Transcript

Sarah Sherman and Handsome share delightfully gross stories

From Handsome Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 5 min · 11,417 words · 328 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Sarah Sherman and Handsome share delightfully gross stories", an episode of Handsome Podcast published January 13, 2026 (1 h 5 min, about 11,417 words). It mentions 9 people, works and ideas, including All State North American Insurance Company, In-N-Out, Sarah Sherman, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Midland, Texas.

What this episode is about

In a lively conversation, Sarah Sherman and Handsome share amusingly grotesque stories, blending humor with personal anecdotes that reflect on unexpected and comical experiences. The discussion includes playful banter and insights into navigating life’s quirks, showcasing their unique comedic styles and camaraderie.

Key takeaways

  • Skip the galloping stallion; always check first—savings on car insurance can be more thrilling.
  • Smartless Mobile: finally a wireless plan that fits your usage, not your wallet. Uncle Sam approves!
  • Stepping into toilet water? A real-life horror story; next time, check for ghosts—or at least a leak.
  • Pajama gifts from mom: proving that age doesn't equal freedom from questionable fashion choices.
  • Bath bombs or ghost water? Fortune's hotel saga is an unsolved mystery best left unrinsed.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: All State North American Insurance Company
  2. – 20:00: All State North American Insurance Company, In-N-Out
  3. – 40:00: Sarah Sherman
  4. – 1:05:29: All State North American Insurance Company, Amy Burkeman, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Midland, Texas

Notable quotes from "Sarah Sherman and Handsome share delightfully gross stories"

  • With All State. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Guess…
    about All State North American Insurance Company · at
  • Comedy, which you can see in her new HBO comedy special, Sarah Squirm, Live and In the Flesh. Sarah Sherman, also known as Sarah Squirm, is asking today's question.
    about Sarah Sherman · at
  • Also love the thought of everyone coming out to see my tour. January 14th, Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Orlando, Florida, January 15th. Tampa, Florida, January 16th. And what else? Oklahoma City, February 20th. Midland, Texas, February.
    about Fort Lauderdale, Florida · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Sarah Sherman — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Amy Burkeman — Person · 1 mention · first at
    For all show information. And I will also be doing my shows with the incredible speed painter Amy Burkeman.
  • Alex May — Person · 1 mention
  • Nia Jax — Person · 1 mention

Companies & orgs

Places & events

  • Fort Lauderdale, Florida — Place · 1 mention · first at
  • Midland, Texas — Place · 1 mention · first at
    January 15th. Tampa, Florida, January 16th. And what else? Oklahoma City, February 20th. Midland, Texas, February 21st. The list goes on and on.

Full transcript with timestamps

This is a Headgum podcast. Checking All State First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you get the beginner friendly horse when you're going on your first riding lesson. Whoa, Nelly, I got a galloping stallion when I'd be happy with the horse that just wants to eat some grass by the side of the trail.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So, check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Guess what? The guys behind the podcast Smart List started a mobile company. Why? Because they were tired of getting fleeced by Big Wireless. And they think you should be, too. Big Wireless has been outsmarting everyone into buying expensive unlimited plans. You're probably paying for unlimited data that you barely end up using, and that's not smart. And with everything else getting so expensive these days, wouldn't it be nice if something costs less? Smartless Mobile offers right-siz plans based on what you actually use. No contracts, no overage fees, no BS, and great coverage because it runs on the T-Mobile 5G

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Visit smartlessmobile.com today. Plans start at $10 a month and for a limited time, you can get your first month free on their 30 gigabyte plan. So, you're more than covered. Just use code handsome at checkout. Taxes and fees extra. Terms and conditions apply. Don't get outsmarted. Get smartless mobile. friends with friends.

Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm May Martin sitting here sitting here watching the day go by with my pals

Fortune Fster and Tigotaro. Woo! What's up you guys? What's up with you? What's your background? Where are you? What is going on girl?

Yeah, I'm on the road. So, I'm in a lovely hotel room that flooded this morning.

What? What? What? What? I woke up and it was I went to grab a water and uh it was too much of it.

It was dark and I felt like a little bit of water on my foot and I was like, did I wake up in the middle of the night and like get water and spill it? And and I didn't even it didn't even occur to me to like double check. I just kept milling about my business and then got ready and walked into the other room and it was just like cover the floor was covered in water.

What? Apparently another uh the room upstairs flooded from their toilet. I don't know.

I think so. Maybe. But I like called and said, "You guys might need to come in here. Like this seems like a bad um leak." And they waited like two hours.

No. And then the guy finally came and he was like, "Oh, it's actually upstairs." And I was like, "Okay." So he got

So fortune, you stepped in dirty toilet water. Yeah. Maybe it was a Maybe it was a bath. Maybe somebody's

Maybe there's a bath bomb in there somewhere. May, you know, it wasn't a bathtub. It was either poo water or it could be ghost. Ghosts make things wet.

Ghost water. Ghost water. Yeah. So, you got up in the night, you stepped in water. You thought, I'm just going to keep milling about my business.

Well, was this it was this morning and uh and then there's a big water stain on this ceiling and then there's a big giant water bubble in the bathroom that's going to pop at any minute. So, what it's a fun time. And do you want to release the name of the hotel and what room you're in so people maybe want to stay in your toilet water room in the future?

All I'll say is that I'm in Salt Lake City. I don't need to I don't need to bash the hotel.

I'm not saying they're just not in a hurry. I'm not saying to bash them. I'm saying give out the room and and numbers so people are like, "Oh my god, this is the toilet water room.

This is the bath bomb water." Fortune walked in. We're going to say it was a bath bomb.

Okay. Okay. We can say that. But we can. But what did Did it smell bad? It did not.

Did it smell good? It smelled like lavender. No. So, that's been my day. It's cold here.

I have on um a one of those thick Yeah, those jacket things. This is very nice.

I can confirm fortune is in one of those thick snuggly My mommy my mommy bought it for Christmas.

Oh my gosh. How old are you? Fortune. How old are you, little baby? Baby Fortune.

My mommy bought it for me for Christmas. Oh, what if the podcast was me and Tig and a 5-year-old?

Or what if we all talked like babies? Every episode we were like, "What have you been doing, Fortune? I had a big sandwich and tomorrow I might have a candy." and Candy.

Well, my mom bought me ladies pajam My mom bought me ladies pajamas for Christmas.

Pretty Little Ladies. Yeah, pretty little lady pajamas. And I was like, "Mom, I love you,

but there's no planet on which I will wear these Pretty Little Lady pajamas." And she's like, "They're soft." I was like, "Look at the picture of the lady on the front. Does that look like Do we look similar in what we wear to bed?" I'm glad to know that that that never stops. Like, yeah. And and to to

that happens to you still, May. Oh, yeah. People will buy me clothes as a gift and they go, "This is very gender neutral. This is just a you know, a good old sweater." And I'm like, "It's a

This is just a ball gown. It's a scoop neck ball gown. It's just a ball gown. Anyone could wear this."

Yeah. Yeah. So I I said to my mom, my mom and I have become very honest about presents

where I say, "Can I just I don't want to waste your money. Can you just can I give this back to you

so that you can return it and get your money back?" And she's like, "Yeah, that's fine." And then we went to another store. She's like, "I really want you to I really want to get you something. Will you pick out something in the store?" And I was like, "I doubt I'll find anything." And we walked in, found this right away. I was like, "Amazing." Yeah. It's like sort of cow forest lumber. Yeah. Perfect for my winter. I'm doing uh a bunch of winter cities in a row. Three in a row. So, this is perfect.

Anyway, enough about me. Never enough about you. Never. And what did what did uh you get, Ginger?

Uh money, honey. I got money. I gave her a big fat check. Oh, I like that. All right. And no no present to go along with it. None whatsoever.

Uh let's see. I took her to a nice steakhouse for Christmas Day. Yeah, that's all I ever wanted.

So that's an experience. I filled up her car with gas. Mhm. Um I took her to a several lunches while I was home. Did these count?

Yeah, of course. Of course. I took her trash out. Yeah. Okay. Merry Christmas. whole I made a whole list of everything I did and said merry Christmas.

Did you really? No. I was like, "Oh, no." Then you took it all away. Here's a list of everything I've done for you. This counts as a present.

Yeah. And not just this year, a list of everything you've done since you were born for Ginger.

You're welcome. That's always a good feeling when somebody um lets you know what they did for you. Throws things in your face.

They've been keeping track. This Yeah. Can I ask is Salt Lake City is there a salty lake there? Is there an actual lake

and a city? Yeah. Do you know, Tig, is there a salty lake here? There is. Disappearing.

Oh, man. And how come it's salty? Just natural reasons. No, I don't know. I think I've made up in my head or heard somewhere that like through the shifting of the planet somehow that's like I it's probably wrong, but it's still like from the ocean somehow. Thomas, what is the real answer? Uh the the lake has no outlet and so all of the minerals in the lake have nowhere to go and so because water evaporates it just gets uh more and more salty.

So don't listen to me. Tig fact. And fortune have you tasted the water in your hotel room that's leaking through the ceiling. Is it salty?

Did you lick it off the floor? No, y'all. I went I did do bottled water just cuz you know to be safe.

Sure. Sure. So yeah. Tig, how are you doing? Yeah, Tig, I'm doing well. I'm I'm home alone. It's a little scary.

Oh my god, you guys. What a funny bit you just did. Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube if you want to see two of the most talented, hilarious, um, successful comedians working today doing some of their best.

I But I only did it like when I saw Fortune did it. I just copied you. That's right.

Yeah, cuz that was that was funny. I'm Home Alone. And they did it again. They did it again. I can't I have my my magical headset on so it's hard to do it.

Your uh Old Navy headset. That's right. We need some more khakis up front. So are you are you going to like run around the house and eat your favorite snacks and

Yeah. Be in your ponties. Just go crazy. I do that anyway. That's You jump on the bed in your ponties.

Grab an apple and run around in your ponties. Just go nuts. How dare you? I'm picturing you in your sort of granny ponties and you're like this around the house

and you got an apple saching around with an apple and just living my best TIG life.

I love that. So, why are you home alone? Well, um Stephanie took Max and Finn to um Palm Springs to see her family. I was going to go. But we were all going to go as a gaggle, but there was, you know, massive rain and um flash flooding. And so we uh we just stayed put. And then um and then when the weather cleared and she rescheduled it, I was busy. I have doctor appointments and I'm recording with you guys and um and I was just like, well, I'm probably gonna skip this trip. So,

I'm going up to the desert today. Oh. Uh yeah, I'm going up to to the desert and I'm driving up in my car

because you got my license. Yay. Oh my gosh. Do you drive around listening to Olivia Olivia Rodrigo?

Okay. Cuz she has a song driving lesson. Driver's license. Driver's license. Driver's license. Good.

Yes. So, I'm trying to write a song about her song. A song that's like if I write a song that's like I wanted to write a song about getting my driver's license, but someone already did.

Like that. It's a meta song within a song. But I'm having a lot of first guys. I went to my first valet parking.

I went to my first drive-thru all by myself. And did you drive through? I drove right through it. I sat in the [ __ ] line for 35 minutes. Sorry for swearing.

That's a long drive-thru. Yeah, in Was it In and Out? People are obsessed. You were at In-N-Out?

Yes. For hours you're sitting in the drive-thru for 35 minutes sitting in the line. Like people love I could have just got out and walked in, but I thought

When were you in this line? Was it last night by chance? It was the night before last.

Okay. Cuz we we exited the freeway last night. We went bowling with my ex and her family, you know.

And um so we're exiting the freeway and we're sitting in this long line of traffic and then Stephanie goes, "Oh my god, this isn't traffic. This is in and out." Yeah. And so we were sitting we got we exited the freeway and four vegans are sitting in line to go to in and out.

That's funny. Yeah. People People will just sit for for an hour just to go through.

They love it. They love it. I can't do that line. I felt like I drove on the highway to get to the arcade where I went with our friend Sabrina and her kids and uh I was great by myself on the highway. I was feeling great and then did my first valet parking for the for the arcade which was funny and then

um then went to the drive-thru but then driving you valeted at the arcade. Yeah.

Yeah. You know Dave and Busters there like did you pay with tokens? Um it was raffle tickets. I think the valet was for Cheesecake Factory, but

Yeah, it was. But I snuck in there. And then But I did get really scared driving back on the highway in the dark. I I just got in my head and I I wanted to go so slow and you can't.

No. No. Unless you're Stephanie. Does she go slow? Not only does she go slow, she is like a magnet to a Samford and Sun pickup truck.

Oh my god. That looks like it's headed to the dump. And there's like 10 million things piled on the truck with rakes. And

I can't even I get too nervous behind those. She doesn't even realize she's doing it. And she'll just like find that truck every time. And we'll be driving behind it going. And I'm like, what song is that?

That's the theme song to Sanford and Son. Oh, nice. And I'm like, Stephanie, we're headed to the dump again. And she's like, "Oh my god, I didn't even realize I was behind this."

Does she do Does she When y'all are all together as a family, does she drive for the most part?

Yeah, that's her preference. Really? Really? Yeah. Who do you think's a safer driver?

Well, I don't want to get into this. I think we have a difference in opinions. Yeah. I think I might be I think I'm the fifth.

That's funny. Checking All State First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you packed a backup book to read if you're almost finished with your current one. Major crisis. I finished my book on the first day of my trip. Hope the hotel has a gift shop. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. How many podcasts do you listen to where a dog is an undeniable star of the show? That's definitely the case with Handsome and Fortune's dog, Biggie. Biggie is fueled by Ali dog food. Fresh humanra meals with real ingredients available in five slowcooked recipes. Biggies are emotional support animals, so we're glad he's getting the nutritional support he

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Well, you know, it's fun to be driven sometimes. I'm done with being driven. I never want to be driven again. I'm going to be the drive.

Drive. Yeah. I feel like it's changed my I know it's only been like a week, but I do feel like it's changed my whole personality.

You are more confident today. I feel Do you think? Yeah. I feel it. I feel more confident.

I can see it. You have a little pep in your step. I'm feeling pretty good. I had a I had a the other day I thought, you know what? No one's coming to save us. Like we kind of like No, you know what I mean? You know, let's hear May out.

We're gonna die on this hill alone. Let's hear you out, bud. What What do you mean?

I kind of thought, well, someone said to me, if how would you feel if the rulers of the world had your habits and your lifestyle? And I thought, not good. And then I thought, I better change that.

That's interesting. Who's who asked you that? Um, I actually saw it on Instagram.

Didn't you just say someone asked you? Okay, you've caught me in a little lie there. That's really embarrassing.

Uh, the person talking to me to be fair through the video. I guess it was probably an Instagram account called like interesting questions

to ask yourself and then tell people you had a friend ask you this. Yeah, a close friend asked me the other day. T was like, "Wow, your friend is very insightful."

Well, I was just like, "That's such an interesting question. Who is this person? What what other qu what else have they asked you?"

Turns out AI. I think I was kind of thinking, too, like I have a lot of friends who are having a tough time. I've had a tough year. And I was just like, do I because I can see clearly what they should do to fix their lives. You know what I mean? Because I care about them. And I'm like, "Oh my god, I wish I could just get in your brain and

fix everything." And then I thought, "Do I like myself as much as I like my friends?" And then I kind of

I was like, that is at the heart of why we don't thrive is we don't like oursel. We don't think we or we're waiting. I'm don't know. I'm rambling, but I'm having a kind of come to Jesus week where I'm like,

"Yeah, I got no one's going to do this for me. I got to like Yeah, get up in the morning." And not that I I I wasn't in a dark place or and I haven't like my habits are pretty healthy, but I'm just suddenly like h life's so short.

And what do you think triggered that? Well, this experience I had with a psychic probably. And then also just caring for my friends and uh not wanting to have another year where I'm like um sad in any way

and I'm just like life my my life is great. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it's um Man, that Instagram post inspired a lot in you.

I know. I know. But I think that's a really exciting place to be, May. Thanks. I mean, and especially that I my brain just flashed to not that you're like I mean, who knows? maybe are, but not the I don't think you're serving food to people in need every day, but like even making, you know, doing that coming out of your comfort zone and like doing things that are not in your regular dayto-day and and learning how to drive and

um just it it's always so um you like going back to that question that your friend named social media asked you. Um, but like that idea of how new questions that's kind of what the show do does too is like just it triggers your brain in such a different way when you get asked a new kind of question like that or you step out of your comfort zone. You walk into this place to help

people in need and and uh those kind of moments that take you out of your Yeah. co like autopilot.

Yeah. And like being really mindful of your inner monologue and just being like I like friendship is so crucial for that because your friends reflect back to you like you know nice things about yourself and and the way I feel about my friends. So I'm trying to like check my I heard another great quote from a close friend. Um and I

named Facebook. Yeah. this. No, I think this was my old roommate Facebook um reached out to me yesterday.

It was like both fear and faith require you to believe in something that hasn't happened yet

and you're both of them are just you're making it up. So if you're living in fear, thinking about the worst things that could happen or how everything could go wrong, it's like, well, that's not happening now. And and so you may as well just anticipate the best things happening and

have have faith everything's going to be good. And you know, so I'm glad I have all these smart friends. Um,

yeah, you're very lucky. These really pathy quotes. Not just good friends, but friends that are so connected

to millions of people. Yeah. Yeah. You're really hooked up. Yeah. That is not what's appearing on my Instagram. What are you

What's on yours? Like Pomeranians and people shoving food in their mouth, slurping it. Like, is that a genre of video? is people slurping. There is this thing where people are like eating on TikTok and the messier the better and they like are slurping their food up. It's disgusting and also like kind of like a train wreck. You can't stop watching and they get like millions of views and they're like and you're part of it.

Oh my. It beats it up. You watch one video and suddenly you got 30. Wow. Are you still on Instagram or are you just on Tik Tok?

Both. Oh, okay. I like them both. But they both now have similar things where if you look at one video, suddenly you see a bunch of things in that

bunch of slurping. Yeah. Yeah. So, I need I need to get to smarter Tik Tok and Instagram so I can get

No, ma'am. Kind of questions. But it's all like sort of pop psychology that I get. But some of it some of it makes you think.

Yeah. Did you at least have a nice holiday? Was that more uplifting? Yeah. I had I I I had I hosted here for a bunch of friends and I cooked and it Yeah, it felt good. I feel like the master of my domain in a way.

Really? Bought a house, bought a car, got your license. I we were driving to go meet my ex and her family for bowling and we heard the driver's license song and I was just like

picturing you driving around listening to that song. The day I did my test it was that pouring rainstorm. It was crazy big puddles and

I think that helped me. I think the guy was just impressed I showed up um and it was a different guy and who the guy that failed me the first time. I'm in line at the DMV and he comes over and I roll down the window and he goes, "Oh, no. I'm gonna get someone else to do your test." Because I guess that Yeah, because I guess that's the rule. Like, so he's not biased, but I took it so personally. I was like, "I I'm safe. You can get in the car with me."

That's hilarious. Now, I have to ask you something. That sounds like a negative spin. The guy that failed me.

Yeah. No, you're right. The guy who So, how would I frame it? The guy who didn't think you were ready.

Yes. The guy who gave me the opportunity to get better. Yeah. Gave me the opportunity to get better.

Yeah. There we go. I was trying so hard to sort of warm him up. Like I said, wait, you remember me? He was like, "Yes, I do." And I said,

"From you seen Wayward?" Number one IMDb search. Where are you landing on IMDb these days, May? Not that I haven't been tracking you,

Thomas. Can we Do you know how to check? While we're checking, you don't know how. While we're checking, should we ask May how this thing got in their window

that looks like a like a newspaper clipping has been put up as a blind. Imagine.

Did you know we would notice this or I forgot to take it? Do you think you were going to squeak that by us? Oh, were you having naked time in your room and you didn't want people to see? Was that what was that?

Were you running around in your granny panties? Were you grunty punies? I think the Imagine if it was I'm like, "Yeah, I'm feeling great these days." And then it's newspaper all over all my windows and I'm just

It does kind of look like that. I had somebody staying in my guest room and I I still haven't got around to putting the blinds in and so I do have this like blackout fabric that you and I stuck it with tape. Oh,

yeah. It looks sketchy. Also, that's the G that's the guest room where you're recording.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that you make them look at your trophies. Listen, I just want to remind them

that you are number What on Star Meter? Oh. Oh. 132. That's still big. Is it? Yes.

Yeah. Because like most act most working actors are like 3,000 or 4,000. Okay. 132 still. What is fortune?

I'm probably like 4,000. This feels toxic. It's I think it's like uh who's We should compete every time we get on here.

I think the number is based on articles about you and how many people are searching you.

256 28 286. Really? Fortune is fortune. That's good for me. That's really good for anyone. And then we've got want 1,912.

The hell happened in my career? But I think but I think it's just based on like people searching for you when a project comes out or something like that. No, it's solely based on talent and long-term success. And that's fine. I I wish you both the best.

I'll sit here at nearly 2,000. I'm That means there's 2,000 more people than me having way more success.

I feel like normally I'm like 3,000 or something. I mean, me, too. I don't think I've ever even made it on the list.

I think this is the highest number I've ever had. Life is good, baby. Yes, it is. Oh, here I have something.

What is Oh, what is that? Just a like a little I I've hurt my neck cuz I I've started using a CPAP machine. Uh what's it cause? It's uh for sleep apnea.

Yeah. Like I have tubes coming out of my head and and all sort like a chin strap. I have to show you this video Stephanie took of me.

Um I put it on and I put my eye mask on and my ear um plugs and then she filmed me. Not. I didn't know she was filming me. And then she put it to go into the chapel and we're going to get married.

Oh my god. And she just zooms in on my face and then she pans over to my glasses that are next to my bed. And then the cane that I used to use when I uh broke my um my femur and had to have surgery. So, um, that's, uh, I can only assume she took the video because she finds me very appealing to 13 years later.

That's love, baby. Here, I'll show it to you now. And why did it hurt your neck?

Uh, well, all the all the I'll show you. Yes. I'll show you why this they rubbed against you like you're carrying a lot of weight on your head. It's Listen, this is so so mortifying.

Are we going to be allowed to post? Oh my god. Are those TIGs out? Do you have your TIGs out?

Oh my god. Oh my god. Please let us keep this. Please can we post this? Thank you. That is so funny.

I look like I'm about to go scuba diving. Yeah. Like the biggest eye mask I've ever seen.

I Hey, listen. When I say have trouble sleeping. Yeah. I mean it with every fiber of my being.

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I know. Exhausting. I know. And ironically, you can't sleep. I can't sleep. I have like a I have a tube coming out of the top of my head.

Why the top? Because I think it's either it allows for me to move my head. It And can I tell you when that went on me,

what Kitty City did, they were all like just stunned, like truly terrified. Anyway, that's what threw my neck out because I'm trying to

adjust myself to sleep and if I move in the wrong direction, then the the air tube comes off of my nose and then sounds like an air like a tire is going to is like like just like I've run over something in the car and my tire is going flat.

Um and then I'm and then I'm like, "I'm sorry, Stephanie." And then I say it really loud because my ears are plugged and I can't hear how loud.

I I'm sorry. So sexy. It really is. If only we could have seen that. Um it's true love though.

When we first when we first found one another and she was like, "Yeah, I'm going to date a woman for the first time." Well, guess it's what? Guess what? It's headed in this direction. So, do you have like a heating pad on your on your

No, it it it's like um Ben Gay or whatever that medicine is that's like warm and tingly. Um you know, it's the feeling of being hot.

Yeah. Icy hot. That's what it is. Ben Gay is probably the 70s. How come gay isn't our last name? All of us.

That would be good. Why didn't we call this podcast gay? Our last name is Handsome. Yeah.

Well, we have to mention really quick before we get into our question because we never talked about it

at our live show. What uh that we live streamed. Um how amazing was that moment where Tig made a joke about a red bra?

Yes. And one of our amazing, handsome listeners in the audience apparently somehow magically took off their bra

in the middle of the show without anyone noticing and suddenly out of the darkness a red sports bra.

Yeah, that's it was thrown on stage and that's what I talked about. Not a just a red bra. I said a cherry red sports bra.

Cherry red. Can you tell people what was the joke? So, well, it's one of the greatest jokes ever written. I was I tried it out on Stephanie. I was lying in bed waiting for her to finish brushing her tooth and I said, "Oh, I've just thought of something funny how when people are going through a midlife crisis, they buy a cherry red sports car." And I said, "Um, I don't know actually what the joke was. Something about I'm going to buy a cherry red sports bra.

Sports bra. And that's you'll know I'm having a midlife crisis. You didn't set at the show. You didn't set up the car part. And so I were like, "What does this mean?"

In my midlife crisis, someone buy a cherry red sports bra. And we were like, "Wait what?"

It must have been 15 seconds max, 10 seconds maybe. This cherry red sports bra flies on stage.

Flies on stage. And we may and I thought you planted it that like you somehow set this joke up with someone and you and then we turned the lights on and and the lovely girl in the audience is like, "No, I took it off."

She had like maneuvered like done one of those like under the shirt, which is hard with a regular bra if I if my if memory serves, but really hard with a sports bra, right?

Yes. Tight. Oh my god. It was a record scratch. One of the greatest live show moments

I've ever witnessed. It was like chef's kiss comedic timing. All three of us are amazing.

Like got to our feet almost and and we're we were all just standing there sort of stunned.

Not almost. Didn't we all jump up? We jumped up and we were like on the edge of the who did this

the stage like where did that what the hell? It was incredible. I said, "Well, maybe we can try this with other things." Like, I I love gold. And then someone gave me a gold ring,

but then I felt bad I gave it back. But then the red sports bra woman at the end of the show came up and asked me to sign the red sports bra right on her boob. That's right. And I threw her a tw I threw her Twix bar cuz that was pretty amazing. But anyway, I just had to mention that real quick. We're heading home.

I just had to mention it real quick because that show was so fun. It was so fun.

There's always something or several things that happen that are so unexpected and hilarious and nuts and crazy. And that's why I love when we can get together and do that because our listeners are unbelievable.

So fun. The live shows are just so so fun. Yeah. Yeah. Should we get into our question?

We should. Let's do it. Let's do it. Today's question asker is an actress, comedian, and writer who has been a cast member on Saturday Night Live since 2021. She is known for her surreal comedy, which you can see in her new HBO comedy special, Sarah Squirm, Live and In the Flesh. Sarah Sherman, also known as Sarah Squirm, is asking today's question. Nice.

Hi, Handsome Podcast. I'm Sarah. I know we haven't all met officially, but I'm a big fan of all of you. And I have a favorite. You have to guess which one. Just kidding. Um, I just wanted to sew dissent amongst the podcast and see if any drama unfolded. Um, my question is, okay, let's say you're on death row for a crime that you did commit. Um, abolish the police, but you are getting strapped into an electric chair for a heinous crime you committed.

Um, what's your last meal? What is your death row last meal? And it can be, you can say the meal, the accompanying drink, and the dessert.

Okay. And if somebody already asked this perfect question, um, my followup question, and sorry for the inconvenience, my follow-up question is, I know you three have very busy schedules. You don't have time for inconveniences like this. Seriously, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. My follow-up question is, what's the grossest thing you've ever experienced? Bye.

Oh, wow. We talked about food stuff before, but I don't know if we've ever done last meals. Yeah, let's do both questions.

Let's do them both. Whatever comes to you. We haven't done last meal. Feels like

we've done like what if we were food, what food would we be? And like stuff like that, but I don't know if we did our last meal. I I can't remember.

And then grossest thing you've ever experienced. That is really Oh, I touched a wiener once. I talked about that before, but that was pretty gross. Nothing against him and his particular wiener.

Yeah, you just wasn't I just didn't know I wasn't into wieners yet, but I guess I had to touch a wiener to know I wasn't into

Were you dying to touch that one? You're like "Oops." He was just kind of like, "You want to touch it?" And I was like, "I guess."

And you're like, "I got to check this off my list. Like I got it. Just touch one.

Well, it was just not I mean I was like this is what it's supposed to feel like. E. So this is the grossest thing you've ever done.

Can't believe it. It was pretty gross. So your may your fantasy is the grossest thing that fortune has ever done.

Wait, my fantasy is not just briefly touching a wiener. I've got bigger dreams.

Admit it. Oh, you want to do you want to do things with the that wiener? I don't

um it just felt, you know, I don't even know how to describe it. It was disappointing cuz you were like, I'm meant to feel something.

I mean, I I was proud of myself that it was erect. I felt like accomplished because had it been not, I would have felt bad about myself like I couldn't even get it.

But that's the grossest thing I've ever heard. That's gross, too. This is the grossest thing I have ever done is listen to Fortune talk about making a penis erect.

But you do want that result. So I was happy that that was in play. Were you actually grossed out? Cuz also imagine how like

I just was like I was like this imagine like if a guy was if a guy was saying, "Yeah, I did something I did something gay to try it, but it was disgusting." You'd be like, "Oh, come on. It wasn't disgust."

But I was also young. I was in high school. Maybe if I if I had touched one as an adult, maybe I could appreciated it more. But I that opportunity never presented itself.

I I think I've talked about the grossest thing that I've done. Um, but it was when I left my retainer on the table in a diner. Left the diner. Have I talked about this?

Uh-uh. I was My mom said, "Do not lose your retainer. It cost $400." I said, "Of course I would never lose it." But I had the anxiety about it. And it was the first day I'd got it. I went to a diner with my friend. We're 13 and uh left it on the table. I get a block away, middle of winter in Toronto. And I'm like, "Fuck." And so I run back and the waitress says, "It's not here. We cleared the table. Sorry, it's not here." And she goes, "You can look in the garbages if you want." And I went back.

Garbages. Me and my my kind friend, we go back into the the kitchen and they have big garbages there and they have bags of

garbages. Wait, what is what's weird about garbages? Garbage. Garbage. Yeah. Oh, I guess I'm thinking like garbage cans.

Yeah. is garbage. I like gar I'm sorry. I'm sensitive. Wait, is No, you wait. I looked in multiple garbages.

No garbage. Just garbage. I think you could just say I looked in the garbage. I looked through the garbage can.

Or I looked through the garbage cans. I put on rubber gloves with my friend and we start sorting through just rancid food waste. Um that and and uh this guy, he was a dishwasher back there. This he was in his 40s dishwasher. He didn't speak English and he felt bad for us and he goes, "I'll help." He puts on his gloves and we start going through the garbage and he holds up

garbages a a lump of like true garbages. just a lump of like poo basically. And he goes and I always remember he goes, "Hello, hello." And and so he's so excited. I go "No that's

hello. Hello." Yeah. He's trying to get our attention and I go, "That's a lump of garbage." And he runs it under the tap and slowly my retainer appears as the chunks of garbage fall off it.

That is disgusting. You put it in your mouth. That's worse than the wiener. I took it on the subway back home, gripped in my palm, and then I knew my mom was going to check on my retainer when I got in, so I put it back.

You had to put it in? Yeah. But I'd rinsed it a lot. But Oh, man. It was so gross. But

that's disgusting. I will always remember like the smell of that kitchen and it was so hot and people were mad at us for they're like, "Get out of my way." And me and my friend were probably stoned and like I was gagging and oh man. Oh, that is

I didn't realize my co-hosts were so disgusting and gross. Whatever. But you must have changed a lot of diapers and stuff, T. Like, you've had exposure there. Yeah, you like poo.

You like poo in the garbages. I have something so gross that I did that it's going to top touching a wiener. It's going to top rinsing poop off a retainer and putting it in your mouth.

Oh, I can't wait. Give it to me. Well, you're going to have to. In fact, I'm going to take a moment of silence for you to have to wait.

Oh, that's fair. All right. Silence. Okay. Okay. So, this is also really crazy because I think I've mentioned I'm a bit of a germaphobe. Yeah.

Okay. I've gotten better over the years, but you know how germaphobes kind of have glitches where you're like, "Oh, sure that's gross, but you'll you'll do that, but you won't do this." And you and it's like, "I don't know what to tell you that I I'm fine with this, but I'm not with that." Okay, prepare yourselves. This is disgusting. And I know it.

Scared. I was out to eat and I think this was before I was a germaphobe, right?

Okay. Um, and to me this was just like whatever nature practical thoughts here, whatever. I don't even know if practical is the word. I'm out to eat with a group of friends at this Vietnamese restaurant in Houston, Texas. We're all enjoying ourselves, having a grand old time. Guess who finds a dead roach?

No. In their bowl of food. Oh my god. Oh my god. It's me. It's me. I found it. Is it you?

It's me, Fortune. I found that. And I told the wait the waiter. And the waiter went to take my bowl. And I said, "That's okay.

No, I'll eat around it." And Oh, yes, ma'am. I'll eat around it. Uh I'll I'll remove the roach and then I'll eat around it till my other bowl comes.

Oh my god, you're hungry. You had a hungry little thing. I got to finish this before the other bowl.

It was so good. But I was like whatever. It's a roach. Like I'm sorry. Is that grosser than rinsing poop off a retainer and shove it in your mouth?

In your soup. Yeah, roaches are pretty nasty cuz they eat. Guess who's alive to tell the story?

Yeah. Get off of me. Oh my god. That roach had just eaten the [ __ ] that was surrounding May's retainer.

Retainer. And then it went on a wiener. Look, it's not like I've had health issues after that. None whatsoever.

But I kind of get I get the impulse of being like I don't want to have time where I have no bowl in front of me.

Exactly. I was like if like there's no roach on the other half of this bowl. I already took that dead roach out.

Would you do that now? No. No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. No, mom. Um, but yeah, I think I was probably like 22 or something like that.

Yeah. And did your friends all react like you were out of your mind? Absolutely.

Yeah. Absolutely. That is pretty gross. Thank you. At least I didn't touch a wiener. And um May,

yeah, at least I didn't rinse poop off of my retainer and put it in my mouth. Which, by the way,

to clarify, it wasn't poop. It just looked like poop. Okay, but do you know how many roaches crawled around on your retainer and pooped?

Okay. Eggs in there. The desperation speaks to the fear I had about getting in trouble that remains to this day. the grossest thing really that I've ever experienced. I'm not going to put her on blast too much, but uh my mom my mom used to have some hoarding issues

and cleaning her out of the last hoarding issue was probably the worst one of the worst experiences of my life.

Right. I've never heard that cleaning her out of cleaning the hoarder situation and you did it. You were you personally were like I'm going to show up and

it was I was still with Jax and we did it together and did you put it on your list of what you've done for her?

Um it's definitely on the list that I've done it a couple I've done it a handful of times in my lifetime for her

and it is a grand act of love because it was relentless and it took us like a week and a half and it felt like it was never going to end.

Oh wow. And it was bad. It was bad. Sorry, mom, if you're listening. And you're you're doing great now.

Yeah. And then how does that mean you hadn't visited her in a while or she gets a pile up real fast?

She gets a pile up pretty fast, but she um I had a place near her at the time. So when we I visited, she would go there and

I knew I knew something was up cuz she wouldn't let us go in her place for like 3 years,

right? And I would be like, "You have to let us." And she'd be like, "Nope, nope. You're not going in there." So, I knew something was happening

and then I decided to sell my place and I was like, you have no choice. You have to let us see.

And it was bad and I won't go into detail, but it we can imagine so bad. But that's the thing that I you there must be so much like shame around it and secrecy and poop. I uh sometimes my

a wiener my algorithm feeds me um videos of of hoarding situations being cleaned and it's really satisfying the the final product like

oh yeah finally when when we were done and it was all clean and it was like a miracle. I wanted to cry.

I wanted to cry every day we were there doing this because it felt like it would never end. But

we finally did it and it is a triumphant moment. and she's doing great. It's She's in her place now. It's

We redid the bathroom. We got it fixed up, the walls painted. It's a lovely lovely place.

That's awesome. Yeah. Victory. Anyway, last meals. Last meals. Oh, we're doing both.

Yeah. Well, cuz the last meal's pretty quick. I'm going shrimp dumpling wanton soup as a starter.

Oh, it's a multi-course last meal. Yeah, cuz she said add add a drink and dessert as well.

Oh, cuz I want I'm not listening. I want like the Asian flavor. Um, so I want like some bok choy in there, but just as the starter and then the main I think I'm

I think I'm doing like a chicken pot pie with like um mashed potatoes and gravy and uh maybe some peas and then

some peas. All right. And hilarious. I love peas. And then dessert. I'm doing cheap birthday cake like

Oh, really? grocery store kind. This sounds like someone's first meal. A pot pie.

It's very childish. Pop pie. What is food? Yes. That is so funny. I think the the last uh the uh dessert would be a Betty Crocker cake. One of those ones that you make a homemade one. I love those ones. Yeah. Yeah.

Drink. I'm doing lime cordial with like fizzy water. What is that? What is that?

You know, cordial. I just asked. I'm I pronounced it cordial, but I would say cordial.

I self-corrected cuz I thought you guys would make fun of me if I said cordial.

No, we never only if you said cordials. Say garbages. Cordial. A lime cordial with fizz. It it it's just like ice cold fizzy water with just like some lime concentrate in it.

Oh, okay. I bet that's you know like the lime and soda and then um Yeah, you want to be refreshed right before you go out.

Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz you're sweating. I think that's it though. What about you guys?

Tough meal to follow. I know that's a tough meal. Especially the peas. The peas. You're not getting peas everywhere. And the peas would be with some butter and salt and pepper and maybe some like mint in there.

Oh, interesting. Mint. I've never heard of mint and peas. Yeah. I do like a pot pie, though.

What an odd moment for somebody to be like, what? They're on death row and they're giving their order to a chef and if the chef was responding the way uh fortune was, they're like, "Oh, interesting. Mint." Okay. Yeah.

And um what's an alarm cordial? All right, we'll figure that out. Okay. Anything else? Uh anything to go

the whole thing is so absurd and uh tragic and weird to be like and what would you like to have your favorite things for? Like I'd be like [ __ ] you.

Would you like to Would you like us to sing your favorite song also? Yeah. Seriously. Yeah.

Yeah. What's your favorite color? We'll make we'll give you a little bib. Um All right. A final answer.

Okay. Okay. For apps, pro some I would probably do a I would do southwestern egg rolls from Chili's and avocado egg rolls from Cheesecake Factory.

Whoa. Just an egg roll sampler. Both veggie. I've never um tried a avocado egg roll. What's

Cheesecake Factory? They're so good. Yeah, I am coming to your final day for growing.

Maybe a lettuce. Maybe a chicken lettuce cup as well. I'm going big for my app.

Clearly for my meal, I love a lemon chicken picata. Like a like a nice juicy piece of the chicken with the pasta. Not some some picata is mashed potatoes, but I would do pasta.

And it What about a little bit of both since you're never going to have food again?

Maybe. And I would have it really lemony and creamy with artichokes and capers. And

what kind of peas are you having? I don't want no peas in there. Get them out. And then um but then you know I love pad thai too. So maybe a side of pad thai.

And then weird for my drink I'm doing cuz you know I'm about to die. So we're going to we're going hard. Uh

oh. We're going oldfashioned with a great bourbon in there and a red wine cab. Uh and then for dessert, we're going two I'm getting two desserts. I'm just going to throw up on my way out. This is not allowed. Two desserts. I'm just going to vomit everywhere.

I'm doing a cheese uh the Adam's cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory. Oh, what's that one like? Uh, that's the peanut butter one with the Reese's and butter fingers. And then I'm doing from wherever a butterscotch bodino.

What's that? It's like a It's like a butterscotch um pudding. Yeah. Nice. And then Yeah, that's And then I'm throwing up.

That's you. And then you're out. Giving everyone the finger. Yeah. Then jump out of the plane. Um, what would I do for my or

fancy? Oh, apps. Um, well, I I think it's just fresh in my mind. Um, Finn is very into is it called like popcorn cauliflower where it's like

deep fried cauliflower? Buffalo cauliflower. I like that. Yummy. Um, I'd maybe have that for an app. I also like um All right. Wasn't it you two that were both so confused and grossed out when I said you combined two soups?

Oh, yeah. I thought it was interesting. I've not heard of it before. Not not grossed out, but just um

Okay. Maybe Stephanie got I right about that. This is like mixing tomato soup with carrot soup or something.

Tomato soup. Half tomato soup, half like lentil or something. Yeah. Um I'm on board. And then I would go um I love those kind of like Buddha bowls that have like sweet potatoes and like purple rice and arugula.

So is any part of you? It's your last meal. Like you want to have a cheese or a or a or a meat thing. No, you're done. Your body doesn't like it.

That is so revealing. They're going out with meat. A big old steak and cheese. that people think that I am withholding. That's like when

are you going to finally treat yourself? Yes. That was like during the pandemic, people would always ask, they're like, "So during the pandemic, did you start eating meat and cheese?" And I was like, "No,

why?" Um, no, no, it doesn't appeal to me. What I love is like lion's mane steak.

Oo, like cauliflower steak. Yes. Oh, I see. Cauliflower steak. Lion's mane steak. I would like that, too. I'm going to throw up on my way out, too. Um,

I think we should do like a a mass like a like a group death. Okay. We all go out, we just gorge ourselves, and then projectile vomit.

This is so dystopian. So, the three of us are in one room in three electric chairs. electric chairs

and we're People are People are watching. Do we have like the metal cup hat? So, we're like our brains are fried.

You've got your sleep apnnea. You got your sleep apnnea machine. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I would eat all that and then

cheesecake all over my face. And um and then I would have king cake for dessert, which is the that's the Marty GR uh dessert celebratory cake.

It's like a it's in a ring and they put like little things in it. Oh, baby doll or something.

I've My family sometimes would, this is pretty gross, too, but cook a penny in there. So like if you cut the piece that has the penny or the baby, it's good luck. And then you also host the party next year. But anyway, so I'd have that

not swallow it. Yeah. How many king cake related deaths are there per year, do you think?

I think people 74 people dig through them. Every year 74 cinjun die, you know, 20 24 people a year die from champagne corks.

Wow. Dang. Don't know how. Rest in peace, Quid Auto. Yeah, maybe it it hits a chandelier.

And are you doing a And are you doing a drink? The drink. And this is also vegan. Uh I'd probably want like a a milkshake that has like um espresso beans in there and chocolate.

Oh yeah, I'd do an avocado. I do an avocado. I want to add to mine an avocado. You're going to be like reaching over. We're in our adjacent chairs.

I bet. Hey. Hey, I forgot an avocado. Can you go get me one of those? Yeah. Well, there you go. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for the support there.

Should we hear Sarah's answer? I think we should. Okay. My answer for my death row meal would be um I'm lactose intolerant. So, in death, I would take advantage of finally just getting to like totally evacuate my bowels in the electric chair. I would have a

bacon double cheeseburger, a giant Dr. Pepper not diet cuz again, who cares? and um a canoli

and I just my ass would just let it rip one time. Um and then the grossest thing I've ever experienced was for a video that wasn't funny. I got a bunch of goat brains and raw and I cooked them up and ate them. wasn't funny, but maybe it was interesting. So, my excuse for that was that I was 23.

Well, it sounds like her last meal is also the grossest thing. Goat goat brains.

Oh, you're right. Yeah, any of it. Sarah, it did indeed make us squirm. Yes. Yes, indeed. What a treat. That was fun.

It's always a pleasure. It is always a pleasure. Yeah. I can't wait to get back in the studio with you,

both of you, all three of you, and another live show hopefully sooner than later.

Yes, please. Well, in the meantime, uh I'm on the road. If anybody wants to come see a show, uh I'll be in Cincinnati and Indianapolis, uh Milwaukee, January 18th, De Moine, Philadelphia, New York City at the Beacon on Valentine's Day. Uh that would be a fun one for people to come. San Diego. I have a lot. It's on my website, fortunefamester.com.

I am about to go on tour. Please come and see me. Go to maym martin.net. I'm going to I'm doing 47 shows all across North America. It's going to be so dumb and fun and I really want to see people and meet people. Uh, bring me your weird facts. And then also tonight I'm at Largo with the Lisa Gilroy doing a surprise party where we are going to surprise each other and I have some good stuff planned.

Love it. Also love the thought of everyone coming out to see my tour. January 14th, Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Orlando, Florida, January 15th. Tampa, Florida, January 16th. And uh what else? Oklahoma City, February 20th. Midland, Texas, February 21st. The list goes on and on and on. And there will be dates and cities added. Go to tignotaro.com for all show information. And I will also be doing my shows with the incredible speed painter Amy Burkeman. And we will be raising money for different charities at each show. It's going to be a grand old time. Go to technotara.com. Yes. Oh my gosh. Check out Amy Burkeman, man. Also share your favorite episodes of Handsome with uh your friends and loved ones and let's continue to build the community and subscribe to our podcast and our YouTube pages. And how about the merch? Oh yeah, we've got uh some new merch. That's really cool.

Handsomepod.com. Represent it out in the world and see who you attract. Like you might bump into another handsome fan.

Yeah, I bet you will. We got some really good stuff that just came out, so check it out.

Yeah. Don't forget to rate and review this show. It really, really helps us. Okay.

And are you listening? And until next time, keep checking All State first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking if the water's heated up before getting in the shower. Oh boy, that icy water. That can be a bit of a shock. On the plus side, I'm now wide awake.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So, check All State first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with All State. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All State North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. That was a Headgum Podcast.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Sarah Sherman and Handsome share delightfully gross stories"?

May Martin (Host), Fortune Feimster (Host), Tig Notaro (Guest), Sarah Sherman (Guest).

What is "Sarah Sherman and Handsome share delightfully gross stories" about?

In a lively conversation, Sarah Sherman and Handsome share amusingly grotesque stories, blending humor with personal anecdotes that reflect on unexpected and comical experiences. The discussion includes playful banter and insights into navigating life’s quirks, showcasing their unique comedic styles and camaraderie.

What is mentioned in this Handsome Podcast episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including All State North American Insurance Company, In-N-Out, Sarah Sherman, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Midland, Texas, Amy Burkeman. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Sarah Sherman and Handsome share delightfully gross stories"?

The episode runs 1 h 5 min; the transcript is about 11,417 words in 328 timestamped sections.

More from Handsome Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.