Transcript

It Took Me 30+ Years to Realize This Truth... | Jamie Kern Lima

From Jamie Kern Lima · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 32 min · 16,241 words · 138 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "It Took Me 30+ Years to Realize This Truth... | Jamie Kern Lima", an episode of Jamie Kern Lima published November 5, 2025 (1 h 32 min, about 16,241 words). It mentions 46 people, works and ideas, including Belief system, Self-doubt, Self-Worth, Capacity check, Stevie Wonder.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Belief system, Self-doubt, Limiting beliefs, Stevie Wonder
  2. – 20:00: Capacity check, Belief system, Good vibes only, Self-Worth
  3. – 30:00: Self-doubt, Self-Worth
  4. – 40:00: Adoption, Denny's, Oprah Daily, Self-doubt
  5. – 50:00: Self-doubt, Self-Worth
  6. – 1:00:00: Self-doubt, Self-Worth, Self-confidence, Self-Love
  7. – 1:10:00: Alcoholism, Bob Goff, breast cancer, Impact Theory
  8. – 1:20:00: Self-Worth, L'Oréal, Quick Success Book Club, Self-confidence
  9. – 1:30:00: Denny's, Rosacea, Stevie Wonder

Notable quotes from "It Took Me 30+ Years to Realize This Truth... | Jamie Kern Lima"

  • Deal, y'all. I go deep into this because there's so many lies. There's so many lies that lead to self-doubt in our lives. And it is time to start embracing and igniting those…
    about Self-doubt · at
  • And you know our belief system which I've heard called BS belief system which is usually BS can be so powerful. And if we're not careful and if we're not aware of it.
    about Belief system · at
  • Waiting on my weight to have experiences. And when I had my daughter Wonder, I'll never forget like we went to the pool for the first time. She's about 1 years old. And I had…
    about Stevie Wonder · at
  • And then we have good vibes only signs everywhere. And I'm so much and such a proponent about positivity and about choosing the meaning we attach to things and all that, but it's also so.
    about Good vibes only · at
  • Being who you truly are and feeling what you really feel, right? And it starts to chip away at your self-worth. And self-worth is everything because in life, we don't, soar to…
    about Self-Worth · at
  • Lie and how to unlearn that lie. But one of my friends Glowana talks about how she does what's she calls a capacity check. Right? Have you ever had because by the way listening…
    about Capacity check · at
  • Happened. The stories that the press loves to share about me usually say something Denny's waitress builds billion dollar business. And while that's true, my real story is a girl who didn't believe in herself and learned how to.
    about Denny's · at
  • From seeing the importance of and critical difference between self-confidence and self-worth to unlearning those lies that lead to self-doubt and embracing the truths that wake…
    about Self-confidence · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Stevie Wonder — Person · 3 mentions · first at
  • Bob Goff — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Listen, we all go through these things and they're hard. and one of my friends many years ago, Bob Goff is his name. He taught me this and it just stuck. I just feel like it…
  • Glennon Doyle — Person · 1 mention
  • Killbilly Jim — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

  • Denny's — Company · 2 mentions · first at
  • IT Cosmetics — Company · 1 mention · first at
    It can come at a price that is way too expensive in our lives. I built a company called It Cosmetics where millions and millions of women felt inspired and empowered because I…
  • The Life You Want — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Body and to focus on the thousands of people watching us live as she and I taught the class together called The Life You Want. Please help me serve at the highest level I can.…
  • Oprah Daily — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Setbacks are almost always set up for the path we're destined to take. As the live class began, I led the Oprah daily audience through live exercises on how to build…
  • Impact Theory — Company · 1 mention · first at
    People are like oh you know I don't have an inner circle that empowers me. How do I find one? You know I would say impact theory and impact your university. That alone can be a…
  • Quick Success Book Club — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Lifelong journey. one moment Jim that I'll share and I'm so honored by the way to be part of the quick success book club. I am so honored. We are going to deliver so much…
  • L'Oréal — Company · 1 mention · first at
    I was so confident, Jim. I had just sold my business for $1.2 billion cash that I'd started in my living room. I L'Oreal made me the first woman to hold a CEO title in their 100 plus year history.
  • Impact Theory University — Company · 1 mention

Concepts & topics

  • Belief system — Concept · 15 mentions · first at
  • Self-doubt — Concept · 12 mentions · first at
  • Self-Worth — Concept · 12 mentions · first at
  • Capacity check — Concept · 4 mentions · first at
  • Limiting beliefs — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    Not careful and if we're not aware of it and if we don't learn how to change our limiting beliefs into beliefs that are empowering, it can come at a price that is way too expensive in our lives. I built a company called It Cosmetics.
  • Rosacea — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    Felt inspired and empowered because I would take my makeup off and show my bright red rosacea and just explain how I don't see this as a flaw. like you know like every one of…
  • Good vibes only — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
  • Self-confidence — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
  • Adoption — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Does to this day, but who is hellbent on learning to believe that she is. A girl who was placed into adoption at birth, but decided she was chosen and born not only on purpose…
  • Self-Love — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Wake up worthiness to transforming your connection to yourself and multiplying your unconditional self-love to knowing and truly believing in your innate value and worthiness.…
  • Alcoholism — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    My dad loved me and he was a kind and gentle man who quietly struggled with alcoholism. And the way that you described that was very generous. And you said, But there were…
  • breast cancer — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    It's almost absurd the fact that out of seven, two of you were adopted. There's breast cancer. There's learning difficulty. I mean it was crazy. And yet each and every one of them is absurdly successful.
  • Learning difficulty — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    It's almost absurd the fact that out of seven, two of you were adopted. There's breast cancer. There's learning difficulty. I mean it was crazy. And yet each and every one of them is absurdly successful.
  • Victim mentality — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    On how is you have to want to. And I think that every human being can easily go into victim mentality on a lot of things that have happened in all of our lives, right? And it's…
  • Attorney General — Concept · 1 mention
  • Impostor Syndrome — Concept · 1 mention
  • Mission (personal mission/why) — Concept · 1 mention
  • Personal authenticity — Concept · 1 mention
  • Personal boundaries — Concept · 1 mention
  • Personal fulfillment — Concept · 1 mention
  • Personal resilience — Concept · 1 mention
  • Personal transformation — Concept · 1 mention
  • Self-actualization — Concept · 1 mention
  • Self-care — Concept · 1 mention
  • Self-expression — Concept · 1 mention

Places & events

Full transcript with timestamps

Do you wait on your weight to live your best life? All right, this is a video has nothing to do with your weight. Whatever your weight might be, nothing to do with that. This is a video about are you waiting on your weight to live your best life? And how do you stop waiting on your weight to live your best life? What has waiting on your weight already cost you in your life, in your relationships, and your friendships, and your ambitions, and your joy? Here's the deal, y'all. I go deep into this because there's so many lies. There's so many lies that lead to self-doubt in our lives. And it is time to start embracing and igniting those truths that wake up worthiness. And one of the biggest lies I go deep into the book worthy about is called uh your weight determines your worth, which is a lie.

And the chapter is called don't wait on your weight. Here's the thing. Have you ever like cancelled plans because you didn't like how you looked? Had you ever, you know, uh, uh, opted out of the photo or stood in the very back or didn't go on the date or didn't put on the swimsuit or missed out on a fun memory and a fun experience all because you didn't like how you looked. So, here's the deal. If you've ever felt this way, you are not alone. In fact, and this is a shocking statistic, 89% of girls and women, studies find 89% of girls and women opt out of meaningful activities with friends, family, loved ones because of the way they look.

It's astonishing. It's astonishing. And I go into deep about this belief that's a lie that somehow our weight determines our worth. It is such a lie. And you know our belief system which I've heard called BS belief system which is usually BS uh uh can be so powerful. And if we're not careful and if we're not aware of it and if we don't learn how to change our limiting beliefs into beliefs that are empowering, it can come at a price that is way too expensive in our lives. You know, I built a a company called It Cosmetics where millions and millions of women felt inspired and empowered because I would take my makeup off and show my bright red rosacea and and and you know, just explain how I don't see this as a flaw. like you know like every one of us is beautiful every single one of us and even through that journey I still struggled to feel enough in a swimsuit so I was imagine this I'm CEO of a

billion dollar business that inspires millions of women and I literally would struggle to even put on swimsuit right I had so much body doubt and here's one of the tools I implemented in my life to change it because I was waiting on my weight to have fun. I was waiting on my weight to have experiences. And when I had my daughter Wonder, I'll never forget like we went to the pool for the first time. She's about 1 years old. And I had just had it. And I thought to my myself, this belief system I have that somehow my weight determines my worth. I know it's a lie in my soul. Right? The truth lives in our soul. Like it's what we know in our gut and our intuition. If we pray or meditate, we'll hear and we'll know it.

We are more than enough exactly as we are. But my self-doubt and these this these lies that that my belief system was telling me my whole life that your weight determines your worth had cost me so much. And I had this moment when my daughter Wonder was one. And I was literally about to opt out of swimming and just have my husband Paula go with her. And I just was like, you know what? What has I had this huge aha moment? What has waiting on my weight already cost me in my life? The answer was way too much. And when I listed out all the things and then I looked at my daughter and I'm like, I am teaching her right now that somehow she's not enough to to to just wear the swimsuit and embrace who she fully is if I'm going to hold back from doing it.

And I had to stack all the pain that waiting on my weight had cost me and realize, you know what, that pain is far more than whatever story I'm telling myself about who's going to judge me or this or that in a swimsuit. And that was when I completely changed my belief system and I replaced the old limiting belief of my weight determines my worth or I'm somehow not enough or whatever with new empowering beliefs. like I am setting an example for my daughter to know she is fully worthy right now or you know what I'm going to go out there and I'm going to shake my cellulite with pride at this public pool at the hotel because I know it's going to give another woman or man you know permission to do the same to feel less alone and more enough in their skin like I had to flip the meaning that I gave to it and I just want to share this with you today and If this is, you know, if you're somebody that has let how you

look hold you back, whether it's literal weight or it's the weight of other people's expectations or the weight of worry, just take a moment and write out what has waiting on that weight already cost you in your life and is that pain too much and is it time to replace those old limiting beliefs with new ones? So, I have um a whole chapter called Don't Wait on Your Wait in Here, and I go deep into how to do this. And I'm going to read you just a little excerpt that I close the chapter with because I think that for so many of us, this has cost us way way way too much.

Way way way way too much in our lives. And I think learning how to distinguish between what your belief system says and what your knowing says, right? Our belief system is the self-doubt, the thoughts in our mind that we can replace with empowering beliefs. And if we are wondering, is this a limiting belief? Tune into your soul. It'll tell you, your knowing, right? Your intuition, your knowing will tell you, oh, that is a lie. You are more than enough. So, I'm going to read you an excerpt from Worthy um that just kind of talks about the difference between your knowing and your belief system. So, your belief system says don't put on a swimsuit. Your knowing says enjoy the wa the waves splashing on your skin. Be grateful you have the mobility to move in the water.

You have strong legs and feet and that feel the sand between your toes. You can feel the sunshine on your skin and the breeze hitting it. Okay, that's the difference between what our our thoughts and self-doubt will say and what our knowing says. Your belief system says everyone's staring at you and judging. Your knowing says your confidence in your body is giving another woman a permission slip to have confidence in hers. Your belief system says watch your weight. Your knowing says watch your soul. Your belief system says this cellulite is awful. Your knowing the truth says the genetic cell structure your creator designed with you is perfectly made for you and has no meaning other than what we give it. Your belief system says I should feel embarrassed of my mom bod or dad bod. Your knowing says be an example for the for your children of how they should feel about their bodies.

Your belief system says when I get to my goal weight I'll be more successful. Your knowing says a false belief will always leave you poor. Your belief system says when I fit into a certain size of jeans, then I'll have peace. Your knowing says if a belief costs you your peace, it's too expensive. Your belief system says, "My babies won't notice I'm sitting on the sidelines of the pool." Your knowing says I'm setting an example for them to one day also believe they're not worthy of swimming. Your belief system says you should wait until you're a different weight to have fun. Your knowing says either have fun now or be haunted by the regret for all the fun you missed out on. Your belief system says when you're slimmer, your family members will finally that family member will finally give you her approval.

Your knowing says she will never approve of you until she learns to stop disapproving of herself. Your belief system says replay that hurtful comment someone made about your body. Your knowing says hurt people hurt people and that comment has nothing to do with you. Your belief system says judge the photo based on how your body looks in it. Your knowing says, "Feel the gift of that moment of life captured in that photo." Your belief system says you look terrible. Decline the video call with your friend so that they don't judge you. Your knowing says anyone who judges you is not your friend. Your belief system says measure your life based on the number on the scale. Your knowing says, "Measure a life well-lived by the scale on which you love."

Your belief system says, "Skip the day of fun. There'll always be another party or reunion." Your knowing says, "You can never get this day back." Your belief system says, "Wear those painful heels so your legs look longer and slimmer." Your knowing says it's time to go barefoot and run free. Your belief system says when you get to a certain size, then you'll be happy. Your knowing says whatever you do, you take you with you. Your belief system says when I get thinner, he'll love me more. Your knowing says attraction comes from the exchange of emotional chemical energy. Size does not biologically impact emotional or chemical energy.

Your belief system says they told you you'd be so much happier when you lose the weight. Your knowing says that's just their belief system lying to them. Your belief system says, "Wait, wait, wait. You're not ready." Your knowing says your waiting and your waiting season are over. Do not wait on your weight to live your best life, to wear the swimsuit, to get back on the dating app, to show up as who you authentically are. To stand in front of the mirror and say, "I am beautiful." Literally, right now, the time for waiting on your weight is over.

Do you believe the lie that you should only be seen when you're happy? Right? Do you ever like hide all your other emotions and maybe put on this sort of like fill in your name uniform of the person you feel like everyone wants you to show up as even though inside you might be feeling a whole lot of other things. Well, here's the deal. We live in a culture right now that sort of like has these two juxapositions. We're seeing all of this heartbreaking, horrific news happening all the time. And then we have good vibes only signs everywhere. And you know, I'm so much and such a proponent about positivity and about choosing the meaning we attach to things and all that, but it's also so important to know that you are worthy of being who you truly are, saying how you truly feel, meaning what you say, right?

and and showing up and and believing you're worthy of showing up as who you really are in your friendships, in your relationships. Like it's so so so important because every time we put on a mask and pretend to be somebody else, every time we hide the messy parts of our life, every time we think we should only be seen when we're happy and then we show up inauthentically. Whether it's in a friendship or in our job or in a relationship on social media, doesn't matter where it is. Anytime you show up inauthentically, you are actually telling yourself you are unworthy of being who you truly are and feeling what you really feel, right? And it starts to chip away at your self-worth. And self-worth is everything because in life, we don't, you know, soar to the level of our goals and dreams. We stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. We don't rise to what we believe is possible. We fall to what we believe

we're worthy of. And part of building really strong self-worth is identifying and unlearning all the lies that lead to self-doubt and then igniting waking up and embracing all the truths that wake up worthiness. So in my book worthy there is an entire chapter there's a whole section on the lies by the way unlearning the lies that lead to self-doubt and one of those lies is I should only be seen when I'm happy. And what does that look like? that looks like we might desperately want connection with a friend, but you know, we wait to call them because we just don't want to burden them with our problems or we don't want to lower their vibration or we don't want to bring them down. So then we hide, we feel lonely, and then we either put a mask on and call them and act like everything's great or answer the call when they call, act like everything's great, or we just wait until we have something positive or

or uplifting or great news to share with them. As a result, loneliness is at an all-time high. In fact, right now, 75% of us, right? You look at studies, 75% of us say that we'll only show our happier positive emotions and we'll literally hide or bury the negative or other, you know, perceived negative emotions. I love the quote by Glenn and Doyle that says, "Being human isn't about feeling happy. It's about feeling everything and learning to know that you are worthy and that you are enough to feel everything is so important. You know, showing up as who you authentically are fully fully you is actually the only way to create a true human connection with another another human. A true true connection, right? Right? We have all of these sort of false unfulfilling connections that we might feel on social media or we might feel if we're showing up as only part of who we are but not all of who we are. And again, I said

this a minute ago, but every time you show up inauthentically, you are telling yourself you're not worthy of being who you are. So, it does slowly chip away at your self worth. It's so important to know you are worthy of all of your feelings. They're all valid. the positive ones, the negative ones, the times when you just need to vent and have someone hear you, the times when you feel heartbroken, the times when you feel insecure, right? We all feel those. And we're kind of in this society where we're wearing these good vibes only shirts and they're super cute. I have a few. But when we're only wearing those, we start to think that we're not worthy of showing up unless we're only feeling good vibes. And that's just not true. It is so important right now, today, to make the decision.

Well, first of all, just be aware of it. Like, huh, am I only showing up when I feel like I have something positive to share with someone? And am I feeling alone or hiding who I am or not calling the friend back or not answering the text or not answering the call or not answering the email or declining the invitation when I feel like I'm just not in that positive state and I don't want anyone to see me in anything. not in a positive state as a recipe for loneliness. So today, just kind of do a a check and go, huh, am I showing up for my true friends, the people I trust, the people I love as all of who I am? Am I sharing times when I'm down and times when I'm up? Am I sharing how I really feel and saying what I really mean? And if the answer is no, decide if that's an old story, an old lie you want to unlearn that you are only worthy of showing up when you're happy because it's a lie. You're worthy

of showing up exactly as you are, right? And then today, make that decision to take one step. You could just take one small step forward of deciding, I'm going to call a friend up who I trust and I'm going to actually share what I really feel or I'm going to share. I'm kind of insecure today or I'm kind of down today. Right? And one tip and I talk about I talk about this and I go in deep in the chapter in worthy called um I shall only be seen when I'm happy. The lie and how to unlearn that lie. But one of my friends Glowana talks about how she does what's uh she calls a capacity check. Right? Have you ever had because by the way listening like listening can actually be depleting. Studies show it's depleting on the listener. So listen, I'm a good listener, by the way.

Listeners are heroes. My husband's a great talker. I'm a great listener. Listeners are heroes. It's also depleting to listen. And so one tool as you start to implement this in your life where you start really sharing how you're really feeling the good, the bad, the insecure, the excited, all of it, right? Is what's called a capacity check. What Glow uh my friend Glow calls a capacity check. Which means, you know, when you call someone up or it could be your partner at home or your friend, you just ask them like, "Hey, I have something kind of, you know, serious I want to share or heavy on my heart. Do you have capacity right now for a conversation?" And then they might say yes. They might say no. They might say, "Oh, you know what? Um, I'm super going a million miles an hour right now, but can we talk tonight at 6 p.m.?" Like, you just kind of check. Do I have do you have capacity for for a conversation

that's not just happy? You know what I mean? And doing that capacity check is huge. I actually started doing it in my marriage. Um, sometimes when my husband Paula will come up to me, I'll say, uh, I'll say, "Okay, do you want to just vent? Do you want me to give you advice? Do you want me to just listen? Here's how much capacity I have right now. And if you need more than that, let's pick a time kind of thing." And I'll ask him the same thing. And it's been, you know, huge for us. And you know, if you don't want to start asking this right away in your relationships, um you you know, you could ask others to do it for you, can you, you know, check in with me and say, "Capacity check." But if you aren't ready to do that yet, you can just start doing it, right? You can just call them up and say, "Hey, do you have capacity?" kind of a thing. But if you have a if you have a friend that maybe

is always calling you and wants to just dump all the time, well, that's when you can kind of start to implement those boundaries. You can start by just setting the example yourself and just saying, "Hey, I want to share something with you, but I want to do a capacity check. Do you have capacity for this conversation?" And then you kind of ease into it and you eventually ask them, "Hey, would you mind just checking in with me if I have capacity for something this heavy right now?" And you just kind of build trust and you build connection and you speak your truth. And you know, it's the most beautiful thing that I know for so many of us who are raised people pleasers or who believe, you know, especially girls and women were taught like just smile, just be quiet.

Like I have so many memories growing up of being a little girl and I'd walk into a supermarket and if I wasn't smiling for a second, some adult would say smile like as if that's my job. We're taught we should only be seen if we're happy. It's a lie. And it's a lie that leads to disconnection. It's a lie that leads to us showing up inauthentically and chipping away at our self-worth. So, the time to unlearn that lie has come because you deserve to be seen. When you're happy, when you're sad, when you're insecure, when you're lonely, you know, all the emotions, the good and bad, you are fully worthy of every single one of them. I'm gonna do a sneak peek read um from a chapter of worthy.

How to believe you are enough and transform your life. Simple steps, lifechanging results. Dedication for the 80% of women who don't believe they're good enough. The 75% of female executives who face imposttor syndrome. and the 91% of women who don't love their bodies. This book is for you. The time for change has come. Let's do this together. No girl, no woman, no person left behind. Worthy starts here. You become what you believe you're worthy of. Do you remember the first time perhaps as a little kid sitting in the classroom that you knew the answer but decided not to raise your hand? With a slight pit in your stomach caused by the newly daunting awareness of other people's opinions, you debated raising your hand and going for it until you decided not to. And just like that, in a single moment, you began to live in a way that was in congruent with your soul's fullest expression. You doubted. You

held back. You hid. You played it safe. You questioned whether you were wrong even though you knew you were right. You questioned if you were smart enough. You questioned if you were enough. And now fast forwarding to today, are you still the person who's not raising your hand when you know the answer? Are you still hiding just in case you're wrong, just in case you fail or or because you want to stay in your comfort zone of certainty? Now you're an adult who knows the answer. But inside, are you still that same little kid who doubts it?

Maybe you're sitting silently in work meetings or in your daydreams knowing you have a wild idea that just might be genius. Or are you languishing in an unhealthy friendship or relationship knowing you're worthy of more but not quite believing it enough to leave? Or you're the boss but you're holding back from taking chances because deep down inside you're afraid you're not strong enough to be a leader. Did you finally get that big break, that big promotion, that big increase, but you feel like an impostor, so you're playing it small? Maybe you really despise that other PTA mom, but you betray yourself and spend your precious free time hanging out with her. Maybe you're hustling and burned out while hiding that what you really need is rest. Maybe you're struggling with a health issue and losing faith in your body, your worth, and your creator.

Do you feel unseen at your core and tell yourself the lie that life is better that way? Maybe you're working in a business, but you know you're born to run one. Maybe you're in an intimate partnership where your worthiness goes unrecognized, but you're afraid to be alone, so you're dimming your light and hiding from your truth. Maybe you're calling busyiness a badge of honor when you're really using it to numb your feelings. Maybe you've been living by someone else's story of success for you because you're confusing approval with love. I've done that most of my life.

Maybe you've decided that other people have already done what you can do better than you could do it. So, you've been cancelling yourself out of your own calling. Or maybe you've been showing up as who the world tells you to be, people pleasing, for so long that you don't even remember who you are anymore. Self-doubt, unworthiness, and fear cause us to dim our souls light and start playing it small, holding back, hiding, speaking only part of our truth, living only half of our life, expressing only part of our soul's true essence, craving the perception of belonging over authentic connection, craving validation and significance in a way that's defined externally because we start to believe that these are the only paths to love, to belonging, and to worthiness. If any of these ring true for you, if you know at the deepest part of your being that you're only living as part of who you are, but you're holding back and

doubting or hiding all of who you are, then you probably feel an inexplicable void in your life, an aching longing for something that's missing, an emptiness creating when others or even yourself don't know and therefore can't embrace the full authentic you a disconnection from joy when no matter what you achieve, it doesn't bring the feeling of fulfillment you hoped it would. An unremitting feeling that you're not quite enough. A lack of feeling truly alive that you can disguise from the world with the ease of a smile. You're living your life hiding in plain sight.

Okay, so maybe you're thinking like, "Whoa, we're going deep right off the top of the book." Yep, we're going there because your time is precious. And in this one beautiful life we each have, it's precious. And I'm not showing up to play small, especially because I'm going to ask you to show up fully in the pages to come. I wrote this book with the purest intention to give you everything I've got as an expression of love from my soul to yours. And each of us is on a journey toward believing then truly knowing in every ounce of our being that we are fully worthy. Right? And here's the thing, y'all. Exactly as we are.

That's the key part. We're fully worthy exactly as we are. This is one of the most critical parts of achieving what Oprah Winfrey powerfully describes as the highest truest expression of ourselves and it's a huge step on the personal evolution of believing than knowing that you exactly as you are are enough, valuable, and fully worthy of love and belonging. And you are. There's nothing that you have done or could ever do that changes that. Let's go there later because chances are if you're anything like I've been most of my entire life, you might not believe me just quite yet.

Speaking of Oprah, and speaking of hiding in plain sight, I want to share one of the greatest moments of my life. A moment that almost didn't happen and one that came after four years of me hiding because I didn't actually believe I was worthy of it. Oprah was my mentor from afar. one I spent every weekday as a little girl and later as an adult watching on TV. The one I dreamt of meeting my entire life and had this wild knowing deep inside that somehow I actually would quote this is what I know 100% for sure. Oprah said as she held at my first book, Believe It, to the camera. "You don't become what you want, you become what you believe."

Y'all, I did everything in my power to keep my jaw from dropping open. She's holding in my book, to my jaw from dropping open, not to pee my pants, and to believe that this moment was real and was actually happening. You see, it almost didn't happen. In fact, many of the most significant moments in my life almost never happened because for years, while my soul dreamed wildly big, bold dreams and imagined moments like this one with Oprah, I never thought they could actually happen because I didn't believe I was worthy of them ever actually happening. In fact, maybe you can relate to this. I have spent most of my life feeling like I wasn't enough and doubting myself out in my own destiny.

No matter how vividly we visualize our goals and dreams, perhaps in relationships or in our careers or in our health, no matter if we take even take action toward making them happen, if deep down inside we actually don't feel like we're deserving or worthy of those dreams and goals, then we won't achieve them. We'll stay stuck and never go for them. We'll talk ourselves out of them. We'll give up too soon or somehow sabotage them along the way. With some but not strong selfworth, we might actually allow ourselves to feel worthy enough to achieving a big goal and dream. But when we do, we'll arrive shortly after still feeling empty, unfulfilled, and like something is missing. Has this ever happened to you?

If you've ever experienced a sense of not enoughness, even if you know it's a lie, because it is, and you want to overcome it for good, this book is for you. If you not enoughness, if not enoughness feels like you know your hidden twin, then we might just be long lost triplets. If you struggle with self-doubt and not feeling worthy, even if no one knows it but you, this book is for you. And I believe that one of the bravest and most important journeys that we are all on in this lifetime is learning the truth, which is that we are more than enough and knowing and believing it in in every part of our being. If this resonates with you, I've got your book and I've got your back.

See, I believe the moment you learn to trust yourself, the moment you learn to trust yourself and believe that you are worthy is the moment your entire life, the past and future generations of your family and our entire world changes for the better. It's only when you believe you are worthy of it, whether it's of having a healthy relationship, of receiving unconditional love, of celebrating your body, of sharing your ideas, of being in the room, of being on the stage, of leading the team, of having soulfilling friendships, of or of living out your biggest hopes and wildest dreams that your greatest life and destiny start to unfold. It is truly only when you learn to believe you are worthy of it. So y'all, here's the thing. As Oprah held up my book, I tried desperately to be present and stay in my body and to focus on the thousands of people watching us live as she and I taught the class together called The

Life You Want. Please help me serve at the highest level I can. I prayed over and over because I've learned over the years that having an intention that's bigger than myself is the only way to get out of my own head. Before she even held up my book, I was already struggling to believe that I was actually teaching a class with the person I consider my mentor my entire life. It was the first time that she and I had ever done anything professional together. What Oprah and I knew, which the live audience didn't know that day, is that nearly 5 years earlier when I met her in person for the first time and we had lunch together shortly after, she gave me her personal phone number.

And you want to know what I did? I didn't call her for almost 4 years. Yep. Oprah, the one person I would have done anything to meet, the person I spent thousands of afternoons as a little girl watching from my living room all alone, the person who inspired much of my career, had given me her direct cell number and I didn't call her for four years. Why? Well, I thought I knew why for a long time. See, as the months then years passed, I told myself stories that made sense. Stories like, "You're not ready to call her yet." or everybody probably wants something from her. Play it cool so she knows you don't. Or you don't have the perfect thing to say yet.

When you do, you'll know and then it'll be time to call her. Or if she gets to know you, this is a big one that I told myself so many times. If she gets to know you, she'll discover you're not as interesting smart funny successful cool, talented as she might think you are. until one day I realized the real reason I hadn't called Oprah and I wasn't proud of it. I hadn't called her yet because deep down inside I didn't believe I was worthy of it and did not believe I was worthy of being her friend. Have you ever had moments like this in your life where you sabotaged an opportunity or didn't go for it at all because you didn't think you had what it takes?

Maybe this is a reoccurrent theme for you in your life right now. And if it is, you're far from alone. I believe one of the most prevalent forms of cancel culture is one that no one talks about. It's us cancelling ourselves before we even try. When I realized the real reason I hadn't called Oprah in four years, I felt a knowing. Feeling unworthy was not aligned with who I truly am, with the person I was created to be. See, my soul, all of our souls know. My soul knew I was worthy. But I let my thoughts and my mind's deep belief about my own unworthiness overpower my soul's knowing. Without realizing it, I was letting my feelings of unworthiness sabotage something I had dreamed of my entire life. When I had this realization almost four years after the day I got her number, I decided it was time to turn down the volume on my doubting mind and turn up the volume on the power of my soul and my soul's knowing. I decided

to trust myself, the part that knows that I am worthy and you are too. and I dialed her number. I'll share more about this call later, but first fast forward to May 2022 when I was teaching the class live alongside Oprah. I had been preparing tirelessly for months for this opportunity. But like all of our biggest moments in life, we've really been preparing our entire lives for them, right? Whether we know it or not. Because as Oprah teaches and I fully believe every step, this is important to hear y'all and take this in. Every step, failure, victory, mishap trauma growth blessing lesson, and moment of grace has always been happening for us to prepare us so we can show up in each coming moment exactly as we're destined to. Even our setbacks are almost always set up for the path we're destined to take. As the live class began, I led the Oprah daily audience through live exercises on how to build resilience, embrace rejection,

stop hiding, and to learn to confidently step into all of who they are. Oprah and I shared stories and teachings. I was in such a state of flow that it felt like I was moving inside a space that had been divinely orchestrated. Then, as Oprah held at my book again and I tried not to fall out of my chair again, she said something that sent shock waves that felt like truth through my body. Words that I believe capture the ultimate path so many of us are on and even if we haven't discovered it yet. Words that capture why I wrote that book and even more powerfully why I wrote this one.

words I believe that if we embrace can change the course of our entire lives. She said, "You don't become what you want. You can have the greatest heart desire and work really so hard, so hard, so hard, but if you don't believe you are worthy, it will not come." That is the magic formula. In my life, I have learned to believe I'm worthy in stages, through ups and downs, big moments of knowing, and small steps toward believing. In our human experience, believing our worthiness is often a lifelong pursuit, and one of the most important ones we'll ever take.

See, if I hadn't pursued building my self-worth, many of the moments in my life story so far would have never happened. The stories that the press loves to to share about me usually say something like, "Denny's waitress builds billion dollar business." And while that's true, my real story is a girl who didn't believe in herself and learned how to. A girl who felt unworthy and often still does to this day, but who is hellbent on learning to believe that she is. A girl who was placed into adoption at birth, but decided she was chosen and born not only on purpose, but with purpose. A girl who knows in her soul that at our core, we're all enough and we're all worthy of love. I'm a girl who knows that where we come from does not have to determine where we're going. And that making bad decisions in our past doesn't mean that we're bad. A girl who knows that the labels that others put on us and the ones that we put on ourselves

are removable, not permanent. A girl who faced thousands of rejections for years when she was building her business, but chose to trust her gut and keep going anyways. A girl who had a knowing she'd one day meet Oprah and then learned that we become what we believe when we finally believe in ourselves. A girl who had learned to learn that she was worthy of being in the room of launching a business, of being called CEO, of learning not to wait on her weight, of learning to love herself and learning to believe she's worthy of love. A girl who knows that we are not our past mistakes. We are our present and future intentions.

Here's what I know to be true. And this is so important to take this in. If we don't believe we are worthy of starting the business, of being in a loving, committing relationship, of having healthy, empowering friendships, if we don't believe we're worthy of a seat at the table, of writing the book, of running for office, if we don't believe we're worthy of rest, of celebrating your body exactly as it is, of soul care, of doing less and being more. If we don't believe we're worthy of showing up on social media authentically, of leading the team, of breaking the generational cycle, if we don't believe we're worthy because we've made too many mistakes, we've already failed too many times or because someone told us we weren't worthy and we believe them. If we don't believe we're worthy of all the things we want and deserve, we'll never get them.

In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. You don't rise to what you believe is possible. You fall to what you believe you're worthy of and your goals and career ambitions. You don't achieve everything that you, you know, are qualified for or capable of. You plateau at what you believe you deserve. And whether you know it or not, at the level of success where you've established your own internal identity in your romantic relationships, the level and depth of intimacy, vulnerability, and love can only be as strong as a level and depth of vulnerable intimate love you have for yourself.

It's the same with your friendships. And in these relationships in life, okay, here's a big one, y'all. This is okay. In your relationships in life, the level of pain you allow another person to cause you, whether it's through hurtful words or actions, often hovers right around the standards you have for the level and frequency of hurtful thoughts, ways, and words you think and say to yourself. And it's the same with your body. Your body can feel like a source of shame or like a miracle in motion. All depending on your relationship with worthiness.

When you change what you believe you're worthy of, you change your entire life. See, we can have big goals and dreams. We can study, get knowledge, get all the biggest degrees on the wall. We can become activists, use our voices. We can know with passion and clarity that what we believe in and what we believe for. We can make vision boards and we can even distinguish ourselves amongst the rare group of people who actually take action toward getting what we want in life. But if we don't believe deep down inside we're worthy of it, it'll never happen. Or if it does, we won't be able to sustain it. Because in life we don't get what we want, we get and maintain what we believe we're worthy of. And when deep down inside we don't believe we're worthy of what we want, hope, and dream for, we'll find a way to lose it or for it to not happen at all, we'll sabotage the opportunity. We'll put the decent guy in the friend zone. We'll

ghost a new friend that has pure intentions. We'll make a million excuses why we're not ready to make a career move, don't have the resources or the time or the talent. We'll focus on our problems instead of our potential because problems can be an easy way to justify playing life small. We might think we have a net worth problem and what we really have is a selfworth problem. And when we deep down inside don't believe we're worthy of abundance. We sabotage ourselves to make sure that we don't get it. We dim our light to make others feel comfortable and fit in.

We tell ourselves stories like once I get to my goal weight then I'll be enough. Once I get more experience, then I'll apply for the promotion. Once I get the kids through school, then I'll focus on building a healthy relationship. We'll sit in the audience watching, all while knowing we are born to be on the stage. We'll walk into the room and while all while hiding in plain sight. And then we'll start living our lives this way. We'll talk ourselves out of our potential, out of our talent, out of our knowing, out of trusting ourselves, out of our gifts, out of the relationships we deserve, out of getting unstuck, out of making our health a priority, out of asking for the raise, out of launching the idea, out of accepting a mentor's offer, and if we're not careful, out of becoming the person that we're born to be. If one of these examples hits home for you or you feel like it's a past or present version of

yourself, then this book is for you. If you struggle with not believing you're enough or worthy of walking into the big meeting, of being called good parent, of wearing the swimsuit, of receiving unconditional love, of looking in the mirror and seeing everything beautiful, of speaking up, of asking for help, of resting, of setting boundaries, of showing up in this world as you authentically are and as awe of who you authentically are. If you struggle with that, this book is for you. I wrote this book for you. if you have some self-doubt to destroy and a and some and a destiny to fulfill.

And I'm so honored to invite you into the pages of this journey together. And I'd like to start by imagining together. See, I can't help but imagine what our world would look like if it was filled with women who decided to believe they are worthy. When I imagine a world full of women who feel worthy, I imagine the earth shaking with the jolt of possibility when we wake up in the morning. Imagine with me what would a world full of women who decided to believe they're worthy feel like? The potential that would be unleashed, the power of possibility unfolding. Imagine the generational cycles broken. Imagine the unhealthy relationships that would end.

Imagine the businesses that would be launched. Imagine the body shapes and sizes that would be celebrated. Imagine the rest that would be taken without guilt. Imagine the cellulite that would be confidently jiggling with joy. Imagine the seats that would be filled up in the boardroom. Imagine what the list of Fortune 500 CEOs would look like. Imagine the mental and physical health that would be prioritized. Imagine how our government would lead. Imagine the injustices that would end. Imagine how children's story books would be written. Imagine who little girls would grow up dreaming of being. Imagine the time and capacity that would be freed up when self-doubt is silenced.

Can I get a amen up in here? imagine and imagining this is why I wrote this book with the intention of you not just imagining what your life would be like if you truly felt worthy but actually learning how to believe you are because you are and in your soul you know that you are most of us are born into a world or even into loving well-intentioned families that whether knowing knowingly or not teach us to believe that we're not I believe If we choose to, it's possible to unlearn uh all the lies we've been taught that don't feel right in our soul. Take our power back and decide today is the day to forge a new path ahead. If you feel me, say out loud wherever you are, I'm ready.

I'm ready. All right, everyone in the room said it. But don't think I didn't hear you at home not say it. So, here's the deal. Listen. And if you're not going to be bold here along with me, if you are going to hold back and not be bold now, how are you going to be bold out there right when things get hard? So, I'm going to say it with you. We're going to say it loud together. Who cares what anyone around you right now thinks? Okay, ready? On the count of three, we're going to say, "I'm ready." loudly and we're going to proclaim it together.

One, two, three. I'm ready. You don't become what you want. you become what you believe you're worthy of in life, in friendships, in your career, and in your hopes and dreams. And one of the greatest parts of your journey is learning to believe you're worthy and and stop hiding. Right? That's a big one for so many of us. learning for the first time or the first time in a long time. The courage to start raising your hand or to be the person who leads and encourages others to raise their hand to discover the true essence of your soul, the real you. And to start living as the real you, not as your achievements, but your innateness that is full and whole and enough and blossoming toward a new freedom and fulfillment that springs alive. When we live in alignment with the true nature of the person we're born to be. When we absolutely know in every ounce of our being that the person who we truly are is enough. When you venture

to stop hiding in your in plain sight, trust your inner knowing, live with congruence with your soul, ignite your purpose, and show up in this world as all of who you are. That's when you truly feel fulfilled and alive. That's when you are living in alignment with your assignment. That is when you become the person you're born to be. That's when you're able to fully live and express the joy and the beauty and the gifts and the ideas and the possibilities of your soul. That's when you can wake up every morning and ask yourself one of life's most powerful questions.

What will you do with the power that is you? And then with that power fully tapped into and because you're no longer hiding from it, you bravely, boldly live the answer throughout the pages of this book. I hope you'll laugh, connect, see, and be exactly you every step of the way. Right? We did not come here to play it small or to look cute. We're going to go deep, as deep as you are ready to go. You might feel like this book is too much at times, or perhaps it's going to feel like you arrived at the end way too quickly. We'll examine our own self-worth and delve into the lies keeping us doubting ourselves, unlearn those lies, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. We'll begin our transformation into living authentically and fulfilling our destinies. There's some chapters packed with tactical tools you can apply to your life right now that have led to breakthroughs for me, like how to redefine rejection, how to

rethink the labels you put on yourself and how to take risks when you have a million reasons why you're afraid to. There's some chapters you might find deeply personal and stir up a lot of thought and emotion. And some might evoke the feeling of heavy reflection. Others might spark joyful, wideeyed, soul-filling delight. I know how precious the gift of your time is and I can promise you we're not taking a second of it for granted in this book. I am allin with you right by your side and we are going to go there together. Okay? Soul to soul, light to light, love to love.

The one thing I'm going to ask of you is this. In every story, every lesson, every silly laugh out loud, embarrassing overshare, there are some of there are a lot of those. uh every vulnerable soul stirring revelation and every deeply challenging question to trust yourself to know if it's right for you. And if it's not right for you or you're not right to consider it, then just skip that part and you're going to know because your soul will know at each turn of the book the parts that are for you at this moment in your journey. You'll know if the timing is, you know, not right to open yourself up in certain ways. It might feel too much. and you're going to know if the timing is just right and the words feel like they were written exactly for you. You may want to have a journal or pen and paper handy while reading. And as we begin this journey together, I just want to ask that you trust yourself fully. Take the

things that feel right for you and leave the rest perhaps for another day or another person you share your book with. And I sure hope that when you are done with worthy that you share it with another person. Give another person your book. I believe in divine timing and that our steps are divinely ordered in life. And I don't believe it's a coincidence or an accident that you're hearing these words right now. Similarly, in this book, I'm leading you on an intentional journey, one transform transforming step at a time. Each chapter lays a key piece of the foundation that builds on the next. All crafting a deeply personal worthiness journey intended to expand how you uh see and unconditionally love yourself.

From seeing the importance of and critical difference between self-confidence and self-worth to unlearning those lies that lead to self-doubt and embracing the truths that wake up worthiness to transforming your connection to yourself and multiplying your unconditional self-love to knowing and truly believing in your innate value and worthiness. As we begin this journey, I want to invite you to come with me through the pages as who you truly are. Not as the role you play at work, not as who you have to be when you're the leader in the room.

Not as who other people want you to be. Not as the version of you that the world rewards. Not as the socially conditioned belief systems that you've built, but as the person who sheds all of it. All of it. who is willing to show up soul first. Coming soul first right along with me is safe here. Knowing this truth, there is nothing you can do or say that could ever make you unworthy of love. I believe we are all here to love, to receive it, to give it, to live it, to be it. And our greatest journey on this earth is to learn how and to truly believe we're worthy of it. My intention in the pages of this book is that you experience the true feeling of home that fills your soul.

And there's no greater feeling of home than living in alignment and congruence with your soul, with the true nature of who you are and who you were born to be fully worthy. And yet, when we aren't living in the truest expression of our souls, it can feel like we're a stranger in our own lives, as if we're living our lives away from our real home. Our souls are our true home. And the words in this book are a love poem from my soul to yours. Let's live in our souls together on this journey. And as we get started, I want you to feel like I'm welcoming you right into my home. When I imagine opening my front door to see you, I will really see you. And you can really see me. And when you walk in, I'm wearing my favorite cozy sweats, no makeup, unwashed hair, and a messy bun. But I did use some dry shampoo because I knew you were coming. And I give you a great big hug while my dogs are jumping on you

and kissing you as if they'd never gone through training school. I have your favorite warm drink in a coffee mug ready to greet you. The mug says worthy on it because you are. After I hand it to you, imagine seeing a sign right in front of you on the wall as you walk in. It's how I want you to feel when you walk into my home or into my hug. The sign says, "Come as you are. Heal where you need. Blossom what you choose. Journey toward your calling. Stay as long as you like. You belong here. You are worthy. You are loved. You are love.

I love you. Jamie, are you ready to get started? Because I am ready if you are. And as you are about to turn the page, I'm imagining reaching my hand right out to yours. Here we go.

How do I know the difference between something I'm afraid to do and the fear is real?

Yeah. And here's what I have to say to you. Nine times out of 10, I am afraid to do the thing that I know is right.

Yeah. Yeah. And the fear is real. Yeah. And that's why you have to get still. Yes. Exactly. Now, there's another lie. So, this is kind of the third lie that you really had to dismantle, which is your weight determines your worth. Yes. For every person listening, Mel Robbins, most of my entire life, I believed my weight determined my worth.

What does that mean? Right now, 89% of girls and women will opt out of meaningful activities, including interaction with friends and loved ones, when they do not like how they look. We miss out on our lives when we are waiting on our weight. And by the way, for some people, it's not literal weight. It's the weight of other people's expectations that they need to stop waiting on. The weight of their own expectations right? What are you waiting on right now in your life? And how are you letting that determine your worth uh before you live your best life? So, this was a lie that took me most of my entire life so far to unlearn. And I created a business that was so about celebrating every person, you know, for for their authentic beauty. I was able to overcome so many lies that lead to self-doubt in my life.

I was able to build self-worth around believing I was worthy of having a CEO title, right? Of running a business, of building a team of over a thousand, all those things. But I still struggle with the lie that my weight determined my worth. And it wasn't until my daughter's oneyear birthday. We're at this hotel and I'm about to opt out of swimming again because I don't want to wear the swimsuit. I want to sit in the uh on the chair on the side of the pool all covered up. Y

and miss out on this moment in her life. When I realized, what has waiting on my weight already cost me in my life? And the answer way too much memories, experiences, joy, like all of it. Because as humans, as you know, we're wired to avoid pain at all costs. And I had been thinking, "Oh, if I go out there in my swimsuit, I'll be judged. I'll be this. I'll be that." I was associating pain with that. In that moment, I flipped the script and I associated more pain with what I had missed out on, with the pain of regret, with the pain of what has waiting on my weight already cost me. And that is how I flipped the lie around. And I decided no more. And I literally took my cover up off. I shook my cellulite with joy and I got right in that pool and and and I made it not about me anymore. I'm like the me hiding on the sidelines is what I'm doing is I'm telling my daughter she's not worthy of her body either. I

am not. Uh-uh. Like that lie has got to stop. Now the moment we step into our power, that is when we give other people permission to step into theirs. Right? And now every time I will walk around in a swimsuit, all I think about is I would never care what someone else looks like. People do not care what I look like. This is about like living life with no regret. This is about inspiring other people to embrace all of who they are and start considering what has waiting on your weight already cost you,

right? And and when we think of it that way, that is almost way more painful than the fear that we're making up in our heads about just living our best life as who we are, exactly as we are.

I I unbelievable. Unbelievable. I don't have anything to add, so I'm going to go to lie number four. I am obsessed with an idea that you have in the book about how um all the hard things are going to, you know, like we started with that quote, they're either going to break you or they're going to make you. And really that's up to you. And

the stories you share in the book are really they draw you in with their they are both entertaining because they're well written and well told. They're gut-wrenching at times because I can imagine what it would be like to go through that. But they act ultimately as a yellow brick road in a way that I found very enticing in your book. And one of the bricks on the yellow brick road was that your father was an alcoholic. And you said something in the book that I was really impacted by given my wife Lisa and what she's like. Um you said, you know, my dad loved me and he was a kind and gentle man who quietly struggled with alcoholism. And the way that you described that was very generous. And you said, "But there were times you would sit and stare at the clock and because you had to wait for him to wake up, which your mom would be off working and so sometimes it could be hours of waiting for him to wake up and

he would wake up or he you would get to the time where you were allowed to wake him up and then he would ask you for an hour or two and then I just imagine you sitting there watching the clock flip until he finally gets up and you guys can hang out." And in that you said, "My dad inadvertently taught me that women are superheroes that have to be stronger than men because that's what my mom was, a superhero who's essentially doing everything by herself." And I was like, I know that it is Jamie, I don't wish difficulties on anybody, but man, when they're looked at from the right lens, they make pretty extraordinary people.

So that's a story you tell early in the book. The yellow brick road then leads to a photo of you and seven of your friends. So you and six other people and you break down.

Every one of you guys has overcome it. It's almost absurd the fact that out of seven, two of you were adopted. There's breast cancer. There's learning difficulty. I mean it was crazy. And yet each and every one of them is absurdly successful. How do people harness difficulties like that to become something powerful instead of, you know, leaning into the the victim side, which anybody would understand people pulling the victim card from that. But how do you pull something else?

The very first and most important thing on how is you have to want to. And I think that every human being can can easily go into victim mentality on a lot of things that have happened in all of our lives, right? And it's a mentality that actually can, I think, reward you in a lot of ways and also um become a justification too for for staying inside your comfort zone when it comes to things like going after your dreams. And it makes sense for a lot of people, right? And again, I think there's a time. I mean, I'm not going to speak to people that, you know, I'm not going to speak to a lot of the really hard things that require a lifetime of work to figure out. Um, what I will say is therapy is the best thing I've ever done in in really understanding this.

And I actually talk about that. Is it does it allow you to recontextualize? Is that the idea?

Yeah. And to understand it at a deep level. And by the way, your show like this conversation the to me these are the things that are so important that we invest in ourselves and and do right because I mean I don't want to stay in a place where it could be easily easy to stay at in my life. I think that the quote you started out with like you know when these tough times happen you know do you warrior up or do you victim up? Do you level up or do you give up? Right. The up is up to you. And I do believe why I share the story of my seven closest friends um is because I think this is important. I think a lot of people out there are like me and maybe have loving family, loving friends. But if you were to turn the volume up on all of them and they were to be your only inner circle, um it'd be really easy for self-doubt to take over.

It'd be really easy to dim your own light. And I talk about my journey of s of of how I chose my circle around me. Um and it's never based on a commonality of life experience. It's my closest friends and I think this is important for everyone listening because a lot of people are like oh you know I don't have an inner circle that empowers me. How do I find one? You know I would say impact theory and impact your university. That that alone can be a per a part of your inner circle. That's a voice and conversations and information that you want to turn the volume up on. And I talk about this because I think this is universal for everyone and so important to do this. A lot of times people build their circle of friends based on who they went to school with or, you know, things they have in common and all the stuff, right? Maybe it's a group of people from work because you're around them all the time, whatever it is. And I

think that that's not always the right thing. I think who your circle is is so important. And for me, um, I I go deep on this in the book and talk about each one of their stories because I want to drive the point home that who you do surround yourself with and when you judge them by their heart and how they pour into you and champion you and don't tell you this crap you just because you want to hear it. They tell you the real truth, which is so important. Um, they don't get jealous when you're flying high. They want you to fly higher. I talk about this this commonality of of traits and yet my closest group of friends have literally almost nothing in common. You know, they their backgrounds are so different. They have different faiths and no faith. They they they one of them was homeless all growing up.

Then lived in the projects and then figured out how to be build her own circle and become an entrepreneur and and she figured out how to turn down the volume of negativity and lack of dreaming of all the people around her for the most part that she was raised in. And how did she turn that volume up on her own like inner light? And I share this this common thread um really just to uh inspire a mindset shift sometimes of oh you know what my circle of friends you know each person listening right now my circle of friends they don't need to think like I do or pray like I do or love like I do or anything else but like if I surround myself with people that are truly telling the truth loving me authentically and uplifting and and dreaming big with me and calling me out on the BS when I start to like talk myself out of my own truth, right? Which we all do. It's a lifelong journey. I'm talking about the

power of finding people like that and surrounding yourself with them. And I think they can be people in real life. And I also think that they can be people that you let pour into you who maybe you've never even met um like you like your show for people. You know what I mean? I think that that's really powerful. Who we let speak into our lives and who we turn the volume down on but still love anyway is so important because one of our biggest mistakes is turning the volume up on the people just cuz we love them and they're our family and then all of a sudden that's all all the noise we hear and it impacts our whole life.

Talk to me about the ability to turn the volume up and down. That was one of the things I found really extraordinary in your book. Like if I were going to do like a spoof of your book, it would go something like this. Somebody was really mean. I cried like a and then I walked in the next room like a warrior. Like it's that over and over and over. Like every time. Well, I mean you you actually have a whole chapter in the book about swinging your big balls, which we should definitely talk about.

But first, give me the idea. How do you turn the volume down when you said that earlier about the guy who said, "Look, people aren't going to buy makeup from somebody that looks like you. How do we grab the volume knob on something that gnarly?"

Yeah. I mean, it is such a uh disciplined practice. It's such a skill. It's hard. I mean, just yesterday I had someone do something that I thought was like a super close friend and I was just blindsided and I felt so betrayed. And listen, we all go through these things and they're hard. Um, and one of my friends many years ago, Bob Goff is his name. He taught me this and it just stuck. I just feel like it was so important to talk about it because this tool that that Boba taught me uh where he talked about your own microphone and then the volume dial and he basically I imagine right because you know that I have this microphone everyone listening right now imagine you have your own microphone and you have to get into really good practice of like who you hand your microphone to and let's speak into it and what I had to learn one example of this is, you know, my dad who was an alcoholic, who was uh a good man with a

a really bad addiction. Um, and loved me the best way he knew how with his own capacity. And I remember I was, you know, working I was always super ambitious. I wanted to get a car and go travel and all the things. So, I had four jobs in high school and you know, I got I was working uh one of my jobs I was working in a um health club and I started as a receptionist and then uh they said, "Well, if you sell memberships um you'll make commission on those, too." And I started selling a lot of memberships. And I was like, "This is great." And so, after high school, I didn't go to school right away. I moved out, got my own apartment. I was making like $55,000 a year, which was more than my dad at his at his job he had been at.

And uh and I never forget when I made this decision I was going to go to school. I was like, "Okay." Cuz I just wanted to get out, meet other people, and like figure stuff out. And I remember when I told him, "I'm going to quit my job and I'm going to go to school." And he was mortified. He's like, "What are you doing? like, "Do you know how much money you're making right now?" I mean, he was so upset and so worried about me that I was making a huge mistake. And so, I remember even in that moment, you know, we all have experiences like that in our lives with our family, right? They're seeing things through their own lens of experience.

But whether it's a story like that or it's just a friend that you love hanging out with and you go to the gym with only, but anytime you share a hope and dream, all of a sudden you feel them lower your vibration. Like, you feel it, right? because they don't get it or they or they don't like it or they whatever it is. Bob Gooff taught me this that that basically you learn, oh, I'm going to take back my microphone from them on those topics, right? I'm going to talk to them about my workout today or in my dad's case, you know, what's happening on the news or whatever.

But I started learning with my own big hopes and dreams. I don't give other people my microphone who are then just gonna literally lower my vibration because of their own lens of limitation. And it's the skill you develop. And when you imagine holding your own microphone, listen, we all, you know, if you have, if you are blessed to have a family or friends that you love, it's not like, you know, you want to just ex them out of your life because they don't understand your hopes and dreams, but learning to just not share them all with them. Hold your own mic, talk to them about other things like what's on the Bachelor or like what's going on with whatever, right? And love them, but put those boundaries in place. And then the other thing is the volume dial and that's big. And you know, people have said things to us that have hurt us probably universally. There's probably not a single person out there that

hasn't had someone say something to them that hurts them deeply. And it is human nature to relive it over and over and over and over in our own head to the point where we carve a groove and it's like it starts to stick and take root. And I think it is so important mentally for me like I'd have every time that that dude who said no one will buy makeup from you and there were so many other rejections that I talk about in the book um you know when I went to Sephora and felt like I didn't belong and I didn't fit in and all those things. You know a lot of times the most hurtful words we hear are the ones we say to ourselves and the ones we make make up and telling ourselves we're not enough and all that kind of stuff. And I have to be mindful and intentional and literally imagine myself when those thoughts come up, stopping them, turning down the volume, and then turning up the volume on something else until I believe

it. What was the hardest moment when you questioned your self-worth and and what became of that or how did you overcome it? Was there was there a specific moment or moment um that really where you question your own selfworth?

Yeah. And what I'll say too is it is a daily thing. It's a daily thing. It's a lifelong journey. Um one moment Jim that that I'll share um and I'm so honored by the way to be part of the quick success book club. I am so honored. We are going to deliver so much value. like you're this I'm just so excited and this is just going to be success elevating like it's going to be success elevating because here here's the moment I'm going to pick because we talk about success and we talk about being limitless

okay I was at a moment in my life let me just preface this my entire life from the time I was a little girl a lot of us have childhood heroes like for some people it's Superman for other people whatever whoever it might be and growing up I was alone a lot in my living room and I'd watch Oprah And so for me, I always dreamed as a little girl of meeting her one day. I dared to believe it was possible and inspired my career of going into journalism, all of that. Like this was my dream. That was my superhero growing up. Fast forward, I'm 39 years old and I get the chance to meet her. And I I want to preface this for everyone who is real passionate about success in their life. At this moment in time, I'm 39. I had all of this success. I had just oh my gosh like I was so confident, Jim. I had just sold my business for $1.2 billion cash that I'd started in my living room. I L'Oreal made me the first woman to hold a CEO

title in their 100 plus year history. All these things were happening. The Forbes list, all these things that were like, whoa, I was very confident, but I did not know that I did not have a lot of selfworth

and that there's a big difference. And you want to know what happened? I met her. I then sent her a letter after um through a series of of like I go granularly on how this happened and how I over overcame it and worthy in the book. I uh eventually she invited me to lunch at her home. I went for a threehour lunch one-on-one just me and Oprah and at the end and it couldn't have gone better and remember I was really really confident but I actually deep down inside didn't believe I was enough and at the very end of the lunch she gave me her cell phone number and she said call me anytime you can call me anytime and Jim I did not call her for four years

for four years four years and I thought I knew I would tell myself reasons Why? Like, oh, I just need the perfect thing to say, then I'll call her. Or, oh, I'm going to prove I don't need anything from her. You know, everyone wants things from her. Like, I I told myself these stories. And four years went by and I realized the real reason was that deep down inside, even though I was so confident and had all of a certain measure of success, deep down inside, I didn't believe I was worthy of being her friend. And our self-worth is our ceiling. whether it is in our personal relationships, our friendships, our business, our level of success that we get to. And that was the day when I called her. I picked up the phone and called her four years later. Uh, and also it's when I realized, oh my gosh, there is a huge difference between self-worth and self-confidence. And they're both very important and very

valuable and they're very different. And that's when I became obsessed with studying self-worth and how do you build it? Um, and that's why I wrote the book worthy because our self-worth is our ceiling. And when I, you know, now I've taught a course with her. Now she's the very first guest on my show that I'm watching, the Jamie Carle show. She my very first guest, but how this would have never happened. This I could have I was so close to doubting myself out of my own destiny. And I have done that many other times. And so for anybody who is like, "Oh my gosh, like you know, what am I doubting myself out of in my life?" Like you can build skill sets which is so important and valuable and you also have to believe you are worthy of it and build that self-worth at the identity level because wherever you go, whatever you achieve, you still take you with you. So I achieved a whole lot of worldly success and find business

success and yet I was sitting there with Oprah still taking the not enough doubting myself Jamie with me

and that is what shifted when I learned how to believe I'm enough and build that selfworth. So that would be one moment just one of you

just one I love it. This conversation really is just a reminder for everyone that that you matter. That you are enough. That your presence in the world, it makes a difference whether you see it or not. You could always improve. We could always be better. But remember this that you are enough.

Um not be, you know, not because you did or said or bought or thought or or became or created something special because but because you always were. And Jaime's new book. The title suggests it's actually accurate that you are absolutely worthy.

What would you say is the most important uh trait would be for success? I think

besides believing in yourself because I think that's we've spoken about that so much. Um

yeah, I think a I think I can give you three things but but give me three. I really think that and it's not just believe not just believing in yourself believing making the decision to believe success is possible for you. I think that so many of us just think we're not qualified um or we don't have what it takes or we don't come from the right family or we don't come from the right background or we don't have the right education or we don't have the right experience. all those things and I think we talk ourselves out of it and I think making that decision to believe it's possible is huge like huge um some of the things that that just come also top of mind is you know I talked a little bit earlier about um when I was building at cosmetics and how it wasn't just about you know finding a product that worked or was I think that so many people can be great at setting goals And so many people have done enough

reading or listened to enough podcasts where they understand the concept of like identifying your why um behind what you're doing, right? Which is like your mission for doing it.

The biggest mistake I think a lot of people make though around this um and it's why they give up or they stop their health journey or they uh whatever it is, quit quit the business or or never start it. I think that a lot of people identify a why um that they think is the right one and it sounds really good and if you share it with someone else it sounds really good like maybe it's like oh I'm doing this because I want to um buy a house or I'm doing this because I want to pay for my kids college one day or and those are great wise right like they sound so great they make so much sense but often they're not deep enough and they're not meaningful enough to make sure you don't quit when times are tough. And of all the things I did so many things wrong, one of the things I did right was like the PE you you have a why, but you have to peel back the layers and go really really deep, right?

So I I I shared like for me like wanting to shift culture and beauty and and and and help help end that that process of every little girl about to start doubting themselves, every grown woman who still does and shift culture and that that was really deep for me because my whole life I'd felt that not enoughness every time I'd see those beauty images. That was way more deep for me that that mission to do that for other people than it was to go, "Oh, I want to buy a house." or oh I want to create a great product or whatever it is and I think a lot of people they've got to go deeper like I think I think they start you know whatever it is and they have a great why but like they've got to put I I suggest I recommend because a lot of people do don't do this is putting in that work of going deeper and deeper and deeper.

So what the purpose the real true purpose is versus just like a surface level. Yeah. Yeah. And some they know it like maybe it's like oh I want to you know I I want to pay for my kids school.

But if that's all it is right there for some people that's not enough. And an example I'm making this up. I'm making this up but if someone says oh you know what I want to peel back the layers deeper. Maybe the real why there isn't to pay for my kids college. Maybe the why is to break a multi-generational cycle of complacency or poverty or whatever in your family and

right that's a big that's a v that's a big why yeah and that could be the same person right but they thought their why was to pay for college and it's easy to then go oh you know what I'm saying but when it's that deep

but a lot of times people don't even know that why yet they have to go down the path first a little bit further to really kind kind of unravel what was pushing them. Like a lot of times like what for me anyway and I know with a lot of people I know you know you go down a path for one reason and your your reasons change as you kind of go through it, right? And you morph and grow and then you really find the real why.

Yeah. And I think totally and I think that's true. I I think when you get to a spot though where you're like, I just want to quit this. And if your gut is telling you to keep doing it, that's when I think it's the time where you also have to then go deeper and be like that, you know, I want to quit, but my gut's telling me not to, but like why is it I want to give up and then just like, you know, in those moments, you know, figure out what is that deep deep deep why that fuels you. Um,

right that I I agree. and you always knew well you had two things going for you. I think the first thing is and we didn't even touch upon this at the beginning of the podcast but you created uh your cosmetic company because there was you had a need for it. You had you had rosacea that you you you couldn't find any product to actually help you. So you were kind of filling an ailment that you actually had. Right.

And a lot of Right. And a lot of times I feel like when people do that when they're feeling when when they themselves are needing of something and then the the best products usually bloom from that

and and having the why. Did you have that why at a young like because but reading your book you had a work ethic. I know you were like in the in your yearbook you said you were like the queen of procrastination or you were like dubbed that. Yeah.

But over time you became your work ethic became extremely clear like what a strong work work ethic you had.

Um do you feel like that was a huge part of why you're successful as well is because that that like 100hour weeks and and kind of grinding like you did like you just weren't going to take no for an answer

no matter what. I think I think I think not taking rejection personally was huge. Um uh which I can share about in a minute. I don't think someone needs to work 100 hour weeks to succeed. I don't think they need to work a third of the amount of hours I worked to have the kind of success I did. I think when I look back it's one of the things I actually wish I did differently um with the number of hours I worked. Yeah. Because I don't you know I pray every day. it hasn't taken a toll on my health and all those things I don't know but what I realized is that you know when I fin after three years of solid nos not paying myself when we finally um many years after that started actually you know things were doing really well and our accounts were thriving and we were getting into all these stores I couldn't process at the time or maybe a better word is I didn't know how to believe at the time that the success was real and I

worried at every single second it could all come crashing down and it's another form of imposttor syndrome, right? Where

I was going to say yeah and and and so I drove myself so hard because I thought oh my gosh like I need to strike while the iron's hot like like all of that, right? and it it never let up. And and and you know, it was a decade before I realized, oh,

I actually didn't yet believe I was worthy of this success. So, I couldn't believe that it was happening. And it wasn't until I learned to believe it was real, to believe like it's possible for me, it is happening. I have earned it. All those things um that I was able to better prioritize stuff that I was able to make bigger decisions like, you know, we tried to have a baby. I tried to get pregnant for 10 years and, you know, had miscarriages and so many things. And when we finally um welcomed our daughter, she's two and a half years old now, wonder into the world, I you know, I was raised with parents that work so hard all the time and they were often not around. And I just made this decision like, oh wow, I'm repeating that cycle and I'm not going to do that uh for my daughter and it's going to be okay and my success is going to continue. And it was really just making those big, you know, shifts um around

that that I was better able to do it. But I don't think uh anyone needs to ever work 100 hour weeks. I did it from a place of I couldn't believe this success was happening and I was just driving it so hard because I had a fear it could all come crashing down. And you know, when I was a waitress at Denny's, I could have never imagined um at the time, you know, I always knew like I was supposed to serve in a bigger way and impact and things like that, but I could have never imagined um I would have a thousand employees and, you know, sell my company for over a billion dollars cash. Like those kind of things I couldn't imagine. when they happen to us, it's it's how we react to it

is a whole other thing, right? And um and so that is that's why I did that part. Um so

I like that you say that. I think that's really true and real because um the imbalance right when you work that much you're giving like the this the amount of stress like you were saying you were trying to have a baby and like

you were so overworked your body was like shutting down probably in some way or because of your hormones or probably your cortisol levels you know I mean so unhealthy um and yet it was I think a lot of people can relate to what you're saying it's that you most people do that because they feel like it's real, like they that that imposture syndrome is such a real thing.

Yeah. Um and that's what motivates people to do that, right? Um Yeah. And I think like, you know, I think that not feeling qualified, not like, you know, all of those things, right? And I I think that I think it's so important we're talking about it too because I think a lot of people who feel it who feel imposttor syndrome, you know, which is like, oh, I'm not qualified to be doing what I'm doing or I don't deserve to have clients trust me or I don't, you know, all the things we think, right, depending on on our own life situation. But like I feel like it's human and I feel like um it's important to talk about it too because a lot of people feel it and they think they're alone in it. You know what I mean? And it's like knowing all through it. And um and for me, you know, I started assembling like a toolkit of things that I would go to like imaginary toolkit like quotes, sayings, stories

that I would go to when I start feeling that. And um you know for me and I I think this is universal regardless of of people's faith or whatever but every time I'd start doubting myself or feeling like not qualified or any of those things um to be doing what I was doing yet I felt like uh it was my calling to to be doing it and my mission and my purpose. I felt like a calling but so many times I would doubt I was qualified. And there's these famous words I I would always go to that would help me. I'm going to share them in case they in case someone out there needs to hear this right now. Um,

and the word the the famous saying goes like this. Um, God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called. And I would read those words over and over. And to me, they mean if regardless of your faith, to me, they mean if you have this this this thing you can't shake in your gut, like you're supposed to start the the the group of moms that gets together and just shares the real stuff over wine. whatever it is you feel this thing you're supposed to do. uh start the you know the the the book, start all those things. Like I believe it's start the business, leave the job you're in, all those things. I think that if you can't shake it, I think it's part of your purpose. I think it's part of your calling. And to me, if something's part of your calling, then it's like if God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called. To me, that means you have everything you need inside of you already, right? to actually accomplish

the calling you were born to walk into. And so when I do doubt myself, which I still do to this day, those are words that I always reference that help me um and so many other other lessons I share in the book on things that help and just um because

I love that quote though. It's beautiful. It's a really good one. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks,

ladies and gentlemen. Rock this house. to welcome to the stage K Lima. Baby K Lemo.

Every single one of us has had someone tell us we're not enough. Every single one of us has had someone say words to us that

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "It Took Me 30+ Years to Realize This Truth... | Jamie Kern Lima"?

In order: 0:00 Belief system, Self-doubt, Limiting beliefs, Stevie Wonder; 10:00 Capacity check, Belief system, Good vibes only, Self-Worth; 20:00 Self-doubt, Self-Worth; 30:00 Adoption, Denny's, Oprah Daily, Self-doubt; 40:00 Self-doubt, Self-Worth; 50:00 Self-doubt, Self-Worth, Self-confidence, Self-Love; 1:00:00 Alcoholism, Bob Goff, breast cancer, Impact Theory; 1:10:00 Self-Worth, L'Oréal, Quick Success Book Club, Self-confidence; 1:20:00 Denny's, Rosacea, Stevie Wonder.

What is mentioned in this Jamie Kern Lima episode?

46 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Belief system, Self-doubt, Self-Worth, Capacity check, Stevie Wonder, Limiting beliefs. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "It Took Me 30+ Years to Realize This Truth... | Jamie Kern Lima"?

The episode runs 1 h 32 min; the transcript is about 16,241 words in 138 timestamped sections.

More from Jamie Kern Lima

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated November 18, 2025.