Transcript

How To Earn Trust and Influence According to Renowned Psychologist Robert Cialdini

From Home Service Expert · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 58 min · 9,092 words · 136 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "How To Earn Trust and Influence According to Renowned Psychologist Robert Cialdini", an episode of Home Service Expert published December 1, 2025 (58 min, about 9,092 words). It mentions 75 people, works and ideas, including Unity, Commitment and consistency, Mint candy, A1, To Sell Is Human.

What this episode is about

Renowned psychologist Dr. Robert Cialdini emphasizes the ethical application of influence and persuasion strategies, drawing from his extensive research in the field. He advocates for making these insights accessible to a broader audience, focusing on helping individuals ethically encourage compliance and positive responses in both personal and professional settings.

Key takeaways

  • Influence as dynamite: build bridges ethically or blow them up unethically - choose your blast wisely.
  • Unity, the unexpected seventh principle, turns 'I' into 'we' and conflict into collaboration.
  • Saying 'we' works wonders: shifting stalemates to allies, celebrate psychological togetherness.
  • Empathy trumps logic: 'We' blends persuasion into harmony, 'I' turns rationality into hilarity.
  • Persuasion's art: sell without coercion, influence with partnership - transform persuasion into unity.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Persuasion, Daniel Pink, Ethical influence, Home Service Expert
  2. – 10:00: Gordon's restaurant, Gordon Sinclair
  3. – 15:00: McFlurry, Stephen J. Marston, Three Joe
  4. – 20:00: Liking, Dale Carnegie, Landing page, Property Brothers
  5. – 25:00: Co-creation, Principles of influence
  6. – 30:00: Charlie Mer, Berkshire, Filing cabinet, Law of reciprocation
  7. – 35:00: Garage door, Dentists, Magnetic deco hardware kit, Search protector
  8. – 40:00: "Because you're worth it", Shareholder, Garage door, Getting to Yes
  9. – 45:00: Clock emoji, Extra strut, Extra trim, Garage door
  10. – 50:00: Driven, Jordans, Nike t-shirt, Persuasion
  11. – 55:00: Charlie Mer, Driven
  12. – 58:10: Anatomy of a Fall, Babette, Bobette, Principles of influence

Notable quotes from "How To Earn Trust and Influence According to Renowned Psychologist Robert Cialdini"

  • Psychologists of our time, Dr. Robert Chadini, the bestselling author of Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion, a book that sold over 5 million copies, been translated into…
    about Persuasion · at
  • Go into it right now, but you talk about reciprocity commitment consistency social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity.
    about Liking · at
  • Right. So, there's this guy in Chicago, Gordon Sinclair, Gordon's restaurant, and he read my book, and he made one change to what his receptionist says when she takes a…
    about Gordon's restaurant · at
  • Now. We're looking for the smallest things you can change that produce these effects for each of the principles of influence, right? Like two words or a welcoming state. the smallest things that don't cost you anything, right?
    about Principles of influence · at
  • And it's worth $75,000 and there's a note attached from Charlie Mer who is you know was renowned as the brains of Berkshire Hathway and that's a high bar because [gasps] Warren Buffett is the other guy at the top he's the.
    about Charlie Mer · at
  • Those kinds of gifts available, give them a list of tips they can use, not for their garage door, for their house. So you're not This isn't something that you're selling them to as a a sales device. It's just because you want them to be.
    about Garage door · at
  • Their team members and shareholders, right?
    about Shareholder · at
  • Be all that great that you're you're not the least expensive but here's here's what wipes out that because you're worth it. Oh, and I should tell you that the first version of…
    about "Because you're worth it" · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Miss Pat — Person · 5 mentions
  • Charlie Mer — Person · 3 mentions · first at
  • Douglas Bman — Person · 2 mentions
  • Mike Rowe — Person · 2 mentions
  • Daniel Pink — Person · 1 mention · first at
    More attracted to it. It's so much fun because there's a great book by Daniel Pink called The Cell as Human. And selling is just normal. Like when you meet your fiance for the first time or your your wife or your husband or you're getting.
  • Gordon Sinclair — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Table and then they don't appear. All right. So, there's this guy in Chicago, Gordon Sinclair, Gordon's restaurant, and he read my book, and he made one change to what his…
  • Stephen J. Marston — Person · 1 mention · first at
    They're not getting a lot of people buying dessert, right? So, my colleague, Stephen J. Marston in the UK does this study where he has the receptionist say, Would you like a dessert? All right. for half of them, for the other half, he.
  • Dale Carnegie — Person · 1 mention · first at
    When they ask a question, you don't respond right away. You internalize it. it's like Dale Carnegie probably said the same thing is like let them talk, take a minute, tell them…
  • Babette — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Not like got you to go to a different restaurant. no, it was Babette and I saw a movie together and then we talked and I didn't like it and then we talked about it and she…
  • Bobette — Person · 1 mention · first at
    You're a believer for life. So, thanks again for being here and thank you, Bobette.
  • Colin — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

  • To Sell Is Human — Book · 6 mentions
  • Robert Cialdini's books — Book · 3 mentions
  • Driven — Book · 2 mentions · first at
    What you know what why so there's a book called driven by Bman is the guy's name and 5% of the world is hunters I guess 95% or more of farmers and there's a lot more monkeys going on in here and we're.
  • Bible — Book · 2 mentions
  • Getting to Yes — Book · 1 mention · first at
    So you've worked with I mean literally influence the workings of it getting to Yes. all the books have been used by everyone from the Fortune 500 companies to political campaigns.

Companies & orgs

  • A1 — Company · 7 mentions
  • Chaldini Institute — Company · 2 mentions
  • Norwegian Cruise Line — Company · 2 mentions
  • Home Service Expert — Company · 1 mention · first at
    You go by Bob sometimes. I don't know what to call you, but Bob, we've had you on Home Service Expert.
  • Three Joe — Company · 1 mention · first at
    I was with him last week and I know him [clears throat] really well. We actually met on Three Joe.
  • Property Brothers — Company · 1 mention · first at
    You might put like the Property Brothers or Mike Row or somebody like somebody that's kind of like Blue Collar Savant.
  • Berkshire — Company · 1 mention · first at
    There's a note attached from Charlie Mer who is you know was renowned as the brains of Berkshire Hathway and that's a high bar because [gasps] Warren Buffett is the other guy at the top he's the okay It's and the note from Charlie says.
  • Arizona State University — Company · 1 mention
  • ASU (Arizona State University) — Company · 1 mention

Products & tech

  • Mint candy — Product · 10 mentions
  • Garage door — Product · 4 mentions · first at
  • Stock certificate (paper share) — Product · 3 mentions
  • Starbucks gift card — Product · 2 mentions
  • McFlurry — Product · 1 mention · first at
    And then he tells them that the McFlurry is our most popular dessert here among the people who come here.
  • Mailbox — Product · 1 mention · first at
    A little bit of Birkshshire Hathaway. Can you tell that story? 25 years ago, I went to my mailbox and there's an envelope, legal size envelope, and I opened it up and it's a single share. It's on paper back in two 25 years ago. That's they.
  • Filing cabinet — Product · 1 mention · first at
    I still have it in my filing cabinet.
  • Search protector — Product · 1 mention · first at
    So, we've got some things that are high value, low cost, like a search protector and a magnetic deco hardware kit. And so, me and Luke have been talking about this and saying, Look, Bob, you've been a great client of ours. Second time.
  • Magnetic deco hardware kit — Product · 1 mention · first at
    So, we've got some things that are high value, low cost, like a search protector and a magnetic deco hardware kit. And so, me and Luke have been talking about this and saying…
  • Starbucks card — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Yeah. You know what has worked for us? A $25 Starbucks card or a $15 scar Starbucks card.
  • Extra trim — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Getting the CEO of the garage door manufacturers to literally give us on a package like really include extra trim and do the extra strut in the OP bracket. Like they'll do that…
  • Extra strut — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Manufacturers to literally give us on a package like really include extra trim and do the extra strut in the OP bracket. Like they'll do that cuz we're a big client and I want…
  • OP bracket — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Manufacturers to literally give us on a package like really include extra trim and do the extra strut in the OP bracket. Like they'll do that cuz we're a big client and I want…
  • Jordans — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Them think that's a lot of money. yet they live in an apartment own a pair of Jordans and a Nike t-shirt that cost $300. But if you really feel like you're doing the ethical…
  • Nike t-shirt — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Them think that's a lot of money. yet they live in an apartment own a pair of Jordans and a Nike t-shirt that cost $300. But if you really feel like you're doing the ethical…
  • Anatomy of a Fall — Product · 1 mention · first at
    What movie? It was called Anatomy of a Fall.
  • Surge protector — Product · 1 mention

Concepts & topics

Places & events

Full transcript with timestamps

All right, guys. Welcome back. Our guest today is one of the most influential psychologists of our time, Dr. Robert Chadini, the bestselling author of Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion, a book that sold over 5 million copies, been translated into 40 languages, and remains one of the most cited works in psychology and marketing. Today, research continues to shape how leaders, marketers, and everyday people understand the science and the ethics of influence. Robert, we had you on the uh you go by Bob sometimes. I don't know what to call you, but Bob,

we've had you on Home Service Expert. I've read your books. I've gone to your seminars and I just every time I get pages of notes, but you're right. You know, it's hard to implement everything. It's hard to kind of ruthlessly prioritize what's the best lowest hanging fruit to implement and they got all kinds of strategies, but um why don't we just talk a little bit about where you're at today? You know, I know you taught at ASU. what got you so obsessed in the influence game and uh what are you excited about?

I think that I'm excited about um taking this uh to a broader audience than we have done before. Uh making sure that the people who have paid for my research, after all with your taxes, with your donations to my universities and so you've paid for that research. You're entitled to know what I found out about persuasion with your money. Right? So, I want to get programs uh available to people to understand the practices and procedures that make people most likely to say yes to us and that you can how you can do it in an efficient and ethical way.

Yeah. the the beginning of the book is just don't use these practices for unethicals because it could easily go the opposite way and we've seen that.

Yeah, you've got we've got dynamite and you can you can use dynamite to blow up a bridge. You can do use dynamite to help build a bridge. We're going to be on the building side.

I love it. Um let's go through I mean listen there's there's several core principles. [snorts] Let's just start out with what is ethical influence. Let's start there.

Ethical influence is the ability to move people in your direction by informing them into yes by educating them into a scent so that they know the value proposition that you offer them that is worthwhile to them, but you just haven't know known how to properly phrase it or deliver it. It's about the presentation of your case, not the core merits of your case. I can't change that. I can change the way you deliver the merits of your case that makes people psychologically more attracted to it. It's so much fun because there's a great book by Daniel Pink called The Cell as Human. And selling is just normal. Like when you meet your your your fiance for the first time or your your your your wife or your husband or you're getting your kids to make their bed, it's like we've got to have persuasion. And it's not a bad thing. It's like to getting your kids to do chores is not a bad thing, but if we [clears throat] phrase

it in the right way, and I've learned so much from you, these these little things like uh I don't even want to go into it right now, but you talk about reciprocity commitment consistency social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity. Um let's just talk a little bit like like a rough overview of each of those.

Yeah, let's talk. It turns out that we've added one. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. Called unity.

Yeah. Unity right here. The seventh principle. Yeah. And it's about saying yes to people because you feel a sense of togetherness or partnership with them. Not that you necessarily feel similar to them. You feel that you belong together. Let me give you an example from a study that was done because you were just talking about what do you say to somebody you you meet for the first time who is a a a potential uh date or relationship partner or even an existing relationship partner. What do you say when the two of you have a difference of opinion and you just can't get past that issue? It turns out there's this study that was done in Texas where they take people who were together in a relationship for more than uh 2 and 1/2 years.

Okay? And they give them each um they they say, "We're going to flip a coin. one of you were going to ask you to persuade the other to come into line with you with um you know with on a topic that you haven't been able to get resolution on together religion politics it could be anything

all right and then the researchers leave the room and they are listening in and they're watching with through oneway mirrors and they look at what people say to get their partner to say yes to them. And [snorts and clears throat] they found three kinds of people. One used coercion and said, "If you don't do this for me, you'll be sorry." Not only didn't that work, it moved people in the opposite direction. You can you can you can relate to that, right? Any boss who does that to you

because I said so. Yeah. Right. The others were called the rational logical group. they said to their partner, "If you'll just look at this situation, you'll see that um it I have the I have the most rational logical position on this." That didn't produce polarization. It just produced laughter.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sure. No change at all. And then there was a small group of people, only 15%, the only ones who got change. empathy. It was it was to say to use the term we and say, you know, we've been together for two years. I really appre I'd really appreciate if you do this for us. You see what it's not me versus you. It's us. It's weeness. And it's the only ones who changed. Simply using the term we you change the mindset from uh con conflict to collaboration. The only ones who got significant change just use the word we.

I'm just trying to think about Bri and when I want to take her out to eat and she doesn't agree is we both like chicken. I'm going to learn this. There's probably a lot of techniques I could learn and I'm not trying to manipulate. I'm just trying to like figure the problem is now I'm just like pick three and I'll choose one.

Well, but see here's the brilliance of it. Isn't it true that you you and Bri are a we?

Oh, absolutely. We're a unit. And and what the researchers in this study did was take people away from that. They said focus on this difference between you and the 15% wouldn't have it. They said, "Nope. What we really are is a unit. I'm going to use the word we. I'm going to focus on the connection, on the togetherness of us. I'm going to bring that to top of consciousness, not the difference on this one topic. I'm going to say we that's all you just bring to top of consciousness. Weeness instead of difference."

I love it. Made the difference. I I need to learn how to really implement these. I I understand. So reciprocity we do very good job. Um reciprocity is pretty simple. Uh you know do unto your you know you give somebody you you treat them with respect and like you come in to offer something if you want something in response. Commitment. Let's go over like an example of commitment. is people say yes to those pe to those requests that are consistent with what they have already said or done or valued.

Yes. So here's a here's an example from a restaurant, right? Um restaurants have a problem with no shows. People who book a table and then they don't appear. All right. So, there's this guy in Chicago, Gordon Sinclair, um Gordon's restaurant, and he read my book, and he made one change to what his receptionist says when she takes a a booking. Right? She used to say, "Please call if you have to change or cancel your reservation." Right? He asked her to add two words and to say, "Will you please call if you have to change or cancel your reservation?"

And then pause. Let them fill it with a commitment to do it. And no shows, unannounced no-shows dropped at Gordon's restaurant by 62% that day. Jeez. And never went back up for two words. because they engage the power, the psychological power of wanting to be consistent with a public commitment that you have made.

I love that. You know, you you familiar with the guy Chris Voss? Oh, yeah. Yes.

I think he's great. I was with him last week and um I know him [clears throat] really well. We actually met on Three Joe.

Yeah. And uh one of the things he said is instead of asking people, "Hey, do you got a minute to chat or Bob?"

Yeah. He says, "Have you given up? Have you g Have you given up on uh looking for a garage? Have you given up on

Yeah. I just He always wants to get no out of people." Yeah. To get rid of the no.

Get rid of the no. Because not people are really excited to say no. Then they're committed to saying I haven't given up. So what's the next step? What's what's logically congruent with I haven't given up? Well, brilliant. I I've got a friend who's a a a boy scout leader.

Yeah. He's got two kids in the Boy Scout and he sells popcorn outside of uh supermarkets and he sets up a desk and people come out and they u they sell them popcorn right as they leave. And he said to me, "We're having a terrible time. We're only getting about 15% of the people who come out who want to buy our popcorn." Well, I I can understand why. if you wanted popcorn, you would have bought it in the shop and you already spent your your budget. You're not So I said, "Well, what do what do you say to them when they approach?" We say, "Excuse me, would you like to buy some popcorn?"

Uh, it would help the Boy Scouts, right? Yeah. We only get 15%. So, try this. Excuse me, do you support the Boy Scouts? Everybody says yes. And then you say, "Would you like to buy some popcorn to cook?"

Order of operations. And it goes from 15% to 52%. Oh my gosh. And here's the best part of it. People, some people say, "I, you know, I don't really want your popcorn, but I support the Boy Scouts, so here's five bucks."

So, I've done that. I've done that all the time where I'm like, I don't really I don't want popcorn, but here's something

because you committed yourself in these case of these people, they committed themselves to favoring and being supporting the Boy Scouts. Now, what's consistent with that?

I love that. [snorts] All right. Social proof. Let's run over that one. That's the one that says people say yes to you if you can show them that a lot of other people like them have been doing what you're recommending them to do.

So like right now I could pull up a map on my iPad and show you everybody in your neighborhood that's bought a new garage.

That's right. That's a good example. That's exactly right. Yeah. Or just to say, look, a lot of your neighbors that we have good things to say about us. Uh, you know, because we've been able to, oh, okay. Now, I know that people like me who are comparable to me are having a good experience with you, right? So, McDonald's does this study. You know, McDonald's sells hamburgers, um, drinks, and fries.

Yep. But they also offer, um, dessert. So, we all have upscale. We all have upsells that we would like people to add on. So, they're not getting a lot of people buying dessert, right? So, my colleague, uh, Stephen J. Marston uh in in the UK does this study where he has the receptionist say, "Would you like a dessert?" All right. Uh for half of them, for the other half, he says, "Would you like a dessert?" Um, and then he he tells them that the McFlurry is our is our most popular dessert here among the people who come here.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he gets and they get 55% more people buying dessert. I think everybody I know there's this new product we're getting ready to work with and it says so you got the options and it's most popular top choice. Top choice. And even if you could go further and put 977 customers have bought this choice versus that's a simple thing of consistent or is that

that that's social proof social proof social proof social proof I mean 9 and by the way you know how on your website you can have uh 96 we have 967 uh uh fourstar and fivestar reviews.

Yep. Here's what you should say. We have 967 four and five store reviewers not reviews. What are you what's in your mind when you say those are check marks on a reviewers? Those are people.

Yeah. Just like me who have said this. That's what you want at the top of consciousness. That image.

I love that. Now authority is pretty simple, but let's just talk about authority. When people are uncertain, they don't look inside of themselves to decide what to do. And a lot of times, people aren't sure they want to move in your direction, right? But if you give them evidence that uh people who are legitimate authorities have praised your product or your approach, uh your your business, whatever it is, right? like Chris Vasser,

Joe Polish, right? If you put that at the top of your presentation before they have seen one word of it, they're more likely to say yes because everything they see now is infused with the credibility of the experts who reduce their uncertainty. Oh yeah. If the experts say this is the way to go, then I believe it. Then I'm likely to go in that direction.

So selfishly, I'll ask you for gargers. You might put like the Property Brothers or Mike Row or somebody like somebody that's kind of like Blue Collar Savant.

That's I would say exactly right. Okay. The the experts in that field, in that domain.

Okay. This is all I just I can't I I could do this all day. Uh liking is just let's cover that.

Okay. So, and I know I know this. I just you're better. You've made this up. So, people say yes to no to those they like. And here's the key to those who like them. That's what gets I've been in a lot of sales training programs and they say the number one rule of sales is get your customer to like you. That works, but it's not the number one rule. Here's the number one rule. Show your customer that you like them.

Yeah. And now I learned that from you. The defense has come down. So what I say is there are three things that need to happen. And I coached three hours today on this during orientation. I said number one customer needs to like and trust you, right? I mean they need to know that you're the expert. Number two, they got to love the company and believe that we're going to back up everything. And number three, they got to feel loved.

They got to feel approved. And the way that we do that is we laugh at their jokes. We take notes when they talk. Simple little things like smiling. When they when they ask a question, you don't respond right away. You internalize it. You know, it's like Dale Carnegie probably said the same thing is like let them talk, take a minute, tell them that was a really great question and actually maybe even ask them another question on a question to like dig in deeper. That's exactly right. And now there's some new research to show how do you get liking online?

Those people don't know you. They don't you can't they're they're not familiar with you. They're

they same thing with TV or radio. Yeah. Yeah. So, it turns out there's a study that was done that shows that if you have a welcoming statement on your la the landing page of your website, you get significantly more conversions before again before they've ever read a word of your offer or business. You've put them in a state of approv you approve of them. you've welcomed them and you get significantly more conversion. Isn't it true? Again, it's ethical. Don't you welcome the people who come to your site? Don't you want to w you welcome them? Of course. You just didn't say it. It didn't it didn't go to top of consciousness.

And so, give me the exact because you've done the research. I do it on my website.

Yeah, I've looked at Hello. I'm so glad. Welcome. I'm so glad you decided to join us. I look forward to working with you. That's all. Welcome. The first thing you say

and um scarcity. People want more of those things they can have less of. Right. Okay. So if you can show people how what you have is unique or uncommon or rare that they can't get it from your rivals. They want it more from you. And sometimes it's not any one thing. And here's what A1 does. You have a combination of strengths that nobody can match. And what you can do is put together that suite of strengths that nobody else can provide.

Yeah. That and it's again it's ethical because it's true. Yeah. You haven't exaggerated. You haven't manufactured. You haven't counterfeited anything. [snorts] But you've you've pressed a lever that is psychologically meaningful for people. Yeah. I love this stuff, man. I can't tell you. Um, okay. So, let's jump into two questions. We're just, you know, you you Colin, tell me when we're running low because I got I'm I'm right here on two page. Um, so let's go back in time. You're in your 20s. You get to go back and talk to yourself. What's a few pieces of game-changing advice you would give long young Robert Chadini?

Okay. Uh, one is a quote from uh Benjamin Franklin who said, "If you wish to persuade, speak not to argument, speak to self-interest of the recipient. You have to think. You have to. Now, here's where empathy comes in. You have to put yourself in that person's situation, the challenges that person is in at the moment, the circumstances surrounding this thing, [snorts] and you tell them what they will benefit from the exchange with you, from being not what why it's good for you, but why it exactly will benefit them. And the things like scarcity, you know, uniqueness that you can only provide and and so on and dealing with somebody they like and who likes them. Those are exactly the kinds of things you can say that aren't just, oh, you're going to save money here. No, you're going to get a partner who like who likes you. You're going to get a a set of strengths that you can't get any. Those are the kinds

of So that's one thing I would I would say to myself from 20. And here's the other one. People don't sink the boats they're riding in. And your job as a communicator is to put the recipient of your communication in your boat with you.

Weesseness. All right. I mean, togetherness. All right. So, anything you can do. All right. So, for example, the the um marketing practice that has been most successful over the last couple of decades is co-creation. where you ask your customers to help you create the next iteration, the next generation of your products or service or to tell you the things that they would like you to uh most enhance and those things that they might like you to to drop. whatever you get them to advise you

and then they're in the [clears throat] boat with you and they're in the boat with you.

Yeah. I love that. And they don't Now when you ask them, here's the the thing that our the Chelini Institute is doing now. We're looking for the smallest things you can change that produce these effects for each of the principles of influence, right? Like two words or a welcoming state. the smallest things that don't cost you anything, right? When you ask them to help you uh and get provide their input into the next generation, right? So to get them in the boat with you, don't ask for their opinion. When you ask for their opinion, you get a critic.

You get somebody who steps away from you, who backs [clears throat] away, and literally they're not in the boat. They're looking at you, right? If you change one word and you ask for their advice there, you get a partner, you get a collaborator.

Yeah. Collaboration. And re the research, it's pretty clear. It shows not only do they have more positive attitudes towards your brand if you've asked for their advice, [snorts] they give you better input and recommendations on what you should say because they're in the boat with you.

Yeah. I need to change what I phrase because a lot of times I'm like, don't give me the good, just give me the bad and ugly cuz I don't need to be told everything we do well. I just want to go right to I I don't like meetings that I'm like the first four 25 minutes are what went well. Let's just Hey guys, great job. Records, awesome. We did well. Let's talk about the things we need to cuz I think there's a lot of meetings that just go to waste. There's not nobody taking minutes. There's no agenda. It's more of a brainstorming session.

But yeah, getting the advice and collaboration. Uh, I got a question about um, you know, it's a money question, but I want to divert this question because I already know you'd done something with Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett, and Burkshshire, and I love that story. And I think you own a little bit of Birkshshire Hathaway. Can you tell that story? 25 years ago, I went to my mailbox and there's an envelope, legal size envelope, and I opened it up and it's a single share. It's on paper back in two 25 years ago. That's they [clears throat] were, you know, they weren't just digitally sent to you.

There's a single share of Birkshire Hathaway a stock and it's worth $75,000 and there's a note attached from Charlie Mer who is you know was renowned as the brains of Berkshire Hathway and that's a high bar because [gasps] Warren Buffett is the other guy at the top he's the okay It's and and the note from Charlie says the first chapter in your book influence is about the rule for reciprocation that we are obligated to give back to others who have given value to us. We have made so much money from your book that you're entitled to this $75,000.

Okay. And I was in a I was in a a a chair with with wheels on it. I read that and I I shock I it knocked me back in my chair and I rolled into the wall behind me, but I kept that share. This the paper share.

I still have it in my filing cabinet. It's now worth $735,000 for one share because

Buffett and Munger are such amazing um influence. They're amazing influencers, but they're amazing financial investors.

Yeah. And I just held it because hey, that's from Charlie Mer. That is so cool. The late Charlie Mer.

The late Charlie, he died one month before his 100th birthday. Bob Ed and I were were planning to go to his birthday party um and we had our tickets and we had our hotel recommend and then he he passed and so um it was a it was a tragedy.

I love reading their books. I mean they're like invest in things you understand and you don't need to buy a lot of things. You get behind it. You think about Coca-Cola and some of the things they got behind early. You know Geico is is their first um I just think this is a cool story about the how weight waiters and waitresses can earn 23% by using the law of reciprocation. Y

it's a cool story. Yeah. Uh again research is not just my hunch or speculation. If if a waiter comes to the table with a you know the bill on a tray that's the control group. All right. How much do they tip? If the waiter puts a single um candy a mint on the tips go up 13%. If the waiter puts two mints on the table on the tray for each diner and they say two really two for us two they go up 17%. I love this. Walk away.

Here's the Yes, you remember this. If the waiter puts one on the tray and walks away and then turns around and comes back and uses approval and says, "You know what? For you nice people, because you've been such good guests," gives them liking, right? And puts the second mint down in front of them, the tip goes up 23%. Right. So, he's got reciprocity and liking in that combined and you get these gangbuster results.

Let me You might I I actually want to ask you this to poke some holes in it. So, we've got some things that are high value, low cost, like a search protector and a magnetic deco hardware kit. And so, me and Luke have been talking about this and saying, "Look, Bob, you've been a great client of ours. Second time we've come out here. want you to pick whichever one you think would be the highest value because you've been such a great client and then um walk out to the truck and grab it and you know we've been thinking about this but we'd like to give you both. I want with that that would I just I want to make sure I do this right.

That's great. But I'm going to say if you don't have the resources to have those kinds of gifts available, give them a list of tips they can use, not for their garage door, for their house. So you're not This isn't something that you're selling them to as a as a a sales device. It's just because you want them to be to have better outcomes in their home, right? Or a card that you can put on they can put on their door. Little tips for saving energy, little tips for fire safety, little tips, right? Give them that as a starter anyway before they ever decide to go with you. go first. Give them something first.

That's the whole idea of why we offer. So, one of the things I really worked on is, "Hey, Bob, and this isn't perfected yet, but we're stopping off. I'm stopping off at 7-Eleven. Can I grab you cup of coffee, soda, anything you'd like?" Most people say, "Hey, I really appreciate it, but no." And then I'm like, "Listen, you come to my house. Bree's going to feed you. Uh, let me get you something. I really want to buy you something." And it's nothing crazy. I mean, we brought apple cider and donuts to a client in Michigan.

Yeah. But just I don't want to show up with something like a Red Bull and you hate Red Bull. So, it's like I want to call you to see.

Yeah. You know what has worked for us? A $25 Starbucks card or a $15 scar Starbucks card.

I love it. Everybody uses that. Um, so let's talk about the power of being liked by you. You cited a study where only 55% of negotiators reached an agreement without any rapport, but 90% when they connected over shared interest beforehand. So, how does that work? So, like that would be me walking into a garage and there's a fishing pole or a or a set of golfing pole or a set of golf clubs or a football whatever. But now we have an ally in the uh internet and people tell us about them and their interests and their hobbies, their backgrounds of Facebook and so they want us to know it's not like and where and again you don't invent any of it where you hit the commonality.

You like to fish too. Yeah, that's that's essential. Yeah. Then you've got honest connection that you can en enjoy an exchange at and those people love you for it. Uh social proof is everywhere. Reviews, likes, followers, you know, it's everywhere now. Do you think the modern obsession with metrics strengthens or distorts the original psychology behind customer decisions? It

provided it's ethical, provided it's honest, it strengthens them. But here's the study again talking about a study. So if you wrote if you have uh let's say 90% of um of dentists uh approve of our toothpaste, right? [clears throat] Okay.

Yeah. If instead you said 89% you get more conversions because you've shown them you're honest and it's up there at 80. It's still up there like this. What you have to be sure of is that you don't because you know the worst was n out of 10. That just sounds like you pulled that off the top of your head

or what would even be better is 89.2%. Exactly. They I mean they know remember in in in school your uh like a math teacher said don't just give me the answer show your work.

Yeah. If you've got 82 89.2 you did your work to find the real statistics. They're going to honest you're going to they're going to see your honesty.

Yeah. No, I love the idea. They just came out with a study that the garage door improves your home's value by 268%. And there was a massive double blind stud. Like they they did it the right way is to share the research and just show them show your work too.

Yeah. Not just almost 290%. No, 268. What was it? 268. Yeah. Yeah. And what we're going to do, check this out. I think this is the coolest thing. Right. At the end, whatever door you go, it's going to show your house on Zillow before and after.

Wow. Which is, I think, a pretty good idea cuz it's an investment into your home. Wall Street Journal just came out and said,

"Before you think about remodeling your bathrooms, it might not be worth it, but your garage door is."

You know what, Tommy? You're interviewing me, but I learn from you in these interviews, too. No, I

Oh, absolutely. Um, so you you've worked with I mean literally influence the workings of it getting to Yes. all the books have been used by everyone from the Fortune 500 companies to political campaigns. What's one example where you've seen the principles brilliantly used and one where they were not being used the right way?

Okay. So, I'll give you an example of of the right way to do it and in the same situation not the wrong way to do it.

Okay. Okay. in um CEO reports to their customers to to their um team members team members and and and shareholders,

right? They tell you all the things that went right, right, that year. They get they build themselves up. They tell you all the things and then at the end, if at all they tell you what went wrong, right? Why should you believe them? What what what's their credibility? How have they established their credibility if they just like everybody else are pulling the positivity blanket over you your face? Right. Here's what Warren Buffett does on every letter to his shareholders. He first mentions something that went wrong that year and he establishes his credibility as being an honest broker of information to them and then he says but or however or nonetheless. And then he goes into the strengths.

I've been getting these not and I'm telling you it works on me every time because now I'm I'm I'm processing the strengths differently than before because I know they're coming from an honest person who's willing to talk not just about the strengths but the weaknesses and then give me evidence that wipes out the weaknesses. Here are the strengths, right? [snorts] that just

Well, plus there's the idea that your $75,000 share is now in almost $800,000 over at 10x.

That's right. But I'm telling you that that man is brilliant. He is brilliant. Um,

so I wouldn't I wouldn't mind uh having people say, you know, um we're not we're not the least expensive in the FE in here in town or in in our industry. But Right. Do

you know what? Um L'Oreal uh cosmetics had a marketing campaign that said, "We're expensive, but you're worth it."

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Increased market share by 300%. Oh wow. Bring down the barrier of um doubt. Am I should I believe this person? You tell them something that is true but may not be all that great that you're you're not the least expensive but but here's here's what wipes out that because you're worth it. Oh, and I should tell you that uh the first uh version of that that ad uh was we're expensive but we're worth it and it didn't work. your make it possess them.

Make it about them. Make it about self-interest. Just thinking through that, you know, a lot of times people will say, "Wow, that's more than I thought it was going to be." And a lot of times I tell the guys say, "Yeah, it's an investment

because Yeah, because you're worth it." Because you're worth it. Because you look, you know, I never really bought anything that I like. I like nice things. Do you like nice things?

I do. Yeah. So, I've never really gotten a deal on anything that I really appreciate it. But no, the the right words matter and then the way in which we deliver the message matters. And I think there's a a lot of misconception and you could follow the script, but unless you could actually internalize it. It's kind of like a mechanic that knows how to fix things because he sees it's broken, but the guy that knows how it all works is so much more advanced. Boy, I love that because it's the difference between being a short order cook and a chef.

Yeah. A short order cook just follows the recipe over and over and over and the chef thinks about the combination and the what's the freshest and what's the season and so on and puts together something based on the the the flavors and the circumstances. That's the person who wins the day. So you argue that what happens before the a message is delivered often times deter determines the success. Can you explain what that means? It has to do with another book I've written called persuasion.

Yeah. Right. Which says that uh it's not only what you put in your message and that's what the in the book influence is all about. What are the psychological principles that you embed in the message to cause people to want to move in your direction? Precession says, "What do you put in the moment before you you send your message to make it more likely that people will resonate to that message?" Right? And the answer is you have to put something in their minds that is aligned with the strength of the message that they have yet to receive.

I'll give you an example from uh uh Norwegian Cruise Lines, right? One holiday season, they sent out a message to all of their previous uh customers that they if you book a a cruise during this holiday season, you will get a a big uh discount, right? That was in an email, right? And [snorts] when you open the email, you see a clock ticking down uh with with le fewer and fewer moments until the the um the budget the the bargain goes away. So it's a limited time limited time offer. So it's scarcity essentially. It's scarcity. If you don't do this, it you know it'll be lost to you. Okay. Half of the people got the got the um uh the email and in the subject line was uh uh budget limit. No, it was budget uh bargain bargain affairs.

The other half got that same thing with two ticking down clock emojis. Who? So they were primed for the concept of of scarcity of of

Oh yeah. before they got to it and 16% more of them booked the flight. [clears throat] Boo the cruise

because you put in their consciousness a readiness to experience the strength of your message before they even got to it.

I love that idea. You know, it's So, one of the things I'm working on is um getting the CEO of the garage door manufacturers to literally give us on a package like really include extra trim and do the extra strut in the OP bracket. Like they'll do that cuz we're a big client and I want them to make the video and say for this quarter and this quarter only, this is why we did this cuz A1's one of the largest purchase of garage doors in North America delivered from them and just say this is real. And I want to be completely real about it.

Like we're not making this up. This isn't limited. This is just last this quarter.

Yeah. I don't know. I I got to work on these things cuz I don't think they're perfect yet. But these are I I get all these ideas and I just need to craft them perfectly. Uh I want to do a real life demonstration of your methods of influence in real time. And so, and listen, I don't mean to put you on the spot. If this doesn't go well, we we could try something else. Try to convince me not to read your book. Do it in a way that actually makes me want to read it. [snorts] Okay. You know, um that book is um is written for an an audience of intelligent lay people, people who are not trained in psychology, but who are interested in psychology. So, if you're not interested in the psychology, I don't want you reading it. I don't want you wasting your time on uh persuasion if that's not important to you.

Yeah, that's really good. I love it. Okay, this is the last one. Pretend that I don't believe in persuasion techniques that really work. I know it sounds ridiculous and that I think people are too smart for your methods. How would you try to change their mind?

I show them the results. I show them this the data the data the data everything's about the data

everything's about the data about so you say it this way and you get this many people who say yes to you say it this way then you get this many and I show them the the bars I show them the difference you say it this way you say it this other way that's consistent with the principles of man so many opportunities show them the data this is a personal question. So, you know, the first four letters of culture are a cult. And a cults, it's a bad word, I guess, but call it a team. And you're getting people aligned. You could call it a brotherhood or a sisterhood. You know, we have going on 900 people here. And I believe I want the best things. I want to take care of our clients. More importantly, I want to take care of the people. But I need them to believe and I need them to know they're doing the right thing for the client. But some of them think that's a lot of money. yet they live in an apartment own a pair of

Jordans and a Nike t-shirt that cost $300. But if you really feel like you're doing the ethical thing and you're doing the right thing by clients, how would you build more of a following? Especially, I'm the founder and and there's a lot of people that listen that are the founders of their business and they want to have people and I [snorts] know it goes both ways. I mean, listen, that means I'm taking the time to listen to them. I care about them. I care about their future, their dreams. But what would be the best way to create that community?

Put them in the boat with you. Put them in the boat with you and show them the unity, the togetherness, the partnership, the value, and the self-interest of being in that strong, speedy, powerful boat with you. Then you get both Ben Franklin's self. Give them self-interest and you get the quote, "Put them in the boat with you." People don't sink the boats they're riding. I uh Oh, I can't wait. I got a few people that I'm going to give this to. We're just going to go brainstorm in my house for a day. Um I'm just going to go through rapid fire, then we'll close it out. What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about human behavior?

um that it's cognitively based rather than emotional. What's one book other than your own that you'd recommend to every high achiever?

Dan Pink's to sell is is a human. Okay. What's harder, Changing Minds or Changing Habits? Changing habits is harder because again you can change you can get people to agree to do something but that's not the same as getting them to implement that intention or that belief. That's the thing. Get them to engage in a habit that that captures the belief.

And that's what you're focused on is implementation. What are some of the steps people take to really instead of understanding and learning how do they apply apply it? This is what we have learned. Give them small steps because if you give them these big changes that they have to make, it's just sometimes too much. They've busy days, busy schedule, they're not going to change the way that they have been doing things, especially if they've been somewhat successful. But you give them one word or you give them a a welcoming statement to put on then you get the steps.

You get them to take those steps and now that's a commitment in your direction. I love it. What's one thing that never stops surprising you about people from a psychological perspective? um they think that they're that they're less persuadable than they actually are. They think that that this wouldn't work on me. Oh yeah, these principles may work on other people, but they wouldn't work on me. And it's just not true. It works on these principles work. And [snorts] the evidence is they work in a general universal way.

what you know what why so there's a book called driven uh by Bman is uh the guy's name and uh 5% of the world is hunters I guess 95% or more of farmers and there's a lot more monkeys going on in here and we're more subject to be uh but enough is never enough this is a personal question it's like you reach the pinnacle of success could be faith could be family could be could be physical you know could be even financial But the goalpost always moves. And I'm just curious from your point of view, I'm sure you've seen these people. I mean, you might, you know, you still go to ASU, you still do massive research and and you know, I just I I've never felt this feeling like I've arrived. And I think there's a lot of people out there that feel the same way. And we're more prone to be called dyslexic or ADHD and everything else. But yet Einstein was dyslexic and probably considered ADHD. And if you look at Elon Musk and

some of the best brains out there, what do you say to somebody that by the way I need farmers around me? I I I can't get anything done without great people. Uh but what when you you've met these people.

Sure. And so what do you tell them? What what are I value them? Yeah. I value their their uh differentiation from the n other 95%. But I'll tell you something that I think they need to understand that makes it okay to be that driven person. Go. I'm going to go back to Charlie Mer. Um, and he was a capitalist to the bone, right? But he was what I'll call an inclusive capitalist. He said to me once, "The purpose of accumulating wealth is to be in a position [clears throat] to help people who are in peril."

Yeah. Well, that's I think the Bible says that, too. Yeah. And And you So now you've got the resources to do that to help in a broader way. And you don't have to blame yourself for collecting those that that wealth, accumulating that wealth because it's puts you in a position to be a helper.

I love that. You know, one of the things we've always said is you can't take it with you. Right.

Right. U two more questions. Do you have any habits that have changed your life?

Yeah. Research. Here's the one that that has worked for me all the the most. I would say in terms of pushing me ahead and that is when I have uh some task that I'm that is arduous or negative or bother you know it's just not a a a fun thing to do. There's a lot I get rid of it by getting done with it. I don't procrastinate by take diverting myself or displacing myself from that task. I mean I I don't do that. I get through it and that makes it go away rather than putting my mind on something else.

Yeah. Right. I had a client in the first time in years I had a call bad experience. We fixed her door fourth time. She goes, "You should have just offered me a new one." And this was Sunday and she only wanted to talk to me. So I went in a quiet spot and I said, "Hey Pat, how are you? It's Tommy." She goes, "Not doing so good." And I said, "Listen, let me just make sure I understand what went on here. And by the way, I was the guy in the truck for the first 10 years, and this whole situation is embarrassing, and we're better than this, and I'm I'm so sorry we wasted your time." And um so she went on and went on and went on [clears throat] and I said, "Well, first and foremost, the four technicians that were out there are having a one-on-one week, one-on-one with me this week, and I'm going to figure out a way to make this right." So I said, "Pat, what do you think we should do from here? And what's fair

based on the time that you've spent and wasted?" And she's like, "I've already talked to my friends, my neighbors. I'm a retired." uh she goes into her story and I said and I'm here to make it right and she said here's what I think we should do and I said then why don't we just do that then she said now all this is going to be in writing and I said it's going to be in writing I said I'm going to check on you tomorrow morning on Monday and she said and it's I'm not paying till I get paid and I get the warranty on the services and I said it's all going to be in writing we're going to get it painted she goes now we got the windows and I said yes everything it's going to be everything so sometimes I just like we screwed up. Your time's worth something. Let's make it right.

And that happens. Well, what I love about what you said was what can we I mean, you brought her in. What can we do together to make this right? You tell us. So, now she's in the boat with you.

Yeah. I didn't even think about that. You You use the word we. I like that. I mean, these little

What can A1 do for you? What can the two [clears throat] of us do to make this right?

Yeah. No, it's genius. All right, last thing and then we just closing questions, final thoughts, and then we'll get out of here and go to dinner. Um, when's the last time someone changed your mind about something and persuaded you? And, you know, it probably happens on a daily basis, so maybe something a bigger thing. It could have been, you know, I I I don't know. It could be geopolitical. could be anything, but not not not like got you to go to a different restaurant. I mean,

no, it was um Babette and I saw uh a movie together and then we talked and I didn't like it and then we talked about it and she started bringing up things I didn't even see and I went from negative to wanting to see it again.

What movie? It was called um Anatomy of a Fall. Oh my gosh, that is really cool, man. Your brain is just it's like still wired perfectly. It's just you're just on it. I can't believe you did the roleplay thing. It's amazing. Um yeah. Well, listen, you've got so much going on. You know, what are you excited about here in the next few months going into the next year? We've got a program coming up in December that I'm really uh excited about uh where uh we're going to bring in a very small number of people, only 75 people, and really focus on moving them from a level of understanding of the principles of influence to a level of knowing how to apply them optimally. I I for I'm I'm sending I'm sending a couple guys. So, we're we're sending that up. Um well, listen, I'll give you the final thoughts, close us out. I can't be at this event. It's December 5th and 6th, but I'm going to have a couple people there on my team.

So, um yeah, give us some final thoughts. I'll let you close us out. Here's what I'm gonna My final thoughts. Select the right people for that event. the people who can articulate what they learned not just to you but to their peers. All right, I'm on it. Well, listen, Bob, as always, it's a pleasure to have you. Always inspired, excited, kind of just giggle to myself like cuz these things are they're simple, but they're they at heart. You just got to do a little bit of the work. And I like the bite sizes. Yeah,

I like that idea because you read the book and you're like, there's a million things to do, but just get a couple right and then watch it work and then you're a believer for life. So, thanks again for being here and thank you, Bobette.

I enjoyed it, Tommy. Yeah, it's always fun.

Questions about this episode

What is "How To Earn Trust and Influence According to Renowned Psychologist Robert Cialdini" about?

Renowned psychologist Dr. Robert Cialdini emphasizes the ethical application of influence and persuasion strategies, drawing from his extensive research in the field. He advocates for making these insights accessible to a broader audience, focusing on helping individuals ethically encourage compliance and positive responses in both personal and professional settings.

What is mentioned in this Home Service Expert episode?

75 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Unity, Commitment and consistency, Mint candy, A1, To Sell Is Human, We-ness ("we" framing). Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "How To Earn Trust and Influence According to Renowned Psychologist Robert Cialdini"?

The episode runs 58 min; the transcript is about 9,092 words in 136 timestamped sections.

More from Home Service Expert

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.