Are You Living Your STORY or Just Chasing Approval?

What this episode is about

The discussion centers on how unseen forces, such as cultural narratives, societal expectations, and personal intuitions, shape our identities and life choices. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing these influences to live intentionally and authentically, rather than merely chasing external approval.

Key takeaways

• Invisible narratives mold us daily; awareness is the first step to rewriting your own story.
• Success isn't a universal blueprint; it's a custom fit—ditch the inherited metrics that don't suit you.
• Belonging and becoming are often at odds; never confuse acceptance with authenticity.
• Purpose flourishes in intention—the right questions reveal if you're living your narrative or someone else's.
• Discipline without direction is just a treadmill—moving fast but getting nowhere meaningful.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Zach Seedler (Guest)

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 5:00: Claude Silver, Passion Struck, Vayner X
2. 10:00 – 15:00: You Matter Luma, The Ignited Life
3. 15:00 – 20:00: Passion Struck, Claude Silver
4. 20:00 – 23:11: Passion Struck, The Ignited Life, Zach Seedler

Notable quotes from "Are You Living Your STORY or Just Chasing Approval?"

• People and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best…

  about Passion Struck · at 1:25

• Expectations, in the praise we chase, the approval we seek, the rules we learn not to break. Claude Silver knows this feeling all too well. Before she became the chief heart…

  about Claude Silver · at 3:33

• She walked away from selling ideas to start nurturing people from metrics to meaning. And that shift, that quiet act of rebellion was her way of saying, This story isn't mine anymore. It made.

  about Vayner X · at 4:24

• Feature a few of your insights in next week's newsletter. And if you haven't heard yet, I just announced my first children's book, You Matter, Luma. It's a beautifully…

  about You Matter Luma · at 14:03

• And like they truly matter. And if you'd like to go deeper in today's conversation, download the free companion workbook, the stories that shape us toolkit, over at my Substack, the ignitedlife.net.

  about The Ignited Life · at 20:37

• Zach Seedler, one of the world's leading experts on men's mental health. Zach and I explore how shifting expectations, loneliness, and cultural presence are redefining what it means for men to.

  about Zach Seedler · at 21:40

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Claude Silver — Person · Referenced expert / example case · 3 mentions · first at 3:39
  Used as a real-world illustration of rewriting an inherited workplace-success narrative into purpose-driven leadership and culture-building.
• Zach Seedler — Person · Upcoming guest (announced) · 1 mention · first at 21:38
  Announced as a featured guest in the upcoming series 'The Irreplaceables', positioned as an expert on men’s mental health and belonging.

Books & papers

• You Matter Luma — Book · Primary recommendation · 2 mentions · first at 14:08
  John R. Miles' first children's book, promoting messages of belonging and self-worth.

Companies & orgs

• Vayner X — Company · Case study · 1 mention · first at 3:41
  Mentioned in the context of Claude Silver's career shift from advertising to nurturing people.

Products & tech

• Passion Struck — Product · Business focus · 4 mentions · first at 1:16
  The podcast itself, hosted by John R. Miles, focusing on intentional living and personal growth.
• The Ignited Life — Product · Secondary owned · 2 mentions · first at 13:56
  A companion workbook for the podcast series, offering tools for personal reflection.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 What if your entire life is being shaped by forces you can't see? Not fate, not luck, something subtler. The quiet gravity that pulls you towards purpose. The doubt that test your fate in it. The intuition that whispers when logic runs out. The words that build trust or fracture it. The culture that tells you who you're supposed to be. These are the invisible currents that shape us whether we notice them or not. They guide how we lead, how we love, how we create, and how we connect. They define what we chase, what we fear, and what we believe we deserve. But here's the paradox. The same forces that pull us can also free us once we learn to see them. So today, as we close the forces that pull us series, we're looking at the stories that shape our reality, the cultural myths, the workplace identities, and the media narratives that quietly decide who we become. Because to live intentionally, you have to know which

1:11 forces you're following and which ones are quietly writing your story for you. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles and on the show we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors CEOs creators innovators scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passionruck.

2:04 Every story begins somewhere. But most of us don't start with a blank page. Before we ever write our own story, we inherit one. It comes from our families, our cultures, our workplaces. All quietly telling us what matters, what success looks like, who we should be, and how we're supposed to behave to belong. Each one delivers a silent syllabus built on four axis. Values, what matters, metrics, what success looks like, roles, who we should be, rules, how to behave to belong. But belonging is not the same as becoming.

2:51 Steedman Graham calls this the moment of identity foreclosure. when the script hardens into a cage. So, how do you get out? You audit the inheritance. Keep the values that still vibrate in your chest. Delete the roles that fit someone else's silhouette. Then write the oneline philosophy that outranks every other choice. This is who I am when no one is watching and what I will build when everyone is. But here's the funny thing. These stories are powerful because they start off invisible. They're not written in books or scripts. They're written in expectations, in the praise we chase, the approval we seek, the rules we learn not to break. Claude Silver knows this feeling all too well. Before she became the chief heart officer at Vayner X, she was a high-erforming advertising executive, living out the story the world had defined as winning. She had the clients, the corner office, the titles, the paycheck, everything that

3:58 says, "You've made it." Then one day, she realized she'd fallen out of love with the very thing that was supposed to define her. She told me, "I cared less about the campaigns and more about the heartbeat of this place." That line hit me hard because in that moment, Claude stopped performing someone else's story and started living her own. She didn't just change jobs, she changed authors. She walked away from selling ideas to start nurturing people from metrics to meaning. And that shift, that quiet act of rebellion was her way of saying, "This story isn't mine anymore." It made me think about the stories we all inherit. The ones that come disguised as ambition or responsibility. The ones that tell us we're only as valuable as our output or as lovable as our success.

4:54 The stories that reward conformity more than creativity, obedience more than authenticity. And because those stories are repeated by culture, by leaders, by systems, by media, they start to feel like truth. But here's the thing. Every inherited story carries a hidden question. Do you accept this as your own? When I look back at my own life, I can see the story I inherited, too. It was one built on discipline, achievement, and service. Values I still hold deeply. They were the rails my childhood ran on. Wake at 5:30. Practice the scales. Make the grades. Serve the family, the team, the cause. I mistook the rhythm for the road. Discipline is the engine. Direction is the map. You can run a flawless machine in circles and still arrive nowhere you're meant to go. I remember the year I hit every metric I'd been handed. Promotion, savings target, volunteer hours logged.

6:00 I stood in the kitchen of a house that looked exactly like success and felt the hollow echo of a question I hadn't asked in a decade. Whose life am I optimizing? The inherited story had kept me moving, but it hadn't kept me aimed. It rewarded motion over meaning. It celebrated the how at the expense of the why. And the longer I obeyed its cadence, the quieter my own compass became. Purpose doesn't come from the story others write for you. It comes from the meaning you choose to live into. That's the deeper cut. Discipline without direction is just discipline drifting. You can log the miles, check the boxes, and still wake up a stranger to yourself. The inherited script is a powerful starting point. Mine gave me grit, reliability, and a moral spine. But it's not the destination. It's the launch pad. The moment I saw the difference, I started auditing the autopilot. Every habit, every goal, every should got

7:09 cross-examined. Does this still point toward a life I choose if no one were watching? Does this deepen the story I want my obituary to tell? in one honest sentence. Some answers were brutal. I let go of the 4 a.m. runs that were more penance than joy. I stopped chasing the next credential that looked good on a form but felt hollow in my hands. I kept the discipline, the muscle memory of showing up, but I reimed it. I pointed it at questions instead of quotas, at relationships instead of resumes, at the quiet work of becoming the kind of man my future self would thank. Not just applaud. Direction, I learned, is discipline and service of a chosen north star. It's a difference between a soldier marching in formation and a pilgrim walking toward a horizon only he can see. One is impressive, the other is alive. So I'll keep the inherited values. Discipline, achievement, service.

8:21 But I'll yield them like tools, not chains. I'll ask every quarter, every dawn. Is the life I'm building still mine? Because the greatest act of authorship isn't writing a new story from scratch. It's having the courage to edit the one you were handed until the protagonist sounds unmistakably like you. And maybe now you're thinking about your own life, the story you've inherited, the one that still whispers what you should be. Take a breath, friends. What's the script you're still acting out? Claude's story is a reminder. Leadership begins with authorship because you can't lead others towards authenticity if you're still performing a role yourself. Here's the thing. It's one thing to inherit a story. It's another to be constantly fed one. Every day we're absorbing stories from culture, from media, from the digital world that now lives in our pockets. Stories about what success should look like, what happiness should

9:36 feel like, what's trending, who's winning, who's worthy. And if we're not careful, those stories start living in us. Before we even realize we've invited them in. Nick Thompson, the CEO of The Atlantic, has spent his entire career studying this. He's seen firsthand how the stories we consume shape the stories we believe. When we spoke, he told me something that really stuck. There's going to be a real premium on authenticity. No one's going to trust people who use AI to write. And he's right. Because in a world where algorithms decide what we see and technology shapes how we sound, authenticity is no longer a given. It's an act of resistance. Nick talked about how the media, and I'd argue social media most of all, doesn't just inform us, it forms us. It edits our attention, it curates our values. And over time, it subtly rewrites who we think we are.

10:38 Think about it. Your feed learns what makes you pause, what makes you angry, what makes you click, and then it feeds you more of that. It's storytelling in reverse. Instead of you choosing the story, the story starts choosing you. But here's the pivot Nick didn't spell out. The one that put you back in the driver's seat. You still hold the wheel. Every scroll, every linger, every tap is a vote you cast. The algorithm isn't a puppet master. It's a mirror. And it amplifies what you already choose to engage with. That's why Nick's perspective hit home for me. and why it doesn't have to end in surrender.

11:22 Because what he's describing isn't just a technological issue, it's a human one. We've outsourced our curiosity. We've traded reflection for reaction. And in the process, we've let the loudest stories drown out quietest truths inside us. When I look back on the conversations throughout this series with people like Jud Kessler on luck, Amy Lee McCree on intuition, Senita Saw on defiance, and Charles Doohig on communication, I realized they've all been pointing toward the same invisible force. The tension between noise and narrative, between the external voices that shape our world and the internal voice that defines our soul and the human part. That's where the power lives. Engagement isn't passive consumption. It's authorship. When you decide to pause on curiosity instead of outrage, to share wonder instead of division, the feed learns a new story.

12:27 Your story. Authenticity then isn't just resistance. It's reclamation. You choose. You curate. You drive. Nick calls it the attention economy. I call it the authorship crisis because if you're not careful, you end up living someone else's algorithm and before you know it, your identity is being copyrighted in real time by likes, by views, and validation loops. That's why authenticity matters more now than ever. Not the performative kind, the kind that starts in silence. When you step back and ask yourself, do I still believe this or do I just scroll into it? The stories we absorb don't just shape our worldview, they shape our worth. And if we want to reclaim that worth, we have to reclaim what we consume. So maybe the next time you open your phone, take a breath before you scroll. Ask yourself, is this story expanding me or editing me? Because every piece of content you consume is either deepening your truth

13:34 or diluting it. And in a world that profits from your distraction, paying attention to what shapes you might just be the most intentional act you can take. So here's a question for you to sit with. What stories are you living that no longer feel like yours? Are they inherited, absorbed, or intentionally chosen? You can share your reflection in the comments on the Ignited Life or post it on social using the hashtag the stories that shape us. I'd love to feature a few of your insights in next week's newsletter. And if you haven't heard yet, I just announced my first children's book, You Matter, Luma. It's a beautifully illustrated story about a little bunny who feels too small to make a difference until she discovers that her light truly matters. It's a story about belonging, kindness, and self-worth. Inspired by my own childhood experiences, of learning that being seen can change a life. You matter Luma is

14:32 available now for pre-order at Barnes & Noble or wherever books are sold. When you pre-order, you're helping bring the message of mattering to families everywhere. Visit youluma.com to learn more. So far, we've explored how the stories we inherit and absorb quietly shape who we become. But what happens when we stop living by those stories and start writing our own? These are the ones we write consciously through the choices we make, the values we live by and the meaning we give to what happens. They don't come from culture. They don't come from algorithms. They come from intention.

15:10 For me, that moment came years after the Navy. deep into corporate life. Title on the door, salary in the bank, respect in the room. From the outside, the story was perfect. Inside, it was hollow. I was living a narrative about performance, not purpose. Impact measured in numbers, not meaning. The more I won, the less that I recognized myself. I remember the boardroom, spreadsheets glowing, strategy decks stacked, the hum of a projector, the smell of burnt coffee, and a single thought that cracked it open. This can't be the whole story. It wasn't burnout.

15:53 It was recognition. I had stopped growing. I was reciting an old script, one I'd outgrown. So, I asked a new question. What if success isn't something you climb toward but something you craft from the inside out? That question became the seed of passion struck. It started as a whisper. What if people lived and led with intention so that they could matter? That whisper became a podcast. That podcast became a movement. Because passion struck isn't about achievement. It's about mattering to yourself, to the people you touch, to the quiet corners of the world that only you can reach. But here's the truth I learned. Creating a story that matters doesn't begin when you have it all figured out. It begins when you're brave enough to admit this no longer fits.

16:45 Claude Silver did it when she traded ad campaigns for heart culture. Nick Thompson does it when he chooses editorial soul over algorithmic scale. And you do it every time you pause the feed and ask, "Does this still make me matter?" The stories we create aren't written with certainty. They're written with courage. Every time you choose meaning over metrics, presence over performance, truth over trends, you etch one more line into a life that matters. So here's your pen, one sentence. What will your future self read back and whisper, "Thank God you wrote that because now I matter." Because the next chapter isn't waiting to be discovered.

17:32 It's waiting to be authored. And that page, it's already open, waiting for the story that finally feels like home. When you really think about it, every story we live becomes part of something bigger. Because culture isn't a distant abstract thing that lives out there. It's right here, built moment by moment, choice by choice inside each of us. Every time you choose honesty over image, you rewrite what leadership looks like. Every time you listen instead of react, you change what communication feels like. Every time you give someone your full attention, your presence, you remind them that they matter. That's how culture shifts. Not through slogans or strategies, but through people who decide to live differently. People who decide to matter. This entire series, the forces that pull us, has been about that. About the invisible forces that guide us and learning to work with them instead of being controlled by them.

18:37 Because gravity, doubt, luck, intuition, language, and story, they're not enemies to overcome. their energies to understand that when we pay attention to them, they become tools for growth instead of traps or self-doubt. So, here's the invitation this week. Notice the forces shaping your decisions. Ask yourself, what's pulling me right now? Is it fear, expectation, or purpose? If it's fear, name it. If it's expectation, question it. If it's purpose, follow it. Because that's how we begin to change culture. Not by shouting at the system, but by rewriting the story inside ourselves first. Every act of courage, every boundary drawn in truth. Every moment lived with intention. It all ripples outward. And one by one, those ripples become connection. Connection becomes belonging. Belonging becomes culture. That's the real force that pulls us forward. A culture where everyone matters. So, as we close this

19:45 series, here's my question for you. What story are you going to live next? And how will that story make the world around you just a little bit more human? Because in the end, culture isn't built by systems. It's built by us, by the stories we choose to live. and the courage it takes to live them well. And when we do, we don't just change culture, we become the culture. Thank you for joining me today and for being part of the Forces That Pull Us series. If this episode inspired you, share it with a friend or colleague, and take a moment to leave a five-star rating or review on Apple Podcast or Spotify. It's the best way to help new listeners discover the show, and it keeps this movement growing. a movement to build a world where people feel seen, valued, and like they truly matter. And if you'd like to go deeper in today's conversation, download the free companion workbook, the stories that

20:44 shape us toolkit, over at my Substack, the ignitedlife.net. It's filled with reflections, questions, and prompts to help you uncover the cultural and personal narratives that have shaped your identity and begin rewriting them with intention. You can also watch every fulllength episode and interview on our YouTube channels. Just search for Passion Struck with John R. Miles. Hit subscribe and join our growing community of people choosing to live like they matter. Over the past month, we've explored gravity, luck, doubt, language, and story. The invisible forces that shape how we live, lead, and matter. But awareness is only the beginning. The real transformation happens when we start using those forces intentionally. That's exactly where we're heading next. In November, I'm launching a brand new series called The Irreplaceables, a journey into what makes us humanly unique in an age of algorithms and acceleration. We'll open

21:38 up with a powerful conversation with Dr. Zach Seedler, one of the world's leading experts on men's mental health. Zach and I explore how shifting expectations, loneliness, and cultural presence are redefining what it means for men to belong, connect, and lead with the heart. It's one of the most important and eye-opening discussions we've ever had on the show.

21:59 I think with anyone, if you're going to get up each and every day and do something that really matters to you, that you have a sense of purpose and meaning around, it has to resonate on a personal level. It has to light your fire one way or another. And really, there are many different interweaving narratives that led me to where I am today. The more I reflect on it through conversations like this, I pick up different threads along the way that really turned me into the man that I am and led me down the path to doing the work that I do. Then that Friday, I'll share a solo episode called What AI can't teach, the power of emotional awareness. We'll explore how emotional presence and self-regulation form the foundation of mattering and why these are the human skills that machines will never replace. Until next time, listen with empathy, speak with intention, and as always, live life passion struck.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Are You Living Your STORY or Just Chasing Approval?"?

Zach Seedler (Guest).

What is "Are You Living Your STORY or Just Chasing Approval?" about?

The discussion centers on how unseen forces, such as cultural narratives, societal expectations, and personal intuitions, shape our identities and life choices. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing these influences to live intentionally and authentically, rather than merely chasing external approval.

What is mentioned in this John R. Miles episode?

6 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Passion Struck, Claude Silver, You Matter Luma, The Ignited Life, Zach Seedler, Vayner X. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Are You Living Your STORY or Just Chasing Approval?"?

The episode runs 23 min; the transcript is about 3,325 words in 24 timestamped sections.

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