Transcript

Side Stories: Death Pool 2026

From Last Podcast On The Left · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 19 min · 16,851 words · 436 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Side Stories: Death Pool 2026", an episode of Last Podcast On The Left published January 28, 2026 (1 h 19 min, about 16,851 words). It mentions 17 people, works and ideas, including Gary Ridgway, Andy Dick, ICE, David Attenborough, Buzz Aldrin.

What this episode is about

The discussion revolves around the humorous and chaotic exploration of a character named Jamquai, including debates about his potential cultural background. The conversation highlights the blending of humor with themes of identity and perception, as the hosts banter about Jamquai’s origins and characteristics.

Key takeaways

  • Progressive's pricing tool: budget-friendly, because no one wants to see their bills 'Progressively' spike.
  • Lowe's knows: saving 35% on appliances is a great excuse to 'get physical' with home upgrades.
  • Cannibalism as a metaphor? Let that sink in while you ponder curiosity's appetite on Side Stories.
  • When wedding suits turn into a horror story, just remember: every fat suit has a sad tale behind it.
  • Netflix's original content push: proving that even dramatic hairstyles can get a starring role in absurdity.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: ICE, Lowe's, Progressive Insurance
  2. – 20:00: Acorns, Mint Mobile, Squarespace
  3. – 40:00: Gary Ridgway, Buzz Aldrin
  4. – 50:00: Jack Nicholson, Noam Chomsky, William Shatner, Lowe's
  5. – 1:00:00: Andy Dick, Dr. Jeff Leo, Chris Christie, David Icke
  6. – 1:18:55: Andy Dick

Notable quotes from "Side Stories: Death Pool 2026"

  • No. No. It's bad over there. It's bad there. They're going to try to send ice agents to the Winter Olympics, but just understand which is where foreigners go.
    about ICE · at
  • One I'm telling you about, that's what's going to make you that stinky, stinky, STINKY MONEY. THAT'S RIGHT. ACORNS is the financial wellness app that cares about where your…
    about Acorns · at
  • Wow. Eddie, Gary Rididgeway is number one on my death pool.
    about Gary Ridgway · at
  • I think we're losing the Shatman this year.
    about William Shatner · at
  • Apparently, his dementia is very It is accelerating.
    about Jack Nicholson · at
  • But you know he is a hundred so I think that is you know part of it and I think we're going to lose unfortunately I think we're going to lose David Atenboroough. Yeah, I could…
    about David Attenborough · at
  • It's going to really affect him cuz he looks like absolute [ __ ] [ __ ] Nam Chosky.
    about Noam Chomsky · at
  • He is. The thing is Andy Dick is like in rehab right now so it could work and I could be wrong or not. Or he commits a crime and he finally gets murdered the way he needs.
    about Andy Dick · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Gary Ridgway — Person · Referenced criminal (death-pool pick) · 1 mention · first at
    Chosen as a 'lock' because the hosts claim he is actively dying in prison; framed as a likely near-term death.
  • Andy Dick — Person · Referenced public figure (outlier death-pool pick) · 6 mentions · first at
    Selected as an 'outlier' candidate; discussed in terms of instability, rehab, and potential for sudden death.
  • David Attenborough — Person · Referenced public figure (death-pool pick) · 1 mention · first at
    Named as one of the hosts' 'definitely going to die' picks; used to riff on aging, nature docs, and death.
  • Buzz Aldrin — Person · Referenced public figure (death-pool pick) · 3 mentions · first at
    Selected as a 'lock' pick due to age/health speculation; used as an example of predicting celebrity deaths for charity.
  • William Shatner — Person · Referenced public figure (death-pool pick) · 3 mentions · first at
    Named as another likely death-pool candidate; the hosts riff on his age, health, and public persona.
  • Jack Nicholson — Person · Referenced public figure (death-pool pick) · 3 mentions · first at
    Discussed as a possible death-pool pick; conversation centers on age, public appearances, and rumored dementia.
  • Noam Chomsky — Person · Referenced public figure (death-pool pick; controversial framing) · 3 mentions · first at
    Chosen as a 'lock' pick; the hosts also make allegations tying him to Epstein, shaping the segment’s tone.
  • Dr. Jeff Leo — Person · Referenced religious leader (outlier death-pool pick; ambiguous identity) · 2 mentions · first at
    Chosen as an 'outlier' pick; however, the transcript provides insufficient detail to disambiguate which Pope Leo is meant (historical Popes Leo I–XIII vs. a hypothetical/future pope).
    I THINK WE'RE GOING TO DEAL WITH this [ __ ] for like 20 years.
  • Chris Christie — Person · Referenced public figure (outlier list candidate) · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a possible outlier due to perceived health risks; used for comedic commentary about weight and stress.
    So, I think Chris Christie easily could die this year. I think, he's been fat for his whole life.
  • David Icke — Person · Referenced public figure (outlier list candidate) · 2 mentions · first at
    Listed among possible outliers; referenced briefly as someone who 'could go' this year.
    This could be this could be the year that we lose him.
  • John Voight — Person · Referenced public figure (outlier list candidate) · 1 mention · first at
    Named as a possible outlier; discussed mainly in terms of looking unwell/aging.

Companies & orgs

  • ICE — Company · Referenced entity · 1 mention · first at
    Discussed critically in the context of current events and political commentary.

Sponsors

  • Acorns — Product · Sponsor · 5 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a financial wellness app during an ad read.
  • Squarespace — Product · Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at
    Promoted as an all-in-one website platform during an ad read.
    Head to squarespace.com/left for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
  • Mint Mobile — Product · Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a wireless service provider during an ad read.
    Might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover. The drinks, the holiday food, the gifts. Luckily, Mint Mobile is here to help you cut back on overspending on wireless this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless.
  • Lowe's — Company · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a sponsor offering discounts on appliances and tools.
    Save more on the brand's Pros Trust at Lowe's. Right now, get up to 35% off select major appliances and choose from our wide lineup of top brands. Plus, save $100 on a Little Giant 22 FFT.
  • Progressive Insurance — Company · Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a sponsor providing insurance services.
    Last podcast on the left is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find.

Full transcript with timestamps

Last podcast on the left is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

Save more on the brand's Pros Trust at Lowe's. Right now, get up to 35% off select major appliances and choose from our wide lineup of top brands. Plus, save $100 on a Little Giant 22 FFT multi-position ladder built for strength, flexibility, and job site versatility. Pros, these savings will only be here for a limited time. Lowe's, we help you save. Valid through 130 while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See.com for more details.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast on the left. Side stories.

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. This is the problem. Can't even spell the [ __ ] name. Jquite. Okay. So, what is he?

It's got a Q in it. I know that. We're recording it. Oh, yeah. Have we begun the episode already? Is our first episode on Netflix? Is this how we're going to begin?

Sure. Great. Jquai. Is Jamoquay Native American? No. He seems like that. Jamquay would seem to be like a wise Native Americans name.

I feel like Jamquai is like if the UK had Native Americans, he'd be part of them.

But we got some, right? I think you think Oh, is he he's British? I'm pretty sure Jamqua is British. Look at the hat.

Not not Native American. No, he's not. We know he's not Native American. Figured out.

Oh, I just feel like But that's all you're giving us. If it's Native American British, what is he?

I would like him to be Native American. It's like, you know, if you Google me, it's not going to say not Asian, you know.

I mean, mine does. English British. Mine has British. I knew he was British. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you sure.

He's theirs. Whoa. What a weird haircut in that picture. Yeah. Why does he look like that?

Cuz he's dramatic. He can look however he wants. It looks like his hair is being made out of like a a fancy dog. It's like someone shaved a fancy dog and put hair on the top of Jaquy's head. Who did that to him?

I don't know. Certainly explains the hat. Maybe it was Netflix. Welcome to Side Stories.

HELLO on Netflix. My name is Henry Sowski. That's Ed Larson. I'm big. We're also on podcasts for free.

Yes. So please just keep listening to us how you always listen to us. But if you're on Netflix, how you doing? What's going on? That's how fat I am. That's how fat he is.

I This is me skinny. You're actually Yeah, you're looking okay. How sad is that?

It's not that sad. Oh, yeah, it is. I I picked out my um Oh, man. I tried to put my wedding suit on the other day.

What happened? I got I was too big or too small. I out icic. Oh, too fat. Too fat for my wedding suit. Guys, I first of all, I want to apologize for the way that we look. We talked about this again. Eddie just did. And I'm going to reiterate that apology because yes, it's true. Right now, ICE, uh, Immigrant and Customs Enforcement, they are out there murdering nurses just wholesale and just kind of murdering people. Like,

no, they're the last nurses are expendable as hell. Hey, I you know what I hate is an empathetic man. One less, right? So, we know that and and I think that, you know, obviously Minneapolis is being torn apart right now there. Uh, Lord Farquad has recently been demoted, which is

He got furred. He got furred for Mr. They sent him back to California. Thank God.

We love him. We love him. Yes. Um, so we just want to apologize for the fact that we look like men who would apply for ICE.

Yes. But and that's just our burden. There's nothing, you know, nothing we can really do. It's not our burden. It's our wife's burden.

Well, well, that's it's currently their burden. Yes. But we I wish that we looked what's her name? Loricion. I thought you were just about to Natalie.

What's the name of the fake uh woman that they made for the Marty Supreme movie? Leisionon.

Oh, yeah. Do they build her? They build her. On Odessa. They built her out of a Odessa. They built her out of like a like a petri dish or something.

She's cool. Yeah, sure. Yeah. But I'm just saying we can't be like that. All right. We before the Hollywood gene editing programs that were put out there to create these incredible mixtures of people. Odessa Oazison I think her name is.

You know her mom is who? Um famous actress. No way. Um uh what's her name? Pamela Adlon.

Who the hell's that? Very famous actress who created a move the several shows for FX uh producer. Very powerful.

IT'S ON NETFLIX. I DON'T GIVE A [ __ ] HORSESHIT. IT'S TRASH. CUZ WE ONLY LIKE SHOWS THAT ARE ON [ __ ] NETFLIX.

PUT IT ON NEXT TO THE Melania movie. That's what I say. You know what? Netflix. Melania's looking good these days.

Yeah. You never know. We're not going to We're not going to whitewash her. Come on, guys. Come on, Netflix. Let's whitewash HER.

IF SHE WAS ON NETFLIX, I bet she'd show them. Oh, wow. Imagine that. I mean, if she if Melania showed her dits in this movie, do you know what the [ __ ] box office would be? Oh, I buy I buy TICKETS I I BUY TICKETS. NOT EVEN GO. I BUY TICKETS AND GIVE IT to children on outside.

No. Yeah. Go go go look at the first lady's tits. You ever seen the first lady's TITS BEFORE?

I GOT GOOGLE. YEAH. GET UP in there, man. The only thing that could really double it and again we want to thank the the people the wonderful benefactors here at Netflix is I think that with Melania on Netflix, she could show Open Hole.

Oh yeah. Do they do Open Hole on Netflix? No. Netflix. I feel like they do a little less nudity than I would like to be honest with you.

Oh, they do. That's for certain. There should be more nudity. Yeah, HBO is the nudity place.

Not even anymore. Now they even they're even fighting on that. Yeah. What happened to them?

There's a lot of penises, which I don't mind. I'll see the penises, but I want to see the same amount of penises and boobies.

You figure once Discovery bought you, there'd be more like nature tits at least.

E, you really shouldn't be jerking off at nature videos. I mean, they do. They had this show called Skins where this woman had a butthole for a mouth. Oh, well that's that's art.

That's cool. I like that. Netflix is great. [ __ ] tentata. But we are going to talk about obviously we would talk more about what's going on in Minneapolis, but it's a bit intense. And so we kind of want to give it its its credence. Go look it up. Just know for a fact that ICE is currently running around

uh attacking children at a baseball field. You know, stuff like where it's really where the criminals are.

Yes. Uh so they're really out there working, but we doing great. They're capturing the 5-year-olds and they're bringing them to concentration camps in Texas that we not allowed to go in.

So, don't worry. They're all Don't worry, there's riots at the concentration camp where the child was all weekend. Good. No one's talking about that. They wouldn't let Chris Murphy in all weekend.

No. No. It's bad over there. It's bad there. They're going to try to send ice agents to the Winter Olympics, but just understand which is where foreigners go.

Yes. So, uh it's literally where they'd be. But they, you know, it's a whole thing. So, I just want you to know we're against it, but we're sorry we look like them. Yeah,

you know, because I I wish we've talked about this. We talked about this last episode. There should be more people out there guming up the works. Absolutely. Minneapolis doing a good job.

You have Yes. Minneapolis the apparently the roll out against what the current the the protest scene is happening. Minneapolis is so beautiful and in lock step and getting bigger and bigger every day and it's beginning to work. So, I want to say good work out there, but I also want to reach out to the other fatbodied white dudes out there just like us.

Yeah. All right. Go buy a Gator. Go buy a Gator. Get a vest. Police on it. All of their [ __ ] is completely purchasable on Amazon.

Amazon. Army Navy stores. There's so much you could buy. You use your own car apparently.

It's the easiest [ __ ] in the world to be ice. Go be one. And then what I say is mix it up in there. Get them real confused. steal some stuff, set off some [ __ ] flares, like the goal is to create generalized fun chaos from within ICE. And the only people that can do it is other fat white men.

Yeah. And I want to say like if you want to turn ICE into nice, the Midwest is a great place to do it.

Yeah. You know, if there's one if there's one group of people that can make these guys turn around. And if not, you know, we'll just put them all in prison in a couple years.

Yeah. Absolutely. We're going to be rounding up every one of them. DON'T WORRY IF WE have anything to do with it. And also give up to the give some money over to the Minnesota Freedom Fund. I did a bit of research about the idea of where money should go during a time like this and one of the thing they said was bond funds for people getting out of jail.

Yeah. And if you got friends that are on the ground, make sure you hit them up. They all know different places that you could send VMO to like different food kitchens and [ __ ] like that.

Where's everybody? Where is Jaquai? HE'S ODDLY SILENT. This is what is happening right now in this country is virtual insanity. And the fact that he is not out there in the streets right now, how hard it would be for them to get him while he's side moving, slept back and forth.

Oh, Jqua is coming back with another tour in Europe, South America, and potentially North America. He ain't coming here. No one's none of them are coming here anymore.

Want to come here. Also, it's just like don't come. I already said to Eddie right before this, no new Jquai fans. I I just think that it's okay if I if I want to start liking Jam. I like the virtual insanity.

Nothing against I like dancing on furniture upside down. It's It's We had Lionol Richie.

Yeah, Eddie. We had Lionel Richie. He's still alive. He's very much alive. Fingers crossed. We'll see.

Oh, okay. Well, oh, real quick before we move on too far, I was just like googling like a bunch of different stuff about like ICE cuz I went down this [ __ ] horrible hole like we all did in this uh country last couple days. Yeah, sure.

And I was just like, "Yeah, who's this Greg Bavino guy?" You know, cuz you see his Nazi little face around and stuff like that, you know?

I love this long jacket. Yes, this long jacket. It's good for hiding your nude body in the park.

You know, it's actually a normal jacket. He's just that tiny. Eddie, but uh well, look at that poetic walk anime men's suit cosplay uniform. You could just buy a uniform online that looks just like what he was wearing.

And that literally is Greg Bavino's entire outfit. You can buy it on Amazon for $52.

So, I found this fun rumor. I don't think it's true. Might not be true, but I was looking up Greg Bavino rumors in my deep searches and I found a fun one. He went to Watuga High School in North Carolina, and apparently some of the people who were his classmates were saying that he was forced to eat Olympus. Now, for those of you who don't know, Limp Biscuit, the band, was named after a funny thing. Limp Biscuit is what in some terms I believe you could also refer to as an ookie cookie.

Okie cookie for sure. Was an old game that boys used to play to make each other homosexual, where they would play a game where they would all masturbate upon a cookie of some type, a piece of bread or an English muffin depending on what time of day it is. I don't know when it's whatever is ready in the kitchen.

Yeah. And they all whoever they all jerk off onto it and then I believe it's one way is I've heard the competitive style.

Yes. Which is the guy who comes last eats the cookie. That is one way I've heard it. Another way to heard it is just somebody just hands you a cookie with come on it

and you're like, "Oh, it's frosted." Yeah, frosted. That's a salt. It is assault.

It is a salt. But guess what? It's a salty as well. But I guess either way, I'm just happy they tried to make Greg Bavino's mouth pregnant.

Yeah, cuz he deserved every [ __ ] minute of it. Enjoy. I think he went back to El Centro.

Yeah, El Centro, California. He's coming back to our part of Why not? Yes. Enjoy.

No, he's uh if you know, his dad killed a girl. Really? Yeah. His dad had a DUI uh and he uh killed a killed someone in a drunk driving accident.

Wow. That's more legitimate than what ICE DID THIS WEEKEND. I would also say the uh what I do find interesting is that also Eddie noted that after all of the recent murderings that ICE has done in cold blood, they have recently changed their website to show it inmemoriam of ICE soldiers on their thing to show like how how much in danger they are at all times. The wall of honor to honor everyone who's died. I started looking up and like first off they like took it all the way back to 195 which isn't even as long as they've been a a company or whatever count doesn't even matter then

but most of them have died more than 50% died of co of course because they are built to die of co

those DICTATORS DON'T WORK THEY DON'T THEY DON'T WEAR NO REAL MASK YOU [ __ ] IDIOTS YOU [ __ ] MORONS. Everyone knows it doesn't work.

We all know your stupid face gators do nothing but hide in like they collect co. Yeah.

So just know that that those brave soldiers out there dying of a cough and they haven't lost one since October 19th 2024.

Oh, they're so safe out there. Yes. Only two of them were killed by um I guess what you want to say immigrants, but you can't really say that because one of them was killed in Mexico. Yeah. So he went they went there.

They went there and he was killed in Mexico. So you can't even say an immigrant killed him because he wasn't he was in Mexico.

I don't know what they were doing. But either way, sounds like it went well. Guys, uh we have a bunch. We have one update.

Oh, one big update, which is our guy Elfe. We were excited about this guy, Ryan Wedding, former Canadian snowboarding Olympian turned cartel kingpin. I you know I don't I've still have never seen much proof on this.

We don't know anything. He was a recently arrested and that's what's sad is that's the entire update is that we wanted more. We covered this in a previous episode. This [ __ ] awesome giant Canadian that won the hearts of the Lassenoa cartel that he went out there and they just saw that he had something pluckucky and they liked working with him. He was already running drugs for them while he was working like just after the Olympics. He was like, you know, he's a real go-getter.

He loves snow. But he seems he really did, Eddie. But he seems that he got I guess he got ratted out.

Is that what happened? I don't know. I have no idea. They There's very little details. We just know that he got arrested.

He got arrested in Mexico and they're bringing him back to America. Uh he's a Canadian snowboarder. Maybe maybe we're going to put him on our Olympic team. Maybe we're like we're like, "Hey, guess what? You want a commuted sentence? [ __ ] strap on a snowboard and go [ __ ] go to the Olympics in the next week." If he wins the gold, exonerated, right? If he goes ALL THE WAY,

[ __ ] NOTHING. NOTHING BUT GOLD. If he goes, that's the movie right there. That's the That's the [ __ ] movie, dude. That would be amazing.

I would love to see that. Let me ask you one thing. How would you like to win the Olympics?

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Um, also we have another small update. The suicide pods that are based out of uh Europe, the guy who made the suicide pods thinks that AI should be in charge of them.

So, I'm not using it. That doesn't You know what it is? I AIN'T USING THE SUICIDE POD. I'm going to do it the oldfashioned way

by police officer jumping in front of a trainer while Henry and I are on tour. I um it's funny because say what you will about me, right? Obviously we're having problems with AI already with like in terms of just sucking up the water between Grock making child porn because they you know do what you love and stuff like that. But the thing is what do I trust even less? European AI.

Yes. I don't know why. Like I obviously don't trust American AI, but there's something about European AI that for me feels a little too like I feel like it's cuter somehow.

It's too easy breezy. Yeah. Like I feel like like I could just see an AI smoking a cigarette like breastfeeding a child out of a sack of wine. Like I could see it doing what Europeans do.

Yeah. I think it's fine. A lot of bush hair. Yeah. We're AI. Netflix knows. Yeah. That's why we're here.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's awesome about this show right now is is that you think we're doing it,

but we're not. These are avatars. This is literally I'm eating a Philly cheese steak right now.

Yeah. I'm [ __ ] a a a homemade pigshaped [ __ ] toy right now in a [ __ ] shed.

The Oinker Boinker. Yeah. In Ocala. I'm in Florida right now. I'm not working. I'm expressing my sexual devian.

That's right. Thank you, Netflix. Thank you very much, Netflix. I tied the the drawstring around my sweatpants to my shoelaces so it stays down and I never stop masturbating. Wow,

that's a real [ __ ] father. I wonder if my um mother-in-law is going to watch this.

Yeah, you know, she will figure it out. A lot of people are going to watch this.

They can't figure IT OUT. EVEN MY MOM IS LIKE she can't they don't know. They don't know how to get to us.

We definitely need to We're still well hidden on the app. Oh, yeah. No, I couldn't find us for like days.

Yeah. Yeah, we're well hidden. Don't worry. But if you type in last l, are we the first thing that comes up or just for you? We're one of them. You'll see

what else comes up. Um, there's some things. There's some good stuff. Yeah, there's some stuff.

All right, man. You uh I saw the uh the new Matt Damon uh Ben Affleck movie. Oh, the new on the rip.

The rip. I like it cuz I like all Florida movies. Yeah, sure. It's not very good.

Yeah, we're starting good on Netflix. We'll see what they uh censor here. THAT'S A PERSONAL OPINION.

NO, THEY WERE ALLOWED. IT'S A PERSONAL OPINION. If they shut us off for personal opinions, we're we're going to start the revolution right [ __ ] now.

I love how like I said all these horrible things about like Greg Beino eating a [ __ ] covered cookie, but I'm really worried about getting cancelled from Netflix cuz I don't like the rip.

I mean, I think that's actually a more valid thing to worry about. Anticipating notes about this part for sure.

Yeah, there's going to I It's more valid to worry about. But you know what? I'll say their MO series. It's the best of all. No. Well, that's the great thing about them. All the true crime. That's why I never got rid of it.

No, it's great. Had to keep it. So, let's go. Let's do some of these other stories. Do we want to start with a couple of fun ones? First of all, this one just got floated to me and I wanted to just talk about this because someone randomly sent me this and I haven't thought about this person in a very long time and I had no idea how it all played out. Oh, this is your boy. Let's talk about it. All right. So, if any does anybody remember the Glonkey guy? I never heard of him, but I'm enthralled now. All right, so look up the Glonky guy. Are we allowed to show this video?

No, we're going to show the video. Yes, I've already asked. Okay, cool. So, play this interview right here. So, this is Kyle Brown, otherwise known as the Gonky guy. He did this funny viral interview six years ago. Now, he's not the guy asking questions. He's the guy He's the guy that says the words, "I'm feeling pretty glunky right now."

What's up? What's up? What's up? How you feeling, man? I I'm pretty vlogging. You

say what? I I'm fine. I'm fine. What? Like, yeah, I'm good. You're good. How are you?

I'm good. Can you finish these lyrics real quick? Okay. Back home again. I can't wait to get back on the road again.

Am I acting again, dude? Like, I don't know if I know. Just look at this. Back home again. Back home again. In in Indiana land. He looks like a Kulkin that lives in a bomb. His name is Kyle Brown. And that day this street interviewer found him. He seemed to be I think he was probably on a couple of hits of acid. He was really enjoying himself. He was really I think so. Probably some form of hallucination. I just saw him as like a a stoner that can't gets more stoned than everyone else.

That's kind of what they were saying. They thought he maybe did, but it turns out he stabbed his mother nearly to death. So about three years after that, Kyle Braun stabbed his mother hard, right? Stabbed her up and down, back and forth, and he left a knife inside of her skull.

Left the knife in her skull. Left the knife in her skull to the point where the neighbors came over, heard her screaming, right? Which is sad. Kyle Brown. This is another member of my Sinister 6. The glunky guy is right next to the piggyback bandit who's right next to the silent man that's right next to the Burbank butts sniffer. I want to build this crew. I want to take this crew on a job. I want to go to I want to kill the Ayatollah. I think the goal is to take these guys. We're going to kill the Ayatollah. The goal is to go over to Iran, fix up this [ __ ] situation, right? Kyle Braun, the glunky guy. He then also goes on to so he's he he stabbed his mother. It's very bad, right? The the the neighbors all came out. She was screaming.

The neighbor came and they said that he was holding the knife into her own skull cuz they had to keep the knife in her skull by just like

Yeah, cuz if you take it out they So he was just like gently holding the knife in her skull. She lived, right?

She lives. Kyle Braun goes on to then beat the [ __ ] out of his public defender. Yes. Yes,

because let's just say Kyle Braun didn't have the scratch for the guy that uh uh what's his name? Uh Nick Reiner was going to get have quite the scratch for that. So

Nick Riner got fired. Uh that guy got fired. Yeah. Oh, the guy got fired. I thought he fired Riner.

He fired Riner. He's trying to still say, "Oh, you know, Reiner is definitely not guilty."

Yeah. No, he's just trying to get another job. Yeah. But uh Yeah. Yeah. I don't also Kyle Braun I don't think uh it beat the [ __ ] out of is a good He he landed four punches. Uh

that's a lot on a public defender. Most of them know how to fight. But you know what? Face, head, and arm. So there's like we could say two of them probably went to the arm.

But either way, it is really thrown off his trial. He's still he's been in bars. He's been behind bars ever since. Yeah.

He's not going anywhere. He hasn't gotten his trial yet. He really he's literally just sitting there. But I will say if you want to, you can go check out his mom wrote a book.

Oh. Um, she wrote a book which is I got my New Year's resolution is to read 10 books this year.

But I feel like this one you can maybe skip only cuz it just seems like it might need be fully in there. But um she uh she wrote a book called I Saw it. What I when I saw God's hand is the book that she wrote all about what it was like when she almost died when her son stabbed her. She looks so happy.

She is the happiest woman to have her son almost murder her that I've ever seen. It barely looks like she was stabbed in the head.

You can never you can bar you know what it is? It's the bangs. This is where a lot of bangs come into play, you know, cuz it can cover that puncture wound. She's very sweet. She's alive. I don't like the fact that immediately it was all about how God saved her when it was her neighbors and uh your neighbors saved you, lady. They are the ones, not God. God had nothing to do with it. God created your son. God created the miracle of birth that created the murderer that was supposed to [ __ ] kill you. Okay. So, she hasn't forgiven her son. She doesn't talk to her son.

Not quite Christlike in my imagination. She sells the book at farmers markets. She does. Seems like go and check out when I saw God's hand and it was the left one.

I think it's a book fair. He hit her with He hit her with the pimp hand. GOD'S GOT THAT BIG BACK HAND AND MY GOD, he let her have it.

That's why I'm not having kids. I just uh I just wanted to cover this whole thing so you could remember that sometimes your memes memes are people.

Mhm. And when memes are people, they sometimes don't just stay within the meme.

Sometimes they go to a bunch of other bad stuff. Such beautiful words. I'm feeling pretty clunky right now. I think a bad sign. It's a [ __ ] bad sign, buddy. I'm feeling pretty [ __ ] CLUNKY RIGHT NOW. All right. So, just know that anytime that glunky feeling comes up, you just want to push it down.

Oh, man. Well, I got a story I want to share with you, which is my favorite story of the week, and that is New York City. Mom Dony's New York City is changing. Rob, you're going to be so proud of this man. Cop under investigation after fatally shooting raccoon. They are literally police officers are going to have to use yarn to arrest people.

When we lived in New York, THEY WERE STRAIGHT UP KILLING CHILDREN AND NO ONE CARED.

I remember when they strangled to death the guy from the bodega. You remember they str what's that guy? They strangled him cuz he was just selling cigarettes.

His Lucy's. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. I remember the old days when it was like you used to go down to the L train and you see two guys with assault rifles just going LIKE WHAT KIND OF WHITE ARE YOU? WHAT KIND OF WHITE ARE YOU? LIKE THAT KIND OF [ __ ] LIKE it's kind of crazy, man. Wow. You're going to be different.

Yeah. A New York police officer fatally shot a raccoon at the beach. Piece of [ __ ] you know, honestly. But I will say raccoon shouldn't be on the beach.

Yeah. So apparently the police officers said they were trying to usher the raccoon to a safe location when the animal suddenly charged a group of people in an aggressive manner. So he just pulled out his gun and pop

and just shot it in front of a bunch of people. First off, what's what's everyone doing at the beach? It's cold out.

Yeah. I mean, no, it's not, you know, people do that in Coney Island for some reason. I never understood.

Yeah. So anyway, they're they're looking at the body cam footage and uh where he he was shouting um audibly side after the gunshot. Yeah,

man. He knows. He's just like, "God damn, I'm They're going to write me up for this [ __ ] aren't they?

Do I have to tell anybody?" Yeah. Do I Yeah. Is this an act? Is this a crime? Have I done a crime?

When you kill a ra When you shoot a raccoon, do you just put it back in the trash?

I just think it's cuz everybody saw it. Yeah. The chalk outline was the hardest part for me.

That was so cute. So cute and small. We'll talk about again. Did it have a phone on it? If the raccoon had a phone on it, you might want to blow its brains out because you can't allow them to [ __ ] film you. God knows your It's not like you have body cams as it is.

Yeah. I think this is a good time for to remind everybody how often cops kill animals.

Yes. Do you know that uh on average, everyone's going to hate this. Yeah. Saddest part of the episode already.

On average cops kill, are you ready for this? 25 to 30 dogs a day. Jesus [ __ ] Christy.

I'm saying it's it's not a hard statistic. Oh, no. But it's an average of 10,000 a year.

God [ __ ] damn. Personally, when I was arrested, they shot the dog. Yeah, that's right. I know they shot the dog.

My dog lived though. Yeah, that was It wasn't my dog. It was my friend's dog. But that dog lived. Yes. So, you know, just remember,

keep your dogs away from cops. Yeah. Yeah. lock them up. Which is also most cops do say keep put the dogs away.

They always do. So when you when you're calling the cops over to, you know, like to tell them about how you know for a fact that uh Katie Perry is planning to assassinate your dentist, right? Put the dogs away.

Yeah. It's really a sad search on the old internet when you start looking at the videos cuz you know what? The dogs aren't always big.

No, they're not. No, no, no. A lot of times they're very small like your dogs. I can actually see Car herself in quite a bit of trouble with the police officer.

Yeah, I can really see Car. I don't. Yeah, and that's why I've talked about it with Natalie. If someone breaks into the house, I've said this where I pick up Carmy, throw Carmy at the guy coming in the house, I follow up and she's like, you're going to sacrifice the dog. I was like, Carie has been wanting to do that

to every person coming in this house since we got her. That's fulfilling her dream.

Yeah, man. I think if a cop shot Tootsie, her last words would be like, "Thank you."

Yeah. I can't die. It's one of those you shoot to you shoot her. She's dead and then she just You're like all like mourning and stuff and then tootss each other just

T100. It's okay. What the [ __ ] And you got to kill her. Now you're stabbing her.

Yeah, man. She's doing great. Do we want to do a story? Do we want to begin our death conversation? I Well, I just real quick, I think it's worth mentioning one more animal attack.

Great. This woman was uh Oh, this one is great. This one's fun. This one's the person got attacked.

Yes. A skiing tourist in China was taking a selfie with a snow leopard and it straight up bit her face off.

Yeah. Don't do it. What is people People have so much confidence when it comes to jungle cats. I don't understand. We never see snow leopard. So I can understand like wanting to get a picture

OF IT FROM A FAR AWAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE IN THE PICTURE. If you have a picture of snow leopard, I'm going to believe you. Take a picture of yourself separate.

Oh my god. You just see this lady being carried. Oh my [ __ ] God carrying her face onto her face and and the literally this the the the snow leopard is just sitting there just like what do you want from me? Like literally like I had nothing to do with it's sitting there. I did not consent to this photograph.

I got nothing to do. I don't know who this [ __ ] is. I don't know what this situation is. I was hanging out. She put her face in my face.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They said ripped her [ __ ] nose off. She got closer than 10 ft and then it [ __ ] attacked her.

As it should have. Never get close to a snow leopard. Cuz guess what people are always trying to do to snow leopards? Murder it. The reason why it's endangered is because people murdered it for its coat over and over again. So it probably even has some sort of like memory or understanding that humans are bad.

It don't like us. No. And it shouldn't. I don't like us because they just they know to give us a lot of le that snow leopard is for its own sake saving itself from us.

Yes. That's why it's doing it. So I think this lady is a candidate for our pool, but not gonna make it.

No. Because she lived. She lives. She's just going to be she's just going to be probably taking a heck of a lot less selfies when you have a face transplant.

So Henry and I were talking about this and we know it is just because people I'm not even saying anything but we've seen some of these face transplants, right Rob?

Have we seen some they go like I'm so happy to be I'm so happy to finally be able to not hear the screams. It's so nice to be able to leave my house and not hear the children scream and death, you know. But they're brave and we we have to like them.

I think she'll be okay. She needs eyes and noses. Yeah. I don't care if she's okay. I think that's stupid. I blame her entirely.

I mean, of course you blame her entirely. It happened to her. Either way, Henry and I had a long talk about doing a death pool this year, and we know that it is um morally reprehensible, I think, is is a good is a good way to put it.

That's what some people say. Yeah. But we figured out how to make our death pool decent amongst humanity. What we have decided to do is that what we're going to I think cuz we're we're we all have fun. People love to bet,

right? We love to bet. We never get to do it. I hate sports and I hate all the stuff. You don't like gambling, but don't bet. Yeah.

But this isn't gambling, right? This is fun, right? So the goal here is is that

No, we're losing the money no matter what. We Eddie and I make no money. We make nothing. That is how this is. Okay. We make no money. How with if we're going to pick three people that we know are going to die,

we three people that we're certain that we're going to die, a fourth person we consider to be an outlier. Yes. Right. Of those three people, if one of them dies this year in the year of 2026, we will give $100 for each person that dies to the way that they died, we will give to the cause.

So if it's lung cancer, we're going to give to a lung cancer. If it's a if it's old age, I'm just going to give money to a baby.

Yeah. or a or a nursing home or something something like that, right? Yeah. And we're going to do something like that, right? And then the goal is that if our fourth person dies, if the outlier dies,

the odd person that we're just picking random people, we will give them that charity $1,000. All right. So, you might want to hope that one of the outliers die.

Yes. Now, I know what you're thinking. What happens if you're three definitely going to die? People don't die. Well, we thought of that. And what we're gonna do is if Henry's people all if he picks three people and they all live at the end of the year he's gonna give $300 to the charity of my choice.

Yes. Yep. And then and then vice versa the same way around. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to And then if it die if each one of them dies, we give them all out. We're going to pay out all the money.

Yeah. That's how we're doing it. So that's what we're going to do. And now let's get to the fun part is who's going to die.

Oh, and Trump and Biden don't count. We decided no Trump, no Biden. And we also basically decided if it's extremely political, technically we should have it be even only for the sake of fun.

Yeah. Yeah. Because honestly, I'd wipe them ALL OUT IF I COULD. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I'd literally blow up the White House if I was allowed to.

It's only You can You only have to be president to do that. I know. Yeah. GOD. ALL RIGHT. SO JEALOUS THAT HE GOT TO RIP THE WHOLE WALL OFF. SO, I got three definitely going to dies this year on my death list. And the first one I think probably could die by the time this comes out.

And that's Gary Ridgeway. Sure. Wow. Eddie, Gary Rididgeway is number one on my death pool.

Okay. Because he is actively dying in prison. We know that he's dying. We know that he's dying.

People have sent us messages. It's been in the news. Yes. You know, he is he's actively dying in prison. What's his What's his sickness, Rob? What's he dying He's got a He's got a cancer.

He's got a cancer. Okay. So, I think like this is like a lock. Yes. I feel like I'm going to give $100 to cancer pretty soon. Gary Ridgeway is going to die. He's like a part of our show.

Yes. I think it makes so a heck of a lot of sense. And like I did one of those Buzzfeed um things years ago where it was like, you know, find out which serial killer you are. And I was the Green River Killer.

That makes sense. So, I feel like I have this connection to Gary Rididgeway. You're just like him.

Yes. Yeah. Barely can read. um loves strangling sex workers and yes refused to Gary Ridgeway though actually was he was probably developing probably developmentally handicapped but we'll get to it.

All right. Who's your first guy I think cuz now you said that Gary Ridgeway is yours. I will also show

that's my lock. That's your lock. Yeah. My lock for this year unfortunately. Buzz Aldrin.

You think so? Yes. That's my lock for THIS YEAR IS BUZZ BECAUSE I THINK THAT originally was going to be Mel Brooks but I can't do it. But I also think now he's going to live out of spite.

Mel Brooks is going to keep going for a while. I think Dan Dick Van Djk is going to live this year.

I think Dick Van Dijk's going to make it. So Buzz Aldrin Yeah. is my You think definitely. How is How do you think he's going to die? Is he sick?

I think massive heart attack. Massive heart attack from Buzz Aldrin. Yeah. I think in his sleep.

Well, he did punch that reporter, right? He gets angry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He gets angry. All right. So, I put him on there. I put just his birthday. Yes. He was 96.

96 years old. uh reportedly facing declining health and increasing isolation following the death of his wife. Yes,

they always die right after the wife. I'm just saying I'm only for the pool. I think I don't want them really, but it's to the pool.

Yeah. No, no. And like I said, we're donating, you know, we're this is going back to the people. It's going back to the people. All right. Um my next person who I think is close to a lock but not a lock. William Shatner.

Yeah, sure. I think we're losing the Shatman this year. He's old. He's he's been in the news recently.

I think he's gonna boldly go. Yeah, I could possibly see that. He's not looking great. He does again, he's a bit angry.

He's in the Hollywood Hills. I know that he owns a bunch of Domer pinchers. Yeah. Hey,

I've walked by his house. I've seen they've barked very very loudly. Oh, they should. Obie OB trained them to attack.

But yeah, William Shatner, I mean, I'm surprised he's still alive. He's always looked very unhealthy to me.

He's an alcoholic, but probably not anymore. Who knows? I don't think you could be that long.

I mean, you'd be surprised, man. Yeah. What does he mean? Oh, yeah. He eats cereal while he's driving.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It could be a car accident. What if it's a car accident? To to be honest, eating cereal while driving.

Bringing the bowl out, that's a baller move. Honestly, I'm kind of rethinking everything I'm saying right now. I mean, that's kind

If he's out eating cereal in the streets, he might be pretty capable. He might be fine.

The fact that he could have a bowl of liquid in his lap and drive, that kind of speaks. He might have a little more control over his his faculties.

You think he would? Oh, yeah. That's a bit. Is that flax? I think it's flax. Raisin brand.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's got to stay in regular. Yeah. He really has to. You got to stay regular at home, though. Don't do it on the move,

dude. I [ __ ] take whatever I can. I am so full of fiber. I will [ __ ] your pants.

Yeah. They don't call him the sh man for nothing. I'll tell you. I am [ __ ] filled with legumes. All right. Yeah. So, there's that one. Okay. My next one. Sad. I think this is going to be close to a lock.

Okay. Jack Nicholson. You think so? I think this might be He's not even on the the official list. He's not even on it.

I think this is the year. I feel like he's healthier than ever. I feel like he I feel like he could have died like four or five years ago, but now I feel like he's on an uptick.

Apparently, his dementia is very It is accelerating. Well, you know what we say about that. Dimension it.

Don't mention it. Come on, y'all. Come on, y'all. I don't know, man. He's been going to Lakers games lately. He's been in public more. I feel like Jack's going to be around for a little bit longer.

Who knows? Look at he's signing autographs. He's having a good time. 2016, buddy. That was nine years ago. Oh god, he looks awful.

That was 10 years ago, man. Oh [ __ ] That was a long time ago. Yeah, it really was.

Uh oh. Oh yeah, it really [ __ ] was. Yeah, he's very old. I love how you chose him over Roman Palansky.

You know what it is? It's just something about European life. They live better. They live better life. They live a higher quality of life. They get better food. They're more relaxed. He Now Roan Pansky doesn't have to do anything. Yeah,

that's the best part about being canceled in Europe. They love when you're canceled in Europe. If you're an old rapist in Europe, they put you in the government just like we do. They do it with the old guys.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, or they took uh they took the prince out, you know.

Yeah. Barely. [ __ ] Andrew, formerly known as barely got fired from being a prince.

Like it doesn't come with a huge package that he just [ __ ] gets to live off of.

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All right, my guy. This one's also very um very sad. Um he's currently experiencing age related health challenges

but you know he is a hundred so I think that is you know part of it and uh I think we're going to lose unfortunately I think we're going to lose David Atenboroough. Yeah, I could see him finally being sick of talking about angler fish. And I could see him finally just saying, "You know what? [ __ ] this blue earth. I am sick and tired of this blue damn earth. All I wish to do is be consumed by the lions that I see out on here deep into the Sarenati." I was watching one of his shows recently and um he does this thing in one of the shows where they like just take him and they they literally put him in the middle of the jungle and he can't walk and he's just kind of standing there in the great episode.

Wonderful. Wonderful. This is the dead middle of the Amazon and I am here surrounded by spiders wondering which one will claim my death. So, I really feel like he could die out in the wild, which would be amazing death for David Atenboro. I would I hope he gets ripped apart by gorillas so I can give money to gorillas.

I would rather him get ripped apart by animals than like [ __ ] himself to death of some [ __ ] horrific virus out there.

I tell you what, after 80, yes, for me, too. Like, I'd much rather I don't want to get ripped apart by animals beforehand, but after 80, let's rock.

Okay, let's [ __ ] do this [ __ ] Yeah, I get it. Cuz then it's just like, give me something new. Yeah,

give me something new. Everything's boring. You know what I like about this show is I've predicted my death in every single way. So that whenever I do die, definitely have a clip.

Yeah. Anytime. That's the idea. Making content. All right, here we go. Here's my third. I'm

going to fall into a thresher machine, I think. My tits ripped off by a threshing machine.

It's incredible. What we need to do is put these up on the wall behind us, though, for the rest of the year, too.

Oh, yeah. Then we can put X's over their faces. So my my third or at least over their eyes to zones. Um my third is he's under a lot of stress right now and I think that it's going to really affect him cuz he looks like absolute [ __ ] [ __ ]

Nam Chosky. Oh yeah, Nam Chsky. I feel like that's a lock. Nam Chosky's a lock. So I think he's going down this year. I think that he's got nothing left to say. I think the final words that he will say that will be that will be forever uttered across the world is bring that little girl and put her on my penis.

Ah, he's a pedophile. Yeah. Is he? Probably. Oh, I don't know. I thought he was a decent guy. I don't really know much about him.

Nam Chomsky is one of Epste's best friends. He's He's a part of one of Epstein's gal pals. He's the He was in all the pictures. Like he love they love each other.

Oh, okay. All right. Well, see you later, Nome. Maybe this will be the year that JFree Epstein finally dies too.

Yes, we're gonna find Oh, yeah. There he is just hanging on the plane having a great time. Listen to everything he has to say.

Let's now let's go through our our all like let's go through our options now. While he's dying, they're going to have to change his name to Moan Chsky.

That's if he doesn't lose his tongue and and throat. I hope he doesn't get Eerted. All right.

That was the worst part about him cuz he loved ice cream. God, the Eber must have been so sad when you couldn't lick anymore.

Yeah. Where did the popcorn go? I don't know. I think he just got He had to just shove it in that little bandana. We're fine. All right. Here. I got five, but I'm going to pick I just wanted to talk to you about my five.

Three that I think because I'm going to pick one of these five. Yes. And if one of these five I mean

for my own brain I should probably pick the one I think is going to live because I don't want to pay the grand.

But I mean I'm gonna I'm gonna but now I'm going to pick like where I'm going to go I'm going to take one of these guys who I think is going to die. But I really need your opinion because I think a lot of these guys are close. A lot of these guys are random. Like I think first one on my my maybe list, Andy Dick.

Okay. I feel like Andy Dick, you know, he's probably close to even just a regular death bull.

You know, he is. The thing is Andy Dick is like in rehab right now so it could work and I could be wrong

or not. Or he commits a crime and he finally gets murdered the way he needs to be.

Yes, that's very true. That's very possible. When I do my alternates, my thing with my like the kind of the I chose though girls because

I don't want no one wants to watch a woman die. When you think of a young woman dying, it's always murder, right? It's never like something that we can even joke about, you know? So I think the first one I

talking about we joke about people getting murdered every day. That's our job. That's what we got hired for. Say my number one choice for the outliers.

Okay. Finn Wolfhart. Really? Yeah. FROM WHAT? YEAH. WOW. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT AN OUTLIER.

THAT IS AN OUTLIER. It's cuz he just hosted SNL. No, it's cuz Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. He did great. Yeah, I'm sure he was fine.

I'm just saying that's my That's your Yeah. Yeah. That's your outline. That's why it's $1,000. I pick people who I think are gonna die. Yeah. Andy Dick. All right. Next one. Bill O'Reilly.

Wow. I didn't even realize he was still [ __ ] alive. He's like 75 76 and he's We got to remember, dude's huge.

He's got cancer. He's got He's sick. Is he sick? He's always got something. He's got something. He's all full of hate.

He's gigantic. Yeah, he's a big man. I like it really He really is [ __ ] I I was standing next to him once when he was still employed over at Fox News and I had no idea how like huge and heavy breathing he was. And that was a long time ago.

Yeah. He's a big [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] Yeah. He make a great dead guy. But those evil people, they live forever. Dick Cheney, like you know that kind of stuff.

Absolutely. You know, and so I I really feel like But I'm I'm saying Bill O'Reilly's very high on my list.

Got it. He's got like 20 lb ears. You know, that's got to be weighing down his neck.

No, it's killing him. He's His ears are now at the point where they're growing independent of the rest of his body.

Bill O'Reilly reveals mystery health battle. Ooh. Yeah. If he steps back from work, as I was saying, he's not feeling good. All right. He's leading my outlier list right now.

Second one. Deorbid. Deorbid. So, I'm choosing Deorbid. You think he's going to You think he's going to do it himself? I think he's going to kill himself on [ __ ] Yes.

I mean, Suicide Hotline needs $1,000. I think that'd be great. Absolutely does.

I mean, that'd be great if you sent it to them. They're going to try to offer him a deal. Uh, it seems like it because they're they also got his other buddy arrested recently. Uh, his friend got arrested. We don't really know what the hell is going on with this case. We don't really We know that he's supposed to be charged with a crime.

He bought a he bought an incinerator. Um but I do believe Deorvid is going to be not for the long for this world.

Yeah, that's my view. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, Deorvid, I really don't want Henry to win this. Dial 988. Just think about it.

If you got to if you got to or don't make the money. Um my next All right, so I got a couple. So I'm going to burn through like two of them right now. I just I'm just going to go my other three and then and then I'm going to pick I'm going to pick one after you go. How's that sound?

Yeah, sure. Sure, sure. Sure. Chris Christie. Okay. Easily. I mean, huge man. Definitely been putting a lot of Taylor Ham into that heart. A lot of pork rolls going in there, dude. Oh, yes. You know, and I'm not sure how much of it's actually coming out.

So, I think uh I think Chris Christie easily could die this year. I think, you know, he's been fat for his whole life. I think that could take him out. David Ike.

Oh, David Ike could go. David Ike could go. David, I could go. This could be this could be the year that we lose him.

David, I could go. Yeah. And then John Voit. Yes. You know, they're old. John Voit looks really bad.

He really does. He looks really really bad. These are Are any of these outliers? I feel like a lot of these are guys.

I They're not on the actual list. Ah, that's what that's that's what I consider an outlier. So, the actual, you know, the Vegas pool thing.

See, cuz my third outlier, POPE LEO. POPE LEO. YEAH. I THINK WE'RE GOING TO DEAL WITH this [ __ ] for like 20 years.

I think he could actually I think we got a 20-year pope. I think he could get sick and die any day.

No, you never know. How old is he? How old's Pope Leo? I think he's my outliers.

I Pope Leo age 70. We could have Pope Leo for 20 years. Who knows? I think they keep these guys alive. Depends on what crimes they do.

Benedictto stood down. Yes. Remember Benedictto said no more. Yeah. The Nazi pope. Yep. And he died too.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay. These are good. I will choose Pope Leo. Pope Leo. You're choosing Pope Leo.

Yes. All right. Okay. And I am um out of my guys, John Voit, David Ike, Chris Christie, Andy Dick, and Bill O'Reilly.

I think it's most likely Bill's going to go. I think Well, that's the most likely. That's why I feel like it's not an outlier. I feel like you need to choose one that's a little bit more iffy. I think Andy Dick is a good one.

Andy Dick's a good one. Only because he grabbed my dick one time, personally. I don't like and I and I actually just don't like it.

Oh sh my pick. Rob's pick is Bill Cosby. YOU DON'T LIKE HOW IS Cosby not on the list?

That's the up there. It's because nobody cares because nobody want nobody cares if he lives or die.

Here's the thing is he isn't doing anything. No, he's just sitting around chilling. He could do that for a while. My uncle

He keeps threatening to go on tour. My uncle Albi spent he died at like I I want to say almost 90 and he lied in a hospital bed in his dining room for 10 years. You never know how long these people could just stick around in their own home. Oh, I know. We're going to watch our current our current president is going to stagger through the next three years and we're going to watch it. We're going to watch every day as he melts further and further into his [ __ ] shoes. Yeah,

we are going to see that pedophile die on his feet until he But he's not going to die.

His body is going to live. His body is going to live. I'm going to say Trump's going to live another 10, 15 years.

I mean, they're keeping him alive on some kind of [ __ ] His pure He's going to be a vegetable.

I mean, we saw how quickly his ear healed. I mean, they're really taking care of him.

Yeah. He's like Wolverine. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. We're going to see him die in the next I could say he'll be he'll be dead to that point, but he's going to he's going to I'm saying 10 15 years.

All right. My official list of people definitely going to go David Attenboroough, William Shatner, Gary Rididgeway. Okay. And my outlier is going to be Andy Dick.

Yep. Andy Handy Dick. Mine is Buzz Aldrin. Okay. Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. The third was the Nam Chosky.

Nam Chosky. And my outlier is Poplio. Poplio. All right. Okay. I like this. I like this. I don't feel like I feel like the Pope's going to be fine. I think you're safe with your grand.

But it's just more just like if you want to be a big shocker. Yeah. It's all about big sh What's a big shocker? That's what I thought. It's not really like

That's the thing. Andy Dick isn't like a shocker. No. Like it's more like what could completely come out of nowhere. And so I was trying to choose something that would also maybe not involve murder.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Any one like you know they like Fid Wolfhard I thought in my head household accident.

I could see you think it's like a ladder thing. Yeah. Falls down falls in the night.

He doesn't climb any ladder. Yeah. He doesn't do anything. He doesn't even do his laundry. I like him as an I think he's a good kid. He's a good actor.

Finn, I think you should come on the show and show Henry how healthy you are. I WOULD I'M NOT TRYING TO SAY I'M SAYING I WAS TRYING TO CHOOSE in my head. His last name is Wolfhart.

It was like literally like the stay puffed marshmallow man. I was trying to think who's the healthiest person in your like who's not going to die. That was like the first thought in my head. It was like Finn Wolfhard.

Finn Wolfhard's going to not going to die. That's why I put him on the list is that because like oh cuz he's healthy, fun, doesn't do any dumb [ __ ] Is obviously doesn't seem to be doing hard drugs. is out there having a good time having just like loving life having a positive time. His whole life is ahead of him. What a great tragedy that would lead towards a big, you know, payout to a charity.

Mhm. Yeah. But that's not what happened. I don't want that to happen. So I want the tragedy to happen to the Pope.

Yes. So that's why I'm doing this. Now, do you have to give the money to the Catholic Church?

No. No. Because he's murdered by a bunch of bishops. Then I would then I would if No, it's more that if he dies, it shows that God doesn't help anybody. If he dies early, it proves that God doesn't exist, so I don't have to [ __ ] pay anything [ __ ] people.

All right. Oh, we're going to get in trouble or whatever. I mean, no. I mean, this is what they

We're giving it to charity. We're giving it to charity. This is satire. This is sad. Well, I mean, if we're really going to give the charity to them,

but that part's not satis. The rest of it's just an expression. Yeah. No, it's not. I think I think it's good to talk about death.

I I think that part of the reason why I even wanted to do it is because the last year truly between losing my dad

Mhm. talking to a bunch of people about death. Like, as you've talked, you've been through how many people come up to you constantly to talk to. messages almost every day about people who lose their parents cuz I've lost both of mine.

I think that it really is such a in America we don't like talking about it. It is a thing that we push down and I think that it's okay to laugh a little bit about all the [ __ ] up [ __ ] because we have to. And I also think that it's the uh it's coming for us no matter what.

Absolutely. And so we're all going to be preoccupied with it and we push it away and we don't talk about the death process because it it scares all of us and it means we're not working. And I think that in America we're very much like this idea that you know we still even even a lot of us don't this romantic idea of we don't retire. We work until the moment that we [ __ ] die our last breath and all this [ __ ] You just like no there's no time. who said no one takes any time at their end of their life literally to die properly.

You know who took time and I think it was good that they did. Jean Hackman. Yes.

He took like over 10 years. He chilled out at the end of his life, you know, and he he's just like hung out at his house and he just I mean he died very sadly but

but still I think you know thank god he had those years to just chill. He doesn't need to yell on camera till he dies.

It doesn't matter how you die. All death is sad. Like he was going to happen either way. Is it is Yeah, it was [ __ ] up the way that he died, but dying like as in the fetal, you know, hospital bed is just as bad as sucks at all.

Dying that age in your own home, we should all be so lucky. Yes. And so I think that's why people get all icky icky about it. But I think that we

we're all going to die. We're all going to die. So [ __ ] it. As long as it's not brutally by the police, who cares?

THAT'S THAT'S THE THING, MAN. Can't take it with you. So all right. So, we here we got some. Should we get to

You got a listener mail? I have plenty of listener mail. Let's do one of those like uh cuz last week we were talking about um the guy who died in the dough mixer.

I forgot. I forgot also um your buddies from um Portland. They're the ones who sent in this awesome stinger for listener email. Let's play it again real quick.

Okay, cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This Yeah. Yes. Oh, you Henry. Yes. Sure. Now it's time for email.

That's awesome. Thank you. That's really great. Also, that's werewolf. Yeah. Oh, werewolf.

Werewolf. Werewolf. Werewolf. So, we got so many [ __ ] up messages. Yeah. Send it sidetolp@gmail.com if anyone wants to send us uh some good old new hate mail.

Yeah. Please, please just tell us what bastards we are. It's fun. I don't read it.

And so this one, everybody sent in messages. We got last week we covered it's kind of like talked about this this story of a woman got stuck in this baking machine immediately murdered [ __ ] up like horrific story. So we got because like a lot of our listeners work in the restaurant industry.

Yeah. We're kitchen people. We have a lot of kitchen kitchen people a lot of bakery industry and so we've had a lot of

I love you by the way. We do. There's nothing I love more. There's nothing I cherish more or would protect with my very life than a chef and a waiter.

That's right. I love chefs and waiters and people that run restaurants more than any civil servant, more than any nurse,

more than anything else. I think you are the best people of us. I like chefs more than waiters, but like waiters more than managers. I was listening to your story about the woman who died in a bread mixer and it reminded me of a cautionary tale that I've been told is a coffee roaster for a small independent company. Spring Hill Jack Coffee that that's not them, but reach out. What's going on, bro? Buy our coffee. It's still out there. The vast majority of coffee roasters use a drum roaster. most of which have a large tray on the front of the machine with an arm inside that that spins relatively slowly but with a huge amount of torque. This is to stir the coffee after it finishes roasting while a fan beneath the tray pulls air through it to cool the coffee as quickly as possible. When I started the job, I wore a Choco brand strapstyle bracelet that is common in the outdoor community. My boss saw it and warn me

that I should probably not wear it to work because a coffee roaster, I believe in either Colorado or California, had gotten her arm ripped off by the stirer. She was wearing the same style bracelet while she was roasting when it got hooked on the steering arm. And she proceeded to get pulled around the tray and up against the body of the roster where the stirer was able to break then remove her arm from about the mid forearm down. From what I understand, she lived and they were they were able to reattach her arm with very LITTLE LONG-TERM PROBLEMS.

WOW. ACCORDING TO LEGEND, she had a tattoo on her forearm that they were able to piece back together with only a small scar running through the middle.

Oh, something to remember. It's [ __ ] cool, right? But be careful. Yeah, those coffee roasters are big, dude.

Nothing dangly. Yeah, there's another one. While I was in the Navy, we were briefed on the dangers of rotating machinery. Machines do not care if there is squishy human bits in the way. It is if it is strong enough to overcome the friction of human bones and sineue being in the way, it will. I remember very distinctly a story and picture video they shared of a young woman who got a job at a shop that used lathes and other big equipment to make things out of metal. The operator on duty had sent her to go start a machine.

And when she took longer than expected to come back, he went to investigate. He found what was left of her wrapped around a large metal rod about a foot in diameter, recognized only by the scraps of fabric that made up her clothes. She was a mass of pulped meat and crushed bones squeezed tight by the clothing wrapped around the rod. Rotating machinery. Scary [ __ ]

It is [ __ ] terrifying. And this is the last This one's like really This all of these are [ __ ]

I mean, there's no way they're going to be nice. Here we go. This is This is a longer one. This was really [ __ ] I was so excited to hear you guys talk about the poor baker who died after getting caught in dough mixer.

I guess he's going to like this episode. Not because I celebrate death, but because I, too, have been caught in a dough mixer. Obviously, I didn't die, but I have some gnarly photos. My first job out of college was in a ramen shop. One of the things that made this ramen shop stand out from the other shops in the area was the fact that we handmade all of our own noodles. We made a thinner, drier wheat noodle and a thicker, doughier, chewier egg noodle.

Okay. We use this very fancy machine imported from Japan. This machine had all the features. It would not only roll and cut the dough precisely, but also it had a built-in dough mixer. I know exactly the machine. It cost a lot of money. I just saw it on Culinary Class War season 2.

Yeah. If you got to change out the thing, unplug it. Culinary Class War on Netflix. Some of the best things they got on there. I want to be on I want to be on that [ __ ] show.

Culinary class work. Have you seen Culinary Class Work? Are you pitching yourself for Netflix shows?

I can't get on that show. You have to be Korean. Be careful. It's really good. The mixer consisted of a basin with a long rod welded inside. Attached to the long rod were smaller dull spikes that rotated on the rod to mix the dough. On the bottom of the basin was a removable plate that slid out to move the dough from the mixing basin to a container that could then be removed and placed on a conveyor belt to the dough press. The mixer was turned on and off by a lever on the side and also adjusted the speed of the mixing. When I started working there, I begged and pleaded to be out on the noodle duty. I was fully trained. I want to be on noodle duty, daddy.

Noodle duty for me. I was fully trained on how to make the wheat noodles. And on the day I was scheduled to make the egg noodles for the first time, my coworker pointed to a sign on the wall that said, "There's the instructions. Have fun." The egg noodle dough was a completely different consistency from the wheat noodles. The dough was stickier, thicker, a little harder to work with. Okay. I mixed all the ingredients and then I transferred my dough to the mixer to start mixing. When the dough was all mixed, I set the mixer to the lowest possible speed, removed the plate to the bottom of the basin, and then I did it.

I stuck my hand into the mixer while it was running. No. To help push the sticky dough into the container on the bottom.

Don't even put a stick in there, man. No, I am not a smart woman. She wrote this. She wrote that. The whole thing happened in slow motion. I don't know if how I wasn't fast enough to remove my arm in time, but I watched in detached wonder of the spikes move closer and closer to my right arm until it started touching the skin. Then it kept going and going. I remember thinking, "Wow, that's going to be a huge bruise." Only to suddenly realize that no, this wasn't a bruise. The spike was legitimately impaling my arm. The first thing I did was stop the machine. Then I started screaming. I honestly didn't feel any pain at the time. I was so shocked by what was happening. The problem with the mixer is that none of the parts except the bottom plate was detachable. So, it was completely welded unit. I was essentially pinned in this machine and absolutely could not be freed without assistance. Anyway, emergency services

were called. They wound up shutting down the whole block while the firefighters stood around looking at me with Ecoarts amazement and judgment because on one hand, this machine is unique. None of them have seen it before. And the other, what kind of dumbass sticks their arm in a moving machine? Me, apparently.

It's okay. It's okay. It's a mistake. You know, what are you going to do? Don't beat yourself up.

They wound up breaking out what I think was a circular saw to cut me out of the machine while I begged them not to because I didn't want to be fired. I did not get fired. Good on your boss.

I don't know if that's good. I think the boss had a case to let her go. The boss might have had his but might have had his hands held against certain he might have been difficult. They wound up breaking out what I think was a circular saw. Right. The whole operation took 45 minutes. I wound up having a wound so deep they couldn't stitch it shut. I had to pack the wound twice a day with wet gauze and then bandage the whole arm until it healed.

That is gross when you have to stick the gauze into the wound. To really understand how much we are just meat, you know.

Good news. I am more or less completely unscathed. My arm is fine except for a sweet scar. I have no permanent damage. I got so lucky. The day before my accident, a man in the international district of my city lost his arm in a similar incident at a fortune cookie factory. I wish I was making this up. I got a free coffee out of the situation. Approximately $30 in mis wages, plus a blurb in the local paper. My boss got a hefty fine from OSHA, and I was never allowed to make noodles again. Wow,

that is [ __ ] crazy, dude. Oh man, that is [ __ ] crazy, man. That is very, very scary. There's so many. We honestly I got three more. I can't even do it. I can't even go to the rest of them. I got three more of them.

By the way, I know I just dropped the email. We're not doing ripped apart by machines at the end of every episode. So, send us an email about something else.

I will do more though if you have some. They're really, really good. Also, I will say when we did our reporting on the piggyback bandit as well,

I got a lot of messages, people saying it happened to me, too. Really? Piggyback bandit.

He was out there. 12 years. It is a long time. He was doing this activity for 12 years over five states. Think about them.

I wonder how many people are going to write in and say, "Andy Dick grabbed my penis." There's going to be if it's Los Angeles in Los Angeles.

Well, HE GOT DOWN ON THE ROAD AND he got beat up on the road. OF COURSE, HE GOT BEAT UP ON the road, BUT IMAGINE WHAT HE DID in town.

I know. You know how many [ __ ] I know. I already know like three or four people that were like molested by him.

I mean, he grabbed one out of the three dicks in this room. Yeah. And there's five dicks in this room.

We got the seed one over there. Around some champ. Yeah. Yeah. A champ. Yeah, that's four.

Oh, good boy. That's five. Well, they also I want to give a shout out to Haden Clark. Thank you so much for the art you sent in the mail.

[ __ ] him. Um, I just, you know, I got rid of it. He sent a picture. He sent a picture of us. I had Clark a serial killer. Um,

we talked about in the last episode. We don't need to give this guy a new [ __ ] plug.

I was going to say die already. Been thinking about it. Kill Gary Ridgeway and then die yourself.

We actually have u we are donating our picture to the murder museum here. The Museum of Death.

The Museum of Death here in Los Angeles. So, you can go see that. Yeah, it'll be. Yeah, I already talked to Eric over there. What's up, bro?

What's going on, bro? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Dude, come on, you slippery doubt. I was like, you and me are probably like we're almost co-workers.

Yeah. Oh, away. Yeah. Yeah. And now I'm feeling pretty glunky about it. Yeah. You know, I knew um do you remember my buddy I know we're trying to end the show, but I you remember my buddy like Crossey Jim who I used to work with.

Wait, wasn't he I thought we called him Crazy John. No, no, no. It was crosseyed Jim. Cuz he had cross very crosseyed.

I remember he was the one that had the axe buried in the center of his head. Yes. Yes. He worked on a crab fisherman's boat back in the day out in Alaska cuz he like wanted to forget about life. And then he was telling me a story how one day he wasn't paying attention and he totally like eliminated some dude's hand.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He also and then they had to like go back to [ __ ] land and he got fired.

I'll always remember uh I guess it was crosseyed Jim. I think I remembered him as crazy Jim. the crosseyed gym. I remember him telling me the story about how he's like, "One time I was driving a whole truckload of bees and I was doing it for a summer job and I was driving a big old truckload of bees, but I was on about four hits of acid and you can't even imagine the sound that thousands and thousands of bees make on four hits of acid." And I was like, "Thanks, buddy. Where's my cheese stick?"

I loved bringing him around. He was my favorite. He was so much fun to hang out with.

He also was like he I remember I would love to find him. We got to figure out where he is cuz he also used to like have that weird relationship with Marcus because he was all into the same like noise stuff. So he would like make weird

rock. He used to make me listen to all that weird noise rock because his brain was destroyed by literally being clefted by an axe and years of acid.

He would wear like uh he would wear headphones at the movies and listen to his own music. Really weird guy.

So [ __ ] weird, dude. All right, here we go. So remember, here we go. Uh couple things. First of all, lastspodcasting.com. Go by, go see her live shows.

Yes, we got lots of um we got lots of shows coming up. We got uh Side Stories is pumping, dude. We got Anchorage, Alaska on February 20th. Sold out somehow.

Yeah, we are sold out in Anchorage. We are not sold out in in Fairbanks. We need people to come out there.

Yeah, come. We're We're coming regardless. So, if you got tickets, we're coming. But, you know, cuz I I want to see Fairbanks. I want to see the Northern Lights. We're going to put on a hell of a show with Billy Wayne Davis. So, that's going to be on February 21st. Make sure you come to that if you're in Fairbanks. If you're not in Fairbanks, I don't think you should come up there. It's going to be pretty cold.

It's going to be pretty [ __ ] cold. Uh March 14th, Urbana, Illinois. Uh got a lot of great Illinois got a lot of great uh people uh reaching out about places. Yeah. Yeah. Uh then we got Lexington, Kentucky on April 26th.

Can't [ __ ] wait. Honestly, these are all places. I'm just I don't know what it is. I'm excited to go to Lexington.

Well, Lexington, we got to go to the all the different um whiskey places. Yeah, that I wonder if that's going to be like the first time we perform drunk. We'll find out. Um on uh listen to this. We're doing Netflix as a joke.

Oh, no way. Yeah, we're doing Netflix as a joke May 7th in LA at the Avalon at 9:45. We got the late show. Come and see us there. That's going to be a blast.

We're seriously going to have a lot of fun. I imagine we might have a special guest. I'm not quite certain yet.

I want to say [ __ ] the night of too many stars. Yeah, don't go to the [ __ ] night of too many stars. come to side stories where we have half a star.

Then you could see us right from 20 ft away and then you probably hang out with us afterwards.

Yes, that is how it goes. Uh May 30th, Rochester, New York. Uh June 28th, London, Ontario. And then I'm also doing standup. Uh if you want to come see me personally on the road on February 18th, it's a Wednesday. I'm going to be at the Punchline in San Francisco. On April 3rd, I'm going to be here in LA at the Lyric Hyperion with Amber Nelson. We're doing a split thing.

I told Yeah. She cuz she's going to run her like hour, right? I love that. Yeah. So, I'm going to open for Amber and she's We're both going to do like a half hour and then she's going to do an hour down the road.

That's awesome. And then um this is a big one. April 12th, I am going to be a Vicear Park. That's right. The Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp. We are the Jumbo Shrimp here to play a game. I'm coming for your [ __ ] asses. April 12th, tickets are available on eddy dudes.com. Come see me. And I'm bringing Holden.

Sorry. For some reason, I'm bringing Holden. Well, his wife Jacksonville. Yeah. So, she gets a free trip to Jacksonville,

basically. That's why I'm doing it. That's why I'm bringing Holden. But, you know, I love Holden. And I can't wait to perform with him at the Jacksonville stadium. He is the true author of the song. So, that'll be great. And also, the great Danny Bedroan will be joining me as well.

That's going to be so much fun. Uh, just to remind you, give over to our Patreon. Nothing changes about the stream, the live live. You can go see Last Stream on the left live every Tuesday 6 p.m. PST. If you give over to the Patreon, we have ad free episodes of the podcast on there. Also remember, we are now doing last podcast on the left after hours. We're doing this new thing. Last stream on the left,

last stream on the left after hours where we'll be doing a whole thing. It's on the Patreon. It's all explained on there. Go check it out. But first of all, I want to say live every day acting like Alex Pretty and Renee Good going out there and loving the fact that this is the United Goddamn States of America and we have the right to protest and we have the right to [ __ ] talk about whatever the [ __ ] it is we want to talk about. We have the right to [ __ ] technically bear arms, guys, against a government that is trying to [ __ ] us up.

All right? So then you can know that you can laugh knowing that you lived your life like a real American and not like these fake [ __ ] that want to bend over to anybody that is just anybody with a [ __ ] badge and all this kind of [ __ ] that just want to be this idea that we got to make room for them to [ __ ] us up. No thank you.

Yeah, eat [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] Ice. Deport them. Actually, no. Let's put him in prison.

Yeah, we're coming for you someday. You know that if you're an ICE agent, we're going to not stop once the new once the administration changes. We're coming for you.

Well, hopefully what it is is that hopefully enough of you that have murdered will get flipped on by your gutless counterparts and which we will finally root out every one of you that's done something horrific. Okay,

you're all going to prison. Yes, we'll see. We say bye. Bye. Enjoy. See you on the road. Hail Satan.

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our morning hike? I was just about to ask the same next week. Yes, it's Duncan original blend time.

Staying at home with Duncan. Don't mind if I do. The home with Duncan is where you want to

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Side Stories: Death Pool 2026"?

Henry Zebrowski (Host), Ed Larson (Host), Jquai (Guest).

What is "Side Stories: Death Pool 2026" about?

The discussion revolves around the humorous and chaotic exploration of a character named Jamquai, including debates about his potential cultural background. The conversation highlights the blending of humor with themes of identity and perception, as the hosts banter about Jamquai’s origins and characteristics.

What is mentioned in this Last Podcast On The Left episode?

17 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Gary Ridgway, Andy Dick, ICE, David Attenborough, Buzz Aldrin, William Shatner. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Side Stories: Death Pool 2026"?

The episode runs 1 h 19 min; the transcript is about 16,851 words in 436 timestamped sections.

More from Last Podcast On The Left

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 29, 2026.