Transcript

Did Ron Funches Mess Up on Traitors? | Howie Mandel Does Stuff

From Howie Mandel Does Stuff · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 52 min · 10,258 words · 291 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Did Ron Funches Mess Up on Traitors? | Howie Mandel Does Stuff", an episode of Howie Mandel Does Stuff published January 13, 2026 (52 min, about 10,258 words). It mentions 11 people, works and ideas, including Ron Funches, New Orleans, Traders, Magic City, Clairvoyants.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Ron Funches, Lucille Ball
  2. – 10:00: New Orleans, Loot
  3. – 20:00: Magic City
  4. – 25:00: Traders, Edner Family Center, Taylor Swift
  5. – 30:00: Clairvoyants, America's Got Talent
  6. – 50:00: Traders, Rock Paper Scissors

Notable quotes from "Did Ron Funches Mess Up on Traitors? | Howie Mandel Does Stuff"

  • Ron Funches, who's one of the funniest guys ever. You rolling?
    about Ron Funches · at
  • But I was talking about like I was showing them like people draw pictures of me.
    about Traders · at
  • That. But and they're Okay, well then can I paint your favorite? And so then I just had them paint this beautiful picture of Lucille Ball that's up in my office. And I'm really…
    about Lucille Ball · at
  • Coming with me to the strip club. he had been hinting around a lot about sex as he got older. we play this game often at night where we throw stuffed animals at each other and then Wait, wait, wait. Uhhuh.
    about Rock Paper Scissors · at
  • Stuff like that. And so, then I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday. And he said he wanted to go to New Orleans. And then he wanted to go to a jazz festival. And then he I was Anything else? And he was kind of just like.
    about New Orleans · at
  • List of strip clubs in different cities, cheerleaders in Philadelphia. He would love to go to Magic City and Atlanta.
    about Magic City · at
  • Mhm. Are you going to go to the wedding of me? Did you just jump in Travis and Taylor Swift?
    about Taylor Swift · at
  • No, I agree with you. so anyway, the clairvoyants are these mentalist clairvoyants from Austria who happen to be in town helping us celebrate the 20th anniversary. So I love what they do.
    about Clairvoyants · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Ron Funches — Person · Main guest · 1 mention · first at
    Primary interview subject; discusses weight loss, fatherhood (including parenting an autistic adult son), career projects, and appears in an on-set mentalism segment.
  • Lucille Ball — Person · Referenced cultural icon (favorite subject of artwork) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the subject of a commissioned painting the guest chose instead of having a portrait of himself; used to illustrate the fan-art/portrait discussion.
  • Taylor Swift — Person · Referenced celebrity (pop-culture context) · 1 mention · first at
    Appears as part of the discussion about Travis’s high-profile relationship and the likelihood of wedding invitations; used as a cultural reference point.

Companies & orgs

Products & tech

  • Traders — Product · Mentioned product · 3 mentions · first at
    Refers to a type of product that may be related to trading or commerce.
  • Loot — Product · Mentioned product · 1 mention · first at
    Refers to items or rewards that can be obtained in games or trading contexts.
    So, he was doing that a couple times when we were doing it, just bringing up sex shops. He'd bring up dildos and stuff like that. And so, then I asked him what he wanted to do…
  • Rock Paper Scissors — Product · Mentioned game · 1 mention · first at
    Refers to a popular game that could be considered a product in a playful context.

Places & events

Media & podcasts

  • America's Got Talent — Media · 1 mention · first at
    So I have here you know I do America's Got Talent and this is our 20th anniversary and do you know who do you ever watch the show?

Full transcript with timestamps

Ron Funches, who's one of the funniest guys ever. You rolling? You rolling, Jar?

A picture of myself. I was saying, and I'm not I'm not knocking this, but do people do this for you? Do people give you pictures of you?

Yeah. And what do you think of that? Usually they're pretty good because they usually make them a slightly a bit skinnier, which I enjoy.

It's so much easier to lose weight in drawings than it is in life. You did lose a lot of weight, though. Like from your

I remember when I first saw you, you were like twice the man you are today. Yeah. I was like 370 at my highest.

No, you weren't. Yeah. Holy moly. I can't even imagine that. How did you lose? Uh, I mean, and this was pre-ozmpic, so I would like to to throw that out there. Um, but I just really changed my diet up. I had terrible diet. I was drinking like a six-ack of soda a day, and just eating terribly. And so, I just switched that up. Drink a lot of water, worked out a bunch, and walked a lot. And

you must feel like it's got to lose how how much weight did you lose? Uh, 140 pounds a person.

Yeah. And does that feel like a weight lifted off not only your shoulders but mostly my knees and my heart and it just feels better. And then also sometimes then you were like, "Oh, my penis is much bigger than I thought it was."

Could you see your penis at 370? I mean, I had to suck in. Why didn't you just stand in front of the mirror?

I guess that's a good point, but I don't think that counts. Looking at your own penis

in the mirror. Anyone should be able to see it then, right? [clears throat] Depends how many people you have standing in front of the mirror.

That's a great point. It is. And uh so I guess the start. Oh, we started. Can you tell?

Yeah. Are you okay? I'm not I hope I'm not being offensive. Not at all. But I was talking about like I was showing them like people draw pictures of me.

I actually drew this, but they draw pictures of me and then they give me pictures. And I I think I love the the thought or the goodwill that somebody who's a fan takes the time to draw a picture, but then I just I don't know what's going like

You're easy to draw though. Is that you have a drawable face? Very easy. Why? Mostly circles.

YEAH, it's true. But so now you just took away from everybody who's very proud of the work they've done. But then they give it to me and I don't know what to do with it. Like in your mind in if you have if you're a fan of somebody's in your mind do you think like I could see like I'm a fan. I want to draw a picture. I want to paint a picture of them because I love this person this musician this comedian. So but I wouldn't think of giving it to them because they probably want a picture of themselves.

Yeah. No. It's very egotistical to want to keep it. I had someone who is a very great painter ask me if they could paint me. So then put it in my home. And I was like, "No, I don't think I would do that." But and they're like, "Okay, well then can I paint your favorite your favorite?" And so then I just had them paint this beautiful picture of Lucille Ball that's up in my office. And I'm really glad I had them do that cuz their work is amazing. But I couldn't imagine.

I love Lucille Ball, too. If you're watching and you First of all, that's [ __ ] You love images of yourself. If you walk around this office, have you ever seen more? There's so many images.

A lot. Yeah, this is a true. You are truly You look like a pharaoh. And it is clearly your pyramid.

Look, there's a lot of Howie in here. To tell to tell a Jew he looks like a pharaoh. But anyway, uh

you look like so many things. Heisenberg. Keep going. Morpheus white. You look like you're like I don't know if you should be wearing that Halloween costume.

A white Morpheus. How do you feel about the whole white face? Duski. Oh, I thought that was so funny.

I thought it was amazing. Yeah, Duski is so funny. He's great. Yeah, he's really hilarious in the way that he taps into those things and makes things that can be so racial but not he none of the things about he did was racist. It was very like celebratory of what he was trying to do and and poking funs at thing. I think the way that Duski goes about things where making fun of like 2000's culture and all that type of stuff, he's like really really talented.

He is. And so are you. You are also a father. Mhm. Yeah. And how old is your son now? Oh, I got two. I got two now. My oldest is 23 and my youngest is three.

I didn't know you have a three-year-old. I knew about your older one because I've heard about him in the act.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've heard a lot about him. Yeah. You talk about him a lot.

Yeah. He's very funny. He like, you know, makes me money. He's a good guy. But you do things for him. Was it when he turned 21 or whatever? 18. Didn't you take him to a strip club?

To him strip club. 21st birthday. Wow, that's so nice of you. Yeah, he really wanted to go. Yeah, for people who don't cuz now it's so weird cuz I just assume um and I posted about it and then some people are like, "Oh, that's so sweet." And other people are like, "This is gross. Why would you share this?" And um I don't think that a lot I forget that people don't know that my oldest son has autism. And it was like it's not like I was like, "You're coming with me to the strip club." Um he had been hinting around a lot about sex as he got older. Uh, we play this game often at night where we throw stuffed animals at each other and then

Wait, wait, wait. Uhhuh. Just the direction that this story is going. I don't mean to interrupt.

I don't mean to interrupt, but uh you throw stuffed animals at each other. Yeah. Yeah. It's just called, we call it wrestling, but what we do is he'll take a thing and he'll throw something at me and he'll name something. It could be like we'll pick a parameter. So he'll be like cities and so then I'll be like New Mexico and then he'll throw uh something at me. Although I guess I did a state so I would immediately have been out. Uh but we or we will do TV shows and then we'll do

I couldn't think of cities. Did you just change the catacia? We do I can't think of cities. Santa Fe.

Can I just say that San Jose? Can I just say that? Albuquerque place. So, we're probably going to cut to a commercial now and people are going to be wondering and stay tuned how this story gets to you showing your son [ __ ] at uh

Stay tuned. Okay, we'll be right back. We're back. Okay, so you're So, you're talking about your oldest who's 23 now, but when he was 21 and he's been diagnosed with autism that you played, you have always played this game before bed or I assume it's that's a night game. It's not a morning game. game. Yeah, it's a nighttime game.

You can't throw stuffed animals in the morning. No, it's a cool down, get ready for bed, say good night game.

Did you raise him? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've had so custody of him since he was 12.

His mother has nothing to do with him. Uh I mean, she has she talks with him. They have communication. Uh but she's just hadn't been in a position to be able to take care of him.

Okay. So, you're throwing stuffed animals at him. Mhm. We're we're heading Just so if you're just tuning in now, I don't know how people just tune in now. They they have to be here. you don't come in at this point. Uh I asked him about taking you took him to a strip bar at 21.

Yes. So and you started the story by throwing stuff throwing stuff down as one does. Um and so we would was just throwing things around and so he would just at one point he just made the parameter just things. And I was like all right. And so I was like basketball and he was like grocery store and I was like all right wrestling. And then he goes sex shop. And I was like, okay. That was a strong turn.

What was the animal that he's telling? What is that? Uh, it sometimes it's a Cartman doll. Sometimes it's like uh a different Disney thing that he has. He has a lot of stuffed toys for on it. I mean, for a 23-year-old, he has a lot of stuffed animals. But who am I to judge? Uh,

so I can judge. You can feel free. No, but that's what I do. So, he was doing that a couple times when we were doing it, just bringing up sex shops. He'd bring up dildos and stuff like that. And so, then I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday. And he said he wanted to go to New Orleans. And then he wanted to go to a jazz festival. And then he I was like, "Anything else?" And he was kind of just like "Um." And I go, "Do you want to go to a strip club?" And he goes, "Oh, yeah.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah." and he threw his apartment at you. Yeah. So that's why I took him

in New Orleans. Yeah. Visions. Oh, yeah. Are you plugging Visions? Yeah. I mean, and not and they're just just truth.

Yeah. But so Visions and Did they know you when you came in? No. No. No. Did you get them uh like uh

So this um I'm trying to be Cuz this is my kid, too. I didn't take you any place at 21 like that. I would never. I didn't.

No, you would never. And you also had a very different like a double. Did you guys have a terrible relationship? We did. We did.

I didn't know about throwing the stuffed animals. And but you threw [ __ ] at me.

Not like that. It wasn't abusive. No. You're going to get us in trouble. Sorry. I'm sorry. We're fine now. We're fine.

I'm cancelled. And there was a um a double standard with myself and my brother. So

I didn't take him to a strip club. No, but like I got the door taken off my room and whenever he had a girl over, you're like, "Enjoy." And close the door.

No, I didn't. I did not. You just didn't care. Classic. Yeah, that's I mean I was prone to believe her.

Always believe women. Well, so okay. So, you get there to the strip club. Mhm. And uh had he he's he had never probably seen a woman naked before.

He was excited. He was loving it. He was locked eyes and he just he's a gentleman. And so he just walked right up and introduced himself to every stripper.

Did they shake their hand? Yeah. Hello. My name is Malcolm. What is your name? That's adorable and funny at the same time. I'm sure they didn't

they've never used to that. Oh, they Oh, we turned that place upside down because they were not used. It was me, my best friend, and my son. And they were not used to three sweet gentlemen who just wanted to look from afar and be nice to you. And they had never seen that before.

From afar. Yeah. And one lady was trying, you try to keep these attitudes, right, and just be so mysterious and sexy. But then I noticed one of the strippers had a tattoo of bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls on her thigh. And so I was like, "There's no way you're tough. You're not tough. No one tough has a Bubbles tattoo on their thigh." So then I just asked her what her favorite anime was. And we just hit it off from there. And we just had a great time. It was a great fun strip club.

And now that's the mother. That's the mother the three-year-old. That's how we met. That's how you know how the show. That's how we I met your mother.

How I met your mother. So, so you go in, you sit Do you sit down and do Do people come over and try to offer you like a a dance lap? Did you get your

Did you get your son a lap dance? No. Uh, no. No. Wait. Yeah. Yes, I did. Okay.

Did you just give him a look like you're lying? I just didn't remember. I wouldn't lie about it.

His first lap his first lap dance. I didn't see any of that cuz she took him away. I don't know what happened with that.

He was in the champagne room. Why are you laughing? Yeah, just the way you said it. It was fun.

Yeah. He My dad owned a strip club. Oh, really? Yeah. So, uh did uh when he came back, what did he said? He had

uh he just was kind of shy and happy. And then at that point, um that I think was when one of them realized that he had autism because when she could, you know, was trying to talk with him and communicate with him. And so then they were just kind of really chill and sweet with us because they were like, you know, they were just like, "Oh, he's kind of sweet and kind." And they just wanted her. She asked if he wanted to touch her butt and then he did. And then then we got out of there.

Wait, slow down. Mhm. Slow down. Sure. She said, "Why [clears throat] are you laughing?"

I don't know. I think it's just trying to picture the whole experience. It probably wasn't as funny as you're making it sound.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I don't understand what's The way you're making it sound makes it sound like it was very awkward. It wasn't awkward though, right?

No, it wasn't. It was chill. It was a little awkward, but But she said to you, she knew you were the father.

Mhm. Okay. So, she said to you, "Would your son like to touch my butt?" Yeah. Well, she said she went to him. She went to him first

and said what? You know, if you want to for your birthday, you can touch my butt.

That's really nice. That is nice. Mhm. Does it do you make a wish? Like how do you do that? Do you

What do you mean? It's a strip club. There's a there I think they offer that. Did they say that to you? Did they offer you that?

No. No, it wasn't my birthday. It's like Denny's. Like on Tuesdays, kids eat free.

Yeah. If you come into the strip club and it's your birthday, you could touch a butt.

So she was she was already naked. She was totally naked. I think she still had bottoms on.

Was it a classy strip? Like I No. And I took him on Thursday at 6:00 p.m. Because I watch Married to Medicine and they talk about going to this strip club. Do you watch any Bravo shows?

No. No. It's a really good one. And they talk about going to this strip club that's like it's not they say it's fine. The husbands say it's fine cuz it's not like a normal strip club. It's really fancy and they have like the best food in town.

That's [ __ ] That's what That's what husband said. No. No. One of the other strippers were like, "Well, you know, you can touch your butt. You won't buy your boy a little bit of pussy." I was like, "No, no, we got to go."

But it's his birthday. Yeah, she did say like that. Yeah, she did say that. That's exactly what she said.

Wow. This is better than Chuck-E-Cheese. Did he say that? He actually said this is like Grand Theft Auto. So he she said, "Would you like to touch the butt?" Did Was she asking him or asking you?

Asking him. And what did he say? Yeah. And you said I said, "All right." I just kind of sat back, let him do it, and it was the weirdest butt touch I ever seen in my life.

What do you mean? What does that mean? Was it just like, you know how in an aquarium how they say like two-finger touch?

Mhm. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? What's a two finger? In an aquarium, there's a two-finger touch.

Yes, there is. I don't know that. That's a Do you know what I'm talking about? A finger touch room rule. A third a two finger touch room.

What are you talking about? A two finger touch rule. And I can see why you got your door taken. Oh

maybe maybe it was just a rule I made up when I took my students. You never heard that.

I was a teacher. So, when I took my students to the aquarium in like the fish tank where you're allowed to touch the stingrays and stuff, it was a two-finger touch rule. No, not the same thing.

No, I hear it. I understand it. No, it's not the same thing at the strip club with a butt. No,

no, he just never had done it. So, he had a unique technique. What's his unique technique?

Wait a minute. We don't want to do We won't get into that. It sounds We're We're into it.

What's your technique? Uh touch a butt. Mhm. Nice. People people if people are watching a lot of people listen but just uh

it's kind of like your standup just a palming. Oh gentle and milktoast. Yeah. But it's so [ __ ] funny. I just I just like did he put just put his hand on there and just stay like what did she bend over?

He's sitting. Are you sitting in a chair? Yes. You're both sitting. You your friend and your son. It's three chairs.

Yes. He's in the middle. There's a girl. You said she's she's got She's on the stage.

She's Oh, she's on the stage. So, but she still has uh Does she have a thong on? Okay. She has a thong on. I'm trying to create a picture here. She turns her back and turns over and bends over.

Yeah. Kind of side more sideways, but her butt towards him. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'm not asking. I'm asking for his view. So, so, so it's right at him. He's looking at the at her crack.

No. No. See, again, that's it's a more again she's side cheek. Yeah. And he does he put his hand on it?

Mm-m. No. Just a thumb? No. [snorts and clears throat] Back hand. Two finger roll.

No. Back hand. Back hand swipe. [sighs] You give up. One finger. Oh no. Qu not quite.

Pinky. One finger but a different finger. Classy. Kyle. Kyle, you could speak up. What would you do in that situation? How would you approach it? Did he go for the hole?

Don't tell him to speak up anymore. He did a swoop swing like her butt was a cat that he had never met. I love that. It's beautiful. Did you laugh?

Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Actually, and I swear to God, everyone around the whole strip club, all the strippers that were there, they all just went A

Has he asked to go back? Yes, he's actually now he has made a list of strip clubs in different cities, cheerleaders in Philadelphia. He would love to go to Magic City and Atlanta. Um, so if he sees my road schedule,

Magic City, that is it. Oh, that's the one you're talking about. That's the one. That's a classy joint. Sorry. Here.

Why do you know that? From Married to Medicine. I know from I watch a lot of TV. I watch a lot of reality shows.

That's fine. I love that about you. Thank you. [snorts] Oh, so he comes on the road with you if if it's got a place that that he wants to uh touch.

Yes. Or a video game store he wants to go to. Yeah. Is he still in school? Does he go to college?

He goes to the Edner Family Center. Oh, that's wonderful. I ra I I did a fundraiser for them.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, that's a wonderful thing. Yes, that's wonderful. Yeah, I you know what with all the the funniness and the laughter. I I I really commend you number one for speaking out about it and finding the humor, but you I I think you help a lot of people who um you know, autism is prevalent and it's wonderful how you um are such an advocate for just being open and because I think it's really hard not not as much as it's maybe difficult for somebody that has autism or is on the spectrum from the people around to to have a support system and to find places where people can,

you know, get help and get the services that are needed. But he but he graduated high school, right? Yeah. Congratulations, buddy. That's a that's a a badge of honor.

Thank you. Have you taken a three-year-old to a strip club? If Disneyland counts. Yeah,

sometimes. It can. It can. And you're touring. Mhm. Are you going to go to the wedding

of of me? Did you just jump in Travis and and Taylor Swift? Did I just jump in without a segue from a strip club from your sonouching butt like a an unfamiliar cat to the fact of uh uh are you going to go to the wedding?

I don't think I'll be invited. You don't think so? I don't think so. I understand that you're good friends with Travis or your friend Lee.

Friendly with Travis, I would say. I worked with him on a game show and was helpful and and enjoyed working with him, but I don't let make like, you know, I don't get confused about that in real friendship, you know. I like his mom, too. I worked with his mom on the Traders, so I think there's like a 5% chance, but unless more than zero, but I don't think I will be. There's plenty of other people that probably will be invited.

I would think so. But if Donna, please invite me. Donna's the mother. Yeah. Miss,

you don't know Donna? I don't know Travis. I don't know. know Donna. Donna's always shown at the at the games.

Yeah, but I don't know Travis. I don't know I don't know them. Oh yeah. I don't know Taylor. I don't know anybody. I was fascinated with the fact that uh uh in in doing a little bit of research before he came here of things that are happening. I know you were an Are you smarter than a celebrity? You did that that game show with him. But then what was fascinating was how uh his relationship with Travis said, "Hey, why don't you show up to a game?" and thinking and I think people throw that out like it's just a

a nice thing to say. But then he he came through on it and took care of me and my whole um my openers that I brought with me, you know, I had my son, so it was like a group of four of us. And then he was mostly apologetic. He was like, you know, it's Thanksgiving. The the the box is going to be full, you know, cuz Taylor's going to be there, so I can't get you in the box, but I can get you in the family section. And then he like texted me an hour before the game just being like, "I'm about to turn my phone off. Just making sure you guys got in."

Okay. And um you and just working with him on the game show like just seeing the way that he approaches um I guess anything that he does work-wise cuz I was coming in like, "Okay, this football player, he's probably going to just not know anything about comedy. He's not going to know anything about hosting." Coming in with my own little bit of jealousy being like, "I want to host. Maybe they should have thought about me for hosting this and all this." And then just to see how charming and how like dedicated he was and how much work he put in and how he spoke to and was kind to everyone on set. And I was like after the first day I was like, "Oh, I get it. I get why a billionaire would want to marry him. I get all of it. Like he's cool. He's cool as hell."

Wow. You want to host a game show? Mhm. Have you done that game show? I've done a couple small things. I hosted a game show for the shortlive quibby platform uh called Nice One. Um and then I've done a lot of game shows. I did um I just recently did Are You Smarter or That Are You Smarter Thing and I did the what's the weakest link recently? I've done Will of Fortune. I tried.

But you were you were contestants. Contestants, but I've hosted some other things.

We should work together. We should figure out something that we can develop together. You're really good. I've been a fan from afar for a long time. But you're very

meeting you. I mean, we've met at Jeff JFL and stuff like years and years ago, and you were always very kind and very um nice about my comedy, and I really appreciate that.

Like Travis, right? Yeah. But I didn't I didn't invite you to anything. No, not once.

I feel bad now. To to the podcast. Oh, yeah. I invite a long time now. I want to know about traders.

Okay. Well, you want to know? I can only tell you very little. I just wanted to know who you got. Are you allowed to say who you got along with and who was hard to get along with?

Um, probably not. But I guess easy it would be that I got along with very few. And didn't get along with most

really. What season was he on? It hasn't come out yet. Yeah. Upcoming. Oh, this is the new one.

Yeah. But don't they usually uh have like uh villains from other reality shows?

Not just villains. No, it's not just villains. You seem too nice to be on that show.

That's what I found out. Yeah, I think so. Well, arts are too real. They're not real.

I think re real and reality show people are different people. Did you enjoy the the uh the experience?

Yes, very much so. I very much enjoyed it. Allan is amazing. The crew was amazing. The um missions, all the things that they do are so like top-notch and like just something I never been before. And again, I want to host. And so to watch Allan watch he taught me a lot just from being around him. The way he owns a room, the way he took ownership of a show and I know a lot of it people just are like his fashion and stuff like that. Yeah. [clears throat] Yeah. Yeah. But like the way he ran the show, the way he like kept everybody on task in ways that I normally was used to only seeing like a ad do or something, but like he took full ownership of that show and it really taught me a lot. And so yeah, I'm very glad I went. It was beautiful too. Castle is amazing.

I'm a really good host, too. You You are a good host. No, I'm really good. I mean, if you would be on the set when I'm do hosting.

He also loves to take control of everything. It's true. It's true. I don't know if people appreciate it as much as they appreciate Allan, but

the three-year-old, are you are are you uh with a mother? No. No, not anymore. Not anymore.

No, but I was married twice though, so you know, you can't throw any type of stereotypes at me.

What? What? Wait, what does that even mean? Why? Because the two women were very different.

No, I just met like two two different baby mamas type of thing. I was just joking around.

But very but very different kind of ladies. No, they're uh they in the business. Do we know them?

No. No, definitely not. No. Are you amicable? No, I would say more than before, but like friendly. No.

How long were you with the mother of the three-year-old? Uh, four years total. Would you ever want to get married again?

Probably not. I don't seem to do a good job of it. I'm not really good at picking

like your picker is bad or you are not good at Maybe it's the way he touches her butt.

The swipe. I think my picker was bad, but I think it's better now. I do think I've done a lot of work to make sure it's better now. I went through a lot and I um and just well more aware of myself and what I like, what I don't like, what I won't put up with. Um so I think I'm much

I know what you won't put up with your baby mama. There we go. And are you involved in the upbringing of this three-year-old?

Oh, of course. Absolutely. Are you have custody? I we have joint custody. Yeah, I have them every week. Yeah.

Oh, that's great. So, she's here in town. Mhm. That's good. And does your older son love his brother?

Yeah, he loves him and tolerates him. So he loves him and tolerates him. Yeah, that's the best you can ask for. Yeah, especially with that age difference.

Do you like magic? Um, yeah, I do like magic. So I have here uh you know I do America's Got Talent and this is our 20th anniversary and do you know who do you ever watch the show?

I've watched it before. Yeah, I got asked to audition for it but I didn't want to. got awkward for a second.

No, not because of you guys, but it's because the questions they immediately they were asking me so much about my oldest son that I immediately could tell that it was going to be like that would be the hook and I didn't want that to be my want that to be my story.

No, I I agree with you. Um, so anyway, the clairvoyants are these mentalist clairvoyants from Austria who happen to be in town helping us celebrate the 20th anniversary. So I I I love what they do. And I said, I have this really funny, great guy coming in, and would you come in and dazzle us with your mentalism? Sure.

So, do you want to take part? Clairvoyance. It's Tommy. Tommy and Amily are here.

There's so much going on here. What do you mean? There was a band. There's magic. We should play. We should play that clip from um what's his name when he's going back and trying to explain what you're

Hello. Hi. Oh, hi. From who? Oh, from England. That guy from England. Hi. That's Tommy and Amaly.

Oh, I just thought they worked here. I didn't know they were separate magic. The Well, I don't know if it's magic as much as mentalism. What is it?

Well, it's a little bit of everything. We just do whatever is fun. What we like to do on stage and that's what we do. from illusions to mind reading to

to a dog dog dog magic. Yeah. So they have they they like they headline in in Vegas all over the world. You can go to the clairvoyance.com and see wherever they are. And they just had a son.

Oh yeah. He's nine months old. Congratulations. Have you taken him? Have you let him touch somebody's butt yet?

No. He hasn't been to the script yet. It accidentally happened a couple of times. So

Oh, really? But you should carry him higher. Oh, right. Yeah, maybe that's the solution.

But he he likes to bite. Yeah, he's in the state where he likes to bite. He's teething, so he would bite you anywhere.

Okay. So, do you want to I want to I was just uh regailing uh Ron here with the uh who you are and what you do and he says he loves magic and he likes these things. Do you want to dazzle Ron?

Should we try something with you? Sure. Dazzle me. I'm that sounds so convincing.

Let's do it. He's He's single now, too. Are you? Um I don't know. Does she know?

Uh she doesn't know. She lives far away, so it's hard to tell. Uh, but we'll figure it out. As I mentioned,

how do you meet people? Are you on dating sites? Uh, no. Uhuh. How do you meet somebody far away?

Strip club. Uh, a lot of people just hop in my DMs usually or I just meet them in work or things. I was on the apps for a little bit, but now I I'm not at all. And

what app were you on? I was mostly the one I like the most. I pro I was using the trio of Rya uh Field and what's the other one? Hinge. I thought the first word you mentioned was an app that I was trio. I thought you were looking for which is Minaj.

That's pretty Brad Williams. Brad Williams. He he met his field. Yeah. No throppples. He was in a Brad Williams.

That's what it was. Who field was that before? It's not that anymore. No, now it's Field.

Field. Mhm. Of dreams. Mhm. Okay. Dazzle him. Let's dazzle. Azo. Uh, we prepared something. There is a prediction in there. You know, random playing cards. Yeah. And I did something to it before we met, but let's let's see how it went.

You know, playing cards, right? I'm familiar. There are red ones and black ones, right?

Yeah. And whatever you say, that's the color we will choose. If you say red, we take the red ones. If you say black, we take the black ones. What do you like?

Black. Oh, really? Okay. You know, there are there are clubs and spades. Okay. Whatever you say, that's what we take. The clubs or the space?

Space. The space. Really? That's interesting. And you know, there's the ace, there's a two three four five six seven eight, nine, 10, check, uh, a queen, and the king. Whatever you say, that's the card we take. You can take an easy one like an ace or you make it more more complicated like a number cut. It's totally up to you.

Six. Oh, that's really complicated. Six of uh spades, right? Do you want to change your mind or you you're good there?

Uh I'm made the prediction. A deck of playing cards. Okay, I will Nothing in my hands for everybody who's watching. I'll just take them out.

The six of spades here. I'll go. Nothing left inside the pack. No, nothing there. I'll just go through the CA cards very carefully. Okay, you see the backs, only the backs and you said the six of spades because one card is the other way and that's the only card in the entire deck and that is the six of spades.

Okay, I love it. But wait a second. Maybe I know there was more. I know. Maybe you thought, you know, with my flicking fingers I touched the cards and I turned one card over, but you said the six of spades. And from all the cards actually that is the only card in the deck.

Oh, that has a face and all the other cards are just plank. And the only card is the six of spades.

That's beautiful. Okay, that's wild. Tada. I am mesmerized. Aren't they mesmerizing?

That's wild. They read minds. They I don't know how they do it. And it's just crazy. And we keep bringing them back on AGT for celebrations. They travel the world and dazzle everybody. You dazzled?

I'm very dazzled because it was the only card that existed. I know. And and and just so for the people who are listening and watching, you did not first of all, it was the only card that was turned over because some people just listen to this. Magic on radio is not the same. But

on [clears throat] audio on audio is not the same. Not every trick works. That's right.

Yes. Seems like it would be easier. What? It's magic radio. Say whatever you want.

And there is the elephant. And now it's gone again. You're right. And here we are in a strip club. It's back in the studio. It's amazing.

Who's touching my butt? It was not our son. That is great. Do Do you have you ever done magic or tried magic or

No. No, I never tried. Just a fan. I've been to the Magic Castle a couple times. Magic Castle. Beautiful place.

It is gorgeous. These guys have been together, I think, 11 years now. Beautiful.

It is beautiful. What do you have any words of advice for Ron? Ron's not Ron couldn't uh procreate very well, but it's just stay

Well, not anymore. Silence. What happened? So, actually, we go to the Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What happened?

He got his tubes tied. Yeah, I got a basectomy. Oh, good. I got scared for a minute. I thought you were going to tell me a terrible story about an escalator with no pants on.

That doesn't work sometimes. A basectomy. I know, but I got the triple. Oh, I don't know what a triple usually finger two finger roll.

They got the the They got the nodding, the burning, or the yanking. And I did all three.

What? Wait, that sounds why why you did all three? Just to make sure. Because my dad had six kids and his latest kid he had when he was in his 50s and I don't want to have that.

How old are you? I'm 42. And you had a triple a triple bypasectomy. Would they knot it? They tie it.

Mhm. And then they and then they they clamp it and they burn it. Are you up for all this?

Yeah. You can smell it. I don't want to. Was that an offer? Yeah. No. Emily, you could smell the burning, right? You could smell the burning. I've heard of that.

Oh, I thought he was He was making uh like You want to smell my nuts? No. No. He's saying when Yeah.

When they do it. Mhm. You could Why do you know that? Did you? Because we understand what he's saying. Understand what you say.

Thank god you're here. But why? I mean, they burn something inside you, right? They burn your your like

And you still smell it? Yeah. Well, I mean it's not. Did you get it done around Christmas time?

I think I got done around my birthday, March but Oh, because your nuts roasting on an open fire. I thought would be like it would be festive.

Okay. Are you okay? She made me laugh just repeating me. So maybe I'm laugh at her repeating me.

Yeah, cuz you are your biggest fan. I love me. You go to every show you do, don't you?

I do. I love it. When people ask, "Who's your favorite comedian?" I'm like, "It's me, of course." What you

Oh my god. What's this? Mail. Mail. Paul. What? Got a plaque. You got a plaque? I want one of those so bad.

YouTube. Oh my god. 100,000. That's beautiful. 100,000 subscribers. All right. That was a beautiful moment. It

didn't it feel beautiful? Very special. It's very special. Do we get one, too? We hit 100,000 followers today.

Did you really? Yes. Oh, wow. Do we get one, too? Well, you have to be in on YouTube.

I can give you something else. We got You don't get a YouTube. I can give you underpants. Everybody gets underpants here.

Man-made underpants. So, I'm going to first before I talk about them, uh, uh, Sunny, you want to do the man-made underpants, uh, theme song?

You got it. Thank you. Manmade [singing] right now. When you put them on, going to want to feel your s. You put on these going to make you dance. Start a little fire. Make you dance [singing] in your

underpants. Okay. So, this is man-made underpants. This a Canadian company. And these four guys left. Uh, what size underpants do you wear?

Extra large. Okay. Trying to date. Got to feel them. Here we go. What size do you wear?

Medium. Okay. It's tough to say after he says his, right? large here. I'll give you small.

Thank you. Feel feel them. It's made out of Modell. It's You will They'll never

Oh, I like Modell. Yeah. Oh, you know Modell? Yeah. I never knew it before. I Aren't these great?

It's amazing. It's amazing. And you could do magic in there. I can fit a lot in there.

Yes, you can. And it's like Well, you don't have to use every part of it. Just It's fun to Isn't that great?

These are going to be my sleeping pants. I like it. Sleeping pants. You wear special pants for sleeping.

Pajamas. Yeah, because I mean you spend eight hours sleeping and I and so you got

eight hours sleeping. Yeah. So I got to wear something comfy. Amazing and special.

What do you think? I love that. It doesn't sleep. What? Oh, the underwear. I thought you meant the sleeping hours. The sleep hour is beautiful. That's good. Work life balance if you're getting that with a baby.

Uh yeah, he's Yeah, he's awesome. But I need a lot of sleep otherwise I'm really grumpy. Oh,

yeah. I haven't gotten 8 hours of sleep since my son was born in 10 years. You're very lucky.

Yeah, she's up all night, but you don't need a lot of sleep. I feel like I do. You tired?

Yeah. Okay, so we'll end this. Wait, I want to ask you. Did if you're tired, there's no sense going on. But go ahead, ask. Did I did have a question because I saw a very funny clip and I think it was from a long time ago when you were doing an interview and you were talking about your old job at the bank

and how you used to give money to people, give away money. [clears throat] Did you ever get in trouble for that?

Yeah. Oh, got fired. No, but I mean after telling the story, you didn't get fired for that. No,

they didn't know that you were giving away money. No, I mean they knew I was giving away too much money,

but they would just be like, "Stop doing it." And you said no. I would say sure. And then you would still do it.

Yeah. Because I wanted to people to not yell at me. I always wondered that like people working at a bank or customer service, why not just like give give to people like give

because eventually they'll fire you. Oh, that's true. I was doing standup comedy. So I was trying to get out either way. And so I was hoping to get fired before I quit because I wanted to get unemployment. Unfortunately, I just ended up quitting before or just not showing up for work. So I never got unemployment for it. But um I mean I think that's the reason why they're switching to AI, right? AI doesn't have to have morals. You know, you can sit there and just be told that you want to do something and they do it. But for me, when someone was especially back then when the laws were really bad, you would have someone explain to you and they go like, I overdrew my account by 90 cents and you like took $120 from me. How's that fair? And I just couldn't be like, well, you didn't know about your available balance, which because your deposit didn't hit at this time and your credits had already hit before. And

it's like, well, that's all the thing that we had set up. So, if we wanted the deposits to hit, they would have hit. You know,

that's great. We were going to wrap up in a couple minutes ago, but it's better to spend another 5 minutes talking about banking

right? No, because people don't people don't talk about banking or balance I've ever seen. It made me laugh and I thought it was

banking's not good. I would laugh. You know what? I always go into the bank when when there's like nobody there. There's like one teller and you still have to make your way through the stansions. You're back and forth and back and forth and back. Like the airport, but there's a people at the airport. If I'm the only one, I don't want to go back and forth, back and forth. I want to be able to walk right to the teller. Will you tell

you take the thing out? Pull the thing out. You just skip it. You go just go around.

Yeah. Or then they yell at you. Mhm. You guys, it's a test like in the movie Men in Black when Will pull the table towards him.

Just cut through it. You're the only one following the rules. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm an idiot.

Yeah. Go ahead. But I I like I mean you're you're not an American right? I'm not American. I am.

All the Americans, they love to follow the rules and to go in lines. They like to stand in line. It's so interesting.

Well, you don't stand in line in Australia. Because it feels like wherever you see a line, you just go there because there is a line even though you don't know what it is about like what's at the end of the line.

In Austria, if there are more than three people, everybody's yelling like I've never stood in a line that I didn't know [snorts] what

you for sure did. Even if there was no line in the Where have you seen a line in this country to know? Have you ever stood Ron? Have you ever stood in a line that you didn't know what you were lined up for?

Yeah. But I could smell cookies though cookies. Why? It was in Amsterdam and I could smell cookies

closer to your home. And I told my friend, I go, "That's a rule in my life. If I if I see a long line for autismal treats and I never been seen it, I'm getting in it. I don't care what's on the other end of it."

For artisal treats. Yeah. And it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. It was one of the best cookies I ever had.

Two kids, but those artisal treats. What areal treats? I don't even know that term. It's the best. What?

Our Yeah, I've heard it before. So, explain it to me. You explain it. No, you explain it.

You don't know. You heard it. It's like bakery stuff, right? Why are you laughing? What is it?

Am I wrong? They had the treats before. Do you know what it is? Yeah. It sounds like they've been

You have no idea what you're doing. You don't know what to do. Have you watched this this podcast before? I'm known for being really STUPID

and she's a teacher here in America. I'm a teacher. So, I'm passing on the stupidity to our to our future to the youth of America.

Well, I appreciate it. What do you know what an artist? I do teach people to stand in line.

Um, I'm honestly not sure if English is not my first language. Oh, you got an excuse, Tommy.

I think it's a little cookie that tastes like Christmas. That's what I would imagine.

I love that. And you said it was in Amsterdam. Yeah. So then it was probably a a really good one.

A really good pot like a like no means cookies after Kyle say something. I just like knowing I'm the smartest person here.

What is it, Kyle? It's something that uses traditional methods of Yeah, it is. and tools usually being handcrafted as

you guys are reading Google handcrafted handcraft. So why am I wrong? Why do you want there could be a bakery there's big bakeries it doesn't but you were you were the closest but it but I felt like I felt like you were l you were like I know what it is but then you realized you didn't know what

why the [ __ ] did you call me out I feel like I was really close like enough not to laugh. Yeah,

you were. But I chose not I chose to laugh. Thank you. But so when you smell cookies, you'll just go in line.

If I if I see a line and it's like some small batch crafted tree, it must be good. And I was right. Now I've gone back two years later. They got a whole bigger stunt storefront. Von Steeple.

HOW MUCH DID YOU BUY? IT'S NOT ARTISAL, RIGHT? Art Artisal. Artisal. You don't think Von steeple is artisal? Well, if it's a bigger store, then they have a whole

They still handcraft them. WHAT THE [ __ ] IS EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT? And that was in Amsterdam.

Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Check them out. Put Sunny, do you know what artisal Get the cookies on the screen.

Sunny, do you know what artisal treats are? Cuz I know he his family bakes and they're always bringing us cookies and stuff.

They make artisal treats. What is it, Sunny? Uh, I would like I don't know like fancy old schooly. How do you still not know? We just put the description up on the screen.

Listening, but he wasn't. He doesn't listen to the show. This a good one. This a good show.

This is a good episode. Is it? It is. Yeah. Yeah. What are your other favorite episodes of this podcast?

Probably Mark Maron one. OH, WHAT' you think about what he said? He's pretty fun. I used to always I mean I've known Mark for like 12 years and he always still makes me laugh because I would whatever when I was younger especially in my 20s I'd be see older comedians and I'd be like our job is so fun and they're successful. How could you be bitter? And then now I'm in my 40s and I'm like oh I get it. I get it a little bit. I see how you could be a little bitter.

I'm not bitter because I have um a beautiful life and I'm grateful and I understand that I have perspective. So, I'm certainly not bitter, but I say I'm under underpaid and I think that I should have more uh opportunities, more specials, more things like that. I think my comedy and my

I believe that I believe that. Yeah. You're saying that on a podcast that you're sitting at for free.

Mhm. You are underpaid. No, you give them underpants. I give you underpants. That counts.

Yeah. But you can't you can't um talk about being bitter and standing in line for cookies in the same

A bitter person is not in line for cookies. No, definitely. Maybe he was bitter and then he stood in line and then he was happy again.

Sweetness overcame. The clairvoyance. Wherever you want to see them, don't miss them. Where if they're in a theater near you or a place near you, you got to catch them. That's clairvoyance.com. Right.

Thank you, Howie. Ronfunch.com. Great actor. Great. Do you have a movie coming out? You're the voice of Do you have a series now? You have a series. and a show loot, Apple TV, Maya Rudolph, myself, many Joe Kim, Booster, other people as well. Um, tra the new season of Traders will probably be out in January. And then I'm in a cartoon called Rock Paper Scissors that's on uh Nickelodeon where I play rock. So

So you're doing well. I do okay. Again, can't be bitter. Can't be bitter. Well, you said now you understand how Mark Maron feels.

Well, I just understand. Yeah. And on that note, play us out, Sunny. Oh, and comment everybody and subscribe. We need 101.

What do you want them to comment? Give them a call to action. What do you want them to comment? What do you want them to say?

I'd like them to say how wonderful. Do you have a question for everyone for our viewers?

No, not really. Don't put me on. They should explain what artists and cookies are like their interpretation. If

you ever had an art cookie, an artisal treat. Yeah. Let us know what your favorite one was.

They're going to be flooded with I'm going to Madison. I'm going to Chicago. Tell me where your artisal goods are.

You'll smell it. Sunny, play us out. Or the best strip club. That's great. Get your [singing] groove on right now. Watching how we men. Get your groove on right now. Watching how we men [singing] combine don't you know they'll read your mind ag for your enjoyment the incredible clairvoyant ranch is so legit loving his a giggle fits vision board so angelic feeling so a punchadelic jet bro Now we're watching how we men

watching how we me juggling shorts. Woo! Dust.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Did Ron Funches Mess Up on Traitors? | Howie Mandel Does Stuff"?

Ron Funches (Guest).

What is discussed in "Did Ron Funches Mess Up on Traitors? | Howie Mandel Does Stuff"?

In order: 0:00 Ron Funches, Lucille Ball; 5:00 New Orleans, Loot; 15:00 Magic City; 20:00 Traders, Edner Family Center, Taylor Swift; 25:00 Clairvoyants, America's Got Talent; 45:00 Traders, Rock Paper Scissors.

What is mentioned in this Howie Mandel Does Stuff episode?

11 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Ron Funches, New Orleans, Traders, Magic City, Clairvoyants, Lucille Ball. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Did Ron Funches Mess Up on Traitors? | Howie Mandel Does Stuff"?

The episode runs 52 min; the transcript is about 10,258 words in 291 timestamped sections.

More from Howie Mandel Does Stuff

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.