Transcript

Side Stories: 'Tis The Season

From Last Podcast On The Left · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 14 min · 15,402 words · 360 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Side Stories: 'Tis The Season", an episode of Last Podcast On The Left published December 11, 2025 (1 h 14 min, about 15,402 words). It mentions 133 people, works and ideas, including Henry Zraki, Jed Parkington, Joey Bishop, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra.

What this episode is about

The discussion reflects on the holiday season while exploring themes of education and reliable shipping services. It emphasizes the importance of pursuing online degree opportunities at Southern New Hampshire University and the assurance of safe gift delivery through the UPS Store's pack and ship guarantee.

Key takeaways

  • 2026: A year when missing an online degree might be a crime, according to SNHU.
  • SNHU: The tip of the educational iceberg with over 200 career-focused, online programs.
  • UPS holiday shipping: The only thing packed tighter than your gift, is their guarantee.
  • Joey Bishop: Chess piece or trans icon? A revelation cut from Anka's juicy documentary.
  • Dean Martin: The man behind 10 scotches, a mythical flatulence, and an overblown boozy legend.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Dean Martin, Joey Bishop, Morgan Geyser, Side Stories
  2. – 20:00: Jed Parkington, Bruce Lee, functional stabilization, harm reduction
  3. – 30:00: Simply Safe, Simply Safe, Quint, T-Mobile
  4. – 40:00: Courtney Bartholomew, Mormon, Weezer, Samuel Little
  5. – 50:00: Factor, Factor, Factor, Factor
  6. – 1:00:00: Spirit Halloween, Side Stories, Bombas, Davy Jones's locker
  7. – 1:10:00: Lisa Tanner, Side Stories, Anchorage, Colonel William Anthony Holden
  8. – 1:13:47: Chelsea Riggs, Comedy Bang Bang, GoFundMe, Comedy Bang Bang

Notable quotes from "Side Stories: 'Tis The Season"

  • Considering earning a degree but haven't made your move? Missing the chance in 2026 would be well, criminal. With over 200 online degree programs, Southern New Hampshire…
    about Southern New Hampshire University · at
  • But you know what? Also was crazy that I did not know that Paul Anka also confirmed Joey Bishop had a vagina.
    about Joey Bishop · at
  • Yeah. Dean Martin, horrible flatulence problem. They used to call him Dean Farton.
    about Dean Martin · at
  • All right. Well, great. My name is Henry Zraki. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. we just came back from the [ __ ] best city on the face of the planet, Las Vegas.
    about Henry Zraki · at
  • Oh, Jed Parkington. Definitely. That's the exactly what he did.
    about Jed Parkington · at
  • Safe installed in your house so no one can come inside of your home and slap your piney till it's red. So this month only, take 50% off any new system. This is one of the best…
    about Simply Safe · at
  • Shorter days, finding time to cook can be tough. Factor's chef prepped, dietitionian approved meals make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious, no matter how hectic the season gets. Choose.
    about Factor · at
  • Eat smart at factormeals.com/le50 off and use code left50 off to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for 1 year. That's code left50 off at factormeals.com for 50% off your first box, plus free breakfast for one.
    about Factor · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Henry Zraki — Person · Host / Co-host (as stated in episode) · 2 mentions · first at
    Introduces the show alongside Ed Larson and drives multiple discussion threads; however, the name appears to be a mis-transcription/variant of the LPOTL host Henry Zebrowski.
  • Jed Parkington — Person · Referenced alleged perpetrator (news story subject) · 2 mentions · first at
    Named as the man in a Connecticut standoff/eviction scenario; discussed as wearing a homemade Nazi uniform and later dying by suicide (per the hosts’ retelling).
  • Joey Bishop — Person · Referenced celebrity (Rat Pack) / punchline target · 3 mentions · first at
    Included in the same comedic Rat Pack riff, framed as a sensational ‘revelation’ attributed to Paul Anka.
  • Dean Martin — Person · Referenced celebrity (anecdote subject) · 3 mentions · first at
    Used for comedic riffing (flatulence nickname) and a personal story about buying the speaker’s mother drinks at a show.
  • Frank Sinatra — Person · Referenced celebrity (subject of joke) · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as the target of a recurring comedic bit about Paul Anka allegedly revealing personal details; also part of a Rat Pack cluster of references (Sinatra/Martin/Bishop).
    I think that Paul Anka might have a bit of a hanker for Frank Sinatras.
  • Paul Anka — Person · Referenced celebrity (anecdote source) · 2 mentions · first at
    Used as the purported source of a comedic/raunchy claim about Frank Sinatra (and a joke about Joey Bishop) that the hosts say they forgot to discuss after Vegas.
    Paul Anka confirming the fact that Frank Sinatra has a big hug.
  • Chelsea Riggs — Person · Personal acquaintance referenced (PSA catalyst) · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a close friend whose house burned down, prompting a safety PSA about attic smoke detectors and a GoFundMe.
    If you want to help out my friends, there's a GoFundMe. just Google support rigs family after house fire. and it happened in Tallahassee, Florida.
  • Bruce Lee — Person · Referenced celebrity (analogy/example) · 2 mentions · first at
    Invoked as a shorthand example of powerful palm strikes while joking about disabling someone’s fingers; followed by riffing on his martial art and death.
    I think that he got sick. He was cursed. He was cursed because he gave away his ancient Chinese secrets.
  • Kimberly Park — Person · Crime suspect (news story subject) · 1 mention · first at
    Named as one of the people arrested in the same Michigan case; described as connected to the fiancé (his sister per the hosts).
    To three days. The same day the body was discovered, authorities arrested Parks' fiance, Richard Valor, an Kimberly Park.
  • Samuel Little — Person · Referenced criminal (true-crime reference) · 1 mention · first at
    Referenced in passing when discussing a book written by Jillian Lauren (Weezer bassist’s wife) about Samuel Little, used to contextualize her true-crime work.
    Crazy person. Jillian Laura and files for divorce. It's fine. It's fine. It's all good. I know that she wrote a really interesting book about Samuel Little and she's done quite…
  • Genghis Khan — Person · Historical reference (hallucination joke) · 1 mention · first at
    Used as a throwaway example in a joke about casually ‘talking to’ a famous figure, illustrating how delusions/hallucinations might be handled conversationally.
    Lunch. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You and me BOTH. OH, I JUST TALKED TO Genghaskhan this morning. He's great.
  • Champ — Person · 4 mentions
  • Morgan Geyser — Person · 3 mentions · first at
    Gives us credit. So, thank you. someone said that they actually appreciated our coverage of the Morgan Geyser story.
  • Ed Larson — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    All right. Well, great. My name is Henry Zraki. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. we just came back from the [ __ ] best city on the face of the planet, Las Vegas.
  • Courtney Bartholomew — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    Courtney Bartholomew. That is a really funny Weezer joke.
  • Lisa Tanner — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    Yeah. Well, I got a tanner that reached out to me and said that we were right.
  • Josef Fritzl — Person · 2 mentions
  • Zoe Des Chanel — Person · 1 mention · first at
    First thing you hear in a standoff, but I would say as your wife, right? I was read I think Coco Chanel said this. The idea that when you leave the house every day, remove one accessory.
  • Ronnie Jean Simmons — Person · 1 mention · first at
    We got a couple stories that seem like they line up pretty well. We had an exact almost copy of our buddy Ronnie Jean Simmons that we just covered in Arkansas last week where a…
  • Micah Smith — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Micah Smith, 31 years old, was get the [ __ ] up by his wife to please do not do this.
  • Gandalf — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Thing. And she said she was scared. He told her, You shall not pass. He like started quoting Gandalf to his 8-year-old. She's as she was Are we literally he was filming her asking if she was going to freeze to death. [screaming] This guy.
  • Bradley Bartholomew — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Courtney Bartholomew 40 and for 47year-old husband Bradley Bartholomew decided to become evil personified according to the Wexford County prosecutor Johanna Carey by murdering their her daughter. So it was Courtney.
  • Johanna Carey — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Decided to become evil personified according to the Wexford County prosecutor Johanna Carey by murdering their her daughter. So it was Courtney Bartholomew's daughter and removing the baby from inside of her while she was still alive.
  • Richard Valor — Person · 1 mention · first at
    To three days. The same day the body was discovered, authorities arrested Parks' fiance, Richard Valor, an Kimberly Park.
  • Karolina — Person · 1 mention · first at
    4th. Right, Champ? Yeah, you do. You want everyone to come to Oxnard Levity Live to come see me and Karolina and Julia Johns and Holden and Jake. It's going to be a lot of fun.…
  • Colonel William Anthony Holden — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Want everyone to come to Oxnard Levity Live to come see me and Karolina and Julia Johns and Holden and Jake. It's going to be a lot of fun. Please come because I promised them…
  • Julia Johns — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Want everyone to come to Oxnard Levity Live to come see me and Karolina and Julia Johns and Holden and Jake. It's going to be a lot of fun. Please come because I promised them…
  • Alexandra & Nick Williams — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Show. I, the host, Scott Augerman, have a light-hearted conversation with famous celebrities like John Ham, Allison Williams, Phoebe Brides, Jason Alexander, Natasha Leon, Bob…
  • John Hanks Alexander — Person · 1 mention · first at
    A light-hearted conversation with famous celebrities like John Ham, Allison Williams, Phoebe Brides, Jason Alexander, Natasha Leon, Bob Odin, Kirk, just to name a few. Things…
  • Bob Odenkirk — Person · 1 mention
  • Brigham Young — Person · 1 mention
  • Chad Daybell — Person · 1 mention
  • David Fincher — Person · 1 mention
  • Ellie — Person · 1 mention
  • Henry Zebrowski — Person · 1 mention
  • Jillian Lauren — Person · 1 mention
  • Jon Hamm — Person · 1 mention
  • Natasha Lyonne — Person · 1 mention
  • Phoebe Bridgers — Person · 1 mention
  • Sammy — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

  • Octopussy — Book · 2 mentions
  • Django Unchained — Book · 1 mention · first at
    Confidently speaking with Jamie Fox and Samuel Jackson and a and the press coverage for Django Unchained and he is he's on jacked out of his mind and he loves talking like a black guy and I but I do in some way I do feel like he feel he.
  • Once Upon a Time in Hollywood — Book · 1 mention · first at
    Well, he's he's working on the sequel to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood because, everybody wants to see that.
  • Vampire: The Masquerade — Book · 1 mention · first at
    And go check out YouTube. Go check out our new show, LBN TV. Vamp Vampire the Masquerade. LPN RPG is the best [ __ ] we've made in a long time. It is going.

Companies & orgs

  • The UPS Store — Company · Advertised service provider · 2 mentions · first at
    Specific storefront/brand (The UPS Store) referenced in the pack-and-ship guarantee ad; clarifies most locations are independently owned.
    If we pack it and ship it, we guarantee it. Your items arrive safe or your money back. Stop by your local The UPS store for holiday help shipping holiday gifts. Visit the…
  • GoFundMe — Company · Mentioned as a platform/service in a fundraising context · 2 mentions · first at
    Contextual reference to an online fundraising platform; appears within a broader promotional/transcript segment.
    If you want to help out my friends, there's a GoFundMe. just Google support rigs family after house fire. and it happened in Tallahassee, Florida.
  • Side Stories — Company · 8 mentions · first at
    He did. But hey, cuz that's what a real man does. Welcome to Side Stories. Do you know Dean Martin once bought my mom 10 scotches?
  • Last Podcast on the Left — Company · 4 mentions
  • Last Podcast — Company · 3 mentions · first at
    Do you listen to last podcast too much?
  • Spirit Halloween — Company · 3 mentions · first at
    Upsetting body cam videos I've ever seen, which was a man that was a security worker at a spirit Halloween.
  • Weezer — Company · 2 mentions · first at
    Who is the Weezer basis wife who got shot by the police?
  • Spirit Christmas — Company · 2 mentions
  • lastpodcast.com — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Literally 10 tickets left for our Portland shows. Go and buy those tickets at lastpodcast.com.
  • Roblox — Company · 1 mention · first at
    GET THE [ __ ] UP. GET UP. PUT THAT ROBLOX DOWN. IT'S FILLED WITH PEDOPHILES. WE'RE GOING TO THE PEAK OF THE MOUNTAIN. WE'RE GOING TO KISS GOD IN the mouth.
  • Bombas — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Feet could have been in that kept them so warm they didn't want to leave all I know is I love my bombas I tell me about it this for some reason this sentence just makes me want to hurl dude all right my 87year-old father had to.
  • Dead Animal Assembly Plant — Company · 1 mention · first at
    This one's from Zach from Dead Animal Assembly Plant. Oh, I love their Christmas album. Yes. but yeah, here it is. Check it out.
  • Love on the Spectrum — Company · 1 mention · first at
    And it did that someone pointed out to me and it's true and it's Tanner from Love on the Spectrum. So, because Tanner was a very sweet man on Love on the Spectrum, but I will say Tanner unfortunately voted for Trump.
  • LBN TV — Company · 1 mention · first at
    And go check out YouTube. Go check out our new show, LBN TV. Vamp Vampire the Masquerade. LPN RPG is the best [ __ ] we've made in a long time. It is going.
  • LPN RPG — Company · 1 mention · first at
    And go check out YouTube. Go check out our new show, LBN TV. Vamp Vampire the Masquerade. LPN RPG is the best [ __ ] we've made in a long time. It is going.
  • Levity Live — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Standup show at Oxnard on January 4th. Right, Champ? Yeah, you do. You want everyone to come to Oxnard Levity Live to come see me and Karolina and Julia Johns and Holden and…
  • Wayfair — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Days, not weeks. It's classic style for joyful living. Shop Birch Lane, a Wayfair specialty brand at birchlane.com.
  • Hoopagoo — Company · 1 mention
  • Punch Line — Company · 1 mention
  • REI — Company · 1 mention

Products & tech

  • Fabergé egg — Product · 18 mentions
  • shrimp — Product · 2 mentions · first at
    From a wider selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp, at no extra cost. Yeah. pile up them shrimps for more choices to better…
  • gold chains — Product · 1 mention · first at
    To look good just for the dogs. Quint can help you with that. You can get anything from sunglasses to gold chains to weighted blankets to cashmere sweaters and ooh yes that sweet linen. M so nice.
  • sunglasses — Product · 1 mention · first at
    To look good just for the dogs. Quint can help you with that. You can get anything from sunglasses to gold chains to weighted blankets to cashmere sweaters and ooh yes that sweet linen. M so nice.
  • cashmere sweaters — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Can help you with that. You can get anything from sunglasses to gold chains to weighted blankets to cashmere sweaters and ooh yes that sweet linen. M so nice.
  • weighted blankets — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Can help you with that. You can get anything from sunglasses to gold chains to weighted blankets to cashmere sweaters and ooh yes that sweet linen. M so nice.
  • pepper spray — Product · 1 mention · first at
    But he definitely he got charged for with that second degree manslaughter because he also poured pepper spray all over this guy's face and then shot him point blank in the chest.
  • nitrous — Product · 1 mention · first at
    But I'd be real careful out there. Yes, absolutely. With nitrous for choking each other.
  • home security system — Product · 1 mention

Concepts & topics

  • Mormon — Concept · 3 mentions · first at
    Idiot angry father this [ __ ] Salt Lake City [ __ ] father you know that he was a [ __ ] evil Mormon too and Utah father's facing child torture and abuse charges after he took…
  • Slender Man — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    Insane asylum essentially be and still had visual delusions and spoke with Slenderman man.
  • quicksand — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    People hiking in ways they shouldn't be hiking on by himself on like a 20our hike and he fell into quicksand which is very rare. We were told again this is now like a meme but we were told as kids that quicksand was going to be a thing.
  • Russian — Concept · 2 mentions · first at
    Can learn in Mandarin like give me back my son and you can learn in stuff like in Russian. I think it's important to learn stuff like who do you work for?
  • BDSM — Concept · 2 mentions
  • Jeet Kune Do — Concept · 2 mentions
  • reality testing — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    And so this is what they do when you have photo realistic things. They create this thing. So reality testing.
  • safety planning — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Then it's safety planning ensuring the belief doesn't lead someone to act in a way that endangers themselves or others.
  • harm reduction — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Then there's harm reduction. Helping the client manage the delusion rather than eradicate it. Cuz that's the idea, too.
  • functional stabilization — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    And they call it functional stabilization, which is coping strategies, daily living skills, like all of that stuff. So, I did not know that you can then that's really what.
  • Connected Workplace — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Connected workplace from T-Mobile for business gives you fully managed business internet. That means network configuration and equipment tailored to your business needs and performance.
  • Celsius — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    With her. He then leaves her to go get help when she then freezes to death, of course, because it's -20 Celsius.
  • Mandarin — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    Step without the stress. Stuff like which I think is really important. You can learn in Mandarin like give me back my son and you can learn in stuff like in Russian. I think it's important to learn stuff like who do you work for?
  • Davy Jones's locker — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    And that's the thing about Davy Jones's locker. Yeah. as that sometimes she keeps what she wants and she gives back what she can take.
  • edge play — Concept · 1 mention · first at
    First and foremost, I'm an absolute freak. play heavily with kinks that are regarded as edge play. Edgeplay kinks fall into a category of kink where they could result in…
  • 5G — Concept · 1 mention
  • Autoassassinophilia — Concept · 1 mention

Places & events

  • Portland — Place · Setting · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of upcoming shows and as a city with entertainment significance.
    Las Vegas, Nevada. What an amazing time we had. And we just wanted to just say straight up, we got literally 10 tickets left for our Portland shows. Go and buy those tickets at lastpodcast.com.
  • Las Vegas — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the location of a recent trip by the hosts, described as the 'best city on the face of the planet'.
    Las Vegas, Nevada. What an amazing time we had. And we just wanted to just say straight up, we got literally 10 tickets left for our Portland shows. Go and buy those tickets.
  • Dubai — Place · 3 mentions
  • Ocala — Place · 2 mentions
  • Stamford — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Right. So, a man opened fire on Stamford police in Connecticut of all the places and he had an hoursl long standoff.
  • Primary Children's Hospital — Place · 1 mention · first at
    And then he was told to leave Primary Children's Hospital for trespassing.
  • Austria — Place · 1 mention · first at
    There's a dude facing manslaughter charges after leaving his girlfriend at the top of Austria's highest peak.
  • Wexford County — Place · 1 mention · first at
    47year-old husband Bradley Bartholomew decided to become evil personified according to the Wexford County prosecutor Johanna Carey by murdering their her daughter. So it was…
  • East Coast — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Save it for the clubs. There's also spirit Christmases on the east coast which are like they're have No, we have them here.
  • Oxnard — Place · 1 mention · first at
    And Champ wants everyone to come to Ed's standup show at Oxnard on January 4th. Right, Champ? Yeah, you do. You want everyone to come to Oxnard Levity Live to come see me and Karolina and Julia Johns and Holden and Jake. It's.
  • Anchorage — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Alaska where we got side story shows in Anchorage almost sold out. So if you want to come to the Anchorage show, get your tickets now. And Fairbanks, there's plenty of tickets in Fairbanks.
  • Fairbanks — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Anchorage almost sold out. So if you want to come to the Anchorage show, get your tickets now. And Fairbanks, there's plenty of tickets in Fairbanks.
  • Tallahassee — Place · 1 mention · first at
    There's a GoFundMe. just Google support rigs family after house fire. and it happened in Tallahassee, Florida.
  • United States of America — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Purchased homes, their life savings was gone. It was it's extremely brutal and the United States of America is not the kindest country right now and there's not a heck of a lot…
  • Oakland Avenue — Place · 1 mention
  • Utah — Place · 1 mention

Media & podcasts

  • Comedy Bang Bang — Media · Referenced podcast · 2 mentions · first at
    A promo for Comedy Bang Bang the podcast is read at the end of the episode; used as an example of another show.
    The promo. And in 30 seconds, I'm going to tell you why you should check out the show. I, the host, Scott Augerman, have a light-hearted conversation with famous celebrities…

Sponsors

  • Factor — Product · Sponsor / advertiser · 4 mentions · first at
    Ad read promoting Factor meal delivery service with discount code and benefits (chef-prepped meals, nutrition).
  • Simply Safe — Sponsor · Sponsor / advertiser · 3 mentions · first at
    Episode includes an ad read promoting Simply Safe home security with a 50% off offer and URL call-to-action.
  • Factor — Product · Sponsor · 4 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a meal delivery service offering chef-prepped, dietitian-approved meals.
  • Rocket Money — Product · Sponsor / advertiser · 3 mentions · first at
    Ad read for Rocket Money personal finance app encouraging listeners to cancel unwanted subscriptions and save for holiday spending; includes URL call-to-action.
    Okay? So, Rocket Money is going to help you with that. They're going to help you save money so you can spend money. Does that make sense? Rocket Money will tell you about it. I'm just here promoting.
  • Southern New Hampshire University — Company · Sponsor / advertiser · 1 mention · first at
    Ad read promoting SNHU online degree programs with URL snhu.edu/lastpodcast and messaging about flexibility and low tuition.
  • Quint — Product · Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    Promoted as a brand offering a variety of products from sunglasses to cashmere sweaters.
    Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quint. Don't wait. Go to quint.com/last for free shipping on your order and 365day returns. Now available in Canada,.
  • Factor — Product · Sponsor · 4 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a meal delivery service offering chef-prepared, dietitian-approved meals.
    Shorter days, finding time to cook can be tough. Factor's chef prepped, dietitionian approved meals make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious, no matter how hectic the season gets. Choose.
  • Simply Safe — Product · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Advertised as a home security system that provides proactive protection.
    Late at night, worried that someone's going to break into your house and slap your hiny a bunch? Well, Simply Safe will help you feel safe. That's right.
  • Quint — Product · Sponsor / advertiser · 2 mentions · first at
    Ad promoting Quint clothing/home goods brand with URL, free shipping and returns; described as apparel/cashmere/linen provider.
    Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quint. Don't wait. Go to quint.com/last for free shipping on your order and 365day returns. Now available in Canada,.
  • T-Mobile — Company · Sponsor / advertiser · 2 mentions · first at
    Ad read for T-Mobile for Business Connected Workplace broadband/managed business internet service with CTA to t-mobile.com/connectedworkplace.
    Connected workplace from T-Mobile for business gives you fully managed business internet. That means network configuration and equipment tailored to your business needs and performance.
  • Babel — Product · Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    Advertised as a language learning app that makes grammar fun and practical.
    Check it off with Babel, the language app that makes grammar fun and is actually worth your time. Babel lets you practice real life conversation step by step without the…
  • Babel — Product · Sponsor / advertiser · 1 mention · first at
    Ad promoting Babbel language learning app (spelled 'Babel' in detected metadata/transcript) with discount offer and URL call-to-action.
    One in Sino Americans have learned a new language on their bucket list. If that's you, make 2025 the year you finally check it off with Babel, the language app that makes…
  • UPS — Company · Referenced company · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in a promotional segment about shipping/pack-and-ship guarantee (The UPS Store/holiday shipping).
    If we pack it and ship it, we guarantee it. Your items arrive safe or your money back. Stop by your local The UPS store for holiday help shipping holiday gifts. Visit the…
  • Birch Lane — Company · Sponsor / advertiser · 1 mention · first at
    Ad read at the very end promoting Birch Lane (Wayfair specialty brand) for holiday furniture & decor with URL birchlane.com.
    Hey neighbor. Celebrate the holidays with Birch Lane. Our timeless furniture and decor are delivered for free in days, not weeks. It's classic style for joyful living. Shop Birch Lane, a.
  • SimpliSafe — Sponsor · 8 mentions
  • Quince — Sponsor · 6 mentions
  • Factor — Sponsor · 4 mentions · first at
    Shorter days, finding time to cook can be tough. Factor's chef prepped, dietitionian approved meals make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious, no matter how hectic the season gets. Choose.
  • Babbel — Sponsor · 4 mentions
  • Rocket Money — Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Christmas time I got to start saving money in other departments. And you know who can help me with that? Rocket money.
  • T-Mobile — Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at
    Connected workplace from T-Mobile for business gives you fully managed business internet. That means network configuration and equipment tailored to your business needs and performance.
  • Comedy Bang Bang — Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at
    This is Comedy Bang, the podcast, the promo. And in 30 seconds, I'm going to tell you why you should check out the show. I, the host, Scott Augerman, have a light-hearted conversation with famous.
  • Southern New Hampshire University — Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    Made your move? Missing the chance in 2026 would be well, criminal. With over 200 online degree programs, Southern New Hampshire University could be the tip you've been waiting…
  • The UPS Store — Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    No matter what's on your plate or your mind this holiday season, the UPS store wants to help with our pack and ship guarantee. We're helping gifts arrive safely to guarantee more.
  • Birch Lane — Sponsor · 1 mention · first at
    Hey neighbor. Celebrate the holidays with Birch Lane. Our timeless furniture and decor are delivered for free in days, not weeks. It's classic style for joyful living. Shop Birch Lane, a Wayfair specialty brand at.

Full transcript with timestamps

Considering earning a degree but haven't made your move? Missing the chance in 2026 would be well, criminal. With over 200 online degree programs, Southern New Hampshire University could be the tip you've been waiting for. Classes are career focused with no set times, and tuition rates are some of the lowest in the US. Don't let this lead go. Visit snhu.edu/lastpodcast to learn more. That's snhu.ed. edu/lastpodcast.

No matter what's on your plate or your mind this holiday season, the UPS store wants to help with our pack and ship guarantee. We're helping gifts arrive safely to guarantee more.

They know me so well. Picture perfect gift. We're helping guarantee more smiles with our pack and ship guarantee. If we pack it and ship it, we guarantee it. Your items arrive safe or your money back. Stop by your local The UPS store for holiday help shipping holiday gifts. Visit the upstore.com/g guarantee for full details. Most locations are independently owned. Product, services, prices, and hours of operation may vary. See center for details.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left. Side stories. That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories. Yes. You know what I'm disappointed? What? In us about what do we do

this weekend? What did we fail at? I thought we'd killed Vegas. We did nothing but crush. But you know, we completely forgot to talk about

what? Paul Anka confirming the fact that Frank Sinatra has a big hug. Well, of course Frank Sinatra has a big hug.

But you know what? Also was crazy that I did not know that Paul Anka also confirmed Joey Bishop had a vagina.

Oh, really? Yeah. You know Buck Angel? Oh, it's interesting because the Bishop is the chest piece most likely to [ __ ]

with the slit in it. Yeah, that's the penis. It's got a cleft in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. It's got a little just like just like a a what one would call the openings of a female of a vagina.

But it looks also looks like a penis head. Yes. Sure. In many ways. Truly androgynous in a way.

Wow. So Joey Bishop that that's what they cut it out of the interview. I guess because Paul Inca at that point was starting to drool out of the side of his face and one drop of blood

was coming out of his fake left eye because he did that to copy Sammy. Yes. Um and so when that starts to happen that oh they know Paul's got to go to sleep. All right. Because obviously Paul Anka he's been up to up because now he's

he put it he put it in his documentary that Frank Sinatra has a big penis. It's your documentary. Don't talk about how big is the dick that you got to talk about it in your own documentary.

I think that Paul Anka might have a bit of a hanker for Frank Sinatras. Maybe he did a little yanker. I think he might have.

I think he must have and he absolutely did. Look at him kissing him. Again, the biggest revelation, Joey Bishop, trans icon. Nobody knew that before.

Uh, it's amazing to even think about and I wish we could have seen it. Yeah. Dean Martin, horrible flatulence problem. They used to call him Dean Farton.

I know that. I heard that. And also the alcoholism was exaggerated. It was exaggerated, but he did die early.

He did. But hey, cuz that's what a real man does. Welcome to Side Stories. Do you know Dean Martin once bought my mom 10 scotches?

What? Just to She was at a get away from She was at a Dean Martin show and he's like And she's like he asked her what she was drinking cuz she was all hot and by herself,

was she? Yes. And then back then Yeah. Oh my god, my mom was real hot. And then uh you got to see these old pictures. I got to send them to you. You're gonna love them. How hot are we talking? I mean, she's pretty smoking hot.

What? Yeah. Oh, no. Your mother? My mother was smoking hot. Yeah. And then the Polish set in

eventually that Baboo does change, doesn't it? There's something about that. Where did Baboo come from?

But yeah, he sent her uh 10 scotches one night. Well, what a great either that or she was lying to me my whole life, which is very possible.

I love your It is very It is very possible she was lying to me. I know she's lying to She went to Vegas by herself. Yeah. No one else is there to witness the story.

I know. She's lying. She had to have been lying. She met a man named like Saul Lanka.

Yeah. You know, like it WAS SAID NOTHING. SHE DIDN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT I JUST SAID OH, YEAH. It was

It was Dean Martin. Yeah. Dean Dean Mutton. Dean Mutton. Like Yeah. That Oh, everyone love that greasy guy from Cleveland.

I say my mom looked most like the chick on the bottom to the right. That's really You're giving your mom a lot of credit, but I'll see those pictures. I'll send them to you.

All right. Well, great. My name is Henry Zraki. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Uh, we just came back from the [ __ ] best city on the face of the planet, Las Vegas.

True. But I did have fun. It was the best. It is the only honest city in the union. Las Vegas, Nevada. What an amazing time we had. And we just wanted to just say straight up, we got literally 10 tickets left for our Portland shows. Go and buy those tickets at lastpodcast.com. We have two. They will be then completely sold out and we will finally finally mean something to our families.

Please, please. Oh, yeah. I actually very excited for Portland. Yeah. It's a great city.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's got all my friend I got a bunch of friends there. My friend Ellie's there. She's going to let you come to the show.

Oh, yeah. People come to the show. Portland's one of the best cities. Another actually really fun city. You can't have comps left.

Usually we don't sell out and I'm like, "Yeah, sure. Whoever wants to come." No, no, no, no, not this time, Eddie.

Oh, wow. This time we got almost no room. Well, I hope so. I hope we'll be okay.

I hope so. Either way, they could stand outside in the cold. Couldn't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] Eddie.

Couldn't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] No, it's not true. I love our family. I love our friends. All right, so we have a bit of a update. I actually got a very First of all, love it when someone gives us credit. So, thank you. Uh, someone said that they actually appreciated our coverage of the Morgan Geyser story.

Oh my god, I was really worried about it. Same. Really, very, very, very uh worried about that. But I got a very interesting message.

How many hate messages do we get? Just a couple. Okay. But it's normal. The normal amount. Just normal because we're still trying to figure out kind of where we're like we are. When you listen to side stories, I I can't really stress enough. You're listening to two nearly mid40s white men.

I am mid-40s. You are now officially. And we are we're trying to learn and get involved and not be too scared of different things.

Yeah. But if a little girl stabs another little girl a bunch of times, we unfortunately have to talk about it.

No, no, no. That's not the problem. The problem honestly because people felt that you were very you were almost too considerate of Morgan Geyser's feelings. A lot of people kind of agreed on the other side that Morgan Geyser because one message I got was very interesting about the idea of kids learning to be like we say the words manipulative inside of these sort of social homes, but really it's adapting to having no power in a situation in which they're they're surrounded by authority figures. They're already troubled. They're going to naturally do certain things. Just what happens. But one thing I found that was interesting that I did not know cuz we were saying one thing that freaked us out about Morgan Geyser was that she was let into the halfway home out of the insane asylum essentially be and still had visual delusions and spoke with Slenderman man.

It's not good. Especially the halfway house. It's No, no, no, no. But I did not actually understand that that is a part of the therapy. So they don't fight delusions. I got this from an uh this is a uh mental health workers guide, right? This is someone who we work at they do any this a bit of a clinical context to what going on and I thought this was really interesting is that when people have audio and visual hallucinations as a part of a schizophrenia diagnosis a part of what you're trying to do is create a grounding sensation within those delusions. Okay.

So they just trying to get the conversation to end. Yeah, it's real. Yeah. lunch. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You and me BOTH. OH, I JUST TALKED TO Genghaskhan this morning. He's great. Right. All right. Well, I'll see. I got to go to soups on. I don't get that while it's hot. Um I like that thick soup. I like that thick insane asylum soup. But no, it's what you do is you you can't just say the delusions aren't real cuz it makes them like kind of inversely dig in more, which is something I

It's like when someone's dating someone horrible and you tell them they were horrible and they just runs them into their arms. I think that's a simple that's a good simple way to put it. Or it's like when I have OC like in my OCD diagnosis, what they learned was is that instead of self soothing during moments of high anxiety, just feel the anxiety.

How come we don't wash your hands if you're OCD? Because it's I'm going to [ __ ] punch you in the face.

[ __ ] attack him. I do wash my hands actually till they bleed. But that's different. It's called being a traveling comedian. And so this is this is what they do when you have photo realistic things. They create this thing. So reality testing. So they gent gently explore discrepancies between your visions and reality. They say stuff like

does that really make sense or like oh okay like and they gently prod right? Then it's safety planning ensuring the belief doesn't lead someone to act in a way that endangers themselves or others. So you can as long as Slender Man's just hanging out

and and just being stuff like being like I actually think that a Smashing Machine was fine.

You know what I mean? Like like that's fine, right? Like you can have you can have a rational discussion about your critical response to smashing machine.

I think it was fine. Yes, I think it was entirely fine. Right. Then there's harm reduction. Helping the client manage the delusion rather than eradicate it. Cuz that's the idea, too. harm reduction is that it's very difficult to get rid of fullon video and aual audio hallucinations. Apparently, even with medication talk therapy, it's extremely difficult. So, basically, you have to figure out a way to create it so that they can just kind of have them and move on and be able to talk about it. And they call it functional stabilization, which is coping strategies, daily living skills, like all of that stuff. So, I did not know that you can then that's really what they're seeking. It's not total cure in order to be moved in one of these facilities. Also, the fact that when she was she got released for attempted murder at 23, that's very common. That's actually pretty much a boilerplate like age in which something like this

happens. That's what I was concerned about. Yes. But they do because it's it was an attempted murder, but now we're seeing that it was a bit too premature. But that that so now we now know everyone's going to go right back into it. They say essentially the Oh, this is a really interesting term. The presence of a delusion doesn't define risk. Behavior does. So it's all how you behave. You behave towards the delusion.

Do you think that like you know in these kind of cases like obviously we're not going to do this but like the best way to keep someone safe would be just like remove their fingers cuz then they wouldn't be able to stab anybody.

Side stores lootgmail.com. Is that a good way to stop? Is that a good way to Someone stabs someone a bunch.

Can we decrease? They're not going to stop. They're not going to stop stabbing people.

I think they're going to bite their tits. That's what I think they're going to do. I think they're going to bite their drug dealer. I think use their [ __ ] teeth. I think if you got rid of a murderer's hands, they just

still have the hands, just not the fingers. Palms. Yes. Again, can still use things.

Yes, palms is enough. Mhm. Palms is definitely enough. Have you seen Bruce Lee?

Oh, he's all palm. I miss him. Me, too. Whatever happened to him? I think that he got sick. He was cursed. He was cursed because he gave away his ancient Chinese secrets. That's the truth. He gave away his ancient secrets and he was cursed because of it. Because he gave us uh what was it? Jiu-jitsu. Not jiu-jitsu. What was his thing?

Jet Kundu. Jet Kundu. Jet Kundu. His he made his made his own karate. And then when he did that, that's that was a problem.

Yeah. Cuz guess what? Pioneers die with the footsteps of others on their back. Before him, nunchucks were just a chain and he put the two sticks on the end.

Yep. It was just nunchucks was just what I did when I poisoned the convent. Well, that's an update.

All right, here we go. I'm just going to go cuz the Dubai update Dubai update thing is just confu just confirming that that crypto scanner got cut up into a bunch of pieces.

Yeah. And they put them in concrete and now they they found the concrete and I guess they broke out their concrete. I would have loved it. Just bury the concrete.

Well, they did, I think. And then they found the buried concrete. I mean after the fact.

Yeah. Leaving the concrete. I mean I would have loved to hear about like obviously we would never hear about this but like thousands of years down the road that someone finds the concrete that opens it up. It's like huh pieces of people. Oh my god. Yeah. They'd be like oh in ancient times they used to make people into a salad. Normally when now this is how they knew this was an important person of the 2025s is that he was they were no they always turned them into an ambrosia salad.

Oh man. I didn't know he had um he'd already been arrested for being a fraudster.

Good. Yeah. And then he got he got out and then he went to Dubai to do more fraud.

That's what happens. He can't [ __ ] around with these guys. You get one chance. What did you teach me about drug dealing, Eddie? It's not about if you get caught, it's when you get caught. Yes. All these guys, same thing. If you get a chance to get out and you've made you made your nut, you stay the [ __ ] out. All right. You don't need that other score.

I really think I got caught at the exact right time. You really did. And I honestly say thank you.

Yes. I thank you for what what happened. Yes, I know. But my friends, they had a they had a rougher time.

Yes. So they had Well, yeah. They were treated horribly by the Florida police. I love you guys.

I love you both. I'm sorry that it happened to you. You didn't deserve that. All right. No matter what you did.

Bleep his name. He's got a career and a child. Go. Yeah. Yeah. Go. You don't want You don't want to

keep it in, but bleep his name. Well, at least he's not this guy. So, this is this is a new story that I uh found. And again, there's just something about homemade Nazi uniform

that makes me laugh. Yes. Right. So, a man opened fire on Stamford police in Connecticut of all the places and he uh he had an hoursl long standoff.

I'm surprised there aren't more Nazis in Connecticut. Why? All the whites up there.

You'd be surprised. Connecticut's a lot more diverse than you think it is. There's lots of poor whites up there,

but there's also a lot of people that aren't white. I know that. Uh, shockingly I know that shockingly actually where there's more to be honest more of a present of this is in our humble uh northern California.

Oh, Northern California is uh littered. They It's kind of made for it. They love it over there.

Yeah. Lots of lots of trees that they could take and make crosses out of and so here we go. These [ __ ] Right. So, apparently they got called the police got a search warrant in a home, right? Because I I guess there was a complaint. Um, the incident on December 2nd began when a state marshal, it came to this home in Oaklan Avenue. They came to evict this guy. Yes,

that's what the problem was, of course. Right. It makes sense. It's very, very upsetting. It's very, very upsetting. But I'm going to say this, guys. No matter how whatever bad things happen to you financially in the real estate world, there's no reason to go Nazi over it.

Yes. You know, I hate eviction, especially this time of year. I think it's the worst thing in the world that anyone could do. But as soon as a homemade Nazi uniform comes into play, suddenly I don't care.

So it starts to be like suddenly I don't give a [ __ ] Yeah. As a landlord, I'm like, "Oh, maybe you need to get the [ __ ] out of there." Right. And so um the lady the dude came out. So the cops came Jed Parkington.

Oh, Jed Parkington. Definitely. That's the exactly what he did. Yeah. He parked in that house until they shot him in that until he shot himself in the head. And so, first of all, he sent his wife out like a real [ __ ] coward. He sent his wife and dog out.

I thought it was nice. Well, I don't know. He could have It was It was either that or he kills him.

He's lucky that they didn't light up on the [ __ ] wife and all the kind of [ __ ] cuz he had bark and dog. They let him out of the house. Parking. So, they cops came. They see

He knew he was going to have a standoff. He's like, "Wife, honestly, this is the little credit that I'm going to give this man." And he's like, "Wife, get out of the house. I'm going to shoot all these cops. You don't want to be around for this." He's been wanting to do this since he was 18 years old.

He's been planning. Yeah. So, he came to the door. He was wearing a uniform shirt and a utility belt with items attached. He had explosive devices. Looks like he had grenades on him and a giant swat stickup. And the uh he sent the wife out, right? Cuz then he said uh he pushed her out the door and they heard him saying, "Take her someplace safe. This is not going to end well.

This is not going to end well." And so she pushed her out. Because I I feel like even as a wife,

first thing you hear in a standoff, but I would I would say as your wife, right? I I I was read I think Coco Chanel said this. The idea that when you leave the house every day, remove one accessory.

Yes. Right. Cuz that's fashion, right? I think a wife, if there was a good good wife,

you know what you say to your husband? Do whatever you're gonna do. Take that swat stick off. Okay. I'm not dealing with this.

She sewed it on. I'm not No. Oh, no. He did. I I know this is Jed's plan. And Jed got the Nazi insignia. He finally has been waiting on it. He purchased it on eBay a year ago.

What if it was embroidered? Oh, I He's in there too deep. Uh this man bought a Chinese-made swatch sticker flag, my friend.

Absolutely. This man's not doing it. This isn't a patriot. Yeah. You know, this guy's buying it from over there.

Impartial China. Yeah. They love They love our little pecadillos, don't they? They love what we got going on over here. So, he then uh barricaded himself inside. He was They thought he was armed. He was. They brought in a hostage negotiation team. And so, what they first tried to do, which I believe they uh which I do think it didn't work, they did put just a tater tot hot dish on the the front stoop to get it come out,

right? Because can't really you can't [ __ ] refuse a tater tot hot dish. No. And then UM

OH, YOU BASTARDS. But he said something about how tater tots are the juice of the potatoes.

Whoa. Which I did not know. Yeah. And I didn't think about it like that. Well, if you take the top of a tater tot and you put it on top of a potato, it kind of looks like a yamako.

Interesting. That's a fat person thought. That's a fat that's a fat person thought. And so they he said no to that, I guess. Then they said stuff like, you know, oh, okay, come out here. We all hate the Jews out here. Like I don't know what they try to get him out. I don't know what they how do you try to get this guy out. You go like, "Oh, great swatsa, buddy."

Yeah, man. That's what's If I had a swata, THAT'D BE THE ONE I'D HAVE TOO, BUDDY. LIKE, that's like, "How do you get him out?"

Yeah, this is just normal SWAT, not swats. Just listen. I WISH IT WAS. I WISH we could be. All right. But, you know, everybody gets touchy about exes over here. All right, buddy.

Uh, so he had his hostage. They called in the hostage negotiators, but he's his only hostage. That's very normal. Guy just holding a gun to his head in a house. The hostage negotiators just come out there and say, "No, don't."

I mean, honestly, I know the whole process. I'm surprised they didn't light up the house.

Well, it's because they're trying not to Eddie. But they He was lighting the car up.

They're trying. He shot up the cop car. Honestly, Eddie, anytime when they do this and they actually manage to not shoot up the house, I'm pretty proud of them.

I am proud of them, but I'm just very surprised. It's nor it's way more normal, I I feel like they were in their gh, this is a hard thing to say. They were in their rights to shoot the house.

They tried to breach the house several times using these devices. So the first thing they did was they sent in a swarm of drones because they're trying not to get anybody killed. They're trying to save the guy. They are like So the drones come in. He shot out all the drones, which is the funnest way to die.

It's first thing he said first thing he's done that I'm like all about. How fun is that? You got your fun little swatsagon. Yeah, you finally use all your big guns. The cops are finally here. It's all happening. It's like when Natalie got to go to Epic Universe. It's like it's all happening now. It's like I get to do it. And so he's shooting at drones. That's the coolest thing an old man ever gets to do.

Future ski shooting. Yes. And then he did the same thing that all old [ __ ] bastards love to do, too. And he put a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out.

And then they sent in another drone and saw it. Yep. And then that drone's traumatized. Yeah, that poor drone. It whole family got killed by this guy. This is like the worst version of Batteries Not Included I've ever seen.

So yeah, another Christmas miracles wrapped up. This is NOT GOING TO END. WELL,

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he should have saved it to Christmas. Yeah, cuz then I could have covered it. Yeah.

You know, what are you going to do? I don't know. Eddie, it's the season. It's the season yourself hostage.

Absolutely. We just covered a family annihilator, which seems to be a running topic that we do around the Christmas season here. Uh,

we got a couple stories that seem like they line up pretty well. We had an an exact almost copy of our buddy Ronnie Jean Simmons uh that we just covered in Arkansas last week where a guy killed his entire family. It's another family annihilation in Arkansas about a mile from where Ronnie Jean Simmons lived.

That's interesting. It has been interesting. So a mile just now. One mile. That's the same town.

I mean I guess it's just like there. I walk miles. So just one mile is the same town.

You bragging? Yeah, I'm bragging. I'm out here. I'm walking two to three miles. Boy, you don't even know. Cutting off this turf. These hocas ain't [ __ ] They're working, dude. They're earning their money.

Walking a full 45 minutes. I'm tired. There was another drone story. I'm just going to talk about it briefly cuz I'm just there's so many connecting stories in a weird way this week. And there was another there was a drone story where a guy was hiking by himself. a lot of people hiking in ways they shouldn't be hiking hiking on by himself on like a 20our hike and he fell into quicksand which is very rare. We were told again this is now like a meme but we were told as kids that quicksand was going to be a thing.

Yes. And for this guy it was and he got stuck in the quicksand. He had his two little hiking poles and he kept trying to push himself out and then it couldn't it wasn't working and then his knee got bent back and it was touching his foot and he was stuck in the quicksand. He was [ __ ] And then someone heard him screaming cuz he was in like a little gorge and they sent in drones. They found him. They pulled him out. That's why I use a treadmill.

Yes. That's what I use. I go to a treadmill. I stay inside. I don't go out there. The idea of falling into quicksand and then ever going outside ever again. Can you imagine that? Like cuz that's such a cuz like that's such an anxietyinducing idea for the rest of time then.

Yeah. I would hate as a Do you [clears throat] think he's ever going back to REI? Like he's like he's like these poles are defective.

[ __ ] THESE POLES. THESE POLES ALMOST KILLED ME. Like him outside the REI just being like they almost killed me. They were a pole of anchors on me.

Oh, that's Andy Sinatra's disappointing pull him out from the sky. I uh can I blame him.

Well, yeah. I mean, he's walking in a gorge and like I am watching this rescue procedure. is not where humans should be. Those rescue proced how many thousands of dollars that cost?

Oh, he's paying for it. No, you pay for these rescues. Do you? Oh, yeah. Remember when we were on top of the hill mountain in Hawaii and I was like I was scared and he's like 70,000 for a copter ride.

We're like, let's keep walking. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Oh, we'll tumble down.

Yeah. Uh but yeah, there's two other um crazy hiking things that happen. Oh, my favorite one is this one because this is the

god just father just angry angry angry idiot angry father this [ __ ] Salt Lake City [ __ ] father you know that he was a [ __ ] evil Mormon too and Utah father's facing child torture and abuse charges after he took his three small children on a long stranger strenuous hike during a winter storm in Big Cottonwood Canyon and they had to be rescued You you know, you think nice dad's out taking the kids out for a walk. You know, they're going to have a good time. They're going

THEY'RE GOING TO [ __ ] THEY'RE GOING TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN. THE THE KIDS WERE TWO, FOUR, and eight.

GET THE [ __ ] UP. GET UP. PUT THAT ROBLOX DOWN. IT'S FILLED WITH PEDOPHILES. WE'RE GOING TO THE PEAK OF THE MOUNTAIN. WE'RE GOING TO KISS GOD IN the mouth.

Micah Smith, 31 years old, was get the [ __ ] up by his wife to please do not do this.

Please don't. Please, please. And he's like, "This is a once in a-lifetime thing." And she said she was scared. He told her, "You shall not pass." He like started quoting Gandalf to his 8-year-old. She's like,

as she was like, "Are we literally he was filming her asking if she was going to freeze to death. [screaming] This guy is such a scumbag." And then and then he left all three. He left the eight-year-old in charge of the other two and [ __ ] left.

Yeah, man. Had to. He had to [ __ ] go and I guess he had to secure help. Well, yes, because the kids the 2-year-old died and then he gave it CPR and it came back to life. And then the other kid when the other kid was dying, he started giving that kid CPR. He had the 8-year-old push it on their [ __ ] chest and [ __ ]

And then he goes and he totally redeems himself in prison when he kills another pedophile. Yeah. That's the only thing he could do. But think about how like even as a you know just as a a dog father right you know like I just have one you got to give one medication you get the other one is fighting for the food right it's like the whole thing so I can see that yeah of course when they're all dying you got to put the eightyear-old to work especially if she's still functioning like [gasps] that's easy to do you go bring one kid to life yesoo bring another kid to life snowman honestly this father crushed it in a way he brought the kids 6 and 1/2 miles, which is more than twice as far as I walk.

And you heard how tired Eddie is. He's like, I 3,000 ft elevation. The rocks are shifting, thorny bushes. This guy brought his children to die.

He October. He brought them at night. They got caught in a downpour of snow, hail, and rain. When they did not return, they had to go look for them. He said Smith and his children took shelter at around 8:00 p.m. that evening under a large rock with an overhang. Smith said he gathered logs, sticks, and rocks to make a windcreen and put pine needles down and try to use his body to keep his children [gasps] warm. And the whole time he's like, "God, [ __ ] your mother's going to be so [ __ ] angry with me. Oh man, I'm going to have to do extra time at the temple this week. Oh wow, my on my secret underwear's frozen in my chest."

Yeah, man. This dude [ __ ] they gave him no bail. And the uh the deputy said the defendant's intentional and selfish act left his children in grave danger with one of them dying and being revived multiple times and will never fully recover.

Wow. He has been charged with domestic violence. And then he was told to leave Primary Children's Hospital for trespassing.

Yes. after he interfered with his four-year-old son's he was tampering with the equipment that was on his face.

That was a month before this incident happened and Mormon. He's a full [ __ ] dumb Mormon.

He told the police, "I'm going to hike to the top of a mountain." A month ago, he told them this.

Yeah. He was trying to kill themselves. I think his brother though is sticking by his side. He says, "Mike is a good dad who loves his kids and loves taking them on adventures."

Yeah, it's cuz he's No, he was trying to kill them all. I think he was trying to kill them all. I bet you This is another one of

This is an adventure, by the way. No, that's not an adventure. An adventure is going to an amusement park. An adventure is We went fishing. Me and my dad went we went fishing and we went and got ice cream after we went fishing. That's a wonderful time.

It's like a two and a fouryear-old climbing 6.5 miles, 3,000 ft in the air. And guess what, bro? They're just going to slow you down.

Yeah. Yeah. And this guy is like he's You know what it is, though? is again, this is another Salt Lake City story in which I am more than certain they're cutting the religious aspect of out of it cuz they always do that. They always kind of cut the fact that there's a large unspoken

that they're praying to some mountain that be that Britam Young was on top of or something.

Just this idea that he has some special communication with a Mormon offshoot god.

Well, good. He can go have that communication with Chad Del now. Oh, they will. Oh, don't worry. They [ __ ] will. They have a they'll have a lot of notes to compare. Well, there's also, check this out, on the other side of the world, there's a dude facing manslaughter charges after leaving his girlfriend at the top of Austria's highest peak. 36year-old is now facing 3 years in prison. So, how so what is the st what is the actual circumstances of this? Did they get caught? Did he just dump her? He they went they they they climbed 12,460 ft. She did not have the proper gear.

He's an experienced climber. She is not. They get to the top. She's got like felt shoes on, you know? They're not like It's like

when we went when we went our hike and both of us were wearing sneakers and the guy's like, "Are you sure you want to wear those?" And we're like, "We weren't we didn't know?

No one told us anything." Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But this was very different cuz they went together and he [ __ ] she gets cold. He doesn't know what to do with her. He then leaves her to go get help when she then freezes to death, of course, because it's -20 Celsius.

So, he's just like, "Just chill out." Yeah, literally. Just chill out. Stay right here. I'm going to be right back.

You know, here you go. Here's your iPad. Yeah. Yeah. What is he doing here? Yeah. Apparent apparently he's uh very sorry about how things TURNED OUT. WHOA. HEY, THAT HONESTLY, as y'all know, as y'all ladies know, having a guy apologize marry him.

Yeah, man. Oh my god. Oh [ __ ] girl. Yeah, he's doing the work. He's putting in the work. I'm sorry being Quinton Tarantino right now. He putting in the work, girl.

Man, I love everyone running his ass through the [ __ ] dirt this week. What you talking about, son? What you talking about, son? Me, Quinton Tarantino G son.

That's I'm doing this is a direct reference to Quinton Tarantino very confidently speaking with Jamie Fox and Samuel Jackson and a and the press coverage for Django Unchained and he is he's on

jacked out of his mind and he loves talking like a black guy and I but I do in some way I do feel like he feel he felt in that moment that he was black he was wrong.

Yeah. He just split this movie about slavery. Yeah. And he was amongst a very powerful group of black people and he felt very much in he was feeling himself.

Yes, he really was. He really was. He really really was. Man, I really honestly I'm at the point now where I don't even care if that 10th movie comes out.

Cook, honestly, so far he uh I am an unapologetic fullon Quinton Tarantino fan. I love every single one.

His movies are great. I love every single one of his movies. I hate the man himself.

I never want to hang out with him. Isn't that weird? I'll never meet him. I'll never want to meet him. Thank. But I I've now learned that about celebrities. Yeah. I don't want to meet them anymore. I never want to meet them. I don't want to hear their thoughts. I don't want to be in their personal sphere. Just give me your stuff. Go away. Gwen Tarantino. That 10th movie, even the last one. He was thinking about making a movie about a movie critic. And I was like, "You're so full of [ __ ] buddy. You need to go walk away.

That's what you're gonna end all this on. You need to touch grass." I think that's the term that he I think that's the term. I think he needs to go out there and he needs to [ __ ] go. He needs to go walk away from seeing himself on a camera.

Well, he's he's working on the sequel to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood because, you know, everybody wants to see that.

It's a TV show. Oh my god, David Finch is going to direct. Who cares? It's going to bomb. I think it's honestly I think it's going to [ __ ] bomb. I think it's going to not be very good. But, you know, what are you going to do?

Yeah. Well, um, so we got what do we got here? We got this people who cut the baby out of somebody.

Well, this is a really brutal scene. The other guy who cut up his wife. See, everything's like weirdly, again, it's Christmas season. As we're heading into the holidays, you notice the stories do tend to get more grizzly. It's hard out there right now. This is a I'm just going to go through the details of this story. I don't know everything. Natalie's fully ensconced in this.

Okay, good. Still very much developing. Natalie and I both have our separate true crime stories going at all times, right? So, like when I was

We can't take this from her. No, I don't want to. But also this is the she was I was I heard this from the other room and I was like what the [ __ ] And she's just like yeah this is a grizzly one cuz like I was all too into guess who just filed for divorce.

Who is the Weezer basis wife who got shot by the police? SHE FILED FOR DIVORCE.

SHE FILED for divorce. What? She filed divorce on him. He's not supporting me. I shot at the police and he's not supporting me.

The fact that he went Yeah. because he was paying for your court [ __ ] money. That that's what he did. You [ __ ] crazy person. Jillian Laura and files for divorce. It's fine. It's fine. It's all good. I I know that she wrote a really interesting book about Samuel Little and she's done quite a bit for uh uh you know awareness of you know all that kind of stuff. Really good investigator of true crime, but she is a woman.

I mean, he's going to get out Scott clean here. No, he won't. He's not going to owe her anything.

It's a no fault state, my friend. No fault state. Oh, yeah. like no fault like including shooting guns at cops. It's got nothing new to the divorce.

I would say it does. We'll find out. We'll find out. I actually don't know. Side stories loot@gmail.com. What are the type of aggravating circumstances during divorce can actually because

she's going to be in prison. California's no she won't. No, she got let off with probation. She just had to go do a a treatment program. She got no time. She shot at the police and got shot by the police. They essentially decided to call that even attempted murder of a police officer. She shot in the sky.

White lady did wear. It's called a white lady power. All right. She's got a little white lady juice. So, she used it. Uh, but this these people did not use their white lady juice. This is a story.

These cops are lucky they weren't in the garage. Can we keep moving? Oh, yes. Here we go. You're right.

Courtney Bartholomew. That is a really funny Weezer joke. Thank you. in the garage. Happy safe. It's a great song. Yeah, she s she hates that song in backyard.

Yeah, escape it. Got to give it a weird out. Uh, so this the both these people could have used a little bit of chill. Courtney Bartholomew 40 and for 47year-old husband Bradley Bartholomew decided to uh become evil personified according to the Wexford County prosecutor Johanna Carey by murdering their her daughter. So it was Courtney Bartholomew's daughter uh and removing the baby from inside of her while she was still alive.

Mhm. And then did the baby live? It's not very clear if the baby lived or not, but

No, the baby died. the baby died. She was supposed to give birth just a couple days afterwards.

So, were they justedited? They were looking for her. Is that what you're trying to say? That she was They're excited.

I'm just stating facts. I'm not say I'm not giving them any kind of these people are monsters.

Oh, you don't think they had a You don't think they had a straight motivation? Yeah.

You don't think so? I don't know. Other than like them just taking the baby and leaving her for dead. I don't know what the [ __ ] the plan was.

All right, here we go. Here we go. Autopsy. Autopsy. Real. The body was Park, so the child was due to give birth to three days. The same day the body was discovered, authorities arrested Parks' fiance, Richard Valor, an Kimberly Park. So, everybody tried to kill her. So, her mother and her stepfather, her fiance,

good [ __ ] Lord, and his sister. And I I don't know why. I mean, even if she's the worst person on earth.

No, I mean, there you don't do this. Even if she's little Hitler, you don't do this. you know, like it's crazy.

Courtney had posted a video on her Facebook page in the same day as her daughter. This all from People magazine, by the way. That's is this is what they cover now. And he was due to give birth with a caption that read, "My alibi of where I was the night my daughter came up missing."

Right? So, that's what the mother posted. She then um in the video, which featured only black screen with audio, her 14-year-old son said, "This is the uh this is uh her brother.

She gave [clears throat] me my meds at about 8:40. I don't remember a lot as I just said, but she was there when I went to bed and she was also there when I woke up the next day. I know that she never goes out and about when I'm sleeping just because she doesn't like to drive at night. So, she thought that she could pressure a 14-year-old into giving her an alibi.

Yes. On Facebook and it didn't work. Yeah, man. Yeah. But they're all now going to jail. Everybody's going to jail.

They're going to go to jail hard. But you know what it is is that well like again there's no discernable motive. But the reason why we try to pick it apart is because we do try to find some semblance of like what's going on in that what's a little bean brain thinking about? What's that little kind of little little nugget in there thinking about? Right. Ping ponging back and forth with their little ideas, you know. And it turns out a lot of times uh once you find them out it doesn't help.

Yes. Which is kind of sad because we're just interested. But cops always say that, don't they? In every interrogation,

they're always like, "We're here to find out why because we want to know. We want to help you.

We want to help you. We're so genuinely curious curious about why. And why almost never seems to affect the court case."

No. Also, we don't hear about when they actually do help people. Oh, no. Well, I you know, we're obviously we know that police officers are having they have a hard job. They also a lot of times abuse their power. Oh yes, absolutely.

But we also know that they cops do help, but that's their job is to be helped. Their job is to help and not thank. That not be thanked. That's what their [ __ ] job is.

Yeah. They get paid to do it. They're they get paid. That is their [ __ ] job. They serve the community. They're supposed to go out there. Unfortunately, it sucks for police, but it's also the truth. Their jobs are to get shot and to do things to protect us and because and they're not supposed to have judgments about their own activity. They're supposed to go out there. That's what the thin blue line was supposed to mean. For all you cucks that fly that flag, I have no idea what the [ __ ] that [ __ ] means.

There you go. There you go. That was very well said. Yes, that's very well said. Uh yeah. So, um [ __ ] these people.

Yep. All right. Piece of [ __ ] this lady. Well, yeah. Obviously, she's not a nice piece of [ __ ]

Yeah, she's not a nice lady. Grub. I mean, there's nothing nice about it. It's a really It's a really honestly the most disgusting crime I've heard of in a very long time.

Congrats. You know, I'm still there with Yseph Fritzell. Yeah, I'm still there with my buddy Yseph Fritzell hanging out fighting for him, fighting for his standings in the most gross crimes of all time.

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Yes. Oh yeah. It's definitely uh it's still at $19,000 value. That is to me cuz we discover remember it was the piece of jewelry. I believe it was an Australian story. It was a piece of jewelry. A man ate this one.

I'm guessing that this is in New Zealand. I believe this. It's just something that happens over there.

They got too many snakes. That's the problem. You got too many [ __ ] swallow stuff.

Yes. So that was a New Zealand man. New Zealand's full of birds and that's why this guy swallowed an egg.

Yeah. He's like, "Oh, I'm a paragrin." It was the Texas man who swallowed the ear.

Texas. I'm sorry. Texas and Australia are pretty close. Yes. So anyway, but this guy, he swallowed the fabric egg. It's a tiny egg.

Yeah. It's a real tiny egg. But you're still going to charge me. You mean to [ __ ] tell me? Because they say the same thing when they that 700 grand necklace that the guy shot out. They're all like, "We cleaned it impeccably. Absolutely every cubic millimeter.

You can't drop the price at all. You're lucky you [ __ ] got it back. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY [ __ ] IN THAT THING.

LOOK AT THAT tiny thing. It's as big as a finger, DUDE. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY [ __ ] in the crevices of that Faber [ __ ] egg.

19 grand for that little piece of [ __ ] I'll give you 1,200 for it." Not even. I'm even doing that just to not insult their [ __ ] asses for your stupid ass egg. I don't even get Faber eggs. I don't even understand what they serve for and what they do. And what I know it's a Russian thing.

It's the octopusy egg. This one's limited edition, dude. Oh, it's Yeah, that's right. Cuz they built it off of the movie Octopusy, so they wanted to It looks like the egg.

It's a fake egg. No, [ __ ] the octopusy. It's not real. Octopus is a fake thing.

Yeah, the whole thing's fake. It It's a It has an 18 karat yellow gold octopus nestled inside when you open it up.

That's [ __ ] horseshit. What are we doing here? Yeah. And it's got d white diamond suckers and and black diamond eyes. The octopus.

I think that fabra eggs are a hate crime. Yeah. I think that anywhere there's fabra eggs, they should be melted down and that money should be given to the poor.

Absolutely. Fabier eggs are the single most useless thing I could possibly imagine. What?

Covered in diamonds and necklace. [ __ ] it. You could rock it. I couldn't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] Also,

I hate these eggs. I hate Fabriet eggs. You know who deserves some credit here? The label makers. The label went through this guy's body and came out and they were still able to read it.

The price tag. Oh, you're talking about the paper price. The paper price tag. Yeah. Also,

I'm very impressed BY THE PAPER PRICE TAG. I'm actually now realizing that's a [ __ ] hilarious photo because it's just a man with his rubber gloved hand fingering it because it's it's just in a napkin. Now I'm realizing what this is. It's in a napkin with a rubber that is freshly [ __ ] That is definitely [ __ ]

Yes. That's this gross rubber fingered glove f just one rubber finger pointing at the fabra. It's got [ __ ] [ __ ] residue all around it. 19 grand. Suck my dick. So also they're they're not sure if the guy swallowed other stuff. So they're still like watching him [ __ ] every time. He's still [ __ ] in buckets. And if I was like, who knows what I ordered next? I don't know. I accidentally I might have smallened several bracelets. We'll find out. Just this [ __ ] pervert just hanging out all day. Yes. Look at that. Well, there might be a stud or two in that lo.

Ah, yes. Smell it, why don't you? That had to destroy his [ __ ] though, right? Like with the diamond. his whole intestinal tract.

Yeah, it made it through though. It shows the human body is a lot stronger than we think it is.

I mean, it's just going to come out. It's a tiny egg. It's shaped like an egg. Every time I think of a Faber egg, I always think of like a huge [ __ ] thing.

Well, they do make big ones. Yeah, but this one's only 3 in tall. Yeah. Which also makes it even more of a waste of [ __ ] time. All of this stuff is just so I'm not into it. I'm not into the that this the whole just like charging money to for the sake of charging money because of the thing says it's a thing is makes me angry.

Honestly, if you sell Fabraier eggs, you deserve this. Oh yeah. Yeah. And the idea of you stressing I watched one of the most upsetting body cam videos I've ever seen, which was a man that was a security worker at a spirit Halloween.

Okay. Who had a gun for some reason. young man tackles the shoplifter, then proceeds to dogw walk him across the parking lot with the gun to the back of his head and then shoots him point blank in the chest.

What? Brutal video. The guy starts crying. Guy starts [ __ ] crying. The guy who shot him?

Yes. The security officer loses his mind, right? Because he's a child that should not have had a gun. He should not have had

There shouldn't be a gun in a spirit Halloween. nothing matters. It's not a real business.

Like that's what I think about is when people steal from these companies, it's like that guy like the second he got out the door, he should have let him go.

Yes. With the Faber eggs and [ __ ] it's going to rip through this man's intestines. It's going to come out. But the idea of like sitting and watching this man [ __ ] in a bucket as the stuff slowly comes out of him is just this of like that's where we get to as real tail retail workers. So real tailor like people that make just over minimum wage

have to go watch a man [ __ ] in a bucket until the precious items of their boss come sliding out of him. [ __ ] you. Yeah, man.

I just be like, you send a guy from Fabraier. If you want somebody to watch to deal with [ __ ] loss

is Fabra a business. Yes, it's the label. It's like what it's called. I believe I believe I believe there are companies that I don't maybe I'm wrong. I believe Fabraier is kind of like how Champagne

comes from a certain district. Yes. But anything can be called Champagne. It is a brand. Yes. So yes, there are specific Fabra eggs

and then there are things that are come from that look like eggs that are maybe are not necessarily Fabra eggs.

[ __ ] these things. Yeah, they're worthless. So, this idea of anybody stealing anything and then you being on the hook for doing anything cuz like that officer also turns out the security officer from the spirit of Halloween. Um, his mother was the district attorney and uh well, there still uh he's not about to he's going to have to go to uh trial, but he definitely he got charged for with that second degree manslaughter because he also poured uh pepper spray all over this guy's face and then shot him point blank in the chest.

Jesus Christ, man. It's been a for stealing Halloween mess. It's been a [ __ ] up year. Even the spirit Halloween wines are closing down and becoming spirit Halloweens. Save it for the clubs. There's also spirit Christmases on the east coast which are like

they're have No, we have them here. We do. Yeah, we do have them here. I saw one as I was driving the other day.

They're kind of sad over there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A little sad. Yeah. The Christmas spirit.

Yeah. Yeah. Cuz definitely feels like it's like big divorced energy. Mhm. In there.

Yeah. You got to get in there and get something. You got to put up something to make your kids happy when they come by.

Yeah. Because if not, all they see is pictures of your new girlfriend and you're like,

"Yeah, you're lucky." You were my gift. So, I bought a fabier egg for my new girlfriend.

Well, you know, Christine, it's our first Christmas together, so it was kind of a big deal for us. So,

and I've kind of had 15 Christmases with you. So, we're not going to be around.

You know what I mean? We're going to go [ __ ] I know this is a real important year for you, but we're out of here.

We're going to leave and go [ __ ] So, [snorts] try not to become a school shooter. Okay. We have uh one more story that I just going to touch on for two seconds just because it's wild. Distraught widow handed bag contained dead husband's belongings after he fell off a ferry. Very nice to do. Um his socks were in the bag, but apparently inside of the socks were the bottom of his feet

and his holes in his heels were This was And she's like, "Oh my god, this is the [ __ ] worst part of him."

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is the part I hated him the most. She This is so sad. This is the grossest part of my husband. Anything else I would have I would have been so happy.

Yeah. So she she got all his stuff back and just the bottoms of his feet. Yeah. She was like, "Oh, this bag [ __ ] smells." And she's like, "Oh, his socks." And then she put his hand in the socks and it was just like meat. It was just meat on the bottom of the socks. [clears throat]

And then and then her father came. Did he put his put insoles in here? Oh, it's just his souls.

It's just his actual souls. Yeah. Wow. That's horrifying. Yeah. He um he had been on some new medication that kind of made him uneasy and he'd fell overboard.

They make the bottoms of his feet loose. Oh, he was like water logged. [gasps] Yeah.

Cuz it took him a while to find him. Jesus Christ. Because she didn't realize he'd fell off the back of the boat and she didn't realize that he had been gone until it was been a while. So, it took him a while to find him.

What's going on here? What do you mean? How are they falling off these boats? Oh, he was like sick. He was on some medication that he was actually a really good swimmer, but he was like all [ __ ] up on medication that made him like uneasy on his feet. Isn't that ironic?

Yeah. And then he is It is ironic. It's very ironic that he was too ironic. He was like a diver and uh and then he fell off the boat and uh Yeah, they found him.

Wow. That is Well, they found some of them. Yeah. Well, they found all of them and then gave back part of them.

And you know, that's the thing about Davy Jones's locker. Yeah. as that sometimes she keeps what she wants and she gives back what she can take.

Yeah. She said that his feet were attached to the bottom of the socks, his soles and heels. What happened to Mark? No. Did no one realize his feet were hanging off at the mortterary?

To be honestly, what this might be really shallow question. What brand of sock? Cuz actually sounds really durable.

No, no, these are good socks. Well, did it say what the socks were? Scotland socks.

Scotland. side stories lpl@gmail.com it's wool guess wool I don't think wool's going to hold feet in it so if anybody can tell me what do you think is the warmest most thoroughly cushiony Scottish brand sock that these feet could have been in that kept them so warm they didn't want to leave

all I know is I love my bombas I tell me about it this for some reason this sentence just makes me want to hurl dude

all right my 87year-old father had to come around and tie up the bag of Mark's feet and take it side before the funeral home could come to collect it.

Yes. Oh, like it was slippers. Yeah. Well, [sighs] you know, nickname. But Oh, yeah. It was his nickname slippers.

And this is how we have fun here, folks. We have to if you know when it comes down to, you know what Titus is all about? You know what's really about? Whoop whoop. Gone. Whoop. Remember that we did on the cruise. That's happened to white women. Whoop. And gone. And you know, I just what we discovered here at Side Stories a long time ago. If you ain't laughing, you're crying.

All right, so that's the thing here. Yeah, we make light of it, but when it comes down to it, we're all going to [ __ ] die. So on the pipe for all of us, and I just hope that when I go, the laughter is just as good. So every day I live trying to make sure that my final moments will be as hilarious as possible.

They will. I love to put myself in scenarios that I don't need to be in. what they say is for the plot. And then I know that you'll laugh when you read my obituary and you see, oh my god, podcaster dies stuck in log flume at cheese festival. That is the goal. All right. Oh, we got listener stories, but we just did a [ __ ] full hour of just I got a listener letter.

We got to do at least one. Do we have a sting? Yeah, we got a new singer. Who's it from?

Uh, this one's from Zach from Dead Animal Assembly Plant. Oh, I love their Christmas album.

Yes. Uh but but yeah, here it is. Check it out. Listener emails this week. Oh, sure. It's a listener mail experience.

Yes. Yes. See, that's I like it. Very Rob Zombie. He put you in it. Yeah. That's nice.

It's nice to hear my voice. But I will say very Rob Zombieesque. Yeah. Very very cool. Very cool. very good work.

Dead animal collection service. Very good. Listen to them whenever you can. Assembly Plan. Dead animal assembly plant. He knows. We listen. Don't worry. We always listen. We know everything that's going on. Um, one of the uh big things uh one uh update I wanted to give was first of all, we maligned tanners because tanners are bad.

Yeah. Well, I got a tanner that reached out to me and said that we were right. Yes. Many tanners did, but there is one Tanner that is good.

Okay. And it did that someone pointed out to me and it's true and it's Tanner from Love on the Spectrum. So, because Tanner was a very sweet man on Love on the Spectrum, but I will say Tanner unfortunately voted for Trump.

Family voted for Trump and Tanner is a he is literally a Trump stand. So, so it doesn't matter.

Nope. Just It's funny. He has no idea why. He just thinks Trump is funny. He thinks it's his grandma. So that is the reason why he's doing it. I don't blame Tanner, but they are definitely voting for him in that house.

You ever see Tanner 88? No, no, no, no, no. I um normally I avoid autistic pornography,

right? He's not um not allowed to do pornography, I don't think. 10 or 88. I don't know if are the are severely handicapped people allowed to shoot pornography. side stories lpl@gmail.com.

Yeah. Yeah, I think they are. I mean, well, I haven't seen it yet. We'll find out. We'll see if you don't know if you've seen it or not.

No, I don't want to see it. No, but you you watch it if So, no, I'm talking about visibly. I mean, everyone who's in porn is just like, "Oh, I'm coming."

You know, how are you supposed to know like what's wrong with them? Let's get on to the next letter. Now, this one is the death fetish enthusiast. I'm going to read this. [gasps] I'm reading this and I do think it's interesting, but again, I will not apply any form of, how do I say this?

I support your need to do death play. But I will say if I found out my sister was doing it, I would be extremely [ __ ] concerned. You know what I mean? It's like one of those where like when I meet a stranger and they explain to me about death play, I'm like, "Oh, fascinating. We'll talk all But if I met a fan my literally I' I'd put Jackie in insane asylum.

Yeah, I'm not a kink shamer, but I am like a kink uh keep it to yourself. Just advis her. It's just more just been like you're want to be careful with that. So here we go. So longtime listener of the podcast and lover of last podcast. All right, great. I listen to a side stories episode. The woman from the UK being murdered by the that beard face in Ocala, Florida and wanting to answer some of Henry's questions about negotiating a murder.

Okay, first and foremost, I'm an absolute freak. play heavily with kinks that are regarded as edge play. Edgeplay kinks fall into a category of kink where they could result in serious harm to myself up to death. Auto assassinophilia is the hilariously long and doubleass word for having a fetish for putting one's life at risk. I do a lot of play around breathing restriction, drowning, extreme beatings, and other ridiculous [ __ ] that I won't list for the sake of brevity. I am hyper aware of the risk and I make a lot of choices to mitigate harm. There's really only so much you can do. You're going to get hurt hanging from a wench just by your tits. That's for certain.

In case of our Ocala friend and his UK visitor, the fact that there was no out for the person even when they were attempting to end the scene leaves the realm of BDSM and enters into just straight up criminal activity.

Yeah, that's what we talked about it. Yes, I've had sessions where I've had negotiate where I've negotiated more than I can handle and I've communicated that and the satist I'm playing with will always end the session. But are they real satists then? Negotiating one's death is tricky business. I negotiate with scenes with the awareness that my death is a serious possibility. Funnily enough, I was enjoying a session with a friend where they repeatedly choked me unconscious yesterday and I'm still here to tell the tale. Every time I went out, a bell dropped from my hand and they immediately let off my neck.

I'd come back to in seconds and we were able to determine each step if I wanted to continue going or stop. It doesn't matter how [ __ ] up the play or the risk profile. A consensual BDSM encounter requires a way out. Requires a way out and check-ins. Even if that check-in is, yo, you still alive. And that is just the truth, which is uh Yeah, but obviously the man was murderer. Yeah.

And she has to be murdered. And that is hard. You know, when I was a stupid child, I used to like we me and my buddy.

You did stupid child things. We used to choke each other out. And I remember we stopped after one of us passed out and we thought we'd kill the other one. We're like, "Oh, we should probably not do this."

Yeah. We shouldn't do this all the time. Yeah. Let's just start smoking weed instead of choking each other.

Nitrous, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely started that as well. So much easier.

Obviously, it oddly safer, I think, in a way. Yeah. But I'd be real careful out there. Yes, absolutely. With nitrous for choking each other.

Just make sure. All right. Because I get it. Some people like a little squeeze here and there.

Absolutely. I It It frightens me. Yeah. Make sure you're holding your bells. I'm a gentle lover.

Yeah. I'm a gentle lover. I do little nibbles. Little spanks. Mhm. I'm gentle. Yeah. No chokes.

No chokes. I don't like choking some. I get scared. No. No. No. No. Plus, it's just

mean, right? I guess people like it though, Eddie. People do like it. Some people That's the idea is they like it cuz it feels mean. It feels mean. Yeah,

but it's not mean, I guess. God, I I feel like I can't even say anything right now.

You're very vanilla, but I get it. That's fine. Very vanilla. I'm extremely vanilla, too.

Yeah, but it's okay. They're like, we're taking it back. It's newly revolutionary in the world of poly and all of these things. It's newly revolutionary to just have standard sex with your wife.

Yeah. It's coming all the way back around. All the way back around to just being

back to being perverts. Wow. Oh, we're the weird ones. Oh, yeah. Just straight up how gross we are. just having sex with our wives.

Yeah. Sometimes I just hold her, you know. Sometimes I just hold her and we like we'll put on music and we dance.

Oh, I hate E. You know, we'll do that. Sometimes like we'll slow dance the two of us.

Yeah. Yeah. We have a nice time. You don't make each other throw up? No. You're not beating her anymore?

No. For sexual purposes? Absolutely not. Well, hey, absolutely not. Everything changes, huh?

I We got I got our Christmas stocking and I'm trying to fill the whole thing. still crazy after all these years. Go check us at patreon.com/lastpodcast that left to watch us do this.

You think I should put the bottom of my feet in her Christmas stocking? Honestly, if you want to surprise her.

Well, I see if I can get my dad. Yeah, they still solid. All right, we go in. I'll help you on the left for all your social Instagram needs. Keeping it good and dark for Christmas time. And you're going to go up here.

What do you What if I wrap my dad's ear and put it under the tree and give it to my wife? feel like I didn't want it anymore.

I thought that I thought that maybe you should have it. Will you please save it for her birthday?

I think that's actually the key. Save for her birthday. So, only she can get it. And go check out YouTube. Go check out our new show, LBN TV. Uh, Vamp Vampire the Masquerade. LPN RPG is the best [ __ ] we've made in a long time. It is going. Just know that we're about to have make a bunch of announcements for I'll just go ahead and say it. We got a second season of Hoopaoo. Goooo's coming out. We have um you might be hearing whispers of another show that you guys have been asking for. It's coming out back again in 2026. Ye old tears of a clown in a way. Oh wow. Figure that out. You know, go check it out.

Say in a way and then say the title of the show. Yep. It doesn't work like that.

It's so I can we somehow get out of it if things go wrong. But who knows? And they're not going to go wrong.

I got the doggy. And we got Champ in hand. Champ's here. Um Champ wants to wish everyone a merry Christmas. It's not time yet.

And Champ wants everyone to come to Ed's uh standup show at Oxnard on January 4th. Right, Champ? Yeah, you do. You want everyone to come to Oxnard Levity Live to come see me and Karolina and Julia Johns and Holden and Jake. It's going to be a lot of fun. Please come because I promised them money

and um I don't want to I don't want to lose money on the show. That's your first is my first mistake by booking my friends and them money. Um, but yes, also I'm going to be in San Francisco at the Punchline on February 18th right before Henry Henry and I head off to Alaska

where we got side story shows in Anchorage almost sold out. So if you want to come to the Anchorage show, get your tickets now. And Fairbanks, uh, there's plenty of tickets in Fairbanks.

Come out to Fairbanks. Come out to Fairbanks. Seriously, we're going to be there. There's going to be no light and we're going to hang out with you guys and we're going to have a good time and I can't wait. And then um I think that's about it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Um I I wanted to say my friend had a very um horrible thing. Here's a PSA. My friend's house burned down. Um and it was a very close friend of mine. I love them uh greatly, Chelsea Riggs. Um you know, here's something. It's more of a PSA for everyone. I didn't realize this is a thing. It was an electrical fire. And apparently, we're all supposed to have smoke detectors in our attics, and no one has smoke detectors in our atticss.

Oh, you have an attic. I don't have an attic. Yes, you do. We all have atticss. You got an attic. You got one up there somewhere. I You got to You got a crawl space with wiring.

So, what happens if you don't have it? They're attic caught on fire through the bad wiring and they all almost died and their house burned down because they didn't even know there was a fire up there.

That's frightening. Yeah, it's very terrifying. It's very scary. I uh I can't It's a It's a definite Put a smoke detector in your attic. Um anyone who's got a home that you know, make it It's an easy Christmas.

I'm glad we saved this actually very real uh tip for the very end. Yes. This extremely important tip for some people it feels like which I didn't even think about.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. So, this could totally just happen to you. I'll buy I'll buy you your smoke detector, Henry. This is on me. This one's on me. I'll get one for Marcus and I'll make sure our houses don't get burned down. Uh so, this Christmas when everyone's uh Christmas trees are all [ __ ] up and dried out and got lights on them, uh make sure you got all your smoke detectors. You're running and going cuz it's a really bad time for all this to happen. It's never a good time for your house to burn down, but um at the same time, please

unless you got a body in there. Unless you got a body in there. Yeah. You know, if you're looking to annihilate your family,

it's actually pretty great. If you want to help out my friends, there's a GoFundMe. Uh just Google support rigs family after house fire. Um and it happened in Tallahassee, Florida. Um you don't have to do anything to help them cuz we're going to help them out here. But if you feel like it, please. There's just it's just so tragic and you you think about this. You always read about it, but then when it happens to someone you actually love, it gets a lot of cra it gets crazier.

Actually, after the fires, I had several friends that lost their new either newly purchased homes, their their their life savings was gone. It was uh it's extremely brutal and the United States of America is not the kindest country right now and there's not a heck of a lot of safety nets for people. So, we are unfortunately forced to take care of each other.

Yes. Yeah. So, one day GoFundMe won't pay for all of our medical bills and But today that's what's going on.

Well, until GoFundMe becomes private healthcare. Yes. Which very well could happen.

Ah, yes. My GoFundMe po. Oh, yes. Yes. And then Oh, you only get And you only get it if you complete it. You only get That's what's going to happen. If not, they get it. They get it. They'll take the money.

Oh, well, I love all you guys. Take care of yourselves. Try to take care of your yourselves this very complicated season. Hail Sweet Sick. Um, and hail uh Chelsea Riggs and her family. This is Comedy Bang Bang, the podcast, the promo. And in 30 seconds, I'm going to tell you why you should check out the show. I, the host, Scott Augerman, have a light-hearted conversation with famous celebrities like John Ham, Allison Williams, Phoebe Brides, Jason Alexander, Natasha Leon, Bob Odin, Kirk, just to name a few. Things go a little off the rails when different eccentric characters and oddballs drop by to be interviewed as well. Each week is a blend of conversations and character work from your favorite comedians as well as some new hilarious voices.

Comedy Bang Bang the podcast. Listen every Monday wherever you get your podcasts.

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Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Side Stories: 'Tis The Season"?

Henry Zebrowski (Host), Ed Larson (Host), Zach (Dead Animal Assembly Plant) (Guest), Unidentified Listener Email Writer (death fetish/edge play enthusiast) (Guest), Scott Aukerman (Guest), Advertisement Narrators (SNHU / The UPS Store / Quince / T-Mobile for Business / Birch Lane) (Guest).

What is "Side Stories: 'Tis The Season" about?

The discussion reflects on the holiday season while exploring themes of education and reliable shipping services. It emphasizes the importance of pursuing online degree opportunities at Southern New Hampshire University and the assurance of safe gift delivery through the UPS Store's pack and ship guarantee.

What is mentioned in this Last Podcast On The Left episode?

133 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Henry Zraki, Jed Parkington, Joey Bishop, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Paul Anka. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Side Stories: 'Tis The Season"?

The episode runs 1 h 14 min; the transcript is about 15,402 words in 360 timestamped sections.

More from Last Podcast On The Left

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated February 10, 2026.