Transcript

Robin Thede on "Relationship Goals", EMBARRASSING Performative Couples & Having A Mom in Congress

From Lovett or Leave It · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 21 min · 3,906 words · 101 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Robin Thede on "Relationship Goals", EMBARRASSING Performative Couples & Having A Mom in Congress", an episode of Lovett or Leave It published January 18, 2026 (21 min, about 3,906 words). It mentions 9 people, works and ideas, including Relationship Goals, Donald Trump, Kelly Roland, Robin Theiti, Amber Ruffin.

What this episode is about

Robin Thede discusses the complexities of modern romance in her new romcom "Relationship Goals," highlighting the challenges posed by online personas and the struggle for authenticity in dating. She emphasizes how individuals often present curated versions of themselves, complicating genuine connections and leading to misunderstandings in relationships.

Key takeaways

  • Your best friends can be flounders; they might just lack the depth for real support.
  • Dating truth: Everyone is a storyteller, but our narratives often blend fantasy with self-deception.
  • Public displays of affection? They're often just performances, making relationships look more cringey than charming.
  • Therapy as a baseline? In today's chaos, even casual chats beat going 'raw dog' with your emotions!
  • Authenticity over aesthetics: If your posts scream effort over excitement, they might just be performative traps.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Relationship Goals, Kelly Roland
  2. – 10:00: Donald Trump, Amber Ruffin, Phyllis Theiti
  3. – 15:00: Smalls, Ziotics, Ziotics, Relationship Goals

Notable quotes from "Robin Thede on "Relationship Goals", EMBARRASSING Performative Couples & Having A Mom in Congress"

  • So, you're in a new romcom called Relationship Goals.
    about Relationship Goals · at
  • And would you say that's the message of the movie? That relationships are great, but you got to just hang out with Kelly Roland.
    about Kelly Roland · at
  • Wait, your mom, Phyllis Theiti, was an Iowa State Representative from 2009 to 2023.
    about Phyllis Theiti · at
  • But when they put the Trump picture up, just it was such a sad day. It was just so weird. It just the whole thing just felt very weird, very odd. I remember we were at a live show and.
    about Donald Trump · at
  • And almost and surreal situation, you're producing an off Broadway play about Bigfoot with Amber Ruffin.
    about Amber Ruffin · at
  • Love it or leave it is brought by Ziotics. Let's face it, after a night with drinks, you don't bounce back the next day like you don't.
    about Ziotics · at
  • Remember to head to zbiotics.com/loit and use code love it at checkout for 15% off. Love it or leave it is brought to you by Smalls. January is when we all try to reset. Why…
    about Smalls · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Donald Trump — Person · Referenced political figure · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as part of the political timeline and as a symbol of the shift in political climate; discussed via the ritual of displaying the president’s portrait.
  • Kelly Roland — Person · Referenced celebrity (joke/example) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a humorous shorthand for choosing friends/independence over relationships in the discussion of a Vogue essay and relationship performativity.
  • Robin Theiti — Person · 3 mentions
  • Amber Ruffin — Person · 2 mentions · first at
  • Phyllis Theiti — Person · 1 mention · first at

Books & papers

  • Relationship Goals — Book · Primary recommendation · 2 mentions · first at
    Discussed in the context of romantic relationships and the challenges people face in modern dating.

Sponsors

  • Ziotics — Company · Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a probiotic drink designed to mitigate the effects of alcohol consumption the next day.
  • Ziotics — Sponsor · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Promoted as a probiotic drink designed to mitigate the effects of alcohol consumption.
    Love it or leave it is brought by Ziotics. Let's face it, after a night with drinks, you don't bounce back the next day like you don't.
  • Smalls — Sponsor · Sponsor · 4 mentions · first at
    Advertised as a premium cat food brand offering personalized, health-conscious options for pets.

Full transcript with timestamps

She needs, you know what? Her best friends really let her down. Flown. You know why? Because Flounder and the crab, they just don't They're not They don't They're just not They're bettas. They're bettas.

Yes. Yes. They're bettas. They do not have enough life experience. It's unbelievable. All right,

I'm just a boy standing on stage asking my first guest to come on out. Please put your hands together for Robin They.

Hi. Hi. Welcome. Hi. Nice to see you. you. Come on in. Thank you. Um, welcome. Thank you.

So, you're in a new romcom called Relationship Goals. Oh, getting right to it. Yes.

What do you think the main hurdles people are running up against romantically? Okay. Number one, men. Number two, sorry, straight men. Um, no. I don't know. I have I You know what is so crazy? Like I think everyone I know that wasn't a serious question, but I'm going to give you a serious answer. I think everyone's confused because everyone online is not who they are in person, whether they want to be or not. You know, we're all kind of putting our best foot forward or whatever, hiding our psychosis a bit,

right? Isn't that what dating is meant to uncover? That's why we do it. I think we've always told us very mysterious and they can lie.

I don't know, right? They do lie, but but but probably always have. We've always told a story about who we think we are. I think sometimes when you go on a date, you tell a story about who you think you are, and it's actually

you think there's parts that are true. Yeah. And the parts you're trying to kind of exaggerate, but even the parts you think are true are a story you're telling yourself. And then over time, you figure out what's the real story of this person according to you, which is also not true because it's through your lens, which is also based on your own self-conception. And that's also false.

There's always three sides to a story, right? Yours, mine, and the truth. That's right.

Yeah. That's what I learned in therapy. Why are you so disappointed in my therapy?

No, I think therapy is great. I'm just so busy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, so busy. No, I got to

And I don't need it anymore. I needed it for a while. I feel like in these times though, it's like therapy is like just a baseline for trying to just keep it together. I don't know. I don't Is anyone like I don't know how people are raw dogging it without some sort of conversation. Doesn't have to be with a licensed person, but at least a friend who listens or something.

Well, we have our staff meetings on Mondays. Okay. Okay. There you go. And that's really usually my space.

That's your time to kind of work through some stuff. That's probably an HR problem. couldn't. Yeah, probably. Uh, now this fall, uh, a a Vogue sparked a devastating conversation, uh, with with an essay that said, "Is having a boyfriend embarrassing you?"

Oh my god, I loved it. Yeah. And would you say that's the message of the movie? That that relationships are great, but you got to just hang out with Kelly Roland.

No. You know, and you know what's funny about that article? I love the lady that wrote it. She's now writing a book in Bali. I I'm like obsessed with her Instagram.

Great place to Great place to write a book. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I go to Bali, I'll be writing a book.

Why not? Um it's funny because my girlfriends and I were talking about this article. It was it was all of our group chats were blowing up when this came out. And we kind of came to the conclusion that like public boyfriends are embarrassing. So like publicly performing your relationship,

performative relationships are embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. And but really right. So basically you're saying like if you're in a relationship and you're it seems almost like why are you posting so much about

Yeah. these publicly kind of performative relationships where it's like oh it's our Instagram account and everything we do is about us and I don't know even the family ones are a little cringey to me because I'm like these kids didn't ask to do this. I don't

I worry about that. I worry about that. I really do. I worry about what it does to their brains. So yeah, I just think performative, anything that's so performative, I'm not saying you can't post your boyfriend, you can post your boyfriend, but like anything that feels overly performative is just very embarrassing.

But it does it I know what you mean, but then it does raise the question, what isn't performative and what isn't import, you know, and you're, you know, what is

I think authenticity is the bar, right? If it feels like, oh, you guys just had a fun hike and you posted about it, fine. But if you're like, look at us, everything's perfect. everything's aesthetically pleasing and like this dinner is perfectly edited the way I don't know if it feels too

right. It needs to come from an organic place of pride and then not efforted, right? Like an organic need to share because you're excited but without enough self-reflection to want the attention.

That's right. You can't want the attention you're seeking. I know. No, it's why I literally just I don't know. I avoid that altogether. I don't post any relationship stuff.

I remember somebody said this. Also, all my boyfriends would find out about each other and that would be very embarrassing.

How many How many boyfriends do you have? About 12. 12. Wow. That's a lot. I got 12 different.

That's so cool. That's so cool. You get to try so many fun restaurants. So many restaurants. Wait, your mom, Phyllis Theiti, was an Iowa State Representative from 2009 to 2023.

Yeah. Um, which extends from Obama one to Trump 2. Yes. Yes. Quite a ride. She's uh Yeah. Seven terms. And in the House, they have to run every other year. So, it's every other year is an election year, which is insane. And she still managed to get work done, which was great. What did she learn about politics once what what changed about what she thought being a politician was versus what it turned out to actually be?

Well, I remember being with her uh in 2008 when she got elected for the 2009 term and and Obama won won the same night and and it was just such an incredibly high high, you know. And then I remember being with her on the last election night when she lost her seat and there was a massive red wave in Iowa and and you know a state had gone from blue to purple to red in that in those 14 years and it was it was just so different. I think the the whole political climate on both sides of the aisle was very I don't know I don't frustrating isn't the word but um kind of hopeless right I mean obviously Obama's especially first term was all about hope and change and all of those things and we still felt that even as he was leaving and I think there was just an absence of that there was just no kind of I don't know It felt very aid, I think, when she left, if that makes sense.

I feel like um when Obama wins in 08 and then 12, it was part of a kind of feeling of, oh, we're like we're heading into the future.

Yes. And that he represented a change that was happening. And in hindsight, actually his singular talents were uh overcoming a backlash in part stirred by the fact that he was black, but but also just larger

creating a backlash that we see the likes of. I mean, you know, it's it's wild. It's wild. And I think that that regression or or that shift to whatever we're in now was was so evident and I think she was kind of glad to retire when she did. But she definitely worked hard the whole time and never gave up and always tried to work across the aisle. But you know it's it's so they have to put up a picture of the current president and they have to say the pledge of allegiance to it. Did you guys know this?

And so they play the flag. I would hope. Well, I guess the flag's there, too. There, too. Yeah.

But when they put the Trump picture up, just it was such a sad day. It was just so weird. It It just the whole thing just felt very weird, very odd. I remember we were at a live show and uh for PI America and there was a person in the audience that asked a question and it was something like after he's gone like can we take down all the portraits and like can we and and like can we kind of like erase it?

No. And it's like no absolutely not portrait has to stay. Absolutely not. No. Has to go in the National Portrait Gallery. It has to

we're gonna No, it's forever. Yeah. We're going to remember this. This door locked behind us, babe. All right.

Locked and burned. Yeah. And wait, and and speaking of um uh uh unreality and the sense that we're living in what seems like an impossible um and almost and surreal situation, you're producing an off Broadway play about Bigfoot with Amber Ruffin.

Yes. Bigfoot. Remember, remember Harry and the Hendersons? Yes, I remember Harry and

Remember Alf? There were two different shows at the same roughly the same. I'm a massive Alf. But Alf was an alien.

Al was an alien. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Small, furry. Yeah. And big. Yeah. Big. Much more sasquatch. Yeah.

What's the difference between Bigfoot, Sasquatch, and yeti? I'm so glad you asked that.

So, a Yeti is more of a polar or is a Himalayan. Well, sure, but he's mountainous. He's white.

Cold and white. Yes. Yeti. And um Sasquatch and Bigfoot are often confused, but a Sasquatch actually has longer hair and a much more of a me I have no idea what the difference between Sasquatch is. So obviously I've done no research. Um but I do know enough to tell you that Amber Ruffin has written one of the funniest musicals and it's like a '9s rock musical. Like it's so freaking funny. It's like Spam a Lot Book of Mormon like very farcical and silly but with a big heart and uh Gay Henson who played Elf on Broadway um uh is playing Bigfoot and it's just the funniest. It went to like Edinburgh and stuff over the past couple years all these festivals and won everything and now it's going to be off Broadway.

And you were telling me backstage there is a pretty graphic sex scene in it. Well, a few. Yeah.

Love it or leave it is brought by Ziotics. Let's face it, after a night with drinks, you don't bounce back the next day like you don't.

You got to make a choice. You can either have a great night or a great next day. That is until

we found pre-alcohol. Ziotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. It's a buildup of this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for rough days after drinking. Pre-alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. Just remember to make pre-alcohol your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and you'll feel your best tomorrow. We love Ziotics. I took some. I was in Mexico for a couple days over the break. We just brought them down there so that we could have, you know, a night of a night of drinking.

Don't leave home without them. Yeah, that's all I can say about it. If you're ready to try it, go to zbiotics.com/loit. You'll get 15% off your first order when you use love it at checkout. Plus, it's backed by a 100% money back guarantee, so there's no risk. Subscriptions are also available for maximum consistency. Remember to head to zbiotics.com/loit and use code love it at checkout for 15% off. Love it or leave it is brought to you by Smalls. January is when we all try to reset. Why shouldn't we also reset our pets? Wait, what? We're set for our pets. It's 2026. Do you still feed your cat like it's 1926 for a limited time? Get 60% off your first order. How do you feed your cat like it's 1926?

What the What? They're feeding it mice. Yeah. Fish doing the Charleston. What are we talking about? The point is, you get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/loit. Smalls cat food is proteinpacked recipes made with preservative free ingredients you'd find in your fridge, and it's delivered right to your door. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. Starting with Smalls is easy. Just share info about your cat's diet, health, and food preferences. Then, Smalls puts together a personalized sampler for your cat. No more picking between random brands at the store. Smalls has the right food to satisfy any cat's cravings. After switching to Smalls, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements and wait till they gave it to the cats. Then it got even crazier.

It's a big deal. And and the team at Smalls is so confident your cat will love their product. You can try it risk- free. That means they will refund you if your cat won't eat their food. Make 2026 your cat's healthiest year yet. Take advantage of their New Year special and get 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/loit. one last time. That's 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/loit.

So, Robin, in honor of your of of relationship goals, uh, in which you are a friend Yes. Uh, a a friend to the the the romcom kind of couple. Will they will theying and won't they? Yes.

Uh, it's time for a segment we're calling Oh, this is my emotional support person. Ah, way to be hyped.

The heck. That's good. I like this. Okay. I was going to be my laptop wallpaper.

Uh, so here's what we're going to do. Uh, I'm going to give you two uh romcom besties and you pick your favorite of the two.

Oh, great. And then we'll go up against the next one and so on. Uh, keep in mind you do not know which best friend is coming next. Are you ready?

I'm ready. All right. First up, we have Aquafina as Rachel's college uh roommate in Crazy Rich Asians. And we have Paula Patton as Morgan in the 2010 Queen Latifah common romcom Justice.

Oh, now what am I judging this on? Who you just you're you're picking the best friend. Who do you want? Choose you. You can just choose.

Well, Aquafina was a mess. Her character was a mess in that movie. So, I I guess I'm going to have to go with Paula Patton.

Great. All right. Next up, all right, we have uh now we have Paul Patton as Morgan versus uh Arcine Hall as semi in Coming to America.

Arc City Hall, The Hand of Town. My favorite movie of all time. Yeah, it's when he gets

the hot I What was it about that hot tub in the Oh my god, so funny. No, how about when he plays the the woman on the speed dating that I mean like all of them playing multiple roles, but Arseno does not get enough credit for how funny he is in this.

So good. Um I love that a part. Yeah, it's a rental, too. They got the hot tub in there.

Yes. Yes. And then the landlord takes it over when he has to. Yeah. So good. Right.

Uh All right. Now we have Semi versus Monica Calhoun as Quincy and Monica's mutual friend Carrie in Love and Basketball.

Oh. Oh, okay. Love and Basketball's a classic. I still got to go with Semi because he he rode for uh his friend doing the craziest things and really, you know, and really rode for himself because he wanted to get all the perks of being the friend of the prince. But yeah, I'm still going to go with Semi.

I support that. Next up, Semi versus uh Dave Chappelle as Joe's bookstore manager, Kevin, and you've got mail.

I thought you were going to say Dave Chappelle and Robin Hood Men and Tights. And then I was gonna or even Halfbaked. And I was going to give you both of those, but I'm going to stick with Semi.

Yeah, I think that's right. I think that's right. I think that's right. Uh I Tom Hanks is the villain in that film, by the way. Just want to be clear about that. There makes

I have a theory that Tom Hanks is the villain in every film. Oh, interesting. Even Captain Phillips uh the

think about it. Forest Gump. Think about it. He did Lieutenant Dan wrong. Just saying

that. You know what I learned there? If anyone says something to you with a kind of authoritative tone,

Yeah. Yeah. You get the That cues them. That was I'm worried about what just happened.

I'm worried about that. them of anything. All right. Now, we have Semi versus Carrie Fischer as Sally's desperate bestie, Marie, in When Harry Met Sally.

Oh, but Carrie Fischer has so many other good roles I could pick her for. What is she? Has she ever been another romcom bestie?

Well, Star Wars is a romcom, right? But but she's falling in love with her brother.

That's true. That's true. That's the beauty. Oh, no. It's Harrison Ford. I know that. I remember

um I still a semi. It's my favorite movie. It's your favorite movie. So good. I'll change at some point if you pick one. There is one person that could beat him.

Okay, we'll see if we get there. Next up, it's it's Rupert Everett as George in uh My Best Friend's Wedding.

You know what? I'm going to have to go with Rupert Everett. He was a great friend in that movie and she was a mess and she had no business being the lead of that movie. I think she and I love Julia Roberts. Adore her. But I she was wrong in every way in that movie.

Yeah. But he was a great friend. He was a great friend to her. That movie is very much It's funny because it's like from the perspective

like it's it's obviously so from her perspective, but it's also kind of from the perspective of like

it's as if the movie isn't aware of what real relationships are like. Like like

Right. And at some point somebody goes, "No, no, no. They're going to root for her to ruin her best friend's life. I don't know. I But Rupert effort is amazing in that movie. He's amazing.

It's sort of this like quality of romcoms, even the great ones, which is that they treat the possibility of ending up together as like everything has to be just right. Like like everything is

literally a movie called Just Right. Yeah. But how like in like The Little Mermaid like they're if they're if they're ever going to kiss everything has to be just right. But like

when people want to kiss they kiss. They kiss. And I'm not selling my voice just to kiss a man with legs. Okay.

And that's so important. And that's so important. Your voice. She was like, "What?"

Yeah. Also a great movie. She needs You know what? Her best friends really let her down. Flound. You know why? Cuz Flounder and the Crab, they just don't They're not They don't They're just not They're bettas. They're bettas.

Yes. Yes. They're bettas. They do not have enough life experience. It's unbelievable. All right.

Flounder. Really? Yeah. It's in the name. All right. Now, we have Rupert Everett as George.

Yes. Uh versus Queen Latifah as Sydney's supportive cousin, Francine in Brown Sugar.

No. Rupert Everett. And I love Dana. I love Queen Latifah. Sorry. Uh, no. I still got to go with Rupert Everett. And I love Brown Sugar.

Who do you think is the best then? Who would have beaten? Is there anyone that could beat Who could be who?

Philip Seymour Hoffman. And along came Polly. And that's so interesting. Yeah. Wow.

He was so funny and so useless as a friend that he actually drove bad decisions that led to good decisions. And so I just I just also love him and miss him.

He was fun to watch. He was very good. He was also great in Mission Impossible.

He was fantastic in Mission Impossible. So to think that he could be that horrible child actor turned whatever he was in Along Came Polly versus Mission Impossible is like the range

and Boogie Knights. And Boogie Knights and didn't he play some who was the artist he played? Not Andy Warhol, but some Anyway, he's an icon. Who was it?

Capot. Thank you. Truman Capot. Yeah, it was amazing. Well, the winner is Rupert Everett as George. Relationship Gold is on Amazon Prime on February 4th. Thank you. It's love it or leave it.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Robin Thede on "Relationship Goals", EMBARRASSING Performative Couples & Having A Mom in Congress"?

Jon Lovett (Guest), Robin Thede (Guest).

What is "Robin Thede on "Relationship Goals", EMBARRASSING Performative Couples & Having A Mom in Congress" about?

Robin Thede discusses the complexities of modern romance in her new romcom "Relationship Goals," highlighting the challenges posed by online personas and the struggle for authenticity in dating. She emphasizes how individuals often present curated versions of themselves, complicating genuine connections and leading to misunderstandings in relationships.

What is mentioned in this Lovett or Leave It episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Relationship Goals, Donald Trump, Kelly Roland, Robin Theiti, Amber Ruffin, Phyllis Theiti. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Robin Thede on "Relationship Goals", EMBARRASSING Performative Couples & Having A Mom in Congress"?

The episode runs 21 min; the transcript is about 3,906 words in 101 timestamped sections.

More from Lovett or Leave It

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.