This is Stopping You From Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be! | Jamie Kern Lima

What this episode is about

The content addresses the pervasive belief that standing out might lead to rejection, particularly among women, and how this mindset causes individuals to downplay their strengths and authenticity. It highlights the societal pressure to conform, encouraging listeners to embrace their unique identities and talents instead of shrinking themselves to fit in.

Key takeaways

• Playing small is humility's sneaky sibling—when we shrink, we dim ambitions not inadequacies.
• Women promote based on proof, while men ride on potential. Stand out to tip scales.
• Your potential wavers not at the light’s shine but when you believe you're unworthy.
• Standing out isn’t exclusion—it’s expulsion of sameness that shepherds authenticity.
• Brilliant ideas wear daring dresses; don’t closet what fits you to comfort others.

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Mali Ronal
2. 50:00 – 1:00:00: Pullman, Washington
3. 1:00:00 – 1:10:00: Alan Burke, Today (The Today Show)
4. 1:10:00 – 1:20:00: Alan Burke, Bye Bye Under Eye Concealer, hyperpigmentation
5. 1:20:00 – 1:30:00: Alan Burke, the universe, divine orchestration

Notable quotes from "This is Stopping You From Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be! | Jamie Kern Lima"

• One of my amazing friends, Mali Ronal, always says, You are not too old, you're not too young, it's not too late, your best days are ahead. I love that quote from her. And here's the.

  about Mali Ronal · at 9:39

• When I think about Denny's, so the Denny's I worked at which was in Pullman, Washington had a massive operational issues. Sometimes it would take like an hour for the pancakes…

  about Pullman, Washington · at 54:33

• Years and hearing no from everybody. And QVC said no several times. And one day I got their head guy, Alan Burke, who'd built this billion-dollar beauty empire, on the phone.…

  about Alan Burke · at 1:02:08

• Customer service, like she was a hustler. And so she would like email the Today Show, Good Morning America, and be Great news. our founder Jamie Klein is available for an absolute deal and we're launching a new product like and.

  about Today (The Today Show) · at 1:05:00

• Bankrupt. And we got this shot on QVC, but they ordered 6,000. We had to sell over 6,000 units of Bye-Bye Under Eye Concealer in this 10-minute window in order to hit their sales goal or not come back.

  about Bye Bye Under Eye Concealer · at 1:13:36

• This right and let's say I'm 75 years old and I'm you know have hyperpigmentation whatever it is if I don't see anyone that looks like me instead I see someone who looks like…

  about hyperpigmentation · at 1:16:13

• Our packaging wasn't ready and that we weren't ready. But he didn't know our I think some people call it the universe. Other people call it divine orchestration. Other people call it God.

  about the universe · at 1:28:18

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Alan Burke — Person · 7 mentions · first at 1:02:14
• Mali Ronal — Person · 1 mention · first at 9:39

Companies & orgs

• Today (The Today Show) — Company · 1 mention · first at 1:05:06

Products & tech

• Bye Bye Under Eye Concealer — Product · 1 mention · first at 1:13:43

Concepts & topics

• Thermostat analogy (identity thermostat) — Concept · 6 mentions
• the universe — Concept · 2 mentions · first at 1:28:22
• hyperpigmentation — Concept · 1 mention · first at 1:16:18
• divine orchestration — Concept · 1 mention · first at 1:28:24
  Weren't ready. But he didn't know our I think some people call it the universe. Other people call it divine orchestration. Other people call it God.

Places & events

• Pullman, Washington — Place · 1 mention · first at 54:39

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Have you ever dimmed your light or shrunk who you are to try and fit in? To try and make other people comfortable? There is a lie that so many of us have believed that if I stand out, I'll get kicked out. Meaning, if I'm too great, I somehow won't feel loved and I won't feel like I belong. I won't be accepted. And it has so many of us downplaying our strengths, hiding our wins and victories, especially girls and women, and just thinking if I stand out, I'll get kicked out. So, I'm going to play life small. I'm going to call it being humble. I'm going to call it being, you know, you know, like the right thing to do, when all it does is have you show up inauthentically, first of all, and it then gives that signal to other girls and women to shrink who they are, too.

1:00 Right? Here's the thing. Like, so many of us learn this lie. If I stand out, I'll get kicked out. From the time we're little girls, we [clears throat] often learn to make decisions based on consensus. You know, like if I know what I want and I know what I want to say and how I feel somehow. That's not the acceptable thing to do. I've got to take a survey of all my friends around me. See how we all feel together about if we like this thing or don't like this thing. And then that turns into us as adults not trusting ourselves, right? feeling like, okay, I need to take a a poll on how I feel. I need to see how all my friends feel about this thing. If I should stay in this relationship, if I should, you know, wear this dress, if I should all the things. And then we start learning. But when you have a gift and a strong passionate feeling and an idea and a thought and a dress you love, you don't

1:58 want to like stand out. If no one else loves it, you might get kicked out. or if you have huge talents, maybe you had a huge victory or you know you whatever it might be, we learn if we stand out, we get kicked out and it's a lie. It leads us to feeling like we are um diminishing who we are to fit in. So we play life small, we shrink, we try to do things that make other people more comfortable, we downplay our talents and our gifts and our strengths. And then it looks like all the studies coming out, right? You look at some of the studies in the workplace where men are promoted on potential. Women are only promoted based on past performance, right? We feel like we have to do things perfectly and accomplish it all perfectly for us to be enough. And then when we're really, really great, we dial it back because we don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. And then here's the thing, y'all. Because we

2:55 don't let see we don't let others see our light shine, because we often don't even acknowledge our light shining. We somehow doubt it's that bright. Even in our soul, we know it is. We then arriving to this place one day in life where we all of a sudden feel invisible and like we're fully unseen and like we don't even see ourselves. Learning to embrace who you are, your strengths, your abilities, your big, bold, wild, amazing ideas, your talents, your gifts, your quirkiness, your style. all of it, even if it stands out.

3:33 Learning to share it and express it as all of who you are is one of the most powerful things you can do. Because every time you show up in this world as who you authentically are, you are telling yourself you are worthy and enough just as you are. Every time you dim your light, you shrink who you are. You show up inauthentically. You are telling yourself you are unworthy of being all of who you are. This is huge because it impacts your self-worth. And your self-worth is the foundation to everything. Like in life, I say this all the time, we don't rise to what we believe is possible in our life, in our relationships and our goals and our dreams and our ambitions and our friendships. We don't rise to what we believe is possible. We fall to what we believe we're worthy of. So, in the book worthy, I go deep into all of the lies that we need to unlearn. The lies that lead to self-doubt that we need to

4:30 unlearn. And one of those is if I stand out, I'll get kicked out. And it's how to unlearn the lie and actually build enough selfworth to step into who you truly are. Say what you truly mean and how you truly feel. And I just want to wrap up this video by saying that for you, if self-worth is something that you if you if you're always feeling like you're just not quite enough, that is a self-worth thing. You can build confidence, self-confidence all day long, that is how you see your skills and abilities as a person, but your self-worth is different. It's you what you believe your value as a person is.

5:13 And you can build all the confidence in the world and still never feel enough. building self-worth is so critical. So that's why I wrote worthy. And I just want to say that uh today I hope you take one step to stand out, to put your idea out there, to say what you really mean, to say how you really feel. If you know the answer, shout it out. If you want to wear the dress, wear the dress. If you want to crack the joke, even if no one else thinks it's funny but you, be fully funny you. like all of it, right? Let your light shine so bright and don't be worried it's going to get you kicked out cuz you stand out. Like when you let your light shine so bright, you are giving another person permission and an example of how they are worthy of letting their light shine fully. I want to read a quote, a famous quote from Marian Williamson that I I have in worthy as well. um that I think is so so so powerful today.

6:19 Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It's our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that was within us. It's not just within some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

7:10 As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Maryann Williamson. Today, let your light shine. And I got this lesson in my life. Woo. After sabotaging a whole lot of stuff in my life, after getting some things I wanted, but then not understanding why I didn't feel fulfilled or after getting some things and then literally losing them. It this lesson has changed my entire life. I'm excited to share this sneak peek advanced chapter read of my book worthy with you and also dive into some incredibly powerful tools on how to build true unshakable self-worth.

7:56 Together I wrote worthy for every person who has ever doubted you're enough. for every person who's ever doubted your worthiness and for every person who is sick and tired of what self-doubt has already cost you in your life. And I wrote worthy after a series of powerful moments led me to consider what has self-doubt already cost me in my life. And the answer was way too much. And if this is you too, I wrote this book with the intention of helping you feel less alone and more enough and to share powerful tools that you can apply to your life right now to build true self-worth. So here's the thing is I used to think I was all alone in these struggles, right? I don't know if you have them too and you feel like you're alone in them, but with deep self-doubt like I felt alone in that and I used to try to hide it. And you know, once I became uh so much more aware and then I became obsessed with studying self-worth

8:57 and tools to build it, I learned that I am far from alone. You are too. If you feel it, if you struggle with self-doubt, we are far from alone. Studies show more than 80% of women feel like they are not enough. First of all, that is why I'm donating a 100% of my author proceeds of worthy that in big part go to programs that help build self-worth in girls and women. But it truly is the intention behind this book. Because here's the thing, self-worth is the one thing that changes everything in all areas of your life. And what's beautiful and powerful is it is never too late to build it. I don't know who needs to hear this today.

9:39 One of my um amazing friends, Mali Ronal, always says, "You are not too old, you're not too young, it's not too late, your best days are ahead." I love that quote from her. And here's the thing, it's never too late to unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. So, I wrote this book for you if you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill. And I am so excited and I just, you know, I'd love to start by sharing some of the most powerful tools on building self-worth and sharing sort of the high-level overview and the table of contents for worthy and just sort of share with you a couple lines and in some case some deep tools um on the key takeaways so that you know what you're in store with this book. Here's the thing um with worthy the table of contents. I'm going to take you through it because I want you to really get it, take it in what we're expecting this

10:41 book. So, part one of worthy is called seeing. This is all about self-confidence self-worth and self-revelations. So, chapter one is called the one thing that transforms everything. This is a chapter that lays out the foundation of self-worth and how building it truly impacts all areas of your life. And here's the thing, y'all. Okay, I got to go deep for a minute before I continue. Self-confidence is very different than self-worth. Okay, I want to pause for a minute and I want to go deep here uh on this because really this is the first tool that was one of the biggest breakthroughs in my life and it really comes down to the importance of understanding the difference between self-confidence and self-worth and how they both play out in your life right now. Okay, this one's big. See, both are so important, but they both are very different. And I've gotten so many questions from you on social media and even live questions

11:49 tonight in the comments uh about this. So, I want to go deeper for a minute. See self-confidence okay self-confidence is how you assess yourself based on your skills, your attributes, how you stack up compared to others, your willingness to try. If you keep the promises you make to yourself, self-confidence, even though it's internal, it can fluctuate by the second based on how things are going all around you, right? If you're winning or you're losing, um if you're hitting your fitness goals, how much of the world's definition of success you have. And here's the thing, y'all. Almost every advertisement our entire lives tells us if and and and well-intentioned family and friends tells us that if we could just get the things that make us more confident, the money, that job title, the white picket fence, the perfect looking family, right? All the things people ask you when they see you, how's

12:49 your job going? What about your family? Are you in a relationship? Right? We're told if we get those things, then we'll be happy. Then we'll be fulfilled. But let me ask you a question. Have you ever finally gotten that thing? Like you got it. Like you work so hard to get it and then you arrive there and you realize maybe it's after a year or a month or a week or a few hours you realize you're still not fully happy and it still feels like something's missing. So then what do we do in that case? We work harder and harder and harder and accomplish more and a more and a more.

13:28 We think, "I've just got to achieve more. I've just got to get that next level." Then we arrive, and all y'all achievers out there, you'll know what I'm talking about. We arrive and what happens? We still feel like something's missing. Here's why. It's because all of these things that we're so often striving so hard to get, they build self-confidence, which is so important to build. But none of them actually build self-worth. Self-worth is the deep internal knowing that you are innately worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are right now in this very moment. Not as you achieve, not dependent on anything happening around you or not happening around you or anything in the past that went well or didn't go well. But you are worthy exactly as your creator made you. And so many women whether you're a high achievers or or or perfectionists or people pleasers and you know really people everywhere spend their whole

14:35 lives striving and sacrificing for the things like hitting that fitness goal or getting that job title or the marriage and the kids and the dream house and then they think we all of us do I you guys decades in my life I did I thought I needed to achieve to be happy But then we achieve and we arrive going, why aren't we fulfilled? Because while we're building great self-confidence along the way, which again is so it's such an important component of life, but we don't realize that those things don't actually build self-worth. And we haven't learned how to build strong self-worth along the way. So both self-confidence and self-worth are such important skills to build in life, but they're both very different. Self-worth is your foundation. That is your foundation. Self-confidence is the house you build on top of it. But your house will only ever be as secure and as fulfilled as the foundation it is built

15:39 upon. Understanding the difference between self-confidence and self-worth will change every aspect of your life. And learning how to build true self-worth allows you to feel fulfillment while you're achieving all the things that can only build self-confidence. This is a huge revelation, y'all, because for those of you that feel like something's missing in your life and you don't know why and you're doing all the right things, right? And then people often I'm going to get way off on a tangent. Let me not do this, but people often will end quit a job because they think, "Oh, that's why I'm not fulfilled." Or they'll end a marriage or end a relationship or whatever it is because they think that's why I'm not fulfilled.

16:16 something's missing in my life. And so many of the times it's because they're doing all the things that build confidence and they think that they should feel like nothing's missing. But when they do not have underlying self-worth, you can never feel true fulfillment. So here's the deal, y'all. I'm not going to go off because we'll be on here for 10 hours of a worthy watch party. But separate of your victories and achievements or past mistakes and failures, you are fully worthy. Like true self-worth is knowing you are fully innately worthy right now in this very moment exactly as you are.

16:56 That is chapter one by the way. So let me go through some of these a little faster but y'all we didn't come here to play. Like your time is precious. And I just decades of my life I couldn't understand why I felt like something was missing you know or why I sabotaged opportunities etc. This has been the one thing that's changed everything in my life. So I'm just honored to share it with you. Okay. Chapter two is called change your relationship with rejection. Change your entire life. If you feel stuck in life or if you've had, you know, the fear of rejection or failure or if you've ever felt like you are a failure and I only say that because so many of you guys write in and say that to me that you feel that way. This chapter is going to be life-changing for you. Chapter two called change your relationship with rejection. Change your life. Chapter three. Chapter three is called, "You're not crazy, you're just

17:58 first." You're not crazy, you're just first. If you have ever felt like you're different or like who you are isn't enough or like you don't belong, this chapter reframes that and will set you free. I am going to come back in a minute actually um because I really want to share a powerful lesson and a tool with you in words that I hope speak to your soul that you can apply to your life right now. Chapter four, you have greatness inside of you. This is all about how your past doesn't determine your future. It's all about how your past mistakes or past pain or past regrets, past failures doesn't determine your worthiness and how where you come from doesn't have to determine where you're going. Okay? If you're someone who feels like you've made too many mistakes, been too hurt, or maybe you feel like you've hurt others too many times, or maybe you feel like you're somehow damaged or broken or have been carrying

19:15 around shame. I share some of the things in my past for the first time ever in this chapter. And I share things that most of my family doesn't know that many who read it might shame me for. But I'm sharing them because this book isn't about me. Right? This book is about the one person reading it. Maybe that is you who needs to know that you are not alone, right? that that your past, as my dear friend Edmlet says, your past does not disqualify you from your dreams. And this chapter I almost deleted a few times because I know how shocking it's going to be to a lot of people um in my family. But here's the thing, y'all. The story the press loves to share about me looks like, you know, the highlight reel, right? It looks like the highlight reel and Denny's waitress builds billion-dollar company. And like that's all true. Um, but this isn't a book about my story.

20:29 This is a book about your story, right? When I wrote Believe It, it was my journey of learning to believe in myself up until that point. Worthy is the playbook on how you can believe in you. And I just knew I cannot allow this chapter to be deleted because I know I know what I know what I know what I know. And it is for the one person. And maybe it's you who feels like what you've done in the past and the shame you've been carrying around for it has caused you to have deep selforth issues where you identify as someone who's broken or shameful or made too many stake mistakes and all that and that you're sort of putting up this barrier of belief of how you know we we open tonight talking about how in life you don't rise to what you believe is possible you fall to what you believe you're worthy of. This chapter is about reframing and shifting what you know.

21:20 I'm not even going to say what you believe. What you know you're worthy of. Regardless of past mistakes or anything that's happened in the past, your self-worth is literally the one thing that changes everything. The one thing that changes everything. And so often we think whether it's in relationships that we need to, you know, do all the work to understand every detail of them to make them stronger. That's true. That stuff really, really helps to understand at a granular level, how do you become a great friend or a great partner in a relationship? And all of that work is important. But underneath it all, if you don't also do the work of self-worth, of believing you're worthy of great friendships, of great relationships, then you will always sabotage them, or you will always uh uh do something to either never go for them, to never ask the person, you know, do you want to be friends and invest in that friendship as

22:15 an adult. Um, or you'll never tell the person you want to be more than friends in the relationship. Or you somehow will hold back from showing up as the person you know you can be in that relationship if underneath it all you don't believe you're worthy of a really really great relationship. We'll sabotage it. We'll either never go for it. Um, or in some other way we'll make sure it cools down to the level of our self-worth. Similarly in business, in your your your career, your ambitions, uh the business you're launching out there into the world. So often we think, "Oh, I just don't have enough experience yet or I don't have, you know, the right skill set yet or or the right connections or the right mentor, all those kind of things. At the end of the day, in when deep down inside you believe you're worthy of launching the business, of taking that business to new heights, of being an incredible leader, an

23:13 incredible CEO, incredible boss, right? It's only by believing you're worthy of it that you'll literally go to that level. This is the one thing that literally changes everything. And so it is important to invest in building a skill set and building attributes and strengths and experiences and all of that. But the most important thing is to build strong self-worth underneath all of it so that you have the foundation of your own identity. So there's a classic example that has been used for a zillion years in in personal development and it correlates your identity to the example of a thermostat. Right? So you probably have heard this example, but it's important when you when you look at it through the lens of self-worth. So you may have heard a number of thought leaders talk about how we all have our own internal thermostat, right? That's like an automatic one. When you imagine walking into a room, maybe in your house

24:09 or your office right now, maybe you have an automatic thermostat on the wall and if you have it set at 75° and if all of a sudden things heat up in that room, what happens? That thermostat kicks in, lowers the temperature back down, right? uh to 75. Meanwhile, if things just get freezing cold in that room, it's going to kick in and raise the temperature back up to 75. And so, the classic example that so many thought leaders have shared is really applicable when it comes to self-worth and your identity. Because let's say you set your self-worth, you believe you're worthy.

24:42 You believe you're worth 75. Okay, that's the level of your self worth. That's your identity right now. Deep internal identity. Well, then when things go really really right in your business or your relationships or you know your friendships or your goals and dreams and all of a sudden it's on fire, it's a 90, but underneath it you only believe you're worthy of 75. Your thermostat kicks in. It sabotages the relationship. It doesn't call that person back. It doesn't show up and put your ideas out into the world. You uh work less hard. procrastination, feeling stuck, and before you know it, that 95 is back down to a 75. Similarly, if things are just going awful, and you're just I mean, they're really bad. They're down there to 50. When you believe you're a 75, you'll figure out, okay, what moves do I need to make? What efforts do I need to put in to get back up to that 75? Here's the thing, and I

25:38 talk about this. I go deep in the master class inside of worthy on how do you take that number that that that 75 and and raise it. How do you raise your internal level of identity and self-worth because you will not soar to the level of your goals and dreams. You will stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. It is the one thing that truly transforms everything in your life. And you know the book um which you can pre-order now you get lots of bonuses uh with it there's over 20 tools in this book which is why I wrote it because in my life there are so many things where I didn't realize why did I stay stuck why did I sabotage that thing why didn't I go to the next level like when I know in my soul I can right it's because when we don't believe we're worthy of it every day all day we will sabotage it we will stay stuck we won't go for it because we have our level of identity right there at a 75. You know what I

26:40 mean? And so if you can relate to this, the very first step is just become aware. Today, all I want you to do in addition to ordering worthy because we're going to go through a lot of trainings together on how to do this as well, but I deep dive into it. Um, but the trainings are part of a bonus when you grab it, when you pre-order the book. But what I really want you to do right now, too, is just become aware of it. just become aware and be like, hm, what do I believe my own internal identity is around self-worth and how does that manifest in my life? What have I sabotaged?

27:15 And think about all the areas of your life. What areas have I stayed stuck in and I don't know why? Like maybe you know you have a book inside of you or an idea or a and you don't know why you haven't written it or you have this big idea you want to share in that you know team meeting tomorrow and every time there's an opportunity you don't share it because we will not rise to the level of our goals and dreams we will stay stuck at the level of our selfworth. So for now just start to think about the areas of your life and how this impacts it. I love you. I believe in you. And by the way, the best thing is we can raise that number. I know it cuz I've done it.

27:53 We can raise that number. Okay, that is the most exciting part. Do you believe the lie that you should only be seen when you're happy? Right? Do you ever like hide all your other emotions and maybe put on this sort of like fill in your name uniform of the person you feel like everyone wants you to show up as, even though inside you might be feeling a whole lot of other things. Well, here's the deal. We live in a culture right now that sort of like has these two juxtapositions. We're seeing all of this heartbreaking, horrific news happening all the time. And then we have good vibes only signs everywhere. And you know, I'm so much and such a proponent about positivity and about choosing the meaning we attach to things and all that, but it's also so important to know that you are worthy of being who you truly are, saying how you truly feel, meaning what you say, right? And and showing up and and believing you're

28:53 worthy of showing up as who you really are in your friendships, in your relationships. Like it's so so so important because every time we put on a mask and pretend to be somebody else, every time we hide the messy parts of our life, every time we think we should only be seen when we're happy and then we show up inauthentically. Whether it's in a friendship or in our job or in a relationship on social media, doesn't matter where it is. Anytime you show up inauthentically, you are actually telling yourself you are unworthy of being who you truly are and feeling what you really feel, right? And it starts to chip away at your self-worth. And self-worth is everything. Because in life, we don't, you know, soar to the level of our goals and dreams. We stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. We don't rise to what we believe is possible. We fall to what we believe we're worthy of. And part of building

29:48 really strong self-worth is identifying and unlearning all the lies that lead to self-doubt and then igniting waking up and embracing all the truths that wake up worthiness. So in my book worthy there is an entire chapter there's a whole section on the lies by the way unlearning the lies that lead to self-doubt. And one of those lies is I should only be seen when I'm happy. And what does that look like? that looks like we might desperately want connection with a friend, but you know, we wait to call them because we just don't want to burden them with our problems or we don't want to lower their vibration or we don't want to bring them down. So then we hide, we feel lonely, and then we either put a mask on and call them and act like everything's great or answer the call when they call, act like everything's great, or we just wait until we have something positive or or uplifting or great news to share with

30:45 them. As a result, loneliness is at an all-time high. In fact, right now 75% of us, right, you look at studies, 75% of us say that we'll only show our happy or positive emotions and we'll literally hide or bury the negative or other, you know, perceived negative emotions. I love the quote by Glenn and Doyle that says, "Being human isn't about feeling happy. It's about feeling everything and learning to know that you are worthy and that you are enough to feel everything is so important. You know, showing up as who you authentically are, fully fully you is actually the only way to create a true human connection with another another human, a true true connection, right? We have all of these sort of false unfulfilling connections that we might feel on social media or we might feel if we're showing up as only part of who we are but not all of who we are. And again, I said this a minute ago, but every time you show up

31:56 inauthentically, you are telling yourself you're not worthy of being who you are. So, it does slowly chip away at your self worth. It's so important to know you are worthy of all of your feelings. They're all valid. the positive ones, the negative ones, the times when you just need to vent and have someone hear you, the times when you feel heartbroken, the times when you feel insecure, right? We all feel those. And we're kind of in this society where we're wearing these good vibes only shirts and they're super cute. I have a few. But when we're only wearing those, we start to think that we're not worthy of showing up unless we're only feeling good vibes. And that's just not true. It is so important right now, today, to make the decision.

32:44 Well, first of all, just be aware of it. Like, huh, am I only showing up when I feel like I have something positive to share with someone? And am I feeling alone or hiding who I am or not calling the friend back or not answering the text or not answering the call or not answering the email or declining the invitation when I feel like I'm just not in that positive state and I don't want anyone to see me in anything other than in a positive state. as a recipe for loneliness. So today, just kind of do a a check and go, huh, am I showing up for my true friends, the people I trust, the people I love as all of who I am? Am I sharing times when I'm down and times when I'm up? Am I sharing how I really feel and saying what I really mean? And if the answer is no, decide if that's an old story, an old lie you want to unlearn that you are only worthy of showing up when you're happy because it's a lie. You're worthy

33:40 of showing up exactly as you are. Right? And then today, make that decision to take one step. You could just take one small step forward of deciding, I'm going to call a friend up who I trust and I'm going to actually share what I really feel or I'm going to share I'm kind of insecure today or I'm kind of down today. Right? And one tip and I talk about I talk about this and I go in deep in the chapter in worthy called um I shall only be seen when I'm happy the lie and how to unlearn that lie. But one of my friends, Glowandanda, talks about how she does what's uh she calls a capacity check, right? Have you ever had because by the way, listening like listening can actually be depleting.

34:22 Studies show it's depleting on the listener. So listen, I'm a good listener by the way. Listeners are heroes. My husband's a great talker. I'm a great listener. Listeners are heroes. It's also depleting to listen. And so one tool as you start to implement this in your life where you start really sharing how you're really feeling the good, the bad, the insecure, the excited, all of it, right? Is what's called a capacity check. What Glow uh my friend Glow calls a capacity check. Which means, you know, when you call someone up or it could be your partner at home or your friend, you just ask them like, "Hey, I have something kind of, you know, serious I want to share or heavy on my heart. Do you have capacity right now for a conversation?" And then they might say yes. They might say no. They might say, "Oh, you know what? Um, I'm super going a million miles an hour right now, but can we talk tonight at 6 p.m.?" Like,

35:11 you just kind of check. Do I have do you have capacity for for a conversation that's not just happy? You know what I mean? And doing that capacity check is huge. I actually started doing it in my marriage. Um, sometimes when my husband Paula will come up to me, I'll say, uh, I'll say, "Okay, do you want to just vent? Do you want me to give you advice? Do you want me to just listen? here's how much capacity I have right now and if you need more than that let's pick a time kind of thing and I'll ask him the same thing and it's been you know huge for us and you know if you don't want to start asking this right away in your relationships um you you know you could ask others to do it for you can you know check in with me and say capacity check but if you aren't ready to do that yet you can just start doing it right you can just call them up and say hey do you have capacity kind of a thing but if you

35:56 have a if you have a friend that maybe is always calling you and wants to just dump all the time. Well, that's when you can kind of start to implement those boundaries. You can start by just setting the example yourself and just saying, "Hey, I want to share something with you, but I want to do a capacity check. Do you have capacity for this conversation?" And then you kind of ease into it. You eventually ask them, "Hey, would you mind just checking in with me if I have capacity for something this heavy right now?" And you just kind of build trust and you build connection and you speak your truth. And you know, it's the most beautiful thing that I know for so many of us who are raised people pleasers or who believe, you know, especially girls and women were taught like smile, just be quiet. Like I have so many memories growing up of being a little girl and I'd walk into a supermarket and if I wasn't smiling for

36:40 a second, some adult would say smile like as if that's my job. We're taught we should only be seen if we're happy. It's a lie. And it's a lie that leads to disconnection. It's a lie that leads to us showing up inauthentically and chipping away at our selfworth. So, the time to unlearn that lie has come because you deserve to be seen. When you're happy, when you're sad, when you're insecure, when you're lonely, you know, all the emotions, the good and bad, you are fully worthy of every single one of them. The first thing I'll say about uh authenticity because so many of us are scared to be who we really are, right? Because we fear rejection or isolation or not being included or judgment or all those things. And first of all, the just one little tip and you'll you'll know this so probably way more than I do, Jim, but one thing that's always helped me is like so many studies out there talk

37:42 about how it's impossible to have a real true connection with another human being. If you show up as your representative, if you don't show up as your full authentic self for better or worse, right? The good parts, the bad parts, the quirky parts, whatever. And whether the relationships you want to have are with your partner or your customers or your customers or your community on social media, you actually cannot have a fully authentic relationship if you're not showing up as your full authentic self for better or worse. And so if right now you're listening and you're like, "Oh, well, I'm showing up kind of as the person I think I need to be, or I'm getting distracted by other people on social media because they're having great success, or their podcast is doing well, or their business, my competitor's businesses are having success by doing this, so I'm going to do that." You are robbing yourself of of that actual

38:40 authentic connection with your own customers, your own community, or your own friends, or your own family. It literally is the only way from my experience to build anything that lasts, anything that matters. Like in my journey of now doing over a thousand live TV shows on QVC, right? I've met thousands of entrepreneurs in the green room and most of them only last one show, maybe two, and they're gone. And I would like over the years I would think what is that commonality between the people who end up building something?

39:11 And it's never how smart they are. It's never how skilled they are on television. It's never that. It's the ones that like are the same way in the green room

39:23 when no one's watching as they are on air. And they they're not none of them are the same. Some are crazy and wild and some are totally like whoa. And some are really kind. But the ones that have that congruency that show up on air and sell their product, whatever it is, whether it's a Dyson vacuum or a personal growth, whatever it is,

39:44 they're the same, right? Because guess what? That the people watching are able to connect because you can't fake authenticity. And I feel like learning that is freedom because it is so stressful when you feel like you need to show up on social media as something that you're not because you're trying to build a following and get more likes or you're you're you're showing up in the dating world be and you're and you're you're as your representative

40:13 because whatever. It is so stressful. But like when you realize being authentic is the it's the most freeing thing because you you you now no longer care if something's working for a competitor in your industry or this or that because it doesn't matter unless it's truly authentic to who you are. And and um one quick thing is like I used to end up we built to over a thousand employees. So I went from not paying myself for three years over a thousand employees. And they would get so sick of me saying this, but it I feel like it was one of the keys to to to our success was I would they would, you know, tell me something a competitor was doing or a new product launch or whatever. And I would say, "Listen, our our biggest threat to our business is not what the competition's doing. It's the risk of us getting distracted by it and like getting tempted to dilute our own authentic secret sauce. That's it." and

41:06 and it was kind of like staying true to that helped us actually build something that mattered and listening to that even sometimes when the experts out there or in my case the retailers were telling me they didn't believe in it. Um and one more quick thing uh is just um in this process uh because you mentioned you know the people around you if they're doubting you right another big tool just to share with everyone listening that that help me is just uh everybody around you in your circle whether it's friends a partner people you work with um uh whoever they're only capable of believing in your dream whether they realize it or not they're only capable of really believing in it usually if like their own lens they're seeing it through of life experience and limitations uh has already proven to them it will be successful, right? Like so many people even experts or visionaries like they would never admit

42:02 this but like if you're doing something new or novel or maybe it's been done a million times but you're doing it your own way. It's really hard for anyone else to ever think it's going to be successful because they've never seen it be successful before because it's never been done the way you're going to do it. So, keeping that in mind and um I Jim I would have this uh imaginary volume dial and everyone listening has this. Okay, imagine you have your control over your own volume dial. I think one of the biggest keys to overcoming self-doubt uh on your own journey, whether it's to start painting again or to start writing that book or to just freaking go online and make an online dating profile and put yourself out there, right? I think like one of the biggest keys is learning how to control your own volume dial with who you let speak into your life about what. and what I learned and again I

43:01 share a million things I did wrong in this book too. One of the things I like to do is just try to learn analyze any story of greatness, any story of success and and try to determine and put language on what are the what are the unique attributes in this story. And you raised one Jamie that I think is is more true for you than anybody I know and should be true for more business and ministry leaders. And so if we look at your story, one is great idea, two is great product, three is great execution, uh four, you've got tenacity, uh overcoming obstacles, you've got rejection, you've got good business sense, you've got the ability to scale, you're creating the right culture. So we've got all those things that we typically think about.

43:46 There's an ingredient that I don't hear often, and that is what you said, and that is authenticity in mission and leadership. And what you have is is a very rare authenticity. The reason I want to drill in on this is because it's not all about systems. It's not all about strategy. It's not all about location. It's not all about ideas. Sometimes you just have to be believable as a leader and you had a problem and you had a solution. And then your problem that you were attacking was bigger than just skin issues, but it was actually kind of a culture that maybe would shame people for not being something that someone else is. And and that authenticity is one of probably the least talked about most important tools of great leadership. And in my just humble admiration of your story, I think that's one of the lead lines of the success that I want to highlight and help other leaders see. We say it this

44:48 way that, you know, be yourself as a leader because people would rather follow someone who's real than someone who's who's right. And you're just that and I hope that other leaders will see it when they study you. You write about it a lot in your book. I want to hold it up if anybody's watching. Uh believe it. Um how to get from underestimated to unstoppable. just fantastic New York Times bestselling book with every good reason. You write a lot about kind of that in there. And I want to drill down into something. I think that there's who knows how many people listening right now are working in a company and they have resistance. They um have an idea and it's getting shot down. They're trying to start a ministry and it's not going well and they're facing rejection.

45:27 You said earlier, you said it's not all glamorous. I I would say probably almost all of it's not glamorous. There's very little glamorous and almost every great story of success is filled with rejection. I was turned down for ordination. So I'm a pastor and I was rejected for ordination and almost every story like that has an overcoming rejection.

45:48 It's been a journey. So, and you know, I um I've really been, it's funny because we have like mutual, you know, mutual friends and stuff, but like they're really new in my life because for almost a decade, like all I did was like work and like trying to build the company, do you know what I mean? And so, yeah,

46:06 um that's why seeing that pajama party, I was like, I've got to go. Like, I want TO BE AROUND GIRLFRIENDS. LIKE, I NEED to get a life because for a long time, I didn't have one. So

46:17 it's hard to have one when you're doing when when you do what you did to that level. Uh and then I mean people think it's like you know people are overnight successes but you you know you're a testament to it's that is not the case. I mean it's hard to have a social life and go to pajama parties when you are

46:36 you know you're building and grinding and hustling to create what you created. Um and it's funny because I'm not a makeup person by any stretch of the imagination, right? But I even I knew what It Cosmetics was because you guys have a concealer

46:52 and and a BB cream or is it a CC? I can't remember. Uhhuh. Is it that is it a CC cream that I use?

47:01 That is amazing. Thank you. Yeah, it's been a crazy journey and you know I I think part of it you know because like you know growing up like I had I didn't see any type of

47:14 business like monetary s any any stuff like that around me my parents worked super hard um but you know I you know my journey was was really different like I worked as a Denny's waitress and yeah and like uh pushed grocery carts in the Safeway parking lot and all those things like and and trying to pay my way through through school and stuff like that. And I I always kind of like had this like gut feeling like, okay, like I'm I'm I'm meant to serve or give or some like I'm meant to do more than like what I'm doing right now and where I'm at. And I I um you know, it's been a decade of like literally starting with close to nothing. And then you know, when I when I launched this idea, this this kind of dream, um I had no idea how hard it would be. like the first three years of the business uh was like hundreds of nos, like tons of rejection.

48:10 Um some of it really brutal. Uh and and you know, I I thought I think so many people like have a dream and then they're like, "Oh." And then once you go after it, you're like, "Oh, this isn't happening." Like I thought it was going to happen. And there's like right

48:25 no proof around me that it's actually a good idea. And like what was I thinking? and did I list like is my gut wrong? And it was really this this crazy journey in so many ways of where it started to then building it into a a billion dollar business. And you know the thing when I um over the years um and really why I wrote this book, my first ever book, uh is really because and such a by the way such a big week right now um launch week of the book. I'm excited to share it with you and your whole community and everything. But this book is really like oh gosh it's it I' I've noticed that you always see like when you Google right you see the headlines like oh struggling waitress sells billion dollar company and I get so many DMs on Instagram from women especially saying like oh like how did you do it did you just get lucky or like did you all these things and I'm like oh wow it made me realize that so

49:21 often like we don't ever see the story behind the story of stuff And and when we don't see that, then it's like when we go through our own setbacks and our own struggles, it's like we feel alone in them or like it must be us or maybe we're not the kind of person that success happens to or whatever. And just seeing really DMs on Instagram and just getting these questions over the years, I'm like, you know what? like I I I had this moment where I realized I'm actually for the first time ever like gonna share like everything that really happened and and the book um believe it is is a story really my story of going uh from a girl who didn't believe in herself to believing in herself and like not trusting herself to like learning how to trust herself uh doubting that she's enough to like like learning to believe she's enough. And what really inspired me to write it was I was like, "Oh, yeah, it's my story, but it's also

50:24 the story of so many other women and people out there right now who are like, you know, who who have this like feeling like like, you know, they're they're they're made for more or they have the feeling like they have more to give or whether it's like launch the podcast or or or start painting again or like write the first chapter of the book or, you know, join a dance class, whatever it is, like like they know inside they're they're created for more, but like they doubt themselves anyway. And and and when I think back on my whole journey, like why I wanted to write this book really is is for every person out there who really has is dealing with doubt in their own head. uh whether it comes from their own head or from like the people around them like other people's opinions um or just the simple fact that they're trying their dream and they're trying to build their business or they're trying

51:23 to you know get clients for their dance studio whatever it is and like the success around them isn't happening right now and it's like how do you know how do you learn to hear your own gut and and trust it? How do you learn to like break through all the noise of self-doubt and and and and really really learn to believe you are enough and to step into all that you are and all that you're called to be and and and I think that so many people give up or stay in their comfort zone and never actually um uh you know become the person they're created to be because of so many reasons, right? And it's why so many people quit. And so anyhow, this book is really for every person just on their journey who who wants like all the tips and lessons of how to do that. Um, and I really share like so many personal and professional stories, right, of learning to do that. And then I also share the stuff I still am struggling with where

52:26 it's still a work in progress. And it's just raw and emotional and vulnerable. And honestly, I'm I'm scared because I'm used to like, let me give a CEO talk in the boardroom and this is like, oh no, this is the real This is the real stories behind the stories that are really personal. But my prayer is just that it's not about me. And it's it's, you know, I'm donating uh the book. I'm donating 100% of the proceeds of the book. like like I'm not doing literally the only reason I'm doing this book is because for me it's the best I think best work I've ever done in my life and that I I know it's not about me and my prayers just that it helps every single person out there on their own journey of knowing they're enough and and stepping into all of who they are. So that was a long answer a good one. I love you know you gave me a lot of good little nuggets to go with there. M

53:21 um first of all, where is the the proceeds? Are you you do you have a a charity that you're going to be giving the

53:27 No. Um two two of them, but one of the big ones too is Feeding America. Um because right now, I mean, wow, what a year it's been for so many of us.

53:37 Um and there's tens of millions of families now that are food insecure. And you know, we're going to have a vaccine, but we're still going to go through a really tough season. And they're saying it could go, you know, well into 2021. And I think that right now, um, I think it's like the last the last number I read was 17 million kids are food insecure just in our country right now. So, um, so that's a big one. And, and by the way, I was Denny I was a Denny's waitress. I know how to I know how to serve food. So, now I'm just gonna live food.

54:06 I saw that. I think I also saw that you said something like you were at Denny's, but you lost the job because you talked too much and gave away too much free food.

54:14 Oh my gosh. Well, here you know what's funny? Okay, this is the funny thing [clears throat] is I don't know if you tell I would love to hear too if you feel this same way, but I think so many times in our lives like the setbacks we go through end up being like setups for like act right actually things were supposed to do next or walk into next. And

54:33 when I think about Denny's, so the Denny's I worked at uh which was in Pullman, Washington had a massive operational issues. Sometimes it would take like an hour for the pancakes to come out and people get mad, right? So some people would leave and then some people would stay but then they wouldn't tip me and I'm like I have nothing to do with the pancake timing. And so what's funny is um and I'm like kind of an introvert normally and that job I actually I was like

55:05 dude I'm paying I'm trying to pay my my way through school. Like I can barely afford my my tuition, my bills. I'm like, I've got to get tips. And so, um, and so I learned to talk, uh, and like, you know, just talk to people and and

55:20 try to get them kind of like okay with the weight. Yes. Because it was the longest wait for the pancakes to come out. Anyways, I eventually um, yeah, got fired for talking too much, but I believe and and by the way, the cool thing that came out of it was like I didn't know it at the time. I never knew one day I'd start a business or anything, but I had this lesson ingrained in me that like, oh, if your operations aren't right, it can impact everything else. And I remember and like a lot of for a lot of us when we launch a business or a dream or whatever, we want to do the thing we love, but we don't want to handle the operations. We don't want to have and I just remember that lesson and I remember when we created it cosmetics I'm like okay we've got to figure out the operational infrastructure because if that's not there it's like everything else collapses even though operational infrastructure is not my passion but I

56:14 thank Denny's for that lesson for that first lesson and like it's 100% true you know I always say that too I feel like so many times when things were disappointments you know you it ends up working it does end up there like a kind of like a silver lining does happen or another opportunity arises that you never even knew existed because of that setback.

56:35 Yeah. Um, and it's a very important real it's a really important life lesson or like an important thing to remember in those darker times when things are not working.

56:46 And it's hard, right? Because when you're in that dark moment, like I can think of so many major nos in my journey of building the company where I thought like, oh my gosh, everything's on the line. I need this investor to say yes because I don't know how I'm going to make it if he doesn't. Or I am dreaming for years of being in this retailer and like they keep saying no but I need this yes. And then it's like those big rejections, right? Sometimes it's a friend rejecting us. Sometimes it's someone we're totally into that we're dating and then we're like, "Oh, so they're just not that into those things hurt. like they hurt and they suck and they are devastating and there's a million nights I cried myself to sleep.

57:27 But like so it's hard to do it, but like when I look back at everything, I just know that's true. That our setbacks, no matter how painful they are, really really are set ups. Like if we're if we're open to uh

57:41 if you're open to that Yeah. and open to seeing the the other opportunities or the windows that are opening when the door slams on your face right?

57:49 Yeah. Yep. Uh so a couple of different things again that we're you were saying. Um number one that you were and you open with this in your book and I I've heard you talk about this is that you you very much uh trust your intuition and your gut and it's more that to and that um really if you can give anyone I saw you say this in the you said this in the book you gut and intuition is more important than other people's advice which I I'm a strong believer in. Right. But it's very difficult to some for some people to to do that, right? Because of that self-doubt, because of that fear.

58:27 How did you how did you kind of hone that skill of really listening to your gut? Yeah.

58:33 Um like was there like a like a like a tip a moment in your life or like some kind of turning point when you kind of decided to to to kind of go that way or explain that?

58:44 Yeah, I think that it's um for every person. I think it's it's a journey and I think a lot of people don't start the journey. I think that

58:52 I believe we all have an intuition like an inner knowing and I think what happens for so many of us is that you know to your point we we the the noise of self-doubt is in our own head. We have other people's opinions all around us. We have experts who like are credible and touted visionaries like saying how stuff should be done, right? In some case and there's so much we turn on the news and people are fighting. We have like there's so much everywhere that it ends up being so noisy that we almost like can't even hear our own gut anymore. And a lot of people never ever really just develop that ability to just to just get still and and hear it. and uh and and and a lot of people have heard it in the past but like it's been a long time. You know what I mean? Yes.

59:47 Um or they think they heard it and it turns out to be wrong and then they start doubting themselves. So for me it's been a journey. It's been a journey. And one of the big things is when I look back because there are so many times where I doubted my doubt in my gut and I was like, "Oh, you know what? Like they're experts for a reason or or this person's had so much success. Let me just listen to them even though it's like not quite sitting right with me." Um, and when I look back at a lot of the mistakes I made, they were all really around times when I didn't I went against

1:00:21 my own gut. And so it's really a thing I think we develop over time um really by by paying attention. And I think it I think we're all born with it though. I think we have it. And then I think our life lessons build on it. But you know it's like sometimes it's simple. It's like we date a dude and we're like, "Oh, he's sketchy." But we don't want to believe it. Yeah. Maybe his phone did break and

1:00:49 maybe he just fell asleep last night and I couldn't get a hold of him. He didn't disappear. He wasn't at somewhere else like Right. And we kind of know and ch Right. We know. And we choose not to. And I think that that carries through our whole life. And

1:01:07 you know, for for me um uh getting still, it's a practice. It's a journey. It's a journey. But getting still, even five minutes a day, and that's hard. A lot of people try to get still, whether it's to meditate or in prayer or whatever it is. But when you try to get still for five minutes, no phone, no anything. Like sometimes I just go in the closet because I have two little ones. Look at me, too. I know. I do that all the time.

1:01:33 Yeah. And I just literally try to get still. And I'm not perfect at it because I try to hear my gut. And sometimes I end up thinking of my to-do list or whatever else is going on, but I I really work on it to to to tune into that. And when I look back, you know, um there's oh gosh, so many stories uh that I share in this book I've never shared before. And but one of, you know, one of the most powerful lessons in my entire career and my life came down to a moment when we uh got one shot on QVC. And what had happened is, you know, we'd been building from our living room for three years and hearing no from everybody. And QVC said no several times. And one day I got their head guy, um, Alan Burke, who'd built this billion-dollar beauty empire, on the phone. And uh I thought for sure if he's going to give me a few seconds of his time, it's going to be a yes. And I

1:02:24 Well, how did you get him on the phone? How did you get him on the phone first?

1:02:27 Yeah. By obsessively sending products for two and a half years. Okay. Um LinkedIn, I would go on LinkedIn and send messages to any person that worked at QVC. It didn't matter to me what their job title was. And I try to send them product if I could get them. Um and I finally begged his assistant

1:02:43 uh to just set up a call with me like, "Could you just get him to review the product?" Uh, so it was a lot of that and

1:02:51 I thought you were gonna say that you know what I thought was super clever before you even tell me the c tell everyone the QVC story which I think is a very uh poignant point in like in your career or the in in at it for it cosmetics. Um, you called was it Marie atit cosmetics.com that's your middle name and you use that as your you pretend that was your PR person which is so scrappy so clever and and gritty. I loved it. I highlighted it like really really strong.

1:03:20 I love that you have a highlighter in your hand right now. I'm like so excited.

1:03:24 I love this is my best friend by the way. This is like this highlighter lives with me.

1:03:30 You know what I So the Marie story like here's the thing. That's amazing. You know I I was like let me just share all of it because I don't want people to just go oh that's great these kind of things happen to other people. But like for me, I've can't afford to hire anyone or whatever, right? But we all go through that. And so like I share so many stories of like how did I figure this out with no money or no connections or whatever. And it's like sometimes got to do what you got to do because

1:03:58 I couldn't afford to hire anybody, right? My husband and I, we wrote the business plan on our honeymoon flight and, you know, both quit our jobs and thought, "Oh, we'll take our our small amount of savings, pour it into making the best product ever, hiring advisory board, and and then and then the product is going to sell." And then I didn't realize, oh, it's not that easy. And uh and didn't realize it would be three years before I could afford to pay myself. And so in those early years, like I couldn't afford to hire people who knew what they were doing in all these areas. And so, you know, you figured out that I mean, I would Google like everything FDA regulatory compliance and how to write the labels on the packaging and like like just everything. And uh and I got to the point where I'm like, "Okay, my name is Jamie Marie Kern Lima." And so Marie, which is my middle name, uh got her own

1:04:53 email address, right? Marieitcosmetics.com. And she became head of PR, head of customer service, like she was a hustler. And so so she would like email um you know, the Today Show, Good Morning America, uh and be like, "Great news. our founder Jamie Klein is available for an absolute deal and and we're launching a new product like and just like so Marie was a hustler and Marie got just as many nos a lot more ignores but she hustled and she got some press um she got some press

1:05:30 for her yeah and so um I don't know listen it's like you know the journey it's hard and and I feel like these these stories and so many of the stories I share in the book I feel like are so important to share because now we're sitting in this world where we like see everything on social media and a lot of times people whether they want to you know write a book or they or maybe they have an idea for a business or a product or something but they're like oh they see everywhere on social media like oh everyone's already done my idea and it looks so good like it's working so well for them and then they talk themselves out of their own purpose and their own calling and their own truth, right? And I think like what's so important is like, oh, just cuz you see in my case, you if you Google, you see like, oh, billion dollar success story, whatever, it's like, oh, no, no, no. Like, here's what really

1:06:25 happened. And if if someone's listening right now and they're going through a season of rejection and a season of disappointment and a season of setbacks, I just feel like it is so important to know that when we go through those, we're not alone. And it's no indication of the potential of your idea or your success or your dream or your calling. It's like, oh no, like like we're all in this together. This stuff happens to almost all of us, you know, and and and and here's the things I did that helped me not quit and help me keep going and help me believe even when other people didn't. Um and uh and so and and yeah, and my and one of my biggest um only if you want me to share it, but my the biggest uh gosh, one of the biggest lessons on just trusting your own gut versus you know what

1:07:18 I want you to talk about that. That's a huge the QVC story. That's the that to me was like a a major pivotal moment in your entire career. So

1:07:28 yeah, I just wanted to I wanted to hear first how you initi how you I want you to tell the you know whoever who's listening

1:07:35 a how did you finally because it wasn't like this was your first time contacting QVC. It was many many times it was no no you were you already were told no by Sephora and by private equity people who were rude to you and

1:07:47 yeah and your question about getting a hold of that guy. Yeah. How did you finally get in touch with him?

1:07:52 When we finally got through as assistant finally set up a call I thought for sure I thought for sure. I was like, "Oh my gosh, Alan Burke is getting on the phone with me. Like, this is going to be like I was freaking out like pacing my office, which was our living room." And I was, "Okay." And and I remember when we finally got on the phone call and he's like, "Hello, Jamie. This is Alan Burke from QVC." And I'm like, "Okay." I'm like trying to tell myself like they'd be lucky to have us like I'm like, "Hi, Alan. Like, nice to meet you." And uh and he was so kind and awesome and all those things. and he said, "Listen, we've reviewed your products uh with all the buyers here and it's unanimous. It's a no. Um, you're not the right fit for QVC or for our customers." And I'm like, "Oh, but I am the right fit and let me tell you why." And like I just tried again and poured my heart out. And it

1:08:39 was a no. And so I thanked him for his time and like literally tears are streaming down my face because I didn't know at this point. We're a few years in like how are we going to make it? And that day I remember like going to bed crying myself to sleep. Uh, and I don't know if you've ever had this happen where you like get really bad news and then you go to bed and then you wake up the next morning and you hoped it was a dream.

1:08:59 Yes. Happen all the time. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, it wasn't. And it was like that was what it was like for three days in a row. And anyhow, we had a season of of several years of nos from everybody. the the QVC. And by the way, QVC was my dream because uh my whole life for like similar to so many of us, I had always seen magazines and commercials on TV with these um models that had perfect skin and all these things. And I never I remember growing up seeing all them and going, "Oh, I want to aspire to look like that." But then always somehow also feeling like I wasn't enough when I saw them. And I didn't put this all together until my journey of um of getting rosacea on my cheeks, which is, you know, hereditary skin condition. And and trying everything I could get my hands on and none of it working. And making that decision that you know what, I'm going to quit my job as a journalist.

1:10:00 And my my whole life, I've dreamed of being a talk show host and that I love other people's stories. Like not mine, other people's sto. And I thought I was going to do that my whole career. And when I had this moment like, oh, I my gut just kept telling me like, you know, you you know, nothing's working for you. There must be so many other people out there like you who maybe have skin challenges or whatever and they just like given up on makeup altogether, you know, whatever. And I just that that feeling I knew I needed to do it. And so anyhow, um, so part of my whole mission from the very beginning was to not just create a product that worked for me and that helped other people, but to create a beauty company where like all the models I use and call beautiful models and mean it are every age and every size and every skin tone and every skin challenge. And I wanted to shift culture in the beauty industry around

1:10:51 inclusivity. So I had this dream of QVC for that reason because it's live. It's live 24/7 television to 100 million homes. And I was like, "Oh, I can go on and like take my makeup off, show my bright red rosacea, and show for real how the product works." Not in a magazine or TV ad where you don't even know if they're wearing the product. You know what I mean? And let me put like real women of every every age and size and, you know, skin challenge and and and and really try to shift. So, I dreamed of QVC. I just felt it in my gut that I was supposed to be on QVC. And so to get Alan Burke on the phone and to have him tell me, you're not the right fit for our customers or for QVC was devastating. And uh you know, and it's hard. And it's it was one of those moments for me where I had to figure out how to turn down the volume in this case on his opinion. Yeah. and like try to just turn up the volume of my own gut

1:11:53 that said, "Okay." Cuz every time I would check in with my gut and I would hear it, it's like, "You're on the right track. You're supposed to be doing this." And I'm like, "Is my gut wrong?" Because no one else is believing in it. The experts that have done incredible things aren't believing in it, right? And those are the tough moments. And I think those are the moments that make people give up, that make people quit, that make people talk themselves out of their own dreams and their own truth and never step into all that they were created to be because it's so easy and it's makes so much sense in our heads to trust the people who are experts who are telling us to do it. So anyways, I just it was a moment where and I did a lot of things wrong in my journey and I talk about so many of those in the book too.

1:12:38 But this was one of the things I did right where I was like, you know what, my gut is telling me to keep going and I did and we eventually were at a big beauty expo and a QVC host uh came up to the booth. there were 6,000 women there and I was demonstrating our product and she uh loved our product and and something you know she had this feeling to to come up to me and to try and give me a shot. And long story short, we got one shot on QVC and this is where one of the biggest life lessons and and business lessons in terms of trusting your gut over, you know, experts or anyone else um uh happened. And so we had one shot and 10 minutes on QVC. And here's the thing is it's a consignment deal in beauty, which what this meant.

1:13:27 And and by the way, we were only selling uh two to three orders a day on our website at the time. And I didn't know how we were going to make it. Like had no idea how we weren't going to go bankrupt. And we got this shot on QVC, but they ordered 6,000. We had to sell over 6,000 units of Bye-Bye Under Eye Concealer

1:13:47 in this 10-minute window in order to hit their sales goal uh or not come back. And I was like, "Okay." But the the challenge was we had to pay for manufacture and ship it all into them. And then if it didn't sell in that 10 minutes, we had to take it all back and not be paid for it. So everything was on the line. We didn't even have the money to do this. So, we applied for SBA loans and uh the first 22 banks said no and bank number 23 said yes and we got enough money just to cover the the order the purchase order

1:14:19 because that can bankrupt a company as well. People don't understand two seconds into absolutely and you know for entrepreneurs and you should never accept a purchase order you can't afford to lose ever and we couldn't afford to lose this one but we also had almost like run out of options like it was like okay we're going to just go all in and um and so knowing this and knowing it came down to this one shot on live TV in 10 minutes uh we hired these third-party consultants and all of them told me the same thing and by the way they're great and they help so many people sell well on television and they all those things they know what they're doing and we worked with them and they all told me the same thing they're like okay if you want to have a chance if you want to have a shot because most people when they launch on QVC it's like one time they never come back it's really hard

1:15:11 oh I know right people don't even understand those statistics I mean it's very very rare that people have the story that you had right where you just sell out whatever. But we'll get to that in a second. But you and that's when like companies like die on the vine right in that moment.

1:15:28 Yes. And I've seen it happen so many times too live and it's the most devastating thing and because it's everyone's dream you know and um and to get one shot is is even that part I mean so for us it was three years of of hustling and trying you know getting those and so so we got this one shot and when we hired these experts they all told me the exact same thing which is you know if you want to have a shot at success here's what you need to do you need to use these type of models which were the same type of models I'd seen in commercials my whole life that made me feel like I wasn't enough and uh you know this age this you know all those things and do your cell this way and I would argue with them and say okay but like if I'm sitting at home watching this right and let's say I'm 75 years old and I'm you know have hyperpigmentation whatever it is

1:16:20 if I don't see anyone that looks like me instead I see someone who looks like they're 12 with pop like how do I know it's going to work for me like right and I'd be like and listen I let me just I'm going to take my own makeup off and show my rosacea on national TV and they were mortified and I'm like

1:16:37 because if I were at home and I had rosacea too I'd want to know what is the product going to do what does it really work like all those things and and it was so tough because they're like listen and and they wanted the best for me they were telling me the very best advice they knew and I learned a huge lesson which by the way this applies to everyone no matter what situation you are in life. When other people, even experts, even even friends, even loved ones, when they're giving you their advice and their opinion, they can mean so well, but they are only capable of giving it to you through their own lens

1:17:16 lens, right, of limitation, their own lens of experience. And and the other thing I've learned too, especially when it comes to experts, is even people that are like considered visionaries, and they are in so many ways, if you're doing if you're doing anything that is new or novel or different, and even if it's if you're doing something that's already been done a million times, but it's you doing it authentically, which means it's a different take on it, right? So, by definition, it's new. Anytime you do something new, most likely experts aren't going to believe it's going to be successful because and they're not going to know they're doing this, but like subconsciously they've never seen proof that it is going to be successful because it's never been done before. And so like had I learned that lesson earlier, I would have saved myself so many nights crying myself to sleep when so many of them didn't

1:18:07 believe that this new way of doing a beauty company would work. And so anyhow, there I was with one shot in front of me, a 10-minute window uh to either literally change my whole future or go bankrupt, which would also change my whole future.

1:18:26 Yeah. Right. And um it felt like way too heavy for me to handle. And I flew out to QVC a week early, a week before our one shot on air, and I had this rental car and I sat in the parking lot um all alone uh of QVC just staring at the front door watching people go in and out all day. I don't know why I parked there, but anyways, I was just there and I

1:18:49 Why Why did you go a week early? I it was so heavy for me that first of all I got there and I started going okay I once heard Olympic athletes in visual like visualize themselves landing the triple axle or standing on the podium. I'm like I'm going to try that. So I sat in that car and I was like envisioning the soldout sign coming up on the screen. I was envisioning real women. I sat there. I prayed. I cried. It felt so heavy. At one point I asked God to take it from me because I couldn't handle the pressure. And I wasn't scared for television. I just knew that this one shot was either going to, you know, I was make or break.

1:19:26 Exactly. When I would watch people go in and out of the doors, I was like, "Okay, the next time I walk through those doors, when I walk back out, it's either going to be life-changing or it's going to be, you know, devastating." And I uh I also just needed that time to really know what to do because it's really hard when everyone else is saying one thing and our guts like, "Oh no, but that's not authentic to why you're doing what you're doing." And but like I didn't have a chance to try it both ways. And I just remember sitting in that car trying to decide, okay, do I cast all the models they're telling me to to have a shot at success or do I like risk it all and take my makeup off and show real women of all shapes and ages and sizes and skin tones and skin challenges and and I just sat there like and I knew what to do, but like it's so hard when our mind tells us one thing and our heart and our gut is telling us another

1:20:24 thing And right and at one point I just sat there in the car and I had this moment where I was imagining who she is watching and you know I think of so many different types of women and the one that just would always jump out at me is like I would imagine for some reason I don't know why a single mom in Nebraska like folding laundry who is too busy to remember that she matters and that she's beautiful and and that she's worth it. All those things. And I I had this moment in that car where I was like, you know what? I would rather h if she's going to give me 5 seconds of her precious time to see me on QVC in the background of whatever she's doing, I would rather have her glance up on that television, not buy anything, and see me standing there showing women that look like her and calling them beautiful and meaning it. I'd rather do that than like sell a shitload of product and stand for nothing. You know what I mean? It was

1:21:19 that moment where was like I knew what I had to do. But sometimes we know and it's not easy.

1:21:25 Yeah. Exactly. And then we and we and then we acquies to who the expert is or who the person is we're supposed to listen to.

1:21:32 Yeah. And and you didn't. Well, and it was, you know, I just I remember the moment. So the um the count So I was standing there. They I'm in the studio. We're about to go live and they have this big countdown clock, right? And it's at 10 minutes. And I just remember all of a sudden the cameras turn on and you see the on air thing go on and I was I was freaking shaking like a leap like sh and I'm not nervous for TV like that's what I did for you for a living.

1:21:58 Yeah. It was the all the pressure and worse. And I was like and then I saw the clock go 9598 95. I was like oh and you can't you can't try to sell or nothing sells.

1:22:11 You can't freak out or nothing sells. But inspired I'm like, "Okay, like this is bigger than me. I can't get in my own head. My dress is too tight that day." It was a whole Anyways, I was like, "I cannot get in my own head." And I just remember like the show go I remember the moment they pulled my bare face before shot on national television. And I just remember this whole thing. And then I went over to all of our models who are all different ages, shapes, sizes, everything. Skin tones, skin challenges. And I I all of a sudden I remember we were at and oh and by the way if you're not doing well let's say you're like 1 minute 2 minute 3 minutes into your 10-minute segment. If you're not doing well they they know by the second if sales are happening. So your clock jumps down to two minutes and you know in your head or one minute you're like oh I just lost a product or I just lost this much

1:22:59 money. Right. Because they don't you they don't mess around. Um it's like you know and and

1:23:04 so they don't even necessarily give you the whole 10 minutes. Exactly. you know, really quickly on if you're going to like

1:23:11 Yeah. And it's interesting because if you think about like Target or Walmart, like you get shelf space and if you don't do well, you lose your shelf space, right? And the

1:23:19 you spend money on those shelf spaces, don't you? Don't you spend money on the Yeah.

1:23:23 Um probably. Yeah. But like with with QVC, it's the same thing. It's just business, but it's more immediate literally right then and there. So all this pressurees on and I just remember praying that my clock did not jump down, right? And it's like all the minutes were going by and then and then I was showing, you know, all all of our our real women, all the models. And then I remember there was about a minute left and the host is like, "The deep shade is almost sold out. The tan shade is almost gone." I'm like, and then I remember literally there was one minute no one second left and the uh sold out sign came up across the screen and I was like, and literally these tear like tears started streaming down my face.

1:24:03 Um, they cut they cut and went right on to the next studio, whatever item was next, a Dyson vacuum or something, I don't remember. And then all of I was just like sobbing hysterically and then my husband came rushing through the double doors of the studio and I was like I was like, "Real women have spoken." And he's like, "We're not going bankrupt." And I was like, "Oh my god."

1:24:26 And it was this crazy story. And you know that one airing turned into five that year and then 150 the next year and then we did over 250 shows a year for eight years and built the largest beauty brand in QVC's history and it is right now at this moment uh to this day. Yeah. Yeah. And so and and what's and I only share that because it was three years of hearing no. It was three years of of of you know even Alan Burke saying you're not the right fit for QVC and and and and so many of us get that opposition and that's what we listen to right and it's so easy and it's like

1:25:06 it's like Jay-Z Jay-Z said that famous quote like he said uh the genius thing we did was we didn't give up right and so many times it comes down to that and also just figuring out how to believe um that It's possible to succeed. It's just not happening yet. Um and oh, what more? Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.

1:25:26 Oh, no, no, go ahead. Go ahead. And then I'll I'll ask you after you said earlier about um when we were talking about how our setbacks turn into setups and like sometimes we can't see it at the time. And

1:25:35 so, uh one more thing just to share is uh uh Allan Burke who had said, "No, uh you're not the right fit." Um, after we launched on QVC, uh, oh my gosh, he ended up becoming, uh, I got to know him so well and he became like one of our greatest champions, uh, one of the best adviserss we've ever had. And then he became one of my closest mentors and he is to this day and he, uh, is so freaking brilliant. It's the biggest blessing. Anyways, he ended up retiring from QVC and we ended up hiring him in a paid position on our advisory board. And I had this moment where I realized, oh my gosh, the guy that rejected me is now working for me.

1:26:19 And I was like, listen, like no one can tell you you're not the right fit. Like no one can, right? and and and the and here and the last thing I'll say about that and this is like this is important too because even though all the years of nose hurt um Sephora rejecting me hurt Alan Burke saying you're not the right hurt like sometimes those painful nos are like actually like serendipitous grace like in our favor right wrapped in this like package label painful rejection because what I later learned was Alan Burke was right all along. I just didn't know what I didn't know. And had he said yes to us uh when I wanted him to, uh we would have failed because we did not have the infrastructure you need to support the back end of the business for an account like QVC. Uh but I didn't know what I didn't know. And similarly, you know, we didn't have the right team to be able to support an Ulta or a Sephora yet in terms of education

1:27:23 across the country. Like we built up a team of over a thousand employees, but during the years when we were getting told no from everybody, I didn't know what I didn't know. And thank goodness we didn't get a yes sooner because we would have failed and we may not have gotten another chance. And so, you know, a lot of full circle moments, they're so hard to see when we're in them, but when we keep going, we get to that point where we have those things happen.

1:27:50 Well, I was going to ask you, I was going to say, whatever happened to Alan Burke? Because why did he say did you ever my question was did he ever give you a reason why he said no? So when you did he tell you on that phone call when you spoke to him why?

1:28:03 He just said you're not the right fit for us. We reviewed your you know your brand or customers.

1:28:07 How did he know what your back end was? How would he know? Right. So you think he was just making that up because he felt silly that he said no to the

1:28:15 He didn't know what our backend was. He just said no. I think that he thought our packaging wasn't ready and that we weren't ready. But he didn't know our our I I think some people call it the universe. Other people call it divine orchestration. Other people call it God. I really believe the famous saying that things happen for us, not to us, right? So he didn't know what our operational infrastructure was. He just probably knew in his own gut to say no. You know what I mean? And that we weren't worthy or whatever. And that's why I think like sometimes things don't make sense when they happen against us. But like when we learn to trust ourselves and trust um that things are divinely orchestrated, you know, whether some people call it the universe, some people call it God.

1:29:01 For me, faith is a big deal, but like that I believe that, you know, have you always been very religious or or did you kind of come to it more later on in life? You know, I was so I was raised where my parents made me, keyword made, forced me to go to church every Sunday. Um, and I never connected with it growing up. Like the I didn't under like whenever the pastors would give sermons, I literally couldn't connect with any of it. I would tune it out. I would scan the church pews for boys, cute boys, and I would just like count down the minutes like hoping it would end. And you know, I always prayed and I always believed in God growing up. And then my journey was really different of God doubt. Um, a lot of God doubt. And what I mean by that is like, you know, I always wanted to um see new cultures, new experiences and new people who didn't look like me or pray like me or love like me. And I just wanted that so

1:30:00 badly. And so I was always, you know, uh that's why I worked so many jobs. I was like, I got to get out and I got to get somewhere else and experience new things. And and you know, I went I went to school and then I ended up going to grad graduate school in New York City. And when I did that, I was for the first time really around so many people who had so many different faiths and a lot of people with no faith. And I was around so many science-based arguments on why God doesn't exist. And they all started to really make a lot of sense to me, right? people that believe like they don't believe in anything unless you can see it you know prove it touch right it

1:30:41 for with faith is not required and right it really started impacting me and you know there was a season I went through I was working as a news anchor in Portland Oregon

1:30:52 ladies and gentlemen rock this house and welcome to the stage Jamie Karn Lima [screaming] Jamie Karn Lima

1:31:03 Every single one of us has had someone tell us we're not enough. Every single one of us has had someone say words to us that

Questions about this episode

What is "This is Stopping You From Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be! | Jamie Kern Lima" about?

The content addresses the pervasive belief that standing out might lead to rejection, particularly among women, and how this mindset causes individuals to downplay their strengths and authenticity. It highlights the societal pressure to conform, encouraging listeners to embrace their unique identities and talents instead of shrinking themselves to fit in.

What is mentioned in this Jamie Kern Lima episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Alan Burke, Thermostat analogy (identity thermostat), the universe, Mali Ronal, Pullman, Washington, Today (The Today Show). Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "This is Stopping You From Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be! | Jamie Kern Lima"?

The episode runs 1 h 31 min; the transcript is about 17,063 words in 151 timestamped sections.

More from Jamie Kern Lima

• All analyzed episodes
• Books mentioned on Jamie Kern Lima
• People mentioned on Jamie Kern Lima
• Sponsors mentioned on Jamie Kern Lima
• Topics mentioned on Jamie Kern Lima