are they going to test me on again?" He's like, "Uh, I have a line coming up. I'm about to arrest Mussolini." And then

No. Yeah. And in the movie, they've edited in like real footage of the Second World War and Mussolini's execution. So, I'm looking at real dead bodies. I'm about to do the test. And I was going, "Robert, I can't do this right now." He was like, "All right, all right. Well, just wait here. I'm coming up again. You can That's me there.

No, Robert." [gasps] So, then it starts. It's Robert's fault. Well, he's my I'm not going to blame Robert. It was.

Oh, I was. I am going to blame someone else. You can't show somebody a dead body and then expect them to parallel park.

Thank you. You're welcome. So, my my examinator comes. Robert gets out of the car. Examinator gets in.

Examinator. Is that a word? I don't think that's a word. That sounds very Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The examinator. Yeah. The tester. The examinator. Thomas, please help us. I feel like you're just leaving us wondering,

watching us. Examiner. Examiner. Examiner. Oh, I like examinator. Yeah. Go on. Yeah, that's about it.

So, I'm like visibly nervous and shaky and it's like all my skills just go out the window, but I I was doing really well and everything was good until I turn on He says, "Turn right." I turn onto like a bigger street and almost immediately

went off a cliff. Yeah. And almost immediately I go off a cliff. I crawl out of the wreckage. Uh so I turn. He says, "Merge left." I do my checks. I look in the mirror. There's no one behind me. And I guess I sort of slowed down a bit. But in the time that it took me to turn from my blind spot and then I start merging, someone pulled out behind me and went into the left lane and accelerated and I almost [snorts] hit them. And the guy, the examinator had to grab my wheel. And

May, you need to stay home. This doesn't sound safe for anybody. I think it was my reaction to an unsafe driver was not

Mhm. I was Well, I was going to say out of the gate, um, whether you're taking your test or you're just a person trying to get from point A to point B, being nervous and shaky driving,

Yeah. it's probably not going to go well. I know. Oh, and I I was like I and I kept saying to him, "I'm so nervous." Which didn't help. And uh and then I after that happened, so it was like a big dramatic like he grabbed the wheel and I went, "Whoa." And I went, "Oh, never done that before. I don't usually have that happen." And then I the whole rest of the test I was like, "Am I going to fail? I'm going to fail this surely."

And then we get back and he goes, "So, uh that was an immediate disqualification." And I just start balling in the car. I start crying

and then old Robert gets back in the car. He's going, "Hey, you passed. You definitely passed, right?" And he said, "I've I said, "No, Robert, I failed." And he said, "Well, I've only had two people ever fail. I've been uh teaching driving for 40 years." And I said, "Oh, cool." He said, "Two people? You and you and one other person who didn't get their driver's license." And I said, "Well, what happened to him?" And he said, "Well, he passed away before he could take the test." Oh, you're the only surviving failure.

Yes. Oh my god. Well, that's something to celebrate. Yeah, you're surviving. I'm surviving out here and it's hard out here.

It did deliver you a wonderful story. That's true. So, there's that. I'm retaking it on Christmas Eve.

You know what should probably happen is me, Fortune, and Thomas should probably be in the car with you

during the test. Yes. and be like, "Turn, turn, turn, honk. Who's that? Slow down." Well, I have faith that you'll you'll get it this time around.

I'll be way less nervous. Now, did you have like all of those signs that say like student driver all over the car? And

yes, this would be such a [clears throat] delight to see go past is May Martin driving

driving a car. Oh my god. To see student driver go off a cliff. Anyway, oh my god, I just wish I hadn't told everyone in my life cuz everyone was going, "It is a piece of piss in LA. This is no problem. You got this." And then I I had everyone texting me and I got people on Instagram who listen to the pod going, "Let's let's see the license." Oh.

Oh, I think it's great. And also, um, piece of piss. I've never heard that. Yeah. British.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Piece of piss. I like that one. I learn I've learned a couple of things um from the cadetses on the Starfleet Academy that I'm on.

Are Yeah. Yeah. Because they're a lot younger and they use certain terms that where I'm like, "Wait, I'm sorry. What did What did you say?"

Um one of the things I learned which I'm sure you've heard because I'm just sure is baddy. Have you heard not like somebody's cuckoo baddie but like like b a d i e or b- a d y. Have you heard of that?

Like Yeah. Like a badass. It's like It's like Oh, you're a Yeah. Oh, they're a baddie. Not like a not actually bad, but very cool.

Like hot and cool. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Do you like that? I sure it's fine. I don't feel one way or the other. I was just like when Stephanie and I were going to bed last night, as we were dozing off, I said, "Have you have you heard of fd?" And she was like, "Yeah." But she meant baddy like cuckoo.

Like an old lady who who says, "Hello, little girl." Hello. Hello, little girl. I I know you little girl. Meanwhile, I have gray hair and yellow teeth and wrinkles. But

um yes, it's me. Little tiny little tiny Tig. Okay, I know you too, Baddy. Old old BDY. Old bat. Old BDY. Anyway, well, you're going to do it, kid.

Thanks. I've been practicing every day since the test and I'm really just focusing on merging.

Should we get into a question since that's why we've met up today? Yeah, let's do it.

Yeah. Hey, Handsome, this is Hannah. Um, I have an advice question for you because you said that you love those. So, what would you do if you have two friends that are dating and one of them is cheating on the other? For context, they're both in their mid-30s. They've been dating for like 5 years, and they're about to move in together. And it was not a one-time cheat. It's been consistent for like 9 months with someone who's around a lot. [sighs] Whoa. Listen, [sighs]

checking All State First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that I took off my souvenir rodeo belt before going through airport security. Major error in judgment. All that beeping is gonna scare off the cattle. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates. Northbrook Illinois. As someone who's been cheated on, and I I say you say to the cheater, if you don't tell your partner, I'm going to tell them in one week.

So, I'd say you got one week to do this before I I tell them cuz you're Have you ever had to do that?

Uh, no, actually. Mhm. Yeah. And I've I've cheated on people too, but not when I'm like about to move in with someone and

like like sometimes at the end of a relationship it gets a little messy crossovery when you're sort of one foot out the door. But man, when you're about to embark on a big life step.

Mhm. That's such a choice. Yeah. I'm in a similar but not exact situation where

Oh my god. somebody that uh I've drifted from. I know that her very best friend is talking out of both sides of her mouth. Um and has said some not great things about this person in like a in a really interesting way.

Oh, interesting. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's so complicated because you've dri you drifted from the original person.

So, is there anything that the best friend is saying that even though you're morally like this is gross that you're talking you're like, I do concur.

Oh, I do concur. But the best friend is not uh acting not acting like they have those feelings or thoughts or have said anything disparaging at all. And I'm like, [snorts] wow. Wow. But um What a weirdly like out of alignment way to be living like

Yeah. So would you are you going to say something to the friend? I've thought about reaching out to the friend and just saying, you know, I feel like you've confided in me and um your actions don't line up with what you've shared with me.

Yeah. And um what do you say about that? Yeah. you know, um I I have it written out already. It's just when do I press send? Yeah.

Oh my god. Yeah, it's a complicated thing, but I do I do think it's worth um handling.

I do too. I when I lived in England and I I was dating like a closeted person for three and a half years and

we were in our 20s and everybody's a mess in their 20s and our friend group was all a mess and you know so I don't hold on to it but when I look back I think everyone knew that we were together and no one called her out on it. No one privately said, "Hey, we know you're with May and this is weird." Like,

everyone just was too polite, too like, "It's not my business." And it I think it's worth calling people out.

It also feels like something you can't ride to the end, but you have to make the attempt

because when you think about would I want that for myself, I most certainly would. And um

and so I just mean like you I don't know if it's a world where you can continue to follow up with that person and say you got to make things right, you know?

Um but I think you can put in your your best attempt and and if that doesn't work then you might have to move on to the direct uh

victim. I guess always weighing up like how much drama in my own life is this going to cause and is it you know is there a way to mitigate that?

You could also sneak in a question around that person of like you know I feel like most people would say yeah I'd want to know the truth but like at least get that information.

Yeah. You know Yeah. Like or even make it about you like be like I would always want to know.

Yeah. Wouldn't you? Yeah. Oh god. Good luck, Hannah. For the record, if you ever You got to just tell me and call me out of my I'll do the same.

Mhm. So, you'd want to know. I'd want to know if I was being cheated on or or talked about. Yeah.

Yeah. I think so. And look, people I think it's fair. You can, you know, let off steam and complain about somebody or whatever. That's part of Yeah. It's like when I hire somebody, when I'm like, "Look,

I'm gonna annoy you to no end. You're gonna annoy me and I'm, you know, but I'm not going to like

like slander your character." Yeah. If I do, it'll be privately to my wife. Yeah. Yeah. Like I have um my my two best friends, Gabby and Nicole. Like we our whole we've been best friends since we were 13. And our whole friendship is like if I'm with Gabby, we're talking about Nicole. If fun with Nicole, we're talking about Gabby. When they're together, they're talking about me, but it's all with so much love, but it's like,

yeah, it's like people are going to talk about you, but um Yeah. Anyway, well, let's hear what Hannah Hannah has to say.

Yeah. So, to answer this question, I mean, I haven't decided what to do, but part of me wants to give him an ultimatum and say, "Listen, you got to tell your partner before she moves in, before she uproots her life from her neighborhood, and you got to tell her, or I will."

Yeah. But also, the easier route is to do nothing. But the secret's weighing on me. Anyways, I'm excited to hear your response. Thank you.

See, that's why it's not the easier route because it's weighing on her. Yeah. It is not the easier route.

Yeah. And oh my god, what? It's not going to stop here. Like what happens two years in and they're getting married and having a kid?

Yeah. They invite you over for dinner or something. Are you going to sit there with them? like like it it just it it's not easier anyway.

Yeah. And all obviously every situation's different and people can chime in and be like, "Well, I did this and this happened." This is just a general sense. Like it's just not going to get easier if if that's going on.

I mean, if you're really worried about your friendship with this guy, then you could do an anonymous

thing. You could say, "I'm I'm like a concerned party and and you need to." Yeah. You could just write a note that says, "I know what you did last summer."

I actually just came up with the best fix. Oh, hit me. Let your friend hear this episode.

Yes. Oh god. And maybe we'll we'll disguise the voice so it's Yeah. Yeah. Should we hear Do we have time for one more?

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do a little guy. Hi, my name is Mara. I'm a pretty little lady outside Washington DC and I was calling to ask for some advice.

Great. Uh, I am coming out of one of the hardest years I have had in the last 20 years

and I know all three of you have had like famously very difficult stretches. So the advice I am hoping for is what do you do to mark for yourself that you're done like that you have gotten through something and that you can move on. Thank you.

Great question. I think what what what do you have to say? Well, I kind of think the moment you know you're done is when rather than like, you know, a new horrible surprise like ripping you apart, you it is comical to you because there's just you've famously had that feeling of like, are you kidding me? And I think that shows you've reached a point of real resilience. But then in terms of marking it, well, I always feel like that's tempting fate because then

other bad stuff could happen. And so rather than be like, I'm finished having calamity and being sad,

I think just every moment, remember it's you could completely everything could change in a moment in a positive way. Like just trying to maybe get a tattoo. I don't know.

Yeah. Get a hot dog on your nose. Yeah. Um but uh yeah, I I don't know if this is really great. Uh, but you know, I know for myself, I used to um I' I'd have PTSD on every year that came up. I'd be like, "This is when I first started to feel off. This is when this happened. This is when I got the call about this. This is when I got this call. This is when I was in the hospital." You know, it just was like

because it was such a short period of time. I kept like I was I could tell you every day, every moment, every month that everything happened. And then it was really wild where kind of the best and biggest marker was when I wasn't marking anything anymore, you know.

Oh, that's so nice. Where I was like I got through March and April and May and June and I just I was like I didn't even I didn't even remember.

Yeah. Like I you know it just it was such a freeing feeling and and I I carry that with me every year. It's like those months are coming. You know, March was the last time I felt even remotely normal. Um and then and and it because my birthday's in March, it was a little bit of a bummer cuz my mother died a couple days later and um it just was heavy and and now I'm like,

how about that? I'm not I'm not marking anything. I'm just going along. Yeah. Yeah. So that that not marking anymore

was the biggest marker that I could hope for. That's really true. And when you're not counting days, like how long it's been since and and when you're and when you start

I mean this is different to like a health thing or but for me it's usually a big breakup or something like when you finally get bored of yourself talking about it and I I I'm really investing also in

and this is probably shitty for the friends who've counseledled me all through this but I'm I'm like I want to also spend time with people who are not inside this situation or who uh are, you know what I mean? And and I'm talking about fresh things or or just Yeah.

And I don't know if it was you or the podcast or a friend, but I you know, it's also so helpful when you It sounds cliche, but it's true. But when you help other people when you're feeling terrible,

100% unreal what that does. Unreal. And I'm so lucky. I love my job. So like like I did like a charity show at Largo the other night for the LA Mission. It was just like oh yeah there's

Yeah. Yeah. So when you turn the attention away from yourself and and um try and help others especially in those moments. It kind of gives you that perspective and clarity and that's

especially around the holidays too. So many people are struggling. Get out there and you can volunteer or

jingle your bells. Jingle your little bells around the town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This was a really this I felt like I needed this today. This was a really nice little episode. Thanks, Tig.

Yeah. Thank you, May. Thanks, Thomas. Thank you, Thomas. Thanks, listeners. Thanks, May. Thanks, Tig.

I am getting ready for this tour, this big tour that's like 47 shows now. Um, so there's still tickets. It's It's selling fast, though. But I particularly need to sell tickets in Houston. Um, February 27th, I'm in Houston at Cullen Performance Hall. Um, and Dallas as well. So, check out mayartin.net. Come see me. I'm going to be doing standup. I might do a couple songs and I might have an improviser with me and do some improv. It's going to be like a like a whole evening of uh, ridiculousness.

Amazing. Yeah. How about you? I'm going on my tour in the new year and um gosh, where will I be? February 20th, Oklahoma City. I will also be in Midland, Texas. February 21st. Texas folk, come on out. Uh you can also catch me in on March 12th. Uh Charleston, West Virginia. March 14th, Chattanooga, Tennessee. And uh there's so many other dates. April 26, Redbank, New Jersey. Go to tignotaro.com. Also, if you still haven't seen Come see me in the good light. It is the documentary about Andrea Gibson and Meg on Apple TV.

And keep submitting your questions to us and your requests for advice. I liked that. Um to speakpipe.com/handsomepod. And yeah, until next time.

Oh, and rate and review. Rate and review. And uh and uh subscribe. Also check out our YouTube. Yeah, please. Uh, until next time.

Keep it keep it pretty pretty handsome. Checking All State first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking for dust bunnies under the guest bed. Regrettable. When your highly meticulous family member comes to visit you, you want to up your tidiness game as much as you can. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook Illinois.

That was a Headgum podcast.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Pretty Little Episode #72 | Handsome"?

In order: 0:00 Honey Crisp, Allstate, Mae Martin, Mussolini's Last Act; 5:00 Mae Martin; 20:00 Andrea Gibson.

What is mentioned in this Handsome Podcast episode?

6 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, Honey Crisp, Allstate, Mussolini's Last Act, Andrea Gibson. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Pretty Little Episode #72 | Handsome"?

The episode runs 26 min; the transcript is about 4,503 words in 114 timestamped sections.

More from Handsome Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.