Why the "Melania" Documentary is a Total Bribe

What this episode is about

The content critiques the "Melania" documentary, suggesting it is essentially a form of propaganda that misrepresents reality and hides the truth behind its portrayal of the former First Lady. It explores the discomfort of discussing public figures and provides humorous anecdotes about social interactions, along with a segment on offering light-hearted criticism on various topics.

Key takeaways

• When it comes to bribes, subtlety is dead—just look at empty Melania popcorn buckets across America.
• Celebrity interactions can leave a bad vibe faster than you can say "What’s gluten?"
• Ironic that Melania’s film faces a bigger audience problem than her husband’s presidency did.
• Corporations treat blatant bribery like a film premiere; they want applause, not applause lauding their lack of subtlety.
• Why does Apple design feel like Russian nesting dolls? There's a button for everything, but nothing makes sense!

Who speaks in this episode?

• John Lovett (Host) · 12 min speaking
• Andy Richter (Guest) · 6 min speaking
• Vic McCausland (Guest) · 2 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 3:00: Andy Richter, Melania, Chrissy Gnome
2. 3:00 – 6:00: Chrissy Gnome, Tim Cook
3. 6:00 – 9:00: Chrissy Gnome, Alcatraz
4. 9:00 – 12:00: Cook Unity, Andy Richter, Alcatraz
5. 12:00 – 15:00: Blinds.com, Cook Unity

Notable quotes from "Why the "Melania" Documentary is a Total Bribe"

• You don't give a [ __ ] about that stuff.

  about Andy Richter · at 0:41

• Currently, all across America, there are movie theaters that are empty. They are empty because of a bribe. Every movie theater that has an empty room where Melania is playing…

  about Melania · at 2:40

• Tim Cook is going to the premiere of an Amazon. He's from Apple, a competing streaming service, going to the premiere at the White House for an Amazon movie.

  about Tim Cook · at 4:26

• Yeah. Yeah. Just specifically, I heard I just saw something today where she said something about how everything I've done was at the bidding of the president and Steven Miller, which is the beginning of the end, hun.

  about Chrissy Gnome · at 5:53

• And here's the thing. I was thinking when I saw that a coyote had swam to Alcatraz. I thought it was too hard to do that and that everybody who tried that died going the other way.

  about Alcatraz · at 9:08

• Taste, comfort, and craftsmanship in every bite from the award-winning chefs behind Cookunity. Go to cookunity.com/l lowly or enter code lowly before checking out to get 50%…

  about Cook Unity · at 13:01

• Now, Blinds.com is giving our listeners an exclusive $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code love it at checkout. Limited time offer. Rules and restrictions apply.…

  about Blinds.com · at 14:15

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Andy Richter — Person · Main guest · 3 mentions · first at 0:44
  On-stage guest and frequent speaker; participates in the 'constructive criticism' bit and plugs his podcast and Dancing with the Stars tour involvement.
• Chrissy Gnome — Person · Referenced political figure (misnamed in transcript) · 3 mentions · first at 0:10
  Target of Andy Richter's critique; discussed as a political appointee 'throwing others under the bus' and referenced in a story about mishandling a gun.
• Tim Cook — Person · Referenced public figure · 1 mention · first at 4:26
  Mentioned as an example of corporate/tech leaders publicly courting political favor; used to support the segment's critique about brazen capitulation.

Places & events

• Alcatraz — Place · Setting · 2 mentions · first at 7:57
  Mentioned in a story about a coyote swimming to the island and eating birds.

Media & podcasts

• Melania — Media · Referenced work · 2 mentions · first at 2:01
  Critiqued as a film allegedly supported by bribes, playing in empty theaters.

Sponsors

• Cook Unity — Product · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at 11:30
  Promoted as a meal delivery service offering chef-designed dishes for a healthier lifestyle.
• Blinds.com — Product · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at 13:24
  Advertised as a service for custom blinds and shades with professional installation options.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 The guy is so uncomfortable because it's like this is not how you're supposed to hold it.

0:04 Yeah. Yeah. And like why does she have a gun? She's the She's She thought he was a dog is the problem.

0:10 Yeah. She's the secretary of homeland security. Her job is meetings. We're not telling saying who it is, but I have a story about the person that you had a story about.

0:22 Is that true? It's a very small interaction, but I was introduced to that person.

0:28 Okay. at a party years and years ago and I wasn't it wasn't like I said, "Oh, please introduce me to this celebrity." I didn't care. I was not seeking out the conversation. I I did. It wasn't like I walked up to a group of people talking.

0:41 You don't give a [ __ ] about that stuff. You're John. Love it. That's right, Andy Richtor. and and it was a couple of people I knew and I was introduced in this conversation and the person that was rude to you. I have never seen a person so aggressively look behind me like force someone else to talk to and I by the way my eyes dart. I I have I have like kind of a mircat uh uh energy and constitution, but this person was such in just a I've never gotten a worse vibe from somebody so quickly.

1:17 I wonder if it was the same party and it's because they were sort of looking at the uh waffle cone and they're worried about the gluten someone tonight and it was me.

1:28 Uh Andy, you grew up in Illinois. I did. Vic, you're from New Jersey. Sure. But you're so nice, no one would ever notice. Uh, a few days in the Midwest has really softened my edges. That that or I have a debilitating frostbite. Either way, I thought we could use that Minnesota nights to give some constructive criticism to people, places, and things that desperately need it this week in a segment we're calling constructive criticism. So, here's how it works. Rea's going to provide some Minnesota nice criticism of something that bugged us this week. Uh, I'm going to kick it off. I want to talk about the Melania film briefly and here's what I want to say um to uh the the corporations um uh the powerful corporations um you know uh uh at least when Tom Hman who is currently running the the show in Minnesota allegedly took a bribe he did it surreptitiously in a cava bag and he hid it he took the he we don't know what

2:29 happened with it and whether or not it's an alleged thing that happened seems Surely seems like sounds like it happened, but we don't know. Uh, but he took a bribe, but he clearly wanted nobody to know about it. That shows us at least a little bit of respect. Currently, all across America, there are movie theaters that are empty. They are empty because of a bribe. Every movie theater that has an empty room where Melania is playing for no one with empty Melania popcorn buckets is part of a bribe. Like, they're not keeping it a secret at all.

2:58 They're doing popcorn buckets. They are doing popcorn buckets. Oh my goodness. Oh my god. And you know, even the people designing them were kind of mad cuz they're not even fun ones. It's just a picture on a popcorn bucket. We could have had so much.

3:13 They're not mad. They're like, "Oh, okay. Sure. There you go." If somebody was having fun, this would have been the top of the popcorn bucket and the chair and she just sort of would have like folded over onto her legs. You know what I'm talking about? And then the popcorn would have been under here,

3:27 right? Like sort of Yeah. Right. Like a sort of a cool and interesting for the bucket. They cheaped out on the bucket. They said, "No, thank you."

3:33 They spent tens of millions of dollars buying this thing. They're spending tens of millions of dollars marketing this thing. It is for no one because it is a bribe. And the bribe is just in our faces in in our if you go look for movie times, there's the bribe. You can see it everywhere. And uh also, just one note on the black and white design thing. It's like, god, they have the worst [ __ ] taste in the world. It's like, oh wow. Like, I don't know. It's like like I guess she's been to the ugliest place in Vegas and got an idea. Um that's neither here nor there. But to the corporations that are doing this capitulating, could you do it a little bit less brazenly in our faces, could you be a little bit more bashful about it? You're just installing your uh uh uh acolytes at CBS. you are actively uh putting fake movies in theaters as part of this scheme to gain favor with Trump.

4:26 Tim Cook is going to the premiere of an Amazon. He's from Apple, a competing streaming service, going to the premiere at the White House for an Amazon movie. It's all just so in our faces. Be a little True. Yes. Just I'll be a little bit embarrassed about it. And then clearly he felt embarrassed about it. So he put out a statement and the statement's like,

4:42 "Uh, yeah, I told him." He's like, "Did you Tim? Did you tell him?" And look, I don't I got a new uh iPhone recently because my old one uh um kept

4:53 You don't need a reason. You got a new iPhone. You deserve it, honey. You're right. I just bought it cuz I wanted it and my phone cracked. Um but so on the new iPhone, there's a button on the side that if you hold it, I think sometimes becomes the camera only sometimes. There's another button on the side. I don't know what that one does, but it does different things if you hold it and if you tap it, you can change the settings, but it's deeply baffling how. And you never know what setting you've turned on. I have multiple devices that are all midnight blue, but they're all different midnight blues. And all I'm saying is if Steve Jobs hadn't decided to treat cancer with bone broth, maybe we'd have a different kind of leadership at Apple.

5:39 So bone broth is the enemy. That's right. Yeah. Um, it would have had a little bit of your hip in it. I think you would have been okay.

5:48 All right, Andy, you there was something that um Yeah, Christy Gnome. Oh, you want to talk about Christy Gnome?

5:53 Yeah. Yeah. Just specifically, um I heard I just saw something today where she said something about how everything I've done was at the bidding of the president and Steven Miller, which is the beginning of the end, hun. Like, you should know. And and I do feel like cuz she's from one of the Dakotas, I can't remember which, that's very close to Minnesota. So, she's got to be used to being talked to like this.

6:21 Um, making your face look like every other woman at Mara Lago is not going to prevent him from blaming everything on you. The only exercise this man gets is throwing people under buses. And you are next in line. So you better just start now with the mayulpas and the blaming those guys.

6:44 Yeah, I think that's right. Well, also I just would say that this is a picture where she's um pointing a gun at someone by mistake. And if you watch the video of this, the guy is so uncomfortable because it's like this is not how you're supposed to hold it.

6:57 Yeah. And like why does she have a gun? She's the She's She thought he was a dog is the problem.

7:02 Yeah. She's the secretary of homeland security. her job is meetings and all of these things. Like look at all the stuff on that gun. Like it's like it's like there's there's like a hot dog warmer on it or something. It's like all these different tubes and all of them have these like like what is in all these pockets? What do you guys need?

7:23 Yeah. The NRA said no gun control, but you could have a hot dog warmer extension on

7:28 Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I I did like that statement. Like everything I did I did because the president Stephen Miller told me. And it's like, hm, is that a statement you're making now or um at a tribunal in 5 years?

7:40 Yeah, exactly. Uh like, oh, you were just following orders. Where have I heard that before? Has that worked in the past?

7:45 Shopping it for the H. Yeah. Uh Vic, you wanted to talk about a coyote. Yeah. Okay. So, finally, here we go. Hey, little guy. Uh, so this this guy swam to Alcatraz and was eating birds and then and then was so and just was so full on birds. And so this really isn't a note for him. I think he did an A+ job. Sort of like, you know, if you're searching for food, that's kind of, you know, perseverance and made it work and made it happen. Let's get those birds in iPad. We can't be so trusting. You know what I mean? They got to have a little bit of education, I think. I think I want them on YouTube. I want them watching video essays sort of about how the world works because we're sitting ducks and I think we can be educated ducks. You know what I mean?

8:33 Smart because I I do think if you're a bird on Algatraz, you have it pretty good.

8:38 You have it pretty good. Just just buses and buses of kids coming through dropping food on the ground,

8:43 dropping crackers and hot dog buns. You get lazy. You get lazy. You get Yeah. Your guard goes down

8:49 and next thing you know there's a coyote from the mainland and you're going up to it and they're like "Hey

8:54 here's the thing, too." Yeah, like the dodos. Like the dodos that would run up to the to the to the to the to the people off the boats and being like, "What's up?" and be like, "Mistake. I'm terrible.

9:05 I'm going to kill all of you and everyone that ever knew you." And uh here's the thing. I was thinking when I saw that a coyote had swam swam swam to Alcatraz. I thought it was too hard to do that and that everybody who tried that died going the other way.

9:19 Yeah. Cuz I thought Clint would died when he swam from Alcatraz. But it seems like if a coyote could do it, why can't it?

9:26 I feel like that has to be a tale that just cuz have you been to the Bay Area, it doesn't look that far. And so here's my thought is that anytime a prisoner would escape, they were just like died. He died.

9:39 They had to die. Yeah, they he died. I don't know. And to try and stop other people from doing it, but it was just, you know, it mostly was just pretty easy. And

9:46 I think I think there were I think I seem to I mean I remember reading about it years ago and I think there were some people that made it but they like got nabbed immediately. Like I don't think anybody made it the swim and then really sort of disappeared into the vapor.

10:01 Here's the plan though. You can't swim straight back to shore. You got to swim long ways.

10:06 I think that's rip tides. Uh what? Okay. Um and that's constructive criticism. Yeah.

10:13 Yay. Everybody should catch Andy on Dancing with the Stars. There's a tour. There's a tour. You're going on tour. I'm going on tour. Uh I'm going uh from uh the the middle of February to the February to the beginning of March and then the middle of April to the second weekend.

10:31 You're seeing the Star Spangle Banner before they get started, right? I am. That's that's I'm that's the first 15 minutes of the show cuz I scat a lot. Um, no, but I'm I'm going to be MCing with my former dance partner, Emma. Uh, maybe doing a little bit of dancing, too. Um, I'm not exactly sure yet.

10:51 I'm excited. I'm excited for you to get out there. Get get you greased up and out there.

10:56 Hey, let's grease up Andy Richtor. Get him dancing out there. It is It is a gruelling tour. It is like They're doing like 97 dates.

11:03 Wow. Yeah. Like, are you going to do all of them? No, no, no. I'm only doing like a total of about five weeks. That's cool.

11:11 In two different chunks. But yeah, but it's on a bus. It is not, you know, it's a nice bus, but it's a bus.

11:17 And you watch Vic on Ponies, which is streaming now on Peacock. Peacock. Peacock has ponies. Vic has very important people on Dropout TV. Andy, you can listen to three questions with any richer wherever you get your podcasts. Um, when we come back, we have a few second thoughts. Love it or leave it is brought to you by Cook Unity. It's the beginning of the year. We're all trying to eat a little better, be a little healthier, and Cook Unity is a great way to do that. Cook Unity brings restaurant level flavor to your fresh start with chef designed dishes that balance nourishment, creativity, and everyday luxury. Choose your own path with new meal collections like fiber maxing, mood boosting, better for sleep, and protein forward. Cook Unity is also launching chef's table, the Lunar Feast drop, a limited twoe collaboration where chefs celebrate Lunar New Year with symbolic fortune-filled dishes and

11:59 behindthe-scenes storytelling. Explore how chefs are redefining wellness and infusing their creativity and cultural roots into each meal. I am a huge fan of Cook Unity. I've just uh recently uh gave it a try and I really loved they had a spicy ratoni with chicken. They had a salmon teriyak dish that I really liked. I really liked a carne asada bowl that I had and they really made it so convenient because like sometimes like I'll run to the gym in the morning and then I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to have for breakfast, but I also could just pop in a breakfast burrito from Cook Unity and it's ready in minutes and it's really good. It's just a really great option. You can have a couple meals come to your house a week and then you just know that in your fridge you have four or five or six or seven or eight or whatever number of meals that you just can reliably count on for being just really great. And it

12:51 is fun to pick. You can pick a few kind of Asian inpired dishes and you can have some Italian dishes and you can have some you can have a burger, whatever. And it's like fun to pick out your assortment and know that they're going to be there for you during the week. Taste, comfort, and craftsmanship in every bite from the award-winning chefs behind Cookunity. Go to cookunity.com/l lowly or enter code lowly before checking out to get 50% off your first order. That's 50% off your first order by using code LI or going to cook.com/lli.

13:20 Cook is great. Uh and uh you know do it. Love it or leave it is brought to you by blinds.com. If you've ever thought about upgrading your window treatments but didn't want the hassle, blinds.com is here to change the game. They're the only company that lets you shop custom blinds and shades online, then backs it up with professional inhome measure and installation services. At Blinds.com, you can skip the stress and get expert design advice through their convenient virtual consultations on your schedule. Whether you know exactly what you want or need a little help deciding, they've got you covered. Do it yourself or sit back and let Blinds.com handle everything from measure to install.

13:50 Either way, you have access to experts every step of the way. Blinds.com makes it easy to get the designer look without the showroom markups. They're on a mission to make custom window treatments easy and affordable for everyone. Get the same quality and service you would at other high-end stores, but at a fraction of the price. Get samples sent directly to your door fast and free. Compare colors, textures, and materials right from the comfort of home to help you make the perfect selection. All blinds.com orders are backed by their 100% satisfaction guarantee. If you're not happy, they'll make it right. Right now, Blinds.com is giving our listeners an exclusive $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code love it at checkout. Limited time offer. Rules and restrictions apply. Seblinds.com for details. Now, it's time for a segment we call Second Thoughts. Here's how it works. I say some things I think that I

14:31 have some second thoughts about from this show. Uh, first up, you know what's funny about kitchens? We stayed on this for too long.

14:37 Yeah. What's funny about kitchens? Well, yeah. And then we we couldn't sort of figure out where the out was, so we just kept talking about kitchens. Kind of like right now where we sort of were like, do we move on? Do we keep on it?

14:46 Yeah, like that. Now, producers are wondering if we should have thickened thoughts about the detail playbyplay on the hip surgery. Don't agree. I loved every second of it. I thought that was good content.

14:55 You pansies. Uh I did set myself up for a burn by Andy in the second in the part about celebrity cuz maybe I just wasn't remembered.

15:04 Yeah. Yeah. Um so that felt biggest laugh of the night. Did it feel that bad? No, I could take it.

15:10 You know I love you. I could take it. I thought it was He's here. I thought it was a loving kind thing. It was fun. We're joshing.

15:17 My love language is leaving the house for you. Oh, that's beautiful. Like I do not do that for people that I don't love. And for me, I sh I'm there even if I'm not invited.

15:28 I'm at the door. I'm knocking. I'm hoping somebody will open and I'm sitting down for dinner.

15:34 My love language is acts of service. Okay. H um oh uh oh uh one second thought I have is I I struggled to commit to the Minnesota nice style of criticism. I just kind of criticized people. I really forgot to be constructive. We did spend a lot of time backstage going, "Are we doing accents for this?" And they were sort of like, "Yes, John for sure is going to do an accent. He's really excited about it."

15:59 Yeah. And I didn't. And you were workshopping the accent we Well, I did workshop it a little bit, but then everybody said it sounded like I was making fun of Minnesota at a bad time.

16:08 Can we hear one line? Is that crazy? Oh, I don't know. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. That was it. That was all Oh, I don't Oh, I don't know if I could say anything to the governor. I don't. See, it's not anything. This is why it's not I have a second thought about doing that.

16:20 Yeah. Do you have any second thoughts about the show, Vic? Just sort of in general. Yeah. Yeah. So, I was here a couple of weeks ago and I stole mugs from your show.

16:28 You have mugs backstage that just sort of live back there and as a bit we were all sort of bringing stuff on stage when we were getting introduced and so I had two of your mugs.

16:36 Um, and I wish we had mugs here that I could um hand out to the audience right now.

16:44 So, sort of as sort of a second thought for a different show that I was on. I'm related TO THIS ONE. AH, yes we do. Can I hand out all of them? Is that crazy? I only had two last time and there's like nine.

16:56 You should You should also include that you handed them out and that the the house

17:00 So I did hand them out and then somebody in the booth, shout out to the booth, uh said, "Uh, you absolutely cannot take those. John's going to scream at me."

17:08 I Yeah, if you think the person we were talking about is bad, wait to see what I'm like back there

17:13 about your mugs. Yeah. Okay. So, can I can I get out? Get those out. Yeah. Okay.

17:18 Wow. Whoa, here we go. Okay, I love this. And they're in the packaging, which is nice. They weren't in the packaging last time. Okay, who wants one?

17:26 Okay, give me one compliment. I'm amazing. I'll take it. There we go. We have another one. Who's got a good compliment? Love my height. No.

17:37 You love my jeans better. Compliment. I'll give you another shot. You can't do the same one. You can't say jeans. Also, say something about my personality. I love your wittiness,

17:49 huh? You're witty. I love Okay, we'll take it. There we go. We have a few more. Yeah,

17:56 from New Jersey. Cool. From being from New Jersey. I live there for less. Say it with me. Eight months. I love that. We have one more up front here because then I can make my way back to my seat. One compliment for me.

18:07 You're my favorite guest this week. I'll take a lie. Andy Richtor catching a stray.

18:16 Whatever. You better you better wash those [ __ ] things. Now that the mugs are gone, people are saying I love Andy.

18:23 First of all, I just want to say to the to to my friends at Dynasty Typewriter, I am so appreciative that you defended the integrity of our mugs. And you're like, "Those mugs are part of the love it or leave it thing. You leave those mugs alone."

18:35 America's sweetheart, Paul F. Tommpkins, was like, "You can hand them out." And the booth said, "No."

18:40 Hell yeah. Have my back. I see you. Thank you. Thank you. And that's second thoughts. And this has been so much fun. Vic Mccus, Andy Richtor, what a pleasure. Thank you so much. What a blast.

18:52 Fun. So nice to have you. It it or

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Why the "Melania" Documentary is a Total Bribe"?

John Lovett (Host), Andy Richter (Guest), Vic McCausland (Guest).

What is "Why the "Melania" Documentary is a Total Bribe" about?

The content critiques the "Melania" documentary, suggesting it is essentially a form of propaganda that misrepresents reality and hides the truth behind its portrayal of the former First Lady. It explores the discomfort of discussing public figures and provides humorous anecdotes about social interactions, along with a segment on offering light-hearted criticism on various topics.

What is mentioned in this Lovett or Leave It episode?

7 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Andy Richter, Chrissy Gnome, Melania, Alcatraz, Tim Cook. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Why the "Melania" Documentary is a Total Bribe"?

The episode runs 19 min; the transcript is about 3,986 words in 80 timestamped sections.

More from Lovett or Leave It

• All analyzed episodes
• Books mentioned on Lovett or Leave It
• People mentioned on Lovett or Leave It
• Sponsors mentioned on Lovett or Leave It
• Topics mentioned on Lovett or Leave It