Transcript

Pretty Little Episode #78 | Handsome

From Handsome Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 22 min · 3,663 words · 101 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Pretty Little Episode #78 | Handsome", an episode of Handsome Podcast published February 13, 2026 (22 min, about 3,663 words). It mentions 9 people, works and ideas, including Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, Fun Home, Engelbert Humperdinck, Elton John.

What this episode is about

In this episode, Tig Notaro and May Martin dive into their personal anecdotes, sharing humorous stories about driving, including May's recent adventures and Tig's past prank-filled experiences. The conversation touches on their daily lives, romantic updates, and the lighthearted chaos that comes with navigating both the road and relationships.

Key takeaways

  • Always check your ebike's charge—otherwise, it's just an expensive, heavy bike riding experience.
  • Celebrity pranks could use a revival; who wouldn’t want to see a star fumbling for parking?
  • Playing games with friends and water may lead to hilarity, but also a very soggy carpet.
  • Engelbert Humperdinck’s stage name sounds bizarre, yet he remains iconic—proof that branding can be quirky.
  • Tig Notaro's humor shines in every interaction, turning mundane moments into a comedy goldmine for listeners.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, Allstate
  2. – 10:00: Allstate, Engelbert Humperdinck, Elton John, Two and a Half Broke Girls
  3. – 15:00: The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
  4. – 20:00: Kevin Murphy Night Rider
  5. – 21:58: Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, Allstate

Notable quotes from "Pretty Little Episode #78 | Handsome"

  • Checking All State First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart.
    about Allstate · at
  • It's me, your friend Tigotaro, sitting here with May Martin. Yes.
    about Mae Martin · at
  • Yes. And do you know that's not his real name?
    about Engelbert Humperdinck · at
  • She was Oh, but her dot just appeared. it is No. she wrote Two and a Half Broke Girls, which I did accidentally say.
    about Two and a Half Broke Girls · at
  • And then Stephanie was The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
    about The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt · at
  • And this is the shortest Yeah, this is the shortest my hair has been in like 41 years of life. So I Well, I guess except since I was born, but that doesn't count. Anyway, I would love any of your.
    about Fun Home · at
  • Yeah. Your old brain. But Yeah. I don't know. I use Kevin Murphy Night Rider. That's the product I use.
    about Kevin Murphy Night Rider · at
  • Yeah. How about you? well, tignotaro.com.
    about Tig Notaro · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Tig Notaro — Person · Co-host · 3 mentions · first at
    Co-host driving the conversation, reacting to listener questions, and promoting her tour dates and documentary.
  • Mae Martin — Person · Co-host · 3 mentions · first at
    Co-host and primary conversational partner; shares stories, plays games, and promotes upcoming tour dates.
  • Engelbert Humperdinck — Person · Referenced celebrity (example in a joke about stage names) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a humorous example of an unusual stage name while discussing words used in a party game and stage-name choices.
  • Elton John — Person · Referenced celebrity (example in a joke about stage names) · 1 mention · first at
    Used as a comparison point in the stage-name discussion (real name vs. stage name).
    Inglebert Humperdink. I think Elton John's real name is something really.

Books & papers

  • Fun Home — Book · Referenced work · 3 mentions
    Mentioned by a caller who is in a local production of the musical based on the book.

Products & tech

Media & podcasts

Sponsors

  • Allstate — Company · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Primary sponsor of the podcast, mentioned multiple times in ad reads.

Full transcript with timestamps

This is a Headgum podcast. Checking All State First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that your ebike is charged before your Sunday ride, that's trouble. When that thing doesn't have any juice, it just becomes a really heavy version of a regular bike.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So, check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook Illinois.

Pretty Little. Welcome to the pretty little episode. It's me, your friend Tigotaro, sitting here with

May Martin. Yes. Yes, it is. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Um May, um how is your driving obsession? When do you leave for tour?

Oh my god. Do you have any romantic updates? Just give me everything, girl. Thank girl. I've been driving around the town. Today I went and drove

picking up chicks. Picking up chicks everywhere. Yeah. I uh I got a coffee today. drove drove parked there. Drove right up onto the curb.

I was trying to park like full like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's going well. Did you yell I'm new here?

New here. Out of the window? No, I haven't haven't yelled anything out a window yet. Have you done that?

It's new for me. Um, have I? Well, I think I told you I used to do pranks where I would like pull up to cool hot spots where people were eating outside.

No. And I would have all my windows down and I would act like it and I'd play a really cheesy song and I'd take like 10 million attempts at parallel parking with my windows down

just to entertain yourself. Yeah. Well, I'd have often times I'd have a friend like hidden in the back seat really low down and then I would act like I can't get my car into the spot and then we just drive away. But like you know that song All By Myself.

Yeah. Yeah. That kind of thing. Oh god, that's good. Yeah. Just silly stuff. I wish more like big celebrities pranked

like that would be so funny if someone purposefully did something that would attract like people to film it and paparazzi and it was

now for you to say you wish more big celebrities that implies that you think I'm a big celebrity and

you you did this like before you were recognizable or recently? Yeah. Yeah, it was before I was recognizable. Like I think you should do it now. I think you should pull up to somewhere you know there's going to be paparazzi and take 20 minutes to park while playing all by myself.

I guess but I guess I need you to Yes or no. Do you think I'm a big celebrity? Huge.

Okay, that's sarcastic. No, I think it's I think it's true. I I don't know a single person who who doesn't know you.

Actually, I take that back. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but uh, yeah, it's I think it would kind of be not Well, maybe it would be fun being if people recognized me

cuz you'd be doing it on purpose like Yeah. And I was doing it on purpose back back in the day as well. But I just Yeah, it's that kind of I like to look like a fool.

Yeah, I know. It's the best. It's the best. It really is so fun. I played a game that I think you might like yesterday.

Hobscotch. Yeah. And I thought Tig would love this. Hobscotch. Um, so I saw it on some Instagram thing and I I got a group of people to do it and I before they came over I said, "Everyone bring an object from your house and it could be mundane, kind of funny if it's like totally mundane or it could be bizarre." And then you stand in a circle and you all put a lot of water in your mouth. So you're like

like that. And then one by one you just slowly without smiling or laughing produce the object that you've brought and put it in this middle. And the goal is not to laugh and let the water out. And it just gets funny. Like every object becomes hilarious to you.

No, I saw it online somewhere and I wanted to try it and it worked and it was like

I would enjoy that. You'd like it. And then the other version. What do people bring? They brought like

cuz you know I'm not crazy about games. Yes. But that I can get on board with and um I you know I used to do a podcast with somebody who I don't do a podcast with anymore and we used to um stream episodes where we would like do shots and slap each other in the face and stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. Not very presidential but anyway. What were we saying? That's the best. And the second round we did was everybody wrote down a word, any word on a piece of paper and gave it to me.

Then everyone puts water in their mouth and I just slowly read through the word. So I'd go, "Your first word is fart.

Your first word f a r t fart fart." And then I would go through the words that people would give me like

Yeah. One was wetka, one was um humpdink. Like it just it was fun. I recommend it.

Humperdink. What is his name? Angelbert Humpering. Yes. And do you know that's not his real name?

Yeah. Yeah. His stage name. That seems backwards, right? It It really really does.

Yeah. In Englebert Humperdink. Yeah. It It feels like not the name that your record label would be like, "We got it. We got it."

Inglebert Humperdink. I think Elton John's real name is something really. It's like Reginald Dwight.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe we should do that next time we're in the studio. We should do the water no laughing game.

Well, I thought you were going to say maybe we should come up with our stage names.

Oh, what would yours be? You know what was that name? There was there one time Stephanie I I asked Stephanie I I said who is the actress on that one show and maybe I've said it on the show but um and Stephanie was like I don't know what you're talking about and I said you know the show um um god dug it

I can't Are you forgetting the name or the No you're forgetting all of it right now.

I'm forgetting all of it. Yeah, I was asking what the actress's name was and the show was um not what I said, but the crazy leap that I called the show. Um Stephanie guessed the actual show name. Uh let me text her. Text her. Text her.

I have to I have to know. It's uh it is the weirdest name. I was like with the show it's called um

I here I have one other game to suggest. Okay. It it's called the uh grape game. So I leave the room I come back in and you have to guess if there's a grape in my mouth or in one of my hands.

Oh and did you see this online? Actually we could play around now. Um what if I don't have a grape in my office?

No, I'll I'll do it. Oh, you have grapes? Yeah, I got them for the grape game. But right now Oh, you have to go to the kitchen.

I'll go to the kitchen. and I'll grab a grape. I'll come back in. It's either going to be in my mouth or in one of my hands. And I'll show you both hands.

Heard you the first time. Okay, I'll be right back. Okay, one sec. Uh, checking All State first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that I took off my souvenir rodeo belt before going through airport security. Major error in judgment. All that beeping is going to scare off the cattle. Yeah, checking first is smart, so check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook Illinois.

Oh, Mazeback. Maze back. Okay, let's see. I think you have a I think you have a grape in your mouth. H. Yeah, I do.

You do? Yeah. Yeah, I do. I'm pretty good at that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they gave it away that I was just going h

Well, I wondered if you were doing that to throw me off, but you didn't. I almost I tried to double bluff you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did Stephanie write back? No, but she's writing right now. Oh, I love that. Don't you?

Mhm. Yeah. That dot dot dot. Oh, no, no, no. She's writing. I thought you meant you could see that she was

Oh, but her dot dot dot just um appeared. Uh it is No. Uh she wrote Two and a Half Broke Girls, which I did accidentally say.

You said Two and a Half Broke Girls. Yeah. Um, no. The the other mishap. I'm sure she's like, "Yeah, which one?

Should we get to a question?" Sure. Yeah. I think we should What if the question from the listener was like, "What's the name of that show?" God, can't I don't She's still writing.

Okay, we should wipe this out. Ah. Oh, she wrote Yeah, I think um Yes. I said, "Who is the actress from that show?" And she's said, "What show?" And I said, "Um, what is it? Becky Pilgrims or something?" And then Stephanie was like, "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt." And I was like, "Yes, no way." Becky Pilgrims

Pilgrim Becky Pilgrims and she guessed the unbreakable Gibby sh. She guessed that and we choked to death laughing.

Becky Pilgrims. Becky Pilgrims. That is what my brain the crunch those numbers and spit that out.

Can we on the main episode? We got to tell Fortune that on the main episode. Becky Pilgrims is so good.

Well, and when we write little love notes to each other, we often times sign it. Uh, Becky Pilgrim. It's a really great character name. Yeah.

It's such a good name, Becky Pilgrims. Yeah. I can't She must You're tapped into the same wavelength that she was able to deduce what you meant by that.

Yes. And she the unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Oh my god. Yes. It's not Becky Pilgrims at all. Anyway, uh yeah. Should we get into our question?

Let's do it. Let's do it. Hi, handsome. Hi, May. Hi, Tig. Hi, Fortune. My name is Jacqueline. I'm from around outside the Boston area. So, my question for you all is it's about intimacy and I am wondering

what is the silliest moment you've had during an intimate moment? Where to begin? I know infinite. The first one that came to mind was one that I've uh I think said on the podcast before where with a I was dating a very lovely man um for about 6 months in England and he said the next time we have sex I'm going to say a word really unexpected word during sex and it's going to make you laugh. And I completely forgot about it. days went by and then the next time we were having sex like at a really crucial moment where I was it was like I was in it. I was like

Yeah. Yeah. completely serious, you know, earnest. Yeah. And he goes, "Oh my god, tell me I'm bonkers.

Tell me I'm bonkers." I cried laughing. It I could not stop laughing. That is really really funny.

Yeah. He was British, too. Yeah. Tell me I'm bonkers. What else? I mean, any Do you and Stephanie ever sort of You're like semi-joking doing some characters or roleplayish and it's like kind of horny but also mainly funny and then you you know what I mean? I'm thinking about the pirate queen that Parv used to do.

The pirate queen. Yeah. I was the cabin boy and she was the pirate queen. Oh, you shared this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. That was a lot of laughing. Um, I would say I've done this a couple of times where I've been, this is way younger years, you know, I have germ issues, would never do this again. Um, I was, uh, making out. I think I've done it a couple times with a girl in the bathroom, public bathroom.

Hot. And that Yeah. Real hot in a stall. Yeah. And then um looked down and the toilet hadn't been flushed.

And then I said, "Oh, you're in love." Meaning you're in That's pretty good. That's you're in love. Did she get it right away?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I pointed I go, "Oh, you're in love." That's good. I like that.

That's silly. That's silly. Yeah. Should we hear Jacqueline's answer? Yeah, let's hear it. All right. So my answer is the other day I was fooling around with my partner and I know Jacqueline Marie. We were fooling around and I was inspired by Tig actually. Um my partner caressed my breasts and as he squeezed it I said

I said I knew that was coming. I have never laughed so hard during intimacy before.

That is really funny. So I wanted to Oh, that's great. Let that be one of your legacies for sure that women across the world are going

whenever anyone touches her. Thank you, Jacqueline. And uh keep up the good work.

Yeah. Should we have another question? Indeed. Hello, handsome. I'm Katie and I'm calling for some advice today from

any or all of you. I'm in a local production of the musical Funh Home. And for the role I'm in, I've cut my hair very, very short. Um, into a pixie cut. And this is the shortest Yeah, this is the shortest my hair has been in like 41 years of life. So I Well, I guess except since I was born, but that doesn't count. Anyway, I would love any of your tips, tricks, or favorite styling products or ways to style um short hair. Yeah, thanks so much.

I got the answer for you, kid. Uh leave it dirty, Katie. What? But you have a germ thing. How does that

I rinse it. I rinse it just with water. Uh yeah. Um, but if I fly on a plane or I'm like, you know, if my if my hair touches something, my germ issues remind me all the time. Like, you got to get home and wash your hair tonight.

Right. Okay. Like when I travel on a plane, I don't just come home and get in bed and snuggle in after my head has been against that the back of that seat.

No, you got to be scrubbed. Yes. Yes. And so if I'm just tigging it up and living my life and just shuffling around my neighborhood and my house, you know, or I go out to dinner, like anything like that, I'm totally fine. Um, and so and again, it's it's hard to make any sense of like what's gross and what's not to a germaphobe.

Right. Right. Um but yeah, like washing your hair once a week. Yeah. Is is really the way to go. And and um you can put a little bit of product like some sort of wax or something in there, but uh that I feel like can last you the whole week

if it wanted to. Yeah, I've wanted to try this. I just I shower so much. I'm like Well, twice a day, but uh

really twice a day and I'm washing my hair. Um twice a day you wash it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my skin's very dry now. And uh I'm better than I used to be. Like I I mean I probably had a touch of the old germaphobe or something when I was I used to wash my face like

sometimes 14 times a day. Like it was never 15. Never crossed over because that would be weird. Uh

yeah, that's too much. Yeah. But so I've gotten a lot better and I don't wash my face between showers now. But

yeah, like two showers a day and I'm washing my hair every time. So, I want to get to a place where I try that no washing for a week because I know it's healthier like that the natural oils. Everyone tells me about the natural oils.

Well, and less product in your hair is better for um you know eliminating some toxins cuz so much is absorbed through your head.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. And your brain's right there. Yeah. Your old brain. But um Yeah. I don't know. I use Kevin Murphy Night Rider. That's the the product I use.

But also, it's funny to me um whenever usually if I meet straight people of a certain age, they'll go, "I love your pixie cut." And I'm like, "When does it become a pixie like like it is so not a pixie cut to me. It's just short hair." But it's funny. Yeah. Like would you say we have pixie cuts? I I think some people in their 60s and 70s and over think we have pixie cuts,

right? Or K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K Katie, I guess maybe is is used to a more fem presentation, so she's like,

who knows with Katie, you know what I mean? May you never know with Katie? That's the thing.

You never know. Yeah. Yeah. Never know. I it always is strange to me when I'm out and about and someone is usually sizing me up like trying to figure me out or I'm in the bathroom or something and they go,

"I like your hair" or something and and then you're like, "Okay." Yeah. And I always go, "Yeah, I like yours, too." But it's like them saying that is them saying, "What is going on here?" You know? Yeah.

I like your pixie cut. Like your pixie cut. Yeah. Well, thank you um Katie and Jacqueline. Um and um please keep on sending in those questions.

Yes. Yes. Yes. We love hearing from you. Um I really like that. I can't do it. You really

That was awful. That was really bad. I wish I hadn't. That's good. That was good. That's good. Um,

submit your questions, your advice requests to speakpipe.com/handsomepod. Um, and come see me on tour. May martin.net has all those deets. There's still tickets available for my first three shows in Oklahoma and then two shows in Texas. I really want to fill them up cuz it's the beginning of the tour. It'd be such a bummer if I No, it'll be great.

Yeah, it's going to be awesome. They're going to be there. Build it and they will come.

Yeah. How about you? Uh well, you know, tignotaro.com. We got Santa Fe, we got Monterey, Charleston, West Virginia. Actually, never mind that. Charleston. Uh we're rescheduling some dates here, but I'll also be in Los Angeles. Largo, it just goes on and on. Go go go go go check out all the show and tour information at tignotaro.com and watch come see me in the good light if you haven't yet. Very funny touching lifeaffirming documentary on Apple that I produced. And uh until next time,

keep it keep it pretty handsome. Checking All State First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking which hot sauce I'm using on my breakfast burrito. Big mistake. There's a big difference between medium spicy and spicy spicy. And I just learned it the hard way.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates. Northbrook Illinois.

That was a Headgum podcast.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Pretty Little Episode #78 | Handsome"?

Tig Notaro (Guest), May Martin (Host), Jacqueline (Guest), Katie (Guest).

What is "Pretty Little Episode #78 | Handsome" about?

In this episode, Tig Notaro and May Martin dive into their personal anecdotes, sharing humorous stories about driving, including May's recent adventures and Tig's past prank-filled experiences. The conversation touches on their daily lives, romantic updates, and the lighthearted chaos that comes with navigating both the road and relationships.

What is mentioned in this Handsome Podcast episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, Fun Home, Engelbert Humperdinck, Elton John, Kevin Murphy Night Rider. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Pretty Little Episode #78 | Handsome"?

The episode runs 22 min; the transcript is about 3,663 words in 101 timestamped sections.

More from Handsome Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated February 15, 2026.