The Christmas Tree (1991)

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Finally, a Christmas movie unsuitable for the entire family. We saw The Christmas Tree. So, you know what that means. Now, it's time for this. We're going to have a good time celebrating failure, not just the hater, cuz you know you wonder how the mediocrity of some art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello people of earth and welcome to How Did This Get Made? Boy oh boy. We got a doozy for you. Today we are talking about the 1991 animated feature, if you can call it that, The Christmas Tree coming in at a tight 45 minutes. Uh not to be confused with the TV movie The Christmas Tree in 1996, which was Sally Field's directorial debut. That very different films. Yeah. Yeah. So there you go.

0:56 Should we watch all the Christmas trees? I would love to just really dig on in.

1:00 Watch the Christmas tree. This movie I would recommend people watching because it is free on YouTube and it's only 45 minutes. But I think

1:09 and that's interesting. So you would say that people should watch it. I think that you your eyes need to see it. And if you say

1:17 your eyes need to see it, your eyes need to see it and your ears need to hear it. I mean that should be the motto of the show. Your eyes need to see it and your ears need to hear it. How did this get made?

1:29 Um, let me just tell you something because you everybody this whole how did this get made team was really selling me on the 45 minutes of it all. I got a lot of emails. Only 45. Get ready.

1:41 43. June. 43. 43. It's 43. It's going to be so quick. Good news. Good news. Only 43. Here's the link. 43.

1:48 I felt those minutes. This was interminably long. It did feel about 90. It did. I did look at the watch

1:56 when we do that thing where you pause it to see how much is left. I every time I had only gotten like three more minutes in and it felt eternal.

2:05 I I was at one point uh like checking my own self because I was like, "Wait a second. Is it not 45 minutes?" Because it I I was watching

2:15 all lied to me. The brutalist went by quicker. Here's here's what I will say. Uh I've taken more notes on a 43minute movie than I've taken in recent memory uh on on much longer films. Um and

2:31 well I think the really distressing part that I'm sorry to interrupt Paul but that we were in kind of a time panic was also cuz about 15 minutes had gone by when the narrator announced

2:43 so let's begin our story. Yes. That really I was like uhoh so much table setting for a 43minute movie in a way that I was like I don't not only that but like even now having watched the movie in its entirety I believe

3:01 I still am not sure the story the movie's telling you what I mean like so little happens in the movie you know

3:09 I mean and yet so many things happen that are terrifying the kids do get lost in the wilderness.

3:16 A girl falls off a cliff. Yeah, that's true. A bear does attack them. Yeah, I guess I'll take it back. A lot does happen.

3:24 Here's what I just will uh say for those of you who have not seen the film. Of course, that's Jason and June. Uh you we don't need to introduce the show.

3:32 A film. Uh well, you know, this uh this short uh if you've not seen The Christmas Tree, um this is how IMDb describes it. The heartless Mrs. Mava runs an orphanage where kids live in miserable conditions because she keeps all the donation money for herself. She hires a new assistant who along with Santa helps the kids finally have a merry Christmas. Now, that very much buries the lead. We'll get into all the reasons why, but I do want to start off with just the the opening sequence because this is a film that we both we all agree is interminably long, but yet the narrator is rushing through it. Like the narrator is like the micro machine guy. Like here's like that opening narration.

4:21 Mrs. Milda was a very tricky person. She didn't really take good care of the children, but she made people think she did. For example, she had a pretty dress with bows and lace and a new pair of pants and a sweater to put on whichever child she was going to show off to the mayor. This way, every time the mayor came by, he always thought that Mrs. Mavilda was taking good care of her children. But after he left a donation collected by the town's people for the orphanage, Mrs. Milda would immediately take off the child's clothes and put them away in a closet for the mayor's next visit. That is insane. The speed in which he is reading that is very quick.

4:57 Do you think that's just cuz they they they were like, "Oh, we got to fill the plot holes. We we we don't have enough anim we don't have enough money to animate the whole movie, so we'll just have the narrator."

5:06 Weird, though, cuz at times I did feel like the voices were being sped up. And then there were times I felt like the voices were being slowed down

5:14 and the scenes felt like the scene is over. The scene has been over for minutes. Why are we still in it? What's What is this?

5:22 They didn't animation is expensive. Um, the opening sequence shows you just how cheap this movie is because as they're flipping through this Christmas book, it looks like sections of the book are redacted. It's like the Epstein files in book form. It's like they're not even fake text. And when they finally land on the Christmas tree story, the story that we are about to hear, it's a blank page. It there's not even a semblance of writing on this page at all. And I was like, that seems like easy animation. You don't have to move it.

5:52 It's also shocking to me, and I mean this truly shocking when you said 1991, because this is 1970s or 80s level animation and voice work. This looks like the kind of movie that I would have watched as a child around Christmas simply because it was on TV,

6:13 pre VCR, pre-choice, you know, you Yes. when there was only four channels plus three, you know, UHF channels, you watched [ __ ] like this because it was there was on. Now, I just want to talk about the basic the premise of the movie.

6:29 Sure. And cuz I actually don't think that that log line from IMTP got got to the heart of the matter, which is really about this tree named Mrs. Hopewell.

6:41 Oh boy. This is I will say that this is probably the thing that upsets me the most about this movie that these orphans are so longing for companionship even though they have each other.

6:52 Okay, that's what I wanted to talk about actually that right there. They describe this tree as their only friend as the only the branches being the arms that wrapped around them. The tree being a place where they could finally connect. Now they all seem like nice kids. They never turn to each other,

7:13 right? Not only that, not only do they never turn to each other, find solace in each other, find community with each other, they're putting it so much on the tree that when the c the I would say the central threat in the movie is the chainsaw to the tree. During this scene, there is a missing little girl in the wilderness. She has been. She is gone. But

7:40 her mother has announced she's gone. We care more about the tree somehow. As does her mother, Jason.

7:47 Her mother stays for that scene instead of going to find instead of going to find her child.

7:54 I will say for eagle-eyed viewers, when the chainsaw is pulled out, Lily the missing girl is in the crowd of children. So she

8:02 Oh god. So like don't be don't be alarmed. They might have run out of some animation cells. They had to use the one where Lily is in it. Even though technically in that part of the story, she is missing.

8:13 Wonder if this was a featurelength made as a featurelength movie then was cut down to this because then I would understand its choppiness more.

8:21 There's only one version and it premiered direct to video in September of '91. It played on the USA network a handful of times. Uh and it reaired in '92 and '93. Um, and it was picked up by some small independent Christian television stations. Uh, so

8:39 of course that well that that's okay. Okay. So just to go back to the story for a second, Mrs. Mcilda, whatever her name is,

8:46 Mava, not a real name. Milda is a kind of Portuguese for evil and wicked. Okay. So Mrs. Milda is taking the money that the mayor is giving her to run this orphanage cuz he she's dressing the kids up very nicely when he arrives. And so he thinks everything's great and gives her, you know, bags of cash.

9:07 Two big bags. Big bags of cash. I was also interested in the portrayal of the mayor, like not usually seen as like generous, you know.

9:15 Well, the mayor is running the town because when two people arrive in town, they go, "If you need a job,

9:21 straight to the mayor's office. Straight to the mayor's office." But but Mrs. Nilda, she's using that cash. This is what I was fascinated by this choice. Not on herself to buy, you know, luxury items, to buy herself beautiful clothing, to I guess she is eating well. We see that scene of her at the dinner table with a giant turkey, but she's mainly using that cash to bet on card games to play.

9:50 She's gambling. Yep. She's gambling with it. But she I guess my point is she doesn't seem to be doing well at it.

9:58 No, she's a bad gambler. She loses the money cartel. I mean like you know like no wonder she's still running the orphanage after all these years.

10:06 An interesting choice though. I you rarely see a female gambler. We're not That's usually not our vice.

10:13 Well, here's what I will say. I feel like she was losing to torture the children. Like her losses were so egregious cuz she's like, "You know what? I don't care. They'll go hungry."

10:26 Oh, really? Yeah. Because at one point she puts in all the money. She goes, "Oh,

10:30 there goes the children's money again." She's enjoying putting the money forward cuz she's like, "It's it's fun money to lose." Yeah, I agree with you. She's not taking it seriously. She's enjoying the game, but I don't think she's trying to lose it so that she doesn't have to spend it on them. But I am curious that she doesn't want to keep it for herself. She just she wants that thrill of the game.

10:52 I'm also freaked out about this house that she lives in because the house seemingly the well it's it looks like a nice house. She has a bedroom that looks like it's maybe in a mansion that would be on like, you know, a very, you know, like a a Bravo show and and her office also shining. But then the kids live in abject filth, like wooden floors like like

11:13 Well, I think here's the question, I guess, and I'm dead ass right now when I say this. Dead ass. Okay.

11:19 I love this. Here's the question. Yeah. If she didn't have a gambling addiction,

11:26 okay, would she be taking care of the children? No. Meaning which comes Okay, but really think about it through the framework of just like through the lens of this is a story about addiction.

11:40 Okay. Right. Okay. Oh, wait. You No, you're giving this movie way too much credit. I think I think that you're saying

11:45 do you think she took the job at the orphanage in order to have access to petty cash that she can use to fuel her gambling?

11:54 Like I don't think she started out a good orphanage runner, you know. Um what's you know this she's like what's what's the villain's name in Annie? Carol Bernett.

12:04 Um Hanigan. Jesus. Wow. That was wild. Anyway, you know this how come let me ask you this. How come we don't make orphan content anymore? How come we don't How come we don't seem to care? There, let's be clear, there are certainly so many orphans, but we don't make any modern content set in orphanages about orphans that's about the plight of orphans that is aimed, let me be very clear, at children. To be honest, part I think a part of that is because there aren't really any American or we it's a foster care system and it's deeply deeply flawed and we fund foster care instead of like funding services for biological parents to actually be able to keep their children. That's a [ __ ] up system in and of itself.

12:51 Well, here's what I will say. I feel like orphan movies went through this kind of like euphoria like you know like everything in Euphoria is like through the mind of a 30-year-old man who is not in high school and I feel like everything we know about orphan movies are through like Hollywood writers who just saw something ages ago

13:10 oria is it oria our pitch is it's it's euphoria but with four orphans yeah because I do think that like what we have been building on is this idea of what an orphanage is just A bunch of kids running around in ragged clothes.

13:26 This movie feels like it's set in the 30s. Yes. That's what's so wild. I mean, I do think that the other trouble The other trouble the movie has is

13:36 Do we think that this movie was in '91? No. Right. It can't be in '91. I don't know what Oh, the cars are old.

13:43 Okay. Oh, yeah. The cars are old and and she is wearing a headscarf. Yeah. To me, the the trouble is also that that Mrs. Hopewell the tree.

13:52 We never get to really see them connect with this tree. Can I ask you a question?

13:57 Yeah, sure. Where's Mr. Hopewell? The other like are we to presume this tree is Mary?

14:03 Right. You're right. It is a Mrs. Well, where's Mr. Milda? [clears throat] Well, miss but that but yeah, right cuz she's a Mrs. Well,

14:10 maybe Mr. Hope Tree and Mr. Milda ran off together. Whoa. Whoa. Can I just say one thing about the tree? And I I hope you guys don't come down too hard on me on this. I didn't find the tree to be that interesting.

14:24 Tree sucked. Yeah. The tree was not an like the tree didn't have any personality.

14:31 Yes. Give me like a peanuts level like bad Christmas tree that then Santa at the end will sprinkle some things on it and it grows out and it's a beautiful tree and we all like, "Oh my god,

14:42 great. That's a great pitch." a tree that represents the orphans themselves kind of down on its luck and ragged the way that they do in Charlie Brown. Great point.

14:51 And then Mrs. Mild be like, "Why do you like that tree? It's disgusting. It's an eyesore."

14:55 By the way, great Milda. Thank you. I've been working on it. I did not get the part. Um uh

15:01 but you might be maybe hold out hope for Mr. Mavilda in the sequel. Oh, I would love it. Oh, I'd love it.

15:06 Oh my god. At the end of the movie when Mrs. Mavilda get first gets electrocuted by light hit struck by lightning. Yep. then is fine, then goes to work as Judy's assistant in the orphanage. And the line is,

15:17 "Well, don't worry about Mrs. Milda. She's good now." This woman is tortured these children and now still is in charge of them. But don't worry, she's good now.

15:26 But by the way, she's good now. She learned that you always win when you are good. Wait, what? She never was good.

15:33 Why is it still about winning? And why is she working at an orphanage where all the kids have been adopted?

15:38 Well, I have to say that that's true. They seem to just live there. So, I don't know.

15:43 It seems like reckless to adopt that many kids in one scoop. They adopt seven kids and they have two more. But you know what? This town is going to keep producing orphans. So, what are they going to do?

15:53 I don't think but I did think that that was pretty bold of Judy's husband who had been away in the in the mines in the field somewhere. Although he came back looking crystal clear like I mean he's like

16:05 he did but I mean like to come back to take a look around and then say we now have nine kids like which is by the way wrong math

16:13 a conversation just so you know uh when he tells a lot yeah so he said she'll be helping raise their nine children they already have two so they're adding five orphans so it' be seven total like so there w there was again not

16:28 plus licorice the dog and Mrs. Hopewell the tree. I'm sure he's counting those as their children.

16:35 By the way, Hopewell felt far away enough from the orphanage house that it didn't seem like Mava would have like jurisdiction over that tree. It wasn't like a front yard tree.

16:46 You don't think it was on a property line? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would have loved it. I would have loved a scene where they go to city hall and they get actual the actual property lines laid out.

16:56 Well, they do get into that at the end of the movie. They go and technically the mayor says that this tree now is public property. And it's like we don't have to get into we don't have to get into like the logistics of of who can chop down a tree. Oh my god.

17:11 I don't even know. I mean, this mayor seemingly is very involved. This mayor is giving out jobs. The mayor looks at you and goes, "You can work in the mine. You can go work in the orphanage and you can bring your kids there." And like the main why does why does Judy and her two children, the only blondes in this town, why do they have to live in the orphanage? Why can't they live in their own home?

17:38 Well, because the money isn't coming in yet. Bored. Yeah. So, she is working off. She's basically working for

17:46 that room. I mean, I I struggle with Judy as a mom because she well, obviously, she doesn't like go after her her daughter when it's reported that she's missing, but she also she doesn't seem to take the kids seriously when they are trying to tell her like something's very wrong.

18:08 Yeah. She's very wrong here. Yeah. This it feel again it feels like I would say 1991 still shocking because this feels like 1970s parenting.

18:19 Exactly. You know what I mean? That it it has the vibe of like I don't want to hear from you. Like when the when Mrs. Milda says to Judy, "You have to do this, you have to do this, you have to do this, and then at the end of the day you can see your children for 30 minutes." Judy's like, "That's plenty, guys.

18:37 Judy, that's plenty. And if if anything, maybe too much. Judy does not react at all when this says, "And your children will be treated as orphans."

18:46 She's like, "Copy?" Yeah. Got it. Like, why do they have to sleep in there? And it also seems like the orphans aren't being put through any rigorous schedule. Like, it seems like they're going to be bumping into each other a lot. Like, I mean, it's, you know, what happens with Mrs. Mild's plan to frame Judy for stealing from the guy. There's a whole thing that gets put in motion that I kind of didn't then track.

19:12 Well, I think that's put in motion so that the kids can escape to try to get to Santa to have Santa solve their problems. But but basically, there's a

19:20 those kids would freeze to death so dead. Well, the plan changes twice, right? cuz it's first the kids are going to go see the mayor to talk to the mayor and say, "Hey,"

19:30 but then Paul, it's after business hours cuz someone did know how to get to the mayor's office because of course they had been there the first day

19:37 and this is all happening on Christmas Eve. Y but then they realize I did laugh at this. Then the kids, these kids, these hungry kids realize it's after business hours. It's EOB into a business and the the mayor, this is how locked in this community is at the mayor. They know the mayor's already on the way home

20:00 and the mayor lives way out in the country. The mayor lives way out, which by the way, why so far away?

20:07 It'll be so much easier to go to where Santa lives, right? And this is not a a a a community that seemingly is set in Alaska. Like, I would say this is probably Minnesota. Like let's just say like it's a very you know it's a it's a suburban rural

20:21 we've all seen alone and they are in conditions that are brutal. These kids are out there with no sweaters on no hats. They're chit chatting away. They get chased by a bear. A bear that I'm going to say is three stories tall. The bear is so big. I mean here's the thing that I'm going to say about that big bear. I think that these kids not knowing jack [ __ ] about anything helps them because at a certain point uh the mom uh has to explain what Santa Claus and Christmas is. Like the kids have no idea what that is. So, I guess I'm starting to look at the kids and being like, they have been, you ever heard that story where um parents uh only taught Cllingon to their son and then like child protective services came in and like they had to take the child away because the parents were just intent on only teaching Cllingon.

21:13 So, what? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Were they Starfleet officers? I think that they were they were they were part-time Cllingon cosplayers. Were they Oh, wow. Wow.

21:24 Yes. So, they were cosplayers who, you know, look, I went to Comic- Con one time and I watched a Klingan play uh play out in Comic- Con run. It was great. And they were all in a Klingan language doing a, you know, a piece of a piece of Klingan literature. Uh, but uh, you know, so the so that to me feels like these kids have no idea what's going on. So, they're like, "Yeah, trees are people. I didn't know about Santa." So when that bear comes to me, I think that they look at that bear like licorice. Oh, it's another dog. It's a big dog. Like they're not like they don't know.

22:01 I'll be honest, I was rooting for the bear. I was rooting for the bear just because I was like, you're to come out here like this is so irresponsible.

22:09 I just felt bad that the bear had no Christmas Eve plans. Yeah. Did anybody wonder what happened with that giant accident that stopped Judy on the road from getting

22:19 to pick up the package where she was going to be framed? Like Judy, what is that all about? Judy, I I have issues with Judy as well because at one point like the kids are not speaking and Judy's like, "Hey, hey, settle down." I'm like, "They are settled. No one's speaking. It's completely silent."

22:37 Put a little respect on Judy's name though. I was deeply impressed with Wait a minute. Let's put some respect on her name.

22:44 Just moments ago, you were dragging Judy's name through the mud. I know. But I then I remembered how absolutely intrepid Judy was when she built that swing and that

22:59 plat whatever that that slide. I have issues with that slide. A wooden slide. Splinters in the butt.

23:06 I feel like But like they they didn't have there. Like that was real. Now, where'd that stuff go? Did Mrs. Milda tear it down?

23:14 She wanted to. I think so. Yeah, that she didn't like that it was there. She was

23:17 Yeah, but when she goes saw to it, I don't think it's there. Yes. Doesn't it doesn't appear as though those animated elements were included in the wide shot? I I have a feeling that they had a daylight scene of the slide and the swing, but that the climax place at night, so they could not bring it over. Yeah.

23:35 Hold on one second. Are we to Are we to understand that Santa sent the lightning to strike Mrs. Milda?

23:44 That's a And didn't we all think that the lightning was going to bring the tree to life?

23:51 Or am I the only one? I thought that there would be like Yes. I I almost felt like if the lightning was going to make Mrs. Hopewell come to life and be like, I will now run the orphanage, not like Judy would take over or

24:03 Yes. There was I felt like there was so much import placed on the tree and Mrs. Hopewell and its protection. It the the tree was personified so much for the children that it seemed to me at some point it must become sentient. It must it must become the thing the kids are saying it is. And in fact Judy becomes that thing. I believe it's not Mrs. Hopewell. Judy becomes Mrs. Hopewell for them. She becomes their advocate. But why does the tree still get all the [ __ ] credit?

24:35 Well, the tree gets a lot of credit, but I also think that something's weird with Santa. I do think that the Santa that we meet on because, okay, first of all, Santa is a very different animation style than anything else in the movie.

24:48 That's very true. It does seem like that was clip art. It does seem like it's borrowed from maybe another uh another movie.

24:55 And he I think the way that he looks at everyone in this town is very sexual. I think that he has like a glimmer in his eye.

25:04 Paul, and I'm not going to lie to you, I did. We don't see what happened with Lily and Santa and where he found her, what that scene, what happened there.

25:15 But when he appeared with her, I feel like the movie, we wanted to feel like, oh my gosh, Santa found her and dropped her off. And where my mind went was like, what the [ __ ]

25:25 Yeah. What's going on? What the [ __ ] happened? Well, we don't get really we don't get almost any time with Santa. So, he's so just deusex machina kind of dropped at the very very very end that it kind of is like wait who the [ __ ] is this guy and yet he has saved this little girl. But he doesn't say I saved her. She didn't fall off the cliff. She fell into my slate.

25:48 He didn't say [ __ ] He's like I got to go. Got to go. Yeah. I got these parachutes attached to my present.

25:54 I got to get the [ __ ] out of here. There was something. I got to get the [ __ ] out of here before the cops arrive.

26:00 And if they ask any questions, no presents next year. I'm worse than Mrs. Milda. That's I think was really going on. Maybe he is Mr. Milda.

26:08 Oh, that would be cool. Did anybody else question why after we have been told over and over these kids don't have anything? They don't have dolls. They don't have any toys. Like why didn't they ever play with the sled that was outside? Yeah. Well, you're obsessed with sleds. You both are. You just bought into I love sleds.

26:30 Sleds were like the greatest thing. That's what I'm saying. That's the most fun thing you could have.

26:37 Basically a snow car. You basically had the ability to go fast. Yes. It's you. It could be a child's entire winter.

26:46 One sled. It's an It's independence. I could ride my sled to other towns. I could ride my sled up and down the coast.

26:54 Wait, hold on one second. Wait a second here. That this is just annoy. Now I had a dog sled. I attached dogs to it and we would run. We would run much to my parents chagrin. Um but uh like this they feel like

27:06 seriously Paul. Oh yeah. What? We had a dog sled. We had a dog sled. Like not like um it we had Yeah. Like an I did a rod. No no no.

27:19 Well, we had we had two. All right. So we had two sleds. one was much more of a a metal. So, it had uh two wheels in the back, uh a little platform that you you stood on, and then handlebars, and you attached dogs to the front, and then they would take off. Uh there was a wheel in the front, too. So, that was the non- snow one. That was the one for

27:40 This is not real. You didn't. Oh, 100%. So, it was like bicycle handle. So, it was like

27:47 I might need photos. I wish. Yeah. Uh it was like a dog. Well, that's like a dog sled train. That's like an outofse training sled for Ida rod dogs. Right.

27:57 Right. Yeah. I would imagine. I mean, as far as I knew, I just hook the dogs up to it and they would run and I could and if by when I turn the handle four

28:05 Okay. Um, you know, and so, uh, you know, so then I would I would hook them up to it and they would run with me. Uh, uh, and then, you know, and I would take them around the neighborhood. I'm looking right now on some websites and I'm seeing it right here. Uh, I will I will kind of show you exactly what it was.

28:20 There is no What are you What are you talking? There's no way. We've done the show for 15 years and we're just finding out that you had Idrod style dog sleds in Long Island, New York.

28:33 Uh, I'll show you a picture of it right here. What on earth is happening? Sorry. Here, hold on one second. I'm going to share my screen.

28:38 Are you serious, Paul? Okay. Yeah, here it is. That's what I had. What? Yeah. How did you You had enough dogs for this? Please make it bigger.

28:47 Yeah, we uh Let me see if I can It looks like fun. I'm not going to lie. Uh there we go. Sorry. I'm going to make it bigger right here.

28:53 No, I get it. But did you have huskys? No, we had uh pointers uh which were like hunting dogs. So, yeah, that was exact that's exactly it. It's it it's like it it almost looks like a tricycle that you Yeah. No, no, I get it. I get it. I'm just like I don't

29:09 I'm explaining it for the people who can't see it. I can't rectif I I I I can't I can't make it make sense. before. Yeah.

29:18 Did anyone question you? You're riding around in that thing. And did anyone say like, "Whoa, whoa, what, buddy? What?"

29:26 Hey, hey, little guys. Sweetie, sweetie. Hold up. Hold up. I would I would attach the dogs to it to impress my sitter, like my babysitter, like who was often a high school girl to show her that I could control the dogs.

29:40 You You got the pointers for the sitter? Well, I I didn't get the pointers for the sitter, but I would like say like, "Hey, you know,

29:46 you hook up the pointers just for the sitter." By the way, what they call this, according to what I'm seeing online, is dry land mushing.

29:54 Yeah. Okay. So, that's what I was doing. I was doing dryland mushing. Okay. So,

29:57 which I'm sure I'm sure made the sitter absolutely soaking wet. Never dry land mushing.

30:05 What on earth is happening? I am absolutely stunned. I can't accept this. I really hope we new information.

30:13 No, that's really the craziest thing I've ever So, is this the same era? Because to have that you have to have uh open space to ride around in. Is this the same era where you had horses?

30:26 Yes. Oh, 100%. Yeah. We had we had a dog run behind the barn and that's where the pointers lived outside and that was like Yeah. So, I would be cleaning the dog run. So, I would go in there and, you know, take the shovel and clean up the poop and everything and hose it all down.

30:39 What What year was this? I mean, this is all It sounds like you're describing the teens, the 19 teens. [screaming]

30:47 I mean, you look, it was my job to go around the back of the of the stables and feed the dogs.

30:53 I mean, I had to get I had to get the salts for the horses and I had to make sure that I put the hay in their I had to put more hay in their kennels during the winter so they had warmth, you know, to keep them warm. Uh, you know, but they were outdoor dogs. They lived in their outdoor kennels. Um, you know, and that was it.

31:11 God, I I this is astonishing. I don't know where we were going, but I was going to say like, now that's a sleigh. That's a sleigh. That's what I want to see. Put some dogs up to this stuff because these kids seemingly are just going uphill at all points. They they are using that sleigh as if it has an engine. it like it they like they

31:30 well the engine is licorice you know eventually licorice is hooked up Paul shear style pointer style to um to dry the but this is obviously this is snow mushing not dry

31:44 mushing I guess we did also have a a regular sleigh too you did you that was that was available to you if you want yeah that's good to know just for people who are keeping track at home as to what uh what you had available at what point in life visav modes of transportation.

32:03 And I am looking right now that pointers are good dogs uh for sled dog racing cuz they're fast. Yeah. And they have I guess a good

32:11 just the last question about this, I promise. But was there anybody else that you knew that had this type of

32:17 No. No. I have another question. Yeah, sure. And this one is real significant. Yeah.

32:22 Why? Why did you have both the dry and the snow sleds? Did you or anyone in your family race these dogs?

32:32 That's a good question. Did you use these as transport? Like what? Well, we didn't use No, we didn't use it as transportation. We didn't say why.

32:40 I This is something that comes up in my book. I understand why Jesse has the dogs in life below zero. That makes sense. He gets around with them. He needs them because he's in a place in Alaska where he needs the dogs for transportation.

32:53 Well, no. this uh the dogs were the dogs kind of just were for the dogs. Yeah. I mean I guess we had them these dogs were going out. We were hunting with them. We were I mean we were always these dogs were always coming out and doing something. They were you know their pointer. So when they saw a bird their tail would go up, you know, and then you and then that's how you know okay we got a bird.

33:13 Did you hunt like a lot? I had I had a multiple guns but I never was out there to kill animals. I I was shooting much more to kill.

33:23 You had multiple guns, but I was never out there to kill animals. No, I was out there.

33:27 Were you out there to kill the most dangerous game? I would hunt humans, sure, but that's a different thing. Now, and these pointers were really good at finding bodies, human bodies. Uh uh. Wow. So interesting. And I, you know, I think I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but u most of my fifth grade class were weirdly shot. I don't know why they were wandering around. Weirdly shot. Um, how they how they were shot was weird.

33:50 Weird. It was weird. Um. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah. So, I shot a lot more ski than I did. Uh, you know, that was my that was my bread and butter. Um, but that was my bread and butter.

34:03 I shot plenty of ski. That was my bread and butter. No thanks. I mean, I've told I think I've told this on the podcast that I did kill a lot of quail.

34:11 Okay. Yeah. So, like that's what you guys would do. You would go out and do quail hunting.

34:16 No, no, no. We we raised them and then I would uh then we would chop off their heads and then put them into a defeather and then and then sell them.

34:24 Defeatherer. Yeah. God, this is so horrible. How does that work? It it's basically like imagine and I I'll give the the funnier description

34:32 their heads. Uh I didn't do the chopping off that. did them. I did the thing where I'd stick them in the defether where you would hold them by their legs and it's basically like a a steel drum with let me just say uh for your visual like a bunch of dildos attached to it and so you like so it's like these rubber things and you put the bird in pull off. Oh, okay. You know,

34:54 and you would sell the quail. Yeah, we sell that meat. You'd sell the quail meat. Where in what where would you go to do that? Again, these are the things I just did the chores,

35:05 I guess. Okay, I got to be honest with you. I I wish you'd asked more questions.

35:10 I know. I I do too. As I as I like, you were part of I want to be clear. You were part of something. You were part of something that I don't think you understand.

35:18 I guess I call it a chicken plucker machine. A chicken plucker machine is what I'm looking at. Yeah.

35:25 Why, Paul? Who sold the quail? Where? And what were the proceeds used for? Like what what system was this a part of?

35:34 I you know this is crazy. Look at all these machines. These machines are bringing back memories now.

35:39 Oh god. How are there more memories? I I guess I just felt like we were raising quail. So then we had to

35:47 Did you eat them? We had to sell them. We're not going to just keep a bunch. Like we were raising a tremendous amount of quail. Yeah. I understand the concept of if you're raising quail, you're probably selling them. But in what capacity? Like

36:01 I don't know. I mean I never went to a farmer market. We're trying to understand what the funnel looks like.

36:07 Well, yeah. So I don't know. I mean I never we never black market quail sales. What did I marry into? Is there a quail fortune? I don't know. I

36:15 I never went to a farmers market. Okay. Um I never did that. So I know that we didn't sell it there, but I also think there we had a big freezer. We were putting things in the freezer and then I think that people were picking up things from the freezer.

36:31 People would come by. I think it was much more picking up. You think you had a It was an open freezer and people would just take a quail, leave a dollar. What is this?

36:41 I remember I remember distinctly saying, "We'll leave the garage open. You can come and get the quail."

36:48 What? So I I think we were selling we were selling animal meat locally. Got it.

36:55 I think again. Sure. Sure. Not quite positive. And again, I should have asked these questions. These are great. All these great question.

37:02 I would love to know if these were FDA. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. You were just trying to get your chores done.

37:07 It's like so you could get on your your dog sled and enjoy yourself. Like I understand. I don't blame you.

37:15 I just Hey guys, I want to hang out. I just have to defeather 300 quail so I can fill up the quail freezer in the garage that everybody knows will be open. Now, here's the thing that I will say. I definitely believe that we ate them as well.

37:30 Sure. Because we were not raising when you say 300, I would say we didn't have 300 at a time, you know? So, we were probably raising maybe like 50 quail. Like, so we were a low we were a low tier, you know? You know, probably like Yeah. Like, and you go in there and the coupe was just a mess and feathers and [ __ ] and you'd have to get in there and dig around. you lived with a quail coupe like like we're getting this is again this is just astonishing new information.

37:55 The quail coupe was on the property next to ours which we rented the house of but we kept the backyard. So that was like a deal that we had to give. Okay. So you had the stables for the horses kennels for the dogs that was in our yard and then the other yard coupe and anything. What else is in there? Just so I have a And I would love it if a fan could maybe just do a property sketch of all the information we now know from Paul. I mean, what a I mean, what a what a childhood, you know? Like it it feels like when you talk about your childhood, it feels somehow like even though I know you grew up in Long Island, it feels to me like you grew up on Little House on the Prairie.

38:36 Well, that you know, it is interesting when I do talk about it, it doesn't seem natural or right. And so when I did go back to like look at the house, I was like, "Did I make any of this stuff up?" And nope, I did not. Everything is still uh aggressively there. Uh

38:52 this is wild. I love this. I love the excavation of your childhood is the It is what drives the show.

39:00 At least two more books coming like mid. I did uh as you said it, I I forgot about smushing. Okay. So, I'm sorry for that detour. I apologize for that. In all sincerity, it was so um much better than the movie. Um truly,

39:20 but now the fact that we now know you are a you were a frequent dry musher as a child is huge information. Big information.

39:28 The fact that I know the term dry mushing. Yeah. Now we Now we all do. I I I thought that there was something sexual when Miss Milda called Mel fast fingers.

39:38 Yeah. She really does hang out with a bunch of degenerates. Yes. Like which I like you. Oh yeah.

39:46 Again, that was a choice that I really loved about the movie, which is that she was a gambling addict and also that like her choice of she wasn't hobnobbing with the rich and famous. You know, she was with the dregs of society

40:01 and she also didn't aspirationally have hopes. She wasn't trying to buy her way into society or get her or buy her way out of the orphanage into a this or a that like she just wants I think to party and gamble

40:14 and fund her habit. Yeah. That's why I think that she was losing the money on purpose because she wasn't like she just wants to shut everybody down because she doesn't even invite the girl the mom to play cards. Like it's not even

40:28 Well, Paul, I I'm sort of coming around to your point of view because they do say that about gambling addicts that they don't actually want to win.

40:38 Oh, really? Yes. That they the that that the desire is to try and there's something in the risk of it, but it's not about actually winning.

40:50 Oh, okay. Oh, wow. So, you might you might be on to something there. I did appreciate, you know, it's definitely the animation of the time, but I did appreciate

41:01 just want to be I want to be clear. It's not the anim. This is this is like some of the other animated movies that are out in 199 stories that exist.

41:12 No, I mean this is like okay a time of like uh Rover Dangerfield, uh Rockadoodle, American Tale,

41:19 time American Tale. Yeah. Okay. I mean, you know, I love I loved that at least in the '9s, all the women who were villains had purple eyeshadow.

41:29 That seemed to be very very important. And I also loved you like those pink lips

41:34 that when Judy when Judy went driving and she was on the road and told by that police officer like, "You're not going to get through. Better turn around." She sped off like a bat out of hell. Did anyone notice how fast she drove?

41:50 I did not clock it. She threw that car around into a turn and sped away. Wow. Here he

41:58 It was hilarious. I'm just going to say that Beauty and the Beast comes out in 1991.

42:03 Okay, there. An American Tale comes out in 1991. Fal Goes West. Of course. Of course.

42:08 Um, Rockadoodle comes out in 1991. These are movies that look very different from this movie. Well, I mean there is something about it where it feels like these cells might have been purchased on a black market. You would even say maybe a quail market, you know, uh bespoke.

42:23 Oh boy. Uh and you would get this like because there is something about it where this all feels leftover and and look, I know these kids are supposed to look sweet and kind, but they all look like kids who are having terrible allergy attacks. like their eyes are just big enough and watery enough to look like they're just like oh they're like they their sneeze is like living right in their head space. They don't they don't all facing out. They all stand in the exact same direction at all times. So

42:52 they have to I mean they only had one they're using the same cells dimension. Yeah. They're using the same cells over and over again. And it's clear because none of the, you know, the they just have written a script to cells that they had, I think, to to scenes that they had because I don't think like none of this makes none of this adds up as a movie.

43:11 I I also don't understand how the whole town gets involved. At the end of the movie, the entire town is around the tree. It seems that this is a very small uh issue. Mild is going to cut down a tree. Uh, and then everyone shows up. But yet again, I just want to call it back, which is it is a weird moment because a child is missing

43:35 reportedly falling off a cliff in the woods and a town is much more concerned about a tree that no one has any connection to because at this point the tree is not a national landmark. And it seems like

43:47 the boy is crying. The boy is crying and he says, "She fell down. I lost her." He's like beside himself. And then it's like, "Start up that chainsaw. We're killing this tree." And everybody's like, "Fuck the little girl. We have to save the tree." Which is bizarre. I mean, is it an ecological story? I don't know. I mean, that

44:08 I don't know. I mean, I do think the way he tells the way he shares the news about Lily, like, it does seem so definitive. Like, she's gone.

44:16 She's dead. She's She's dead. So, there is something I I can't believe I'm on their side, but there's something I do understand like they radically have to accept that news.

44:27 Can I ask a question, please? Is the little blonde boy's name Papy? Yes. Yeah. Or Happy? Papy. Papy.

44:37 Papy. Now, why is he named Papy? Isn't Py like an old man? Like a grandfather's nickname? like you know um

44:45 my papy like yeah papy is not like it's not a nickname it's not a it's not a nickname for like a like Patrick or something I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that this little boy's name is Papy

44:58 Lily Papy Papy Kindle you should call my full name Kindle makes me also wonder the Kindle family is this Amazon product

45:08 I mean this is like war of the world's level stuff you know let's have the Kindles come in and you know what she can read them any access they want audio books now in color

45:21 by the way did anyone else wonder like what happened to the Kindles in their previous town where they running from

45:28 yes and when they show up the mayor is basically like I'm going to put you in this thing over this job over here like it seems like he's just getting placed not based on his skill set he's just being told to work at a lumber mill that's communism I'm going to be honest, that's communism. Whatever your trade is, it doesn't matter. You do this now for us, the people. Your family belongs to this the town. They're not yours anymore. Your family belongs to the town. They are community property. This is communism. I believe this is a story about communism.

46:02 Well, I guess here's the other part of it. But the mayor is coming with the bags of money. And the way he gives the bags of money is by seeing that the orphans are in nice clothes, right? But these orphans never leave. So, she is doing a bad job because I imagine part of being an of somebody running an orphanage is like you want to get some out the door. It's like running a car dealership. You wouldn't get more money in a car dealership. You're not moving moving product. She I think she's getting

46:25 fill out a report though every year like I you know there there were maybe there weren't any placements but like this many people came to see the orphans as potential adopes like because she must have to she must have to account for something.

46:43 There doesn't seem to be I be I'll be honest any oversight. There's no CPS. There's no

46:49 just seems his arrival with the bags of money. seems to be the mayor and Mrs. Milda.

46:56 I mean, it it is it is a an orphanage that is run I mean like literally with the least oversight. It's it's an orphanage of fear that is run with the least oversight because all he needs to do is see that they are in a pretty dress and then he by the way this is disturbing to me. You look you've seen a lot of weird stuff but uh seeing kids get naked like ripping clothes off a kid and having them in their underwear. I'm like, I don't need to see little kids in this like this rag tag generic Peanuts gang. I don't need to I don't ever want to see Lucy in her underwear. I don't want to see the Lionus.

47:30 I don't even want you saying I don't even want you saying what you're saying. I don't want it available.

47:37 I don't want putting images into my brain that I didn't ask for. You know, I don't want it

47:42 especially about Lionus. I mean the other thing is what world is this m like is he like I mean we are also in a world where like why is the money in bags? Why is the I'm just thinking about that now.

47:55 Money's always in bags. You know I if this is if this is run if if he's sort of running this as a communist utopia then I do think that

48:07 I understand in Alaska I do understand Mrs. Mild's gambling addiction a little bit more,

48:14 right? I understand the need for like, you know, excess and stepping out like that does even if it doesn't lead anywhere.

48:25 Well, it also it does that also feels to me like the idea that this takes place in a frontier town basically where it is people are working in the mine or the mill or whatever. That's how they make their living. But really what it is, it's just low lives who are doing gambling and scheming and it's Mrs. Mavilda and her poker friends. You know what we don't see is a ton of like towns people who are like good people. We just see villains and the only good person really is the mayor, I think, and Mrs. Hopewell the tree.

49:01 Well, and Judy. Sure. Sure. Sure. And licorice. I don't trust Licorice. I don't trust Licorice either. Licorice, I feel like, left Lily. Licorice should have gone after Lily. Like

49:10 I will say no. I I just justice for Licorice because I think Licorice did do a good job fighting the bear.

49:16 Okay, you're right. Yes. Which um but should have been killed. I think should have been killed.

49:20 Was that bear the same bear from the Jungle Book? It did look like they may have stolen. Exactly. Definitely.

49:26 Uh there was but there was [snorts] this one moment where the mayor does say like there's weird editing of course. Like I think you're right, Jason. Like there's points where they're like they have too much time and they're rushing. Then there's points where they don't have enough time and they're cutting. So you're this weird thing where like the end of the movie is like and then it's all good and she's great and and we don't even see any images of her. It's just a wide shot saying that everything worked out great. It's like

49:49 it's like the way that I get when I'm trying to tell my kids something. I'm like yeah it's fine. It's fine. They worked out everything. Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry about it. They're fine. They're good. Um but there's this one moment where the mayor goes, I've got enough money here to get the children new clothes and still some left for their Christmas. Like it's like there's a long beat.

50:08 I've got enough money here to get the children new clothes and still some left for their Christmas presents.

50:15 Like it's like like I was like what what happened? Like did he have a mini stroke?

50:22 Um there's a lot of that kind of stuff where it feels like it's just because they have more footage of the mayor talking so they're going to fill it up and make it last. It almost feels like it's that's what I mean. It feels like when you watch an old TV show and you're like, why is this scene 7 minutes long? The plot points were over minutes ago. So why is Magnum still hanging out at the King Kamehameha Club just to watch somebody fall down in the sand?

50:48 By the way, I mean, I would imagine that there that Milda would also get put in jail. It seems like a very lax system that would be like, you know what?

50:59 Well, and that's Judy's fatal flaw. Yeah. And that's where Judy is, you know, her underreaction, her willingness to turn a blind eye, her

51:09 her, you know, need to like rescue Mrs. Milda and not restore justice to this town is really deeply troubling.

51:20 It's, you know, there is no Mrs. Milda shows no remorse. She really doesn't have a she doesn't have a real turn in a way that you're like,

51:30 she got caught. Do you feel like the lightning strike like kind of shocked it out of her? Like electroshock therapy? Like it just

51:36 I would have loved if they showed that if she was like if after the lightning strike she was like wonderful and loving and lovely. You'd be like, "Okay, she's changed. Santa changed her with lightning or like it was a stroke or something, you know." And

51:49 because what we don't hear at the end is that Mrs. Milda stopped gambling. No, she's just good now.

51:55 Well, now she maybe just gamles smaller amounts. Yeah. By the way, again, you said justice for Judy. June, I just wrote this line down. There's a moment where Judy tells the kids that they won't be getting the new clothes and then the kids are upset. And she says, "Please, children, don't make it more difficult for me."

52:15 Yeah, I know. She listen, I'm so back and forth with her. I just admired her carpentry. What can I say?

52:22 Here's the thing. Judy is up against insurmountable odds. So, she cannot help but fail over and over again because it's simply too much. That being said, um she could do better. She could do better.

52:36 Judy do better. Yeah. You know, Judy, just do better. But also, orphans do better. Like these orphans are just standing around. They are not doing a godamn thing.

52:46 And orphans, by the way, do better and turn to each other. Yes. Build community. Like people always say that if you feel unhappy in your life and depressed and like are constantly making yourself the victim like turn around and put some energy into what is

53:00 Yes. into the people around you into the spaces around you. You know, invest in the opportunities of your the person to your right, the person to your left. Exactly. Don't try and tell me that you can't make yourself a better life unless that tree is your best friend.

53:18 Wait. Well, okay. So, I guess I guess if I'm if I'm going to take away all the things we've been saying about this movie and just judge it in a in a way that's like what was the intention here? Like what is the Christmas moral of [snorts] this story? Such a good question.

53:32 Like I don't think there is one believing. No, nope. It's not about believing. It's not about the Christmas spirit. It's not about uh uh uh love for one for each other instead of craving gifts and so forth. It's not about the spirit of Christmas. It's not about wish harder at one point.

53:51 It's about one of Oh, you know what they do do is the kids all want things and then the kids are like, I shouldn't want things. I should wish instead for Mrs. Hopewell the tree to be saved, right? But also, of all the people who don't want things, the kids should get some things. The kids have not gotten anything. They don't have clothes. They don't have toys. They don't know what Christmas is. such shitty attitudes.

54:16 I mean, they really do. The kids are The kids are sleepy. I mean, the kids seem like they are I mean,

54:24 the kids seem like I'll be honest, the kids seem like Mrs. Mild is giving them a benadryil every morning. I do think they might be on drugs because like the fun thing about orphan movies and I know this is wrong but when you're watching them as a kid and you're watching Annie as horrible as the Miss Hanigans of the world are there's something so appealing about seeing about kids being together.

54:46 Yes. Even Oliver sleeping in the same sleeping in the same quarters. one of the the little one being way more of a rascal and taking risks and the other one's having like there's something so compelling story-wise watching these stories as a kid.

55:03 Yeah, I am this. I am that one. Yeah, I'm a voice in the I'm a voice in the animated movie The Twits, which is one of the Ro Doll books, which has very fun up to stuff orphans. The orphans are driving the story because they are they have the ability to go out into the world and and stir [ __ ] up. And so they do. And it's it's a blast because the orphans are they have agency. [clears throat] They're not just sitting around waiting for some Judy to come make it [ __ ] better.

55:31 But Jason, this is the thing that you have refused to talk about. You also play a mayor in the twix and you are not talking about like you have been in this position. I mean what is the mayor doing right? What is the mayor doing wrong?

55:45 It's so true. It's so true because the mayor does not support the the orphanage in any way. Like he doesn't show up my character, the mayor doesn't show up with bags of money. Um he is so much more focused on his reelection campaign.

55:59 Okay. So they Now does your character address Rald Doll's anti-semitism at all?

56:03 He does not. But I will say his butt explodes. Okay. Oh, okay. Hey, that's fair. You know, look, you can't win. His butt swells and swells and swells and swells until it explodes.

56:15 Not a fart. His butt explodes. Well, that is that is upsetting. So, do you do you feel like it was an [ __ ] that exploded or it was like a butt cheek explosion?

56:25 I'll be honest. The the director, the wonderful director, uh, Phil Johnston, I asked him so many times, what has happened here? What what has what is the injury? Because you then later see him in the hospital in traction and it looks like they've done some but like cheek surgery. You know what I mean? Like what like what was the what was this? Like I need to know so I understand how to play it.

56:45 Well, of course. So I understand how to inform my vocal performance, right? You don't want to be like this guy who becomes Jimmy Stewart at the end of the movie and in the beginning of the movie sounds perfectly normal.

56:56 I mean, holy [ __ ] Um this is truly one of Wow. I mean, one of like again, we keep on saying this recently, like these are movies that are blowing our minds because I'm like, I did not know this existed, and in 45 minutes, I have more questions than I ever have had.

57:15 But here's the thing. I am so looking forward to the time when uh in I'm going to say 45 minutes from now when I have forgotten this movie.

57:28 It's already I'm so looking forward to that time. it. I like I still am I'm thrilled, by the way, to still be thinking about and laughing about and talking about my boyfriend's back.

57:40 Oh, yeah. But this I hope to never revisit. This is This I want wiped clean from my memory as soon as possible. This is to answer the question you're you're leading us towards, Paul. I do not recommend this. This is I found this to be to what we were saying earlier so weirdly long even though it's short. So the scenes are so boring and so drag on with just either exposition or unnecessary information. I couldn't make heads or tails out of it.

58:11 Well, and I will say I I kind of feel the same and and we did keep our we did keep our nine-year-old up last night a little bit later than usual. You can watch the movie with us.

58:20 Oh god. and he wanted to go to sleep. I can't wait until your sons write books that are revealing the way Paul's book is revealing, but all of the stories are about all of the movies they were exposed to. They have seen, and by the way, we get excited when it's a kids movie. Oh, finally you can watch it with us. Like the fart movie with Rupert Grim, you know, like they like they and and that one I think went over better. I'll tell you this much. I I will read you one or two of these uh second opinions because but I don't trust them. I But here we go. It's now time for second opinions.

59:00 The movie was a piece of [ __ ] yet this person recommends it. Tell me what is the message. Maybe that art is subjective. I need a second opinion. [singing]

59:20 So, it was very hard to find second opinions for this. Um, so we had to go to Letter Box.

59:24 It's not a real movie. It's not a real movie. Yeah. So, we had to go to Letterbox even though it went straight to DVD. So, it should be able to be reviewed on Amazon. Um, uh, Pisswater Dead Girl.

59:34 Okay. Uh, on letter box. This is so wonderful. The real children voice acting adds such a beautiful homey vibe to the whole thing. Their eyes are so somber. It's enchanting. I like this a lot. Five stars. That does seem earnest.

59:51 It It does seem earnest. And I will say one of the things that they mentioned that we did not mention, I don't think is that yes, all of the orphan children's voices are little kids voices. And you can tell and the kids are struggling.

1:00:04 Well, I will tell you this much. The actress who played Lily, 7 years old, is the real life daughter of the actress who played Judy. And the actor who played Papy, who is 10, is the real life son of the actor who played Bob.

1:00:16 Okay. And and all of the actors in this have one credit. Most of the cast is made up mainly of friends and family of the animation crew members.

1:00:23 I'm not surprised. They save some money here. No union, no union fees here. And of course, there's a little boy in this movie named Papy. So, we follow Papy. I mean, like just talking about I can't wrap my head around a little boy named Papy.

1:00:38 I I will say that uh 47 Ronin uh writes a tragedy. Miss Milda is what Lily will become in a few decades.

1:00:47 Uh surrounded by sering plastic children. Uh a life unfulfilled with shattered dreams. Already she's numbing the pain of her pathetic existence as evidenced by her drooping eyelids that indicate that she is on substances. No matter the bitterness that will morph into hatred, she too becomes just like her employer, exploiting and abusing those gremlins until years have passed. They will call upon that entity, Santa Claus, to smite her rotten, blackened heart. Another will take her place and the vicious cycle begins a new.

1:01:20 Five stars. What I mean that I mean I think that what they're saying is, you know, you are destined. Destined. Now, this is another one that feels, again, these are uh, you know, these are different reviews, but this one, Darth Raider on IMDb. We went to go everywhere. Molly went everywhere this week to find these.

1:01:36 Thank you, Molly. Uh, eight out of 10 stars on IMDb. And the subject line is cute Christmas flick for toddlers.

1:01:43 Nope. Saw this when it was on the USA Network years ago. And now my kid watches the DVD and loves dancing around to the music. It's a cute little show that young kids can enjoy. Adults and older kids might prefer the standard Peanut Specials since this one is comparatively a bit rougher and over narrated. Uh the story is non-traditional, but it's a nice change from those same old archaic stories of reindeer with light up noses and talking blobs of snow that our grandparents grew up with. Apparently, there were some former artists from Hannah Barbara and Disney working on it, and it's played all over the world in multiple languages since its release decades ago. So, while it hasn't become a classic locally, there must be a following out there somewhere. I believe this is written by someone who worked on the movie.

1:02:30 Yeah, it feels like it. It feels like it's got to be. It makes no sense otherwise. This is that that's this isn't that way. What we saw is not that.

1:02:39 By the way, this is the first time ever in the history of the show that there are only two reviews on Amazon. Two.

1:02:45 Oh. Oh. So that we didn't even pull them because uh out of two reviews, 68% are five star.

1:02:54 This was the Okay, so this is the kind of I don't even understand that math. As I was watching it, you know, I don't know, an hour before we recorded, I got I don't know 20 minutes into it and panicked because I was like, "This can't be what we're actually doing." And I texted the chain to be like, "Are we is this what we're doing?" Oh, yeah. like just to confirm because I was so nervous I was watching the wrong thing also because it was 47 minutes long and none of it I was like am I waste and then I was like oh no for sure this is what we're doing and it was it was very upsetting I truly I truly was disturbed by this movie it takes a lot to to shake me to my core that's why I think I want people to see it I know that YouTube don't you want to you want to gatekeep this movie but I believe that I believe that children everyone needs to it and and then respect uh the rank and bass the peanuts a little bit more. A little

1:03:51 bit more. What are the What are the Do you guys have holiday travies now in your family that you watch in the holiday season?

1:03:59 Oh, yeah. Big time. Um well, my main one is Mixed Nuts. Well, that's that's Junes,

1:04:05 of course. Efron movie. I think that Jason was asking a movie that I really was poo pooing and now I enjoy it. Uh the the family ones, Home Alone, big hit. Home Alone 2 may maybe even a bigger hit than Home Alone 1. Uh

1:04:21 wait, is that the is that Manhattan? Is that New York? Yes, that's New York. Yeah. Great. Great.

1:04:25 Uh then we were talking about Elf. Uh Christmas Vacation is a big one. Um those

1:04:33 What about like Muppet Christmas Carol? No. Took them to see it at the new Beverly.

1:04:39 Not into it. They don't like the Muppets. Oh. Oh, okay. They love June's movie 8bit Christmas.

1:04:44 Sure. Of course. As well as uh my Christmas movie, uh The Family Switch. Um which is a little more of a body switch movie, even though it does take place at Christmas. Um but yeah, th those are kind of like the ones that we really,

1:04:58 by the way, solid list. But do you guys watch like the rank and bass? Do you watch the TV specials? Do you watch a Charlie Brown Christmas? The the like any of the ones that we watch.

1:05:07 Charlie Brown Christmas we'll have on, but we won't. It's not really like something we'll sit down.

1:05:13 So you guys don't It's not like these are the ones we watched as kids and now we'll you now have like the modern movies that you all watched together.

1:05:20 Yes. I think that that's and we and we like that and our kids taste is getting it's it's evolving. They have a lot more you know like this is a big this is a big year. We might even you know show them

1:05:33 Lethal Weapon. Uh well I was hoping that would be the Christmas movie of my choice or you know Die Hard has been very close to being shown. Yeah. Yeah. Die Hard.

1:05:41 Die Hard. I mean, Lethal Weapon. And of course, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Lethal Weapon's pretty brutal. Die Hard's a lot.

1:05:46 Yeah. Lethal Weapon is a tough uh goes down a little tougher. Uh yeah. No, I think so.

1:05:51 Um but fun though. Yeah. So maybe we'll try a rank and bass. Although I Family Stone. Were you guys on Family Stone?

1:05:58 You know what? I would love to try that out. I hadn't I I honestly had forgotten about it.

1:06:03 You know what? I haven't watched I because I like the Family Stone. People hate it. But um you know what I'm going to I haven't watched in ages that I'm going to revisit this year is Home for the Holidays.

1:06:12 I love Home for the Holidays. And that's a Thanksgiving movie in my opinion. Yeah. So I with like plain sprint on

1:06:18 one of the very few. One of the very few. Well, also did we we talk about Christmas Vacation? You said that.

1:06:24 Yeah. Christmas Vacation is Okay. Yeah. Christmas Vacation to me is a very important it was a very important piece of my child or I just it felt like a formative Christmas movie. I I will tell you the movie that um I have gone off of. I used to love A Christmas Story. Love it. Now if I put it on it, it be it it irks me in a way. It bothers me in a way that I don't like at all.

1:06:48 I prefer to watch and I know I'm in it, but I do prefer to watch 8bit Christmas.

1:06:53 There you go. Yeah. I mean, I also uh I I think The Holdovers is going to make a a showing now. I think I will watch that. I like the Holdover.

1:07:00 That's a good That's a good one. I I I like that in in a planes, trains, and automobiles way.

1:07:05 Yeah, we we uh that that's a nice one. And I think we were enjoying uh you know, we we're going to watch them all. We we we get into it. Like I feel like they the kids might like Jingle All the Way.

1:07:15 Oh, yeah. That's good, you know. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm so excited to stop talking about this movie and watch all of those movies.

1:07:23 Oh my god. So excited. I'm I'm already I'm so I'm I'm so glad to tell you guys I'm already forgetting this movie.

1:07:30 Wow. But please don't forget me mushing dogs on dry land. Jason, none of us will ever forget you dry mushing and also your your gray market quail hunting and um your uh feathering. Well, here's the thing. Uh we are going to continue talking about Christmas, the three of us in person with Jessica Sinclair on December 10th. We are going live and worldwide with our annual holiday tradition. How did this get made? uh a holiday uh for your ears and your eyes because we are doing it via video. We'll be in the same room. It will be a lot of fun. Uh there might even be some fun treats. We'll be announcing the movie very shortly, but you can get tickets.

1:08:11 I mean, you've been listening to this podcast for so many years. You have no idea what we look like. Why not tune in to the live stream?

1:08:20 See us in real life. Uh and so, uh get your tickets at howgetmade.com or just go right to vapes. Jessica Sinclair will be there in person, which means no tech issues. But will she get there on time?

1:08:34 It really is a question mark. Oh, there's no way she'll be on time. I'm willing to say that.

1:08:38 Now, June, you are going to be doing a Christmas special a couple days before ours. Right.

1:08:42 That's right. Now, this is a different type of Christmas special, and I do hope Jessica can make it because she is well hosting it.

1:08:48 Okay. Um, you know, so I do hope she will be there. But this is our deep dive second annual Christmas spectacular. Paul will be doing a tour of his Christmas village.

1:09:00 Oh yeah. So we'll be able to check in on on what all the villagers are up to, what's happening with the town. That's really exciting. It's such a fun show.

1:09:09 We will be talking trees and we have professor professor of holiday studies. Yeah. St Sheer. Yeah.

1:09:17 Paul's cousin will be coming on to discuss Krampus. So we'll be learning. will be celebrating. Head to the deepdiveacademy.com for tickets and you can use code howdy for $5 off all ticket prices.

1:09:32 Making us look bad by not having a code. Howdy. Howdy. Y or howdy. E. Great [clears throat] question. H O W D I E. Okay.

1:09:43 Why Why pick a such an odd uh password? Uh howdy. How does that tie into uh the I just dive divers?

1:09:52 Well, because this code is just for hats get made lists. Oh, got it. Got it. Oh, okay. Got it. Got it. Got it.

1:09:57 So, it's a tip of the hat to the I love it. Yeah. I still love that. For our uh show, we use code bonkers for mental health.

1:10:07 Yes. We're a mental health advertiser. Like, hey, you want to get your brain in check? Use the code bonkers. Hey, you know what? It'd be great for you to talk to a mental health professional. All you need to do is for 15% off, put in the password, I'm cuckoo bananas. Uh Jason, Man on the Inside season 2 is now on Netflix. Man on the Inside season 2, get it while the getting's good. And Percy Jackson season 2 is right around the corner. And then as always, guys, what you know, it's a great holiday watch when you've got downtime. It's called Taskmaster. Season 19 is all on YouTube. Season 20 just finished.

1:10:49 Fantastic season. Watch that as well. Why not? And if you are looking for a a gift, you can get my book now in paperback and hard coverver. And you know what? If you get it in early, I can even sign it for you. Um all right. Well, uh don't watch it or maybe watch it. If you do watch it, don't tell June that you did. That's a wrap on the Christmas tree. We hope you all sit down with your family after Thanksgiving and enjoy this wonderful film together. if you have anything that we might have missed. And uh you know what, there's a lot here. We didn't even talk about the fact that there are two characters that are just shadows. They weren't even colored in or even drawn for that matter. So there's a lot to uh add to this conversation. You can give us a call at 619 pulsk. That's 619 Paul ask or write a comment on our discord.

1:11:30 You go to our discord at discord.gg/hdtgm and we will respond to your messages and your comments on next week's last looks. Plus, Jason and I will sit down, talk about what we're watching. Also, meet up with uh our old uh engineer Devin Bryant. Will be a blast. And if you want to give a gift of How did this get made this holiday, well, guess what? We have brought back our first shirt. That's right. Ridiculous cage is up. Take a look. The very first shirt that we took down because we were going to get sued and now we've put it back up. It's in our merch store. Just go to hdtg.com.

1:12:04 You can also get a How Did This Get Made hat that are very fashionable. And remember, if you listen on Apple Podcast or Spotify, please make sure you are subscribed to our feed and have automatic downloads turned on in the show settings. It helps us and we appreciate it a lot. A big thank you to our entire team, our producer, Scott Sonni, Molly Reynolds, our audio engineer, Casey Halford, our social media manager, Zoe Applebomb, and of course our intern Quinn Jennings. We always want to just uh also give a shout out to April Halley and uh and just put good wishes in the air uh for her. We are always thinking about her. And that's all we got for now. See you next week on Last Looks.

Questions about this episode

How long is "The Christmas Tree (1991)"?

The episode runs 1 h 13 min; the transcript is about 14,440 words in 339 timestamped sections.

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