Transcript

Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)

From Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 8 min · 14,177 words · 74 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)", an episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast published February 26, 2025 (1 h 8 min, about 14,177 words). It mentions 5 people, works and ideas, including Route 66, OIC, Kung Fu Hustle, Under Armour, Chris Hansen.

What this episode is about

The discussion revolves around lighthearted banter about cooking, fitness, and personal eating habits, particularly focusing on a humorous take on a simple yet satisfying meal—ground beef topped with cheese and hot sauce. Key points include the enjoyment of indulgent meals, the evolving perception of ground beef among fitness enthusiasts, and casual anecdotes about daily life and cooking practices.

Key takeaways

  • In a world obsessed with clean eating, sometimes a bowl of meat is all the soul needs.
  • Angel hair pasta: the elite's entry point into Italian cuisine, making us feel fancy since the '90s.
  • Fettuccine Alfredo: the dish that says 'I care about taste, but not about my dating reputation.'
  • Ground beef’s popularity resurgence proves fitness gurus can finally embrace their inner hungry teenager.
  • Bagel bites dipped in SpaghettiOs: a nostalgic culinary wonder for those who dare to defy food norms.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 20:00: Chris Hansen, Under Armour
  2. – 40:00: Kung Fu Hustle
  3. – 1:08:12: Route 66, OIC

Notable quotes from "Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)"

  • Knows you love another D and he love stuck stck porn no name in stuck porn I just I have a believability new Under Armour stuck porn commercial in the shared beds the mom always slept it away like she would.
    about Under Armour · at
  • Nice words like talking to a lady put you to sleep what you doing that'd be nice maybe from behind Chris Hansen just from BR into my hotel room and I go what are you doing here you know I'm only 12 you here to meet a 37y old.
    about Chris Hansen · at
  • Grab something too just gave him a 20 and then they came back with like Chinese food or something and we all ate his a family that's awesome and then watched Kung Fu Hustle and…
    about Kung Fu Hustle · at
  • Leag he [ __ ] his pants on the door bus that happened OIC it slows up your whole digestive system so like everything just moves so slow yeah and how much could you eat on that…
    about OIC · at
  • Special Route 66 special was on our YouTube page check it out yeah so we did we did this whole big tour from Chicago to La I are any of the burps and farts featured in this he…
    about Route 66 · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Chris Hansen — Person · Referenced public figure (comedic reference) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in a joke referencing the 'To Catch a Predator' host showing up to confront someone; used as a cultural shorthand for catching inappropriate behavior.

Companies & orgs

  • Under Armour — Company · Incidental mention · 1 mention · first at
    Briefly mentioned in a humorous context about a commercial.

Products & tech

  • Route 66 — Product · Secondary owned · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a special tour from Chicago to LA, featured on their YouTube page.

Concepts & topics

  • OIC — Concept · Incidental mention · 2 mentions · first at
    Discussed in the context of side effects from a weight loss supplement.

Media & podcasts

  • Kung Fu Hustle — Media · Incidental mention · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a movie watched during a personal story.

Full transcript with timestamps

wow the w wow West oh yeah wow wow welcome to the stream here we are again here we are hey guys how are you like how you guys just threw it a neutral real quick oh yeah it's got real dick c yeah we like to you know to bring them down we got a highbrow real highbrow follow I like it so yeah like stuff we're going to talk about uh we're going to touch on a few topics today we're going to touch uh jacking off for about one hour and uh that's it that's the only topic TR is gonna go over is uh exercise regimen in next half hour we talk about exercising about crockpots crockpot yeah speaking of I need you to fire that thing up I got the broth in the fridge I was thinking about your stew all last night I was like I wonder if you put it on right now no I didn't I didn't cuz I I got to wait yeah are you cooking here I'm well yeah I'm trying are you really yeah last night I had a bowl of meat kind of meat sounds like a homeless

guy uh I got a bowl of meat uhhuh and uh bacon eggs this morning all right all right some spinach in there I K you but the uh bowl of meat's good bowl of meat what what does that mean were you salt and pepper I mean full I take a ground beef put hamburger meat yep then sprinkle some cheese on there put it in a bowl pour hot sauce on it Texas chop cheese it's so good dude that is good I don't care what anyone says that's great that's delicious it's my type of meal I love do the whole thing the whole pan I mean you leave some in there for a little and then you go you know what Am I who am I kidding I'm going to finish that [ __ ] pan right now ground beef yeah I love the fact that all these Fitness guys are now coming around on hamburger meat like it's what it's all about yeah Fitness guys like me yeah all no all those guys on the internet they're like ground b or grass-fed organic ground beef is great

for you I knew that since the 80s I've been a big I've been a big ground be guy telling everybody if that's what happens I would lay off it big time I I really did always wonder why it was so much cheaper than the other meat I'm like it's just you're chewing it up anyway why does it matter if it's pre ground yeah I don't know I was big on that forever yeah I would get ground meat and be like dude nobody knows about this grass-fed grass finish baby let's go oh yeah grass-fed Hamburger Helper oh don't get me started that was my move back in high school come home from wrestling practice my mom has a [ __ ] Hamburger Helper stroganov sitting on the table big glass of milk go to town yeah I was a uh Bagel bite guy I would microwave like 24 bagel bik that's the outer rim was just cold and I would eat all of them and I would dip them in SpaghettiOs every day after so and watch Pokemon with my little brother

I used to love spaghetti o and a peanut butter and jelly with it and I would dip the peanut butter and jelly in the SpaghettiOs yo how crazy this a couple days ago I mean did you [ __ ] with the meatball SpaghettiOs or how did you [ __ ] I did we [ __ ] with them we liked it they were pretty big how do you out of the can I just couldn't when I was a kid I couldn't do the beef feroni something about it creep me out I don't like the thickness of the nudies the nudies were a little slimy yeah they too thick it was too butini for me I'm an angel hair man dude when that [ __ ] hit the when that angel hair hit the households in dirt bag households in the '90s we thought we were [ __ ] from Sicily thought we were the medich or whatever angel hair like what family [ __ ] spaghetti I remember getting real mad at my Mom after like she busted out the angel hair once then she to the regular spaghetti i' be like

why they do something wrong why don't why aren't we getting angel hair more expensive somehow it might have been was for some reason it was fancier I don't know why so much better so much better it's crazy sex angel hair was kind of sexual maybe for some reason maybe that's why the parents side true especially at your house I bet the boys went my mom get the laundry basket that week and be like good God the angel it was just like dumping rocks out of a dumpster that's four of the horniest Brothers just not one bedroom yeah me and my brother one bedro sexy man little olive oil and garlic you don't see it out at restaurants either it's all this butini all this [ __ ] we don't you know we're trying to get all fetuccini which you brought it up that that's that's side piece [ __ ] the fet fetuccini Alfredo if you're at the dinner with a girl and she orders the blacken chicken pasta she's a [ __ ] she's a [ __ ] [ __ ] this is

based off one experience he's had when he was waiting table like this dude rolled in this girl was such a [ __ ] ordered Al chicken alfredo and then like that's my what my mom eats and now I can't look at her the same I will say R yeah [ __ ] fetuccini Alfredo is [ __ ] slot yeah it's for sure what's some other what's some other [ __ ] slop uh I think any kind of like pesto they [ __ ] with n really what's that no it's definitely fet it's fetuccini or no what's the other one the cheese cheese filed noodles Ravi t t talinis are for yeah dumb [ __ ] yeah just get the ravioli you skank yeah I take back take back pesto although that might be graduated that might be elevated [ __ ] El [ __ ] yeah once you get off yeah I think Fan's kind of got that rap too [ __ ] some bro yeah some brole think she knows what she's doing she'll get a and get it like medium well what' you say I guess I'm a [ __ ] oh I'm always

Alfredo and flaming y I'm always fet guys can eat it it's good for guys just muscles and [ __ ] it's cool it's for hot dudes only it's for hot dudes and giant slots they get that in like a cranberry juice like you [ __ ] dirty [ __ ] e you're on your P fetuccini Alfredo flaming Yan and cranberry juice is kind Al that also sounds like you're on a date with a 16y old can we get a lid on this please even at your table was like you nasty little [ __ ] over there with your parents mac and cheese in a shley temple now you're speaking my language yeah although this is how Dirt this is how much of a dirt bag I am I've never had the the upgraded mac and cheese that touch the [ __ ] in the Box ever once in Philly cotton got a platter delivered he's got the inside connector he's got Black Mac dude dude Black Mac forget about yeah black Mac's different dude I had a first class education on that [ __ ]

cuz we did Cotton's bachelor party and I like went out and bought all this stuff we did like a little little grill barbecue I must have bought about $400 worth of Store br potato salad and it was all his boys from the neighborhood and nobody touched it and after like an hour I pulled one of them aside and I was like uh I was like ju how come no one's eating the [ __ ] potato salad and he's like black people don't [ __ ] with store-bought potato salad Yeah man they put I swear to God I think they put vibranium in their mac and cheese it's dude I like take my wife aside if we go somewhere like my parents house or something they they it'll be like bleach blonde American cheese on noodles and like I'll have to like take her outside to like be like all dude you can like scream out here she gets she gets [ __ ] up she's like what is this and I'm like a bunch of pill American cheese and milk on new store store

bought potato salad being like garlic to vampires to black people next time you go to an unruly neighborhood have some and be like were you Vita or crafts growing up uh V hit one but Vita's yeah craft was going on and then I I think Vita was one of those things that was in my friend's house that I like snuck into the shopping cart and I was like I had some Vita and like my mom was like get this [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of here cuz Vita had the their angle was it's not powder it's real cheese real cheese but what kind what was that it was not it was like just a bed a bag of [ __ ] we were huge velv when I was real young it was in a huge block and you could never wrap up the end airtight enough so you had to go through was like Normy you had to get like the first couple of waves of [ __ ] hard dried cheese to get to the good [ __ ] I remember my mom when [ __ ] was tight she be like just eat it be

like [ __ ] eating [ __ ] dry wall suck it was the first time you have Vita it is kind of like a revelation you're like what the [ __ ] my stepmom introduced me to it and it was like I looked at my mom I'm like you got to pick it the [ __ ] up you are I'm about to move into dad's house for good I will leave you too yeah chips and cheese was like just melting American cheese on chips was big and then my friend was like really hit me with the Vita and I was like bro yeah yeah although I feel like Vita was kind of indicative of like a problem like usually if there was a Vita house there was like marital Strife oh yeah there a couple holes in the wall yeah there was a couple holes in the wall they were trying to buy back that kid's love yeah for sure a little dunkaroo action there was always that one kid that you were friends with that you knew there was trouble in a house that when they would

offer you to eat over you'd be like nah I'm good I'm going to go home I will say the single mother the single mother household had snacks good snacks that's where you could find duno good snacks [ __ ] yeah she's treating her little man right yeah well she was subservient to the Sun the son would be like Mom give me the donaroo some random dude leaving with a work truck out front name like Ron or something see last D [ __ ] that was the Funfetti one yeah my cousin snorted pixie sticks in a single mom basement like there was like we were in a friend's house with single mom and he just started just railing lines of pixie sticks my cousin he developed a drug problem I would have to assume dabbled bounced hard he bounced hard he dabbled he dabbled he was dabbling man he sorting pixie sticks you know you something in the air something in the air single mother house you go I got to do something in this basement no

one can stop me here there's only a woman you know there's no PAW there's no PAW to rain down on you some house painter every couple of weekends showing up going to say [ __ ] he's all about it dude I'm tell I've talked about this before but I'll never forget it when we were at our our friend's house it was just his mom and he had these walkie-talkies and I swear to God this actually happened where're like [ __ ] R if I go to a certain Channel picks up my mom's phone conversation what and we picked up a phone conversation of his mom complaining that the guy wouldn't sleep with her and we were all like just turn it off right away oh shut it off one dude we were looking for porn and my buddy house one time or weed or something we were looking for something that a 13-year-old is looking for and we were going through and we looked on my one buddy was looking under the bed dude and pulled out a like a shop like one of

those like plastic shopping bags just full of dildos and like whips and chain like dude what is this and there was like five of us we're like a d like put that back put that back like God damn dude why do you have us going under your mom's bed this is crazy what did you expect us to find I feel like you had to do that [ __ ] in the summer whatever house you were at and there was no on home you toss the place like you a warrant dude for like a no cut open pillows dude dumping out [ __ ] coffee and [ __ ] [ __ ] stethoscope on the wall going around my my brother claims and I you know have reason to believe it's true but he said he like his friend had like you know you'd have like you would like copy vhs's off of like TV or whatever he had some sort of blank tape that they had like a a movie on and they want to like put it in to watch it and his mom and her new boyfriend had recorded a sex tap and like recorded

over what had been there so they like they watched the first 10 minutes then it was just mom giving a went from 3 minutes to coach to [ __ ] anal real quick oh your mom giving head just head bro on a v like old VHS that's worse than I know that's brutal that's like the worst thing you can see giv head is that's what would you prefer to see your mom receiving doggy or giving head I hate to say doggy receiving doggy they're still up a little for imagination obviously obviously it's POV he's going dirty cameram man be like yeah that's that's a [ __ ] nail that's a mission though that's back in the day that's a heavy ass [ __ ] camera that guy had some upper body strength she drops it she's dead that's like a news camera yeah like April O'Neal damn yeah I didn't think about that that is a big cam oh the biggest yeah if they were doing it back then they were real freaks yeah You' have set up tripod and all that kind of stuff

yeah it was crazy being that freaky back then took a lot of gear yeah like you couldn't just like have a all you know now you can just have like a cell phone sure maybe be live streaming out to people whatever but like yeah that sucks porn moms that's a that's going to be a hard wave of kids growing up with only fans moms a lot I mean yeah [ __ ] son of them yeah man cuz back in I used to work at UH [ __ ] the I used to work in the photo department at a supermarket pretty cool guy at time you know what I mean and that was is anytime you like a girl would drop off film you were really hoping there was naked pictures on there was there nope not once fresh freshman year I worked at a West Coast video and if you're not familiar with West Coast Video they had the room in the back yep with the [ __ ] beads you paid a couple visits oh what dude you work I used I used to look at the box and jerk off to

the memory of the cover I remember one was called heinfeld it was a Seinfeld spoof that's nice hot yeah Kramer had a hog on him um but this kid worked there and his mom single mom worked there too they both worked there and you could see what everybody T like you know you get to take your movie saw him the week no lie this kid's mom rented time for an ass [ __ ] too and he was time for an ass [ __ ] for the next four years in high school that's tough hated us damn time for ass [ __ ] this is early 90s yeah that's terrible she rented it knowing her son worked there yeah didn't give a [ __ ] I I mean it was time for an ass [ __ ] do you see the big hand in the small time it's it's [ __ ] somewhere my boy's dad owned uh my boy's dad on a bunch of independent like not like a chain not like West Coast it was just like epic video or whatever there's like movies but then Blockbuster came in and

he had to close up so he but he kept all the porn from like five locations and it was all in the basement and for years we had no we'd go over there for years no idea D we're down the basement and there's just wall toall boes my buddy like fall it's like out of a movie like falls into one and it just like spills out all over he like like that whole box is porn he's like these are all porn imagine we dude we robbed the [ __ ] out of those imagine that you're spending a whole summer jerking off to Southern Living and you got the [ __ ] [ __ ] Mecca Treasure of Sierra ma downstairs gazungas 3 and lust at Sea we took what was it gazungas three and the other one was lusted sea and that made lusted sea made the rounds yeah we had the Spanish Fly 14 that was the Big T that damn they got off to 14 of them good we had uh it was a spoof on psycho and it was called the butts motel that's pretty good

that's a thinker though yeah the knife was a the knife was a dildo in the shower it was pretty good yeah it's crazy they made porn funny back then I know dude and they also SP I don't know who they had the writers and I know it was like my my hormones were pumping but man the story lines you'd be you'd be like [ __ ] pre-com when she talking like oh he's not coming back for a while and the maids oh I I got a feeling where this is at is I'm I'm still a bit of a story head like I love it I need it I kind of need a little bit if it's just like smash cut to insertion I'm like bro build me little seduction stepdad stepdaughter have to share a hotel room hello bro man share bed might be one of my favorites Shar bed is nice Shar I was I'll be honest I was on shared bed very early really before it was like people were talking about it and I was like this is wrong yeah it's before the Stepmom genre like early on I got I got

a Shar Bed video and I I kept going back to the well on that you thought it was wrong and I was like this is insane this is yeah shared shared stepson and stepmom on vacation that was pre- stuck it was pre- stuck it was very early dude my stuck came out and everyone's not afraid to admit they're jacking off the incest porn and I was like oh thank God thank [ __ ] god step it's step step step or they'll claim step and then in the video they'll they won't say I'm your mom let me jack you off false advertisement yeah stuck didn't I thought Stuck was going to have a moment I thought that was Goofy and it didn't same could do it really I thought Stuck definitely stuck didn't get me I'm I thought it was going to be the next big thing and I feel like it I feel like it is I feel like I've never a comedian not talk about stuck porn I think it exists I think you open FL Gates I didn't I didn't hear about it until you

said it Matt don't put this on me you're stuck in porn on me fre zero sh knows you love another D and he love stuck stck porn no name in stuck porn I just I have a believability new Under Armour stuck porn commercial in the in the shared beds the mom always slept it away like she would like her ass was always [ __ ] what are you doing yeah hard I can help you with that I what the hell's going well just cuz we need sleep you know what I mean I was like we have to get to bed so let me do this have a big day tomorrow you know what I mean so motherly yeah I uh I've been off the porn I I don't want to I don't want to shoehorn this in every discussion I've been off since January good for you are you thinking clearer yeah you get harder over less for sure you get kind of like high school kind of boner type things scrolling is is a trigger for me because my [ __ ] my Twitter feed and my search page on Instagram is just bad news and

I'll just I'll catch something and I'll just be like all right and then [ __ ] write to [ __ ] up porn yep be alone the Instagram can draw one loose dude yeah you see especially alone in a hotel that's you know what I have now you know those you know those things you strap to your head and there's a ball in a string you punch it I have one of those and I do that I do that at night you're super gluing your eyes closed you get you know what I'm you know what I'm talking about dude those things are awes never leave that that's what I I just to jack off Shadow Boxing in a hotel crazy yeah I'm horny as [ __ ] I better shadow box in my [ __ ] hotel room and the noise you can probably hear that still sounds like you're jacking off po po pop dude it was affect it does calm you down though because you get the Willies after a show you're like I want to do something bad yeah what do you mean want to eat something drink drugs

eat yeah you want to do something [ __ ] up yeah so I just punched the ball I just [ __ ] sit there punch adal you want to hurt yourself exactly yeah I dude I the older I get the more I kind of can see remember hearing about those guys that have like hookers rub their backs and that's it yeah yeah I've heard of those guys I'm kind of I can see it now I'm like dude I still like laugh when I was younger like why the [ __ ] would anyone do that now I'm like no I kind ofely hug right on yeah it's a hug yeah hug some nice words like talking to a lady put you to sleep what you doing that'd be nice maybe from behind Chris Hansen just from BR into my hotel room and I go what are you you doing here you know I'm only 12 you here to meet a 37y old man what are you doing with a ball hanging from his forehead that's the part I'm leaving out there's just four like very cheap hookers watching you you see this I'm

standing on you're showing them it's a new I'm standing on their butts like a bosou ball just yeah I mean dude I wish women would be cooler about hookers honestly sh you know what I mean like why are they so uptight about hookers yeah [ __ ] wives and hookers could be a team and instead they have to be enemies I don't know why I agree what's all the fighting about huh there's enough of me to go what a catch you are huh plenty of Bagel Bites for everybody girls knock this off they could team up I got a whole brick of Vita it's like watching a nature documentary when you see one of the wilderbeast go down there's a million wilderbeast it's like dude you guys could help but you're too dumb to figure this out hookers and wives just got together the wilderbeast could that's what I'm saying isn't it weird Nature Documentaries the way they present it they can really twist your view of like say it's a baby will the

Beast and it's a lion you're like rooting for the will the Beast to get away yeah but then other times you're rooting for the Predator like the way they spin it they spin it like crazy and then they set up cameras and then they add noises and they give the animals like humanlike traits if they talk about like you know like I just watched one on polar bears and it was like a mom and two po two baby polar bears and they really had jacking off immediately in says polar bears to ones a maid oh dude I forgot we're staying in airb he walked down the other day out of his bedroom he's like I'm going upstairs for a little bit goes up closes the door comes down and just immediately starts washing his hands and I'm like dude you could have that any more blatant what you just did up there in the dude you couldn't hear him working on the car what are you talking about he came right down what's up no shirt on what's up guy

like you just had sex what's up I was filling up the rent car with washer fluid that is the worst you're like H I think I'm going to take a nap 10 minutes later you come out go I couldn't sleep could sleep God the drilling next door I couldn't hear immediately get something eat I got a huge stain right below my stomach he was giving you college roommate question like what what what are you going to do I'm going to go take a nap what you going you going to hit the C calf or something you go get fourth meal I'll be I got to shut it down it's 10:30 a.m. just dying for a nap I'm so tired I don't like down here too they get in your business you can't get how do you get on PornHub down here what are you guys doing I get why you get off it now you just got to go on the old school ones what are you supposed to do put your email address in or something like that just don't do it just it's like the

opposite yeah don't don't go on the government it's like the opposite when when you're it's like when you're like younger and you need to get an older person to buy you alcohol you got to ask the kids like yo what are you guys all jerking on not weird get over here hang out a liquor store hey Billy what's your email address but no you just got to like remember old porn sites and that's what you just use x videos cool videos x videos yep just Pornhub Pornhub you can't go on I'm a hub man just never did you guys ever have a password back in the day to like a pornub we there was a brazer password it was like 14 sites could get huge dude x videos it's weird uh cuz down here the porn is I don't know now mine's all like Latinos Mex yeah y isn't that interesting you're bad that's the lad algorithm it's the algorithm yeah you that's all yeah that's kind of what's in demand right now yeah Mak I can roll with that

exactly yeah to with it let go great those those passwords and [ __ ] like that our dads is who they that who [ __ ] that got [ __ ] up by that all that kind of stuff and the popups yeah my dad literally went through five laptops in like a six Monon period I don't know it's crazy it's coming up my mom's like what the [ __ ] yeah it sucks coming upon like some if you hit like a desktop and you like see the C they don't they didn't know about search history so you could see the search history and be like God old man what are you doing searching boobs like a [ __ ] eth grader something about my dad I was like dude I we know you're [ __ ] the N what are you talking about he's watching [ __ ] AR like dude you watch your porn come on man my dick's a lot bigger now though weirdly [ __ ] really no I'm saying he got some ad you click the ad oh yeah yeah you got dick pills I've added five to seven inches on my the [ __ ] mature

lady in my area jokes on you [ __ ] I'm the [ __ ] a bunch of locals together with someone yeah with some yeah I want to know if that's ever worked out for anybody I don't know a single person who's hit like the fine L does it work L mer L's an internet Hound I search things out does it work sometimes okay sometimes what works like those like find local single girls I you can find God damn man these yeah right it's like the new Craigslist kind of these kids L's like 48 these creeps I meant I'm sorry that's cool you did rdit I had it work out one time you know the numbers that you call and you can like talk to a lady mhm I was able to convince her I was like well we should meet up and I ended up meeting up with her what yeah she didn't look anything yeah do you think you look like what you described 66 Latino dude she looked like [ __ ] anyway I don't know if you can handle this she look like she been

sitting in a dark room saying dirty words into a phone for 40 years yeah what you think she's the hottest girl in the world what uh where'd you meet I met at her place what this was in uh hearing you come up the steps it was the he stopped at a landing he's just breathing heavy go no way this is what the [ __ ] hey guys prize pick is the best place to get real money Sports Action with over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings prize picks has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all you just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to 1,000 times your cash run your game all season long on prize picks prize picks invented the flex play which means you can still cash out even if your lineup isn't perfect you can double your money even if one of your picks doesn't hit sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5 you don't even need to win to receive the

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[ __ ] mother cheit guys go I'll run down the list go to Shane mills.com I know he's got a couple shows coming up uh Manchester England man that's going to be a big one go to Manchester you hear that you British [ __ ] you [ __ ] guys go to Manchester and go check out you know go check out all those shows um I'll also be in The Comedy Castle real Oak Michigan and it's in danger of selling out so I'm not just saying that it's true uh Funny Bone Omaha we could use some tickets there not going to lie Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club San Antonio Texas uh cobs comedy club uh suck on my [ __ ] cob in San Francisco California Crest theater Sacramento California we we see how that goes then the Neptune Theater Seattle Washington and I have a couple other dates coming up but you know I we'll see but uh yeah go on a [ __ ] go on and get yourself some [ __ ] tickets uh pardon the interruption hello everybody this is sea Gardini I just

wanted to let you know that I'll be doing standup comedy in Las Vegas Nevada at Wise Guys Comedy Club this Friday February 28th and Saturday March 1st me and Nate Marshall will be at Wise Guys comedy club in Las Vegas Nevada please come if you can tickets are at

shard.png g.com please come there'll be fun shows and that's a Gardini guarantee thank you pardon the interruption uh can you tell the story of going through the yoga ball or the uh work exercise ball this is yeah that this one was pretty bad too I think about this story constantly but hold this chick sh she lived in the Thomas Jefferson houses in the Bronx and I went up there and it was it was a bad there there was just a dude sleeping on her couch and her kids were there and we went in the room I stayed overnight it was bad there were so many roaches in there and I just seen this documentary about roaches crawling in somebody's ear and screaming and I was a sweet life you were living at the time I was so bugged out and the kids were so sweet and I remember like we were in there we hooked up Jesus Christ yeah I was I thought for like a week that this was a sign from God that I was supposed to like marry

this woman and save her and the kids I just never talked to her again but for a couple of days I really thought like I I had like a sign from God but I remember she's like let's get the kids out of the house or whatever and they're like can we go to the store or whatever I'm like yeah and I had like you know couple 20s on me then the dude on the couch comes in he's like oh can I grab something too just gave him a 20 and then they came back with like uh Chinese food or something and we all ate his a family that's awesome and then watched uh Kung Fu Hustle and went to sleep and I slept with toilet paper in my ears cuz I didn't want the roaches to crawl up jiboner yeah I'm sorry you talking about on the Chinese food run you Bank yeah on the Chinese food run i i a similar like horrific horny story when I like I remember I was at a strip club met a stripper whole thing changed numbers I'm like yes I could finally

date a stripp to be so sick and I went to her house and there was just a nine-month-old infant there and I was like all right like I think we might have kissed yeah that's a good kiss though you just dip her the pacifi fire and sweet and sour McDonald's sauce and put it in the baby's mouth and I was like dude this is [ __ ] dark holy [ __ ] and then there were there were trans prostitutes above she was she told me this and they were like making a Ruckus up there it was they were up there banging around she was like yeah dude like they'll set up shop in the hallway I'll just hear like Dong Dong Dong against the door and open up and one of them was getting piped out in the hallway will you get up get upstairs you guys like shut the [ __ ] up uh was rugged Man that's when you get a taste and you're like I'm going to scale it back a not about that life yeah not out of it not at all the yoga ball

story I was living in uh a studio apartment in Queens this is towards the end of my first run in New York before I moved home to Philly and did comedy I was doing a lot of blow my brother had like got engaged and moved out of the apartment that we lived and I was by myself and it was bad was working at this place I was doing blow and maybe like 6 months in it was like a nice little apartment on the first floor just been redone had all stuff in there was making a go of it I got bed bugs and I had to throw out everything in my apartment every single thing in my apartment so I had a blowup mattress that was like my bed like in the corner like I had like a comforter and [ __ ] on this thing after I cleaned it all out sitting over there and my had I had a yoga ball for my computer where I would [ __ ] sit there do blow jerk off all that kind of stuff you know the norm and I had this hooker over over

there one night and [ __ ] I was smoking you know we're watching porn obviously and all that kind of stuff obviously that's what you do when you get a hooker and uh I was smoking a cigarette and I was I was naked and I was probably covered in like olive oil or Vaseline or something completely naked you were ready for sex and uh I had go in the oven at 350 for an hour put some holes in him and let him sweat baby now you just want to heat him up he's fully and I just put my cigarette down and it popped the [ __ ] yoga ball and I just [ __ ] and I remember she started laughing at me and she had like a deviated septum she she was like like just snorting and laughing at me and man I I'm sorry about that it's the funny I mean sitting there bouncing smoking a cigarette just oiled up naked you're at the top you're as cool as you could be at that moment you got a [ __ ] hooker you're all you're having a blast and then boom

on the [ __ ] did the little pin that holds the air in fly out or did you blow it out blow he claims it was the cigarette there's obviously it was not the cigarette there's a weight issue yeah I wasn't this big back thenude this is so recent this size but how big were you like you were still maybe maybe 250 yeah yeah all right that could a yog dud 250 ain't doing yoga bounce up and down on godamn Chinese made yoga balls [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah I was uh there no way it was the cigarette no I think it went down and like and pop cuz it it blew up like from the burn hole really I never thought about it I believe you no no I don't believe him at all I've never thought about it but he lies about everything for sure how's it going to land on a maybe it rolled over a safety P or something like that sniper in the the next building took him out it's probably the hooker's fault honestly it was definitely the had some

jack sprinkled on the floor that's right I had a set of spike strips in the house I forgot that's why you're spiked brass knuckles you were playing with at the same timeo I was showing him my butterfly KN yeah pretty cool did you fall flat on your back like that yeah right on my ass I remember my toxic bone was sore for like two weeks after that oh dude it's like a gun went off it was like 4 in the morning and I was real paranoid cuz I was on the first floor in the lobby and I had two doors like I had two doors that entered my apartment and like I get so coked up I'd be like listening to the doors to see if anybody was in there I was sketched out you want to take the romance out of the room [ __ ] pop a yoga ball covered in olive oil

[ __ ] issues man a fre I had real dry skin I'm a freak man yeah what are you talking about dish out of you never cover you never been covered in Pam spray before yeah yeah did you ever get a new massage a what a Nuru a Nuru when a lady like greases herself up and just slides herself across lost you no have you there was a porn category that I saw I know and it's kind of oddly catches my eye but doesn't fully get I got one in real life and it was just like an older kind of drug outled lady just laid on me for a while in a motel S I was just sitting like a shitty like Highway Motel being like okay I'm I'm good on this now she came to you I went there oh it was at a motel like a side of the highway outdoor Motel so it wasn't really a spa per se they typically do it on like an air mattress for like the this was just theed ruining a blanket with [ __ ] old lady oil yeah it just ruined the bed

you're not going to get your deposit back lady it was underwhelming I thought they buil it up so much on the video in the movies and then I was like awes Hollywood for you f it was just like a very [ __ ] up lady I had to run her to WR a afterwards for what she had to like go buy supplies she had to buy like Hooker Supplies she's like can you give me a ride to write Aid and I was like yeah fine hop in Dro her off grab me some cheit when you're in there will you grab me a Whitman sampler the way out the door the right trip after yeah [ __ ] I used I had a weird Pride where I like I really prided myself back then on being able to like really chop it up with prostitutes I'm like no we can like chill and talk yeah is that a big thing for you prostitutes I took a yeah for I had a period I I took it I took a this like I felt really nice to like sit there and just like once all the business was handled to just sit and

[ __ ] chat yeah it's business yeah once we settled ours concluded contracts were signed that's crazy Swiss businessman once you get done talking business you can talk about that must be just insane like I'm sure the post not Clarity for most guys is like holy [ __ ] what am I doing in this Motel no but when you got a cool one your post your post it's like you need a ride when you got a cool one like they were cool like the cool ones were cool as [ __ ] yeah like they got it yeah you could hang out with them and shoot the [ __ ] somewh chill yeah and you can just kind of it's really tempting to be like can I just be like a guy can I just like be a security guy for you or something cuz you do want to get into it you're like dude I could just hang out in shitty motels what are we going to Free Base Cocaine I guess I've never done that before I guess I could do that see this can get your supplies could be your guy dude even

Right Aid with a [ __ ] thing of tin foil and baby oil big night huh I remember when the remember when the the the pharmacies they started getting the freak A they didn't have that now it's condom family planning now they call Condom Lube wild the condoms the [ __ ] heat up a lube and all that kind of stuff me and my wife had a meeting I'm going to use Astroglide and [ __ ] her in the butt it's Family Planning that's the family that's the Family Planning aisle we've had a long talk yeah we we've really felt things through and we're ready to try a [ __ ] ring they saw [ __ ] rings in [ __ ] CVS that's crazy no way it's like it's just AUD it's Lube condoms and then no they have the vibrating [ __ ] rings around they have [ __ ] rings too yeah it's like a Vibra get pregnant unless she comes you know right next to the dental floss true dang I got to bust one I got to bust out of vibr and cocking I haven't bust one of this out

it's been a while it's been a it's been a while since like possibly a decade I've you've used one of those oh for sure really I thought we were joking how'd it go it's pretty amazing honestly wait it's down down at the shaft shaking it just goes down there and buzzes I seems like makes sense right dude it's if you want to feel like an Allstar yeah it's just huh your dick just becomes a [ __ ] dare I say a little vibrator yeah so it's just like it's just on the bottom and every time you get all the way in rather than them being like they're going oh what's that yeah that's instead of them going that's it huh I don't know I think my dick's too small for that my balls would my balls would be going back and forth like one of those things on a desk that wouldn't be good luck yeah you do there there is like a uh if you lose yeah they're definitely not one siiz fits all so like they if you get if you

lose any hardness if that thing starts wobbling around you just got to like pinch the [ __ ] you got to give it a little twist and be like yep we're so good fing this thing [ __ ] Ring's too big for you you got to do a dry run by yourself to make sure you break it out and it's too big you got to go you know what let's not even use this you got to beat off you got to beat off with it first you have to just test it out sure you guys did dry runs back in the day you did dry runs with condoms before the first like before you started having sex and us right that's called a rehearsal a dress rehearsal they were fun I enjoyed those that was great you get your hand you get your hands on like a Lifestyles or something man got to use it it's good stuff no mess either yeah that was yeah that's almost instinctual if you see Ecom you're going to like the first conom you see you use it to beat off kind of at least I did I was just like I

did it a good amount more than I probably I entered an adult phase I ented like an embarrassing adult pH adult pH just Jing don't feel bad for a second bro wait what what a don't worry about it Kev I say I might get back in I you know makusky was a little freaking fre I was freak yeah late late 20s early 30s freak that's why he's like I'm off porn Shadow sense I watch live action I remember they were like yeah I remember there for like uh just like if it was like a per like period thing or like sure before like there was like pill issues like if you're on the pill off like well I have condoms just in case and I remember at one point they were just gone like what the [ __ ] and I was like I beat off with Jes I I genuinely did like oh my God you must be doing I was like no I really beat off in the bathroom with him like on a Tuesday afterno it was uh just took forever I remember my parents found a

condom in my bedroom and it was after I had just all my guy friends sleep over oh and they were like what the [ __ ] it's all these jackp can't like Mom I was jacking off that or I was butt [ __ ] one of my friends having sex we were Jack having protected gay sex with one of my bues we were just mutually masturbating yeah condom in the room is that's devastating yeah although you you you know if it's like young kids it's like people have I was I think I was like a senior in high school as borderline still still it's like someone had that thing on them it's not like you I wouldn't jump that like my son was [ __ ] a fiveman butt [ __ ] Fest no but I mean there was no women sure true kids have them on them like we were in high school remember you keep like a lifestyles in your wallet like bro this going to be sick no it was it was used it was oh yeah yeah it's not like they found the rapper it was a

condom [ __ ] condom I threw on my bed and then lost it wait so who was it it was me I was jacking off oh all right I didn't know that yeah no they didn't find a Conor like my gay son a huge cond after an all dude sleepover they're like what the [ __ ] happened oh man I was like yeah my friend Jared used it just immediately blamed the friend that's [ __ ] wildly upsetting yeah I was going say I was like maybe it's kind of sus but I I don't no come come damn you should have said you should have like completely like yeah Jared did it and then someone else licked the rapper lick the rapper I tried to tell them to stop they were all just having sex with each other doing my friends had sex I told him my mom's going to this get be very bad it's a piece of gum on the tip of it did they say did your mom confront you or your dad dad oh what did he say he's like what what the hell's going on up there

he's like I think you left something on the floor in your bedroom get up there and I was like oh my God it's a cond so what you put it on jerked off and then just slung it to the side in your parents house it was bedtime that's I had to get my eight hour got to get up and get rid of the evidence of course obviously I'm talking about it now 20 years later I'm still thinking about that mistake what more did you have important that that like fell to the third thing on the list that's the whole Beauty in the room backing off with econom 930 that was also that's a CP that's an early CP it's a CP that put you right out it's an early cream pie basic for sure coming to aom is kind of intense as a young man I remember thinking about it be like what's it going to do when it happened like what's it going to I was just like I was baffled by it yeah that was pretty cool see a little I remember seeing a

little tip and being like fill that thing go I didn't really when I first when I first saw one I never thought that's what it was going to look like I thought it had like straps I didn't understand what it was and when I saw it I was like man that's a great design it's just a thin if I would have been research and development on condoms we'd be 30 years behind to be using lamb skins oh remember those yeah God somebody to have a good joke I think it was Theo had a good joke about that a land skin condom then he'd [ __ ] the girl and the whole room would smell like a gyro the straps are so [ __ ] yeah that's what I thought I thought it was like like foam and went around and it couldn't click in my brain that it was supposed to catch the stuff coming out I thought I thought it was like a knee brace like a linan would wear like something thought I thought it was a Donjoy is orthopedic that's all right God Dam yeah I knew we

were going to talk about com and jacking off I know I know your parents ever catch it having sex in the house with anybody no I I got called sucking boobs in like seventh grade really that's pretty cool though that age sucking my dad walked down in his underwear and he's like whoa Jesus Christ and I just I had like a Flyer's jacket unzipped and open just going sucking Bo that went oh God and just W he just left who was this Bruiser weing a [ __ ] fly St jacket that's crazy would you pick her up outside the Spectrum she was an eighth grader not a big deal yeah whatever man finally we can brag about it I know yeah it was an eighth grade's boobs I was sucking on I hope no one Clips this I I like like that too opened it up and then it took a while man watching the movie slowly watching Jurassic Park slowly just like time long zipper pull it was all the it was an all the way ZIP down it was a full zip down yeah

just threw a pull over to being crazy it's a good popping a titty out of the top sounds back to a few good man someone's done it before someone stuck suck titties under a starter jacket before I'm sure for sure those things dude that was like that made your whole year back then like what starter jacket you got ah I had the Miami Hurricanes I thought that was like a sick logo I had a 76ers loved it yeah the Orlando Magic for some reason I had Orlando Magic sha was big yeah the Charlotte if you saw Charlotte that I it was a dirt bag that was a broken home for sure it's funny got had a Foreman Mills or something yeah now you feel the obligation you got to stick to your teams but for a while it was like very fashionable to have like you could have like an Atlanta Hawks hat or [ __ ] we were basically black people at that point yeah D I saw a dude wearing the NBA jeans the other day in my neighborhood

all the patches on them I was like dude remember then they had all the patches it was like Lloyd Banks used to yeah I was like God damn dud he busted them back out I don't maybe he's still wearing them loves the league true just loves May no particular team just crazy supports the team yeah I I learned I I was on kill Tony a couple months ago and I I saw there there was a black gentleman performing and his jeans were like almost all Tor like all holes and that was that was kind of like the latest iteration I'd seen I was a big jur I was a big Jersey and matching fitted kid bad very heavily influenced by gunit gunit got me too that was yeah how could you not that was like he came in like a [ __ ] tornado I never got one of his like gunit wife beaters those things are wild [ __ ] those things are so I couldn't wear basketball jersey no matter even as in shape as I ever was I could not wear a

[ __ ] I just looked bad in them I look like I work for the Joker like it was just like I I like proper henchmen it was just not a good look yeah and I those dudes that could pull those off it was great you wear them at the beach that's that's when it that's a pro fat guy move like I'm I'm not I don't have a shirt on I just really like the team I made I made a promise to myself a long time ago as fat as I was as I was a kid I'm not going to be the kid wearing the T-shirt or whatever in the pool so I I would take the [ __ ] off before we got to the pool and be like this is it this is me let's roll want some titties everyone wears shirts now everyone wears the SPF shirts it's crazy yeah it's pretty nuts yeah those AR nice they are kind of [ __ ] niceo wearing those yeah I I had one in the pool a man was hitting me with those he was wearing them first when we were at the beach and I was like

you look like a dumbass they bought me one I was like these are [ __ ] sick you don't put sunscreen on at all all you got to do is just hit your nose yeah all the kids have I I just SW I tried my shirt once in a pool and then you don't think you get out the sun you lie you're like the sun it was navy blue too was not even like he's in there he's in there in a button down and I got out and then it's like your then your shirt's wet I didn't have an extra shirt so I'm just like then you have to either take it off out of the pool which is worse than in the pool or just hang out come off you're just like brutal yeah the shirt in the pool is crazy man especially just being wet like you were saying after you're done you're just just so so uncomfortable it's uncomfortable to swimming that's what I'm saying it might like spread out a little while you're swimming look like an octopus just ink that's asking to get

dunked the fat kid wearing the shirt that's easy pickings you're going under such a brutal look I had the thought process too of like no one will know yeah no one's going to believe that it's fat it is cuz I burn easily the adults are like look at have fat kid I know somebody dunk him I might my D I was a fat I was a real fat kid growing up my dad was a fat kid too and so he just like looked at me and he's like knock it all like he was like so devastated that I was also a fat kid learned it from you yeah getting called out by your parents for [ __ ] late night snacking yeah my mom still does that she'll be she'll be in bed like 8:30 and if we stay at the house I'm down there [ __ ] rumaging through what are you doing down there you're rumaging a grizzly bear TR put the food in a bear bag hanging outside from a tree he's out there yeah my mom will just tell me she's like you got fat like she'll just

like look at me and be like you put on a lot of weight you're looking kind of fat they're vicious with that [ __ ] just doesn't mince words like yeah you you're getting a little Hefty there I get that you look good and I'm like I'm about to die like I'll come off the road for like two weeks my head's like this big she's like you look good meanwhile like I had to go to the hospital recently cuz my insides hurt there came back said it was probably a muscle I rolled with it for sure thought I was dying happens trying to turn it all around though this 2020 is the Year everyone turns around turn around possibly possibly 2026 but definitely maybe 28 28 I know is going to be good well we're going to slide into probably a golden age like as a country in 2028 probably n [ __ ] that I'm going the other way you think it's going to be Doom yeah really I'm riding it out he was worried about the asteroid

this morning I'm praying for he like is this thing going to [ __ ] hit us or not dude what what are you doing in your room man this is brutal conversation at [ __ ] 9:00 we got to wait till 2032 till this thing to hit us is 2032 that's what they said yeah are we going to use all of our missiles to blow it up can't deflect it huh it's past the point of deflection they said so I don't know what they're going to do I think they're just going to ride it out wherever it hits deal with it wait why can't they blow it up into a bunch of pieces Armageddon this thing that's what I'm saying fi on the horn I read something that it's too far past where we'd be able to hit it or something like that I also have no idea I'm getting this from Instagram I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm talking about reading that what the [ __ ] yeah I feel like you I mean if it's still in outer space can't we just send nukes into outer space I don't think

that [ __ ] I think that don't work that thing's cooking that's like 28,000 miles a second bounce right off of it especially if it's like iron or something like that oh yeah [ __ ] just Heats it up and it hits us harder yeah makes it Angry just pisses it off now you're all big trouble gets bigger I wonder who it's going to hit cuz it's going to all depend on the way the Earth's turning yeah how big is it how big if it even hits us yeah that ain't going to hit us they're they're just doing the asteroid fear cycle yeah they get me with the plane cycle dude we're we're in bad shape right now God damn and all of us have to fly every [ __ ] 10 minutes that's a flight that any of us could have been on Minneapolis to Toronto yeah dude the [ __ ] I know everybody lived though so I don't know if the Pilot's a hero or a [ __ ] dumbass everybody walked away he flipped over it was like the miracle the Hudson

on ground he just flipped it over yeah it reminds me of uh Kings of tupo when he's like they call me a [ __ ] and a dumbass yeah how the [ __ ] did it flip he was just going a little too fast you are a [ __ ] look dumb ass I don't know if they hit the if he overshot the runway but it looks like he hits the right uh engine immediately catches on fire so he like bounced and then it just flipped over but as it flipped over those wings came right off yeah so and it was on fire but everybody inside was cool they got out everybody got out yeah but I always take my seat belt off early and I think about that all the time before we land before landing I do it every now and again yeah I'll be like second we touch the ground I sna that thing off second you're proper land I'll take it off I'll just if they don't remind me to put it back on I'll just my dream is to surf the flight to stand in the aisle

and surf a landing that'd be nice that would be decent but if you're the seat Bel if you're not wearing it you'd be the one death you know embarrassing that that's I'm saying if it flips like I thought about that like dude this flipped I would fall that'd be a hard fall to the ceiling I yeah I I would be done and I'd probably take out the lady next to me and in front and behind sure all of the 88 passengers 87 unscathed one guy [ __ ] dead here's the thing though guy trying to beol Dumbass said to the land [ __ ] exploded just jump the other way but if you flip then they're all on the ceiling and their seat belts and then you got to do that thing upside down and try [ __ ] got wrecked which that would be so far in my gut that I wouldn't be able to get it out I would definitely have [ __ ] in my pants too oh yeah that would suck I saw one guy though there's footage of people getting out and the guy grabs a lady's

butt on there a part of me that was like I think that he has to get him up I know but he grabs her ass well as she's he gets her on the turn so it's not even like the push it's like he's guiding he guides her in and then he [ __ ] hink yeah he gives you a little hink little bowling action I'm pretty sure that guy was not straight though male flight attendant Asian male flight attendant we're being precise little male cheer he he probably hasn't done this like ma cheerleading a while we've crunched those numbers it's been like four months where every week every couple of weeks it's something I know if and if you go globally I mean South Korea they had like nine Asia's going nuts as's been going nuts though nuts yeah those Airlines crazy I'm never going over there video you see the video of the one last year the guy he's filming himself the one that went into the gorge [ __ ] that pretty quick yeah is it

just Korean Airlines like all Asian airlines have been acting up I think they typically act up over there you think a funny way to call up as they plummet to the ground you boys acting up out there really playing a fool over there wouldn't you think they have that [ __ ] kind of all locked though dude you would think South Korea everything's probably [ __ ] tight meticulous that's what I'm saying I mean [ __ ] it might be it might be an operator issue there in lies the problem it's bad something Wong oh man we were just talking about that the funniest thing to ever happen in the world so [ __ ] up something the third one something Wong weed too low and that was like bing bow ow or like it was like something about the crash like the noise or something I wonder who did that we were talking this morning it was probably like an intern or something like that that snuck that in there that's so

[ __ ] I mean that guy should have got a writing job somewhere yeah didn't the one just straight up disappear one time too that's yeah disappeared we too low holy [ __ ] bang ding ow bang ding ow we too low [ __ ] Bing dang the Malaysian Airline everyone thinks they went in the ocean what if they went into outer space whoa that [ __ ] that's crazy never even you're on something stopped the asteroid why exactly yeah true maybe that's what they doing maybe you were going to find out in 2032 Malaysian Airlines how piss would you be you're out the vacation that's how they pull you like [ __ ] what the outer bace yeah I'd be F got six pairs of underwear with me I'd be furious how' you bring enough Nexium I'm goingon to have Wicked heartburn up there he's brutal to travel with constantly needs to do laundry and [ __ ] oh the [ __ ] uh OIC burp on a plane oh [ __ ] think I think about that all the time I thought the toilet was

broken cuz we got on the guys like it's not really flushing right and we were in the front row so I'm like God damn it [ __ ] smells like [ __ ] I'm like I'm like if this is the whole flight I'm going to [ __ ] [ __ ] Airlines falling apart man dude then we get down here we're out front of the mother sh this is like last year when we're out front of the mother [ __ ] we see people like yo are you garbage like so we're like talking to them smells like sewage out there I just think that's six Street you know what I mean and this just like a [ __ ] 3 weeks after Mothership opened we're sitting at the bar having a beer before our spots and I'm like the plumbing in this place too what the [ __ ] the three places I had been with him in a row I'm like the sewage godamn and he goes you smell that I go how the [ __ ] can't you he's like that's me and I was like and then he's like do you think the

fans smelled that I was like for sure septic put in me the only good thing is no one would ever think that's human so like no one's ever going to go that's fley they're like there's a St SM like [ __ ] when we were talking to those guys damn that's external influence that's envir bur that's a real thing then OIC burps yeah it so bad what yeah CU some people the they don't get the side effects that bad we're talking to Mike Eaton hosted uh the other night and he was he was saying that uh the kid get him we had host the show at the Po Jo at the creek was doing straet [ __ ] OIC he gets it from like a guy but he said he doesn't have problems with it I know people that thought did have problems with it I had it so bad or like [ __ ] would just it just stops your stomach yeah so my [ __ ] would just sit in there and fester like the sarlac pit just [ __ ] bubbling up was brutal and dude it would the burps were so [ __ ] bad

we burps were worse than the farts which is crazy whoa I had it real bad me and my wife flew to Greece and we came back and I got jammed up at customs and it was like an hour and a half line and it was like every 30 seconds I was like try to do the fat girl blow out the side I would hear I started to hear the people behind me go what the [ __ ] so I started what every time I would do it I'd go what the hell what the [ __ ] you guys that's crazy someone got some bad meat in their bag or something it sucked oh my God the only one that ever uh smelled was Ari he was the only one brave enough I was like you're the only one I can ask this to would do you want to smell one he's like yeah go ahead you don't want any more of it you don't want the smoke it's like rotten eggs dude you're Dragon you're Dragon a proper dragon dragon breath yeah go ahead yeah it sucks and you were in line for what was that the

word Customs it was like God I I would have [ __ ] killed myself if somebody was burping [ __ ] in a c Customs line is maybe my least favorite place when you landed JFK just [ __ ] Afghanistan Airlines just got off next to you coming off worse than I wanted to you know what I me among others you should have lifted listed like in [ __ ] uh something Australia those [ __ ] [ __ ] I do get mad when the when the international Lines Moving faster than the American line the [ __ ] are we doing here like I pay my taxes type [ __ ] really it get you in the [ __ ] gut but we were only moving in small increments so I couldn't even like do it get no bad had to keep that up for an hour and a half sipping a ginger ale praying it would go away Ginger get some carbonation in there get those burps really go kill this get that real ginger in there just floating around yeah but when you would take care when you that

was like when you were off you were coming off of two weeks and [ __ ] grease so you were eating like a [ __ ] Mania diet when he would stay on top of it it was a little better but when like on the road it was just we'd be in a minivan and you like dude we got have to pull over smells like one of those old cars that smells like sulfur you know what I mean f the farts were even worse what you wouldn't know what it was a burp it was crazy it was and they were like long and hot and just it's like a gas leag he [ __ ] his pants on the door bus that happened OIC it slows up your whole digestive system so like everything just moves so slow yeah and how how much could you eat on that would it did it like slow you down big time me or yeah you I could I would press through it I probably should have stand the Japanese say that you eat till you're 80% full yeah if I was maybe doing that I would have been all right but I would

I would push through it cuz at the time ites say that his Japanese neighbor says it of the Japanese it's called something in Japan the Japanese the Japanese neighbor but Japanese neighbor it wouldn't it wouldn't hit until later so I like wouldn't realize how full I was till like a couple minutes after I ate oh it going to be bad oh and it would just sit there could feel it in your stomach just [ __ ] like it was like having a crock poot down there just slow cooking said it and forget it bad news is coming my girl [ __ ] hated it yeah imagine having to sleep with that dude that's crazy had to get real defensive and bed on my c pop like what do you want me to do this is my weight loss Journey looked up to a machine keeping you alive fighting with a Mas not my I remember taking it off like [ __ ] like reptiles dude if I if I burped into my seat Bel you [ __ ] that's the funniest [ __ ] ever

did you burp into the oh dude that would I that would wake me up in the middle of the night be like what the [ __ ] [ __ ] hot boxing himself be like punching out of an F-16 just like under the covers must have been nuts the covers must have of flavor just seven passengers of a cruise die I remember one night she got up in the middle of the night and was like I woke up and she was standing at the end of the bed like what are you doing I'm getting healthy I'm doing this for you oh man I really wish I could have been a part of one of these burps I know I don't but I just it smelled like it smelled I think about the OIC BBS and going through a medicine ball every all the time I think about this every day D the folting Epic BPS on a plane oh just I'd be so mad if I was on the plane because sometimes when there the noise of the plane and the air moving around you can get away with murder up there you really can you can

you let one you're building up you got your own fan for sure you can [ __ ] hit the aisle you can hit the aisle dire dead giveaway is when you're moving the fan around but yeah you do that one little test to see if it smells and if it's all right plus you got the seat and all that stuff you know could man sometimes you're just like [ __ ] yeah wives I will say my wife punishes me when I fart on a plane she goes was that you and if if I had fart I'll laugh like I can't not yeah it's hilarious laugh hysterically if I did fart and someone smells it so I'll be like dude shut the [ __ ] up dude shut the [ __ ] up yeah it's like you're blowing up my spot why would you do this I feel like it doesn't get that far though doesn't but when you see it hit someone it's the fun you see like a guy reading the paper like folds a crisp Wall Street Journal down it is me and buty were on a plane once and a little boy in front of us anytime

either of us farted he would turn around and go it would hit him he would F you see his face in the Gap at the seat be like he thought it was like the funniest thing in the world it was it is the funniest thing in the world oh was so you would see his face I that would have been me if I was a guy I if somebody was behind me farting like that I'd be like I would have been delighted that was a real one oh [ __ ] and he would like say it to his parents he' be like I think they farted again they like sh stop that was so funny oh [ __ ] bastard that was so funny godamn dud hot day good podcast yeah [ __ ] hilarious dud you guys are the best guys [ __ ] rule we love you oh yeah you guys you don't have anything to promote right yeah yeah Route 66 special uh Route 66 special was uh on our YouTube page check it out yeah so we did we we we did this whole big tour from Chicago to La uh I are any of the

burps and farts featured in this he [ __ ] shits we have him [ __ ] his pants on like five different had OIC OIC problems the whole time but we filmed all the shows we filmed everything on the bus and all stuff and we put it all together Conor Connor directed it and [ __ ] shot it um and edited the whole thing and we think it came out great we think it's something different something fun so we're excited about when's it coming out Route 66 comes out February 25th oh [ __ ] yeah man where's it coming out YouTube on YouTube on YouTube page hell yes nice so whenever this comes out it could be there it'll be out very soon nice we're excited [ __ ] it's going to be awesome it is going to be very good check it out

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)"?

Matt McCusker (Host), Shane Gillis (Host), Kevin Ryan (Guest), H. Foley (Guest).

What is "Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)" about?

The discussion revolves around lighthearted banter about cooking, fitness, and personal eating habits, particularly focusing on a humorous take on a simple yet satisfying meal—ground beef topped with cheese and hot sauce. Key points include the enjoyment of indulgent meals, the evolving perception of ground beef among fitness enthusiasts, and casual anecdotes about daily life and cooking…

What is mentioned in this Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast episode?

5 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Route 66, OIC, Kung Fu Hustle, Under Armour, Chris Hansen. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)"?

The episode runs 1 h 8 min; the transcript is about 14,177 words in 74 timestamped sections.

More from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.